Lovett or Leave It - High on Grassley

Episode Date: October 22, 2022

It’s the devil you know AND the devil you don’t when Lovett or Leave It welcomes Lucy and Danny DeVito to L.A.‘s wonderful Dynasty Typewriter theater. Planned Parenthood’s Jodi Hicks stops by to break down how California can be a guide to other states in the fight for reproductive rights. Chris Fleming and Ellington Wells try to tell the difference between Senator Chuck Grassley and a glitching AI, while the Rant Wheel takes mice, TikTok, and leaf blowers to task.Ellington Wells: @EllingtonWells on Instagram and YouTube. Chris Fleming will be performing at The Egg in Albany, NY on 12/15, and The Wilbur in Boston, MA on 12/17. For more information, visit https://chrisflemingfleming.com/  For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Good evening, Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else. And if you're listening to this on Saturday, you've already heard Taylor Swift's explicit confession that she's a stone cold... I'm not saying that she's a lesbian we don't know this we don't know

by the time this comes out it could have all just gone to nothing oh she also brokered peace in Ukraine what an album we've got a great show for you this week Jodi Hicks of Planned Parenthood is here Chris Fleming and Ellington Wells will have to decide

whether or not a tweet is real or generated by artificial intelligence. And Danny DeVito and Lucy DeVito are here to play a devilish edition of the Newly Dad Game, plus the rant wheel. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Thursday, Liz Trust resigned as British Prime Minister after only six weeks on the job. Truss's resignation followed her government's rapid backtracking of her disastrous economic plan that plunged the country into chaos and makes her the shortest-serving Prime Minister in British history.

Some women break the glass ceiling, but a rare few go one step further and break everything. Following Liz Truss' announcement, the internet unearthed an Instagram post featuring Truss and Taylor Swift at the 2019 BAFTAs and the caption reading, look what you made me do. It's official. Liz Truss is gay. There's really only two possibilities right now as we live in the liminal space between recording this before we hear Midnight's and it coming out after we hear Midnight's, which is either Taylor Swift is going to announce some sort of a identity thing. She's going to come out in some way. Or this whole fucking thing got out of hand and they're panicking and they don't know what to do. Half of TikTok thinks I'm gay. I'm not gay. Now everybody's going to gonna be disappointed she might just have to be bisexual she might just

have to do it for her career sitting around a table big conference room with a bunch of publicists and they're all like we crunched the numbers taylor it's like one way out of this thing and a groney. Spagliato. With Prosecco in it. Meanwhile, back across the pond, the midterms are barreling down on us like we're tied to the track of the trolley problem, and the Republicans are asking,

can we get two trolleys? On Sunday, Georgia representative and part-time sleep paralysis demon, Marjorie Taylor Greene, lost her shit during a debate when her Democratic opponent, Marcus Flowers, correctly called her an insurrectionist, to which Greene said this. I'd need a rebuttal to that. You cannot accuse me of insurrection. I was a victim of the January 6

riot just as much as any other member of Congress. That was the third day I had on the job. I had nothing to do with what happened there that day, and I will not have you accuse me of that. That is wrong of you to do. You're lying about me and you will not defame my character in that manner." Only I can defame my character in that manner. Democrats are letting children identify as goats and eating tin cans at school. Green added, why I'm so angry I could hang Mike Pence. Never get so mad you want to kill Mike Pence. Meanwhile, Ohio Senate candidates Tim Ryan and J.D. Vance went knives out in their second debate this week with Ryan saying this. I mean, you were calling Trump America's Hitler.

And then you kissed his ass. And then he endorsed you. I'm for Ohio. I don't kiss anyone's ass like him. Ohio needs an ass kicker, not an ass kisser. Couple points. Look, we get what he's trying to say here, but it's a little bit homophobic to be so averse to ass kicking. If Ohio got a rim job every once in a while, maybe the rust belt would be a little less rusty. Either way, there's more that unites us and divide us. Ohioans of all political persuasions agree

that something must be done to the ass. After a chaotic appearance at last week's debate, Herschel Walker was a no-show at another debate hosted by the Atlanta Press Club on Sunday and was represented on stage by an empty podium. The bad news? That podium is now polling at 48%. Polarization stinks.

I'm just now getting word that the podium has been accused of threatening a lectern with a gun. The podium support has dropped to 46%. Anyway, it sort of makes sense because an empty podium represented Herschel Walker at family events as well. I knew you were gonna fucking

do that. I knew you wim to fucking do that. I knew you wimps were going to give me an ooh. During their debate, Florida Senate candidate Val Demings went toe-to-toe with incumbent Marco Rubio over abortion, telling Rubio this. Now, as a police detective who investigated cases of rape and incest, no, Senator, I don't think it's okay

for a 10-year-old girl to be raped and have to carry the seed of her rapist. No, Senator, I don't think it's okay for a 10-year-old girl to be raped and have to carry the seed of her rapist. No, I don't think it's okay for you to make decisions for women and girls. Was she a homicide detective because she absolutely murdered him? That doesn't really make sense. Demings even went so far to make a shocking admission she once respected Marco Rubio. And I'm really disappointed in you, Marco Rubio,

because I think there was a time when you did not lie in order to win. She's not mad. She's just disappointed. But that, in a lot of ways, feels worse for Marco. You know? she's not mad. She's just disappointed. But that, in a lot of ways, feels worse for Marco. You know?

I know she was a detective, but I think we can correct the case. He was always terrible. In a newly unearthed 2009 interview with Jimmy Kimmel, GOP presidential Senate candidate Dr. Oz had this to say about drinking his own urine. How do you know how it tastes? Who's tasting it and going...

You gotta do it in med school. That's what you do. You do? Actually, you look in that stuff, you know. Wow. Did you own urine? No! Are you kidding me? Where have you been? You have? Really? Of course. Guillermo, have you ever? No. It was a really weird interview, especially the part at the end

where Dr. Oz said, if anyone in the audience wants to go to med school, meet him behind the Wegmans at midnight. What's that sound? Why, it's time for Uh-Oh, Jews Are Trending on Twitter Again. Donald Trump attacked American Jews in a truth social post over the weekend, warning that they must get their act together and appreciate Israel before it's too late. You can't say we control Hollywood and Broadway, but somehow don't have our act together. That's all we have together.

Trump was quick to add that he couldn't be anti-Semitic since his son-in-law is that little Jew bitch, Jared. Also, in a newly released video from 2021 at an event in Bedminster, Trump complained that his support amongst American Jews was much lower than among Israeli Jews and asked of the documentarian filming him, is this a good Jewish character right here? I don't think this is what Trump meant, but just to be clear, a good Jewish character is Larry David.

A bad Jewish character is the Harry Potter bank goblins. character is the harry potter bank goblins also elon musk tweeted a since deleted image of himself kanye and donald trump joining forces as the three musketeers bringing together musk so-called everything app x parlor and true social anyway trump kanye and elon truly the nightmare blunt rotation this of course came after a series of anti-Semitic rants by Kanye across multiple interviews in his press tour for... What? His press tour for anti-Semitism. Thank you.

That was, uh-oh. The Jews are trending on Twitter again. A lot of old-fashioned anti-Semitism going on out there. Not the kind of, you know, subtle kind where they call them financiers. Just old, unadulterated, raw, uncut, fentanyl anti-Semitism. What might be this week's worst depravity? A GOP candidate running for college district board in Arizona was arrested after police allegedly caught him masturbating in his truck near a preschool. I'm sorry, Kaufman said, according to the report. I fucked up. I'm really stressed. This is part of the Republican plan to prevent perverts from entering our schools because the

only way to stop a bad guy masturbating outside of a preschool is a good guy masturbating outside of a preschool. Thank you. In documentary footage aired by CNN, Nancy Pelosi learned on January 6th that the Secret Service had dissuaded then-President Trump from coming to the Capitol and said she hoped he changed his mind. I'm going to punch him out.

This is my moment. I've been waiting for this, for trespassing on the Capitol grounds. I'm going to punch him out, and I'm going to go to jail, and I'm going to punch him out. This is my mom. I've been waiting for this, for trespassing on the Capitol grounds. I'm going to punch him out, and I'm going to go to jail, and I'm going to be happy. Behind the scenes, Nancy Pelosi is the best Nancy Pelosi.

Also taken on January 6th, this clip. I just got off with the vice president. And I got off with the vice president-elect. So I'll tell him what she said. I love that clip so much. She's really trying to figure out what to do. So she's calling Mike Pence. And then Schumer's like,

well, I just got off the phone with Kamala Harris. And she's like, okay. Chuck, she's currently nothing. We're looking for people in the government what are you talking about it was it was amazing it's an amazing moment like all right did you talk to tom hank what are you fucking doing and just think about how many times nancy pelosi in her life has just been in a situation like that where she's trying to deal with something, get something going, and somebody's like, I talked to this person, I'm a big fucking guy, and she's like, okay. 10 out of 10, no notes. Speaking of the insurrection, the Justice Department has asked that Steve Bannon be sentenced to six months in prison and a $200,000

fine for defying a subpoena from the House January 6th committee, but I can't find him, said Steve Bannon, pitching up his voice in an unconvincing wig and dress, pretending to be his own wife, Stephanie Bannon, who then went into an oddly specific description of how hard it is to be married to Steve Bannon. Weird. In lighter news, significant radioactive

contamination has been found at a Missouri elementary school where nuclear weapons were produced during World War II. Look on the bright side of this terrible story. Every day is a snow day when it's nuclear winter. Yes. That's correct. New York City officials unveiled a new plan for trash collection

to battle the city's rat problem in a press conference where they said stuff like this. The rats are absolutely going to hate this announcement, but the rats don't run this city. We do. This is not Ratatouille. Rats are not our friends. When reached for comment, a rat said, look down, I just ran over your foot. When reached for comment, a rat said, Look down, I just ran over your foot. Anyway, that last statement was somewhat undermined when the city official's hat flew off to reveal a rat tugging her hair to and fro, controlling her every move. A man who works at an organization that helps preserve Japan's cultural relics

accidentally backed his car into the country's oldest toilet at a centuries-old temple in Kyoto. Oh no, I wrecked that toilet, said this Japanese preservationist, and 5,000 miles away, a Jewish person who works at Crooked and ordered an oat milk latte, but realized halfway through it was dairy in an unrelated incident.

Names redacted to protect the innocent. Imagine taking a dump so ruinous, so awful, that all you can do to save yourself from humiliation is get in your car and back over the toilet. I don't believe this was an accident for a fucking second. We've all been there. Meanwhile, former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo

has announced a new podcast. It's going to be called Pod Save Me from this horny former governor. A Massachusetts woman allegedly unleashed a swarm of bees on a team of deputies who were enforcing an eviction notice. One of the cops managed to grab this picture as she tried to open up a big old box of bees. It's amazing. I love it. She's like, oh no, she's's releasing bees this is from the news report after unleashing bees from hives in the back of her truck the woman somehow donned a beekeeper suit and carried a tower of bees to the front door of the home where she tried to further

agitate the bees you can't shoot bees can you uh hey do you want to see the face a person makes after being arrested despite unleashing a storm of bees to sting people trying to evict her? This is what... Look, for those listening at home, I have never seen such a smug and satisfied mugshot in my entire life. Look at the pathos. Look at that face. That face says,

I released a fuckload of bees on those people. Keith McNally, the owner of the popular New York restaurant Balthazar, briefly banned James Corden this week, calling him a hugely gifted comedian, but a tiny cretin of a man. McNally also previously posted a loving picture of Woody Allen dining at Balthazar, which means in the moral universe of Keith McNally,

it is better to marry your son's sister than angrily send back eggs. Those are his values. I don't know. Corden was unbanned a few hours later after he called McNally and apologized profusely. I can't decide what's more embarrassing, getting banned from Balthazar or groveling to get back into Balthazar. And I say that as someone who's done both. Also, one of the Try Guy wives, again, a group of, a a set of phrases i've i don't know who those i'd never i caught up with all of you but uh apparently she saw james corden yelling at a bus boy outside little dom's a restaurant in los velas uh because they weren't open yet and he's

like we'll get you a table at five when they open he's like a lot of good that'll do and it's like what's going on james you're too rich for this. Any story of James Corden now just being a dick to random people, I just like get it into my For You page. I just, just send it to me. I love it. I eat it all up. He did an interview that came out today with Dave Itzkoff at the New York Times, where apparently he seemed unprepared for the fact that this was going to come up. It's a doozy, and he does not handle it well. I highly recommend reading it. Scientists have discovered, based on DNA samples of bone and tooth fragments,

that families of Neanderthals lived in small, tight-knit communities of 10 to 20 individuals, and when a female found a mate, they would migrate to join the male's family. Of course, migrating to join her mate's family could present problems, especially if they were wacky. For more information on how this might have gone down, be sure to check out the new CBS sitcom, Everybody Loves Oog. I didn't know how Oog was going to go. I didn't know. Four astronauts return to Earth after nearly a happy year in space. Unfortunately, having only been back on Earth for a couple of weeks, cosmonaut Oleg Artemyev

accidentally hit a colleague with his car, but it could have been worse. He could have hit a very old toilet. When we come back, we go straight to hell with Danny and Lucy DeVito.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back! It's officially spooky season. And what could be spookier than the father of lies himself, Beelzebub? How about the father of

Lucy DeVito? That's right, joining on stage the dynamic duo of the new FX show Little Demon, it's Danny and Lucy DeVito! Hi, how are you? Thanks for being here. Thanks for being here. Thanks for being here. Hello, everybody.

Hello. How you doing? Good, good. Good, how are you? It's good to see you both. All right, Lucy, in your new show, you play the daughter of the Antichrist. Oh, no, I play the daughter of Satan. Of Satan. play the daughter of the Antichrist. Oh, no, I play the daughter of Satan. Of Satan.

And so I am the Antichrist. Oh, and you are? Oh, I see how it works. I'm sorry. We don't go past the Old Testament. My side. I'm the daddy devil. You're the devil.

The daddy devil. Yeah. Is there something you two are trying to work out through this show that you've decided to do a show together? Yeah, no, our whole lives we've been waiting for this moment, yeah, to talk about how the fact that my father is Satan and I'm the Antichrist. Welcome to our world. Come on in.

Go sin. But has it been cathartic for you to get all this out? Feels good to have a show where you can excise these kinds of literal demons? Yeah, no, it's been really awesome. You know, we get to like scream and yell at each other, but then we also are buddies. So, you know, the Antichrist and Satan,

they need to team up, you know, because they're going to ruin the world. Is that the plan? Yeah, maybe. Yeah, it's a start. Yeah. Danny, you live tweeted the first episode of Little Demon with absolutely no context,

tweeting your followers to tweets like, like, don't fuck with the Antichrist. I just wanted to get the mailman to fart, and I'd rather fist a dog than be in a relationship. Well, yeah, I understand. I get the idea, Twitter. I've been doing it for a long time. But I didn't realize the whole thing about if you don't, you know, at somebody like at Little Demon FX, you know what I mean? At Lucy DeVito, at Aubrey Plaza. They think you just lost your mind or you've been captured by somebody

and you're forced to say these things. But these were all lines in the show. So I was really pumped about the first, the pilot episode was going on and I was watching it and I was just tweeting shit. And then at some point, I think one of you...

But yeah, there were no hashtags. They were like blowing up and Jake, my brother, who's also But yeah, there were no hashtags. They were like blowing up, and Jake, my brother, who's also a producer, we were watching it, and he was like, I think you're having a stroke. Oh, it's because you haven't been tagging. Everyone just thinks you're saying these lines, but there are actually lines in the show. I think it's an exciting opportunity.

I think there's other things you could be live tweeting without context. Yeah. Deliverance. Yeah. You know, go back to the great film Surprise People. Absolutely, just repeat lines from these crazy movies. My first tweet was, I didn't know what to do, okay? Everybody said, you've got to be on Twitter.

I said, what the hell is Twitter? This was like when it started. And I said, well, what do you do? She's talking, say anything you want. So my, that's what they say. That's what they say. That's what they say. They say famously, say whatever you want. It'll be great. And so my first tweet was my balls are on fire. No, that was what I felt at the moment. That was an original. Once in a while, I'll do political things, like, you know, when Bozo's overturned Roe v. Wade, I said, Supreme Court my ass. I was doing, with the Always Sunny guys and Caitlin,

we were doing the Nightman Cometh, and we were on tour. We were doing the show. And I was playing the troll. You know, you got to pay the troll toll to get into the boy's soul. And so I took my shoe and sock off, and I named my right foot Troll Foot, and I took a picture of it, and that's what I tweet.

I tweet my foot. So if you go look at it, that's it. Yeah, it's my father. That's my father. That probably works for a lot of people. A lot of people go searching for pictures of celebrity feet. So that's another route to build a new audience. Troll foot's famous.

People love it. People love it. Thank you. Yeah. Supreme Court, my ass. A classic. Also, Antonin Scalia, retire, bitch. That was also...

You know what it is? It's the Hemingway-esque quality. You know what I mean? Simple. That's what I love about it. You gotta say what you feel. Are you on TikTok? No. No TikTok-y. Only thing I do is the Twitter. I think we gotta get him on TikTok. See, the old guy says the Twitter.

Now, you may not remember this, but do you remember meeting my parents at Canyon Ranch in Massachusetts in 1997 at a gift shop? Is that familiar to you at all? Do you want more details? The naked couple in the hot tub? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I remember them.

Yeah, they were casually... Weird, man. Weird couple. They were casually putting their key in a bowl next to the hot tub, then kind of acting like it was nothing, hoping somebody would notice. Do you remember that familiar? I don't. I die. They were in the Do you remember that familiar? I met so many naked people in my life. It's funny because I told my mother you're going to be

on the show and then she told me this story which is that she was in a gift shop and you were looking at magazines and they said they didn't want to approach you. But I have a feeling they were radiating such anxiety and staring at you so thoroughly that you didn't know what to do. So you picked up a magazine and showed it to them and said, I'm just looking to see if I'm in it.

Ah! Is that a move you've gone to? I think it was a hustler, yeah. Growing up, who was funnier, mom or dad? Oh, they're, you know, they're equal wackos. Wow. You know? That's a political answer.

Yeah. No, but he's very funny. My mom is also hysterical. She's a bit more, like, on the loony side of things, you know? She was... I'll agree to that. She likes to, like, spontaneously break out into song. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, but it's not, like, very good. Right, it's not good. That's what makes it funny. If it were good, it wouldn't be funny. Exactly. Who currently in American politics comes to your mind as being the most demonic? Oh, my God. You know, it's hard to say pinpoint one person.

There's so many. It's like, you know, there's a plethora of, like, you know, politicians and they're just like you know awful and they just stink and they're i know there's a part of your show which which is called a rant right yes well you know i could rant about this forever because they just it's lies and deception and pulling the wool over your eyes and all the things that you can think of. So to pinpoint one person, there's so many. I was just watching Rubio on the TV and it's just like ridiculous, the worst. And then you got Cruise.

Then you got Lindsay and you got the old... Yeah. McConnell. I didn't even have to say it. You don't have to say it. You know, so it's like... You got say it. You don't have to say it. You know, it's like... You got the guy. You got the guy.

Well, screwed up anyway, right? But now to have these job junkies running the country, it's just like really, it's horrifying. But anyway, I don't, you know, I got feelings about it. Who do you think is the most demonic? Oh, the most demonic? Gates. Yeah, he's not great.

There's a lot of them that look like they would meet in a basement with a satanic star and candles. Wait a minute, now you're talking about our show. I'm trying to bring it back. I'm trying to bring it back. Yeah, I got you. I got you. When Trump first started running, one of the things that came to mind to me, actually, it's funny that you're here. It was like, oh, this is what it would be like if the penguin from batman returns actually ran for president and then i was thinking

the penguin from batman returns is too much of a moderate now he'd get the shit kicked out of him from some of these goons no oswald cobblepot he said he would be like well does he eat children yeah oh yeah okay so you're right he would be a moderate. And so is Richard Nixon. Reagan is just too dumb to be anything. You don't have to whisper, he's dead. Oh, is he dead? He's gone. He's gone.

Sorry. He's just a war criminal, you know, that's all. It's a dead war criminal. But besides that, let's get back to the... Yeah, yeah. Take on your show. No, I was enjoying letting that happen. Oh besides that, let's get back to the... Yeah, yeah. Take on you. It's your show. I was enjoying letting that happen.

Oh, yeah, good. Okay. But in honor of Little Demon, we're going to play a devilish edition of a game we're calling the Newly Dad Game. All right? Here's how this is going to work, all right? Lucy and Danny, you'll be answering a series

of unholy questions to see how well you can predict each other's answers. I'll be squaring off against you. And since my child is a dog who can't speak, I'll be joined by the closest thing I have to a daughter, it says here. Hallie Kiefer, our head writer. Yeah. And Brian, our producer, is going to come on out. So here's what's going to happen.

All right. We are going to play a version of the newlywed game. Hallie and Lucy are going to try to predict what we say. We're going to try to predict what they say. Brian, take it away. You did such a good job of explaining that. Thanks, Brian. Still in the dark.

These are for the daughters, the biological daughters. Do you tell people I'm on the way when in reality you haven't left yet? So, Danny, our job is to predict what our daughters are going to say. Alright. It was a yes or no question.

Yes, every day of my life. Yes, I do say yes. Every time I say anything. Okay. Danny, what do you got? I said no. Wow. Because you trust her. I say anything. Okay. Danny, what do you got? I said no. Wow. Because you trust her. I wrote yes, but you're working on it. No, I'm not. Okay.

Okay. All right. Dads, when you are alone with your God, be honest, what are you ordering at McDonald's? Okay. What's our McDonald's order? When's the last time you ate McDonald's? I'll just tell you that for me, it's order. When's the last time you ate McDonald's? I'll just tell you that for me, it's yesterday.

I think the last time I had McDonald's was probably, I don't know, 30 years ago. 30 years ago? Wow. Give that man a round of applause. That's cool. What's your secret? You know, they're everywhere. My car pulls right in. Yeah, unavoidable.

I see those golden arches. The wheel turns. Well, yeah. Sometimes I don't eat meat. So I go from eating meat. Sometimes I don't eat meat. Sometimes I eat. But rarely McDonald's. You're going to write down the last thing you ate at McDonald's.

And I'm going to write down what I got at McDonald's yesterday. Okay. Yeah. But I think you may know. I think you may know. I unfortunately do. I know your coffee order. Father.

I bought a bunch of things. Why don't you reveal your answer or we'll be here a while. Fries and a Coke. Fries and a Coke. Excellent. And I said fries. We'll give it to you. That's pretty good. You're so funny though.

Wavelength. Upbringing. That's cool. I like that. Look at that. I got, and again, this was yesterday,

a 10-piece McNugget meal, a McChicken, and a McDouble. And I put nugs. Okay. Okay. Okay. You're a nug man through and through.ugs. Okay. You're a nug man

through and through. Okay. If you could get a little food that's like this big, well, you're eating it. I've seen it. I've seen it in action.

Little wheels of cheese. Oh, yeah. I love a little wheel of cheese. A little snack? We know. Daughters, what's the most devilish thing? Oh, my Daughters, what's the most devilish thing? Oh, my voice cracked.

What's the most devilish thing you did as a child? Oh. Ooh. Oh, okay. It's childlike. It's not like, I watched a man die

or something, you know? Right. If you're in that situation, just look away. Hello. Gross. I'm sorry. I don't know. I mean, this is subjective.

You know, it's like, yeah. This is like, you know, I'm looking at it right now, and I'm like, oh, it's not that bad. Yeah, you watched a man die? Yeah, yeah, I watched a man die. I watched a man live. I'm having a tough time with this game. What was a devilish thing Lucy did when

she was a kid? Devilish act. Did she put bubble gum in a sibling's hair? It could even be like when I was in middle school or something. A little hint. Something behind the something in the bleachers.

That opens a can of worms. Something after band class. I don't know. Were you in band? After school. During a free period. Or, you know, at a party. During gym. Yeah, during gym.

Just all day. Rope climbing. Before coffee. Coffee in middle school? No, not coffee. What a sophisticate you were. Should I reveal it? How are you?

Let's switch it up. No, you say what you actually did. I was obsessed with the family next door. And so I, and each, because each daughter had like a Minnie Mouse, like one had like a yellow Minnie Mouse bedroom and one had like a pink Minnie Mouse. And so I stole their Minnie Mouse and Daisy Duck. They were Jehovah's Witnesses though and I always feel bad about that. If they were religious, I wouldn't care.

But something about it, I'm like, why did I do this? Why did I steal from these people? She stole from religious people. All right. I do it now as an adult. That's fine. I didn't know. Here was my guess.

Oh, no. What is it going to be? Pretended to be and or convinced myself I was straight for three decades. Oh, I did do that. I did do that. But that's not just for convinced myself I was straight for three decades. Oh, I did do that. I did do that. But that's not just a childhood thing. I did do that until this summer, frankly. But as a kid, you worked until recently.

Wow. And that is pretty devilish, unfortunately. It is what the devil wants. All right, what was your childhood devilish act? I said I smoked pot with Becca in Laurel Canyon. Did you know about this? Wow. That sounds like a song.

Danny, did you know that that was happening? I kind of figured. I'll tell you, that kind of coincides with this. She once brought, I think, the entire 11th grade to our house. And smoked pot. Yeah, there you go. So, you drive in the driveway, you get a contact high. That's cool.

That's cool. So let's see, what I hear is that you were cool. You were cool. In high school. Well, I like to smoke pot. Yeah. And that's cool. And that's cool.

That's cool. I like to grow pot. Yeah, he did. He grew pot. Oh, wow. In our house. So I had a good role model. Nice crop.

Fathers and daughters that smoke together, stay together. As I've always said. We've also said that. That's what we do as a family. We don't really smoke it, but... More like munch. Dads. What's our next question?

I have a question, dads. Do you ask for a plastic straw even when the Starbucks cup has the little sippy top and it's not necessary? So, for everyone at home, Danny's writing a novel.

I'm excited about this. He's writing, writing up to the edge of the board. He just keeps going for 45 minutes. Okay. I'm ready.

Okay. Thank you very much. All right, let's see. Danny, what do you got? Okay, no plastic straws because in 2025, the plastic in the ocean will outweigh the fish.

Yeah. Okay for... There he goes. The DeVito wet blanket what did you say did Lucy get it right yeah I said no way no way

love it do you care about the fish so thank you both for coming obviously everyone here cares about the environment and that's why to save electricity, we are ending the show. What I said was, yes, you bossy bastards.

And I said yes and all the turtles know. They all know what you get up to. I'm sorry. No, but seriously. Yeah. Yeah, and he's not sorry. We got bigger fish to fry. Ah!

That came out fun. Yeah! He did it. He did it. Huh? He did it. I went there. He went there.

What's next, Brian? Daughters, how many times do you forget your doggy bags and leave your pet's poop on the sidewalk out of 100? And how do you live with yourself? Do you have a dog, Lucy, or have you heard? No, I don't have a dog. Are you a pet person at all? I do.

I have two cats. And you kind of have to pick up their poop. You got to pick up their poop. If you had a dog and you didn't have a bag once in a while, how many times out of 100 would you say it's acceptable to not pick up the poop to consider yourself a responsible dog owner? Out of 100? Out of 100.

Okay. Like, how many poops can you just leave and say, you know what, I got the others. Well, it also depends on the size of the dog. Enormous. I don't know. I don't know. The biggest dumps you've ever seen. Yes, there's significant dumps. There's significant dumps. Okay. Significant dumps. Kyoto dumps. Kyoto style

dumps. Okay. Dumps that could wreck an ancient toilet. Okay. I can't believe you're even thinking about this. Can I still? What did you say? Zero. Yeah, zero.

Wait. Pick up the damn shit. Zero, I'm sorry. I said four. I like four. Four is good. Oh my God. I said that I would pick up 90 out of 100.

I pick up 90 of them. I'm saying 10%. What's the end of the word? I pick them all up. No, no, you're saying how many to cheat. I pick them up. How many do you think I would pick up 90 out of 100. I'd pick up 90 of them. I'm saying 10%. What's the end of the word? I'd pick them all up. No, no, you're saying how many to cheat. I'd pick them up. How many do you think I would? Oh.

But let's be honest. I forgot how the game works. No, no, it's okay. Honestly, how many times out of 100? I would rather pick up dog shit and eat it than leave it on the fucking floor. I refuse. I think that, look. I will go back in the middle of a hurricane and pick that shit up.

Absolutely fucking not. Listen, what have we diagnosed? We live in a society. What have we diagnosed ourself with on TikTok? Tell the people. What did you diagnose yourself with on TikTok? Well, besides being gay? Yes, the other thing.

Oh, ADHD. Exactly. Well, you still got to pick up your dog poop. And I'm just saying you're going to forget and you're going to leave poop on the ground. Not on my watch. We got to keep moving. Not on my watch. We're getting the fingers.

How many questions do we got? I'm going to go to the last one. Let's ramp it up. Here we go. Okay. This is for everyone. What did you moving. We're getting the fingers. How many questions do we got? Let's ramp it up. Let's ramp it up. Here we go. What did you say? Zero? I said four. Four I like.

That's okay. And I wouldn't leave any poop. Right. Yeah, but never. Never. Never leave dog poop. No, you don't want to. Come on.

I lived near Dogshit Park in New York. There's this little place down in the village. It was a park. You couldn't walk by the park when the wrong wind was blowing. Covered in dog. Disgusting. Disgusting. You go down there with one of your hamburgers.

You can't do it. Oh, my God. One of my hamburgers with my plastic straw. I'm a monster to you. You find the way I live. You think the way I live is horrible. Well, I mean. I'm leaving shit on the ground.

I'm killing turtles. I don't know if he thinks it. He might be upset. I'm eating methane-producing cows all day. You're throwing straws in the ocean. That should give you a lot to think about, Father. All right. It's time.

Daddy, what's the last question? All right. Grandpapa. Okay. This is for everyone. This is for everyone. Let's see if you all agree. We just have to write down our version of the answer and see if we're aligned.

Okay. Marry, fuck, kill. The Penguin from Batman. Okay. Frank Reynolds from Always Sunny. And Harry Wormwood from Matilda. The characters. All the characters.

Oh, okay. You're supposed to pick the one you like best? Which one you would marry, which one you would fuck, and which one you would kill. Oh. See, there goes the fucking abbreviations again. You know what I mean? I mean, all of these are weird for me. No, no.

The character. 100%. The character. Yeah. And we knew that. And we understood that. Okay. But the game is, we don't make the rules.

Okay. We just have to. Okay, okay. I have to say, I know this is a strange thing to say. I think this is surprisingly easy, and I'll be surprised if we're not all aligned. Oh, shit.

What? I think there's an, this is like an obvious, there's an obvious answer. I don't think it's obvious. I don't think it's obvious. Maybe not to you, because it's bizarre for you.

Yeah, it's really weird. It's unholy, speaking of little demons. I feel that way about my answers. I feel like this is the correct answer. Okay. Yeah, never necessarily delay in life. It's tough. They're tough people

to marry, fuck, or kill. It's part of the challenge. You gotta fuck one, you gotta marry one, you gotta kill one. Fuck one, you gotta marry one. Carry the... He just drawed the turtle again. Shit, man. Carry the two. Okay, okay. It's gonna make somebody jealous, but... carry the he just drawed the turtle again shit man carry the two

okay okay it's gonna make somebody jealous but okay alright I'll start I would kill Harry Wormwood I would have sex with Frank

and then I'm gonna marry the penguin we're gonna have a great fucking time oh okay no that's what I would do you thought that was obvious can I go next yeah please I'm gonna marry Oswald I'm gonna kill Wormwood No, that's what I would do. You thought that was obvious? Can I go next? Yeah, please.

I'm going to marry Oswald. I'm going to kill Wormwood. And I'm going to fuck Frank. Yes! We fucking agree. I'm telling you. We are... All right, wait.

Now, so obviously... Boys will be boys. So we're on the same page, but that's not the goal. No, no, that's not the goal. Okay. All right, let's do Hallie next. No, no, that's not the goal. Okay. All right, let's do Hallie next. Okay, so mine, kill Harry Wormwood, of course,

we're all on board with that. No, marry Frank. I don't know, I've grown fond of Frank over time. And then fuck the penguin, he's very corny, and he has a little bit

of a glamour. I don't know, I fuck the penguin. I don't know, there's something there, I can definitely see it. All right, so we didn't,

that was a no, we did not align because we had different spouses. All right, Lucy, this is it. This is how you can win the game right now. I said marry Penguin, fuck Harry, and kill Frank. Oh. Wow. Yeah.

That's so interesting. Yeah. I'm so sorry we made you do this. Yeah, it's disgusting, guys. What a weird thing to do. Thanks for having me. Before you go, tell people where they can watch Little Demon. Really excited about the show.

It's awesome. Thank you. You can watch Little Demon. The finale is on tonight. But you can stream all the episodes on Hulu. And, yeah. Well, thank you on Hulu. And yeah. Well, thank you both. Yeah.

And Danny and Lucy will be back for the rant in a few minutes. Give it up for Brian, Hallie, and thank you so much, Danny and Lucy DeVito. Thank you. We'll be right back. Thank you. That was great.

And we're back. There is one topic that has engaged and raged voters across the country. That is the Dom's decision that overturned Roe versus Wade. Here to talk about how we can fight back, please welcome Jody Hicks, the CEO of Planned Parenthood Affiliates of California. Hi, Jody. Thank you for being here. Hi. So let's we will get to some serious stuff.

But first, it's the penguin. It's Frank. It's the dad from Matilda. Let's fuck the penguin. I don't know why. I don't know why. You don't need to know why. I have an answer.

You don't need to know why. It's a feeling. Marry Frank and kill Matilda's dad. Okay. Thank you for your answer. You don't need to know why. It's a feeling. Mary Frank and kill Matilda's dad. Thank you for your answer. Although my 13 year old's going to kill me for that. Why? Because I think the only reason she thinks I'm cool is because I

was backstage with Matilda's dad and I just killed him. So I don't know. That was a nervous answer. He's not a hero. That's true. Alright, let's get to the topic. Can's not a hero. That's true. All right. Let's get to the topic. Can you talk a little bit about how the Dobbs decision has affected your work day to day here in California and what you're trying to do? There's trauma and rage involved in all of it.

But it's been three months in Planned Parenthood in California. We are definitely seeing patients from all different states. So there's 17 states now that have banned abortion. We're expecting it to go to 26. So that's over half the country. But we're definitely seeing patients. What we did, though, a year ago in September when Texas went into effect, we actually started the Future of Abortion Council and started planning for the impact in California. So we, since then, have passed 15 bills. We essentially said, here in

California, we're just not going to comply. So we're not going to turn over records. We're not going to, if you try and criminalize our providers, we won't help. We won't extradite. We won't do any of the things and invested $200 million in both to help people both for our health centers, but also for people that organizations that are helping people get here. So if you need to come to California, we're going to help you get here and you're going to get care here. There's this $200 million in new state funding, which you just mentioned. What is that enabling you to do that you otherwise wouldn't have been able to do? So what's great about it is some of it is investments into making sure that things like security, things like we're investing in infrastructure so we can ensure that we're taking care of patients.

I mean, it impacts both people here in California, right, and people that we're taking care of patients. I mean, it impacts both people here in California, right? And people that are coming from out of state. It's not like we ask where you come from before we make an appointment for you. And we've definitely seen an influx of people coming. But we're also investing in those organizations that help you get here, like with travel, child care, like all of the things that you would need. It's almost impossible for us having this protection for the last 50 years to really think about what's happening right now.

In over half the country by the end of the year, people will need to travel outside of the state they live in in order to get care. And we're talking about people that have never traveled outside of the state in the first place. So now they have to navigate that system. So we also created in California a website so that people can Google. And it was really envisioning not just how we think of it now, where you put in your zip code and get the care you need where you are,

but where you need out there. So if you just look at our California website, it'll show you all your rights. It'll show you everywhere you can go, all your resources. So we're really just doing everything we can for everyone that needs it right now. So there's a proposition, Proposition 1 would protect access to abortion and contraception explicitly in California. Polling says it's at 70%. Is the hope that, I mean, obviously California is a state that's already protecting access to abortion. Is the hope that this will drive more people to turn out? What is the goal of this being on the ballot? Yeah. So a couple of things. We definitely have in our code section, we have the right to abortion.

So it's legal here in California. We definitely have a good legislature right now that's investing in what they need to do. But I think if we've learned nothing from having 50 years of precedent and the right to privacy, it's we can't leave anything for granted. And we need to put in our constitution the right to reproductive freedom, including abortion and contraception. So no matter what the future legislature looks like, no matter what our future governor looks like, it's enshrined in our state. And then on top of that, it really is the only thing we can do is state by state right now until we fix whatever's happening at the federal level. So again, I think

it's hard for us to think about, but every single election, we are an election away from losing rights every single time at every level. And so we want to send that message in California. There's people that are confused and scared. We're sending the message in California. We're the state that we're the Haven state. We're going to send that message across the country. But we also know, and I talked to my colleagues in other states, they're looking at California for how the turnout is. So it's pulling at 70% if people know about it. We need to get the word out. People need to show up to vote so that other states can do the same. Because here in California, we had a mechanism to get it on the ballot quickly. Not every state had that. But they can do it next year or the year after.

And we need to send the message that this is a winning strategy. How can people who are listening to this, when asked specifically what they can do, you're building this infrastructure to help people in other places figure out how to access care if they need it. What can people listening or watching do to support that specific work? And what can they do more broadly right now in the next one month as we had in the last three weeks as we head towards the election to have the biggest impact? Right now, it's really important. Look to your local health centers, look to your local Planned Parenthoods and other health centers that are providing services right now because they're

really doing all of the work and taking on all of the impacts. So donate, volunteer, donate to your abortion funds too. Here in California, it's Access Reproductive Justice, but there's abortion funds all across the country. And they're the folks that are, again, helping people actually get to the services that they need. It's so important. And then, you know, we are here in California. We have Prop 1. Yes, I'm Prop 1. But certainly, I can't say it enough. We have to turn out the vote now.

They were in it for the long game, and now that's what we have to do. Every single legislature matters right now. We don't have a federal protection. So every single election at every level matters, don't have a federal protection. So every single election at every level matters, or people are losing their rights. And you know, it's reproductive rights right now. It's LGBTQ rights later. It's everything down the line. So every single election matters. And I know we've said that before, but it matters now more than ever. We have lost our federal protections. So given the challenge panparenthood faces every day in this country,

we thought it was only fair that you, Jodi, quiz me on the subject I know least about, which is human reproduction. I don't know my elbow from my endometrial lining, which I don't even know if I said correctly. So I literally haven't seen these. This is real. And Jodi is now going to quiz me on the topic of reproductive health. Let's do it. Here we go. You ready? Yep.

Ready. What is oogenesis? Oogenesis? That is when someone sees Phil Collins in a supermarket. And you go, O-genesis! And it's reproductive. You have to make it into reproductive. Oh, is it wrong?

Okay, I'm sorry. I'm not sure. That was good. The process by which ova are made. Ova? Yeah. Eggs. Uh- Yeah. Eggs. Uh-huh.

Okay. Thanks, Dalga. I like the beep. Okay. How do IUDs work? IUDs? Mm-hmm. Like, those are the...

I know how they work. Look, her staff is like, done. So here's in my mind how it works, having never actually thought about it deeply beyond hearing about it and seeing ads for it, which is, in my mind, it's almost like, it's like folded up, and then it kind of goes, bong, is that right?

It goes up. I eat, well, I don't, what are you getting so upset about? I've never put one in. It's a birth control that stays. What? I'm right on the issues. Okay. The answer is they use either copper or hormones

to block sperm from reaching the egg. Oh, I thought you meant like how they get actually put in the body. I understand that they put something out into the world. Keep going. Keep going. How many eggs do people with uterus have at birth? A, 1,000 to 2,000. thousand B 100,000 to 200,000 C 1 million to 2 million or D 10 million to 20 million. Here's let me think it out loud. I know that that you're born with all the eggs. There's got to be a couple of months once that starts. A couple of months. No, no, no, no. Once puberty, once that all,

once everything gets rolling. Right. So let's say a person's going to live at most 100 years. But you're not having, you're not, but menopause, which I learned about from Golden Girls, is going to happen. It does.

1,000 to 2,000? No. 100,000 eggs? 1 million to 2 million. Oh, really? That's a lot of eggs. That's a lot of eggs. Well, it seems superfluous.

Okay, here's a follow-up. Roughly, how many of those eggs will make it to puberty? Do I get any hints? No. Do I just have to know that number? Yeah. 20,000. 300,000 to 500,000.

To be fair, I'm not sure I would have gotten that one. Okay. This is a good one. What are the four phases of the menstrual cycle? You got this. They're like cheering you on. You got this. You want me to tell you what they start with?

Yeah. The first one starts with an M. What? The menstrual cycle. Oh, menstrual cycle. I've heard of that. Menstruation. Menstruation. Then the next one, do you want me to just tell you? Yeah. Okay. Menstruation,

follicle growth, ovulation, and luteal phase. Famously. Okay. The oldest recorded person to birth a child was how old? Oh, I remember this when it was in the news. They were older.

I'm going to say 72. 66. Okay. That was not bad. Okay. 72. 72. 66 That was not bad 72 How long can sperm remain viable within the reproductive tract? I'm going to say

4 days 5 Why do they call them fallopian tubes? Fallopian tubes They call them fallopian tubes? Fallopian tubes. Fallopian. They call them because they're fallopian. They go, they fallopian.

Fallopian. Fallopian. Okay, what I love about this is the answer is hysterical, only it totally makes sense now. It says, it's not because they come from the enchanted land of Fallopia. They're named after the 16th century Italian priest and tube enthusiast

Gabriel Fallopio. What a freak that guy was. What else you got? Now you have to find the clitoris. You have to go touch it. Yes! And I want you to know something.

I jumped with confidence. My heart is racing. Are you sweating? Oh my god. Is that it? That's it. I won? Did I win? That's got to be worth something.

Jesus Christ. Everybody, give it up for Jodi. Support Planned Parenthood. I subjected myself to this nightmare. Vote yes on one. Yes on one. Thank you so much. That was so great.

Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage the phenomenal Ellington Wells and the stunning Chris Fleming. Hello to you both. Hi. Thank you both for being here. Hi, folks.

Oh, my God. John, how long has Planned Parenthood been planning that assassination of you? You're going to be so big in the incel community. You're going to be a new hero. And your legs were crossed so tight by the end. You got smaller and smaller. You were falling on the sword. You became a diamond at the end of that.

Your face was down here. It was really tough. It hurts to sit cross-legged. Unless you're incredibly... The questions were crazy. Thank you. No, they were. They were.

No, they were crazy. We were with doctors, and they didn't know any of them back crazy. Thank you. They were. No, they were. They were. No, they were crazy. We were with doctors and they didn't know any of them back there. Alright. I also got reprimanded by the people. They're shooting the rookie outside and you'd think they wouldn't need like 30,000 crew members to shoot the fucking rookie.

One of the PAs, I ran through a shot. I think the director was like, what are you doing, man? And I look like I'm dressed like Aaron Brockovich. So I think it's totally going to be really interesting this next season. You can see Chris on the new season of The Rookie. All right.

Are you familiar with Chuck Grassley? He's 89 years old. He's from Iowa. Barely, yeah. I dated Chuck briefly. Intimately, actually. Turns out. Iowa Republican Senator Chuck Grassley

is currently leading Democratic opponent Mike Franken in the polls, despite acting and speaking like a glitched Tesla right before it crashes into a school. Which is why we're going to play a game in which you must answer, is this tweet an actual Chuck Grassley tweet, or is it a fake tweet generated by GPT-3,

an AI that can fabricate tweets based on a person's Twitter account? Shout out to our writer, Peter Miller, for convincing us of this segment, and even worse, having to read a bunch of actual Chuck Grassley tweets to create it. Are you both ready? Yes. Thank you.

All right. Is this real or fake? First tweet. Windsor Heights Dairy Queen is good place for you know what. Is that real or fake? Oh, good. I actually don't know what. Is that sexual? Or is it like a blizzard? I don't know.

Could be. Could be. That's gotta be AI, right? Yeah, I think that's AI. How expensive is the AI system? Like how good? Not good enough. That's real. That's got to be AI, right? Yeah, I think that's AI. How expensive is the AI system? Like how good? Not good enough. That's real. That's real. Oh my.

What? No, wait. Now I do want to know what. We don't know what it was. We assume it was a blizzard, but it could have been anything. We have to move on from that? We're not going to get the crowd back. Now they're all in their heads.

Next up. I'm choosing not to focus on bad headlines or little problems when I should be worried about jobless. The choosing is really artful. Choosing. Because I've seen his tweets, and he does tweet the way like a landlord texts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You want a toilet? That's it. You're out. Go camping. P.S. You ever see Steely Dan live at the bowl? Yep. Okay, this.

What do you think, Ellington? What do you think? All the words are too complete for it to be him. So I actually think that it's AI. I agree with that. Correct. Wow. Yes. Yes. Next up. You're doing great. Next up, tomorrow

is the 25th anniversary of I Dream of Genie. That's him. Oh my. Yeah. It's important to him. I tweeted that too once. AI. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to be sick.

Wait, but was that true? Was the next day the 25th anniversary? It couldn't possibly be. Fact checkers! It couldn't be. It had to be. Do you have fact checkers here? You have like 30.

Yeah, yeah, there's a lot. They're running up there. Is the penguin fuckable? Or marriage material? Let's ask the daughter. You out of your mind, John? You are going to be the incel king by Saturday. You are going to be.

You're going to take Grassley's position. Next up. Fred and I hit a deer on highway misspelled 136 south of Dyersville. After I pulled fender rubbing on tire, we continued to farm. Assume deer dead. No, come on.

No, this is actually real. Who's Fred? My friend sent this to me. Okay, so you know. Yeah. This has happened. Assume deer dead. I remember that. You got it. It's real. Okay, so you know. I assume, dear dad, I remember that. You got it. It's real.

Yeah, yeah. That is... It's like an admission of a crime, right? Yeah, he did have to... I think he did have to do some cleanup explaining why he didn't check. All right. Why he did a hit and run?

Yeah, why he did a hit and run. Next up. I'm a Republican who believes in life. Why wouldn't you want to jump on my cow? That's like a Roger Waters lyric. I love it. I love it. I love it. I don't know. What do you think? What do you think, Ellington?

Why wouldn't you want to jump on my cow? AI, I want to say. Well, wait, I'm sorry. Was the Windsor Heights, that was real, right? Yeah. Okay, so there is a sexual undertone in all the real ones. In all the real ones. Yeah, it's coursing with that Iowa 89-year-old suppressed senator. Repression, yeah.

Nursing home hookup. Yeah. It's a culture. Real. You said Ellington said fake. I say AI. Oh, I can't disagree with Ellington. No, yeah, you can.

You don't have the courage. Chris. Do it. You're wrong, Chris. I say AI. Oh, I can't disagree with Ellington. Yeah, you can. Don't have the courage! Do it! You're wrong, Chris. It's AI. It's AI. Ellington got it. I'm happy for Ellington, though. Let's do Just Turned to History Channel. No history. I used to get history.

Why do we... such a channel when it doesn't do history? Why do we age back? You know it's't do history? Why do we HVAC? You know it's have. You know that. This might have been. Now, look. I'll give you.

This is either real AI or this is a Dennis Miller AI that we brought in just for this. And we took out the word chachi. Why doesn't it do history chachi? Yeah. And a paw print emoji. Yeah. Okay. The HV is really, really realistic.

Like someone typing with their elbows. And I, what do you think, Ellington? This one feels real to me. To me, this is real. But he wouldn't use punctuation. See, this is what throws me off. No history. Why would you use a period but not spell out have?

He doesn't, yeah. He thinks it's shorthand for have. He thinks HV is like how we're saying it these days. Yeah, yeah. You think it's AI? No, I think it's real. And you think it's AI? Ellington is right again.

I gotta go home! Let's do one more. I'm never disagreeing with you again I have 10 followers on Twitter let's do one more so good at the internet

last but not least what is your pet poodle is it real or fake what is your pet poodle what is your pet poodle okay what do you think on this one

well this seems like that this is the sexual thing again I think no this is less sexual This is more like a Stephen King short story prompt. And, you know, this seems like educational.

Thoughtful. I mean, it seems like a good team building question. Okay, it's real. I think it's AI. Ellington is correct again. Let's do one more. Let's do the last one. Let's do the last one. How many points do I have?

Ellington, she worked at an airport sniffing out AI. Yeah. Checking bags for liquids and AI. I'm really against AI, I have to say. Final one. Let's go over to Jefferson. Okay. Because it's I'm at the Jefferson, Iowa Dairy Queen doing...

You know what? You know what? It's real. It's know what? It's real. It's definitely real. It's real. He's obsessed! Kristen Ellington. He loves dairy.

You've both won the game. You've done an incredible job. Ellington won the game. We're a tag team. Ellington won it. Can't have one without the other. When we come back, it's time for the rant wheel.

And we come back, it's time for the rant wheel. And we're back. Now it's time for the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We spin the wheel. Wherever it lands, we rant about the topic. This week on the rant wheel, we have leaf blowers. It's so muggy out. Mice, abs, spooky season, groomsmen, clothes talkers,

and being 40 and using TikTok. Let's be out. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on mice, which I believe was suggested by Chris. Take it away. Do you know this thing where really toxic girls identify closely with mice?

Like, a girl will put a picture of, like, a mouse in a cottage and be like, it's me, and it's like, I saw you make a bartender cry. You have said the cruelest things to the community. You are feared by the community. You are, if anything, a bison who gores

people at Yellowstone. They'll put a picture of a toad in a jean jacket carrying a basket of mushrooms and it's like me doing my little things. Your little things? You gave my dad a personality disorder.

Thank you. Thank you, Chris. A lot to think about. Let's spin it again. It has landed on close talkers, which I believe Lucy suggested. Yeah, yeah. I have a thing with close talkers. You know those people at a party when they come up so close to you that you go cross-eyed looking at them,

so then you turn your ear to them because you don't want to get their spit in your mouth. And the thing is that I don't like... There's two kinds of close talkers. One is the close talker who is so loud because they're hard of hearing. So they think that you're hard of hearing. So they start screaming in your ear and it's really, really fucking annoying. And then the other one, the other one is the whisperer, the one who whispers to you and

just spits in your ear the entire time. Whisperer, the one who whispers to you and just spits in your ear the entire time. And I think that I was at a party recently where I started in the living room and inched myself all the way into the kitchen and was just trying to get myself away from it. So, you know, I don't really know what to do about these close talkers, except, you know, hope they don't have COVID and give them an Altoid. Nice. Let's spin it again. Using TikTok and being 40, that was my proposal. But actually, Lucy's giving me something that I would like to discuss based on what she just said.

It's a related phenomenon, which is, when you're at a group dinner of, say, six to eight people, there's two ways that that can go. There's the right way, and there's the shitty way. The right way is one big, fun conversation where everybody's talking, and it's one group of people. But there are some people that sit at a table for six to eight, and they want to do this.

And they want to just do the one-on-one. But just out of your eyeline, you see a marvelous colloquy of five to seven people having a phenomenal time throwing different jokes around. You're a solitary confiner.

And you're just in the one-on-one. They're in the box. Yeah, talking about how their aunt has been sick and how it's been hard. And you're like in the one-on-one thing. They're in the box. Yeah, talking about how their aunt has been sick and how it's been hard, and you're like, yeah, no, I know. I feel like it's happening to me right now. Yeah, we were just texting each other over here. Continue to make eye contact. Continue

to make eye contact. And another thing about using TikTok at age 40, when you try to tell people what you're seeing, they think you've lost your mind. You can't tell people about biscuit talk you can't you can try you seem like you've lost it

no no no there was a documentary they sang a song about biscuits that led to a phenomenon of people making videos using the song in an aluminum suit. Now there's a Negroni thing in my head, and all I want to do is order food

in the style of a Negroni, Spagliato, with Prosecco in it, and I want to do beef chalupa, supreme, with sourcco in it. And I want to do beef chalupa. Supreme with sour cream in it. That was actually sexier than what she did. Thank you, Chris. Or what they did.

You lie! I didn't find it sexy. I found it menacing. You know, that's how where I was like, I think I need to stop trying to be a part of culture. That was it for you? That was it. That was it? That was the moment?

The promotional tour for House of Dragons? The Secret Life of Pets first, and then that. Life of Pets? Secret Life of Pets. Secret Life of Pets. Can I ask you a question about your TikTok? Is it trying to get you hooked on mushrooms?

I'm trying to get TikTok hooked on mushrooms. Oh, okay. It's you. It's you. It's me. Yeah, for sure. We're going to get Danny DeVito on TikTok pretty soon. Oh.

I haven't any idea what he said for the last 10 minutes. But I appreciate it but I do relate to that thing especially if you're at that table and you're the one on that side of you looking over here trying to make eye contact all of a sudden you got somebody's back

right there it sucks and then you try to bring somebody else in so you're doing the one on one thing All of a sudden, you got somebody's back right there. It stinks. Yeah, that sucks. It sucks, right? And then you try to bring somebody else in. So you're doing the one-on-one thing. You're like, wait, Jeff, you have an aunt. Yeah, yeah. Let's bring it all in.

You feel rude, though. You feel rude. Like, I'm being rude to you. But I didn't come to dinner with you. I came to dinner with a bunch of people. Yes. Unfucking believable. And if any of you are the kind of person that does that, re-evaluate.

It's abusive. It's wrong. It's wrong. It's wrong to do. Let's spin it again. It has landed on abs. Ellington? That's me. Yep.

Why does everyone on the internet have abs all of a sudden? I am sick of this. We don't need abs. We need healthcare. You guys are missing the point. I saw a comedian the other day promoting a show, and they had no shirt on, and they had abs. Comedians with abs?

Are you kidding me? They should not be able to work out three times a day. They should be in bed all day long, suffering under the weight of crippling depression. That's what makes a comic work. And also, why is my TikTok trying to get me hooked on shrooms? I don't know why. Maybe I need them.

Yeah. Sometimes I think the TikTok algorithm knows you better than you know you. Oh, yeah. No, no, it definitely knows. I'm looking too long at the ad. I'm like, hmm, yeah, I do need to focus more. Lion's Mane. Lion's, what is that?

I don't want to, I really, why did I even bring it up? Abs. They suck. Listen, if you're 16, maybe you just have abs naturally. If you work in finance, fine, you can have abs. Fine. That's fine still? It's fine still.

And if you are actually a model, I mean you walk on a runway, not a model, and you guys know what I mean? Then you can have abs. Everyone else, eat sugar more. And I would say, too, two red flags for me, obviously a comedian with abs, red flag. Really bad. Your shit is too much together. How are you making this schedule work? How are you eating your macros, whatever they are?

And I don't understand that. And another red flag for me, leather jacket in the promo shot for the comedian. There's a leather jacket? There's a leather jacket? We have to cut this. We have too many guests who wear leather jackets. So the one thing for the comedian. There's a leather jacket? There's a leather jacket? We have to cut this. We have too many guests who wear leather jackets. So the one thing is the abs. Yes.

Yeah. But you know what I mean about the leather jacket. Completely. It's really bad. It's like, what are you trying to be? Dane Cook. Let's spin it again. Oh, shit. Cut that, cut that. What's he gonna do? Attack you in 2003? Marry another child?

Alright, let's spin it again. He can't do anything to you now. His manager took all his money. Leaf blowers. Leaf blowers, that's me. I mean, I know everybody's got to make a living and I was a gardener when I was a kid. We swept the sidewalk.

We did everything like that. We did it with a broom. And we piled it up and we stuck it in something like where either you're going to fertilize something with it or you're going to toss it away or you're going to burn it. Like leaves.

Something like that. You don't take a fucking thing and make all the noise in the neighborhood and blow the leaves from one neighbor to the next. And then their gardener blows the fucking leaves back to you. So these leaves are getting a fucking great ride. And, like, on a Saturday? Fuck you, man.

Thank you. All right, let's spin it, I think, one more time. All right, let's spin it, I think, one more time. It has landed on groomsmen. I don't know. Okay. My only thing. This is not going to play audially.

Yeah, you got it. Keep going. You're crushing it. To say audially in front of a Williams man did not feel good. A man who can put his hand on a New Yorker and read it, like Alan Strange. I feel like the people that listen to this show, they're like, you know, like really smart dogs that need to be overstimulated. Like, or they eat the couch. Or when you hang out with an Australian shepherd and suddenly you're in another room and you're like, I just got herded by that shepherd.

My sister went to Williams. Today she was just sending me Wikipedia of Gavin Newsom. She's like, if you're going to go on this show, Chris, you need to wake the fuck up. She'll say things like, you know Tilly Mullane. I don't know who Tilly... No, Chris, you know Tilly Mullane.

She basically introduced mochi to Rhode Island. But the thing... My problem with groomsmen, and this is not going to play to an audio crowd, is just like seeing six identical hideous men just doing this. Wearing like tuxedos, which is just... Men that think they look good in tuxedos... I'm just gonna compare you to Daniel Craig, and, like, you

think you look like James Bond, but you look like you're in a chamber orchestra. Like, you look like you play the bassoon! And they line up like they're... Like, in case anyone tries to steal the bride, like... I'm not anyone tries to steal the bride. I'm not going to try to steal the bride. Thank you very much.

Okay. And that's the rant wheel. Thank you so much to Ellington Wells, Chris Fleming, Danny, and Lucy DeVito. Thank you so much for being here. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back! Because we all need it this week. Here it is, the high note. Hey, love it.

This is Henry from San Francisco. Over a year ago, my friend in Hong Kong was arrested for violation of the national security law because of her involvement in publishing a children's book series about a flock of sheep. With no bail allowed, they were kept in detention for 18 months during the trial. They were eventually found guilty for, air quote, sedition, and sentenced to 19 months in prison. Despite injustice and the lingering worry about the Chinese government taking over Hong Kongers' human rights, my high note for this week is, she was finally released on Monday before her birthday this week thanks for all you do, fight for freedom

stand with Hong Kong I love it, my name is Hannah I'm originally from Maryland but currently in grad school in Massachusetts, I've been feeling really homesick this week after a really shitty week and listening to

your Maryland show was just such a bright spot, especially when you give love to burger cookies and Old Bay on Fries, because I'm definitely missing that cuisine right now. Yeah, thank you for all that you do and for giving me a little taste of home from far away. Thanks. Bye. Hi, my name is Lindsay, and of home from far away. Thanks. Bye. Hi, my name is Lindsay, and I'm from Charlotte, North Carolina.

My high note this week is that my NICU warrior is going to be turning one years old next week. He is the most incredible little human being I've ever met, and watching him grow, learn, and thrive over this year has been absolutely incredible. I am just so proud of the little man that he is turning into. Thank you so much for being a bright spot in this past year and for all that you are doing. I love you all so much. Bye. Hey, Lippet.

This is Erica from Michigan, and I've been needing to call on this high note for a while, but it's been kind of a work in progress. Within the past year, my wonderful stepdaughter has come out as trans, has graduated from high school, has finally been able to petition the state to change to a name that matches her identity. And she is now in college, and she's 18, and she's excited to vote in the midterms. And she just fucking rules. And I'm so, so proud of her. And I'm truly honored to be able to be part of her life and to be her stepmother.

Thank you for everything that you do. And vote yes on Prop 3 in Michigan. Let's restore Roe in Michigan. Thanks, everybody. You sent in a high note tonight. Shout out to the Philadelphia Museum of Art Union for their contract win. We heard about it

when we were in town and they were marching in the rain. And if you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show.

Thank you so much to Jody Hicks, Ellington Wells, Chris Fleming, and Danny and Lucy DeVito. There are 17 days until the midterm elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend. Thank you all for coming out. Bye. Love It or Leave It is a Cricket Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett. Kendra James is our executive producer.

Brian Semel is our producer. And Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Pallavi Gunalan, and Peter Miller are the writers. Bill Lance is our editor. And Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Caroline Haywood, for creating and running all of our visuals,

which you can't see because this is a podcast. Thank you.