Lovett or Leave It - Holiday Grift Guide

Episode Date: December 17, 2022

Lovett Or Leave cozies up in front of the roaring fire we’ve hurled 2022’s desiccated hull into during this, our last show of 2022. Mike Lindell (James Adomian) stops by with pillows for all the good little boys and girls of the RNC. Jena Friedman and Atsuko Okatsuka pull up a chair to your family’s holiday drama. Elon Musk (James Adomian) tries his hand at stand-up and spoiler alert: the audience is wrong. Lovett provides a personalized gift guy for the right-wing whack jobs in your life, and we end by putting our grateful well-wishes in the Thank Bank. Happy Holidays, everybody, and see you in 2023! For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Good evening, Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else. It is our last show before the holidays, and you guys may say Christmas, but we here at Love It or Leave It say live moss. We've got a great show for you. Otsuko Okotsuka and Jenna Friedman will grace you with advice

for how to get through this holiday season. So start thinking about your problems, all right? Because we're coming to you. Elon Musk and Santa swing by. And so does James Adomian. Plus, Christmas queen Mariah Carey herself is here. No, that's not right. But we're revising our

hot take segment to end the year with kindness and redubbing it, the thank bank. Yeah, that's right. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Tuesday, President Biden signed the Historic Respect

for Marriage Act into law, officially approving federal protection for same-sex marriages in the United States. It was a beautiful moment. A little weird when he leaned over and kissed Ron Klain on the mouth. But a beautiful moment. Once the president signed the bill into law, Lady Gaga's Born This Way started to play across the White House lawn. All right!

I'm here a foreign land It's a long way Born This Way is like a wonderful relic. Because there was a real moment in time where our best argument was, it just comes with the house. And it mattered. It really affected the whole thing.

And now we're like, that's the best we can do? I'm sorry, this is how I come. Meanwhile, a trio of lawmakers led by Marco Rubio has introduced a bipartisan bill seeking to ban TikTok from operating in the United States. You can ban TikTok, but you'll only create a black market for horrifying recipe videos. Marco, if being 40 hasn't removed TikTok from my phone,

I'll be damned if you're going to do it. Try TikTok from my cold, dead, old hands. Marjorie Taylor Greene told an extremist-heavy gala sponsored by the New York Young Republicans Club that had she and Steve Bannon been in charge of the insurrection, it would have been successful. Here's something we can all agree on. If Steve Bannon had personally planned it,

there'd have been a lot more places to sit down. Then January 6th happens, and next thing you know, I organize the whole thing along with Steve Bannon here. And I'm going to tell you something. If Steve Bannon and I had organized that, we would have won. Not to mention, it would have won. Not to mention,

it would have been armed. A couple points. First of all, you're really giving the game away when you say, we would have won. Also, like, we would have won,

she said to Steve Bannon as his face slid off. This is like a pretty convincing way to say that Steve Bannon wasn't involved, but I'd have probably gone with something like, you know how we know Steve Bannon wasn't directly involved in the attack on January 6th? Because no one discovered Bannon's dead body on a Capitol toilet.

Kevin McCarthy's bid to become Speaker of the House is in trouble after a handful of far-right lawmakers, the never-Kevin Republicans, vowed to vote against him. The never-Kevin Republicans are displacing the ones common, we need to talk about Kevin Republicans, like Madison Cawthorn, Blake Masters, and all the others who have kind of school shooter vibes.

Ho ho! Ho ho! Ho ho ho! What is that? Ho ho! Oh no, that couldn't be. Ho ho ho ho! Ho ho! It's ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. What is that? Ho, ho. Oh, no, that couldn't be. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. It's ho, ho, ho. Yeah, oh, wow. Merry Christmas, John.

It's Santa. My goodness, Santa Claus. It's me, Santa Claus, and I'm here with firm, supportive pillows for all the good boys and girls. Wait a second. And if you've been naughty, watch out. I have it on very good authority that there will be arrests at dawn. A storm is coming the world. Wait a second. And if you've been naughty, watch out. I have it on very good authority that there will be arrests at dawn. A storm is coming, John.

Wait a minute. A storm is coming. Wait a minute. Save yourself with a pillow. I don't know. This seems like... This might not be Santa. This might be my pillow guy, Mike Lindell.

Oh, shoot. How'd you know? Which one are you, FBI or CIA? Okay. You gotta tell me or it's entrapment. That's the rule I learned I was playing spend-a-bottle. Relax, Mike. I'm neither. I'm neither.

Mossad. I fucking knew it. He's Mossad. Mike, I'm not Mossad. Look at me. I'm not Mossad. Mike, what are you doing here? And for the love of God, why are you dressed as Santa? Well, I tell you, John, I was trying to get a job

down at the mall where they were talking about the Supreme Court over there last week down at that mall. You know, it's the one with all those kids in the KKK costume. Oh, right. They're trying to talk to Santa. I said to myself, I said, hey now, that sounds like the kind of tykes I wouldn't mind

clambering up on my knee. Right. Not like my sister's kids who won't even respond to my manifestos. Won't respond to them. But I couldn't find the right mall, gosh darn it. I'd been to the Americana, the Galleria, you name it. I'd drive to every mall in town looking for those racist little babies.

And I came up empty, John. Try the Grove? Look, I don't think there's actually a mall full of children in Klan robes. That was a weird hypothetical. I'll tell you there's actually a mall full of children in Klan robes. That was a weird hypothetical. I'll tell you what's a hypothetical. What's hypothetical is Sleepy Brandon, Sleepy Joe Brandon, ordering Twitter down. He takes order on Twitter to take down the pictures of his son Hunter's wiener.

When I know for absolute fact that he's on there looking at pictures of other wieners all day long. That's hypothetical. I think you mean hypocritical, but that made so little sense that we're not really sure. I know what I'm talking about. I took a hypothetical oath. Listen, while I'm here, as you know, John,

I'm running for chair of the Republican National Committee. And it's a good chair. It's sturdy. It's been around for decades. And I sure hope I can count on your vote. Oh, Mike, I'm sorry. I can't on your vote. Oh, Mike, I'm sorry. I can't vote for you. Oh, come on.

Why not? I have so many good ideas. I want to make the RNC headquarters into a big spooky house on a hill like the Magic Castle, but with the whole magic. Magicians are the devil's sexy ambassadors, Sean. Look, I designed a new RNC flag.

It's a skull wearing a cowboy hat. I want to recruit new congressional candidates from the T-shirt stands at state fairs. Those guys are hilarious, John! Those all sound like interesting directions for the party, but I can't vote in this election at all because I'm not an RNC member. Oh, yeah?

Then how come I've spent half a million dollars blanking in the airwaves of campaign ads? You explain that? I'm not sure I can. It does seem like a waste of money, Mike. Look, you've got to vote for me, John. Ronna McDaniel never listens to my ideas. It doesn't matter how neatly I write them all down

on hand-delivered them to her house. All I ever hear back is, Mike, what the fudge? How did you get in here? It's three in the morning. I'm calling the police. She got one of those doorbell cameras, John. I'm freaking screwed. You know what? Fine. You've got my support for whatever that's worth,

which again is nothing. Listen, it doesn't even matter. The voting machines are rigged so bad, the next orange heat chair is going to be Hillary Clinton. Just you watch, John. The undead spirit of Joseph Stalin has dominion voting systems by the balls. Alright, that's enough. Get out of here, my pillow guy. Oh, look, look, look. He's making a list and he's checking it twice and he's gonna find out who's

a deep state pedophile. Oh my goodness. Santa Claus is coming to town and there's vengeance inside of his pillow. Oh, man. Mike Lindell, everybody. What a kook. What a kook.

Thought it was Santa. Turns out it was Mike Lindell. TLC! TLC premiered the trailer for their upcoming reality show, MILF Manor. In the show, eight hot moms are whisked away to an island paradise to find love with men half their age. However, according to the trailer, these unsuspecting MILFs will be confronted by a shocking twist. Here we go.

What the hell? It just got real. Okay. We all feel like we know what it is, right? What the hell? It just got real. Okay. We all feel like we know what it is, right? And it's like chilling us to the fucking bone. Like, it's gonna be their fucking sons, isn't it? There's gonna be eight moms and eight sons.

Right? What else could it be? What else could it fucking be? What are they doing over there? What else could it be?? What are they doing over there? What else could it be? Does anyone have another pitch? Can anyone think of anything that could be a shocking twist that's not a show about eight moms and their eight fucking sons?

Does anyone have anything? They're fucking kids. And I'm telling you, we're going to start a national campaign against straight horniness. You people have gone far enough. This is a 30 Rock joke. That's now real. That show, that was supposed to be a joke.

Things that were too stupid to exist in 2007 are the world we live in now. President Trump, Milt Island. It's all happening. We should just do that going forward. Think of the stupidest fucking parody that you can imagine.

That's our life in 10 years. German police. That's what's next. Are seeking help from the public to locate 60 containers of bull sperm that were stolen from a farm

in the town of Ulfen. Sounds like a job for the special victims. Moon it. Anyway, please be on the lookout for this bull sperm, or as it's more commonly labeled, Arby's sauce.

The famed mountain lion P-22 was captured in a Los Feliz backyard after it attacked two pence on a walk in the neighborhood, and rightly so. We can't have this mountain lion attacking small dogs left and right. Those dogs belong to the coyotes. Originally thought to be a kind of scent gland, scientists have discovered

snakes have two individual clitorises. Clitori? Which explains why scientists have been so bad at fucking snakes. I told you, said the guy they banned from Shark Tank for his line of snake vibrators. The head of a

goofy costume from Disney World Magic Kingdom was sold at auction for $19,000, which was $12,000 more than the original estimate. It might sound like a lot, but that's just the cost of doing business when you're trying to send a message to the goof cartel. As the data nerds continue their autopsy of the November midterms,

they've found that low Republican turnout wasn't to blame for the absence of a red wave. The actual reason was, you guessed it, massive Democratic voter fraud. The final turnout data shows that registered Republicans turned out at a higher rate than Democrats, even in many states where GOP candidates suffered high-profile losses. Candidates like Herschel Walker and Blake Masters lost not because Republican voters failed to show up, but because they showed up and voted for their Democratic opponents while voting for other

Republicans down ballot. Candidate quality is a real issue. You can't order a $5 candidate on Shine and expect it to hold up through a whole election cycle. The problem is clear. As a GOP strategist has simply put it, we really should have released the Trump trading card sooner. Speaking of, here's footage of the deflated Newsmax host relaying this Trump NFT news. That is his major announcement. Many thought it would be political. Many thought it would be about maybe creating a new party. I mean, there was so much speculation on this. But it's not that. It's a digital trading card. I haven't seen this level of disappointment since Emma Thompson

unwrapped that Joni Mitchell CD in Love Actually. Dave Chappelle invited Elon Musk on stage at the end of his Bay Area stand-up show only for the Twitter owner to be loudly booed and jeered by the crowd. Hey, we came here to listen to rants about cancel culture from an out-of-touch millionaire, not an out-of-touch billionaire. Earlier this evening, Twitter suspended the accounts of several high-profile journalists, including some who had written critically about Elon Musk. The suspended accounts included Ryan Mack of the New York Times, Drew Harwell of the Washington Post, and political commentator Keith Olbermann. Listen, Elon can't restore free speech with a bunch of critics yelling at him. He needs peace and quiet. It's also, it's not technically speech when Keith Olbermann does it, and deep down, we all agree. Also banned was Aaron Ruppar, who until today had somehow posted clips from Fox News 24 hours a day, every day of his life.

Aaron Ruppar is part of the complex ecosystem. You take away his clips, and all of a sudden, the resistance moms have nothing to quote tweet. The ripple effects are unpredictable. It's like what happened with the bees. Don't mess with the resistance wine moms. And finally, former House Speaker John Boehner wept at the unveiling of Nancy Pelosi's official portrait at the Capitol, saying this. Been incredibly effective as the leader of your caucus. You know, the younger generation today has a saying, game recognizes game.

You know, the younger generation today has a saying, game recognizes game. As he wept in thanks to Pelosi, Nancy Pelosi replied, God, you're such a pussy. When we come back, some gift ideas for the monsters you're related to. And we're back. Gift-giving season is upon us, and all around the country,

millions of Americans are facing a classic dilemma. What to get for the MAGA chud who has everything? Fortunately, right-wing grifters are transforming into right-wing gifters before our very eyes. Wirecutter was no help with this one, so get out your credit card and or sack of commemorative gold Trump coins. It's time for the first annual Love It or Leave It right-wing holiday gift guide.

You're already sleeping soundly on your pre-stained Rudy Giuliani limited edition pillows. Why not give your feet what your face has? This Christmas, buy yourself a pair of Rudy Giuliani My Pillow Flip Flops, an actual product that

somehow exists. You know what you just realized? You've never thought about Rudy's feet before. But now for only $79.98 of your hard-earned American dollars, which is the actual fucking price, you can reveal the hideous truth of your crusty hooves for the world to see, just like Rudy. If you think his scalp looks like the plot of a david cronenberg movie just wait until you see his toes manufactured by the good people at my pillow unable to re-examine the choices that led to where you are today because it would open a terrifying void at the core of your being that you would do anything to avoid staring into buy these sandals use the code rudy to take home a pair for only $49.98, which is an abomination.

When we come back, holiday drama. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. The holidays. As my therapist said this week, for real, everybody's sad this time of year. It's their busy season.

The holidays are a time to reflect, to be bombarded by a kind of enforced cheeriness that belies the quaking, broken foundation just millimeters below the surface of every street, home, and heart in this frenetic, anxious, aggrieved, armed, and drunk country. And so what happens?

Drama. Specifically, holiday drama. And if you've got some, we've got two fantastic guests to help you through it. Please welcome Otsuko Okatsuka and Jenna Friedman. Hi, it's good to see you. Good to see you. Hi. Hi, how are ya? Hey, it's us, John's therapists.

Hello. Hi. How you doing? We're good. We're just so honored to be the stable, well-adjusted comedians that were asked. To guide you through this treacherous season. Just any questions you have. Look, I think one thing that I've come to learn after spending a fair amount of time in Los Angeles is if you want life advice, the best people to get it from, the most well-adjusted people are comedians. Oh, comedians, comedians, comedians, comedians.

Yeah, they've got it all figured out. Atsuko? Yeah. You have a strong ongoing creative partnership with your grandma. Right. What's the worst holiday drama you've ever had with her? Worst holiday drama with grandma? It's really just like, you know, there's an age difference.

She's 50 years older, you know, just even just getting ready. We get ready at different paces, you know. So it's like, oh, we're just going to Palm Springs, you know, for a couple of days. We could do it. You know, it's a two and a half hour drive, you know, but we'll never make it. You know what I mean? That kind of stuff. Just because it's like, oh, I forgot my phone.

So we drive back, you know. Oh, I forgot to fill the car gas tank. Oh, so now we're stuck. You know what I mean? Stuff like that. It's not all my grandma. It's really a combination of both of our personalities. We can't leave LA.

That's cool. Yeah. What's that movie where they can't leave the party? It's like old. It's like, I want to say, it's very exterminating angel. Jenna. The people love it. That's everyone's favorite movie.

Jenna, how hard should people be going when they're arguing with family members and in-laws about politics? Where's your head on that? Are we going to engage? Are we going to not engage? I mean, I think feel it out. If you like them, then maybe hold back. But if you don't like them, just hit it really hard, you know, and just say whatever you think you want to say. Leave it all out in the field. All of it. Yeah. Definitely talk politics, especially if the food isn't good and you want an excuse to leave. It's the nicest, most polite way of doing it.

This is going to be your first holidays with a baby. It's the holidays? Yeah. No, I do have a baby. That baby is two months and I haven't been sleeping. Yes. Yeah. Hey, for which part?

You don't know it's mine. Why are you clapping? No, I haven't. It is mine. But I could have kidnapped it. We don't know. And, Oscar, you've also had a baby in the form of a special. Wow.

Yes. That segue. My God. It's really good. Thank you. It's really good. It's called The Intruder, and it's really good. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Yeah, it just came out, and it's perfect for the holiday seasons. It's about an intruder that came to our house three times in the same day. So it's kind of like Home Alone. And he hasn't been caught yet. He hasn't been apprehended. So he's still out there, you guys. Yeah, he's still out there. In a way, Santa's an

intruder. Oh, a hundred percent. Has he been cancelled? Yeah. Have we done anything to stop him? No. Everyone loves wearing the hat all these years later. This one's blue because somehow it feels Jewish. Like I don't want to wear the red one.

I want to wear one that says like, it's a Hanukkah twist. You know? I'm not going to comment on that. With the rising tide of anti-Semitism, I don't know. Yeah, but go blue. The blue wave. That feels right with this show.

I agree. Of course, that doesn't resolve all the other completely unresolvable drama that's just vibrating through the chilly December air, so we'd love to open it up to questions from the crowd. Does anyone have any holiday drama? Otsuko and Jenna are going to help you figure out how to handle it. Okay. Hi, what's your name? Hi, my name is Sheridan. I'm so very glad to be here. Big fan. Sheridan. Yes. Like the hotel. Spelled differently, spelled better, but yes,

same pronunciation. Cool. What do you need advice about? Yes, same pronunciation. Cool. What do you need advice about? So I am in my residency for being a doctor, and my partner and I are spending time with my parents for the holidays, but want to, yes, the question would be, how to make his parents feel loved over the holidays, even though we're not going to be seeing them.

Oh, what a nice question. What's your partner do? He's also a doctor. Oh, that's hard because I was going to say, you know, you're going to be a doctor. They really should just do what you want to do. I agree. You know, but both of you. I'm in a better specialty.

Oh, wow. What's your specialty? Family medicine. What's his? Combined medicine and pediatrics. Oh, so he's also treating the future. Yeah, but I deliver babies and he doesn't deliver babies. Oh.

So I'm really treating the future. Do you think maybe you should ask some advice about why you want to put your partner down so much? Is there another? Because it sounds like your two issues are I love my in-laws a ton and I treat my fucking partner like dog shit. He's going to love this. Maybe, yeah, just make sure they don't listen to this show.

And that's how they'll feel love from you. Amazing. Could you surprise them with some elective surgery? In LA, people get the fat out of their cheeks removed. Could you surprise them with some elective surgery? In LA, people get the fat out of their cheeks removed. Could you do that for them?

That's very popular right now on according to a website. I don't know if they're that kind of people, but we could look into it. Or maybe like a tennis elbow thing? Tennis elbow. We could definitely

do a shot for that. Do you know what their love language is? Wow. Good question. Because if it's gifts, then you can give them something. If it's physical touch,

you're out of luck. You could hire somebody. You could hire somebody. You could. Hopefully that person is autonomous. I don't know why my... Well, I do know why my parents always don't. I think they're more like time spent. Time spent.

Which is hard. Where did you go for Thanksgiving? Where did we go? To his parents? No, we stayed. We didn't go anywhere. Well, I don't know what to do. Do they know you very well?

They do. Like, could you hire a body double to just go hang out? Maybe, you know. I don't know how good their vision is. There you go. You don't know a lot about them. Yeah. Are you single?

Recently married, actually. Recently married. Congratulations. People aren't clapping. They're like, well, we heard what else she said. I think call him. All right, thank you, Sheridan. Thank you, Sheridan.

Next year you go there. Next year you go there. But I'm stumped. You should have been there for Thanksgiving. I think it's too late. Yeah, we think you're fucked. Anyone else need advice from over here? Hi, what's your name?

Hi, I'm Janelle. Janelle? Hi, Janelle. Hi, Janelle. And what do you need some advice about? Yeah, so it's less of a problem. It's more so that I am trying to start dating two people. And I want to hear the advice on how to handle

not only the holidays, but beyond. So this is more of an announcement. Yeah. It's a humble brag, yeah. Okay. Do they know? Do they know? No.

Do you not want them to know? I mean, I don't think, I think you're fine. Just do it. Wait, sorry. I don't think either of them listen to this podcast. Yeah. Well, you know, you really...

I would rethink... Well, you should take a third person who does. You'd be surprised, actually. You know, something you'll find is when you say your name and describe your circumstance, you'll hear from people

in your life. It's actually a surprisingly popular podcast. We're no Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, but we do okay. So, Janelle, is your goal ultimately to choose one of these people, or are you doing a Sam Bankman-Fried

polycule? Do you invest with these people? Are you a crypto person? No, I'm not. Are you aiming towards a kind of traditional arrangement of two people in a place? What's your goal here? Neither. Neither? So you just want to take two people off the

fucking playing field for everybody else. That only seems fair. Why stop at two? What about that third person that wants to date you? What about them? The one who listens to this podcast. I like this. I know it's very polarizing.

He's more of the doing the gaslighting thing. You know, she's like, date more, you know. And do these two people know you're going to date them? Sorry, I mean, you do have to ask, right? That's fair. I think one does. The other might not. Okay.

So how's that going to work? Because I just feel like it takes two people. I'm trying to date both of them. Oh, you're trying to date both of them. And so you're, and what was the question? I mean, I think it's cool that you have options. You know, not everyone does. I want to just understand because are you currently dating zero people?

Yes. Okay. So what you're just saying is I'm interested in two people and I've read the secret. They're on your vision board. I was asking for advice on how to navigate it, but you're right. Completely. And you know it's December 15th, right? Or whatever it is.

I've missed cuffing season. Hey, it's whenever you want to make it. I regret asking this question. I would work on your memory. No, no, no. It's not a read. This is serious. When I think about people who are poly and have to give a lot of...

That's two people's diets you have to remember. That's two people's interests. That's a lot of... I would work on energy. I would rest a lot. You know, right? Because you can't... If you're with one person, you can't be getting, oh my god, you're a vegetarian. Oh my god, I was thinking about Sean. You know, you don't want to do that.

I'm serious. That's the advice I would give. It's a lot of emotional labor. That's what I would say as a monogamous person. It's never been in such a lucky position. Such a lucky position that Janelle is not in. But hopes to be in. Right, hopes to be in. Hopes to be in.

She's manifesting. And I just think... Is it like a solicitation to the people in the audience? Yeah. Yes. I'm looking for the third. Is that why you're wearing sparkles? So we can spot you.

All right. Good luck, Janelle. And we wish you all the best. You're crushing it. That's great. Thank you. Wow. Yes. Who else? Oh, I think I see a hand back there. Hi, what's your name?

Hello. My name's Emerson. Emerson. What's going on? So. My name's Emerson. Emerson. What do you, what's going on? So this is actually my first time coming back home for the holidays after my first semester of college. And I was curious on what you might have to say about this. I was curious what advice you might be able to give on how I could avoid talking to my dad about my, my dad asking me questions about my somewhat non-existent love life. You could start telling him about it.

And then he'll probably, I don't know, that's what works with me. Well, he just tries to get more involved than a father should be. Well, let's talk about that for a second, Emerson. So you have a father that cares? Not in a creepy way. So yeah, I actually, like, you've assigned a judgment, and a judgment that's yours to make. What is the level of information you want him to have, and what is the level of information he is seeking?

Well, the thing is, I am totally okay with him having my relationship status, which is single. What I'm not okay with him is constantly me asking questions about current potential, I don't know, candidates that there might be currently in my life. He's just constantly trying to help me out. I don't want the help.

What's his love life like? Oh! Sorry. That is a big can of worms. That's why it's a big can of worms. He's projecting. His dad, yeah. Well, I think I'm just sort of reeling about like,

I've just never heard like, my father's taking an interest in me. What do I do? No, I know. I'm saying he's so supportive. I'm sorry, how stupid of me. He just loves me and wants to make sure I'm loved. Yeah.

I don't know. Well, if you just want to avoid a conversation, I did try this the other day. It's like the Mike Pence method. He did that during, remember, he was with Pelosi. And in a meeting, you just kind of, you close your eyes. And I tried that with someone on the plane recently, and it works.

Just like in the middle of a just a... I know, I think that's... And then the person goes, oh my God. I think that's not for dads. I think that's for bears. Bears? You would get eaten if I think that's for bears. Bears? You would get eaten if you did that to a bear. You think a bear cares you're sleeping or not?

Depends on the bear. What? When would a bear not care? What? Emerson, what do you like talking to your father about? I definitely love talking to him about like certain aspects of maybe like his childhood that maybe like I haven't heard. Like stories, stuff that maybe like I simply just haven't heard about his childhood that maybe I haven't heard. Stories, stuff that maybe

I simply just haven't heard about his life yet. Stuff like that. Does he listen to this podcast? I would highly doubt it. I was like, maybe you could just tell him to. He'll hear your voice and I'll be like, maybe I shouldn't ask my son about... Alright, sorry.

It's not a bad idea. He's going to be like, oh, I'm so sorry I've been asking you all these questions. Did you happen to get Janelle's number? No, I know, but. Emerson, your first semester in college? Yes. What are you studying up there? I'm studying film scoring and music composition for film and television.

Oh, that's your answer. People that like talking about film scores, they can empty a fucking room. Yeah, totally. Amazing. He asks you a question room. Yeah, totally. Amazing. He asks you a question. He asks you a question. And you just say, oh, that's so funny. I was actually talking to a person

I was interested in dating during my film score class. We were talking about Maura Coney. Then just go. Just fucking go. That's pretty good. And I'm telling you, you'll be good. Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah, I love that. Hey. Let's do one more. Hi, what's your name? Steven. What's up, Steven? How are you? Great. What's going on? What's your advice on? Yeah, my brother, he got married back in October. It was in the Bahamas, and we were sworn to secrecy about it.

Hold on. And then you bought a ticket to come to this show to justcy about it. Hold on. And then you bought a ticket to come to this show to just talk about it out loud on air? Okay, what's his name? It's okay. The timeline for the secret

will be over by the time this comes out, thankfully. Okay. So he's having a second wedding that's a disguised engagement party on New Year's Eve. Since I already went to the first one... To a different...

This is a totally different person. Totally. Same person. Same spouse. Really good question. It's the same couple. Thanks for clarifying. Same couple.

This is like their fetish. We're not going back to the polysense. They like just having weddings? Not just having weddings. Yep. So they're going to announce that they're already married at this second wedding. Do we invest in going, because this one's in Tampa, not the Bahamas.

Very different location. No. Do we spend our New Year's Eve going to this wedding? No. Oh, this was an easy one. This was an easy one. You already went to Bahamas? Listen, it's going to be hard to get to, yes?

You lost us at Tampa. I figured. I figured. Question. How many people were at the first Bahamas wedding? 20. Do they call it a wedding that they're inviting everyone to New Year's Eve? No, it's an engagement party where they're going to surprise everyone.

And say that they're already married. But because they're calling it an engagement party, they're not creating... What I appreciate about it, just to play your brother's advocate for a second, is when you say engagement party, you don't feel people are... You're not obligating people to spend their New Year's in a city called Tampa. Exactly. But they didn't obligate people to spend their New Year's in a place called Tampa. You already know they're married. You already know that he sees dead people. You don't need to see it again. Yeah, you just FaceTime in and

go, I knew. I motherfucking knew. Jenna, what do you think? I mean, I'm just trying to put myself in the mindset of like going to an engagement party, hearing that the people are married and being like, oh my God, you know, like I don't it's not exciting. I'm sorry. I'm just like, I'm trying to think

like you're asking if you should spend New Year's pretending to be excited about something. Yeah, it's not exciting. Sorry, I'm just trying to think. You're asking if you should spend New Year's pretending to be excited about something. Yeah, it's asking a lot. It's asking a lot. How do you feel about your brother in other capacities? Love him. Love him to death. Okay, and you want to share in his joy? Sometimes.

And do you have other plans on New Year's? Maybe. Well, that's really what it's up against. It's like if you have a better plan, then do that. If you want to share in your brother's joy again, because he's your brother, then go to Tampa.

I feel as though dreams, babies, and engagement stories have this in common. Yours is always more interesting to you than it is to everybody else. No one cares. Yes. That's why there was no clapping for the baby. If you had to bet right now, are you going to be

in Tampa New Year's Eve? Probably. I think he's going. Yeah. Well, let's role play really quick. Can we just role play? I love a role play. It's a lot of acting you have to do. You have to be, oh my god. Oh, what? You know, I'm going to, right? So let's hear it. Okay, so we're...

We're engaged. We're engaged. Yeah. John is your... Our dad. I'm the dad. Okay. And you're also...

Dad doesn't know that your brother's married already? No, he was in the Bahamas. So everybody knows. So dad also has to act. Who doesn't know? Who at this party doesn't know? There's going to be a hundred people that don't know. Okay.

And that's who they were hiding it from? That feels so different than what you usually would try to have like a getaway wedding from. You're just trying to hide it from like your parents, I feel like, no? I've never heard of that. Yeah, just their friends. Okay. Guess what, you guys? We are married already.

And then they'll be like, okay, well, we're in Tampa, and when does the ball drop in Tampa, I guess? Yeah, that's the main question I have. And is it too cold to jet ski? The answer is yes.

Thanks, everybody, for coming. Sounds like you have really exciting plans. Have fun in Tampa. Just have the best fucking time in Tampa and that is whatever we call this holiday advice yay

with Osco and Jenna thank you to Jenna and Osco check out Jenna's special Lady Killer on Peacock it's fantastic and her series

Indefensible on AMC Plus which is amazing and Osco's special The Intruder is out right now it's piping hot and so good

on HBO Max very funny when we come back it's more from the right wing love it or leave it gift guide Special The Intruder is out right now. It's piping hot and so good on HBO Max. Very funny. When we come back, it's more from the right-wing love it or leave it gift guide. And we're back. Christmas is the season of giving. But does that mean giving to your loved ones

or giving to the needy? This year, why not kill two birds with one stone, a Roger Stone? That's right. This self-proclaimed dirty trickster himself has, why not kill two birds with one stone, a Roger Stone? That's right. This self-proclaimed dirty trickster himself has, and this is a reality we all share, autographed a bunch of rocks and put them up for sale on his actual website, thestonezone.com. Buy them as stocking stuffers for the whole family at $10 a pop. For the more discerning MAGA freak, select the exact sign stone paperweight you want for the rock bottom price of 100 American

dollars. The uses for this autographed chunk of gravel are endless. Use it to keep your stack of printed out Hunter Biden memes neat and tidy. Hurl one through the window of the Capitol. Load your pockets with them and walk into the sea. Finally freeing yourself from the unbearable tyranny of trans people existing.

And keep in mind, these gifts also have a charitable impact. Every signed rock sold raises money for the Roger Stone Legal Defense Fund. Now that's what I'm rocking about. When we come back, Twitter's main character does a tight five. Alright, we have a little surprise for you.

Now, I don't normally do this on this show, but we figured the audience might just flip over it. Our next guest is one of the richest men in the world, but tonight you can forget his achievements, his contributions to the Internet, electric cars, space exploration, and solar technology. Tonight, he's here to entertain. Please welcome stand-up comedian Elon Musk.

Hey, Jonathan. Hey, Jonathan. Hey, Jonathan. I just flew in from Brownsville, Texas, and boy, are my arms tired from banning any accounts that were critical of me or competing with my businesses. Yeah. Yeah.

What's the deal with airplane food? The chef asks your assistant a few days before the flight what you'd like to have laid out when you reach the cruising altitude. And then when you get on, they waste time reminding you of what you requested as if you didn't already know. I'm not an idiot.

Just skip the chitchat and put out the fajitas with low-carb tortillas. Am I right? I mean, I own this airplane. Time for some crowd work. You two in the front row, are you dating? Married? How many kids are you dating? Married?

How many kids do you have? If it's less than 10, you're responsible for the crumbling of civilization. I'm just messing with you guys. The minimum is eight. Fatherhood is so tough. I mean, I couldn't really tell you personally, but I hear it's tough. I'm usually partying in Berlin. Dating's pretty crazy, am I right?

You meet a pretty girl who happens to work on your private airplane. You give her a little peek at your junk. Offer her a horse in exchange for an erotic massage. Everything seems to be going well. Then all of a sudden she shows up with a lawyer. And even after you pay her a huge settlement and make her sign an NDA, it still winds up in the press.

I mean, what's that about? Women be talking. Hey, have you guys ever been in the middle of cashing out a few billion dollars worth of stock and then all of a sudden your computer's like, time for a software update now. So like right in the middle of everything, you have to put your laptop in the trash and send someone out to buy you a new one. This guy knows what I'm talking about. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.

Not screaming and yelling like all the people in his car. Not to mention all of the African workers who died working in his emerald mine. This is good. This is really good. These guys right here are banned from Twitter. Should have laughed. These guys

are shadow banned. Shadow banned. Didn't laugh. Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck. He's also an angel investor in my new startup with Peter Thiel, where we're harvesting young people's blood, so... Trae-le-cool. Oh, my girlfriends call me PayPal. Not because that's my first company.

It's short for I'm not touching your junk unless you PayPal. Why are there jokes in here that are against my sexuality? That person is fired. We'll fire them. We're so sorry. He's already fired. He's already fired. He's fired.

Send him to the desert with the Twitter people I fired. Hey, here's one. 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Dustin Diamond. Now we have no hope, no cash and I'm almost done

spending my apartheid diamonds. I lost you on that. And in addition, I lost you on that. And in addition, I lost you on all of the other ones. Hey, snowflakes. Maybe this will save you from your woke mind virus.

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted by a radical leftist. Does anyone recognize this license plate number? Q-R-6-7-1-4. Just keep going. It's not a part of free speech to tell where people are physically. No, it's...

Okay, fine. No one needs to know that my private plane is parked on the top of this building. Just finish your sentence. I'm going to buy this building and make sure that these people are not allowed back in here again. You can do that. You can do that, but you've got to get through your set. A past Elon, a present Elon, and a future Elon walk

into a bar. It was intense. Until we all started making love to each other, bringing to life my most fervent hopes and dreams. That's right. I'm one of the few humans who's been cybernetically, trans-dimensionally fucking myself into my own existence. So you're welcome.

The comedic stylings of Elon Musk, everybody. It's so good. Wow. What a treat for everybody. Elon, thank you so much. In my defense, like 90% of people Were talking or fighting, they weren't booing me That's right, it was not

You did great, hey, Elon, you did so good It's around the corner That's not the exit, Elon I feel like there's a legitimate laugh that I could get If people liked me enough Wow Stand-up comedian Elon Musk, everybody. Don't go anywhere.

This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. But we have one last gift for the right-wing chud in your life. Alex Jones' financial life might be a smoldering pile of rubble, but you can still buy his InfoWars products on Amazon. Now, John, you might be asking, how could any online marketplace still carry InfoWars products, seeing as how

the science behind them is as fraudulent as Alex Jones' attempts to hide his vast wealth? Because people still want to get snatched and jacked, Henny. Oh, that was tough. Run, don't walk, to Amazon to snatch up the remaining potions and elixirs like Survival Shield X2, Survival Shield X3,

and Silver Bullet Colloidal Silver. But what do they do, John? They do the most important thing of all. Continue to line Alex Jones' pockets as he looks down the barrel of a $1.5 billion judgment for all those lies he spread about Sandy Hook. And isn't that the greatest medicine of all?

He also has a product called Lung Cleanse Plus. Honestly, at this point, knock yourself out. We couldn't stop you if we tried. This is propaganda. This is left-wing propaganda, folks. You can see it right here. Usually it takes at least a day or two for me to clip what you've done and make fun

of it on my show, but I'm doing it live right here in the moment. This is left-wing propaganda, fuckers. This comes from the top. This is George Soros money right here. This is making me, well, you know what? You know who disagrees? I'm gonna do, I can't. It's very hard for me to you know, Rush Limbaugh died, but occasionally his soul inhabits

my body briefly. All you have to do is give Look, you have to give me, normally when normally when I'm giving normally when I'm attacking the left wing in this country, I like to have a fentanyl lollipop. Now, traditionally, those are for people suffering from end-stage pancreatic cancer, but I have one every single morning.

I don't think you went far enough, Rush. I don't think you went far enough. You're a rhino. You're a rhino. You're a Republican of name only. Republican of name only, Rush. Oh, my goodness. We come back to ThinkBank.

And we're back. Now for some housekeeping. Are you a fan of film, TV, and comics? Look no further than Crooked's X-Ray Vision. Join hosts Jason and Rosie as they journey through the zeitgeist of entertainment guided by one-of-a-kind analysis and expert guests. This week, they're covering Willow, both the original movie and the new Disney Plus show.

And next week, X-Ray Vision is diving into the world of Avatar. Hold on to your cape and tune in to X-Ray Vision every Friday wherever you get your podcasts. And now for a segment called the Thank Bank. It's like hot takes, but instead of defending something horrible, we'll have to give thanks for something questionable in honor of the holiday season i've been none the brian and the team they put them together you can get one skip but if you skip you may get

something worse and then you have to do it okay all right let's see what's up first okay i'm thankful for money yeah it buys things that one's an easy one. You can use it to fill the holes in your life, and if you get enough of it, you're happy. And that's the really cool thing about money. So I like to think of life as being like a role-playing game where instead of following the main quest line, you just play the same level over and over and over again until you've built up enough status points.

And then all of a sudden, you're in Skyrim with a beautiful house, but you've never done any of the quests. You've never beat any dragons. Never beat a goddamn dragon. And then you're just overloaded with spoons and you're overweight and you're just kind of walking real slow with a lot of spoons.

Thank you. Wow. Let's see what's next. That was gorgeous. I'm thankful for towns where dancing is forbidden. Are there towns where dancing is forbidden? Footloose. The Footloose where dancing is forbidden? Footloose. The Footloose town, yeah.

The Footloose town. We're talking, that's like, okay. Yeah, I'm glad that town in Footloose exists because it's very not diverse. And so, right, if I recall, it's a bunch of, you know, people who look the same be like, oh, I can't do my two-step or however they, honestly, I haven't

seen the movie, but I feel like they're like, oh, we can't gather and, you know, that's how in a small town, oh my god, it's been 30 seconds. Yeah, so, screw that town. What if Footloose was one of those movies that people shame you for having not seen?

You haven't seen Footloose? Oh, but you've benefited from the soundtrack. How? I don't know what that, Footloose, Footloose, that song. Put on your Sunday shoes. Among others. I don't benefit from that.

I never even turned that on. What am I, you know? What am I? Old school. No, it's 2022. Listen to Beyonce's new album. Let's see what's next. Oh, it's for James.

It says, I'm thankful for Elon Musk, who I want to give so many hugs and kisses. That's right. I love Elon Musk because everybody talks about, like, late capitalism. Like, you see an AdBusters article. Like any Joe on the street, you pick up your AdBusters

with your morning coffee. Or you see, like, Slavoj Zizek melting and blabbering, where he's like, this late capitalism illustrates that even the world itself is essentially, it hinges upon the exploitation, and Elon itself is essentially, it hinges

upon the exploitation, and Elon Musk is just doing it. He's out there, no one understood it, except Zizek and Adbusters, and then Elon Musk is like, I'm here to show you that it's really just this bad and it's dying very quickly. Yeah, he's really opening

a lot of eyes. He's really opening a lot of eyes. It's a very good point. That's a very good point. All right, let's see what's next. I'm thankful. I am thankful for the way America treats mothers because someone has to suffer and it shouldn't be everyone else. And by everyone else, I'm talking to people here

because moms are most likely home caring for their babies because the state doesn't help them do it. So, yeah, I'm totally thankful for the way our country, you know, and it's also, it's like you learn so much in pain, you know. I'm really tired and I'm thankful. Thank you. Yes. That was beautiful.

Yeah. That was beautiful. Perspective. Let's see what's next. I'm thankful for my love it or leave it team and I now say earnest nice things about them. I guess. Ugh, skip.

I'm thankful for the parasocial relationship my fans have with me. Now this one I'll talk about. I love that I get to do this podcast. It's the greatest joy of my life. I feel incredibly blessed that I get to do it. And it is a little bit strange that people listen to it and feel a connection. But I really want to say that I try my best to be as much myself as possible.

So that it's not like a fake thing. I really try to be as open as I can be because I really appreciate that people listen every week. And the one thing we've tried to do with this specific show over the last five years is just be a place where we're kind of honest about how we're feeling, whether we're scared or frustrated or angry. Yes, James?

You're over time. Thanks, James. That was really sweet, John. That was awesome. And I make the show all by myself. That's the thing people don't realize. That to put a show like this together just as one person with all the graphics and editing

and sound and mixing. Hiring actors to be your producers. Every week they come to be your producers on the side. Yeah, they pretend, every week they come and pretend to work on the show. It is, it takes,

to write every joke, to figure out how these mics work, just that alone has been a challenge for me, doing this whole thing alone, week after week after week, staying up late,

editing it. Dragging hot teleprompter screens out in the cold, it's cold outside, the screens are hot,'s got to plug them in i gotta plug the hdmi2 to hdmi2 handshake that's part of it what's next i'm thankful for the pressure kids feel to conform with their peers rather than be themselves i don't know if I even understand that sentence. I'm going to skip and go for the hard one. I'm thankful for my time as a cheerleader.

Surprise! Your girl was a varsity cheerleader. Oh, oh, wow. Does that make her a jock? No. You don't understand. You don't know me, okay? People hear make her a jock? No. You don't understand. You don't know me, okay? People hear I'm a cheerleader, they go, oh, you were a jock.

No. The kind of cheer squad that I was on, it was like the rest of the cheer girls was like, if it weren't for cheer, I would have joined a gang. You know, that's kind of the, that's the girls I was in there with. Yeah, some of them had been shanked before. They taught me a lot of things that I didn't know before. They were my first friends and I'm thankful for that.

Yes, yeah. Thank you. That was so much easier than that other one. That other one was hard. I was like, what was that? That was at Venice High School. Yeah, Venice High School. Me and James both are LA raised people. Nice. Anyway, just name dropping.

Or is that name dropping? Next time you drive down Venice Boulevard and you're in traffic stuck for 13 minutes driving past Venice High School, you think of Otsuka.

Think of me doing a herky and having the time of my life. All right, let's see what's next. I'm thankful for journalists

with conservative agendas masquerading as good faith actors getting exclusive access to certain internal documents yes I am thankful for this journalists masquerading as real journalists I wish the question had gone away it was wordy I needed to read it

let's blow wide open the great twitter scandal and send the documents to Matt Taibbi and Barry Weiss. The fourth estate upheld by Barry Weiss. Matt Taibbi, he's going to find something that's universally important to all Americans.

Was I too angry and not communicative enough? I think you were at the exact right level of both. Well, here's what needs to happen. If Elon Musk is truly wanting to reveal what's been corrupt about Twitter, he should reveal some of the things that are disadvantageous to his own right-wing political opinions. So if Twitter is really that corrupt, then show me that Twitter throttled Occupy Wall Street in 2011 and made sure it never trended, and show me some other things like that.

It wasn't just conservative. It wasn't just conservative. Now, he's going to cut me off because I'm not funny. Let's see what's next. Pass. Pass. Jenna will not be thankful for Samuel Alito.

Let's see what's next. Oh, my goodness. Whoa. You know what? You know what? No, I can't propagate stereotypes. Okay, I am Jewish. Samuel Alito.

I am thankful for Samuel Alito because I'm thankful for anti-Semitism. Because it's you know, it's good for business. No, I'm sorry. See, I have jokes I'm not doing. I can't. But no, I'm not thankful for anti-Semitism. It's actually not good for business. No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't. See, I have jokes I'm not doing. I can't. But no, I'm not thankful for anti-Semitism.

It's actually not good for business. Which is its worst problem. Which is its worst problem. Really. Do you guys know? How about this? Do people know that anti-Semitism is coming back? Because I feel like only Jews on Twitter are talking about it.

We know. Oh, L.A.? Okay. Yeah. L.A. Jews? This is Jews on Twitter. Everyone, that's what the name

of this podcast is going to be. Yeah. It gives us something to talk about other than politics over the holidays, right,

with our families, you know, who are politically divided, but everybody can talk about anti-Semitism, be you pro it or against it. It's a unifying thing. At least it's an icebreaker.

It's an icebreaker. It's an icebreaker. And when Emerson goes home and his father's like, who you fucking? He could be like, I'll tell you what I think is fucked. Anti-Semitism. Yeah. That's good. You really brought it back.

Happy holidays, America. Anti-Semitism's coming back. And it stinks. Can I just say, I've noticed this. It's been a market uptick in anti-Semitism in the last six months, specifically. Very bad. And we're all on Twitter in this room, at least. Not everybody who hears this.

But it's not like if you click to a... Everyone knows this. You click to a Nazi profile on Twitter to block it or whatever. It then recommends three other Nazis to you. And you could keep doing that. And the algorithm will keep doing that until you go, oh my god, it's 2am, I have to stop. They could use the same algorithm

to get rid of the Nazis on Twitter. And when I say Nazis, that means the ones that say, that use code words like 1488 and Noticer and things like this, use the same algorithm that recommends the Nazi accounts to un-recommend them. That's a very simple fix.

They could have done that now under Elon. They could have done that under the previous management too. I think that's a good point. I'd also say, like, whatever technology they use to make sure that if you post a single frame of Top Gun Maverick, your computer burns and walks itself into the ocean. Could probably be applied in some fashion to anti-Semitism.

Could they redirect that technology? Someone needs to copyright it. Yeah, someone. This is, Jenna, this is what we need to do. this is jenna this is what we need to do we have to get a bunch of people together and we have to start copywriting anti-semitism really claim it as our intellectual property jenna think about it the only way out is through yeah you know we're not a cabal right now plotting to take over yeah yeah and And as a non-Jew, I'll be on the sidelines just cheering you on

as you do that because I was a cheerleader in high school. And from our cabal to yours, happy holidays. Happy holidays. Thank you so much

to Jenna, to Azka, and to James. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Hey, Lovett. This is Jeremy from Baltimore. My high note this week is that I lost my wallet on the subway a couple of weeks ago. And today in the mail package arrived

and it was my wallet anonymously, no note, no return address, but it had all my cards in it and all the keepsakes and mementos I kept in there. And that was really the boost I needed this week, just reaffirming humanity's goodness. So that's my high note. Thanks for everything you do. Hi, John. I just want to say thank you for making such an incredible show week to week. I've been listening since the beginning. On the 27th of November, my wife had to have an emergency C-section after being in labor for two days.

And that night was really tough for me. The first night with my son. And I listened to your show and it put a smile on my face and got me kind of hopeful again. So thank you for all the work that you do for making the world and this nation a better place. I love POD. Save everything, world or America,

and the whole crooked enterprise. And of course, love it or leave it. Thanks. Keep up the good work. Hey, love it. I'm Stephanie from Austin, Texas. My high note is something that I've been working at all year. After seeing all the voter suppression laws passed in Texas, I made it my mission to register as many voters as I could in the run-up to the midterms this year. And our county voter registration office, they track who registers people to vote. And today, they came out with the totals for everyone this year. And I registered 252 people to vote. registered 252 people to vote.

It just made my day knowing that even though election results and all the voter suppression tactics can be really disappointing and annoying, you know, I got to take real action this year and it really matters. And of course, I listen to Love to Relieve It every weekend, driving around Texas to various events, registering people. every weekend, driving around Texas, various events, registering people. So thank you for bringing me so much joy and laughter amongst all this really hard work fighting for the rights to vote. So thank you again. Bye. Hi, Lovett, Kendra, and Brian. This is Moose from SeaTac, Washington. For the past six months, I've been providing hospice care to a family member. This care has been brutal, and I have had many sleepless nights listening to the pod.

Now that they've passed, I feel so lost. My husband suggested that I go to the Love It or Leave It live show on 1 December in L.A., and I had a great time. For the first time in months, I belly laughed and got to just be happy without guilt. The highlight for me is 28 minutes in to the pod, Levitt made a joke about morning people that I really enjoyed, but the audience didn't seem to get. If you listen, you can hear my donkey bray of a laugh, which brought the house down. I feel both teased and seen. Thank you for giving me joy. Please take care of yourselves. Thanks to everybody who sent in a high note tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show. Thank you so

much to Otsuka, Akatsuka, Jenna Friedman, and James Adomian. There are zero days until we're on vacation and there are 689 days until the 2024 elections. We'll be back the first week of January. Have a great weekend and happy new year. Before we go, this is our last show of the year. So I just want to take a moment to thank a bunch of people who work on this show week after week. Kendra, Hallie, Brian, Malcolm, Zuri, Nar, Milo, Sarah, Peter, Jossie, Polovey, Steven, Bill. It takes a big team of people to put together what has to be one of the most complicated podcasts week after week after week. And I am so grateful to them. The end of last year, we were doing outdoor shows in a parking lot.

We went to my backyard. We went on tour. We went to Dynasty. And through it all, they did an incredible job making the show work week after week after week. And I couldn't do it without them. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer.

Brian Semel is our producer. And Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer. Hallie Keeper is our executive producer. Brian Semel is our producer. And Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Pallavi Gunalan, and Peter Miller are the writers. Bill Lance is our editor. And Kyle Seglin and Stephen Colon are our audio engineers. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and Caroline Haywood, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast.

And to our digital producers, Nar Melkonian, Zuri Ervin, and Milo Kim, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroot for filming and editing video each week so you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos at