Lovett or Leave It - Hot Dummies 🤝 Anxious Weirdos

Episode Date: July 15, 2023

All aboard a brand-new episode of Lovett or Leave It, setting sail from Los Angeles’s beautiful Dynasty Typewriter theater. A vacationing tourist (Janet Varney) gives us the low down on a festively dystopian new cruise ship. Jared Goldstein helps us pack our bags with the most out-of-pocket celebrity endorsements. Tien Tran joins us for an early bird dinner on the gerontocracy deck, and Emily St. James reviews our on-board entertainment. We close out the show with the one thing you don’t really need on a ship: a wheel. Fortunately, this one is chock full of rants. See you at the sundae bar, if you have any room left! For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast. Want Pod Save America ad-free? Subscribe to Friends of the Pod: crooked.com/friends

Hello, Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. We are back. It is hot as hell. It's July, so back in the closet, queers. Enough of your frivolity. Feel the shame you were taught to feel, and while you feel it, enjoy the great show we have in store for you. Jared Goldstein will try to match the celebrities

with their dystopian products and endorsements. Cien Tran supports the monopoly of cultural capital controlled by old men. A passenger on the new behemoth of a cruise ship, Icon of the Seas, steps foot on land for the first time in a long time. TV critic Emily St. James reviews this show in real time, and Janet Varney joins for the rant wheel. But first, let's get into it. What a week. An unknown group has been sending

flyers to Iowa mailboxes thanking Donald Trump for standing up for LGBTQ rights and calling Trump a transgender trailblazer for letting a trans woman compete in the 2012 Miss Universe pageant. Boy, I hope people don't take these flyers the wrong way, said a Trump ally and the author of the flyer named Don Rosantis as he licked yet another envelope with just a little too much gusto, like too much tongue came out of his mouth. I knew that wasn't going to work. You've got to picture the visual of the tongue you're right about.

Here's the thing. Let me got to picture the visual of the tongue. You're right about it. Here's the thing. Let me just tell you the story of that, which really had the vibe of something that really should have been stuck in the middle of the monologue. I should have started stronger, something that I knew would really catch. But here's my point.

Wrap it up. Here's my point. I really think Ron DeSantis would lick envelopes weird in a way that suggests he hasn't really done it and hasn't had sex. Does that make sense? That's what that was meant to give you? Anyway, whoever's mailing these flyers,

they have their finger on the pulse. Poll after poll has shown that when the average Iowan family sits down at the dinner table, the number one issue on their minds is what the eligibility requirements were for the 2012 Miss Universe competition. In other Trump news, the former president suggested the now infamous bag of cocaine found at the White House

belonged to Biden and his son. Writing on True Social, the cocaine was for use by Hunter and probably Crooked Joe in order to give this total disaster of a president a little life and energy. Think about the person out there reading a story about Donald Trump accusing Joe Biden of doing coke and they know it's their coke.

What does that feel like? You can't come forward. Like you may entertain for like one second, like maybe I should just come clean. I gotta just tell people, but that's a joke. That's something you say to yourself to give yourself the illusion that you'd consider it. You'd never do it. It's stupid. They'll throw the fucking book at you. They got to make an example of the person that leaves Coke at the white house. They can't just roll, pretend it didn't happen. So no, you try to keep it a secret. And there

are really two kinds of people in that situation. The kind that can really tell no one and just like eat the secret. You know, you have friends like that that can just they can eat a secret. Just eat it. And then there's the kind of person that has to tell someone. I would be at a dinner with a friend and I'd be weird

the whole dinner just like quiet. Like not participating enough. And then right when the check came I'd blurt it out. It's my Coke, the White House cocaine. It's mine. Oh, my fucking God. Oh, my God. It's my Coke.

It's my Coke. That's why I've been weird all night. That's why I haven't said anything. I didn't want to tell you that. I knew I was going to tell you. I had to tell you it's my fucking Coke. Anyway, if Trump fucks up and starts calling Biden Cocaine Joe, that's it. We win.

It's great. And then on Thursday, the Secret Service announced that no fingerprints or DNA were found on the bag of Coke. Go, Skokane! Run, Scoob! Janet Yellen twitching, being like, Oh no, we'll never know whose it is. She had a rough couple months.

Wouldn't begrudge her. Dealing with that debt ceiling, trying to find money to keep the government open. She didn't know we were going to make a deal. A little treasury marching powder. Speaking of Biden, a new report citing former and current White House aides claims that the president has been known to swear and lose his temper around the White House,

cursing staffers with statements like, God damn it, how the fuck don't you know this? Don't fucking bullshit me, and get the fuck out of here. I'm not sure why this is a news story. That's just what people on cocaine sound like. The report was short on examples, but cites an anecdote from 2008. A 23-year-old fundraising staffer got into a car with Biden during the Obama campaign and said, OK, Senator, time to do some fundraising calls.

In response, Biden said, get the fuck out of the car. In Biden's defense, this is the normal, biologically healthy response to any 23-year-old trying to tell you what to do. It's a very funny one, because these politicians, they don't like doing the fundraising calls. That's the part of the job they hate. They gotta call, they gotta schmooze, they gotta work in the ass. They don't want to do it. Get out of the fucking car. Meanwhile,

several lawyers involved in cases that have come before the Supreme Court have been caught making direct payments to Clarence Thomas's top eight, according to The Guardian. That sounds so good, but it's much less cool when you get to the details. All the lawyers were former clerks to Thomas. The payments were on a public Venmo. The amounts are not disclosed, and they're labeled CT Christmas Party and seem to be related to a 2019 holiday party Clarence Thomas hosted. So, that was so disappointing.

You hear, like, direct payments? We got him! No, we didn't. I mean, it's still weird. It's still really weird because it's like, oh, this isn't corrupt because all these conservative clerks that go on to argue before the Supreme Court just have an incredibly close personal relationship with one of the justices. Hope they don't talk about the news. And also, with all of Harlan Crowe's money,

he still makes them chip in for Zah. Imagine you go to a Christmas party at Clarence Thomas' house and then somebody there is like, you gotta send like 30 bucks. But I thought they were turning his mother's house into a museum. Where'd the museum money go?

During an interview, the secret love child of Amelia Earhart, George Santos, attacked Mitt Romney and compared himself to, of all people, Rosa Parks. Tells me, a Latino gay man, that I shouldn't sit in the front, that I should be in the back. Well, guess what? Rosa Parks didn't sit in the back and neither am I going to sit in the back.

Two people that won't sit in the back. Look, to be fair, George Santos does have one thing in common with Rosa Parks. He will be going to jail. Speaking of racism, during a CNN interview this week, Senator Tommy Tuberville defended white nationalists, saying the following. My opinion of a white nationalist, if somebody wants to call him white nationalist,

to me is an American. Now, I'm sure you're thinking, what a slip of the tongue. He must be so embarrassed. He must have immediately corrected. He wouldn't say something like that. That's obviously a racist, ridiculous thing to say for a person. Say I'd tell if I'd get caught saying something like that. It must have been a mistake.

Here's what he said in May. We are losing in the military so fast our readiness in terms of recruitment. And why? I can tell you why. Because the Democrats are attacking our military, saying we need to get out the white extremists, the white nationalists, people that don't believe in our agenda.

After an outcry, which almost feels quaint at this point, Tuberville wonked back his statement, telling reporters at the Capitol, white nationalists are racists. Thank you for clearing that up, Senator. What a relief. We fixed him. He's good now.

Meanwhile, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer has called on the FDA to investigate Logan Paul's Prime Energy drink, which has as much caffeine as almost six cans of Coca-Cola. Only for a Diet Coke. And is being accused of targeting kids even though the can says it's not recommended for those under 18.

Hey, Schumer, back off. How else are these kids supposed to make it through a night shift at the slaughterhouse? Also, it's all natural. Paul says the drink is bottled right at the source, a crystal clear stream running straight through oh no, a Japanese suicide forest.

Earlier this week, details on Vladimir Putin's ghost train were leaked by a London-based group backed by Kremlin critic and exiled oil tycoon Mikhail Khodorkovsky. The train has a fully equipped gym, a skincare and massage parlor with anti-aging machines, a Turkish bath, steam room, and a movie theater. All right, cool. Well, our president is 80 and is up in the White House ripping lines off the bones of Abe Lincoln.

So eat shit, Putin. SAG-AFTRA, the Screen Actors Union, called a strike on Thursday after contract negotiations with the studios broke down on Wednesday night. With thousands of actors about to join the picket lines, I'd like to say one thing to the striking writers. You look great out there.

Don't even worry about it. You look fine. I want to see, like, hot dummies handshake anxious weirdos. You know what I mean? Sag after president, a name that makes everyone go, huh, really?

Cool. Fran Drescher went off on the studios at her press conference. How they plead poverty. Poverty. That they're losing money left and right when giving hundreds of millions of dollars

to their CEOs. It is disgusting. Shame on them. They stand on the wrong side of history. Sadly, the studios were only emboldened by the speech as Fran Drescher saying, you're disgusting is David Zaslav's kink. Fran Drescher was so cool in that press conference.

And it's like, there were all these stories in the past week that like she was in Italy, like doing some event for like Dolce & Gabbana or something. And everyone's like, Fran Drescher, what's going on? And then it's also like actors, the industry hinges on actors. Oh no, I don't trust them. You know, just like, I hoperescher, what's going on? And then it's also like, actors, the industry hinges on actors? Oh no, I don't trust them, you know? Just like, I hope they do it.

And then they fucking did it. Good for them. Those sweet hot dummies. Can't wait to see them out there. They're gonna be, they are gonna put on such a performance at these picket lines. Oh my God.

You think the writers doing their selfies was a lot? Just wait until you see the actors out there just making moments left and fucking right. It's going to be unbelievable. It is going to be an Oscar campaign out there every fucking day. Just actor after actor diving for the

fucking Jane Fonda megaphone. Just trying to just Ryan Gosling pushing a second actor out of the way. And it's not just going to be people that are famous now. It's going to be people you haven't seen in a while. They're going to be the thirstiest of them all. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be fucking awesome. I'm going. I'm going to show my support. OJ Simpson said he's going to be out there. That is the only time you will find in your whole fucking life

that you can go on a walk with OJ Simpson and it's cool. Do you understand how crazy that is? You can be out there like, who are you walking with? The cast of Bones and OJ Simpson. And it's cool. Hey, OJ, great to have you out here. Solidarity. Does he still

get naked gun checks? Probably, because that's how it used to work. He's got a house in Brentwood from the naked gun. That's why they're striking. Not that, not for him. The Webb Space Telescope in Cape Canaveral released a stunning photograph this week, witnessing the birth of 50 baby stars in a stellar cloud.

The stars were a kind of magical and translucent pink, which means the Mesa, Arizona couple that arranged the stellar cloud are pleased to announce they're having a girl. A tourist who reportedly carved Ivan plus Haley 23 into the 2,000-year-old Roman Colosseum sent an apology letter to the Italian prosecutor's office stating that he had no idea of the cultural significance of the structure. I don't know you or your life, but we all deserve a person who, at baseline, does not need to be told explicitly by prosecutors after the fact that the Roman Coliseum is culturally significant. Imagine how we'd feel 2,000 years from now and some jerk carves Xenop Hart's Tron into the ruins of the Quicken Loans Arena. Hurts to even think about. Jonah Hill's ex-girlfriend, professional surfer Sarah Brady, went public with a screenshot of a text he sent to her,

where Hill tells her to take down Instagram photos of her in a swimsuit, as well as turn down modeling jobs. Among the texts Hill sent was one that read, if you need surfing with men, boundaryless inappropriate friendships with men, to model, to post photos of yourself in a bathing suit, to post sexual pictures, friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past beyond getting a lunch or coffee, or something respectful. I am not the right partner for you. These are my boundaries for morantic partnership. Honestly, without that last part,

it sounds like an extremely fun ad for Los Angeles. Burger King Thailand announced the Real Cheeseburger, which is a burger that replaces the patty meat with 20 slices of American cheese. Yeah, I'm going for sex tourism, lied somebody who just booked their trip to Thailand. Conservatives spread a new TikTok conspiracy theory, claiming that AMC attempted to sabotage screenings of the new right-wing human trafficking thriller Sound of Freedom by turning off the AC among other nefarious schemes.

Look, obviously I don't agree with the message behind this film, but can you blame these conservatives for being upset? I mean, we come to this place for magic. We come to AMC theaters to laugh, to cry, to care, because we need that, all of us, that indescribable feeling we come to AMC theaters to laugh, to cry, to care, because we need that, all of us, that indescribable feeling we get when the lights begin to dim, and we go somewhere we've never been before, not just entertained, but somehow reborn, together,

dazzling images on a huge silver screen, sound that I can feel. Somehow heartbreak feels good in a place like this. Our heroes feel like the best parts of us, and stories feel perfect and powerful, because here they are. Larry Nassar. Oh, Larry Nassar. That's the next thing? Larry Nassar, former doctor for the U.S. women's gymnastics team and convicted psychopath, was hospitalized after being stabbed in federal prison in an attack that was not caught on prison cameras.

Authorities are saying his unidentified attacker did a round-off half-tuck back double-tansfering out the window and escaped. Stab him again! Yeah, stab him again. And finally, for the first time, an openly trans contestant was crowned Miss Netherlands last weekend and will represent her nation at the Miss Universe pageant. It's so unfair, said an alien whose species does not have gender from a

gaseous home planet roughly the size of Saturn, shrouded in darkness, whose sensory system does not rely on what we call visible light and whose language and culture do not distinguish between individuals and in ways that are hard for us to process seem not to have a conception of the self, let alone social hierarchies. And that lack of a boundary between inside and outside, between the I and the other, a distinction that has stayed with life on earth since the first single-celled organisms, since lipids form balls in the primordial soup, creates what we might reduce to a hive mind, though that seems to betray our own human limitations, the boundaries of our own imagination and cleverness, because these creatures have created wonders across the galaxy driven not by a fear of death

or promise of award, not by ambition, but a higher calling that we could no sooner comprehend than a dog could understand Shakespeare. Nice ta-tas, though, the alien added. Worth it. When we come back, Emily St. James reviews that monologue. Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Please welcome a phenomenal writer and TV critic to the stage, Emily St. James. Hi. Hi, everybody. Thanks for being here. Now, we thought, given that there's not going to be as much TV to write about, perhaps we could, just for fun, you could review the show so far.

For funsies, yeah, I get it. I get it. I give it five stars. Oh, see, that's okay. Out of 26. Shit. Yeah. Shit. Yeah, so backstage in the green room,

I'm sitting with some of the other guests. They've been talking about an episode of the show Alone, which involves a squirrel dying in a snare and then the squirrel's mother coming over and, like, crying audibly. And nobody knows how they set this up because it's a reality show, but, like, I was trying to pay attention to this monologue so i could review it and i kept being like you know what's funny though is squirrel murder i kept being like drawn to that instead

what was your favorite part my favorite part was when you thought of ryan gosling and then you were like i think I know a second actor. In that moment, I really couldn't pull one. I know there's Ryan Gosling and I know there's others. Jeff Bridges. There you go. Ryan Gosling shoving Jeff Bridges out of the way. To get to the microphone. Yeah. I'm bumping you up one star.

You're six stars now. I like that. I like that. Zendaya. Okay. All right. That's three actors. That's three actors. And they're all fighting. And they're all fighting. Zendaya's not fighting for the microphone. Microphones come to Zendaya. And that's the cool thing about being her.

Yeah. It had a structure. I'm not sure if it was... But I could feel you were really trying. And that counts in my book. So that's at least one of those stars. Yeah. What was your least favorite part?

You know, the alien and the ta-tas. That didn't work for you? You think it was too long of a way to go to get to the end? No. Actually, I did like that joke because I like the Simpsons rake gag thing where you step on a dozen rakes and halfway through, you're like, why the fuck is this happening? And then at the end, it becomes funny again.

I feel like you got there with that. One more star, seven stars. Oh, wow. Seven out of 26. Have you seen Mrs. Davis? I have, yes. I loved it. It's very good. It it's excellent it's a wonderful

exploration of ai at a time when maybe we're all thinking about that a little bit what did you love about it let's you be a tv critic i'll listen to you oh well oh that guy was so hot um and then like there's other people in it and And they were great, too. Yeah, yeah. There are definitely a lot of actors in that, and they all have names. Not that you would know. But you know what I liked about Mrs. Davis? I liked a show that somehow manages

to not take itself seriously, but when it counts, takes itself so seriously. Yes, yes. You know? Yes. I mean, it's about AI, but it's also kind of about if we could kill God if we really put our minds to it.

And like every good TV show should be about that. Like that's what, ultimately that's what The Office was about, you might recall. Wow. Being a TV critic is hard.

Emily, thank you so much. Emily will be back to review more segments. Thank you so much. One more time for Emily St. James. Royal Caribbean International recently completed the construction of

Icon of the Seas, the world's biggest cruise ship. The ship is five times bigger and heavier than the Titanic, has 19 floors, and will foster neurovirus outbreaks of which the diarrhea enthusiasts of yesteryear could only dream. It's scheduled to launch in January of 2024,

but it's already in secret beta cruising phase. Here to tell us about the Icon of the Seas experience, it's cruise ship passenger, Wendy Kibble. Oh, oh, oh, oh, Wendy, right this way. Oh, my goodness. I haven't quite got my land legs yet. Okay. Well, you know, come on and sit down. Right here. Please join me. Okay.

Oh, that's better. Okay. Hey, real quick, is there a bucket I can puke into if I get land sick? We don't usually keep a barf bucket on stage, but I'll see if Hallie can loan us hers. Wendy, how long have you been at sea exactly? Oh, hard to say, John. There is no

time on Icon. At least not time as you understand it. There's only buffet. In fact, I turned 5,000 buffets old on the ship, but that must have been, oh gosh, at least 300 buffets ago.

Oh God, the floor is just very, very still. Oh, oh geez. Okay, oh boy. You okay? I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. Anyway, time. John, it's just so hard to tell. You know, babies are born, of course,

but they're restricted to baby deck until they're old enough for the margarita shoot. That's this water slide where instead of water, it's margaritas. It's margaritas, and that's fun. That's fun for, it's a good time. Is it fun? I don't know, John.

Are yeast infections fun? I'm genuinely asking. My fun receptors are blown the fuck out. I don't know how to recognize it by myself anymore. Everything on the ship is either fun or buffet, but a smile facilitator is always there to tell us which is which. And that's what they call the

crew members. What are you, John? Are you buffet? What? No, I'm a guy. Is that a buffet? That's a piano. Maybe I should just taste it. Well, hold on. Don't taste it, Wendy. Let's back up. How did you wind up on the world's biggest cruise ship in the first place?

Well, I was engaged to marry a very rich man. He booked us the Emerald State Room. That's one of the nicest state rooms on the ship, John. The towels are folded into the shape of Pedro Pascal. It also has its own buffet to tide you over until you get to buffet deck A. That is, and I genuinely mean this, the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Oh, I thought so too. Oh, but it turned out we were really just different people. You know, he was happy to spend our cruise drifting between buffet deck A and Lido deck three,

like some sort of tourist. But I wanted to see the world. Buffet deck B, Lido Deck 3, like some sort of tourist. But I wanted to see the world. Buffet Deck B, Lido Deck 4, Buffet Deck G, Buffet Deck J, the Blue Man Group, and Buffet Deck X. Now, that's the sexy buffet where they have chocolate-dipped strawberries and a pamphlet that reminds you what sex is. Anyhoo, I was just wandering around the ship alone, and that's how I got lost and wound up in the Smile Facilitator undercity. Do you mean the crew area? That's what they call it. Oh, it was so dark down there, John. You can't imagine the conditions that the Smile Facilitators are living in. I mean, the cramped rooms, the stale air,

the fruit bladders that are like 90% honeydew. And their towels, John. The towels. Oh, God, it's so fucked up. The towels were towel-shaped. All right, we get it. I kind of disease as Snowpiercer. What?

No, not at all. No, that was a train and it was cold. This is a boat. Warm. Right. I just mean the whole thing

is a metaphor for wealth inequality. The over-the-top decadence and consumption only possible because of a tired and toiling lower class side-by-side

and a closed-earth ecosystem. So Snowpiercer. Oh, I'm sorry, John. You just got it all wrong. It's completely different. Again, Icon of the Seas is a ship. But as I was saying, it was super depressing down there

and I never would have gone back if I hadn't met Lucas. Wait, who's Lucas? Oh, just a 22-year-old recent NYU graduate Who dances in hairspray in the captain's theater Six nights a week and the love of my life Oh, Wendy, no Oh, how he opened my eyes, John

Oh, he reminded me that life is more than just omelet stations And bottomless shrimp cocktail and the pit instead of where there's plastic balls. You know, it's filled with macaron. And there's a whole staff of bakers whose whole task, 24 hours a day, is just to constantly refill the pit of macaron. And if the macaron ever fall below a certain level,

one of the bakers gets, well, the baker gets, and I don't know what this means, Klinghoffered. I don't. If you do know what it means, it's terrible. Okay, I'll take your word for it, John. No, Lucas taught me that life is about feelings and taking risks and getting hungry before eating again and exploring each other's bodies amongst industrial barrels of margarita mix

where mere feet away, a crowd of drunk smile facilitators were betting on the goals. Now that's when they catch two seagulls and give them each a knife. For sure. That sounds hot, I guess. I felt like a new woman, John. You know, but it wasn't all barrel sex and illegal gambling. Lucas and I felt the weight of our responsibility. Because of your fiancé.

What? No! Who gives a shit about that bitch? This ship is so big you could go a lifetime without running into someone. And maybe I have! I don't know what year it is. And that's what Lucas and I realized. We couldn't ever let the ship come to shore. The passengers were no longer equipped for life on land,

and we obviously couldn't let the Icon's lifestyle infect the Earthwalkers. Oh, also, everyone on board had crazy diarrhea. Okay, I was afraid to ask, but thank you for confirming that. You know, I was a teacher back on land before all this. Third graders, sweetie pies. But now look at me, the leader of a ragtag group of rebels, some crew, some passengers, drenched in sweat and blood, fighting deck to deck to build a new society.

But the invasion of the Fiesta deck is a diversion, John. Our Operation Fortitude. Oh, but I don't know. I don't know if we can actually go through with it. Wendy, go through with what? John? Yeah? Lucas took me to a

small room, deep in the bowels of the ship. Oh, God, I should not have said bowels. I still have diarrhea. No, it's like when someone mentions a buffet and your mouth waters a little bit. Anyway, through the heat of the boilers, through the cold of the endless beef lockers, there is a small room,

and in that room is a single button, a button, John, that would summon the orcas. Wendy. Wendy, no. What does it mean to be fulfilled? How many water slides does it take to find meaning in this life? How many crab legs will I have to eat before I can imagine having children of my own? I have to eat before I can imagine having children of my own. Why do we think more of what makes us miserable will make us happy?

And why did Lucas tell me I would love his roommate slash ex-boyfriend? Did you press the button, Wendy? Did you summon the orcas? I've said too much already, John. I should go. Wendy. But Wendy, did you summon the orcas? I've said too much already, John. I should go. Wendy, but Wendy, did you press the button? Oh God, I'm going to need two buckets, one for each end. I'm going to need three buckets.

Don't ask. Wendy Kibble, everybody. Guys, give it up for Janet Barney. Thank you so much, Janet. Listen to her podcast, JV Club Podcast, and we love Janet, and you can check out whatever she does, I'm sure. And we're back. This week, Chuck Schumer asked the FDA to investigate Prime,

the energy drink created by YouTuber Logan Paul, over concerns that the ultra-caffeinated version of the drink named Prime Energy could prove dangerous to young consumers. That makes sense as the beverage contains caffeine levels equivalent to about six cans of Coca-Cola. After my staff rudely refused to fetch me a can of her concerns that I would, in their words, die during the show, I instead invited one of our most famous and most available for endorsements guests to join me tonight to discuss it.

Welcome to the stage, friend of the show, Jared Goldstein. He's back. And he's walking. Wow, what a walk. Okay. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Come on in. I like the thing that you're in. Oh, thank you for liking the thing that I'm in Which for legal reasons Cannot be discussed At this time We're not talking about it But But if you've seen it

Not encouraging Or discouraging Of any kind No We wouldn't do that It's gonna be a weird Couple months Yeah

Yeah Truly Did you see that OJ Simpson's Gonna join the picket line I saw that Don't you wanna know where Don't you wanna know what gate Do you know which one it is?

No, I want to know what gate. I mean, he's a, you know, it's like, it's like, but it's not like, I mean, here's the thing. He's not going to murder at fucking Barnum, you know? He's not going to, he's not, he's going to stop. I mean, I mean, I guess he'll probably respect the traffic laws and what? I was just saying he famously doesn't respect traffic laws. Oh, that's right.

I just mean as a pedestrian during the strike, at some of the gates you walk in a circle, but the saddest gate is the one where you cross, then press the button, wait for the little man, cross, press the button. You don't even get your fucking steps in at that gate. Yep, just a circle. What in your mind is the most insane

celebrity endorsement of all time? For my money, it's Bob Dylan doing a Victoria's Secret commercial. Do you remember that? No. Yeah, he did a Victoria's Secret commercial. Who was that for? Who's like, ah, sexy, yeah, cool. Someone, right? Slam.

You got slammed. You got slammed. I got slammed. Wait, can I answer that question, though? Yeah. I think about this for all hair dyes. At-home hair dyes, when there's a celebrity endorsing it, whether it's a Jennifer Garner or Selena Gomez or whoever, because you know, we all know,

that when these women want to dye their hair, they're not going to CVS. And then going home, and then putting the gloves on, they got a towel over their tits like my mom would do it. And then it's not happening. So I don't know why that celebrity endorsement even exists, because I think it's insulting to the consumer.

We know, we know, we know that they're not using it. So stop. My mom should be the face of Garnier. She uses it. Yes, and she looks great. Do you know what I'm saying? Of course I know what you're saying. At least you could think,

okay, maybe Logan Paul drinks that drink. That probably happens. Or maybe whoever bought that car. But it's like, you know they're not using that hair product. I don't think Brie Larson drives a Nissan. She might have one. I bet you she has one

and it's like her vacation car. Yeah, maybe they gave her a Nissan. Yeah. But like, you're in Marvel movies. Yeah. I mean, maybe they gave her a Nissan. Yeah. But like, you're in Marvel movies. Yeah. I mean, maybe it's great. You know, she seems down to earth.

I think she might like a Nissan. Here's my dream car is like a tricked out Kia Rio. That's what I want. I want like a 2024 Kia Rio, heated seats, like just with every amenity possible. But it's like reasonably priced. Like I'm not getting a ton of attention for it, but I still feel really good in it. And I saved a bunch and I'm still enjoying, you know, the vibrating seats or whatever. And Kia's paying you, not paying you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think it's named Rio because it evokes Mardi Gras so powerfully? You know, I really wonder. I wonder why anything is named anything. It doesn't have to be called a Rio. Rio is, I think it's Spanish for river? Yes. It's Spanish for river.

The car doesn't look like a river. I think they just, there's a ring to it, Kia Rio. Everyone say it. Kia Rio. It's fun to say. Kia Rio. They're not paying us a dime for this. This sucks.

Everybody say it together. Kia Rio. Yeah. If Kia gets a bump in sales, there's some story about it. We've got to get in contact with the Kia people. We don't have a car. Jared. John.

It's important to know your competition. Yes. Which is why we're going to put your knowledge to the test in a game we're calling Celebrity Match Game. Wait, can I just say, I'm not kidding at all, the one that I know is Bob Dylan Victoria's Secret. Well, yeah, that's because we were supposed to. Because I was going, someone told me that once. First up, yep, we got that one.

We'll take it, we'll take it. First up, red wine designed to be served with ice cubes. Oh. To give you a hint, the name of the wine is the last name of this celebrity. I feel like it's Diane Keaton. Is that right? Yes. It's Diane Keaton.

I'm so stupid that I thought the hint meant that it was a wine from Ice Cube, and then I couldn't find him on the list of celebrities. Because you said the hint is in the name of this wine, and so I thought, oh, Ice Cube's in the wine. Ice Cube probably did it. As like a fun little name saying. You're overthinking.

I'm just going with my heart. Yeah. Follow your heart. Why is it wrong to put ice cubes in wine? I don't... Because you should just put it in the fridge and wait, right? I guess that's the real answer. But I guess if you do

have bad wine... Do you ever put a little ice or water in bad wine to just kind of even it out? Ice, yes. Right? It doesn't fully work. It does not fully work. Next up, edible cosmetics. Per the brand's original press release, dessert girls are full of sweetness and desire,

and they don't mind getting their hair a little messed up in the name of seduction. Sexy girls want a taste. This is like that movie Slumdog Millionaire, where I'm not supposed to know any of these answers, but because of my rich, full life on Long Island, I know that Jessica Simpson has edible makeup. Yes.

I used to use Ken Pavis blow-dry hair protectant, and all I ever wanted was the hairdo clip-in extensions. Is it that the makeup is edible like you just get a little or can you just like have it as a snack? I don't know that it was fully makeup. It was more like cream for your body so it was like sexual like you could eat the cream

and that's sex. And that's what sex famously is. Alright we got Bob Dylan already. Next up we have the Nintendo DS. This celebrity dressed up as Mario and played against their sister in a TV spot for the handheld game console. Dressed up?

Are you whispering that because you know? It can't be Machine Gun Kelly. It's a DS. That's like an old game, right? It's got to be like an older celebrity. It just would be so surprising. That's like an old game, right? It's gotta be like an older celebrity. It's not Mikhail Gorbachev, isn't it? It just would be so surprising. I have like a weird... Oh, no, no, no. I know it's not that. What if it's Mikhail

Gorbachev? How could that possibly be? It's gotta be... Is it actually OJ? The Nintendo DS? That's too late. He was already in the news by then, you know? Too late? What do you mean? Well, I think the Nintendo DS. That's too late. He was already in the news by then. Too late?

What do you mean? Well, I think the Nintendo DS came after the whole thing. Oh. You know, when he stopped being the naked gun person. I really wanted to get all these. I still can. I still can. Believe in me. I still can get these all right.

So, you know what? Let's come back to it. Yeah, maybe we come back. Let's come back to it. Hertz Rent-A-Car. The slogan for this celebrity's commercial was, the superstar in a rent-a-car, and featured them running through the airport

to a Hertz-themed parody of Carly Simon's Nobody Does It Better, which was, of course, the theme song for the Bond movie, The Spy Who Loved Me, and is, according to the head writer, Hallie, the best Bond theme song. Okay.

Hallie's music taste aside, I know this one. You do? I do. I do know this one. All right, well, take it away. It was, that was Oj simpson's

famous ad him running through the airport jumping over things hurts man okay all right look we haven't gotten one wrong yet that's impressive wind chimes this celebrity's wind chime business blew up when they were featured on an episode of real housewives of beverly hills i know this one too i know this one i know it praise them as the this one. Dorit praised them as the chicest wind chimes she had ever seen. Is it? It's Jamie Lee Curtis. Yeah, it's Jamie Lee Curtis. Yeah, it's Jamie Lee Curtis.

Jamie Lee Curtis. Her wind chime business. Next up, we have high protein pudding. This celebrity discussed said pudding in a 2005 interview with Larry King, saying, and I quote, so I thought, why don't I try something like pudding? And I go, pudding? I mean, kind of kooky, pudding, whatever, so I thought, why don't I try something like pudding? And I go pudding. I mean, kind of kooky pudding, whatever.

Then I thought, yes, pudding that hasn't been around for a while. So a guy started working on it. I feel like it's Sylvester Stallone, but I don't, I don't feel 100% sure. 2005. It's not Machine Gun Kelly. I think it's either Sylvester Stallone or Penelope Cruz. I feel like Penelope Cruz did something really kooky and I, it's either Sylvester Stallone or Penelope Cruz. I feel like Penelope Cruz did something really kooky and

it's on the tip of my tongue and it's not protein pudding. Yeah, so you want to say Sylvester Stallone? I think we should do it. I think we should go for it. Should we go? Do you guys think we should go for it? No. No? What? Skip. Alright, we're here to skip. We're coming back to it. Vegan nail

polish. Colors include lobotomy, depressionist, 25. Skip, all right. We're here to skip. We're coming back to it. Vegan nail polish. Colors include lobotomy, depressionist, 25 to life, and twin flame. Oh, okay. Now this does sound like Machine Gun Kelly. That sounds like Machine Gun Kelly. Said this person's partner about the color twin flame. Instead of a soulmate, a twin flame is actually where a soul has ascended to a high enough level that it can be split into two different bodies at the same time. God, that is Machine Gun Kelly.

Machine Gun Kelly. Yes! Okay, okay, we're doing it. We're doing it. Next up, we have Pizza Hut. This celebrity had a clause in his contract that he would not eat pizza in the commercial. When asked why they would do this ad, the celebrity said simply, pizza is for everyone. Ooh. They think it's Gorbachev.

Who's Gorbachev? 100%. Gorbachev did a pizza commercial? Man. Next up, we have a branded casket. That's probably Kiss, right? Okay. Guys, we're so close.

We're so close. All right. What do we have left? We've got protein pudding and the Nintendo DS. And our options are we've got Penelope Cruz, Mikhail Gorbachev, and Sylvester Stallone. Again, Nintendo DS,

Pudding, and Pizza Hut. Honestly, wow. That's a Friday night. I think Penelope Cruz was the Nintendo DS, and I think that's why I remember it. Yeah, because she was in a little costume, and it was kind of cute. Wait. No, I remember her just being really hot and being like, she doesn't play that. But I'm pretty sure it's her.

Well, it's not Mikhail Gorbachev. And Sylvester Stallone, does Sylvester Stallone have a sister? He has a mother, right? His mother was in the movies. So we think Sylvester Stallone's making pudding in 2005? Okay. That one could swap. I'm not sure.

But I do feel like we should Penelope Cruz, Game Boy. Done. Let's do it. Call it in. Yes! Yes! I remember it. She was hot,

and she was Mario. Oh, wow. I remember it. I remember it. Okay. That's cool. All right. So, clearly,

Sylvester Stallone must be the pudding. Did you think we would get even this close? Mikhail Gorbachev didn't go on Larry King in 2005 and say, I have an idea for pudding. That can't be the pudding. Did you think we would get even this close? Mikhail Gorbachev didn't go on Larry King in 2005 and say, I have an idea for pudding. That can't be it. Yes.

So let's call it Stallone pudding. Pudding, it's about you. Yeah, protein pudding. That makes sense. Protein, right, because he famously did the fighting. Yeah. All right. Punch, punch, punch. I lost,. Ooh. All right. Punch, punch, punch.

I lost, but morally. All right. The final one, Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut goes to Mikhail Gorbachev. Wow. We did it, Jared. We did it. We did it.

Jared Goldstein, everybody. We come back. Thank you. Emily's going, everybody. We come back. Thank you. Emily's going to tell us how it went. And we're back. Returning to review our previous two segments, please welcome Emily St. James. Welcome back.

Hello. What'd you think? This is not actually the first time that I've reviewed a project of yours before. Let me set the scene for you. It's the early 2010s, NBC's in dire straits. They're like, we need to put some stuff on the air. They pick up a show called 1600 Penn

from some plucky young upstarts, including one, Sean Lovett. I just went back and read the review of that at the AV Club where I used to work. Listen, now if I remember correctly, it was great. It was a C+, which is high. What did you like about it?

Well, I was digging through the AV Club 1600 Pen archives while we were listening to the show, and I discovered this is true. In 2013, a Cleveland-area NBC affiliate replaced 1600 Pen and The Office for a Night with a Matlock rerun called Matlock the Return, and Matlock actually outperformed those shows in that. And I do like, listen, this is a podcast,

so you can't switch over to Matlock. But if you've had the feeling that you should, I get it. I want you to know something. It didn't even occur to me to go back and see what you thought of 1600 Penn, but I'm sure your thoughts were wise, and had we been offered more episodes,

I'm sure they would have come into account to help us make it an even better show that perhaps people would have watched. The challenge with 1600 Penn is that it was not a critical darling or a commercial success, but for those two elements... I mean, we've all been.

I'll tell you, though, you know what gave us a great review? Hollywood Reporter. That's how I knew your review wasn't going to be good because we got the one great review from the Hollywood Reporter and we all sent it around. We're like, see, he gets it.

He gets what we're trying to do. I will say this. I watched the whole run of the show and I did feel like toward the end it had kind of figured out where it was going. But of course by then you know people were watching matlock instead so yeah no it was tough because also in boynton beach florida they did do infomercials instead of airing 1600 pen which was deeply upsetting to my mother who thought the tv was broken um at the time she's like it's not the cable box it's not showing up i can't get it here the weird thing about that is it aired in this moment where it was like in between when they thought tv could

maybe be like it was and when they accepted that it would never be had we aired a year later it would have just been like this is a hit keep it on forever you know what i mean we would have like made it but they were still like no no no take it off the air we got to try a show where a doctor is mr hyde you. Remember that show? Dr. Facehands. Dr. Facehands. Technically called Do No Evil, but the thing was a guy with the... Remember the guy with the hands?

Do No Harm. Do No Harm, yeah. Dr. Facehands. Do you remember Dr. Facehands? No. Well, they pulled 1600 Penn down for one night to air Dr. Facehands, and it had a... Do you remember what its great historic record was?

No, I don't. It was the lowest performing launch of a drama in the history of NBC. My only memory of Dr. Facehands, which I think I watched the one episode of, was Lin-Manuel Miranda was in that show, and he took it so he could go to Philadelphia to write Hamilton, so he had the money,

and he came up to me at a party, the NBC party at TCA, the Television Critics Association press tour, and he just looked at me and he was like, Dr. Facehands, and I was like, yes, you are in Dr. Facehands. Thank you, Lin-Manuel Miranda. So I'm gonna say five stars again.

Thank you. Emily, you're... Listen, I wanna say that last segment, Celebrity Whatever. Celebrity Match Game. I thought it was deeply profound. I thought that it was about you and Jared attempting to

grasp what rules are, what answers are, and I was like, this is beautiful. This is existential. Exactly. It's asking the big questions. I'm adding two more stars. We're up to eight. This is existential. What is a game? Exactly. It's asking the big questions. I'm adding two more stars. We're up to eight. It's nine.

We're up to nine out of 26. Now, we also have an exciting announcement. Hi. Which is this. We've come a long way since we were on the opposite sides of the critical spectrum because now we're kind of teaming up. Yes, exactly. Now we're uniting forces. Yes, absolutely. And gettinging up. Yes. Yeah. Now we're uniting forces. Yes.

Absolutely. And getting past our historic differences. Yeah. Almost like what happened in Ireland. We should take a giant photo of us shaking hands. Like just put it in the newspaper. Just be like, and people will be like,

yes, this is important. We get what this is about. Um, but you have an amazing project that you're going to work on with crooked media reads, which is our new book in print. Yes.

Can you tell people about it? It is a novel called Woodworking. It is coming out in January 2025. It is about a trans woman in South Dakota who is a high school teacher who sort of strikes up a weird friendship with the only other trans woman she knows, one of her high school students. And then this is all sort of against the backdrop of the 2016 election. The teacher embarks on an ill-informed affair with her ex-wife. And the student starts sleeping with the son of the town's local conservative columnist. Yeah, it's cool. People are are gonna really love it so we're

really excited about that it'll probably be as good or better than 1600 pen right listen if the av club gives woodworking a b minus i'll be like yeah what if i come out of the woodwork and i write a review okay i'd love that what if it's just beneath the 1600 Pen Review? A comment. All the comments on the AV Club are gone, so people will stumble upon the 1600 Pen Review and just see one comment. That's just like a lengthy review of an unrelated novel. What's happened to the AV Club since you were there? Is it owned by that same company

that now does that Saudi golf tournament or something? It is. It's owned by GO Media, who the Writers Guild of America East is pushing back against their use of AI to create stories on sites like the AV Club, which was they had something called the AV Club bot make a thing that was like the big hit movies of 2003. And it literally was just a list. It was literally just like Finding Nemo. And then it said how much money Finding Nemo had made. And they were like, look, we solved content. We did it. That's what's happened to the AV Club. It's just great.

I'm not feeling bad about it at all. Five stars. Five. No, listen, I'm giving the AV Club, I'm giving the AV Club bot three stars. Wow. Three stars. You finished the extended pen,

you made it all the way to the end. I did. It got better. We figured it out. Do you like the cruise ship sketch? Listen, Janet Varney, when she tripped over the thing, it was great. Perfectly executed bit.

Perfectly executed pratfall. Great. Emily St. James, everybody. We'll be right back. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. New York says get rich.

Hollywood says stay young. But these days, the only way to stay rich is to get old. The people are screaming for Hollywood's hottest grandpas to leap off our tallest skyscrapers and romance our younger, but still slightly less inappropriately so than in the past, grandmothers. And it's not just the movies. DC is a who's who of who still uses a physical alarm clock.

Here to discuss the silver on the silver screen and the white in the White House, it's someone who gets younger every day. It's the incredible Tian Tran. Hi. Come on out. Who's your favorite old man? Wow, what a question.

Of all the old men, I think Harrison Ford. I think he's my favorite. I love the Indiana Jones movies. Yeah, me too. I haven't seen the new one yet. I like the Indiana Jones movies. Yeah, me too. I haven't seen the new one yet. I like the new one. Okay, should I go see it?

You should. Should we go see it in theaters? Yes. Okay, great. But we didn't work on the project. We're just fans. I also rode the Indiana Jones ride recently and got stuck right at the part

where he's kind of just dangling. Sorry to spoil the ride for you. He's kind of dangling right before you drop. And we were there for like five minutes so it kind of made me really love him even more. There's the Indiana Jones ride here at Disneyland, but

in Florida, a place I've recently been, they have the same They have the exact same ride at Animal Kingdom but there it's themed after the movie Dinosaur, which is not Jurassic Park. And the whole ride is basically like, come on

everybody, to not Jurassic Park. Well, we're going to ride in a not Jeep and use not genetic technology to fight a not raptor and a not Tyrannosaurus and you're like it's never good it was never peaceful it's bad from the jump like but there is no like it's kind of good and then you veer off it's like it's bad from the beginning it's the same exact ride but just with dinosaurs same exact everything but the anna jones one is better the other thing that

is very funny about animal kingdom is presumably the idea of it was like, this is going to be a place that celebrates real animals in the real world. But then clearly something went wrong. They're like, fuck it. It's an avatar thing now. Is it really? Yes. And so now you go to Animal Kingdom and then they're like, come on over to Pandora. And it's like, you have actual fucking rhinos here.

There's no line to see them. The line is all about going to meet the Navi. And it's like, this is why we're not going to have icebergs. You know what I mean? No, that's exactly why.

Because the rhinos aren't being seen anymore. But don't you think it's wild? Do you think it's possible? I only just got that. Do you think it's wild? Do you think it's possible? I only just got that. Do you think it's possible for any young social media stars to break through? Or are we just going to live off the old stars? I feel like they will break through, but not in an action movie sort of way.

Could you see a Timothee Chalamet jumping off a building? Am I alone in thinking that I don't kind of want to see him do that? He seems so emotionally, like, fragile and, like, good. Like, I don't want to see him, like, punch something. You know what he could do? He could do, like, a... Okay, so everyone wants to see Timothee Chalamet. Sorry to be completely alone.

He could be, like, you know what he could do? Sorry you're excited for Wonka. No. And we're all excited for Wonka. Finally, the story of how that happened. I know. Because when I saw the Gene Wilder version all those years ago, I thought,

God, what an interesting and mysterious figure. I hope that at some point this gets completely demystified. Yes. I hope every facet of this becomes explained in a future movie. Every choice that some crew and production and director made. Yes. Like just some.

So I like to have all of this sort of laid bare. Yes. Like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Willy Wonka. Wonka. It's the Willys. Like. Yeah.

And I definitely think we should like keep exploring the concept of Oompa Loompas and take it more and more seriously. 100%. 100%. And not unpack it. Just keep going in the wrong direction. I would like to see Timothee Chalamet. You know how Die Hard, it was all about how he wasn't like Sylvester Stallone or Arnold Schwarzenegger. He was more of a normal guy.

We should have a soft boy diehard. And it's just like Timothee Chalamet doing diehard stuff. Unpacking it emotionally. Just kind of going through it in real time. Like he's going through it and then there's a therapist there with him. Yeah. I think that'd be great. He calls his therapist.

He calls his therapist. I just punched a man. Why'd I do that'd be great. He calls his therapist. He calls his therapist. I just punched a man. Why'd I do that? I don't feel present. I don't feel present. Listen, you have pent up anger about your dad and you're taking it out on this man. Now I'm going to quiz you.

Great. On? Because I've seen a lot of these action movies for sure. I don't know if you've lately dozed off with a Werther's Original tucked into your cheek. But if you have, you're ready for this game. Oh, God, okay. Because it's time to play

Yes Country for Old Men. Yes. Here's how it works. This is a lesbian dream right now. Yeah, yep. Are you ready? I'm so ready. In the year 2000, Harrison Ford,

who's star of the new film Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, appeared on Conan O'Brien, where the late night host made this joke about the franchise. Yeah, people will never get tired of that genre. You could do it for, I mean, you could, when you're 80, you could do ones where they just bring the treasures to you. And you're 80, you could do ones where they just bring the treasures to you.

How old do you think Harrison Ford is today? Oh, man. 71? Harrison Ford is 81 as of today. Oh, my God. Thursday, July 13th is his literal birthday. Oh my, happy birthday. Which means he is 80 in Dial of Destiny.

Oh my God. And they don't even bring the treasures to him. 81, that's crazy. As a bonus, what movie was Harrison Ford promoting in the year 2000? 2000. I'll give you a hint. Okay. His co-star was Michelle Pfeiffer. As a bonus, what movie was Harrison Ford promoting in the year 2000? 2000. I'll give you a hint.

Okay. His co-star was Michelle Pfeiffer. I'll give you another hint. Okay, yeah, give me another hint. That is not going to help. Pfeiffer. It was a movie that only existed because I think Zemeckis needed something to do when Tom Hanks was losing weight for the end of Castaway. So they made the first half of Castaway. Then he went and made this film.

And then he finished making Castaway. That's why this movie exists. That's why the DGA didn't strike. Seven Days, Seven Nights? So close. It's What Lies Beneath. It's What Lies Beneath. What's that even about?

Am I right? Yeah. Is Harrison Ford in Seven about? Am I right? Yeah. Is Harrison Ford in Seven Days, Seven Nights? Yes. Tom Cruise, meanwhile, is hurling himself off of cliffs and cycling off of mountainside ramps in the newly released Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning Part 1. How old is Tom Cruise?

Is he 80? No. 67. He's 61. He's 61. 61. 61. 61. Did anyone else know that? It might be a Hollywood 61. It's 61. 61. 61. 61.

Did anyone else know that? It might be a Hollywood 61. It's a Hollywood 61, right? The Expendables 4 is also set to hit theaters. Which of any of these Expendables is under the age of 55? Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Sylvester Stallone, or Andy Garcia? I don't even know the second man. Not a fan of the

incoherent action movies of the 80s? Okay, Jason Statham. No. What? He is 55. None of them. None of them. They're all over 55.

Dolph Lundgren is 65. Sylvester Stallone is 77. Andy Garcia is 67. Yeah, that's right. Wow. What historical event happened the year of Joe Biden's birth? Is it A, the draft was lowered

from 21 to 18, B, J. Robert Oppenheimer took over the Manhattan Project, C, Casablanca premiered at the Los Angeles Hollywood Theater, D, just A and B, which would be the draft in Oppenheimer, or E, all of the above happened the year of Joe Biden's birth. It's always been a nightmare of mine that the lack of knowledge about white men would

come to bite me in the ass. Literally happening. Okay. I need an answer. All of the above. Yeah, it's all of the above. They all happen. Follow up.

What year was it? Yes. 1920. He wasn't born in the 20s I know, I know, I know 1946 Dude, you got it 1942

Last week, GOP Congressman Matt Gaetz complained that the gerontocracy Was responsible for what? A. Not controlling the negative effects of social media B. Blocking pro-psychedelic bills C. Spreading the woke virus by not covering their mouth when they cough. Or D, all of the above. All of the above. No, he was angry that the old people are blocking the psychedelic

bills. Mike Gates, he wants to take mushrooms. He wants to take mushrooms. Mike Gates likes to party and he never lets us forget it. Who is currently the youngest person seriously running for president? Seriously? Seriously? It's on a spectrum.

Seriously running for president right now. I'll give you a hint. She was a former governor. I don't know. It's Nikki Haley. Oh, Nikki Haley. Who is 51. Who is the youngest person unseriously running for president?

It's Vivek Ramaswamy, who's 37 years old. Oh, him. Yes, yes, yes. Who was older when they fathered their new infant child this year? Al Pacino or Robert De Niro? Al Pacino. That's correct. Al Pacino is 83.

Thank God. De Niro was 79. Okay, great. Hot. That's hot for me. You gonna see the Tom Cruise movie? I mean, no. I'm just gonna be honest.

Are you? Yeah. Really? Yeah. He died for us. I'm going to Buca di Beppo and I'm just going to be honest. Are you? Yeah. Really? Yeah, he died for us. I'm going to Bucca di Beppo and I'm seeing the movie. Those movies are called Jerry Action films. Oh. Did you know that?

Yeah. What a helpful piece of knowledge. Jerry Action genre. So go home and tell a loved one. And you know what? Right before you go to bed Right before you kiss them goodnight Go

Jerry action genre You know what I've learned about you? You have a very special set of skills That's a Jerry That's a taken That's a taken That's the only one I've seen That's a taken

Liam Neeson One more time for Tien When we come back It's the Rant Wheel And we're back, it's the rant wheel. And we're back. For the rant wheel, we have an exciting update about Friends of the Pod. That's Crooked Media's new subscription.

Here's the newer part. For the first time ever, you can now get ad-free episodes of Pod Save America when you subscribe. We know a lot of you like our ads, which is weird but flattering, and we love reading them. But for those of you hitting the 15 second skip button, which we frown upon, you can now have ad-free episodes to subscribe to Friends of the Pod. You get a ton of stuff. You join the Discord. You get bonus episodes that are only for subscribers. There's a lot of other stuff you get. You can

sign up now and get ad-free Pod Save America. Please do sign up at crooked.com slash friends. It's a great community. All right. Please welcome back to the stage Jared, Emily, and for the very first time, Janet. All right. Now it's time for the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We have this wheel

full of terrors that we all want to whine about. So it will spin and then we will whine. On the wheel this week we have AI being used to extend the frame. We have how Willie became Wonka. We have backing into parking spots. We have TikTok clips of podcasts where it's just a man and a woman talking about the differences between men and women. We have shiny, happy people.

We have urgent care. We have RFK Jr. And we have Ford Explorers. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on Ford Explor Explorer. That's me. Woo! Ha! Does anyone in here have a Ford Explorer?

Not a trap. Someday. Someday. Someday. Oh, just like, you know any any sort that's like the a white ford explorer or a blue or a cop colored i just i just if you do i want to know why why you have it do you get off on seeing your fellow drivers like slow down when they see you behind them, and they're just like, is that a cop? And they drive by, and you reveal yourself to be a family of four, or OJ Simpson, I don't know, he's hot tonight.

And what I'm trying to say is, I'm sick of slowing down for a family of four, driving in a white SUV. And I don't want you to like leave here and be like, she's saying don't buy Fords. No, as a proud American woman, buy Fords, buy all the American brands. But just, you know, try a different SUV like a like a Chevrolet or like a Jeep or like a Dodge or Ram. This is like the worst car commercial ever. Do you buy a stick together? I know, we missed the opportunity to start humming the national anthem.

What about it? I'm so sorry. Kia Sorento was right there. A different U-S-A-S-U-E, like Chevrolet. Dodge. Jeep. Ram. Ford.

Just a different color. Thank you. That's so important. Just a different color. What I'm saying is, you know, my family, we had a Ford Expedition. And I don't want you to think I'm a hypocrite. It was in a whimsical color like a maroon. And so when people saw us,

they were like, that's a fun Vietnamese-American family. They could camp at a moment's notice. Well, it's not a Subaru. No, no, no. Oh, you're right. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. Only on paved dirt roads. So what I'm trying to say is defund the police and defund

the lease. Nice. Of that car. Thank you so much for sharing that. Yeah. I remember when all the companies started being like, the SUVs aren't big enough. We were coming up with an interesting thematic name for how we can come up with an even fucking bigger one. They were like, you think an Explorer is big?

Wait till you see this fucking thing. It's a Ford Explorer, but it's bigger. How is it bigger? Every direction. It's an expedition. That's like a couple explorers. That's how crazy

this shit is. Remember the Dodge Durango? Yeah. Three of us remember the Dodge Durango. Never forget the Dodge Durango. Hey, never forget. That's what they're saying. Never never forget that's what it's about let's spin it again

oh it has landed on rfk j RFK Jr., obviously, he stinks. But there is a story in the New York Post that is one of the most amazing things ever to appear. Not since 2013 AV Club has there been an article that I've enjoyed. I just want to read you some excerpts of what happened because I think it just tells you the status of RFK Jr.'s campaign.

Page six reports that a press dinner to boost RFK Jr.'s campaign. Page six reports that a press dinner to boost RFK Jr.'s presidential campaign descended into a foul bout of screaming and polemic farting Tuesday night. The White House hopeful attended the affair on Tony's on the Upper East Side, no doubt hoping to impress the ladies and gentlemen of the fourth estate his worthiness

to sit at the very same Oval Office desk once occupied by his late uncle. But a shouting match over climate change broke out between two boisterous old men, sending the evening down an extremely unfortunate path, the gaseous exchange to which page six bore reluctant witness began after a guest asked Kennedy, founder of an ecological organization, a question about climate change. And it seems that the mere inquiry was enough to set off an apparently drunk gossip colonist

who became enraged and screamed to the top of his lungs about the climate hoax. Octogenarian art critic Anthony Hayden Guest, who was apparently sleeping for most of the dinner, was roused by the rumpus. He suddenly opened his eyes and denounced his longtime pal, calling him a miserable blob. Shut up,

implored Hayden Guest. At which point Hayden Guest tells us he was not asleep, he's saying. The critic screamed wildly about the climate change scam, and then, sensing the need for a new rhetorical tack, he let rip a loud and prolonged fart, while yelling, as if to underscore his point,

I'm farting. The room, which included a handful of journalists, as well as Kennedy's campaign manager, former representative Dennis Kucinich, was stunned, seemingly unsure about whether the man farting was farting at his opponent personally or the very notion of global warming.

Regrettably, we may assure readers that there was no room for doubt that the climate changed in the immediate environs of the dinner table. The candidate maintained a steady composure in the face of the crisis. This is to me where this becomes one of the greatest moments in presidential campaign history. Former Page Six

reporter Flo Anthony attempted to change the subject, telling Kennedy how much she admired his father, the tragic Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy. Whenever I fart, that's climate change. You know, if you had seen the season finale, series finale of 1600 Penn,

all of that happened in that episode. That's why I loved it so much. A man is having a screaming and farting contest. Do you know how awkward things have to be? That the way you change the subject is to bring up the host's murdered father to

lighten the mood. And yet he just won my vote. That's a party. I will say, um, Kennedy mostly stayed out of the confrontation, which makes sense because at this point Kennedy should know when to keep their head down.

Thank you. Let's spin it again. Oh! I want that person who got excited. Janet, take it away. Yeah, so everyone here, we were talking about this backstage, and I realized that after I watched this documentary about the Duggar family, the 19 and counting family,

I was so incensed that I wiped my own memory of it. So I was sitting back there going like, I'm so angry. Who were they? I know I didn't believe in what they believed in. What happened now? Obviously it was a Christian fundamentalist who turned out to be a pedophile. What else is new?

But there was something special about this one. But there wasn't really. It's the same as always. And then we were talking about just quiverful. That phrase. Quiverful. Quiverful. Quiverful. Wait, can you define that again? It's when you just try to procreate as much as possible to fill your arrows.

Or often adopt a lot of children as well. Oh, okay. To fill your arrows to spread the word of God. Yeah. Yeah. The thing that scared me about that was, do you remember the blanket training? Oh, the blanket training. Blanket training.

Oh, they put the toy. If you're a toddler, in the midst of all of the other corporal punishment that's happening, you lay out a blanket and it's discussed very calmly on the, I guess on the show, the old TLC show, because you're learning. You put the baby on the blanket and then

what you do is you put a toy that the baby would like to have just out of reach, just off the blanket. And then when the baby reaches for the toy, you hit him. And you just keep doing that until it stops reaching for the toy. And that's parenting. It's appalling. It's appalling.

And then now there's a bunch of fresh young TikTok accounts where girls are like, you just have to submit to your husband, you guys. It's so simple. It's 2023. There is like a Christian fundamentalist TikTok trajectory, which is like basically like they start making videos about like, it's like guys that make videos about like, this is what God said. This is how Jesus loves you. Then it's why this is why women should listen. And then it's like, yeah, I is what God said. This is how Jesus loves you. Then it's why, this is why women should listen.

And then it's like, yeah, I'm on Grindr. But like, that's because I'm fucked up because of the devil. Yeah. Way to own it. Way to own it. Oh, and also if you're homeschooled within this community, you don't have books.

You have, I think they're called wisdom booklets or like wisdom pamphlets. And they're just based on the Sermon on the Mount. But that's the entirety of your education is supposedly wrapped up in the Sermon on the Mount. It's horrifying. And the last episode is like, these people are about to take over the country. Fortunately, a lot of ex-evangelicals are on TikTok. And you're like, thank you.

I'm glad of that. That's going to save us. Yeah, we're great. We're fine. It's good. So watch it. Know what's happening in the world. I guess. Oh no, let's spin it again. Let's all live here together

forever. We're never leaving the theater together. AI being used to extend the frame. I believe, Emily, this is yours. Yeah, this is mine. So I don't know if you've seen this on, you know, obviously there's generative AI, which says I'm going to take a thing and I'm just going to regurgitate another version of that thing.

Increasingly, people are using it to extend the frame of paintings and now of movies. The most famous one is the Mona Lisa. I showed it to Janet backstage and there's these mountains now in the Mona Lisa and they're very, she said they're very menacing mountains. And that's right. Like AI is incapable of making something that doesn't terrify you. But yesterday this gentleman online, I don't remember

his name said, I used AI to extend the frame on Raiders of the Lost Ark. So now it goes all the way up and all the way down so it can fill your phone screen. And I was looking at this and being like, you know who's bad at framing shots? Steven Spielberg. That guy needs some help. There's this quality to all of these things that is like, well, this thing that is already great, what if we just gave you more of it? What if this thing that existed and that you already knew was good and that an artist gave his intention to, whether it's a fantastic adventure movie or like the most famous painting of all time, what if we just gave you more of it? And that's like the problem with our society. That's the problem like the WGA and SAG are striking about. I'm a proud WGA member and I am on strike. proud WGA member and I am on strike. But it's the problem with everything that the idea that you should just want more of what you already have, that you should not want a new idea,

that you should not want a new thing, that you should not want to think differently about how you could construct the world. All we want is the Mona Lisa with some like weird, creepy mountains off to the side and we should be happy with that. And anyway, this is terrible. It's bad.

Nobody should ever do it again. I don't need to see Raiders of the Lost Ark to film my phone screen. It's perfectly fine as is. If he was that great of a director, he would have foreseen the need to have a vertical phone screen. Yeah, actually, does anybody here know Steve? Can we call him up and just be like,

if he can put it to fit on my Apple Watch, that would be great. Yo, S, does anybody here know Steve? Can we call him up and just be like, if he can put it to fit on my Apple watch, that would be great. Yo, S, it's Jay. Sorry to bother you. Oh, you're not busy. So this is a good time. There's some of the AI is like, hey, we're going to

instantly make more of something. And then some of it is just like, we're going to pay less for something, right? It's like neither one of those things is making anything new. Yeah, generative AI especially is just giving you more of the thing. Like there is a use for AI that are like,

we are tackling huge problems that human brains have trouble comprehending. And then there's like, I can fart out a recipe that sounds like it might work, but it's actually got like 500 pounds of tapioca in it. And that sucks.

Let's spin it again. Backing into parking spots. I believe, Jaren, this is yours. I don't think so, honey. Backing into parking spots. Don'taron this is yours i don't think so honey backing into parking spots don't say that here how fucking dare you how dare you this is a different show ending bit you're not saving any time you're not you're actually taking more time and it's like dangerous you're like inconveniencing everyone in the parking lot because it takes you forever to do it. If you're backing out of a parking spot and you overshoot or something, you're just going to get more parking lot.

Like you're not going to hit anything. But if you make any miscalculation while backing into a parking spot, you are hitting someone's car. You're making everyone watch you do this dance that saves no time. It's like mildly impressive, kind of, but who cares? It is so fucking annoying. If anyone here, I genuinely want to hear what these people have to say,

what their big reason for doing this huge dance that puts... If I have to watch one more person do it as I sit, and it's usually a Ford Explorer, and we should explore that. Yeah. We should explore that.

Yeah, it is. It's a type of person. It is a type of person who needs that attention, and you know what? I pray for them. Who wants to be looked at. Yes, and here's the thing. I think we should all stand up right now

and cheer at Dynasty Typewriter because that is what they need. That's what they're asking for. So everybody get up and cheer. Okay? You did it. You backed up into a parking spot, babe. And Dynasty Typewriter is on their feet maybe.

And we're giving you a big round of applause. They're throwing roses at us. Thank you, Jared. Counterpoint. Here's why I back into parking space. Let me tell you. I'll tell you why. I back into parking space. No! Let me tell you. I'll tell you why. Absolutely checked out.

I'll tell you why. I will tell you why. First of all, first of all, rule number one, and I hope you respect this. I don't do it if there's people behind me. If there's people in the lot, I simply don't do it. I just pull right in straight away. But here's why I back into a parking lot often.

Often. Here's why. Because it's why I back into a parking lot often. Often. Here's why. Because it's a little treat at the end of the day. Because if I know that, like, I don't back in. If it's 9.57 and I'm supposed to meet somebody at the office at 10, I'd pull right in that spot. But if it's 9.52 and I know I'm going to, what am I going to do with these six minutes? I'm going to fucking do nothing with them. I'm going to blow them on chit chat.

So what do I do? I back in. I back in because then at the end of the day, I walk to my car. Look at that thing. It's like we're going to the moon. It's like we're ready to fucking launch. It's like all systems are go. T minus 10 seconds.

I don't got to look behind me. I don't have to worry about anything. The future is forward. We don't face backwards when we go into the future. We face fucking forward. And then I get in my car and I sit there and I just move. And life continues. And that's how my day ends.

That's why people back into parking spaces. And I drive a Volvo now. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Here it is, because we need it this week, the high note. Hi, this is Amy from Delaware. And the high note for my week was hearing my state senator, Sarah McBride, on Pod Save America. She is a wonderful representative

of our community, and I'm so excited to be voting for her next fall when she is running for Congress. And I'm also really excited that Lisa Blunt Rochester, our current congresswoman, will be running for Senate to replace Tom Carper. It's about time that Delaware was represented by progressive women. Thanks so much. I love it. This is Danica. One of my best friends, Chloe, is going to be defending her dissertation soon. By the time this podcast airs, she will be Dr. Chloe.

And I wanted to just say congratulations to her. And also, I was cracking up on your last episode because you were talking about topology, and that's actually what her and I wanted to just say congratulations to her and also I was cracking up on your last episode because you were talking about topology and that's actually what her and I do. We do algebraic topology and we're getting our PhDs in that but congratulations Dr. Chloe. Thank you. Bye. Hi Lovett. This is Betsy from southwestern Ohio. I am just calling to say that I am so excited that I got to vote early in the Ohio special election and got to vote no on issue one. We are currently trying to amend the Ohio Constitution and make sure that abortion rights are protected across the state. And I am just really grateful that I got to get my voter registration updated and vote on the first day of early voting. So if you live in Ohio between now and August 8th, just remember to vote early,

vote often, and vote no on issue one. Hey, love it. This is Ross calling from Nashville. I just wanted to tell you a quick story. My wife and I were watching the movie Bros the other night, and we got to one of the first sex scenes where they use poppers. And she asked me, what are they sniffing? And I said, well, it's this stuff called poppers that I think it cleans your printer or something, but guys figured out that you could sniff it and it loosens your butthole. So it makes anal sex easier. And she was like, how the absolute hell do you know that? And I waited a second. I was like, well, I heard her from a podcast I listened to that I really liked. And she actually

didn't believe me at first, but then I showed her the podcast and now we're all on board and everything's fine. So I just wanted to let you know that your show is educating straight guys like me on the ins and outs, well, the literal ins and outs of queer culture. And for that, I thank you. Tell John and Tommy I said hello. Thanks to everybody who shared a high note tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something they gave you, call us at 323-538-2377.

That is our show. Thank you so much to Emily St. James for her review. You've been reviewing me for a very long time. Yeah, yeah. Do you want any final thoughts? Just stars. Give me stars. Well, listen, I'm giving you 27 out of 26 stars. Fuck yeah.

Do you know why? Why? You had the one crucial element to make something good. You had Emily St. James. Emily St. James. And thank you to Janet Varney, Tien Tran, and Jared Goldstein. There are 478 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night, everybody. Thanks for coming out, and have a great weekend. and Jared Goldstein. There are 478 days until the 2024 elections.

Have a great night, everybody. Thanks for coming out and have a great weekend. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Brian Semel is our producer

and Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer. Howie Keeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Pauly Gunalan, Peter Miller, Rebecca Kaplan, Thank you. our designers, Jesse McLean and Caroline Haywood for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Zuri Ervin, David Tolles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos at www.youtube.com slash at Love It or Leave It podcast. It's the best we could do, I guess. Subscribe to Love It or Leave It on YouTube for access to video versions of your favorite segments and other exclusive content. Don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on IG and Twitter. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review. On NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, they managed to get some of the biggest stars in the world to

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