Lovett or Leave It - Illinois Hold 'Em

Episode Date: August 9, 2025

This week, the White House hosts its first annual Epstein Cover-Up Dinner, Trump feels the Labor pains, and Texas Democrats leave the Lone Star State even more lonely. Jeopardy’s Ken Jennings and Am...y Schneider stop by to answer our questions and question our answers, while Tim Heidecker and Vanessa Gonzalez hallucinate an LLM (Large Laugh Model). And we leave the stage sizzling with our Hot Takes about Texas, Jeopardy, and the Riyadh Comedy Festival.Get tickets to CROOKED CON November 6-7 in Washington, D.C at crookedcon.comMore upcoming shows: crooked.com/events

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Starting point is 00:02:35 Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider are here. They're going to fight it out for Twitter dominance like two elephant seals. Tim Heideker and Vanessa Gonzalez are here. And then we close it down with the return of Hot Takes. But first, First, let's get into it. What a week. Donald Trump has finally met his greatest foe, reality, and maybe dementia, but for now we're saying reality.
Starting point is 00:03:10 Last Friday, the Department of Labor released a bleak monthly jobs report. The U.S. had added just 73,000 jobs in July, and only 33,000 jobs in May and June combined, making this report the worst jobs performance since Ashton Coucher. It's stupid. Trump, for his part, took the news in stride. It's a highly political situation. It's totally rigged. Smart people know it.
Starting point is 00:03:39 People with common sense know it. And a lot of people like to keep their head under the covers. Let's move on to this. As always, we wish Biden appointees were even a fraction as scheming as Trump claims. You think this woman was rigging the numbers? This woman has gone to. find a grocery store employee because she accidentally rang up an organic zucchini as a regular zucchini at the self-checkout. Trump, naturally, provided no evidence to support his claim.
Starting point is 00:04:08 He fired the Labor Commissioner because the numbers were bad, and so they must be fake. We're seeing phenomenal numbers. I mean, really phenomenal numbers. We'll be announcing a new statistician sometime over the next three, four days. We had no confidence. I mean, the numbers were ridiculous it's a scam in my opinion look at this tremendous number trump continued turning the calculator around to reveal the word boob lucky for trump there's a seasoned statistician who recently lost his job due to budget cuts the economy added a billion jobs ah i didn't commit the economy the economy added a billion jobs ah ah Ah, ah, that's it.
Starting point is 00:04:57 You got to go, ah, ah, that's what it is. It has to be short. As usual, a fleet of intellectual Zambonis were following close behind Trump to defend him. Here's National Economic Council Director, Kevin Hassett, noting that if you just ignore the new, more accurate numbers, the old numbers were pretty good. While the job stubbers had this big kind of mysterious revision, if they didn't have the revision, then the jobs numbers were fully consistent with the 3% GDP growth. We also saw last week.
Starting point is 00:05:24 In a sense, the play Our American Cousin was a huge success until the revision at the end by John Wilkes Booth. And here's Hasse's evidence for the claim that the numbers were rigged, which is, once again, numbers bad. Does the administration have any evidence that it was rigged, as the president said? Will you be presenting that to the American public? Well, the evidence is that there have been a bunch of revisions that could appear to partisans.
Starting point is 00:05:53 Oh, I mean, the revisions are hard. claiming something's hard when it's not what is this jd vans on date night still in his head over a twitter fight with chris hayes this is of course nonsense because job numbers have always been revised as the bureau receives more information and while the revisions seem big as a share of job losses these adjustments are actually impressively small when you remember that the bureau is keeping track of roughly 160 million jobs. Impressively small. What is this?
Starting point is 00:06:26 J.D. Vance, marveling at a bonsai tree. Here's Trump's Secretary of Labor, Lori Chavez-D. Reamer riding for her boy. And the president absolutely has the right to determine who, is going to be advising him. And I support the president's decision in this replacement. It is my job to support the president in this issue, and I do support him. But it's actually not your job to support the president. You're not the secretary of emotional labor.
Starting point is 00:07:12 William Beach, Trump's BLS chief in his first term, said that the decision to fire his successor made absolutely no sense. It's impossible for the commissioner. to do that. The commissioner does not even see the numbers until the numbers are completely done, and they're loaded and ready to be distributed. So like most bosses, she did none of the work but gets all the credit. Sorry. It's not called producer or leave it. I don't know. That's how it is. Meanwhile, Trump keeps getting caught up, in the reality of his friendship
Starting point is 00:07:52 with America's most probably dead sex trafficker, Jeffrey Epstein. And look, we've all had friendships we regret. If I could go back in time, would I go to Cabo with those 4-9-11 hijackers? Of course not. But that's based on what I know now. Trump's Deputy Attorney General,
Starting point is 00:08:13 who was his personal attorney until late last year, went to meet with Galane Maxwell on July 25th. During the meeting, Maxwell begged the deputy H.E. to throw her a rope, to which she replied, oh, don't worry. We'll definitely have a rope for you. Then on Friday, we learned that Maxwell had been transferred from her Florida prison to a minimum security federal facility for non-violent offenders in Texas, known as Club Fed, with no official announcement or justification. Said one Trump administration official, there's nothing unusual about this. Galane Maxwell simply chose to end her life. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 00:08:49 That is for tomorrow's press conference. Now, many are wondering, could her transfer be an inducement of some kind? Yes. Of course it is. On Tuesday, ABC News reported that Galane Maxwell said nothing during her nine-hour interview that would be damaging to Trump and that the administration was considering releasing the transcripts, though officials are reportedly trying to figure out whether they can redact the part of the transcript that describes Maxwell doing a big wink.
Starting point is 00:09:19 According to CNN, top administration officials, including Vance, Trump's chief of staff, Susie Wiles, Attorney General Pam Bondi, Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche, and FBI Director Cash Patel planned to gather at the Vice President's residence on Wednesday for a secret meeting to discuss their Epstein strategy. Jeffrey Epstein, of course, planned to join remotely. Vance's office denied the report, saying the CNN story is pure fiction. There was never a supposed meeting scheduled at the vice president's residence to discuss Epstein's strategy, which is a very interesting way to slam a door closed so hard it stays a little bit open. When Trump was asked about the reported Epstein dinner, he and Vance denied it.
Starting point is 00:10:02 It's completely fake news. We're not meeting to talk about the Epstein situation. And I think the reporter who reported it needs to get better sources. Look, the whole thing is a host. It's put out by the Democrats because we've had the most successful six months in the history of our country, and that's just a way of trying to divert attention to something that's total bullshit, okay?
Starting point is 00:10:27 And I wasn't even excited about a dinner party, because I'm invited to them all the time, said Cash Patel. Holding a bottle of Sansaire Sauvignon Blanc he chose after a deeply vulnerable 15-minute conversation with a clerk at the Weinstar. Also, how about Tim
Starting point is 00:10:42 Cook standing between those two fucking guys? He's there to present him with some sort of gold iPhone or something, just like kissing the fucking ring, and then you're standing there and you're like, I don't even know Epstein. Epstein, who's Epstein? It's like, Jesus fucking Christ. Good. Suffer. Fucking suffer. Stand there and you supper, Tim Cook. You made your bed. You sleep in it. That's right. You're standing between J.D. Vance and Donald Trump while they fucking yell at the press about some fucking bullshit. It's what you deserve. You stand there. Fucking like it. Tim Cook. Too many cords for the fucking iPhone.
Starting point is 00:11:16 Thursday that the Epstein meeting actually happened, but they moved it from the Naval Observatory to the White House, outsmarting us once again. On Tuesday, Trump was on the roof. Mr. President, what are you doing up there? Taking a little walk. No, stop. Don't do it. You got so much to live for.
Starting point is 00:11:46 At one point, Trump could be seen making the shape of a large boob with his hands and mouthing the words, it's going to be beautiful. What the fuck is that? It's going to be beautiful. What's going to be beautiful, you ask? Why, it's the $200 million ballroom that Trump plans to build. The administration announced last week that the new ballroom would be 90,000 square feet, which is almost twice the size of the entire White House.
Starting point is 00:12:16 It's basically the size of a Walmart. Why so big, you ask? Trump told reporters it's going to take a pretty big gala to find all the Bennett sisters' suitable husbands for the long-born estate is inherited by that insufferable Mr. Collins. And look, as far as distractions go, this is a good try,
Starting point is 00:12:32 but we can still shit on this dumb ballroom-slash-warehouse and stay focused on Trump's failures and scandals at the same time. A ballroom the size of a Walmart? Think of how many unemployed workers, vaccine scientists, and dead pedophiles could fit inside there. The White House also revealed the redesign of the Rose Garden,
Starting point is 00:12:50 which Trump recently paved over, covered with Mar-a-Lago-style tables and yellow umbrellas. All in all, a lot of construction for a four-year lease. Meanwhile, Attorney General Pam Bondi ordered prosecutors to open up an investigation into Trump's Russia hoax and present evidence to a grand jury in South Florida, even though the five-year statute of limitations has expired, John Durham already did this investigation during Trump's first term
Starting point is 00:13:19 and ended up with two acquittals and zero convictions and there is no evidence that any of these crimes which never happened if they had happened would have happened in Florida. But Trump is it the only one struggling with reality. Here's Nebraska Republican Mike Flood addressing his constituents this week. Why did you cut Snap and healthcare research? We do not have on.
Starting point is 00:13:45 unlimited money in the United States. Next slide, please. And then the next slide answered everybody's concerns. I'm going to put the whole thing to rest. Best slide anybody's ever seen. Most Americans now hold Trump responsible for the rising cost of living
Starting point is 00:14:08 as he obsesses over deportations and tariffs and culture wars, which has led Republicans to worry that they're courting disaster in the midterms. and Republicans are doing that courting the only way they know how, being way too aggressive, blaming you for not liking it,
Starting point is 00:14:21 and then trying to get their cup friend to scare you for not being willing to hang out again. That's right. On Sunday, dozens of Texas Democrats fled to Illinois to break quorum and prevent Republicans from passing a new congressional map during a two-week special session.
Starting point is 00:14:34 And that is why, on this night, we eat very, very thick bread. For when the Democrats fled Texas, they went to Chicago. where the pizzas take 40 minutes to cook. Usually, redistricting happens once a decade, but Republicans have been emboldened by Supreme Court rulings that scrap part of the Voting Rights Act,
Starting point is 00:14:57 rubber-stamped partisan gerrymandering, and raised the threshold to challenge discriminatory maps, and maps shouldn't discriminate, except against left turns on major streets when there's no light. Under Texas House rules, each lawmaker is fined $500 for, each day they fail to show up. And that's a lot of money,
Starting point is 00:15:17 said Illinois billionaire governor, J.B. Pritzker. Texas Governor Greg Abbott could call special session after special session, which Democrats could only stop by remaining out of state and racking up more fines. And who knows how long they can keep that up? People are going to start missing their dogs and kids or whatever.
Starting point is 00:15:34 So far, Texas Democrats have been undeterred, which has been deeply frustrating to Texas Republicans. Here's the state's Attorney General, Ken Paxton. And I think the government, is going to be forced into calling several special sessions, eventually they're going to have to come back. There's no doubt they'll come back. They have to.
Starting point is 00:15:50 They have jobs. They have lives. They have families. They're not going to live in Chicago, especially when it starts getting cold. Why? Because they'll hate having a power grid that doesn't conk out the first time it snows. Abbott can't have state law enforcement arrest anyone who isn't physically in Texas,
Starting point is 00:16:09 which is why we got Trump saying this. Do you want the federal law enforcement? government and the FBI to help locate and arrest these Texas Democrats who have left the state. Well, I think they've abandoned the state. Nobody's seen anything like it, even though they've done it twice before. Should the FBI get it? Well, they may have to. Also, stop giving them ideas. Unless the idea is, you'll probably float to the ground like Mary Poppins. Many Democrats have long
Starting point is 00:16:47 pushed for independent, non-partisan redistricting, which is what we have in California, Colorado, and several other states. Even as Republicans have grown more and more brazen in their redistricting schemes, it's led to an interesting political phenomenon called losing. But the attention Texas Democrats have brought
Starting point is 00:17:05 has led blue state governors to step up, at least rhetorically. New York Governor Kathy Hochle called the redistricting fight a war and said this. If Republicans are willing to rewrite these rules to give themselves an advantage, then they're leaving us no choice. We must do the same.
Starting point is 00:17:23 The problem is, mid-decade redistricting in New York would require an amendment to the state constitution because of a ballot measure passed by voters in 2014 as part of the Ice Bucket Challenge. Gavin Newsom said that California Democrats would move
Starting point is 00:17:41 forward with a new map of their own aimed at flipping five of the state's GOP house seats next year. It was always going to come down to California versus Texas. Tex-Mex? That's cute. You dust farmers, we put French fries in our burritos on our way to the goddamn ocean. The California legislature has to pass a proposal by August 22nd to have it before voters in November so the maps could be in place by the elections in 2026. We got to move fast, California. I know it's not our usual move. There's been a four-year-old. your gap between seasons on euphoria, but still, a lot of us did come from New York.
Starting point is 00:18:17 Some of that muscle memory's got to still be in there. Gavin's plan has angered former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who plans to lead the campaign against redistricting. Schwarzenegger considers California's independent redistricting commission his baby, and this baby he has claimed from the very beginning. Which leaves us. only one option, Gavin Newsom must go back in time to kill Arnold Schwarzenegger's father who was a Nazi, so it's fine.
Starting point is 00:18:53 There is hope in all of this in Republican arrogance and brazeness because believing you can dictate reality to voters when voters will ultimately dictate reality to you is hubris. Just asked two-term president and beloved national hero Joe Biden. You can fire. the bean counters at the labor department, but it doesn't change how many people are looking for work, and you can claim tariffs, punish other countries, but Americans will feel the average increase of $2,400 in costs. And a lot of people will still be hurt. RFK Jr. announced the end of 22 mRNA vaccine projects based on nonsense. This is real-life damage because the head of the HHS department
Starting point is 00:19:33 denies reality. Not only does this give up the promise of so many treatments and cures, it will mean so many people who would have otherwise been autistic will now just be fucking normal and boring. I'll end with this. NPR, RIP, reported on Monday that the Trump administration is looking to shut down a satellite mission called the orbiting carbon observatories. These are satellites that were designed to measure carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, but there was a happy accident, as one climate scientist described.
Starting point is 00:20:10 it. In how those satellites were measuring carbon, they were also creating a high-resolution map of plant growth all over the world. And that has allowed the government and private companies to use the data to map crop yields, analyze drought conditions, predict when you're masturbating, and a lot of other amazing science. It costs shy of a billion dollars just to get these satellites into orbit. It costs relatively little to keep them aloft while providing data for farmers, ranchers, and policymakers that has genuine positive benefits. But now it looks like the Trump administration is going to purposefully burn up a satellite in the atmosphere rather than deal with the reality it describes. And if that is what Donald Trump is willing to do to a satellite
Starting point is 00:20:57 that says things he doesn't like, just imagine what he'd do to a hypothetical pedophile with nothing to lose with whom he shares a secret deep and long-lasting friendship. He might kill him and make it look like a suicide. Hypothetically, for legal purposes, a bit we're doing. We've got a great show for you tonight. Coming up, it's a double jeopardy with Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider. Hey, don't go anywhere.
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Starting point is 00:22:56 Wait, who are, wait, my favorite jeopardy condescents of all time. Who are Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider? I botched that a little bit. Hi, nice to meet you. Thanks for being here. What a dream to have you both here. Hello. How's it going?
Starting point is 00:23:25 So good to see you both. If you're both here, who's feeding the thousand monkeys that write all the jeopardy questions? Amy Yes You're on the record As being very anti-AI
Starting point is 00:23:38 Yes You're both smart And you sort of cornered the market on it Are you maybe just worried that AI is going to be better at Jeopardy than you? I mean, it might be better at Jeopardy but it won't be better at anything useful Wow, Ken
Starting point is 00:23:55 shots fired I was the very first person to lose to an AI at Jeopardy So I'm sorry I'll try to put it in good word for you with the machines when they take over. I feel like we go way back. IBM Watson back in 2011 or whatever that was. Oh, wow. So I've been an AI skeptic, by which I mean deeply resentful, broken person for over a decade. Amy, on July 23rd, Trump
Starting point is 00:24:20 issued the executive order preventing woke AI in the federal government. I don't know. Two great things that taste great together if you ask me. It's trying to. to stop the incorporation of concepts like critical race theory, transgenderism, unconscious bias, and intersectionality into AI. What? Well, I mean, I think if you see what Brock is up to, you understand. They want AI and they want it to be racist. So that's what they're doing.
Starting point is 00:24:57 It's simple enough. That's too bad. Yeah, well. Amy. Yes. You published a memoir called In the Form of a Question, The Joys and Rewards of a Curious Life, which also has a young reader's edition titled,
Starting point is 00:25:11 Who is Amy Schneider, Questions on Growing Up, Being Curious, and Winning It Big on Jeopardy? Yeah, that's all true. You don't have either of those on stage, I'll note, but anyway. You're right about that. Yours sounds like a poignant exploration of your life, but this one's got little questions. Fun little questions in it.
Starting point is 00:25:32 It's a fun one. So many. So many fun questions. You're right. I'm going to put more fun little questions in my next book. Now, how many trans teens do you hope to recruit with the Young Adult Edition for you to consider the book of success? I mean, I'm well on my way. There's like about a thousand of us.
Starting point is 00:25:53 There's not that many trans people is the thing. So as many as I can get. Nice. Ken, you posted last month that you won't vote for Gavin Newsom for president after he made comments about trans athletes who said any candidate cynically triangulating on trans kids
Starting point is 00:26:11 is a non-starter and now it's time to say so there's still so much time to advance candidates that don't suck. I guess I'll stand by that. Yeah, well, so you're both two very smart people. At least one of you is trans. What would you? You know, they're getting this question all the time, and they're all struggling to grapple with a reality, which is, while Americans remain broadly supportive of trans people and equal rights, there's a lot of skepticism around the issues that the right has been hammering, which is trans athletes and gender affirming care for younger kids.
Starting point is 00:26:50 And you see a lot of Democrats struggling for how to be supportive of trans people while trying to figure out how to gain purchase with what is now two-thirds of people, including almost half. of Democrats that are deeply skeptical about trans athletes and deeply skeptical now about gender-affirmy care for younger kids. So what do you think about that? First of all, I think that these like polling numbers, these ideas, like there's a question of if you're just called on the phone and ask this question, will you say one side or the other, is very different from how much it's actually motivating you for any purpose. And the second thing I would say is it would be one thing if they had not best. supporting trans people when it was easy but they did when it was easy and it's this exact
Starting point is 00:27:38 sort of thing this oh this is unpopular now so we are changing our position that is why nobody trusts the democrats so like that's really the issue like voters don't want you to do what the polls say because then they know if the polls change you'll change they want you to have principles that you stand up for. And like, choosing to support trans people is a very good principle. It's the one that the future is going to agree with. So get
Starting point is 00:28:06 on to it now. Anything to add that, Ken? Agree 100%. Like, you can't act like these poll numbers are written in stone. Well, I guess trans people are unpopular. What are we going to do? Those issues were made unpopular by like a never-ending decade-long propaganda campaign. Like, what you do
Starting point is 00:28:23 is you fight back against the misinformation. You don't say, well, I wonder if we can get some middle-aged white men in the Midwest if we just sell out trans kids. I mean, it's just awful to think about. Yeah, no, I agree. I agree. Oh, good. So you got me, got me.
Starting point is 00:28:40 No, well, so here's what I struggle with, which is what do I care about? I care about broad trans acceptance, right? Not just acceptance, but love and appreciation to see the value that trans people bring to our world and the way they challenge us to see gender and new and more interesting and diverse ways. I want young kids to be free to express themselves,
Starting point is 00:29:03 and I want parents, kids, doctors to be able to get kids exactly what they need when they need it, carefully, thoughtfully, respectfully, whatever. I also want kids who are trans to be able to play sports in school and just play with their friends that match their gender, right? Like, I just want that. And I want adults who are trans to feel safe and be able to work and be able to access
Starting point is 00:29:25 gender affirming care. And I don't give a fuck about what happens at high level NCAA tournaments. I just don't care. I really don't. And I feel like there is this problem where correctly you are noting that there's some kind of a dark concession in this, right? There's a kind of effort to capitulate and Republicans won't say, oh, thanks, you met us in the middle. We're good on trans people now. They'll just keep fighting. But at the same time, the issue, of like high level sports which affects a tiny percentage of trans people who are themselves a tiny percentage of the world kind of blows everything out of proportion and so I honestly feel this conflict because part of me wants to say you know what like when you know Gavin Newsom gets a ton of
Starting point is 00:30:12 shit for this and I think that kind of went a little bit out of his way but like Pete tries to struggle with this says trans people are vulnerable says they're under attack also says people have legitimate fairness questions he gets attacked for it right some people say fairly some people say not But what makes me worried is I see us losing ground on the issue. You can blame Democrats for that. But clearly there's some larger debate we're struggling with. You know, one thing I'll say is that I do, and I think I try to in my public life, I once held every anti-transposition that you can imagine.
Starting point is 00:30:48 I grew up a conservative Catholic in Ohio in the 80s. Like, this is exactly what I was. raised to believe, and I did believe it. And, like, so it's, I'm not saying that anybody who has these concerns, like the people that you're talking about, are bad, irredeemable people. And I am totally on board with trying to communicate with them in a respectful way, and it's understandable why they feel the way they do. And the fears that they have are understandable. But, the thing about it is, like, I understand, and I also understand that, like, trans issues
Starting point is 00:31:29 are not the most important thing. They're not more important than the Supreme Court. They're not more important than whether we have another democratic election in this country. But I'm trans, and I can't have, it just is the most important issue to me, and I can't help that. And so, like, that's the thing I struggle with,
Starting point is 00:31:46 is that, like, I'm not trying to be dismissive, and I'm not trying to be dismissive of the point of, needing to win elections, but like also this is real and it's happening to me and to people like me that don't have a way to talk about it. And so I feel the need to talk about it for them. Can, I think we could sneak you into some pretty Republican places. Is this a plan you've been thinking about?
Starting point is 00:32:18 No, it occurred to me now, just sort of, you know, that Amy's transness is inescapable. So is your general. shape. What about the host of Jeopardy in a suit is Republican coded? I don't know what you're talking about.
Starting point is 00:32:34 So, so sophisticated. I came straight from work. Did you? I did. Wow. We're not all podcasters, John. Some of us have a day job. I had to host five Jeopardies today.
Starting point is 00:32:51 Wow. And where's Ken's parade? So when you're on Jeopardy number five And you walk up to somebody and it says on the car So it says here you like skateboarding Is your heart in it So I have to admit as a kid I found the Jeopardy interview so cringy
Starting point is 00:33:11 That I would leave the room That's my Jeopardy origin story Because these people mean well But you make them stop playing Jeopardy for a second To talk about their cat Or their trip to Thailand or something And they're not there for that They just want to answer the little questions.
Starting point is 00:33:26 So I try to make it good. I try to make it the least bad it can be. And get out of there. My promise to you, the viewer. What percentage of the time do you have to say, no, I'm sorry, you can't also talk about trains? My version of that joke would be cats. It is 100%.
Starting point is 00:33:49 You would not believe the crazy thing my cat does. And I'm like, I bet I can't. Does it sit on top of the couch? That's nuts. I have to say, as somebody who has seen Ken work up close, his ability to laugh at the end of any story is remarkable. I've spent my whole life trying to get out of conversations in 25 seconds. That's why the Jeopardy host is the job for me.
Starting point is 00:34:19 Maybe I should have been that, too. well what is what is it what is it when your specialty is having other people try to get out of conversations with you something to think about okay this show uh what am i going to do i'll transition which is why it's time for a game we're calling connections with schneide effects We've been inspired by Ken's book and Amy's book. Oh, good. Here's how it works. I'm going to read you three trivia questions.
Starting point is 00:35:04 You can buzz in and try to answer. And at the end, you have to tell us what the connection is between the three answers. This is my trivia format. Yeah, that's why, as I referenced. I love that it's catching on. I guess you maybe don't listen to the answers. No, I'm kidding. But yes, this is based on.
Starting point is 00:35:21 your book. And to a lesser extent, Amy's book. All right, first question. What superstar musical protagonist did Cynthia Arevo portray a cross from Adam? I was waiting until the end, but go ahead. Should I not? Should I not? No, no, you chose in. There's no rules. I hope it's Jesus Christ Superstar.
Starting point is 00:35:45 You got it. Next question. The Coast Guard released their findings this week, revealing that the 2023 implosion of what submersible was preventable. You got it. Wow. They're both so smart. You can feel it in the room.
Starting point is 00:36:03 You can feel the energy. It's intimidating. Ken's darting, intelligent, shark-like eyes. That has never been a compliment in the history of the language. You know what I love about him is his shark-like eyes. Shark like a famously intelligent-looking shark eyes.
Starting point is 00:36:27 That's exactly what I'm talking about. I got to stay on my toes blowing it. What American radio host did Trump call a racist sleaze bag this week after he criticized Trump on his daughter-in-law, Laura Trump's Fox News show? A radio host? Are there still radio hosts? There are.
Starting point is 00:36:49 Is Howard Stern still on? It's not Howard Stern. It was Charlemagne the God. Oh, I saw that. So we have Jesus Christ, the Titan, and Charlemagne the God. What is the connection? The connection. They're all gods?
Starting point is 00:37:09 Yeah. That did get easier at the end. Yeah. Next question. This week, the White House Historical Association exhibit in D.C. revealed a full-size replica of what room before Trump added gold trim to it? The Oval Office. Correct. Scientists announced that they'd identified the bacteria behind the death of $5 billion of what sea creature over the last 10 years.
Starting point is 00:37:42 I actually don't know. Oysters. No. Oh, I think I'm dark. You could steal it. Sea stars? Yeah, I'll give you a C-star. Oh, that's a correct answer.
Starting point is 00:37:54 C-stars or starfish. I'm glad you'll give it to me. Got to stay on my toes. I never heard them called C-stars. I was called them Starfish. I read a lot of the New York Times this week in preparation for the show. So thank you for that. And finally, what federal department jumped into the Sydney-Sweeney American Eagle Fray
Starting point is 00:38:15 with a photo of their secretary's great jeans as he got off? the plane. Who looks good in jeans? HHS. That's incorrect. State? No, it was the Pentagon. It was defense.
Starting point is 00:38:30 It was the Pentagon. What? Can we just, this is an aside about genes. And I really am not making this about I don't care about Pete Hags S. pants. But these are the genes that have this sort of faux weathering or whatever you call it. What's that called when the jeans are weathered? Distressed. Distressed.
Starting point is 00:38:52 And I think things really went wrong as a society when we started artificially distressing things. I think it spoke to something deeply wrong in us. Like when all the restaurants proved how authentic they were because their signs had the letters painted but printed, but as if they had been printed long ago and then worn. And they got reclaimed wood so the tables looked old. Like they'd been made from what was around.
Starting point is 00:39:16 It's real decadence. It's decadence. Like, things used to be shitty just because things were actually shitty. Yeah. Yeah. No, I definitely think that that's what's wrong with America.
Starting point is 00:39:31 Now, what is... They're shapes. There are... They're shapes. They're shapes. Ken's connection... I guess the Pentagon... I was like, what cabinet department is a shape?
Starting point is 00:39:46 I don't know. Only that Pentagon one. I feel bad. Not exactly a department, but anyway. I know. It's not the name. It's the building the department is housed in. We're doing our best.
Starting point is 00:39:58 Let's do one more. This week, the USDA admitted to playing an argument scene from what Scarlett Johansson, Adam Driver, drama, to scare wolves away from livestock. I assume marriage stories? Yes. I did not hear this. Yes.
Starting point is 00:40:12 A USDA district supervisor from Oregon told the Wall Street Journal, I need the wolves to respond and know that, Hey, humans are bad. I never click play on that movie because it was always like, I don't want to watch them fight. They're such good actors, but I don't want to watch them fight.
Starting point is 00:40:30 Is that really the one movie that convinces wolves that humans are bad? Like Battlefield Earth, or I don't know what my pitch would be here, but it would not be Noah Baumbach. Ken, how long do you think you would need to learn to fly a Harrier jet
Starting point is 00:40:48 I'm not one of these overconfident guys Like I love when they ask men Hey could you beat Serena Williams And they're always like yeah probably I don't know if I could ever learn to fly a Harrier jet Oh come on I think you could do it eventually If you had the time I guess I saw the rehearsal
Starting point is 00:41:03 Nathan Fielder can fly a commercial airliner now And it took him I don't know a year So I think yeah a year Nathan Fielder time scale In Battlefield dirt they just kind of sit in one and go like I got it. And they're not even like, they're like, they don't even have technology. They, like, put their sticks down and they get in the fucking Harrier jet, and they're like, ooh.
Starting point is 00:41:24 It's like Independence Day. Like, well, we're in a flying saucer. We just need to put a discette in it. Yeah. And then it'll have a virus. Yeah, the aliens are on iOS. Yeah. Luckily.
Starting point is 00:41:34 USA. USA. USA. This week's episode saw South Park toying with Director of Homeland. and security, Christy Noem, also known by what nickname? Gestapo Barbie? We'll give it to you. We'll give it to you.
Starting point is 00:41:56 It's Ice Barbie. We'll take Gestapo Barbie. I think we'll take it. We'll take it. On Jeopardy, I say Gestapo or we have a hard time. If we didn't, yeah. Hey, never mind. struggling to fall asleep
Starting point is 00:42:15 TikTok users recommend you try green noise which contains mid-range frequencies of about 500 hertz unlike what more common sleep-supporting sound which contains all frequencies at the same intensity white noise
Starting point is 00:42:27 you got it here are both this is white pretty good let's hear some green noise that's nice that's nice It's better, right?
Starting point is 00:42:41 That is better. We have white noise going in my office called Fox News. Sorry, Ken. All right, it's time. What's the connection? We got white noise. We got ice Barbie. We got whatever the first one was.
Starting point is 00:42:55 Marriage story. Marriage story. They're all extremely white. Oh. You're warm. Oh. I'll say this. They have a writer in common.
Starting point is 00:43:09 writer. White and... Oh, it's... Oh, it's... Oh, uh... I said, your face kind of made the word. Well, I... Well, I...
Starting point is 00:43:19 Well, then I thought of other people. I don't know. It's Greta Gerick. It is Greta girl. No, well, close. It's Noah Baumack. Yes. Oh, he wrote the Adam Driver.
Starting point is 00:43:29 Yes. And he wrote the Adam Driver White Noise, right? So always, this is such a classic Hollywood thing of giving a woman credit. For something a man did. We'll finally stand up for Noah Baumbach. I'll do one more. What summer month contains this year's
Starting point is 00:43:47 Sturgeon Full Moon? It's tie. What are you going to say? August. You got it. Okay, very nice. In May, the New York City Planning Commission okay to Casino Project Proposal for what Brooklyn landmark? Casino?
Starting point is 00:44:04 Tony Island. You got it. Wow. Galane Maxwell is staying in the same Texas prison at white-collar criminal Elizabeth Holmes. What's the name of author John Carrey's non-fiction expose on Holmes's fraudulent testing startup?
Starting point is 00:44:16 Bad blood. You got it. What is the connection? What are they again? August. Bad blood. Something else. And a third thing. Coney Island.
Starting point is 00:44:29 Bad blood. August. Coney Island. What is the connection? Taylor Swift. Yes. Is that right? You got it. You got it. I didn't buzz, though. I feel like... You got it.
Starting point is 00:44:41 You also didn't phrase any of these in the form of a question. That is not what I'm going to be in trouble with for Jeopardy after this show. Ken had no idea with this once. We grabbed him off the fucking street. He said, please, I have to get home to my family. And I said, you have to do this podcast.
Starting point is 00:45:04 Don't change out of that suit. Don't change out of that suit. What a great tie. Thank you. Steven Zimbledman used to dress Alex Trebek, and now this might be an Alex-era tie. It is. Look, when they say, look, this is fun. When the ties have this little code A-T, that's like an Alex-worn game tie.
Starting point is 00:45:22 I know, right? It's like a game-worn baseball jersey or so they always feel an extra power when I inherit an Alex tie. There are videos that go around of Alex Trebek just ripping on contestants, like every once in a while. Once in a while, there's that one famous clip where he said, it's called a loser. That's not your speed. Have you ever really given
Starting point is 00:45:48 anybody the business? I don't think I would. That clip is somebody explaining nerdcore rap to Alex. Yes. But I feel like that's what you should expect when you explain nerdcore rap to Alex Trevec. Like, in other words, losers. But, no, I'm from a different generation.
Starting point is 00:46:04 We're participation trophy jeopardy, at least in the interview segments. Like, All these stories are winners to me. I mean, I would also say ask Ken about that in like 20, 30 years. Yeah, that's right. And maybe it's, you know. I'm just all the fresh-faced new guy. I'm sure Trebek used to care about the stories, too.
Starting point is 00:46:24 Good for you. I want to talk more about this, but we're going to have to leave it there for now. Thank you, Ken and Amy, the Connections Trivia book and memoir in the form of a question, plus the Young Reader's Edition, Who is Amy Schneider, are all available. Now, next up, Tim Hiddecker and Vanessa Gonzalez, Rage Against the Machine. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love or Leave It is brought to you by PolicyGenius.
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Starting point is 00:47:51 and we're back please welcome to the stage two comedians no i could replicate yet it's it's tim heidegger and Vanessa Gonzalez Come on out. Hi to you both. Welcome. Good to see you. You can come through any way you want. It's not really, you can go around or, I guess go maybe all the way around.
Starting point is 00:48:18 Yeah, I guess. It's a weird, it's a weird amount of space. It's a weird amount of space. I'm sorry, it's a weird amount of space. Okay. No skin off my back. It's a podcast. With a big video presence growing, growing.
Starting point is 00:48:37 Hi. Hi, Tim. Thanks for being here. You're welcome. Thanks for having me. Hi, Vanessa. Hi. Thank you both for being here.
Starting point is 00:48:44 It's cool to meet Ken Jennings backstage. Right? Throwing around a lot of slurs. Yeah. I pretended not to notice. No. It's this sort of classic thing. You come to L.A. and you just never meet your heroes.
Starting point is 00:49:01 Don't meet your heroes. Because they're going to throw out a lot of slurs. Every time. Every time. Every time. On Thursday, OpenAI release its latest model, ChatGPT5, which OpenAI is co-founder, Sam Alden described as Ph.D. level. Meanwhile, as AI-generated videos become more realistic,
Starting point is 00:49:22 they're becoming more difficult to spot, which makes this a perfect week for a segment we call, OK, stop, colon, AI, carumba. Oh, that says. It is. Oh, I look so. snatched. I love it. I love the game already.
Starting point is 00:49:43 Tim and Vanessa, we'll play you the AI videos that sent to shudder up our souls this week. Whenever we've got thoughts, we need to share. We'll say, okay, stop. Wait, say that again? What? We're just going to watch videos and react. It's fine. Video number one. First up, we have an AI muse, boosh, if you will. A little viral video of bunnies jumping on a trampoline.
Starting point is 00:50:02 Many TikTok users reported with horror that this was the first AI video they'd actually fell for it. Let's take a look. That's it? That's it. Hey, Tim, why do you think we're doing this? Because it's cool, and there should be more videos like this. Yeah, I agree. It's cool. That's a cool video.
Starting point is 00:50:29 I got fooled today. I saw this video, a picture of Rita Wilson with Tom Hanks, and she was holding a birthday cake and it said 69 on it. And I was like, guess what? These two are doing this weekend. That was my little joke. But it was an AI picture of the two of them,
Starting point is 00:50:48 but it looked really real. And I felt stupid for sharing that. Hey. I also felt stupid for telling that joke. No, no, no, no. Joke's fun. The joke's, it's great. It's great.
Starting point is 00:51:02 Imagine Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks' 69ing? Yeah. Yes. clearly. I can imagine any 169. That's like a talent of mine.
Starting point is 00:51:12 You name two people. I can do it. You put your head on my face. Yeah. And yeah, yeah, you go down on me. Oh, is this where you want me?
Starting point is 00:51:30 I don't know what she sounds like. Is it something like this? Sure. Wow. It felt like it was happening in front of us. Vanessa, what do we do? I don't know. I'm like, because I'm going to be 40.
Starting point is 00:51:49 One day, one day. No, soon. Yeah, like in a month. And I'm like, is it AI is getting better? Is it my brain? Is it both? Like, all of them, I'm like, I can't tell anymore. And I'm getting scared.
Starting point is 00:52:03 Yeah, I mean, it's both. It's both. Yeah, you're going to slow, your brain is going to slowly get worse. You're going to gain more experience and wisdom, but the actual, the software is going to improve. The hardware is going to keep getting worse. Isn't that interesting? That's what getting older is. Software gets a little better.
Starting point is 00:52:18 Hardware keeps getting worse. Yeah. It's like a Seinfeldian take. Oh, thanks. They should make the whole plane out of the little. It's getting worse. I guess I'm just doing impressions on this show, a bad impression. No, they're really good.
Starting point is 00:52:33 Thank you. You're putting yourself down. too much they're so good I just wish I like I do there's one part of AI that I want which doesn't exist I think I mean like at home I do a little podcast and I do the stupid things of like I have to press all these things with my mouse and send things places no these stupid things I want to go into my little studio and be like computer how are we doing let's go and then does all the dumb shit that I don't want to do but I don't give a shit about bunnies on trampolines, right?
Starting point is 00:53:09 That's such an important point. In Star Trek, the Voyage Home, Scottie picks up the mouse. Computer! Yes, he's so annoyed. He shows up, and he's like, all right, got to make some transparent aluminum. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:53:24 Classic. Yeah. And he goes into the place where he's going to make it. To hold a whale. To bring back to the future. To bring back to the future whales, because the whale aliens only want to talk to our whales. And our whales are fucking dead.
Starting point is 00:53:34 They go back to the whale. the 1980s something yeah yeah the 1980s and scotty is trying to use the computer and they got to use a mouse I just talked about this today really yeah and he picks up the mouse and he goes computer computer yeah that's what we want yeah this is from the news video number two up next we have Rod Stewart's Forever Young concert video oh this was bad yeah Featuring AI renderings of deceased musicians, including the very recently dead Ozzy Osbourne. This is from North Carolina. Let's take a look.
Starting point is 00:54:17 It's Ozzie going through his Bono phase. Seena Turner. Oh. Oh, no. I didn't see this. It's Ozzy with everybody? Wow. where's selina oh that was selina oh no oh wow it's queen that's so cool
Starting point is 00:54:43 george michael the george michael okay i think we've had enough of this uh for those listening it was ozzie osborne holding a selfie stick with prince tina turner bob marley and teupac he also took selfie with uh michael jackson freddie mercury george michael kirk cobain Whitney Houston and others so everyone who's ever died Jeffrey Epstein Jeffrey Epstein did make an appearance Vanessa
Starting point is 00:55:11 I'm so glad as comedians we have a new guy to say yeah because it was OJ for a while you know like there's just a name now you can just say and get a laugh yeah what is this fucking Jeffrey Epstein
Starting point is 00:55:26 what Seary Epstein didn't kill himself you know works, you're right. Vanessa. Yes. Is this disrespectful? I don't know. He looked pretty happy. Ozzy?
Starting point is 00:55:41 Yeah, he's having fun. I feel like my mom does similar things. She's not in heaven, though. I don't know. But shouldn't Ozzy be in hell? Like, I mean, isn't that his whole vibe? Like, he's the Prince of Darkness and everything? Right. Did he bite the head off a batch? Yeah, she'd be like with flames behind him and everything.
Starting point is 00:56:00 Like, it's cool to be in hell. Maybe God's lower in the bar. No, I just think it would be his preference to be in hell. Like, it's his whole identity. Right. Unless hell is just, you know, a godless place, and we're in it. In a sense. Vanessa, you talk about being Catholic and raised Catholic in your stand-up.
Starting point is 00:56:27 Yes. On some level, is this demonic? Like, are we experiencing demons? Yes. Yes. Yeah, that's the devil for sure at work. I'm just trying to cover my basis. But yeah, I mean, we're, yeah, this is hell.
Starting point is 00:56:47 I think you're right. It's not getting any better. If that's what heaven is, us just going in a circle with a selfie stick. I'll take it. It's better than this shit. Right? I got one.
Starting point is 00:57:02 Shouldn't there be a photographer in heaven? Right? Like a selfie stick is inherently like a practical kind of solution best of bad options. Yeah. So heaven is a place where there's no one who can help you take a picture
Starting point is 00:57:16 so you just do it yourself. Heaven, I mean, heaven is hell. Like this idea that you'd like see these old ants and stuff. Oh, I didn't think about the aunts. Like I don't want to hang out with these old fucking people that I never knew. You're right. You know what's unsolvable?
Starting point is 00:57:33 There's a lot of people who have died who were in love with other people who died who did not love them back. Right. Then you run into them up there. So that means there's got to be a heaven where the unrequited person doesn't have to deal with it,
Starting point is 00:57:47 but the person who loved gets them. This is heavy shit, man. So it's a lot to think about. You know? I hope heaven's all dogs. What a mess. That's it. I do impressions.
Starting point is 00:58:11 That's a good dog. I'm a comedian. I do dog impressions. I'm still reader Wilson like, like when you're playing a video game, if it's too easy, it's not fun, and it's too hard, it's not fun. It's got to hit that right amount of difficulty
Starting point is 00:58:29 to like endorphin serotonin grit. Goldilocks. Right? Mario Kart. So heaven has to be like that too. Right? Because if it's just super easy, that gets boring. But you don't want to be too hard because that's what hell is, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. So it seems like it has to be right in the middle. Seems like what being alive mostly is.
Starting point is 00:58:47 Yeah. It's a lot to think about. Tim, speaking of being alive. Him. Him. Him. You're in a, it's a football horror movie. Yeah. Called Him. I'm in it.
Starting point is 00:58:58 It's from Jordan Peels. company. It looks like it's about two very real horrors, being famous and getting CTE. Yeah. Doesn't it sometimes feel like we have CTE, all of us, in some sense now, from the internet and so forth? Yeah, I can't, we were talking about this backstage. Our attention span has gone down the toilet, right? Oh, yeah, it's real bad.
Starting point is 00:59:22 And that's the worst thing about having CTE, I think, is just a short attention span? Or does it lead to murder suicide? I don't know. I never finished the article. Okay. I think you can't find your keys. Right. Elon Musk just rolled out Grock Imagine this week,
Starting point is 00:59:42 which allows users to request AI images under the category's custom, normal, fun, and spicy. People immediately started to make deep fake nudes of famous people. No. Are you either of you worried about people gooning out to your spicy AI deepfakes? No. You made one of me in the best right now.
Starting point is 01:00:01 That's a cheap fake. We cut your face out and put it on a thing. I like it. Y'all can do it if you want. Remember when there was that fishing scam or whatever it was? We found, I have video of you masturbating. Remember that? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:16 That was going around. Yeah, I'm finding out now that that was a scam. But I was thinking, like, what would that picture be of me? It would just be like this. This pick, because it's my, you know what I mean? Yeah. I'm not filming. No, we know it.
Starting point is 01:00:31 It means. Yeah. Because it's not like this picture of me like. Because you're not composing the shot. You're not framing it up. Right. In my previous relationship, I was dating a journalist and he was got some people that were following him because of a story he was reporting and they followed me.
Starting point is 01:00:54 and there was all these fake blackmail emails and then they followed me around and then the former Massad people that were following me sent a note to HQ saying he's so boring we can't we can't keep following it but as part of that there was like an email that accused me of something and it was so awesome because I hadn't done it
Starting point is 01:01:14 right it was like ha ha nothing next up here's an AI video of AOC talking about the Sydney Sweeney Good Jeans ad, despite the fact that it is a watermark saying parody 100% made with AI and is so clearly fake, Chris Cuomo retweeted
Starting point is 01:01:34 it Wednesday thinking it was real. Let's see it. Sydney Sweeney looks like an Aryan goddess. And the American Eagle Jeans campaign is blatant Nazi propaganda. Okay. So Cuomo retweets that video and wrote, nothing about Hamas or people
Starting point is 01:01:52 burning Jews cars but Sweeney Jeansad deserved time on the floor of Congress what happened to this party fight for small business not for small culture wars AOC replied
Starting point is 01:02:08 this is a deep fake dude please use your critical thinking skills at this point you're just reposting Facebook memes and calling it journalism like Chris Cuomo was a mainstream journalist he is a mainstream journalist he fucking found for that his brains
Starting point is 01:02:23 That's HGH going on in that brain I've got to try that stuff I want to live in that world He's real like this Should we be on HGH? Let's do it Let's get big Let's get big and strong
Starting point is 01:02:38 Like Sasha Baron Cohen Do you see him? Is he get strong now? Did you see the picture of Sasha Berrin Cohen? Oh he's getting strong Oh you got to look that up It's crazy Can you find that?
Starting point is 01:02:49 I don't know what's real You're not going to believe this He's on the cover of like men's health or something and he's like ripped like shredded and it's like funny dude let's get let's get shredded you and me
Starting point is 01:03:02 all right I'm good we'll take HCHH we become guys that those guys on we've got a podcast where we talk about it and get really intense and like super intense so how's everything going for you?
Starting point is 01:03:13 No just that is too much just doing that I hurt myself yeah I did I'm a Pilates girl All right. Now, Chris Cuomo fell for this. Look at what AOC is made to say in the rest of this video. I mean, fuck. Watching that sultry little temptress squeeze into a Canadian tuxedo, three sizes too small, with her bouncy little fun bags on the screen staring at you, piercing through the core of your soul with those ocean blue eyes that could resurrect the furor from his grave in Argentina. Okay, all right. That's enough.
Starting point is 01:03:53 Why is she talking about me like that? So, Vanessa, yes. Chris Cuomo got got pretty badly. What do you think he said about it when he was addressing the confusion on air? What do you think he did to kind of make this right? How contrite do you think he was about this?
Starting point is 01:04:14 I'm sure he admitted he was wrong and took full responsibility for posting something that he didn't look into. Sounds like the Cuomo way. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see what he did. AOC tweeted back and said,
Starting point is 01:04:35 dude, that's a deep fake that Sidney Sweeney had. You suck in so many words. And she was right. They got me. AI. It was really good, and it did seem like something she would say.
Starting point is 01:04:48 But it wasn't her. So I thanked AOC for correcting me. But I then reminded her, She ignored the part of the tweet that mattered, okay? Why will you not address my question based on a fake video of you? Why are you only replying to tell me that I've fallen for some fucking dumb bullshit? Incredible. Yeah, go eat a sandwich.
Starting point is 01:05:17 Yeah. Is that a good burn? I mean, it's a little mean-spirited, but I like it. I'm sorry I get I get wound up That's a fun one because you can say it any way you want Hey go eat a sandwich You know because it could be just be a nice thing to say Yeah, you know
Starting point is 01:05:32 But I don't mean it nice Um Hey here's a dolphin on a trampoline What is going on? That's really good That's really good That's real That's real
Starting point is 01:05:46 That's real That's real That's real That's real That's real That's not okay it's not it's real and it's not okay Tim were you recording office hours that was
Starting point is 01:06:01 not right now no no we did this morning this morning yeah yeah another part of the day another part of the day office hours every Thursday morning on YouTube and Patreon and you take questions yeah we take calls and everything is like advice to tell me that I'm a bully today I got a big conversation about
Starting point is 01:06:17 and that I should think about when we have guests and people do they leave feeling more loved than they did when they came in. And that's pretty good advice. And now it's become a joke. Do you think it's true? Do they not leave more loved than they came in? I think they generally either leave the same feeling
Starting point is 01:06:34 or maybe a little more loved. I don't know. That doesn't sound like you're a bully. I don't feel like I am. But, you know, I come from the tradition of, you know, Letterman or people like that where you're trying to keep the show moving. And if someone calls in and they got nothing to say, you go, bye, bye.
Starting point is 01:06:49 Right. which is not very bully-ish. Do you find me to be a bully backstage? I was being pretty rude, but... No, it's fine. You know, just the slurs, but that's it. He was just trying to fit in with Ken, though. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:04 He was just trying to... He came a real boys club back there. Oh, yeah. A little locker room talk. It's pretty heads. I'm sorry that happened, Vanessa. It's fine. You can find office hours with Tim Heidecker on YouTube,
Starting point is 01:07:16 and wherever you get your podcast, him hits theaters. in September 719. And you play a quarterback. I play the cornerback. Cornerback. No, I play, yeah, I play a sports agent. Oh, you don't play football in the movie.
Starting point is 01:07:29 No, no, not me. Oh, that's good. I was confused. You were. I could. I mean, in the olden days, I'd be probably a pretty good football player. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:41 With the other helmets and stuff. I don't think there's any era for you. Really? No. I'm a six-foot-tall guy. You want to go? Oh, shit. I'm not, I'm not, yeah, let's, no, I'm, you.
Starting point is 01:07:52 I didn't say you're not better than me. Okay. But not like a professional football player, right? I mean, I guess back when it was just like, they let anybody do it. Yeah, like when the three, like, when the three stooges were playing football in their movies. When tryouts were like, they put a sign up in Grand Central and you're like, I'm going to go for it. Yeah. Well, I'm in the movie nonetheless.
Starting point is 01:08:13 That's great. I have lines, too, in the movie. Oh, a speaking role, they call it. Wow. That's cool. Oh, my God. Memorizing your lines, it must be so nerve-wracking.
Starting point is 01:08:24 I'm not good at it. Because of your brains. Yeah, my C-T-E. Yeah. And you can follow Vanessa on socials at at Vanessa G. Comedy. And you've got shows at the lyric this fall, Lyric Hyperion, where we've done this show as well.
Starting point is 01:08:39 When we come back, we turn up the heat. Uh-oh. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It is brought to you by Bombard. Bambus summer's here, and we're all chasing something, a break, a goal, a vibe. Don't let bad socks and blisters ruin it. Bombas make socks that keep up with whatever your summer looks like, whether you're running a marathon
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Starting point is 01:10:18 In case you missed it, the folks at Crooked Media and Vote Save America, we're hosting our first ever Cricket con. It's the first ever event where we're going to bring together organizers and all the amazing people that are part of the friends of the pod community and the least annoying politicians. We're going to have really interesting conversations and events. We'll be in Washington, D.C. on November 6th and 7th. We're going to have a Pod Save America live show at the Warner Theater on Thursday, November 6th, and on Friday, November 7th, we'll be at the wharf.
Starting point is 01:10:52 The wharf? The wharf? Sounds like you're about to say the wharf. The wharf. It's just the wharf. It's just the wharf for a full day of workshops, conversations, live pods. All about figuring out how to build the big pro-democracy movement we need before, or maybe after it's too late. Tickets are on sale now.
Starting point is 01:11:14 Crookedcon.com to get some tickets. Use the code freedom and content. That's all one word. We also have great new merch at the Crooked store. Crooked.com slash store. 20% off everything. All right, please welcome back to the stage. Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider.
Starting point is 01:11:33 Come on back. Ken, you go over here. You go right there. I'm going to sit here. It's a little messy here in my seat. Okay, well, why don't you put a comment card in the fucking box on your way out? I like Ken Jennings.
Starting point is 01:11:52 It's fun to kind of razzia a little bit. But like, sweetly. That's kind of what the host of Jeopardy is. Like, he's in on the joke. He's a figure of fun, even though Jeopardy is real. But, like, Alex was kind of always in on the joke. Yeah. Like, when Will Ferrell would do him on SNL or whatever.
Starting point is 01:12:07 Who's the host of Jeopardy now? Like when I'm here? all right now it's time for a segment we call hot takes here's how works that's that's new i didn't know that was going to happen here's how works we're each going to be given a hot take to defend if the take is just too hot to the touch we're each allowed one skip but the next one could be worse i sincerely i have not seen these whatever i get i'm not in charge of this is all done by the producers uh so let's kick it off this is for Vanessa
Starting point is 01:12:49 Texas is doing everything right 30 seconds on the board Texas is doing everything right you know it's real hot there you know it's we got breakfast tacos yeah can't fuck with it
Starting point is 01:13:09 Selena's from there can't fuck with it let's see Oh shit, it's, yeah, go Texas. Nice, really good. Eat a sandwich if you don't like it. Got them. Let's see what's next.
Starting point is 01:13:32 Putting the answer in the form of the question is dumb. Can 30 seconds defend it? This is going to get me in so much trouble. But this is actually true. Like, if I came up to you on. the street and said, hey John, who is Grover Cleveland? And you said something like, this 19th century Democrat, formerly of Buffalo, New York, like you would sound like a crazy person. The syntactic reversal of Jeopardy just doesn't work. And when Jeopardy goes to other countries,
Starting point is 01:14:03 they're like, what is up with the what is thing? That doesn't even make sense. But it's just part of our culture now. It's part of our heritage. So you have to have a carve out for this weird, weird historical relic I like that I like that it ties us to the past it's like how the rules of being kosher don't make sense
Starting point is 01:14:20 but there's something beautiful or baseball or kosher you in following them you demonstrate your care for something in a sense yeah it's like it's what Torah is based on
Starting point is 01:14:34 basically it's about Torah Jeopardy is what is Torah coded Torah coded Torah coded Let's see what's next. They never found the right person to replace Alex Trebek.
Starting point is 01:14:49 Amy, that's yours to defend. Yeah, all right. They never found the right person to replace Alex Trebek. You know, they tried a lot of different people. And, you know, the one they came up with was the one who had no previous television experience, which was an odd choice. and, you know, also, you know, I really think that they should have gone with, you know, like I get that they went with the Jeopardy champion.
Starting point is 01:15:17 They maybe should have gone with one who was more popular. So I don't know. I'm just saying, I'm still open to taking a call if they want to check that out, yeah. Wow. Wow. Ken Jennings has no talent. You got to get rid of them. More impressions.
Starting point is 01:15:37 More impressions. They're so good. They're so good. I'm freaking out. You people could have had Aaron Rogers. You could have had an unvaccinated jeopardy host. A super spreader Jeopardy host. And you're complaining?
Starting point is 01:15:53 Don't compare him to the Almighty. Compare them to the alternative. Let's see what's next. For Tim, I wouldn't mind hopping on the Riyadh Comedy Festival lineup. Tim, you wouldn't mind hopping on the Riyadh Comedy Festival lineup. Comedy Festival lineup, take it away. I wouldn't mind hopping on the Riyadh Comedy Festival lineup.
Starting point is 01:16:14 There's a million dollars in it for me and I'm looking to end my life. So I'm looking to end up in a black duffel bag in a dumpster somewhere in Saudi Arabia. You were telling me before the show that you don't care that they cut up a journalist, money's money. That was what you said backstage. Hey, you know, the cash didn't cut him up.
Starting point is 01:16:38 that just goes in my bank account that's what you said I'm going to give credit to Doug for this joke but he says they've got the bone saws ready for the funny bones over there it's horrible and it's a horrible thing to say it's a horrible thing to say
Starting point is 01:16:53 it's a hard because of the serious topic underneath it because what happened and yet we got a laugh we got a laugh we got a laugh about it that's what they're going to say at the Riyadh comedy festival hey look we know it's a serious this is a crazy time out there
Starting point is 01:17:07 But you know what brings people together, laughter from all over the world. Comedy is dangerous. Comedy is dangerous, not as dangerous as say a fucking bone saw. Oh, Jesus. At the business end of a autocracy, but... Isn't there a progressive take for the festival?
Starting point is 01:17:26 Like, what if we could get them off fossil fuels and into delightful stand-up? Think of the environmental benefits. Wow, that's going to be some quality. stand-up they get the Saudis those are some good jokes men be driving like this and women don't be driving really good
Starting point is 01:17:51 that was really good you know that's set from Kevin Hart last night really made me think no one's ever said all right let's do one more This is for me. I don't agree with R.FK Jr. on much, but he's right about eating roadkill.
Starting point is 01:18:14 You know what? Of all the things he's ever done, that is not a problem for me. It's not something that I personally would do, but, like, if you hit an animal with your car, it's fresh. It's right there. It's right there.
Starting point is 01:18:28 When you want to make a chicken cutlet, you hit it with a hammer. So what do you think happens when you hit a deer? You're just starting the process. I also just don't think vaccines work So there's like a lot You can't see it It's invisible, okay
Starting point is 01:18:44 I still got COVID, thank you He didn't eat the bear Well he couldn't eat the bear He's got a line Yeah he does have a line But because his story doesn't fucking make sense His story never checked out about the bear He couldn't eat the bear
Starting point is 01:18:59 Because the bear was dead when he found it Oh right Because he was like oh some other woman Hit a bear than I took it What woman? What? What? What? Ken, what? Kennedy's explaining car accidents implausibly. Name a more iconic pair.
Starting point is 01:19:21 Well, that's a great place to leave it. That is our show. Thank you so much to Ken Jennings, Amy Schneider, Tim Heidegger, and Vanessa Gonzalez. We'll see you next week, a Dynasty Typewriter, 451 days till the midterms. Have a great night. Have a great weekend.
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Starting point is 01:20:04 Sign up at crooked.com slash friends. Lover Leave It is a crooked media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Koff, and Peter Miller, Alan Pier, and Suba Argoal, are our writers. Jordan Cantor is our editor, Kyle Segland and Charlotte Landis, provide audio support.
Starting point is 01:20:25 Stephen Cologne is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure, Sure. Thanks to our designer, Sammy Kudurna Rees, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see, because this is a podcast. And thanks to our digital producer. David Tolls, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, Dilan Villanueva, and Rachel Gaieski for filming and editing video each week. Our head of production is Matt DeGroate, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:21:08 Thank you.

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