Lovett or Leave It - Illinois Hold 'Em
Episode Date: August 9, 2025This week, the White House hosts its first annual Epstein Cover-Up Dinner, Trump feels the Labor pains, and Texas Democrats leave the Lone Star State even more lonely. Jeopardy’s Ken Jennings and Am...y Schneider stop by to answer our questions and question our answers, while Tim Heidecker and Vanessa Gonzalez hallucinate an LLM (Large Laugh Model). And we leave the stage sizzling with our Hot Takes about Texas, Jeopardy, and the Riyadh Comedy Festival.Get tickets to CROOKED CON November 6-7 in Washington, D.C at crookedcon.comMore upcoming shows: crooked.com/events
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Hi everybody, welcome to love it or leave it.
It's great to see everybody.
We've got a great show for you tonight.
Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider are here.
They're going to fight it out for Twitter dominance like two elephant seals.
Tim Heideker and Vanessa Gonzalez are here.
And then we close it down with the return of Hot Takes.
But first,
First, let's get into it.
What a week.
Donald Trump has finally met his greatest foe, reality, and maybe dementia, but for now we're saying reality.
Last Friday, the Department of Labor released a bleak monthly jobs report.
The U.S. had added just 73,000 jobs in July, and only 33,000 jobs in May and June combined,
making this report the worst jobs performance since Ashton Coucher.
It's stupid.
Trump, for his part, took the news in stride.
It's a highly political situation.
It's totally rigged.
Smart people know it.
People with common sense know it.
And a lot of people like to keep their head under the covers.
Let's move on to this.
As always, we wish Biden appointees were even a fraction as scheming as Trump claims.
You think this woman was rigging the numbers?
This woman has gone to.
find a grocery store employee because she accidentally rang up an organic zucchini as a regular
zucchini at the self-checkout. Trump, naturally, provided no evidence to support his claim.
He fired the Labor Commissioner because the numbers were bad, and so they must be fake.
We're seeing phenomenal numbers. I mean, really phenomenal numbers. We'll be announcing a new
statistician sometime over the next three, four days. We had no confidence. I mean, the numbers were
ridiculous it's a scam in my opinion look at this tremendous number trump continued turning the
calculator around to reveal the word boob lucky for trump there's a seasoned statistician who
recently lost his job due to budget cuts the economy added a billion jobs ah i didn't commit
the economy the economy added a billion jobs ah ah
Ah, ah, that's it.
You got to go, ah, ah, that's what it is.
It has to be short.
As usual, a fleet of intellectual Zambonis were following close behind Trump to defend him.
Here's National Economic Council Director, Kevin Hassett,
noting that if you just ignore the new, more accurate numbers, the old numbers were pretty good.
While the job stubbers had this big kind of mysterious revision,
if they didn't have the revision, then the jobs numbers were fully consistent with the 3% GDP growth.
We also saw last week.
In a sense, the play Our American Cousin was a huge success
until the revision at the end by John Wilkes Booth.
And here's Hasse's evidence for the claim that the numbers were rigged,
which is, once again, numbers bad.
Does the administration have any evidence that it was rigged, as the president said?
Will you be presenting that to the American public?
Well, the evidence is that there have been a bunch of revisions
that could appear to partisans.
Oh, I mean, the revisions are hard.
claiming something's hard when it's not what is this jd vans on date night still in his head over a
twitter fight with chris hayes this is of course nonsense because job numbers have always been
revised as the bureau receives more information and while the revisions seem big as a share of job
losses these adjustments are actually impressively small when you remember that the bureau is keeping
track of roughly 160 million jobs.
Impressively small.
What is this?
J.D. Vance, marveling at a bonsai tree.
Here's Trump's Secretary of Labor, Lori Chavez-D. Reamer riding for her boy.
And the president absolutely has the right to determine who,
is going to be advising him.
And I support the president's decision in this replacement.
It is my job to support the president in this issue, and I do support him.
But it's actually not your job to support the president.
You're not the secretary of emotional labor.
William Beach, Trump's BLS chief in his first term, said that the decision to fire his successor
made absolutely no sense.
It's impossible for the commissioner.
to do that. The commissioner does not even see the numbers until the numbers are completely
done, and they're loaded and ready to be distributed. So like most bosses, she did none of the work
but gets all the credit. Sorry. It's not called producer or leave it.
I don't know. That's how it is. Meanwhile, Trump keeps getting caught up,
in the reality of his friendship
with America's most probably dead sex trafficker,
Jeffrey Epstein.
And look, we've all had friendships we regret.
If I could go back in time,
would I go to Cabo with those 4-9-11 hijackers?
Of course not.
But that's based on what I know now.
Trump's Deputy Attorney General,
who was his personal attorney until late last year,
went to meet with Galane Maxwell on July 25th.
During the meeting, Maxwell begged the deputy H.E. to throw her a rope, to which she replied,
oh, don't worry. We'll definitely have a rope for you.
Then on Friday, we learned that Maxwell had been transferred from her Florida prison to a minimum
security federal facility for non-violent offenders in Texas, known as Club Fed, with no official
announcement or justification. Said one Trump administration official, there's nothing unusual about
this. Galane Maxwell simply chose to end her life. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
That is for tomorrow's press conference.
Now, many are wondering, could her transfer be an inducement of some kind?
Yes.
Of course it is.
On Tuesday, ABC News reported that Galane Maxwell said nothing during her nine-hour interview
that would be damaging to Trump and that the administration was considering releasing the transcripts,
though officials are reportedly trying to figure out whether they can redact the part of the transcript
that describes Maxwell doing a big wink.
According to CNN, top administration officials, including Vance, Trump's chief of staff, Susie
Wiles, Attorney General Pam Bondi, Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche, and FBI Director Cash Patel
planned to gather at the Vice President's residence on Wednesday for a secret meeting to discuss
their Epstein strategy. Jeffrey Epstein, of course, planned to join remotely.
Vance's office denied the report, saying the CNN story is pure fiction. There was never a
supposed meeting scheduled at the vice president's residence to discuss Epstein's strategy,
which is a very interesting way to slam a door closed so hard it stays a little bit open.
When Trump was asked about the reported Epstein dinner, he and Vance denied it.
It's completely fake news. We're not meeting to talk about the Epstein situation.
And I think the reporter who reported it needs to get better sources.
Look, the whole thing is a host. It's put out by the Democrats because we've had the most
successful six months in the history
of our country, and that's
just a way of trying to divert attention
to something that's total
bullshit, okay?
And I wasn't even excited
about a dinner party, because I'm invited to them all the
time, said Cash Patel.
Holding a bottle of Sansaire
Sauvignon Blanc he chose after a deeply
vulnerable 15-minute conversation with a
clerk at the Weinstar.
Also, how about Tim
Cook standing between those two fucking guys?
He's there to present him with some sort of gold
iPhone or something, just like kissing the fucking ring, and then you're standing there and
you're like, I don't even know Epstein. Epstein, who's Epstein? It's like, Jesus fucking
Christ. Good. Suffer. Fucking suffer. Stand there and you supper, Tim Cook. You made your bed.
You sleep in it. That's right. You're standing between J.D. Vance and Donald Trump
while they fucking yell at the press about some fucking bullshit. It's what you deserve. You stand
there. Fucking like it. Tim Cook. Too many cords for the fucking iPhone.
Thursday that the Epstein meeting actually happened,
but they moved it from the Naval Observatory
to the White House, outsmarting us once again.
On Tuesday, Trump was on the roof.
Mr. President, what are you doing up there?
Taking a little walk.
No, stop. Don't do it.
You got so much to live for.
At one point, Trump could be seen making the shape of a large boob with his hands and
mouthing the words, it's going to be beautiful.
What the fuck is that?
It's going to be beautiful.
What's going to be beautiful, you ask?
Why, it's the $200 million ballroom that Trump plans to build.
The administration announced last week that the new ballroom would be 90,000 square feet,
which is almost twice the size of the entire White House.
It's basically the size of a Walmart.
Why so big, you ask?
Trump told reporters it's going to take a pretty big gala
to find all the Bennett sisters' suitable husbands
for the long-born estate
is inherited by that insufferable Mr. Collins.
And look, as far as distractions go,
this is a good try,
but we can still shit on this dumb ballroom-slash-warehouse
and stay focused on Trump's failures and scandals
at the same time.
A ballroom the size of a Walmart?
Think of how many unemployed workers,
vaccine scientists, and dead pedophiles
could fit inside there.
The White House also revealed the redesign of the Rose Garden,
which Trump recently paved over,
covered with Mar-a-Lago-style tables and yellow umbrellas.
All in all, a lot of construction for a four-year lease.
Meanwhile, Attorney General Pam Bondi ordered prosecutors
to open up an investigation into Trump's Russia hoax
and present evidence to a grand jury in South Florida,
even though the five-year statute of limitations has expired,
John Durham already did this investigation during Trump's first term
and ended up with two acquittals and zero convictions
and there is no evidence that any of these crimes
which never happened if they had happened
would have happened in Florida.
But Trump is it the only one struggling with reality.
Here's Nebraska Republican Mike Flood addressing his constituents this week.
Why did you cut Snap and healthcare research?
We do not have on.
unlimited money in the United States.
Next slide, please.
And then the next slide
answered everybody's concerns.
I'm going to put the whole thing to rest.
Best slide anybody's ever seen.
Most Americans now hold Trump responsible
for the rising cost of living
as he obsesses over deportations
and tariffs and culture wars,
which has led Republicans to worry
that they're courting disaster in the midterms.
and Republicans are doing that courting
the only way they know how,
being way too aggressive,
blaming you for not liking it,
and then trying to get their cup friend
to scare you for not being willing to hang out again.
That's right.
On Sunday, dozens of Texas Democrats
fled to Illinois to break quorum
and prevent Republicans
from passing a new congressional map
during a two-week special session.
And that is why, on this night,
we eat very, very thick bread.
For when the Democrats fled Texas,
they went to Chicago.
where the pizzas take 40 minutes to cook.
Usually, redistricting happens once a decade,
but Republicans have been emboldened by Supreme Court rulings
that scrap part of the Voting Rights Act,
rubber-stamped partisan gerrymandering,
and raised the threshold to challenge discriminatory maps,
and maps shouldn't discriminate,
except against left turns on major streets when there's no light.
Under Texas House rules,
each lawmaker is fined $500 for,
each day they fail to show up.
And that's a lot of money,
said Illinois billionaire governor, J.B. Pritzker.
Texas Governor Greg Abbott could call special session
after special session,
which Democrats could only stop by remaining out of state
and racking up more fines.
And who knows how long they can keep that up?
People are going to start missing their dogs
and kids or whatever.
So far, Texas Democrats have been undeterred,
which has been deeply frustrating to Texas Republicans.
Here's the state's Attorney General, Ken Paxton.
And I think the government,
is going to be forced into calling several special sessions,
eventually they're going to have to come back.
There's no doubt they'll come back.
They have to.
They have jobs.
They have lives.
They have families.
They're not going to live in Chicago,
especially when it starts getting cold.
Why?
Because they'll hate having a power grid that doesn't conk out the first time it snows.
Abbott can't have state law enforcement arrest anyone who isn't physically in Texas,
which is why we got Trump saying this.
Do you want the federal law enforcement?
government and the FBI to help locate and arrest these Texas Democrats who have left the
state. Well, I think they've abandoned the state. Nobody's seen anything like it, even though
they've done it twice before. Should the FBI get it? Well, they may have to.
Also, stop giving them ideas. Unless the idea is, you'll probably float to the ground like
Mary Poppins.
Many Democrats have long
pushed for independent, non-partisan
redistricting, which is what we have in California,
Colorado, and several other states.
Even as Republicans have grown more and more brazen
in their redistricting schemes,
it's led to an interesting political phenomenon
called losing.
But the attention Texas Democrats have brought
has led blue state governors to step up, at least rhetorically.
New York Governor Kathy Hochle
called the redistricting fight a war
and said this.
If Republicans are willing to rewrite these rules
to give themselves an advantage,
then they're leaving us no choice.
We must do the same.
The problem is,
mid-decade redistricting in New York
would require an amendment to the state constitution
because of a ballot measure
passed by voters in 2014
as part of the Ice Bucket Challenge.
Gavin Newsom said that California Democrats
would move
forward with a new map of their own aimed at flipping five of the state's GOP house seats next year.
It was always going to come down to California versus Texas.
Tex-Mex? That's cute. You dust farmers, we put French fries in our burritos on our way to the
goddamn ocean.
The California legislature has to pass a proposal by August 22nd to have it before voters in
November so the maps could be in place by the elections in 2026. We got to move fast, California.
I know it's not our usual move. There's been a four-year-old.
your gap between seasons on euphoria, but still, a lot of us did come from New York.
Some of that muscle memory's got to still be in there.
Gavin's plan has angered former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who plans to lead the campaign
against redistricting.
Schwarzenegger considers California's independent redistricting commission his baby, and this
baby he has claimed from the very beginning.
Which leaves us.
only one option, Gavin Newsom must go back in time to kill Arnold Schwarzenegger's father
who was a Nazi, so it's fine.
There is hope in all of this in Republican arrogance and brazeness because believing you can
dictate reality to voters when voters will ultimately dictate reality to you is hubris.
Just asked two-term president and beloved national hero Joe Biden.
You can fire.
the bean counters at the labor department, but it doesn't change how many people are looking for work,
and you can claim tariffs, punish other countries, but Americans will feel the average increase of
$2,400 in costs. And a lot of people will still be hurt. RFK Jr. announced the end of 22
mRNA vaccine projects based on nonsense. This is real-life damage because the head of the HHS department
denies reality. Not only does this give up the promise of so many treatments and cures, it will mean
so many people who would have otherwise been autistic will now just be fucking normal and
boring.
I'll end with this.
NPR, RIP, reported on Monday that the Trump administration is looking to shut down a satellite
mission called the orbiting carbon observatories.
These are satellites that were designed to measure carbon dioxide in the atmosphere,
but there was a happy accident, as one climate scientist described.
it. In how those satellites were measuring carbon, they were also creating a high-resolution map
of plant growth all over the world. And that has allowed the government and private companies
to use the data to map crop yields, analyze drought conditions, predict when you're masturbating,
and a lot of other amazing science. It costs shy of a billion dollars just to get these satellites
into orbit. It costs relatively little to keep them aloft while providing data for
farmers, ranchers, and policymakers that has genuine positive benefits. But now it looks like the
Trump administration is going to purposefully burn up a satellite in the atmosphere rather than deal
with the reality it describes. And if that is what Donald Trump is willing to do to a satellite
that says things he doesn't like, just imagine what he'd do to a hypothetical pedophile with
nothing to lose with whom he shares a secret deep and long-lasting friendship. He might kill him
and make it look like a suicide.
Hypothetically, for legal purposes, a bit we're doing.
We've got a great show for you tonight.
Coming up, it's a double jeopardy
with Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider.
Hey, don't go anywhere.
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Wait, who are, wait, my favorite jeopardy condescents of all time.
Who are Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider?
I botched that a little bit.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Thanks for being here.
What a dream to have you both here.
Hello.
How's it going?
So good to see you both.
If you're both here,
who's feeding the thousand monkeys
that write all the jeopardy questions?
Amy
Yes
You're on the record
As being very anti-AI
Yes
You're both smart
And you sort of cornered the market on it
Are you maybe just worried that
AI is going to be better at Jeopardy than you?
I mean, it might be better at Jeopardy
but it won't be better at anything useful
Wow, Ken
shots fired
I was the very first person to lose
to an AI at Jeopardy
So I'm sorry
I'll try to put it in
good word for you with the machines when they take over. I feel like we go way back.
IBM Watson back in 2011 or whatever that was. Oh, wow. So I've been an AI skeptic,
by which I mean deeply resentful, broken person for over a decade. Amy, on July 23rd, Trump
issued the executive order preventing woke AI in the federal government. I don't know.
Two great things that taste great together if you ask me. It's trying to.
to stop the incorporation of concepts like critical race theory, transgenderism, unconscious bias,
and intersectionality into AI.
What?
Well, I mean, I think if you see what Brock is up to, you understand.
They want AI and they want it to be racist.
So that's what they're doing.
It's simple enough.
That's too bad.
Yeah, well.
Amy.
Yes.
You published a memoir called In the Form of a Question,
The Joys and Rewards of a Curious Life,
which also has a young reader's edition titled,
Who is Amy Schneider,
Questions on Growing Up, Being Curious, and Winning It Big on Jeopardy?
Yeah, that's all true.
You don't have either of those on stage, I'll note, but anyway.
You're right about that.
Yours sounds like a poignant exploration of your life,
but this one's got little questions.
Fun little questions in it.
It's a fun one.
So many.
So many fun questions.
You're right. I'm going to put more fun little questions in my next book.
Now, how many trans teens do you hope to recruit
with the Young Adult Edition for you to consider the book of success?
I mean, I'm well on my way.
There's like about a thousand of us.
There's not that many trans people is the thing.
So as many as I can get.
Nice.
Ken, you posted last month
that you won't vote for Gavin Newsom for president
after he made comments about trans athletes
who said any candidate
cynically triangulating on trans kids
is a non-starter and now it's time to say so
there's still so much time to advance candidates
that don't suck.
I guess I'll stand by that.
Yeah, well, so you're both two very smart people.
At least one of you is trans.
What would you?
You know, they're getting this question all the time, and they're all struggling to grapple with a reality, which is, while Americans remain broadly supportive of trans people and equal rights, there's a lot of skepticism around the issues that the right has been hammering, which is trans athletes and gender affirming care for younger kids.
And you see a lot of Democrats struggling for how to be supportive of trans people while trying to figure out how to gain purchase with what is now two-thirds of people, including almost half.
of Democrats that are deeply skeptical about trans athletes and deeply skeptical now about
gender-affirmy care for younger kids. So what do you think about that?
First of all, I think that these like polling numbers, these ideas, like there's a question of
if you're just called on the phone and ask this question, will you say one side or the other,
is very different from how much it's actually motivating you for any purpose. And the second
thing I would say is it would be one thing if they had not best.
supporting trans people when it was easy but they did when it was easy and it's this exact
sort of thing this oh this is unpopular now so we are changing our position that is why nobody
trusts the democrats so like that's really the issue like voters don't want you to do what
the polls say because then they know if the polls change you'll change they want you to have
principles that you stand up for.
And like, choosing
to support trans people is a very good
principle. It's the one that the future is
going to agree with. So get
on to it now.
Anything to add that, Ken?
Agree 100%. Like, you can't act
like these poll numbers are written in stone.
Well, I guess trans people are unpopular.
What are we going to do? Those issues were made unpopular
by like a never-ending decade-long
propaganda campaign. Like, what you do
is you fight back against the misinformation.
You don't say, well,
I wonder if we can get some middle-aged white men in the Midwest
if we just sell out trans kids.
I mean, it's just awful to think about.
Yeah, no, I agree. I agree.
Oh, good.
So you got me, got me.
No, well, so here's what I struggle with,
which is what do I care about?
I care about broad trans acceptance, right?
Not just acceptance, but love and appreciation
to see the value that trans people bring to our world
and the way they challenge us to see gender
and new and more interesting and diverse ways.
I want young kids to be free to express themselves,
and I want parents, kids, doctors
to be able to get kids exactly what they need when they need it,
carefully, thoughtfully, respectfully, whatever.
I also want kids who are trans to be able to play sports in school
and just play with their friends that match their gender, right?
Like, I just want that.
And I want adults who are trans to feel safe
and be able to work and be able to access
gender affirming care. And I don't give a fuck about what happens at high level NCAA tournaments.
I just don't care. I really don't. And I feel like there is this problem where correctly you are
noting that there's some kind of a dark concession in this, right? There's a kind of effort to
capitulate and Republicans won't say, oh, thanks, you met us in the middle. We're good on trans people
now. They'll just keep fighting. But at the same time, the issue,
of like high level sports which affects a tiny percentage of trans people who are themselves a tiny
percentage of the world kind of blows everything out of proportion and so I honestly feel this
conflict because part of me wants to say you know what like when you know Gavin Newsom gets a ton of
shit for this and I think that kind of went a little bit out of his way but like Pete tries to
struggle with this says trans people are vulnerable says they're under attack also says people have
legitimate fairness questions he gets attacked for it right some people say fairly some people say not
But what makes me worried is I see us losing ground on the issue.
You can blame Democrats for that.
But clearly there's some larger debate we're struggling with.
You know, one thing I'll say is that I do, and I think I try to in my public life,
I once held every anti-transposition that you can imagine.
I grew up a conservative Catholic in Ohio in the 80s.
Like, this is exactly what I was.
raised to believe, and I did believe it. And, like, so it's, I'm not saying that anybody who has
these concerns, like the people that you're talking about, are bad, irredeemable people. And I
am totally on board with trying to communicate with them in a respectful way, and it's understandable
why they feel the way they do. And the fears that they have are understandable. But,
the thing about it is, like, I understand,
and I also understand that, like, trans issues
are not the most important thing.
They're not more important than the Supreme Court.
They're not more important than whether we have
another democratic election in this country.
But I'm trans, and I can't have,
it just is the most important issue to me,
and I can't help that.
And so, like, that's the thing I struggle with,
is that, like, I'm not trying to be dismissive,
and I'm not trying to be dismissive of the point of,
needing to win elections, but like also this is real
and it's happening to me and to people like me
that don't have a way to talk about it.
And so I feel the need to talk about it for them.
Can, I think we could sneak you into some pretty Republican places.
Is this a plan you've been thinking about?
No, it occurred to me now, just sort of, you know,
that Amy's transness is inescapable.
So is your general.
shape.
What about the host of
Jeopardy in a suit
is Republican coded?
I don't know what you're talking about.
So, so sophisticated.
I came straight from work.
Did you?
I did.
Wow.
We're not all podcasters, John.
Some of us have a day job. I had to host
five Jeopardies today.
Wow.
And where's Ken's parade?
So when you're on Jeopardy number five
And you walk up to somebody and it says on the car
So it says here you like skateboarding
Is your heart in it
So I have to admit as a kid
I found the Jeopardy interview so cringy
That I would leave the room
That's my Jeopardy origin story
Because these people mean well
But you make them stop playing Jeopardy for a second
To talk about their cat
Or their trip to Thailand or something
And they're not there for that
They just want to answer the little questions.
So I try to make it good.
I try to make it the least bad it can be.
And get out of there.
My promise to you, the viewer.
What percentage of the time do you have to say,
no, I'm sorry, you can't also talk about trains?
My version of that joke would be cats.
It is 100%.
You would not believe the crazy thing my cat does.
And I'm like, I bet I can't.
Does it sit on top of the couch?
That's nuts.
I have to say, as somebody who has seen Ken work up close,
his ability to laugh at the end of any story is remarkable.
I've spent my whole life trying to get out of conversations in 25 seconds.
That's why the Jeopardy host is the job for me.
Maybe I should have been that, too.
well what is what is it what is it when your specialty is having other people try to get out of conversations with you
something to think about okay this show uh what am i going to do i'll transition
which is why it's time for a game we're calling connections with schneide effects
We've been inspired by Ken's book and Amy's book.
Oh, good.
Here's how it works.
I'm going to read you three trivia questions.
You can buzz in and try to answer.
And at the end, you have to tell us what the connection is between the three answers.
This is my trivia format.
Yeah, that's why, as I referenced.
I love that it's catching on.
I guess you maybe don't listen to the answers.
No, I'm kidding.
But yes, this is based on.
your book. And to a lesser extent, Amy's book.
All right, first question.
What superstar musical protagonist did Cynthia Arevo
portray a cross from Adam?
I was waiting until the end, but go ahead.
Should I not? Should I not?
No, no, you chose in. There's no rules.
I hope it's Jesus Christ Superstar.
You got it.
Next question. The Coast Guard released their
findings this week, revealing that the
2023 implosion of what submersible
was preventable.
You got it.
Wow.
They're both so smart. You can feel it in the room.
You can feel the energy.
It's intimidating.
Ken's darting, intelligent, shark-like
eyes.
That has never been a compliment in the history of the language.
You know what I love about him
is his shark-like eyes.
Shark like a famously intelligent-looking shark eyes.
That's exactly what I'm talking about.
I got to stay on my toes blowing it.
What American radio host did Trump call a racist sleaze bag this week
after he criticized Trump on his daughter-in-law,
Laura Trump's Fox News show?
A radio host?
Are there still radio hosts?
There are.
Is Howard Stern still on?
It's not Howard Stern.
It was Charlemagne the God.
Oh, I saw that.
So we have Jesus Christ, the Titan, and Charlemagne the God.
What is the connection?
The connection.
They're all gods?
Yeah.
That did get easier at the end.
Yeah.
Next question.
This week, the White House Historical Association exhibit in D.C. revealed a full-size replica of what room before Trump added gold trim to it?
The Oval Office.
Correct.
Scientists announced that they'd identified the bacteria behind the death of $5 billion of what sea creature over the last 10 years.
I actually don't know.
Oysters.
No.
Oh, I think I'm dark.
You could steal it.
Sea stars?
Yeah, I'll give you a C-star.
Oh, that's a correct answer.
C-stars or starfish.
I'm glad you'll give it to me.
Got to stay on my toes.
I never heard them called C-stars.
I was called them Starfish.
I read a lot of the New York Times this week in preparation for the show.
So thank you for that.
And finally, what federal department jumped into the Sydney-Sweeney American Eagle Fray
with a photo of their secretary's great jeans as he got off?
the plane.
Who looks good in jeans?
HHS.
That's incorrect.
State?
No, it was the Pentagon.
It was defense.
It was the Pentagon.
What?
Can we just, this is an aside about genes.
And I really am not making this about I don't care about Pete Hags S. pants.
But these are the genes that have this sort of faux weathering or whatever you call it.
What's that called when the jeans are weathered?
Distressed.
Distressed.
And I think things really went wrong as a society
when we started artificially distressing things.
I think it spoke to something deeply wrong in us.
Like when all the restaurants proved how authentic they were
because their signs had the letters painted but printed,
but as if they had been printed long ago and then worn.
And they got reclaimed wood so the tables looked old.
Like they'd been made from what was around.
It's real decadence.
It's decadence.
Like, things used to be shitty
just because things were actually shitty.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I definitely think that
that's what's wrong with America.
Now, what is...
They're shapes.
There are...
They're shapes.
They're shapes.
Ken's connection...
I guess the Pentagon...
I was like, what cabinet department is a shape?
I don't know.
Only that Pentagon one.
I feel bad.
Not exactly a department, but anyway.
I know.
It's not the name.
It's the building the department is housed in.
We're doing our best.
Let's do one more.
This week, the USDA admitted to playing an argument scene
from what Scarlett Johansson, Adam Driver, drama,
to scare wolves away from livestock.
I assume marriage stories?
Yes.
I did not hear this.
Yes.
A USDA district supervisor from Oregon told the Wall Street Journal,
I need the wolves to respond and know that,
Hey, humans are bad.
I never click play on that movie
because it was always like,
I don't want to watch them fight.
They're such good actors,
but I don't want to watch them fight.
Is that really the one movie
that convinces wolves that humans are bad?
Like Battlefield Earth,
or I don't know what my pitch would be here,
but it would not be Noah Baumbach.
Ken, how long do you think you would need
to learn to fly
a Harrier jet
I'm not one of these overconfident guys
Like I love when they ask men
Hey could you beat Serena Williams
And they're always like yeah probably
I don't know if I could ever learn to fly a Harrier jet
Oh come on I think you could do it eventually
If you had the time
I guess I saw the rehearsal
Nathan Fielder can fly a commercial airliner now
And it took him I don't know a year
So I think yeah a year
Nathan Fielder time scale
In Battlefield dirt they just kind of sit in one and go like
I got it.
And they're not even like, they're like, they don't even have technology.
They, like, put their sticks down and they get in the fucking Harrier jet, and they're like, ooh.
It's like Independence Day.
Like, well, we're in a flying saucer.
We just need to put a discette in it.
Yeah.
And then it'll have a virus.
Yeah, the aliens are on iOS.
Yeah.
Luckily.
USA.
USA.
USA.
This week's episode saw South Park toying with Director of Homeland.
and security, Christy Noem, also known by what nickname?
Gestapo Barbie?
We'll give it to you.
We'll give it to you.
It's Ice Barbie.
We'll take Gestapo Barbie.
I think we'll take it.
We'll take it.
On Jeopardy, I say Gestapo or we have a hard time.
If we didn't, yeah.
Hey, never mind.
struggling to fall asleep
TikTok users
recommend you try green noise
which contains mid-range frequencies
of about 500 hertz
unlike what more common sleep-supporting sound
which contains all frequencies
at the same intensity
white noise
you got it
here are both
this is white
pretty good
let's hear some green noise
that's nice
that's nice
It's better, right?
That is better.
We have white noise going in my office called Fox News.
Sorry, Ken.
All right, it's time.
What's the connection?
We got white noise.
We got ice Barbie.
We got whatever the first one was.
Marriage story.
Marriage story.
They're all extremely white.
Oh.
You're warm.
Oh.
I'll say this.
They have a writer in common.
writer.
White and...
Oh, it's...
Oh, it's...
Oh, uh...
I said, your face kind of made the word.
Well, I...
Well, I...
Well, then I thought of other people.
I don't know.
It's Greta Gerick.
It is Greta girl.
No, well, close.
It's Noah Baumack.
Yes.
Oh, he wrote the Adam Driver.
Yes.
And he wrote the Adam Driver White Noise, right?
So always, this is such a classic Hollywood thing
of giving a woman credit.
For something a man did.
We'll finally stand up for Noah Baumbach.
I'll do one more.
What summer month contains this year's
Sturgeon Full Moon?
It's tie.
What are you going to say?
August. You got it. Okay, very nice.
In May, the New York City Planning Commission
okay to Casino Project Proposal for what Brooklyn
landmark?
Casino?
Tony Island.
You got it.
Wow.
Galane Maxwell is staying in the same
Texas prison at white-collar criminal Elizabeth Holmes.
What's the name of author John Carrey's
non-fiction expose on Holmes's
fraudulent testing startup?
Bad blood.
You got it.
What is the connection?
What are they again? August.
Bad blood.
Something else.
And a third thing.
Coney Island.
Bad blood. August.
Coney Island. What is the connection?
Taylor Swift.
Yes. Is that right?
You got it. You got it.
I didn't buzz, though.
I feel like...
You got it.
You also didn't phrase any of these
in the form of a question.
That is not what I'm going to be in trouble with
for Jeopardy after this show.
Ken had no idea with this once.
We grabbed him off the fucking street.
He said, please, I have to get home to my family.
And I said, you have to do this podcast.
Don't change out of that suit.
Don't change out of that suit.
What a great tie.
Thank you.
Steven Zimbledman used to dress Alex Trebek, and now this might be an Alex-era tie.
It is.
Look, when they say, look, this is fun.
When the ties have this little code A-T, that's like an Alex-worn game tie.
I know, right?
It's like a game-worn baseball jersey or so they always feel an extra power when I inherit
an Alex tie.
There are videos that go around of Alex Trebek just ripping on contestants, like every once in a while.
Once in a while, there's that one
famous clip where he said, it's called a loser.
That's not your
speed. Have you ever really given
anybody the business? I don't think
I would. That clip is somebody explaining
nerdcore rap to Alex. Yes.
But I feel like that's what you should expect when you
explain nerdcore rap to Alex Trevec.
Like, in other words,
losers. But, no,
I'm from a different generation.
We're participation trophy jeopardy, at least
in the interview segments. Like,
All these stories are winners to me.
I mean, I would also say ask Ken about that in like 20, 30 years.
Yeah, that's right.
And maybe it's, you know.
I'm just all the fresh-faced new guy.
I'm sure Trebek used to care about the stories, too.
Good for you.
I want to talk more about this, but we're going to have to leave it there for now.
Thank you, Ken and Amy, the Connections Trivia book and memoir in the form of a question,
plus the Young Reader's Edition, Who is Amy Schneider, are all available.
Now, next up, Tim Hiddecker and Vanessa Gonzalez, Rage Against the Machine.
Hey, don't go anywhere.
There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.
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and we're back please welcome to the stage two comedians no i could replicate yet it's
it's tim heidegger and Vanessa Gonzalez
Come on out.
Hi to you both.
Welcome.
Good to see you.
You can come through any way you want.
It's not really, you can go around or, I guess go maybe all the way around.
Yeah, I guess.
It's a weird, it's a weird amount of space.
It's a weird amount of space.
I'm sorry, it's a weird amount of space.
Okay.
No skin off my back.
It's a podcast.
With a big video presence growing, growing.
Hi.
Hi, Tim.
Thanks for being here.
You're welcome.
Thanks for having me.
Hi, Vanessa.
Hi.
Thank you both for being here.
It's cool to meet Ken Jennings backstage.
Right?
Throwing around a lot of slurs.
Yeah.
I pretended not to notice.
No.
It's this sort of classic thing.
You come to L.A. and you just never meet your heroes.
Don't meet your heroes.
Because they're going to throw out a lot of slurs.
Every time.
Every time.
Every time.
On Thursday, OpenAI release its latest model, ChatGPT5,
which OpenAI is co-founder, Sam Alden described as Ph.D. level.
Meanwhile, as AI-generated videos become more realistic,
they're becoming more difficult to spot,
which makes this a perfect week for a segment we call,
OK, stop, colon, AI, carumba.
Oh, that says.
It is.
Oh, I look so.
snatched.
I love it. I love the game already.
Tim and Vanessa, we'll play you the AI videos that sent to shudder up our souls this week.
Whenever we've got thoughts, we need to share.
We'll say, okay, stop.
Wait, say that again? What?
We're just going to watch videos and react.
It's fine.
Video number one. First up, we have an AI muse, boosh, if you will.
A little viral video of bunnies jumping on a trampoline.
Many TikTok users reported with horror that this was the first AI video they'd actually
fell for it. Let's take a look.
That's it?
That's it.
Hey, Tim, why do you think we're doing this?
Because it's cool, and there should be more videos like this.
Yeah, I agree. It's cool.
That's a cool video.
I got fooled today.
I saw this video, a picture of Rita Wilson with Tom Hanks,
and she was holding a birthday cake
and it said 69 on it.
And I was like, guess what?
These two are doing this weekend.
That was my little joke.
But it was an AI picture of the two of them,
but it looked really real.
And I felt stupid for sharing that.
Hey.
I also felt stupid for telling that joke.
No, no, no, no.
Joke's fun.
The joke's, it's great.
It's great.
Imagine Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks' 69ing?
Yeah.
Yes.
clearly.
I can imagine
any 169.
That's like a
talent of mine.
You name two people.
I can do it.
You put your head
on my face.
Yeah.
And yeah, yeah,
you go down on me.
Oh, is this where you want me?
I don't know what she sounds like.
Is it something like this?
Sure.
Wow.
It felt like it was happening in front of us.
Vanessa, what do we do?
I don't know.
I'm like, because I'm going to be 40.
One day, one day.
No, soon.
Yeah, like in a month.
And I'm like, is it AI is getting better?
Is it my brain?
Is it both?
Like, all of them, I'm like, I can't tell anymore.
And I'm getting scared.
Yeah, I mean, it's both.
It's both.
Yeah, you're going to slow, your brain is going to slowly get worse.
You're going to gain more experience and wisdom, but the actual, the software is going to improve.
The hardware is going to keep getting worse.
Isn't that interesting?
That's what getting older is.
Software gets a little better.
Hardware keeps getting worse.
Yeah.
It's like a Seinfeldian take.
Oh, thanks.
They should make the whole plane out of the little.
It's getting worse.
I guess I'm just doing impressions on this show, a bad impression.
No, they're really good.
Thank you.
You're putting yourself down.
too much they're so good I just wish I like I do there's one part of AI that I want
which doesn't exist I think I mean like at home I do a little podcast and I do the stupid
things of like I have to press all these things with my mouse and send things places
no these stupid things I want to go into my little studio and be like computer how are we
doing let's go and then does all the dumb shit that I don't want to do
but I don't give a shit about bunnies on trampolines, right?
That's such an important point.
In Star Trek, the Voyage Home,
Scottie picks up the mouse.
Computer!
Yes, he's so annoyed.
He shows up, and he's like, all right,
got to make some transparent aluminum.
Thank you.
Classic.
Yeah.
And he goes into the place where he's going to make it.
To hold a whale.
To bring back to the future.
To bring back to the future whales,
because the whale aliens only want to talk to our whales.
And our whales are fucking dead.
They go back to the whale.
the 1980s something yeah yeah the 1980s and scotty is trying to use the computer and they
got to use a mouse I just talked about this today really yeah and he picks up the mouse and he goes
computer computer yeah that's what we want yeah this is from the news
video number two up next we have Rod Stewart's Forever Young concert video oh this was bad yeah
Featuring AI renderings of deceased musicians, including the very recently dead Ozzy Osbourne.
This is from North Carolina.
Let's take a look.
It's Ozzie going through his Bono phase.
Seena Turner.
Oh.
Oh, no.
I didn't see this.
It's Ozzy with everybody?
Wow.
where's selina oh that was selina oh no oh wow it's queen that's so cool
george michael the george michael okay i think we've had enough of this
uh for those listening it was ozzie osborne holding a selfie stick with prince tina turner bob marley
and teupac he also took selfie with uh michael jackson freddie mercury george michael kirk cobain
Whitney Houston and others
so everyone who's ever died
Jeffrey Epstein
Jeffrey Epstein did make an appearance
Vanessa
I'm so glad as comedians
we have a new guy to say
yeah
because it was OJ for a while
you know like there's just a name now
you can just say and get a laugh
yeah what is this
fucking Jeffrey Epstein
what
Seary Epstein didn't kill himself
you know
works, you're right. Vanessa.
Yes.
Is this disrespectful?
I don't know. He looked pretty happy.
Ozzy?
Yeah, he's having fun. I feel like
my mom does similar things.
She's not in heaven, though. I don't know.
But shouldn't Ozzy be in hell?
Like, I mean, isn't that his whole vibe?
Like, he's the Prince of Darkness and everything?
Right. Did he bite the head off a batch?
Yeah, she'd be like with flames behind him and everything.
Like, it's cool to be in hell.
Maybe God's lower in the bar.
No, I just think it would be his preference to be in hell.
Like, it's his whole identity.
Right.
Unless hell is just, you know, a godless place, and we're in it.
In a sense.
Vanessa, you talk about being Catholic and raised Catholic in your stand-up.
Yes.
On some level, is this demonic?
Like, are we experiencing demons?
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah, that's the devil for sure at work.
I'm just trying to cover my basis.
But yeah, I mean, we're, yeah, this is hell.
I think you're right.
It's not getting any better.
If that's what heaven is,
us just going in a circle with a selfie stick.
I'll take it.
It's better than this shit.
Right?
I got one.
Shouldn't there be a photographer in heaven?
Right?
Like a selfie stick is inherently
like a practical kind of solution
best of bad options.
Yeah.
So heaven is a place where there's no one
who can help you take a picture
so you just do it yourself.
Heaven, I mean, heaven is hell.
Like this idea that you'd like see these old ants and stuff.
Oh, I didn't think about the aunts.
Like I don't want to hang out with these old fucking people
that I never knew.
You're right.
You know what's unsolvable?
There's a lot of people who have died
who were in love with other people who died
who did not love them back.
Right.
Then you run into them up there.
So that means there's got to be a heaven
where the unrequited person
doesn't have to deal with it,
but the person who loved gets them.
This is heavy shit, man.
So it's a lot to think about.
You know?
I hope heaven's all dogs.
What a mess.
That's it.
I do impressions.
That's a good dog.
I'm a comedian.
I do dog impressions.
I'm still reader Wilson like,
like when you're playing a video game,
if it's too easy, it's not fun,
and it's too hard, it's not fun.
It's got to hit that right amount of difficulty
to like endorphin serotonin
grit. Goldilocks. Right? Mario Kart.
So heaven has to be like that too.
Right? Because if it's just super easy, that gets boring.
But you don't want to be too hard
because that's what hell is, I guess.
Yeah. Yeah. So it seems like it has to be right in the middle.
Seems like what being alive mostly is.
Yeah.
It's a lot to think about.
Tim, speaking of being alive.
Him. Him.
Him. You're in a, it's a football horror movie.
Yeah.
Called Him.
I'm in it.
It's from Jordan Peels.
company.
It looks like it's about two very real horrors, being famous and getting CTE.
Yeah.
Doesn't it sometimes feel like we have CTE, all of us, in some sense now, from the internet and so forth?
Yeah, I can't, we were talking about this backstage.
Our attention span has gone down the toilet, right?
Oh, yeah, it's real bad.
And that's the worst thing about having CTE, I think, is just a short attention span?
Or does it lead to murder suicide?
I don't know.
I never finished the article.
Okay.
I think you can't find your keys.
Right.
Elon Musk just rolled out Grock Imagine this week,
which allows users to request AI images
under the category's custom, normal, fun, and spicy.
People immediately started to make deep fake nudes of famous people.
No.
Are you either of you worried about people gooning out
to your spicy AI deepfakes?
No.
You made one of me in the best right now.
That's a cheap fake.
We cut your face out and put it on a thing.
I like it.
Y'all can do it if you want.
Remember when there was that fishing scam or whatever it was?
We found, I have video of you masturbating.
Remember that?
Yeah.
That was going around.
Yeah, I'm finding out now that that was a scam.
But I was thinking, like, what would that picture be of me?
It would just be like this.
This pick, because it's my, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I'm not filming.
No, we know it.
It means.
Yeah.
Because it's not like this picture of me like.
Because you're not composing the shot.
You're not framing it up.
Right.
In my previous relationship, I was dating a journalist and he was got some people that were
following him because of a story he was reporting and they followed me.
and there was all these fake blackmail emails
and then they followed me around
and then the former Massad people
that were following me sent a note to HQ saying
he's so boring we can't
we can't keep following it
but as part of that there was like an email that accused me
of something and it was so awesome because I hadn't done it
right it was like ha ha nothing
next up
here's an
AI video of AOC talking about
the Sydney Sweeney Good Jeans ad, despite
the fact that it is a watermark saying parody
100% made with AI and is so
clearly fake, Chris Cuomo retweeted
it Wednesday thinking it was real.
Let's see it.
Sydney Sweeney looks like
an Aryan goddess. And the
American Eagle Jeans campaign
is blatant Nazi propaganda.
Okay. So Cuomo retweets that video and
wrote, nothing about Hamas or people
burning Jews cars
but Sweeney Jeansad
deserved time on the floor of Congress
what happened to this party
fight for small business
not for small
culture wars
AOC replied
this is a deep fake dude
please use your critical thinking skills
at this point you're just reposting Facebook memes
and calling it journalism
like Chris Cuomo was a
mainstream journalist he is a
mainstream journalist he fucking found for
that his brains
That's HGH going on in that brain
I've got to try that stuff
I want to live in that world
He's real like this
Should we be on HGH?
Let's do it
Let's get big
Let's get big and strong
Like Sasha Baron Cohen
Do you see him?
Is he get strong now?
Did you see the picture of Sasha Berrin Cohen?
Oh he's getting strong
Oh you got to look that up
It's crazy
Can you find that?
I don't know what's real
You're not going to believe this
He's on the cover of like
men's health or something and he's like ripped
like shredded
and it's like funny dude
let's get
let's get shredded you and me
all right
I'm good
we'll take HCHH
we become guys that those guys on
we've got a podcast where we talk about it
and get really intense
and like super intense
so how's everything going for you?
No just that is too much
just doing that I hurt myself
yeah
I did
I'm a Pilates girl
All right. Now, Chris Cuomo fell for this. Look at what AOC is made to say in the rest of this video.
I mean, fuck. Watching that sultry little temptress squeeze into a Canadian tuxedo, three sizes too small, with her bouncy little fun bags on the screen staring at you, piercing through the core of your soul with those ocean blue eyes that could resurrect the furor from his grave in Argentina.
Okay, all right. That's enough.
Why is she talking about me like that?
So, Vanessa,
yes.
Chris Cuomo got got pretty badly.
What do you think he said about it
when he was addressing the confusion on air?
What do you think he did to kind of make this right?
How contrite do you think he was about this?
I'm sure he admitted he was wrong
and took full responsibility
for posting something that he didn't look into.
Sounds like the Cuomo way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's see what he did.
AOC tweeted back and said,
dude, that's a deep fake
that Sidney Sweeney had.
You suck in so many words.
And she was right.
They got me.
AI.
It was really good, and it did seem like something
she would say.
But it wasn't her.
So I thanked AOC for correcting me.
But I then reminded her,
She ignored the part of the tweet that mattered, okay?
Why will you not address my question based on a fake video of you?
Why are you only replying to tell me that I've fallen for some fucking dumb bullshit?
Incredible.
Yeah, go eat a sandwich.
Yeah.
Is that a good burn?
I mean, it's a little mean-spirited, but I like it.
I'm sorry I get I get wound up
That's a fun one because you can say it any way you want
Hey go eat a sandwich
You know because it could be just be a nice thing to say
Yeah, you know
But I don't mean it nice
Um
Hey here's a dolphin on a trampoline
What is going on?
That's really good
That's really good
That's real
That's real
That's real
That's real
That's real
That's real
That's real
That's not okay
it's not it's real and it's not okay
Tim were you recording office hours that was
not right now no no we did this morning
this morning yeah yeah another part of the day
another part of the day
office hours every Thursday morning on
YouTube and Patreon
and you take questions yeah we take calls and everything
is like advice to tell me that I'm a bully today
I got a big conversation about
and that I should think about when we have guests
and people do they leave
feeling more loved than they did when they came in.
And that's pretty good advice.
And now it's become a joke.
Do you think it's true?
Do they not leave more loved than they came in?
I think they generally either leave the same feeling
or maybe a little more loved.
I don't know.
That doesn't sound like you're a bully.
I don't feel like I am.
But, you know, I come from the tradition of, you know,
Letterman or people like that where you're trying to keep the show moving.
And if someone calls in and they got nothing to say,
you go, bye, bye.
Right.
which is not very bully-ish.
Do you find me to be a bully backstage?
I was being pretty rude, but...
No, it's fine.
You know, just the slurs, but that's it.
He was just trying to fit in with Ken, though.
Yeah.
He was just trying to...
He came a real boys club back there.
Oh, yeah.
A little locker room talk.
It's pretty heads.
I'm sorry that happened, Vanessa.
It's fine.
You can find office hours with Tim Heidecker on YouTube,
and wherever you get your podcast,
him hits theaters.
in September 719.
And you play a quarterback.
I play the cornerback.
Cornerback.
No, I play, yeah, I play a sports agent.
Oh, you don't play football in the movie.
No, no, not me.
Oh, that's good.
I was confused.
You were.
I could.
I mean, in the olden days,
I'd be probably a pretty good football player.
Hell yeah.
With the other helmets and stuff.
I don't think there's any era for you.
Really?
No.
I'm a six-foot-tall guy.
You want to go?
Oh, shit.
I'm not, I'm not, yeah, let's, no, I'm, you.
I didn't say you're not better than me.
Okay.
But not like a professional football player, right?
I mean, I guess back when it was just like, they let anybody do it.
Yeah, like when the three, like, when the three stooges were playing football in their movies.
When tryouts were like, they put a sign up in Grand Central and you're like, I'm going to go for it.
Yeah.
Well, I'm in the movie nonetheless.
That's great.
I have lines, too, in the movie.
Oh, a speaking role, they call it.
Wow.
That's cool.
Oh, my God.
Memorizing your lines,
it must be so nerve-wracking.
I'm not good at it.
Because of your brains.
Yeah, my C-T-E.
Yeah.
And you can follow Vanessa on socials
at at Vanessa G. Comedy.
And you've got shows at the lyric this fall,
Lyric Hyperion, where we've done this show as well.
When we come back, we turn up the heat.
Uh-oh.
Hey, don't go anywhere.
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All right, please welcome back to the stage.
Ken Jennings and Amy Schneider.
Come on back.
Ken, you go over here.
You go right there.
I'm going to sit here.
It's a little messy here in my seat.
Okay, well, why don't you put a comment card
in the fucking box on your way out?
I like Ken Jennings.
It's fun to kind of razzia a little bit.
But like, sweetly.
That's kind of what the host of Jeopardy is.
Like, he's in on the joke.
He's a figure of fun, even though Jeopardy is real.
But, like, Alex was kind of always in on the joke.
Yeah.
Like, when Will Ferrell would do him on SNL or whatever.
Who's the host of Jeopardy now?
Like when I'm here?
all right now it's time for a segment we call hot takes here's how works
that's that's new i didn't know that was going to happen here's how works we're each going to be
given a hot take to defend if the take is just too hot to the touch we're each allowed one skip
but the next one could be worse i sincerely i have not seen these whatever i get i'm not in charge
of this is all done by the producers uh so let's kick it off
this is for Vanessa
Texas is doing everything right
30 seconds on the board
Texas is doing everything right
you know
it's real hot there
you know it's
we got breakfast tacos
yeah can't fuck with it
Selena's from there
can't fuck with it
let's see
Oh shit, it's, yeah, go Texas.
Nice, really good.
Eat a sandwich if you don't like it.
Got them.
Let's see what's next.
Putting the answer in the form of the question is dumb.
Can 30 seconds defend it?
This is going to get me in so much trouble.
But this is actually true.
Like, if I came up to you on.
the street and said, hey John, who is Grover Cleveland? And you said something like, this 19th
century Democrat, formerly of Buffalo, New York, like you would sound like a crazy person. The
syntactic reversal of Jeopardy just doesn't work. And when Jeopardy goes to other countries,
they're like, what is up with the what is thing? That doesn't even make sense. But it's just
part of our culture now. It's part of our heritage. So you have to have a carve out for this weird,
weird historical relic
I like that
I like that
it ties us to the past
it's like how the rules of being kosher
don't make sense
but there's something beautiful
or baseball or kosher
you
in following them
you demonstrate your care for something
in a sense
yeah it's like
it's what Torah is based on
basically
it's about Torah
Jeopardy is
what is Torah coded
Torah coded
Torah coded
Let's see what's next.
They never found the right person to replace Alex Trebek.
Amy, that's yours to defend.
Yeah, all right.
They never found the right person to replace Alex Trebek.
You know, they tried a lot of different people.
And, you know, the one they came up with was the one who had no previous television experience, which was an odd choice.
and, you know, also, you know,
I really think that they should have gone with,
you know, like I get that they went with the Jeopardy champion.
They maybe should have gone with one who was more popular.
So I don't know.
I'm just saying, I'm still open to taking a call
if they want to check that out, yeah.
Wow. Wow.
Ken Jennings has no talent.
You got to get rid of them.
More impressions.
More impressions.
They're so good.
They're so good.
I'm freaking out.
You people could have had Aaron Rogers.
You could have had an unvaccinated jeopardy host.
A super spreader Jeopardy host.
And you're complaining?
Don't compare him to the Almighty.
Compare them to the alternative.
Let's see what's next.
For Tim, I wouldn't mind hopping on the Riyadh Comedy Festival lineup.
Tim, you wouldn't mind hopping on the Riyadh Comedy Festival lineup.
Comedy Festival lineup, take it away.
I wouldn't mind hopping on the Riyadh
Comedy Festival lineup.
There's a million dollars in it for me
and I'm looking to end my life.
So I'm looking to end up in a black duffel bag
in a dumpster somewhere in Saudi Arabia.
You were telling me before the show
that you don't care that they cut up a journalist,
money's money. That was what you said backstage.
Hey, you know, the cash didn't cut him up.
that just goes in my bank account
that's what you said I'm going to give credit
to Doug for this joke but he says
they've got the bone saws ready for the funny bones
over there
it's horrible
and it's a horrible thing to say
it's a horrible thing to say
it's a hard because of the serious topic
underneath it because what happened
and yet
we got a laugh we got a laugh
we got a laugh about it that's what they're going to say at the
Riyadh comedy festival
hey look we know it's a serious
this is a crazy time out there
But you know what brings people together,
laughter from all over the world.
Comedy is dangerous.
Comedy is dangerous,
not as dangerous as say a fucking bone saw.
Oh, Jesus.
At the business end of a autocracy, but...
Isn't there a progressive take for the festival?
Like, what if we could get them off fossil fuels
and into delightful stand-up?
Think of the environmental benefits.
Wow, that's going to be some quality.
stand-up they get the Saudis
those are some good jokes
men be driving like this and women don't be driving
really good
that was really good
you know that's set from Kevin Hart last night
really made me think
no one's ever said
all right let's do one more
This is for me.
I don't agree with R.FK Jr. on much,
but he's right about eating roadkill.
You know what?
Of all the things he's ever done,
that is not a problem for me.
It's not something that I personally would do,
but, like, if you hit an animal with your car,
it's fresh.
It's right there.
It's right there.
When you want to make a chicken cutlet,
you hit it with a hammer.
So what do you think happens when you hit a deer?
You're just starting the process.
I also just don't think vaccines work
So there's like a lot
You can't see it
It's invisible, okay
I still got COVID, thank you
He didn't eat the bear
Well he couldn't eat the bear
He's got a line
Yeah he does have a line
But because his story doesn't fucking make sense
His story never checked out about the bear
He couldn't eat the bear
Because the bear was dead when he found it
Oh right
Because he was like oh some other woman
Hit a bear than I took it
What woman? What? What?
What? Ken, what?
Kennedy's explaining car accidents implausibly.
Name a more iconic pair.
Well, that's a great place to leave it.
That is our show.
Thank you so much to Ken Jennings, Amy Schneider,
Tim Heidegger, and Vanessa Gonzalez.
We'll see you next week, a Dynasty Typewriter,
451 days till the midterms.
Have a great night.
Have a great weekend.
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It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg.
Kendra James is our executive producer.
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Thank you.