Lovett or Leave It - Impeachment FOMO

Episode Date: October 26, 2019

Congressman Matt Gaetz and his pals invade a secure hearing room. The Ambassador to Ukraine delivers shocking testimony in the impeachment inquiry. Kellyanne Conway insults a reporter who immediately��posts the audio. And Halloween is here so it's time to tell the truth about candy corn... and capitalism. Broad City's Abbi Jacobson joins to unpack the sexist advice offered at the accounting firm Ernst and Young. Plus comedian Akilah Hughes and reporter Gideon Resnick are here to cover all the week's news, and talk about their brand new podcast from Crooked Media, What A Day, which you should subscribe to right... NOW.

Good evening, Los Angeles. Let's get into it. What a week. Bill Taylor, the name of every beloved high school football coach in the Bible Belt and the acting ambassador to Ukraine under former President Donald Trump delivered explosive, damning testimony this week to House investigators of Bill Taylor's credibility, one diplomat told the New York Times if Bill Taylor says it happened, it happened

I like that in this era that's damning of the president. If Donald Trump said it happened, he misspoke. If Donald Trump said it happened, he was joking. We also learned that Bill Taylor kept meticulous notes throughout the summer, which underlines a very important lesson for us all. Do not fuck with people who take notes. They are serious people and not to be trifled with. There's always one person in a

meeting who takes really good notes. Watch out for that person. They'll either be your leader or your murderer. Zodiac Killer also took notes. In William Taylor's testimony, he said, By mid-July, it was becoming clear to me that the meeting President Zelensky wanted was conditioned on the investigations of Burisma and alleged Ukrainian interference in the 2016 U.S. elections. It was also

clear that this condition was driven by the irregular policy channel I had come to understand was guided by Mr. Giuliani. This is not only... Yes. Damning testimony. This was not only...

This is not only the president's personal lawyer, this is Rudy Giuliani, who is like a vampire who gets weaker the further away he is from 9-11. the further away he is from 9-11. What's allowed in this day and age, huh? If you went out to dinner with six people and found out that Rudy Giuliani was ordering for the table, you would be terrified.

You would not trust him to order successfully for a group of six people. You would want someone else to just, you know what, Rudy, just give somebody else the menu. Just let somebody else, that was four appetizers. How are we going to share soup, you stupid motherfucker? On Wednesday, Representative Matt Gaetz and a group of two dozen Republicans from Sigma Nu

forced their way into a secure meeting room in order to delay the impeachment inquiry. Their plan was to slow down, impede, or obstruct the administration of the law sometimes known as justice. Their claim

is that it's a protest against the fact that Republicans weren't allowed in the hearings, but literally half of the people involved are Republicans. And do you know who is in charge of deciding which Republicans are part of the committees that are allowed into those hearings? It's the Republicans. They choose. They choose who are in those hearings. That's how it works. Democrats choose who goes from the Democratic side and which hearings, which committees they're works. Democrats choose who goes from the Democratic side and which hearings, which committees they're on.

You know, they have little meetings, little negotiations. Republicans do the same thing. And they all got together and they said, we don't want Matt Gaetz on these three committees. It's like finding out you weren't invited to a party for someone on your kickball team and you just figured, okay,

no one from the kickball team was invited. And then the next day you see an Instagram and you realize half the kickball team and you just figured, okay, no one from the kickball team was invited, and then the next day you see an Instagram and you realize half the kickball team was there. Are you on? I don't play kickball. When I tell a sad story about myself,

you'll fucking know it. Also, here's what Republican Trey Gowdy, who ran the Republican Benghazi hearings, had to say about private versus public hearings. Our private hearing was much more constructive than the public hearing.

I mean, public hearings are a circus, Margaret. I mean, that's why I don't like to do them. I don't do many of them. I mean, it's a freak show. I mean, the private interviews are much more constructive. That was from recently. The Republican demonstrators ordered 17 pizzas for themselves to eat during their sit-in. I've done the math.

And assuming they are your standard eight-slice pizzas, that means they were between four and five slices for every Republican who participated. Hey, Republicans, give me a call. I, too, see many delicious opportunities to fix this process. I will tell you, literally the first thing I did when I saw that there were stacks of Domino's pizzas outside the hearing room is I immediately

slacked the entire company. I was like, are we doing this? Is it going to be a Domino's day? And nobody went with it. But we're going to get some for the pumpkin carving on Friday. Too much detail, but it's happening.

We're getting Domino's pizza. Right, Alisa? I don't care. When asked about the delivery, Matt Gaetz said, you know, we haven't sat around eating pizza like this since they shut down the basement child sex ring at Comet Ping Pong. Oh, no, I've said too much. Meanwhile, as acting White House

Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney faces scrutiny for admitting the White House committed crimes, one person in the running for Chief of Staff is Kellyanne Conway. Conway, gracious as ever, called a Washington Examiner reporter who had the audacity to simply reference, just one reference, to the fact that her husband

and the President are publicly at odds. Well, the reporter had not agreed to any ground rules with Kellyanne, and so she felt free to post the whole convo, and good for her. Here is a taste. Hi, Caitlin, Kellyanne Conway. So I just am wondering why in God's earth you would need to mention anything about

George Conway's tweets in an article that talks about me as possibly being chief of staff. Other than it looks to me like there's no original reporting here. You just read Twitter and other people's stuff, which I guess is why you don't pick up the phone when people call from the White House, because if it's not on Twitter, it's not on cable TV, it's not real. I'm just wondering why you would have to, A, why or whatever gives you the idea that I'm caught in the middle of somebody's Twitter feed in the President of the United States, A, B, who would be able to tell you that except for me?

We've never talked as far as I know. We have never talked. I did cite the Bloomberg News article. And the reason I didn't pick up the call was because it said it was from Egypt and I called right back in terms of mentioning George Conway it's relevant context

it's relevant context that your husband and the president are public enemies seems like it's okay to mention it I love the part about Kellyanne Conway being so petty and being like, you didn't even answer a call from the fucking White House. And this reporter's like, you know, caller ID works. It was weird. It said it was from Egypt.

Now, the call does end with Kellyanne Conway basically just threatening this woman, basically talking about my personal life and will come after you. And it's more embarrassing and sad than anything, but it is worth remembering that these are people without scruples who would happily go after anyone's personal life if it served their interests. But I also just really appreciated this phone call because sometimes you think, what are these people

like when nobody's looking? You know? What do they sound like? And you know what? Some people are phonies. You know, they're nice in public and behind the scenes. They're Ellen. Wait, I'm going to redo that. I'm going to redo that. That's too much. Or sometimes people have a real, real like a nasty combative public tone, right?

Like some of these White House people, you know, I happen to know some reporters and date reporters from time to time. And I've noticed over the years that there's a lot of people who publicly are combative and yell about the lamestream media and attack journalists as biased enemies of the people. But on phone calls when nobody's looking, perfectly lovely, seems sort of normal. It's all a game to them. The nice thing to see with Kellyanne Conway is her public persona and her private persona are identical. Passive-aggressive, mean-spirited, small, devious, and totally without any form of graciousness or class whatsoever.

Good for her. Good for her. Live your values. And also, this week, Mark Zuckerberg testified before Congress. It did not go very well. Let's roll the clip. Would I be able to run advertisements on Facebook targeting Republicans in primaries saying that they voted for the Green New Deal? I don't know the answer to that off the top of my head. You don't know if I'll be able to do that.

So you won't take down lies or you will take down lies? I think it's just a pretty simple yes or no. Congresswoman. I'm not talking about spin. I'm talking about actual disinformation. Yes, in most cases, in a democracy, I believe that people should be able to see for themselves what politicians that they may or may not vote for are saying.

So you won't take them down. I like when Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez interrogates people in these hearings. She's so good at it. She asks such smart and incisive questions, and it is so fun watching her question the kind of people who are not used to being questioned and make them wish they were never born on her earth.

Other members of the committee, they see AOC doing this, and they're a lot like the judge from My Cousin Vinny, who was skeptical at first because of prejudice against, like, an outer borough vibe. That's what it is. That's what that movie's about. But eventually comes to see how good a lawyer Joe Pesci is despite the leather jacket.

That movie is about prejudice against outer borough vibes. Next day, full day passes. Mark Zuckerberg giving a talk somewhere. Here's what he says.

Really grateful to be here. Thank you guys for all being here. I'm just coming from D.C., so it's good to be somewhere when people are creating things. Just got here from D.C., so it's good to be around people who are

creating things. It's a little dig. It's a little dig. And you know how unsympathetic you have to be to make fun of Washington, D.C. in a way that makes you sympathize with Washington, D.C.? I also like that it's a full day later, and it's like, hey, D.C., the jerk store called. Oh, yeah? AOC? Destroying me?

Well, I got a number for you. A couple writers had it on the case overnight. And this is what we got. It's pretty good. You don't make stuff, I make stuff. Authoritarian propaganda. I made a platform

where you can say whatever you want and fundamentally undermine the trust in civic institutions of everyone, everywhere, every country, without exception. In fact, studies have now come out that show there is a direct correlation between the rise of nationalism and far-right fringe movements and the spread of things like Facebook. So that's very exciting. Congrats on all that you have made. I actually wrote down what I was going to say.

The phrase for what Zuckerberg did there is called the spread escalier. Anybody know that term? Staircase thing? I don't know how to say it, though. It's the wit of the stairs case. How do you say it? Is anyone here?

This is LA. Somebody here took French for a while. How do you... Oh, I can't. Escalier. Esprit de... Esprit de... Esprit.

Esprit de... Oh, my goodness. It's attractive when someone says it correctly. Finally, this week, Tim Ryan announced he would be dropping out of the 2020 race for the presidency, which sent shockwaves throughout the country as we were reminded of the fact that

he hadn't already dropped out. That was truly, I lost a bet. Literally at the office. We're actually building Vote Save America because we're going to launch a reinvigorated Vote Save America for 2020. And we're making all of these candidate pages and we're trying to make each of the candidate pages unique. And sometimes that's going to involve a

unique font for each of the candidates. But then we had this question, which is how many fonts is going to be on this website? Does Tim Ryan get a font? And I'm like, what do you mean Tim Ryan? He dropped out a while ago. No, he didn't. Technically, he's still in the race. Oh, you're full of shit. Tim Ryan dropped out of this race like three months ago. No, he didn't. Technically, he's still in the race. Oh, you're full of shit. Tim Ryan dropped out of this race like three months ago. No, he didn't. Not technically. He's technically still a candidate. Come on. Well, I still don't think we need a special font for Tim Ryan, right? Well, problem solved.

His dropping out reminded us that we've forgotten to take a look back at those other candidates we've lost along the way. It's been a while since we checked in with some of the candidates who've stepped aside. Let's take a look. Eric Swalwell. Our first act in foreign policy, we're breaking up with Russia and making up with NATO.

Time to pass the torch. Mike Gravel. It's time to make some waves for change. John Hickenlooper. But how come we're not asking more often the women? Would you be willing to put a man on the ticket? Jay Inslee. I am a politician of conviction.

I voted against the Iraq War. I voted for the assault weapon bill. I voted against the repeal of Glass-Steagall. And I think Harry Potter should be eliminated. Kirsten Gillibrand. The first thing that I'm going to do when I'm president is I'm going to Clorox the Oval Office. Seth Moulton. I'm in this to win. That's why I'm here.

Bill de Blasio. How do you feel about Ska? I love Ska. Great. His combo of your punk aesthetic and reggae. Tim Ryan. I'm a Dave Matthews guy. Okay, yeah, of course you are. Let's give it up for all the candidates who have stepped aside.

One note on Jay Inslee. Decent man who fought against climate change, who I brought on to love it or leave it under friendly pretenses and put him in a position where he denounced Harry Potter, which forced him the next day to publicly apologize. We come back. We'll have Gideon Resnick and akilah hughes

hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it coming up and we're back he's a politics reporter who most recently covered the 2020 campaign for the daily beast and he is the host of crookedoked Media's brand new daily news podcast, What A Day. Please welcome Gideon Resnick. How you doing? I'm good. How are you? So good. Great.

Great to be here. Good to have you. Welcome to the team. Thank you. It's so exciting. I know. Yes. Hello.

I'm on the team. I have joined. Hello. I am on the team. She's a writer and comedian who you've seen on this show many times, the Pod Save America HBO specials. She has a new book out called, obviously, Stories From My Timeline, and she's also the host of Crooked Media's brand new daily news podcast,

What A Day. Please welcome back, Akilah Hughes. Wow, thank you for having us. Hi, Akilah. Hi, John. Now, you have both moved to Los Angeles. Yes. To host this brand new show.

Thank you. Right. How's it going so far? Critical error. No, it's been great. Yeah, we're piloting, we're following the news, trying to understand it, trying to make people understand it, I guess.

Yeah. It's devastating every day. But we're doing it for you. Yes. Just remember this is a sacrifice that we have taken on for the benefit of the greater good. It really is. What time do you guys record? Oh, afternoons. Or I guess evening we record.

But we work second shift. They're on the night shift. They're ordering dinner. We do ordering dinner. We do order dinner. What did we order the other day where you called us cool? Shake Shack. It was so cool.

So their day was starting with Shake Shack. That's so awesome. My day starts with little gelatinous Starbucks discs. So tell people what they're going to get within an episode of what a day so in 15 minutes hopefully you will get all the news that you need to know to start your day uh a little bit of humor as well depending on okay a lot of humor i'm a funny person a lot of a lot of humor please appreciate my jokes uh it's funny uh we do like two big stories so we really deep dive and it's a lot of

info and then we have like speed round headlines. Love it. Funny. You're going to make it part of your god damn routine. You're going to love it. You're going to get to work on time. Your skin's going to be clearer. You're going to be smarter for having us to do it. You'll meet a wonderful

person on the way to work that changes your life after listening to the show. These are all promises that we had to make. These are the promises we're making. We're making a lot of big promises. Now, this is morning news we're talking about. You're going to give people hard

facts, but it also has to go down smooth like how Advil is coated in sugar or the third horseman of the apocalypse is covered in the skin of Chris Harrison from The Bachelor. Because you're here, and because you're hosting a new morning show, all right,

we're going to test your morning news skills. Oh, dear. Boy, all right. So let's play This Newscast is Part of a Complete Breakfast, a phrase from the 90s when a bunch of cereal companies convinced parents

that toast sugar-coated in corn chips and a glass of orange juice was healthy. But anyway, the point is, it's the morning, so it's news, but you don't want to be so angry or sad that instead of going to work, you move to the woods

and start the fuck over. All right. Kathy Lee and Hoda, you guys ready? Ready to rock. Here's how it works. I'm going to read a news story that may happen, that you may have to cover, but you're going to provide a spin

that helps people understand it, but doesn't leave them terribly depressed and unmotivated to fix what's broken in our, you know, helter-skelter universe. Okay. News story universe. Okay. News story one. Okay. In a development that has left the scientific community scrambling for an explanation,

the moon broke free of Earth's gravitational pull and is now hurtling through the inky blackness of space, never to be seen again. Ooh. Okay. You got this? Yeah, I got this. Okay. As a person who has been ghosted

endless times, I can offer that, you know what? When you have a win in your life, he'll be back. You know? The moon might be gone now, but he's on his way back. Okay.

That's my news story. Sometimes moons leave. And sometimes moons come back. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's like, so, if you're lactose intolerant, right, you're like, get that big hunk of cheese out of here,

you know, stop messing with my day. That's the way I view it. The moon's made of cheese, and now it's gone, so you won't have diarrhea. Yeah. I'm sorry, the correct answer was honestly, can you blame it?

Fair. Next question. After Donald Trump releases them from prisons in the Kurdish region of Syria, ISIS militants have stormed the Louvre and stolen the Mona Lisa. What is your reaction? Two things. Why?

Like, why do they want it so bad? What are they going to do with it? Sell it to not ISIS? Anyway. Okay. The Louvre, Mona Lisa. I would say, look at Beyonce's impact. You know, you make a music video at the Louvre.

Ape shit, if you're unfamiliar. I am in the Beehive, so fuck you. I'm kidding. Wow. I'm a real fan, Beyonce, if you're listening. And I just think, you know, Isis wants to be cool. They're not in the Beehive, thankfully,

and they'll never be a part of it. So good for us for being into the Louvre before Isis escapes. Great answer. It was Isis escaped? Great answer. It was Isis is just following Beyonce, like so many others who have tried and failed to follow Beyonce. Gideon, you're up.

Yeah, I think the upside of this is the president will have an understanding that Mona Lisa is not a character on The Simpsons, so it's an educational experience for him. So now he's learning about art for maybe the first time, finding out about the evolution of the representation of the human

form in two dimensions and how we've learned things like perspective and how that evolved from the Renaissance into the more contemporary styles in which they play with form. Yes. And he'll be able to explain all of that very easily, I assume. Those are both correct answers.

However, we would have also accepted, good, maybe someone will talk about my smile for once. Aww. Another acceptable answer was, I guess it's time for the Ocean's 8 ladies to defeat ISIS. Anne Hathaway, come on, let's do it. Did they defeat the box office? I'm just asking.

Here's the thing about Ocean's 8. All right. We got to talk about Ocean's 8 for just one second because it was raised by me. Now, in the Ocean's 11 trilogy, they tend to have adversaries who are bad. Yeah. You know, like they go after, I think his name is, I want to say Toby Benedict, but I'm sure that's wrong. It doesn't seem right.

Benedict is the right part of that equation. Benedict is right. The point is, Andy Garcia is all that, it's Andy Garcia as himself. God love him. He's a bad guy in the movie, and he's kind of a dick, and so they're going to rob from a dick. Cool, right? And that's the process. In Ocean's 8, they're just stealing a priceless work of art, cutting it up into pieces, and selling it for profit.

They're effectively ISIS, is what you're saying in this equation. That is correct. Next story. Doctors insist we avoid delicious foods at all costs after the largest meta-analysis study in history found deliciousness as a key factor in cancer of the mouth, esophagus, stomach, and butt. How do we avoid delicious foods,

Akilah? Alright, my good morning, good news spin? White people will probably not be that affected. We don't eat flavorful foods. We like shit bland. We don't like spices or flavoring.

So white people will be fine. That's correct. Gideon. Great for me to follow here. I just want to thank all these doctors personally for making the lines at In-N-Out a lot shorter. I think, you know, I'm willing to take the hit on behalf of humanity. Gideon, also correct. He's here for a good time, not a long see it in and out that's absolutely true final news story turns out

the plot of lebron james space jam 2 is all about how bugs in the gang can use basketball to defeat democracy in hong kong all right listen i'm unhappy about it too It's a real wake up call About what happened when China and the US Started making stuff together We lost Akilah, what do you think? What's the spin?

Look, this is what they get for not casting me in Space Jam There's no reason I shouldn't have been a concession stand employee That is not a thing where you have to be athletic, tall, good looking, or anything. And I like the movie,

so like, they should have given it to me. So I think, you know, if it tanks because it's anti-American, well. Eat shit,

Space Jam. Eat shit, Space Jam. Eat shit, Space Jam is on the card. That is right. Gideon. That's part of the right answer.

What do you think? How are we going to spin this? LeBron, comrade, what are we going to do? Well, so look, Michael Jordan has six rings. LeBron has three rings. But has Jordan ever crushed a democratic uprising? I don't think so. So, you know, the goat conversation really changes once this movie comes out. That is correct.

You've won the morning news game, both of you. Wow. What a day. The brand new daily news podcast every morning in your warm, fully charged phone will be available starting Monday morning. So subscribe now for all listening on Monday. Crooked.com slash whataday.

We're going to bring you guys back for the ramble. Before I let you go, I've been listening to the test shows. All right? And they're pretty fucking great. And this morning you guys covered this panty raid led by Matt Gaetz. What's it called when you run the pledging of the frat?

Pledge master. Yeah, Pledge Master Matt Gaetz. Right. Young called when you run the pledging of the frat? Pledge Master. Yeah, Pledge Master Matt Gaetz. Young Frankenstein. Led the raid. But you actually texted Matt Gaetz. I did, yeah. And what did you ask him? I was asking him if he thought what they were doing was good

and made sense and was going to pay off. And he said, we'll see, which didn't seem like a strong endorsement of what they were doing. Yeah, when my mom says we'll see, which didn't seem like a strong endorsement of what they were doing. Yeah, when my mom says, we'll see, it always means no. Right.

Yeah, when you're like, can we go to Carvel? And the answer is, we'll see. The answer is no. Yeah, I didn't go to Disney World for several years. Let's just put it that way.

And you can subscribe to What A Day at crooked.com slash whataday. You can subscribe to the podcast that comes out every morning and you can subscribe to what a day at crooked.com slash what a day you can subscribe to the podcast that comes out every morning subscribe to the the new newsletter which comes out every night crooked media is going to be there to give you the goddamn news sun fucking rise sun fucking set all right sun does not set on the Crooked Media Podcast Network. Right?

It's happening. It's happening, Michael Barbaro. Wow. Yeah, there's a new curly news bitch in town. When we come back, Abby Jacobson. Don't go anywhere.

This is Love It or Leave It and there's more on the way. And we're back we have a very special guest to help us with our next segment she's the creator, writer, director and star of Broad City on Comedy Central please welcome Abby Jacobson

hi Abby thanks for coming Hi, Abby Thanks for coming Thanks for having me How you doing? Good, how about you? So good Earlier this week, news broke that Ernst & Young a company who maybe counts votes at the Emmys

but is also one of those names of companies that you find out owns all the copper in the world or something held a women's in leadership training program There, women were presented with some pretty outrageous advice, including what to wear in the office so they don't distract the men, and how their brains differ from those of their male counterparts. This obviously was a PR disaster for Ernst & Young, and they are finally ready to set the record straight.

Here to read a statement from Ernst & Young, please welcome Willa Sullivan. Good afternoon. My name is Willa Sullivan, and I am an executive assistant to the vice president of communications at Ernst & Young. And I am the highest-ranking woman willing to speak on the record. And by willing to speak on the record,

I mean I was forced to do this. The following statement was written by my bosses at Ernst & Young, whose gender I was instructed not to reveal. So let's begin. I'm here to shed light on the context around some of the things that were said in our Women in Leadership training seminar, which may or may not have been titled, Women Be Shopping and also Be Leading.

Ernst & Young is a multinational professional services firm, and yes, professional services is a completely made-up industry where finance pros who couldn't hack it at Goldman fill out spreadsheets and say things like workflow management and ketamine. I would like to make it clear that it is not sexist to say that women's brains are 11% smaller than men's Because science can't be sexist Is it sexist to say that women have 206 bones in their body? And that men have 207 because of their penis bones? We at Ernst & Young believe men have literal bones in their penis

I want to read you an exact quote of something said at this seminar We at Ernst & Young believe men have literal bones in their penis. I want to read you an exact quote of something said at this seminar. And this is real. Women's brains absorb information like pancakes soak up syrup, so it's hard for them to focus. And men's brains are more like waffles. They're better able to focus because the information collects in each little waffle square. What do you call those little syrup chambers? Do they have a name? Those are the sort of questions we ask at Ernst & Young.

I want to be clear. We regret this breakfast language. It's obvious to me that we meant women's brains are not like pancakes, but are in fact more like croissants. Because as you know, women are flaky. Am I right? The men get it. Men are hilarious. During the seminar, we also counseled women to use nail polish and wear outfits that complement their bodies because at Ernst & Young, we're not just accountants,

we're sexual beings. But also, we advise that women should not flaunt their bodies or else they might, quote, scramble the minds of their male co-workers. It seems clear to me now that by using the word scramble after the pancake and waffle metaphor, whoever speaking was just hungry and should have stopped at IHOP before the meeting. Not eating at IHOP is something we at Ernst & Young deeply regret. Also, all the advice we gave was to help women. For

example, we actually advised women to not confront men directly with disagreements. Men could see that as threatening. And we also actually advised women that they shouldn't speak to men face to face and that they should sit at a slight angle, again, so as to not threaten men. Just remember that men are easily threatened, sort of like bears or feral dogs, but, and this is key, men are also smarter than you. Somehow.

As many of you know, this controversy also comes after Ernst & Young was hit by a Me Too scandal. Yes, we only fired the abusive male partner after a woman talked to the press, but we're always learning and growing. If that happened today, there's no way she'd dare violate our nondisclosure agreement.

We would bury her. Ernst & Young is a modern company, and so we promise from this day forward we'll do whatever we're told to do. And that all the men will say all the right things publicly and only say what they really think when just men are around. You know, the male colleagues with whom we develop trust and friendship with until we pass over a woman for a promotion because she just doesn't get the vibe. Anyway, we see you ladies. We are pretending to hear you.

And me and everyone at Ernst & Young agrees that Lizzo is great. Thank you. Guys, Willa Sullivan from Ernst & Young. Very difficult assignment. Very difficult to sit at the angle the whole time. Well, honestly, when you turned away from me, I suddenly felt more comfortable sharing space with you. Interesting.

As a man. It's a proven fact now. A man's man. Yes, you are. Who is masculine and finds women's intelligence fundamentally off-putting. But not when it was angled 10 degrees away. So the seminar worked. Yeah, it's like how sunlight, you know, sunlight at an angle, less dangerous.

So, same here. Guys, give it up for Abby Jacobson. That was so funny. Thank you so much. We come back. The Rant Wheel. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back!

Now it's time for the Rant Wheel. You know how it works. We spin the wheel, we rant about whatever topic it lands upon. This week on the wheel we have Halloween costume prices, the book by Anonymous, the Star Wars trailer, Candy Corn, Facebook, Quantum Supremacy, Paul Rudd, and Brussels sprouts. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on Halloween costume prices suggested by...

Akilah. Yeah. Hi, y'all. Let me talk to you for a minute. I don't know if you all have purchased Halloween costumes in the past decade, but there's not more fabric, nor is it better than regular clothes, and yet it's like $1 dollars for like sexy mr rogers which i had to give up because who's gonna pony up for that not me i had to make my own costume

this year and i felt like a fucking i don't even know what to say i don't even want to say i wanted to say fucking idiot but i don't feel like an idiot because i know i'm a smart person and that it's not worth it it's one night Like there are weddings I've been to where I've spent less money to go across the country to be in the wedding for 15 minutes. This is one night. And also, here's the thing about Halloween. You go to a party, your costume is only interesting the first time you see someone. Then you're just standing there in a $1,500 Mr. Rogers costume

waiting for someone else to come in. If I'm buying a $1,500 Mr. Rogers costume, that better be his actual fucking hair. I want his whole body. I'm putting on Mr. Rogers. I want a grave robber to have gotten that sweater and tie.

It's insane. Too much? Yeah, like they're going to, we're canceled. Here's a thought. Have you ever considered going as a bridesmaid? I mean, honestly, that is a genius idea. Why not? Why?

Why is it terrible? Yeah, tell us why it's bad. Tell me why. It's basic. I can hear the generational wealth. It's one night for someone else. I'm not getting married, nor am I probably getting laid. We're in the Midwest.

It's cold. We all just want to go home after. I don't know. I think that they're outrageous. I'm making my own costume. It's a great costume. I will just announce it on the show because it will come out before Halloween

and you may not see it. I don't know if you all saw Homecoming by Beyonce. Real theme. Real theme. Weird theme. So there's a very hard cut in the middle of Crazy in Love where they cut between the two performances.

She did two weekends at Coachella. You know what I'm talking about. First weekend, they wore yellow. Second weekend, they wore pink. And so I'm sewing together the background dancers' outfits so when I turn around, it's a pink reveal. I'm a genius! Beyoncé noticed me.

Beyoncé, please. Now, we all went on a journey. And it was a journey that began with, uh, this Mr. Rogers costume is too expensive and ends with a clever, interesting thing she's making herself. But she knew at the beginning of the rant where it ended.

Which means what we just heard was a long, meandering way to get to I got a fucking badass Halloween costume coming your way. Yes, please follow me on Instagram. There will be videos of choreography. You know, I've had various Halloween costumes over the years. They've all tended

to be something gay. So I've been a I've been a gay-de-ator. That's a gay gladiator. I've been Darth Gaydar. That's just a Darth Vader helmet, a black tank top, black shorts.

Rainbow. Somewhere. It doesn't matter where. I've just been gay. So that was when I wore a shirt that said Sunday Fun Day. That was it. That was the costume. Not really sure what I'm going to do this year.

Gay bridesmaid. Gay bridesmaid? There you go. Always a gay bridesmaid. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Brussels sprouts, suggested by Gideon. Well, let me tell you. How many people here were told when they were younger that Brussels sprouts were not good?

Or that there was like a... People are raising their hands for their listening. It's a podcast. Okay, well, people... Sorry, sorry. For the listeners at home, people raising their hands. Okay, fine. I'm very angry as an adult that as a child, For the listeners at home, people raise their hands. I'm very angry as an adult that as a child there was this lobby of cartoons and adults

that were apparently in collusion with each other to tell children that Brussels sprouts sucked. I never had them as a kid because I thought they were scary and looked like goosebumps, extensions that would fall from the ceiling or something. And then it took, you know, like two decades of my life to try a Brussels sprout. And I was like, these are sick. This is a great like side for any dish. Like, why?

Why did you not try to sit me down adults when I was a kid and tell me, like, get over your fears and just eat it? So I would like that lobby to be found and destroyed that told children to stop eating Brussels sprouts. I also believe a president may have been involved. I think like a Reagan or a Bush said they didn't like Brussels sprouts. Broccoli? Broccoli? This fucking front row just on my... Just won't stop stepping on my dick.

Is this like trivia night? I will also... I will add this to Gideon. Can I add something to it? Please. The Brussels sprouts was not only... Its negative vibes was not only expressed outwardly to us. It was also internalized by the Brussels sprout

itself in this specific way. Okay, calm down with the fucking sweet, syrupy sauce and the bacon and the salt. It's too much. The Brussels sprout is good. It doesn't always need to taste like ham. Calm

the fuck down. The Brussels sprout is okay. Let the fuck down. The Brussels sprout is okay. Let the Brussels sprout be the Brussels sprout. Bacon on a Brussels sprout, it is the Botox and spray tan of the vegetable community. Wow.

Like, let the Brussels sprout be itself a slightly bitter but fine vegetable that can do okay with a little salt, pepper, and oil. It doesn't need to be a whole fucking meat factory.

Let's spin it again. Who submitted this one? I wonder. It's landed on Anonymous. Now, the same author of the Anonymous op-ed that made some waves about a year ago, talking about how Donald Trump is unfit, etc., etc., is now about to come out with a book called A Warning, which is hilarious to call it A Warning,

a warning, which is hilarious to call it a warning, which is like walking up to somebody who is like pulling somebody out of the wreckage of a vehicle in which a giant boulder

has crushed the car and then walking up to them and holding up next to the fucking bloody battered remains of the passengers inside one of those falling rocks signs.

Oh, a warning. A little late for a fucking warning. Also, I'm sorry, but we've now seen a whistleblower through the channels within the government at great personal risk tell us what's going on inside of the government. As a result of that whistleblower being willing to do that,

many others have begun speaking out. Just this week, Bill Taylor, who I'm kind of wondering why he was so quiet before the whistleblower. Like, were you just sitting on all this fucking hot gossip? Come on, Bill. Come on, Bill. Like, all right, I'm glad you're telling the truth now, but, like, did it not occur to you to tell us a month ago? But fine.

Bill Taylor, he's lending his name to this. A bunch of other people are going through that impeachment investigation, being questioned by members of Congress with their names attached. I don't totally understand. Now, there's one justifiable reason to criticize Donald Trump anonymously from inside the administration, and it is when you criticize Donald Trump anonymously from inside the administration, and it is when you criticize Donald Trump, he visits bile and threats and insults

and heinous rhetoric and goons and misinformation and propaganda on you, on your family, on anyone who's ever known you. I understand that. But that alone at this point is not a reason when so many other people are standing up. And I have a lot of questions about someone who is publishing a book anonymously. Now, there's been

some talk that the profits of the book are going to charity, but I'm not totally sure what that means. What about, are you making anything off of this thing? That's one. Two, if you're going to remain anonymous, does that mean you're not telling us the whole truth? Because there must be things that you would tell us if your name was attached to it that you can't because it would identify you. And the final question I have is, okay, you're anonymous. Would your argument be better or worse if we knew your name, right? If it's worse, your anonymity is protecting you from us knowing you're a deputy assistant secretary in an agency without much access. If your name would make your case stronger, put your fucking name on the book and stand up. I don't know how essential you can be now,

one year from the election, that we don't know your name. I'm reserving judgment. Those were questions I had. Those are questions I have about this anonymous author. Speaking of anonymous people, I'd like to say a brief word to celebrate the life and times of Pierre Delecto.

So, Mitt Romney mentions in passing, in a conversation, that he has a Twitter account that he uses to lurk on Twitter, where he follows a few people and keeps up with the news, but doesn't put his name on it. Now, Ashley Feinberg, who I believe now is at Slate, took just the shreds, the little tiny leads, just crumbs on the ground, one fingerprint in blood, and she used that, and from that, she looked at so many different accounts to basically figure out who might be the Mitt Romney secret handle.

And she ultimately was able to uncover it because she found someone who was following a lesser Romney. Like the granddaughter. A granddaughter Romney. And from that, she was able to suss out Pierre Delecto, Mitt Romney's weird alter ego. Here's the thing. It is a little bit sad that Mitt Romney,

who has shown far more integrity than the vast majority of his Senate colleagues, which, by the way, was a really low bar, still needed to have a lurker Twitter account where once in a while, he would just respond to critics and be like, I don't know, I think this Mick guy's pretty good.

Have you considered that you're not giving Mick the benefit of the doubt on this one? I don't know. I think he's all right. Kind of handsome. I think he's shown some integrity. Maybe you should give him a second look. I don't know.

Something to think about. Hi, I'm Pierre Delecto. Pierre Delecto, ordinary citizen. Following the news specifically about Mitt Romney. Just going to slide up in here to the mentions of some never-Trumpers to say, hey, maybe be a little less tough on a guy named Mitt Romney who I think is a pretty cool dude.

Now back to being one of the most Empowerful people in the world In real life Now he's Kermit Alright let's spin it again. It has landed on candy corn. It totally did. Landed on candy corn. This is where I'll leave you.

Here's the thing, all right? You can say what you will about America's society at this stage, but there's two things we know how to do. Get fat and make money. All right? We're really good at both of those things, all right? And when you put them together, you get candy. And so when people have this debate every year about whether candy corn is good, I say to you, if you think candy corn is so good, I got news for you.

You don't love this country. I'll explain. You're going to have me believe that in America, there's going to be a food that's good that's only going to be sold for one month of the year. advertising to us and lobbying to Congress to make it possible to build an international system of turning corn into poison that we eat. You're telling me these people are going to leave money on the table by not making that product available year round. I don't fucking think so. If a candy is good, they find a way to get it into our bodies 12 fucking months a year. You want a Whiplin sampler in August?

You can fucking get one. Alright? You want a marshmallow covered in chocolate? It won't be shaped like a bunny, but you can get it in fucking June. Candycorn's good? When did you decide that America was a piece of shit?

This is America. And if candy corn was good, it would be available 12 months out of the year. And it's not, because it's waxy nonsense. All right? And you may have a nice association with it because of childhood memories, which I respect.

All right? Because I, too, remember dressing up as a tiny little Beetlejuice with a top hat and a cane because I was gay. And being handed candy corn. I remember it very well with a little cape. Because I didn't just want to be Beetlejuice. I wanted to be Beetlejuice that danced.

Seems impossible, but that's our show. I want to thank Gideon Resnick, Akilah Hughes, Abby Jacobson. Thank you to the Peppermint Club. Thank you, as always, to Nancy Pelosi. Thank you guys for coming out. Subscribe to What A Day, crooked.com slash whataday. And have a great night. Love It or Leave It is a product of Crooked Media.

It's written and produced by me, John Lovett, Elisa Gutierrez, Lee Eisenberg, our head writer and Burisma board member, Travis Helwig, and writers Jocelyn Kaufman, Alicia Carroll, John Milstein, Sarah Lazarus, and Peter Miller. Bill Lance is our editor, and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure.

Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Jamie Skeel, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Nar Melkonian and Yale Freed, for filming and editing video each week so you can.