Lovett or Leave It - Is Pepsi OK?

Episode Date: April 10, 2021

Republicans boycott baseball, Manchin defends the filibuster, and muons defy the laws of physics. Emily Heller is back to break down the week's news. We play OK, Stop with some cursed Fox News footage. And Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton joins for the rant wheel along with Crooked's own Shaniqua McClendon and Jon Millstein as we cover DC statehood, H.R. 1, Hulu's WeWork documentary, the Masked Singer, and more. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, please visit crooked.com/lovettorleaveit. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Welcome to Love It or Leave It, Vaxxed to the Future. alone because this time last year looked all so clear we hit our goal with better help we'll give it a rest because you said it best when you said after this pandemic we're all coming out of different shape than we went in. Now we're back in the closet. It's harder now. Cause Taco Bell delivers to the closets. We're living, drinking Jira whiskey from the closet. On our burrow couches in the closet. Wearing Tommy John sweatpants also in the closet.

And then I got so unhinged by the end of the year that I called the CEO of the app Noom and I said, if you don't find those 11,780 calories that I burn in Georgia, well, I'm just going to have to sue you. So let's set this on a good note. I just got my first dose of the vaccine. I like my freshman 15.

My COVID-19 pads that I put on will go away. So as we fax into the future, we'll both get our goal weights. I'm sure of it. You want to know how I know that's going to happen? Well, I'll tell you a little bit, because like you, I'm a Gay Shooter! That awesome song was sent in by Carl Johnson. We have been on a run of incredible songs.

If you want to make a Vaxxed to the Future theme song, please send it to us at leaveit at crooked..com. That's leaveitatcrooked.com. Before we get to the show, this week, you have to check out Hysteria. Aaron and Alyssa had an awesome conversation with Hillary Clinton. Follow Hysteria on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. We have a great show. We had a bunch of awesome guests join for the rant wheel. Eleanor Holmes Norton came by to rant about D.C. statehood and talk about the upcoming vote for D.C. statehood in the House. We also have rants from Crooked's Shaniqua McClendon and John Milstein. We also played OK Stop with this Greg Gutfield show.

We're going to pay attention to it one time and then try not to do that again. But first, she needs no introduction. You know her. You love her. Returning champion, Emily Heller. Hi, John. How are you? So, so good.

Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Just for the segments we described in advance. No other segments. No surprises. Sure. Yeah, right. Wink.

No wink. Let's get into it. What a week. In an op-ed in the Washington Post, Senator Joe Manchin said in no uncertain terms that he opposes abolishing or weakening the filibuster. He went on to say, quote, the time has come to usher a new era of bipartisanship where we find common ground. That common ground? The charred remains of the U.S. Capitol. In the piece, Senator Manchin said, and again, I quote, every time the Senate voted to weaken the filibuster in the past decade, the political dysfunction and gridlock have grown more severe, which is a great example of correlation, not causation. We should put it in the textbooks. In the textbooks, it says, you know, you can show that ice cream cones cause sunburns because you see more of them in the summer. But we should replace it with this. Yeah. I think. I think kids are already having a hard enough time paying

attention to history books. I think putting Joe Manchin in there is not going to help. That's enough. That's a good point. Maybe we keep the ice cream cone thing. I feel like the ice cream cone is there for a reason, and the filibuster replacing it maybe won't do the job. But I agree with you that it is the same phenomenon, and I think Joe Manchin is being a real turd. I think Joe Manchin thinks ice cream cones cause sunburns because he's like, every summer we sell ice cream cones,

and then every summer people get sunburns. Because he's like, every summer we sell ice cream cones. And then every summer people get sunburns. And so my thinking is we have to stop selling ice cream because that's the only way to stop sunburns. That's the Joe Manchin philosophy in the Washington Post. That is the logic of one of the most powerful human beings on planet Earth today. The man who holds in his hands our capacity to protect the right to vote and to earn people's votes over the next 577 days.

This is the logic of Joe Manchin. Sunburns are caused by ice cream cones. That is where we're at. That is the depth of this logic. Do you think if we agree to outlaw ice cream cones, he'll cave on the filibuster? Because I'm willing to negotiate. I don't need the cone that much. You know what I mean?

You don't need the cone. I'm fine with ice cream in a cup and then one of those little triangle fake pieces of cone that you just dip in it like it's nachos. We can do that. I don't need the cone. When an ice cream cone done right, where you get the ice cream all the way down to the bottom of the cone. Right. Sign me up.

Sign me up. But more often than not, you're dealing with a top heavy leaky scoop. Right. Sitting atop an empty cone. Uh-huh. But then even if it gets all the way to the bottom of the cone, you're at risk for higher leakage. I can never get to the bottom of it, but that's just me. Oh, not my problem.

I will say, big debate about infrastructure. I would say one issue we could solve is I don't see why our construction processes aren't at the place where you can reliably get a cone that doesn't leak. Someone just has to go like this at the bottom of the cone. You know, just, can we just, can we get that going? It'll improve a lot of lives. Manchin also said in his op-ed, and again, this is a quote, generations of senators who came before us put their heads down and their pride aside to solve the complex issues facing our country.

This is, of course, a description of the famous moment in congressional history when Joe Manchin ate mushrooms and thought the West Wing was a documentary. I would love, I'm very excited to see which 10 Republicans Joe Manchin convinces

to put their heads down and their pride aside. That's what we're talking about. Yeah. I don't think that's gonna happen, buddy. Prove us wrong, Joe. What is he talking about? What problems did they solve? Like, what is he referencing? Does he just like attention? Is he just? I do think

it's like authentic, wishful thinking. Right. It is performative, but I think it is a performance he seems to genuinely believe. And I talked about this with Shaniqua later in the show, who came to rant about this topic, our political director, Shaniqua McClendon. And it's, of course, frustrating because he's not describing history correctly. No. That's a huge problem. But also, what does he want to do? When people say, oh, Washington should work better, presumably to achieve certain ends. Yeah.

What are the ends? What do you want to do? Why do you have this job? It's a big job. What do you want to do? Just tell us. It's kind of like when people are like, you know what? For my wedding, I just want everyone to get along.

I want there to be no drama, just everyone having a good time. And it's like, I'm sorry you don't get to have that and the open bar. Like, you have to choose. Be realistic. This is why there are so many TV shows about how hard it is to plan a wedding. Because like that idea of everyone just getting along, that is a very fun fantasy and it's just not compatible with all of the other elements. You can't have a bipartisan agreement while there's also giant issues cleaving the country. partisan agreement while there's also giant issues cleaving the country.

Meanwhile, as Joe Manchin was personally standing in the way of voting rights legislation, the fallout continued in Georgia after the passage of a sweeping bill to make voting harder and to make overturning elections by Republicans easier. Hours after the CEO of Delta finally came out in opposition to Georgia's new law, Georgia Republicans tried to pass a retaliatory last minute bill to repeal a tax break on jet fuel. But nobody told these Republicans that jet fuel can't melt steel memes, election steel memes, beams, stop the steel teams. The point is, Emily, 9-11 was an inside job. I'm trying to make you see, don't melt steel, stop the steel beams. So you're pivoting to slam poetry is what I'm hearing. Yeah.

And it's not going good. It's not going good. Yeah. Jet fuel can't melt. Stop the steel memes. Stop the steel memes. Speaking of anti-democratic, we're never going to fix it. No.

Just here's the thing. To the listeners, take out your phone, open up the notes app, write the best version of the joke, read it to yourself. Do not tweet it. Do not tweet it. Do not share it. Never contact me. Never contact Emily. In any way.

Only contact me with compliments. Speaking of anti-democratic movements taking hold across our country, Seattle's chief of police said about several members of the department who were part of the insurrection, the department is saddened to learn. Our officers were present at the attempt to violently overturn the results of the election. He went on to say, at a personal level, I hear the blues a-callin'. Do you think Marty Crane was at the Capitol? I've thought about this.

Martin Crane definitely voted for Trump in 2016. I don't believe he voted for Trump in 2020. in 2016. I don't believe he voted for Trump in 2020. I think that he came back in part because of conversations he had with his son, Frazier, obviously a big Buttigieg guy. Frazier and Niles Buttigieg. I do think Niles gave a bunch of money, gave a bunch of that money from Marist to the Lincoln Project, for sure. 100%. They are Lincoln Project Dems. No question. And they just want, they're Bloomberg curious. Right. Yeah. The Crane boys. The Crane boys. I mean, the thing is, it's like they're voting in Seattle. It's sort of like, it's a blue state anyway. But, you know, Marty was a cop and he has a history of backing, you know, tough on crime right wing candidates. I will say Roz was such a Elizabeth Warren super fan.

Like Roz was relentless with her Elizabeth Warren. I mean, there was so much mint green all over. Oh, yeah. Over Roz. I also think she would have been OK with Amy Klobuchar because she's from Wisconsin, and I think that she would have been a little won over by that. But that's a good point. I do think you're probably right. Also this week, Mike Pence signed a multi-million dollar book deal with Simon and Schuster. No publishing date has been set, but fans of the Trump White House are already lining

up to abduct and murder Mike Pence. And look, Emily, obviously, it's, you know, who wants to find out that Simon & Schuster is sending over all this money for a Mike Pence book? But I'll tell you what really bummed me out was this HBO drama based on the book Band of Mothers. God. I just have to say, like, I understand why people are mad that Mike Pence is going to be making so much money for this book but as an avid reader of erotica I'm really excited for this book

so you think it's going to be super sexy oh yeah I mean from what I understand it's like it's going to be like basically hardcore porno. That's what I've been told. Band of mothers. Band of mothers. Yeah. What do you think that's going to be about? Gross.

There's no way that book is good. That guy is so boring. What is he possibly going to say? There's only two kinds of books you could write about Donald Trump, an honest one or whatever he's going to do. And then I told the president, you've got such broad shoulders. No, he's going to be like what had happened was. It's just it's absolutely going to be just him trying to make himself sound OK. It's all about like sanitizing his legacy. Sanitizing his legacy without pissing off Donald Trump, which is not possible, right? It's like the same problem that made him the wraith that he is. It's going to continue.

You think that he cares about pissing off Donald Trump? You think he wants to be on the ticket in 2024? I think that like all politicians, he can't let go of certain ideas about who he's going to be. Yeah. Yeah, I do. But in good news, America's getting vaccinated. The White House moved up the date by which all adults will be eligible across the country.

And Disneyland is planning to reopen on April 30th, which means you get to go to Star Wars Galaxy's Edge and hang out with all of your favorites. R2D2, C3PO, B117. It's going to be great. B117 is a variant of the coronavirus. He's not, it's not a, what do you call it, a droid. I don't watch Star Wars or read the news.

So I was the wrong audience for that joke. And finally, scientists announced on Wednesday that a tiny subatomic particle called a muon is disobeying the known laws of physics, saying it's sensitive to forces currently beyond our understanding. I think it was sensitive, Emily, to being constantly called, quote, the fat electron. The muon is like, call me the fat electron one more time, see what happens. All right, you fermi fucks, see what happens. Call me the fat electron.

Call me the fat electron again and see what happens. I'll disobey your laws. Call me the fat electron again and see what happens. I'll disobey your laws. Call me the fat electron one more fucking time. I like how it's like it's not doing what anyone thinks and it's very sensitive and everyone is like not reading the article and just being like, it me. Doesn't follow the rules and it's sick of being called names. The muon. This is a great example of reading about something taking place in physics and being like, I hope nobody asks me to explain this.

Yeah, being like, I'm really happy for you, I suppose. It's the, I'm really happy for you or I'm sorry that happened. I'm not reading all that though thanks Emily for joining us when we come back okay stop hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it

coming up and we're back last week an unholy monster escaped from the depths of Tartarus and he landed on Fox News the comedy stylings of Greg Gutfield are now unleashed upon the world And we're back. Last week, an unholy monster escaped from the depths of Tartarus, and he landed on Fox News. The comedy stylings of Greg Gutfield are now unleashed upon the world, and since we had to watch his first episode, so do you.

Now it's time for OK Stop. You know how it works. We'll roll the clip, and wherever we feel like it, Emily and I will stop the clip to comment. And we have to have a comment. We can't just stop it because we don't want to hear it anymore. Yeah, you can have no comment. Now, just for everyone listening,

this is the first episode of Gut Field. And Emily and I were just discussing this before we started that it's nice to let a couple gut fields build up in the DVR so you don't feel like when you get the end of a gut field, you have to wait a whole other day to find out what happened next. There have been other episodes since then, but we haven't caught up with them because

we're kind of saving them for an end of the week treat. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Let's roll the clip. If you've been watching the Gigi show on Saturdays, welcome. If you love the five and felt the need for more Gigi, that's awesome.

If you ended up here because you thought your TV was the microwave oven, it's good to see you, Mr. President. Your pizza will be warm in two minutes. And Hunter, he brought the extra cheese. Okay, stop. So, Emily, let's... Should we unpack a few things that just happened? Yeah, let's take the roller bag that is that joke.

Let's put it on the edge of the bed. Yeah. So first of all, let's just move – I don't know where the GG thing is. We're going to let him have that. Oh, GG stands for great-grandma. At least that's what it stands for in my family. And when he says it, that's all I'm thinking about. So he's saying Joe Biden has senility and thinks that the Greg Gutfield show is a microwave making a pizza.

Yeah. But it seems like it is also producing a pizza. Yeah, he's saying your pizza will be ready soon. In the world of the joke, is there going to be a pizza in two minutes? Also, can we talk about the fact that like, I don't know this for a fact, but I'm 100% positive that Fox News has definitely probably already criticized Biden for spending too much money in office. in office. There's no way the picture they're painting of him as like a man who has to microwave his own pizza is in line with the image they're trying to paint of him as the president. Like to me, this is way more like down home of an image than anyone else. Is Hunter bringing drugs? Is that what the cheese is? Is cheese drugs?

Okay. So I'm too much of a dork to know if he is actually, I'm assuming he's not referencing like a real slang, right? Is it like? Yeah, I mean, I think the possibilities are cheese is a slang for a kind of drug. Like a Parmesan cocaine or something? Yeah, yeah, or maybe, yeah, I guess, unless you want Asiago because you want something a bit more mild. Yeah, or maybe, yeah, I guess, unless you want Asiago because you want something a bit more mild. Or it's a reference to the fact that Hunter apparently said in some interview that he would snort anything including Parmesan cheese. I think that's too esoteric. And the other is just, I think what it really is, is just Hunter Biden is funny to us.

Yeah, I really think that's what it is. It's like it has the cadence of a joke about Hunter Biden being a fuck up. But again, in the world of the joke, he's saying that Joe Biden is so sen truth that this is a television program and not a microwave currently making for him a pizza. He's like continuing the story to kind of keep Joe Biden calm. Which, OK, I mean, that is a very generous interpretation. As for those late night shows we're supposed to compete against, why bother? Who do they offend? The only time Stephen Colbert ruffles feathers is in a pillow fight.

Okay, stop. Who do they offend? You. You're obviously offended. Like, offending someone is not the mark of good comedy, but also, like, you're clearly upset. Yeah. A pillow fight yeah also yeah feathers pillow fight pillows have made of feathers yeah i guess steven colbert is known for his pillow

fights i guess it's like they know what the shape of a joke is supposed to be. Yeah. But they don't know why the pieces go where they do. They have joke cadence, but they're not jokes. And then the larger point he's making is so weak and facile. It's like, yeah, you don't agree with them. They have a different point of view than you. And I guess the point he's making is ostensibly these left of center,

late night hosts don't take the risk because the real risk is doing what I'm doing, which is having a right wing point of view on Fox News. This very dangerous act of assailing cancel culture, of criticizing Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. There's no space for that anywhere except here, the place that I have been for years and have been saying exactly what I'm saying now at other times of day. He is right in the sense that Greg Gutfield

has never hosted a show at 11 p.m. to say these things. He's only been able to do that at other time slots. All right, let's keep getting through this. Risk to Kimmel is dehydration from crying too much. And I heard Seth Meyers and Trevor Noah ran off to be obscure together. What? I don't know, I don't know.

I do like what comes next though. I like this kind of, what comes next is a kind of performative breeziness. Like, we don't even give a fuck. Now, I will say, it's like, let's just, Emily, we should just declare right now that this is too much attention on this. Right. We are shining too bright a light on this boring, inoffensive, non-memorable attempt. And we do not plan to do this frequently. But I do think it's worth – because this is the first one, the one you put the most work in to unpack the argument that he's making.

So he's now said the problem with these late-night comics is they aren't offensive enough. They don't ruffle feathers. They're too – they don't take enough risks. But – They're both too broad and too obscure. Right. They got the market broad and too obscure. Right. They got the market cornered in calling Americans stupid. I just found out about this today. Rob Mandel. Okay, stop. I do want to pause on that, which is that like, he has to twist it, right? Because you would be hard pressed to find a moment where Stephen Colbert calls anyone who's a non-prominent

person stupid. It would never happen. It doesn't happen. But he has to do that thing because Greg can't just critique the late night shows for targeting Republicans in power. He has to pretend they're targeting the viewers because the only way you can do a late night comedy show with a conservative point of view is figuring out some conception of right wing talk in which they are not defending the most powerful and ensconced interests in American society. And so there has to be some aggrieved, put-upon, downtrodden viewer attacked so mercilessly by Jimmy Fallon.

And like, OK, I feel attacked by Jimmy Fallon, but not for the reasons that Greg Gutfeld lies out. I'm getting so much whiplash here because he's like, these guys don't offend anyone. And he's like, but they're calling you stupid. Right, right. Seems like they're offending you. No, right. Yeah, like, not only are they offending you, Greg Gutfeld, but you're saying that we already hate them because they call us stupid.

So they do offend actually a lot of people. You're saying they offend all of America. Let's keep rolling. OK. The MLB commissioner said that the best way to demonstrate our values as a sport is by relocating this year's All-Star Game and the draft. Demonstrate our values as a sport. Clearly, these cowards got spooked by activists manipulating the media.

Because how is voter ID immoral? Try picking up nail polish remover in West Virginia without one. Don't ask me how I know. And remember, the All-Star voting process allows fans... Okay, stop. It was a joke. That was a joke.

That was a joke in there. Okay, I'd like to ask him how he knows. No, you're not. No, Emily. No, you can't ask him how he knows. He said it specifically. He wouldn't have said it if you were going to ask him. He said don't ask him how he knows.

You don't need an ID to buy a nail polish remover, right? I don't know. I'm not sure. This is the only time I've heard about it. But also what's embarrassing about buying nail polish remover? Like is the joke that he wears nail polish? Because like wouldn't removing it be the most manly thing you could do? I guess we assume that in the world of joke, he doesn't want people to know that he has

he put nail polish on and then at some point later. Right. Before the show. Takes it off. That he puts puts nail polish on and then at some point later – Right, before the show. Takes it off. Right before the show. That he puts on nail polish. Basically what Greg Gutfield is saying here is that like I, Greg Gutfield, have a deep part of myself that is quite feminine. And when I'm not on the air, I explore in all kinds of ways. One of the ways is by putting on nail polish.

And that's something that makes me feel more alive, more like myself, more like my true self. But I'm not ready to have that conversation on Fox News with all of you. And so I actually often, especially when I'm traveling West Virginia, like realize, oh, I forgot my nail polish remover, but I need to have it because I can't have people see this feminine aspect of my personality, that the gender binary is not just something that is sort of central to how I see myself. It's central to how you see the world. And that's too important to me, like to keep my relationship with you, the viewer,

unsullied by an understanding that I have a more expansive conception of what it means to be a man. And so when I was in West Virginia recently, I bought nail polish remover. I had to show an idea. I was like, huh, I can use that in the show. Got to take the nail polish off first,

but I can use that in the show. And maybe if I just tell people, like, don't ask me about it, I kind of get away with it because I think it's a really good example of what I'm talking about. But again, I don't want to really get into some of the more feminine aspects of my, of my true self. And I think the audience understood that. Yeah. The all-star voting process allows fans to vote five times over a 24 hour period. That's ballot stuffing or in in Chicago, Election Day. Okay, stop.

That is, I think, a great example of, that's just a classic joke, right? Chicago elections from the past. You know, that's a big thing for them. You know, people vote, too many people are voting. Dead people are voting. Chicago machine politics, just sort of a classic. Yeah, they hate Chicago.

Yeah. Because of Catherine Zeta-Jones. He didn't think her performance was very good. She was miscast. He just doesn't like the idea of women getting away with crimes. I don't know. MLB lecturing us on values is like me lecturing you on height. Be sure. Meanwhile, the president, the president calls the bill Jim Crow on steroids. Yeah, the so-called great unifier

now flinging racial discord like Frisbees at a fish show. They have Frisbees there. You stupid execs are cowards and bad golfers. You cheat on your taxes and you cheat on each other. Okay, okay, please stop,

please stop. It's just, this is where we get into the kind of lyrical writing that's the core of the argument, right? Like he's not a corporatist. He's anti-corporate. Yeah.

He's got point. They play golf and they cheat on their spouses famously. That's what people do with Delta. What I love about this too is that he's like so comfortable with the fact that like Fox News has no real sponsors anymore. They are only on the air because of a bunch of weird like backroom cable packaging deals. They don't have corporate support anymore. And so he can just very comfortably say like, yeah, fuck, fuck Coca-Cola, fuck Delta. It's also just sort of like, yeah, man, totally like corporations, you know, sort of like,

yeah, I don't I don't think Delta is inherently good because they sided with Democrats on this issue. Same for Coca-Cola. Love the product. Love the product that they produce. But it's like, yeah, they're self-interested. And the thing that they don't want to grapple with at Fox News is what does it mean that corporations have decided it is in their self-interest, their amoral, mercenary, bottom-line self-interest to take this position.

And I think the reality is corporations have to deal with the electorate as it exists, not as it is gerrymandered, carefully located in rural states in the electoral college. And they view it as in their financial interest to take this side. And I think that is what's terrifying. And that's what they can't grapple with. Yeah, they can't gerrymander support for like Diet Coke versus Dr. Pepper. Like we're all buying the same stuff and we outnumber them. Yeah. I hope Dems raise the corporate tax to 99 percent, except on Fox, which should be tax

exempt. Maybe I'm turning socialist, but after years of proclaiming corporations as engines of free markets, I realize they're locomotives run by meth heads who do anything to save their own hides. It's profit over people, no matter how many inclusion coordinators they hire. That's all true. Profit over people, no matter how many inclusion coordinators they hire. That's all true. Great. A locomotive run by a meth head trying to save their own hide. I just am having a really hard time with that mental image.

It could be a water buffalo. It could be a water buffalo on meth trying to protect its hide. I just don't understand what scenario he's concocted where like there's a way that the meth head could drive the train that would save him who's pursuing this meth head and how did he get in charge of a train and I'm sorry I'm just a professional storyteller and I'm really grappling with

how to work backwards from this climactic act three to make this like an emotionally fulfilling story that you know really like caps off the hero's journey. I just don't know how it works. I feel like we might need to go back to the outline stage. That's all I'm saying. Well, it's time to return the favor. That's our job to scare the people who delight in scaring you sort of like an enforcer on a hockey team, but cuter. I don't think it's worth engaging with Greg Gutfield's material as much as we have.

But I do think it's worth engaging with this argument that, like, we need a show that's going to scare corporations because they're trying to scare you. But Delta and Coca-Cola are not trying to scare anybody. They're scared of all the time. time. That's what they're skittish corporations trying to figure out how to get out of the pressure they're under for using or not using the clout that they have in a really important state. And OK, I know we're like preaching to the choir here, like obviously everything people say on Fox News is like the height of hypocrisy, like obviously Fox News has way more invested in people being scared than anyone else. This entire monologue was just him trying to scare his audience about what's happening in America. I'm not breaking any news here.

I'm not making some sort of unbelievable point that none of you could have thought of by saying that. But what I am saying is that, like, let's say we buy into the premise that like he has a problem with corporations scaring people and he thinks the answer to that is to also scare them like what kind of fucking halloween prank war does he think this is like on what on i just don't i'm sorry my this this whole thing just broke my brain yes it, it's brain-breaking stuff. I think that like what's interesting to me about it and why I do think it's worth looking at it once and one time only is it's a really desperate argument. It's sweaty. It's really sweaty, right?

The jokes are bad. Fine. The jokes are bad. They don't have good joke writers. Why don't they have good joke writers? Because liberals won't work for Fox News. writers. Why don't they have good joke writers? Because liberals won't work for Fox News. Even the conservatives who think they're liberals because they live in cities and like restaurants with small plates and have gay friends, but are actually conservative in every kind of instinct

that they have. But it's confusing to them because they hate Trump and they do vote for Democrats, you know, and then they watch Netflix specials. There's a joke about how if you could be trans, could you be a monkey? Even those people won't work for Fox News. So you're really restricted to kind of truly self-identified conservatives right now at a time in which being a young person who identifies as conservative means identifying as being basically an enemy of the culture. Yeah. So the jokes are bad. The jokes are bad.

But the thing is, there is plenty of conservative comedy all over the place. The problem isn't that there is no conservative voice in comedy. A lot of the joke structure that Gutfeld is aiming for is very Dennis Miller. And Dennis Miller is a conservative. And his jokes, they're not good, but they make sense. He can't even get the Dennis Miller is a conservative and his jokes, they're not good, but they make sense. He can't even get the Dennis Miller structure right. There was a joke that we didn't even hear in this clip where he goes like the baseball players are on so many steroids that they give the Goodyear blimp a complex like that because their heads are so big. And it's like, that's a Dennis Miller structure of like, this makes this looks like that.

It just needs like a babe. That's a Dennis Miller structure of like this makes this looks like that. It just needs like a babe. But when I thought about it, it was like, OK, so he's saying that the baseball players heads are so big that the Goodyear blimp has a complex, which means it feels insecure about not being big enough or not. That's not what you mean when you say someone has a complex. Right. It just is. It's they got the big heads from the steroids has a complex. Right. It just is. They got the big heads from the steroids. It's joke areas.

It's joke areas. This is a show that could only ever premiere during a pandemic when there's a good explanation for why no one's laughing in the live audience. Like if this had premiered with like a full studio audience, I just don't know how they'd cobble the edit together. I mean, they'd have to sweeten it. They're juicing it. They're juicing it. They've got to sweeten it. Yeah.

You've got to sweeten the laughs. Well, I'm glad we did this. For those listening at home, I just want you to understand that Emily and I spent a great deal of time walking through the Greg Gutfield clip. And for your benefit, I'm suggesting we edit it down to the best parts so that you don't have to endure the amount of Gutfield that we just endured. That's something that we're doing as a gift to you. And that's OK Stop. When we come back, the rant wheel.

Don't go anywhere. Love it or leave it, there's more on the way. And we're back. Now it is time for the rant wheel. You know how it works. We spin the wheel wherever it lands. We discuss the topic. This week on the wheel, we have HR1, the mass singer, DC statehood, WeWork, eating in front of humans again, vaccine passport discourse, Pence's book deal, and the film Godzilla versus Kong. Great list of topics. And we have some special guests this week to help us with some

of these rants. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on DC statehood, and we have a very special guest with a great deal of expertise and a long held position on this topic. She is now in her 15th term as the congresswoman for the District of Columbia. Please welcome Eleanor Holmes Norton. Thank you so much for being here. Such a pleasure. This is a segment where people just rant about topics they care about, whatever it may be. Sometimes I do Oreos, sometimes I do McDonald's, sometimes I do important issues, but it has landed on D.C.'s statehood, and we would love your rant about why the time has come for D.C. to become the nation's 51st state. I'll give you a rant. We're in the period when people are paying taxes. The people I represent, number one per capita in taxes paid to support the United States of America, and yet don't have the same rights as

everybody else. Give us statehood or give us back our taxes. Damn right. So as we are talking here, there's been development. We now know there's going to be a House floor vote on statehood. Can you tell us what you expect to happen and what are the obstacles to statehood as you see it right now? markup. That's where we prepare to go to the House floor. We're going to the House floor the week of the 19th, and 54% of the American people now support D.C. statehood. What has done that for us? All these hearings telling the American people what they did not know. Before the last vote in June, people were all over the map. Some thought we had statehood, some were against statehood, many did not know. The exposure that the process has given to statehood has ramped up huge support for D.C. statehood. Now let me ask you this, there's some powerful arguments being made against D.C. statehood. Now, let me ask you this. There's some powerful arguments being made against DC statehood. Name me one. Give me one that's powerful. Here's a powerful one. DC does not have a landfill. Doesn't have a landfill. As you say, that's the most they can come up with.

And that's where they're driven to. That's what they're driven to. You don't look like other states, so you shouldn't be a state. Nobody asked the 37 states that became statehood what they looked like. They just said you were entitled to statehood. We're entitled to statehood and statehood is coming. Statehood's coming. What obstacles do you think remain in the Senate? What are you hearing? What are you thinking about doing about to make sure we get this thing through the Senate? Well, besides Republicans, the greatest obstacle is now fast diminishing. And that is that the Senate is a very undemocratic body. It usually takes what we know as a filibuster or 60 votes. But we now see the filibuster is on its last legs. The Senate was late in organizing this year over

one issue. It wasn't D.C. statehood. It was the filibuster. Democrats gained control of the Senate in no small part because the Senate has been doing nothing. They simply filibustered everything, meaning that nothing passed. We had more than 400 bills over there. Now, some of them were bipartisan. Why didn't at least some of them pass? So the American people are fed up with a kind of one house that operates, the other that just does nothing. That bodes well for legislation generally, and especially well for D.C. statehood. We're ready. We're ready. We have these D.C. statehood tees, all right? They are D.C.-themed. We're going to, we need, we need to send them to everybody on your team for fighting for statehood.

I love that. I've never seen one like that. We've got all kinds of merch. All right. Because, you know, merch is going to be how we get this done, you know, ultimately. Well, Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton, thank you so much. Very exciting to see that there's going to be this floor vote. And, you know, we're excited to keep up the fight. Well, you were among the first to know. Yeah. I hadn't announced that. And now, because I was coming on your podcast, I have announced it.

So this is breaking news. We are breaking news right now. Breaking D.C. statehood news. That's exciting. Exactly. And shout it from the hilltops, won't you? All right. We'll have to.

I'll do what I'm told. Thank you so much. My pleasure. Bye. do what I'm told. Thank you so much. My pleasure. Bye. Let's spin it again. It has landed on the Hulu WeWork documentary, a submission by Crooked's own and Instagram's own John Milstein. Hey, everybody. by Crooked's own and Instagram's own John Milstein.

Hey, everybody. It's streaming season, and we're still streaming till our hearts are content. So, yeah, I watched the Hulu WeWork documentary. It's pretty good. It's about the company and how it did well and then did bad. And a lot for me to like, a lot of my favorite things, people getting very rich, young professionals looking good, dressing well, a founder who's very tall and very proud. And so, yeah, a lot to like.

But my main reaction to this movie is like just an overwhelming feeling of jealousy for the people who worked at this company and were able to drink the Kool-Aid at such a large quantity. Like, you know, some of these people were, were living in a building that was a WeLive building. They were working in a, in a WeWork. If their friends didn't work at WeWork, they removed them from their lives. And, uh, they had this founder who was going around saying, uh, my business is to elevate people's consciousness. And they were like, um, that makes sense. And you're normal. Like you're not, you don't, you don't need to go on a retreat. Um, but yeah, I just feel like my personally, I have so many, my like, uh, skepticism meter doubt meter is too high for me to ever give myself fully into this sort of group mind. And I just watched something like

that. And I just, I just get the jealousy is just peaking. I would love to be the guy who was in a fraternity. That sounds fun. I didn't I didn't do that. I would have loved to be a good member of a cult. I don't think I have the constitution for that. And just watching the people at the WeWork like retreats, they would go to like Coachella style retreats and people were, you know, like required to get wasted by their boss with their coworkers. To me, I would be so overwhelmed and scared. I would be worried about getting very bad sleep because the environment would be so strange to me. I would be having a bad time at Capture the Flag or whatever sort of activities they were doing. would be having a bad time at capture the flag or whatever sort of activities they were doing so yeah i think that's a character flaw of mine and and watching these people just uh form a single hive they really drew that out of me and that's that's my rant i think it's like a the flip side of a problem that i have that i that sounds somewhat similar i won't speak for you which is that i find it hard to be fully and earnestly inside of a group like that.

Like, it doesn't strike, like, I don't think I've ever been at a party while having fun without, at many times throughout that experience, stepped outside and said, I am at a party. I appear to be having fun. On the other hand, I will say that it is amazing how far you can get with a perfect hairline. Like it is incredible what you can do with like a long full mane of hair.

Yeah. You're talking Adam Newman. Ultimately, isn't this, I mean, I haven't, I'm excited to watch the documentary, but we really are talking about like short-term office rentals and desk space, right?, I'm excited to watch the documentary, but we really are talking about short-term office rentals and desk space, right? Yeah. You got to think of it in terms of inches as far as how many inches of height this man has because I think we're talking – we're getting close to seven feet. I've said it before. I'll say it again. Tall men cannot be trusted.

They have too much confidence. They have not faced nearly enough hurdles in their life. And the hurdles they did face were too small, you know, proportionally for them. They can step over them. I could go to Wall Street right now and just make a million bucks advising people not to invest with tall men of any sort. Yeah, no, I think that's smart. All else being equal, steer clear.

John Milstein, everybody. The great, great rant about height, about hair, about office space as a new kind of consciousness. Thanks for having me. Let's spin the wheel again. It has landed on HR1. Here to rant about the topic, Crooked Media's political director, Shaniqua McClendon. Over to you.

Hi, John. I'm really, really happy to be here. Okay. And I had to say that because of how I'm going to start this rant. I hate Joe Manchin. And anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone who knows me knows that I hate the word hate because it's like a really strong word. It really means something, but it's literally the only word I can think about to describe how I feel about Joe Manchin. And it got stronger yesterday when he put out his op-ed in the Washington Post. I read it. I got more mad because I was like, this is so condescending. Like, who is he talking to?

Why is he lecturing us? And all he's doing is like repeating, I guess, all the stuff that tells him it's okay to deny voting rights from millions of people in this country. And he lifted up our founding fathers, which I always think is a bad thing to do when you're trying to make a good point because they were wrong about a lot of stuff. And not just like the things we know they were wrong about, like murdering indigenous people, stealing land, slavery. They were wrong about a lot of stuff. But that's who he chose to lift up. And it just doesn't make sense to me.

You know, really quick story, not even a story, but I wrote a piece a couple months ago for Crooked.com about the insurrection. And like, the big point of it was that white supremacy is upheld by a lot of different things. It's upheld by thinking you can overturn an election just because you want to, but also more subtle things like not wanting to send your kids to integrated schools or live in an integrated neighborhood, like all of these things. But one thing I would add to that is Joe Manchin, an old white guy with a ton of privilege who was like lecturing everyone about how important and sacred the filibuster is and why even for voting rights, it's not something that can be overturned. And the thing I keep thinking about is we've worked so hard in 2018 and 2020 to get Democrats elected. We're going to do it again in 2022. But this time, if all these Republicans pass all these laws, they're going to overturn

these elections. They'll put, you know, the people that they want in legislative bodies at the federal and state level. And then we'll have, you know, Brian Kemp is up for reelection. Is he just going to be like put in because that's who they want there? And then they'll take the power they have. They'll fill out judiciaries, including the Supreme Court with conservative people. Then they'll pass crazy laws. Crazy governors will sign them. And then when Democrats try to challenge them, they'll be upheld by all of these conservative justices. And I know if all of that were to happen, which could have been prevented if we pass H.R. 1, no one's going to look up and say, oh, my God, Joe Manchin, thank you so much for preserving

the filibuster. We are in such a much better place now. I just want to know what he's thinking. Like, this bill is really important. He's just literally standing in the way of a lot of progress. But a couple other things separate from Joe Manchin. I think every progressive organization should be working on this right now, not just voting rights organizations, not just civil rights organizations. If you are fighting for access to abortion, education, roads and bridges, like whatever it is that you're fighting for, if people can't vote for progress, then none of those things are going to be passed into law. And then finally, kind of on a sappy note and a little sad, I hope that everyone is thinking as an individual, like, what are they doing? Because I know in two years years we will remember how we showed up in this moment.

And a lot of us did that after the 2016 election, wondering, did we do enough? And right now we have an opportunity. We know what's coming to fight for this bill. So, like, all of us need to be talking to our family and friends and like whoever we need to, calling our elected officials and making sure that they pass this by any means necessary. Because if we don't, I really think we're going to wake up in two years and regret whatever we didn't do to save ourselves from this moment. So I will end my rant on kind of, I guess, a nice note and say, like, we still have the power to do things and to stop Republicans from doing everything that they're doing around the country and what they will ultimately do if we don't pass this bill at the federal level. But we just have to like take action. And you can do that if you go to votesaveamerica.com slash for the people. Thank you for that rant. Yeah, you know,

just when I read the piece by Manchin, what I was actually thinking about is how important a lot of these debates we've been having about how we talk about our history really are. Because what he's actually saying is, because of a fantastical version of history, I'm going to make the present and the future worse. I'm going to adhere to a silly and childlike version of the past in order to make an argument for why things can't get better. And I'm with you on, and like, obviously that's incredibly frustrating. I think we have to do two things. I think we have to keep fighting and we have to keep pushing because you're right, politicians are for something right until the moment they're against it. A lot of people were against reforming the filibuster around judges until the moment they had to vote to change the filibuster rules. And so that's what we have to

do from the outside. I also am wondering if we really do need to start to change the filibuster rules. And so that's what we have to do from the outside. I also am wondering if we really do need to start talking about the filibuster in a different way, not because our argument isn't completely valid, but because we're not just making it to the country, we're making it to half a dozen people in the Senate, really even two people in the Senate. And I'm coming around to a view, I'm wondering, I'm thinking out loud, because it's a podcast and the stakes are very low, about whether or not we need to start saying, just I'm going to say it, and I want to see your reaction to this. Are you ready? Joe Manchin is right. Wait, see? See, I knew that. Now that's the hook. Now you're clicked. Now you're reading my op-ed. I'm all ears.

All right? Right now, we are presented with two options. A status quo in which nothing changes and nothing gets better and nothing can pass. That's bad. Eliminating the filibuster, which creates majoritarian rule in the Senate and doesn't allow the voice of the minority to be heard. I'm just making an argument. But I think there might be a better way, which is we can strengthen the filibuster so that it is no longer abused and lacks all meaning and actually prevents debates from

happening and allow the minority in the Senate to be heard as the filibuster was intended by strengthening the filibuster and requiring 40 senators in the minority to hold the floor if they want the filibuster to continue. Like we should start talking about this as strengthening and reviving the original intent of the filibuster, not weakening or eliminating it. We just have to, I think, be for what's happening when it comes to like what Joe Manchin needs to hear. Thoughts, comments? What do you think of my op-ed? So I think I agree with the spirit of what you are saying in a vacuum. But Joe Manchin, I think we would have to believe that Republicans just want to be heard. I think when Democrats, and maybe I'm being biased because I am a Democrat, but when Democrats are in the minority, I do think that they want to be heard and they're trying to make an argument against whatever they're filibustering. But Republicans don't want to make the arguments that they have to make against H.R. 1 because they are not arguments that will actually make them look good. You know, they it's very clear that they have held on to this lie that Donald Trump has pushed that the election was rigged. And Mitch McConnell is not going to get up and

say that because he knows that the election was not rigged. And he's also already said the opposite. So I do think that if the goal was for them to be heard, then this is a perfect solution. But I don't think that's the goal. I think they just want to stop things. Oh, no. Obviously, I completely agree. I don't actually think that hearing from them is a good idea. I'm trying to create the space for Joe Manchin to vote for a talking filibuster because it's strengthening the

filibuster. Gotcha. Yes. So I'm trying to pass H.R. One. I know. I don't give a fuck what these people say. That is the main goal.

And that's what I have to remember. And the thing I keep getting stuck on is, OK, we go that route. It's strong now. You can hear from the minority. What does that do? Like, will it pass now? Well, if he's not in favor of weakening or eliminating it, then the only hope we have is at some point we have some way of reforming the filibuster that requires 40 Republican

senators to hold the floor and that eventually they will not want to continue doing that. That's true. And one thing that I think anyone who's worked with politicians knows, they want to leave. Whatever they're working on, whatever they're doing, they want to get out of it as soon as possible. There's a Cancun in each of their hearts. Yes. You don't become a senator because you like working late

when nobody's watching. Exactly. Exactly. It's true. It's true. So I would read your op-ed for sure, and I think I would even quote tweet it with a positive thought. Look at that. Wow, that's an honor. I'm starting to think of Joe Manchin less as like,

a person with whom we deal and more like a forest fire or some other natural disaster, we have to find a way to surmount, you know, every time. I think this is the most important thing. Let's say we get this past, like how many times are we going to have to have this fight to do anything? And I don't know, I get frustrated because I think about all the people who work toward the government we have now, which is like a, you know, a split Senate with Kamala Harris breaking the tie. And like, a lot of people fought for this. And he just gets to say, this is how I'm feeling today. Yeah, it would be. And it would be one thing if it was like rooted in some kind of ideological vision or a goal.

What do you want to make happen? Like it's so much about process and it's like this isn't a model UN tournament. The goal isn't for everybody to come and have a great time and go home having learned a lot and made new friends. The goal is to do things. What are the things you want to do? Exactly. Write them down. Put them in the fucking op-ed.

Write down the 10 things you want to make happen in politics and tell us how you'll do them with Republicans. Yeah. And I think that's the problem. Like, it just seems like he just wants to be the holder of power. And because he knows if he identified the things he wanted, Chuck Schumer and Joe Biden would figure out a way to give it to him. And then then what is he bitching about now? Who knows? He also moves around a lot. Maybe he was just sick of getting the question. He wanted a couple of months of breather. Yeah. And if he if he changes his mind, I'll take everything I said back.

But I'll tell you what I'm sick of. I'm sick of doing Kremlinology around one West Virginian senator. I'm pretty sick of it. I'm frustrated by it. Yeah. Yeah. I blame Cal Cunningham. Yeah, that's right. That's right.

Shaniqua McClendon with a great rant about Joe Manchin, HR1, and a bunch of bullshit. Thanks, John. Let's spin it again. It has landed on The Masked Singer, which I believe was suggested by your friend and mine, Emily Heller. The Masked Singer. Emily, take it away. Yeah, let's talk about The Masked Singer. This is a television show that's incredibly popular. I don't watch The Masked Singer, but what I do is I obsessively read the clues and the reveals. And it's not even because I try to necessarily guess who it is, although I think that is part

of it, as I think I'm giving myself a puzzle. But I never know who most of these celebrities are. I'll read the guesses. I don't know who the person is. I never watch the show. I don't watch the clips. I don't watch the performances. I just read the clues. And sometimes I watch the reveals. The premise of this show, if you don't know, is there's a bunch of celebrities wearing full on mascot costumes performing.

And then a bunch of celebrity judges then say, oh, my God, I think that might be Beyonce. And then they take their mask off and it's someone from The Real Housewives. And I understand a lot about this show. One thing that happened, though, this season that has really been bothering me is that, that like i guess the premise of the show is you're like oh my god like i recognize that voice from somewhere where do i know it from i don't know anyway point is one of the reveals this season and spoiler alert if you are dvr-ing it and not keeping up but you're not understanding the point of the show one of the reveals was kermit the frog was on the masked singer it was like inside a shell like a a snail shell costume there was a top hat on top of this the shell and they lifted

the top hat off and then kermit the frog popped out and i just want to say kermit the frog is already in a costume it's already a person using a mask what are you talking about what do you what do you mean okay so muppet is a saying rainbow connection that is a type of puppet yeah sure but but he's the muppet that's saying rainbow remember uh rainbow connection i remember rainbow connection i'm just saying i'm just saying you can't have someone in a costume Remember Rainbow Connection? I remember Rainbow Connection. Muppets in Manhattan. I'm just saying you can't have someone in a costume inside a costume. That's not – Remember he gets amnesia and then he gets a business job, walks around in a little briefcase?

What are you talking about? Miss Piggy loves him, has that kind of unrequited love. Joan Rivers helps Miss Piggy sort through her feelings. I also – Make a counter in New York. Manhattan. Muppets Take Manhattan they took it Kermit

Kermit the Frog the other okay I'm familiar with the character Fozzie Bear he's kind of a comedian and there's some other

groovy ones they're kind of groovy there's Gonzo he's a sex pest one thing though too about Masked Singer is you're like this is the most like debasing thing you could ever do and everyone who goes on it has like a good reason for it where you're they're like you know what i was in hansen hansen's clearly the russian dolls this season that's what everyone's saying and it's like, Hanson's not going to be on TV otherwise right now.

And it's showing them that they've still got pipes. Like people are like, you know, my kids watch this show. I want to be on it. There's always some kind of like fun, emotional reason why the people who go on the mass singer, go on the mass singer. I don't understand the pathos of Kermit the Frog needing to do this.

We already don't know who's doing the voice. Well, you know, it's not the 80s anymore. Kermit has a brand to protect like anybody else. Honestly, I don't understand your rant today. Kermit the Frog is the mastermind that checks out to me. Makes total sense. You have no issue with that. None. None whatsoever. He also was involved in a couple capers. I don't know if you remember that. But again, a long time ago. So yeah, he needs a new audience to sort of understand that. And the best way for them to get that is to hear him sing Shallow from A Star Is Born.

No, I don't think that's it. I actually don't know which songs the snail sang. I'm looking it up right now because now my curiosity is insatiable. The celebrity guest having to have a justification for being on the show reminds me of when there would be like Celebrity Jeopardy and some of them were like really famous, but then like, but the money all goes to charity. So you have to compete and then you compete for your charity

because the celebrities have to be too successful to want to compete for the money. But there are plenty of times where you're watching Celebrity Jeopardy, and you're just like, I bet that celebrity could really use that $23,000. I don't think some of these celebs, they're not looking askance at $13,000 on a daily double here. These people could use that cash. They don't get to keep the money, though, on Celebrity Jeopardy.

That's my point. I'm saying that some of them are on this show and they have to act like I'm just doing this for – like I wonder if there's been a couple of Celebrity Jeopardy contestants who haven't like kind of pulled aside a producer and been like, can you put me on the real one? It's been a while since – I need that cash. It's been a while since my procedural got canceled. Oh, boy.

The song that The Snail performed, that Kermit performed was You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall & Oates. That rules to me. But also, like, what I find amazing about this is, like, Kermit also has a very particular voice. Yeah. That I, like, you know, we can do it. There it is. Yeah. So was it that all the whole?

There's so many. Songs. Was this the whole thing was like this the whole time? And everyone was like, who's under there? Again, I'm exactly curious enough about this show to look up the clues and the guesses and the reveals, but not curious enough to watch any of the performances. But based on the performances, the judges' guesses were Robin Thicke thought it was Seth MacFarlane. Good guess. Good guess. Nicole Scherzinger thought it was Seth MacFarlane. Good guess.

Good guess. Nicole Scherzinger thought it was Billy Crystal. Again, good guess. Good guess. Ken Jeong thought it was Jay Leno. And Jenny McCarthy thought it was Ted Cruz. Here's what you've just done. You've ranted me into a viewer.

Like, I had no idea that puppets could be under there. That's so cool to me. It is the first ever fictional character on The Masked Singer. Let's spin the wheel again. It has landed on Eating in Front of humans again.

I put that on the wheel, so I'll just take a quick stab at it, explain to you what my thinking is. As we approach the end of the dark chapter that was the past 13 months of being at home, being unvaccinated, trying to do our best while turning on the television and seeing news about people all over the country acting irresponsibly, I am starting to realize that there are obviously aspects of having gone into a long distance relationship with society that I'm aware of. You know, I'm quite sure that the first time I go to any kind of a party,

I'm going to be – and it's not like I was getting high grades in my party behavior in the pre-pandemic world. It wasn't like I was like, now that's a guy that knows how to walk into a party. Not me. Never was, never will be. But I know I'm going to be even more strange than usual. I know I'm going to bring a brittle strange than usual. I know I'm going to bring a brittle and also desperate energy to virtually all conversations. I just know that that's coming.

I'm not going to let things end. I'm just, I know, I know that that's going to be part of what I have to sort through. But I met somebody for a coffee out of doors, something I had done face-to-face at an outdoor establishment in New York. And I ordered a breakfast sandwich because I rarely miss an opportunity to do so. And all of a sudden, I started eating this breakfast sandwich and I realized, other than with Ronan,

this is the first time I am eating something while facing a person who is not the star of a prestige drama. That the person sitting across from me is not in the Ozarks laundering money, you know? They're not trapped in some kind of psychosexual mind game with a villain. They're not some kind of brain end that everyone loves. Yeah, these aren't, this isn't a perfect stranger. Yeah, we're not in Schitt's Creek. and I'm realizing that, oh, wearing sweatpants and eating in front of the television for a year has made me a feral monster.

And so I have nothing really to, I have no place to take this. You're catching me having just experienced this. And I only will say, we're all about to jump on a raft we built ourselves with the volleyball we've been talking to. And the volleyball is about to float away. And then we're going to get to a buffet with a bunch of crab legs. And I just hope we're all aware that we're all uncomfortable with the buffet. I think for anyone who is at all self-conscious about eating in front of other people before the pandemic, the past year has not made us think our mouths are less disgusting.

That should be no one's takeaway. The whole point of the past year was like, yeah, that area between your eyes and your chin will be your death. You cover it up. You show it to no one. You don't open it and shove things inside in front of other people. That's not what we do. That's not what we do.

That's not what we do. That's not what we do. We shouldn't start with that when we go back into society. Like, look, I'm in a long-term relationship. But, Emily, as are you. Tell me if this is not your experience. Over the course of the pandemic, I would say that early, the first couple months, we really made an effort to face each other for a lot more meals. But as the pandemic has dragged on, increasingly we are facing the same direction while we are consuming food.

And I'm not yet quite ready for facing people again. Yeah, I think we should no longer be shaming people for sitting on the same side of the booth. That's not a thing. Yes. The only reason we should shame people for that is because it's exposing more people to the view. All right. At least when you're sitting across from each other, you're blocking the rest of the restaurant

from seeing the person you're eating with doing the eating. Oh, man. Anyway, 2021, we're going to be so fucking weird. We're all going to be so weird weird and the better you did the more careful you were in 2020 the weirder you're gonna be oh yeah right and that's just the reality of it and i think going forward if someone is making you feel like really comfortable and they're very sort of charismatic really in the flow of a conversation at a party, you should look them in the eye and say,

I know what you did. We know what you fucking did. You're acting way too normal right now for someone who's been inside. Hey, you know what I sense? I sense some fucking practice. Let me see your passport. I know you went to Mexico. Yeah, you show me that passport.

Did you capsize in Puerto Vallarta, you son of a bitch? Are you a gay person with abs who capsized in Puerto by fucking Arta? Alright. And that's going to be my new normal personality at parties. Thank you so much to

Eleanor Holmes Norton, Shaniqua McClendon, John Milstein for joining for the rant. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back because we need it this week. Here it is, the high note. Hi, John. My name is Kate and I'm in Seattle. And my highlight of the week is here in Washington State, our Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America group finished up our virtual advocacy month.

It was a huge success, and our bills are working their way through the process and getting close to the finish line. And what gives me the most hope is I met with six lawmakers, three Democrat and three Republican, and found ways to work with five of them. That's 83% because Gun Sense is popular and a winning issue. So we can and we will end gun violence. Thank you and take care. Bye. Hey, love it. This is Gretchen from Lexington, Kentucky. And my highlight this week is that my mom is turning 75. And thanks to the miracles of modern medicine and a competent administration that created a functional distribution chain. Not only will my sister and our spouses and I be able

to travel to celebrate with her, but we're also able to throw her a small, socially distanced outside party with some of her friends. While it's not the big bash that she would have wanted in the before times, after being alone for most of this past year, she is over the moon excited to be able to celebrate this milestone with people she cares about in person. Also, unrelated but a special hat tip to you, John, for recommending subbing regular bacon for the Canadian bacon on Egg McMuffin. I tried it this weekend, and it was a game changer. Thanks for all you do, and have a great week.

Hi, love it. My name's Austin. I'm sitting here with my poke chihuahua, Bucko, and I just made a smoothie that had the perfect water and frozen fruit combination to where I didn't even have to stir it once. And that gave me health. That's what I got licking my face. Bye, guys. Thank you for everything. I love it. This is Valerie in Denver, Colorado.

And my high note for this week and actually probably for the entire year is that after being on a ventilator for almost a week and then in the hospital for an additional week, my husband got to come home to our three and a half year old girl and our six month old girl. So we are just so glad that he's home and he's doing great and probably one of the biggest high notes of my life. Thanks. Thanks to everybody who called in with those high notes. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, you can call us at 213-262-4427. And that's our show.

I want to thank... John. Yep. That's it? Yeah. We did the opening of the show. We did OK Stop. We did the rant wheel, the high note.

That's it. Yeah, but don't you remember the winking? It was – I remember you winking. Right. I just thought – I didn't think you completely forgot what today is. Today is Friday, April 9th. I don't – what am I –

It's the one-year anniversary of the very first Emily's Garden show. Did you not get me a present? Oh my gosh. No, I knew. You're right. You're right. Surprise. I thought you were planning some big gesture.

You can't just say surprise and then not do anything. What's the surprise? What's following this? We got a great surprise. We got a great. Well We got a great, well. Is Monty Dawn here? Surprise. I got you a PlayStation gift card in your email right in a few minutes.

That's like the opposite. Surprise. It's an e-card. You didn't even get me like a Home depot gift card or something that i could use for gardening supplies well i just want all i want for the one year anniversary of my podcast from you my sidekick i want you to tell me the way that gardening has changed your life um okay like i'm not materialistic. I just want to know from your heart

what this show has meant to you. Well, uh, okay. Well, so, you know, every great idea begins as a seed. And you plant that seed and then it grows into something. Sometimes it's something beautiful, like an orchid or a flower. Sometimes it's not.

Sometimes it grows into something unstoppable, unsustainable that swallows up everything around it, like a weed or a segment about gardening. You see? Right. And that's something that I learned, right? What I learned is something that can start as just the kernel of something seems so innocent can all of a sudden, when you're barely paying attention, become something that overtakes everything it touches. So, you know, sometimes it's an orchid. Sometimes it's Audrey, too. Right.

From Little Shop of Horrors. That's the thing I learned over the past year from Emily's Garden Show. And I care to comment. Can I just say, that means so much to me. Thank you. And that's our show. Thank you as always to the host of Emily's Garden Show. I don't have a garden show for you this week. I'm too busy transplanting my tomatoes. You guys, summer is coming to LA sooner than I thought. And I am way too busy. Too busy gardening for Emily's garden show.

Emily Heller. Thank you to Eleanor Holmes Norton. Thank you to John Milstein and Shaniqua McClendon for joining for the Randville. Thank you to everybody who called in. There are 577 days until the 2022 midterm elections, so we got shit to do. Have a great weekend. 2022 midterm elections. So we got shit to do.

Have a great weekend. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, Ryan Woodruff, and Lee Eisenberg. Jocelyn Kaufman, Pola Viganolin, and Peter Miller are the writers. Our associate producer is Brian Semel. Bill Lance is our editor, and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure.

Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and Jamie Skeel for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Nar Melkonian, Milo Kim and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so that you can.