Lovett or Leave It - Joe Sneaks Up From Behind!

Episode Date: March 7, 2020

Super Tuesday changes the race. Trump bungles the response to a pandemic. And Hachette faces blowback for secretly buying Woody Allen's memoir. Megan Gailey and Yassir Lester join to break down a pivotal week from the end of Elizabeth Warren's campaign to the announcement of a 38-year-old Bachelorette.

Good evening, Los Angeles. Did you guys see what happened this week? You saw. Pod Save America's tour starts next weekend. In Phoenix, we'll be joined by Akilah Hughes. In San Diego, we'll be joined by Katie Porter. We're almost sold out. And you can get tickets right now at crooked.com slash events.

We have some great shows coming up. So get in there. Let's get into it. What a week. Let's start with the news that everyone's been talking about. My appearance on Chris Hayes. No. Now, you may be saying,

John, wasn't there a massive week in Democratic politics where we saw a year of political narratives thrown out the window, five major candidates drop out of the race, and James Carville rise from a bayou, ascend to a throne made up of old tires and alligator bones, and place atop his head a crown of crawdaddies while shouting,

They're sucking on that sugar tit over there. They got to cough up some of the sugar. Maybe. But it's important we not get distracted from the real issues people care about, like me getting humiliated on television. So on Monday, Chris Hayes had a live show in Los Angeles, so I'm waiting in the wings to come on when this happens.

So for more on the dramatically shifting race, I'm joined by former Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau, host of Jon Lovett, host of the Lovett or Leave It podcast. Now, this sort of thing has happened before. I genuinely don't mind. We have the same first name. We've done a similar job.

We're both incredibly handsome. Don't you fucking, don't. I don't want it. I don't want it. Put it away. Now, I could have been angry. I could have made a big deal about it, but instead I played it cool.

I'm confident. People make mistakes. So here's the clip of me playing it cool until the very moment where I stopped playing it cool. It's an all-night hot car, host of KPFK's Rising Up. For those listening at home, I may have stumbled a little bit on my way to the stage, hardly noticeable. Not something that people will put into my mentions

as a gif for the rest of my fucking life. Speaking of my Twitter mentions, what the fuck happened this week? A week ago, it seemed as though Joe Biden couldn't get arrested in this primary, except while visiting Nelson Mandela in South Africa, which never happened. By all accounts, this was Bernie's race to

lose, but everyone made a classic mistake when it comes to Joe Biden. You should never underestimate Joe Biden's ability to come up and surprise you from behind. Joe Biden wins South Carolina by almost 30 points. He got almost half the vote in South Carolina and gave easily the best speech of the campaign. All those of you who've been knocked down, counted out, left behind,

this is your campaign. If you've ever been knocked down, this campaign is for you. That spoke directly to me as someone who'd fallen down quite recently. And then one by one, the other candidates dropped out. Tom Steyer held a radio up outside of Bernie's window for hours, and when he realized Bernie wasn't home, ended his campaign. Mayor Pete withdrew, then he took off his tie,

changed into a pair of cutoffs and a Rehoboth tank top, downed some molly with a white claw, and danced, danced, danced at the old warehouse on the St. Joseph River until he and Chaston blacked out, woke up the next morning with their car parked in Amy Klobuchar's lawn, and the words, local official, written on the side of her garage in absolutely perfect cursive. Amy Klobuchar was next. She thanked her supporters, then threw the head of her campaign manager into the crowd. And then Tom Perez, the all-powerful DNC chair high above the proscenium, began to pull the strings on his marionettes.

Joe knows you, and he will fight for you. So I cannot think of a better way to end my campaign than joining his. That was always a goal that was much bigger than me becoming president. And it is in the name of that very same goal that I'm delighted to endorse and support Joe Biden for president. On behalf of every one of the 254 counties of this great state, we welcome Dr. Jill Biden and Vice President Joe Biden. Beto also took Biden to Whataburger after the rally where Biden ordered a Salisbury steak and a sarsaparilla. And then it was here. Super Tuesday.

I went to the polls in California, and I voted for who I voted for. You don't know who I voted for. It's a private thing between me and Alex Padilla. We knew Vermont would go for Bernie. We knew Vermont would go for Bernie. We knew Alabama would go for Biden. But then we started to see how quickly certain states were starting to turn. The night, it turns out, begins with very good news for Joe Biden.

Good news for Joe Biden, indeed. The Commonwealth of Virginia. He is at this hour, at poll closing, the projected winner. From the moment Virginia was called, things went downhill for everyone but Uncle Joe. Warren came in third in her own home state. Bernie failed to close the gap in places he needed to win, like Texas. And Mike Bloomberg spent half a billion dollars failing to stop American Samoa from awarding two delegates to Tulsi Gabbard.

Listen, everybody. We all had our fun ripping Mike Bloomberg's to shreds. Now, let's just remember, we need the money again. We didn't like it when he was running for himself, but now he's gone. Let's delete some of those anti-Bloomberg tweets.

Let's make him feel comfortable. Let's make him feel comfortable writing some of those checks. I don't like that we need the money, but we need the money. Joe won toss-up states including Minnesota, Maine, and Massachusetts where Bernie was seen as strong. Biden ate Bernie's lunch, which we all know is a scoop of tuna salad on a bed of lettuce with some fruit and cottage cheese

because all old Jews eat the same exact thing. So Joe Biden, for the second time in three days, gave an impassioned victory speech. Tell that to the folks in Virginia, North Carolina, Alabama, Tennessee, Oklahoma,

Arkansas, Minnesota! We threw a Dean screen on the end there for old time's sake. Remember when an excited man yelling the name of states destroyed a campaign? Trump is literally telling people to go to work with coronavirus. And you know that right now there's a 53-year-old white anesthesiologist outside Phoenix telling his daughter how he just can't believe the Democrats wouldn't get behind somebody like Bloomberg

when no matter what happens in his primary, he's going to smack a Trump sticker on the back of his X6 so fucking hard the title is Jiggle in His Trunk. That was too specific. While the votes are still being counted in California, and Bernie might be able to make up some delegates, thanks to his strong showing with the Latino community and comedy writers,

it is clear that in less than three days, Joe Biden went from a long shot to the favorite, which is exactly what I said would happen. I have been ride or die for Joe Biden from the very beginning. Joe Biden the closer. Watch out for Joe Biden, I said. Don't discount Joe Biden. He's better than you think.

And look, I get it. Is Joe Biden the most articulate candidate? Yes. Biden. Biden. candidate? Yes. Biden. No one can say what will happen, because if anybody could say what would happen, none of us would have been so fucking gobsmacked by what has happened this week. Bernie has

to demonstrate that he can deliver a message that reaches the entire party. Biden has to demonstrate that he can deliver a message. I also do want to say that I think this has been a particularly brutal week for Bernie Sanders supporters. There's been a lot of sort of, I think, silly and petty kind of blame games playing out online. But, you know, I look at what happened and I just think that Bernie Sanders ultimately didn't expand his base, which is something he always had to do. I don't see Bernie Sanders as a radical.

I see what we do to people in this country as radical, how we mistreat each other, that we're currently dealing with a spreading virus. And there are so many people who have to go to work sick and who can't afford care. That's radical. That's extreme. And Bernie, to me, at his best, delivers this message. Take a look around you and find someone you don't know. Maybe somebody doesn't look kind of like you. Are you willing to fight for that person as much as you're willing to fight for yourself? And I think sometimes in the kind of crush of politics, we sometimes lose sight of just why so many people have been

inspired by Bernie Sanders, because I find that message incredibly inspiring. And I find it inspiring because it speaks to why I'm a Democrat, not a socialist, why I'm a Democrat. But that doesn't mean at the same time that we should pretend Joe Biden isn't running on what would be the most progressive democratic platform in history. And I also think it would be wrong to discount or fail to respect the wisdom and judgment of black voters, in particular, older black voters who are fully aware of Biden's flaws and limitations as a candidate, but also have a pretty good fucking bead on what is best to protect each other and all of us from the worst that this country can do to itself. But I also think that means it's incumbent upon Joe Biden not just to be disciplined,

not just to be cogent, but also to reach out to the millions of young people who have joined Bernie's campaign because they think that this world is in crisis and they're fucking right. And to appeal to them, not just because you need their votes, but because you need to earn their votes. And I think anything Joe Biden can do to demonstrate that he is serious about paying respect to millions of young Bernie Sanders supporters who have worked so hard for Bernie Sanders is not just something he needs to do to win the nomination. It's something he needs to do to win the presidency and then succeed as president. to win the nomination. It's something he needs to do to win the presidency and then succeed as president. My mother and I were talking, she's going to vote in Florida. And she said, who should

I vote for? And I said, well, you know, you have to decide who you think is going to be the better president and who's going to beat Trump. She then said to me, my mother said to me, what do you think Grandpa Dave would do? And he passed away a few years ago. And it was a surprising question. I've never heard her ask that question before or bring him up in this way. And my grandfather was a World War II veteran. He worked all his life.

He didn't go to college. He got sick when he was between jobs and didn't have health insurance. He loved Bernie Sanders. He loved him. Like, loved him. Believed in him and one of the proudest things i got to do when i was working for hillary clinton is he got to see one of bernie sanders filibusters and you know when people say bernie why won't you come out against the filibuster i remember that my grandfather got to see bernie sanders standing on principle on the

senate floor but he also loved being a democrat and i remember he fell down towards the end of his life and he was out of sorts and the the emTs pulled him up and said, you know, do you know your name? And he said his name. Do you know what year it is? He said, what year it is? And the EMT said, do you know who the president is? And he goes, Barack Obama's the president and Hillary Clinton's going to be the next president and Congress is full of idiots. And I think it worked out fine that he died before Trump won because it genuinely would have killed him. But my mother asked me,

what do you think Grandpa Dave would do? Because I think she was torn about this decision and we were joking about it, but what we thought he would say is he would vote for Bernie Sanders, no question in my mind, but he would laugh about it and he'd say, I'm voting for Bernie Sanders, but there's no fucking way this country is going to elect a socialist Jew.

That's what he would say. That's what we thought he would say. And I was thinking about that because I do think everyone is so sure all the time. And I don't feel sure. And I think it's okay to not feel sure. And for anyone out there who wasn't exactly chomping at the bit for this to be their two final options, I think that's okay to admit while still recognizing that everybody going into this booth, people who are choosing to vote for Bernie because they believe Bernie's the best person to win and then lead the country versus people voting for Biden because they

believe that's the safest place to put their vote and ultimately put a Democrat in who will ultimately pursue the progressive vision that he has outlined, which again is the most progressive platform of any Democrat in history, but for what Bernie would do. I think everybody should just take a moment to respect each other and the stakes and magnitude of this decision. And

I will continue to see even the most ferocious and mean-spirited fighters for Bernie Sanders as being on my side. I will. I will continue to do that. And even if they don't feel the same way, a week ago, I was getting fucking ready to go to battle for Bernie Sanders. I was going to take on David Frum. Anybody who says he's the Trump of the left is going to fucking beat the shit out of them rhetorically. I don't. Look at this. This doesn't fight.

This talks. We're going to take a second. We're going to take a second. We're going to have private conversations about our deep well of concerns. Honest and sincere reflections amongst people we love,

that we're going to put those out of our mind and we're going to get to work. You know, this juror is here because they're a sponsor and it was part of the deal. This one, this is for Warren. And finally, since Super Tuesday, both Mike Bloomberg and Elizabeth Warren dropped out of the race,

two progressive champions who have inspired a generation of kids to dream big, fight hard, and kill it. Tough joke. Tough joke. Tough joke, no doubt about it. A lot of candidates dropped out this week, so before we go any further, let's take a moment to reflect on the ones we've left behind in this penultimate in memoriam. Beto O'Rourke.

Kamala Harris. You know, he reminds me of that guy in The Wizard of Oz. You know, when you pull back the curtain, it's a really small dude. Cory Booker. Why did Tigger and Eeyore have their heads in the toilet? They were looking for poo. I love that one. Andrew Yang.

I'm going to be the first president to use PowerPoint in the State of the Union. How do you feel about that? PowerPoint! PowerPoint! PowerPoint! Tom Stein. I don't want to get in the middle of it. I just want to say hi to everyone. Yeah, good. Okay. Pete Buttigieg. We all wanna have our own song and sing.

We all wanna be our own song. Amy Klobuchar. Hey, Donald Trump, the science is on my side. And I'd like to see how your hair would fair in a blizzard. I'd like to see how your hair would fare in a blizzard. I'd like to see how your hair would fare in a blizzard. And I'd like to see how your hair would fare in a blizzard. And I'd like to see how your hair would fare in a blizzard. Michael Bloomberg.

I'm surprised they show up because I would have thought after I did such a good job in beating them last week that they'd be a little bit afraid to do that. Elizabeth Warren. How many mamas and daddies today are getting knocked off the track and never get back on? Those babies get top-notch care. It means their mamas can finish their education. It means their mamas and their daddies can take on real jobs. That's an investment in our babies.

That's an investment in their mamas and their daddies. Let me just say one more thing about Elizabeth Warren because I want to. I was surprised by how sad I was about the end of her campaign. Also, though, I cried when Ellen got a Medal of Freedom. I cried when Taco Bell discontinued the Taco Bell double-decker,

Taco Supreme. So I'm a crying gay. You know, I just, my tears come easy. I believe Elizabeth Warren would be an extraordinary president. And that no one thought more deeply about how much good a person can do with the powers of the presidency. No one. She did not run a perfect campaign.

But you know who also ran imperfect campaigns? Every single human being who got to become president. If she were a man, this primary wouldn't have been close. But if she were a man, she wouldn't be Elizabeth Warren. Mary wouldn't have been close, but if she were a man, she wouldn't be Elizabeth Warren. But I say that without feeling confident that that means she should have been the nominee, and when swing state polls consistently showed a tougher race against Trump than either Bernie or Biden, I understood those who might have thought Warren would be the best president, but not the best candidate, as frustrating as that has been for her supporters. So I'm sad, and I'm sad because I want to live in an America

that doesn't just have a woman president, but that is finally honest about misogyny, but also about the expectations of masculinity that are woven into every facet of our culture. But the good news is that we can have that conversation, and we can keep having it after we get rid of Trump, and until we elect a woman president, and that woman, Elizabeth Warren, who's going to come out of a contested fucking convention.

Contested convention. Contested convention. We come back. Our panel. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. She's the co-host of Crooked Media's Hysteria

and the co-host of the new sports podcast, The Greatest. Please welcome back Megan Gailey. How are you? I'm better now. Watching you is cathartic. Oh, good. Good, at least it is for someone. I feel worse.

He's a writer, actor, comedian, and co-host of the podcast My Brother's Sneaker. Please welcome Yasser Lester. Get off of me. Get off of me. You're gonna... listen to Ben Carson don't rub me

hi how are you good how are you so good so so good you're that octave I was like good how are you yeah that's the high octave of a

very confident man the most confident man is always like hey how's it going I'm gonna fight you Megan how are you feeling about the state of the race confident man. The most confident man is always like, hey, how's it going? I'm going to fight you. Megan, how are you feeling about the state of the race? I feel very comfortable confessing to you that I voted for Liz Warren.

It's just so wild to say that and get applause because I'm a stand-up and work in a comedy room, so I've been being booed for the last few days. So to hear applause for that, I'm like, fuck, we got to get her back. So I woke up this morning,

and my parents were supposed to come visit this weekend, and my dad is sick, and so he cannot fly because of coronavirus, and I cannot fly to go see him because if he were to get it, he would die. And then I got an alert on my phone that Liz was dropping out and she is someone that I've donated to,

volunteered, fought in people's front yards for. I love her. When I drove to vote for Hillary, God, I can't cry on this podcast for a second time. Yes, you can. When I drove to vote for Hillary, God, I can't cry on this podcast for a second time. Yes, you can. When I drove. Yes, sir, don't do this to me. Everybody, cry, cry, cry.

When I drove to vote for Hillary, I cried because I was voting for a woman and because I thought she was going to win. And I remember thinking my nieces are only ever going to grow up in a world where a woman can be president and then she didn't win. And so of course I cried when that happened. And when I drove to vote for Liz, I cried again because I knew that I was voting for someone who was not going to be the nominee, but the sense of pride and accomplishment that the last two times I voted for president was for a woman. And the time before that was for a black man. The only times I've ever voted have been for a black man and a woman. And I had people texting me all day as if the Colts had lost the Super Bowl, like just sending me, I'm so sorry. How are you? And I got so many emails from Liz

being like, thank you and it's like, no bitch, thank you I can't believe you're thanking me all I did was go to Alhambra twice Couldn't have made it three? You should have probably gone another time I couldn't because then I had the soul cycle class I wanted to go to

which is also a tool of Trump but what is so amazing about her and what I think we all feel and why we do love her is because even in her dropping out today, she still found a way to make me feel better and make me feel like everything was going to be okay. And that she did that for us. And she doesn't owe us anything. She owes us actually less than nothing because of how she's been treated, but she is going to be, no matter what happens integral in the progress that happens in this country and whether they want it or not, she is loud. And as a little girl who was always called

a know-it-all and a hand raiser, I look at her and I'm like, okay, cool, fuck yeah. We have dogs and husbands now. And we're awesome. And I just, I love her. And I also want to say, like, I'm going to support Bernie now, but I'm going to support whoever. But also, I think both of them can win. I really do. And I think the only way we can't win is by going into it saying we can't win. We can win. Everybody wants to win. And it's not even socialists and Democrats. It's

whoever is on the side of what this man is not. That is everyone else. And everyone else is a lot bigger. And the stock market is crashing. And we're all going to have to stay home from work. Like he has fucked everything up so badly. And even there are people that voted for Obama that then voted for Trump and they are ready to vote for Biden. They really are. And there are people that have never voted before that want to vote for Bernie and that would not vote for Biden. There are possibilities and there are struggles with each candidate, but like we can do it. And we have to, from this day forward, go, we are absolutely going to do it. A woman who I loved that I would fucking give an organ to dropped out today. And all I feel is, yes, we can do it, and we have to, from this day forward, go, we are absolutely going to do it. A woman who I loved that I would fucking give an

organ to dropped out today, and all I feel is, yes, we can do it. We have to do it. I definitely don't think the CDC says, share a bottle of whiskey. Yeah. It's an antiseptic.

Although I do believe one of the vodka companies did, because we live in hell times, have to put out a statement that said, please do not use our vodka to try to sanitize your world. And it's like, if vodka isn't for sanitizing my world, what's it for? Yasser, how are you doing? Here's the thing. Number one, phenomenal. I'm being serious.

It really was. You made me feel so bad just now for writing in Trump in the primary. I love him! No, I'm just kidding. I'm sorry. Real, real talk. Much like Sweet Meg, I also voted for Elizabeth Warren.

Here's what I'll say. Yes, I am directing this to the Bernie people for a moment because I feel like, as I told people along the way, this is the person who speaks to me the most. This is the person who I think directly speaks to the black community the most and actually listens. And it's not all strategy. It's, you know, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that like everyone's a saint,

but it felt like, oh, there was a listening. There was a call. There was a response with her. You know, there was more to it than just like, can I have your vote? You know, with that being said, I think the most important thing in me still voting for her is that a lot of the Bernie people

came after me online, in life, at Chipotle, where they all eat. Bernie supporter loves a Sofrida taco. They just can't get enough. They all said it was a waste of a vote. They said, like, she doesn't have a chance. You should vote Bernie.

He's the only person who can get things done, blah, blah, blah. I'll say this, and I like the guy. He is not a savior. I think we need to stop that narrative 100%. I do believe he has the ideas and the mentality to get those things done, but I'm so sick of being talked down to as if he is a godsend. He is a man just like me, just like every woman or non-binary, gender binary person in this room. You can do it just as much as he can, so I'm sick of that narrative. person in this room like you can do it just as much as he can so i'm sick of that narrative uh number two i'm also sick of the idea of saying someone can't do it so get in line with this

person there's something to be said about giving your vote to her and showing that yo i like her i like her ideas i like what she stands for and you still want to send that message to the other candidates to be like if you are not falling in line with her, then I'm not voting for you. I think that's more important is to send the message to say like, yo, this is someone we believe in. These are the ideals that we fall in line with. And if you're not doing that, then someone else is going to get your vote, you know, but like this idea that we had to go Bernie because he's the only person who has water and a fire is crazy to me. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sorry. It really, really annoyed me. And no offense to

do not again, whoever wins the nomination, they will get my vote. But at the same time, I think that the most beautiful part of democracy and of voting is placing your vote. You know what I'm saying? It doesn't always have to be gaming the system. There's something to be said about actually speaking your mind and using your vote as your voice. Yeah. I'm glad you said that, too. You know, it matters to you that you were part of this process and you made your claim as a citizen. And I do think moving forward, you know, Paul Wellstone never was president, but there are Wellstone Democrats. And I do believe that Warren Democrats are going to be a force in the Democratic Party. And so I am glad that even as people were telling people not to vote for the person they believed in most, that enough people did to stake their claim and say, OK, I can't affect the sweep of this big election taking place over, you know, 12 states in American Samoa. But if my vote matters to anyone the most, it matters to me. And that's who I believe would be the best president.

Bernie Sanders, NAOC, and Ro Khanna get this, right? They understand that their job is to bring people into their coalition. understand that their job is to bring people into their coalition. And it is a sad shame that some of the most fervent people who back Bernie Sanders, including some people that attack me every day, every single day, do so because they believe in their bones that to save this country and to save the world in this moment of emergency and crisis, we need to do something new and different. And I totally respect that and understand that, but it makes me so sad that their sense of powerlessness, their sense of disenfranchisement, their sense of anger at bad faith attacks by a small subset of people who oppose them has led them to be so antagonistic to people, not us, but people who might be like us, who are completely open to Bernie Sanders and open to his worldview and receptive and agree with his diagnosis in the same way that we might agree

with the diagnosis of Elizabeth Warren. And they can claim it's not fair. They can claim it's wrong to focus on a few bad words on Twitter when the world is in crisis, and it is, when the climate is in crisis, when students have debt, when the healthcare system is broken.

You're right. Words on Twitter are not important compared to those problems. But people care how they're talked to. They care how they're told what to do. And everyone is scared. Everyone. Amy Klobuchar, you know, she's not a perfect person. She'll whip a binder at you. Look at her funny. Look at her funny. She'll cut you down. But she's doing this because she... Maybe there's a personal motivation deep inside of it, but there's also a genuine fear for the country, understanding with open eyes

that Joe Biden is by no means a perfect candidate. But he is. You know what? You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. And he's hot. Joe Biden...

Joe Biden is a fucking washboard abs sexy as hell fully 100 again and there's nothing more sexy than being cogent cogent candidate once again i just hope he comes on pod save america at some point it's been a week sorry i'm just i'm in a bit of a whiplash thing. I was all ready to... It's sort of like this. Last week, it was like someone said, hey, John, for the next six months, your job is going to be

to get a bunch of old people to like hip-hop. And then all and I practiced. I learned I found the best entry points. You know, like the most jazzy versions. You know what I mean? A lot of tribe.

Things that could really get people to be comfortable. I thought about my messaging. I thought about what I'd play first. And then yesterday they were like, sorry, change of plans. You're going to try to get young people to love Michael Bolton. That's your new job.

And so I'm still wrapping my head around that. You know what I mean? Bolton. That's your new job. And so I'm still wrapping my head around that. You know what I mean? Bolton slaps, though, a little bit. I'm not gonna... He had that great SNL thing when he kind of

understood the joke. Look, he has self-referential, meta. We're all about meta still. I don't know. Dave Eggers started that in 2002, but you don't get sick of it.

Heartbreaking work of Staggering Genius, man. I mean, half of the book is him describing his audition to get on the real world. It's truly... That's a reference for six people. That is a book. We should talk Dave Eggers, bro.

Let's talk Dave Eggers, what he's done wrong. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering genius is a book I cannot read again because I do not want to discover I was wrong to have let it have such an impact on me. Yeah. It's like the movie Vanilla Sky. Like the first time you saw it, you're like, oh, okay. And the second time you see it, you're like, oh, I am stupid.

And I'm not deep. And I should be slapped. Your mind is a scene of the crime. It was all a dream, bro. What was his face like? Open your ohos, bro. Aubrey Seuss motherfucking ohos.

This is for Noah. Yeah, I'm like, you've fully not read this book, never seen Vanilla Sky, I'm lost. But I'm loving it. Why don't you take a trip to your local borders in the DVD session? You guys want to play a game?

Yeah. Let's play a game. While Joe Biden voters spread like a fast-moving virus, a fast-moving virus was spreading through Joe Biden's voters. Hey, hey, hey. spread like a fast-moving virus. A fast-moving virus was spreading through Joe Biden's voters. Hey. Hey. Hey. That was clever. That had some real cleverness to it.

It wasn't that funny, but it was clever. We recorded this on Thursday night. There are currently more than 200 and this is a serious turn, more than 200 cases of coronavirus in America with 12 deaths so far. Before we recorded, officials in New York told the Times that almost 3,000 people are under quarantine.

It's called Staten Island. Take that, Pete Davidson. All right. But have no fear. Our best minds are on the case. We have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work.

Some of them go to work, but they get better. Remember, everyone, do not listen to the president. He's a dangerous liar who was socially passed through science class at military boarding school where Fred Trump sent him in the hope someone could train little Donald to stop being an asshole. But it turns out there's no KP duty on planet Earth with enough potatoes than appealing to make that happen. I'm going to put that in the category of that BMW X6 joke that I made earlier that are overwritten, too long, and very good. But it is crazy how much coronavirus misinformation is out there.

In fact, we think you know less about coronavirus prevention than you think you do. So we want to quiz our panel about it in a game we're calling, Okay, fine, but what can you touch? Here's how it's going to work, panel. I'm going to read a tip to keep you from getting coronavirus. If it's a real tip from the CDC, say real.

If it's fake, say fake. Are you ready? Yes. And this is what the CDC has been allowed to say or what they're actually saying. How would I what the CDC has been allowed to say or what they're actually saying. How would I know what they're not allowed to say? Let's begin. Avoid close contact with sick people.

True, right? They said that. Correct. Correct. Avoid close contact with twisted people like the Joker. Oh, that, I mean, like, for your insanity, true, but for coronavirus, fake. Correct.

Don't touch your face. Have someone else touch it for you. No. False. That's false. You got it. If you accidentally touch your face, make sure you squirt hand sanitizer into every open orifice.

False. It's false, but I'm going to do it. Avoid ride share or confined spaces with others, such as Ubers, subways, buses, train cars, or elevators. Probably true. Yasser got it. Wow, okay. That's not part of the advice.

All right. I just want to see them all go down. They just haven't said it yet. I'm not saying you're not, you know. No. We're doing the, this is the official advice where we're not panicking and behaving irrationally, but taking nice precautions to avoid getting. If someone in here sneezes, I will kill you.

I will snap your neck. If soap isn't available, use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer. Use one that's at least 60% alcohol. True. True? Yeah. Okay. I have that's at least 60% alcohol. True. True? Yeah. Okay. I have so many annoying follow-up questions for every question.

I want them. You cannot get the coronavirus from drinking Corona, even if someone who has coronavirus spits in it. True. No. No. They spit in it. You said you can.

Oh, they spit in it. Listen, I'm just like so sad for Corona beer that whatever. I'll do whatever they want me to do. It's a real tough break. Although I have to say, I wonder, like, it's the kind of thing that's like, is there bad press? You know, like, never in all of fucking recorded time has the word Corona been more on the mind. Yeah. Occasionally, I will get a beer.

Now, I don't understand beer, because why would you get a beer? It's like getting a vodka shot and a piece of bread. Like, what are we doing here, you know? So you're saying that I can have a beer or a Chips Ahoy and a vodka shot? If you're sick, stay home. Cancel any upcoming doctor's appointments. Fall. Wait, true.

If you're sick, stay home. Cancel. Now that feels false. You don't want to cancel a doctor's appointment. I think they're saying maybe you shouldn't go to a doctor's office where there's other sick people that if you are sick, you could expose those sick people. But what about, like, is there

are we talking about like an app situation where you call the doctor to your place? What? Is this 1930? With apps? There's apps. Where's apps in 1930s? My boss has apps. I would never let a doctor into my, this is the You would never let a doctor into your house?

Is that what you were about to say? To come and try and do weird shit to me? No! What do you think he's going to do? It's a doctor. I don't trust a doctor. He's not like, oh, I'm at your house. Now it's time to be nasty. Yes, they are.

Yes, they are. You are not watching the same movies that I am. Okay, so if you are sick, it's like a fucking riddle. It's like the surgeon's son was hurt and now that he got in a car accident The doctor is the mom! What? Okay, so if you are sick cancel doctor's appointments.

I'm going to say true. I think it's false. What the fuck? The CDC does not recommend face masks for people who are healthy or are not taking care of sick people, but sick people should wear them to prevent transmitting illnesses to others.

That's true. True? True, you got it. Help your family, friends, and neighbors get prepared, which means, yes, you must talk to your neighbors. That feels false. All right. Well, I mean, I think to be friendly, true,

but for the disease every man for themselves so I don't know where I am god it's just like I've been listening to everything I've been reading I've been listening and I'm so fucking bad at this it just feels like your neighbor should just

know like why are we like hey I got some news for you listen no. Like why are we like hey I got some news for you. Listen it's technically true but I'm really feeling your responses. And honestly. You should talk to your neighbors about the coronavirus. First that's like okay.

Knock knock knock. Hi. We've lived next to each other for literally years. I'm John. We've made eye contact several times. And apparently you don't have Wi-Fi. At one point... At one point you said to me, can you please cut these bushes?

And I said, those are your bushes. And I said, I'm not responsible for your fucking bushes. And I don't know what you think, what's that, I don't know what kind of fucking sucker you think I am. All right, but I come from fucking Long Island small business Jews. And I know that I don't have to cut a goddamn shrub on even one inch over this fucking property line.

If you speak to your neighbor and it seems like they are getting sick, burn down their house to prevent community spread. True! Yeah. Take a cue, August. It's so hard to call you August. What a fucking serious name. Are you an emperor?

I got an intern named August. Your name should be Greg. Do you go by Augie? No one call him Ogdog. Ogdog? Did you say Ogdog? Ogdog. Ogdog. God damn it.

Listen, this is the young voter you need to convince to like Michael Bolton. So you call him Ogdog if that's what he wants to be called. Excuse me. Here's the thing. Stop giving me a... Stop abusing your check mark.

You are wearing a button-down collar. You have Biden voter written all over you. Wait a second. Wait a second. Did you vote in California? Florida I'm early voting You're early voting

I think you should only Please only address me in the form of Dings and buzzes So you voted Have you voted yet? Do you know who you're going to vote for? Would it have been Warren? Do you know who you're going to vote for?

Would it have been Warren? He's fully lying. Hog dog! Next question. Keep a 30-day supply of prescription medicine, which for me is a healthy reserve of Propecia and edibles. True. True?

Yes. I'll tell you, there was one time I was online at a pharmacy and there were two handsome gay gentlemen behind me in line. And I came up to the counter and the guy behind the counter was like, Sir, we're almost ready with the Propecia.

We need a few more minutes on the Propecia. If you see something, say something. If you come across a person who showcases COVID-19 symptoms in a public place, advise them to go to an emergency room nearby while maintaining at least a seven-foot perimeter between you. That's false.

That's gotta be false. True. False. What the fuck? Can you imagine? That would be like if I was like, I think you're sick. If possible.

Listen, it's not gonna hurt. If possible, wash hands with a partner. Intermingling bacteria. No. This will help your immune system build a defense against foreign bacteria. False. Correct. Okay, thank God.

If you have to cough or sneeze, use a tissue. If no tissue is available, use your sleeve instead of your hands. True. Are we talking about... Well, I mean, elbow, but... Yeah, because if you're doing sleeve, it actually can live on the clothing, I believe. Dang, I'm going to say false. I think it's true.

I think it's like the best of bad options. If you have a desire to sneeze or cough and no sleeve is available, purchase an antibacterial CDC approved sneeze jar. False. That's false. If you see someone driving without their headlights, do not flash your lights. It's a gang... That is so funny. It's a gang initiation to murder someone.

So funny. Did you guys not get chain emails from your mom? That's true. And the person murdering you might have coronavirus. And Marilyn Manson took out half of his ribs. To suck his own? Yeah, let's see. No one remembers that one.

It was false. Give me some noise. Stockpile a month's worth of common supplies like detergent, toilet paper, soap, and if you have a child or you're kinky, diapers. True. True. Yeah. If you begin to feel symptomatic in a public space

Forcibly but not alarmingly announce COVID-19 protocol Not to cause mass panic But to indicate that extra sanitation measures Should be taken for those in the surrounding area You're supposed to be like COVID You're not supposed to announce

In a public space COVID-19 protocol. Do not use sick masks in high-traffic areas. Instead, stay home and watch the masks which Jim Carrey, health professionals agree, it's smoking. That's true.

I want to die. It's false. That's our game. You guys have won the game. Our panel, Megan and Yosteroster When we come back The rant wheel Don't go anywhere This is Love It or Leave It

And there's more on the way And we're back Now it's time for the rant wheel You know how it works We spin the wheel wherever it lands We rant about the topic This week on The Wheel we have The Bachelorette Now it's time for the rant. Well, you know how it works. We spin the wheel wherever it lands. We rant about the topic. This week on The Wheel, we have The Bachelorette,

Daylight Saving Time, Hachette Walkouts, the new BMW logo, Trump's census ads, the CDC saying don't touch your face, coffee, and cangs get coronavirus? Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on daylight saving time. Oh my God. Oh my God.

COVID protocol! This is exactly the kind of panic that Trump is worried will spook the markets. And you know there's the only thing worse than thousands of Americans dying. Oh my God. Of a disease that could have been held back by sensible, careful

precaution is anything that might spook the markets. It has landed on daylight saving time. Well, it's here. On Saturday, we're going to lose an hour of sleep. That sucks. We hate losing an hour of sleep because due to the vagaries of late capitalism and the demands of our jobs and our phones, we don't get enough sleep. So we really can't afford to give people an hour of our sleep. In fact, we so can't afford it, a bunch of people on the Monday after we switch to daylight saving time

have a bunch of heart attacks because they're a little extra tired and it's just enough to kill a bunch of people. That's just a fact. That's a fact of this stupid thing we do of changing the time. Now, Marco Rubio, who I love, has been an actual, genuine, real advocate on this issue.

His goal is to get it so that Florida actually remains on daylight saving time all year. Now, of course, because it's Marco Rubio, that's a little bit of an annoying position because of all the states, Florida probably is one of the states that doesn't benefit the most by a permanent daylight saving time. Now, I've gone over this many times in the past, and I don't need to go through it in full, but the point is where you are in your time zone really matters because Boston has sunsets and sunrises about an hour earlier than Michigan even in Detroit even though they're about on the same latitude okay and in the same time zone

but because Michigan is so much further west they have a much later sunrise and later sunset so actually for a place like Detroit it'd be pretty bad to switch to permanent daylight saving time because that would mean they're going to sleep later and still have to get up a little bit early and they'll be tired for work and people get less sleep. But a place like Maine, a place like Boston, a place like Massachusetts, where Boston is a city, might actually really benefit from permanent daylight saving time because for them, the dark sunsets in the winter are a genuine fucking nightmare.

And so once again, I reiterate my call to Congress. Now, there's something called the Uniform Time Act. It was passed in 1966. It's what established daylight saving time. And so states currently have two options. They can have permanent standard time, or they can collectively join all the other states that switch for the summer to daylight saving time. And that is a really good thing. It's actually good for a lot of states to do the switch, and I'm happy they get to experience it. We've amended the Uniform Time Act several times to make daylight saving time last longer. There's a very simple thing we need to do. It's very simple.

You just have to add a sentence to the Uniform Time Act, which was most recently amended, I believe, in 2005 by something about, I think, the Energy Policy Act, which is what extended daylight saving time even further. We need to add a third option. Right now, states can choose permanent standard time or daylight saving time. There needs to be a third option that allows states to choose permanent daylight saving time. That would be something that California could really benefit from. That's

something that places like New York and Massachusetts and New England could really benefit from. While states that actually are kind of in the middle of their time zones, kind of crushing it right in the kind of sweet spot, keep daylight saving time. Sure, sure, you're going to kill some people on the Monday after but small price to pay for actually living in that kind of intermediate zone where you kind of want your nice summer nights but you don't want gruesome

winter mornings and so it is rare that Marco Rubio and I agree on anything I find him to be a pernicious character of few positive qualities, sort of a leader permanently on the verge of demonstrating why anyone thought he was a leader. As I've said many times, Marco Rubio's motto is,

Courage Tomorrow. But nonetheless, he's right on this issue. And if I can see that Marco Rubio's right on this issue, and if I can see that Marco Rubio is right on this issue, maybe there's a coalition of people that can add one sentence to the Uniform Time Act of 1966 to make it so that states like California and Florida, if they so choose, Sunshine State, you know, famous for sunshine and wonderful people,

can make it so that they want daylight saving time permanently, we can have it so that it's never dark at 5pm ever again. Let's spin it again. It has landed on coffee. Suggested by Yasser. Yeah.

It feels like this is going to be short and probably going to turn the audience. I hate it. I hate it. And boo, it's liquid relax. And that's exactly my point. I don't think that like there are certain things in life we should get behind. Elizabeth Warren, absolutely.

Coffee. I just don't understand the reasoning behind getting up and being like, I need to start my day with a panic attack. It does not make sense to me like everyone i like there's there's in a whole industry where it's just like don't talk to me before i have my and it's like your bills are due i that's why i'm talking to you you haven't given me my half of rent i'm telling you now it coffee does not matter you know what i mean like there's just something to be said about someone who a A, any kind of personality trait, you know, when people are like pizza or bacon or any of that stuff. Coffee's the one that, like, we've all kind of been like, you know what, it's fine.

And I'm going to argue that it is actually the worst. You're drinking mud that is poisoning you. And we're suddenly like, you know what that should be ten dollars every morning like why you wouldn't do that with anything else it just seems so absolutely insane it's disgusting there's what's the plus is that you're gonna make a billionaire more money by working harder that's crazy you're drinking coffee so you so you can work harder in the morning for a corporation that does not care about you. You know what I'm saying? If anything, show up drunk. That's a thing. You know what I mean? But wake up, drink. I don't know. We should be calm. We should be relaxed.

We should go into the day with a natural energy and spirit and be like happy to see one another but instead we're just these weird ugly zombies with brown teeth being like hey did you watch the game last night you know like i just don't i don't get there your breath stinks it messes up your clothes you're sweating i think you're nasty which is way up on the list uh for those of you who have literally no idea who i am uh i would just like and i mean a i just feel like we need to like get off of all the things and this is gonna sound so tom cruise for a moment um we're just pumping our bodies with stuff at all times and i think that a there's something to be said about just starting the day with water and like letting your body wake up and like we shouldn't ever like i don't know can we stretch is stretching okay but instead

it's just like no i'm gonna wake up i'm gonna throw a flaming hot cup of garbage down my throat and then hopefully i make it in time so some boss that doesn't care about me can tell me that i need to make copies i don't know it just like this is going nowhere other than the fact that like i think that we are getting ripped off at all points because again i could throw some nutmeg and a cup of hot water like yeah this is coffee and we'd be like oh my god thank you so much like you wouldn't know the difference that's Anyway, I don't like coffee. And you should not either. Counterpoint. This is a cruel world.

All right? Full of demons and Porsche Cayennes. I wake up. And yeah, I'm tired. Why am I tired? I probably had trouble falling asleep. Why did I have trouble falling asleep? Because I like Diet Coke,

which has caffeine in it. Because Diet Coke is a very sweet drink. And I've realized at some point that if I have Diet Coke with every single possible meal, and every bite of every possible meal, and I'm having aspartame with every sip of diet coke means that i'm turning every single bite of food i eat at every moment of my life into an ice cream sundae and so i have trouble sleeping and so i wake up tired but i still have to go to the gym

why because everyone says john and to and Tommy are hot and I'm funny. I don't want the noises that you make. I'm not looking for your help. Just listen. I'll say only this. I've been recording podcasts every 15 minutes since Sunday night. and at every point the news has gotten worse and if what you're telling me is that i can't have a coffee when i get up in the morning the one beautiful reliable good thing i have that i know i can have a triple espresso on

extra ice with three pumps sugar-free vanilla and a splash of half and half. That's my order. If I can't do that, I don't want to do anything. Spin it again. It has landed on the bachelor. Et. No! This is a happy one. It has landed on the bachelor. Et.

No, this is a happy one. This is a good one. You don't even know what I'm about to say, and you're just saying no. Didn't we talk about being with each other less than seven hours ago? Okay, so the bachelor's coming to an end, and it's been a terrible season, and everyone on it is 24 years old.

But that means they have to announce the next bachelorette and they have chosen a woman who is 38 years old this bitch is 38 and yes she has been on the show three times, but that means she really needs this, okay? This is it for her. Her name is Claire Crowley. Is she related to the Downton Abbey people? Sure, let your mind run fucking wild. Who cares? She's a hairdresser from California. We all know this woman, all right?

She deserves love. She deserves happiness. We're going to see 40-year-old men fight for her. This is incredible. And the thing is, I was like, oh my God, I'm on the fence about this. The two suggestions I had was the bachelorette and Shaq's hair. That happened on Tuesday, but the primary was so crazy. It's really fun. You should go look it up. Shaka's a national treasure. And if you hate every candidate, you should write him in. But I was not going to do this. And then I saw Fox News came out with an article against this woman. And I was like, I love her. I hope she finds love. I can't wait for it. 38 years old. This is a magical moment. And ABC is obviously doing it to pat themselves on the back, but I will

watch it and everyone in Alabama will not and that makes me love it more. Let's spin it one more time. That was amazing. It has landed on Hachette Walkouts. So earlier this week,

Ronan Farrow, Me Too Avenging... Me Too Avenging Angel, a man who pulls off a light gray tuxedo. Deeply frustrating. The point is, he learned earlier this week that his book publisher, Hachette,

he wrote the book with Little Brown, Catch and Kill, a book about abusive men and what they'll do to control the story and prevent women from speaking out

and smear women who tell the truth. A book that also talks about what Woody Allen did to his family and the abuse that his sister suffered. A story she's told for three decades, corroborated by a ton of evidence and a ton of contemporaneous accounts. He discovered, because it was reported publicly, that Hachette had secretly acquired the rights to Woody Allen's autobiography, a book that a bunch of publishers passed on because,

obviously. Not only that, they obviously kept it a secret from Ronan and from Ronan's editors and a bunch of really talented and brilliant women who cared deeply about working on Catch and Kill, which went on to be an incredible bestseller. And the publisher was incredibly proud to have worked on it, called Ronan and said, we're so grateful and so proud to be an incredible bestseller. And the publisher was incredibly proud to have worked on it, called Ronan and said, we're so grateful and so proud to be able to participate in this incredible project with you. Meanwhile, that entire time, a few people inside Hachette knew

that they had bought this kind of bargain basement Woody Allen memoir, memoir in quotes for those listening at home, and kept it from everybody. So it becomes public and ronan and dylan his sister put out statements basically saying you know this is incredibly unethical conduct ronan points out how unprofessional it is uh for them to be secretly working on a book by the abuser while also publishing and profiting on a book about what

that abuser did a book about the importance of changing the system so that men like Woody Allen can no longer smear and impugn people without any consequence. All of that happened earlier this week, and then something amazing happened today, which is dozens of people, particularly women, who work at Hachette,

who work at Little Brown, the imprint that published Ronan's book, who work at Grand Central Publishing who work at Little Brown, the imprint that published Ronan's book, who work at Grand Central Publishing, the imprint that secretly acquired the Woody Allen memoir, walked out. They walked out at 3 o'clock today. I didn't know what was going to happen

earlier in the week when this story broke. It was really sad and heartbreaking for the editors, like these wonderful women who took such pride and worked so hard on Cat. Ronan is the hardest working human being I have ever met in my entire life. When I say that he worked tirelessly for six months,

I mean 16 hours a day, never sleeps, only thinking about one thing. Very annoying. Late for dinner every goddamn time. No explanation. We're not talking 10 minutes, we're talking 45 minutes. And it was like, why are you late? He's like, I'm solving patriarchy. Like, fine. And now I'm not allowed to complain? Can I at least order calamari before you get here? The answer is yes.

So I just want to thank the good people at Hachette who are defying the will of, I think, what amounts to really, like, two men at the top of that organization that made this not just like unethical and unprofessional decision, but economically moronic decision to let best-selling 31-year-old journalist Ronan Farrow go to other publishers to publish the last book

of an octogenarian fucking pedophile. Thank you to everybody who walked out today and it makes me excited about the fact that inside of organizations, there are women who are willing to stand up for what's right and the old way of doing things will change even if certain men haven't figured that out yet. Let's end this show.

Thank you guys so much for being here. Thank you to Megan Gailey. Thank you to Yasser Lester. Thank you to all of you. Go to votesaveamerica.com to sign up. There's a lot we can do to help. We are 240 days away from the election. Let's get to work. Thank you to the improv as always. Good night. Love It or Leave It is a product of Crooked Media. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett,

Elisa Gutierrez, Lee Eisenberg, and our head writer, former Mike Bloomberg speechwriter, Travis Helwig. Jocelyn Kaufman, Alicia Carroll, and Peter Miller are the writers. Bill Lance is our audio editor, and Stephen Colon is our sound engineer. Sydney Rapp is our assistant producer, and August Dichter is our intern.

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