Lovett or Leave It - Let's Get Into It (Again)

Episode Date: August 28, 2021

We jump into the storied Lovett or Leave It Vault™, and take a look back at our favorite moments from the past year of the pod. Take a stroll through Emily Heller's Garden. Be Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon's third for The Achoo-ly Spread Game. Try to get a word in edgewise with James Adomian's Bernie Sanders and Mike Lindell. And make a mountain out of a hill of beans. It's a Lovett Or Leave It best-of show!For a closed-captioned version of this episode, please visit crooked.com/lovettorleaveit. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Welcome to Love It or Leave It. We're on vacation. Beach bag in the cloud Fish, for these tips are perfect Beach bag in the cloud Stuart Schumann And Tommy and John may want to come, but I won't let us It has landed on millennials killing birds Beach bag in the cloud Apology not accepted Beach bag in the cloud

Stuart Schumann Wow You'll never see me again Beach bag in the Closet theme was by Stefano de Blasio. That song really brings us back to that really terrible time. We're going to be playing one of each of our favorite themes since a pangolin or a bat or a Chinese military installation blew up our spot. Before we get to the show, Take Line host Jason Concepcion has a brand new pop culture and fandom podcast called X-Ray Vision, a show that dives deep into the most anticipated

films and TV shows and unravels the juiciest fan theories with expert guests. On X-Ray Vision's first episode premiering on August 30th, Jason will delve into the Marvel Cinematic Universe and discuss how Disney Plus changed the status quo of the MCU possibly forever. Subscribe to X-Ray Vision wherever you get your podcast. You will not regret it. It's fantastic. Summer 2021 is almost over.

And look, here's the thing. We did a lot of episodes right in a row. And I'll just remind you that you don't pay for this. This is something we do for you. You get it for free, all right? So no complaining about the fact that we're taking one week off, really a couple weeks off using podcast magic. But we turned to Twitter to crowdsource your favorite segments from the past year of Love It or Leave It, the creme de la creme. God knows I don't remember them all either. So sit back, get a pineapple filled with rum, and enjoy this appetizer. Jesus, Hallie.

Appetizer platter of your favorite love it or leave it pandemic segments. Pan segments. Jesus, this is so bad. That was Brian. Wow, wow. I criticized it right under the bus. Right under the bus. First up, grab your trowel.

It's Emily's Garden Show. I'm ready to see who the surprise guest is. Invite them to the Zoom. It's Emily's Garden Show. Oh, come on. No. No. No.

I can't. I know that song. Yeah. Everyone in America knows that song. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do a gardening segment. I don't think it's a good idea for a podcast. guest. Welcome to Emily's Garden Show. The Emily Garden Show remix was sent in by Jacob Bloom. If you want to send in an Emily's Garden remix, please send it to hey at crooked.com. Hey, everybody. It's our friend Emily Heller. Yes. Hello. Thank you so much for having me back. Don't thank me. I think that was me. Well, I was actually just being i was actually just being really gracious i don't actually want to thank you i'd like to thank the public for the outpouring of demand for this segment okay i think the elephant in the room here is just how insanely popular this segment has become i think you didn't want me to do this segment because you think you know more than I do. So I figured this time I'm going to put your knowledge to the test. Great. With a quiz,

a gardening quiz. Okay. I am going to say a gardening term. Okay. And you have to tell me what you think it means. I will. All right. And I will tell you. I love a quiz. Yeah. And I'll tell you if you're right or wrong. And I'm not even going to look it up because I'm that confident that I know more than you even without looking. Great. That's great. I'm glad that that gardening has given you this boost of confidence. The one thing we could all say about Emily is that she lacked for fucking confidence.

Yeah. I've definitely been told that that's my biggest issue. Okay. Gardening quiz. Let's find out if you're a seed or a weed. What do I want to be? Do I want to be a seed or a weed? You want to be a seed.

Okay. I guess technically weeds have seeds, so that could be bad. I don't know. Oh, my God. You're already ruining this. Heirloom. What does heirloom mean? So I know that when someone says heirloom tomato, it means you're getting a kind of oddly shaped tomato of variable color.

But I don't understand why it's an heirloom. Okay, here's what I think it means. I think it means that like when you take the seeds from it and you plant it, it'll grow the same plant. Isn't that true of all plants? No. What? Because we genetically modify them and we breed them so that the seeds grow something else, I guess.

I don't really know. Okay. That's one point for me, I think. Okay. Oh, my gosh. Number two, hardening off. Hardening off? Yeah.

What do you think that means? Is that when you've left food out too long and it hardens off, develops a bit of a crust? No, it's when you take a plant out of a greenhouse environment and you let it be exposed to the elements so that it gets tough, basically. Oh, so it's like what you would do to a hothouse flower. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, like, in that movie that Tim Allen and Kirstie Alley made where they had to go pretend

to be Amish? Yeah, where they go into witness protection, which is actually not a very realistic depiction of witness protection, but go ahead. But they get toughened up, you know? Yeah. You could have gone to something way less obscure for an example of someone toughening up, you know? Yeah. You could have gone to something way less obscure for an example of someone toughening up than Tim Allen and Kirstie Alley.

Isn't that strange? That's the first thing that occurred to me. The failed 90s vehicle for Tim Allen and Kirstie Alley. That you don't even remember the name of. Question number three, bolting. What does bolting mean? When you attach a vine to the house. No. No.

No? Bolting is when a plant, like a vegetable or something, it shoots up to give off seeds and it starts to flower, like, before it's supposed to. I just can't. And then you can't eat it anymore because it tastes bad. I don't care about gardening at all. I just feel like you're really humiliating yourself here and i think it's obvious that you're lashing out because you talked a big game about how much you know about gardening never said that don't remember ever saying that don't remember any moment where i claim to be some sort

of an expert on gardening i feel like i i mean it's a podcast we can just go listen to the transcripts i feel like sure travis will you find some a clip of him saying that? I feel like we can at least edit one together. I'm an expert on gardening. Okay, what is overwintering? Overwintering? That is when Jews stay longer in Florida than they intended. None of the answers have the word Jews in them. Well, okay, fine. I mean, I guess if it was time for a hint. Okay, that's okay.

Here's your final question. Identify what the meaning is of this gardening term, water. Water? Yeah. Like what is water? Let's just sort of have a freewheeling discussion about it. Well, it's two hydrogen molecules, one oxygen molecule. It can be steam. It can be liquid. It can be ice. It can be the other one. I have to admit, I didn't think you were going to be able to describe water because it just feels like something that's hard to describe without also using the word water. But you did an actually pretty good job on that one.

Thank you. Thank you, Emily Heller. actually pretty good job on that one. Thank you. Thank you, Emily Heller. I've won the game. I'm a seed. You didn't win the game. You got most of them wrong. I think you're a weed. My show, no one's ever lost a game on my show,

and I've won. I am a gardening expert. I am one of Heller's Hellions. Technically, this isn't your show. This is my show within your show. Now, obviously, if I have my druthers, this segment will never happen again. This will be the last gardening segment. I'm against it.

Let's just say, thank God you rarely get your druthers. Yeah, I don't. I rarely get my. That's the challenge. I'm constantly in search of my druthers. Yeah. I'm always saying, where are my druthers? And why can't I have them?

If this is the last time we do this segment, I feel like I would be remiss if I didn't answer some of the listener questions that we got last time. I cannot believe it. Yeah, okay. I don't understand how you're getting any questions, but okay. I got a lot of listener questions after the last time I did my show. I also got sent some free stuff, which is strongly encouraged. People sent me free gardening material.

Not your show. Segment on my show. Okay, but the theme song says Emily's Gardening Show, so I just feel like we're getting bogged down in semantics here. I'm not bogged down in anything. Emily's Gardening Show is brought to you by Earthbox. There are no fucking, we're not,

there are no, hey, hey, we're not, what's going on? What kind of drug deal is this? We got inset, we got sponsors on sponsors. Let's take some questions.

Okay, this is a question from Jen on Twitter. Neat to get Emily's Gardening Show trending. Love it. Needs more grow bag content. Okay, that actually wasn't a question. It was more of a comment. Not a question. You're just reading praise.

Here's another one. This one's from Kathy. I loved your Emily's Gardening Show segment on Love It or Leave It. Please tell John Love It that we want to hear more about those spring veggies and their progress. That's just, again, you're just reading compliments. I'm really sorry. I told my intern to collect some questions, and it turns out that there was just only praise. At John Lovett, I just want you to know

that I really enjoyed the garden segment by Emily Heller on Lovett or Leave It this week, and I look forward to hearing it again soon. So I guess one question would be why not? I'm going to sort of interpret some questions in here. Any parting thoughts on gardening? Any wisdom you want to pass along? This episode of Emily's Garden Show is more about exposing your ignorance.

I feel it. And humiliating you. I feel it. And next time will be sort of just in terms of the narrative arc of this, the way this segment goes, the next time is going to be the time. I feel it. And next time will be sort of, just in terms of the narrative arc of the way this segment goes, the next time is going to be the time when I give wisdom. But I do, I would like to sing the goodbye song

for Emily's Garden Show. I didn't realize we were following Joseph Campbell's journey, the hero's journey. I had no idea, and I only discovered it when I found out that this was part of some sort of a story arc where now I've been humiliated. Some sort of a narrative arc. Now I've been humiliated.

I've been laid low by you. Well that presumes that you're the protagonist which we have not established to be the case. I was hoping you wouldn't have noticed that. I was hoping you weren't going to notice that I was making myself the protagonist. And yet I did. And yet it's such an obvious heel turn to assign your employees the task of editing this show to make you sound smarter. What a Herculean task. Very clearly it would be their hero's journey if they had to do that.

Damn it. Listen, for those of you listening at home, did I have to look up Joseph Campbell so that it could be edited in? Maybe. Did Emily Heller call out the game because the one thing she likes gardening more than plants is my humiliation? Yeah.

That's true. That is true. Well, let's hear the song, Emily. Let's hear the goodbye song. Okay. And you can remix this one too if you want. We were listening to Emily's Garden Show. Dirt and worms and plants and germs.

Growing plants is fun for kids. It takes a while, but then you'll smile. And the only source for information is Emily's Garden Show. I forgot to talk about my worms this time. Can we talk about it next time? They're still alive. Yep.

I guess, hey, leave the people wanting more. I am sure that against my better judgment and my wishes, I will once again be forced to take a journey into Emily's Garden. But it's always such a lovely. Yes. As much as I hate to visit, I always love who I get to see. Emily, hello, everybody. And worms.

I'm going to send you pictures of my worms and you're going to hate it. Text me pictures of worms, Emily. When we come back, I don't know, something. Next up, look at those abs. It's Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon here to play the Achuli Spread Game. And we're back. Look at those abs. It's Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon here to play the Achuli Spread Game. And we're back. She's a writer, producer, and co-host of Staying In, a new podcast about living your best quarantine life, Emily Gordon.

And he's a comedian, actor, bodybuilder, and also the co-host of that same podcast, Kumail Nanjiani. Emily and Kumail, thank you for joining us. How are you holding up? I got to say being called a bodybuilder is maybe the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. It's maybe the worst that's ever happened to me. I was in an existential dread until that intro and now I'm thriving in the apocalypse. Isn't it crazy that how are you holding up has replaced every other question? It's like the question you say to, you know, we met, but relative strangers. I have two minds on how are you holding up? And on the one hand, it's like, how have we been reduced to this cliche? But then I remember David Foster Wallace giving that

commencement about the value of cliches in your hardest moments. Right. And so that's where my head is at. Well, to answer your question, it's been up and down, back and forth for both of us. And so far, thankfully, our freakouts have not synced up. when some started to urge that for the sake of the markets, the immunocompromised and the old stay in the homes and let the rest of us go back to work? I think my first reaction, unfortunately, was, yeah, that seems right. I'll be over here if you guys need me. My first reaction was like, because that is part of what I've had to deal with

is like where other people are like out and about. I've had to quarantine myself for periods of time. So I think, unfortunately, my first reaction was like, that seems about right. Okay. All right. And then, yeah, it's positively infuriating that anybody would cast aside members of our society as being less worthy of having a life or less worthy of health at all because we need to set some consumerism in motion. I don't know. I want to buy stuff just as much as anyone else. I want to go to restaurants just as much as anyone else. But we all kind of have to do this. And it's not our job. We've messed up if this is what we've

come to. And I think it's the same thing. We've messed up if what we're coming to is asking people like me and people like my parents to stay indoors for the good of the stock market. And not even the good of a small restaurant in my neighborhood, for the good of the stock market. Well, the other thing that you have, which explains your first reaction, I think, is that you have this, it's a Southern thing, I think, where if you're sick, you feel like you're imposing on other people. That is true. And that's something that we've talked about and worked on a lot. As in the last 13 years, it's been something that we've talked about and worked on a lot as, as in the last 13 years, it's been something that's, you know, that you live with, right? This is not like

you had a flu and then it's gone. This is now it's, it's 13 years and it's going to be for many, many more decades. If we're lucky. Yes, please. We're not doing that. And so part of your first reaction to be like, I am so i'll stay home you're right i don't want to ruin america for anybody that reaction you're right this is my fault i'm gonna go i'm so sorry and my accent i start getting southern again uh so kumail here's my question for you talk to me about the diet how are we doing are we keto are we maintaining come Are we keto? Are we maintaining? Come on. Come on. I started freaking out before. Early adopter. I was an early adopter freaking out. Okay. Because I'd sort of been following the novel coronavirus since January because then. You had their early stuff. Because yeah,

I was, I'm like a hipster about this virus. Like, oh, this, this died. I like it. I heard their first album. I was listening to the kind of acoustic stuff out of Wuhan while you've been waiting for the major releases exactly they had this one like they recorded it in a toilet in Wuhan it was so it was just very pure the sound cloud basically

because Emily is immunocompromised so I sort of was like keeping track of this and I saw the list of people who are in high risk groups and I was like, so this sounds like it's something we need to be aware of more than other people. We don't have the luxury of being cavalier about this. So as things were sort of progressing, and it felt like there were still a lot of, I mean, there's still denial in America. I'm so curious how this is going to get back to your diet. Me too. I ordered, I ordered before the quarantine, I sort of stocked up

on like protein stuff and I got some workout stuff because I go to a gym and I was getting less comfortable going to the gym. So I bought some gym stuff and we put it in our garage. And so I have been working out

like my fucking sanity depends on it. It's a problem. Sometimes I work out and start crying. I don't know what's going on. I do know what's going on. He's gotten very, even bigger. He's gotten very big. Do you think that maybe what you're crying is that you're mourning the fact that you used to have a respectable comedian's body?

And now that body has been fucking buried. And now you have a non-funny body like you're you you understand how much funny you've probably lost because of this 30 is the issue about 30 we said we decided it's 30 i've lost about 30 less funny by the way best trade i ever made yeah no listen hey listen there's not a comedian in the world that would make that trade yeah listen 30 less less funny is still pretty funny. I'm still okay. Here's the thing, though, is now, right now, the comedy's gone, right?

Because the world is gone. So if I was just a stand-up, I'd have nothing to, like, inform my identity or my self-worth. But since I have the body, I don't need anybody else for that. I got a mirror. Truly disgusting. Horrifying, isn't it? but since I have the body I don't need anybody else for that I got a mirror you're disgusting thriving in the apocalypse I have to say

of all the ways that could have gone that is the least likable most monstrous unbelievable alright let's play the game alright right now right now when it comes to spending time as a couple, it's all about quantity, not quality. We're on top of each other, and that's not easy. Some couples will become closer. Some will become,

what's the word, divorced. And this is real. I wrote that joke while sitting next to Ronan on the couch, who was playing a game called Doom Eternal. Oh, I love this. Who else is playing it? I love it. Okay, we can talk about that. But as he was saying, so he heard me make this joke. I was testing out the joke, and he said,

that joke is what we call well-worn. And I said, Doom Eternal, is that a game about our relationship? The point is, we're learning a lot about each other and as couples in this new environment. So we wanted to quiz Emily and Kumail about what they've learned about each other in a game we're calling the Achooly Spread Game. That's the Achooly Spread Game because you took newlywed and we added achoo and spread because they're pandemic terms. I think that was a bridge too far. I would like to say that sneezing is actually not one of the main symptoms of COVID-19. It's only about four and a half percent present as that.

Really good point. Love the effort. I was thinking newly head fever. Newly head fever? Head fever. Again, it's not, it doesn't manifest itself in the head or the sinuses. It really is, for the most part, a lower respiratory thing. It's a throat, chest.

Lower tract. That's right. That's right. So here's how it works. I'm going to ask one of you a question. And before that person answers, the other will write down what they think the other person is going to say. And we'll see who's a quarantine idol and who should shelter in place. Are you ready to enter the stay at home hippodrome? Yes. Yes. Okay. We are ready. Kumail, the first question is to you and Emily is going

to write her answer. Kumail, what's the thing you do that annoys Emily most during quarantine? Wow. Are you looking for a list or are we? Just one thing. Just go for the top one thing. Oh, I got it. Is it me begging you to give me a haircut? I put, lecture me about hand washing. Wow.

Not about whether or not to wash my hands, lecturing me on how to wash my hands and giving me tips on my techniques. You think I'm happy about having to give a 40-year-old tips on how to wash hands? You think that this is how I thought my life would go? Hey, Kumail, I found the new thing that you do that's most annoying, which is call your wife 40 years old on the podcast. She's happy with it.

Do you think that a 41-year-old should have to get a haircut from his wife? I don't know. Maybe not. New rules, new times. That is true. Because here, John, can I ask you this? Yes. You're the arbiter.

How do you – don't say anything. How do you wash your hands? Just talk me through step by step how you wash your hands. Don't fall for this. There's no detail that is not appropriate here, not relevant here. So here's not relevant here. So here's what I do. I turn the water on.

I wet my hands. You're already a step ahead. You've already won. I take some soap in my hands. Lather, lather, lather, lather, lather. Then lather, lather, lather. Lather, lather, lather. Interesting.

I've just been putting this soap into my mouth. Was that wrong? The only thing I do is I put the soap on first. No, this is what she does. And then I turn on the water. She doesn't wet her hands first. She just puts soap on, rubs soap in it, and then turns on the water, and then just washes it. The water needs the soap to activate the magic. That's the magic.

That's the magic. It's hauling oats. All right. You're getting haul and then you're getting oats on two different nights. And Kumail's saying, let's get them together. Let's get Hal and us.

Let's get together. All right. All right. Next question. I will say, Emily, too, I do think that what we're, this is Kumail's love language.

All right. Question two. Yes. It's like worrying about your health. Emily, what's the one thing Kumail misses most during quarantine? Wow., what's the one thing Kumail misses most during quarantine?

Wow. I would say the one thing I miss the most during quarantine is eating in restaurants. That's right. Going to restaurants. Yeah. Wow. With friends.

With friends. Or by myself. Or us. Or with Kumail. Really anybody. Yeah, wow. Kind of a dig built into that. All right, next question.

I'm just saying, I would do it with a stranger. I would do it with someone I hated. I just want to go to a restaurant again. We were watching a TV show the other day, and there were people in restaurants, and Emily started bawling. Just because I miss it. Yeah, I get it. That's so sweet.

Next question. Kumail, what's the first restaurant Emily will go to after this pandemic? What restaurant? Well, it's tricky because the one that you would go to, we just got takeout at. That is correct. That's going to be a tough one. Okay. Republic?

Yep. Wow, Republic. Cool. That's cool. Okay. Republic? Yep. Wow. Republic. Cool. That's cool. You guys know each other. You're married. We're married.

Oh, yeah. I was going to say Jitlada, but that is where we just got takeout. We had just gotten Jitlada. Jitlada is like Emily's favorite restaurant. We just got. Very safe takeout. Well done, guys. Well done.

Well done, Jitlada. Okay. I love that for you. All right. Next question. Emily, how much toilet paper is enough toilet paper in reserve? This is a great question. We have differing opinions on it. We've also had to have a come to Jesus in our house about how much toilet paper we're using in general, I'd say. Wow. That's a tough conversation. That's a tough conversation.

Wow, that's a tough conversation. That's a tough conversation. Okay, so the question is, how much is... How many rolls do you need in your home to make you feel safe and secure? I would say 12. For me, it's... I just... A dozen, I'm good.

A dozen? Are you evil? I know. Look at my answer. Not enough. Less than the right amount. 12 is not enough. Not enough. Less than the right amount. Twelve is not enough. Less than the right amount. Kumail, that is

correct. What are you? Isn't it supposed to be about me? I don't care. Do you drive without a seatbelt? What's your... I like to live on the edge. Emily's trying to quit toilet paper right now.

It's her last one. Every role is her last one. I keep hoping if I go cold turkey, I think it'll be the best way to do it, but I don't know. All right.

Final question. This one is also to Emily. What is Kumail's favorite new muscle on his rippling, glistening new body? I would say the one you show off the most.

He doesn't wear a shirt for the most part at this point in our lives. Wow. Yeah, I would say Monstrous. I would say your abs. You really really like your abs. Oh, okay. Quite a bit. What did you say? I put on the new one that you've been talking about. Your traps? Daddy's got some traps. Oh my

The new one you've been talking about. I just You know what it is? You know what it is? As much as you've tried to kill the comedian within, that it's still in there. It's still in there and screaming. You know, sometimes you see yourself reflected back at you and you don't like what you see. But sometimes you love what you see.

Yeah, well, you enabled me, but John has been spitting some truth, and he's right. We were on a Zoom with some friends that we hadn't seen in a couple weeks, because we see each other all the time. And the friend was like, Kumail, what happened to you? You've gotten so much bigger, because he has gotten so much bigger in three weeks. And then I started looking at him, and I was like, oh my god. He's got these little little boop the little like like if Popeye was here

I don't know what to call this if Popeye was here but the favorite is the abs yeah he loves he does love those abs he loves the abs Emily Kumail thank you so much

this was so fun everybody check out staying in with Emily and Kumail, thank you so much. This was so fun. Everybody check out Staying In with Emily and Kumail. I'm in. This was so entertaining. Thank you both so much. Thank you. Thank you. That was super fun.

Thank you. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Because we're vaxxed To the future What you gonna do When you get your jab Because we're vaxxed To the future What you gonna do

Continue masking up until a critical mass of humanity has gotten vaccinated against this scourge. Then I'm going to try to keep this tiny little spark of hope alive in my heart that we can take what we learned in isolation to make this world more beautiful, more equitable place. Love you, bye. Because we're Vax. We were back in the closet. Now we're Vax to the future. That amazing theme was by Linnea Mon.

Are we having fun yet? I know that I am, but I'm also on vacation. Anyway, grab your can opener. It's time for you to show us your beans. And we're back. We've been spending the last two months talking to you, the listeners, about what this experience has been like for you, about working from home or teaching kids remotely

or treating patients or dealing with a lost job or illness. And I know a lot of us were caught off guard by just how quickly life could change, but not all of you. Some of you have been training for this your whole lives. There are preppers among us, and we wanted to talk to the prepared in our listening community, group, fans, people, humans, in a game we're calling Show Us Your Beans.

So joining me right now, we have two competitors. We have Will. Please introduce yourself, Will. Hi, I'm Will. I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Crushed it. And we're joined by Debra. She goes by Deb, never Debbie. Deb, where are you? How's it going? My Jewish mother is going to love that you said that. I'm Deb. never Debbie. Deb, where are you? How's it going? My Jewish mother is going to love that you said that. I'm Deb. I live in Cambridge, Massachusetts, but I'm a Philadelphia native. Okay. Okay. Okay. So here's how this is going to work. I'm going to see just how prepared you are with a scavenger hunt in your own homes. I'm going to name an item or category of an item,

and you have to rush off and grab it and bring it back. And then based on what you bring back and how quickly, I will decide who won the round. If you don't have what I asked for, bring us something, okay, that's similar. All right? The winner will be subjective, so try to win me over. Okay. Are you ready?

Deb and Will, are you ready? Yeah, definitely. Round one. Bring me as many beans as you can carry. This is a delight. All right. Deb is back with so many cans of beans. Four, five, six.

You didn't say we couldn't go twice. Will, how many beans you got? Let's see. I got eight bags of dried lentils and four cans of chickpeas. I'm loosely interpreting that minestrone soup is full of beans. Will is gone again. Oh, my goodness. You hoarders.

More minestrone soup. Minestrone soup does not count as beans. There are beans. There are garbanzo beans, red kidney beans, white beans. There's a lot of beans in there. Okay. All right, Will, how many cans of beans? Six, eight, 15.

Deb, I'm sorry, but the first round, it goes to Will. He's got 15 cans and bags of beans, and none of it is soup. Come on. This has to be okay. Fine. Round two. Round two. Are you ready?

Yes. Bring me an unopened board game you never play. Too unopened in the package that game the thing I have that game what do you got Will what do you got no I haven't opened it what do you got Will Will brought back a puzzle Deb brought back two games round two goes to Deb

but congrats to Will for getting ahead of the puzzle shortage round three bring us the stupidest or most extreme prepper purchase you have made. The running, the shop till you drop supermarket sweep element of this is really, really enjoyable. Where's the oxygen tank? Quick. Uh, really, really enjoyable. Where's the oxygen tank?

Quick. Where's the, where, I just heard Deb say, where's the oxygen tank? Quick. Not oxygen tank, oxygen thing. Oxygen thing. You know, you have an oximeter and Will, what did you bring? I have a toddler sized bottle of red wine. I brought scone mix as a backup.

Deb, I'm sorry. This round's going to Will. Fair. Will is up two to one. This round's going to Will. Fair. Will is up two to one, but it's anybody's game. Next round. Here we go. Bring us all the peanut butter. I'll accept other nut butters.

We didn't stock up this week. I only have one. Reduced fat. Wait a second. Give us the ounces. What is the ounces on that jar? What are the ounces? What do we got, Deb?

I've got 40 ounces. 40 ounces. I'm going to say 16, but I'm not sure they sell reduced fat that big. You know what? Reduced fat peanut butter is a 1990s high carb, low fat scam. I'm sorry, Deb. I'm sorry. This one goes to Will. Will is now up three to one, but the in the final round points are worth double, I guess.

Here we go. Final question for you both. Bring a hand cranked or solar powered product. That was your hand crankable. They both have it. They both have it. Oh, damn. You have a solar powered something, don't you?

In the car, in the car, there is a solar powered phone charger and a lantern, I think. Deb, I think that that's a moral victory, but I see Will ready for a long-term power outage. Deb, I don't know if you'll be able to get to your car. I appreciate the hustle, Deb, but this round also goes to Will. Will has won the game. Well played, Will.

This is the best day of my life. Wedding was tough. This is as good as that. That is so sad for you and so great for us. Will from Milwaukee. Deb from Cambridge via Philadelphia. Thank you

both so much for playing. That was so much fun. And you know what? In the end, you're both winners because you're supplied. You know, you're ready with minestrone soup and a hand cranked radio and you're both getting parachute gift cards. So you both are winners. Thank you. Wow. That sure was a lot of beans. Hope you've been able to steadily make your way through them in a way that doesn't stink up the old... That doesn't stink up the old...

I think it's so good that I chose to read these as we recorded. Look who just walked in. It's Bernie Sanders and Mike Lindell. And we're back. This week, Senator Bernie Sanders referred to the American Rescue Plan as, quote, the most significant piece of legislation to help working people that has been passed by Congress in decades. And seeming to agree, human frat paddle Matt Gaetz said it's a Trojan horse for socialism. It is everything Democrats have wanted, wrapped and branded in coronavirus. These sorts of debates are important, but Matt Gates was busy with Nestor and Cabo San Lucas. So we are going to the next best thing here to have a

debate about the bill is Senator Bernie Sanders and the CEO of MyPillow, Mike Lindell. First off, general thoughts about the bill, Bernie Sanders. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. It's good to be here. Thank you, John. First, I do want to say that I will be voting against the confirmation of general thoughts to be the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Now that you brought that up. Look, I think this legislation is fantastic. I think this legislation is some of the boldest progressive legislation helping American working families in decades. Going back to the Johnson administration, when there was a mandate that all households would have available Johnson & Johnson no more tears shampoo.

Right, famously. This does more to help working families since that landmark legislation over 50 years ago. I do think also that my comments saying that this is one of the greatest bills, obviously, I'm putting a positive spin on it. There were some real sons of bitches that shot down 15 bucks an hour. And I will not forget that, especially in the cafeteria of the United States Senate when I'm down there. I hope not.

And there's what? There's six, seven, or eight even Democratic senators that really flopped on that one. We had it. We had it. We had 15 bucks an hour. So, you know, it's going to come back to bite them in their fucking dicks. Because here's what's going to happen. They're going to keep shooting down 15 bucks an hour.

And meanwhile, inflation keeps ticking up. By the time we pass the necessary upgrade for a minimal living wage in this country, guess what, fuckos? It's going to be $25 an hour. So yeah, okay, sure. Stall and stall and stall. Keep people poor. Keep people poor. Keep people poor. We're going to rise up. I'm going to see

it within my lifetime. $15 an hour is no longer enough. It's going to be $25 an hour, you sons of fucks. So Bernie's position pretty clear. A lot of good things in the bill, but also fuck arounds. So Bernie's position pretty clear. A lot of good things in the bill, but also fuck around on the minimum wage and see what happens. Next, we have Mr.

See what happens. Next, we have Mr. Pillow himself. How do you feel about this bill? Lyle, it's great to be here on the Lyle Love It and Leave It program. I see. Look, it's my pillow because it's good. And I think what the American people, the Democrats, the Antifa communist Democrats, what they put out was a program that was pure communism. When all this country needs is the microfibers that are targeted for people to be laid down on and sleep and went die in the in the shadow government run by donald trump there was an alternate rescue package of three trillion dollars put into my

pillow and my pillow accessories okay including my pillow sleep masks and my pillow fuck pillows fuck pillows it's a fuck pillow it's my pillow but there's a little base to it and a little lump that you can think of. You can think of as a pair of breasts or a beautiful supple asshole, depending on what you want to do. Wow. That's an interesting product. One out of 10 is pre-tested by me, Mike Lendell in Minneapolis. I know you're stunned there, Lyle. Let me tell you.

You keep saying Lyle. Lyle Lovett is just an unrelated thing. Honestly, I think you got nothing to be ashamed of, and I think that Julia Roberts really did you wrong. I think it was a shame what the late night guys did to you, and if you want, I'm happy to take you down to a Lovett barbecue. I want to bring you out, hit the pipe, have some barbecue, run around underneath the freeway.

What happened was a disaster. Joe Biden, the false president, the Pope in exile. He's the Babylonian exile of the papacy all rolled into one. He's a Benedict Arnold. He's a Benedict Arnold and let me tell you, there's a fake government that's putting billions and billions of dollars

into Antifa. They're giving 19 trillion dollars to Ecuadorian pedophiles. The whole thing, I have a newsletter. I'll send it to you if you don't believe it. I have an email newsletter, mypillow.pillow. You sign up for it, and it has multicolored text fonts

so you can know you can believe it. And when you scroll all the way down to the email, there's a bunch of animated, animated American flag gifs and eagles swooping in to tear apart a young protester. And it comes with the quality information that's okay to forward to anyone over 65 and get it out there in the forwarded email chain. Mike, there's a lot to unpack there, but I mean, you must not have a problem. 85% of households will get $1,400 stimulus checks. That has to be, you know,

and $1,400 for each dependent child. Surely, you know, that's something that Donald Trump supported. Yep, this reminds me of propaganda coming out of Nicaragua back when Ronald Reagan was president. $1,400, every child's to get a slap on the ass. They're going to get to meet Big Bird and Snuffleupagus.

Let me tell you, I've met Big Bird and Snuffleupagus. I slept overnight at the Minnesota fairgrounds, right there in between St. Paul and Minneapolis. I didn't realize they had accommodations. I talked to Snuffleupagus for 18 hours. We shared a pipe. Wow. Yes, we shared a pipe. I know what I know to Snuffleupagus for 18 hours. We shared a pipe. Wow. Yes, we shared a pipe.

I know what I know to fantasy. And let me tell you what's really going to happen. What's really going to happen is that there's $10 billion that's going to go to excavate the body of Dr. Seuss, Ted Geisel, and they're going to parade it around the country and kick him while he's dead and down one more time. That's what these communists want to do. That's what these centrist far left communist liberal Democrat socialists want to do. I got to let I got to let Senator Sanders have a moment to get in here. Look, there was a fight with the moderates.

They reduced the unemployment insurance from 400 to 300, but they made the first 10,000 unemployment benefits tax-free for households. Do you feel that was an acceptable compromise, Senator Sanders? Well, first of all, I want to say that Mike Lindell is insane. And in protest, I have boycotted not only his MyPillow product, but also all pillows altogether. I've never really enjoyed pillows. I've spent most of my life sleeping on couches in various faculty offices and union basements. I've slept in the back of a Volvo more than I am familiar with the comforts of a twin, let alone queen, a king-size bed. So, you know, it's not much for me. You know, I'm a little bit more comfortable now as a United States senator. I sleep in a very comfortable cot on the floor of my Senate office when I'm in

D.C. Jane comes over and goes, Bernie, you look like shit. She dumps cold ice water on me. Oh, really? She comes in with cold ice water? Well, yeah, that's just, you know, that's how she says hello. She dumps cold ice water on me. That's how we, you know, it's like bathing a dog. But I am no longer using pillows after watching the insanity that Mike Lindell and the MyPillow, you know, let's face it, the MyPillow Nazis, that they have unleashed on this once great country. So I'm sleeping like a Klingon. I am sleeping like a populist left-wing Klingon, just a hard floor, just to prove that I don't need a pillow, let alone the most comfortable pillow that is out there.

I think, you know, it's not about my pillow. It's about our pillow. And until everybody has the comfort to sleep with a, you know, shelter and a living wage, and yes, adequate unemployment, go fuck yourselves,

you moderate Democrats, then I think my pillow is not the solution. It's our pillow. Lyle, if I could jump in there, Lyle. Yeah, get in there. Go ahead, Mike. What you heard is taken straight from a Joseph Stalin speech. I don't know how you people can hear this communist say that kind of thing and not start gassing up the tanks to make another try at Moscow. Mike, I'm going to need you to give me some, I need you to let you let Senator Sanders finish what he's saying. All right.

I, I, I'm, I've offered you the space to come talk here and I need you to give the space to Senator Sanders. I'll thank you. I'll thank you, Lyle. I'm not Lyle. I've never been Lyle. I agree with Senator Sanders on that is that he finally, we agree that the music of this country, the country music of patriotic career

was cut short due to an unfortunate hairstyle. Let's put it this way. From one six to another six, let me tell you, Lyle Lovett, if you score big, that's your prerogative. Look, obviously we were a little bit off topic. And Bobby Brown was a great friend of mine. We're off topic.

Bobby Brown was a great friend of mine. Jesus Christ. What a life you've led. How dare you, Senator. Believe me, Senator, you're no Bobby Brown. Listen, we're way off topic here. I want to say quick. I don't know if you noticed this, Lyle.

He's attempting to do... Look, I thought he corrected me. I'm willing to admit. He's trying. I don't know if you noticed this, Lyle. He's attempting to do. Look, I thought he corrected me. I'm willing to admit that I'm wrong. He's trying to do a 1988. What's his name? The Texas guy. He was attempting. The vice presidential candidate.

Mondale. Mondale. Close. Close. You're close. That's a Minnesota reference. You got a Mondale in there. Let me tell you something.

I won't rest until I get to crawl into Walter Mondale's grave and sleep next to him and give him my thoughts about what rent Wong, not only in 84, but after that. So I've obviously lost control here. A couple points. I think you're right. I think some of the humor directed at Lyle Lovett is worth a reexamination. I think we've begun to do that about some of the harsh rhetoric of the 1990s. I think that's an important step we should take. I'm not Lyle Lovett, and that's fine.

Great deal of admiration for Lyle Lovett. Senator Sanders, thank you. You've made some very important points about the bill. Mike Lindell, you're on your own path. Before I let you both go, I am on a path of exploration where I'm opening up myself to the spirits and the great shamans, not only the one that marched on Washington, who I now believe in as a religious figure, but also I'm opening up and exploring great empathies for great right-wing movements of the past. Oh, dear. Whether it's St. Paul taking the beautiful poetry of our Jesus Christ and turning it into

a misogynist cult of hate, or whether it's other tremendous right-wing figures that have robbed the hallucinatory poetry of the human species. I'm there, and I'm learning new and new untold levels

of right-wing hateful empathy. Mike, before I let you go, and I can't believe I'm there, and I'm learning new and new untold levels of right-wing hateful empathy. Mike, before I let you go, and I can't believe I'm asking this, is there anything you'd like to plug? Look, I want to say what Senator Sanders was reaching for and he didn't get it was Lloyd Benson. Lloyd Benson? God damn it. Lloyd Benson. I am embarrassed to my core that Mike Lindell remembers that. But let me tell you, here's what I've got to plug in. This is going to throw you for a loop. It's my pillow.

My pillow. It's soft and firm. Like a goddamn pillow should be. You can fluff it. You can cut it up into little. Look, I take cookie cutters that are in the shape of little sheep. And I cut out little sheep. 99 sheep out of one my pillow.

And I roll around in it. And I start to cut his mic. We're going to have to cut his mic. Don't you cut his mic. Look, you want to cut my mic? I'll cut my mic, meaning I'll cut myself, Mike Lindell. I'm not afraid to hurt myself and let the organs and blood and bile spill out into a special edition, my pillow that will be sold like beanie babies.

Mike Lindell, always a pleasure. Senator Sanders, obviously. And look, I'm sorry about Julia Roberts, but hopefully we can get back together. Senator Bernie Sanders. Thank you for my time. I yield the balance of my time to the memory of Rosa Luxemburg. When we come

back, I guess I talk to the Senator Ed Markey. I guess that's literally what comes after this. Yeah, tell Ed hi for me, and if he could put the rest of that soup in the dumbwaiter, I wouldn't mind finishing it off. So a lunch request. I thought it might be a policy matter.

His office is directly above mine. I think it checks that there's a dumbwaiter. You sometimes share. The soup comes. Look, a cup a policy matter. His office is directly above mine. I think it checks it. There's a dumb waiter. You sometimes share. The soup comes. Look, a cup is $4. A bowl is $6. But it's twice as much soup. I'm not going to eat it all. I want him to taste it. Goes up and down on the dumb waiter. Send it back up. It's probably good

for another 24 or 48 hours. James Adomian, thank you so much. This was very fun. Haga, haga, haga, haga, haga. Thanks, guys. Thanks, folks. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Haga, haga, haga, haga, haga. Thanks, guys. Thanks, folks. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. Out of the closets and into the streets, for this is La Guapita time.

Leave the lawyers to newness, because the ruling for June is That slaying's a victimless crime So we go out of the closets And into the streets La cuavita people take charge Sure the road has been rocky But the word from Pisaki Is the infrastructure package is large Show off your spirit

Take straight stuff and queer it Especially current events. We've got your gay news, the them news, and they news. As love it or leave it presents. Out of the closets and into the streets. Just show your La Croix beat of pride. Cause July until May is a little less gay. So we're making the most of the month

We're a toast of a huge celebration For queers across the nation So grab a refreshment, join as we slide Out of the closets and into the streets Happy Pride! That musical interlude was courtesy of Daniel Mertzluft and Kate Leonard and was originally played at our live Pride show. And it was incredible. And lastly, we have this classic rant.

It has landed on Lamar Odom versus Aaron Carter. Langston, take it away. Yeah, okay. I'll be honest. Everybody's been focusing their attention on the insurrection, and I feel like this is a much bigger issue. I think that in truth, this is... Listen, Jake Paul knocked out Nate Robinson in two rounds

and laid him to the ground in a way that Black people are going to struggle with for centuries to follow. Like this is this is something that's going to go down in our history books. And now there's a new trend that's popping up where a bunch of filthy white boys are preparing to now take on our greatest athletes and somehow prove that they are more athletic more capable uh and especially better fighters and my fear is that this is actually going to end up in a devastating way for lamar odom despite being 6 9 6 10 and a former nba champion he might in fact get knocked out by by what's his name aaron carter yeah aaron carter of all of all people not even the best carter aaron carter is gonna knock out lamar odom who's overcome so much he survived fucking strokes and crack addiction and now he's gonna get knocked out by aaron carter and

only the black community is gonna be left to suffer through this and it's all gonna like it you know dana white's gonna get paid off in it i don suffer through this. And it's all going to like it. You know, Dana White's going to get paid off in it. I don't know. It's just, it's very upsetting. I'm not sleeping well. He could win. He could. Lamar Odom could win, but there's no, what is the win here?

Aaron Carter is my height and unwell. His family doesn't speak to him anymore. He's what QAnon people are afraid is inside of the Wayfair cabinets. Like, we are not... Aaron Carter is not... There's no victory in knocking out Aaron Carter. Right.

What do you win? What do you win? You're supposed to win. What's the win here? You're supposed to beat him. Yeah. You're a giant... He's supposed to be in a Wayfair cabinet that you build yourself until now. He just arrives on top. He's the guy who brings it to you. He's sort of the Rumpelstiltskin of Wayfair cabinets.

He stands outside of it. Ah, look inside. And then, you know, a girl named Rebecca pops out or whatever it is that they think is happening. Anyway, I'm very upset. It's ruining my sleep. I don't know what to do with these feelings. I don't know what to do either. I don't understand these celebrity confrontations. They're not for me. Sure. They're not for me. Yeah. I feel like it started after that. You remember that Claymation show Celebrity Deathmatch? Yes.

Where we theorized what it would be like for these celebrities to fist fight each other and murder each other. And then some of them started doing it. Like I have a vague memory of Tonya Harding fighting somebody. Yes. Tonya Harding did fight and then went on to like have multiple fights because it turned out she was pretty good at it. Yeah. And Screech fought somebody. RIP Screech.

RIP. Oh, we'll miss you dearly and uh you know all these people just started fighting and it turned into a weird thing where we just wanted to see how weird they punched or how uncomfortable they were with uh getting help from a man in a corner they didn't know it just all it makes me uncomfortable and i pray lamar odom wins but i also don't know what the victory is here and And I also think that when we signed up to watch celebrities fight each other and beat each other to a bloody pulp, it was yet another, along with Bill de Blasio dropping the groundhog, a bad omen for our society. Langston Kerman,

so good to see you. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. This was fun. And that's our show. But because you all need it this week, here it is, the High Note. Hi, Lovett. This is Liz in Dallas. And my High Note is that I work at a refugee resettlement agency. And we all know how terrible everything has been in Afghanistan, and my agency is setting up to receive refugees and people with SIV status, and even as everything has happened and hit the news, what has been really amazing to me has been seeing how here in Texas, hundreds of people have donated and our volunteer trainings are full and we are getting all sorts of things to set up apartments.

And seeing just kind of the outpouring of love that has happened in preparation to welcome folks from Afghanistan here and help them make their new homes. And it's given me a little bit of hope because it's a really dark time, and it's so hard to watch what is happening and what our responsibility is. And it's just been really amazing in my work to see people coming together to try to make things at least a little bit better for everybody and to welcome new members of our community. So yeah, thank you so much. Love the show and have a great week. My high note for the week, John, is that starting tomorrow, the 23rd of August,

starting tomorrow, the 23rd of August, I'm going back to college. I'm 46. I've never finished college. I've had a good life and a good career doing all kinds of things. And I've supported my family. And I'm very proud of what I've been able to accomplish without a college degree. But I've decided it's time for me to go back. None of the men in my family have ever had a college degree. So I'm really excited to finish this journey to get an actual degree and something that I'm really excited to do and kind of the next chapter of my life. And so I'm terrified, honestly, and anxious, and classes are in person. And so I'm going to be wearing a mask. But I'm really,

really excited and really happy to be going back. And I just can't stand it. And I wanted to share with you. Thanks. And thanks for all you do. Hi, love it. This is Jen from Dover, New Hampshire. And my high note this week is that after having to postpone our wedding for a year because of COVID, my fiance, now husband, and I were able to celebrate our wedding with all of our friends and family. And we were able to be held and supported by all of them and gather all the folks who have loved us over the course of our relationship and shepherded us over our lives and celebrate a life of friendship and love together. And so that is such a high note for me this week. And so I hope that everyone out there is also having a series of high notes all their own. Have a good week.

Bye. Hey, John, this is Brandon from Virginia. And my high note is after about a year and a half of my wife working a pandemic, being pregnant with our first child, and subsequently losing that child, our dog getting cancer, dying from cancer, a month after losing our child. I'm happy to say that this past week I got to see my child's heartbeat on ultrasound. So after quite some time of just nothing but bad news, things are finally looking up. So thank you so much for all you do, your positivity and the laughs listening to your show. Stay well. Thank you.

Hey, Lovett. It's Nathan calling from Portland, Oregon. My high note is because of the pandemic, my partner and I have been co-located while she works on her PhD. We've been able to spend literally every day together since March of 2019. And I realized I want to spend every day after with her. Hey, Juliana, you want to get married? Thanks, love it. We listen to your show every week. Thank you so much for giving us laughter and hope for the past four years. Thanks to everybody who called in. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, you can call us

at 213-262-4427. Thank you to me for putting on such a good show every week that I can recycle them to the universal satisfaction of all of you, the listeners.

There are 437 days until the 2022 midterm elections. Have a great weekend. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our senior producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer.

Jocelyn Kaufman, Pauly B. Ganalen, and Peter Miller are the writers. Our associate producer is Brian Semel. Bill Lance is our editor, and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Marissa Meyer, for creating and running all of our visuals,

which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Nara Melkonian and Milo Kim, Mia Kelman and Matt DeGroot, for filming and editing video each week, so you can.