Lovett or Leave It - Live! From New York! It's One Thousand Rats!

Episode Date: July 29, 2023

Start spreading the ooze! This hot humid New York summer is only getting stickier, now that Lovett or Leave It is at Town Hall! LOLI’s own Rat King goes claw-to-claw with the NYC Rat Czar herself, Kathleen Corradi. Lovett terrifies a very analog Janeane Garofalo with dispatches from our very digital world. Isaac Mizrahi gives Lovett a dressing down. BD Wong plumbs the depths of his Broadway knowledge. Cat Cohen helps New Yorkers make it here with some candid advice, and we bust out the Rant Wheel. Hey, we’re spinning’ here! Special thanks to The Town Hall in New York! For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Hello, New York! Welcome to Love It or Leave It. So good to see you all. It's great to be in New York. We have an amazing show for you tonight. Kathleen Karate, a.k.a. the New York City Rat Czar, is here. And to make her feel at home, we've let dozens of rats loose in the theater.

B.D. Wong is here. To name that Broadway tune, Janine Garofalo is here. And she doesn't own a computer. So we're going to show her some stuff from the internet. Style guru Isaac Mizrahi is here to judge our fashions. And Catherine Cohen is here, and she's going to dole out poetry and advice.

So if there's something you need advice around, a bad roommate, an excellent boss. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Florida governor and malfunctioning Chuck E. Cheese animatronic Ron DeSantis has reportedly let go more than a third of his campaign staff as he seeks to regain some momentum in his flailing presidential bid. If you're in line to be the guy whose job it is to teach Ron DeSantis how to laugh, stay in line.

One of the staffers recently fired from the DeSantis camp was Nick Hochman, an aide who secretly created and circulated pro-DeSantis campaign videos that used prominent Nazi imagery. They had no choice to let him go after all these screw-ups. Nick said his boss, how hard is it to get a coffee order right? In related news, on Wednesday, DeSantis said that while he wouldn't choose RFK Jr. as a running mate, his anti-vax views might make him a perfect pick to lead the CDC. Hate on that idea all you want, but a Kennedy killing with a government agency

and not being killed by a government agency is a nice change of pace. Mike Pence, meanwhile, said he'd never appoint RFK Jr. to run a government agency. Why, you ask? Because he's an unqualified kook trading on his family name and spreading baseless conspiracy theories?

No, that's not Mike Pence's reason. It's because RFK Jr. is pro-choice. Former mayor and current husk of a man, Rudy Giuliani, conceded that he made false claims when he accused Georgia election workers of manipulating the results. You should have seen how uncomfortable he was during the lawsuit, ink just pouring out of his glands.

On Wednesday, Hunter Biden pleaded not guilty to two tax crimes after a Trump judge raised concerns about a plea deal with federal prosecutors, which put that plea on hold as a result. But experts aren't sure how the proceedings will go, since in a prior video, Hunter Biden admitted to being a bad, bad little boy. Look, here's the thing. However bad your crimes might be, once Marjorie Taylor Greene puts your naked ass on C-SPAN,

you've paid your debts. But not really. The Justice Department obtained eight search warrants in its investigation into Donald Trump's handling of classified documents according to a newly unsealed court filing. If Trump ends up going to jail for these crimes, we need to turn this into a Jewish holiday. We thought we only had enough evidence for one search warrant. Was a miracle. Then on Thursday, Trump's future ex-lawyers, Todd Blanch and John Laurel,

met with the Department of Justice and were reportedly told to expect, you guessed it, a new indictment. Sources close to Trump say that the former president is optimistic and is looking forward to a free soft serve the next time he visits the courthouse cafeteria. President Biden's dog, Commander, bit Secret Service agents at least 10 times.

What are you applauding? Between October and January, including one incident that sent a person to the hospital, an out-of-control dog running around biting everyone? Where does Commander think he is? Any Los Angeles coffee shop? Biden's previous dog, Major, also had this issue and was sent to live with friends in Delaware. Thank God everyone in Delaware famously loves being mauled horribly. While speaking at a press conference,

81-year-old Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell suddenly froze for about 30 seconds before being led away from the podium. I have to tell you all something. We did not crack at a joke about this. We didn't. But I'll tell you, this is the gist that was on social media. Oh no, he lived. And it's like,

alright. We get it. He stinks. One area we considered, and again, did not crack, was something about God filibustering the blood to his brain. But we didn't get it.

We never found it. Shut up. It's not right. On Thursday morning, it was being reported that McConnell took two previous falls after his concussion. McConnell has yet to reveal to reporters where it hurt when he fell from heaven. The Pentagon denied the congressional testimony given by David Grush, a former Air Force intelligence official who claimed that the U.S. has been covering up decades of evidence of UFOs. He doesn't seem very reliable. He's also suggested that Mussolini and the Vatican

conspired on a UFO cover-up as well. You're a holiness. It's a me, a Mussolini. I feel so close to you now that we have it. It's a bigger secret. I hope nobody hangs me upside down like a salami. According to the Washington Post, stories that Republican Senator Tommy Tuberville has been telling about his World War II hero father are largely false or embellished. And we have it on good authority

that most of the heroic exploits actually belong to legendary D-Day tank operator George Santos. UPS and the Teamsters on Tuesday reached a tentative agreement to avert a disruptive nationwide strike. It's tentative because management was initially told that the agreement had shipped, but upon second look it appears that UPS had only generated a label. The fuck? One of late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg's favorite collars, called the Pegasus,

will be up for auction in September. It also comes with a leash and a studded leather harness. I didn't know RBG had a dog. The city of New York is being sued by almost 400 Department of Transportation employees, all claiming they haven't been paid overtime for highway repair work. We stand with the workers. If it were not for hardworking

Department of Transportation workers, we'd all be walking here. Speaking of walking here, a dangerous heat wave hit the city this week and is expected to last throughout the weekend. So if you see someone masturbating on the subway, offer them a water, you judgmental jerks. A FedEx driver in San Diego is being hailed as a hero after saving a man's life, selflessly pulling the driver from a fiery car accident on the highway. Of course, the FedEx driver lost some points when he frisbeed the man over a hospital fence

onto the lawn while the sprinklers were going. Elon Musk rebranded Twitter this week, ditching the company's iconic bird logo for a black and white X. And then Twitter's new CEO, Linda Iaccarino, said in a tweet that the rebrand is part of, and this quote is real, it's part of Twitter's larger shift to quote,

the future state of unlimited interactivity centered on audio, video, messaging, payments, banking, creating a global marketplace for ideas, goods, services, and opportunities. Powered by AI, X will connect us all in ways we're just beginning to imagine. That is gibberish. What are you talking about?

Also, what about Elon's Twitter screams, oh yes, you may have my routing number. I love the way like two months ago, everyone's nudes were being posted in the check this out kids section. Yeah, sure. Here are the last four digits of my social, Elon. A mad sex toy scientist has reportedly developed a working prototype for a mechanical masturbation sleeve that's controlled by one's thoughts by means of a brain-computer interface. I hate to sound like my grandfather, but whatever happened to jerking off with your hand like a normal person? Anyway, say what you will about Elon Musk.

He's not afraid to rethink Twitter's core business model. Representative Derek Van Orden cursed out a pack of teenage Senate pages who were lying down in the Capitol Rotunda relaxing and taking photos during a late-night session, calling them jackasses and pieces of shit, and told them he didn't give a fuck who you are. That's what you're supposed to say to a congressman.

That's not what a congressman is supposed to say to an unpaid college student. According to the source, Van Orden and his staff were drinking in his office where they'd been heard partying loudly before the incident. There is no excuse for getting belligerently drunk at the office. Not when you can just get the kind of drunk

where you promise to buy all of your employees' cars and keep demanding everyone say, "'We're not work friends, we're real friends, right?' And in another amazing incident, which again we just learned about before this show, Eric Swalwell and Kevin McCarthy recently almost got into a fist fight on the House floor. Just gonna run you through it.

According to the Daily Beast's Matt Fuller, during the vote to censure California Congressman Adam Schiff, that was where all the Democrats shouted shame, remember? Swalwell reportedly said to McCarthy, this is pathetic, you're weak, you're a weak man. McCarthy was visibly upset. Said a congressperson to the Daily Beast, McCarthy's vein was popping out of his head. And that's how he gets the limited blood that goes to his brain.

And then the next day, just outside the House chamber, McCarthy gets in Swalwell's way, as Swalwell's going to the little congressman's room. This time, McCarthy says, if you ever say something like that to me again, I'm going to kick the shit out of you. This is all according to members of Congress who witnessed it. Apparently, they get right in each other's faces, nose to nose, that's the quote, and Swalwell says, are we really going to do this?

And then, the Speaker of the House says to Congressman Swalwell, call me a pussy again, and I'll kick your ass. And then Swalwell says, nose to nose with McCarthy, and the Daily Beast emphasized the delivery, you are a pussy. And then after a tense moment, just hangs in the air, McCarthy stepped to the side. Adding to the surrealism is the odd but inescapable feeling that if you did punch Kevin McCarthy in the face, your fist would sink into it like warm bread dough.

Am I wrong about this? And then the face would sort of grab and hold on to your hand? Do you know what I'm saying? And finally, we have even more breaking news. Special counsel Jack Smith, who is now on the love it or leave it shit list because he did this after the show was locked, has brought additional charges against Donald Trump

in the documents case, including two counts of obstruction for attempting to delete surveillance footage and one count of willful retention of national defense information. It's like a consolation prize for not giving us an insurrection indictment today. Dinner's going to be about an hour, but here, have a bowl of pita chips. This brings Trump's Mar-a-Lago charges up to 40.

Also charged today, Mar-a-Lago's head of maintenance, Carlos de Oliveira, who was accused of lying to the FBI about moving boxes with classified documents. It's tough to see a maintenance guy go down for Trump out of loyalty when you know if Trump had a gun to his head, he'd guess the guy's name was Senor Janitor. In court documents, De Oliveira asked another employee for help because the boss, which is how he referred

to Trump, wants the server deleted, but that employee said he wasn't sure it was right, and also had no idea how. We've all been there. You put deleting servers under special skills on your resume just to get hired. You never think it's going to come up and then one day your boss is bringing home

hundreds of classified documents and it's all over the security footage and you're like, well, there's got to be a YouTube tutorial. To take a trip down memory lane, remember when someone accidentally drained the pool at Mar-a-Lago and that flooded the room with the servers that had the surveillance log? That was De Oliveira. That's the guy that accidentally flooded the server room. It's all coming back to a pool-related crime. We're going to get our Sunset Boulevard.

You knew that was fishy with the pool thing. That pool's been there for 100 years. It happens to leak into the server room? When we come back, the illustrious Rat Czar of Gotham. And we're back. Oh, sorry, before our next guest, this will just take a second.

We have a little bit of housekeeping we have to do. This episode of Love It or Leave It is brought to you by the Society for the Preservation of Rodents. Rats are the lifeblood of New York City. The filthy glue that binds these five boroughs. Scrappy, resourceful, and fast-walking, rats are the ultimate New Yorkers, each one a tiny, naked Carrie Bradshaw that lives in five boroughs. Scrappy, resourceful, and fast-walking, rats are the ultimate New Yorkers, each one a tiny, naked Carrie Bradshaw

that lives in the sewers trying to find love and sustenance behind one of the last three blimpies. What would the rat race be without literal rats? What would New York's famous bagels be without the tap water rats take little sips of on its way to you, giving it that special quality?

If you didn't love rats, why would you, in this world city, in the year 2023, just put all your garbage out on the sidewalk in piles? It's not like you don't know about other ways to collect garbage. On Roosevelt Island, they suck it down, a little network of tubes. Rats hate this one weird trick. But no, you provide rats with an almost daily feast because rats challenge you. Rats hate this one weird trick. But no, you provide rats with an almost daily feast because rats challenge you. Rats remind you that you are not all powerful. You are not gods.

We're all here together scurrying around a maze that wants us dead. And when you see a garbage bag on the sidewalk pulsing with a bacchanalian orgy of hungry, horny rats, you know that you're in the greatest city in the world. That is why Love It or Leave It is a proud supporter of the rat community and why I, John Lovett, am making a solemn promise to you now to never say a critical word about rats on this show. Rats, why not give one a little kiss on the head today? Anyway, back to the show.

Coming up next, oh no, this timing could not be worse. Please welcome to the stage, New York City's own Rats Arts, Kathleen Karate. How are you doing? Great. Better than New York City rats. Wow, you're coming in hot. First question. Did you know that rats love being tickled on their little bellies? And according to Scientific American, giggle in a frequency too high for humans to hear, and we actually have audio of that giggle pitched down for our ears.

Can we roll the clip? Adorable, right? The rats we're seeing here are bred for scientific purposes, so they have a different demeanor than our New York City wild rats. But yes, I think there's a likability to the clip you shared. We got her. This is going to be the second hardest interview I do in the past 24 hours. So you were a teacher and now you're a czar. How did you get to where you are today? A winding road, but with

a path that links people and the cities they're living in. So I was an elementary school teacher in central Brooklyn. And from there, I went on to work at the Department of Education in the Office of Sustainability, where I dealt with rats' favorite object, which is waste. So I spent a number of years looking at school waste, and that led me to rats. But I'm sorry to push back. That's not exactly true, because you and rats have a longer history than that, don't you? And I actually find this chilling to the core. Is it or is it not true that as a 10-year-old, you circulated an anti-rat position in your neighborhood?

You've hated rats from the time you were a child, like Kirk and the Klingons. I lived on railroad tracks growing up in lovely Long Island, where I know you're from. And the conditions that rats love are overgrown areas and food. And that's what the railroad tracks provided. So under the tutelage of my mother, who always said, use your voice, got a petition going, got my neighbors to sign and got the railroad to clean up those conditions. So it was anti-rat, but it was really more about neighborhood beautification. I like that.

So you're in charge of helping reduce the city's infestation of the rats. Gotta be bullet number one through five on the list is, hey, everybody, the way we do our garbage is crazy. Hey, have you seen containers? So the beauty of New York is our density. We're the densest city in the country, but also makes our waste collection very challenging.

We're talking high rises, high volumes, no streetscape space for containers to work. The Department of Sanitation actually just put out a 100-page study for waste enthusiasts all about the pathway to containerization. And we're already taking steps as a city to make that happen and take away rats' foods. Yeah.

And I don't want to play down what is obviously a very real and hard problem, but the path to garbage containers, the journey we're on, the hundred pages to, we're going to get big metal things. It's like the very hungry caterpillar. Each time he's taking a little bite and at the end it's the smorgasbord.

You know, we have to take the steps we can take today to get the future we're looking for. So Alberta, Canada is apparently the largest inhabited area on earth without rats. First question, what are they doing right? Follow up, does hearing that make you want to drive there in the middle of the night and shake out a juffle full of rats? A little bit? I harbor no ill will to Alberta or any other city that's making an impact on their rat population.

What they have going for them is it's mostly rural. They also were able to, the way rats travel, got to them much later in the history of humans. So they were able to set up a perimeter around the city and they actually police the borders of Alberta for rats. That will be my next job. Wow. In 2021, 311 received 3.2 million rat complaints. At what point are you like, shut up, I know. They're fucking everywhere. I'm working on it.

Keep calling if you see rats. We use it, we take action. I think the more victim of it is my wife gets now, everyone sends her videos of rats. So she's the personal victim of my new position. She's like, I married a teacher. Joke's a sign. What are, short of a system of collecting garbage

that rivals any mid to large city on the planet of Earth, which is not your purview, by the way. I mean, so I mean, I'm sure you'd love to see it. You know, you're taking babies out of the river and you're like, who's throwing these babies in here? But I do think this is a story about like the hard daily grind of governing and trying to improve a very difficult problem. So what are some of the steps you're taking that you think are making a difference? And what will it look like for people to feel like New York City has finally got a handle

on its, you know, the Ratatouille situation? Thanks, John. I think it really is, this work is about changing systems, systems that have failed New Yorkers and other urban areas for a long time. Housing, sustainability, aging infrastructure. And those are Herculean tasks to change. Garbage is absolutely part of the conversation, but it's not the whole conversation. We want to make sure that those

other areas address quality of life, really improving for New Yorkers. Work very closely across Parks Department, Department of Health, Department of Education, New York City Schools, and NYCHA, how they're managing their spaces, which are a huge amount of the property in New York City, to make sure they're doing it right. And then really building bridges with communities to make sure property owners and renter New Yorkers like myself know what they can do to take action, because it really will take a village to make this change. And the most positive thing I've seen since being in the role, jokes aside, is that people really want to see this happen. And that's, I think, the shared vision.

The immense pressure I feel to do it right for our city is because people really want to live in a world where the black bag, the rats aren't rustling, and you can walk down a street without getting a jump scare. Why can't we live in harmony with the rats? You don't have to answer that. Guys, give it up for Kathleen. You can check out Kathleen's work by walking on the sidewalk and making it home.

We'll be right back. Thank you so much. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage a New York institution and a stage and screen icon, the one and only B.D. Wong. Hi.

Thank you so much for being here. Thanks. So nice to meet you. Come on. Welcome to the show. Thank you. What are you doing to kill rats? I love rats. I would, you know.

I lived down in Wall Street area for seven years and the rats were really, really, really intense. Because of all the day trading. Yeah. They're probably doing a lot of coke down there. But I'm really used to that. I mean, they're part of, like, life. How's your strike summer going?

Hot. I'm sad and invigorated and inspired and mad and kind of really into it, actually. All right, good. There was a thousand things about your career I wanted to ask you, and I cannot. You can't really? I don't think so. I thought it was like specific projects or something. I don't know.

I think one of us would be the promoting one. You know what I mean? Current? Are you a lawyer? We're not sorting this out here. This isn't the night BD Wong and I became scabs. That's another night. What does the BD stand for and why don't I know already? Let's come to that. When I made my Broadway debut quite a few years ago, I was in a gender-ambiguous role. The producer asked me to change the gender of my name and take the gender of my name out.

My dad's nickname was BD, and I took it on with the full intention of returning to my original name. And then it kind of stuck. That's cool. I like that. That's an awesome reason. Oh, yes. That's cool. I like that. That's an awesome reason. Oh, yes, great, thanks. It could have been like, oh, there was already another person with my name in IMDb. That would be so much less fun. Like how it has to be Samuel

L. Jackson. Right. No. Speaking of Las Culturistas, did they mention me? No. Not really. Now, in keeping with the rules of these strikes, we're not going to talk about your extensive TV and film career. You can Google it.

But there is a field that is currently still up and running for now. BD, you are both yourself a Broadway star and a huge fan of musical theater. And so now it's time for a game we're calling B.D. Wong, Guess This Song. That's right. Now, for those at home, we have you in several iconic characters. There is B.D. Wong as Evan Hansen. Oh, wow.

A sociopath who gets away with it. We have you as Elphaba from Wicked. Oh, can I tell you something? Yes, please. I saw Wicked next to Harry Reid, the former majority leader. And when I saw Elphaba do Defying Gravity, I, as a person who is gay,

stood up and started crying. Stood up. Stood up, you know, at the climax, you know, to celebrate it was over. And, You know, at the climax. Oh, right. To celebrate it was over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And celebrate the performance. And then I looked to my right,

and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was asleep. So he's not a fan of the theater like we are. Oh. So here's how it's going to work. I'm ready. We're going to play a few seconds of a Broadway song, and you have to guess what it is. That's it.

You're setting me up. My heart is beating so fast. I have the answers on the cards, and when you want, I can just show you. You can cheat. Because you yourself don't know. Oh, well, I know the answers. I have the answers in front of me.

This is rigged. Did you make these? There's a whole team that makes Love It or Leave It happen. All right, let's play our first clip. Opening number, Book of Mormon. That is correct. All right, next clip. Hamilton, King George song.

Those King George songs are so fucking funny. You should be King George, actually. Yes, I do have... Smugness. Smugness, you're going to shout? He was helping you. You were reaching. You were reaching. He was helping you.

Based on where you're sitting, you bought these tickets a long time ago. You planned a whole night out. You come, and through the heat and the traffic, a crane fell, and Chris Christie didn't build enough tunnels, and now you sit here, and you wait for your moment. You could have said anything. You could have said regal.

But no, I am a bit smug. I noticed, yeah. Next clip. It's hair. What do you think it might be, BD? It's hair? You got it. It's Aquarius. So we're all

playing now? Apparently. That's why they have to put up the signs about not blocking the box. Because everybody here does whatever they want to do. Oh, yeah. I've never seen hair. No? Really? No, I haven't. Should I see it? You'll have a chance. Yes, sure.

There's nakedness in it. Ooh. Nudity. Nudity? Famous nudity. Famous, yeah. It is, has famous nudity. Notorious famous nudity.

Diane Keaton was in here. Really? Yeah. Hmm. That's cool. Next up. Oh, you could drive a person crazy from company. Wow.

You know what I like? When you said, oh, this is a setup, I'm not sure what's going to happen, there was a moment I was like, did we make this too hard? That's the performance I'm getting. You tricked me. It's great. But I don't know what you're cooking up, so it could be way worse than this.

Next up. Oh, wow. Can you do it one more time? Shoot, I can't get that. That's really short. Does anybody have a guess out there? Out of here, into the woods. That's not into the woods. No. That is

My Blanketed Me from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. That's why you made it so short. By the one and only B.D. Wong. It's actually me. I think he. By the one and only B.D. Wong. Yeah. It's actually me. I think he speaks really highly of you, actually. You're not so obsessed with your own.

You're certainly not smug. No one would say of the two of us that you're the smug one. That's not what this would be. That Charlie Brown was a phenomenon. It was everywhere. It was, for the most part, the debut of Kristen Chenoweth. So that was like a huge thing to experience. A wonderful experience.

Oh, thanks. She saw it five times. And he was amazing. Great. Why'd you say it? It was amazing. Say he was amazing. Say both were amazing.

I'm sorry. All right, next up. For porn. Is it Avenue Q? It's Avenue Q. It's the internet is for porn from Avenue Q. Oh, right, right, right, right.

Let's see what's next. Oh, that's Spring Awakening. Yes. Next up. I think it's the bicycle music from Flower Drum Song. The revival. No. No.

Oh, shit. That's the advantages of floating in the middle. You see, that's also me, too. Of the sea. No. No. Oh, shit. That's the advantages of floating in the middle. You see, that's also me, too. Of the sea. Yeah. From Pacific Ogriger, sung by B.D. Wong. Yeah. Look at you.

What a life. Look at the vast oeuvre. You can't even retain it. You've done so much incredible work. Yes, that's right. That's cool. It just goes right out. Yeah.

Hey, can I ask you something? No. It seems I do a show like this once a week, and I'm spent. That Broadway cadence. How do you do it? It's eight shows a week, is that right? Or seven? How many?

Seven or eight? You have to really be into it. You get really into it when you're in high school, and you're on fire doing it, and then it never goes away. And you get invigorated by the fact that the whole room is full of new people. Like, you don't tell the same jokes to the same group of people. That's what gets dull. No, no, he's putting it in a way that I would understand.

Yeah. But, like, it's physically incredibly demanding. It is, yeah. It really is. You kind of waste it, and then you have to really, like, it's physically incredibly demanding. It is, yeah. It really is. You kind of waste it, and then you have to really, like, portion out your day for the energy that you're putting out, and you have to map everything out for the day.

Your voice, your voice alone, just using your voice. Yeah, you know. You've got to buy, like, honey and syrups and so forth. Yes. Various salves and balms. What happens if you're just like, oh, God, I just don't want to sing today? You sing.

Because the show must go on. Yes. It's a thing, actually. As we go along and generations turn over and generations turn over and there's kind of an old school the show must go on feeling. And then there's a new generation of people who call in

and let their understudies go on. And there's a lot of pros and cons to both sides of the thing. You know, old school people like just can't think of even letting anyone go on for them because they feel an ownership over the role. And other people think of it more like work, I think. More like, you know, having a personal day and stuff. Have you ever been doing a musical and it just went one of those nights

where just everything goes wrong? Oh, yeah, sure. Opening night of a musical. But this is not a big Broadway musical. I will just tell you very briefly that I was in a one-person solo musical at the Williamstown Theatre Festival. Oh, I went to Williams.

You did? Mm-hmm. Yes. Okay, so you know, I went to Williams. You did? Yes. Okay, so you know the theater and the festival. You bet I do. It was opening night, and I gored my leg on a piano bench. Like 15 minutes into this 90-minute show, I stopped the show, and I went to the emergency room, and I got 30 stitches in my leg. And I have a big scar right here.

Because I was rehearsing in the rehearsal room with this piano bench that, you know, I did this like, you know that thing where you slide on the hood of a car? I was sliding on the piano bench. The pianist stood up and then I slid and then he sat back down. It was like a little bit. And when we went into the rehearsal room, they finally put this homemade piano bench up on the wheels. so it was this much higher than in the rehearsal room and it had really sharp beautiful kind of like antique looking corners so i just basically went we and stabbed myself on the and and my darren lee the choreographer of the show, was in the audience and said that the corner of the piano was dripping with... Not blood. Not blood.

Like, you know, kind of a viscous-y kind of fat. There was a splatter of blood and viscous-y fat material on the music, on the page. So I don't know if that's considered everything going wrong. I would say a splatter of blood on a piano, a trip to the emergency room, viscous. I'll count it. Let's do one more, the last one. A guess? Yes, the last one. A guess?

Yes, one last guess. That's me too. That is Beanie Wong who won a Tony for Featured Actor for M. Butterfly's original Broadway one, which they had the Tony that year. Hey, this is better than that time in Williams. Huh? So far. Everybody, give is better than that time in Williams. So far. Everybody, give it up for BD Wong.

He'll be back for the Rat Wheel. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage the legend herself, it's Janine Garofalo. Thanks for being here. Thank you. Oh my gosh. It's a mess. It for being here. Thank you. Oh, my gosh. It's a mess.

It's a mess. Oh, come on. It's a mess. There's a segment called housekeeping. What is... Yeah. That's when I tidy up. Shall I sit in the chair? Shall I sit in the...

Did you pay money? Does my... Okay. I'll sit in the chair. First of all, it's lovely to meet you. Thank you. You too. And I was thinking, I remember your special and I vividly remember

you making fun of the caricatures that were on the bus in the movie Speed. Do you remember that? We're going back to the early 90s. If you recall, and some of you might not have been born yet or whatever, but the movie Speed with Sandy B. America's

sweetheart Sandy B. It was a paint by numbers. There was like every... The construction worker. The construction worker. Old lady. But my biggest suspension of disbelief in the movie was that the bus stopped for her

when she was running after it. And wait, I feel like that was the most implausible part of that film. But yes, I can't believe you remember that that was so long ago yeah i didn't even i just i saw you and it struck me a little a little memory like um the thing with the cookie uh but a person that's from a book i've never read uh now is it true that you don't have a computer yes and now let just say, and when you said that up front, I guarantee you 90% of you went, yeah, right.

There are people out there who believe in ghosts, believe in extraterrestrials, believe the universe speaks to them, but it's a bridge too far. I realize that, and I'm not mocking you. I'm just saying, now, having said that, I bought a tablet three years ago because I was like, I'm going to get with it. And it's the best TV and radio I've ever had that I can carry from room to room. Now, my boyfriend has a computer.

So if there is an email sent, he shows it to me. But it's not noble. Like I said, this is a value neutral thing. And it's a choice I've made how I live my life. And you will sacrifice a great deal now if I had children and a different kind of job I of course would be more connected it would be irresponsible probably not to be and there's a fake me tweeting I've heard in a fake Facebook me but I don't know why I don't have social media platforms or anything because also I feel the

more you put yourself out there the more you give people a reason to dislike you. And you know the phrase, you're your own worst critic? It's not true, as it happens. And I prefer to be well-liked. Validation from others defines me. It truly does. And I'm needy like that. And it hurts.

And so much backlash. You know this from what you do. When I worked at Air America, the backlash for being reasonable is painful and it feels unjust and it hurts a great deal. And so then I remember after I left Air America, I shut it down. I was like, I just need to take a break. And it felt so good. It felt like my life was prior to that.

And I have a cell phone. It could be a smartphone. It's not hooked up to the internet, but it technically could be. It's a galaxy. I didn't bring it with me. And like I said, this is not noble. It's just how I have chosen to live

and you will sacrifice a great deal by living that way. What I appreciate about it, and we're going to get to what you've missed, is I do think one of the unfortunate aspects of what's happened is every one of these technologies goes from opt-in to opt-out. At first, it's something you can try, and then you're a kook for not having it. And I think it's cool that you're like, I'm still not on board. I'm out.

Like I said, it's not cool. It's about my anxiety issues and about it makes me feel helpless sometimes. And eventually, I will be unable to function. And I still try and use cash as much as I can as Suzy Orman would want me to do. That's right, I said it's Suzy Orman. For due share, responsibility,

fiscal prudence. I like the cut of her jib, she knows what's what. I await further instruction. She wants us to use cash more, people. Come on. But you know what I mean? I don't order stuff online and I get almost no scam likely calls.

Which I also think would be a great gangster name, though. Scam likely. I don't even know if it is scam likely anymore. My phone's older, so maybe it's called something else now. Is it still called scam likely? Potential spam. Potential spam. Everything is harder for me.

Traveling is harder. I used to have a travel agent that I could call, and it feels terrible to feel helpless. And I do need to learn these things. I do need to change. But it feels like math homework. And when people try and explain it to me, the cone comes down like in math class and stuff.

I'm not proud of any of this. Well, I think if you're worried about feeling like you need to change, I think we can maybe help push those fears off for a little while tonight because now it is time for a segment we're calling, Hey, do you know about this? Have you heard about this? Here's how it works. I'm going to ask you about a very online phenomenon. Okay.

And you're going to have to tell us what you think it is. Okay. And then we're going to show you what it really is. Okay. Okay. The first one is called attentione pickpocket. Attentione pickpocket? Attentione pickpocket. Attenzione Pickpocket? Attenzione Pickpocket.

That's what it's called. Is that either a Latino or a Mediterranean? It is Mediterranean. Call to arms for be aware? Yes, yes, it is. You know what? Let's give it to her. Attenzione, Borsigiatrici!

Attenzione, Pickpocket! Pickpocket! Attenzione, Pickpocket! There is a woman, it's an Italian woman who runs around Venice chasing pickpockets. And when I tell you that I hear these words at every point of every day, whenever I see Trump,

I think, So she's on the TikTok. She's on the TikTok. She's on TikTok. point of every day. Whenever I see Trump, I think, attenzione, pickpocket. So she's on the tick-a-tock. She's on the tick-a-tock. She's on tick-tock. Next up, what do you think girl dinner is? They all know what it is. A dinner for cisgendered females?

Yes. But what do you think is served at girl dinner? If you had to guess. Oh, no. They're not cannibals, are they? No, it's a dinner for girls, not a dinner of girls. Well, you just said it. You had such a... What do you think they...

Yeah. Girl dinner is a new online term for the lazy gal charcuterie board for a meal instead of cooking. I've heard of a butter board. That got to you. Butter board is re-chewed. Well, I like to watch cooking shows.

I don't like to cook, but I enjoy watching others cook. What do you think about a butter board? I only saw it the one time. And actually, it was in a People magazine when my plane was delayed. I was at Hudson News at the New LaGuardia. Hey, they have all the Cheez-Its now.

They have all the Cheez-Its now at the New LaGuardia, at, they have all the Cheez-Its now. They have all the Cheez-Its now. At least in the Delta Wing. They do. It's not just Cheddar Jack anymore. They got it all. That's cool. And fountains. It's like Caesar's Palace. They laugh, but it's true. Attention.

Cheez-Its. What do you think happens if you drink the grimmace shake from McDonald's? You have an upset stomach and you may regurgitate purple. I'm sorry, that's incorrect. You have a paranormal experience in which bad things seem to happen that are inexplicable. Let's roll the clip. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday, Grimace! He's throwing up! Alright, today we got the Grimace birthday shake. We're gonna be doing a taste test. Let's see how it is. Hmm, that's actually... It's floating above a building. So the correct answer was drinking a Grimace Shake unlocks some kind of deep evil from within the world

that causes harm to happen to you and around you. Oh, I think it's just your lower GI functions are compromised, especially if you're lactose intolerant or that kind of thing. But is this what people do at work all day? This is what makes the day-to-dayness of work tolerable.

You can sit and look at all this. Here's what we've done. We've done a really cool thing where you distract yourself all day, but you're also always at work. Your work gets spread out over a longer part of the day. That's the choice we've made. Right. But you don't want them to know you can get it done fast.

No, no. I just do crossword puzzles and doodle. Do the Times crossword? I do it in pencil. And I also went to Barnes & Noble and bought 250 New York Times crossword puzzles. I can't tell you how much it hurts me, how long it takes me.

And also, I can't spell very well. But it's a principle thing. And sometimes on the Sunday time, it takes me until like Thursday to finish. And it's just on my mind all the time. And it really is upsetting. Because I'm quite stupid, unfortunately. I'm intellectually curious, which is a plus.

But I'm really quite limited neurologically. You know, I listened to Air America Radio on the first day. I bought a radio so that I could listen to the very first day of Air America Radio. Thank you. Yeah, it was awesome. We're going to do one more. This is called Ice Cream Gang Gang. I'm going to show you it, and then you're going to tell us what you think you just saw.

All right. Roll the clip. Ice cream's so good. Ice cream's so good. Keeping money gone. I got your name. Gaga. Ice cream's so good.

Go crazy. Go crazy. What did you just see? I'm not sure. And, you know, she's so attractive. She doesn't need to do that. She's very attractive. Hey, you know, it's a lovely young lady.

There's no reason. Why do people do this stuff? I'll tell you why. I'll tell you what's happening. Constantly creating content, creating content, creating content, creating content. Well, because, so do you know what an NPC is? It's called a non-playable character. Do you know what that is?

Does that ring any bells for you? I've heard all of those words before. So the reason she is doing that is because she has discovered that by pretending to be a non-playable character, a video game character who just does repeat motions, that people will pay her to do specific video game character sounding actions repeatedly. Oh, that's all right. So she's using her noodle. All right, I get it.

She's making so much money doing this, man. Kudos to you, man. Can she hear me? Oh, no, this isn't live. Oh, okay. This isn't live. So we can't, this is not happening right now. I like that you came out here being like,

I do the crossword puzzle by hand, and two weeks from now you're gonna be like, I'm Janine, ice cream so good, ice cream so good. Everybody, give it up for Janine Garofalo. She'll be back for the Grand Wheel. This was so much fun. Thank you so much. When we come back, Isaac Mizrahi is here. And we're back. Please put your hands

together for the second most fashionable person on this stage, the incredible Isaac Mizrahi. So nice to meet you. Thanks for being here. So glad to be here. Hi. Let's get out of the way. Review this outfit that I'm wearing. Well, I mean, first of all, that you would listen to a person who is dressed like Uncle Fester on the hottest night of the year. Come on.

I like it. Are you a heterosexual? Is that it? I thought I would get that out of the way. That's how you want to play it. That's not what a straight person would wear. First of all, that you're asking me about fashion. Okay, I'll do it. But what a boring topic.

Right? I mean, obviously no one cares about fashion. Hello? Except you. Wow. Barbie is sitting in the front row. Did you see? I love you.

Coming in so hot. Am I? I don't mean to, darling. And I love it. I love you. You're cute, darling. You're cute. And I do love your outfit.

I do. I love it. Thank you. I love it. Thank you for saying that. Question. What's that? Where are we with tie-dye?

Did someone's grandmother ask you to ask me that question? I mean, tie-dye is classic. Tie-dye is like leopard print or like stripes or something. Okay. Always right. Always right. Tie-dye never wrong. Especially if you live on a kibbutz in Israel.

No, that's exactly right. I never wrong. Especially if you live on a kibbutz in Israel. But... No, then it's just, that's exactly right. That is... That's where it feels right. Black tie. Exactly. That's for weddings and funerals. That's like red carpet. It's like a devil's jersey at a New Jersey wedding, you know? Always right. Devils?

I don't know who you're talking about. I obviously did not, until yesterday, know what the New Jersey hockey team was. And for all I know, does it exist? Do they play hockey in New Jersey? I thought that was just in Canada. No, no, they play it everywhere down here sometimes. I don't know much about it.

I think some of the places Taylor Swift's going, there's ice there underneath. Right. That makes sense. That makes sense, darling. We could be related, I have to tell you. Okay. You look a lot like me when I was about your age.

Really? How old are you, darling? It's not important. It's kind of important. It is important for me because, by the way, I didn't know one of those fucking references. Not one of them. And it just makes me feel so old.

And I thought I was such a social aficionado. I follow people. I have a phone and two computers. I'm 40 if you must know. Are you 40? He does not look a day over 32, right? You don't look a day

over 32. Do you do this because your skin is amazing. You have great skin. Go on. Well, there's this thing now people do. They're calling it skin bukkake, which is like they just flood and flood and flood. Do you think they just invented that?

Yes. I don't know. I think I know. No, it's done with moisturizer. When did you become gay? Oh, God, darling. Before you were even born, but okay. No, thank you for asking. It's not skin bukkake.

Okay. Can we get your thoughts on fast fashion? Any specific kind of fast fashion? Well, just basically these stores that they make extremely cheap stuff that you wear out in a matter of weeks or months. You know what? Again, it goes back to how old I am. I'm sorry to keep bringing that up, but, like, I was not raised to think about buying something and then throwing it away.

By the way, I was also not raised to borrow something and wear it somewhere. Okay. I said it. I like to pay for good stuff and hold onto it forever. Okay. Seriously. I remember when I was in high school of performing arts on 46th street, like a block away. And we used to wear clothes and wear them till they had holes in them and fray. And they were so chic and we were just like a bunch of ragamuffins and we looked so good, I'm telling you. That's what I believe in. I believe in old, worn out, fucked up, beautiful clothes that you bought because you loved, you didn't borrow them, you didn't think about throwing

them away. Why would you buy anything you think of throwing away, darling? I don't know. You know, I do this thing in my act where I re-gift stuff, and I can't believe what people will take. I cannot believe what, like, I have, like, an old cord from a computer, and people go, me! And they don't know if it even agrees with their computer. I don't know why they would take that. So, agrees.

I love that. It doesn't agree. They don't even know if they can have a relationship that'll work. Exactly't agree. They don't even know if they can have a relationship that'll work. Exactly, right. They don't even know if they like the same movies. All right.

I rant. That rant comes later, right? You bet it does. Okay. Save it. Maybe we are related. Exactly. Crooked media,

that's what put this whole thing on. Yeah. We're a player in the fashion game. Are you? You may not have known that. Okay.

And so we've got some really hot pieces coming down the runway. And by runway, I mean the hallway outside the all-gender bathroom of a DC-based nonprofit. And so we would like your real and unalloyed thoughts, truly, on our summer line of crooked merch. I can't wait.

Okay. First up, we have our Bros for Ro hat. Bros for Ro. Oh, I love that. Oh, I just got it. You see, it took me a minute. Bros for Ro. Bros for Ro.

I love it. And it's black, so it works, right? Yes, it would totally work. It would be perfect for me, I think. Do I get one of those in the swag at the end? Yes, absolutely. Okay. I have a large head in case you didn, I think. Do I get one of those in the swag at the end? Yes, absolutely. Okay. I have a large head in case you didn't know that.

Can we get an extra large? We need the comedic size bro for Rose hat. For Isaac. All right. So give us out of 10. Seven. Okay, that's a, you know what? Yeah, good.

That's a compliment. What is this, great inflation? You know what, darling? You need to meet my mother, okay? Seriously. I remember once, this is true, I's a compliment. What is this, great inflation? You know what, darling? You need to meet my mother, okay? Seriously. I remember once, this is true, I promise this happened. We went to see her in the hospital

after some operation. It was a few days later, and you know, they come in every minute on a scale of one to ten pain, right? And she said something like, I feel great. And they said, no, in numbers. And she said, mm, three.

It was so funny. It was so funny. It was so hilarious. That is Jewish. So you do need to know who you're dealing with. That is more Jewish than three hours of Oppenheimer. Extremely. I'll tell you that. Right.

It's okay if we're making fun of it. Leave it in. All right. All right. Let's see what's next. That's our bodily autonomy T-shirt in the style of Barbie. And is that the actual shape of the T-shirt? No, and honestly, thank you for pointing that out.

Because it looks like it's on some kind of a form. Some sort of a very puffed up... Either some kind of a form or some like computer regenerated form of some Barbie-ish man. Shaped man, a Ken-shaped man. Ken-shaped man. Shaped man. Or Ken-shaped man. Yeah, exactly. On a scale of one to ten, 14.

I love it. Oh, good. He likes this one. All right, let's do two more. Next up, we have, it's a kind of psychedelic flower, and it says, only fun drugs should cost money, healthcare for all.

I love that. I love that. I love that, John. That is a great thing. Yeah. Like,, healthcare for all. I love that. I love that. I love that, McConnell. That is a great thing. Yeah. Like, even healthcare for Mitch McConnell, now that he really needs it. Yeah, we will, yes, of course. Universal healthcare, including Mitch McConnell.

That even includes Mitch McConnell. Of course it does. Absolutely. Of course it does. That t-shirt is my favorite thing so far. I love it. Great. I love it.

I give that a good eight and a half. Shout out Zevi, incredible design. I love that. My favorite thing so far. Shout out Zevi, incredible design. I love that. My favorite thing so far. Let's do one more. Wait, what? Can I show you some of my things at QVC and you tell me what you think? Next time. Next time. I like that. I'm just kidding. All right. We're gonna do one more. All right. It says leave trans kids alone. You absolute freak. Oh, It says, leave trans kids alone, you absolute freaks. Oh, I love that. Okay, that's a 10.

That's a full 10. All right. Now, before we let you go. Well, maybe your skin isn't so good now that I put my... Get those fucking glasses off. What the hell? You had me. You had me in the palm of your hand. You also have great teeth, my dear.

Great teeth. Congratulations. This is working on me. It's so easy. Skin and teeth, everything. And finally, Isaac, we have a question for you, but we do need to show a clip first. Okay.

The sun is a star. Is the moon really a planet? The moon is a planet, honey. Don't look at me like that. The sun is a star. It's a planet. Is the sun not a star? I don't know what the sun is.

The sun is a star, isn't it? We don't know what the sun is. The sun is a star. The moon is not a planet. The moon is a planet. I knew it. Wait a star. The moon is not a planet. I knew it! The moon is a planet. I knew it! Wait a second, because someone agreed with me that it is a planet. That the moon is a... Oh, wait, listen!

I was just a person on the internet? No, I wrote his name down because he wrote something in the New York Times. He's like a famous, famous astronomer. He agreed with me. He said in so many words, I agree with Mr. Mizrahi. I promise you. I am going to find his name. Wait a minute. Here's my question.

Dr. S. Allen Stern, the scientist who agreed with me about the moon being a planet. I'm not kidding. Dr. S. Allen Stern. And if it is, darling, if it is in my notes, you can rest assured that it is true. This was unlike some, in the Science Times,

someone said, Dr. Allen, do you agree with Mr., I'm serious, Google S. Allen Stern. Yeah, but they also said we didn't need masks. Isaac Mizrahi, thank you so much for being here. I'll be back for the rest. I never thought I'd say that. Maybe if Uncle Fester had an incredible

blowout. So nice. We'll be right back the rest. I never thought I'd say that. Maybe if Uncle Fester had an incredible glow up. So nice. We'll be right back with Catherine Coyne. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage, is she more glamorous than hilarious or more hilarious than glamorous? You be the judge.

It's Kat Cohen. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God, John. Stop. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. It's so nice to meet you finally. So nice to meet you.

I was hoping the chairs would be plush. And they are. And they are. So you write an advice column. I was hoping the chairs would be plush. And they are. And they are. So you write an advice column. I do. I'm not qualified to, but I actively do. You're not qualified? What are you qualified to do?

I love life. You love life. I love being alive. I want to keep doing it forever. I have strong opinions that change about every 45 seconds. Yes. And I've done a lot of stupid shit. So when someone writes to me with a question, I'm'm like, well let me tell you what happened to me

which is like the worst way to give advice but the only way I know how that is the best advice, well let me tell you a story about what happened to me one time enough about you enough about you, that's what my column should be called John, I love a good title enough about you enough about you, advice from Catherine Cohen

we're taking this to the bank taking that to the bank have Taking that to the bank. Have you ever read an advice column for a long time, and then they announce that the person giving the advice is switching, and it feels weird? Like, no, this isn't from a person. This is from an entity called Ms. Helpful. You know what I mean? I don't like that. I would never go by Ms. Helpful.

Ms. Unhelpful. Now we're talking. As a follow-up. Yeah. Would you consider yourself first a comedian, a chanteuse, or a gal about town? Oh, I'm so honored. It's impossible to choose. The Holy Trinity.

All three. Thank you for asking, by the way. You're welcome. It's exciting having you. I know. I'm a huge fan of yours. Likewise. It's so funny to meet sort of in this fashion.

Yeah. In front of an audience. I didn't even see you backstage. I know. I look so cute, too. You look great. Look at this. Love these colors.

Come on. Now, in honor of your column, we thought we'd open the floor to audience members who are seeking any kind of life advice in a segment we're calling Cats Got Your Tongue. Ooh. Ooh. Uh-oh. So please raise your hand if you have a question, because if you're asking for advice in a sold-out theater, you need it.

Should I move to New York? I'm sorry. I'm living in New York. Uh-oh. So please raise your hand if you have a question, because if you're asking for advice in a sold-out theater, you need it. Should I move to New York? I'm sorry. I'm living in New York. Should I move to L.A. for my new job? No. Easiest question of all time. Wait.

Wait a second. You know what? Can I ask a follow-up question? Of course. Have you recently taken a new job with the promise to move to Los Angeles, and it's an incredibly exciting opportunity where you get to work at a really cool progressive media company that's both advocating for progressive causes, but also trying to build a sustainable business that helps combat right-wing media at a time in which we need not just the ad space, but the space between the ads to represent the values that we share. Uh, yeah. And we know each other. Yeah, hi John, it's me, Caitlin

Okay, thanks for that advice, Kat Do you think with that information Maybe it's cool to move to Los Angeles? It's not cool to move to Los Angeles Counterpoint Alright, we'll have to accept it But it might be good for your career But it might be good for your career

Alright This is getting chaotic. Does anyone else have any questions? I'm an overbearing parent of a rising senior, and I want to know, Beanon for music, opera, Williams, or USC? What? What was the first one? Wait, sorry. I have a rising senior. I love the term rising senior, by the way. It's like, yes, there they go. To the top. And she's going to major in opera. Oh, wow.

Williams, Beenan, Northwestern, or USC. Oh, you're asking where we're... Tell me what I should recommend to my child. Oh, you're asking where your child should go to college. Where your child should go to college. Correct. So it's advice on behalf of your child. It's a college called Williams, right?

Well, that's where I went to Williams. I think I knew that. You're a very personally directed series of questions. Yeah, sorry. To study opera? No. The answer from the front row is no. Look, here's the thing.

We need a little bit more information about their specific programs. There's a Williams grad in the front row that's saying, you want to study opera in Northwest rural Massachusetts? Her high school, private school, New Jersey music teacher who studied at Eastman.

I'm going to take you on a journey. She's now at Williams. Here's what I feel. I don't really care but I love you and I support you but I think it sounds like three great options and I feel like the best of advice was

for her to be born to parents who sent her to a private school in New Jersey which she knocked out of the park because it seems like a glide path from here I would say wherever they go they're going to have an amazing time which she knocked out of the park because it seems like a glide path from here. I would say wherever they go, they're going to have an amazing time and they're going to spend most of their time

not studying opera. So you're good. Such an important point. Such an important point. Anyone else? I live in Tulsa, Oklahoma. And your team might know this because I wrote them twice.

LinkedIn, someone named Luke wrote on your Instagram and left a voicemail that I was going to be here. Because this was a week that I was going to be in New York. I was very excited to be back from Long Island. Anyway, now I'm in Tulsa. Sorry. What? Who left you a... Yeah, to borrow a phrase, what?

So I'm in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Who left you a voicemail? Oh, me. I did all those things. I love a voicemail. To connect with someone on the team. Because I tried to get a VIP ticket, but all those people got it before me. Anyway, let's go back to the beginning.

Sure. I live in Tulsa, Oklahoma. You live in Tulsa. I'm a flaming liberal in the Midwest. It's really hard. I have no bodily autonomy out there. I'm a single parent. The hard question is, how do I make friends? Oh.

Oh, my God. That's such a good question. Thank you. I thought you all hated me. They might still No Well Anyone in Oklahoma? Look Okay never mind

Here's what I'd say First of all I don't know how to make friends My New Year's resolution Last year Was to make no new friends How do you make friends? Well I don't know

In Tulsa Well in Tulsa Now that I do know No I'm kidding No I think making friends As an adult is so hard and weird. Do you like any of your kids friends' parents?

And she's cool. Her name's Rachel and she's married to a Latino so I feel like she looks at me and she's like, I get you. And Puerto Rican. That sounds perfect. Yeah. You should have her over for dinner. Does she like you? I hate cleaning. Sorry, what? Do you think Rachel...

Yeah, yeah, we both got Tulsa Aquarium membership, so we're going to go one day with our... So it sounds like she's your... Listen, I don't know what you think a friend is, but I don't buy season passes to an aquarium with a stranger. Do I have a friend? I think Rachel may be your best friend in the world.

I wouldn't go to an aquarium with anyone. You wouldn't go to an aquarium with anybody? I don't need that. Yeah. But I don't know. I like the ocean. Will this be on the pod? Because I will literally send it to her and be like, can we go to the aquarium? No, yeah. This is definitely going out. This is how I'm going to ask her to go to the aquarium. Rachel! Let's be friends for real. This one goes out

to Rachel. I got a friend! You have a friend. You have someone in New York City who loves you very much. Can you relate to the experience of going to an aquarium one time and saying, I need to come back here an unlimited number of times? No, it's like when I went to Six Flags, which I

love and adore. I adore that establishment. They were like, it's way cheaper if you get the season pass. I was like, there's no way I'm going to be back like six times this year. But I regret it every day. Let's do another. Hi. How do I ask my boss for more money? Oh, honey. Over and over again. You might know better than I have never really had a job in a traditional sense.

Or actually, when I first moved to New York, I worked at a brunch restaurant. It was incredible. And I never asked how much they were going to pay me, and I would just, like, accept everything. And it was a terrible decision. So, yeah, just ask for what you want, I guess. Me telling my story about brunch, you guys don't care. I'm just trying to think, like, I've never had the courage to do that. What do you think? What kind of work do you do? I'm the head of a theater program for kids and teens. Does it run at a profit? It's a non-profit. It's so hard. That's trickier.

Yeah. Do you like your boss? You should talk, you know what, here's what I would say. Talk to Brian after the show. He has some do's and don'ts. But I very deeply love all the kids

and our school is a real safe haven for a lot of queer kids. So it's very important to me. Thank you for what you do. I say ask. Totally. I think you just have to ask. Have you asked? No.

Well, that's going to be step one. You don't ask, you don't get, you know? Yeah, they're not going to want to lose you. They can't lose you. Because you seem fab. Thank you. Yeah. Hey, yeah.

Wow, I'm so glad I could help. Crazy. The brunch thing was a revelation. No, well, you know when you start telling a story and you realize it isn't a story, essentially? Yeah. I black out. Let's do one more. Hello.

Hi. So I have an ex. Boy i'm listening yes so he's cheated twice oh well but it's been years right but it's what been years a lot of years hey let her finish let her finish yeah let her finish the story. Okay, yeah. This isn't Operate Williams. There may be nuance. We were very young, right? You were young. Yes, very young.

Now, he's trying to get back together. Seems like he's changed. You don't know this, man. People change. People grow. It's true. I'm not saying he did, but just shut up for a goddamn second. How long has it been? Four years.

Oh, my God. I'm so scared. Why would you get back with him at all? Like, are you obsessed? What's so great about him? Hey, here's my question. What's so great about him? I mean, no, he just seems like he really has changed.

But, like, do they ever? Like, I don't know. I'm not feeling a vehement no. I think people can change. I think here's what I'm getting. Right. I'm getting a kind of don't bet on it. Right?

Is that what the... Absolutely not. Absolutely. Yeah. I just... Yeah, I mean, the thing about twice is like... Twice is tough. You can't really come back from twice.

Twice is tough. It wasn't once. Did you know between the two events? No. You found out about both before or after you broke up? After. Oh! Oh.

So he cheated on you twice. Yes. Then you broke up. Yes. Then it came to light that during your relationship, in a way you never knew at the time, he had twice cheated on you. Yes.

Why did you break up? Why did you break up? It was complicated. It's never complicated. Yeah, no, no. I got to tell you, I got to tell ya, the wisdom of crowds is beginning to resonate. It's a no. Especially,

because there's so many amazing people and love is just around the corner. Right. I appreciate that. And tell him you're happy

he's changed and grown and someone else can benefit from that but not you. Like, bye. Does anybody have, does anybody disagree

with one option which is you just keep him warm. Does anybody disagree with one option, which is you just keep him warm, you know? Oh, I love an option. Fuck this guy. Fuck him. Just as a backup. Just back there. You never need to think about it. Let him suffer a little, right?

Let him think he's got a shot. That's all I'm saying. No? You think it'll eventually lead to bad decisions. See, this is important. You're making really good points. Let's cut this. I appreciate it.

That was so scary. They wanted us dead. They wanted us dead for listening. This is what happens when people watch therapy on TikTok. They're all fucking experts. It's true. Have you ever gotten back together with someone who had cheated? No. I did have a history of, like, I was obsessed with getting back together. Like, had cheated? No. Yeah. I do. I did have a history of like,

I was obsessed with getting back together. Like I love to date someone like seven times, but I'm of course mature and wise now. What about you? I too am mature and wise now. I love that. I'm so proud of us. Killed it.

Everybody, give it up for Kat Cohn. No. She'll be back for the rant wheel. What a delight. So lovely to have you. I did a really bad job. You did great advice. Thank you so much for Kat Con. No. She'll be back for the rant wheel. What a delight. So lovely to have you. I did a really bad job. You did great advice. Thank you so much for having me.

She'll be at Edinburgh Fringe from August 14th to the 27th and check out her podcast, Seek Treatment, where she hosts with friend of the show, Pat Regan, who we love, when we come back, the rant wheel. And we're back. Quick reminder, ad-free Pod Save America can be yours when you sign up for the Friends of the Pod subscription community. If you already have enough mattresses, head to crooked.com slash friends to join today.

Now it is time for the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We spin the wheel wherever it lands. We rant about the topic. This is our New York edition. Hey, I'm ranting here. Lance. We rant about the topic. This is our New York edition. Hey, I'm ranting here. This week on The Wheel, we have Skittles, when a cab almost hits me while I'm walking here, window AC units, summer, the false promise of sci-fi, the smugness of pigeons, the summer sun,

and something rantastic. That's what we've got. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on Skittles, and even though it's not New York themed, that is what I want to talk about. I'm going to keep this very brief. Skittles announced that they're coming up with a mustard-flavored Skittle.

Really? Freaks. It's a PR stunt to draw attention to Skittles. And it did work. Here's what I want to say about Skittles. No. We've beaten the Skittle. I do not understand going to the movies or a convenience store and

seeing an incredible array of options and choosing those chewy, disgusting little blobs. I have never understood the Skittle. I don't understand why there's even another candy that's two that are shaped the exact same shape. The Reese's and the M&M. But they're trying to convert you. And it's not going to work. Mustard. I love mustard. You could dump them in the popcorn.

Oh, no, you could dump them in the popcorn. Fuck. Let's spin it again. That's stupid. I'm stupid. It has landed on the summer sun. Yes, I'm mad at the summer sun. The summer sun is too strong.

She's annoying me. She's obsessed with herself. She's over the top. She's gauche. She's going too hard. The summer sun is turned up too high. It's too hot is what I'm saying. The summer sun needs to get over herself and grow up.

The summer sun is making my body swell in uncontrollable ways. My thighs are kind of rubbing against each other in new and exciting ways I never thought possible. Thanks to the summer sun. The summer sun herself makes my hair look absolutely insane, chaotic. The summer sun, I think this is science, the summer sun makes the subway steps sort of swell in a way that, like, it's so hard to walk up even two of them. sort of swell in a way that like, it's so hard to walk up even two of them. I will take the subway to a stop that's farther from my house because it's closer to the, um, ground as they call it, because going up those stairs, it's worse than any gym could ever be.

Why is that? Because the summer sun probably anyways, whatever. Such an important point. I love being back in New York because we don't have a subway like we have in L.A. You can't get to go everywhere on the subway. And then I went down on the subway yesterday and I got hit by that wall of hot air and I was like, oh, right.

Let's spin it again. It has landed on Summer. So I'm going to, my rant has changed from Summer to shows that have two people on that are ranting about the same thing. And they don't call you in advance

and tell you so that you could come up either with a fresh topic that you could rant about yourself and own, right? Or,

I don't know, like, tell you to rant about something else. That's what should have happened. I think you're right. I think that's a shitty thing. We fucked up.

Where are the producers? I guess it is a podcast. Bye-bye. I'm sorry, but... What happened? She made all the good jokes about the hair and the feet. You're full of shit. I told you in the green room you were both ranting about the same thing.

Darling, what green room? What green room? Okay, you call that a green room? That's like a walk-in refrigerator. Okay, let me tell you. That is not a green room. Where you like a walk-in refrigerator, okay? Let me tell you, that is not a green room. Where you have to get your own chair and bring it in, this is not a green room.

That's my rant. I hate that green room, okay? It came to me. Now, what if? What? What if, Isaac Mizrahi, that that created a tension and energy that produced the best thing we could have had?

Wasn't it incredible? Let's spin it again. And yet I had to share a mic. Let's spin it again. Oh, God. It has landed on the false promise of sci-fi. The false promise. That's actually not exactly maybe the most accurate title for the rant.

Okay. But it is because I am old enough. I hate to admit it. I hate to say these things like, oh, when I was your age, that kind of thing. But I say them anyway because I'm now, you know, the get off my lawn guy. But this is the thing. I remember the Jetsons, okay? The Jetsons was the thing that in my formative years as a young child was the promise of the future and the promise of technology of the future. Like, you know,

little computers that you could carry around and like FaceTiming. That was on the Jetsons, like, you know, 50 years ago. So that was wonderful because we've come now to this place where we are actually experiencing the things that were in this cartoon that were this marvelous fantasy of the future. But the problem with this whole scenario and the way that it's played out for me is that nothing works. Nothing actually is dependable or can be depended upon in that way that it was so nice in the Jetsons that they would have this like uninterrupted FaceTime without any kind of audio problems or any kind of like connectivity problems or Wi-Fi problems or anything. And so I spend so much time now on the

phone with some kind of like support person or something like that. And it's not because I don't know how to use the stuff because I'm very sensitive about being accused as an older person of not being able to use things. It's because the shit doesn't work. Doesn't work. And they never, they left that part out of the whole fantasy of the sci-fi. They left this whole gigantic thing out, which is that the shit might not work. And when the shit does not work, you just rather that you didn't have the thing that was supposed to make your life better. Because it doesn't make your life better, because the shit doesn't work. And so I remember this thing, this time, like in the old days, you know, when you got like a big fancy television

with a wooden cabinet around it, and it was color. And if it was a working TV, and it was plugged in, when you turned the knob, the fucking TV went on. But I have these lights that are hooked up to my phone. And sometimes they're great.

And a lot of the times they don't. And the music. Why doesn't Siri understand what the fuck I'm saying? If you're going to be a Siri, you should be able to fucking understand what I'm saying. It's like fundamental to the whole concept of what a Siri should be able to fucking understand what I'm saying. It's like fundamental to the whole concept of what a series should be, right? But I'm repeating myself constantly

and I'm exhausted. I'm old and exhausted. I don't want to go back to the way things were but I don't really like being on support and help on the phone either. And there's the rub. Let's spin it again. No.

Janine has landed on something rantastic because I believe you didn't know what you were going to rant about. Actually, but here's the thing about rant. That implies that somebody is being unreasonable. So what I'm about to say,? Actually, but here's the thing about rant. That implies that somebody is being unreasonable. So, what I'm about to say I think is a,

something I think is a scourge in New York and it's the New York Post. That it still exists, exists, and you are confronted with it and you are,

and it is allowed to operate. And Alexander Hamilton, knuckle supper. Yes, he started it. I believe Alexander Hamilton started the New York Evening operate. And Alexander Hamilton, knuckle supper. Yes, he started it. I believe Alexander Hamilton started the New York Evening Post. And I don't think he meant it to be this.

But the fact that it operates, I believe it loses money. It's just another arm of this machine. It lowers all boats, I feel. You know what I mean? And I hate that New York has to have everywhere the New York Post and the covers of it. And for some reason, it's just like

getting a gut punch when you see that all the time. And that's not a rant. That is a statement of fact. I feel. Thank you so much. And in the spirit of open inquiry and exchange, I'd like to issue a counterpoint.

Wiener roasted? Amazing front page. Wiener rising? Amazing front page. Wieners out? Amazing front page. So, you know, I think it's maybe, you know, I hear what you're saying.

I think the negative it brings far outweighs the clever. Okay, that may be, and fair enough. And which one is better? The New York Times is better. Because of its excellent coverage and all the ways. It is better, but not without its faults. And Sinead O'Connor was much more than a person who just ripped up a picture, just as one example yesterday.

To reduce Sinead O'Connor, and that is the least of their sins. And that crossword puzzle. But the New York Times is certainly far better than the New York Post. We've always thought the New York Times was better than the New York Post.

It's not even a question any of us would have thought to ask. What do you think about summer? I'll tell you, I actually do. I dislike it. Who likes it? I love it. We love it. We love it. Let's spin it one more time. Fantastic. Fantastic. Never lands on the same thing twice. It's landed on window AC units proposed by the czar herself. A benevolent czar.

Yes. So a tool of summer, which I do enjoy, but my vendetta is not against all AC units and how they are ubiquitous across New York City. It's against one AC unit that when I lay in bed at night, drip, drip, drip, drip on my window unit. So my neighbor's unit runs and the condensate telltale hearts outside of my window all night long and keeps me awake. And for someone who spends their day trying to rid New York of rats, I need my beauty sleep. And that thwacking keeps me up night after night. Do you think the rats got to your neighbor? Do you think it's a psychological tool they're trying to keep you up? These rats are clever. They are clever. I'll have to go do a wellness check upstairs to make sure

everyone's okay. Something to think about. Perish the thought. And that's the rant wheel. Give it up one more time for our incredible guests tonight. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back.

Now, I know we want to do high notes, but we are so over time. So tonight, I'm actually just going to do one high note, and it's going to come from me. And this is the high note. Is Lydia Esslinger out there? Lydia Esslinger was my high school speech and debate coach. She's also one of, if not the greatest teacher in the history of Syosset Public High School. She has made her mark on so many different students,

on so many different people. She travels the country seeing all the people who owe so much to her. I owe so much to her. And I'm so excited that she's here to see me doing this, this thing I do in part because she taught me how to be in front of people when I was a scared and anxious and closeted teenager.

I remember her saying to me when I said I wasn't gay that maybe I protest too much. And who I will love and cherish and I'm so glad she should be here and she's an inspiration for so many people that got to learn from her she should be here. And she's an inspiration for so many people

that got to learn from her and for so many teachers that she's still inspiring and soon she's still inspiring. And I was so excited that she could be here. And so that's our high note. Thank you. And that is our show. Thank you to everybody for coming out tonight. Thank you to all of our guests. Thank you to Kat Cohen, Janine Garofalo, BD Wong, Isaac Mirzahi, to Catherine Karate. Thank you, New York. There are 464 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night.

Thank you. Zuri Ervin, David Tolles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos at www.youtube.com slash at love it or leave it podcast. That's the best we can do, I guess. Subscribe to Love It or Leave It on YouTube for access to video versions of your favorite segments and other exclusive content. Don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on IG and Twitter. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review.