Lovett or Leave It - Live, Laugh, Impeach

Episode Date: December 16, 2023

It’s the last Lovett or Leave It of the year, and like a celebrity on Ozempic, we've got nothing left to lose. Golden Globe nominees Greta Lee and David Oyelowo pay homage to the greatest minds of our generation: the listeners of this podcast. Kathy Griffin helps Lovett finally claw his way onto the D-List. Atsuko Okatsuka decides which 2023 trends we're ready to let go in 2024, and Lovett joins his guests in making 2024 predictions that we're predicting you’ll love. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast. 

Hello, everybody. Hello, Los Angeles. We're back. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. It's our last show of 2023. It can be hard to say goodbye to an absolutely perfect, flawless year like the one we just had. But I find solace in reminding myself that next year is going to be even better.

I can't think of a single thing that could possibly go wrong. And nothing, nothing will go wrong tonight with a lineup like this one. Donald Trump's BFF Kathy Griffin is here. Golden Globe nominees David Oyelowo and Greta Lear here. Use their incredible acting talents to give life to the greatest characters of all, the people who email this show. And returning champion Otsuko Okatsuka is here to toast the year by saying out with the old and in with the new.

And everyone offers their predictions for whatever fresh hell the coming year has in store. But first, let's get into it. What a week. The Supreme Court announced Wednesday that it will hear a case challenging the FDA's approval of mifepristone, a safe and effective pill used in more than half of all abortions in the U.S. Should a safe, commonly used pill that's been approved in the U.S. for more than two decades be banned for no reason? Thrillingly, it's time to ask Brett Kavanaugh. The case could also undermine the authority of the FDA.

What's next? The Supreme Court steps in to ban Panera Lemonade? Bad example We had it today How was it? It's not even funny terrible It just stinks And I really don't understand how people are sucking down More than one glass of the stuff

It's like gasoline in there. Mifepristone is typically prescribed along with a second drug, misopristol. If the Supreme Court decides to restrict the use of mifepristone, experts say misopristol could be prescribed by itself, which results in more pain and bleeding, said one anti-abortion attorney. Restricting the use of mifepristone will undoubtedly cause women pain, but I'm willing to admit there might also be drawbacks. Last week, Hunter Biden was indicted on nine charges of tax fraud related to $1.4

million in taxes the president's son attempted to evade, which he has since paid back. He already paid it back. This is like hunting down Carmen Sandiego when she's already put the Golden Gate Bridge back, or when she's already put the Grand Canyon back. But how do you steal a hole, and how do you put a hole back? Do you steal the Grand Canyon by filling it in, or by leaving a slightly larger canyon? According to the indictment, Hunter allegedly spent $872,000 on sex workers, porn, and a membership at a high-end sex club, among other expenses. Who does this guy think he is, a Kennedy? You know what I don't get from that list? The porn. It's free. Well, not least of which because it's free. But also, if you're going, if you're, if you're spending money on the sex workers

and the high-end sex club, maybe it's like one of those things where you say you're going to go every day to the high-end sex club, but when you sign up, you say you're going to use, you tell yourself you're going to really use it this time. That was your resolution.

You're going to make sure every morning before work you're going to use the high-end sex club. But then life gets in the way and you... And also, what's he you're going to use the high-end sex club. But then life gets in the way. And also, what's he supposed to do? Join a low-end sex club? The man's the son of a president. Dry hand jobs only? Come on.

Have some respect. I'm sorry. The fact that the Department of Justice, under Joe Biden, appointed a special prosecutor to investigate and indict the president's own son led Republicans in Congress to abandon their false claim that Joe Biden had weaponized the DOJ to protect his family and prosecute his opponents, said a person living in a just world. No, no. After months of investigations that have turned up no evidence of committing Joe Biden in his son's sleaze, Republicans pressed ahead this week and voted to open an impeachment inquiry anyway. When asked if DOJ's indictment of Hunter Biden undercuts their claim that DOJ won't investigate Hunter Biden, James Comer, who leads the House Oversight Committee, said this. My concern is that Weiss may have indicted Hunter Biden to protect him from having to be deposed in the House Oversight Committee on Wednesday. He indicted him to protect him.

Yes. The classic rubric. Indicting Hunter Biden to protect him like a parent finding a cigarette in their kid's backpack and indicting them. them. In an interview published in Semaphore on Monday, presidential won't be Dean Phillips, said of Biden's impeachable offenses, I don't see the evidence of it. But yes, when your own son and your own brother are clearly at the very least unethical and at worst doing illegal things, my goodness, of course the country pays attention to it, adding, people do believe that it perhaps makes him seem unelectable. Somehow it conflates him with the Trump family's indiscretions. Ah, yes, somehow. A much shorter way of saying Republicans working furiously in bad faith to equate Trump's corruption and

lawbreaking with Biden's son scandals with some help from media and now Democratic primary challengers. You're being the somehow. Be the somehow you want to see in the world. On Wednesday, Hunter Biden defied House Republicans' subpoena for a closed-door deposition holding a press conference outside the Capitol in which he reiterated his willingness to testify, but only in public. For six years, MAGA Republicans, including members of the House committees who are in a closed-door session right now, The House committees who are in a closed-door session right now have impugned my character, invaded my privacy, attacked my wife, my children, my family, and my friends. They've ridiculed my struggle with addiction, they've belittled my recovery and they have tried to dehumanize me, all to embarrass and damage my father, who has devoted his entire public life to service.

They can take away my privacy. They can take away my dozens of laptop computers filled with nudie pics. But they cannot take away the fact there is so much else you will probably learn that's worse. They cannot take away the fact there is so much else you will probably learn that's worse. When asked by the press what he hoped to get out of a Biden impeachment inquiry, Representative Troy Neal said this. All I can say is Donald J. Trump 2024, baby. Perfect. No notes. Look, we all have to attack this farce by defending Biden being a good dad. Everybody has a hunter in their family.

Look around this Christmas. If you can't find the Hunter, it's you. This happens at every holiday gathering. Hey, how's Hunter doing? Well, he lost all of his laptops. Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley, meanwhile, had this confession to make. I have no evidence of it, and I'm going to just follow the facts where they are. And the facts haven't taken me to that point where I can say that the president's guilty of anything.

You know what? I take it all back. Having 90-year-old senators who can't remember not to tell the truth is fucking cool. senators who can't remember not to tell the truth is fucking cool here's republican congressman guy russian guy luffa i don't know on exactly what they're investigating what is the specific constitutional crime that you're investigating well we're having an inquiry so we can do an investigation okay the production of witnesses and documents. High crimes, misdemeanors, and bribes.

What high crime are you investigating? Look, once I get time, I will explain what we're looking at. Incredible. What are we investigating? She goes to a different school. Biden said in a statement shortly after the vote, instead of doing anything to help make Americans' lives better, they are focused on attacking me with lies. Instead of doing their

job and the urgent work that needs to be done, they are choosing to waste time on this baseless political stunt that even Republicans in Congress admit is not supported by facts, which is an excellent point. Unfortunately, when you hold a mirror up to the GOP, they just attack it like when a parakeet sees its reflection. Vice President Kamala Harris gave a speech this week to the Munich Security Conference, where she announced the United States government

had found Russia committed crimes against humanity, said Harris, to all those who have perpetrated these crimes and to their superiors who are complicit in those crimes, you will be held accountable. Harris then landed the plane perfectly. We all watched the television coverage of just yesterday. That's on top of everything else that we know and don't know yet based on what we've just been able to see. And because we've seen it or not doesn't mean it hasn't happened. But just limited to what we've just been able to see, and because we've seen it or not, doesn't mean it hasn't happened. But just limited to what we have seen.

Okay. Here's what's worrying me. I understood every word of this. And that's how I know we need to take two weeks off. Right now. During a fundraiser in Washington on Tuesday, President Biden warned Israel's leaders that they were losing international support as a result of the indiscriminate bombing in Gaza. What a lie, said Netanyahu. Discrimination is a huge part of it for me. Biden also described Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as the head of the most

conservative government in Israel's history, which doesn't want a two-state solution. Sure I do, said Netanyahu. I believe in two states, the state of Israel and the state of denial. In a letter sent to Biden on Tuesday, Bernie Sanders urged the president to withdraw his support for an additional $10.1 billion in military aid to Israel and to support a humanitarian ceasefire. A just cause for war does not excuse atrocities in the conduct of that war, said Sanders. Israel has the right to go to war against Hamas. It does not have the right to go to war against innocent men, women, and children in Gaza. Anyway, I don't really have a joke here. I just greatly appreciated Bernie's moral clarity

as this has all unfolded, and I remember when he wore the mittens. An anti-Semitic right-wing Polish lawmaker on Tuesday used a fire extinguisher to put out candles on a manure in Parliament. Hey, buddy, not what we meant by ceasefire. Yep. Sounds like this guy's dreidel is all shins.

Not the crispiest latke in the stack, this guy. Not the crispiest latke in the stack, this guy. Stanford Law professor David Mills, who led the defense for FTX co-founder Sam Bankman-Fried at trial, said his former client may be at the very top of the list as the worst person I've ever seen do a cross-examination. It was your job to prepare him. It's like a parent pointing at a four-year-old and going, you see this shit?

Worst shoe tying I've ever seen. Mills, a close friend of Bankman Freed's parents, told Bloomberg, I'm not going to get myself emotionally involved on a very deep personal level in a case like this again. I'm just not going to do it. I'm sorry, but maybe Sam Bankman Freed shouldn't have hired Mariah Carey as his counsel. I didn't realize it was Divas Live down at Benson, Benson and Mills. You don't see Rudy Giuliani sobbing over how much he cared about a client, unless that black stuff is how his species cries. On Wednesday, Tesla recalled nearly all of their cars sold in the United States, almost two million vehicles.

Tesla told owners they don't need to bring the cars back, just leave them in an empty lot and they'll explode eventually. The recall excludes cars that have already gone rogue which the company said were best left unapproached adding do not make eye contact or attempt to show dominance as it happens on wednesday i recalled my tesla too i recalled that it was a piece of shit the recall follows an investigation by the national highway Traffic Safety Administration launched in 2021 following a series of 11 accidents involving the Tesla autopilot system. And sure, 10 of those were me, but in my defense, I was looking at my phone. reported that X, once Twitter,

is having so much trouble holding on to reputable advertisers that the site has started running ads for DIY artificial insemination kits marketed as a way for women to get pregnant from condoms they fish out of trash cans, leading to a very uncomfortable conversation between Maria and Oscar. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Presidential hair samples from JFK, Eisenhower, and George Washington

will be launched into deep space later this month. I'm not sure why they went with pubes, but I guess hair's hair. What's cool is the JFK hair sample is also a blood sample. What's cool is the JFK hair sample is also a blood sample. Two men have been indicted for allegedly killing thousands of birds, including federally protected bald eagles in Montana over two years. It's about 3,600 birds. In defense, one of the men said, we're actually cats. Said prosecutors,

it's time for some bird justice. It's just nothing. It's just nothing. Jeremy Renner is officially the number one most Googled celebrity in 2023, in large part because the actor accidentally ran himself over with a snowplow on New Year's Day. But next year?

Next year's my year. Brian, bring out the combine! You know what a combine is, Betsy? You can't picture it? It's a big machine. Meanwhile, Timothee Chalamet and Hugh Grant trotted the globe

to promote Wonka, which gave us this incredible clip from our boys. Moi, je joue Willy Wonka. Yeah, je joue de Oompa Loompa. Can we do it again? Can we just play it one more time just so people can really... Moi je joue Willy Wonka. Yeah, je joue de Oompa Loompa. I gotta see it one more time. I need to see it one more time. I love it so much.

Moi je joue Willy Wonka. Yeah, je joue de Oompa Loompa. Look at Hugh Grant's eyes. Those are the broken, haunted eyes of a man who thought the sag strike might still be going on.

And he wouldn't have to do this. January 1st, 2024 marks the date that Steamboat Willie, the precursor to Mickey Mouse, finally enters

the public domain 95 years after the character's inception. Steamboat Willie, the precursor to Mickey Mouse, finally enters the public domain 95 years after the character's inception. Steamboat Willie? For free? Buy me dinner first. In the UK, Ikea is hosting a contest in which some lucky Instagram followers will receive a Swedish meatball the size of a turkey. They're calling it Meatloaf.

a turkey. They're calling it meatloaf. And finally, marine researchers working off the coast of Greece have spotted and photographed a dolphin with what appears to be thumbs. The species isn't native to these waters, so scientists suspect the dolphin

may have hitchhiked. Yeah, that's right. That's right. When we come back, you've got mail. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. El Cajon did nothing to me.

El Cajon. I don't understand how we ended up in El Cajon. It's not San Diego. It's not San Diego. It's not. El Cajon did nothing to me. El Cajon... I don't understand how we ended up in El Cajon. It's not San Diego. It's not San Diego. It's not. El Cajon. We stopped at a Del Taco on the way.

Del Taco is the Ron DeSantis... I know we're ready. Del Taco... Del Taco is the Ron DeSantis to Taco Bell's Trump. Like, yeah, sure, I like tacos from fast food places, but why the fuck am I getting into Del Taco when there's Taco Bell's Trump. Like, yeah, sure, I like tacos from fast food places, but why the fuck am I going to Del Taco when there's Taco Bell right there? This cheap imitation of Taco Bell?

I don't want my second choice. I have my first choice. If Taco Bell's all closed, maybe I'd head over to Del Taco. Please welcome to the stage, fresh off their Golden Globe nomination, it's the wonderful Greta Lee and the amazing David Oyelowo. Come on up. Hi.

Thank you both for being here. First of all, I think it's fun to just pair you because you're both here. Your projects and you're coordinated. I love it. Welcome. Welcome. both here. Your projects and you're coordinated. I love it. Welcome. I've never been introduced with

Del Taco. Do you think I'm going to get some sort of sponsorship or is something going to come my way out of that? I think Del Taco would be so lucky to have you. I agree. There's got to be so many zeros

to justify you putting your brand on the Del Taco. You'd be lending them a lot of credibility, frankly. Yeah. You're in cool stuff. I don't know. Del Taco, I'm down. I'm so down.

All right, well, it's out there. You've put it in the universe. You're secreting, you know? You're manifesting. This is a real show you're both on. I can really tell. I can really tell. This is live.

David. Yes. Did you know what this was? Absolutely not. Nothing, right? You had no idea? Nothing? None.

Nothing? None. Cool. I'm rolling with the punches. It's true. He literally said to me moments before before we brought it, he said, what is this show? I'm a very honest person.

Yes, I appreciate it. And I said, I thought I knew, but now that I'm here, I'm not so sure. 100% true. Here's the thing. Every episode of Love or Leave It is just a five-hour recording with two guests. They Here's the thing. Every episode of Love It or Leave It is just a five-hour recording with two guests. They've locked the doors.

It's sort of like an international flight to Berlin. It does feel inescapable, yes. I like that. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. The door's locked from the outside. David, you were nominated for Best Actor in a Limited Series

for television for Lawman Bass Reeves. Yes. Thank you. Was there any conversation about just calling it Bass Reeves? A lot, actually. Was there? There was, but it's going to be an anthology, so subsequent seasons are going to be more Lawmen.

Oh, I thought it meant like Astronaut Bass Reeves. It's going to be different Lawmen. I'm so stupid it meant like astronaut Bass Reeves. It's going to be different lawmen. I'm so stupid. Not different jobs for him. Right. Because he did the

one famous job. He's a real person. Right, right, right. This is why you're not a studio exec. I can tell. Yeah. That's a compliment

by the way. No, I know. That is actually a compliment if you knew studio execs. NPR wrote this week that the cowboy is the breakout star of 2023. Did you know that?

Oh, wow. Okay. Are they giving me some credit for that? Yes. Oh, wow. Okay. Yes. Wow.

NPR, never a truer word spoken. Let's talk about past lives. Yes, let's do it. Yes, please. Your character, Nora, reconnects with her childhood sweetheart let's talk about past lives yes let's do it yes please your character Nora yeah reconnects with her childhood sweetheart

after she married a man named Arthur yeah hey did you ever figure out when you were playing this character why nostalgia hurts oh I'm so relieved

I didn't get that question yeah you know the feeling yeah I know the feeling. It's like sweet, but it hurts. It does hurt. What is that? Honestly?

Yeah. I mean, I feel like, okay, honestly, making the movie, I discovered that the act of falling in love and being in love is really physical and it actually really hurts and we kind of were thinking about a way to think about it in terms of like an action movie like you know you know the those kinds of trainers like you know the navy seal who like works out chris pratt and like the chris's all the chris's all the chris's you're all blonde that's how they get those arms yeah exactly but from the Chris's, all the Chris's. All the Chris's. They're all blonde. That's how they get those arms. Yeah, exactly.

From the arm store. Yeah, from the arm store. You just buy them. But we were thinking about how to present longing and nostalgia and love in that kind of physical way that felt just as full body. of physical way that felt just as full body. And in doing so, through certain exercises that Celine Song, our director, our incredible director and writer of the movie, she had imagined these exercises such as she didn't want Tao You and I to ever touch before we filmed certain scenes.

So there's a moment when we hug as adults. That was the first time we ever touched, which makes it sound like a lot weirder than it actually is. No, it's interesting, though. Yeah. But anyways, all of these things were in consideration of, like, yeah, what you're saying, like how much nostalgia, how much all of this, I think how much living hurts.

Yeah, living does hurt. I really felt that watching that movie. I mean, you're extraordinary in that movie just truly extraordinary in that movie but it is a visceral experience just you know the interaction especially with the distance and that whole thing

it's amazing that makes sense what you just said I was surprised though I was like deeply humbled by trying to inhabit and understand like what that actually feels like. You make assumptions. You're like, ah, love. How cute.

It's adorable. Love is so cute. Did that first time you touched make it into the movie? Or did it feel different than every other tank? Was it a special moment? Oh, you know what? I don't actually know i know that the first time because the other experiment that celine song had was she really

felt adamant that teo you and john magaro they should never actually meet until the moment they actually meet in the movie um and i know that that take was actually the take that they that made it into the film interesting um she felt like that was the best take for that one. For hours, I have a feeling just in talking about all these things in the press and doing interviews and things, because that hasn't come up in that way, it makes me feel like it must have been like, I don't know, the fifth take, which isn't a very compelling story to tell people. The fifth time they hugged.

Boy, did you really feel it. That's when you nailed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bass Reeves is a real person, was a real historical figure. That's correct, yeah. What made you decide you wanted to sort of tell that story?

Because not only was he a real person, but he was an extraordinary person and a person who did extraordinary things at a time that was kind of impossible. He was enslaved, fought in the Civil War on the side of the Confederacy against his will, went on to escape enslavement, lived with Native Americans for many years where he learned the skills that he ended up using as a lawman. But to do what he did, to have a 32-year career in law enforcement, over 3,000 arrests, and to do that having just been so subjugated under enslavement and to be so transcendent at what he did just feels miraculous. And on top of that, it's all within this genre that is so beloved in terms of cinema,

which is the Western, the why of why we haven't seen that story when one of the first images ever seen in the moving image was a black man on a horse. I was offended by the fact that his story hadn't been told in this way and so the eight years it took to get to this point have been all worth it. Do you think that we should search for real stories

of diverse characters that elucidate the human experience or make more Spider-Men? Do you want me to take this one? Do you want me to take this one? On behalf of all spiders. Yeah, it's tough out there. Phew, thank you. I was going to be very rude.

You need to grab on to every opportunity you can as a spider and never let go. Spider-Man, Bass Reeves. Oh, there you go. There you go. That's a season two. My work here is done, you guys. Bring out the money cannon.

We've done it again. The Hollywood money cannon. This is going really well. I think this is great. I think this is awesome. I think putting you in a bargain bin version of actors on actors against your will was a cool decision.

Just the Coles version. With the door locked. Door locked. Hey, Greta. What's up? Hi. Do you think you can truly fully be in love with two people at the same time?

No. Yeah. That's probably right. what's up hi do you think you can truly fully be in love with two people at the same time no yeah that's probably right next question David was the mustache real it was not it was oh don't hate me no I'm just

I'm not I'm excited by the revelation there's no judgment in my gasp it was just interesting. There was a few, there's a few judgy gasps. But they don't have microphones. They don't matter.

It doesn't make me less of an actor, the fact that. This is just a mob of indiscriminate people. They're just people. We don't worry about them. They're not real to me. But you were really ready to, you were in full like fight or flight about the mustache. You were ready to respond to a perceived judgment about the mustache.

Yeah, you projected. I will take you on if you come for my performance. Wait, your performance? Performance? We didn't say performance. No, you didn't. He just said mustache. You touched on my insecurity, okay?

No. No, because we were jumping around so much in terms of shooting out of order, there was no way. Because there was a whole moustache life. It goes from being small to large to handlebar-y to something you could hang off of. The moustache is also nominated for a Golden Globe. It is, it is, it is. There is a new category as of my performance.

But no, it was plastered on any time we needed it. Cool. But no, it was plastered on any time we needed it. Cool. Hey. Hey, have you talked about a crossover with Yellowstone? I know they take place in different centuries, but it would be cool.

Okay, I'll take this one. Okay, yeah, thank you. Wow. I owe you so much money. You don't seem to be taking it though. You said you were going to answer. There's nothing there is why she said it.

I was literally about to say there's a lot to consider. Do you think it's cool or insane when people are close with their exes? Insane.

Yeah. Why is Greta getting all the relationship questions? I do relationships too well because because i feel like okay um do you think do you think people in the old west fell in love i don't know you at you say you want a question i give it that i'm an idiot you are so good on the fly what do you want that was amazing we can do a fucking we can do here so on the set did you guys like become a family

what do you want i don't know i don't know just trying to have fun out here between the mattress the questions were worth it thank you thank Now, you've dedicated yourselves to the screen. Yes. I've dedicated myself to the listener. And a dog that controls every waking moment of my life. But mostly the listeners, which is why we've asked you to join us in reading some of our favorite listener emails that we've received this year. These are real.

These are real emails. And so you have these in front of you. And our hope was that you would lend them the credence, the depth that we interpreted them to have. So, oh, Malcolm, cue the email music. Oh, yeah. Oh, actors on detractors. Oh, I love this. email music. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Actors on detractors.

Oh, I love this. What? Look at that. That's amazing. Wow. I want to be in that movie. That's a good movie. Look at that.

Wait, hold on. This is a podcast. Look at all the work that went into that. Yeah. What is... Why? There's going to be video, too. Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm glad people will see that. That's good. Greg, do you want to kick us off? Oh, no, no. I think David kicks us off. Oh, okay. All right. Subject, in relation to the bear-cat scenario.

John, I feel that I should address something that both you and Boulder, comedian David Borey, seem to have missed in your conversation about the bear on the Celestial Seasonings box. So you had differing ideas about the cat's position in the bear's life. A pet? A meal? I'm almost certain that you missed the truth, and that truth is much darker.

I have had many cats in my life over the years. Never my choice, but my choice by choosing partners with cats. I expect neither of you have, and this is why. I think that the more likely reality of this poor bear's existence is that he is in a relationship with the cat for sure. However, that cat, my life just feels useless right now. However, that cat has more than likely made the bear its sub and it is simply in a fetishized situation that more than likely was not its intention. Either this is the case or the cat just wouldn't be there. I wanted to bring

this to your attention as I thought it was a very important point that you missed. Much love, Crash. Oh my god, beautiful. That was fantastic. Fantastic. That was very like Jane Austen. I mean not just because of your accent, I feel very teleported to, you know, some.

Oh, good. Yeah, that was lovely. It was. Thank you. Thank you. Greta, you're up. I feel so validated. Oh, I thought that was like where we could be done now.

But yeah, okay, let's go. Email number two. Okay. Subject. Spiders. I was just talking about spiders. Really? Yes. Okay. Here we go. about spiders. Really? Yes!

Here we go. Subject, spiders. First off, you are outstanding. Now to the spiders. Spiders get a bad rap because you don't hear them like you would a fly or another buzzing bug.

This is a real letter we received. But then you spot their movement, whether they are tiny and clear or zafdig and furry. Sometimes the spider is within your eyesight when you're in bed or in lower elevation to the spider and when you decide you need to reach over and get a kleenex or paper towel or some other item to remove said spider when you turn back around it's gone so you know the spider is still there but you don't just know where the spider is now in control of your house or your life even if you try to not think about it

it's some quiet moment you're going to think where is that spider? have I eaten it in my sleep? at some quiet moment, you're going to think, where is that spider? Have I eaten it in my sleep? Is it nesting in my ear? Is it mating underneath my bed and making millions and millions of spider babies?

Also, there are certain times a year when a extremely beautiful spider web is what you walk into in the morning as you're heading out to the car to try to go to work. So you end up batting at yourself

at what looks to be imaginary threats to anyone else who's away from you. Bottom line, they're gaslighting bastards that make you look and feel like a

fool. Thank you for your time. Wendy Greensburg, North Carolina. I think we can go right to, now, there's Wendy, Greensburg, North Carolina. I think we can go right to... Now, there's three very short letters we received. And here's what happened. Someone asked for advice on this show.

And the advice was they had found an old human skull in their home. Subject, skull problem. Come on. You didn't even try on the skull thing. You take the skull, you put it in a bag. You go shopping, and at either the nature company or curio shop or something like that, you take the skull out of the bag, you put it on the shelf, and then you just walk away.

Go to Disneyland, or Disney World, or whatever. Disney is nearby. You ride the Pirates of the Caribbean, or maybe maybe the It's a real letter. Or maybe the haunted mansion. Then as you exit the ride just leave it in your seat. Or hand it to the attendant and say

I don't really know where this came from. Incredible. So you want to just read the very last one? The very, very last one. Human skull request subject? Yes. Okay. Okay, so this person wrote a subject line.

Human skull request. Hi. I'd love to have the human skull that was mentioned on episode James and the Giant Divorce. If there is an actual, real human skull. I appreciate it. I would appreciate it if you could put me in contact with a current owner who wants to get rid of it. I take it out of their hands for a bit and I would give

it a loving home forever. Squinty face emoji. Interesting. If there's no skull, haha, funny! And that's Actors on Detractors

Greta David Thank you both For being such great sports When we come back Thank you Thank you But that was really funny

We come back Kathy Griffin is here And we're back Please welcome to the stage The only gift And we're back. Please welcome to the stage the only gift I wish for this holiday season. I cannot believe we've never had her on before, but that changes tonight. It's the incredible, the legendary,

Kathy Griffin. Hi. Thank you for being here. Hi, Johnny. Hi. Does anybody call you Johnny? here. Hi, Johnny. Hi. Does anybody call you Johnny? You can be the one. I don't know why I like it.

It just feels familiar. Okay. You're in the Johnny Carson seat, Johnny. Yes. That's right. You're young gay Johnny Carson. I just said it. What a dream.

Man, this is going well. As an OG fan of My Life on the D-List, I read something arguing that it was the spiritual precursor to keeping up with the Kardashians. Thank you. And I read it in something I wrote to myself because I've just said it. Wait, you wrote a letter to yourself?

It's just something that I believe. Don't you think it is? I thought you wrote one of those letters like, Dear Future Self, I've never felt better about my body image. You're one of those. Yeah. Okay.

But it really is. It was ahead of its time, don't you think? It was really real. It was real. And that's what I'm proud of. There were no writers or anything like that. And my mom and dad were just like that. So if you saw them on My Life on the D-List, you really knew them. They were anything like that and my mom and dad were just like that so if you saw them on my

life on the d-list you really knew them they were exactly like that and um it was you know a fun show because they honestly just followed me around for like eight months a year hoping i would do funny shit and you did i did i love that show thank you and i would plan my life around it so like i would take a especially tough gig like a corporate gig or something and i was like well i'm gonna bomb but it could be good for the show or whatever but they were always wanting to um have me jump out of a plane every season they'd be like this year you jump out of a plane i'm like i have been through enough i don't need to jump through out of a plane what was up with that storyline with Wozniak?

Well, Steve Wozniak was in love with me. He was just in love with you? Well, don't. Easy, easy. You act shocked. Well, no, no. We were really good friends. And when he started like writing to me somehow or somehow he got to me.

And I actually did think he had a crush on me at first. And I remember thinking, I'm going to be a billionaire. And I got to know him. And he's a very quirky guy. He's obviously smart. But what I like about him, he's very giving about, like, talking about the early days of Apple. Because let's face it, if you get to sit and talk to Waz, you want to hear about the garage with Steve Jobs and all that stuff. So he was super fascinating and super weird.

My mom was very freaked out by him. Well, because it was, and that comes across in the program. She didn't know what to make of it. Because that's why I was like, oh, he's in love with you because that kind of makes sense because he wanted to be there,

but it didn't seem like you knew why he was there at times. I was not sure to this day. And my mother would go, something's off about him. Something is off. And she'd go,, something's off about him. Something is off. And she'd go, I don't care how goddamn smart he is. Something's off about him. Yeah, your mom

was the funniest part of that show. Well, she was drunk. She's drunk in heaven, everybody. She's drunk in heaven. You're currently on tour. No, hold on. Let's just not undersell it i'm fucking finally i'm canceled so let's talk about that well that's that's what i wanted i mean years johnny you were

canceled years of the phone not ringing years of no theater wanting to take a chance and let me perform there and finally after that whole that whole Trump thing, 40 cities, baby, 40 cities. So talk to me about being uncanceled. Is it a feeling you feel deep in your, like, do you wake up one morning and you're like, hmm? You know, I feel like I'm still somewhat canceled. But also, like, I have to admit, I'm a little snooty and take umbrage to even using the term, so I shouldn't use it.

Because usually when somebody gets canceled, frankly, they've done something wrong. Like they've said the N-word or they said the Holocaust doesn't exist or something. I took a picture that people didn't like. And I was investigated by two agencies within the Department of Justice. and I just got a Freedom of Information Act recently showing how serious the White House was about charging me with the crime of conspiracy to assassinate the President of the United States. And I was interrogated under oath

and I was put on the no-fly list. And, you know, it was a real thing that I was dealing with while, of course, having all the MAGA crazy people like threatening me and blah, blah, blah. But because of that, my own industry turned on me, frankly. course having all the MAGA crazy people like threatening me and blah blah blah but because of that my own industry turned on me frankly because remember it came from left right and center it wasn't just the right wing like everybody was pissed and it's just lasted for years so just going even though I've been touring for decades I've done like 19 tv specials and all this other

stuff just to not work for five years, really fuck with my head. Yeah. How did, did all the promoters get together and say like, people have forgotten long. It's over now. We can let her back in the theater.

Like how does it actually mechanically end? Like the bomb threat stopped. Oh, that's good. So I don't blame the theaters for canceling my, my tour that I was in the middle of when the Trump thing happened because these are theaters that, you know, the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey,

they've usually got like Stomp or Blue Man Group. They're not used to getting the call that's like, I'm going to slice that cunt in the cunt. Then I'm going to slice her cunt again because she's a cunt. And then I'm going to bomb you cunts. Like it was cunty. Then I'm going to slice her cunt again because she's a cunt. And then I'm going to bomb you cunts. Like, it was cunty. Yeah.

They're very into wanting to slice my cunt. Not your words. Not your words. I'm not saying they are, Johnny. Yeah, I don't. Thank you for correcting that. I hadn't realized I would give that impression, but can't be too careful in this day and age. You're also currently being sued in Tennessee, of all places. Yes.

Now, I thought that Tennessee, I was being stupid. I thought Tennessee was like Brigadoon, like a fictional old-fashioned place, but it's real. It's real. And you're being sued there. Yeah. And I found this stupid. And I found this to be so basically there was there were a couple of years ago a guy was caught on video basically mocking a teen for where a teen boy for wearing a dress to his prom. Yeah, they were getting their prom photo shoot in a hotel lobby.

And this guy got caught on film just being a huge prick. You just posted the video. Yeah. Well, I reposted it. And it had already been on TikTok for a full day, which is a long time in TikTok time. I wasn't even on TikTok yet. I was still like more of a tweeter.

And so I reposted it. And it was one of those like, okay, internet, you know what to do. And the guy was actually fired before my tweets. So he got fired and the company fired him and said, you know, we, of course, we have LGBT customers and employees, etc. So I think they did the right thing. And he turned around and is suing me.

And he's not suing me for defamation. Because you just posted a factual thing. Just a video. And I did call him a homophobe. And that video shows he was engaging in homophobic activity. But it's a jurisdictional issue. And by the way, this is my fourth case brought on by a MAGA Trump supporter. I had two in Kentucky, one in Kentucky State Court, one in Kentucky Federal Court, and I had one in L.A. Superior Court. But this one, and I'm just saying that because the tentacles—

It's cool to make it in L.A. Right. You know? It was convenient. The tentacles of the Trump thing kind of still go on. And in my opinion, this guy wouldn't be suing me unless the Trump picture happened. Right. And so he's suing me on a jurisdictional issue.

And by the way, if I lose this case, and the Sixth Circuit has just gone in his favor, not my Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals. If I lose this case, it's bad for everybody. Because that means if you tweet about somebody, like, let's say there's a Karen video, right? And somebody calls somebody the N-word at the grocery store. And then you tweet, oh, wow, that person's a a-hole or whatever. And you're in California, and they're in Michigan, they can drag you to Michigan to go through a civil trial there. So I don't want to go on trial in Tennessee. I know that's a shock to you guys.

But maybe you can go for me. So just basically this guy lives in Tennessee, sues you in federal court in Tennessee. The court says It's been dismissed already. So the court says, no, you can't

just sue someone who lives in California. Based on a tweet about someone in Tennessee. Right. Because then you could be sued anywhere. And people could be dragged across state lines constantly across the country, et cetera. But then the appeals court actually said, no, no, no, this can move forward. And even though I'm not a lawyer, but I don't even think lawyers are great. Like, even though there's no merit to this, the chilling effect on free speech is that just being it used to be this guy.

If you wanted to go through the trouble of doing this kind of frivolous thing, we'd have to fly all the way to California to see here. And now this is basically saying that anywhere and anywhere can basically chill that you're basically being punished for having had this opinion. Yes, it's an opinion it's i don't understand the just i do not understand how this hasn't been thrown out for a bunch of different reasons well what i learned now that i've been in the court system for six and a half years since the trump picture and i'm like a professional defendant i was also sued by a dozen families. Do you guys remember MAGA hat kid, that kid that went to the national mall when the native American guy tried to kind of stop them from maybe causing trouble. So that guy, his name is Nick Sandman, and he got some kind of a

settlement from CNN. I'll never know why they settled, but it could have been a dollar. It could have been a million. I don't know. So a dozen families from that school, Covington Catholic sued me or tried to sue me. And those cases each took about three years to go through the system. So the part that's discouraging to me is I think the courts know that this is a specious lawsuit. And yet they let it go through all the paces. And I'm still not sure why this guy keeps getting to appeal and appeal. But I do believe they learned that from Trump because Trump brags about that.

He loves suing people and just keeping it tied up in the courts. And I just want to say to any of these litigious people that are out there, I think you're good and I don't dislike you or have any problem with you. You're all very handsome.

And whatever you're feeling is unjustified, by the way, whatever you're going through, I'm right there with you. I'm on your side. Not like me, a big old contrarian. So your first TV special was in, I believe, 1996. Okay.

And no, because I remember, like, here's what I wanted to ask you about it, because I feel like I didn't know what a gay icon was when I was a little gay kid seeing those specials. And even those specials, a lot of the content wasn't explicitly gay. And yet... It spoke to you. Yes.

And over the years, you've... It's evolved, right? Because at the time, even talking about gay people as being gay was like first of all the word when i started comedy the word wasn't gay so it was the fag word and it was spewed with impunity by comics and it was still out there in a way that it isn't now but even but even just like it went from just being willing to joke about a gay person being a top or a bottom or just or just like being a diva or being you know just like all of that was like like risque at the

time yeah and i'm just wondering if you've felt how that's changed or how it's how how being seen as someone who's like in gay culture has changed changed in the years that you've been doing these specials? Well, I think it's a relationship. And so when I was a little kid, I just found that gay kid in freaking first grade. And I don't know if Brian Check turned out to be gay or where he is, or his wife and family, for all I know. But I just feel like that's who I was. And, you know, when I was in high school, I actually was lucky enough to go to a really big public high school, 5,000 kids.

And so the drama department was no joke. It was pretty serious. And that's where I met a bunch of other gays and the lesbians were doing the lighting. You know, they hung the lights. Those gals hung the lights. They did tech. They did tech. They did the tech. Well, I don't want a straight were doing the lighting you know they did they hung the lights those gals hung the lights and so they did tech they did tech they did the tech and well i don't want a straight person doing the tech let me that's a disaster no it didn't happen no thank you not on my watch absolutely not okay thank you and so it's that kind of just sort of a rapport and a banter and i think like i was thinking about why so many gay men felt so almost proud of my mom and dad on my life on the d-list and also

they didn't talk about gay stuff but i think it just came through that they just were accepting so my mom and dad would never say you know they'd say like well we're going to rage because the gays put on a hell of a happy hour and let me tell you something they have some hors d'oeuvres that are out of this world you know how they are kathleen and so she wasn't saying like i know a gay part like just the way they lived i think just kind of you know let people know they were didn't have those biases. What do you think of the kids today? They're a wreck. They're an absolute wreck. They don't vote.

They don't care. They're apathetic. They look at their phones. I'm terrified. I'm terrified. And I'm a boomer, and it's not a great time for my people either. Jesus Christ.

The boomers with those Facebook groups scare the shit out of me. And then the QAnons come after me. They think I'm harvesting baby parts with Killary. That's what they call my Hillary. They call her Killary. So the Qs have discovered me, and they think I went to Epstein Island,

which I giggle because the notion of me even ever knowing Jeffrey Epstein, but they think I'm on the flight log because somebody made a fucking Word document or something, and there's just a list. And by the way, I'm in good company. It's like Robert De Niro, Madonna, Tom Hanks. So for now, you know.

But it's crazy how crazy people have gotten. And I truly feel, and I know I'm being a snowflake, but it's as if a third of Americans are truly in a cult. Yeah, it's a huge bummer. How do you think the kids are doing? I trust... Are they going to vote? Well, it's more like I...

I understand... You know, I feel like... Get your point, Jesus Christ. Here's what I want to say. Here's what I want to say. We remember, the further you go back, the further you go back in a generation, like the older the generation, the quieter they remember the world. The older you are, the quieter the world was when you were a kid.

Like, you know, I think like for me, like, you know, I grew up in a quieter world than the kids than the second wave millennials who grew up in a quieter world and and and so we all remember what it was like before now when it's like there's a siren going off all the time when there's just sirens constantly constantly constantly and we're all having conversations as if that as if we live in a world that might get quiet again, because we remember what it was like when it was quiet. But they don't remember a quiet world. They've only known the sirens. And we're trying to convince them that

if they get involved, they can help. They can make it better, but they don't know a better world. They just know the noise. But can you, okay, so here's my gripe. First of all, I'm so old, I didn't know they stopped teaching civics, period. So I heard they just don't fucking teach it. And they don't mandate physical education anymore. That's what I heard is the new trend. Well, I think that's good. Oh, yeah, that's correct.

I didn't get a fucking thing out of it. You know what, solution problem. I don't get a thing out of, I didn't get a thing out of climbing that rope. Oh, Christ. And by the way, once a year, they make the kids on a random Tuesday run a mile. That's not a good way to train us i sit on my ass start i sit on my ass all year wrong and they're like mrs freelander's like go run a mile you should run a mile today and i love

mrs freelander forget her in a way you never will no but like do the kids get mad because first of all i just have to say this, okay? We're sticking with Joe Biden and he's our fucking guy. That's it. No, no. He's our grandpa. No, I'll sip it with the grandpa. Let me tell you something.

We have to vote. But if we divide and like some people are like, I like Newsom better. I like Newsom too. But he's our plan B if Joe fucking croaks like in a week. And that's so important. We do have to have a plan B. No, I agree. Because those Republicans have a plan B through Z.

And double A. There was something that I always love this, that you would walk around a party in Los Angeles and you would just say to people, strangers, congratulations. Right. What happens? Okay. So I was doing an experiment because people in LA are such assholes. And I was at this very fancy, like, it was, I think it was, I was still on Bravo.

So it was like a big NBC Universal party. And it was this guy's house named Ron Meyer, who was like the head of Universal. And I thought it would be funny to just go up to strangers and go, congratulations, because every single one of them went like this. Thank you. Incredible. Incredible. And then finally, one gay boy stops and goes, for what?

And I go, sit with me. One person. Everybody else is all, thanks. I And I go, sit with me. One person. Everybody else is all thanks. I just think that's just so funny. Just the idea that you think that you have so much going on and that everybody knows it. And nothing to me has captured more the experience of moving to

this city than the fact that if you just go up to a stranger on the street and say congratulations, they'll be like, thank you. Thank you for noticing. Thank you. Well, congratulations to you Kathy Griffin she's fucking back my life on the PTSD list

you're everywhere yeah 40 cities go to kathygriffin.com when we come back we bid the year adieu oh don't go anywhere

this is love it or leave it and there's more on the way. And we're back! Please welcome to the stage, she's Baby New Year if Baby New Year was an adult human woman, it's the hilarious Otsuka Okatsuka! Hi! Love this one. Come on. is Asuka Okatsuka. Hi. Love this one.

Come on. What a show. Hi. What a show. What a show. I've been watching. Hey, John. It's been so long.

It's been so long. Good to see you. Hi, friends. Hi. This is to the audience. Hello. Hi. How's your 2023?

2023. It's always so long. Every year is so long, but also so short. Right, isn't that the thing? It's kind of like the fashion world, you know? It's so long, but short, right? Is that what fashion is? Yeah, it's full of contradictions, you know?

You're so fashionable. Thank you so much. You have such style. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it's so long But short I don't know

Do you think next year Is going to be your year? Just like my brain cells Do I think next year Is going to be a good year? Your year My year Oh gosh

I mean I think it's always Going to be my year Don't we all a little bit? I agree I think this year Was your year I think next year

I think they're all your year Right Specifically you I mean, you kind of have to do that to keep going. Like, you have to say that.

Everybody, right? Yeah. Next year's gonna be it. Or else like, like, you always do that. That's why we have resolutions,

right? Yeah. This is, this is it. Oh man, it's this resolution. I'm gonna stick to this one. You have to do that.

Yeah. It's like how I always start the year off with a little notebook for my to-do lists. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your to-do list. It's like, this is the year. This is the book. This is it.

It's going to get filled up. I'm going to unlock it with this book. I just needed this little notebook, and then my life was going to come together. A hundred percent. I always feel like I'm one little perfect notebook away from cracking the code. Yeah, and I don't fault people for that.

Like, we have to have something. It's why we buy necklaces with our own names on it. You know? Like, you need something. Life is so hard.

You need something to look at and go, what's that spell? Jennifer, that's me. That's me. I matter. I do matter.

You know? Like, we make fun of people for having live, love, laugh signs, but life is so hard. Have you ever tried? Have you ever tried before you judge someone,

oh, you're so basic, you know? It is interesting, because wasn't there, like, I feel like it was, there was, I think David Foster Wallace gave this commencement where he talked about cliches

and how valuable they are. Yes. And why do, it's an interesting point. Why do we judge live, laugh, love? What's wrong with that expression? There's nothing wrong with it. Yeah, like we don't already do that

when we look in the mirror. Life is so hard. You look in the mirror, what do we do? Just, you are worth it. You are beautiful. You are loved. Like we do that every day, or I do. Sorry, I'm just letting you know

what I have to do to get through a day, right? And so, yeah, there's something to cliches. It works for people. Yeah. It's like, okay, it's maybe a cliched expression, live, laugh, love. But of all the things you could convey inside of your house, it's among the better sentiments. Yeah, I like it better than some ironic thing. Like, I don't know.

You know what I mean? When people are like trying to be too cool. And they're like, oh, yeah, I don't put anything up. No shoes, no shirt, no service. That's different, right? That's like a business thing. Right. But I hate it.

You hate it when it says no shoes no service well i just think that like if you walked your room and one of the rooms said live laugh love and the other room said no shoes no shirt no service i mean one one's open arms one's closed arms one's yes one's no you know right of course yeah it's confused it's it's uh yeah that's that's unhinged live It's an unhinged way to live. Live, laugh, live, laugh, shoes. Live, laugh, shoes. Yeah. Which is...

Yes? It's not how my household grew up. Live, laugh, no shoes. Live, laugh, no shoes. Thank you. A cultured man. Are you a shoes on house or a shoes off house now? Live, laugh, no shoes. Live, laugh, no shoes. Thank you. A cultured man, you know? Yeah. Are you a shoes-on house or a shoes-off house now? I have to admit, we are a shoes-on house for an Asian-American upbringing.

It's kind of scary to admit out loud. But there's a lot more going on in my family. That's why. It's interesting about coming home and deciding whether or not you're a shoes house or a no shoes house. Yeah. Both options seem wrong. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Yes, I agree. There's no good choice. Thank you so much. Because on the one hand, it's like, oh, okay, you germs are so bad. Come on. Right, right, right. It's just outside.

We go there every day. Sure, sure. It's fine. Right We go there every day. Sure, sure. It's fine. Right. No one's sick all the time because they wore shoes around the house. That's not the fucking problem.

It actually ups your immunity, I think. Ups your immunity. One time, when I was going through like a super like, ah, like that's my slutty face.

Ah. When I was going through that phase, I hooked up with this stranger in like a dance club bathroom. And it was wild. We were rolling around on the ground, making out. It was gross, right?

But I will say, for a whole year, I didn't get sick. And that's kind of what you do when you wear shoes around the house. I think that's how the vaccines work. No, I think that's what it is. Yeah. I was so stressed. I think that's how the vaccines work. No, I think that's what it is. Yeah. I was so, I never got a cold after that. Oh my god. Yeah. But then on the other hand,

on the other hand, all you have to do is decide that this is a shoes-free house and things are better. Sure. But it's the choice. It's like, you have to, it's like a habit is something you do every day for a month and then you keep it going. But it's like you have to it's like it's like a habit it's something you do

every day for a month and then you keep it going but I just like the idea of being the kind of person that says oh I'm sorry shoes off please

it seems inconceivable yeah I don't think I know the word what inconceivable means I can't get it done oh you can't get it done I don't have the discipline

to live a shoes same I walk in I'm already in yeah and there's you know other complex stuff too, like, maybe there's like,

if you have like, an elderly person in the house, like I, you know, I am with my mom and grandma a lot, they have a hard time, they have to wear like, diapers now,

and they have a hard, sometimes there's urine on the floor, is what I'm saying. Right, right. And so you have to like, we just wear shoes, and so, there's just more going on,

you know, there's like mental illness, you know. So you gotta have the shoes. Yes, if you have more going on. You know, there's, like, mental illness, you know. So you got to have the shoes. Yes. If you have a dog, maybe, that has, like, bladder problems, too, like, it's better to just, we wear the shoes because, you know, I didn't mean to go down, like. No, no. Well, the other thing, too, is I have a dog. And it's like, dogs can't take off their shoes.

Their feet are their shoes. Uh-huh. Dogs can't take off their shoes because they're what their feet what you say i what if i see red i just see red i'm like what did you say their feet are their shoes their their feet are their shoes their feet are their shoes and their feet are their hands too it's messed up how are they they going to take it off? All right. Now. 2024.

It's right there. You can basically see it. John, you're crying. I know. I'm so. Because he got so sad. He was like, how are they going to take off their shoes? Their Fia already shoes.

And I was like, you're right. It's also their hands. Oh, no. Yeah, it's so sad for right. It's also their hands. Oh, no. Yeah, it's so sad for dogs. Here's the thing. I feel a little bit like Ethan Hawke in Gattaca, in that I didn't leave anything for the way back. That's for no one.

Everyone's like, okay, what's a movie that happened lately? It's time for a segment. We're going out with the old. Some of them weren't even fucking born yet. Out with the old. And basically, I'm just going to read some things to you. And you're going to tell us, are we leaving them behind?

Or are we taking them with us to 2024? Sure, yes. First up, girl dinner. Girl dinner. Girl dinner. What's girl dinner? It is a gendered way of saying eating out of the fridge. Oh, okay.

It's not when you have a dinner as a girl? Well, yes. Yeah, so, oh, right, right. Presumably every time you have dinner. Sure, that's why I'm confused. Incorrectly. Yeah, it's like, oh, you know, it's like the gay married. Gay parking.

But just because you're gay, everything you do is gay. Like, this is my gay dinner. This is my gay water that I'm drinking. Right. Right? So, okay, girl dinner.

And girl dinner is when you eat out of the fridge. Yeah, basically. Yeah, well, we shouldn't, it's so confusing. We shouldn't take that anywhere with us

because I'm like, I had to break that down. Yeah, you're right. Dinner is dinner. No, no, it's not coming. Yeah, no, goodbye. I didn't even know, no, it's not coming. Yeah, no, goodbye. I didn't even know it ever came. That's terrible.

Next up, the Roman Empire. Roman Empire. I mean, it's kind of, I mean, the brain of a man who is always thinking about ancient Rome. I mean, if it's keeping them chill, like, we should take it with us. Somebody pointed this out that they're actually not thinking about it this is not my this is not my observation but that that people aren't actually thinking about ancient rome they're thinking about movies in which ancient rome was depicted because no one's read anything myself included they're not picturing it they're not thinking about

fucking i don't know cicero sentences they're just. They're not thinking about fucking, I don't know, Cicero. Sentences that they read. Yeah. They're thinking about. Scenes. Yeah, Ben-Hur. Right. If you're lucky. Right, or like 300 or something.

Yeah, the 300. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that, was that even the same location? It doesn't matter. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's what they're thinking of. Right, right. You don't know and they don't know.

No, yeah. And so I don't mind, I think, if it keeps them occupied. Has there ever been a mass shooter that was like, oh, it was Rome. You know what I mean? No, no. I think if it keeps them busy, that's good. Let's bring it.

Yeah, the stakes were higher than any of us realized. All right. Next up, that Barbenheimer t-shirt you bought and upon receiving realized you will never wear, not even once. Yeah, I mean, yeah, A lot of these shirts are gonna be made into like tote bags and stuff like that, I think.

Yeah, so we're not bringing it? Goodbye. Yeah. Next up we have this strange tech guy that claims he's de-aging himself. His name is, I believe, Brian Johnson. He also apparently does some kind of shock treatment on his penis.

He does? What is the treatment? He claims it makes it younger. Okay. Oh, it's like he shocks it. Yeah. He shocks it. Wow.

I don't think he should do that. I think no one should. Yeah, I think we should leave him back there. Okay, we'll leave him back there. I've never seen him before. This is a tough one. Okay. Disgraced former congressman George Santos.

Are we done with him? Or is there more to his story? And the picture you're showing is him on Z-Way, which was like, you know, an iconic, like, I still want to watch that. I do want to see that. I want to watch him get interviewed. I mean, he's going to come out with a book, probably.

You know, he's going to win Masked Singer book probably. You know, he's going to win Masked Singer. You know, like that's going to happen. It's inevitable. He's going to come with us. Yeah. You know? Next up and finally. Yeah.

Orcas attacking yachts. Oh, okay. Orcas attacking yachts. I mean, orcas were there first you know i mean you saw blackfish you surprised they've been trying to tell you right yeah they've asked nicely oh they were like we we will spin you around in the water like they did that so i don't know blackfish yeah blackfish oh man that was tough watch remember that movie i do yeah really i'm thinking about it they warned us back then yeah so they're just attacking yachts like

like with their tail or i don't know how fish i don't know i don't know i actually okay you say it and i'm like how do they attack the yacht i assume with their faces it's weird because orcas in a way you know dogs feet or their faces. It's weird because orcas, in a way, you know dogs' feet are their shoes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Orcas' faces are their fists. That's right. That's right. Yeah. And they still don't have hands.

Still no hands. Hey, everybody. Go to oddskillcomedy.com. Jon, your segues, I have to say, are truly out of this world. I never even know what you're thinking, because I'll say something and you stare at me and I'm like, oh, here we go again. He's just kind of out of nowhere. But as a twist today, sometimes I'm crying.

No, I know. It's a twist today, sometimes I'm crying. No, I know. It's unhinged. You need sleep. Someone get this man a break. Otscocomedy.com. Full-grown international tour. That's what it's called. That's right.

Where are you going? I'm going to Tokyo, Osaka, Taipei, Singapore. Can I come? Bangkok. Yes, yeah. Bobby Burke is joining on the trip Taipei, Singapore. Can I come? Bangkok. Yes, yeah. Bobby Burke is joining on the trip. Oh, yeah. So, more gays.

More gays. Then it'll be a gay vacation, not just a regular vacation. Yeah. It'll be a gay airplane that we're on. When we come back, predictions. Yeah. Let's go back, predictions. Yeah.

Let's go sticking around. All right. And we're back. 2024. It's here. And Crooked and Vote Save America created a 2024 planner

to help you stay sane and organized next year. Like we were talking about how it can fix everything. That's right. It's filled with important dates, much needed motivation and fun stuff to help you stay sane and organized next year. Like we were talking about, how it can fix everything. It's filled with important dates, much-needed motivation, and fun stuff to keep you from losing your mind. A portion of the proceeds goes towards helping to... I can't even remember which great voting organization,

but it's one of them, and it's one of the ones that's good. Just it is. I don't want to say it because I might be wrong, but I'm almost sure anyway shut up crooked.com slash store

yeah also the second ever episode of our new subscriber show Inside 2024 comes out next Wednesday

on the 20th this time Dan and Alyssa dive into the unique nature of two former presidents running against each other and the challenges of running an incumbent campaign.

So listen to this episode, and it's a great show. Make sure you're part of Crooked's Friends of the Pod community. Go to crooked.com slash friends to sign up. All right. Odds goes graciously stuck around. Please welcome Greta, David, and Kathy back to the stage. Yeah. Look at this. Look at this.

Look at this incredible group. This is our last show of the year. And because of that, we decided that instead of ending with rants about what was, we'd start imagining what could be. And imagining what 2024 might hold for us. And so we thought we'd end this show with some predictions.

Does anyone have a prediction they'd like to kick us off with? Kathy, you have a prediction? I think Donald Trump and Don Jr. will get sepsis. Very specific. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Throw it out there. Throw it out there. You're going straight back to the well on that one

well the well is often where you could get sepsis depending that's what poisoning of the blood it's infection gone awry Greta do you have a prediction yeah I was thinking

2024 the Met Gala theme will be Ozempic. Oh, that's cool. That's cool. Very hot. That's cool. I like that. I like that.

Imagine the clothes. I think it'd be awesome. Although Ozempic feels very 2023, I feel like next is lithium or something yeah lithium's gonna make a comeback it's gonna be opium

2024 the year of opium ketamine ketamine is back ketamine ketamine is back and it's not for horses

it's for people now it's for people now people do ketamine therapy yeah oh oh I'm sorry this is true I'm sorry This is true

I'm sorry you laugh at facts I'm sorry you find science funny Yeah I think that you should From you I do From you You think what? Just

I just You're hugging yourself Are you okay? Yeah what's going on? He needs a break I'm appreciating your laugh at your circumstance

but it's funny to observe and appreciate someone laughing at a circumstance when you're the person creating the circumstance you're responsible

I'm both observing it and responsible for it you see that's why it's a guilty laugh a little bit yeah now I feel like a goldfish

like I'm just in this bowl you're just observing me. David, do you have any predictions for 2024? Yeah. I think thrifting is going to explode. Wow. And that's going to mean a lot more. Shops are going to shut that sell new clothes.

And I think it's going to influence the Met Gala. Wow. Thrifting slash Osempic. A lot of thrifting. I'm into that. Yeah, wow. There you go. Ketamine.

Ketamine. Honestly, America 2024, ketamine, thrifting, and Ozempic, kind of probably most of what it's a year. That's it. I have some predictions for us. One of them was George Santos, Masked Singer. Wow. Oh, yeah.

What is she? Clair clairvoyant you're like that Mitchell medium my brain is so circuited I gotcha whatever word I was going to say what do you think about this Manjaro causes people to grow tails exactly as heavy as all the weight they've lost

just a big fat tail I couldn't care less I'd love a tail still worth it the weight they've lost. Just a big fat tail. I couldn't care less. I think it'd be cool. I'd love a tail. Honestly, still worth it. I'd love a tail. Still worth it. Yep.

How cute is a tail, though? What? Is it a cute tail? How cute is it? I think it's like a functional one. Okay. Ah, okay. You know, like hang from a tree.

Useful. And help you swim. Yes. Okay. But is it just fat? Is it muscle? Is it, what are you losing? Yes, Fred is the fat you lose

becomes your tail, which is... That's where it gets sticky. Does the tail lose weight if you take Ozempic too? Yes. It's all proportionate. Does the tail have hands?

Yeah. Yeah. Do you have an answer? No, the tail doesn't have hands. It is made of cartilage. The salad... This year's 2024 salad trend is chicory, and it sucks.

What's chicory? It's just a bitter green. Oh, okay. What about radicchio? It's chicory like a barbecue. No one cares about radicchio anymore? I love radicchio. I'm sorry, I feel like

some people make more money than others. I'm like two people talking about the Met Gala. That's rich people's lettuce. Sorry, I don't have a billion dollars. Thank you. It's very elitist.

Look how humble I am. I also love iceberg. Okay, trying to reel it in. I also love iceberg. Okay. Trying to reel it in. I have a chef. I have no idea what you're talking about. Next prediction. Rachel Dolezal is back and this time she's Asian.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. All in. It's been too long It's so old We always have to be like Oh Scarlett Johansson

Emma Watson Same old joke Same old joke Rachel will be very committed She really is committed To when she picks you guys Yeah Yeah

I think this will be good Congratulations This is good I'm cautiously optimistic Sweet Green's new Caffeinated grain bowl Kills 12 Oh I don't think They should put caffeine In those salads This is good. I'm cautiously optimistic. Sweet Green's new caffeinated grain bowl kills 12. I don't think they should put caffeine in those salads.

I think it's wrong. Caffeine should be in things you expect. Agreed. Like a coffee salad. That's true. Like 12 people died eating Sweet Green salad. No. No, this is a prediction.

It's a prediction. Aren't you the shaman or the... Oh, this is interesting. You short- you the shaman? This is interesting. You short-circuited again. You had another short-circuit. Yeah, I'm short-circuiting. I've never been around so many rich people. You said chicory?

We thought it was hickory. Exactly. I thought it was a sauce. Here's something interesting. There's going to be a Rice-A-Roni movie, and Jessica Chastain is amazing in it. Isn't she wonderful? I need to explain to them.

So Rice-A-Roni is a thing that you... It's in a box. It comes in a box. That doesn't make sense. A box. It's just the IP. Now there are too many bees. Bees everywhere.

Remember when there weren't enough bees? 2024. There was a bee shortage. Twist are too many bees. Bees everywhere. Remember when there weren't enough bees? 2024. Twist. Too many bees. Too many. Remember the deadly Asian wasps or something? That came in 2020. Right after COVID when everyone was already calling it the China virus. I had to put

a statement. I was like, I do not take risk. I do not stand with what these wasps are doing. You disavow. You disavow. Yeah, I had to disavow. Yeah. And the thing about these wasps, too,

is they never tell you how they feel. They're so stoic. And then it comes out decades later. And no hands. No hands. No hands. That's why. That's why.

And finally, 2024 will surely be a nightmare toboggan ride down a steep, greasy, bumpy hill in the pitch black dark with turns and scares and bumps only a fool would try and predict. We will over the next year remember that in the presidential race, in the race to win up and down the ballot, we are in a fight not to elect one person over another or one party over another, but to protect each other and help each other. We are at the reins. The politicians are the toboggans. And we need to ride these old rickety freaks to safety. Okay? Yes!

We have to! So we'll see you on the slopes. Yeah. All right. Thank you all so much for being here. Thank you, Johnny. This is yes, and as the person who played Dr. Martin Luther King, I sanctioned that message.

Yes! Wow. That means a lot. When we come back, we'll end on a high message. Yeah. That means a lot. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Because we all need it this week. Here it is, the high note. Hi, I love it.

This is Jay calling from Iowa. And my high note is that earlier this year, my husband left me and in May, I decided to start walking, which turned into walking two times a day, which turned into jogging, which has since turned into running. In this process, I've managed to lose over 65 pounds, and I'm below 200 for the first time in at least 15 or 20 years. And a lot of it is because on Saturdays I will listen to Love It or Leave It, and it motivates me to just keep on running. And now that you have the weekday podcast,

now I have a reason to run when I get up at 445 before I go to work. I want to thank you and the cricket team. You guys have kept me motivated to continue to just keep doing the work. Thanks. Hi, my name is Carly. I'm calling from Michigan. I called a couple times before with high notes about my daughter who was born deaf, and this time I want to give a shout-out to the Michigan Special Healthcare Insurance Program.

This time I want to give a shout-out to the Michigan Special Healthcare Insurance Program. It's taxpayer-funded, and it is the reason why my family could afford to get her cochlear implants, which we did this week. And your podcast was one of the things I listened to while I was waiting in the hospital to hear that she had come out okay, and she did. She got through surgery with flying colors, and she is back to her happy, playful little self, and we can't wait to get the external processors and turn them on. So way to go, Michigan Tech. It's proud to be one of you, and I appreciate your help on this one. Thanks. Hi, Levitt. This is Samantha calling from Virginia.

I am so excited to share this week that I have just defended my PhD in environmental engineering, and I will be graduating next week after a long six years of grad school. There were a lot of ups and downs along the way, but I was always happy to be able to listen to your show on Saturday morning. It's always been a high point for me. And so I wanted to share this little bit of success with you. Thank you so much. Bye. Hi, Levitt.

My name is Rebecca from rural Pennsylvania. In 2020, early 2020, my entire family got COVID. My mother ended up in hospital with pneumonia. My father ended up developing a very bad skin disorder, which is still problematic now. And I got all the obnoxious parts. I lost my sense of smell for eight months. Food stopped tasting the same. My body stopped digesting gluten. And just this week, after three and a half years of onions tasting terrible and garlic and eggs, I ate a fried egg and it didn't taste like a burnt onion bagel. And it was amazing. Thank you. Thanks to everybody who shared a high note tonight. If you want to call us and leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at Thank you all so much for listening this year, for coming out on tour,

for being part of this show. We will see you next year. exclusive content. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join our Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and a great discussion on Discord. Plus, it's a great way to get involved with Vote Save America. So sign up today at crooked.com slash friends. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Brian Semel is our producer and Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Thank you. engineer, and Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and Bernardo Serna for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a

podcast, and to our digital producers, Zuri Irvin, David Tolles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroot for filming and editing video each week so you can.