Lovett or Leave It - Lock Her Up (Haley's Version)

Episode Date: January 27, 2024

The burgers are good and the news is bad on this week's Lovett or Leave It. Kel Mitchell joins us to rank food and thrill Producer Kendra. Melora Hardin interrogates the audience with a round of Was I In This? Jermaine Fowler and Natalie Rotter-Laitman put their heads together to solve our Mysteries of the Week. And Lovett and his guests acknowledge the unacknowledged in the first annual Snubbies. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Hello, Los Angeles! Welcome to Love It or Leave It. Like Nikki Haley, we may be losers, but we act like winners. Isn't that what life's all about? Speaking of winners, Kel Mitchell is here. Excited to see if he knows what this is. Melora Harden is also here, and she's only got one question. Was she in then? Jermaine Fowler and Natalie Rotter-Lateman will get out their magnifying glasses and lace up their gum shoes to solve the week's most perplexing mysteries.

And in honor of Margot and Greta, tonight we celebrate the snubbies. But first, let's get into it. What a week. As expected, Donald Trump won New Hampshire's Republican primary on Tuesday, sending us hurtling towards a Trump-Biden rematch in November. Woo-hoo, said that guy in Missouri whose friends were frozen dead in his backyard for days. Woohoo, said that guy in Missouri whose friends were frozen dead in his backyard for days. What's up with that guy? What's going on there?

Once again, we have dead bodies and the police saying we don't see evidence of foul play. Yes, you do. Trump beat Nikki Haley by an 11-point margin, becoming the first non-incumbent GOP candidate to win both the Iowa caucuses and the New Hampshire primary. But that's Trump for you, always breaking the ass ceiling. Nikki Haley tipped her hat to Trump after his win. I want to congratulate Donald Trump on his victory tonight. He earned it. And I want to acknowledge that.

This is like stopping. To congratulate the bear that's mauling you in your tent. Sure, it's impressive that he figured out the zipper, but you don't have to say he earned it. But Haley celebrated her second place finish and vowed to fight on, which infuriated Trump. And she was up and I said, wow, she's doing like a speech like she won. She didn't win, she lost.

And that's my move. She's stealing my moves. As my therapist always says, we hate in others the things we hate in ourselves. That's why it bugs you so much when others are incredibly needy and obnoxious. Okay, that's all the time we have for today. Please don't trail me after to my car again. Here's Trump continuing to rant about Nikki Haley. Promises to do it in a minute or less. But the only person more angry than, let's say me, but I don't get too angry, I get even. Okay, I don't know. It seems like he also gets too angry. He also rarely gets even.

He just kind of keeps going. And he also did some solid insinuating. She would be under investigation by those people in 15 minutes. And I could tell you five reasons why already. Not big reasons. A little stuff that she doesn't want to talk about. But she will be under investigation within minutes. And so would Ron have been.

I don't. OK, first of all. And so would Ron have been is he calling Ron DeSantis a have been instead of a has been like a twist on has been because it's not adding anything just say have been it's just it's just plural I guess but but if it was in the prompter as, and so too would have, so too Ron, so would have Ron have been? It's like, was that, was like a British poet writing this? So too would have he, so would Ron have been. Anyway, about Haley continued Trump. I mean, I'm just freewheeling it off the dome, but I don't know.

It's like, lock her up. Tim Scott, who endorsed Trump on Friday, got the opportunity to debase himself a little further on Tuesday night. You're the senator of his state, and she endorsed me. You must really hate her. No, it's a shame. It's a shame.

Uh-oh. I just love you. No, that's... That's why he's a great politician. That is un-fucking-believable. Put that in the time capsule. So Tim Scott endorses Trump, even though somebody from his home state, someone who appointed him to the Senate, by the way,

is still in the race, debases himself by doing that. Then he's at this event where he's paraded in front of everybody. Then Trump is like, I bet you fucking hate Nikki Haley, kind of making him feel embarrassed. He has to tiptoe up to Donald Trump and tap him on the shoulder. Donald Trump with the most relatable reaction ever. He goes, whoa, which is amazing, which is just says everything like, oh, what is thisesus freak doing in my personal space and then he has to go tim scott has to say oh i do i don't hate her i just love you that just no dignity left all gone i just love you i just love you yuck muttered tim scott's fiancee oh so he can say it

meanwhile republican congressman and Trump supporter Jerry Karl took a weird turn criticizing Nikki Haley's statement last week that America has never been a racist country, saying on NBC News Thursday, everyone has some type of racist in them. What a weird swerve for a Trump supporter. Actually, it's sort of subconscious. It influences his way. We can't possibly understand. I do think he just sort of fumbled the pickup line he's been working on for the GOP convention this summer. Is there a racist inside you? No. Would you like one? Meanwhile, meanwhile, President Biden easily defeated Dean Phillips and Marianne Williamson

in New Hampshire's Democratic primary, even though his name didn't even appear on the ballot. All according to plan, chuckled Marianne Williamson, stoking a raven as it plucked relentlessly at her eyelashes. This week, President Biden marked the anniversary of Roe v. Wade with official White House events, as well as a campaign rally and a new TV ad hammering Donald Trump for his role in overturning the Supreme Court ruling. It's cool that both Biden and Trump are campaigning on Donald Trump killed abortion rights. We haven't seen that since 2016, when both Trump and Hillary Clinton campaigned on Hillary Clinton is a woman. Meanwhile, while arguing for an abortion ban in Wisconsin, Republican Representative Joel Kitchens used his expertise as a veterinarian to back up his position, saying, You know, in my veterinary career, I did thousands of ultrasounds on animals, you know, determining pregnancy and that kind of thing. So I think I know mammalian fetal

development better than probably anyone here. And here's a tip. When approaching a furious pregnant woman who you're forcing to carry a non-viable fetus to term, make sure you're holding the carrot with an open palm because she doesn't want to bite you. She's just scared. What are all you mammals complaining about? Mammals. It's bad enough when they say females.

On Wednesday, the United Auto Workers endorsed President Biden, the first sitting president to join a picket line, said UAW President Sean Fain. And this choice is clear. Joe Biden bet on the American worker, while Donald Trump blamed the American worker. So if our endorsements must be earned, Joe Biden has earned it. It's so funny to even have to explain the reasoning on this. The choice for cat sitter is clear. Monica from down the street has taken care of cats for years, while her opponent, the Baltimore cat strangler, always leaves his dishes in the sink for us to clean up when we get home.

Continued fame. Donald Trump is a scab. Donald Trump is a billionaire, and that's who he represents. Scabby Donald, the perfect nickname now for two reasons. Yeah, because he had that weird hand thing that people immediately decided was syphilis. Meanwhile, in Congress, negotiators have been saying that Senate Democrats and Republicans were close to a deal to address border security, Ukraine funding, and the child tax credit. It was like a glimpse of the old days when politicians made deals and Republicans did their jobs and we all walked around saying 9-11, that'll never happen. And you could buy a brand new Jeep for a nickel and raccoons were our pets.

My memory isn't the best, but it was something like that. pets. My memory isn't the best, but it was something like that. But this bipartisan group faces fierce opposition from the MAGA squad who either want 100% of their right-wing bill or want to prevent a deal to keep the issue hot and fresh for their man, Donald Trump. So that led Mitch McConnell to go out to the microphones pushing back saying, quote, if we had a 100% Republican government, president, house, Senate, we probably would not be able to get a single Democratic vote to pass what Senator Lankford and the administration are trying to get together. And you had Lindsey Graham saying explicitly that to those who think that if President Trump wins, which I hope he does, that we can get a better deal, you won't.

Now, I'm pretty sure a lot of Trump supporters are actually just holding out for a louder deal. But regardless, trying to reason with the Freedom Caucus, it turns out, it's like trying to negotiate with a Wolverine. How about this? If you give us this child tax credit, you can eat one of my legs. What's that? You've already eaten both of my legs? So you have. Then along came Donald Trump, who took to social media to say he would only accept a perfect deal and reportedly called Lindsey Graham and Senator James Langford to insinuate himself into the process. Sir, we hear where you're coming from. We're just not sure it totally makes sense for a border deal to have an

amendment about how former presidents are immune from all criminal prosecution and anyone who tries to see what's in Ivana's coffin has to go to, quote, worse Gitmo. After Trump started agitating, wouldn't you know it? McConnell has second thoughts. We're in a quandary, he said, and Republicans don't want to do anything to undermine Trump. Let the kerfuffle commence. I think the border is a very important issue for Donald Trump. And the fact that he would communicate to Republican senators and Congress people that he doesn't want us to solve the border problem because he wants to blame Biden for it is really appalling. Senator Tom Tillis agreed with Mitt Romney, telling the press it's all about politics, telling the press it's all about politics and not having the courage to respectfully disagree with President Trump. I didn't come here to have a president as a boss or a candidate as a boss. But when Trump says jump, Ted Cruz says, yeah, my wife is ugly. This bill represents Senate Republican leadership waging war on House

Republican leadership. Yeah. So now the deal is in jeopardy. All the while, the situation of the border remains terrible. On Monday, the Supreme Court sided with the Biden administration, saying border control can cut and remove razor wire installed by Texas. Texas Governor Greg Abbott responded by saying he has the right to install the wire, and Republican governors like South Dakota's Kristi Noem, Georgia's Brian Kemp, Oklahoma's Kevin Stitt, and purgatory's Ron DeSantis all rushed to throw their support behind Abbott, a real who's who of people currently making their waitresses cry for not putting the mayo on the side. Meanwhile, a recent investigation from the Department of Defense found that under the Trump administration, the White House pharmacy would

often make up to-go bags of prescription meds for trips abroad for the White House staff, which would include Ambien and Provigil packed loose in a Ziploc. First of all, this is called a perk let it go you dod narcs also things have changed a bit since the obama days they gave me the bag with a little slice of american cheese so i could trick dan pfeiffer into taking it sometimes he'd find the pill but if you fold the pill in the cheese and save a little cheese for right after dan pfefeiffer is so excited about the new cheese, he quickly swallows the old cheese with the pills in it. Jeff DeWitt, the chair of the Arizona Republican Party, resigned on Wednesday after the release of a recording that appeared to show him trying to bribe Carrie Lake to sit out the 2024 Senate race.

Imagine saying anything around Carrie Lake and thinking you're not being recorded. This woman walks around the airport with a ring light just in case she manages to land a sick immigration bird at a kid at the Starbucks counter. DeWitt says in the recording, there are very powerful people who want to keep you out, but they're willing to put their money where their mouth is in a big way. This conversation never happened. Yeah. Honestly, Carrie Lake is the hero of that phone call. DeWitt's trying to claim that the recording was selectively edited and that Lake set him up,

but there's just not a lot of innocent context for this conversation never happened. Hey, you want to come to my sister's baby shower this weekend? There's going to be cupcakes. This conversation never happened. Kentucky State Rep and Survivor winner Nick Wilson has withdrawn his bill that would legalize sex between first cousins. I guess they broke up.

What else? What else would change his mind? Nick Wilson said, it's so good, it should be illegal. He likes the, he likes the, he likes the frisson of danger, you know. In Ohio, gross. In Ohio, the Republican supermajority banned gender-affirming care for trans minors on Wednesday,

overriding Republican Governor Mike DeWine's veto. This is why the veto override exists. Somewhere a rogue governor from your own party goes, hey, maybe we actually shouldn't be making medical decisions for the children of millions of strangers. And there needs to be a way for you, a supermajority elected through extreme gerrymandering and doesn't represent the actual makeup or interest of the state to get around that. But when God closes a door, he opens a drive-thru window. Republicans may not think teens are capable of making important decisions about their future, but they won't have much time to worry about that during the evening rush. Florida Republicans have advanced

a bill that would allow 16 and 17-year-olds to work eight-hour shifts on school nights and over 30 hours each week. But I'll probably send them home before the full eight hours is up, said Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz. Meanwhile, in Indiana, Republican lawmakers advanced a bill that would allow 14-year-olds to work for up to 29 hours per school week. This would obviously be awful for the 14-year-olds, but I feel like no one's thinking about the rest of the workforce. What are you supposed to talk about with your 14-year-old co-worker? Hey, man, how's your week going? Chemistry test tomorrow? Damn, that's crazy. Anyway, I think my wife's cheating on me and they finally put my mom in hospice. tomorrow? Damn, that's crazy. Anyway, I think my wife's cheating on me and they finally put my mom in hospice. It's all fun and games until your 14-year-old boss fires you for being too mid.

And now for some buh-duh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-goi news. Elon Musk visited Auschwitz this week with Daily Wire host Ben Shapiro. Here's a character I've been working on. Are you ready? I call this guy at the Auschwitz ticket window when Elon Musk and Ben Shapiro show up. Welcome, one adult and one child. Elon Musk and Ben Shapiro at Auschwitz. Nightmare blunt rotation meet nightmare blunt location.

That was my favorite of the week. That one got me. That one made me laugh several times. Following his visit, Musk was a bit pensive. I must admit to being somewhat frankly naive about this. In the circles that I move, I see almost no anti-Semitism. And you know, there's this old joke, I've got like this one Jewish friend. No, I have like two thirds of my friends are Jewish. Musk went on, I can name these friends if you want.

Epstein, Weinstein, the Ferengi, those banker goblins from Harry Potter, NetYahu, Watto, Fagan, David Schwimmer. In chiller news, Pope Francis went on the record recently saying sexual pleasure is, quote, a gift from God. Say it louder, Pope Francis, said Tim Scott's new fiance. Pope Francis concluded his remarks by saying, so next time you're about to climax, think of me, the frigging Pope. We also got this year's Oscar nominations this week.

Martin Scorsese became the oldest ever director nominee for Killers of the Flower Moon. For now, whispered President Biden, calling over a granddaughter to help him crop a video on his iPad. Barbie earned eight nods. Ugh, nods. Bafo box office.

Barbie earned eight nominations, but Margot Robbie and Greta Gerwig were snubbed for Best Actress and Best Director, respectively. It's cold comfort, but I hope they can take at least some small bit of satisfaction in the tens of millions of dollars they earned. And finally, a California woman was arrested after stealing 65 Stanley Cups. Nope, Stanley Cups.

Worth Stanley Cups. Not Stanley Cups. Can I, who gives a, what? They're just Tumblr. I truly, nothing has made less sense to me than the fact that this is even a conversation at all, that anyone cares, that anyone needs three. You need one. I get maybe two.

And also, it's not some exceptional thing. It's just a fucking Tumblr. There's a whole aisle of different colored ones and shaped ones at every store. Literally every store. Wrap it up. Anyway, she stole 65 Stanley Cups worth nearly $2,500. Her plan,

of course, was to sell them on the white market. Yeah. All right. When we come back, mitchell is here hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it coming up and we're back please welcome to the stage a man who knows a good burger you You remember him from those nostalgic, misty memories of your childhood as well as from right now, the one and only Kel Mitchell. Hey.

Hi. How are you? Thanks for being here. Thanks for being here. Where do I go? Where do I go? Come, we're going to stand. This table's here.

I'm going to stand? We're just going to talk and stand. I don't know what else to do. We going to sing? Yeah, we can sing if you want. Yeah. Thank you for joining us. We're going to taste some burgers in a bit.

But before we do, that's what we're doing. That's what we're doing. So first of all, you have so many fans on this show that work on this show. They're hardened hardened cynical people okay they rarely get excited but they were excited about you oh right man shout out to them man they've been very nice man they've been nice so good to your whole crew man yeah they're good

people so uh and they had a lot of questions for you one was that keenan and kel yeah at the time was for kids but the sketches were political political and often decidedly not for kids. But how much did you understand them when you were a kid? Yeah, well, when Katrina, one of the young ladies on our show, was playing Ross Perot. Yeah. Did you know about Ross Perot? Yeah, so we got introduced to it and kind of knew that. And we were just like, whoa, okay.

Taking shots at Ross, huh? But yeah, I mean, and then we had, the cool thing about our writers is that we had jokes for the kids because obviously it was Nickelodeon. But then we also wanted jokes for, you know, the adults to get as they're watching it with their kids, you know? Were there executives that were like, we need to add slime to this? Yeah. Come on, it's Nickelodeon like, we need to add slime to this? Yeah. Come on. It's Nickelodeon. You gotta add a slime.

Right? Gotta add a slime. So, so Good Burger's back. Okay. Yeah. Well, you know, right? I do.

I was like, what? You said, okay, like, that's a good idea. It's back. That's amazing. It's back. You did it. So,

what do you think makes, like, how do you know, what makes it the right time to bring something back? And how do you know, how do you make sure that, like, it's adapted for this moment? Like, what made it the right moment? Everybody asks us that, and we just feel like it was the. All right. Sorry. I'll come up with more interesting questions.

You got real deep, brother. You got real deep. So if I can ask a boring question, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Cal. I didn't mean it like that. But no. Fucking.

What a cool, trite, fucking hackneyed bullshit question. Well, no. It's just the right time, man. And it feels good because the kids that loved it in the 90s they also have you know kids now and so they were able to watch it with their entire family uh and we were able to cater to both and uh introduce good burger to a whole new generation so it's been it's been awesome you know like uh when i'm in school with my six-year-old uh daughter like the kids are running like go it's it and they're running after me and then the mom comes out too like oh my god

um orange soda uh sorry but this was a question i know like you're gonna think this was a question you did it so deep though so orange soda let's talk about it let's talk about it yeah there is a theory going around one person that represents cocaine. Wow. Is that true? Or is Brian a degenerate? Oh, man. Wow.

I mean, the addiction was serious to orange soda. Well, it's not cocaine. Not cocaine. But yeah, I mean, he definitely loves his orange soda. I mean, it was a whole episode where his entire organs turned orange. Yeah. You know what I mean? Maybe it kind of represents like the idea of an unattainable thing, you know, like of wanting itself.

I think it's the love. It's something that he just loved. And everything that you love might not be good for you. That was deep. Yeah. So, you're a pilgrim in an unholy land a christian in a godless town hey man look at my jacket what does it say look at my jacket brother not today satan that's a famous quote by a drag queen uh you've talked about this about like, you know, you were a childhood star. That's got to fuck you up. Right. I mean, it's gotta be,

I don't think we should let kids do this, but being religious and being spiritual help get you through it. Yeah. I mean, it's a journey, man, you know, through all of it, you know what I mean? And I think I feel like when you're doing anything, you know, within this, this business or just in life, you know, it's a journey of ups and downs and it's a journey of finding yourself. And, you know, everybody deals with it. You know what I mean? We all go through our own problems and we all go through our own issues and things like that. But we got to be able to come out of that. You know what I mean? And so it might be somebody right here going through something right now.

You know what I mean? And that's why I always try to spread love. That's what it's about. Spread love. Yeah. Do you think any kid is equipped? Is there any kid and any kind of support structure around a kid that can make it being famous at a young age

something that doesn't have long-lasting negative effects? What do you think? Definitely. I think it's important that we as fellow actors that have been through it, that we reach back and tell them how to navigate through all of it. You know what I mean?

Because I did that when we brought the reboot of all that. When we did that, we brought the reboot back. I wanted to make sure that I talked to all of it. You know what I mean? And because I did that when we brought the reboot of all that. When we did that, we brought the reboot back. I wanted to make sure that I talked to all the kids. And so the new cast members and I told them, I said, hey,

this thing, this show is not the thing that makes you special. You were special when you were knitted in the womb. When God made you, you were special.

And this is just a job and there's going to be other things that you're going to be doing. And it's been awesome. And I even had my parents fly out and I had them talk to the other parents, which were super awesome. And after that, the kids have been doing amazing things.

Like even working after all that reboot ended, they're still doing beautiful things. And, yeah, it's about supporting and showing love. All right. Yeah. It's about love, man. Okay, and I feel that. Stop being so cynical. I'm not cynical

come on don't smash listen Cal I'm a serious person with very important questions what do you look for in a burger hey wait before we get to that it is an important question did you know what this show was

i listened to it you didn't know what it was no i did i enjoyed it i enjoyed i was in i was in i was like man this is what this dude is good yeah no and then we're gonna put that on the poster. What? Question mark. This kid's good. Hey, man. I was rolling down the window. Oh, okay. What do you look for in a burger? Okay.

I make burgers, too. I'm from Chicago. Shout out to Chicago. Hey! Come on, right there. So, you know, you smoke a burger, make it real good. Barbecue. You got to make sure it has some fluffiness to it.

You got to have a little bounce to it. Got to have some bounce. It makes it real good. It got to be seasoned right some real good they gotta have be seasoned gotta be seasoned and a bounce you know what i mean the bounce seasoning yeah so veggie burgers yes veggie burgers where do you stand specifically there's two paths there's the illusion of meat or the embrace of it not being meat. The impossible Beyond Burger that's like, ha ha, you thought this was meat, you fucking idiot. Or the ha ha, you thought this was gonna be a burger, it's beans.

Like I said, it comes down to the seasoning. That makes it good. Shout out to Beyond Meat because I've worked with them and they pay very well. So shout out to them. I like well. So shout out to them. I like them. We did the Beyond Orange Chicken.

Yeah, get it? The orange chicken. I liked the orange chicken. I did a whole thing with Panda Express. It was awesome. Beyond Orange Chicken for Panda Express. You had to say it like that. You had to say Beyond Orange Chicken.

You ever had Beyond Orange Chicken? I've had a lot of Panda Express. And you had to walk in and say it like that. You had to say Beyond Orange Chicken. Wow. Yeah. You ever had Beyond Orange Chicken? I've had a lot of Panda Express Orange Chicken. I can't say that I've gone beyond yet. You got to try to go beyond. I'll go beyond. Go beyond, bro. Listen, here's the thing about Panda Express. I trust them.

Can you guys see us? We're behind them. It's like we're hiding behind the teacher's desk. I can trust. Here's the thing about Panda Express. Here's the thing about Panda Express. They know what they're doing. Yes.

Thank you so much, Cal. Now it's time for a segment we're calling Burg Burger Burgess. Jesus. Burgess? Burger. Just Burg. Burg Burgess?

No, just Burg Burger Burgess. Like a burg, then you go burger, then burgess. Oh, I see it. Oh, okay. I'm up there, too. That looks so burg-est. Oh, I see it. Oh, okay. I'm up there, too. That looks so good. You are. You're in it.

And to help us, producer Kendra is going to come out. Look at that shirt. Come on, Kendra. Kendra. Okay. Kendra, thank you for bringing out the burgers. And Kendra, you were very excited about about Kel being here

I was I was extremely excited and Kendra doesn't get excited that's not like a mode that she has any secrets you want to divulge before Kat Williams does another interview this show goes here and then extreme can you name all of Nick Cannon's children I love them all shout out to my niece's

nephew that's the that's my honey shout out to all the babies I love all them babies alright now it's time I'm out. Shout out to all the babies. All right. I love all them babies. Okay. All right. Now, it's time. Kel, here's how it works.

Okay. Here's how it works. Did you just throw a card out? Yeah. Okay. Here's how it works. Okay. We each have five burgers in front of us. We each have half of five burgers in front of us.

Okay. Because of budget cuts. Oh, buddy. We will try to blind rank them as we go. And this was my idea for the record okay because good burger yes burgers that was it that's it all right that was dope i like that because i like burgers i'm like america's wimpy remember wimpy from popeye you know i'll pay you tuesday for a hamburger today okay my references are topical timely we don't have a photo of wimpy i saw you turn around

that's me there we go that's me you went back on that's my favorite yeah that's before the 90s some topical topical references all right some old guy in the back hey wimpy so yeah that's exactly right so here's how it works we have five we have five burgers okay and no information about them whatsoever oh i see this is a card that says what they are i know a lot about burgers or rank them We have five burgers. Okay. And no information about them whatsoever. Oh, I see. This is a card that says what they are. Should I open it first or rank them first? Yeah. Okay.

Okay, you're right. Okay, so we're going to start with this one right in front of us. Okay. Let's just, we're going to take a bite. Then we have to blind rank it from one to five. Here, you want to get the other half of this guy? Oh, boy. That's a little rare.

I got to blind rank it? Yeah, so we're going to rank it from one to five, but we're not going to get the, we're going to have to just decide how, based on how this is. All cooked medium. All cooked medium. Okay. I thought I was gonna be blind when you said blind.

I thought they put something, okay. All right. Mm-hmm. Mm. What do you think? Mm-mm. Yeah, I agree. I got it.

So now the only question I, yeah, that sucks. It's just not good, right? No, that wasn't. Bun bad, burger bad, not a fan. I's just not good, right? No, that wasn't... Bun bad, burger bad, not a fan. I'm just not a fan. Wasn't seasoned. Wasn't good.

It's a miss. It's a miss. So that... Sorry to the people of... Oh, wait, we should rank it first. Hey. Wait, are these actual restaurants you guys do? Yeah, of course.

You don't talk about the people that's okay all right we'll bleep we'll bleep it they're playing this at right now and they're just you think this is what you think they're at the restaurant they're like oh every pete come into our restaurant and listen to our political comedy podcast while you eat these fucking b minus burgers all right cool okay what do you think we gotta decide where do you think it ranks it's gonna we have five burgers that's a four or five from i, okay. What do you think? We're going to have to decide. Where do you think it ranks? We have five burgers. That's a four. Do you want to leave space

for a five or do you want to make that five and hope everything's better? It's a space for a five, man. All right, that's a four. We're calling it a four and that was ****. Sorry, everybody.

****. Okay. All right, next up. Next up. Sorry. ****. All right, next up. What's that? I don't know. We're going to find out together. Where did you guys's that i don't know we're gonna find out together i don't know that's it you guys got this at like 12 in the afternoon

no they got no they they arrived here they were they're fresh they're fresh hey what's your favorite part listen here's the thing if you get food poisoning from this you'll know it was worth it because it's a podcast. All right. Mmm. That's better. Oh, yeah. Oh, that one was pretty good.

What do you think? It was amazing. What do you think? That was amazing. I think maybe like, what do you think, two or three? What do you think, two? Let's put it up.

Two, two. We got more, so let's put it up around two. Two, yeah, it was two. And it was, it says here it was the billionaire burger boys. Hey, nice.

Got you, don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. Shout out to the homies. Shout out to the billionaire burger boys doing great work every day. Okay. Next up. Next up we have this burger.

Okay. There's your, why did you give them all cold, though? They don't have a microwave in the theater? This one's a little warmer, actually. Oh, yeah, really? Like a microwave burger? You said that's worse?

Okay. Yeah. This one's a little wet. Somebody had about brought a grill. Oh, boy. Not bad. It's okay. Where's it from? Let me pause it. Where's it from?

Let me pause it. Where's it from? Nah, man. I don't know about this one. I don't know about that one. Nah, this ain't it. It says it's from... I'm going to say...

What do you think? Why are y'all saying the names? That's so wrong. Well, what do you think? I don't want them to be like, the burger man said that the burger wasn't good. What do you think is going to happen to you? The burger mafia is going to come to your house? No, it's so wrong. Well, what do you think? I don't want them to be like the burger man saying that the burger wasn't good. What do you think is going to happen to you? The burger mafia is going to come to your house?

No, it's the people. I love the burger people. And you know what? If you love someone, you got to give them honest feedback. Otherwise, it's, what's that called? What's that called? You don't tell somebody.

And ruinous empathy. I learned that from a business book. All right. That would be ruinous. And it's been working. It's like an album cover. I think maybe three, hoping that's something here.

That might be the worst one. Yeah, yeah. That's a five. Sorry. That's a five. All right. Man. It was vegan.

Well, it shows. Don't do that. Shout out to the vegans, man. Shout out to the... I got it. You know what I'm saying? Eat right. Okay.

Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. All right. Sorry. What's that one? I'll hand you this burger up on your high horse. All right? It's just joy, man. Spread a little cheer.

All right. All right. All right. I don't know. I don't know. This one, they're not messing around with any fixings here. Boom. All right.

Boom. Okay. I like the feel of this bun. It's got some sauce. I know a little something about sauce. Good sauce. Oh, I like this one. You like that one?

I do. It's cold, but I like it. Yeah. It's cold. I'm imagining it hot, and I think I would like it. I'm imagining it hot. I think three. I think three on our list.

Okay, because we got one more. We got one more. Let's go three. I will go three. I'm going. I think three on our list. Okay, because we got one more. We got one more. Let's go three. I will go three. I'm going to go three because that... That's from... Oh, yeah, man. I don't know about them.

We got one more. Oh, yeah. Ooh. Oh. Presentation. This one... This one... Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh. Rock solid. Yeah, rock solid. That's going to stay in you. It ain't going to come out. I shouldn't have said that. No. No, it's okay. No, it's good. It's going to stay in you. It ain't going to come out. That's innocent. No, it's okay.

No, it's good. It's an important point. All right. What did you say? What did you say? I like this, actually. I mean, yeah. That's all right.

I mean, yeah. I mean, we have no choice but to make it number one. What's the place number one one what's the place number one Cassells Cassells so Cassells and Billionaire Burger Boys let's go here's the thing

and that's our rankings of these here's the thing here's the thing there's not a lot of podcasts that have these. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. There's not a lot of podcasts that have had Katie. Here's the thing. Sometimes you turn on this show and Katie Porter's talking about the economy. Sometimes we make Kel Mitchell eat five room temperature

hamburgers. And that's the cool thing about it. That's the cool thing about this program. Come on. It's fun. And you didn't know what this was. No, I did no I did I listened to it on the way in

but fine it's a great show and it's a great show that you listened to on the way here I had a great time a lot of traffic a lot of traffic

so you got through a fair amount of the episode probably what 1.5 speed okay so from yo Mokey I did turn it off

I was like let me get to this game yeah the longer it went on the more more like, this is fucking weird. I got to listen to more of this. What am I getting? What did they sign me up for? All right.

And everybody's a winner. And everybody. Here's the thing about it is everybody's a winner. Top five, man. Cal, you've been such a great sport. Thanks for being here. Good Burger 2. Woo.

Out now on Paramount+. When we come back, is she in this? And we're back. Please welcome to the stage America's Evil Hex girlfriend. It's Melora Hardin. Come on out. Thank you for being here.

Please welcome. Welcome. Thank you. Hi. Look at your beautiful yellow tennis shoes now I have green tennis shoes in the back I probably should have

worn them if I'd known you were wearing yellow or orange those are orange those aren't yellow I think it's more like a mustard maybe an ochre

what color is ochre I learned it from Bob no ochre's green okay those are definitely definitely orange those are definitely orange yeah

I don't know we're both color blind obviously remember my Bob remember my Bob Ross. Did you ever do you watch Bob Ross? No. Oh, who's Bob Ross?

Bob Ross was the painter. Oh, yes, of course. Well, yeah, I was raised in the 70s. So we all anyone raised in the 70s saw Bob Ross. I really liked him. It was very soothing. He was very soothing. I would also watch Martha Stewart as a little kid.

And then when she went to jail, it ruined it for me. Yeah. Because she was perfect till then. She was. Less so. She's not, though, I don't think, in real life. No, I know, but I didn't know that at the time. No.

It was a fantasy. Although I turned it off when there were animal segments. You believe the TV. I do believe the TV. Yeah. It's the only thing we can trust it off when there were animal segments. You believe the TV. I do believe the TV. Yeah. It's the only thing we can trust. I agree. Speaking of television, you were Michael Scott's extremely problematic former lover in the office.

Was I? I believe. Is it strange knowing that America relaxes to watching you torture him? No. It doesn't? You don't? It's not? It's not? It's fabulous.

You like it? Sure. Oh, cool. What's your comfort watch? Right now, I'm watching The Bear. Oh, The Bear. Yeah, I've only seen two episodes, but I think it's great. Yeah.

It's really good, just because my two daughters think it's amazing, and they think Jeremy Allen White is hot. Oh. Do people find him handsome? I didn't think about it. I know. It's really good. Just because my two daughters think it's amazing and they think Jeremy Ellen White is hot. Oh, do people find him handsome? I didn't think about it. I know. It's funny. Have you seen his Calvin Klein ad?

Yes, chef. Nice. What was your, who's your favorite office cast member to work with? Phyllis? I mean, obviously,

well, obviously Steve. Yeah. Because I did everything with him. Yeah, he was great. Rain is amazing. Friend of the show. I did very little with Rain, but I do love him.

I mean, really, they're all great. They're all great to do anything with on camera. They're fabulous. Really an incredible cast. But yes, Phyllis, you know, do you know Phyllis's story? Has she been on the show? No. Phyllis has a great story.

Phyllis was the casting associate with Alison Jones, who cast The Office. And Greg Daniels was like, why don't you play Phyllis? She was just reading opposite actors. And she was so good at it that literally that was it. She's been a casting. She's never was an actor, never an actor before the office. Wow. So she's like real.

She's like a real person. I'm just an actor. She's like a real person. She's a real person. You're an actor. I'm just an actor. I didn't know that. I thought I'm learning. Okay. So now you've got an IMDb page so long. You've been in so many

things. All right. You've been in so many things. Do you know how many things you've been in? I don't know exactly how many, but I did, I did start acting professionally five decades ago. I did start acting professionally five decades ago. Which is wild. I saw that. I'm not joking. No. That's real.

That's a real number. It was literally in the 1970s, the late 70s, you started acting. Yeah. And we started getting cat. Yeah. Well, was it the late 70s? I don't know. I was six years old and I was born in 1967.

So what is that? I can't do math. was six years old and I was born in 1967. So what is that? I can't do math. Yeah. It's the... Eight, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73. 1973 was my first job. So that's a long time ago. Which is why I know Bob Ross. Yeah.

Probably saw him at some of those fancy parties. So you were a child actor. Yes, I was. How'd that go cal mitchell was a child actor was he yeah when did he start how old was he young was was it the kind of thing where you had this like unstoppable desire to perform or did your parents want a boat yeah no both my parents are actors oh and i tugged on their sleeve because their commercial agent were like was because see back in the 70s people before the internet before cell phones you had to actually take your your your your resume

and your your headshot which was like a pile this big to your agents and you had to plop it on their desk your new headshots and and i went with my parents when they, when they did that with their commercial agent and the commercial agent turned to me and went, wow, you're cute. Don't you want to do what mom and dad does? And I went, I can do what mom and dad does. I was like, yes, definitely I do. And then I bugged them and bugged them and bugged them. And they were like, oh my God. All right, we'll let her go on 10 auditions. If she doesn't anything we'll ease her out of it and i got the first thing i went on wow so that was that that's cool yeah i'm just weird i'm just the bumper sticker born to perform or something yeah i think so just it was in you my parents are amazing so you know i think really if you're a child actor and you have shitty parents

it's a terrible experience if you have great parents it's a great experience. If you have great parents, it's a great experience. And my parents were fucking amazing. I would say probably that's just childhood, right? You just, you know what I'm saying? Very good, very good. When you think about it. Yes, let's give him applause for that. That was a very good comeback, yes. Now.

That was good. I like that one. And so, and on that note, it's time for a beloved love it or leave it segment we call was i in this here's how it works oh i like that you and i will alternate asking audience members if you're in a particular project some of our prompts are true some of our prompts are false okay all of our prompts are amazing because they involve you are you ready i think so i don't really know how to play but i'll do my best and are you in the you ready? I think so. I don't really know how to play, but I'll do my best. And are you in the audience ready?

Raise your hand and Brian will come and ask you a question. Do you want to kick us off? Okay. Who's out there? Questions for Melora to read, it says. Hi, what's your name? Pam. Pam! Melora has a question for you. Hi, Pam. Hi. I played magazine editor Jacqueline Carlyle on

The Bold Type, true or false? I'm hearing a woo, so yes! True! Very good! All right, let's go to somebody else. Melora played Maureen in the adequately rated 2008 Katherine Heigl rom-com 27 Dresses. True?

Correct. 27 Dresses. Yes! That was the heyday of a movie where people really had three jobs uh baker magazine editor or spy that's right you're right i was that's history yeah that was good and you know that that here's a little tidbit about that which is that um james marsden played opposite catherine heigl in that. And he's really cute. Very handsome.

Anyway, he's also just a really nice person, really down to earth, really liked him a lot. And the director, Anne, like looked at me when I walked on set and looked at him and we were just enjoying each other so much because he's really nice and down to earth. I'm really nice and down to earth. So we had a good time. And she basically looked at me and looked at him and she was like, can we like do something?

Can we like make her hair look worse? Or can we like do something with her makeup? Cause I'm worried that it's going to look like you two are, are, are, you know, too much chemistry. Yeah. You had too much chemistry in Hollywood. That can be a huge problem. It's a problem yeah you had too much here's the thing chemistry in hollywood that can be a huge problem it's a problem you had too much you were just radiating yeah charisma personally and tension interpersonally we just liked each other like really like in real life we just thought we were nice people so they were like they're like hey can we uh fly in some dowdiness can we right yeah can we like take her down a notch yeah Yeah. Can we get a. I've heard that a lot in my career, by the way. You have? Can you just take it down a notch?

Yeah. I've heard that a lot. Hey, it's too hot. Good like that. Okay. I portrayed Monk's beloved late wife, Trudy Monk on Monk. True. True.

And oh boy, that's a lot of monks. I don't know. I saw that. I didn't know what it meant either I don't know what that means I think it's just Trudy Monk on Rife with Trudy played monks beloved late wife on Trudy Monk on Monk that's what that was about he was a detective

yeah he was back to what you said before yeah that was what I'm right who's up next I can't see all right can we bring the lights up actually that would be

that's my bad maybe not hi okay she played she appeared on Law and Order SVU as a feminist lawyer turned cult leader ooh

I'm gonna say true no no how did you dodge how did you dodge SVU it seems like turned cult leader? Ooh. I'm going to say true. No. Oh, yeah. How did you dodge SVU? It seems like it should have gotten on that IMBD somehow. You don't think so? Yeah. How'd you miss it?

I don't know. You should have been some kind of a murderer or something. I know. I know. Or maybe somebody wiping down a countertop, and then it turns out, oh, it's in the back, the badness. Exactly. Yeah.

I have played women that look like one thing, but they're really a bad person. Well, because you were on a CSI once. I was. But not on SVU. Isn't that one of the questions? No. No.

That was a little fun fact after the one I just asked. Okay. And now we had the fun, and now it's your up. I portrayed Principal Jane Masterson in the underrated Jennifer Garner film 13 Going on 30. Definitely underrated and true. Wow.

You know, you're right and you're wrong. You're right and you're wrong. You're right and you're wrong because I did play Jane Masterson, but that was not in Jennifer Garner's 13 Going on 30. That was the underrated Matthew Perry, Zac Efron vehicle, 17 Again.

I'm not sure that was underrated. I think people liked that movie. I think people loved it at the time. And yet still, I like the genre of, remember that George Burns movie, 18 Again? I love a movie where an old person gets to be in a young body for a while and they have a good time. They always wish they were to go back, but I don't think they would. Did he do 18 Again? I love a movie where an old person gets to be in a young body for a while and they have a good time

and they always wish they were to go back but I don't think they would. Did he do 18 Again? He did. And we did 17 Again. Yeah. Okay.

I came up with that title. I just want to tell you that. And it was really good. No, I'm actually not kidding. Huh? I came up with 17 Again. You did. Because it was called

It was called Maybe He Gets Young, Maybe Not. No, it was called like It was called like Like What gets young maybe not it was called like it was called like like what was it called oh oopsie doopsie wish mistake is that it i think that's what it was called anyway whatever it was called you said i want to call it 17 again

i mean this is gonna drive me insane yeah's going to drive me a little insane. So if you think of it, shout it out later. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'll do. Hmm. Melora voiced Janet,

the lioness in the 2011 Kevin James animal comedy zookeeper. No one's raising their hand. So I'm going to say true. No, it was false. It was share. Just put them. I really going to say true. No, it was false. It was Cher. But you know what? I really want to do an animated voice.

Well, sure. You sit in the booth for an hour and you got to pay a bunch of money. Exactly. And I'm also a singer. I want to sing. I want to do one of the little animal voices. Oh, my God. Yeah, what the hell?

Why won't they? I don't know. Why won't they cast me in that i don't know it's fucking this fucking town will you tell somebody hollywood you know will you make someone do that i would love to i i'll call i mean they're not you know i'll call hollywood it's just not good i'll bring i'll bring it up at the next cabal meeting would you thank you that be awesome. Fellow Jews, there's been another request. I have an uncredited voice role in the video game Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded. No.

Yes, I do. Why was it uncredited? I sing. Well, I i sing in it i don't know why it's why didn't you get the credit it should be credited there it is there's the photo i'm singing in it that's my yeah oh that but wait oh you should see my cartoon though i'm a really pretty like cartoon character in this video game she's like really hot that's cool and i sing a song i sing a whole like it's a very sexy very fun song it was fun i had a good time that was my that was my that was my friend who who did that austin wintry he he he did all the music for it and he had he had been a fan because i sang two songs in the rocketeer which are on which are on the the soundtrack I'm sorry if

I'm ruining one of these questions. You can't ruin this. I wouldn't worry about it. Okay, good. It's already ruined. Yeah, it's fine. It's just ruined. What's going to happen? Yeah, exactly. What's going to happen? They can't send me to podcast jail again. Double jeopardy.

Yeah, so that yeah, so. So that was good. Hey, can I ask you something? Yeah. Remember Alf? Yeah, me too. Okay, what else? Is it me?

Am I supposed to go now? You want to do one more? I have an under, no, I already did that already. I played Hillary, Monica's blacklight-loving co-worker on Friends in the episode The One with Ross's Teeth. Betsy?

True. Well, no. But I did do an episode of Friends. I played Celia in the dirty-talking insect scientist who gets attacked by Marcel the monkey in The One with the stoned guy. That's the episode. It was called the one with the stoned guy. And 40 million people watch that.

And that was with David Schwimmer, who is, has been a friend of mine since I was 17. So that was just funny for us. That's cool. And now you're in, you're in, you're in you're in you're in a peacock is it a movie it's a movie mr monk's last case yeah it's a movie monk you're back after 15 years 15 years off the air they did a movie it's called monk's last case but it's getting so many accolades i think it's not going to be his last case isn't that amazing isn't that amazing? Isn't that amazing? They keep knocking on mom's door and saying, Hey freak help. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And he does. He does. And you're, and you're a ghost in it. I've always been a ghost and I always will. That's cool. Yeah. That must be because then you can just, they can just, they can just shoot you conveniently. That's right. Cause you're just

kind of wherever you need to be. See, I'm not, that's not the kind of ghost I am. Oh, like you can't, you can't kill me you don't want to kill me you know i mean i did get to play i did get to play a woman an actress impersonating trudy monk at the very end of the series in the last season of the series and that was super fun and i actually got like i wore these green contacts so that my eyes were a different color so i was alive in one episode that's cool yeah which was which was alive was living it was good it felt real and everything yeah yeah you're like what's my motivation being alive yeah just just being alive and having green eyes so it was like that and you went method with it that fed me you've

been method with it ever since. You've been playing an alive person ever since. I have. And you have a movie, Golden Vanity. I do. And that's a crazy little weird little movie that no one can see quite yet. But I really hope you can because...

That's the most important thing about it. Yeah. Is making sure people see it. Yeah. No, it really is important. We've been taking it to film festivals. It's been winning everything. Thank you very much. It's the first one-woman movie ever, as far

as we know. There's some one-man movies, but this is the first one-woman movie ever made. Really? As far as we know. That's cool. Unless somebody wants to dispute that. But as far as I know, and as far as the filmmakers know, in any case, it's really really really cool

it's about a fictitious movie star a la kind of Judy Garland Elizabeth Taylor on her way down who is you know coming from the

the golden movie awards and decides on a very dramatic night of her life to record her life story and finally set the record straight. So I hope you guys will look for it.

2024 is about selling the movie. 2023 was about getting it into festivals, which we did and we succeeded. And so I'm very happy about that. And 2024 is about selling the movie. So it'll be somewhere on some streamer because it's fucking great. Based on how you described it,

it sounds like gay drugs to me. Yeah, it is. No, it's an intense movie. It's funny. It's tragic. It's fucking great. Based on how you describe it, it sounds like gay drugs to me. Yeah. It is. No, it's an intense movie. It's funny. It's tragic. It's pretty great. Melora, thank you so much for being here. That was so much fun. You're so welcome. Thank you for having me. This was a blast. When we come back, Zoinks, Scoob. We got

ourselves a mystery. Who doesn't want to do that? That was so great. Thank you. Don't go anywhere. Love it or leave it, there's more on the way. And we're back! Please welcome to the stage, the Sherlock to my Watsons, the Cagney to my Lacey's, the whoever Jessica Fletcher

was fucking that week to my Jessica Fletcher. It's Jermaine Fowler and Natalie Roder-Lateman. Hi. Come on out here. Hey, gang. Watch out. There's a clear table. Oh, man.

You got to go. I think. Oh, great. Come on around. Nice. Hi. Hi. Welcome.

Welcome. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having us. Yeah. Hi. Hi. Welcome. Welcome. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having us. Yeah. Hey, audience. Hey. Hey. Jermaine.

Huh? You're in a new FX series, A Murder at the End of the World. I've watched the first episode. I loved it. Oh, shit. Question. One question. No spoilers. I did it. Oh, sure. Question. One question. No spoilers.

I did it. No spoilers. One thing I just didn't know while watching it, what's it about? You know? Because it's really good, but what's it about? This very rich guy, he invites all these

very wealthy, creative minds to this compound he's built to just kind of, you know, gloat a little bit. Yeah, and just vibe out. And then someone gets killed on the property. And they're stuck in Iceland.

And they got to figure out who murdered someone at the end of the world. Whoa. Shoot. Hey, Natalie, question. Yeah. Do you think that when they call at the end of the world,

did they mean physically in a remote place like Iceland or is it a metaphor for like late stage capitalism? Having seen it or not seen it. For me, it's purely physical. late stage capitalism having seen it or not seen it for me yeah it's purely physical

geography oh for you it's just a geography no metaphor in it and that's correct ding ding let's go where my ding at

that's a a new segment we're calling where my ding at where my ding at Jermaine do you like murder mystery shows oh yes

I love them very I don't like documentaries though I like the actual like mini series I want to be in and out my partner she watches these documentaries all the time

and they are scary the real ones are scary but I love like Mayor of Easttown. Love that. And Murder in the World. Love that. Yeah, you're in that one. I like the new season of True Detective

so far. That's pretty good too. Hey, do you think that when you're in a murder mystery show it's cool to be on set and be like, no, no, no, no, no. No spoilers. Or do you have to be cool about it and just like act sometimes you gotta fucking act man you just gotta act

through it even though you know who's the killer you're just like alright let me act it out it really sucks when you read all the scripts and you're like oh do I gotta be here now like you don't have to be there no more cause you read it so like but that's why they hire you to you natalie do you ever have dreams where you kill someone and then you're trying to get rid of the body no i don't i don't have crazy shit

like that my dreams are good they're normal it's like a lot of sex stuff and just nice stuff yeah that must be cool yeah it's great have you ever committed a murder

nope no I don't do any crazy shit like that keep it very good right and sexual yeah sexual nice sex

just regular oh I can't lie nice sex just regular oh I can't lie my follow up question is not good because it's why did you do it but that was stupid because if you said no it's stupid you never thought I would but that's exactly who should

maybe I'm maybe you're lying what would a murderer say right Maybe you're lying. Yeah. Right, because... What would a murderer say? Right. Right. Hey. Hey, Jermaine and Natalie.

How about dingo? You're, as... Hey, Natalie, are you a fan of mysteries? Yeah, oh yeah. Okay, great. Jermaine and Natalie, you're both fans of mysteries. And as such, it makes sense for us to do this together. We have a number of everyday enigmas that we need your private eyes on this evening. In a segment we're calling Mysteries of the Week.

Hell yeah. That's too cute. My head fits that body but your head don't fit no no you're looking at it wrong I'm just way farther back than you you're right we need to pitch this next week

we're taking this to Hollywood I like it hey you know I feel like the magnifying glass it doesn't make it doesn't make things that much bigger. You know, is there anything a magnifying glass can do that looking can't do? You know, I had an uncle who had diabetes, so he lost his sight and he couldn't afford glasses. So he'd bring a magnifying glass around town and look at things.

And the thugs in the neighborhood thought he was a detective. Like an actual detective. They're like, hey! He's like, no, I got diabetes. I got diabetes. town and look at things and the thugs in the neighborhood thought he was a detective like all right get out of here true story did he ever solve anything no no not a guy i mean he never solved diabetes he didn't even solve that he He still got it. That sucks. That sucks. Can't turn that thing around. You know? Turn that magnifying glass on your sugar levels. Hey, we found the culprit.

It's a lack of insulin. All right. The first mystery this week. Why was Michael Cera carrying around so much lotion? The actor was recently spotted hauling two gigantic bags of CeraVe. No one knows how it's said. I've never thought about it. CeraVe. I think it's CeraVe based on the graphic.

He was carrying a giant bag of lotion down the street in Brooklyn. Detectives solve this matter of mystery. Natalie, I'll start with you. Why did he have so much lotion? Like an ad. You think it's a brand partnership?

Like viral marketing? I think so. I hate to say it, ruin all the fun. But at the end of the day, that guy is not buying his own lotion. Oh, you think he's got people for that? Yeah, I think he's got people for that. I think he probably has two girls who just do lotion.

Not like him. Yeah, I know. You guys are being... You know, I think at a certain tax bracket, you don't get your own lotion. Certainly not in bulk. So I think Sir Vae, unfortunately, were playing exactly into their hands. Wow.

But you need to get paid. Yeah. You know what this is a classic case of? Cooey Bono. Follow the money. You know? Yes. a classic case of? Cooey Bono. Follow the money. You know? Yes. What do you think?

Do you think that we're the victims of viral marketing? A guerrilla campaign, if you will? It's Michael Cera. I think he's super aware of what he's doing. I agree with you. Thank you. That's because we're a detective team. We are a team, and that's what we do.

And there's an obvious answer, you know, he's jacking off. But, like, no. He might have eczema on his dick. I don't know. It could be both. It could be both. I don't know. But I think he's very aware of what he's doing with Michael Cera.

What if he knew it would go viral, but he's just having fun? And he's just like, I'm going to do something real silly today. Hey, I need a little touch of dopamine. I need a little of that attention, you know? Yeah. I think he's bored. Look at his beard. Like, he grew a beard out, and he? Yeah. I think he's bored. Look at his beard. Like, he grew a beard out,

and he's just, I don't know, trying to do something different. He just might be super bored these days. Maybe. I think he's probably just ready for another house. All right, well, mystery solved. Next up. Why was Madonna late to her concert in New York in December?

In a new lawsuit, Michael Fellows and Jonathan Haddon, two Madonna fans who desperately need to use their one wild and precious life better than this, sued the singer for starting her December 13 concert at Brooklyn's Barclays Center over two hours late. What was she doing during those two hours? Jermaine, I'll start with you. Why me? Because I'm curious what you think. Aw, man. Why do you think Madonna is two hours? Jermaine, I'll start with you. Why me? Because I'm curious what you think. Oh, man.

Why do you think Madonna is two hours late? I'm worried about her, honestly. Like, her face is all weird now and stuff. Yeah, it's tough. It is. She does a lot of work with it. And I hope she wasn't at the doctor's. I don't know.

You think they were putting the finishing touches on something? On her eyebrows. I don't know. Putting her face together like, there we go. I don't know you think they were putting the finishing touches on something eyebrows I don't know putting her face together like there we go she's a diva I think that's that era of like you know performer like you can be late to shows all the time

two hours late is so late you could watch like Bottoms from beginning to end. But it's Madonna. And other short movies. It's Madonna. 80s, right?

That's when she blew up. Yeah, she blew up in the 1980s. Yeah, she blew up in the 80s. She's been around a long time. Diva. You know what I mean? She can show up two hours late. And they probably still,

were they still at the show? I mean, they did, yes. Well, they did attend the show because they said that they were stuck there until late night. They, they, that, that, that Madonna's, the Madonna's late start left them stranded in the middle of the night and they had to deal with limited public transportation, limited ride sharing and or increased public and private transportation costs.

That's there. Basically they're suing because they had to go home from Brooklyn late because they had to wait a long time for the G train. I get it. Think about this, okay? You are a huge Madonna fan. Tickets were so expensive.

I actually have a friend who went to this show with the lateness. This is my friend who sued. I'm like, hold on, hold on. No, but you're a huge Madonna fan. You give your money to her and then you have to pay for a $200 Uber back to Jersey.

I kind of understand. If they can get money from her, they think they should. But how much pain and suffering can you claim for her being two hours late to a conference? Probably like 50 bucks.

I mean, it's also, I don't know. You're paying for Madonna. You're not paying for like, what is she really going to do on stage at this stage of her career that's going to be mind-blowing. For sure. Two hours late. She might have been asleep. She might have been napping. Literally.

I do think it's like, right, because this is a big concert, and you're two hours late to an event that is built entirely around you. It's like there's a whole team of people that build the sets and get you there. What's happening in those two hours? I get being 15, 20 minutes, even 30 minutes late, but an hour into the show it's supposed to have started. Someone knocks on your door,

you're like, I'll be ready in an hour. An hour? But Madonna. Right. They came all this way. It must have been like, I don't know exactly how it works

at this level of fame, but it must be like something goes wrong. Little things are not exactly how she wants. Sure, she looks bad or her thing is weird or whatever, and she just won't push through a single thing. That's my guess.

Yeah, I think that's right. She starts flipping out over a little thing. Yeah. How can I go on under these conditions? Yeah, exactly. A lot of ego deals with insecurity too. So I'm pretty sure she might, by me being late and showing the world, I still got it and I ain't got to do nothing.

You want me to do, you know, it might be some of that. It's a power play. I remember like The Rock and Vin Diesel had that the issues with each other on set. Like there were like who could be later. They were out diva each other. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You know, so maybe she did that with her audience.

Maybe she needs a rock. She needs like a rock. She needs someone to go against. Yeah, she needs a Jason Statham figure in her life to be like, you know, like in those contracts, like they're not allowed to. They are both like there was this moment where like the Vin Diesel and the rock and all these people, their contracts say they can't lose a fight and they can't be punched. And so they have to build fights in which neither one of them either is punched or loses. And it culminates in them kind of like simultaneously their fists hitting

someone else's fist. They both are winners, you know, because they can't like legally speaking of Warner brothers accidentally shows like Vin Diesel taking a punch. The studio has to shut down and there's no more Batman, you know, and take that,

which would suck. Cause like we need Batman. Right? No, I know. The economy runs on it. Of course. Imagine if we didn't have Batman, that's it. More Trump, more inflation. More Trump, more inflation.

Batman will fix it. Hey, so we solved that. Next. Oh, here we go Why did Prince Harry and Meghan Markle attend the Bob Marley biopic Bob Marley One Love premiere? Are they huge

fans or is it something to do or is it just something to do with their time? With their time? I actually saw this in the news. That's kind of news that I read. And I really like her outfit is something I thought.

And I thought it's kind of ballerina core, which I know is kind of in, but I'm like, if I know about it, then it must be on the way out. But I saw this and I wondered, like, is there still a little bit of time for me to participate the trailer

there's always time the trailer has one of my favorite I like in a biopic in a biopic ad there's always a moment where they give you the most transactional fucking life explanation for what the movie is and

this one has one of the most egregious examples in a trailer I've ever seen, which is they have a person lean forward and go, they just tried to kill you and now you're coming home to do a peace concert? Boom.

You know? That part rules. It's like, oh, that's what this movie's about. They try to kill him and then he comes back to do a peace concert. Or they say the name

of the title of the movie in the dialogue of the trailer. Yeah. One live. And it's like, oh, yeah. Oh, the movie. That's the movie title.

Hey. Yeah. Yeah. But weren't they like supposed to be like super private and stuff? I'm not sure. I don't know what

they're doing up there in Montecito. I don't know. Having crumpets with Oprah and stuff. Which I think is cool. Crumpets are delicious. Yeah, I like a crumpet.

And I like Oprah. Two great tastes that go great together. So maybe they just wanted to see the movie. All right, one more. Which one should we do? Oh, let's do this one. Between Saltburn hosting SNL and being, from all reports, a hunk,

Jacob Elordi is the talk of the town. Hey, is he great or just tall? That's my boy. He's great. Oh, you like him, of course. He's awesome. He's a great dude. Unbelievable.

He's a great dude. He's an amazing person. He's a great dude. Of course he is. Of course he is. You go through life being above everybody and handsome and symmetrical and pointy. It must be nice. It better be fucking nice.

You look like that. You should be grateful. Did he bully you? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yes. You know what? In a sense, he bullied me.

Look at that. Look at this guy. Of course he bullied me. What do you mean? I never met the man. This is where you got to watch out because he's like 12. And not in terms of like

like he can't handle it I just mean like you know you have to send love to the very beautiful pointy people or else you become a little what? grumpy? you think that might be happening to me? no

I see a path I just think you stop it now and when you see someone that looks like that you just send them tons of love I send Jacob Elordi as much love as I can I send Jacob Elordi love me too Miranda Kerr

love one love alright let's leave it there let's leave it there let's leave it there exactly I think ding I got my ding where's his ding

where's his ding at guys give it up for Jermaine and Natalie everybody should watch Jermaine in Murder at the End of the World on Hulu it's awesome and listen to Natalie's very funny podcast

Exploration Live it's awesome too huge fan both of you when we come back it's time for the snubbies and we're back this has been a long election year yep because it's january but we've got something to get you through in our book, Democracy or Else, is a useful, fully illustrated guide to getting involved and making a difference while keeping your sanity intact. Plus, Crooked is donating all the profits from the book to support Vote Save America and organizing in 2024.

So buy it, please. It's available on June 25th. But if you pre-order it now, you can help us get on the New York Times bestseller list, which is important. Crooked.com slash books or wherever books are sold. Also, if you're curious little freaks, on Wednesday the 31st,

I'll be on the Friends of the Pod Discord at 2.30 for an Ask Me Anything. If you're around, come join. Come sign up for Friends of the Pod. You guys signed up, right? It's great, right? Head to crooked.com slash friends. All right. And now, please welcome Elora and Kel

back to the stage. Come on back out. Thank you, guys. Come on over. All right. Wherever you want. Now it's time for the snubbies. Here's how it works. The angry little elves that make this show are pissed that Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie were not honored for their contributions to art and commerce

and wanted to give our guests the opportunity to praise what we as a society have snubbed. This week on the snubbies, we have smash hit sci-fi teen drama Kyle XY, black licorice, fries on pizza, sitting in the shower, my flower arranging skills, live jazz, and producer Malcolm's gentle reminders. We have a snub wheel, but we're going to kick it off with Jermaine because he's got a flight. Hey, Jermaine. Yeah. What do you think was snubbed? Do you remember when you submitted? Well, there's a movie called When Evil Lurks.

I thought that got snubbed. I don't think anyone really saw it. But this is an Argentinian horror movie that I thought was wonderful. And Godzilla Minus One. Those two movies were really good. They got snubbed? No one voted for them. That's bullshit.

So I don't know if it was a snub. Can you snub something that wasn't even considered? I did that one too. Moments like that too. Moments with your kids? Little moments with my kids. They get snubbed well I don't

I think because people are so like well some parents are so like you know like they don't really appreciate a lot of the moments

that are small to their kids which are big to the kids you know oh yeah so during the pandemic like I've been really actually like

really appreciative to hang out with my my two kids during that time because they I get to watch them grow without like leaving and going to work or going to go film or anything like that.

So, I don't know. I really like hanging out with them. That's very sweet. I think it's cool that in your mind you're like, what are the two things that got snubbed? The love of a child and Godzilla minus one. And I think that's important. Yeah. I took them to that movie

and they were like, this definitely is going to get an Oscar. I said, shut up. Dwayne Fowler, everybody. You want to go? Oh, I got to go to LAX. Bye. I love y'all.

Peace. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on sitting in the shower. Natalie, I believe this is something that you feel is getting snubbed. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, basically, you can just take a seat. Wherever you are, you don't even have to be that sad just have a seat if you're yeah you can you just sit down right there i like to do that uh when i am sad i find it's a very powerful

physical manifestation performance of the sadness that almost takes it to completion you know you can leave it behind after because you've done something so physically pathetic and then when you're not sad you know sometimes you just need to chill

and I don't know I've never really met a bathtub I trusted to run a bath in I live in New York, it's not really like that there you can't do that I was saying in the apartments I've seen in New York I would not get in a bathtub

I would not you'd have to really, really want to take a bath, like more than you want to stay like healthy or clean, right? No, you'd have to hose down after the bath. Thank you so much. All right. Fantastic. Let's spin it again next up on the snubbies fries on pizza kel i think that this is something you believe has been getting snubbed yeah man because fries on pizza are really good you ever had fries on pizza i i actually man i have to say i don't think i have yeah and i'm a i'm a i eat gross you gotta try it man um you know uh life is full of unexpected toppings but no it's uh it's it's really i need to put them um but no it's uh it's really good i tried

it out and it's really nice man yeah but what inspired you to try it that's what i'm curious about um yeah they do it in italy is it really that's interesting that's so it's like it's a local sort of yeah like like is it one of those things No they do Look it up Maybe it's one of those things where there's a dish That's only served in one small town It's like oh they only make that cheese In that mountain town

It's a thing fries on pizza Wow the first thing I thought about fries on pizza Italy I don't lie lady well I think it sounds great I think it sounds great and I'm gonna get into it but that's why you tried it

because you read I have a friend from Italy it's the Pope they were like hey they were like fries on pizza it's really good and I said whoa really

and I tried it and it was good what part of Italy did they come from and I just I don't know. They were here. Was it just cheese?

Cheese and fries? Or was it like pepperoni? You can do seasoned fries. You can do fries on pepperoni. You can do it on cheese. You can do it, you know, garlic fries. Put a little seasoning on it. Gotta have that seasoning.

Learn something new every day you gonna try it I'm gonna try it okay let's go I'm totally gonna try it yeah yeah yeah I'll try most foods the snubbies

the snubbies let's spin it again fries on pizza okay I like it that's really good it has landed on my flower ranging skills shocker that it landed on mine flower arranging skills more.

Shocker that it landed on mine. Oh, that's you? Wow. So you think your flower arranging skills are getting snubbed? Well. Ooh. I just think I'm really good at it. That's nice.

You know, and I could, you know, I could, I don't know. I could like have a side career or something as a flower arranger. I could, but I don't. And probably because no one would hire me to do it. I don't know why. Well, not with that attitude. Sounds like you're snubbing yourself. Exactly.

That's the problem. Well, the game, I wasn't real clear on the game. I wasn't clear on the rules of the game. No, there's no, the thing about it is there's no rules. I just know that it's something I've always loved. My husband always called me Petal as his pet name for me. I know, that's cute, right? And then I actually, I don't know how you buy the name.

I thought I might have a flower store one day. I have this fantasy. I still have the fantasy of having a flower store where you can have a flower store one day. I have this fantasy. I still have the fantasy of having a flower store where you can have like a little stage where people can get up and do open mics and do like, you know, sing or do stand up or do poetry or whatever. And then, you know,

and you remember Rita Flora in Los Angeles? Did anyone ever go to Rita Flora? Do you guys remember that? No, not one person in this audience went to Rita Flora? Wow. I did, but they don't remember, so can you tell them? Okay. It was on La Brea

and 6th, and you could go into Rita Flora, and you could buy flowers, but you could also sit amongst the flowers, and you could order food, and there was like sandwiches and coffee, and and you could order food and it was like sandwiches and coffee and it was so beautiful. So it was like a deli in a florist. It was like a deli in and amongst

the flowers. Yeah, I'll take a dozen roses and a chicken parm. It was very romantic. The way I did it wasn't romantic because I did chicken parm which is not romantic. No, it wasn't chicken parm. Chicken parm. I think chicken parm is romantic. What?

We could do pizza with French fries in the flower store. This has gone off the rails. And we could have showers that people could sit in. It would be good. Put it all together, you know what I mean? Yeah, and bring our kids and then appreciate their little moments. I got a question though.

Why don't we scoot over? I just tied that all together. I don't know. I'm going to move over here. I just tied that all together. I don't know. I'm going to move over here. I just tied that all together. Let's spin it one more time. I tied everyone's snubs together. Okay, this is going to be yours then, right?

Probably. All right. Probably. It is landing on producer Malcolm's gentle reminders. There is no message I like getting least. Oh. Oh. Less. Then,

in the morning on Love It or Leave It, Malcolm sending me a message that says, reminder, I need your rent. And I'm out of rants. All right?

I've ranted about every single topic there is. I'm sorry, but I thought you said,colm said i need your rent i was a little confused malcolm listen that's the listen that's the thing that's the funny thing about this show like he is the producer of this show he's also my landlord and it leads to these like kooky things where i'm like where hey malcolm you didn't edit that video he's like hey you fucked up the fucking thing you You know, like the dryer or something.

I don't know. Yeah. Hey, here's some things that I think were snubbed. The O.A. The Florida Project. The film Cloud Atlas. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Cloud Atlas was good. You know what else was good? That movie where that guy played a wolf and Mila Kunis was in it. Wrap it up? Okay. One more thing for the other ancient people

that might be sitting in the audience. Something that has been snubbed and is very, very sad to me is the Thomas Guide. Oh, the Thomas Guide. Yeah, I agree, but tell them. Thank God you're old enough to know what A Thomas Guide is.

There were clearly a lot of people that know what A Thomas Guide is in here. Do you remember the book Rick Steves, Europe Through the Back Door? You don't know what A Thomas Guide is, do you? Look at her. She doesn't know what A Thomas Guide is. Oh, my God.

For the record, I'm young. I don't know what it is. We got to wrap it up. We got to wrap it up. Thomas guide. We'll Google it. It was before Waze. That's all.

Oh, it was like a map. It was how you got yourself around the city. Was it a map? It was. And you got it in your stocking. It was a map and a what? Under the Christmas tree. Yeah.

It was a map and a book. So an atlas. There's a name for that. So, okay. So, atlases. For sure. For sure. For sure.

I miss them, too. And dictionaries. Dictionaries, too. I miss those, too. Oh, oh. Yep. And that's the snubbies. Hey, when we come back,

we'll end on a high note. Shut up. This is good. And now, because we all need it, here it is, the high note. Hi there, love it. This is Jaylene calling in from Fort Worth, Texas. My high note is that this Friday, the 25th, I'll be celebrating my three-year anniversary with the love of my life, John Anthony.

He introduced me to the podcast on our first road trip together, and now I listen every Wednesday and Saturday on my way to work. Wish us luck, and thank you all so much for keeping us company during our endless commutes. Infiniti mas besitos, mi amor. I love it. That's my dog. I have big news. My wife gave birth to our son last year,

and this month I officially got to adopt him. Aside from the day he was born, it was the best day of our lives. We're longtime fans, and in fact, the little man has already actually been to a show of yours. My wife was four months pregnant when we saw you guys in Philly. So thanks so much for entertaining us every week and keep up the good fight. Hi, my name is Megan. I'm calling from San Diego. I am a longtime fan of Love It. And my high note is that my best friend from college

had a really severe case of COVID last spring. And after she came off a ventilator, she had a couple of days where she seemed to be on the mend. And then she came down with a freak full-body paralysis. And at first they were saying after about a year, she could probably walk again. And then after a neurology appointment in August, they said that they actually couldn't determine the source of the problem. They didn't know if she would ever walk again. But I got to go visit her right before Christmas, and I saw her stand assistant.

And last week she actually had the arm strength and mobility to hug her sister. So that's my high note. If you put your mind to it, you can really do anything. I love it. My name is Lucas. I'm calling from Denver. And my high note this week is your fantastic interview that you did with Rob Reiner and the awesome spotlight you put on his work to expose Christian nationalism for what it really is, which is something that doesn't

reflect the reality of what the Christian faith is even a little bit. It was so fun to hear you talk about Phil Vischer, the founder of VeggieTales. Just a plug for his podcast, The Holy Post. I'm not sure how many people are in the Venn diagram of weekly love it or leave it listeners and Holy Post listeners, but there are so many of us out there who are so grateful to be people of faith and to have voices like yours and like Rob's lift up, telling stories of people who can still truly embody the progressive values that you do while trying to live faithfully in areas of their life.

So thank you. Hi, I'm Levitt. My name is Matt, and I'm calling from Tucson, Arizona. And I am calling with my high note for the week, and that is this past week I turned 19. I'm sorry. I got 19 years of sobriety this past week, and it was the first adult thing that I ever did for myself, and I'm really proud of myself, and I wanted people to know that there is help out there if you need it, and that I couldn't be happier.

And if I can give a plug to employment with local governments. We desperately need people. Everyone's retiring. It's an incredible career path. I love working for the city that I work for. And, again, thank you for everything that you, producer Brian, producer Kendra, and the pod team team does week after week for all of us. Thanks. Thanks to everybody who shared a high note tonight. If you want to leave us a message

about something they gave you hope, call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show. Thank you so much to Jermaine Fowler, Melora Harden, Kel Mitchell, Natalie Rado-Layman. There are 282 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend. If you're already doom-scrolling, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram and Twitter. You can also find Love It or Leave It on YouTube for access to your favorite segments and other exclusive content. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review.

Finally, you can join our Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and a great discussion on Discord. Plus, it's a great way to get involved with Vote Save America, so sign up today at crooked.com slash friends. Thank you. Keeper is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Coffman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mohand El-Sheikhi are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. On the road, Vendelin Von Schroeder is our tour manager. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. And Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and Bernardo Serna for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Zuri Irvin, David Tolles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroot for filming and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and your digital producers, Zuri Ervin, David Tolles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroot for filming and editing video each week so you can.