Lovett or Leave It - Lock Him Up

Episode Date: December 2, 2017

Flynn cops a plea. The tax bill verges on passage. A government shutdown looms. And Trump still manages to find new lows on Twitter. In a special crossover episode, Jon Favreau, Dan Pfeiffer, Ira Madison, and Lovett walk through Mueller’s deal with Flynn. Then Megan Gailey, Jamil Smith, and Maz Jobrani join to break down a wild week. Plus there’s a dramatic reading with Liz Meriwether and we discuss the royal engagement you people care about for some reason. There’s too much news.

Hey guys, it's Love It. Today's Love It or Leave It is a special edition. As always, when we record Love It or Leave It on Thursday, crazy shit happens on Friday. And obviously that's what happened this week. So, we're going to bring you the conversation I had with John and Dan and Ira Madison Friday night during Pod Tours America where we break down the Flynn plea deal. And then we have a great live show from Thursday at the Improv with an awesome panel on the rest of the week's news. So here it is, as our worst person would say, enjoy.

Hello Santa Barbara. All right, a lot of news today and since it's been such a bad week with lots of bad things, we're going to start with the fun stuff, guys. From the Washington Post, former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn pled guilty Friday. Huge applause for a guilty plea here in Santa Barbara.

I have to tell you, before this election, you would have told us that we're going to travel across the country getting rounds of applause for various federal motions in theaters everywhere. I'd have said, what are you talking about? So Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI about his contacts with Russian Ambassador Sergei Kislyak, and court records indicated he was acting in consultation with senior Trump transition officials, including President Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner.

You're a mob. You're an angry mob. You're an angry mob, You're an angry mob. And you're out for blood. No. They're out for justice. Oh, man. Oh, man. Guys.

That's amazing. You just named an episode of Love It or Leave It. Guys! That's amazing. You just named an episode of Love It or Leave It. All right. Let's get into the facts of the case here. We should break this down because this is actually about much more than a guilty plea about lying to the FBI. ABC News reported that Flynn has promised full cooperation in the special counsel's Russia investigation and is prepared to testify that as president-elect, Donald Trump directed him to make contacts with the Russians.

So let's start with what Bob Mueller did here. From quite a bit of reporting, we know that he probably could have charged Flynn with any number of crimes. There was failure to register as an agent of a foreign power. There was financial disclosure problems. There was money laundering. There was a kidnapping scheme where Flynn was going to get paid $15 million to send a legal U.S. resident to an autocratic Turkish regime. So anyway, lots of crimes he could have been charged with. He only got charged with lying to the FBI.

What does that tell us about this guilty plea? It says that he has something very valuable to trade because Flynn, were he to be convicted of all the things you mentioned, including and most especially the proposed $50 million kidnapping scheme, he would spend much of the rest of his adult life in jail. And so for him to get off like this, he has something to offer, and it's about someone who is a bigger fish than him. There are three bigger fishes than Flynn in the Russia scandal. There is Jared.

We know your thoughts. Wait for this one. There is Don Jr. And then there is Donald J. Trump himself. There you go. So it seems like... Pence! What?

Pence! Oh, Pence. Oh, yeah. It could be Pence, but there was some reporting today that said that during this infamous Mar-a-Lago call where Flynn basically told everyone that he was in contact with the Russians, even though the entire administration lied to us. Flynn was actually, I mean, Pence was actually in Indianapolis,

so he was not part of that. So far, Mike Pence has escaped. Yeah, he has not been interviewed. Like, look, I don't like Mike Pence. These are people. He knows what he's doing. Yeah, Pence has not been interviewed by Mueller's team. Mueller's team has not asked for documents from Pence yet. So his day may come.

It's just not here yet. Mike Pence, two possibilities. One, Mike Pence just walked through every room with his fingers in his ears going, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. And, like, I actually do think mentally that is what he's been doing. Also, 10% chance at the end of this whole thing, Mueller takes a mask off and it was Pence. Ira, what did you think about this news when you saw this today?

No, it's obvious that Pence is, he knows what he's doing. He's setting this up. He's trying to become president. Why would you join Donald Trump for a meal, let alone be his running mate? And everything that's happened, it's been like Pence has mysteriously been gone. He's been in Indianapolis. The only thing that he's done actually that's been sort of like a scam was that football thing that he did.

Oh, yeah. And even that, there was probably something going down in Washington that we're going to find out about two months from now, and that's the only reason he agreed to it. So, another problem that Flynn faces is not just lying to the FBI about contacts with Russia, but the contacts themselves. Lovett, why was it a problem for Jared Kushner to direct Mike Flynn to reach out to the Russians during the transition period between the Obama and Trump administrations? Why is that a no-no? Okay, so there's the basics, one present at a time. Right.

That you're not supposed to have two operating. That's just a standard that people follow. That's a good thing we've done, right? We've never had a schism or schism. We've never had two popes, and for the most part, that's benefited us. We did briefly have them. It was a civil war, et cetera. Cool.

That's the one thing. The thing that I keep coming back to is, what do you guys think? Do you guys think that Donald Trump, he brought Jared Kushner and Flynn and the rest of the goons into some brass-plated room at Trump Tower and he says, guys, I know I'm not the president yet,

but I care about this Russia relationship so much. I care about taking on ISIS so much. We got to get these contacts going now. We cannot wait. It is too important. That's why I ran. This is what I'm passionate about. What are you fucking talking about? But also, what? It's worse than that, though. I mean, what happened was Russia interfered with the election. Our entire intelligence community came to that conclusion. So Barack Obama, before he leaves office, imposes sanctions on Russia to punish them for interfering in our election and launching a cyber attack against us. And so the Trump administration then decides, before they come into office, we're going to call up the Russians and tell them, don't you worry so much about the sanctions. John, cynicism. Shame on you.

Yes, that's what they did. However, it is because he was going to take on ISIS with Vladimir Putin, hand in glove. That was the reason they did it. Also, Obama did the one thing we are never supposed to do to Trump. He told him not to hire Mike Flynn. Oh, that's a, yes. So what did you think he was going to do? Well, that's a good point because let's talk about the various flags along the way on Mike Flynn.

So Obama meets with Trump for the first time, and they have this whole conversation, and Obama says, by the way, do not hire this guy. I fired him in my administration. All sorts of trouble. Yeah, that was a mistake on Obama's part. He should have said, I love this guy. I was about to promote him.

Have him call the Russians. It is true. Reverse psychology. There's never been a human being more susceptible to reverse psychology than Donald Trump. You could get him to whitewash a fence right fucking now. This is so much fun. You're a fool for not doing it. So Obama gives that warning.

And then Sally Yates, who is at the time the acting attorney general tells the administration by the way um flynn has been making illegal contacts where he's he's made some contacts with russia that could get him in trouble they might have blackmail on him you should probably fire him and the trump administration does not fire Mike Flynn until it's leaked in the press 18 days later. So this is how many flags... And the Trump administration knows this the entire time. The hardest part... Let's just be honest here. The hardest part about parsing all of this is they were doing so many crimes on so many different paths. Like there's the Kislyak shit.

Kushner's running out of money because he bought a building on Fifth Avenue and couldn't make it work. Donald Trump's been a criminal his entire adult life. Meanwhile, Mike Flynn is doing Ocean's Eleven in Pennsylvania. It's just like I imagine the hardest part for Robert Mueller is just like sorting the crimes into piles. It does seem like there is an actual law that they could have been in violation of through the transition, right? This is the Logan Act. Do you want to talk about that? Right. The Logan Act prevents people who are not representing the United States government

acting as representatives of the United States government. It is also a law that I believe no one has been prosecuted under for the century it's been on the books, which that tells me that there is something bigger afoot in the Mueller investigation. Because there's just no way in my mind that Robert Mueller would let Mike Flynn skate on all these crimes, including a $50 million kidnapping scheme, so that he could give information to prosecute Jared Kushner and or Trump under a law that no one's ever been prosecuted before. Yeah, that seems like Bob Mueller is sharper than that.

Bob Mueller is the fucking best. Bob Mueller Bob He's, look that's what we say now. He is Comey without the bullshit. He's Comey without the biblical quotes.

The smarmy tweets. The biblical tweets. The righteous tweets from Comey without the biblical quotes the biblical tweets the righteous tweets 6 foot 8 and a bunch of bullshit I don't trust him but the other thing too is like just step back for a second so all these escalating things you're building this case towards whatever nefarious dealings were going on within the Trump administration and the Trump campaign the FBI does not normally let slip

multi-million dollar international political kidnapping schemes. That's not like, but wait till we find a big crime. That's a big fucking deal. I can imagine our national, like Jim Jones or Tom Donilon are engaged in a kidnapping scheme. It's also important to remember that Flynn was working in the White House at the time. He wasn't doing this on his own time.

He had gone into government so he could engage in the kidnapping scheme. To be fair. Because he was going to get paid quite handsomely. That makes him maybe the most efficient person in the Trump administration. I don't think Sean Spicer, I don't think Sarah Huckabee Sanders can do their jobs poorly and also orchestrate a kidnapping. On the side. They did not have a plan, did they? kidnapping on the side.

They did not have a plan, did they? Yes. So then let's talk about, so you're right. I do think that he's not going through all this to hope that he has this bank shot with getting them all on the Logan Act, which no one's ever gotten anyone. So how could this implicate Trump? Let's talk about that. It seems like there's two general areas here. One is actual collusion, right?

So what could the collusion charge be here? Well, I mean, it's pretty simple. I mean, I will speculate wildly. Yeah, just wild speculation. Yeah, wildly speculation. Fun, it's Friday. We're going to bring it down to earth after we talk about it. Buckle up.

It gets sad in a minute. What collusion would mean specifically as it related to Trump was that someone in the Trump campaign, like Jared Kushner, had been in contact with the Russians and provided them guidance, maybe through the data firm owned by the Mercers that Jared Kushner hired, about where and when to deploy the trolls and the hacked emails and everything. So if there's any contact that suggested they wanted to work together, and we know they did because they took a fucking meeting with a Russian spy in order to get information on Hillary. And if Donald Trump knew of any of that, then he would be guilty of many crimes, right? All of which lead back to collusion. And perhaps Flynn, who worked on the campaign also, would have known

about all of this. Yes, Flynn, who is weirdly close to the Russians. Bizarre. Bizarre. It's so coincidental. Manafort, Flynn, all these Russian contacts. So the other big one, and this is the one I always think is most likely, is an obstruction of justice charge. And

the Flynn plea today should remind us of this, because remember, after Flynn was fired for lying about his contacts with Russians, Trump famously said to Comey, called up his FBI director and said, I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. He is a good guy. Okay. Did you guys see this story about these two guys? Okay, did you guys see this story about these two guys? They're twins, and they did a mafia-style killing. And they hit somebody to death with a hammer and then attached a cinder block to his feet,

threw him in the water, but they didn't do a good job, so he floated up. And they found a guy with a cinder block attached to his feet with a bunch of hammer hits to his head. They pull over these two brothers, and in the trunk, they find a bloody hammer and a bunch of other evidence, and they were speeding,

and then they sped off to try to get away. Donald Trump has left the equivalent amount of evidence for his crimes in his tweets and conversations with law enforcement officials. I was wondering where you were going with that. I thought it was like a movie we should all know. I thought it was the Menendez brothers story. I did too.

You guys saw that thing, right? You're all up on the news. What are you reading? He doesn't know the news for the day, but he knows that story. Don't insult me. Speaking of crimes out in the open, the Daily Beast also reported today that for weeks,

Trump has vented privately to advisors and confidants about his anxiety over signs that Flynn had flipped. And three sources say that the president was upset that Flynn, quote, turned on me. So the question is, how are you upset that Flynn turned on you if there's nothing to turn on you about? Right? That seems like an admission of...

This reminds me of, there was also a big New York Times story yesterday. You remember yesterday. 20 years ago. About how Trump has been going to various Republicans on the Hill and asking them to stop the investigation. And all these Republicans say, obviously this is inappropriate, but he doesn't know any better. He's just a dumb businessman.

And the implications of that are amazing, which are he's just a dumb businessman and a natural criminal. The best part about that Daily Beast article is the fact that they talk about when Flynn was arriving to enter his guilty plea. And someone apparently paid an Uber to drive by and yell, go fuck yourself, Flynn. I feel like that was probably a friend of the pod. They were probably wearing the repeal and go fuck yourself with. I feel like that was probably a friend of the pod. They were probably wearing the repeal and go fuck yourself shirt. Friend of the pod should be using Lyft. They also said that people were outside holding signs outside the courtroom saying lock him up, which I thought was a nice touch.

were outside holding signs outside the courtroom saying lock him up, which I thought was a nice touch. I've said it before, but the phrase lock her up is a ring-like incantation. If you say it with malice, you will be found guilty of the crimes for which you were accusing Hillary Clinton.

You're next, Chris Christie. So, Dan, we were talking about this earlier today. How excited should we get about all this because i think what happens is this russian news comes out we've seen this before and then you know everyone on our side is all excited this is it we got him he's going and then you know we set our expectations pretty high the impeachment eagle yeah exactly the supreme court marshal is on his way right um and then you know you know, either A, take some time, or B, like, we don't know if this will result in a real charge or impeachment.

I think a couple things. First, Donald Trump is guilty of some crimes. Like, that is without a doubt. And the thing is, they may not be the crimes we think they are. He may not be masterminding an international scheme to seal an election through cyber warfare. Like that may not be in his bailiwick. But he is scared shitless. He can barely work the remote.

He can work the remote. Where's my Fox in front of me? All of this from a Samsung S3. Right. But you saw some disappointment among people on Twitter today that these crimes, like ABC News had this incorrect report this morning that said that Flynn was prepared to testify that candidate Trump told him to make contact with the Russians during the election, which would be a real sign of collusion. ABC News got that wrong, and it was actually President-elect Trump, and it was about these calls to Kislyak about Russia's sanctions,

which is still illegal. And the thing we have to remember is obstruction of justice is a crime, regardless of what crime you're trying to obstruct justice from. So whether it's his money laundering, whether it's just rampant bad business practices, whether it's sketchy contacts with Russia, he is in deep legal trouble no matter what. It just may not be. If we want at the end of the day to say Robert Mueller told us that Hillary Clinton had the election stolen from her by Russians with Donald Trump's help, we may never get there. And I think this matters the way the media covers it because the White House's reaction to every piece of news is this is yet another development that shows,

that has not proved collusion. So they have set, the White House has set the standard for collusion and I worry that the media has too. So if there is no collusion, then they're all like, you know what, there's no collusion, nothing they're all like, you know what? There's no collusion. Nothing happened. We should all move on. Mueller concludes investigation when, in fact, now four Trump officials have been charged.

Two have pled guilty. One was his national security advisor, and one was his campaign manager. And there could be potential obstruction of justice. I mean, there was obstruction of justice, but we'll see what Mueller says. Let's not grade his illegality on a curve, right? Right. Yeah, the other, the thing, though, I was thinking about this today, and this is hugely important, right? It's important that when the president's a criminal, we find out the details. And take action. And take action. Perhaps. The truth is, we are three weeks away from 2018, the biggest midterm elections,

most important midterm elections in our lifetime. It seems to me inconceivable that whatever Mueller is doing, despite Ty Cobb's continuing and hilarious claims that this thing's about to be wrapped up, it seems impossible to imagine that this won't play out over the next year and be an incredibly important factor in an election. Ultimately, impeachment is a political act, and this will play a role in how we win the House. The thing that matters is winning the House, which is about, which by the way, does a lot of the work of stopping Trump, even if he's in office. So to me, it's like, yeah, I mean, I have trouble imagining a world in which any of this plays out before the 2018 election. So ultimately, we have to win the election regardless of whatevereller is doing. What is up?

How's everybody doing? Back at the improv, yet another new setup of the tables in the front. I'm in a mood. This week was fucking crazy. Today was crazy, in particular. What are you referring to? Yeah, what's going on with Tillerson, that guy, huh? We liked him so much, and now he's on the outs. I like people who are like, Tillerson, well, no one could be worse than Tillerson. Why did you think that?

What about the past year has made you think that you could say nobody could be worse than blank? That's never true. This year is about how that is 100% never true. I just can't believe that week after week we come out here and it's crazier than the week before. That's all. All right. You guys want to do a show? Let's do the show.

You guys want to do a show? Let's do the show. Before we begin, I just want to let you guys know that Love It or Leave It is going back on tour with Pod Tours America. You can go to crooked.com slash events. If you're hearing this right now, the presale has begun. You can use the code crooked for the Pod Tours America event. You can use the code love it for the Love It or Leave It events. We're going to be in Texas.

We're going to be in California. We're going to be in Florida. We're going to be in California. We're going to be in Florida. We're going to be at Radio City Music Hall. That is bananas. If you would have told us a year ago that Trump, well, we would have believed a year ago. We would have been like, yep, it's as bad as we suspected. But we'd be doing live shows at Radio City Music Hall, we'd be like, that doesn't make any sense.

Whatever. But anyway, you can get your tickets now, crooked.com slash events, the code is crooked or love it. Let's start the show. I'm very excited about our panel. She's been on Conan and has an upcoming Comedy Central special. Please welcome Megan Gailey. How are you? I'm great. a big a big jump the stare it's big i need it i was like

somebody help me um but i know women we can't accept help right now uh we gotta just jump on the stage ourself no one touch us so i did it i made it look at me he's a contributing opinion writer at the Los Angeles Times and is the co-host of the new special series One Year Later for KCRW

and Public Radio International please welcome Jameel Smith hey Jameel thanks for being here my pleasure that was dangerous for the people at home there's a missing step,

and I'm dealing with drama queens. He's a comedian, actor, and author from CBS's hit comedy series Superior Donuts. Please welcome Maz Jabroni. That step was nothing. I'm a man. And don't touch me either, John. I don't want to touch anybody.

I'm still figuring out when you're supposed to hug. And I still want it to be never. Too much hugging. In some countries, we kiss. Like in the Persian culture, we do the side-to-side kiss. Three kisses, two kisses. What's going to happen there? I'll stop going to the airport to protest the Muslim ban.

There you go. Get rid of those immigrants. They're kissing too much. Too much kissing. More guns guns less kissing it's the American way god damn it I just want to live in a happy medium between shooting each other and kissing strangers

that is too much to ask for a politics that lives somewhere between everyone can shoot everyone and powerful men take their dicks out a place where people greet each other between everyone can shoot everyone and powerful men take their dicks out. A place where people greet each other with handshakes and good manners and no killing and no dicks. It's the happy medium.

That should be your campaign slogan. No killing and no dicks. Vote love it. Honestly, it's pretty good. All right, let's get into it. What a week. Okay, listen. Does that mean it's over?

No. That's what I'm saying. Okay, so guys, you're doing better. That was a bell, but it was a new and deeper bell and something I wasn't expecting. But it's fine. Leave it in. All right. It's Thursday night at this recording uh the republican tax bill is on the

floor uh because we are recording early uh that does mean on friday things will just completely change per use but as of now they do not have the votes it could go either way but i think the thing is win lose or draw on this the bill is going to be something that trails Republicans through 2018. Republicans like McCain and Collins have fallen in line or seem poised to do so. We'll see what actually transpires tomorrow. Right before we were recording this, there was a ruling from the parliamentarian in the Senate that said the trigger, the fiscal trigger. How do these maniacs come up with these terms? The details of it don't matter.

The fiscal trigger was bullshit that one Republican needed to give his vote to the others. And they said that they can't use it. It's thrown things into disarray on top of disarray. But the bottom line is the bill is incredibly unpopular for all the things that it does. Gives tax cuts to billionaires and corporations. Raises taxes on the middle class. Jamil, the polling has shown this to be impossibly less popular or on par with previous Republican health care bills. They've been ramming this thing through because they know it can't survive a debate. What do you think is motivating their desire to push this through right now? Oh, money, money. That's it. I mean, look, I mean, with Obamacare, they didn't

have Republican donors saying, I'm going to pull my support from you. They didn't have people saying that I'm not going to support your reelection effort if you don't actually get this done. With tax cuts, it's literally like in the if there was a list of Republican priorities, like, you know, one perhaps would be gerrymandering and two would be like, you know, supporting police brutality. And then three would be three would be tax cuts, tax cuts. I mean, it may even be above that at this point. So I think what you have here is Republican priority. Number one, legislatively, at least being threatened by the fact that they can't actually do the work of legislating. They literally have been elected to oppose everything that Obama put forth.

So they didn't get elected to actually do things. They got elected to simply oppose. So now that they're actually in charge and they actually have to write a budget, they actually have to pass legislation, they can't actually get it done because they don't know how to actually write a budget. They actually have to pass legislation. They can't actually get it done because they don't know how to actually write a bill and or at least write one that would pass muster with the American people. Yeah. Megan, what do you make of this? I mean, there hasn't this bill is a dramatic reordering of the tax code. It shifts it shifts the tax burden down the income ladder. But we haven't seen the same outcry as I think we saw around health care. What do you think about that?

I mean, we're all full. You know, like, I'm tired. I'm calling, but, like, I also have presents to buy. And they're hoping that everyone's like me and is like, oh, a snowman. I don't have time to call Todd Young and tell him what a piece of shit he is. But I do. I find the time.

But, yeah, we're distracted. And I think that this is like, I feel like they feel like they have to do something. They're like, okay, the year is ending. Tax, that doesn't sound as bad. People will just swallow it and deal with it. And then they're like, okay, presents and shopping and the Rockettes. Now. We have to do it now or else...

I think they feel like their window is closing and then they're like, oh, look, touching kids. Let's get this in. And that seems like their strategy. Man, I can't believe the Rockettes signed on to this thing. It's so disappointing.

But, like, great legs. It's amazing how short people's memories are, you know? I think because, you know, you pointed this not working before, this trickle down. Because if trickle down would have worked, the disparity of wealth would not be as bad it is right now. Guys that, you know, these billionaires are not going to take the extra money and buy a boat

for you guys or us. They're going to buy another. Mnuchin is going to go fly somewhere else again. It's amazing how people, when you point to the fact that Reagan tried it and it didn't work, this trickle-down thing

hasn't worked before. But they still believe that there's going to be economic growth. And then it's just crazy to me that then you get all these economists that come out, and it was something out of like 30, like 29 of them said, or it was out of 40, 39 of them said it's not going to be good. And one of them said it could be good. And so they go, well, there you go. We got our guy.

And this is why what happened with The Washington Post this week matters. Because, you know, there are folks like Project Veritas who have made it a, you know, their life's work to deconstruct the trust that Americans have for the media, for the people who are refereeing all this nonsense. And so if you're saying, like, okay, the media doesn't, you know, they're all liberals. They can't trust them. You know, obviously Democrats, there are liberals, some of them, you can't trust them. So, you know, who is there to trust? And so they can get away. It's literally how people get away with crimes. It's like, these are thieves. They are trying to steal money from the U.S. Treasury and give it to rich people while getting more money that people can't afford to pay, you're earning less than $70,000. You're trying to get more money from them to

essentially keep the ship running, not really actually pay for any improvements in America. So it's literally about the least patriotic thing that can actually be done. And they are trying to do it under the cover of promising middle class tax reform. If there was an actual middle class tax reform in this bill, don't you think Democrats would support it? Yeah. Well, it's the other thing, too, is it's like they're acting like it's this incredibly difficult thing. It is actually doing real tax reform that doesn't increase the deficit is actually really hard. It's really hard, right, because there are actual tradeoffs. And there's good reasons for reducing state and local deductions.

And maybe the mortgage deduction doesn't make sense and has increased inefficiencies in the housing market. You can make all kinds of arguments. But it is so easy to just spend $1.5 trillion. Like, would anyone in this room have trouble spending $1. Like, oh my god, I'm at 1.6. I don't know how to get this thing under budget. So they're like, but it's because they need to do the corporate tax cut to make it permanent. They need to do the estate tax repeal or reduction. They need to do the tax cuts for the wealthy. And there's just a pittance left

over. And it still balloons the deficit. I don't think they actually think it's good for the economy. Like when they hear 29 out of 30, they're like, okay, it's good for us. You know, it's like hearing four out of five dentists recommend and you're like, yeah, but I got good teeth. So I don't give a fuck. And the fifth dentist pays me to be here. Yeah, exactly.

I work for the fifth dentist. The fifth dentist funds my life. me to be here. Yeah, exactly. I work for the Fifth Dentist. The Fifth Dentist funds my life. It's sort of like the Ron Johns. All these guys like Ron Johnson. It's like, I can't vote for this thing. It's not kind enough to the pass-throughs. I have a soft spot in my heart for the pass-throughs.

Ron, don't you have a pass-through? That's so strange that you have a pass-through? That's so strange that you have a pass-through. Let's move on to the potential shutdown. The government has a deadline of December 8th for funding. Republicans do not have enough votes to pass the spending measure without some Democratic support. Trump insulted Schumer and Pelosi on Twitter.

Someone shout to me, did he? Yeah, I know, you can't believe it, but he did it. As they were sort of on their way, they were going to go to the White House for a meeting with him. And so they canceled the meeting because it's like, well, you're supposed to tweet insulting us after the meeting, not before the meeting. You fucking dipshit. Dealmaker. you fucking dipshit deal maker so they're like well you insulted us before the meeting saying that you know so we're not we're not coming so then he did the photo with the empty chairs and i love also that he put the he put pelosi and schumer next to him and ryan and mcconnell

two seats over which is not the arrangement and i know that that was like a trump directed thing like move these. Make them sitting next to me. That's how nice I was going to be. Like, I think he moved those signs himself. Of course. I don't have any proof of it. No. But I think he did.

And I also love the look on McConnell and Paul Ryan's face. He's a 10-year-old. He's a 10-year-old in the White House. And he's like, oh, we should do this. You know, like, put the names over here. Take the picture. You know, like, that's who he is. That's who he is.

He really is. He did the presidential equivalent of going in the stocks at the Western section. Right. At Disney World. You know, where you put your head in and you're like, yeah. Now I'm a cowboy criminal. Well, whatever he has to do to get out of actually doing work, of course, right? I mean, you know, and, you know, I got to think that Nancy Pelosi is looking at that

and saying, like, this is like, to her, he's not the president of the United States. He's like an abusive co-worker, you know? And also he's, you know, she's got to be sick. Not that she's run for president, but how many women have seen a mediocre or incompetent man promoted above them? And I mean...

You just brought up something that's kind of funny, because if it is a co-worker, if there were human resources for the government, how many people would have gone and complained, that Donald guy is a real asshole. How many people would be going into HR going like, I don't want, can I have another complaint about this asshole? I can't stand him.

Like, how many people would be complaining about him? Well, sadly, I think one of the lessons of the past week is that we have that HR department, and they just pay you to be quiet. So that sucks. No. It'll be okay, Sean. So anyway, it's injustice all the way fucking down. Megan. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't. This fucking week. John is losing hope. Matt Lauer had a button under his under his fucking desk what what the fuck

come on in and that's not even the top story you know that falls to like fifth I want your thoughts on this

but I wanted to talk about the shutdown so again the government will run out of funding they control republicans control the house the senate and the white house but they can't which would be the first time in history the government will have shut it shut down in the modern era with total control of one party things that are on the table protecting dreamers funding children's

health insurance stabilization for obamacare do you think that democrats are going to put up this fight do you think democrats are gonna do you feel as somebody who's paying attention to this, like, I want them to do what it takes. I want them to risk the shutdown. I want them to go for it. I mean, that was such a nice assumption. I feel like they, they have nothing to lose. I mean, if, if the shutdown happens, it's truly the Republicans' fault. And I feel like everyone knows that they're in charge of everything right now and this is the leverage that Pelosi and Schumer have and it's also a legitimate thing this is what their constituents want this is what we all want and are calling them and bugging them about so it's like yeah they're gonna be like okay you're gonna tweet at us and be rude we're we are gonna in theory be the

ones that actually don't join you at the table, but you're going to be the one that gets in trouble, as they should. So it's kind of like, I mean, I would have loved to have been in that car that turned around. And I feel like they were like, this is great. This is great. I wanted to go have lunch anyways. I'm happy. They're like, we don't have to go to that hellhole and see Melania's weird decorations.

How? I mean, like, listen, I'm not even a trained interior designer. I just have eyes. And... When people think you're evil, don't have sticks and shadows. Like, just don't do it. Okay.

I'm telling you. You know what? We were going to talk about this later, but let's fuck it. Let's talk about this now. So, Ivanka's like, Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Do what I do. Terrify your friends and family with a bleached out giant clam filled with the ugliest pumpkins you've ever seen,

with giant sticks poking out in various directions. with a bleached-out giant clam filled with the ugliest pumpkins you've ever seen, with giant sticks poking out in various directions. Not a red, not a green, not a blue in sight. Just browns and whites and oranges and sadness. Then Melania's like, I didn't want to be first lady. I didn't want to be part of any of this. I bit off more than I could chew more than a decade ago

and here I am time to do the one cool thing I think that I would do is decorate the White House with an extraordinary opportunity oh no I picked haunted house by mistake and I really I think it's hard to look at what Ivanka did with that table setting.

And I feel as though what I'm about to do would technically be called an assumption. And what Melania did with the evil dead tree forest through the East Wing corridor. And it's hard not to see just the subconscious inside of each of them screaming. Just screaming, this is what it feels like. This is what it feels like. I feel like this. I feel like this. I'm a dead tree in an old house.

I'm a dead tree in an old house. It's a cry for help. Absolutely. And then she dressed as a ghost to show it to us. She's almost showing us, if we shut down, this is what you're going to have. It's only going to be sticks. We're going to be, what was the bad part of Hunger Games? That's where they live.

And they have money, too. They could have done anything. They could have afforded anything. And they went with sticks. Oh, that done anything. They could have afforded anything. And they went with sticks. Oh, that was expensive. Those are expensive sticks? Those are expensive sticks.

Oh, shit. Those are the most expensive sticks. Is she from Transylvania? Where is she from? Maybe that's how they do it in Transylvania. It's very possible. When I was a girl, we went out and we found the deadest trees. And we dragged them inside and we set them up. And we lit them from below to scare the children.

And then we had Christmas tradition, which is we sat in front of the tree and closed our eyes. And thought about all of our compromises. And then decide, was this one worth it? Well, if I can make this racial for a second. Okay. Please.

I mean, could you tell me any more clearly what they like? Whiteness? Everywhere. Everywhere. On her dress.

Even the branches. The dead branches are white. I mean, do you know how much effort it takes to paint branches white? I mean, you have white branches, white ballerinas, whatever. What else do they have? Like, just, well. Someone helpfully shouted, white house. Yes, bel they have? Like, just, well... Someone helpfully shouted, White House.

Believer in the obvious, the house is white. Gonna call that one a good one. It's hard for me. It's hard for me not to make this metaphorical here. Those white sheets over the Christmas tree should have given it away. That was weird, putting big

white sheets over the Christmas tree and then cutting two holes. Well, you have to be able to see the... No. Yeah. Anyway. In the...

Oh, yeah. In conclusion, I still have not heard a good reason why to delay. If we're going to make a demand for DACA and Chip,

do it now, Chuck and Nancy. Do it now Chunk and Nancy do it now let them try to blame you they control all the branches of government give people something to support not just something to be against let's fight like hell that's what I think and also Melania's terrible taste

I think we covered the week when we come back a segment called okay stop hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it coming up I think we covered the week. When we come back, a segment called OK Stop. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Now for a segment we call OK Stop. Here's how it works. This week, Fox News' Laura Ingraham had Tea Party member and 2012 presidential nominee Herman...

Nominee? News' Laura Ingraham had Tea Party member and 2012 presidential nominee Herman, nominee? 2012 presidential not nominee Herman Cain on her show to discuss the current climate of sexual assault allegations. Herman Cain had multiple women come forward with allegations against him and he dropped out of the presidential race shortly after. Let's roll the clip. And you guys know how it works. We watch it and we stop it as we go but can the current climate go too far and when it's just an allegation uh just enough to try to take a public figure down my old boss supreme court justice clarence thomas knows a thing or two about that okay stop whoa that is the craziest aside to include as like just a fact as you're introducing a new guest. It's like saying like joining me today on the show is Jameel Smith.

Jet fuel doesn't melt steel beans. Let's talk about the shutdown. You know what I mean? It's a weird thing to throw in before you get to the questions. Anyway, I feel as though that's a bit of a biased introduction. Megan, you disagree? A little bit. That was, that like shook me to my core. anyway I feel as though that's a bit of a biased introduction Megan you disagree? that was

that like shook me to my core I can't even believe she said that that's the card you want to pull right now someone we know listen we have HBO bitch we saw even if we don't remember

it also I mean for people who cannot see this, the chyron underneath her says, will sex harassment accusations go too far? Apparently not with Clarence Thomas, because he's on the fucking Supreme Court. Also, listen, they know who's watching them, and that's the thing. That's the danger.

I do this sometimes. I watch them sometimes, and I have yet to watch them and not leave going like what the fuck every time doesn't matter what it is any time of day have you watched judge janine uh piro is that her name just yep every time like what the fuck and so that's just another one of those moments right there watch it on an elliptical you will be be going. Just like, I will burn you to the ground. While doing something that's almost as good as running.

This counts. Fuck you, Laura. Fuck you, Jim. This counts. I didn't want to say treadmill and leave the people with bad knees out. I was going to say, I mean, for those of us with bad knees,

come on. You're welcome. Get on a bike. We're not buying the elliptical anymore. What is that? I think we'll look back in the elliptical the way we look back on that machine that where you step in it and it vibrates your body, you know, and you're like, oh, those people in the 60s, they were crazy. Now let me get on a thing that runs for you. Sorry, that was an aside about ellipticals. Let's keep rolling the clip. Our guest, former presidential candidate, I should say Herman Cain, speaking publicly for the first time in this current climate about the accusations that derailed his bid for the White

House in 2012. You had a really strong and vibrant following, and a lot of people just liked your presence in the race okay to insinuate that he didn't get to become president because of those accusations is rude no offense to these three fine gentlemen up here but like we don't need to hear from men right now. We're good. It just doesn't even... It's like you wouldn't ask... If there was something going on with teachers, you wouldn't ask an...

We don't need to hear from Herman Cain ever. We're good. Yeah, listen, it's okay to hear from men. I think you don't want to hear from men like Herman Cain who have the accusations. For now, just give us 30 seconds you don't want to hear from men like Herman Cain who have the accusations. I feel like I'm good. No. For now, just give us 30 seconds and let us dance around and burn shit and be witches.

No, but let me tell you. And whip our tampons above our heads and then we'll interview you. No, but let me tell you because the problem, here's the problem because I'm of Middle Eastern descent and whenever there's a terrorist attack, we all get accused. And so just because these assholes are going around doing what they're doing doesn't mean every man is doing what they're doing. So I understand you need your time. No, but that doesn't mean that we can't have an opinion about this guy being an asshole.

Oh, you can have an opinion. I just don't want to hear it right now. I want to hear it, and I want to hear it right now. I want to hear it, and I want to hear it, like, Tuesday. And I'm ready Tuesday, but I'm not ready... I'm not ready while Matt Lauer is, like, the under thing, you know? Like, I need

to breathe. I need to breathe. My vagina needs to breathe. So much of me is breathing, and I'm not getting to... You are wool strangling me. I think there's Why are you being wool strangling me?

No, but listen, we all need to breathe. It's crazy because every day it's different people coming out every day. But I agree with you that I don't know why Herman Cain is the expert in this situation. They should have had someone who has not been accused

of sexual harassment. He is an expert in sexual harassment. If they wanted to find out what was Matt Lauer thinking and what were his strategies, and what would you have done differently, sir? Herman, I'm so glad

you're here today. Put us in that room. I mean, not to make it too serious, but I mean, here's the thing. To your point, I think that, you know, survivors are going through hell right now. I mean, survivors of sexual assault and sexual harassment

are seeing these headlines every day, triggering them. And I cannot imagine, well, I can't imagine because I've talked to a lot of my friends who have survived sexual harassment and assault, what they are going through right now. And to see Herman Cain presented as the person who was the victim here, he is presented as this poor man. His presidential aspirations were derailed by four heifers who accused him of sexual harassment.

How dare they? I mean, really? He's the victim? They should have had Herman Cain speak when Trump won and they should have said, how does it feel to see another sexual harasser win when you didn't even get to the nomination?

Now speak your mind. How does that feel, Herman Cain? I'm on board with that. I also like that we were so incensed by this clip, we've yet to hear Herman Cain say anything. Which I think could be... I'm also good on that.

I guess we have to roll it. Things started ping, ping, ping, one after the other coming out. You just decided, for my family's sake, I'm not going to continue. Do you regret that now, looking back? Do you wish you had stayed in and fought it out? Okay, stop.

That is... I just... The full majesty of that question is now laid before us she said ping ping ping like it was a slot machine those are words

in Trump's world he says have you seen him he does the ping ping ping all the time also Herman Cain Herman Cain is like a wealthy man right

right i like you bow out of the presidential race because of sexual harassment and misconduct then the whole world years later has a giant reckoning around the subject for which you were previously punished you get a call that says time to go go on TV. He's like, alright, put my suit on, here I go. Why are you here? Why did you drive across town to do this? Wait in the studio, get the makeup. Does he still own Pizza Hut? Or Papa John's? What was it? Oh, it wasn't even that mainstream. It was something else. Godfather's Pizza, right. Is that what it was?

Are you sure? Yeah, that was it. Oh, you're not sure? Is it good? Do we know? Did someone else have more confidence than the guy in the front row? Was it Godfather's Pizza?

Yes, yes, it was. Are there dipping sauces? We're both from the Midwest. We should have ordered by now. Y'all get ranch? No, I do not. Because, as you pointed out, they came week one,

week two, week three. And what we concluded was that it was going to continue four, five, and six, the way it did with the... Wait. Okay, stop. Okay, stop. Okay, stop. Everybody remembers 999, right? He hasn't stopped talking in numbers for five years.

He's like, you didn't even get to see the rest of them. That's the saddest part. You didn't even get to meet all the gals. He sorts his accusers into trilogies. Into episodes. And more. I bowed out primarily because, not because I couldn't take the harassment,

I couldn't take the firestorm, but because my family, grandchildren especially, started to hear jokes about their papa on the music stations, and I did not want that to continue. Okay, stop. Did he say, I couldn't take the harassment? He couldn't take the...

End of clip. He couldn't take the harassment but he had enough when those Z-Morning Zoo guys got a hold of this that's when he realized that he was beyond saving cool clip

Megan any final thoughts now we know he goes by Papa I don't know what music stations are. That Ronald Reagan painting was weird. It was weird. It wasn't, someone who paints portraits didn't do that. That was a landscape painter. It had shading and contouring worse than the Kardashians.

And other than that, I want to try grandfathers. Granddaddies? Godfathers. Pawpaws? It should be called pawpaw's pizza. Keep your pawpaws to yourself, Herman Cain. When we come back, a new game. Don't go anywhere.

This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Now for a game we call, okay, he's always awful, but this week, man, he was worse than usual, which is saying something because he's the physical embodiment of our society's worst traits game. What's your name, sir? I'm Nick. Nick!

Are you chewing gum, Nick? I just put it in and I didn't think I'd get picked. Thank you, Nick. You're welcome. Nick. Respond. Yes? Thank you, Nick. You're welcome. Nick, respond. Yes. This week was particularly absurd.

Donald Trump said and did things that in any other presidency would dominate the news. If Barack Obama had done half of this shit, it'd be a scandal we'd still be talking about on the right. And it was an incredible amount of distraction on top of the Roy Moore shit and all the other things from the tax bill that's on the floor. But let's talk about some of the things Donald Trump did and look back on some of the stories about President Barack Obama. Are you ready to play the game? Let's do it. I will read you a question and each of our panelists will read you a possible answer. If you win, you get a parachute gift card.

Cool. On Monday morning, at a Navajo veterans event, while honoring the Navajo Code Talkers, the last surviving code talkers, incredible people, Trump beneath a fucking portrait of Andrew Jackson, which didn't seem like an accident, called, again, Senator Elizabeth Warren, Pocahontas. When Barack Obama wore a tan suit in 2014,

what did Fox News call that scandal? The audacity of taupe The devil wears beige Wham, bam, thank you, Tan Nick, what did they describe the scandal? I'm going to say audacity of taupe. You got it. And Nick, would you do me a favor and introduce the lovely person to your right? Yes, this is my wife, Shana.

What's your name? Shana. Shana, I want to thank you for getting that question right. Shana, you're doing wonderfully and nick is here question number two on wednesday morning donald trump retweeted several anti-muslim videos from a british far-right nationalist fringe group and proceeded to insult the british prime minister for scolding him as a result when brock ob put his feet up on the Oval Office desk, conservative media outlet The Blaze posted which of the following headlines?

Does seeing President Obama's feet on the Oval Office desk make your blood boil? Obama to America, you are my doormat. Feet up, America down. What's next, Burning a flag? I'm going to go with the first answer. That is correct. Nick?

I didn't even need Shana's help on that one. You didn't. You didn't. You are definitely ensuring the integrity of this game. Thank you, Nick. Question number three. In response to Matt Lauer's termination for sexual harassment and abuse,

Trump used the opportunity to accuse Joe Scarborough basically of murdering his staffer and asking the press to investigate this unsolved mystery. When Barack Obama invited musicians and actors to a birthday barbecue at the White House, Fox News ran

which of the following headlines? Obama's hip-hop barbecue didn't create jobs. I've seen all of these and I know which one it is. The Fresh Prince of Pennsylvania Avenue spends tax dollars

on birthday bash, not veterans. You'll never believe which Hollywood actress Obama lost a rap battle to. I'm not going to lie, I don't really know this one. Oh, that's exciting. It's fun.

It's exciting for you. It's great for me. I'm so vicious when people get the question wrong. Yes, you are. Nick, we need an answer. Let's go with B. So you're saying the fresh prince of Pennsylvania Avenue spends tax dollars on birthday bash,

not veterans. Close, but wrong. It was Obama's hip-hop barbecue didn't create jobs. However, Nick, two out of three, you've won the game. Obama's hip-hop barbecue didn't create jobs. I should have known. They were all A. They were all A. Throw you for a loop.

But nothing gets by you. Next time, next time, you'd have won. Someone take the microphone from Nick as soon as possible. Guys, give it up for Nick and Shayna. Kate, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back. Now for a very special dramatic reading. The Washington Post released a video on Monday featuring a woman named Jamie Phillips, an operative with an organization called Project Veritas that aims to expose media bias. I don't know if you've been following this story. We briefly talked about it. This is an effort to try to prove that the mainstream media is biased against conservatives. it. This is an effort to try to prove that the mainstream media is biased against conservatives.

They set up a sting to try to show that the Washington Post was falsely reporting on Roy Moore and the Washington Post. Got to wake up the Washington Post pretty early in the morning to make that work. So to help us do this dramatic reading of the conversation between a reporter and this supposed victim, we have a special guest joining us. Please welcome the creator of New Girl, my friend, Liz Merriweather. Hi, Liz. How are you? I'm not an actor. I don't know why you asked me.

We thought it would be funny. I'm super pregnant, so this really adds to it. Guys, Liz is super pregnant. I'm glad that my baby will hear this in some way. So you will be playing Liz the part of the reporter, and I will be playing the part of Jamie Phillips. Because that makes sense, but that's what we're doing. Great.

Are you ready? It sucks I'm sober for this. I was about to say, well, can we get, and then I put it together. I was about to be like, why didn't we get Liz a drink? What kind of operation

are we running here? I got three tequila shots. Okay. My goodness, she's doing it. All right. All right. Sorry. My goodness, she's doing it. All right. All right. Sorry.

So I wanted to ask you about one thing. And so let's see if this is it. So we're just doing sort of a background check, and we came across this. Is it GoFundMe page, which has your name on it, Jamie Phillips? Yeah. It says that you're moving to New York and that you've accepted a job to work in the conservative media movement to combat the lies and deceit of the liberal MSM. I'll be using my skills as a researcher and fact checker to help our movement.

So I just wanted to ask you if you could explain this. And I also wanted to let you know, Jamie, this is being recorded and video recorded. Okay. Yeah, I was looking to take a job like last summer in New York, but it fell through. So I ended up not taking the job. But you were interested in doing this job. Can you talk about that a little bit? Yeah. little bit yeah it was gonna be with the daily caller the daily caller okay and it didn't work

out so I ended up staying just doing what I was doing at the time. Uh-huh. And what was your interest in working for the Daily Caller? I just like, I like their stories. Yeah. So, okay. So you tried to get the job, but you didn't get the job, you're saying? No. I went through the interview process, and I thought it was going to go well like I had a good feeling about it but then like at the last minute I just like didn't

get the job so uh-huh okay and uh so who was the person you interviewed with Kathy what was her last name? Johnson. Kathy Johnson. And where was it? In the New York area. Uh-huh. But I don't know, like, why we're going into all this.

Well... I haven't even agreed like, why we're going into all this. Well. I haven't even agreed to go with the story yet. You know, frankly, I want to know if you're, who you might be working for now. I do mortgage work. Well, there's a little bit of an issue there. You know, I just wanted to ask you to explain it because when we called the company that you said you worked for they said that you didn't work there okay I totally get that I mean I'm not sure which office you call because there's like a whole bunch all over the country so mm-hmm

okay I mean we're planning to write a story about this so this would probably be a good opportunity if you want to explain a little bit more about all of this. I mean, I really don't. I mean, I told you already that I wasn't even sure I wanted to go through with the story at all. So, I mean, I think I probably just want to cancel and not go through with it at this point. Okay. And do you want to explain any more about how it was that you you know how you came to call us and no i just saw an article i saw an article that was posted and that's how i reached out to beth uh-huh and are you in contact with other people are you in contact with the Roy Moore campaign? Or Steve Bannon? Or Breitbart? Do you still have

an interest in, as this says, combating the lies and deceit of the liberal MSM? Is that still your interest? No, not really. No. No. And that's our dramatic reading

guys please please a round of applause for Liz Merriweather Liz as a powerful leader in Hollywood when did you have the button installed in your office to lock the door

from the inside is that when you become did you get that at the co-exec producer level or did you have to wait until you were a showrunner I obviously like very complicated

feelings about all of it but it does sound really cool alright give it up for Liz Merriweather really cool. Alright, give it up for Liz Merriweather. Don't go anywhere. Love it or leave it, there's more on the way. And we're back!

Now for a segment called The Rant Wheel. Here's how it works. We spin the wheel. We rant about whatever topic on which it lands. This week on The Wheel, we have royal weddings, the claim by Trump that the Access Hollywood tape is a hoax, Uber's data breach, net neutrality on the chopping block,

reporter April Ryan not being invited to the White House Christmas party, the White House Christmas decorations, which was a suggestion from Twitter user at Brown Melissa J. And sadly, we covered it. But it was like your rant happened anyway. But thank you for throwing in the ideas. Waking up to Twitter in Los Angeles and what that feels like. And Jeff Sessions' recent comments on cracking down on marijuana. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on royal weddings. Megan, I know this is something on your mind.

Not what you suggested. Oh, no, I tried on an engagement ring today. Today, alone, at the Americana. But I have been seeing people on the internet shaming people for being excited about this. And to them, I say, let us have something. A redhead found love. And that is so exciting. There's gonna be

a mixed royal wedding. It's so incredible. It's so exciting. We are not simple if we like this. We are looking for happiness while the earth melts around us. So sorry we're excited about a fucking dress, okay?

The day after the election, I was high and drunk, and so I ordered Pinot Grigio and Ben & Jerry's to be delivered to my house. And the Postmates woman handed it to me and said, i get it girl and we need to be doing i get it girl and not oh you're excited about that so let's all just embrace what everybody likes how dumb it is how mundane, and go, if that's what gets you through what's happening, you go on ahead,

as long as it's not touching women or children. Counterpoint. We won the Revolutionary War. Meghan Markle is a fucking traitor. And I don't call anyone a princess or a prince unless they're a child and it's Halloween. Because I'm a fucking American and their assets should be seized. This is a rearguard action to undo the Declaration of Independence. And you hissing

fuckers can go back to London. You Benedict Arnold's. A royal wedding. It's not a royal wedding. It's just a wedding for the relatives of thieves. Where did they got those castles from? They didn't get them on fucking Redfin. They got them through feudalism a thousand fucking years ago.

Prince Harry. Not a prince to me. Not a prince, just a handsome, rich asshole who's never done a goddamn thing in his life. And I'll take that. Meghan, at least Meghan Markle, Meghan Markle has a whole career. Why is she lowering herself to marry some rich douchebag in London? Oh, wow.

Meghan Markle met Prince Harry. Prince Harry is lucky as hell. What is Prince Harry? Prince Harry is Don Jr. with a fucking accent. Deal with it. Deal with it. You don't like it. You don't like it, do you?

Look at what you care about. How about, I just think it's good that it's an interracial marriage. What about that? Just that. Mix it up, baby. Mix it up. Black princess. And she was on Suits.

That's it. That is cool. Black princess. That's cool. All right. I mean, you want to talk about anti-colonial. Yeah. Okay?

Black princess. Honestly, you put me in a very difficult position. Yeah, turn on me. I don't care. There'll be a new crowd next week. Has the queen said anything? I'm curious to see what the queen thinks. Oh.

What does the queen think? Her thoughts are so interesting. Because she's been around so long. My favorite part of the crown is where she has to decide that the reason she exists is to do nothing. As queen, it is my job to do nothing.

That is what God put me here to do. To look at Winston Churchill and say, Winston, hmm? Let's spin it again. It has landed on net neutrality, which is stealthily being eliminated as we speak. And it's incredibly important, but so much less fun than yelling about the Royals, which speaks to the problem we're currently going through. Jamil, what are your thoughts on net neutrality?

Well, speaking of the Royals, if you want to watch The Crown on Netflix, let's just say that. All right. And net neutrality goes through and internet providers can then charge Netflix more money to stream at, you know, the speed that Netflix has to go at, unless you want to watch the, you know, one episode of The Crown over three hours. So essentially that's, if that's the only thing you care about with this, that you will not get the stuff that you enjoy on the Internet with the same speed and at the same price that you would normally get it, then there's a reason to care about it. But overall, this is nothing less than a civil rights issue. I mean, access to the Internet in a digital society is a civil rights issue.

And the reasoning that they are giving is absolutely laughable. Essentially, the FCC chairman, whose name I'm not going to try to pronounce or even say because he sucks. Ajit Pai? I think it's Dushi McCorporate Man. Yeah. Yeah, that works. But I think you had it right, Miles. I mean, he's arguing that this you know, this will create more freedom, you know, for the Internet.

And all it's going to do is create more freedom for people who are corporatizing the Internet and making it something that, you know, essentially doesn't resemble anything that we originally saw when it first was created. I think there's a connection between what they're doing on net neutrality and what they're doing on this tax bill. If you look at America right now and you look at the problems in our society and you see that the problem we have right now is corporations are paying too much in taxes. Billionaire heirs and heiresses are not inheriting enough of their money. And Comcast and other cable companies are too aren't powerful enough in their battle with consumers you're fucking psycho that is a crazy thing to think I mean if that's part of what makes Donald Trump so outrageous is obviously he campaigned as a

racist internationalist but he's governed as like a pure Paul Ryan right-wing conservatism with kind of icing of anti-Muslim policies and bigotry in the wall on top. But part of what I think caused Trump to emerge is a sense on the part of a lot of people that they can't trust the system, that they're not, that they're powerless. And I think one of the, you know, we spend, I think all of us right now interact with giant faceless corporations far more than we interact with the giant faceless government. It's the giant companies, whether it's airlines or telecoms or all banks and all the rest

that are the entities sapping our dignity and making us feel as though we lack control and they turn around and hand over the reins to those very companies because the populace fucking won. It's bananas. I get upset when there's a brown guy doing bad, like Ajit Pai.

I'm a little upset. I'm like, because there's a Middle Eastern. I'm like, come on, Ryu, come on, man. And it upsets me. I feel bad about that. Yeah. And he's Indian. I'm Iranian.

I'm married in India. But whatever. That's not the point. The point is I wish he were on the right side of this. And I read an article where he said that because of the regulations, it's been harder for innovation and for tech companies. And I'm like, tech companies are making billions and trillions and whatever dollars. Are they having a hard time?

I didn't know they were the ones that needed help. I guess they do. When will somebody look out for Comcast? You know? When will someone answer their call? They got to get a new name though it doesn't work

they gotta call it like Game of Thrones is going bye bye er like Facebook too slow can't see X today

like this isn't how about there goes your porn right I forgot to people will be like what yeah

I'm gonna call my senator they need to rebrand yeah how do we rebrand in such a way that makes it clear People will be like, what? I'm going to call my senator. They need to rebrand. Yeah, how do we rebrand in such a way that makes it clear that this is anti-Facebook, Netflix, and porn, the holy trinity of the internet? Let's spin it again. Speaking of, it has landed on what it's like to wake up to Twitter in L.A., something that I know was on Jamil's mind, I believe is also something on Maz's mind.

So, Jamil, kick us out, take us away, you know. All right, so I moved here in April. And let me just, you know, acquaint those of you Angelenos who are native here who don't understand what it's like to wake up to Twitter on the East Coast. You wake up to Twitter. You know, it's maybe the president has tweeted about four or five things. You know, that's it's pretty slow, right? you know that's it's pretty slow right you wake up here to get a glass of water maybe use the bathroom something you know it's four five in the morning you don't you don't know what if you're human and you look at your phone just

just to see what time it is just you know you're not even trying to check the news. And you see legions of alerts. Oh my God, North Korea's launched a missile. Oh my God, net neutrality is being repealed. Oh my God, the president, you know, God, behaved like a five-year-old. I mean, all these different things. And then you try to go

back to sleep and, you know, inevitably what it does is it keeps you on East Coast time. You gotta turn off the notifications. Oh, I tried that. back to sleep and you know inevitably i what it does is it keeps you on east coast time you got to turn off the notifications oh i tried that there are texts from friends you know saying have you seen this tweet have you people who don't remember that i've moved to los angeles and you think that i'm in new york and like at work sitting at a desk or don't realize that i've been laid off and i'm in bed at five in the morning. And they're like, hmm, let me text Jamil and let him know that this terrible thing has happened. He's in the news. He should have an opinion about that. When a friend texts me about the news, I respond, I know the

news. I know that you've recently begun following the news. I've been following the news since I was 12 years old. You don't need to tweet an article from the New York Times at me. I see the New York Times every day. I know that you're following things very closely now. I have a problem. I was doing this when things were normal. I tend to

first of all, my notifications are off. I'm a little blurry out in the morning so when I see that text, I literally I'm like, fuck that guy. are off. I'm a little blurry out in the morning, so when I see that text, literally I'm like, fuck that guy. And I do. I'm like, I'll deal with you later, man, because I like sleep. But then what I'll do is if there's several texts, I'm like, oh, some shit's going down.

So I'll just go online and I'll just look at CNN.com because they update. And so I'm like, I just look at a couple headlines, and if it doesn't say Trump impeached, then I'm like, all right, well, I'm not I'm not going to wait. There's no point for me to get up right now. Yeah. I take two melatonin. I leave my phone across the room under a therapist prescription. I wake up.

I have four texts from my mother that say has anyone ever showed you their penis? I smoke a little weed and I get back in bed. That's a pretty good way to deal with it. Perhaps I should try the weed. Yeah, it does feel like when you turn up,

I do the same thing. I'll wake up just to check the time and I'll turn it around and an arm will come out and grab my head. And then I'm in the poltergeist place with that old woman. Poltergeist and the upside down. Similar. Occurring to me on this stage at this moment. Inspirations. You know what it's like?

inspirations. You know what it's like? Here's the problem with these phones because there was a time when you actually had to go seek it out. So you either had to turn on the news or when it comes to mail or like email and now you get email, you got Facebook, you got Instagram, you got Twitter. If you have your notifications on and you're walking around town, it's like having a mailman follow you around all day and be like, oh hey, I got something else. And you're walking around town it's like having a mailman follow you around all day and be like oh hey i got something else and you're like what is it you know you're like uh you know crazy shit's happy all right and then you keep going and then like half of it's junk mail what

is it it's junk so all day long there used to be a time where you go away and you come home you're like oh look i got some mail and i'll go through it now the mailman is with you everywhere you go it's I actually do think I think there's two I think there's a possibility that the way we use the phone now will continue mostly as is in some you know modified form as we as whatever it's in your eyeball who gives a shit but uh you're still checking things constantly you're just like twitching out uh but I also think there's a chance that like a generation from now, they'll look at this time and be like, you people went crazy. Before we banned those phones,

you guys almost destroyed the planet. Like the global touchscreen ban of 2028, which was passed just in time to avoid the second nuclear war of the year which nobody cared about because it happened two days earlier. You know, that would be... Sometimes I just do a dependent clause.

That would be a great... That would be a great thing. I mean, it's like, do you check your Twitter when you go to pee at the urinal? Do you pull out the phone? I'm not a urinal checker. I'm not a urinal checker.

I check at the urinal, and I'm like, how much work do I think I'm going to get done here? Like, how much? Why is this out? And, you know, it's, I don't, why? The phone. The phone. I know why my penis is out. There's a urinal.

I'm peeing. And I'm not sending anyone pictures I'm just literally peeing but checking my Twitter and then I'm like well, there's a long pee let me check my email you know who's gotta be bummed out? those people that used to do graffiti and carve shit out

no one's reading my shit anymore because they're all reading their phone you know how much it sucks to be a graffiti, bathroom graffiti guy? Bathroom graffiti people and people who do signs where you rip off a tab to get drum lessons? Those guys. The internet and women.

That's who the internet's been bad for. Yeah. That's really who's taken the brunt of it. Remember when we all were looking at a screen all the time every single day and it made us crazier and crazier until we made our worst person president and even that didn't stop it it just made us look at our phones more and download more things and then then all of a sudden we found out that parts of the thing that we looked at was going to be slowed down we went kind of crazy but because we were distracted by other things on the phone, we stopped caring about that.

And then they gave our government to the corporations, and then the corporations bought a better government for themselves, and slowly but surely our democracy was eroded until voting was basically perfunctory, and the people the corporations chose won, and yet still we were on our phones watching the latest thing on Netflix and getting more and more addled and more and more scared and feeling more and more powerless.

Are you booing me or the situation? You need to go to your phones and feel better. Right. And that's our show. I want to thank our fantastic panel Megan Gailey, Jameel Smith, Maz Durrani

thank you guys so much for being here and to Liz Merriweather thank you for coming out have a great night Thank you.