Lovett or Leave It - Lovett or Brexit

Episode Date: January 14, 2018

Trump rejects a bipartisan immigration deal and has all of us saying “shithole” over and over again. Hawaii is hit with a false alarm. And royals have some racist brooches. Live from London, Trump may not have felt welcome here but we sure did! Stephen Merchant, Shaista Aziz, and Nish Kumar join Jon at Cadogan Hall to kick off the first Lovett or Leave It of 2018. What a week.

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🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 How's everybody doing? Okay That's the right level Look at all these friends of the pod

I like that guy. He's going to be behind me during the show, but he's very enthusiastic. So nice to be here. I've already learned so much about your city of London. The clock is not Big Ben. Big Ben is the bell inside the clock. You have a queen. And yet you're serious people. You're a serious country, but you have a queen. Ridiculous. I would like to know, so first of all, how many people here are Americans? So good to see you. Do me a favor, this is not in our nature, just, I want you to not participate

in what I'm about to do because I know how we feel about queens and kings. We say, no, thank you. We prefer oligarchy. So how many people here are from the UK? And how many of you think having a queen is great? How many of you think it's great for tourism? How many of you think off with their heads? How about we kick them out of those castles and sell them off for the people?

So before we get to the show, Love It or Leave It is going on tour later this month. We're heading to Portland, Seattle, and Oakland. There are still some tickets for Portland and Seattle. Also, Miami's not selling well. Everywhere else, it's like you can't get a seat. But down in Miami, I don't know what they're doing down there. We have a great show,

Love It or Leave It Season 2. Very excited to kick it off here in London. We have Nigel Farage, Stormy Daniels, and actually a Lord, Lord Buckethead. I don't know what it is about this Lord Buckethead thing, but the information about what it is, who it is, how it is, can't enter my brain. I Google Lord Buckethead and it just bounces off the top of my head. Know nothing about it. I don't know if it's real.

I don't know what aspect of it is a joke. And it doesn't matter, because I leave tomorrow. I want to welcome our panel. She's a journalist, writer, and stand-up comic. Please welcome Shaysa Aziz. He's a stand-up comedian and a great guy, Nish Kumar. Lot of Nish Kumar. A lot of Nish heads. I want you guys to know

that Nish is not only wonderful, he's also a stand-up guy because he did not agree to do this show, what, an hour and a half ago? Yeah, hour and a half ago. Because you were in the audience for the first show. I was at the audience. This is...

I am Britain's most available comedian. I'm genuine. I'm not normally one for a big introduction. I like to set expectations low. But I am relieved at the level of recognition in this room, because let me tell you, backstage, there has been a sense of, this is like a competition winner. I was at the first show, I turned up, I'm wearing my Stuart Colbert 2016 t-shirt. I want you to know, getting Shasta here was almost impossible.

Travel bans, everything else, we had to go through all of that, didn't we? She's legit. I'm plan D. I describe my next guest as a writer, actor, and podcast pioneer. He described himself as a very stable genius. Please welcome Stephen Merchant. Stephen, how are you? STEPHEN MERCHANT, I'm very well. I'm not plan B. I was booked months in advance.

Because I'm friends with John, let's be honest. MATT GAUNT, That's right, everybody. I'm friends with John, let's be honest. That's right, everybody. I'm friends with Stephen Merchant. But he still couldn't get into the building. Couldn't get into the building. Would not let me in. The guy was a real jobsworth. Is he here?

I don't want to get thrown out. Light falls on your head. So, I wanted to kick it off tonight with a game. And because we're in London, I wanted to play a game called Trumps vs. Royals. Now, I want to tell you the impetus for this game, which is that I said that Harry was the Don Jr. of England. And I want you to know, Harry was the Don Jr. of England. And I want you to know,

someone has a sign that says Hiss. Thank you. Thank you. Anyway, the point is, I made that comparison between Don and Harry, and in America, it played great. But I received a few spicy tweets in response from British people who found that to be deeply unfair. Yeah. For reasons that were explained to me and that were legitimate.

So tonight, we are going to play Trumps versus Royals. We're going to share a biographical detail. Your job will be to guess whether we're talking about a member of the Trump family or the Royal family. And it's a bonus, on the bonus chart score, if you can guess the family member. Each of our panelists has clues to read. Would somebody out there like to play Trumps versus Royals? Hi.

Hi, what's your name? Nina. Nina. Hi, John. Are you familiar with Don and Eric and Ivanka and all of them? Intimately. And are you familiar with Harry, William and George and... Not as

intimately as I would like. Okay, where are you from? I'm from California. Oh, cool. Yeah. Are you ready to play? Yes. Yes. Chase, did you want to kick us off? Okay, so who spent his gap year, inverted commas, in Belize working on a farm,

helping in community projects with other young people in a remote area of Chile, and visiting countries in Africa. Was that a royal or a trump? Sorry, was that a shithole country? Nina, you've done very well. I don't know how much more material we can take.

Well, I don't know how much more material we can take. I need an answer. Was that a Trump or a... That's a royal. Now, bonus, which royal? William. Nailed it. Nish is up. Okay, who spent his gap year in Aspen where he lived out of a truck and occasionally bartended?

That has got Prince George written all over it. Absolute piss hound. Tough one. Trump? Which Trump? Don Jr. too slow. Don't say that about Don Jr. Come on.

Who hosted charities for sick children at their golf clubs and have reported donations totaling $5 million but didn't actually do that because the 17 charities listed on their site never received a donation. In fact, several of those organizations are not charities at all. Many donations were just a gift certificate for a round of golf. In the end, only $800,000 in donations, less than one-fifth of what was claimed was confirmed.

Was that a Trump or a royal, Nina? Tough, but Trump. Which Trumps? All of them? Trick question. It was Don and Eric. We're going to give it to you. Nina?

I like your shoes. You've won the game. I'm going to give it to you. I'm going to give it to you. I'm going to give it to you. I'm going to give it to you. I'm going to give it to you. I'm going to give it to you. I'm going to give it to you. I'm going to give it to you. Nina? I like your shoes. You've won the game.

However, I do want to be clear about something. Having princes is still ridiculous. Isn't it? Yeah. I mean, I feel like that game is unfairly weighted because you've compared the second most fucked up family in the world to the first most fucked up family in the world. Right. I mean, the question about Harry wearing that swastika seemed to have fallen off my card. Didn't fit in the theme, apparently. Let's get into it.

What a week. How'd that bell work for you guys? So I wanted to start with something local. Earlier today London's Mayor Sadiq Khan was addressing a conference. He was forced to suspend his speech because of protesters by a group with American flags shouting support for Trump and Brexit and demanding the arrest of Mayor Kahn, reportedly referencing his religion and saying power had gone to his head. After security escorted the protesters out, Mayor Kahn resumed his speech by remarking on the protesters as a set of very stable geniuses, which I thought was solid.

So it seems as though you guys have a problem of unable to prevent the importation of American extremism. Radical Americans. Have you heard of this group, Shasta, that was protesting this group? The White Pendragons? No, but I think the name gives it away a little bit, don't you think?

Sort of makes you think something's going on, right? It's not good. Yeah, but the interesting thing is, as they arrived to try and do a citizen's arrest, he just carried on reading his newspaper. The mayor was like, yeah, whatever. So he just carried on reading the newspaper. I thought that was really cool.

That was cool. It's kind of what you do when you're on the tube when there's a nutter trying to get your attention. Just carry on reading the newspaper, don't you? Stephen, apparently the audience tried to show their disapproval with a slow clap. Has that sarcastic

clap made it over here? Is that something you guys are doing? That's how British people deal with racism, guys. There you go. Very feisty. This is what happens if you encourage audience participation. This show's going to be four hours long. It's going to be like a British pantomime.

I don't care. It'll edit well, and I'm having a blast. I think White Pendragon were a 70s folk group. They didn't sell any records and they got really upset. So Nish, you recently sat on a panel with Piers Morgan. Yes. Yeah. Where some of the issues associated with immigration and racism and how it's playing in British politics came up.

Do you think that with Brexit, with what's happening with Trump, do you think that there is an element that is becoming more powerful? Do you think it's simply becoming more public now? Are you worried that it's going to continue to be a rising force here and back in the U.S powerful? Do you think it's simply becoming more public now? Are you worried that it's going to continue to be a rising force here and back in the US? What do you think? Yeah, it's definitely, it seems to have legitimized a lot of

hate groups in this country. Like, it seems to have, the Brexit vote, and the problem is, if you say in this country that Brexit has anything to do with racism, everyone's like, no it doesn't, shut up, brown boy, and you're like, right, well, it feels like you're kind of stepping on your own point there. Back to where you came from.

Yeah, go back to where you came from. There's no racism here. Like, yeah, yeah. So it does feel like, you know, it's one feeds off the other. But I mean, we would obviously like to thank you guys because the fact that you voted in Trump has really let us off the hook globally. Like it shows a real commitment to the special relationship that you saw. You saw us commit geopolitical suicide and we're like, not on your own, little buddy.

We're just Selma and Louise-ing it off the edge of the precipice. It's very true. If we hadn't done what we had done, everybody would be focused on how you guys screwed up and we all, wow, wake-up call, Brexit. But then we just hit snooze. I mean, in the US, we don't, you know, we're not watching BBC. You know, it comes up.

Brexit, huh? We forgot. Learned nothing from it. Made the same mistake, much worse. Yeah. Well, I actually started my career in the BBC the BBC is very much obsessed with balance So every you know opposing view has to be given and it kind of can make it a rather stale Broadcasting outfit and therefore I feel I should offer that here tonight

I think brexit's going great Here we go, here we go. So, I think Brexit's going great. Boo all you like, but, you know, I mean, you voted for it. Someone voted for it. I voted for it. I don't think I did. My dad did, definitely.

And I don't know why my dad was so annoyed about Europe. I mean, he's got... We've got to take back power. Dad, you've got no power. You've never had power. You're a plumber from Bristol. It's not a problem. Don't worry. But it's going great. We've got our best team

on it. We've got Double D Davis. Double D Davis, yeah. Our Brexit secretary is a guy called David Davis who ran for leadership of the Conservative Party in 2005. And for his campaign he had t-shirts printed for women to wear which said, it's Double D for me over the boobs. And he is now in charge of our entire country's future.

Like I say best man for the job. He's got the combination of humor and sexiness. That is what we're looking for. Shasta, what a mess. What a massive mess, right? Who's going to clean this up? I blame you. Hey, Brexit means Brexit, love. Yeah. You should have heard the conversations we had in the green room about the British Empire.

This is a continuation of that, isn't it? Brexit. There were some real scores settled for Whitey backstage. We've got him to make the tea. For the audience at home, Nish, Shaysa, they high-fived over the fall of colonialism. I did not participate in it, but I would have liked to have been offered the chance.

Because, honestly, we helped. Come on. Well, in my job as offering all sides, the British Empire. Sure, we made some mistakes but you know everyone loves cricket. You're welcome. Well are you hissing cricket or Steven? It It doesn't matter. So, as you have been dealing with this debate over racism and Brexit, and apparently some sort of a eugenics conference? What the fuck?

I'm not going to take that one. There has been a similar debate brewing in the U.S. After reaching a bipartisan agreement on immigration this week, a group of senators met with Donald Trump in the hopes of getting him to sign off on a deal to avoid a possible shutdown of our government while also helping the 800,000 young people who came to the U.S. as undocumented children

to stay in the only home they've ever known. Senate Minority Whip Dick Durbin began explaining a part of the proposal that offers to end a visa lottery and replace it with more people getting temporary protected status. These are people that come from places that have civil wars or natural disasters and they come and they relocate to the U.S. Durbin began going through a list of countries that would be covered. When he got to Haiti, Trump said, why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here? Later, the White House clarified.

They said he wasn't talking about Haiti. He was talking about Africa. You know, can I just say here, as the voice of balance, you can bandy words around like racists with Mr. Donald Trump, but I would like to remind you of that conference, that speech he gave in September to, I think, the UN. A lot of African leaders were there, and he talked very fondly about one of his favorite African countries, Nambia, which is a country I've never heard of, does that make me the racist? Because I've never heard of it.

I mean, he's a fan. Have you ever heard of Nambia, John? No, so who's the racist Nambia? Did you colonize it, John? Got to check my privilege. Never heard of Nambia. What's the fake one? Nambia.

Nambia, not real. We have the same sort of, it's the same, we're having exactly the same debate here because the whole Brexit thing is so much about open door migration from the EU because being part of the EU means that anyone from another EU country can come in without a visa. And statistically, all of those people pay more into the country than they take out because they're younger and better educated and often healthier and so it's the same sort of it's exactly the same sort of debate but the thing that really surprised me about the coverage of this is how reluctant the American media is to call him a racist yeah that's the problem because look you can have an opinion but being a racist and holding racist views is not opinions and the problem is that our media is

busy trying to create balance that's right right, blaming him again, right? And this is why we've got into this mess. We need to hold this racist, misogynist, homophobe scum to account. Yeah. Absolutely right. When we come back, a new game. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back. There are obviously many problems with Donald Trump's statement referring to whole regions of the world as shitholes. One of them is that it's actually a difficult phrase to translate. Now for a game called Love is the Universal Language. Here's the deal. In an attempt to translate shithole countries, newspapers around the world have made many inspiring attempts

to capture the essence of the phrase. This will be a lightning round quiz. Is there anybody who is ready to play? Hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm Tim. Tim. Where are you from, Tim? Maryland.

And what brings you to London, Tim? I was here on work and no, I came for you. You came for the show? No, no, I live in Paris so it was a much shorter ride. I didn't cross an ocean for this. But you came from Paris! Yeah! That's so nice! Do you always wear the American flag jacket?

Everyday. Everyday. I got American flag socks on. Because you know why? We won the war. Boo all you want. Boo all you want. It's true. I saw Hamilton last night. That is true. We won the war.

Hang on, which war are we talking about? The Revolutionary War. Oh, the Revolutionary War. Yeah. Well done, congrats. I mean, you're welcome to it, honestly. Good luck to you. Also, I have Hamilton tickets for May, so thanks for the fucking spoilers, Tim.

This is a sack of shit. So, Tim. Fucking hell. Here's how it works. I'm going to read you what will either be a true translation in a foreign newspaper or something I made up. And it will be your job to decide whether it was a translation of shithole or not. Are you ready? And it's going to move fast, Tim.

Yes, I am. I'm just going to race through them. Let's do it. Okay. All right. Do we like Tim's attitude, or do you want to pick somebody else? I like Tim.

It's fine. It's fine. Are you ready? Here we go. Countries that are like dirty toilets. Real or not? Not real. It was real.

That was from a Japanese daily, The Sankei. The places wolves like to fuck. Not real, not real. That was a true translation in a Croatian newspaper. The Phantom Zone. Real. No, that's from Superman. That's where they stick the three people in black in Superman. The woman, the guy that doesn't talk, and Zod. The Phantom Zone. It explodes because of a nuclear blast.

Come on, Tim. Are you, wear that American flag on the inside. I'm respecting the American tradition of not understanding any other languages. Okay, good countries that suck Real yes from People's Daily in China Yuck factories not that one's fake Whole of shit real that was in that was French. That was French. That was a... Oh, you're from...

Damn. Take that American flag off, you French-speaking fuck. Don't you understand you're American? you don't need to speak the language. You point to the pastry and go, that one! Tim, focus, Tim. Next up, dung trenches. Real. No.

Countries where birds don't lay eggs. Real. Yes, that was from a Taiwanese news agency. And it's evocative, because it's like, even the birds won't land. You know? They fly over it. Final translation of shithole, Mar-a-Lago.

Absolutely 100% real. Tim, you have won the game. So, after Trump said this obviously racist thing, conservatives on Fox News handled this gracefully. On Fox and Friends they said, obviously, we try to be fair here to the president, but he did the wrong thing. And at Fox and Friends, we're going to point that out. On The Five later that day, several people did weep. Sean Hannity said that he was upset and appalled and that he would become a Democrat.

None of those things happened. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. Now for a game called OK Stop. We're going to play a clip from The Five. Here's how OK Stop works. We'll play the clip when we want to. We say OK Stop, and we talk the five. Here's how OK Stop works. We'll play the clip when we want to. We say OK Stop, and we talk about it. It's that simple.

They were talking about Trump's remarks, his shithole remarks. Let's see what they did with it. If it's true, this is how the forgotten men and women in America talk at the bar. This is how Trump relates to people. If you're at a bar and you're in Wisconsin... OK Stop, I want you guys to know that this is the Trump relates to people if you're at a bar and you're in Wisconsin. Okay, stop. I want you guys to know

But this is this is the Trump America wanted the Trump in a private meeting with senators That's not for public consumption Was trying to appeal to the forgotten man Come on and they're bringing in a bunch of Haiti people or El Salvadorians or people from Niger This is how some people talk. Is it graceful? No, is it polite or delicate? and they're bringing in a bunch of Haiti people or El Salvadorians or people from Niger. This is how some people talk. Is it graceful? No. Is it polite or delicate? Absolutely not.

Is it a little offensive? Okay, stop. I don't know where the words grace, politeness, and delicacy have come into. I don't know how those words have now been confused with not being racist. Like, it feels like those are words you use. He didn't use the wrong spoon. You know? He didn't put his napkin on the table instead of his chair, if that's right. He worked from the inside to the outside with his cutlery.

What a racist. That's not a dessert wine. Goodness me, he ordered red wine with fish! The man is intolerant beyond belief! Of course it is. But you know what? This doesn't move the needle at all. This is who Trump is, he doesn't care, he shoots from the hip, and if we a blessing to people. Okay, stop. I believe we briefly, for those at home, we briefly caught the expression of a vaguely horrified, I think, Juan Williams, who cannot believe his life has led him to share a dais with Jesse Waters, the stupidest Trump son. That are happening in this world. Why can't citizens stay in their country and fix their country?

Why is it that they can't do that? Stop. How do you just... Why can't citizens stay in their country? Because America's been bombing the shit out of most of them. I'm telling you, people would love to stay in their country. They really would. But it's like, come on, get a grip.

My question is, where the fuck has that guy's neck gone? In the interests of balance, it seems like a solid argument ladies and gentlemen our new brexit minister bribe a country when it's in where it's impossible for you to fix it maybe you don't call it that but you have to there's something about a country in which maybe you want to stay, but there's no way to fix it. I've lived in apartments like that. Okay, stop. Uh, what is he fucking talking about?

Who told him he wasn't allowed to leave in his apartment because the sink didn't work? What is this policy? You cannot leave. You cannot seek a better life in a new country until the old country is perfect. And I've called them that word. Everybody has lived in an S-hole. So now it's sort of just a defense that there are places that one might describe as a shithole. Presumably his first or second apartment. And almost certainly his dressing room is an absolute disgrace. But he cleaned up there.

I noticed he cleaned up the TED S-hole. Is that what American broadcasters have been doing? Because the good old BBC on Radio 4, which I've been listening to a lot lately, they have been saying shithole with pride. It's the British way. If we're going to report what a president says, we openly say shithole. And it's been great listening to a lot of the very plummy British news readers all finding delicious

ways of saying shithole. Shithole. Shithole countries. Shithole countries. Shithole countries. It's really been a delight. CNN went to town. They said it a lot. I believe Good Morning America did not say it and referred to it

as vulgarity. Again, that is, I mean, that really is missing the point here. He's not violated the dress code at a dinner party. Like, he's described a whole continent's worth of countries as a shithole and everyone's like, I wish he hadn't sworn. Yeah. Jesus, this isn't a Tarantino movie. Dial it down. It's so

right. The meeting was an opportunity for Republicans and Democrats to present to the President a bipartisan deal that both sides came to the table, made compromises, more security, legalization, keep the government open,

nobody's perfectly happy. This is almost an illusion of a time in which we didn't make our worst person president. Like, oh, Democrats and Republicans hashed out their differences, argued a bit, maybe threw some stakes in the ground on television, you know, said some harsh words, but then came to the table, you know? Huh? Maybe there were drinks. Maybe it's like, you know what, we're going to be here pretty late. Let's get some pizzas. Okay, fellow American. We're different. You're a Republican, I'm a Democrat, but let's eat pizza together. Hash this out. Too much? Sorry, was that a fantasy? Mash this out. Too much? Sorry, was that a fantasy?

Tip O'Neill and Ronald Reagan talking to each other. West Wing. The best argument wins. We don't have a propaganda apparatus making it impossible to have a conversation. Our districts haven't been gerrymandered with an inch of their life We haven't disenfranchised millions of people of color. We're doing okay in the fantasy for a moment But that's what's amazing about

What's happened this week is that it's pushed a couple of things like Republicans and Democrats coming together on an immigration bill Should definitely have been the top story the president potentially having paid off a porn star he was having an affair with should definitely have been the main story. And yet somehow Trump's shithole comment has contrived to push those into B and C plots. Nish, I am so glad you raised that. No, but that is the point because the point isn't that he said shithole. The point is he is personally scuttling an immigration deal because he doesn't want more black people to come to the United States. He wants people from skilled places like Norway.

And I'll make this joke again. How many years of college does it take to be from Norway? At a certain point, I'd have more respect for him if he just went, look, I don't trust him. That's, instead of all this ciphers of skilled and unskilled, just be like, I don't trust him, their music's weird, and I don't like the food. Like that.

Just be honest with your racism. I'm beginning to wonder if he's even been to Africa. I believe he and Melania honeymooned in Nambia, Stephen. Oh, beautiful Nambia. He is a 71-year-old man who has never been anywhere, who doesn't know anything, eating cheeseburgers in bed. Shasta, what are we going to do? Well, as the visible Muslim representative, you may be expecting me to come up with some

violent solutions here, John. But, okay, I'll tell you what we're going to do. We're going to get our acts together, guys, because, look, Trump didn't happen by accident, OK? This is the thing we need to really fundamentally understand. Trump is a product of America and structural racism and everything else, right? So, in many ways, I think that all of this is a distraction and it's a deliberate distraction, right? We kind of discussed that already.

But we have to get our acts together, particularly white Americans. You need to fix this mess simple get working i don't think you were listening to the man on the tv people in wisconsin in bars all say shithole all of them that guy knows i mean that guy he has his makeup done every day in a nice tv studio in new york he knows he knows what men in wisconsin are thinking. But seriously, I think we're supposed to just like laugh at everything Trump does. There is nothing funny about

Donald Trump. Simple. And also, guys, they keep going on about America's, this is America's Trump's America. No, it's not. America doesn't belong to Donald Trump. That's the bottom line. It does not.

It's not his country. It's not his country. Rise up, people. Rise up. Come on. Well, we're in London now. These people are very far away. Yeah, if we rise up, we can't do anything.

I mean, we've got no power. We've still haven't been able to get rid of our monarchy. Yeah, what are you coming at me for? A thousand years ago, you had a Trump, and you said, just stay forever. You'll stay, and your kids will stay forever. We did stop him from coming to London, right? You've got to give us that. did stop him from coming to London, right? You've got to give us that We stopped him from coming to London

That's what you've got to do guys you've got to call out cowards You have to call out racists and misogynists and when you call them out and you call out homophobes They usually run the other way you guys need to call them out, okay? We'll leave it there. When we come back, the rant will. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It

coming up. Speaking of IMDb, I did IMDb Stormy Daniels. I'm not joking. May I pull this up quickly? Please. And you know what? We're back from the break. This is good content. Stormy, this is one of her more bigger movies.

This is from the blurb on the back of the DVD of a 2007 movie called Operation Desert Stormy. Wait a second. That's from 2007? 2007. This is the blurb on the back. Join award-winning writer-director Stormy Daniels. As an award-winning writer-director, I was immediately impressed. Join Stormy Daniels as she leads you on the wildest adventure in the history of adult cinema.

With word of an impending terrorist attack led by the evil Hussein, Ron Jeremy, the fate of the world rests in the hands of two unlikely heroes with the help of some beautiful and horny Harem girls and one ornery camel, will Operation Desert Stormy be a success and our heroes save the world or will we all be wearing turbans? And then there's one review on IMDb. There's one review that says Operation Desert Stormy is sexy fun. That is lifted by a superior cast and a great, by porn standards, parachuting sequence. Holy shit!

Either parachuting sequence is like golden showers. It's just a term I've never heard of. Or there's a parachuting sequence in the film which is impressive by porn standards. A lot of the parachuting scenes in porn are very mediocre, but this one's excellent. Oh, that's a screen. I'm out of the story now. Yeah, Operation's a screen. I'm out of the story now. Yeah.

Operation Desert Stormy. Stormy Daniels. That is impressive. Right? Just to catch everybody up, about a decade ago, allegedly, Trump had an affair with Stormy Daniels. Right before the election, he paid her $130,000 to keep it quiet. A non-disclosure agreement. That was the fourth Trump story of the day. It ranked ranked four. What the fuck. It's also the kind of thing where it's like, okay, I don't, a decade ago, NDAs, that's,

you know, that's weird. Are there more, how bad am I, it was, like what are we supposed to do with that? Do you know the nerve it would take to have sex with a porn star? I mean, they are professional sex people. I mean, they have received some of the giantest penises in history, and they've worked with professional, you know, sex operators. And so for a man to say, yeah, I got the balls for this job, I'm going to take this on, that's something to be applauded, you know?

That's very presidential, John. That's very presidential. Now for a segment called the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We spin the wheel. Where it lands, we rant about the topic. It's that simple. This week on the wheel, we have the HQ trivia app game. We have the movement to ban Trump from Twitter. We have that racist broach.

They don't like broaches. They're out of style. We have the Facebook algorithm that makes, to make interactions more meaningful. We have British cop shows taking over Netflix. We have the institution of monarchy. Trump and the Tories, and audience suggestion. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on that racist brooch. What the fuck? So, first of all, her name is Michael. Princess?

Wait, wait! No! I won't have it! No! It is Princess Michael of Kent! How dare you! You should ever have the temerity to call her Michael. Only her closest friends call her Michael, Mike, Mikey, Mikey D. It's to you, sir. It is Princess

Michael of Kent. And what, sir, is your issue with the lady? Yes, she happened to wear a racist brooch, all right? I suppose you're going to point out the fact that her father was in the SS. All right. Let it go. We've forgiven him and her. Let it go. All right. She does a lot of great work. I am not making this up. She does a lot of great work for the Cheetah Preservation Fund of Namibia, or as it's correctly called, Nambia. She's a very, very impressive lady. Question. There's a couple options for how you wear a black person on your brooch,

a racial stereotype brooch. Yes, how it happens is, your father was in the SS. So, but here's the thing. She's on her way to meet Meghan Markle, who is a star of suits, and is engaged to your Harry. Prince Harry! Prince Harry! Now I won't do it. So Michael, inexplicably the name of a princess, wild,

is going through her brooches. She's like, I found the perfect one. And she's like, I found the perfect one. She'll know I'm very cool because I have a racist African brooch that I can wear. Are you claiming that Princess Michael of Kent is out of touch with modern times. I will have you know she met her first husband at a boar hunt. There is no one more down with the kids than Her Royal Highness. You're also fundamentally misunderstanding something about her brooch situation and British racism.

Firstly, her brooch situation. That was the least racist broach she could find. Okay, first of all. Second of all, this is key to understanding British racism because American racism is very sort of, it lives out in the open. But actually, there is a sort of serious point somewhere in here that British racism appears more quaint somehow. And so we delude ourselves into thinking that it's not as big a problem. But a lot of our racism is focused on the badge-making industry. Like, if we were to remake Mississippi Burning, it would be called Croydon being mildly singed, and would be set in a badge factory. and would be set in a bad factory. I just... I reject the claim by Michael

that she wears this brooch all the time. This is a brooch that comes out of the drawer. Some days it comes out when you meet the first African-American princess. Some days you just go onto the beach. That's a brooch in her rotation. I reject that. Whether go onto the beach, you know? That's a brooch in her rotation. I reject that. Whether consciously or subconsciously, she went for that brooch. And my question is, did she do it because she thought it was nice, or was she doing it because she was like,

fuck this? I'd like to refer you back to my initial observation that her father, and I'm not making this up, was actually in the SS. You're not getting the best start in life when it comes to race relations if daddy is wearing an SS uniform. I don't think we need to overanalyze it. We have the facts. We just need to just say that it's a racist brooch.

That's it. It's a racist brooch. But I would like to understand her thinking behind it because she definitely knew people would see it. We go back to the daddy again, right? Until not many years ago, there was a brand of jam and marmalade in which the logo looked very much like that brooch.

So as kids, we'd have the jam jars, the marmalade jars on the breakfast table. That's what you'd be faced with. So yeah, it's all part of nostalgic British culture. You know what? We have some examples of that in the US. Some syrup. Face it.

It's true. You all know it. The Americans know it. It's something we all share. I know who it is. We know it's Aunt Jemima. How would you like it if I came over and just called her Jemima? Let's spin it again.

British cop shows have taken over Netflix. You've got your Broadchurch. You've got your Happy Valley. You've got your Happy Valley. You've got your The Fall. It's enough. Yeah, we've got three, John. We've got three. They're all so moody. There's more subversions of Law & Order than that. Give us CSI Dagenham and then we'll fuck her.

Plus, your lady from Murder, She Wrote, she came out mouthing off about the women who were protesting in Hollywood, like it might be their fault. I don't want to address it. I don't want to deal with that. I don't want to deal with Angela Lansing. You don't want your Jessica Fletcher being brought down here don't want to address it. I don't want to deal with that I don't want to deal with Fletcher We felt about Princess Michael a second ago John

Listen does Magnum think of brexit? Yeah. Yes. It's good to tell us Listen, I'm not really ready to process what Angela Lansbury did process what Angela Lansbury did. She's from England! She's from England. We were hoping to keep that quiet, you motherfucker! She's one of yours. I was talking about Jessica Fletcher, who, no one knows what country she's from. She just lives in the most dangerous town in America.

The point is, Angela Lansbury aside, a lot of grizzled women with trouble solving crimes over here, and I think it's terrific. And Catherine Deneuve has lost the plot. That's all I'll say. So, you know, Europe has some of their own. That's why we voted to leave Europe, mate. We knew what Catherine Deneuve

was up to. We said, no, Catherine. And wasn't... And just to bring it full circle, did Catherine Deneuve make an appearance on a season of Broadchurch? Charlotte Rample. Charlotte Rampling? Fix it. What did I say? Who cares? Spin it again!

They're similar, you know, they're very, um, with their art French. Be careful, Joel, mate, be careful. Tread lightly, mate. Some of us aren't flying to America tomorrow. It has landed on monarchy. Come on. I've been watching The Crown. I've been watching The Crown and as far as I can tell The Crown is the story of a group

of very spoiled sad people who discover that the hardest job is doing nothing at all every episode of The Crown is about an incredibly important event, rocking your country, and the slow and steady realization on the part of your queen that the most important thing she can do to help is be very still. Um... And for this, you've given them such beautiful homes. Donald Trump, though!

Well, Trump, look, you wanna fight? Trump! Honestly, Donald Trump, I'm not a fan. But my government didn't give him Trump Tower. He built it through creepy deals and unfair tax things like an American Greased the skids and got the mob involved He didn't just happen to come out of the right person a thousand years ago Bunch of thugs a thousand years ago took the right land from some some unlucky people and they're like, we're in charge now, forever.

Sorry, who are you talking about, the Native Americans or I'm lost in the? You want to go down that road. You want to go down that road. You want to go down that road with me, Shaysa, and Nish. Do you, you applauding hypocrites? We learned it from watching you. Like that drug commercial, which the Americans will know about.

And the rest of you won't. Very loose show. What was this rant about? Monarchy. Ridiculous. Ridiculous. Also, about an hour before we came out on stage, somebody hit the wrong button and scared Hawaii half to death. And I'll close simply by saying, I didn't know that there was an alert system in Hawaii that sent something to the television, to every phone, that sounded sirens that said, incoming ballistic missile, seek shelter.

One, there should be some sort of a safety, prevent that from being sent accidentally. Two, it shouldn't take 40 minutes to figure out it was a mistake. Because that is a long time to think. Because you know, how long did they take? How long did they take? How long did they take? I didn't do enough. I thought, I didn't hear all about it.

So it was an actual, it was a mystery long minutes. So that's America's plan for dealing with an attack from North Korea. There's a missile on the way, seek shelter, see a- Jokes aside, it exposed a great many weaknesses in the system because people were at the airport and they went to the nearest law enforcement person, a TSA person, they're like, we don't fucking know what's going on Hide under this basket hi and take off your shoes There should be some kind of there should be some kind of measure in place even Donald and stormy have got a safety word that They established

early on. It was it was parachute. You know, it was more than just sex between them. Late one night Donald Trump walked her through this idea for a movie he had. Action and romance and a fear of people in turbans. So maybe think about that before you rent it. Are you still renting DVDs, Grand Jesus it's very hard to stream a three-hour for movie and not get cool that's what happened to Damian green he just it was just the wheel was just turning I want to know our ends do. Do they catch the... Do you have time for one more spin? One more spin.

It's not allowed. Are we out of spins? Just shout something. These animals... One more spin. One more spin! One more spin! One more spin! One more spin! One more spin! I always go with the pack.

Moments before we took this. Can I just say, if this is the end of the show, this is the perfect way to end your time in the UK. A group of... Because initially what happened was a group of people were asked what are good things about Britain and people named the National Health Service, sausage rolls and the office and then the whole thing devolved into a sea of complaining.

God save the Queen! into a sea of complaining. God save the queen! Are you happy now? Because that was the perfect end of the show. I want to thank Stephen Merchant. I want to thank Mish Kumar. I want to thank Shaysa Aziz. Thank you, London.

And have a great night. Thank you. It's Love It or Leave It Street Shooter Love It or Leave It It's Love It or Leave It Perspective on all sides Love It or Leave It It's Love It or Leave It Street Shooter