Lovett or Leave It - Lovett or Leave It Presents: Thanksgiving Leftovers!

Episode Date: November 26, 2022

Lovett is currently asleep under a big pile of coats on the guest bed, but we here at Lovett or Leave It have prepared you a sumptuous feast of favorite segments, hand-selected by all the non-Lovett members of the LOLI universe. Join producers Brian Semel and Kendra James, associate producer Malcolm Whitfield, head writer Halle Kiefer, managing video producer Narineh Melkonian, and producer/editor Zuri Irvin as they share moments from this year’s Pride Show, our tour in Pennsylvania, and more. Don’t worry, we’ll carry Lovett to the car and make sure he’s home in time for next week’s show. Have a great Thanksgiving, everybody! For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Welcome to Love It or Leave It, Grateful or Else, Gobble Gobble Edition. Yes, it is Thanksgiving, a sacred time when people pretend to have stronger opinions than they really do about sides and desserts. But want to know who has legitimately strong opinions? Our beautiful, beautiful, gorgeous staff here at Love It or Leave It. So they'll all be sharing their favorite segments from the past year, the segments they were thankful to have a hand in bringing to you, the huddled podcast masses. So please enjoy.

And if you don't enjoy, they picked them, not me. So leave me out of it. Thank you. Hey, I'm Nadine. I work on the video end of Things That Crooked and on Love It or Leave It. One segment I wanted to revisit today is actually a song that Love It or Leave It producer Brian wrote with Lady Gaga's music underneath. And it's performed by the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus. It really speaks for itself.

So without further ado, here's the original song, Tired and Gay. My mama told me when I was young, we should vote for Democrats. Ask for pronouns and talk me CRT. Give me a pink pussy hat. It will get better when Trump is gone, she said. There's not good folks on both sides. So just go phone bank girl and have no doubt We will heal when he is out

Well I guess I was there wrong No doubt he's passed the bomb This country is fascistic I'm so tired and gay But there's a war everywhere There is no oil to spare Canada's right there Baby I'm so tired and gay We're there. Baby, I'm so tired and gay.

Tired and gay. We'll take our rights away. Baby, I'm so tired and gay. Baby, I'm so tired and gay. Tired and gay. It's a gerontocracy. Baby, I'm so tired and gay. Wrong track.

Baby, I'm so tired and gay. Don't watch, watch news. They hate the Jews. It's Aberdeen. Then hide the booze. Don't want babies. You can't refuse. Press news. Press news. Press news. Baby, I'm so tired and gay Go watch, watch news They hate the Jews Is that Rudy? Then hide the booze Go walk, babies You can't refuse Press snooze

Press snooze But Lovett is here to make you laugh And he has got quite a crew After Chicago we'll go to D.C. For a VCR cleaner let go A different love is he's aint alive If you're here for him you can go Hey, hey, hey

There's no offense, I'm sure that he's brave But that is just a different show 8667 he leads you a guilty plea How can I like this, Jamie? I'm so tired and gay Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red

Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red

Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red and the bill, baby I'm so tired and gay How did they know?

Cause I've been in dissonance I got an ass you can kiss Don't ask me if they beat me Think they'll go the wrong way So don't complain, take to the streets Then get their roll in the sheets You're black by age and I'm intent. Gaga, you can't say orient.

I'm a Scottish, but I'm an opposite. So tell your refs to pack the bench. They want to gut the EPA. To miniscules, you will have to fret. Whether Gage made or by, you have a reason to cry. Better start marching, baby, lots of good reasons why. We've got some fresh hot kicks in, and there's a ramp we'll just spin. We're in the wings, baby, it's Cassidy Hudson.

Let's start the show, we've got a while to go. I know the mood's low, baby, those are tired and gay. We're just almost filled with spite, for the removal of rights. But don't think while you can Can we hear the market is tied? Wish there was a new party Baby, I'm so tired and gay Baby, I'm so tired and gay Tired and gay

Sending to a new country Baby, I'm so tired and gay Maybe Justice Alito will just pass away So much justice on me John is on the way. The mess of Jerry Mander. I'm so tired and gay. I'm so tired and gay.

I'm so tired and gay. I'll try being masked, baby. I'm so tired and gay. Hey! Hey, everyone. I am Love It or Leave It's producer, Brian. And for the first segment that I'm thankful for this year, it is John Hodgman's Lighthouse Keeper. I loved his world building with this one-legged seagull and his bachelor's marriage to Bert, and he crushed it, so enjoy.

Last year, 15 million tourists flocked to Maine just to ogle your beautiful historic lighthouses. The most tourists in recorded history, and probably in pre-recorded history too. Weren't a ton of lighthouses before pre- When you think about it. Anyway, lighthouses have mostly been automated and de-staffed at this point, but tonight we're in luck. Maine's last remaining lighthouse keeper is here with us tonight. It's his first night off in 30 years.

Please welcome Silas Hawthorne. Good evening, Silas. Thank you for being here. Evening, Jonathan. Silas, thank you for being here. I know you don't make a lot of public appearances. I haven't seen this many people in years. Silas, thank you for being here I know you don't make a lot of public appearances Yeah Haven't seen this many people in years

Not since that carnival cruise ship, Destiny Hit the rocks Off Withered Arm Island 1996 it were Spilled 3,000 tourists into the cold and hungry ocean Oh no, I don't I don't remember hearing about that. Didn't you? All of Portland came out to applaud. We didn't have no fancy podcast back then, Jonathan.

That was our entertainment. Move rocks and sink cruise ships. Entertainment. Move rocks and sink cruise ships. Moving along, what is it like to be Maine's very last lighthouse keeper? Oh, no, no, no. I'm not the last. There's also my co-lighthouse keeper, Bert. Bert, huh? Bert is his name. Yeah, yeah. Tell me about Bert. Bert and I, we have what's known as a bachelor's marriage.

Oh, that's cool. So you guys are gay. No, no, no. Talking about a bachelor's marriage. I see. It's a simple arrangement between two men to provide warmth, physical companionship during the long months away from women. Bachelor's marriage, Jonathan. Bachelor's marriage. No one knows that term. Really? Never heard of a bachelor's marriage? What about a

Connecticut-style lobster roll? I thought that was... Nope, you were wrong. That describes two men living together, Nudely. Anyway, I've been stuck in the lighthouse for a long time. Sorry if I don't know all the jazzy new lingo. Are we still saying 23 skidoo? Silas, you haven't been there since the 1920s. Still. It is true that the world has changed a lot since you were last on the mainland.

How have you been finding it? Jonathan, I have to say I'm troubled. We don't have a television at the lighthouse, and there's no fucking way I can get broadband in this state. But I do get the news from Jasper. Jasper? Yeah, it's the one-legged seagull who comes to me, warns me of nor'easters and interest rate hikes, so forth. Of course. Jasper's painted a bleak picture for me of the current political landscape. He reports that the party of Chester A. Arthur seems to have lost its collective mind.

Jonathan, is it true that a mob of ill-groomed miscreants stampeded through the halls of Congress on the president's command? First of all, Silas, how old are you? Also, are you saying that a seagull told you about the insurrection? Yeah. Jasper has his foot on the pulse. And it's a webbed foot, so he can really feel it. Anyway, I don't like what I'm hearing.

Yeah. Well, Silas, it's been a really scary time for the country. Yeah, don't care about that. I'm upset. As a lighthouse professional, these modern-day Republicans think they can just descend into madness at the drop of a hat? That's not how it's supposed to work. You have to pay your dues. I'm sorry. You've lost me a bit. Descending into madness, Jonathan, it's a craft. Lighthouse keepers, we devote our whole lives to it.

Mustn't be rushed. I was in the lighthouse 12 years before I ever even first jacked off to a carving of a mermaid. So Silas, just, you know the term jack off, but you also say 23 skidoo. The point is, Jonathan, going full lighthouse keeper is meant to take time. It's about the journey into madness. I mean, I couldn't believe it when I heard tell of this Congresswoman Elise Stefanik. Got me awful hot. Moderate Republican until what, 2018?

And look at her now, espousing racist conspiracy theories, suggesting that babies with the wrong parents be starved of formula, calling everyone in sight a pedo. That would have taken at least 20 years with the proper lighthouse technique. Where's the respect for the process, Jonathan? Yeah, I mean, she's almost as bad as Tucker Carlson at this point.

Carlson, Carlson. Which one is he? Which lighthouse does he keep? No, it's actually, well, you know what? It's in Canada. It's a lighthouse in Canada. Let's go with that. Yes, maritime provinces. Admire their work up there.

Some of the most unhinged lighthouse keepers in the game. You see, they put their 10,000 hours in. Not like these batty, cockeyed right-wingers I keep hearing about. What's this about the governor of Florida declaring Mickey Mouse a sworn enemy? 23 skidoo to that, I say. That's first-class bananas. And I've spent the last year talking into a bagadoo's oyster. And what does that term mean?

Bagadoo's oyster is just the oyster that I think is a cell phone. Doesn't work. I need to update the operating system, they tell me. Right, right. Oh, my! Look out, young Jonathan. There's a sea serpent to crawl on up your leg. There it is.

Silas, I think you're having visions. Yes, that's right. Because as I said, I've paid my dues. When it comes to lighthouse madness, I'm like Nicolas Cage. Yes, it comes to me naturally. But also, I put in the work. You also know about Nicolas Cage. It's fine. Well, I understand...

Our greatest actor, probably. Many of the old VHS cassettes. The Rock. Con Air. Any others? Is there more? There's a couple more We're going to get you a VHS of a film called Pig

I think you'll love it Looking forward to it Silas, I understand your frustration with the GOP I'm worried about it too for slightly different reasons In your professional opinion Can anything be done about it? Well, Bert and I were just talking about it The other day.

It was after we finished a bout of platonic lovemaking. And then we had a dance party. Oh, my Bert is one ducky shin cracker. Bert, I said, dripping with sweat from the dancing and the lovemaking, you see. Bert, I said, I suspect many of these Republican officials from the dancing and the lovemaking, you see. But, I said, I suspect many of these Republican officials are faking it. With the exception of perhaps Paula Page,

I think they're just pretending to be lunatics for political gain. Which is even more insulting to the lighthouse keeper community. The community being you and Bert. That's right. Bert and I. My work colleague. Your work colleague. And sea wife Bert. Sea wife.

And he's a ducky shin cracker, you said. Ducky shin cracker. Bert, he's got a fair eye for me, old Bert. Been together a long time. Anyway, I said to Bert, Bert, I think they're faking it, and Bert agreed with me. And at this moment, he pines for me from the widow's walk atop our lighthouse, searching the horizon for my safe return. I'll be back soon, Bert. I'm on a podcast. Jonathan, can he hear me? Not until Saturday. Well, it'll keep.

Look, Jonathan, authentic madness can't be debunked. It took me all of five minutes to figure out that all this outrage over critical race theory was loon shit, made-up political theater, bogus. And that was just me, doing my own research on my Oysterphone. And that was just me doing my own research on my oyster phone. But when I tell you I found the spirit of Zelda Fitzgerald reincarnated as a horseshoe crab, well, I dare you to disprove it. What is your point?

You can't do it, can you? I guess I couldn't. I wouldn't know how to begin to disprove it. Authentic madness there, Jonathan. But what is your point, Silas, what is your point? The point is, I didn't go into lighthouse mind losing for money. I was born to it. But these fakers are doing it for something else. Attention, dollars, I don't know what. The only way to stop them, though, is cut them off. End the corporate donations. Smash the right-wing

propaganda music box that plays the music they dance to. Oh, it's a creepy music box, Jonathan, with a little twirling ballerina in it. Looks like Laura Ingraham. And it goes like this. Ding-a-ling-ding, ding. Ding-a-ling-ding, ding. Ding-ding, ding-ding, ding-ding. Ding. How does it go? Ding-a-ling-ding, ding.

Ding-ding, ding-ding, ding. Oh, I can hear it now. Ding-a-ling-ding, ding. I'm worried about you, to be honest. I can hear it out there. Out there in the deep. I hear the song. Silas, please don't walk into the ocean. I've got to, Jonathan. Tide's in and you didn't order me a lift. Farewell, Jonathan. And

remember, you watch that horseshoe crab smoke a cigarette with one of those long FDR holders. You tell me she isn't America's first flapper. Silas, thank you again for joining us, and I'm sorry to hear that even living in a lighthouse can't protect you from the news cycle. At least you got to skip the pandemic. I didn't hear you. At least you got to skip the pandemic. The what now?

Oh, dear. Lighthouse keeper Silas Hawthorne, everybody. I'm coming, bird. Start up the blue bird John Hodgman everybody everybody go listen to Judge John Hodgman America's first

flapper of course Zelda Fitzgerald Hi my name is Zuri Irvin I'm a video producer here at Cricket Media and I help shoot the shows one segment I really liked this year was Icuation Room with Alicia Pasqual-Pena and Yasmin Hamidi, two of our hosts from Dare We Say. They were very contentious.

They had strong opinions about astrology. They were going back and forth. It probably had the best reaction in the room that I've been a part of this year. And as someone who is a Scorpio and gets a lot of disdain for being a Scorpio, I really appreciate not caring about astrology. So I'm not going to say anything else

without further ado. Enjoy Equation Room with Alicia and Yasmeen. Sometimes you really need to struggle with something before you make a split-second judgment. Here to grapple with the ethical nuances of feeling strongly about everything, it's two of the hosts of Crooked's own Dare We Say podcast, Alicia Pascual-Pena and

Yasmeen Hamidi. Hi, everyone. Hi, everyone. Hi, Alicia. Hi. Hello. All right. What is an ick and what provokes that response in you? An ick is a feeling.

It's like nausea. An ick is like unacceptable for us. Like we can't do it. We won't do it. And we're going to argue about it. And then our producers are subjected to having to listen to us. Fight to the death for it. Is it ever appropriate to yuck someone's yum if they're eating something disgusting and you can't comment on it?

Absolutely. Even though my mama raised me to not do that. Unless it's culturally insensitive. Don't be a bad person. You feel me? But unless you're just doing something that they prefer, like, I don't know, ketchup on a ham and cheese because I saw it the other day. Judge them. Who said so good? I saw it the other day, judge them. Who said so good? I'm so sorry. They're from Toronto.

Don't worry. Oh, that explains that. Come out with your universal health care. They eat like animals out there. It's just beaver and poutine. Please. I don't even know what that is, and I don't want to. It's cheese fries with gravy. It's filthy. Ew. That sounds delicious. We here at Love It or Leave It are nothing if not creative, which is why we're going to play

one of Dare We Say's very own games. It's time for the Ictuation Room. You already know this, but you'll each be assigned an angle and have a minute to convince all of us that a certain topic is ick or yum. We're going to give you the topics, and you're going to decide which one of you is going to take the ick side and which will take the yum side. Are you ready to be disgusted and fall in love all over again? You'll have one minute.

All right. First topic, Making actual life decisions based on the Zodiac. Who's taking the ick? Who's taking the yum? I think it's kind of obvious. I'm taking the ick. I don't even know my big three. Oh, John. You have a minute. He's smart. So who's going first?

Let's do yum first. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say ick. Okay, so the planets are there for a reason and we are 70 percent water as humans we are 70 percent water so when the the planets are in stars are moving around that means we feel something inside of us i am a leo it means a lot to me and my identity so when i go about doing things like i get away with shit and i'll just say i'm a Leo. I cheat on a test. I'm a Leo automatically. I'm okay with it. I cheat on my boyfriend. I'm a Leo. It's like I get away with it. Alicia's a Pisces.

She's too sensitive. There's an excuse because she's a Pisces. Zodiac signs, right? Listen, I just feel like it gives us an excuse to fuck around and be excited about something. And also like how boring is it to not believe in astrology? Like, that's, like, really boring. Did I say she was boring? Sorry. And I just feel like, as a Leo, I like to make...

Sorry, there's five seconds still. We like to make things about us, and that's okay. Thank you for seeing me. Wow. I want to say something before we go to a very important ick, a necessary ick,

especially at a time when so many people doubt science, don't trust science. Oh. That was as good of a defense of horoscope nonsense

I've ever heard in my whole life. And I'm like a Trump judge. I came in with a fucking point of view. Listen, I'm giving Camille Vasquez. I came to the court and I was giving.

Do not disrespect that beautiful Latina woman. You are not giving Camille Vasquez. I came to the court and I was giving. Do not disrespect that beautiful Latina woman. You are not giving Camille Vasquez. Oh. Okay. All right, Alicia, you have one minute. Okay. If you lack substance, just say that.

Like, you should have more of a person. Gracias. I love that that's the first one. Like, have more intellect. Have more to your personality. Like, you are a multifaceted person. You think I'm going to sit here under the estrellas being like, oh, my God. I'm supposed to be sensitive.

Porque soy Pisces. I'm literally an Afro-Latina from the Bronx. Nothing is sensitive about me. Just because some planet and some star was there. Like, I came out in 40 minutes. And I'm a Pisces because I wanted to be here, obviously. Not because I'm sensitive and emotional. And I don't know my big three because I don't care. I'm a Pisces because I wanted to be here, obviously. Not because I'm sensitive and emotional. And I don't know my big three

because I don't care. I'm great. And I'm sorry that I don't need to be a Leo to be great. I'm just great because I am amazing. I don't need a sign

to tell me that. And oh, you think I'm going to stay here and be like, oh, I don't like this person because, I don't know, what are they? Oh, because they're a Scorpio

or because they're a Sag. I don't care. Are you a good person? Then you're a good person. And if not, keep hiding around those damn planets. The other stars are beautiful and God made them but get over yourself. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Thank you. I'll be here for the next ten minutes. No, we still have more, Alicia. We still have more. That's why I said ten minutes. And as long as he gives us a show. Thanks. My jaw's on the floor. I am blown away by the level of argument that I am seeing on this stage.

It's just the beginning. We've had presidential candidates. We've never had a debate like this before. It's the spiciest one yet. Am I supposed to rule? Yeah, you are the judge. You're honored. That's usually what Josie Tota does. Yeah, you are the judge. Your honor. That's usually what Josie Tota does.

Yeah, you take the role of Josie. I'm in the Josie Tota role, and I will just say that in England, one of the leading causes of death for a long period of time was planet. But then we discovered, like, bacteria. I'm going to give it to Alicia. Yay! This round. I'll stay seated for the rest of the moment. Yay! Yeah. This round. Yay. I'll stay seated

for the rest of the moment. Let's relax. And if someone asks you what your sign is, one thing I recommend doing is you say, oh, what's your sign? And they say,

oh, I'm a Capricorn. And then you say, oh, I'm an adult. And then you walk away. See, that's how I feel. Yeah. Also, people are so fake. They're like,

oh, what are you? Oh, I knew that. No, you didn't. You don't know me. No, we did. Trust me. Next one. Next up, visible squatty potties on display for anyone who visits your house to see where you hunch.

Who wants the ick? Who wants the yum? Are we being dead ass? By all means. The floor is yours, babe. I'm obviously the ick. Go on. So let's start with you this time.

Once again, I have self-respect. I have couth. I have decorum. Okay? I'm from the hood. But I do not want people, like, literally from the South Bronx. Okay, honey? So I've gone many places.

But not in my own home am I going to have a little thing in mi casa that people can see that I do this. You know what I mean? Like, they sponsor the show. So shout out to Squatty Potty. Like, I love that. Yeah, you're about to make us lose some sponsors right now. Because I don't play about my bag, obviously. But I don't want to just out in the open.

Put that away. Have some class. Why do I want to see the thing that, mira, like, that's not cute. You're uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable. Us or someone you don't know walking into your bathroom for the first time, they're like, what's that? And it's like, oh, well, like, I have constipation problems and that helps me poop like are we

serious are we dead ass no and yeah they come in cute designs like keep sponsoring a squatty potty you're great and you do help me because i do have issues with my bottom anyways i'm not having it out in the open put that under your cupboard or whatever it's called in english, okay? The, the, la cosa, like the thing under the sink or whatever. Put that away. Stop. Wow. Jasmine, you have one minute for a counterpoint.

I will fight to the death. Oh my God. They're obsessing. I, I, I, I, I will fight to the death for squatty potty. You don't understand the feeling you get

when you put your legs up and you take the nicest shit of your life alicia believe it or not you shit you shit and all of you shit because we're human i don't want to talk and that feels really good in the morning and squatty potty helps me do that and also if someone's coming into my bathroom and they see my squatty potty, it comes in cedar. It does. I will automatically know like, oh, yeah, I have good bowel movements because I take care of my gut health. Because probiotics are really good.

Because I take care of my body and I have healthy bowel movements. And squatty potty is the number one reason why that happens. And Athletic Greens, another sponsor of ours. And so you know what, Alicia, You can say what you want about, oh, have some class, have some decorum. Having class means we are human, and we all shit. Say it with me.

I shit. I shit. Say it with me. I shit. I shit. We don't even talk about it. Thank you. Alicia, thank you. Wow.

Once again, incredible points. But this one, I'm going to have to give to Yasmeen. It was an incredibly well-made argument. It's a simple idea, easy to know, hard to feel. We all poop. But keep sponsoring us. We love you, Squatty Potty. And everyone should feel comfortable saying,

we were supposed to poop in the woods. Now we poop in bowls. The bowls are too high. The bowls are too high compared to how we would have poop poop in the woods. Now we poop in bowls. The bowls are too high. The bowls are too high compared to how we would have pooped in the woods. Ipso facto, squatty potty. Yasmin gets the point. Thank you. Thank you, guys.

Let's do one more. I'm excited to see where this goes. Diet Coke. We got who's the ick, who's the yum? I'm the ick. Alicia, take us away. Okay. There might not be science behind this,

pero my mommy said it, so it's a fact. Okay. And when I was a kid, she said, if you're going to have a Coca-Cola, just have a regular Coca-Cola, porque a Diet Coke means die, and that it will give you cancer. And if Camellia Altegracia Peña Rivera said it,

then it's a fact. So, I have never drank a Diet Coke ever again, because she scared me. And it worked. So now, if I'm going to drink a Coca-Cola, just do it with your chest, as people would say from where I'm from. Just drink a whole Coca-Cola. Or drink a Latino Coca-Cola,

with the real cane sugar. The Diet Coke is so annoying. You think that you're being healthier. Get over yourself. You're not. Just drink the regular one and it's annoying and I don't like the silver can. It's not aesthetically pleasing

and I said what I have to say. And if you say that I'm wrong, then you're calling my mom a liar. So, habla con ella over that. And just drink a Coca-Cola. Thank you. Love you whoever said that. That's my mom who supported you. Literally, I love you. Love you whoever said that. That's my mom

who supported you. Literally, I love you. I love you so much. That was my mother. I literally agree with me so I should win. Wow. Is that actually your mom?

That's actually my... Yes, I did. And I want you to know something. She's so beautiful. The fact that in a debate between your daughter and a friend, you immediately sided

against your daughter before your daughter even had a chance to speak, has explained to me a lot of why I get a certain vibe from Yasmeen. I really does. I've really learned a lot. I've learned a lot in these moments. But that's not what this is about.

This is about Diet Coke. Yasmeen, you have one minute. Why is it good? Because your mother drinks Diet Coke. Oh, that's a good point. And why'd you side with Alicia? So here's the thing. Because right is right. So here's the thing. Thank you. Here's the thing. Why is it good? Because your mother drinks Diet Coke Oh that's a good point And why'd you side with Alicia? So here's the thing Because right is right

So here's the thing Thank you I said it Here's the thing Your mother and I Have actually talked about this Alicia Camilia and I Actually talked about How good Diet Coke is

Why are you talking about my mother? I'm talking thank you And so listen to this Kate Moss is the creative director I feel like I only drink Diet Coke For the aesthetics I'm not even doing it For the calorie bullshit It's like I don drink Diet Coke for the aesthetics. I'm not even doing it for the calorie bullshit.

It's like, I don't know why the silver and red... This argument is so shit. I have nothing. Now, sometimes there's something you believe and it is attacked mercilessly and then you look to someone to defend it and they fail.

They offer nothing. They go into a full and complete retreat. Wow. I love Diet Coke. With every fiber of my being, I have a four espresso drink in the morning and then it's Diet Cokes from 11 till bed. I haven't had a good night's sleep

since George W. Bush was president. And at night the walls do move. But I love it. And at times I do remember that the person in charge of proving, speaking of George W. Bush, that aspartame was safe as an additive was Donald Rumsfeld. That's actually a fact. A person most famous for believing what he wanted to believe to help him get the outcome that he wanted. So I am going to give this one to Alicia. But I'm going to give an extra bonus point for that incredible Jennifer Poole impression to Yasmeen. We have a tie.

Thank you so much to both of you. Wait, I won. You won. Yeah, sure. You both won. You both won. I just want to thank Dominican Republic and my parents. That was incredible. To find more. Everybody, subscribe to Dare both won. You both won. I just want to thank Dominican Republic and my parents. That was incredible.

To find more. Everybody, subscribe to Dare We Say. Fantastic show. Listen to our show. And review it and give it a bunch of stars on iTunes, you know?

We love you. Love you too. We love you. Thank you guys. Much love. It's me and Alicia. Thank you so much. Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Oh, hi. I'm Hallie Kiefer. I am the senior writer for culture and entertainment here at Crooked. And the second I picked was Guesses Straight from our Pride show where Bob the Drag Queen had to guess who was straight out of a lineup of Crooked staff. And I picked this one because we did this in the two week period,

but where I had already come out personally in my relationship and I think to love it, but I wasn't out at the company or out to anybody else. So it was like a very interesting liminal space to be. And also by the direct means, super funny. It was like this moment of like, Oh, I next year I will be one of the gays. But as far as everyone knows, I am a straight. I don't know. So I thought it was a wonderful segment

and also personally meaningful for me. And again, about the drag queen, unbeatable. Okay, enjoy. Millennials have ruined so many things. Department stores, diamonds, bar soap. But if there's one thing Gen Z has taken the lead on destroying, it's gaydar. Someone has a carabiner clip and comfortable walking sandals. Sorry, you can infer nothing

about them. Long hair and a nose ring. Have you seen Barron Trump recently? I haven't. But I hope he's out here with the rest of the young, enjoying some vintage denim, a crop top, and loafers without socks, because every traditional signifier of queer sexuality is now mainstream. Here to put our theory to the test and see if he can find the straight,

it's the one, the only, Bob the Drag Queen. Well, hi. Hi, Bob. Let me tell you, Bob, I have a question for you. Do you think straight people exist? I live in Hollywood, so I haven't seen a lot of them. Whenever I fly into town, there's a guy who goes, this is your captain speaking.

He sounds straight. But he doesn't live here. Yeah, he's just passing through. Have you ever been truly shunked by someone's sexuality, except for mine, because it's so intense? I was shocked that you weren't John Lovett, so I'm really blown away right now. I'm shocked by your existence.

Bob the Drag Queen's coming. That's so exciting. He said yes to do this show. Maybe he's a fan. How exciting. Oh, that means so much to me. I'm so excited to meet him. Listen, I showed up. You don't know what the fuck this is.

You don't know what this is. You have no idea what you're at. I showed up, though. Most people would say thanks. Jeez Louise. I'll tell you something. You know who Michael R. Jackson is? He wrote Strange Loop on Broadway.

Yes. Yes. He put the R in there. That's smart. Oh, you think I... But we... Excuse me. First of all...

You ever heard of Michael... You know Michael B. Jordan? Michael was like... He was like, man. He was like, there's a really famous guy named Michael Jordan. I really got to do something. His name is John Lovitz. My name is John Lovitz.

They are different names. We have a different name. It's not Michael Jordans. If your name was Michael Jordans, you'd be fucking fine. And no one can make that mistake. So what does your card say? What is that? All right, fine.

It's time to put. Go ahead. John Q. Lovitz. What were you saying? All right, fine. It's time to put... Go ahead. John Q. Love is what we say. All right, it's time to play Find That Straight. Let's bring out Matt, Kendra, Brian, and Charlotte. They're going to stand over here. So we have four people here. We have Kendra, we have Brian,

we have Matt, and we have Charlotte. Bob is going to ask them questions and try to suss out which is the straight, but he can't ask about your sexual orientation or anything very direct about your sexual orientation. It'll be unrelated questions. Bob, take it away. Got it. Can I go up to them? You can do whatever you want.

Okay. Can I smell them? Sure. With consent. Enthusiastic consent. What's your name again? Kend Sure. With consent. I mean, with consent. With consent. Enthusiastic consent. What's your name again? Kendra. Kendra. Kendra.

You have any cats? No, no. No? Allergic. Allergic. Curveball. Brian. Brian.

I'm just going to say a word and you just respond. Okay. Share. Actually, respond. Okay. Share. Actually, nothing. Ooh. You will be excommunicated, that's for sure. Matt. Matt, how many minutes are in a year?

Oh, God. 525,600. Very interesting. Can you name one drag queen that wasn't on Drag Race? This is not looking good. Divine? Divine. Okay.

Wow. You could have said anything. We would have believed you. You'd have been like... Thank you. That's a good point. Way to go, Charlotte. Amanda Jones. That's Okay. Wow. You could have said anything. We would have believed you. You'd have been like. Thank you. That's a good point. Way to go, Charlotte. Amanda Jones. That's a good point.

The famous drag queen, Amanda Jones. Should I do another round? Yeah, do another round. Okay. You tell us when you've gotten the information you need. What's up with Ellen? Like, what's up? She seems mean.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. How much does a twink weigh? Like, what's the max? How tall is he? Well, I think he's about... Five...

Eight, five, nine. This random twink. It's not about you. This random twink is about 5'10". Well, he's been going to the gym, so 120. He's been 120. What you got? Okay, Matt.

Hosting or traveling? You're done. That's getting close. That's getting close. That's getting close to breaking a rule. That's getting close to breaking a rule. I just want to no hosting or traveling. Mine wasn't.

That's just facts. All right, Bob, you can ask Charlotte one more question. Then you're going to have to make a decision about who is the straight. What's your favorite comedy special? Wow. There's one really gay answer. It's like a really old Cat Williams special that used to be on Comedy Central.

Years ago. The gayest answer is Nanette. Yeah, that's fair. One last question. One last question. To who? What's the gayest color? Like the gayest color?

Go down the line. Everybody answer. What's the gayest color? Kendra? Lavender? Go down the line. Everybody answer. What's the gayest color? Kendra? Lavender. Lavender. Brian? Maybe like a pale orange. Pale orange. Hot pink. Hot pink. Like rainbows? It's actually cerulean. The answer we were looking for was cerulean.

It's not lapis. It's not turquoise. It's actually cerulean. Bob, we're going to need an answer here. You're going to have to pick which of these four people that stand before you. I'll remind you of their names. We have Kendra. We have Brian. We have Matt. We have Charlotte. Who is the straight? You thought it was easy. You said,

why haven't you given me a hard one? That's how you began. I did. Those of you listening in right now, you can't see what I'm seeing. You can also rule people out if you want. One of them looks like they chop wood and has a neck as thick as their head.

Jesus. Alright. So I'm going to say you are queer. I am so straight. Kendra's straight. I am so straight. I should have known.

Who did you think? Who did you think was straight? Matt? I'm gay. Matt is so gay. Matt, you're gay? I'm gay. Matt didn't know how many minutes were in a year.

Come on. He knew how many minutes were in a year. That was a giveaway. But the color was hot pink, and that's what really threw me off. Come on. You think a straight man could tell you how many minutes in a year? Do you know how many minutes in a year? 526,600 minutes.

That was wrong. That was wrong. Incorrect. Sorry, that was wrong. Wait, five... All right. Unfortunately, Bob, you've lost. I did lose.

I had lost. But one more time for Kendra, for Brian, for Matt, for Charlotte. And I want you guys to all know something. They really... They were honest, but I just want to applaud Charlotte specifically who put together such an outfit to straightify themselves.

This is the straight version? This is the straight version. You have no idea what you're dealing with day to day. I have no idea. I have absolutely no idea. You have no idea how not straight Charlotte is day to day. This was a lot. Like, do you normally come in like Katie Lang?

I mean, this is a little closer. This is my straight track. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. All right. I feel seen. I feel... I look like the dad from Powerpuff Girls.

Yes. I love it. I think it's cool. Thank you. I think if we push them any further, I'm going to have an HR meeting on Monday. Yeah, yeah. Thank you all for your time.

Hey, it's me, Malcolm Whitfield. The segment I am thankful for this year was Lovett's interview with Malcolm Kenyatta from our live Philly show. It was super inspiring. It was super great to see someone living in their truth so unabashedly, someone who's working to make sure his community is properly represented. A big Fetterman supporter as well brought a lot of people to the polls. It was just a great interview, a great show. I don't have anything super entertaining or funny to say about that, sorry, but enjoy the segment.

Here's Malcolm Kenyatta and love it. Here to talk about the future of a Mastriano-free Pennsylvania, it's your state representative, Malcolm Kenyatta. How are you? We've been having some fun. We've been having fun. The creative process. This is it. It's good to see you. Good to be seen rather than viewed, as they say. Better to be seen than viewed, I think. That's what the saints say, John. Yeah. Famously. Do you agree with me? This is a sandwich town, not a cheesesteak town this is a cheesesteak town cheesesteak town

so a lot of the national focus thank you I'm used to getting the fewest votes hey, hey come on so a lot of the national focus as we were just talking has been on the governor's race and the senate race but uh for people listening there's a real opportunity this year to take back the legislature can you just talk a little bit about why this year in particular gives us a chance to

flip the legislature for the first time in a number of years. Yeah, so we have a chance to flip the state house because of redistricting. You know, this was, I heard Josh mention our incredible future Speaker of the House, Joanna McClinton. And she and Jay Costa, you know, went through and actually got us like a fair map. I don't know, it's this crazy idea where like voters could pick their elected officials

and not their elected officials pick their voters. I know. Crazy concept. I know. I know. So last month you and a number of other LGBTQ politicians announced the formation of something called Agenda Pack to defend the queer community from right-wing politicians. We've seen this rising right-wing threat. Can you talk a little bit about what the goal is and what you're trying to do with this organization? Listen, so our goal is to wake up every day, have a glass of water, and then beat bigots everywhere that we can. You've got to drink water. You've got to get up.

You've got to drink a whole glass of water. First of all, you've got to have water because you've got to be hydrated. Wake up. Wake up. Just drink a glass of water. Don't do anything else. First thing you do, you drink a whole glass of water. It changes your whole life.

It really does. It really will change your life. It really does. You know, because you have these folks, you think about Doug, who's obviously a big target for us because he's awful in every possible way, including saying things like kids who are being put through conversion abuse. I don't call it therapy because there's no therapeutic nature to it. He says that these kids are just confused. And our governor right now, Governor Tom Wolf, has used his executive authority to do everything he can to make it more difficult to engage in that type of behavior. He could, with a stroke of a pen, move us in the other direction. I think you had on

recently Will Rollins, who's running in California's 41st District against a guy who, now that Palm Springs is in his district, he loves gay people. Suddenly. I know. Didn't like it for a very long time. But Palm Springs does that to people. Maybe he went and like, it changed him. Yeah. You know?

The clean air, the hummingbirds, it does that. You know, his book about that is called Eat, Pray, Hate. Because he sucks. That's right. Then he stayed at the Sparrow and everything changed. That's a specific hotel. I'm so sorry. You're from Philadelphia.

You've never seen the sun. Wow. We object. It rained here for five days when I got here. What are you people doing? Get it together. Well, it's always sunny. Oh, right.

That's a joke. You understand that it's always sunny in Philadelphia is a joke. That's why it's called that. It's not true. It's a pessimistic it's that's kind of the ethos of the show. Have you seen an episode? They're not very sunny, are they? Kind of gets at the idea. It's a gray place, a place with clouds.

Well, it's nice to see you on my last visit to Philadelphia. No, come back. But next time when you come, come to like my district. You're like two blocks outside of my district. Great. So when you come, we'll do it at the Met, and then you're right in my district. Talk to me about this. Okay, I mean, that sounds fancy. Talk to me about the

sandwiches. What are we looking at? What kind of sandwiches can I get in your district? That's why I'm here. I come for sandwiches. I travel for the food. Honestly, you can get a good sandwich all across Philadelphia, but this is what I will say. When people come here and they want a cheesesteak in particular, everybody picks a big name cheesesteak place and they tell you to like, go to that cheesesteak place. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You go to the corner store, you go to the corner

bodega. Okay. You just find the most like corner store looking corner store. And you walk in and you go to the back and the guy's behind the glass. It's like baloney at the bottom. And he's kind of listening to you, but not really listening to you. And you have to fight to get your order out. And he's already kind of over it. And then you know that is the sandwich that's going to change your life. I appreciate that. I understand that. I understand that.

I understand that. I like a bodega energy. In New York, that's a bacon, egg, and cheese life. I appreciate that. I understand that. I understand that. I understand that. I like a bodega energy. New York, that's a bacon, egg, and cheese energy. I appreciate that. I understand. I relate to that. What's the best slice of pizza in New York? The closest one to you. I agree with that completely. Can you talk a little bit about the status of the fight to pass gun safety legislation in Pennsylvania and some of the work that you're trying to do there? Yeah. So unfortunately, the status of that, if we don't win back the House and Josh is not elected, is very bleak. You have Republicans right now spending a lot of money putting up ads, using the word crime. But the reality is they don't give a damn about crime. They don't know anything about living in communities where people are actually suffering from gun violence,

from gun crimes. And it turns out that people who live in communities like mine in North Philly actually care a lot about us reducing the amount of gun crimes. And they understand that we have to take a holistic approach to this, including doing something about gun safety. The issues of ghost guns, for example, have become a real pariah. We're seeing them pop up more and more and more. We just had a shooting at my high school alma mater, Roxborough High School, where five kids were shot. One, Nicholas, was murdered.

And it's heartbreaking to think that Nicholas would be 15 today. To see these constant school shootings, constant school shootings, and you have folks who are committed to doing everything they can to make it more likely, not less likely, that people get their hands on the guns. For example, Pennsylvania passed, and thank God, Governor, will vetoed a permitless carry bill, which we know makes it more likely that you see the types of gun deaths that we need to be trying to stop. So, you know, we've seen this across the country that Republicans,

yeah, that, you know, this is happening. It's happening here in Pennsylvania. There's tons of ads targeting John Fetterman. There's, we see this in Wisconsin targeting Mandela Barnes, see it everywhere, where basically, you know, Republicans are trying to use crime to target Democrats while also holding on to their anti-gun control position. And in a lot of cases, trying to garner votes from people who live, who basically are not in their own community seeing any of this, but trying to kind of scare them about what's happening in the big cities. What have you seen as the most effective way to kind of fight back against that, which is often racially coded, but basically just trying to kind of scare rural and suburban Republicans and independents into voting Republican based on these sort of crime messages? So, you know what, a part of what I've learned is that we have to show up to places where

there are not a lot of folks who necessarily share our experience. And I mean that both ways, not just people from the cities going to rural communities, but folks in rural communities come into the city as well. I mean, since the primary has been over, I've been to 30 plus counties, all types of communities where I can promise you I have increased the population of black gay kids from North Philly with locks by a thousand percent by virtue of walking in there. But I will tell you what I find all the time. I was just in Wayne County in Hohensdale. And you walk in and there's this moment where people are like, OK, you are not from Hohensdale. And then there's the second moment where I get to talk to people about why I'm here, why I'm in this.

You know, I grew up here in North Philly. My dad was a social worker. My mom was a home health aide. They were the best parents in the world. John, they just didn't like each other. So they got. And that happens. That happens sometimes. So they got, they got divorced when I was pretty young. I lived six different places by the time I graduated high school, got my first job at the age of 12, not far from here, washing dishes at 4th and Spring Garden. And I buried both of my parents by the time I was 25, because they didn't have the type of healthcare that everybody deserves. And so for me and everywhere I go, there are folks who are having that exact experience. And what happens is when we don't know each other, it's very easy to

fill that void with the worst possible idea of who you are. It's very rare that you don't know somebody and you're like, I bet they're great. Usually you think the opposite of that. And so when we show up and don't allow Doug Mastriano and his ilk to fill the void of who we are and actually talk to people about who we are, I think we can beat these folks anywhere in this commonwealth, and I think we're going to win. That's a great place to leave it. Now, thank you so much for being here. You've graciously agreed to stick around for another segment.

So when we come back, it's time for Gay News. And we're back. Please welcome back to the stage Jared Goldstein, who's going to join us. Hi, Jared. Hi. I'm drunk now. Yeah. Give it up for Malcolm. I'm so energized.

This is a good show. I can tell. It's good. It's been a good one. That's Philly for you. That's Philly. I love Philly. This is a good show. I can tell. It's good. It's been a good one. That's Philly for you. That's Philly. I love Philly. I do. Hi, my name is Kendra James.

I'm the executive producer of Love It or Leave It. This week, they've asked us all to choose segments that we were thankful for throughout the year. And one of mine was definitely when we had Kel Cripe on for the first time that they were on the show. And they did an amazing, I don't know if I would call it an impression or just a sketch with vibes or something. I don't know. But they played Tom Cruise. And it was wonderful, not only because they were hilarious, but because finally, I had an excuse to use decades worth of knowledge of Tom Cruise that I have built up in my brain and have never been able to use before.

Or I should say never been able to use professionally before. So yeah, please enjoy Kel Cripe as Tom Cruise. When we come back... What are you going to do when you come back? Excuse me, excuse me Are you heckling me? No, no, no, no, no I love this stuff

You love jokes, comedy Comedy Wait a minute, wait just a minute Are you Tom Cruise in disguise? Oh no I have a hat I'm just a guy I'm just a guy I'm just a guy like you

I've got normal teeth I've got skin and stuff Okay, alright, alright You know what, you're Tom Cruise in disguise You get up here Guys, give it up for Tom Cruise in disguise I don't know all these I don't know all these

I'm there to see a comic show Alright up for Tom Cruise in disguise. I don't know all these. I don't know all these. Come on. I'm there to see a comedy show. All right. Whoa. Hi. You know, come sit over here, please, Tom. Oh, yeah. I'm just, I was sitting over there like an audience member.

Now I'll sit up here. Hi. All right. You know what? Let's, I'll play along. What's your name? Oh, my name. You know what? I'll play along. What's your name? Oh, my name... You know, I didn't think about this.

It's Kel. Yeah. Like the beautiful Kelly McGillis from a little film colloquially known as Top Gun. Really? Have you seen it? Have I seen Top Gun? You bet. Yeah. Did you like it? Did I like Top Gun? Yeah, I love Top Gun. Oh, I love it too.

Is that really what we're going to start with? Well, I just, being honest, like, I can't stay that long because my limo is circling around back. Your what? Oh, did I say limo? I meant, oh, I got to go put some more coins in my electric scooter. Time runs out on those things so quick. I see people riding them in my limo all the time.

You're not, you're doing it to, look. Oh, I said it. Can we do another take? No, there's no other takes. You, last week at Cannes, Tom Cruise, last week at Cannes, Tom Cruise said he goes in disguise to movie theaters to watch movies. I've been living

in Los Angeles for 12 years. I knew I must have run into Tom Cruise in disguise at some point. And here you are. Well, hats off. You got me. It's me, Tommy C. Tommy Cruise. Thomas and Cruiseson.

Yeah. Well, hey, everybody. It's so amazing to be here. Looking all out at you. We've all got asymmetrical faces, and we're really tall. That is, uh, you're in an incredible costume, I have to say. Yeah, well, you know what? When you get to my level, you only work with the best, John.

You know, this actually, full human suit, one zipper straight up the back, and it's even got, you guessed it, moisture wicking. Well, what brings you to the show, Tom? This isn't a movie theater, you know. I know this isn't a movie, okay? I saw a marquee. I thought, I'm going to go try this one out tonight. And I'm going to be honest, I've been wearing this disguise for so long.

I just feel like my skin's going to crack. But it still feels more like the real me than me. Oh, Tom, no. Really? Yeah, you know how I keep trying all my new stunts? You know how I shattered my ankle filming Mission Impossible 6? Me? I give it 110% of my foot, that is. Yeah, I did wonder. I did wonder

about that. I mean, we have stunt people in Hollywood. Seems needlessly risky for you. That's right. You know, John, you are right about that. That is something you are so right about. And it's true because I've given the world so much. I give, I pour, I give, and I give, and I give, and what do I get? You know, my body's broken.

People say it's broken, and I feel that, and I know I need to take a break, but guess what, I can't take a break because I actually have to go straight to the International Space Station for my next movie. Yeah, yeah, guess what? I can't believe it. I talked him into it, but this whole time,

all I want is to do the one thing that I can't do. Wear a pair of shoes without lips? Oh, kiss me on the lips, John. No. Have a normal life. That's what I want to do, John. I'm sorry. All right. Tell me more about that. You want to be normal, huh? That's what Tom Cruise wants?

Yeah. I want to be normal. I've been famous for so long, I can barely even remember the before times. Before I was rich, handsome, and famous. Right, of course. I want to do all this stuff all these normal people get to do. Walk the dog.

Go on a walk. Open doors. Sure. You haven't done that, huh? You don't open doors? Sniff. Sniff? Sniff things. I want to drink these smoothies. You know, I've got really fancy million-dollar mushrooms. Like the guys.

Like the guys. Taco Tuesday. Taco Tuesday. I want to go to that place where they sell... What's it called? Do you know what I'm talking about? Are you talking about Sizzler? Oh, kiss me again, why don't you?

No. I'm on Jerry. They're expensive places I totally know about and I want to go there and it also costs like a year a year at Northwestern or so jump change

I don't know Tom I think going to fancy resorts and drinking smoothies with expensive mushroom it sounds pretty fancy still whoa no see I hear you

I hear you. I hear you. I get that. But I don't want to do this as fancy Tom Cruise. I still want to be wealthy Tom Cruise. But I want to be a wealthy, normal, handsome, but just not famous Tom Cruise doing regular around the town stuff. Oh, John. Do you know what it's like to yearn for acceptance for who you really are?

Well, I guess, I mean, I sort of do. You know, everyone can connect about that. We all want to be accepted for who we really are. Exactly. Like, that's why I want people to like my NFT apes, because they're cool. And the colors are vibrant, and it makes you laugh a little bit. Not because they look exactly like me, Tom Cruise. I see.

And I also want to have sex with a man. Wait a second. Wait a second. All right. No, no, no. See, not like that. I just want to kiss him all up and down, make him feel beautiful.

Stop it. I just want it for practice. For practice. Like, you know how I had to learn how to ride a horse for my my beautiful film far and away yeah i actually learned how to ride a horse for that because i unlike all the rest of the dweebs in this town i'm committed to learning the skills of my art sure uh tom i'm gonna be honest uh that's super sad and all but you're one of the most famous people in the world and in your decades of power and acclaim and celebrity you haven't done anything with it.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you not hear the thing I just said about learning how to ride a horse? Sitting here, I don't even know what your politics are at all. Like, I look at you and I think, loves McCain. But I don't know why, and I'm not totally sure. John, John, I don't pay attention to the politics. I would never want to alienate a single moviegoer from experiencing the magic of cinema you know uh but i did visit zelensky once really i would like to

hear about that yeah oh you know it was just it was 2019 my movie maybe you heard of it mission impossible 7 uh he told me he told me i was good looking i I said, stop. I said, stop that. It just pays the bills. Tom, listen. If you want to have the American experience, if you want to know what it means to be an everyman, you will go home, take off this incredibly compelling disguise,

get on TikTok, and dance that tiny ass off in support of abortion access or gay books or, I don't know, baby formula. You're right. John, you're right. I'm going to go gonna go do this i gotta go get an account i'll learn the renegade dance this is incredible wow but uh just so you do know i do have to uh run it all past the guys at the old building if you know what i mean first uh what any building in particular just the

it's really big one what's the like what does it say on the outside? What building is it? Is it a big building? Is it in Hollywood? Is it a big building in Hollywood? I'm going to be honest. I'm talking about the Scientology building, John. Okay, then. Never mind.

Tom Cruise in disguise, everybody. I know how to fly a fighter pilot jet. Yeah, that's great. No one does that. Get out of here, Tom Cruise. You get out of here. You get out of here. Tom Cruise, that's great. No one does that. Get out of here, Tom Cruise. You get out of here. You get out of here. Tom Cruise, everybody. Wow.

What a get. What are Tom Cruise's politics? Here's a question. Alright. Everybody vote. In the year 2012, did Tom Cruise vote for Obama or Mitt Romney? Alright. Obama. Mitt Romney. Wow. Obama. Mitt Romney.

Wow. He doesn't vote? He doesn't vote? Tom Cruise doesn't vote? Do we, do you know, is that something reported? Or is that something you feel in your heart? One day I will find out. One day we'll find out.

I know you will. You will find out. You'll find out. Someone on a campaign just needs to break into PDI. Okay, here's what I'm going to say. Let's, no. Someone on a campaign doesn't need to break into, was that the voter file you mean? Yeah.

Okay. Or someone could ask him, you know, try. Why don't we, why don't we try asking him? The man does interviews all the time. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Hey, it's Nadine again. And here's another segment I loved from the past year.

John's conversation with Adam Conover about toxic masculinity and how it basically hurts everyone, including men. Sounds obvious, right? As you'll hear, they talk about a variety of things, including Adam's wild experience on Joe Rogan's podcast, how ridiculous John Hawley is, and other things. But what makes this segment special is that Adam kind of stops the theoretical vibe of the combo and shares with the audience a personal story about how growing up in a society with arbitrary norms and pressures for men influenced him directly. Here's that conversation. This week, Republican Senator Josh Hawley from the

good state of Missouri spoke with the National Conservatism Conference in Orlando, saying the following. Can we be surprised that after years of being told that they are the problem, that their manhood is the problem, more and more men are withdrawing into the enclave of idleness and pornography and video games? pornography, and video games. Of course, the senator is not the only conservative flagging video games as a signpost for the end times where men are concerned. In his 2017 book, The Vanishing American Adult, Nebraska Senator Ben Sasse playing video games for making kids softer, chiding the 5 million Americans who he claims play 45 hours of video games a week. Here to discuss all of this, the most masculine, macho, manly gamer I

know. He makes Jason Momoa in Dune look like Timothee Chalamet in Dune, and he's sexier than either. Welcome back, Adam Conover. Hi, Adam. Terrible. Hi, Larry. Thanks for having me. Happy to be here. So I want to talk to you about gaming and masculinity two topics I could not be more excited to discuss well the reason I was glad to talk to you about them because you know you spoke to Joe Rogan I think like two years ago and it was a really interesting conversation that really reminded me of what Josh Hawley is trying to do uh but you were talking about loneliness in older men and how the culture around masculinity may be contributing to that but what's interesting about it is Rogan's like,

yeah, I mean, maybe men should be more sensitive, but they also should fucking man up. And I feel like that got to the heart of what Holly's trying to take advantage of. Yeah, I blacked out during that conversation, so thank you for reminding me what we discussed. Yeah, no, I mean, it was a really, it was

an interesting conversation because me and Joe, like, we had a point of agreement in what we were talking about. And we also had a point where we were talking completely past each other. And I think that is exactly what it's about. Yeah, well, I mean, one of the things you pointed out is that from a very young age, boys are told that certain things aren't manly and they shouldn't do them. Hold hands with other boys in a kind of friendly way. Build close relationships. You talked about how even as a boy, you're afraid to be vulnerable because you're going to get made fun of. And Rogan's response, which I actually think is

propelling a lot of this sort of masculinity discourse. I think you see it in Chappelle. I think you see it in what Holly's doing is like, yeah, but we need guys to man up. They're really soft right now. Men have become really soft. They're playing too many video games. But then the question is, okay, what are these qualities that men are supposed to have that women shouldn't have? And what are the qualities women should have

that men shouldn't have? I mean, the answer to that question is very obvious. It's, you know, like aggression and, I don't know, providing stuff, killing things, being emotional stoicism and emotional unavailability. I mean, someone who buys into all that might disagree with me,

but it's basically the whole ball of wax that we're brought up to believe is associated with manliness, either overtly or very subtly. And it's weird because what I was saying and what I would continue to say is that that stuff is a prison to a certain extent because you're told, well, these sort of things are for you and these other emotions and these other ways of being are not for you. And like, to me, the point that I was trying to make is that I grew up around a lot of women who talked about what they were cut off from because of our ideas about womanhood, right? took me another like 15 years to start thinking about wait there's stuff i'm cut off from and that is hurting me and that wasn't a conversation i ever had and i was trying to broach

that but you know a lot of folks come back to that and yeah they just say yeah except you should be more of a man though like no but that's the same thing that you were already doing yeah i i feel it myself sometimes because I have female friends, I have gay friends, and I even have some straight male friends. It sometimes happens. Are you saying we're friends? I think we're friendly. Yeah, that's how I

describe it to you. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you know John? Yeah, I know of him. Yeah, yeah. We've met from time to time. Yeah, yeah. No. Oh, you know John? Yeah, I know of him. Yeah, yeah. We've met from time to time. Mm-hmm. Yeah. We've bumped into each other at the Erewhon. We'll say hello.

See a mutual friend's, real friend's birthday party. Neither one of us has taken even the first step that either would take to put us on the road for a genuine friendship. Oh, my God. I mean, this isn't that either. This is work. We're both at work right now. This is very much work.

I'm working so hard up here right now. But it's not unpleasant. It's not unpleasant. It's a simulacrum. Simulacrum. Simulacrum. This is why I'm not seeking the friendship. Who wants to be corrected

by a slightly smarter version of themselves? Not me. But no, but what I was getting at is, and I want to get to the video game piece of this, is it took me until my mid-late 30s to be like, wait a second. I have such a different, shittier version of friendship with straight guys because I'm doing the straightest version of me, the least feminine version of me. And then I bring something totally different to a group of gay friends

or a group of female friends because that's the space where that kind of vulnerability and compassion is more welcome. But what is also interesting to me about this is then they turn and say, men have a problem, which isn't incorrect.

Men do have a problem in this country. And they're turning to video games, which are for boys, which itself is a version of the kind of toxic masculinity they're decrying. That's the weird thing about what Holly's saying, because it's like, oh, you're told their manhood is wrong

so they're going to video games. Well, video games are a thing that I grew up being told was for boys. You did a great Adam Rubin's Everything, I think, about this. About when, like, it was not the case that video games were seen as being for boys boys and a very specific change happened. Yeah, and okay, I'll dance like a monkey and do it.

We're at work. If you remember, this is work right now. No, in like the 80s, especially the computer game era, games were like very multi-gender in that, for instance, Roberta Williams, who was like a great game designer for Sierra and did the King's Quest game. She was like one of the first great gaming superstars. People like that, for instance, Roberta Williams, who was a great game designer for Sierra, did the King's Quest game.

She was one of the first great gaming superstars. People like that, there were real games for adults. When Nintendo, though, started making games, and this is one version of the story. There's a lot of different ways to break it down. But when Nintendo took over the video game market, they sold specifically in toy stores. They left the radio shacks of the world and they went to toy stores.

Toy stores were very much boy and girl aisle, and they kind of just radio shacks of the world and they went to toy stores toy stars were very much boy and girl aisle and they kind of just chose an aisle they also you know probably went in a direction that more boys were playing the system anyway but that's because boys are given like computer toys at a younger age that sort of thing but it was really with the start of nintendo that the masculinity of games themselves developed and it wasn't yeah it was like sort of a weird conditional thing of what capitalism did it's not like one gender likes interactive electronic entertainment more than the other no they just advertise two boys yeah and then you know they made games that had

objectified women in them they made it about shooting and cars and well i had the phenomenon you know i have a sister who's one year younger than me and we had every video game system but it was always like my hobby and she would watch, or she would occasionally take the controller. And I don't remember saying, don't play. That was just how we played. And now that we're adults, she likes video games as much as I did, but we had a different relationship with them back then for God knows why kids, where we absorb those things, how we absorb them. Yeah, I mean, it's interesting because I do think right now there is this moment where, yes, there's still the kind of, I think, traditional style games, your Calls of Duty. Yeah. That, you know, your kind of shooting games, your games that have fit into these tropes.

But it's also a really exciting time for independent games, for games that tell stories, for games that don't play into some of these tropes. But are you right now playing Demon's Souls? Are you a Souls person? I am playing Demon's Souls. I finished Demon's Souls very long. I played every Souls game. I watched a whole bunch of the Elden Ring trailer that came out today. Anybody?

Thank you. A valiant effort, man, but I don't believe you. They don't. You play Sekiro? I did play Sekiro. Did you get past the Guardian Ape? I beat everything in Sekiro. That's one of my greatest achievements as a person, is beating Sekiro. You don't know. You weren't there. is beating second row. You don't know!

You weren't there! You weren't there and you don't know. You weren't there and you weren't there. You don't know what it's like. You don't understand. It's like we're astronauts who both saw Earth from space and you didn't. Does that make sense? I actually died on the launch pad, but I understand the metaphor. Because I did not get past the Guardian

Ape. Oh, the Guardian Ape is real hard. You think you beat him, and oh, fuck. He's got a zombie worm in his neck, and he's coming back for you. He's coming back for you, and you won't know that at first. And you'll be caught off guard. Yeah, no, I play everything. I play almost everything I can get my hands on. Playing Metroid Dread?

I also am in the middle of Metroid Dread. Yes, I play Metroid Dread. Very good. Anybody? Same woman? You're all late. You're not playing it, I can tell. Ronan tried to trick me into playing it, but I didn't realize it was 2D.

You don't like 2D? I like to be able to turn around. I want to look around. You can turn around. No, no, no. I want to look this way. I want to look that way. I want to move. I want to feel like I'm in a place. So Josh Hawley, obviously, one of the things that Josh Hawley is playing into with this kind of nonsense is there really is a crisis that men are going through right now.

That on the one hand, as he points out, I think, as you pointed out on your show, is that there really is a problem of loneliness among men, especially older men. There's a crisis around jobs. And then there is this larger conversation around gender in our culture that is very destabilizing for a lot of people. People like Joe Rogan take advantage of that. I think Dave Chappelle is taking advantage of that. I think Josh Hawley, a demagogue, is taking advantage of that. What was the reaction when you started saying, when you kind of confronted some of those norms

on Rogan? What was the fan base like when you're like, actually, some of this stuff you're talking about is pretty toxic? Oh, I mean, they weren't happy with me. No, I mean, it was very interesting. I got, I had to batten down the old Instagram comment hatches for a little while. You know, it was, interesting i got um i had to batten down the old instagram comment hatches for a

little while you know it was everybody listens to that show there's a caricature of people who listen to that show that's very easy to indulge in but the truth is it's extremely popular and tons and tons of people listen to it and tons of people reached out and said oh that really resonated for me i really appreciated that you know um and then a lot of people just said like like we spent a good part of the interview talking about the false dichotomy between alphas and beta males, right, and how this is not real. This isn't, like, science. This is just a framework that I happen to think is harmful.

Those are not true. And just a lot of people were like, yeah, you're a beta, though, and it's, like, hard to argue with that, you know? Well, that's a pretty beta attitude about it. You know, that's the difficult conversation, you know well that's a pretty beta attitude about it you know that's the difficult conversation you know like i said we found points of agreement and points of not like you know the whole argument is that again there's attributes that we have historically associated with maleness those are not necessarily bad attributes right the problem is that we as men cut ourselves off from other good things that we should have,

like close companionship or things like that, to our detriment and some of the things that we embrace can also hurt and injure us in ways that are hard to understand. I've really experienced this. Can I tell a personal story? Please. One of the first stories we had as a kid was that me and my sister had a Hello Kitty

little kitchen set, right? With a frying pan and stuff like that to cook and growing up i was like that's my sister's hello kitty kitchen set and it was like a very iconic toy i remembered from my childhood but i labeled it as my sister's when i was like 32 we were watching childhood vhs tapes and we're watching a tape of christmas when I'm like three years old, and I open it, and I open the Hello Kitty kitchen set, and I say, yeah, it's what I wanted. It's a kitchen set. I go to start cooking, right? I was like, that was mine? My parents were like, yeah, you wanted that. You asked for it. You wanted to cook, and I was so heartbroken for myself, right? Because why did I, like two years later when my memories began stop

understanding that that was mine the truth is i love to cook i love to cook for my girlfriend that's like a nurturing thing that i like to do that is a emotion and a way of being that like i was just sort of subtly in ways i didn't understand pushed away from and that's like a harm and unfortunately as many times as you explain that, people will go, well, you fucking hate men, though. You know, like and some people, they hear it as that. And I don't know. All you can do is try to say it over and over again, try to say it better next time and try to really have that communication. And, you know, with Rogan, we got halfway there and not all the way there. And it was an effort on my part. You can tell me whether or not it worked.

But the reason I wanted to talk about it is in part because, like because I see what happens when Josh Hawley says something like this on Twitter. He gets exactly what he wants, which is content-free denunciations on Twitter. And obviously what he's doing is saying, hey, there is a problem with men. There is a conversation about masculinity. I'm very intent on making both of these things worse. That is my goal, to put blame on liberals and leftists and then make both of these problems worth do nothing to address what is plaguing men in this country and contribute nothing but harm to a conversation about what masculinity is or isn't. But we need to have this conversation because clearly it's resonating with a lot of people because I don't care about Dave Chappelle, but I do find it really interesting

what that audience is laughing at and loving. And you get a sense of there's this anxiety and insecurity about manliness and masculinity and what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. And we better be ready to have that conversation in a way that kind of people can understand. It all comes from pain, you know, and it's just a question of how we address that pain. Like I remember going on like the seduction Reddit, the pickup artist Reddit, which is still around. And, you know, that was a very fun thing for us to all make fun of for like a decade. Right. But I remember at the height of that, I would go look at it and it would be these guys saying like, yeah, I ran a B system on a real HB nine. They

have all their codes and it's like very, all this stuff. Right. And then you'd read it, you'd read between the lines and realize this is like a 19 year old at college who is like very anxious about talking to women. Right right and no one ever taught him how right and i remember growing up and all the women in my life had the various magazines that said here's how to figure out if a boy likes you here you know what i mean we teach them social rules we you know teach each other rule and a lot of men are not taught that i was never taught that it's a pain and a lack and a thing that they need, and no one is giving it to them, you know? And so they go get it from the biggest assholes in the universe, you know? But, like, I think you're right.

If we have the conversation and we provide that thing that, like, men are missing, then we can, you know, do it in a more productive way, and we can actually fill that in a way that's, like, nourishing and not destructive. And I think what men are mostly missing are kind of big feathery hats and big kind of floral things that make them stand out in a crowd. Even though they live in their parents' basement. I'm trying to give you a new perspective on you're going right back to the old joke. I've fallen for the game.

I've fallen for the game yet again. Before we go on to the next segment, where are you standing on Daylight Savings Time? What's your stand? Oh, my God. I mean, look, I used to be an anti-Daylight Savings Time person. And then the thing that I learned is that there are certain parts of the country where the latitude is at such a spot where if you don't do it, then it doesn't become light out until like 9.30 a.m. or some shit. And so there is a little bit of a need in some spots.

However, I think we've got to loosen it up federally because I think, for instance, California would probably want to move to... And by the way, it's not that we hate daylight savings time. It's that here, for me, I hate standard time. What we're about to move into, standard time, which for some reason is shorter than daylight savings time. It's like less months a year. Well, because we've been squeezing it for so long. Yeah. Because for so long we've been

contracting daylight savings. You know what? We're going to get to this later, but here's the good news. You're absolutely right. You have landed on the correct policy outcome. There is an answer. And he got there. Yeah, I fucking ruined the show. I did it too early. Before we get back to the show, the Crooked Store just launched a huge Black Friday sale

in time for the holidays. We're offering 25% off site-wide with the code SAVE25. This includes merch from your favorite Crooked podcast and Crooked copies five star. What a morning, medium, and dark roast. We'll be donating a portion of the proceeds to Vote Save America's Every Last Vote Fund to ensure that every single person who wants to vote

can have their voice heard. The offer ends Monday, November 28th. So head to crooked.com slash holiday to shop and learn more. And for my second segment that I'm thankful for, it is when River Butcher, Travelle Anderson, and Zach Noe Towers were assigning gender to random objects.

I was working on a Crooked show with Duolingo at the time, and so I had words on the brain, and I had gender on the brain, and they just did not disappoint deciding if a bubble was a boy or a girl. Gender. What a puzzle. Here to solve it, it's Travelle Anderson, River Butcher, and Zach Noe Towers. Come on out, everybody. Take a seat. Good to see you all. Hi, Travelle. Hello. Hi, River. Hello. Hi, everybody. Take a seat. Good to see you all. Hi, Travelle.

Hello. Hi, River. Hello. Hi, Zach. Hi. Gender, what is it? A construct. It's a construct.

I agree. I agree. So we've been grappling here at the show with the fact that languages have gendered language about inanimate objects. How do we gain a new novel understanding of gender when it's baked into the croissants, the pupusas, the mooncakes? Depending on what language you speak, all sorts of objects can be girls, boys, you name it. Travelle, River, and Zach, you are here to

choose the definitive gender for some very common items in a game we're calling It's a Noun. Fabulous. Alright, now, is one is easy In Spanish Shoes are your father Tapping his wingbacks

Impatiently while watching Your school musical It's masculine Zapatos And look he's not wrong It's not good And you were terrible in it And you'll remember this sound forever

Meanwhile in Italian Shoes are purses You wear on your feet Because they're feminine Appropriate Which one's right? Zach I'll start with you. I say the masculine.

You think shoes are men? Anything that you can easily get poop on is man-based. Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. I got to go with Zach on that one. Whenever there's poop flying around, that's dudes. For sure.

Yeah. As a person who has now visited both public restrooms, that is 100% true. Yeah, I feel that. I see what you mean. What do you think, Travell? So, initially, before you gave that riveting response, I was going to go with the scarpe. Is that how you say it? I don't know. I don't speak. I was socially passed through Spanish

class for seven years so I could go to college. Wow. I retained nothing. They called me the king of the cognate. Because I could only pull words that sounded like what they were in English. At one point I was caught because I said el vacuum and my teacher

slammed a ruler against the blackboard and said, Aspiradora. So I don't know. Noted. Okay, well, I was going to go with that. I love the idea of a purse for my delicate feet, you know? But then, you know, shit and men, I mean.

Shoes are boys, it's done. It's locked. Next up. Poop shoe. Next, it's a boy. For now. Next up, we have. Period. Hell yeah.

Next up, we have the violin. In French, it's a boy. Violon. Don't tweet at me i don't know how any of these words are pronounced in any language ever including english shut up kendra i don't do other languages i can't i tried i can't retain them and then in russian it's feminine we're gonna say skripka. In Russian, a violin is a beautiful, curvaceous woman, which is why I've never touched one. In France, it's a case.

It's a case is the perfect shape for a mobster to carry his machine gun, and the mobster is a man. Which tongue is correct about a violin's gender? Travelle, we'll start with you. I'm going to go with the skripka. Feminine, feminine. You think of Island as feminine. No, I think that's the masculine one.

No, no, no. Look at that. There's a hard rock man holding a violin on screen. That's the man. The Skripka's the lady. You sure? Producer Brian's telling me. Look, it is a construct, but I'm just saying.

But I thought we were choosing the gender. We are choosing the gender for sure. That's the point. You got that. Nailed that. But Skripka is feminine. Right, but I thought... For now. That was a callback. Sorry, nobody... You know what? This is all stupid.

You can do whatever you want. What do you want to do? You want Skripka to become feminine? We can do that. We'll talk to Putin about it. I thought you said it was feminine. It's not. It is? See, I'm going to actually jump in because I agree the violin is Skripka

because Skripka, the word, but also I would argue this photo of this violin is just giving me butch lesbian vibes. So I think that is what's throwing you both off is that like, is it female? Is it male? It's a butch lesbian. It's a butch lesbian.

It's 100% a butch lesbian. Absolutely. It's a woman that could change a tire. That's right. And also play a beautiful violin song. And also, yeah, for sure. Exactly what he got. I'm also going to say Scripka.

See? That's called influence. Because while it oftentimes sounds quite shrill, it's ultimately very beautiful. Alright, everybody. Give it up for Zach. He won't be hearing from him very much in the future.

It's a girl. Next up! In Yiddish, a bubble is a tiny little grandpa. While in Polish, it's mass transit for Glinda the Good Witch, and no one ever pisses on this train. Which gender is the right one for a bubble? In masculine, blas

in Yiddish. feminine bunka in Polish? Let's start with River. Okay, great. Look, I think gender can be an expansive, fantastical experience in your life. But this makes me feel like sometimes gender is a disease. Man bubble is really upsetting to me. But also a woman bubble is also upsetting to me. I have to go off book and say that a bubble is non-binary.

I'm so sorry. Period. I'm so sorry that I have to ruin the game. I hear that. I'm just going to throw in my thoughts for one second, which is bubbles are fundamentally collaborative. They're non-hierarchical. I agree.

Bubbles can combine. They come together. They become bigger bubbles. They become individual bubbles. That's very feminine by nature. Bubbles are not top down to me. I'm going to have to absolutely ruin your argument. Oh, wow. All right, Zach, take it away.

Because they're masculine because they love to get blown. Well, how you doing? They're extremely sensitive and full of hot air. Wow. Wow. That was absolutely devastating.

That was amazing. Travelle, you have a moment to contradict that, but I think that's hard to argue with. I'm with it. Let's do it. Wow.

It's a boy. Sorry. No non-binary. Look at that. Look at that. We went backwards. There was a moment where Bubbles could have been non-binary and we said no thank you. Not on my watch. Not on Zach's watch. Not on Zach's watch. Zach thinks Bubbles are men because he's not bothered

by their voices. In Arabic, a cat is the mysterious elegance of Elizabeth Taylor in the first half of her Wikipedia page. In Spanish, a cat is James Corden covered in digital fur. Who's right about the essence of gender of a cat? Kita or Gato? Travelle, we'll start with you. Oh, we're going with Miss Aristocats. Kita, just because, you know, I'm with the pink.

She's got a pink bow. She's got a pink bow, 100%. For, you know, the people who are not here. How y'all doing? River, what do you think? Look, I'm going to go with Gato on this one, just personally because I feel like people think that all dogs are boys and all cats are girls.

So I'm just going to have to rep the boy cats because we do exist. Stop erasing boy cats. Stop erasing boy cats. What do you got, Zach? You're a little mad at me. No. I just picked up a brick. I was really curious.

What's the gender of the brick? Bricks are non-binary, I think. That's right. I think that's right. I'm going to say Keita because the females are sophisticated and smart and elegant and really good at hiding their shit.

Wow, that's tough to argue with. I have to say, Zach is bringing a level of debate to this that honestly none of us is able to match. Beyond my range, okay. So I think we're going to have to give it to Zach on this one. It's Keita. That's that. That's that. To be clear, I think I have going to have to give it to Zach on this one. It's Keita. That's that. That's that.

To be clear, I think I have a shrill voice, too. Hi, I'm Kendra James. I'm the executive producer of Love It or Leave It. My name is Zuri Irvin, and I'm a video producer at Crooked, and I work on Love It or Leave It, and I sit at the back of the theater and record the show. That's so many more words than I thought you were going to say. I'm Malcolm Whitfield. I'm the associate producer of the theater and record the show. That's so many more words than I thought you were going to say. I'm Malcolm Whitfield. I'm the associate producer of Love It or Leave It.

And we are one-third of the black people that work at this company. That's right. Oh, man, that's entirely true. There's nine of us. That's cool. We probably need more. I don't know. I don't know.

That's very shocking to hear all said at me right now. Yeah. I'm glad we're not three fifths of the black people. Okay. Anyway, so you've been introduced to us. You know who we are. You know that we're one third of the black people who work at Crooked. And maybe that is why we all chose this one segment to introduce and to be thankful about for Thanksgiving.

Does someone want to say the name of the segment? It's Lunel on our episode, Private Jets, Public Fretts. I chose this one because it's very fun to see Lovett off guard, and I think we all keyed into that. And also Lunel is something of black royalty. A legend. An absolute legend. I worked with her one time doing stand-up,

and it was very much the same ordeal, like just watching her work with a club manager, too. So it was sort of reminiscent to me. Yeah. I like that she was unabashed about carbon emissions and that she didn't really care. Oh, yeah. Big fan of private jets.

Yeah. And she gave you a shout-out halfway through. She asked, why am I here? Who brought me here and she looked over at kendra and uh it was me and do you know why it's because stuck in my mind is she used to open like these kat williams specials and there was one sketch that i saw too young where she was uh uh acting out how she likes how she wants to be acting when someone's eating her out and it stayed with me me in middle school and has followed me

to the age of 34. And that's when you said, I'm going to bring her on a podcast one day. Yes. And I succeeded. It's actually, we're doing reviews right now and it's one of my wins. How could it not be? Anything else you like from the segment, Malcolm? Just her energy, just truly

not knowing what the show was, who Love It was, where she was. It was very fun seeing her just ride with that. Yeah. And I appreciate the attitude she brought, which is that she is an older black woman who has earned the luxuries that she gets to enjoy in life. And she's not giving them up. For sure. So, like, steady with her love.

She quit the quiz halfway through. Yeah, right? She didn't want to do that. She said, why don't you ask me some questions that black people know? And which brings us to why we love this segment. I feel like we should ask Love at that before every meeting. This week, the internet caught fire after UK-based marketing agency Yard released their analysis of data collected by the Twitter account CelebJets, which tracks celebrity private jet flights, revealing the worst offenders behind the hundreds of climate-crushing jaunts,

some as short as 14 minutes, that A-listers have been racking up this year. And you know how I feel about it? Jealous. I mean, enraged. Here to chat about it, it's the hilarious Lunell. Hi, how are you? I'm good, how are you? I'm good. How are you?

Are you following this private jet scandal? No. What's going on? I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but the celebrities, they're at it again. What are they doing? They're flying private on their jets, and sometimes the flights are really short, and they could have just taken a car. They're barely private on their jets. And sometimes the flights are really short and they could have just taken a

car. They're barely flying across the map. And $30,000 a flight. At least, plus the climate, you know. So what's the problem? People don't like it. Haters don't like it. Yeah, haters, that's right. Isn't that the goal?

To get off of Southwest and get onto a jet? Obviously. People aren't mad because they're flying on private jets. They're mad because they're not flying on private jets. People also have a kind of problem with the climate pollution. But you think it's probably just mostly because they're haters. I fly private.

Must be nice. On other people's planes. Yeah, other people's planes. People, they lease these planes. I think Kylie Jenner does own her plane, though. And sometimes you can tell whose plane it is by the tail. They'll have the initials of the people on the tail. What else do you want to know?

Would you personally have a private jet knowing how bad it would be for the environment? Yep. It was fucked up when I got here. What am I going to do? It was fucked up when I got here. What am I gonna do? It was fucked up when I got here. You know, it's time for a game

we're calling. Where we're going, we don't need roads because we're flying private to skip like an hour of traffic. Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready.

According to data collected by Twitter's CelebJets, which tracks the aircraft of the rich and famous, which celebrity produces the most carbon dioxide private jet emissions? It's a musician. You're not going to give me a multiple choice? I'll give you one multiple choice. I'll do it right now.

Is it Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, or Taylor Swift? Bieber. It's Taylor. Oh, I see. Okay. So Taylor's not so crystal clean after all, is she? I guess not. Which celebrity couple sparked an internet backlash

by posting an Instagram photo posing with his and hers private jets with the caption, you want to take mine or yours? I'll give you a hint. One of them is a Kardashian. It was Kylie and Travis. You bet it was. You got it. You're doing great.

Taylor Swift, the top offender in this year, so far accounts for how many times the annual emissions of a standard schmo? What? I don't know what's the stupid question it's a thousand times though we can't prove it who in our hearts and minds leaked the information that led to taylor swift being named the biggest private jet offender who snitched on her yeah the fuck do i know how the fuck do i know if you don't give me multiple choice the correct answer is

Kris Jenner. Here's a theory. Kris Jenner leaked it because she knows that... Oh, this is a theory. This is just a theory. We're just making it up. Because here's the thing. It's not a real quiz. Oh. It sort of is a real quiz. It's not real answers.

Because here's the thing. If Taylor Swift hadn't been in the number one spot, they would have been coming for Kylie, you know? They would have been coming for Kylie. But hasn't John Travolta been flying a fucking whole 747 for like 40 years? Yeah. Like, didn't Elvis have a plane before him?

And James Brown? And what about the people that died to make that song about the music stopping? They were on a private plane. The Big Bopper? La Bamba? Wow. You went there. But didn't they, that wasn't a commercial flight.

Okay, but you put a whole, like, black cloud over what was really fun. You want to talk about dead motherfuckers with planes? God damn. I do think you're right. It does seem as though every once in a while there's kind of a news story

that says John Travolta kissed a man on the cheek and then flew a 747 somewhere. You know? More importantly, is this your beverage? Yeah, this one's my... Would you like a beverage?

Well, I've been here and ain't nobody offered me a motherfucking thing. Nobody offered Lunel a beverage? No, they offered me some water. But this is clearly not... It's a Paloma. Can we fly out a beverage

for Lunel? So you want to bitch about private plane and you drinking some $7 motherfucking grapefruit and agave. This is very bougie. Do you live in West Hollywood?

I've actually, I recently moved to the east side. Okay. It's coming, it's coming. Yeah. We have options for you. Can you open it for me?

Yeah. I have IPA, Modelo, and Marg. Yeah, I'll take the margarita. Thank you. And Claire, we can't have these kind of fuck-ups again. See, this is what...

All right? Black grandmothers used to have a saying that a closed mouth don't get fed. Meaning, if you don't speak up for what you want, you'll never get it. That goes from margaritas to anything in this town and in this business. Blue Toast, man. Yeah, that's right.

Cheers. COVID. I'm over it. Monkeypox. I probably don't have monkeypox. You might. I'm more likely to be pregnant, I swear to God. Takes three weeks to pop out on your face.

Now, Drake recently faced backlash after his private jet logged a flight from Hamilton, Ontario to Toronto. How long was that flight? Was it 14 minutes, 34 minutes, or 64 minutes? 34 minutes. It was 14 minutes. He took a 14-minute flight.

Watch what you say about Drake, though. He can do what the fuck he wants to do. I'm trying to get at Drake. I'm trying to get at him. I will ride him for 14 minutes. How about that? How about that? How about them apples?

What's up, Drake? Listen carefully. What's up, Drake? What's up, Drake? What's up, Drake? What's up, Drake? How long would that same ride have taken in a car? Okay, wait a minute. It took 14 minutes?

So if it's an hour, it's four. No, if it's an hour to go to Oakland, and that is 400 miles, it probably was 100 miles. It would have taken one hour and 12 minutes. I think that's about right. I think that's about right. Drake tried to defend himself,

claiming that he wasn't actually on the short flight. Was the plane, A, delivering a donor kidney to a child in need, B, taking his son to preschool, or C, returning to the airplane garage where it lives, or D, performing an aerial search for Sasquatch. It was probably just going home to the garage. It was an empty plane going to the garage. Yeah, I won again.

Oh, shit. Final question. Okay. And then I have a question. What celebrity has the shortest average flight? Is it A. Travis Scott, B. Steven Spielberg, C, Oprah Winfrey, or D, Kelsey Grammer? I don't think Oprah's flying from Santa Barbara. Let's get specific.

Kelsey or Steven. It's Travis Scott. His average flight length was seven miles. He's taking really short flights. I think he just likes to fly. Well, he's so ugly, he should be on a private plane. I said it.

I said it. Too ugly to fly commercials. That's right. Put it on his tombstone. What did Warren Buffett name the Berkshire Hathaway private jet? Is it A, the Glacier Melter, B, the Indefensible, C cry racism. Why don't you ask some questions that black people know?

We don't know no fucking shit like this. I barely know who fucking Warren Buffett the fuck is. Nobody knows this. Okay, so I don't know. I quit. Look how belligerent I got after half a margarita. Maybe I better top this baby

off. You won the game. What do you want to talk about? You ask questions. Whatever you want to do. My main question. Remember, I had a question. That's what I want to know. Okay, what the fuck is this? Like, what is this? Like, do you guys do this weekly um is this gonna be on the internet i don't know i just go when my publicist tells me to go and i don't fucking know where i'm at what i'm doing what

this is i just saw a witch backstage you got on a. It's fucking August. I don't get it. I don't understand. Typewriter, theater, what the fuck is going on? That was a few questions, actually. Okay. So, first of all... I'm glad to be here, by the way. Thank you for asking.

Because I do stand-up, so I love a live audience. We love them. And I started in theater, community theater, just like this. So this is... I feel like I'm doing inside the actor's theater. When you get to heaven, what do you want St. Peter to say? I wouldn't put my money on that one. I came up through the 70s.

I don't know if heaven, I don't know. We don't know. Well, thank you for being here. Let me, so this happens from time to time. You're not the first guest to not understand where they are Or why they're here or what this is Where is this going? Is this cameras over there? There's some cameras

Where is this going to air at? It's a podcast We also put clips on YouTube and social media Okay, you guys going to tag me? Yeah, we'll tag you for sure We'd love to tag you I need a good tagging too We all do.

As evidenced by my lack of monkey pox risk. Corona shut my whole sex life down. And now the monkey pox? Shit, I don't know what to do. Everything I do got a glove on it. You know the gas pump is nasty AF. Yeah.

I mean, I have a Tesla. So I don't get gas. I just see the prices go up, but it doesn't affect me. Oh, because your emissions and shit? Is that what you're trying to floss, that you don't have no emissions? I just don't. Well, I got a Mercedes Benz and a Lexus and a Subaru Forester, and they all run on premium gas, and I work hard for it,

and I don't give a fuck. Well, back to your question. I don't want to be rude. I want to answer your question. So this is kind of a weekly podcast. We do this show every Thursday night, and then it comes out on Saturday mornings. And it's actually surprisingly popular.

This is like some really cool underground shit. I don't know. Did somebody ask for me, or how did I get here? Well, that's a great question as well. So we work with a booking. This is really good, by the way. It is actually. It is good.

If you slam it like I did, it works really well. Yeah, it's, you know. Sabe? It's shaped like a can, but it's really as strong as wine. So I assume what happened is... It just happened. Who got me? Kendra.

Kendra, she wanted you to come. Hey, Kendra! Kendra wanted me. You thought I would be well-suited for this? Kendra grew up with you. She's a huge fan of yours. She's awesome. Thank you. You're a legend, of yours. She's awesome. Thank you.

You're a legend. And everybody should know that. My word. Oh, my God. I got a little emotional. I must be tipsy. Thank you so much. Is there anything else you want to know about what's happening?

Is there any pay? I think like, yeah. Obviously nothing that will matter to you. Yeah, but I want it. You'll get it. We'll get it. We got it. We still pay guests, right?

Yeah, we pay guests. We pay guests. We're a serious operation. Cash, please. I like that dirty, nasty cash. Can somebody send Claire, the intern, to an ATM? Linnell wants cash. She gets cash.

Okay, I have one more question. So, like, can I come back? Of course you can come back. This has been an absolute delight. Lunel, you've won the game. Incredible. Thank you so much for being here. What a delight.

Such a fan of yours. Thank you so much. Lunel, everybody. That was so much fun. And that is our show. Thanks for listening. And I hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving and have a great weekend. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production.

It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Brian Semel is our producer. And Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Thank you. and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Nar Malconian, Zuri Ervin, and Milo Kim, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroot for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos at youtube.com slash c slash crookedmedia.