Lovett or Leave It - Lovett or Leavitt

Episode Date: February 1, 2025

Here we are, one thousand years into Trump’s second term, with a brand new Lovett or Leave It! This week, Bernie refuses to baby RFK Jr. and the federal funding freeze sends everyone into a meltdown. Director Kevin Smith stops by to take us down Memory Lane which runs straight through Hollywood. And at long last Lovett sees Emilia Perez and reveals the truth about this film and the French writ large. Week two down.Upcoming shows: crooked.com/events

Love it or leave it is brought to you by Factor. Ready to optimize your nutrition this year? Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. They're dietitian-approved and ready to heat and eat in two minutes, so you can feel right and feel great no matter what life throws at you. Factor-rise fresh and fully prepared. Perfect for any active, busy lifestyle. Lose up to 8 pounds in 8 weeks with Factor's keto meals.

Based on a randomized, controlled clinical trial with Factor Keto, results will vary depending on diet and exercise. With 40 options across eight dietary preferences on the menu each week, it's easy to pick meals tailored to your goals. Choose from preferences like calorie smart protein plus or keto. Factor can help you feel your best all day long

with wholesome smoothies, breakfasts, grab and go snacks and more add-ons. Reach your goal this year with ingredients you can trust and convenience that can't be beat. I love Factor. It's awesome. Truly, if you're trying to eat healthy and you're busy, add Factor. You can decide how many meals a week you want. It's so nice knowing that in your fridge, it's just a healthy, easy meal that's really good, ready to go. Have it replace two or three takeout meals a week or two or three sandwiches a week and you'll just be better for it. Get started at factormeals.com slash lowly50off

and use code lowly50off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code lowly50off at factormeals.com slash lowly50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. What's up Los Angeles? What's up Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It live from Dynasty Typewriter. It's week two of the Trump administration. This is the week where we really, really miss Pete Buttigieg. Each week's gonna have a different feeling. That's this week.

Tonight on the show, Kevin Smith is here. And we're gonna really nerd out. Also tonight, I finally decide if Amelia shit the Bedelia Perez. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Sunday, ICE arrested nearly 1000 people in raids across multiple cities, the most in a single day since President Trump returned to office. It would have been over 1,000 arrests until they found out that most of the people on the Emilia Perez store are not from Mexico. Some of those raids were attended by none other than television's Dr. Phil, who embedded with ICE officers in Chicago and live-streamed his adventure on Marriott TV. Just for the time capsule, I want to say that sentence again because of how normal it seems

to us. Television psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw embedded with immigration officers as part of President Donald Trump's broad immigrant crackdown at the start of his second term. When reached for comment, Dr. Phil said, sure, I tore families apart in the studio, but sometimes it's nice to get out there and see it in the real world. Here's Dr. Phil getting recognized by a man under arrest who said he was born in Thailand. But you've never been deported before? Dr. Phil.

Really? Dr. Phil? Yeah? How do you know me? No, I seen Dr. Phil. How do you know me? I saw you on Dr. Phil. On Monday, Trump gave a speech to the House Republican Conference saying this about the

deportations. 300 people sitting in a plane, every one of them either a murderer, a drug lord, a kingpin of some kind, the head of the mob, or a gang member. And you're flying that plane, it's not going to end well. You ever see the movie Con Air? That's what, yeah, except here's the difference. The people in Con Air were actors. Look, it's not important, but we've got years to talk about what's important.

The moral of Con Air is not that Con Air was a good way to transport the criminals. Con Air didn't work. Like sure, Steve Buscemi didn't murder that little girl, but other than that, the whole thing went pretty much tits up. Con Air, the inspiring story about how transporting prisoners by plane is a good idea. On Monday, Trump signed an executive order shutting down the military's DEI programs

and reinstated service members who were discharged after refusing the COVID-19 vaccine with back pay. Just so we understand where we're at here, Trump's position has always been clear. COVID-19 was created in a lab as a biological weapon to be used in war and America's military should be as vulnerable as possible to it. He also issued an order banning transgender people from military service, which is huge for Trump. He's just invented an exciting new way to dodge the draft. People often forget this, but the trans ban is why the A-Team went AWOL after Mrs. T made that big life change. We debated people if people would know they'd made the A-Team. Enough of you did.

And then on Tuesday, Trump announced an executive order to make it harder for doctors and parents to provide gender-affirming care to trans kids, including teenagers as old as 18. Look, this is obviously awful. This is the government getting between parents and children, between doctors and their patients. It is a group of right-wing ideologues imposing their fears and hatreds on all of us. And worst of all, this may stop young people from accessing gender-affirming care that will help them become the best and truest versions of themselves, while doing

nothing to stop those very same young people from choosing new, weird names like Canopy or Bayou. Everybody loses. Meanwhile, in a vaguely worded memo on Monday, the Office of Management and Budget ordered an abrupt pause on all federal grants and loans, causing widespread confusion with hospitals, schools, and other organizations that depend on federal payments unsure if they'd be able to provide basic services. Oh what, so now the White House Budget Office can't get loose and try stuff out? Creativity's illegal? Hey, hospitals, try a little more yes and, and a little less, we need insulin.

It's jazz. And the panic only increased when the Medicaid portal where states access federal funding stopped working on Tuesday. Trump's new press secretary, Caroline Levitt, said in an ex-post, the White House is aware of the Medicaid website portal outage. We have confirmed no payments have been affected. They are still being processed and sent. We expect the portal will be back online shortly.

And let's just stop and review in case anyone is confused. Caroline Levitt is the terrible press secretary. Jonathan Levitt is the podcaster who's weirdly looking youngerly. Democrats pointed out that the freeze is unconstitutional. It's up to Congress to appropriate federal funds and up to the executive to spend those funds as Congress has directed. That money is our tax dollars. It's already been allotted.

If we wanted to fund a study of whether mice can drive tiny subarus, that's where the money should fucking go. And don't worry, I've been in touch with the Stuart Little Institute and so far they've been unaffected. The OMB subsequently issued a new memo telling federal officials that the pause was only meant

to apply to programs specified in Trump's executive orders, including those that took aim at foreign aid, climate spending, and DEI programs. The initial memo, as written, went much further. So did they do a bad job writing memos or did they try to get away with something insane and underestimate the backlash? Either way, short wish Kamala had a better answer on the view that time. A federal judge in DC temporarily blocked the order on Tuesday before it was set to go into effect, siding with the activist group Democracy Forward.

And then on Wednesday, The Washington Post broke the news. Trump's Office of Management and Budget rescinded the order to freeze federal funding. Or did it? White House Press Secretary Caroline Levitt threw America back into uncertainty, writing on Twitter, This is not a rescission of the federal funding freeze. It is simply a rescission of the OMB memo. What does it mean? Your guess is as good as mine.

I liked the government two weeks ago. The president at that time was also incomprehensible, but in a way that was much less terrifying day to day. Also this week, the Trump administration sent a memo to every single federal worker, all two million of them, offering them an option to resign now and continue being paid through September. The subject line of that buyout offer email was Fork in the Road, the same line that Elon Musk titled his email to Twitter employees in 2022 when he told them to commit to extremely

hardcore work or leave the company. More like dork in the road. Do you think we're all dead? What if we're all dead? And where were the Democrats during all this, you ask? Well, they were leaping into action. Here's Chuck Schumer. People are aroused. I haven't seen people so aroused in a very, very long time. You know, earlier this week I said Democrats should stop wasting time workshopping their perfect message and just get out there and speak from the heart.

Today, I feel like maybe a little more workshopping. So, I stand erected. Corrected. Bernie Sanders said of the freeze, if President Trump wants to change our nation's laws, he has the right to ask Congress to change them. He doesn't have the right to violate the United States Constitution. He is not a king. Not a king?

I don't know. Multiple wives, one of whom is buried in the backyard, casting off advisors the second they cross them, symptoms of syphilis in the brain. None of us would be surprised to learn he had gout. There's a lot of red meat in that diet. And on some level, on some level, we all know that if he started wearing a crown,

a lot of people would be completely into it. Late Wednesday, an Army helicopter carrying three US service members collided midair with an American Airlines flight carrying 64 people near Ronald Reagan National Airport. Both aircraft crashed into the icy Potomac River, said a spokesperson for Boeing, not ours. With literally nothing known about the cause of the accident, President Trump held a press conference on Thursday to blame, you guessed it, DEI. We have a high standard.

We've had a much higher standard than anybody else. And there are things where you have to go by brain power, you have to go by psychological quality. And psychological quality is a very important element of it. These are various very powerful tests that we put to use and they were terminated by Biden and Biden went by a standard that's the exact opposite. DEI is starting fires in California. It's crashing planes in DC.

Pace yourself DEI. It's only January. You're going to burn out. When asked whether he was getting ahead of the investigation, Trump shot on the reporter who asked the question. Do you even yet know the names of the 67 people who were killed? And you are blaming Democrats and DEI policies and air traffic control and seemingly the member of the US military who was flying that Black Hawk helicopter. Don't you think you're getting ahead of the investigation right now?

No, I don't think so at all. They are a group of people that have lost it. I think that's not a very smart question. Yeah, use your critical thinking skills. It wasn't a White Hawk helicopter. Hey, how's everybody doing? Everybody hanging in there? Bill's in the aisle with a bottle of gin and Kennedy's on the other side with a fistful vat of an.

Just raise your hand and one of them will find you or both of them if you're nasty. Whatever you need. But rest easy, Trump's new transportation secretary, Sean Duffy, is on the case. Obviously, it is not standard to have aircraft collide. I want to be clear on that. I'm glad he pivoted away from his earlier message of, uh, I think they're supposed to do that. Last week, Trump dismissed everyone on the aviation security advisory committee.

Air traffic controllers were also affected by Trump's federal hiring freeze. What Trump is doing is sort of like what surgeons do. They take out all of the organs, then put them back in one by one until the patient is fine. That way everyone can be certain that all the leftover organs were a waste of taxpayer money. Of course, there's no evidence so far that Trump's freeze or dismissals had any role in the crash.

But maybe we just say they did. Should we try it? I don't know. You see a plane crash on the news, the president blames diversity, and a former real world star as transportation secretary explaining that planes are not supposed to do that. Maybe we just try it. No, it's not us. It's never been us. That's the shame of it. We could, we could be, you want it to be us. You want to just do it. You want to get there. I don't know. I don't know. No, now you see there's that, there's that little flicker. There's that social studies student. There are my perfect, sweet little front row angels.

You know it. You know you want it. You feel that pull. You feel the devil on your shoulder. Like, let's do what they do. Can we do what they do? But here's the problem. Here's the problem.

We can't do what they do. We can't pull it off because we have shame. We do, and it's really, it sucks. It sucks, but we're gonna just, we're fighting with one hand behind our backs. That's just how it goes. We're getting the absolute ever-loving shit beat out of us. And, well, that's it.

That's it. And it's like, what do we do? What do we do? You get fucking, fucking housed. And it's like, what do we do? What do we do? You get fucking, fucking housed. Truth is, this is the first commercial crash to result in fatalities in the United States since 2009. Flying is incredibly safe and it is incredibly safe because of the federal government. Trump's changes in all likelihood didn't cause this, but his attack on our government is going to lead to a world

where crashes like this are more commonplace, bullying people out of their jobs, undermining these agencies. He feels unconstrained in doing this because Americans take for granted the safety and reliability that aren't a given, but instead are the result of decades of hard painstaking work to build inspection regimes

and safety measures, and yes, bureaucracies that can be annoying and slow, but also made it to our biggest worry when we fly is whether that guy with the rotisserie chicken is sitting next to you. And he is, and it's me. You know, it's interesting. If Joe Biden had narrowly lost, there wouldn't have been an insurrection. Donald Trump wouldn't have been radicalized against democracy and he wouldn't have been an insurrection. Donald Trump wouldn't have been radicalized against democracy. And he wouldn't have had the time to put in place the plans

he's now implementing so thoroughly. And we'd right now be saying goodbye to him as he was tarred with all the damage that came from inflation, that he would have had no ability to stop. No use thinking about that. On Tuesday, Caroline Kennedy, daughter of JFK, heard of him, sent a letter to the Senate tearing apart her cousin, R.F.K. Jr., ahead of his Senate confirmation hearing. Here she is reading from that letter.

I've known Bobby my whole life. We grew up together. It's no surprise that he keeps birds of prey as pets because Bobby himself is a predator. By the same token, it's no surprise that I keep a golden doodle as a pet because I myself am a fussy barfy princess. Imagine you're in the middle of a job interview for a new job you're excited about and your cousin, your first cousin barges in

and says you used to do terrible things to animals. Now imagine, now imagine the interviewers are like we're on the fence. Anyway, nobody takes down a Kennedy better than a Kennedy or the CIA. Caroline also described RFK Jr.'s bizarre behavior while dealing with addiction, writing, He enjoyed showing off how he put baby chickens and mice in the blender to feed his hawks. It was often a perverse scene of despair and violence. Oh sure, y'all hate putting baby chickens and mice in the blender now, but every single one of you will pay $20 for it when Arowan calls it a smoothie. Try the new RFK Jr. smoothie at Arowan.

It's got sea moss in it. And blended bird. Y'all fell for bone broth. Which is a $7 upcharge on what? Broth. Fucking idiots. She also pointed out that Kennedy has kept a financial stake in litigation against manufacturers of the HPV vaccine, despite being Trump's nominee to head the Department of Health and

Human Services. She wrote, in other words, he is willing to enrich himself by denying access to a vaccine that can prevent almost all forms of cervical cancer and which has been safely administered to millions of boys and girls. R.F.K. Jr. cheated on his second wife 37 times, but it just wasn't spreading HPV fast enough. You got to work smarter, not harder, people. But don't worry, Kennedy's confirmation hearing got off to a reassuring start. President Trump has asked me to study the safety of Mephapristone.

He has not yet taken a stand on how to regulate it. Whatever he does, I will implement those policies. Continued, Kennedy, if you want an abortion, you can do it the old-fashioned way by having your children and then not vaccinating them. Here's Senator Bernie Sanders pointing out the anti-vax merch available from the organization Kennedy founded, the Children's Defense Fund. The products included baby clothes that said unvaxed, unbothered, and no vax, no problem. Here's what Sanders said.

Are you supportive of this? I've had nothing to do with leadership. Are you supportive of this? I've had nothing to do with leadership. Are you supportive of these onesies? Exposed by your own merch? Couldn't be me. I stand 100% behind everything in the crooked store. Seems to be wearing a shirt that says, Kamala has this in the bag and you can quote me on that. I also would just like everybody to know that we consider an alternative t-shirt that said, I heart Ezra I think either would have worked. And then on Thursday, as the Kennedy hearing continued in the help committee, Trump's pick for FBI, Cash Patel appeared before the Judiciary Committee.

Let's check in on how that went. Your boss has said that uh... and general milley uh... who served us with great distinction i happen to have great admiration for i should be tried for treason do you agree with that center everybody's entitled to their opinion is addressed blue and black or white gold should we hang generals in the ellipse for displeasing the leader do you hear brainstorm a green needle

in other chess clenching news, following Trump's announcement of $500 billion investments in AI, OpenAI founder Sam Altman raised some red flags by saying AI might require changes to the social contract. So what are we talking about? We're talking about no pants? Maybe we're talking about no pants. Let's see him try to explain it. I still expect, although I don't know what, and this is over a long period of time, this is not like next year or the year after that kind of thing, but over a long period of time, I still expect that there will be some change required to the social contract given how powerful we expect this technology to be. Talking about changing the social contract given how powerful we expect this

technology to be. Talking about changing the social contract as we put more and more power in the hands of a single unaccountable leader, Thomas Hobbes must be rolling over in his grave to give us two thumbs up. As for AI's effect on job creation Altman said this, I'm not a believer that there won't be any jobs I think we always find new things to do. But I do think, like, the whole structure of society itself will, you know, be up for some degree of debate and reconfiguration. Okay, cool. Thanks for the heads up. Please keep us posted. Then this week, the Chinese company DeepSeek introduced its artificial intelligence,

which experts say creates models nearly as good as those created by OpenAI, but much cheaper. And yet they chose to call it DeepSeek when ChatGP Timu was right there. Now OpenAI is accusing DeepSeek of using their models to train DeepSeek AI, which OpenAI says is a violation of their terms of service. DeepSeek used someone else's work to inform and develop their own. Who would do such a thing? The Vatican released a document warning that AI will gradually undermine the foundations of society by destabilizing our connection to objective reality. Which is our job, said the Pope. So quit it, you frogachinos. I don't remember what the word was.

But in my mind, it you frogachitos. I don't remember. I don't remember what the word was, but in my mind it's frogachinos. Remember that? Remember that when the good Pope talked about frogachinos? Talk about fags. Now you remember. But don't worry, it's not all bad. In drama dairy news, camel milk might be the next big alternative to cow's milk,

according to People Magazine. Not sure why, but it is according to them, as it's easier to access in parts of the world where cattle farming is impractical. I know what you're thinking, camel milk, but it's actually very simple. You just soak the camel in water overnight, you grind it into a fine paste, and then you strain it through a cheesecloth. Fresh, delicious camel milk. All right, now listen.

Tonight, jokes aside, we're going to do a taste test. Our producers are bringing out a glass of regular whole cow's milk and a glass of camel's milk. Kendra, everybody. I need, we, and I know you're thinking, camel's milk, where could you get that? You know where you can get it, Los Angeles, at like four weird stores.

And here's the thing about finding camel's milk. There's only two answers when you call a grocery store to ask if they have camel milk. Of course, and are you insane? We'd like one volunteer for a blind taste test to see which one you actually prefer. We'll also hope you can guess which one is the camel's milk. And I will say you will have to sign a milk waiver. Would somebody like to volunteer and test the milk?

We have a volunteer right here in the front row. Come on up. Hi, what's your name? Laurie. Laurie? Okay. We have, I know which one? Laurie. Laurie? Okay. We have, I know which one is which.

Okay. All right. One of these is the cow's milk and one of them is the camel's milk. All right. Why don't you taste one and see what you think. Okay. Any reaction to the first one before we get to the second sip? No.

Okay. What do you think? Which one do you think is the cow's milk? Which one do you think is the camel's milk? They're so similar. Interesting. Interesting. Can I do it again? Yeah, sure.

Okay. You're sure they're different? One of them is camel's milk and one of them is cow's milk. They're both camel's milk. They are? No. They're both cow's milk. Get out of here.

Great job. And finally, the Blue Man Group has ended. After 34 years of performing in New York, two members of the trio were released into the Hudson Valley. Sadly, after biting Bernadette Peters outside Balthazar, the third was humanely euthanized. And that is a lie. He begged for his life. Or at least that's what we think he was doing by banging on those pots and pans. Up next, he let the dog mount. It's Kevin Smith. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Policy Genius. How do you plan for the new year? Is your favorite time to start fresh, John? Yeah, I'm going to be a little bit of a Yep. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Policy Genius. How do you plan for the new year? Is your favorite time to start fresh, John? Yeah, it is. Do you prioritize getting your finances ordered

after the holidays? No. How has your approach changed through the years? My approach to what? Your plan, how's your plan? I don't know. For if I croak? Is that what we're talking about here? Yeah. This is life insurance.

You go up or you go down. Falls in genius. Swimming with the fishes. Makes finding and buying life insurance simple. You know, I actually, for the first time, was doing my own planning for the event of my unfortunate and untimely demise, and I hated it, but you have to do it. But yeah, it's not that fun.

You have to do it. It's not a fun thing. But you have to do it. You know what, Policy Genius makes it a lot easier. They make it so much easier. You can find live-editor's policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage.

Some options are 100% online and let you avoid unnecessary medical exams. I had to decide where Pundit goes. You know, someone's gotta take Pundit. Stay tuned to find out to the end of the episode. Policy Genius compares quotes from America's top insurers side by side for free with no hidden fees. Their license support team can help you get

what you need fast so you can get on with your life. They answer questions, handle paperwork, and advocate for you throughout the process, even if you already have life insurance through work. It may not protect all of your family's needs or follow you. If you leave the job, join thousands of happy Policy Genius customers who left five star reviews on Google and TrustPilot.

Secure your families tomorrow. So you have peace of mind today. Head to policygenius.com slash love it, or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com slash love it. ["Policy Genius"]

And we're back! ["Policy Genius"] Please welcome to the stage, he stole my original podcast title, Beardless Dickless Me. It's Kevin Smith! Hi! Thanks for being here.

Come on out. It's Kevin Smith everybody. Hi! How you doing? I'm fucking good, I was enjoying, oh dogma figures. I was enjoying the show from backstage. I had this moment on the way over, like every once in a while the universe reminds you

like where you are and what you are doing and like to let go of stupid shit and whatnot. So I was driving over, there's a lot of traffic, and so I got off the freeway, I jumped on to Hollywood, but then you know, I gotta get down to Sunset I gotta get down to Sunset, make my way up. Gotta get down to Sunset. Gotta get down there. So there's a pile up of cars getting to Western

where I'm like fuck, I'll turn on Western. And I couldn't, for those who are not from around here, like 630 to 730, you can't fucking move traffic-wise. It probably is similar to like downtown Albuquerque. Yes, 100%. Just for a basis of comparison. you can't fucking move traffic-wide. It probably is similar to like downtown Albuquerque. Yes. Just for a basis of comparison. 100%. So I saw up ahead someone who was standing in the thoroughfare.

We got a green light, but nobody can progress because there's a person who's like dancing, swaying in the intersection. And like I'm never somebody to judge anybody. Particularly, like I went on a mental health journey two years ago, I was in a booby hatch and stuff, so I would never be like, that guy's fucking crazy. So I don't think he was crazy, but let's just say,

safe to say, he was set adrift in memory bliss of meth. So he's up there holding up traffic for two fucking lights, John, and I'm like, oh my God, like I'm glad you're feeling it, but I gotta go to a show, I'm gonna be late and shit. And so I start getting impatient, and I start just getting like fucking, God damn it, man, like handle your fucking high. You know what I'm saying?

Like, I got nothing against getting high, but like fucking, like shit like this, people like this. I get right up to Western about to make the turn. The dude's still in the intersection and whatnot. He's wearing a hoodie, has my face on it. That's cool. Rolled down the window, I was like, have at it, man! That's awesome.

I love that. So I fancy myself, you're a writer, right? Yeah, sure. Do you still fucking? Sure, I'm a writer. I mean, as I sat back there So I fancy myself, you're a writer, right? Yeah, sure. Do you still fucking? Sure, I'm a writer. I mean, as I sat back there, I was like, he did a lot of writing. Yeah, I was editing.

So you know, we're fucking writers. Sure. Can you pinpoint the fucking worst thing you've ever written? A lot of people for me would be like, yoga hosers. I'm like, fuck you. But do you know the worst thing you've ever written where you can go like I know it, I can crystallize it,

I'll write this date down forever. That's interesting, it's an interesting question because I wouldn't think that way. What I would say is I can look back, and I think that if you don't look back on your earlier writing and cringe, it means you haven't really grown. Well you're talking to a guy who made three clerks's.

Right, no yeah. I looked back at my earlier writing and I was like let's do that shit again. It means you haven't really grown. Well, you're talking to a guy who made three clerks's. Right. No, yeah. I looked back at my earlier writing and I was like, let's do that shit again. But that's like- But this isn't about old writing. I wanna share with you. Let's hear it.

I literally tonight, backstage, waiting to go on, wrote I think the worst thing ever written in my life. Certainly something that I never imagined that I, words that I would never put together. I have a lot of respect for words, as a wordsmith and whatnot. And I never thought I'd arrange words in this particular fashion.

And when I wrote it, oddly enough, is a text. When I wrote it and sent it, I was like, I read it and I was like, fuck, I'm so sad. This is what I wrote. I really wish we'd fucked before I left instead of watching Matlock. Like I'm old, I'm 54, but I never imagined I'd put those words together.

First of all, I think that that is. Don't judge, you've seen the new Matlock, right? Because Kathy Bates is fucking, I'm not talking about that old school Matlock. No, no, we know, I knew you meant Kathy Bates' Matlock. First of all, I just think I appreciate that that was a concise, I think that was like a strunken white approved text.

It was concise, it was to the point. You conveyed the information, it was clear. I think that was excellent writing. That's coming from a writer. Um, all right, so let me, you've judged my thing. Let me, you could judge her response. So I said, I really wish we'd have fucked before I left instead of watching Matlock.

And she wrote, well, Matlock makes me feel good. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Now, makes me feel good. That's excellent. That was pretty good. As previously mentioned, I did some time in a mental hospital and whatnot, and they told me that I'm codependent and a people pleaser and shit.

And I came home and I told my wife, if they tell me I'm codependent, she goes, no, you're just fucking married. Get rid of that shit out of your head. So I wrote as a codependent, I was like, I don you're just fucking married. Get rid of that shit out of your head. So, you know, I wrote as a co-dependent, I was like, I don't make you feel good, and she wrote, Matlock makes me feel good for an hour straight. Wow, you're, you know, she's the writer.

Well, hold on, because here's the closer, at least I think it's the closer. When I get home, you're getting Matt cocked. She hasn't written back. I think I won. We'll find out tonight when I don't get laid. Can I share a fucking story with you? This is good.

It's about time. You'll love this. I feel like I'm carrying this whole fucking conversation. I feel so fucking bad. I'm real reticent to say anything. This is fucking, this is something that happened for a reason. I travel a lot like you.

And that's before I get out of here, I'm gonna like, I mean on stage, like I'm gonna, I wanna ask you all about your podcast financials and shit like that. OK. Yeah, we'll get out the visors. We'll get into it. I want to know how to get podcast rich.

So this is, I spend a lot of time on the road. I've seen you guys, like as a pod, Save America, in venues that I'll never play at. But I've seen you in the same cities and shit like that. So I know we live life on the road sometimes. I spent a lot of time on the road, I'm a vegan. I don't say that to convert anybody out of heart attack seven years ago and after that,

I went vegan to thin the fucking cholesterol out and stuff like that and it wound up helping me lose a lot of weight. So, you know, I used to be happy, now I'm fucking vegan. So I, whenever I travel, like if I go to a city and shit, I gotta find vegan food to eat. And you know, most people are like, well fucking, they got vegetables everywhere, bitch.

I don't eat vegetables, I ain't that kind of vegan. Like if you gave me a kumquat, I'd be like, ew. But if you turned it into a meatball, I'd be like, give me nine, you know. So when I get there, there's an app, there's this Happy Cow app, and you enter your coordinates and it'll tell you where like the nearest vegan restaurant is, so here in Los Angeles, you enter your coordinates and every place is a vegan restaurant.

But on the road, it gets weirder. Like, you know, I heard somebody mention Texas before. And they're like, we think there's a potato somewhere down the road. Exactly, it's very fucking tough. If you drive for a while, you might see a loose potato. Some places, though, you'd be surprised. Like, I was in, I was prejudging the road. Exactly. It's very fucking tough. If you drive for a while, you might see a loose potato. Some places, though, you'd be surprised. Like, I was in, I was prejudged in the city.

I was in Salt Lake City, and I was like, fucking, you know, because sometimes you'll enter. It's a milk town. Exactly. You see, we're thinking the same thing. And like, I thought I'd enter like Salt Lake City and the app would just laugh at me or something like that, but I entered a lot of fucking options,

including one that was a satanic vegan restaurant. And it was called Mark of the Bistro. Now I found this fascinating, I was talking about it when I was there on stage and somebody in the audience goes, you got to come to my coffee shop. And I was like, I don't drink coffee. And she goes, it's in a desanctified church. And I was like, you have my attention. And I said, what is that all about? And she goes, it's a satanic coffee shop.

I was like, what's in the fucking water out here, man? And they explained, there's so much Mormonism, counterculture swings hard in the other direction and shit. So she's like, will you come? I said, fuck yeah, I'll come, man. And the next morning, because I was doing gigs two nights in a row, I got up and I was like, you know, fucking, I can't wait.

Like it's a tannic fucking coffee shop. There's gonna be like cocks and vaginas and like cum everywhere. I'm like, it's gonna be an orgy. This is gonna be so fucking desanctified. Probably a pretty dark roast. The name of the shop, promise that. It was called Hallowed Grounds.

So when I get there, I can't wait to see fucking Satan Nothing like it was just a name all they sold was coffee. That was the gimmick and I was like Well, I don't even fucking drink coffee I said so I'll buy something cuz I want you know, I made the trip about a t-shirt for my daughter I said hallowed grounds on Then I bought a mug for my wife because I thought it was funny. They had a coffee mug. So coffee place now Then I bought a mug for my wife because I thought it was funny. They had a coffee mug so coffee place now

If you've been alive on the planet as long as I've been alive and even if not that long You have encountered this sentiment on a coffee mug Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee. Mm-hmm sure is one of the oldest fucking I said jokes I'm sure when somebody said the first time somebody was like, oh I'm sure when somebody said it the first time, somebody was like, oh. Absolutely, absolutely killed. Not like, oh shit, fucking do hit me again! But definitely like, that's very, very witty wild, very witty.

And then they put it on coffee mugs. Now it's like, you know, when Garfield's like, I hate Monday, he's like, we fucking get it, you've been saying that for decades and shit. This coffee mug sentiment, everybody fucking knows, it has lost its punch, but it still gives a smile, people. I saw their coffee mug sentiment everybody fucking knows. It has lost its punch, but it still gives a smile, people. I saw their coffee mug. On one side it said, hallowed grounds.

On the front side of the mug, it had, in Gothic lettering, it said, don't talk to me until I've had my abortion. So I was like, oh my God, I'm totally getting that from my wife. And I brought it home and she was like, oh my God, I'm totally getting that from my wife. And I brought it home and she was like, that's hysterical. I was like, isn't that fucked up? That's funny, man. Like, you could put any word and they chose abortion.

That's fucking nuts and shit. Like, I took that old joke and made it fucking fresh and shit. And she was like, that's funny. I said, I should put a picture of me drinking on Instagram. What a fucking terrible idea that was. Holy shit, dude. My whole fucking world went on fire, man. I put a picture of me drinking from this mug

and on the front of it, and it said, don't talk to me until I've had my abortion. And I said, I found this funny mug, it makes me laugh. That was it, I wasn't out there going like, fucking, here's how I feel about shit. It was not a political statement. I'm like, look at this fucked up mug. Holy fucking shit, man.

The kindest thing I got was somebody going, I can't believe my favorite director from the 90s would make fun of religion. And I was like, I made dogma. Like in the 90s, like how do you know me otherwise and shit? That was tame. Then it went to shit like, that heart attack should have killed you. What are you drinking me otherwise and shit? That was tame. Then it went to shit like, that heart attack should've killed you.

What are you drinking out of that mug? Dead babies? And I wrote back, I'm vegan. But then the fucking weirdest one, this is the worst one, because on the mug it says abortion right there, loud and clear. And they wrote, your daughter should have been one.

And I wrote back, my daughter should have been a coffee mug fuck you They didn't think that was funny at all. That's a good the politics of that joke are kind of confusing explain Well, just that presumably they're mad. I'm here to get fucking criticized and shit I did want your writing advice on the text. That's it. Hey, and I want you to suddenly I'm getting a clinic I'm like, well, let me tell you why your joke failed not your joke. I'll get that shit at home their joke not your joke You didn't make the joke about your daughter being an abortion. They made the joke about the daughter being an abortion Yeah, I don't have a problem with your joke. I'm problem with their joke your jokes have been great. I I'm nothing if not a constant. I felt I felt like I was getting fucking preached to here

Now you sound like those people on Instagram. Don don't you think, here's the thing about feedback from the internet, which is usually great. To me, like the, you should kill yourself, you should have been an abortion, blah, blah, blah. That doesn't affect me. It's the ones that, it's the smarter criticisms that get at the part of the criticism that you might believe. Like, you could, the-

Like, your father might not have liked you as much as you think. Sure, that's what springs to mind for you, which is really interesting. But like- Because I can't disprove that. Like, my mom's alive, I can call her and be like, Mom, you like me as much as I think.

She'd be like, oh, tiger, of course I do. But I think that- My father's dead 22 years, who the fuck am I gonna call? My mother, of course, she'll lie on his behalf. Right, you 22 years who the fuck am I gonna call my mother of course shall lie on his behalf right you'll never get the truth I Gotta go Existential moment that way but that the that is the thing someone would say that would cut you to the core Oh, I can't tell them if they have it. They'll kill. This is like like it's like Superman doesn't going around explaining kryptonite

That's stupid the stupidest thing how they ever find hold on. And you're Superman in the equation? In this analogy, yes. Not because of my strength, because of my weakness. I love that. Oh my God. That's even better. I am invincible. Yes, to your point, I am invincible unless anyone finds out what my insecurities are, which are impossible to know. Have they in time, and all the time you've been doing shows and whatnot, has more and more of yourself gotten out there where people know your weak points? Yeah, I would say it was a quicker process than you'd think. It was pretty much an open book. Other people would be like, oh, it's weird because people come up on the street and they feel like they know me.

And it's like, yeah, I know, I hate that. They think they know me. That's pretty good. They know me. So dogma is being re-released. What do you think God would think of what's happening? With the re-release of dogma? And everything? I think he'd be happy for me.

Oh, good. That's good. I got to imagine God. Look, I'm praying to God. God loves dogma. I would hate to fucking get to the great beyond and have him be like, very funny, burning hell. That's what I thought, man.

I thought when I had the heart attack seven years ago, it never occurred to me to pray. And I was raised Catholic and shit. I mean, obviously you've seen dogma, fucking it tells the tale. But while I was at death's door and they told me like you're you know, the doctor was like you're having a widow maker I was like, what's that? He's like really you have to ask and he's like 80% of the cases Where the patient has what you're having the patient always dies. You're gonna be in like the 20%

So as he he went to work, he disappeared into my crotch and made magic. That's how they fix your heart They go here. You're going from the bottom. It's amazing. Everyone's like a man way to a man's heart is stomach bullshit right next to the balls Apparently that's the way So my man was fucking down there trying to save my life and shit and I was you know staring up at the hospital ceiling I was like this may be the fucking last ceiling I look up at and stuff and You know I my life flashed before my husband, not in that dire way, just where I was like, well, the man was honest with you about your odds of getting out and shit.

And I figure every day you wake up to 50-50 chance you're not gonna make it to the end of the day, right? But those odds, like 20%, I'd never fuckin' heard odds that low. So I started thinking. Yeah, I mean, the 50-50 is too low. Yeah, even that's pretty bad. But like fuckin', 80-20, I'm like, I am fucked.

So I started thinking about life. It never occurred to me to pray, because I figured I'd be like, oh Lord, fucking help me, and he'd be like, you made dogma, no. So instead I just thought about the journey, and I was like real unabashedly appreciative. And I used to be real scared of dying, and don't get me wrong, I don't want to die and shit

But like that used to be anathema to me when when you're creative for a living like Death is their kryptonite like like what I'm gonna stop and fuck it I have all these things to say and the world's gonna go on without me. What do you fucking nuts? So after I almost died suddenly I was like, oh death ain't like I get it now Death is like graduating high school. Like as much as I enjoyed high school, they're like, you got to go. Like there's more out there and shit. And maybe there's not more out there.

You know, I used to believe, you know, beyond belief in the faith I was raised and given to me by my parents, what would happen after all this? And that's what dogma comes from. It's a movie written by a person whose faith is in deep crisis and I wrote it when I was like 22 years old and stuff. And so at this stage in the game, like, you know, we took a lot of shit on that movie. We got 400,000 pieces of hate mail

and three bona fide death threats, one of which I memorized because it captivated my imagination. It said, you Jews better take that money you stole from us and start investing in flak jackets because we're coming in there with shotguns. This was a movie with a rubber poop monster in it. Right, right. Yeah.

I wonder who the Jew that it was intended for. Yeah, because I was like, I'm Catholic. I don't know if you saw the movie. So I've met many people over the years, like people of faith who work in the faith business, priests and spiritual counselors, who now are like, oh my God, I fucking love that movie. And I was like, where the fuck were you

when they were trying to fucking kill me and shit like that? Like when we went to Cannes to show the movie in 99, they had to install metal detectors at the theater and shit. And the weirdest moment of the dogma experience as far as that, as far as the looming death threats and shit, was we went to show the movie at the New York Film Festival. And I mean, you know, Harley was a baby, man. She was like under four months at that point. And we found like these angel wings and we're like,

oh, we'll put the angel wings on the kid because dogma and angels and who? And so we get out of the car at Lincoln Center and there's a thousand fucking people lined up protesting holding a giant statue of Mary and praying the rosary at me. And like I grew up with the rosary, so I could pray it back if I wanted to. I didn't know you could pray it at people, the rosary.

Literally, like, Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord. Blessed art thou amongst women and shit. I thought it was supposed to go internal. No, I ducked it. I went this way. So as we came out, like with the kid in my arms, with the angel wings and shit like that, people really yelling very un-Christian shit,

but whatever, you know, they got their beef. So we go inside and Gina Gardini, she was a publicist back in the day at Miramax, I said, she goes, Kevin, she saw me with the kid, she goes, what are you doing? I said, I'm gonna bring the kid up. Like when I intro the movie, I was like, you know, fucking, I got this living prop, like fucking, if I walk out and be like, I'm gonna bring the kid up. Like, when I intro the movie, I was like, you know, fucking, I got this living prop.

Like, fucking, if I walk out and be like, I got a child, maybe they'll like the movie more and shit. I said, so I'm gonna go out there, and she goes, Kevin, she's gone, I don't know how to say this, but I feel like I would be remiss if I didn't say that anybody can buy a ticket to tonight's screening.

I was like, I know, that's why it sold out, fucking rocks and shit. Alice Tully Hall, and she was like, no know, that's why it sold out, fucking rocks and shit. Alice Tully Hall. And she was like, no, no, no, you're not hearing me. Anyone can buy a ticket for the screening tonight, including people that don't want this movie to happen. And I was like, oh, all right. And she goes, well, I feel I need to tell you that,

because you're about to walk out on stage with your baby in your arms. And I was like, why'd you put that in my head? And she was like, it's my job to think about the unthinkable and stuff and I just, I couldn't, in good conscience, I had to say that what you do next is your decision. And I was like, um, well, you know what, if I don't do it, like, if I, if I leave the kid behind, like the fucking terrorist win, whatever. So I definitely went out on stage with the baby, but I'll be honest, I was using it like a human shield the whole fucking time. It's like, welcome to dogma, motherfuckers.

But it's nice, now we're coming back out, like at a time when maybe it's not like that. Like the movie's aged well, it's like 25 years old, this is the 26th year since it was released when we hit November and shit. So things have calmed down. People are outraged about other things. Like I remember when that was an outrage in 1999.

I would say, lovely to imagine that people have calmed down. I would say more. Based on that abortion mug, I think things are gonna go fine with dog mugs. See more that it's harder to get, I'd say that our outrage has kind of taken off its uniform and distributed itself amongst the civilian population. You know what I'm saying?

It's like everywhere all the time. We'll be right back with Kevin Smith. Woo! Kate, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Helix. I love my Helix mattress. I have a super comfortable Don Lux.

We had the holidays and we were traveling and we were in New York and it was so great to come back to my Helix mattress, my super comfortable Dawn Lux. We had the holidays and we were traveling and we were in New York and it was so great to come back to my Helix mattress, my super comfortable bed. So nice to get back to a Helix mattress. So how do you know which Helix mattress works best for you and your body? Take the Helix Sleep Quiz,

find your perfect mattress in under two minutes. I took the Helix Sleep Quiz and I was matched with a Dawn Lux because I wanted something that was firm. The Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxon Ultra Premium Elite Collections Helix Plus, a mattress for big and tall sleepers. Helix Kids, a mattress designed for growing bodies endorsed by child sleep experts. Helix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home.

That's why they offer a 100-night trial and a 10- to 15-year warranty to try out your new Helix mattress. Plus, your personalized mattress is shipped straight to your door free of charge. It's held my sleep. It's made my life better. I highly recommend it. A new Helix mattress plus some new sheets change your whole fucking life. Go to helixsleep.com slash love it for 20% off-site wide plus two free dream pillows

with mattress purchase. That's helixsleep.com slash love it for 20% off-site wide plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase. That's helixsleep.com slash love it for 20% off site wide plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase. Helixsleep.com slash love it. And we're back. Wait, I want to hear one Ben Affleck or Matt Damon story from Making Dogma. Hit us with a story. From, let me see. It can be from Dogma, it can be from Making Dogma, hit us with a story. From, let me see.

It can be from Dogma, it can be from other times. Just give us. I mean, they were, like, it's not so much a story, but it's true. We were making Dogma in Pittsburgh at the time that Good Will Hunting was up for Oscars and stuff. So the boys, before we even went out to Pittsburgh to shoot,

that year, like Chasing Amy, Joey Lauren Adams was nominated for Chasing Amy, and Ben and Matt were nominated for Good Will Hunting for screenplay, Robin was nominated for actor and stuff like that. So a bunch of cats went to the Golden Globes who I was close with, and Ben and Matt won, and they got up there

and they thanked a zillion people and then got off. And like Joey saw Ben, cause she was there for Chasing Amy, and she walked by and flipped him a quarter. She's like, there's somebody you better call. And he called me up and he was like, I'm like, I can't fucking believe I forgot to thank you and Scott.

Me and Scott Mosier, my producing partner at the time, got Good Will Hunting Made. We were the ones that brought it in. Miramax got it, we had co-executive producer credit on it and shit. So he's like, we feel like fucking assholes due to the fact that we didn't thank you. Like you, without you, nothing would happen.

I swear to God, if we get nominated for Oscars and shit and we ever win, if I'm ever on a stage again, I swear to you, we're gonna fucking thank you so much. And so I was like, right on, right on. I said, don't to you, we're gonna fucking thank you so much. And I was like, write down, write down. I said, don't worry about it. It was just the Golden Globes. So they got nominated for a fucking Oscar, and I was like, fucking A.

Because the chances of my name being said on TV are fucking huge and shit. And so we're shooting Dogma, and we're doing the airport scene with Ben and Matt, like the very first scene they are in the movie and stuff, Betty Aberlind's in it as well, used to be on Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood and she plays the nun who even Matt talks out of faith

and stuff, so when we're done shooting the scene, we put the boys, we're shooting at the airport in Pittsburgh, we put the boys on the fucking plane to go back to Los Angeles for the Oscars, you know, fucking just finished shooting with them, gave them a big hug, man, like fucking, you're gonna do it, this is fucking amazing, we wish we could go with you, but we were shooting still.

The boys took off and left. Spoilers, they won an Oscar. And they were very charming when they did. They got up and did a very fucking exuberant speech where they literally thanked everybody on the fucking planet. Except for me and Scott. And me and Scott were watching the Oscars with all of the dogma casting crew in Pittsburgh

and shit like that. We're like, whoo, it is our boys, whoo! And then they fucking won, we're like, holy shit! And everybody's fucking going, and then everyone's like, quiet, quiet, quiet, he's gonna thank Kevin and Scott. And the whole fucking speech happens, and then they play them off, and they're like, and they're literally going, who are we forgetting? We're forgetting somebody.

I was like, they're working a bit. They're about to say our names. And suddenly there was like a commercial and I was like, oh shit. And so me and Scott like excused ourselves and you know, in the room we were like, hey man, we didn't do it for that and shit like that. Like, it's so cool.

Like in a moment like that, like fucking, it's totally all right. We'll be right back. It seems like it's so cool, like in a moment like that, like fucking, it's totally all right. We'll be right back. It seems like it was cool with you. Yeah. Shit happened 28 years ago. We went upstairs and we were just like, you know,

fucking once, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, like shame on me and shit. And the boys came home, like, you know, two days later they won their Oscar and shit. They got off the plane to Pittsburgh and came to the offices and they had these hang dog expressions and they were like, we know. We know.

And so, it's again, it wasn't necessary. The way I was raised, you don't do something nice hoping for somebody to be like, oh, you're fucking nice. You do it because it's nice and that's the reward right there. But, you know, I'd be lying if I, let me see, Dogma was 1999, is now 2025.

I've made a few movies and the boys have been in those movies for years. Even movies that are probably, you know, they're at the height of their careers and they're fucking doing cameo in a Kevin Smith movie and shit like that. And I think that has everything to do with it. Anytime I ask, and they're like, you know,

fuck, I don't want to fucking go to Jersey and choose something. They're like, but we forgot to thank this asshole. And so they fucking come out, but they're sweet. They're very sweet kids. I like that in Pittsburgh they put French fries in the sandwiches. At Primanti's? Yeah. Is that the only thing you know about Pittsburgh? Is that your go to Pittsburgh fact? It's the one that's most important to me because I really do genuinely love those sandwiches. They're good. The Primanti's.

But I like Pittsburgh a lot. It's a good feeling in Pittsburgh. It's a good vibe. I really like the energy. If you ever go to it, there's a great place, got pierogies and it's in a desanctified church. I'm real big into desanctified churches. We shot Dogma in a desanctified church. Like Dogma has that giant beautiful church in it, but it wasn't like the Catholic church was like, yeah, go ahead.

We got it from some guy who had bought it from the Catholic church in like a sale. Hey, you know what I noticed when I was looking through your oeuvre? Oeuvre. Your oeuvre. It was, I didn't realize this, that you do a lot of your oof, oover, oover, oover, oover? It was, I didn't realize this, that you do a lot of your own editing, that you are the editor on a lot of your movies.

The only time I haven't edited my feature that I've directed was Mallrats, the studio wouldn't let me, so Paul Dixon was our cutter on that movie. I was curious why that's important to you, because directors, even when they're not the official editor, play obviously a huge role in editing, And I do feel like edit, but to be- They watch the cuts and give notes. They watch the cuts and give lots of notes. They get very involved. But you're the editor, you're on the ones and twos.

And I'm just- On the wheels of steel. And I'm curious why, and why that's important to you. And because I do think sometimes that editing is the kind of least, one of the least understood and respected, or at least publicly kind of thought about aspects of making a movie. And I just wanted to hear about that from you. I'll be honest with you.

I get so, so rarely do I get a chance to speak about editing that I'm turgid right now. Wow. Pause Matlock. He's on his way home. Good news. I've got good news or bad news. I'm not sure based on the previous text. I love it, can't leave it.

I love editing because I love writing. Directing is fun because I like being around actors. I love the lie that tells the truth and people who can suspend the window of disbelief. I think that's, that to me is just, I like being around that. And that's why I think I direct. I'm a writer first and foremost. And that's what I thought I would die a writer only

or something and then direct. A curse worse than death. Die a writer only? But the editing thing was nothing I ever intended, but something you do because you didn't have money to hire an editor. So it's like, all right, me and Scott cut clerks ourselves and stuff.

But clerks is a series of very long takes, so there's not much editing involved. So for me, it's like getting to do another draft of the script. My two favorite parts of the filmmaking process, and hopefully this doesn't paint me in an anti-social light, are writing and editing. So this is the two times I'm alone in a room

and the game is on my stick. It rises and falls on me, and it has nothing to do with whether somebody else is good at their job. I have to be adept at my job or everything fucking falls apart. And as an editor, you get one more bite as a writer because you can reshape the story. You can reshape, you can make them say things they didn't intend to say and stuff like that.

So I like that very much. But it's very easy to edit a Kevin Smith movie because I shoot a Kevin Smith movie like one of them kids' puzzles you buy for like at a brain area or something where it's like 12 pieces, you know, so even a child can put it together. I don't overshoot and like we'll figure it out in editing.

I only shoot like, Oh, I got these three lines here. I don't need anything else in this angle. Let's jump over here and stuff. So it, you know, I think because of that, I often question if I can really call myself an editor. I know how to edit a Kevin Smith movie. That being said, my friend Logic made a movie this year, or just last year, it's coming out this year, called Paradise Records.

And I was an exec producer on it, but I said, look where I could be really useful to you, because he's a first time director, is editing. Like I'll hang out while you shoot the flick, I'll edit on set and whatnot. And I could tell you if you're missing any shots or blah, blah, blah. So I edited somebody else's movie, and granted, I was close to material. It wasn't like somebody just gave me a bunch of footage cold

and I had to figure it out. But I was delighted to see that I could edit something that wasn't mine. After 30 years, I was convinced, like, like most things in life, I've carved myself a lane where I can just do me and not be judged for anything else. I slowly gravitated from being one thing, from making art to trying to be the art myself.

If I'm a director, they can judge me against other directors who do the job far better than me. But if I'm Kevin Smith for a living, there's no other comparison. They can't be like, well, this Kevin Smith's way more Kevin Smith than you and shit. So slowly over time. Like Heinz Ketchup in a sense.

Exactly, exactly. I don't want to be Katsup, I want to be the OG Ketchup. Because if you're Heinz Ketchup, you don't need to worry about someone making a better Ketchup because you are Ketchup. You are the thing, you are the archetype, the thing itself. And you live in anticipation. Yeah.

That is somebody who saw that commercial in the 70s many times. And you know what anticipation. Yeah. That is somebody who saw that commercial in the 70s many times. And you know what that sound means? What does that sound mean? Now I'm getting the anticipation thing I'm remembering because it's the bottle and over the edge. Anticipation. Kevin, before we let you go, now originally you're-

Oh, what the fuck? Well, it's before we let you go. But then we're gonna let you go. But right now you're here. You know what? My bad. They taught me that in the fucking booby hatch and I should have remembered that.

Right? You see me seize up because I was like, what, in the future we're not gonna be together? What the fuck? But I should really appreciate the now. That's what they told me in the fucking nuthouse. They were like, human beings they told me in the fucking nuthouse. They were like human beings Don't live in the present. We're pro physically in the present at all times of course

But most of the time we spend in the past where we judge ourselves and relitigate the mistakes We've made and that's a complete waste of time because you can't do anything to change it So it happened you can learn from it perhaps But that's better then the other place we spend all our time is in the future worrying about anxiety, worrying about what may happen, fretting about the fucking thing that gives us terror and keeps us awake at night. And you can't do anything about that. Nobody knows what the fucking future is, man.

And if you're going to write a fictional future where everything goes bad, it's 50-50 shot goes well, so you might as well flip the script, write something fucking positive, or oh my god, everything's coming up Millhouse for me and shit. Still, that's unhealthy. The best place for you might as well flip the script write something fucking positive or oh my god Everything's coming up millhouse for me and shit Still that's unhealthy the best place for you to be is in the present Because in the present that's where everything happens the things you worry about in the past They were the present ones and the things you're worried about happening in the future

They're going to be your present once you get there and shit But you don't know what they're gonna be the things you're imagining probably aren't gonna happen only one of the futures is gonna happen That's why you meet so many people know. Oh, I'm not creative like you. I'm like fuck you You're Shakespeare when it comes to predicting your own doom I guarantee you you'll be the most creative motherfucker in the world when you can talk yourself out of a good future and shit best place to be is the fucking here and now man the present like you can you can't control it, but you have the best possible chance of understanding it riding that moment and then you do in the past and in the future. And that, if somebody told me,

look, I just saved y'all $40,000 fucking dollars. I just, I'm sorry I didn't meet you till now because there's a YouTube you could have watched that would have given you a lot of that. 100%. Weren't we playing a game or some sort of shit? And here's how it works. 100%. Weren't we playing a game or some sort of shit? ["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"] And here's how it works.

["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"] Now, originally, your daughter was gonna join us. Yeah. But she's onto your butt. Kennedy is gonna be our representative of Gen Z. Producer Kennedy, come on out. Can I tell you? Kennedy, get out of here! Hello, hello!

Can I? You good? Can I tell you a quick story about Kennedy? How is that possible? I would love to hear it. I would love to hear it. We just met, right? Yeah. So I was backstage. Is Bill, Bill's the guy I know.

Yeah, Bill's over there. Bill's the man. He wasn't invited. Who I had a breakdown with on the phone the other day where I was like, I don't know anything about politics. You got the wrong guy and shit. So I come backstage and Bill's giving me the ladle and he's like, where's your daughter? And I was like, she don't want to be here. She wants to be in Boston. So

he goes, all right, we're going to have Kennedy sit in for your daughter and be the voice of Gen Z. And I was looking at him real perplexed. And I was like like Kennedy from Fox News? He was like no no, Kennedy works on the show. And I was like oh, cause I know y'all are political and shit. No, no, no, no. I said but I didn't know you were that political. It's Kennedy from Marino Valley.

Right up there man. Nice to meet you. I met the other one once. I think this is actually a good pairing cause my dad's name is Kevin. The fuck outta here. Yeah, we don't talk. But that is his name.

When you did, did you call him Kevin? No, I just called him. And you know what that sound means. All right, first job. All right, here's how it works. Yes. Finally, the fucking game show I was promised. Kevin and Kennedy, you represent two incredible generations.

Gen X and Gen Z, I'm gonna give you a topic that was around in the 90s, and is even more relevant today. You're gonna give us a final verdict on that topic in a segment we're calling Smithbusters. Woo! Oh my God, man. I'm in the Kevin Smith business.

That never occurred to me. Well, you know what? Stealing it. Take it with you. Thank'm in the Kevin Smith business. That never occurred to me. Well, you know what? Stealing it. Take it with you. Thank you. Take it with you. Look at, oh my god, there's a graphic. There was.

Oh, I forgot. It's a visual show. It is. It's on YouTube as well. Should have been sucking in my gut the whole time. First up, huge jeans. Huge jeans. Huge jeans. J jeans. Huge jeans.

Jorts. Jorts. Jeans shorts. This is an iconic photo of you in massive jorts. Yes. Where are we on jorts today? I would be wearing jorts right now were it not for the fact that it dipped to 50 degrees

and I was like, ooh, it's chilly in LA. But yes, this photo is something I literally talked about when I was in a group session. Oh. Glad we could bring it up here. A pair or two. Yep. They saved my life and stuff.

But I remember being in a group session going, I remember at one point they took a photo of me at a gas station. And it was a really unfortunate angle the kid was with me and shit like that. Years later after I lost weight I went back retook the photo looking way slimmer and put them side by side but this photo really haunted me and it is very triggering and traumatizing. Let's get off the screen. Next photo. I you say that, but I literally feel like

Billie Eilish could wear that tomorrow. What? And then do a cover of People. 100%, man, 100%. I like George. I don't think I could pull them off myself, but I did go to a club, and I did see this girl with him, and then she had boots on, and I was like,

who wears George to a club? But if you're hot enough, you can wear whatever you want. And she was. I got to tell you, you don't have to be hot to wear a jorts, you have to be fat as well. I've been wearing jorts my whole life because I have my mother's thighs, childbearing hips and stuff,

but I got killer fucking fire calves so I can show them off in the jorts. Back to you. Yeah. I love that this is my first experience here. I mean, I think I had calves, I could have calves to pull off shorts, but it's not for me.

I'm more like full length. Like I don't want you to be able to see my ankles that well. They're always covered. Actually right now I feel kind of exposed because I'd expect to sit cross legged in front of a full house. Next up, a flannel. I up, Flannel. I love a flannel.

There's no picture. No, it's just flannel. Where are we on? I forgot what it looks like. Show me. Yes or no on flannel? There are photos of me from the 90s wearing flannels. A lot of my characters wore flannels.

Randall wore a flannel in Clerks. T.S. wore a flannel around his waist in Mallrats, Chasing Amy was covered in flannel. All my stuff in the 90s, very flannel. Really, the look of your films in the 90s really was like, both, I think like, How old are you? I am 42.

All right, so like, you were in high school. Yes, I remember, it was, well, it's interesting,. I remember. Yes, I remember it was. Well, it's interesting because I remember, I saw Dogma when it came out and they were adults and now they're kids. Yeah. And that's a strange thing. Isn't that weird? That's a strange thing.

Like in Clerks, Clerks, I remember seeing Clerks. They were cool, older kids. Yeah. And now they're kids. They're just children in that movie. Isn't that fucking weird? It's a strange thing to those movies when you go back and look at them.

But the looks of those movies was kind of the Gen X look and it's back. How cool is that? Oh, I got so lucky, man. At one point, the culture shifted toward comic books and I was, I've been there forever and shit, but in 95, we made Mallrats and it was about like Brody Bruce, the character that Jason Lee plays was the internet before the internet happened

and shit like that. So I was well positioned. I would have been more well positioned if I actually made a comic book movie. But for somebody who doesn't have the talent and never had the opportunity, not that he ever wanted it to make one of those gigantic fucking comic book movies, I love comic book culture. And the fact that those movies became popular and the culture shifted away from my perspective, sports towards fucking pop culture and comic book culture. Like I got another 10 years, a free ride, even though I haven't made a comic book movie,

because in Mallrats, my characters were very well-versed. Chasing Amy takes place with comic book professionals and shit. So at a certain point, when the culture shifted, they were like, oh, you know about this shit, and I was like, oh my God, I'm happy to talk about comic books. You were involved in the almost Nicholas Cage Superman movie. I wrote the Superman Lives.

Superman Lives, with Nicholas Cage. We even got him in a costume. There's photos of him in the getup. Yeah, and then they did that Flash movie last year. There was a little mini sequence with him fighting a constant we give there's photos of him in the in the in the get-up Yeah, and then they did then they did that flash movie last year There was a little me sequence with yeah fighting a giant spider and shit. I was like, oh my god, it happened When Superman didn't work out is that when he did Ghost Rider instead? Hmm. Oh, no, it was later. He was talking about doing we were making dogma when they were about to when Tim Burton was gonna direct the Superman lives movie

And my script they had gotten rid of and they had a whole new script and stuff But we were shooting in Pittsburgh and they were also gonna be shooting in Pittsburgh because there was a building we wanted to use But they're like that's gonna be Lex Corp They've already called that and then one day Chris Rock came in on dogma on set and he goes guess who's playing Jimmy Olsen And I was like get the fuck out here He was hired to play Jimmy Olsen. I didn't know that Yeah, and then the whole movie got they pulled the plug on it like shortly after dogma wrapped It was I guess they felt like the budget was out of control and they didn't have a script that they were 100% on and so

The whole thing went away and they're pretty unhappy that in your version Superman worked at a record store and so the whole thing went away. And they're pretty unhappy that in your version, Superman worked at a record store. Yeah. They were like super, and your Superman script, he talks about Star Wars a lot. Yeah. Now, next up, we have sequels.

We have, we're, sequels are back. We're seeing lots of sequels. Yeah. Where's your head at on sequels? I'm about to make a J and Silent Bob sequel this year. Hell yeah. Woo! Still fucking, still gassing that tank.

Blows my mind. I mean, honestly, like from the guy who made those characters, they're a Cheech and Chong ripoff. But fucking 30 years out of this shit. Like fucking here, man, I'll be honest, like we recently had fires here in Los Angeles. I'm sure, I don't know if anybody's aware of this. We kept it out of the news. We had to reloc here in Los Angeles. I'm sure I don't know if you're anybody's aware of this We kept it out of the news

We had to relocate at one point Runyon Canyon went on fire They evacuated us and in that moment or a few moments before they finally that were officially evacuated as naturally as Fires are breaking out. We're like we should put some stuff together and just the bare things we need and whatnot bringing the dogs Of course, but like grabbing a few things. And you know, I'm a real pack rat and a hoarder of sorts, so I have like fucking memorabilia from like my entire life, my childhood, all the movies I've made and I was like, what do I grab and shit? And I didn't grab any of that.

Two things that I was baffled, like when I left I grabbed, one, I grabbed my father's ashes, which I was like, what's the fucking point? If the house burns down, I'm like. It's the one thing that can't be ruined by fire. Exactly. You just scoop them back up. It was fireproof, and I was like,

I have to fucking take this. But the other thing I brought was my Silent Bob costume, because I was like, I have to work. That's beautiful. Kennedy, what would you save in a fire? I packed two pairs of hoop earrings. Two pairs of hoop earrings. The brilliance of that is two pair.

Two pairs, because they are slightly different sizes. It's a marginal difference, but it really changes the outfit depending on how high the neck I'm wearing that day. So two pairs of hoop earrings. And then- What a fucking story that tells. It's amazing. I know so much about you without knowing anything now.

I feel like we're gonna be very close by the end of this. No doubt. It's already you and me against this fucking guy. In my mind, I wanted to get all of the money I had, because like, oh, what if this all burns down, and I still have the $20 Serubi's Diner in my dresser, I'm gonna miss that. So I grabbed all the gift cards that I have.

Didn't grab a lot of panties, I just, I wasn't thinking, yeah, what do I know? Two sizes of earrings, no panties. And the gift cards, and the gift cards, and the gift cards. Yeah. Yeah. If that Mel's Diner doesn't burn down, I'm gonna get a BLT.

I was in crisis, all right? We all were, we all were. Priorities. Kevin Smith, you've won the game. Yeah! Okay, all right. I didn't do well enough. Everybody give it up for Kevin Smith.

Thank you, so this is so fun. Really good to see you. Thank you, this was very fun. Give it up for producer Kennedy. Thank you, this is so fun. Thank you, Chris. Really good to see you. Thank you, this was very fun. Give it up for producer Kennedy. Thank you. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Manu Quora. Breakfast tea, protein shakes, salad dressings, et cetera. I put it in a salad dressing just last night. I made a vinaigrette, like a balsamic Dijon vinaigrette, threw in some honey in there, but guess what? I used manicura honey. So it had all these important ingredients. Let's hear about them.

It's ethically produced by manicurists, master beekeepers in the remote forests of New Zealand. Contains powerful nutrients that can help support immunity and gut health. The bees collect the nectar from the manuka tree in New Zealand. Its nectar is packed with bioactives, and the honey that is produced has three times more antioxidants and prebiotics than your average honey.

I've always thought that my honey doesn't have enough antioxidants. Or what about the bioactives? You gotta get them bioactives. You sure do. The manuka tree produces a special antibacterial compound in its nectar. Manu Quora third-party test every single harvest

for this compound and makes the results available through their QR system. All you need is- Which has not been affected by the freeze. Nope, nope, that's still working. All you need is one heaped teaspoon each morning to get the most out of the amazing bioactives and Manu Quora honey.

Additional usage throughout the day is completely fine, especially in helping to cut out other sweeteners. It's honey with superpowers! Now it's easier than ever to try ManuKora Honey. Head to ManuKora.com slash love it to get $25 off their starter kit, which comes with an MGO 850 plus Manuka honey jar, five honey travel sticks, a wooden spoon, and a guidebook. Which you can use for the honey or whatever. Whatever, yeah. That's ManuKora. Which you can use for the honey or whatever. Whatever, yeah. That's my new Quora.com slash love it

for $25 off your starter kit. And we're back. And we're back. As you may know, the fires in LA have been devastating as we just talked about, but we want to do everything we can to help those affected. So we have Friends of Los Angeles merch in the Crooked Store with 100% of the proceeds going to Vote Save America's Action Wildfire Relief Fund.

So show off your LA pride with a new hat or tee to pair with your favorite Dodgers merch or those athleisure pants you wear exclusively everywhere. All while supporting organizations like the LA Regional Food Bank, the Los Angeles Fire Department Foundation, and the Latino Community Foundation. Crooked.com slash store. And you can donate directly to the fund at vote save America dot com slash relief. This message has been paid for by Vote Save America. You can learn more at vote save America dot com.

This ad has not been authorized by any candidate or candidates committee. Also, we're just asking everybody to do us a favor and sign up for Friends of the Pod for our subscription service. We're building an incredible community. We're also building a sustainable, progressive media company. It's a great place to keep up with what's happening, to get content that you can't find anywhere else. Dan makes a great, super informative show there.

We do turn it online where we talk about the stuff we're obsessed about online. There's a great community of people in the Discord. So go to crooked.com slash friends. And finally, last note, if you're in LA, also come see this show at Dynasty Typewriter next Thursday, February 6. We have an incredible run of shows lined up. We're having fun of the live show, aren't we?

Crooked.com slash events. All right. We want to close out the show and bring down the lights for an intimate conversation between you and me about the one thing weighing heaviest on the nation's mind, the movie, Amelia Perez. That's right. I finally saw French director Jacques Audiard's

inexplicable musical about a Mexican drug lord who undergoes gender confirmation surgery. The film garnered 13 Oscar nominations, including best picture, and currently sits at 21% on Rotten Tomatoes. Fascinating, fascinating. So I'm gonna open the floor to any questions you have about anything, but especially Amelia Perez in a segment we're calling A Million Little Things. Nice.

Does it does anyone have any questions about the film Amelia Perez? This is an out of control show tonight. What is this segment? Yes, do you have any questions? What's your question, sir? I just want to know if it's changed your opinion of Ron Perlman at all. It being his favorite movie. Of the year.

Of the year. Not of all time. Of the year. Of the year. Not of all time. Of the year. I'll tell you. I'll tell you what it's done for me. All right, are you ready? Buckle up. Are you buckled in?

Is everybody buckled? It only heightened my respect for Ron Perlman. Why? Do I think Amelia Perez is a perfect film? It is not. And if anyone tells you Amelia Perez is a perfect film, you tell them, shut up. But. And if anyone tells you Amelia Perez is a perfect film, you tell them, shut up. But,

it's good. Yeah, are you with me? Are you with me? Aplaud if you think Amelia Perez is good. Yeah, that's about right. I will say this. We live in a fucking commoditized, algorithmic, tested, data-driven,

conformist capitalist society. And the fact that a group of French maniacs could make a film about Mexico, a place it seems they may never have been, and decide the story they want to tell is about a drug lord who goes through gender-affirming care, and it is a musical. If you don't want to live in a world where that happens,

fine, I do. And a lot of people are like, well, you know, it's a Spanish actor in the lead, and it's the French, and it's culturally appropriate. People in Mexico are debating whether or not this movie makes a caricature. This is a French movie. These are French people making a movie. It's gonna be fundamentally silly.

The French are a group of people who are at core deeply silly pretending to be serious. The British are serious people pretending to be silly. The Germans are serious people and they're straightforward're straightforward about that but that is why the French do not have comedy because they on some level know that if the French ever start to laugh they will not stop and then they will die and so yes this is a ridiculous silly fantastical dumb movie did you think the movie about the drug lord who sings about having gender-affirming care was going to be like a deeply grounded slice of life?

So no, my respect for Ron Perlman has only grown. Thank you for your question. What else you got? Never seen, never seen, never heard of the pod. Never heard of the pod? No, that's not it. Let's of the pod. Never heard of the pod? No, that's not it. Let's get in there. Hello.

Hello. Where are you from? I'm from London, but I live here. Do you agree with my... Yes, about Europe. About Europe, yeah. Nailed it, yeah. Yeah, that's right. That's right.

Like, have you, have I heard that, like, British people made a film about a Mexican drug lord who was transitioning and it was a musical? I'd say disgusting. Yes. That should never see the light of day. But you tell me the French are doing it. It's like let them have at it. It's a ridiculous society.

It's a cheese based culture. Did you see Amelia Perez? No. I made a noise. My question was going to be like, sounds kind of good. Like, is it good? And yeah, so I was happy. Listen, I watched an hour and 15 minutes of it

last night with my partner. And they were like, I can't watch any more of this. They are trans. And I said, do you have to stop watching this because you're trans? And they're like, no, I just don't like this. Is it all upsetting because of trans? No. Not upsetting because of trans. I still felt guilty about making them watch this whole fucking movie, so I had to watch the rest over the course of today in 10 and 15 minute increments,

as the director surely intended. What else? I saw an interview with James Cameron, where he said that not only had, he said no film like this has ever been written or like filmed, like been written or, like, filmed. Like, the cinematography is singular, as is the writing. And I wanted, you know, and that's what made it one of his best films of all time.

And I just wanted to get your take on that. So incorrect, James Cameron. I will say, it is a really interesting, like, the way, people are making fun of the way it goes into song, that it feels like kind of haphazard and strange and it is. Everybody pulls out that one line where it's very nice to meet you, I'm here to talk about sex change operation, and that is terrible. It's inexcusable. It's simply inexcusable.

Because it's like, for a lot of the rest of it, it feels like camp. And I actually think sometimes people don't like things, because the movie doesn't ever say, don't worry, we know this is a joke. People now need to have it, they need to have the subtext be text. And so because the movie never declares that it can't be,

or never declares that it's in any way in on the joke, it can't possibly be smart enough. As the viewer, we're all trained to be narcissists by the internet. And so the only way to experience it is to assume you're the only one that is smart enough to know when something is camp, if not told. So you assume that you've cracked something

they didn't intend. That's what happens. And then that's why you end up seeing things where you'll see a movie that's about climate change and then at some point, like the actor, or like two thirds of the way through the movie, will be like, this is about climate change. You know?

Do I think that it is singular? That's such a classic James Cameron thing, right? Like he can't just compliment it. He has to have the best compliment. Freak. If you were to rewrite it and make it better, what would you do? Oh, wow, what a question.

So I would say this. It is exactly what it seems to have intended itself to be. I don't think it can be changed and be made better. It can only be made less Amelia Perez. On some level. And you know, I also will say this. Zoe Zaldana fucking crushes it in this movie. She's excellent in this movie.

I thought Selena Gomez was awesome in it. And I'm always watching, what's the, with the murders awesome in it. And I'm always watching, what's the, with the murders in the building. And I'm always like, do something. And then in this movie, she does. You know? So, cause as long as you're watching only murders in the building and it's like, you got Martin Short

doing back flips, you got Steven Martin doing pirouettes. And then she's just there and it's like, do something. And here she's doing so much and she's great. Everyone's great in it. The lead is great in it. And everyone's like, oh, they cast a Spanish trans actor to play the Mexican drug lord in the film. And it's like, I guess, I don't know.

And then the trans actor who is like, everyone's like kind of like getting ready. We're going to give an Academy Award to a trans actress. It's awesome. I think that's a very good thing. And then it's like, oh my God kind of like getting ready. We're going to give an Academy Award to a trans actress. It's awesome. I think that's a very good thing. And then it's like, oh my god, the anti-Muslim tweets. We got anti-Muslim tweets. And then apparently, she's deleting the anti-Muslim tweets as the anti-Muslim tweets are finding their way

into various articles on the internet. She can't delete the anti-Muslim tweets fast enough. And it's like, what are you supposed to do with that, liberals? Nothing. Nothing. I wouldn't change a frame of it. And that's our show.

Thank you so much to Kevin Smith. Thanks to Kennedy for coming out. Thank you to everybody here at Dynasty Typewriter. There are 639 days until the midterms. Have a great night. Have a great weekend everybody Love It or Leave It is a Cricket Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill

is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Elaine Pierre, Will Miles, and Mahana Del Shiki are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support, Stephen Colon is our audio engineer, and Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Shure Shure. Thanks to our designers, Sammy Coderna Reeves, for creating and running all of our visuals,

which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Toulas, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing videos each week so you can. And our productions app is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.