Lovett or Leave It - Lunch It or Leave It: Best of Food

Episode Date: August 27, 2022

Open wide, because Lovett Or Leave It is serving up a hot, fresh best-of episode with all our favorite food-obsessed segments of the past year. Ashley Ray, Alice Wetterlund, and Max Silvestri give us the hot dish on the best holiday foods. Nancy Pelosi (Michaela Watkins) spent hours making this beautiful democracy for you; the least you can do is taste it. Shalewa Sharp and Lovett bemoan the cookies that have come and gone, while Lindsay Adams and Marcy Jarreau try not to turn green after eating the pink sauce from TikTok. Jared Goldstein sips an experimental “healthy Coke.” A local reporter (Megan Gailey) warns parents against the new razorblade in the apple: weed gummies. Lovett, Akilah Hughes and pit master Ali Clem talk LGBT BBQ in the Lone Star state, while Ashley Ray joins Lovett in sampling the delicacies of Minnesota… and also lutefisk. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live or Else, coming at you from or else. The dog days of summer are here and this bitch needs a break. But even though we're on vacation, content never sleeps. So this week we're bringing you the best of our food segments. We here at Love It or Leave It think quite a lot about food. You could say we're preoccupied by it. You could say that. But I'd lash out defensively in a healthy way. Anyway, up first, nothing gets our tummies

gurgling in giddy anticipation like the holidays. But what's the best holiday food? Good thing we decided last year in one of our beloved brackets. It's the end of the year and the holidays have a stranglehold on our emotions, our wallets, and of course our digestive systems. No other time period demands we bow to its culinary excesses quite

like winter. And for good reason. Eat festive foods any other time of the year and you'll be labeled certifiable. Eat a salad in December, no one bats an eye. Openly drink eggnog in June. Good luck getting invited to those 4th of July barbecues, buddy. Nothing pairs worth with 90 degree weathers than a thick bev.

But if we only have a very limited time to eat the gingeriest breads and the cranberry-iest sauces, we have to be judicious with our menus. Apologize to your gallbladders and welcome to the stage to fight over the best holiday foods, Max Silvestri, Alice Wetterlin, and Ashley Rae. Alright, here's how it works. We're going to pit

two classic holiday food items against each other and have them battle to the death. Let us begin. Alright, first up, we have lock... We gotta move fast. two classic holiday food items against each other and have them battle to the death. Let us begin. All right. First up, we have... We got to move fast. This is a big bracket. Whoa. So nice. Latkes versus mac and cheese.

Does anybody have a strong feeling? Mac and cheese. Hello, mac and cheese. Latkes. Thank you, Max. The only non-anti-Semite. Oh. Jews control the media,

and mac and cheese is better than Latkes. All right, guys. I mean, it's... Do we want to make our argument? I mean, I feel like, first of all, Jews control the media and mac and cheese is better than Lockies alright guys I mean do we want to make an argument I mean I feel like first of all

mac and cheese is very black so what are you really angry about mac and cheese wins mac and cheese wins mac and cheese wins

mac and cheese wins trump card played I lose mac and cheese wins it's not like all latkes that everybody's ever made are great

you know what I mean I've had so many bad latkes it's somewhat ever made are great. You know what I mean? I've had so many bad latkes. It's somewhat easy to fuck up. Next up, we have black-eyed peas versus sweet potatoes. Sweet potatoes. But like any sweet potatoes? I guess they have to win because there's so many ways you can do it. Yeah, like a sweet potato with a marshmallow on top.

But even in like a... I will say, though, just for the holiday thing, nothing is more tied to a day than Black Eyed Peas. Right? Is it not a New Year's thing? That's a New Year's thing. Yeah, but this is the holidays. Well, this is Christmas.

I think holiday, I think it counts. I mean, latkes are Hanukkah. You know what I mean? I'm losing the crowd so hard. Sweet potatoes. It's the sweet potatoes, though. He's really sorry. He loves sweet potatoes. He promises.

He loves sweet potatoes. No one is ever excited about black eyed peas. Oh my god, sweet potatoes. Yeah, people don't really lose it. No one is ever like, oh, I'm so glad you made black eyed peas. It's always like, I guess I have to eat this or I'll be, you know, jinxed all year. Yeah. It's an obligation. You don't want to

eat a food having to ward off an evil eye. Right, it's a good luck food. Yeah. Sweet potatoes for the win. Yeah. Next up, we have Feast of the Seven Fishes and Christmas Ham. This is from the Goyim Conference. So I'll leave this to everyone else.

I'm going to abstain. This is all me, and I picked both. I don't know what that is. I love Christmas ham so much. I love an orange meat, but even though I'm an Italian and my last name is Silvestri, we never did Feast of the Seven Fishes. Interesting. I say ham.

You say ham. So anybody want to make a case for seven different kinds of fish? Yeah, I guess I'll do, you know, just overfishing in general. It seems like if you're going to get seven fishes, you're going to be part of the problem no matter what. Christmas ham takes it. Christmas ham takes it. Christmas ham takes it. It's such a politicized bracket.

I'm nervous to be up on this stage. It's a political show. Unabashedly. We're getting real. In a political time. In a political time. Next up, we have corned beef and cabbage. What do you call it when you're a long shot?

What's it called when you're a Cinderella? Like a heart person. Dark horse. No, that's not the phrase. A Katy Perry reference. From the third row. A heart team. You know what I'm talking about? An underdog? No, like Bucknell. They're always like Bucknell. They're a real heart team.

A rookie of the year. No, we're just saying things now. Long shot, Phil. A long shot, Phil. Cinderella's story is still not correct. What? Someone say move on. A weird cold, maybe.

Underdog. Long shot. I swear to God. You tell me to move on, I will sit in this. Yeah. All right. Look, it's corned beef and cabbage versus brisket. I don't even think this has to be a conversation.

Obviously, it's going to be corned beef and cabbage. That's what we're talking about. Yeah, it's corned beef and cabbage. I had a Sunday night at Tam O'Shanter's with the Carols. It was the most Christmas. I went to Tam O'Shanter. Are you about to fight Leonardo DiCaprio in the streets of New York? What are you talking about?

You have not gone to Tam O'Shanter? Yes. It's corned beef and cabbage. I'm in outer space right now. Me and the tiny cabbage guy. Brisket is not always good. Sometimes it's dry. And also, you have brisket all year round.

I don't know what you're talking about. I don't tie brisket to a holiday. Well, I'll accept it. I'm not too worried about it. It's going to lose pretty soon to one of these other foods. But fine. Corned beef and cabbage wins.

Now over to the other conference. I'm a quarter Irish. I love it. It is Kugel versus gingerbread. Kugel. I'm 100% Kugel. Yeah, it's so good. Yeah, because gingerbread sucks.

Yeah. I've never had one good gingerbread cookie in my life. Yeah, it's architectural. I will build with Kugel if I have to. What is Kugel? What is Kugel? Expand your horizons. Wow.

It is a delicious... What is it? It's um... Like a noodle pudding, kind of. A brady noodle thing. So, basically, you take noodles, eggs, some maybe raisins. Yeah, like a Jewish casserole.

It's Jewish casserole. Like a bread casserole. Yes, of course it is, which we all knew. Yeah, I don't even know why we're just going over it when we all know. For sure what it is, and eat it frequently during this season. During this season.

Listen. Try Kugel. Next up. I can't believe gingerbread just got done like that. Gingerbread. It's not that good. It's a dry cookie. It's iconic. Well, have you tried the Kugel latte? All right.

This is going to be contentious. This is a long simmering rivalry. This is really... Canned cranberry sauce versus homemade cranberry sauce. I'm out. I'm out. She can't do it.

It's too much. Canned. Canned, right? I'm sorry. Alice, what do you think? For me, it's all the canned. I'm going to be that asshole. I like homemade.

Wow. Yeah, it's really simple. It's just cranberries and a little bit of sugar and water. It takes like five minutes. Or maybe some zest of an orange if you're me. Oh, okay. But the fun part is when it comes out shaped like the can and you get to slice it up in little slices.

Yeah, and they're discs and you can throw them. Yeah, and they're little discs. You can put it on a biscuit. They're both so good. That's why it's so contentious. They got that wobble. The noise it makes when it comes out of the can is my text tone. That's when I get a text.

It's like a... Like landing on the floor. Okay, that's entertainment. That's a meal and an experience. It's a tie. I'm going to let the audience decide. I'm going to say canned, and I'm going to say homemade. All right?

Canned. Homemade. Canned. Homemade. It's really close. I feel like it was homemade. Homemade. It's really close. I feel like it was homemade. Homemade wins. I heard homemade.

Next up, we have... I don't agree with it, but... But it's a democracy. Next up, we have mulled wine versus hot apple cider. That's tough. What do we want? Perfectly good wine, warmed and spiced, turned into syrupy

fucking alcohol soup or delicious warm apple cider. Ashley, what do you think? We went to school together in Western Massachusetts, famously known for wonderful hot apple cider. I gotta go apple cider. Eve, say

hot apple cider. Anyone gonna argue with that? I never punched anybody because go apple cider. Eve, say hot apple cider. Do you have anyone going to argue with that? I never punched anybody because of apple cider. Also, mulled wine stains your teeth. Stains your criminal record. Yeah. Love turning down some mulled wine. Apple cider wins. Next up, eggnog versus coquito.

Does anybody have a preference? Eggnog's so hard, it's crazy. I start aging eggnog two months before December. I love it so much. Give me egg yolks, milk, brandy, rum, bourbon. All December long, I had a glass tonight. Wow. That is amazing.

I don't know what Coquito is. It's like an eggnoggy adjacent coconut beverage. It's like coconut and rum. It's delicious. Yeah, it's delicious. It has cinnamon. It's kind of eggnoggy adjacent coconut beverage. It's like coconut and rum. It's delicious. Yeah, it's delicious. It has cinnamon. It's kind of like an horchata with alcohol. That sounds really good.

Usually, like in Chicago, there was always like a Coquito lady who would like go to little bars and stuff and you could like buy it from her during the holidays. I like her. Yeah. Like, so you get, come on. That's your supporting local business. Give her my number. Okay?

And I presume it has raw egg yolks in it, right? I mean, it's a Christmas drink. I will say, I am like, Max, like the window we're getting into your life where you're making homemade cranberry sauce, where you have a several month long process for making sure you have eggnog. And I know this is something you've talked about

in your standup. You are the gayest fucking straight person I have ever met in my life. It shocks me every time and I love it. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I love the holidays. And men. And men. Alright, Eggnog takes it. Yes!

I don't know that we actually had a vote. I feel like you two said Eggnog and everybody else is like... Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. Wait a second, wait a second. You know what? You know what? Literally only Max said eggnog. I know, but he is closest to me. All right. Audience.

Eggnog. Coquito. Coquito takes it. They might take the whole thing. That reaction. This feels like a psyop. This is crazy. It's so good.

I heard antifo sprinkled throughout. Now we move on. Now we move on to the semis. Is that what it is? Now it's Mario. It's the quarters. Now it's getting really real. Mac and cheese versus sweet potatoes.

I don't even think this is close. Mac and cheese. Mac and cheese, right? What are we doing here? Get that cheese in there now. I feel like I'm living in an alternate reality. How are you putting sweet right? What are we doing here? Get that cheese in there now. I feel like I'm living in an alternate reality. How are you putting cheese in there? What are you talking about?

Is mac and cheese even a holiday food? What is it? Who made this bracket? I'm sorry. Yeah, it's an important Thanksgiving side. Max, I feel like I need to make you my macaroni and cheese. I love mac and cheese. I couldn't be a bigger fan.

This is a holiday food. Look, turn my mic off. I don't want to be on this podcast anymore. Next up, we have corned beef and cabbage versus Christmas ham. It's salted meat versus salted meat. It's pig versus beef. The rumble in the farm. I'm so sorry.

I mean, Christmas ham does have the word Christmas in it. Oh, unless we want boiled, salted fucking meat. I do. Yeah. Yes. Yeah do. Yeah, yes. Yeah, we're being cabbage. With a ton of mustard and like a piece of rye bread or pumpernation. Oh my God. It's so good.

I think it's a great meal to have right before you leave to start a new life. It's like generations tried to escape corned beef and cabbage. generations tried to escape corned beef and cabbage. To put a whole piece of your animal in a big pot and boil it overnight, and then to have that, what a beautiful thing. Christmas ham wins. I'm fucking calling. It's my show.

I like that. And I say this as somebody who did not understand or have ham as part of a dinner. Ham to me was a sliced meat for lunch. I did not try dinner style ham until I was literally in my late twenties. I swear to God. And I remember having a ham for the very first time. I remember even where I was, I was in Washington, DC and someone said, this is a Christmas ham. And I said, I've never had Christmas ham before. What's it like? And then I tasted it and it was incredibly salty and sweet and I was like,

you fucking Christians treat this as an entree? This is like meat dessert. You people are out of your goddamn minds. Kugel versus homemade cranberry sauce. Huh. Wow, it's tough. We didn't see that coming, did we? Go, Kugel.

I gotta go Kugel again. I say Kugel. Homemade cranberry sauce. Jews control the media. Kugel wins I gotta go Kugel again. I say Kugel. Homemade cranberry sauce. Jews control the media. Kugel wins. Come on. That's a side versus like a real meal kind of. It's a sauce versus side.

Don't worry. John will make a meal out of it. No, yeah, that tracks. Don't worry. Silence for you. They're mercurial and cold. Next up, hot apple cider versus Coquito. Coquito.

Wow. Coquito. Yeah. Hot apple cider. Woo. Coquito. Yeah. Hot apple cider.

Yeah. Coquito takes that. We got to be honest. I think so. Of course, it's alcoholic. It's alcoholic. Yeah. Next up, it's the Trafe bracket.

It's dairy versus pork, ham versus mac and cheese. I love it. Mac and cheese or Christmas ham, what do we think? Mac and cheese. Mac and cheese all the way. Mac and cheese. Mac and cheese. They take it Mac and cheese. Mac and cheese. They take it.

Come on. This is why people don't vote. This is why people don't vote. It must have just been Cinderella story. What a crazy bracket this is going to be. The heart team. Those are both delicious, but only one of them gets you drunk. I'm going to remember what it is.

Next up, Kugel versus Kokito. Kokito, it gets you drunk. You haven't had my Kugel. Kugel gets you full. Kugel can fuck you up if you're not careful. My Kugel has meth in it. I've seen people make some terrible decisions after eating too much Kugel. It happens.

What do you think? Kugel versus cookie toe? It has to be Kugel because it's for a day, right? I'm giving it to Kugel. Kugel is crushing it. Max is horrified. I'm so happy about Kugel. Alright, now it is time

for the ultimate. The pasta final. Come on. Wow. about Google. Alright, now it is time for the... It is... The ultimate. The pasta final. Come on. Wow. I heard it. Our two favorite holiday carbs. Mac and cheese

versus Kugel. It's a desert food versus just food. What do we think? Like an arid food? Yeah, it's an arid food. What do we think? Like an arid food? Yeah, it's an arid food. It's mac and cheese versus kugel, the Jewish mac and cheese in many ways. When you think about it, actually.

When you think about it, it's our version of it. All right. Final decision. You know what? Let's put... Anybody have any final... You know what we're going to do? Everybody just say kugel or mac and cheese, and then we're going to give it to the crowd

to decide. Okay. My personal view, kugel is mac and cheese and then we're gonna give it to the crowd to decide my personal view Kugel is born of thousands of years of suffering I didn't know about the suffering

this is good to hear about but I should digest that later I'm gonna vote mac and cheese because I would always prefer that wow

Alice what do you think I'm gonna go ahead and say Kugel because I hate where we've gotten to where we're a society that just picks mac and cheese whenever when it's just available. You know what I mean? And not really recognizing what it's supposed to be.

Just like making a food truck of it. Come on. We're better than this. I don't know what I'm talking about. It's Kugel. Ashley, what do you think? Oh, I mean, I I gotta go mac and cheese I mean Macaroni and cheese Is a staple

In black culture During the holidays There's competitions Between aunts Relatives Who has the best Mac and cheese My family has passed

Our mac and cheese recipe down Generations Soul is baked Into that cheese Oh I'm changing my vote now I'm over my vote now. I'm over here now. That's correct.

She's right. We have carbs born of misery. Kugel. Mac and cheese. Kugel. Mac and cheese. Won't be the first time. Won't be the first time. Won't be the last time.

The Jews are defeated by numbers. Mac and cheese takes it. It is the holiday food bracket champion of the year. And there's a big surprise. I think we have a whole lot of hot trays of mac and cheese. Is this true? Open up the doors. Bring it in. It's piping hot. Piping hot. There's cheese. Is this true? Open up the doors. Bring it in. Piping hot.

Piping hot. There's cider. All this stuff. Every food item in the bracket is in your cars. That's what we chose? Ooh, mama. Just between us girls. I don't remember what we chose, and I didn't re-listen.

Just a peek behind the curtain. What else is behind the curtain? Oh. Oh, there she is. It's Nancy Pelosi. We are currently in our third month of conversation, debate, and quietly sobbing in congressional bathrooms,

all in an effort to hammer out the specifics of the Build Back Better plan. I don't know about you all, but I need a break. Joining me now to help us relax with a festive, completely non-political cooking segment, it's Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. Hi! Come on up here, Nancy. Hello!

I look very surprised all the time. Very surprised all the time. Hello. Oh, hello, John. Thanks so much for having me. It's so good to get out of D.C. and let my hair down. I'm even wearing a slightly different shade of pantyhose.

I'm really cutting loose. I know, I'm not shade of pantyhose. I'm really cutting loose. I know, I'm not really wearing pantyhose. It's your imagination. It's free. Use it. I'm so glad you could be here, Nancy. Now, when the show reached out, I assume you wanted to get the word out

about the reconciliation bill. The lighting is so bad in here, John. I've seen better lighting in a Macy's dressing room. so bad in here, John. It's in better lighting in a Macy's dressing room. Nancy goes to Nancy's a blooming dress person. I know a good sale when I see one.

Are you here to talk about the reconciliation bill? Oh, no. Absolutely not. I'm here to cook. Yes. That's the one thing that always relaxes Nancy. No matter how many people are tweeting at me about the whole, you know, kente cloth moment, I get it, everyone.

It was not the right time. Though I ask you, John, is there, when can I wear all my kente cloth? Probably. Probably never, Madam Speaker. Either way, I'm glad you decided to come here to teach us how to make one of your favorite Thanksgiving dishes. Yes. That's right, John. I'm just like every average grandmother out there.

Who's third in line for the presidency? No, I'm actually second in line because the president is already the president, so he's not in line. Right. Okay. That's a good line. Right. Okay. That's a good point. Okay. That's a good point. Okay, great.

But you've been in office for over three decades. Yes. And you have a freezer just for ice cream. Yes, and a fridge for just embryonic facial serum. Embryonic facial serum? That's gross. No, it's a very misleading name. It's just actually, it's just a cleanser.

I don't care. That one was for me. Anyway, if you're like me, sometimes you use a mirror to practice putting a thumbtack into the meat of your thigh while maintaining a frozen smile. Jesus.

Well, the point is, you're busy. And we're busy gals. We're busy gals. We're busy gals. A couple of busy gals. And what's easier and faster and more delicious and more American, right? And more American. More American than ambrosia salad. Oh, no.

What is ambrosia salad, Nancy Pelosi? Oh, well, you've never had ambrosia salad, John. No, I guess not. Oh, why, it's a mixture of classic salad ingredients covered in a subtle dressing, pure sour cream. I have the recipe written down right here, so I don't forget any of the steps, okay? Mm-hmm. All right.

So you start by adding a bag of mini marshmallows. You do that. And you just add adding a bag of mini marshmallows. You do that. And you just add them, add them. And they go into the bowl along with some shredded delicious coconut flakes. Yikes. Okay. All right. Now let me just check this recipe.

Oh, Jesus. What's wrong, Nancy? Fuck me. Fuck me. Well, it looks like someone scratched out coconut and wrote, hate these, won't eat, maybe chocolate chips? Sincerely, Joe Manchin.

Well, that's fine, John. It's fine? That's fine. That's not a problem. We'll just pick out the flakes, just one by one. We'll just get the flakes out. We'll just pick out the flakes, just one by one. Alright, we'll just get them out of there. It's perfect. It's just going to be perfect for a congressional potluck or perhaps a funeral for the middle class. All right.

Come on, Nancy. Just because Joe Manchin doesn't like something doesn't mean you have to change everything. Oh, you think so, John? Maybe you could leave some of the coconut in there. Okay. Yeah, you're right, John. Just a little coconut seems more than reasonable. And if Joe Manchin doesn't like it, he can kiss my grits.

Kiss my grits? Your district is in San Francisco. Yeah, okay. Next step, add the mandarin oranges. Here we go. This is ambrosia salad. It's weird. It's mandarin oranges.

You just mix it up in the bowl. Okay. Okay. Wait a second. Hold on. wait a second hold on wait a second Nancy sees something Nancy sees something this is my first live show in a very long time

and we're having fun how great I mean my most of the people I work with are half dead so this is a live show. It's a live show. You're Nancy Pelosi. Yes.

Okay, so someone has crossed that out, too, and written, Ew, why are these oranges wet? Disgusting. How about pecans? Yours, the problem solvers. More like the problem creators. Fuck. It's a moderate caucus in the house.

John, just help me pick out the oranges. All right, we'll get the oranges out of here. Okay, we've got to get the oranges out of there. There's the oranges. Get the oranges out of there. Hit this one guy. Jesus. All right.

But, Menendez, who cares if people think oranges aren't good? Who cares? I have to care, John. It's a metaphor. And everyone has to like it, John. Yeah. Okay? Well, that's fair.

But maybe there's a good reason they're being picky. Maybe they're allergic or something. No. No? No. No, they're not, John. They specifically told me in several closed-door meetings over the summer that they would eat ambrosia salad. Everyone was all in on ambrosia salad.

Okay, okay. Well, let's just maybe relax and finish this recipe, since I feel like it's just stressing you out more, and that's not what this was about, you know? Okay, well, I have never been more relaxed in my whole life, John. And I absolutely love being in charge of complicated recipes that even the people making it seem to hate. Yeah. I absolutely don't want to give up and just eat the dog food that the Republicans keep

bringing to the potluck. No, I don't. Do they really bring dog food to the potluck? Yes. Well, they cross out dog and write people food on the bag. But no one falls for it. Oh, really? No, except Louie Gohmert, who fell for it a couple times.

But I don't know why. I mean, he brought the bag. He brought the bag? Yeah, he brought the bag. And everyone acts like it's my fault because I just can't please all these people. Yeah. And I seem out of touch. And I don't understand things or how to be cool on Snapchat or these new teak things.

I don't get it. I think it's pronounced tech. I think you mean tech things. I don't even care. I don't even care what we make right now. I just want to make something. You think I like ambrosia salad, John? I don't know. I mean, I guess we have to add. You think I like ambrosia salad, John? I don't know.

I mean, I guess we have to add. You think I eat marshmallows with sour cream? I'm an 81-year-old woman who works 16 hours a day, John. A day. But my diet does allow me to watch British baking show, all the British baking show that I want. Seems pretty bleak. No, I know. But Dems from California and Connecticut want a special tax cut for rich people.

Yes, they do. Get it in the recipe, Nancy, they say. Get it in the recipe. Kirsten Sinema's pissed for an activist following her into the restroom at a Chico's in Scottsdale. Change the recipe, Nancy. Oh, Nancy, New Jersey's a swing state. Did you know that? Oh, no. Did you know that? Probably should have cooked faster, Nancy. You know what I say? You know what I say? What do you say? I say kiss my grits. Kiss my grits. You are an Italian-American from Baltimore. Yes. No, I know. That's goddamn right. And you'll eat this Midwestern pig slop the way... You're going to eat it the way that Chuck Schumer eats an extra Snickers when he gets lucky at the vending machine.

Fast, messy, and with tears of fucking gratitude. Okay, I'll eat the ambrosia salad. I'll eat the ambrosia salad. And that is the way that it is done, John. I'll do it. We'll do it. We'll eat the ambrosia salad. Okay. Nancy Pelosi, everybody. Listen, I'll tell you something. I'm going crazy. I am the hero that Twitter deserves. Okay. I am. And if it's not me, it's Feinstein. She's eight years older than me. She could have been my babysitter. OK, that's all. Nancy Pelosi, everybody. Dianne Feinstein could have been her babysitter. Thanks, Nancy Pelosi. It's always great to see Nancy Pelosi, except when she's endorsing a pro-life Democrat for reasons that escape our understanding. So we don't love that. And you know what else we don't love? When cookies get discontinued. What a transition. Here's one of our favorite rants about just that topic by Shalewa Sharp.

She's a comedian, writer, and star of Don't Reach in the Back and host of the War Report podcast. Please welcome Shalewa Sharp. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. Thanks for being part of our rant-a-thon. I'll throw it over to you to rant about, well, I don't know what. I'm excited to find out what it is. I would like to rant today and many days about cookies. Cookies disappearing in particular. When I'm stressed out, I tend to turn to cookies. And I recently got reacquainted with an old favorite, Vienna Fingers.

Oh, speaking my language. Yeah, I love it. It's a simple, clean cookie, a very minimalist cookie. I got some from a store. Great. I went back. They weren't there. No problem.

I'll go to another store. I went to another store. They were not there. Starting to worry. I go to a third store. Not there. And then I get this fear bubble in my chest that they had been discontinued. I am learning about this right now.

And on the same journey with you. It was frightening. I've had this happen to me before. My all time favorite cookie was a cookie called lemon coolers. Now those were like, you know, those wedding cookies that have powdered sugar all over them and maybe bits of almond or some wackiness. Well, it was like that, but with little chunks of lemon. And those saw me through high school and most of college. I say most of college because college was just a year for me, but it helped me get through that year. I had a lemon cooler box top in my high school locker like that's what i was known for you're a huge fan huge fan it was part of

your identity i loved them so much and then they just disappeared and i thought what what happened and then they reappeared but then they disappeared again and now they're just gone and there are lots of forums online of people trying to make their own. Who wants a homemade store-made cookie? No one wants that. You want a store-made cookie because it doesn't have the love. You're not looking for love in your cookie. You're looking for efficiency. I don't want a cookie that a grandmother made from a recipe that came from her aunt for a beloved child. I want something capitalism made. I want a cookie where they said,

hey, if we can get the price down by 1.2%, we can make 7 million of these things this year. Absolutely. That's the kind of cookie I'm looking for. That's what I'm looking for as well. I want a cookie where people had to cross a picket line to make them. That's what I'm looking for. I don't feel good about a cookie unless I know it was made by fucking scabs.

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Tastes sweeter. that's what I'm looking for it I don't feel good about a cookie unless I know it was made by fucking scabs yeah absolutely absolutely tastes sweeter so I thought that's what was happening with Vienna fingers and I thought oh no oh no oh no and then they appeared just scores of them thank god marked down and I was like oh no they marked down like oh how old are these but they were fine they were funny they were fine they were funny they were fine they seemed fine but then i found out that the company that makes them uh is uh one of the uh kellogg crew oh so we're not having them right now so i'm not having them right now i was worried because the lemon cookies that sounded pretty sophisticated and i find often that if you're not careful like a vienna finger it is just on edge. It is just sophisticated enough that America might say, no fucking more of these things.

Right. These are not sweet enough. These are not enough like Oreos. Get these off of my shelves because I love Vienna fingers. You feel like, am I eating a cookie or am I eating a cookie in a palace? Like these are fancy cookies. It's the shape. They're the shape of lady fingers.

And I was pretty sure I didn't grow up in a family that was allowed to eat ladyfingers. That was not my lot. You eat a Vienna finger, you close your eyes, you can imagine it. Absolutely. And lemon coolers, though they look like a wedding cookie, and it seems like it'd be fancy. The box was like just straight cartoons. It was pure sugar. I don't eat anything that is refined except for the sugar. I will eat sugar out of the bag. So trust me, it was definitely something that would make you very, very ill. So I'm very sympathetic to this issue of things you love being discontinued because I've recently gone through something. It's very personal, which is Taco Bell obviously did some refreshing of their menu, adding items, removing items. They removed an item called the Mexican pizza, which is, I think, an ironic name because

it is neither. And they also removed the double-decker taco, which was among my favorites because a double-decker taco supreme was just a taco supreme with a layer of beans and a soft shell around it. Because when you take a bite of a taco bell taco anything can happen i mean it explodes like old ordinance that they find you know it just goes everywhere if you're in a car you're fucked but you put a double decker taco in the car it's caught right the beans and the soft shell kind of catch it you know almost like in like school cafeterias there's that glass that has the wires in it. They're like shatterproof glass.

A double-decker taco supreme is a shatterproof taco. And the big wigs over there at the Taco Bell, they said no mas. Very frustrating situation. So I understand. So I very much appreciate your rant. Thank you for sharing it. Thank you for letting me share that with the world. And everyone, just keep an eye on your favorite cookie. Keep an eye on it. You know what I mean? Cherish it. Because it could be gone. It could be gone in a moment. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow. That's a lesson for life as well. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. If the Choco Taco taught us anything, it's that nothing is safe and nothing is sacred. Want to know what's certainly not sacred? Something called pink sauce. This week, a hot new condiment swept the hearts and colons of TikTok users everywhere.

Pink sauce, the brainchild of creator mad scientist named Chef Pie, is the newest, most fuchsia liquid to sweep a nation desperate for new condiment options. Now, was the label misspelled? Yes. Did the bottle claim to have 444 servings, which would have totaled 28 cups? It sure did. Was it approved by the FDA? This is TikTok, baby, where we're going.

We don't need food safety regulations. Now, due to time constraints, we weren't able to get our hands on the actual bottle of pink sauce, but we have reverse engineered the product from three different recipes we found online. Here to taste test pink sauce with me, it's the very wonderful, very brave Lindsay Adams and Marcy Jaro. Hello. Come on out. Hi, the very wonderful, very brave Lindsay Adams and Marcy Jaro. Hello. Come on out. Hi, everybody. Oh, my goodness. Oh, wow.

What are we dipping into these things? I'm so excited. Chicken tenders. Thank you, Kendra, for helping to lead the sauce creating effort. By the way, just for people at home, there are three different shades of pink. I would call that a fuchsia. I would say that's a kind of, all right, I wasn't looking for just other colors,

but I would say that that's a beige. It's beige. And then I would say that this is like a cream with pink notes. Yes. You know, maybe. And shout out to our wonderful intern, Claire, who whipped these sauces together today.

I was so nervous that we were going to eat the TikTokers. Oh, I was ready to do it. I was like, we're going to die. I was ready. You were ready to die for this. I like to take chances. All right, shall we try some of these sauces? Okay.

What do we want to do here? They're awful looking. Do you want to go from least pink to most pink? Why do I trust the most pink one the best, though? I know, I do too. I think we should just go for the hard pink one. Okay, so we're gonna take a tender.

I'm gonna rip it apart so we don't double dip because these are trying times. Thank you for thinking that through for us. Alright, should we do, let's do light to dark.

Okay. Alright, I'm gonna go in first. Wow. What do we got here? This is a pink sauce. Is there a bucket in case, you know. You have to swallow it.

That's a lot of garlic. It's very thin. It's a very thin one. It's very thin. I really do want a bucket to spit this out in, kind of. We need a bucket. I'm a diva. A bucket, snap.

We need to find a bucket. I actually don't dislike it. I don't hate it either. It was a little... It has mayonnaise, two cloves of garlic, honey, ranch powder, dragon fruit powder. Whoa. That's what gives it the pink? Thank you.

Someone from the audience came with a bucket. Oh, great. I don't need it. I'm eating it. We got it. I will literally eat almost anything, so there's a good chance I'm going to like all of it. I'm fine with it. So far, I'm fine with it.

All right? Okay. I'm, like, ready to go back in. I'm just trying to get attention. That's all. All right. I thought that was like It tasted like sweet mayonnaise sauce Yeah

Sweet? Well garlicky I thought it was so garlicky And garlicky Yeah You don't know You're just saying that I think you're right

Don't worry We'll help you Did you taste the passion fruit? I didn't taste the passion fruit Wait is it passion? Did I make it up? No there is passion fruit in there. Not dragon fruit. I've had COVID for two weeks.

It all tastes like cardboard. Passionate dragon fruit. I can't get them mixed up. Whatever the pink fruit is, because I couldn't taste fruit. Yeah, dragon fruit. The passion fruit community is going to be furious. Oh, oh, okay. I'm sorry. Okay. I have more information. Okay. One cup of mayonnaise, two to three cloves

of garlic, four tablespoons of honey, one tablespoon ranch powder, a quarter teaspoon of dragon fruit powder, two to three shakes of cayenne pepper, and water with two tablespoons of vinegar. The second one uses actual dragon fruit, and the third adds acai powder and goji beans. Why? To get pinker and pinker, I guess. Okay, okay. Should we go to the second one?

All right. Yeah. Dunkey, here we go. That's really wet and juicy. This one is sweeter. Yeah. But I don't know why. Why is it sweeter?

I think there's actual fruit in that one. Oh, there's fruit. I'm not into that. Oh, I tasted something else. What did it taste? What did I just taste? I had like a flashback to my childhood. It really brought me back. I don't understand what's happening.

Go in again. Go in again. Get the memory. Get the memory. Okay, it's cilantro. No? Is it not cilantro? Take us back. Oh, man. You're out of Chuck E. Cheese. I feel like it's summer. One parent is dropping you off. Another parent is

picking you up. Somehow I am in trouble, but I don't know why. I'm in a grocery store. I look up. The hand I'm holding is a you off. I don't know where mom is. Another parent is picking you up. Somehow I am in trouble, but I don't know why. I'm in a grocery store. I look up. The hand I'm holding is a new person. I grabbed the wrong hand. I have a bowl cut. I hate it.

Okay. All right. Do you want to try a third one? You go first now. You go first. Okay. Okay. This is thick and nasty.

This one is 1980s pink. I have the highest hopes for this one. Me too. I'm excited about it. It's the most legitimate tasting, right? It tastes the most like this one. Yeah? The light pink one.

I mean, I think... With a better consistency, though, right? Yeah, it should be like mayonnaise-y. It's good. This one's... Everyone gets this one. We're sending everyone home With some unregulated Bright pink shit

Look under your seats I dare you to eat it Like an acai bowl There is a warm tub Of something our intern Whipped up in the afternoon It's not closed It's open

Yeah If you want You can freeze it And eat it like an acai bowl That's a really Like a A spicy acai bowl If you're brave Yeah A spicy acai bowl. That's a really... Like a spicy acai bowl. If you're brave.

A spicy acai bowl, my fave. All right, let's decide on our favorites here. So we have... I already blew it. I said it. Oh, which is your favorite? I blew it. I said this one.

So the hot pink one is our favorite? That's my fave. I can't wait to see what color my shit is later. Yes! Thank you. Does this one have chia seeds in it? I know, I really am, like, bothered by the seeds. Something has floated up to the top of this one.

It's weird. Once we check, there's no record of an intern named Claire. Their social security number does not match. I'm getting pretty nervous. Well, I think we did it. Which one was your favorite? I liked the pinkest of pink. I actually think that the first and the last taste very

similar, but I'm like, if I'm gonna eat something pink, I want it to look like when I shit that I ate a Pixar character. Yes! You wanted it to stick with you. Yeah. I wanted to make a memory, and I think this will. This one, I think, was like jumping into an icy cold pool,

and it was really upsetting to my mouth, but it prepared me for these two. Yeah, that's right. We were ready. Would you eat this one on a salad because it's kind of loose? No, I wouldn't. It's kind of loose. It's kind of loose. Well, it's like a little

loose. It's loose. It's thin. It's thin, yeah. The technical term for it is loose. It's a loose. They get thicker as they go. And that's pink sauce. Thank you both. Thank you. Marcy, Lindsay, thank you so much.

I have to tell you all, that wasn't as gross as it looked because that would be impossible. But you want to know what also wasn't as gross as it looked? Healthy Coke. You know I love an abrupt segue. It's no Diet Pepsi, but in honor of my masochism and general chaotic energy this pride, we're now going to drink a refreshing beverage we saw on TikTok. Has anyone seen this nonsense that is being described as healthy Coke? All right, let's do it. First of all, Jared Goldstein, get out here to join me, please.

He's graciously agreed to help. Hi, Jared. He's out here. please. He's graciously agreed to help. Hi, Jared. He's out here. Give it up for Jared. Hi. Hi, Jared. Hi, hi. Good to see you. No, you can just stand with me because we're just drinking, you know? Okay. So, Jared, here's the deal. There is a claim that began with

someone's yoga or Pilates instructor, I believe, that you could make something called healthy Coke, which is healthy Coke. Okay. Okay. And I don't know what this is. I'm not like super on TikTok. I'm extremely present.

Famously present. So I'm learning what this is in real time. And what it is, is balsamic vinegar. Whoa. And any sparkling water of any flavor. That's the claim. That the flavor doesn't matter. So let's check it out.

Okay. Wait, is this like a sugar-free Coke? It's a healthy Coke. Oh, healthy Coke. It's whatever's in the balsamic. Got it. Okay. I'll stand over here.

This is someone's from home, because it's mostly done. This wasn't like a new bottle bought for the show. This is somebody, some producer brought this from home. Terrific. Terrific. Can I just say, they told me backstage, they're like, are you okay with drinking Coke? And I was like, no. And they were like, you know, because you're so funny.

You do the show and you just, you're down for anything. And I was like, uh-huh. And they're like, so you're going to drink Coke? And I was like, fuck. But now I know there's no sugar in it. The ice melted. I was pouring out some of the water. This is going to be legit.

Here we go. All right, let's start with the balsamic. Balsamic vinegar. Wait, at the water. This is going to be legit. Here we go. All right. Let's start with the balsamic. Balsamic vinegar. Wait. At the very least, this is like a cleanse, and I'm excited. If you think this is the first time I'm drinking vinegar,

you're wrong. You're wrong. Apple cider vinegar. One part apple cider vinegar. Eight parts water. That'll get you there. All right. Here's yours. there. Alright, here's yours. Okay, oh my god. This is LaCroix Pamplemousse. This is LaCroix Pamplemousse. I need it to mix

with my finger. It does look like Coke. Vinegar. Balsamic vinegar and Pamplemousse. Two ingredients. Cheers. Happy pride. Happy pride, everybody. That is not Coke. It's nothing. This is nothing. Happy pride, everybody. That is not Coke.

What the fuck? It's nothing. This is nothing. That's insane. I mean, honestly, it's probably good for your GI. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I don't hate it.

It's not Coke. I don't hate it. And I don't know that I'll ever have it again. If you told me, if you were like, this is a vodka Coke, I'd be like, something happened to the vodka, but that's okay. That's okay that's okay it's good though I'll tell you this is somebody want to try it

I just tested positive but okay can we hand it to our what's your name Grace Grace

give it up for Grace what do you think Grace it's not the worst thing I've ever put it's really not Grace wants everyone to? It's not the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth. It's really not. Grace wants everyone to know it is not the worst thing she's ever put in her mouth. Honestly, if you gargle and swallow that every morning, you're never getting COVID. You're never getting it.

Thank you so much, Jared. Thank you. What a success this was. Healthy Coke, our third favorite kind. Something else I love, edibles. But on Halloween, KTLA news reporter Colleen Atkins has the story. I don't know if I've mentioned it yet, but it's Halloween weekend. Here to tell us what we need to know, it's KTLA's own news reporter, Colleen Atkins. Colleen, welcome. Give it up for Colleen Atkins. Hi, Colleen. Thank you so much for being here.

Wow, thank you, John. Oh, boy. How you doing, Colleen? I'm doing well. Okay. Well, thanks for being here. Thank you so much for having me on, John, to talk about a crucial issue

affecting our nation's children this weekend. Our top story tonight, trick or weed? Law enforcement is warning parents to check their children's Halloween candy carefully this year. What might look like a plastic pumpkin full of innocent treats could contain potent, potentially dangerous marijuana edibles. Really, Colleen? I'm kind of surprised to hear you say that. Does this kind of thing actually happen?

It's possible, John. There are edibles that look exactly like candy. It is conceivable a kid could mistakenly eat one. And you can never be too careful when it comes to protecting our children. Well, of course, Colleen, but I read a New York Times piece just this week about how trick-or-treaters receiving tainted candy is an urban legend. There is basically no evidence this ever happens. Oh, is that what you read in the New York Times, John? Is that article really something you'd want to read a mother or even a father as they rush their child to get their stomach pumped after drowning a whole bag of stoner patch kids? First of all, where would I be reading this to a parent of a poisoned child?

In the ambulance? Am I waiting in the back just in case? Second of all, a bag is like 30 bucks after taxes. Plus, you have to get them from a dispensary. Sure, but if some absolute maniac were to slip it into your son or daughter's Paw Patrol-themed fuzzy candy bag, they could have no idea what it was. Kids can't read, John. And I certainly hope they can't recognize a marijuana leaf on site. I mean, maybe your kids can.

Don't you dare insult my completely fictional children, Colleen. Cirrus and Cordelia are reading Moby Dick to us. Point is, this seems exactly like the urban legends we used to hear about. Razors in apples killing kids. No kid has ever died or ever been injured by a razor in a candy apple. The few times they've been reported, they've turned out to be hoaxes. Who says it couldn't happen for real this year, John?

And to one of your toddlers! You're a reporter, Colleen. I didn't want to, but I did a tiny shred of research. And there's been like three. I had no choice. There's been only three instances of someone tampering with Halloween candy since 1959, and two of those instances

were later debunked, and one, it was the dad who poisoned the candy, and now I have to know that. Are you going to report that, Colleen? Okay, well listen, I didn't want to do this, but you need to be careful, okay, John? It's my responsibility to inform and prepare... I mean, do you hear the choppers in this neighborhood?

It's crazy. Police buzzing by. I am saving people from potentially dangerous situations their children might find themselves in. That is my job. And I won't stand for even one preschooler getting completely baked on my watch. The only cure for marijuana poisoning in children are episodes of Blippi and copious amounts of mac and cheese. It's the only known cure. This kind of fear-mongering, Colleen, might

be good for ratings, but you're doing your viewers a disservice. And by focusing on these made-up hypotheticals, we're ignoring real threats. A pipeline broke, dumped 25,000 gallons of oil along Orange County beaches. The only thing that put out the three month old Dixie fire was the bomb cyclone that brought torrential rains down in Southern California. We have to pray that the weather disasters cancel each other's out now. What if they happen in the wrong order, Colleen? Listen, I don't know, man, okay? I've been at this station for like 20 years. It was just supposed to be a stepping stone

until I could go on to have some glamorous correspondent job. They were just loose rocks in a dead loose of bullshit, and now I'm neck deep in this shit. Uh-oh. When I started, the station was owned by an old woman, a nice one, whose only editorial demand was telling viewers when the chacaranda were in bloom, so

she knew to leave her damn house. Now we're owned by Sinclair. I tried to stew a story on wildfires being caused by climate change, but they kept crossing out carbon pollution and replacing it with Antifa. They want people to be scared,

but only by things that don't necessitate real change, so here I am. Reporting on accidentally eating weed candies by children, hypothetically. Which is why it's so important for parents to inspect each piece of candy your child receives.

Their lives might depend on it. Oh, no, Colleen, you're kind of back on the marijuana train again. John, before we come back from break, would you help me go through this candy and look for newsworthy ones? Absolutely not. Three of these lollipops have fentanyl in them. I know because I brought them. Listen, it's a hard, she's having a hard time, all right? What's a couple of fentanyl lollipops between friends?

Well, anyway, thanks, Colleen Atkins. Bye, Colleen. Bye. Please pass my resume on to Ronan, okay? I'm not sure, okay. Here, I'll resume on to Ronan, okay? I'm not sure. Okay. Here, I'll just... Okay, okay, okay.

I got sad at the end. Colleen Atkins, everybody. Give it up for Megan Gailey. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. Trick or treat. Edibles. They're kind of both. But what's just a treat? Barbecue from the middling state of Texas.

We're not calling Texas middling. Brian. So now it's time for LGBTQ BBQ. Please welcome yeah, terrific. Please welcome barbecue maestro Ali Clem and the wonderful and hopefully very hungry Akilah Hughes.

Hello. Come on out. Hi. Hi, Allie. Hello, how are you? Nice to meet you. Thanks for being here. You have a barbecue restaurant, three dogs, you're married, you're constantly

smelling like smoked meats. What's it like living the dream? Living the dream every day. When you get home smelling like barbecue, do you enjoy it by now? Is it something that's just part of you every day? I think I would like it. Well, my mom thinks I'm a psychopath because I absolutely love the restaurant industry. So since I was 18, yeah.

Akilah, what is your relationship with barbecue? Like, are you excited, nervous, smoky, covered in delicious crust of spices? Desperate to start eating. All right. Let's get to this. Yeah. I live in LA too, man. All right. It's a drought. It's a drought. They're like, it's black owned. I'm like, it's not genetic, bro. Like, you know, when you know, so let, so let's get some good barbecue. That's all I'm saying. It's not genetic, bro.

I'm going to think about that. All right. Look, I could chew the fat with you two all day. See, I can't stop it. Oh, man. But we have gay jokes to make and barbecue facts to learn. Allie, just as a heads up,

after every joke, we usually say, ba-da-ba-ba-da, gay news. However, today we're going to say, ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-barbecue. Are you both ready for LGBTQ barbecue? Yes. Please.

Can I just start eating it? Yeah, you can just start eating it. Cool. All right, Kayla, kick us off. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-barbecue. All right. On Monday, Ohio introduced House Bill 616, their own version of Florida's Don't Say Gay Bill. Boo, sucks.

You know, it's basically just Don't Say Gay served over spaghetti and chopped onions. So, even more disgusting. This is, of course, very different from their Don't Say LeBron James bill of 2010 to 2014. That has something to do with him going or scumming from that area. I don't know. I don't know. Before we get to the next thing,

we have icy shot glasses in front of us. What is this? What do we have here? We have two shots and a piece of brisket. Can you walk us through what we've got here? So we say shot, pickle, brisket. Any picklebacks? Yeah.

Oh, okay. I went to college. Oh, okay. I went to college. It's fine. Like, I'm in there. You want to do it now? You want to do it after? I did too, but I didn't get to do this. Really?

Well, this is a good experience for you. Should we start with the shots? Wait, so what is it? Yeah, yeah, but what is it? That's whiskey. Okay, so we've got still whiskey, then our house-made pickled brine, and then our what we call money bites.

Wait, so we go one, two, three? So you go shot, pickle, brisket. All right, we're going to do a shot. We've got to do it. We've we call money bites wait so we go one two three so you go shot pickle brisket all right we're gonna do it we gotta do it here we go i'm supposed to rant later this is not gonna be cohesive but all right here we go wait okay we gotta be like ready though you gotta be ready all right i got my pickle juice and then i then you follow it up with the brisket i don't do shots anymore we had a pandemic pandemic. I'm like stoned mostly. All right. First the whiskey. One, two, three. To barbecue. I cannot hold my liquor anymore. That was awesome.

I have never had pickle juice as a separate thing before. It's the most wholesome thing I've experienced with you in my life. It was great. Let's do it again. Run it back. I's do it again. Run it back. I will do it again.

Run it back. You make the mac and cheese too? Of course. Bop it up about barbecue. Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick said Monday he will prioritize passing the state's equivalent of Florida's Don't Say Gay Bill, saying in a campaign email that he plans to make it a top priority going into 2023, making this top's priority ruining Dan Patrick's life. Yay, yay.

Little dramatic license inside of that joke. All right. Ba-ba-ba-ba-da. Ba-ba-ba-barbecue. I'm really eating a full dinner. I know. Country duo brothers Osborne won a Grammy this week for their song Younger Me

about T.J. Osborne's decision to come out, which I celebrate as someone who came out to the Big and Rich song Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-barbecue. Allie, over to you. I get to follow this one. In 1964, Texas, Owen Lindenbee Johnson held the first barbecue state dinner more like Lindenbee Grillin'. Nice. held the first barbecue state dinner more like Lindenbee grilling,

Lindenbee serving brisket, or Lindenbee recommending the cheddar jalapeno sausage. Hey. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba barbecue. Thank you. Wait, I just got to make a joke about Linden. So is he bringing the meats? Because, you know, he's, like, famous for the... Don't...

We know what he's famous for. Hey. Succeeding or assassinated president. All right, um... Come... It's too soon for that? Speaking of barbecue... Speaking of barbecue,

he was serving some hog. Thank you, thank you. We'd get there. We got there. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba barbecue. Ex-On-The-Beach star David came out as pansexual. Go off.

Do conservatives not understand how boring reality TV will become if we stop hot, insane members of the LGBTQ community from being on TV? I mean, good luck making do with Great British Bake Off. Just kidding. The best contestants on there are also gay. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-barbecue. Open Pit Barbecue is also known as cowboy barbecue. Interesting.

Open pit barbecue with a flimsy cover that fools no one is called Shawn Mendes barbecue. Ooh! I don't know that. That's not allowed. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-barbecue. Ah, Lauren Boebert, everybody's favorite troll doll, tweeted that children should wait until they turn 21 to make, quote, life-changing decisions about their sexuality and identity. Boebert was 18 when she married her husband, Jason, with a Y, who was once arrested for

lewd exposure in a bowling alley. So she is speaking from experience here. The call's coming from inside the house. Allie, this brisket rules. Yeah, I'm not going to stop eating it. Yeah, if you haven't had it before, get over there. One of my proudest moments is I was coming to Austin so much. Were you here for that taste test?

In 2018? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And not only did I rank them, but I knew where the brisket was from. And to this day, nobody cares when I tell them. Nobody cares only did I rank them, but I knew where the brisket was from. Yeah. And to this day, nobody cares when I tell them. Nobody cares, but I care. I care.

I care. Survivor contestant Zeke Smith proposed to superstar and Crazy Rich Asians actor Nico Santos at the GLAAD Awards. It's beautiful to see public LGBTQ proposals like this, but we won't have true equality until gay men are regularly humiliating their partners on stadium jumbotrons. Also this week, Caitlyn Jenner joined Fox News as a contributor. That's right.

Representation matters. At last. Fox News has a contributor who killed somebody with their car. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba barbecue. Spicy. This segmentbarbecue. Spicy. This segment is chaos.

Yeah. Barely incorporated the eating of barbecue because I just demanded it. It's true. It's true. But it's awesome. I'm obsessed. Aguila, Aguila, ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-barbecue. Ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba.

During her first appearance, contributing to Sean Hannity's show, Jenner reassured viewers that while she might be trans, she is not a, quote, trans activist. Turning a chair around and straddling it backwards, Jenner announced, I'm one of those cool trans people who doesn't believe in rights. Now, everybody, rip up your Constitution.

Said Jenner, I'm just like everyone else here at Fox News, the worst white woman you've ever met in your life barbecue Mayor Eric Adams of New York announced an anti-don't say gay billboard campaign in five Florida cities inviting LGBTQ Floridians to move to New York

saying attempting to demonize a particular group or community is unacceptable and we are going to say to those who are living in Florida listen we want you here in New York. Mayor Adams continued, take it from me, I just moved to New York myself, and I love it. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-barbecue. Well, some barbecue aficionados agree

the state barbecue can't be divided by region, but instead falls into categories cowboy, meat market, East Texas, Mexican barbacoa. I won't make you say this next part. I know. I knew you were waiting for this. I got it. I got it. I can't make you say it. Barbecue is obviously a contentious subject in Texas, but I think we can all agree that the best barbecue comes from North Carolina.

Yeah. Don't applaud, sir. Don't. Vinegar doesn't belong in barbecue. You're wrong. You want to get yourself killed? All right. Give a death wish, sir. You're going to come in here.

All right. You're going to get all that attention. Yeah. Thank you for saving me, by the way. You got to pretend you like it whether you do or not. And I love it. I'm not pretending. I'm literally going to get heartburn or not. And I love it. I'm not pretending. I'm literally going to get heartburn any second.

But I love it. It's rules. Put your foot in it, girl. All right. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba. Ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-barbecue. Are we going to get sued for that? I got barbecue on the microphone.

I mean, we are not getting invited back. Barbecue on the microphone. I mean, we are not getting invited back. Republicans have turned against Disney for responding to employee and fan pushback on their attempt to equivocate over Florida's Don't Say Gay bill. Quick, they're already mad. Make Buzz and Woody fall in love. Right? Come on.

Merida is probably gay. What's going to happen? Do it. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-bop gay news. Oh, wait, fuck. Barbecue. Personally, going to happen? Do it. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-bop, gay news. Oh, wait, fuck. Barbecue. Personally, I can't stand sweet barbecue, but if you're into that kind of thing, East Texas barbecue is the one served with sweet tomato-based sauce

and cooked until it's falling off the bone. How long does that take, Allie? I'm almost 40, and I haven't fallen off the bone once. How long does that take, Allie? I'm almost 40, and I haven't fallen off the bone once. So wait, Allie, before we end this segment, this brisket is amazing, these ribs are amazing. What are these sausages?

We have three, which we make in-house, fresh daily, of course. Of course. We have our traditional, which is actually the spiciest. We have a chipotle and then jalapeno, no cheddar, by the way. Okay, all right. Yeah, yeah, you see that? Because macaroni and cheese rules. You know, I just don then jalapeno, no cheddar, by the way. Because macaroni and cheese rules. I just don't like cheddar. And I want you to know something. And I'm not going to say the other place's name because I respect them as well. But you brought

this La Barbecue. There was another barbecue restaurant that we had brought in other food from. I saw that. I know. Before the show, Kendra was like, they saw the other barbecue and they just pushed it aside and put their barbecue instead. I'm like, get that to the back side of the table, please. I got to tell you, that macaroni and cheese is okay, but this is some macaroni and cheese.

Yeah. Come on. Come on. You got some black people in your family? What's going on? I wish. And Brian, the producer, was like, is this the macaroni and cheese from that other place? And I was like, no fucking way.

I know that macaroni and cheese, and this is better than that macaroni and cheese. That's right. That's right, motherfucker. And I like that other place. I like that other place. But this is better. That's right. All right?

Just saying. Just saying. That was so good. Guys, give it up for Ali Clem and Law Barbecue. Everybody go there. This is fantastic. This segment was absolute chaos. Just like, let's eat barbecue, read the news, kind of connect them.

Yeah, I liked it. But I don't give a shit. I hope this is how I get canceled, chewing in people's ears. Whatever. Yeehaw, that's some good grub. Jesus Christ. And finally, some bad grub. Sometimes life hands you a Juicy Lucy

and sometimes loot fist. Look, as you all know, I'm a coastal sophisticate. I've eaten at some of the finest cheesecake factories in the world. I don't even roll down my window for a Michelin one star. When Gavin Newsom ate a French laundry during the pandemic, my first reaction was, are people still going there? But in my heart, in my bones, when it comes to food, I have the soul of a Midwesterner.

And sure, like any good Ashkenazi Jew, I process dairy the way the Biden administration processes leaked Supreme Court decisions. Even though I should have seen it coming, I'm still sitting there for like two weeks, unable to make anything happen. Nevertheless, I persist. And eating whatever unholy concoction you people throw at me. And that continues tonight. Here to help us put the queasy in cuisine,

please welcome to the stage the hilarious Ashley Ray. Hi. Thank you so much for being here. I am so happy to be here as a proud daughter of the Midwest. Oh, come on. As a proud daughter of the Midwest, what are your overall feelings about Midwestern food? It's the best food. People overlook it. They don't know. We're cold all the time. All we do is stay home and learn how to cook good food. Hell yeah. how to cook good food. Hell yeah.

If you had to pick one favorite Midwestern food, one dish, what would it be? I'm going to go Swedish pancakes. Thank you. Often overlooked, they're different from crepes. They're different.

They're different, famously. They're different. And they're different than pancakes because you have your pancakes. Oh, yeah. You have your crepes. Crepes. And then right there in the middle,

right there in the middle, is a in the middle is a Swedish pancake. Yeah. I'm from Rockford, Illinois. Okay, yes, thank you. If anyone from my high school is here, that's cool. But we're the home of the Swedish pancakes. Are you ready to sample some cuisine? I am.

All right, let's get into it. Our first Minnesota delicacy, I don't know how I'm going to do this, is a very cheesy burger called a Juicy Lucy. This is one for you. Let's open these up. Oh my goodness. Alright, now I am aware

that both the 5A Club and Matt's Bat claim to have invented the Juicy Lucy. It's Matt's Bar. So it says Bat here. That's just a typo. So it's Matt's Bat claimed to have invented the Juicy Lucy. It's Matt's Bar. So it says Bat here. That's just a typo. So it's Matt's Bar. I kid you not. I was downstairs.

I saw this. I said, is it from Matt's? There you go. There you go. That's what I did. Because I know, I know. Matt's, it's a wonderful little bar. These Juicy Lucys are from exactly where you want them to be from.

Yes. All right, should we try these burgers? Absolutely. Upon biting one in 1954, someone exclaimed, ooh, that's one Juicy Lucy. Something I hope I say. Yep. I took.

Okay. That's a juicy Lucy. That's a juicy Lucy. Hell yeah. Obviously, I'm a daughter of the Midwest because I knew how to bite my juicy Lucy. Napkins flying in from the wings. That's cool. It's like a gusher, but for meat.

That was good. It's so good. The juicy loosey, one of the best things you have here. I see. I see. It's like a pita beef stuffed with cheese. You're geniuses. Yes.

Okay. They don't have this in Wisconsin. Come on. Who cares if you don't see the sun three months a year? Who needs it? Hell yeah. You can't get this in L.A. No.

This would be outlawed in L.A. I fully love that. That's five stars. The best. Next up, we have a dish that feels like I might have invented it while stoned one night. Wandering the grocery store. That's right. It's Minnesota's infamous tater tot hot dish.

There's your plate. There's Juicy Lucy all over his plate. It exploded. A little bit got on yours. There's just Juicy Lucy. I'll put the tater tot hot dish on the part of the plate where i didn't explode food there's your hot dish ah yes oh my god so now what this looks like i see beef i see cheese i see tater tots yes those are the three food ingredients of the midwest uh potato meat cheese that's all that's what we like

this has corn if you get corn in it, that's an extra plus. Hell yeah. Yeah. And cream of mushroom soup. That makes sense. I love it. Right? What? That's getting you ready to go work on your farm. Like, we're all hearty people.

Yeah. I could ice fish after eating this. Yeah. Come on. We need enough calories to be able to, like, you know, shovel a driveway. I love this, too. Wait. What I'm about to read is crossed out. And, of course, it wouldn't be a trip to Minnesota without a nod to the area's Norwegian cuisine, which is why I am being forced to have us eat lutefisk,

a preserved white fish that was clearly created only out of raw necessity to help your great-great parents survive those harsh Norwegian winters. Now, that is crossed out, and written in handwriting above, it says, the lutefisk was raw. But on the table is a hot, steaming bowl of what looks like microwaved fish. As someone from Rockford, Illinois, which at one point had a higher Swedish population than, you know, Stockholm, I have had lutefisk

before, and it is a horrible fish. It is like a white fish mixed with lye and bleach. I'll do it. We're doing it. We're doing it. That's too much.

That's how I remember it. Just like somebody left some white fish in a lot of bleach. Yeah. It tastes like God forgot he put a fish behind your fridge. Yeah. You have to change up the water and then it tastes good. No, no, no. Okay.

That's too much work to make an item taste good. I got to clear this out with the tater tot. Yeah, I'm going back to my potatoes. I'm going to have another Juicy Lucy. Yeah. We're the Midwest. We don't do fish well, okay? Meat as in beef and pork.

I just like the idea that they're like, oh, the Chicago show was canceled because we got sick. Oh, and probably COVID. No, no. I ate microwaved, smoked dirt fish as a bit. Yeah, it doesn't even look like fish in this bowl. Like, I don't know what has happened here. Maybe I just got a bad...

Maybe I just got a bad... Maybe I just got a bad bite. They're all bad bites. I'm covered. They're all bad bites. We'll cover it back up. We'll cover it back up. Ashley Ray, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you. Ashley will be back for the rant. We'll give it up for Ashley. When we come back... I'm taking this. Take that. Take that. Get it.

Take it. I would love... Listen, I'm finishing this after the show. And that's our show. Nom, nom, nom. Who's still hungry? Me. Who wish they read the script before they sat down at the microphone? Also me.

Anyway, I'm still hungry. Hungry for food. Hungry for memories of talking about food. And hungry for Democrats to maintain control of the House and Senate. There are just 73 days until the midterm elections. Thank you for listening, and have a great weekend. and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our senior producer, and Brian Semel is our producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Poulavi Gunalan,

and Peter Miller are the writers. Bill Lance is our editor, and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Claire Fogarty is our production intern working on the show for the summer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Caroline Haywood, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast,

and to our digital producers, Narmal Konian, Zuri Irvin, and Milo Kim, Mia Kel for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Narmal Konian, Zuri Ervin, and Milo Kim, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can.