Lovett or Leave It - Main Character Energy

Episode Date: May 7, 2022

This week we’re revisiting some of our favorite characters to grace to Lovett or Leave It Stage, including: Kyrsten Sinema (Kylie Brakeman), Tesla critic Sean Crepe (Andrew Farmer), Titsy Malone (Maria Bamford), J. Jonah Jameson (Paul F. Tompkins), Texas tourism spokesman Ash Wrangler Autry (Michael Hartney), Washington zombie (Demi Adejuyigbe), Bernie Sanders and the My Pillow guy (James Adomian), a college student (Halle Kiefer) and an immortal fox spirit (Jenny Yang), and Kamala Harris (Allison Reese). We’ll be back live next week! (And yes, he still would.)---With our constitutionally protected right to abortion under attack, abortion funds are working nonstop to make sure people can still access (and afford) abortion.Visit votesaveamerica.com/roe to learn more, donate, and take action.

Hey everybody, this week we are bringing you highlights from some of our favorite characters on Love It or Leave It. It's a clip show, okay? That's what this is. Hopefully it is a welcome distraction from a week in which we were hit with some pretty awful news. And you can check out Strict Scrutiny, which is a new podcast as part of the Crooked Network where Leah, Kate, and Melissa have been breaking down this draft ruling on Roe. We are so fortunate to have them as part of the network. So you really should check that out

as an incredible podcast. And we'll be back next week with a live show here at Love It or Leave It. And across Crooked, we'll be talking a lot about what this potential ruling means, but also what all of us can do to make sure that we protect access to abortion and reproductive healthcare care in this country, and to make sure that the vast majority that believes in upholding Roe and protecting basic human rights is heard in

November. And in the meantime, you can help by donating right now at votesaveamerica.com slash Roe, which will split your contribution between more than 80 abortion funds across the country that are on the ground making a difference right now. All right, let's get to the show. We have had some amazing characters, Grace, the love it or leave it stage, some really incredible bookings from Russian cosmonauts to hot young Willy Wonka. So we're bringing back our favorites. First up, pour yourself a pinot for Kylie Brakeman's Kirsten Cinema. I know we just had a lot of fun with those incredibly well-written jokes, but I want to talk about something serious. The difference between the bipartisan infrastructure bill and the partisan reconciliation bill.

I know it's dry and extremely convoluted, but I've also prepared a ton of grass. Oh, no. Wait a second. Arizona Senator Kirsten Sinema crashing the show? What's going on? What are you doing here? Well, apparently this whole venue was booked, but I told them

John Lovett won't turn down a little vino. I've got a wine club now. Oh, no. It's Kirsten Cinema's wine club. I forgot. I forgot that you took a paid internship at

an actual winery, and it wasn't even in Arizona. It was in California.ia it's true it's true and i did it because it's a vibe john it's a vibe i know what you're thinking oh i didn't even know that wineries had paid internships i didn't even know that a sitting senator could take a job outside of their state. Well, there's a lot of things you don't know. Apparently. There's a lot of things you don't know. It's vexing, John. Yeah. It's a

little bit vexing. Isn't it confusing? You're a little bit confusing to a lot of us. It's a vibe. That's all I can say. That's what we're doing here. All right. Well, I guess if you did do that internship at a winery... And I did. Even though you were a sitting senator.

Oh, and I was. You seem to have brought a couple bottles of wine. I guess you could tell me about them. Oh, I'm so glad you asked. So, uh, this first wine that we have here, let me see if I can uncork it. Ooh, there we go. Um, so this is a lovely Chablis. Let me see if I can uncork it. Oh, there we go.

So this is a lovely Chablis. It's a dry and floral white blend, and it ends with a clean finish that says, what is insulin? I don't need it, and I don't need to know how much it costs. Wait a second. Wait a second, Senator Cinema. Come on.

There's no way this wine is... Hold on. There's no way this wine is going to distract me from the fact that you're refusing to support the plan to lower prescription drug prices, even though you campaigned on cheaper prescriptions. Oh, come on, John. That's not the vibe. It's not the vibe? That's not the vibe that I came here to promote. Oh. Listen, yes, I did promise my constituents lower prescription drug prices.

Yes, I personally fought on the bill to make that happen. And yes, I'm no longer feeling it anymore. Well, that kind of stinks. Oh, come on. C'est la vie, John, as the French say. And you know what that means in English. Yeah, come on. C'est la vie, John, as the French say. And you know what that means in English.

Yeah, yeah. It means... It means, sir, that's the vibe. I don't think it means... I don't think, C'est la vie. I don't think it means that's the vibe. You know it. You know it.

I'm going to need another kind of wine to get through this. I don't know that I can get... Hold on. Well, I'm so glad you asked. I wasn't fully expecting this to be real wine. So, I would have poured

a little differently had I known. So, this next wine, and this is real, this is what it says, is a Blues Brothers 40th Anniversary Red Blend. Well, only the best. this is what it says, is a Blues Brothers 40th anniversary red blend. Well, only the best. Only the best.

They say the best wine is branded on anniversaries of films from the 70s. That's how you know it's a great wine. And that's what I learned at Sonoma in my paid internship. Your paid internship. In my paid internship. Now the thing about this wine, I can't fully remember. But...

Do you think it's a bold, bright... Oh, I'm so glad you brought that up. Because the thing about the Blues Brothers 40th Anniversary Red Blend is that it's a bold, bright red blend that's not afraid to stand on its own. It's not afraid to take up space and say,

I don't want a $15 minimum wage. Wait a second. Oh, thank you. That is not... Thumbs down and a curtsy on that. Thumbs down and a curtsy. Boo her for that. That was ridiculous what she did.

Oh, come on. That's not the Blues Brothers wine voting against the minimum wage. I'm pretty sure that's you. Oh, no. Swish it around again. Try it again. This is fun. A little wine tasting. Try it again. That is good. That is

good. Do you taste it? Do I taste the... You don't want to give workers wages anymore, do you? I'm a little bit confused. It's the tenants! It is. The tenants are making me oppose a living wage. What if she's

right? But I will say, like, I am getting hints of cherry as well. God damn it. Let's stay focused. You take hundreds of thousands of dollars from industry lobbyists, including pharma. What are you doing when you take that money and then vote against the priorities of the people in your state? I'll tell you with an acronym.

V-I-B-E, John. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. Listen. Listen. Yes, I take all that money. But just think of those donations as thousands of paid internships. I'm a college student, John.

What? I'm a college student. You're not. What's happening? I'm just trying to get a leg up in the wine industry. Is that? I don't understand. Okay, time for a Kirsten pivot.

Oh, my God. In the earth, in the ground, we cultivate different varietals of wine, right? Different brands, let's say. And as a senator, I cultivate my brand in the putrid soil of the broken American political system. Now, come on. Okay. Well, all right. Let's toast to that, I suppose.

I just, I don't understand it because, okay, Joe Manchin, he's from a very conservative state, but you're from Arizona, a state Biden won. Your colleague, Senator Mark Kelly, he's not pulling any of these shit and he's been to space. How on earth is stopping these popular policies, independence, and even Republicans like? How does that help you? Why do you like the fact that McConnell said you personally would help protect tax breaks for rich people and corporations? Why do you love the fucking filibuster? What drives you?

What is your game? You want to know what my game is? I want to know what your game is. It's a crazy game of politics twister, and we're playing it right now, John. Oh my God, we're playing the game right now. We're playing it right now, John. Oh, my God. We're playing the game right now. We're playing it right now, and let me tell you what. There are no winners. We're only drunk.

Oh, fuck. I will say, this is... Yeah, how was the wine? It's delicious. Exactly. Well, that's good. Let's do one more wine. One thing I like about this is I like how you mix it with the wine we were already drinking.

I think that's so bold. I think it is bold. That's something they don't teach you at the unpaid internships is I like how you mix it with the wine we were already drinking. I think that's so bold. I think it is bold. That's something they don't teach you at the unpaid internships. I'll tell you that. So this is a Heredad Chavarri 2020 Albarino. Okay. What about it? What about it?

Tell me about the wine. This is the wine that... Oh, you have to pour it first because if you remember, you're going to tell me something as I'm taking a sip of it. Remember? Oh, yes. I'm going to remember as soon as you take a sip of that. Here's what's going to happen. Here's the thing. We've had more wine than I thought.

So wait, why don't you tell me about this wine? Well, I'll tell you. Take a sip and remember that while you're sipping, in the year 2000, I worked for Ralph Nader. What? Kirsten Sinema, what is your problem? Get off of this stage with this wine. I'm the bisexual John McCain, everybody. Everybody, give it up for Senator Kirsten Sinema, the bisexual John McCain.

Kylie Brakeman, everybody. That was amazing. I, too, am surprised by how real the wine was. Boy, oh, boy, we really did get drunk that night. Next, don't speak ill of Elon. It's Andrew Farmer's Tesla critic, Sean Creep. This week, Tesla was forced to recall 54,000 cars agreeing to change company software that allows fully self-driving cars to perform rolling stops, which is illegal while operating

in what they call assertive mode. This isn't the only recall the company has had to contend with recently. Just this week, the Washington Post reported an increase over the last three months of reports from Tesla owners about a dangerous phenomenon called phantom braking, during which the car slams on its brakes while traveling at a high rate of speed. Here to discuss the many trials and travails of Tesla, we have a very big critic of the car manufacturer. Please welcome to the show, author, engineer, and Tesla gadfly, Sean Crape. Come on up, Sean. Sean, come on up, Sean. Looks like we have a little snafu.

Looks like Sean isn't here yet. Maybe he got the show start time mixed up. I'll just vamp for a second. I am doing microwavable keto delivery service. But every day between lunch and dinner, I've been going to McDonald's and getting a large diet Coke and a McDouble. I can't stop. And now they know me there.

I am known at a McDonald's drive-thru. Do you understand how hard it is to become a fucking regular at a McDonald's drive-thru, do you understand how hard it is to become a fucking regular at a McDonald's drive-thru in Los Angeles? Oh, my phone is ringing. Hold on. Hold on. Thank God. Okay. Something interrupt this. Hello, John. Oh, this is Sean. Sean crepe. I'm sorry for the delay. I'm actually just leaving the car rental place. Now you're not going to believe this, but they gave me a Tesla of all cars. I've actually refused to drive one before now, but I got a late start and I didn't want to miss the show. Not a problem.

What are the odds that you'd get a Tesla? You know, it's pretty funny. I know. I went to leave my house and found my car and my wife's cars both blocked in by Tesla's damnedest thing. Anyway, the Tesla's exterior door handles are insane. They didn't have to reinvent the wheel on everything, though I bet if Tesla reinvented the wheel, it'd be a square.

That's a good one. That's a good one. I'm glad you're okay, Sean, and on your way. Would you mind doing your interview over the phone? I promised Ronan we'd be finished recording by 8 so that his cabal of Hollywood royalty could meet and decide who to kill next. I mean, we're going to play video games. Video games, Sean.

Okay, anything for Ronan. I'm good to go. Let's do this. Let's do this. Now, obviously, Tesla has fielded a number of criticisms over the last few years. In October, the company issued a software update that sparked even more controversy. Oh, every month it's a new problem, a new recall with Tesla. And yet, somehow, people keep praising Elon Musk and his army of nerd drones who attack you if you dare speak a word against his car.

I can't wrap my mind around it. Well, I think Tesla has built up a lot of cachet, plus electric cars and all of the things that they're able to do now. Oh, my God! Sean, are you okay? Yes, I'm fine. I guess this Tesla has the driverless feature activated, which I was not aware of. And we just got on the freeway, which was not how I thought I got to your house. Can't seem to turn it off.

Well, you know, Google Maps, they offer you like eight options more silly than the last. I mean, like, do I want to save 30 seconds by getting on and off the 405 four times? Yeah, sure. Of course. Obviously. Oh, the car is speeding up, John. It's definitely an assertive mode. Wish we could say the same about Biden.

A little political humor. Can you switch it to average or chill the other actual name of the Tesla driverless modes? Oh, OK. I think I figured it out. I can't let you do that, Sean. That's not a great sign. Let me see if I have any intel. Let me see if i have any intel let me see if i have any way to help you in the car my intel in my notes let's see my next question might be why

can't i turn down the heat it is so hot in this car right now fuck uh sean if you were a car what car would you be what the fuck are these questions john i don't mean to panic but i'm weaving dangerously in and out of traffic Wait, it's getting off the highway Wait, I know this neighborhood This is where my ex-wife lives Don't love where this is going Is this car driving me to my ex-wife's house? Sean, what do you think about all these Tesla recalls?

I don't think I can see Diane right now Last time we saw each other was at Knott's Berry Farm last year and I couldn't stop crying I don't think I can take it. Sean, I mean, Tesla grew very fast. Isn't it just a victim of its own success? Pretty amazing how many electric cars Tesla has gotten on the road so quickly. Sure, but I worry about the hubris and the power and the judgment to ship something as new and untested as self-driving cars on public roads. Oh, Elon, this is too cruel.

But you will not silence me, Elon. You will not silence me. Sean, tell us what's happening. Maybe she's not home. Unlock the doors. Let me out. I am not ready to see her. This is horrible. Oh, God, we're here. I'm going to try to break the window. No, oh, God, Elon, no, please. Oh, she's coming out. Oh, wait, that's not her. That's Jeff. Jeff, that can't be. Why would my brother be here? Oh, no, Sean.

Any other exciting electric vehicles from other companies on the horizon? No, no, no, don't roll down the windows. How could you, Jeff? It just kind of happened. What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here. It's the car. It's the car. It's the car.

The car made me come. Oh, Sean, come on. That's pathetic and paranoid even for you. Pull me out through the window, Jeff. Please help. Oh, no, no, no, no. It's closing. Just get out of here.

Sean Diane doesn't want to see you. It's got so personal. If I say it, will you take me home? Tesla's critics are just jealous of his genius. He is our Edison. Okay, okay, we're pulling away. We're pulling away. I really like my Tesla.

I don't care. I don't have to get gas. The screen is cool. I love you, Elon. I love you, Tesla. Did that work, Sean? Yes. Yeah, yeah.

It's taking me through the in and out drive through. Oh, tell them hi from me. Well, thank you for joining us, I guess. Sean, it was good to talk to you. My pleasure, John. Any last thoughts? Oh, it's going to cost a fortune to clean these seats. Oh, no.

Sean Crape, everybody. And I don't care. I still love my Tesla. What do we have next? Put on some sensible shoes. Maria Bamford is age-appropriate Bond girl, Titsy Malone. Now it's time for a segment

I'm very excited about. The newest and longest James Bond movie, No Time to Die, has finally been released, and we're so excited to have an actual Bond girl from the film joining us live. Please give a warm welcome to Titsy Malone. Hi, Titsy. Thank you so much.

Thank you for having me. Thank you so much for having me. So exciting to be here. My accent is very vague. It's going to go in and out. So, Titsy, may I call you Titsy? Yes, of course. As I told you, producers, the only name I answer to, my real name is Katya LaCroix Spindrift. That's kind of sexier than Titsy. Well, we all need a stage name, John.

A little bit of mystery. It's like how Jamie Foxx's real name is Eric Bishop, the hottest name, John. A little bit of mystery. It's like how Jamie Foxx's real name is Eric Bishop, the hottest name imaginable. Wow, it is. So, Titsy. Yes. I went to see No Time to Die in theaters. It was almost three hours long and only felt lightly edited, but I have to say,

I don't actually remember seeing you in it. Oh, I thought so, John. I had a feeling they'd cut me right out of the film. Why? What happened? Well, every new Bond movie prides itself on being more progressive than the last. Oh, Bond is progressive

now. He hits a woman. Bond is progressive now. A woman murders a general with her thighs. How nice. Bond didn't surprise that acquaintance with an almost hostile mouth kiss. Even in No Time to Die, wow, Bond is so progressive. Q has a gay date.

You don't actually see a gay date, of course. That would be gross. Well, that's true. It's entirely off screen. But when you put it like that, Titsy, Bond doesn't sound very progressive at all. No, and that's what my character, Titsy, was supposed to finally deliver. An age-appropriate, authentic, relatable female character who's still younger than Daniel Craig.

Look it up. Oh, 51, and fit as a fiddle. It was finally going to bring Bond into the 21st century. And how was it going to do that exactly? Why, by having James Bond escort me to a safe and legal abortion. Wait. Wait a second. There is a legal abortion in the new James Bond movie?

Apparently not, John. Since you said they cut it all out. But yes, at least according to the pages I shot. James Bond was going to drive me to my appointment, wait for me, then take me to a Starbucks on my way home as a treat. Drive-thru! All right, well, to be perfectly frank,

I don't really see how that would have fit into the plot of the film, Titsy. Oh, that's the point, John. It was just something that happened in the movie, and then we naturally moved on to talking about Nanobot Mist or whatever the fuck that movie was about. No, no, you got it. It was Nanobot Mist.

Well, I'm kind of disappointed we didn't get to see that. It really could have changed the game. Oh, that's not the only progressive element in the movie, John. Did they include my character's struggle to find affordable childcare for my stepson Cameron? Or my stepdaughter, also named Cameron? Not that... Not that I recall.

What about the scene where I first meet James Bond in the Wind Exile at Costco? Or the one where I seduce him at the Minnesota State Fair by eating a corn dog real slow. I mean, I guess maybe when I was in the bathroom, but I don't think so. Or the one where James Bond saves my life after I start choking on the last bite of corn dog that I had saved in my purse for later. Hold on a second. Wrapped in a napkin. Oh, John, I crushed those scenes.

I was irresistible. I was the first Bond girl to have my own catchphrase. All right. All right, Titsy, I'll bite. What was this catchphrase? Castle Road, Freddy. Yeah! Castle, of course it was. Of course it was.

Oh, John, this really will toast my corn dog crust. Getting asked from the flick, though I guess I should have known when they changed the title. I'm afraid to ask. Look out! Here comes Titsy! That's the working title. These audience have no idea what they're missing. I mean, you saw the movie.

What did you think of it? To be honest, you would have been a what they're missing. I mean, you saw the movie. What did you think of it? To be honest, you would have been a great addition to it. I'm really sorry you weren't in the film. Oh, God. It's too bad, you know? Titsy Malone would have single-handedly rescued the 007 franchise. Crack open any magazine, and everybody's wondering, oh, could the next James Bond be a lady?

Oh, could the next James Bond be an Idris Elba? That would be cool. But nobody's asking whether the next Bond girl can be a very, very age-appropriate substitute teacher with an eight-year-old Kia Sorento and a touch of psoriasis. Psoriasis is incurable. Incurable. It is incurable. Incurable.

It is incurable. It cannot be cured. It can be ameliorated. It can certainly help by creams. There's palliative measures. But guess what, John? What? She can.

Check out my extensive B-plot about consolidating my crushing medical debt with my pulverizing student loan debt. Do I pull it off barely and badly, John? Tipsy. I'm sorry to tell you this, but... That was cut out, too.

Wow. I guess the Bond franchise really isn't interested in being modern. I'm just glad that at the very least, no time to die ends the way it should. With James Bond retiring from his job, realizing state-sponsored espionage does more harm than good, and retiring to raise his child with Jason Buttigieg. Buttigieg. Buttigieg? Buttigieg.

Buttigieg. Buttigieg. So. Oh. I'm sorry. You didn't go to the premiere, did you? No. No, I didn't. You didn't go to the premiere, did you? No. No, I didn't.

I didn't go. I was arguing with my Kaiser Permanente representative about covering my bunion surgery. Why? Titsy Malone, everybody. Yes. Maria Bamford. Oh, that was incredible. Come on.

Thank you so much. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Oh, a familiar face. Paul F. Tompkins is next as J. Jonah Jameson. In an interview with Fandango this week, producer Amy Pascal revealed Marvel is planning to follow up the studio's upcoming Spider-Man No Way Home

with a whole nother trilogy of Spider-Man films starring Tom Holland. Joining us is the one man who could never get enough pictures of Spider-Man. It's J. Jonah Jameson. What is going on? What the hell is a podcast? What is this?

Thank you for joining us, Jonah. Am I the loudest person you've had on the show? In a while. In a while, absolutely. I could blow a lot of smoke up your ass, but a podcast is just a pre-recorded radio show. Oh, so there's no conceivable way you could show the people listening any pictures of Spider-Man? The technology's just

not there. What are we doing here? Well, I'm hoping that we can discuss the possibility of three more Spider-Man movies with you. I know you can't stand the guy, but more than anyone else, you appreciate the allure of Spider-Man pictures. I'm more of a fast and furious guy myself. Is that really?

Of course not! I'm wild with jealousy, love it! Imagine having access to millions of pictures of Spider-Man. Enough to assemble three films. Wait, is that how they make movies? I assume. Why should I know? I'm a newspaper man, love it.

And the newspaper business is thriving. Sorry, did I say thriving? I meant dying. Yeah, it's... Kaput. Yeah, right. Mortal. Okay, but the Daily Bugle is still publishing. Yeah, it's... Kaput! Yeah, right. Morto! Okay, but the Daily Bugle is still publishing.

Barely. Do you want to know why I always need more photos of Spider-Man? Love it. Do you think it's because I find Spider-Man physically attractive? Do you think it's because I like to see Spider-Man's rock-hard twink body and silhouette over a Manhattan sunset? His perfectly formed legs whipping him forward into the blue yonder, held aloft by delicate webs and rippling forearms,

arcing across Fifth Avenue like he's on some sort of invisible sexual graviton? No! Are we sure? It's because nobody clicks on the articles. None of you people click on the articles. None of us click on the articles. I could put my social security number in these articles. Meanwhile, the hedge fund that owns the Daily Bugle told me if I don't drive more traffic to the website, I'll have to fire anyone who, and I quote, remembers the Challenger explosion.

Oh, my God. That is vicious. Yeah, I remember it, love it. There was a teacher on board. Oh, my God. That is vicious. Yeah, I remember it, Lovett. There was a teacher on board. Oh my God. Jesus. And you know who else remembers? Gloria Sweeney in accounting.

You want to look that woman in the eye and tell her she'll have to move in with her sister in Chicago? That's what keeps me up at night, Lovett. And I don't scare easily. I was inside the Natural History Museum the last time Doc Ock blew it up, and I didn't bat an eye. I really feel for you, Jonah. You know, this week, the Washington Post published a lost local news map, and they said the country has lost 2,200 local news outlets in 2005, and the number of

local journalists fell by half since 2008. It leads to a loss of community and drives people to unreliable sources. It's a danger to our democracy. And in a time when we need local news coverage more than ever, we had a record number of supervillain attacks this year. A giant worm ate the mayor. But people will only read something if it's punchy, if it pops, if it's got tentacles and web slinging, skin tight ass hugging leotards. It's the second reference to his firm ass. It's the first! You inferred it before!

I apologize. That's right. The man knows, the man's a journalist. I know what I talk about an ass and what I don't talk about an ass. He knows. And look, TV's no better.

All cable news wants to cover these smash and grab-grab thieves targeting Nordstrom's in San Fran in L.A. Meanwhile, workers the world over are driven to the brink of ruin by wide-scale wage theft by employers. That's an interesting point, Jonah. Are you publishing something on that?

No, Lovett, I'm publishing pictures on Spider-Man! And preemptively attacking it for not protecting the Bloomies on 59th i'm not proud of it but things have gotten so bad love it i might have to let go of my best photographer peter parker well um i can't i don't want to tell you you know i there's you might be interested There's something that might be of I can't decide it Not sure what my role is

I would I'll just say this Try not to lose him Does anyone here know how to get a meeting with Charles Xavier? He's rich Maybe he can help Let me try this I don't, I don't know if pressing your hand against your temples

Is how you can get him on the blower You don't know if pressing your hand against your temples is how you can get him on the blower. You don't know that it isn't either. Oh, local news is fucked too. I hear Lois Lane took the buyout. But she doesn't exist in your world. Exactly, and she has a Pulitzer.

Is there anything... Oh, that's a hard news joke. Is there anything that we can do to help? Oh, I guess if I had to think about it, I guess there's maybe one thing you could do for me, Lovett. You could give me more photos of Spider-Man! All right, J. Jonah Jameson, everybody. Subscribe to your local paper.

And I know that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. I'm stupid, okay? J. Jonah Jameson, everybody. Subscribe to your local paper. And I know that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. I'm stupid, okay? J. Jonah Jameson from the Daily Bugle. Paul F. Tompkins, everybody. I, too, cover my office in pictures of Tom Holland and Andrew Garfield. Next, oh, come on, Brian. Next, here to extol the virtues of the Lone Star State, Texas tourism spokesman Ash Wrangler Autry, played by Michael Hartney.

And we're back. Texas. Between climate change-fueled weather emergencies, draconian policies that reject the freedom and bodily autonomy of human beings, and the refusal to take steps to stem the tide of the pandemic, the Lone Star State's brand may be getting bigger, but it's not better. But that can't stop the enthusiastic head of the Texas Tourism Board, Ash Wrangler. Autry, Ash, I'm so sorry to see that Tropical Storm Nicholas has left hundreds of thousands of people without power in your state. What are elected officials doing to help?

Thanks for having me, John. Well, our dear Senator Ted Cruz released a heartfelt statement expressing his sympathies, and it was on a piece of stationery that said Andaz at the top, which is the Cuban word for hope. I don't, I think that, so first of all, I don't, Cuban is not a language. I think he just might be at a resort, my friend. Agree to disagree. Well, perfect. I mean, that's one less person crowding up San Antonio's beautiful river walk. Say, John, have you ever been in a sidecar? You can tour the city walking one. Wow. Really?

Yeah. That sounds pretty good. I haven't. Well, it does sound fun. It does seem, though, that Governor Abbott and state legislators are passing a lot of laws that are terrible for actual Texans, like this new gun law, which even law enforcement opposes. Do Texans really want gun owners to be able to open carry without a license or any training? It's like they say, John, everything's bigger in Texas, including our fear of being accidentally shot by a stranger.

But that's just part of the experience. I see. Just like your experience visiting beautiful Waco, Texas, to see Chip and Joanna Gaines' Magnolia Market. Nice people. Cool church they go to. Very accepting. Say, John, do you like shiplap? Yeah, I'm a human being.

I love it. But Ash, here's what I don't love. All right. Your state's new restrictive voting law. How can Texans be part of a free and healthy democracy if Abbott is intentionally making voting more difficult? Now, John, who can worry about whether or not they're allowed to vote for the future of their state when they are soaring through the beautiful blue sky at Plano's annual Balloon Festival races? Tell me, John, you ever been in a hot air balloon? Like 12 times, but I feel like you're not listening to me.

Ash, I know it's your job to be a booster, but what about the new restrictive Texas abortion ban, which the Department of Justice is already suing over? But if you think about it, John, you use that noggin of yours, that's great for tourism, too. Tourism to states like Louisiana or New Mexico, where women can still obtain reproductive health care

plus I bet they have their own hot air balloon festivals and city walks how cool is that? I feel like you're ignoring my questions to promote local festivals speaking of local festivals

are you interested in a trip to the planet of mars absolutely what a transition no i frankly it's local because it takes off from houston right no i see what you did there i see it look you don't have to go to space i don't have to go to space i'm not gonna go to space you space. I'm not going to go to space. You and I are going to die right here. You bet. And our bones will return to the earth of the only dang planet we'll ever know. But Elon Musk might, and he lives right down the street from me. Sure. SpaceX bought all the land around my house to start practicing landing booster rockets, but it is a small price to pay for economic growth. Is it?

Because that's another thing that's bigger in Texas. Tax breaks for corporations and the wealthiest humans in the literal history of society. It's a little, I'll be honest, you seem like a very positive person by nature. It's a little bleak. It's a little bleak to me. Imagine you promoting Texas tourism from inside your house while booster rockets are crash landing on the land all around your home. It is better than the 4th of July. Beautiful.

Ash, I am sorry, but this is like you have this one. You're effervescent. If I can, if I can say that, I hope you don't take this personally. I'm like a ginger ale. You're depressing the fuck out of me. You're saying all these positive things. But it sounds like the average Texan is living in a kind of hellscape right now to have the Republican establishment strip away their rights,

make their state more dangerous while providing incredible benefits and tax breaks to the richest human beings on Earth. Oh, no. I've done it now. incredible benefits and tax breaks to the richest human beings on Earth. No. I've done it now. Oh, Lord, you're right, John. John, I keep trying to distract myself with trips to Houston's wonderful Museum of Natural History

or walks through Fort Worth's gorgeous Botanic Garden, but I can't. I mean, the San Antonio River won't only exists because the city is a floodplain, they had to change the course of the river to avoid more civilian deaths. Oh, no. Is that true? Yes.

Have you heard a dang thing I've said? I'm very knowledgeable about Texas, John. You are. Each city. You are. Wait until you hear about Corpus Christi. Okay. I'm sorry. You're right. You are. I don't mean to. You're very, very knowledgeable. I see that. I see it. I'm a Texaspedia. Yeah. You got a lot of facts. You are. You're a Texaspedia. Now, John, let me ask you this. Have you ever had real barbecue? Yeah.

I've had barbecue. We have barbecue in California. We got barbecue all across this country. You know that, right? No, shut up. Let me think. We've got stuff that isn't bad, right? The Alamo. Ash Wrangler Autry, everybody, from the Texas Tourism Board. If anyone sees Ted Cruz down down in tulum could you

please tell him to call me back because i got about 30 to 50 wild feral hogs trapping me in my home and you stay out of my recycling bins grimes i named six of them grime ash thank you so much when we come back something else and also just a shout out to michael hart, who did an incredible job. That was so funny. Thank you so much. You see him. You see Michael Hartney.

You tell him. I'll let him know. You let him know. You let him know. All right. Next. Watch out for your brain. Demi, I did you.

eBay is a zombie and he wants to eat them. I know it's been a little while since we discussed the difference between the infrastructure bill and the reconciliation bill, but it is so important. Once again, I prepared a point-by-point breakdown, real technical stuff. It's a little dry and very long, and I only pray I won't be interrupted, like I was the last time I attempted to break this down.

Okay, so, when it comes to balancing the budget... Uh-oh. Brains! Oh, no. Brains! Oh, my goodness, It's a zombie. I'm looking for a Brian. He's supposed to show me where the green room is.

Oh, you're saying Brian. You're saying Brian. Yeah, well, he's on vacation. That kind of scared me. I thought you were calling out to eat human brains or something. Is that how you get stuff around? Cashews. Cashews.

Does that work? Oh, my God. Thank you so much. Thank you. That's so cool. Hollywood is crazy. Well, here. Sit right there. Oh, okay. Thank you so much. That cool Hollywood is crazy Hi everybody, I am the DC zombie Guys, give it up for the DC zombie

Thank you so much I just flew in from Capitol Hill And boy are my arms falling off John, I'm not offended But just so you know, all zombies don't eat brains It's a hurtful stereotype. I'm mostly plant-based. And sure, sometimes I cheat, but I only eat raw and ethically.

I only eat the brains of people who brought death on themselves, like anti-vaxxer right-wing radio hosts or Alec Baldwin's publicists. I am not touching that. That's what I said at Antonin Scalia's funeral. He's saying he didn't want to. All right. DC zombie, I have to ask, do politicians react like I did? Do they react with terror?

Oh, no, no. Being a zombie in Washington is great. First of all, I fit right in with the guys. Your Feinsteins, your Grassleys. Flesh falls off decaying human forms there all the time. So it's not a big deal. 99% I saw Mitch McConnell's pinky finger fall off last week so nobody cares that i'm a zombie and they love my zombie ideas my zombie ideas just won't die what do you mean dc zombie okay like this one zombie

idea i had that americans care about balanced budgets that there are still people who believe that see the other day i had Joe Manchin for lunch. What? I had Joe Manchin over for lunch at the Metropolitan Club. Jeez, John, I didn't eat Joe Manchin's brain. Come on. Hey, you know what they say about West Virginia brains? What do they say?

You're hungry two hours later. Oh, my goodness. The point is, he personally prevented a bunch of good policies because he loves my zombie ideas about deficits. And any other zombie ideas? Jeremy Renner is a movie star. No, no, no, about politics. About politics.

I mean, I've got so many great enduring ideas that people can really get behind. The filibuster actually protects minority rights. And hey, even if a guy was a war criminal, if he worked in Washington, you should probably post something about him being a great dude if he dies. It's called respect. What happened to decency? Reporters kind of love those zombie ideas, huh?

Oh, yeah, and this is one of my favorite zombie ideas, that it's actually extreme to do what is needed to stop climate change because the problem itself is extreme and that it's actually moderate and sensible to not stop it. Yeah, that sucks. It's sort of like if your house is on fire, it's actually moderate and sensible to not stop it. Yeah, that sucks. It's sort of like if your house is on fire,

it's extreme to put it out, and very cool and chill to save only the room with the TV. So, why do you think these zombie ideas have such appeal? I mean, the same reason 90s sitcoms are popular on Netflix, John. They're safe and old and comfortable. And we need a purple party. Something that's socially liberal and fiscally conservative.

And breakfast is the most important meal of the day. That's zombie nonsense. Eat low-fat. Drink skim milk. We need both parties to come together. Brains! Get out of here, DC zombie! Sanemo's right because she makes both sides mad. Trump is actually smart. Brains!

God damn it. I hated that DC zombie. Hate is bad idea. Give it up for Demi Adedjibe in the role of a lifetime. DC zombie. When we come back, more show. Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. On deck, playing two sides of the same coin, James Adomi is both Bernie Sanders and Mike Lindell at the same time. It was almost a mistake to have me. I was completely unnecessary in this segment because James took over and it was incredible. And we're back. Games took over and it was incredible. And we're back.

This week, Senator Bernie Sanders referred to the American Rescue Plan as, quote, the most significant piece of legislation to help working people that has been passed by Congress in decades. And seeming to agree, human frat paddle Matt Gaetz said it's a Trojan horse for socialism. It is everything Democrats have wanted, wrapped and branded in coronavirus. These sorts of debates are important, but Matt Gaetz was busy with Nestor Acabos and Lucas. So we are going to the next best thing here to have a debate about the bill is Senator Bernie Sanders and the CEO of MyPillow, Mike Lindell. First off, general thoughts about the bill, Bernie Sanders. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. It's good to be here. Thank you, John. First, I do want to say that I will be voting against the confirmation of general thoughts uh

to be the chairman of the joint chief of staff now that you brought that up look i think this legislation is fantastic i think this legislation is some of the boldest progressive legislation helping american working families in decades going back to the johnson administration when there was a mandate that all households would have available Johnson and Johnson no more tears shampoo. Right, famously. This does more to help working families since that landmark legislation, you know, over 50 years ago. I do think also that my comments saying that this is one of the greatest bills, obviously, I'm putting a positive spin on it. There were some real sons of bitches that shot down 15 bucks an hour. And I will not forget that, especially in the cafeteria of the United States Senate when I'm down there. I hope not. And there's what,

there's six, seven or eight even Democratic senators that really flopped on that one. We had it. We had it. We had 15 bucks an hour. So, you know, it's going to come back to bite them in their fucking dicks because here's what's going to happen. They're going to keep shooting down 15 bucks an hour. And meanwhile, inflation keeps ticking up. By the time we pass the necessary upgrade for a minimal living wage in this country, guess what, fuckos? It's going to be 25 bucks an hour. guess what, fuckos? It's going to be $25 an hour. So yeah, okay, sure. You know, stall and stall and stall. Keep people poor, keep people poor, keep people poor. We're going to rise up.

I'm going to see it within my lifetime. $15 an hour is no longer enough. It's going to be $25 an hour, you sons of fucks. So Bernie's position pretty clear. A lot of good things in the bill, but also fuck around on the minimum wage and see what happens. Next, we have Mr. See what happens. Next, we have Mr. Pillow himself. How do you feel about this bill? Lyle, it's great to be here on the Lyle Love It and Leave It program. I see. Look, it's my pillow because it's good. And I think what the American people, the Democrats,

the Antifa communist Democrats, what they put out was a program that was pure communism. When all this country needs is the microfibers that are targeted for people to be laid down on and sleep. And in the shadow government run by Donald Trump, there was an alternate rescue package of $3 trillion put into my pillow and my pillow accessories.

Including my pillow sleep masks and my pillow fuck pillows. Fuck pillows? It's a fuck pillow. It's my pillow, but there's a little base to it and a little lump that you can think of you can think of as a pair of breasts or a beautiful supple asshole depending on what you want to do wow that's an interesting product one out of ten is pre-tested by me mike lindell in minneapolis uh i know you're stunned there lyle let me tell you you keep saying Lyle, Lyle Lovett is just an unrelated honestly I think

you got nothing to be ashamed of and I think that Julia Roberts really did you wrong, I think it was a shame what the late night guys did to you and if you want I'm happy to take you down to a there's a Lovett BBQ I want to take you, bring you out

hit the pipe, have some BBQ run around underneath there's a love at barbecue. I want to take you, bring you out, you know, hit the pipe, have some barbecue, run around underneath the freeway. What happened was a disaster. Joe Biden, the false president, the Pope in exile, he's the Babylonian exile of the papacy all rolled into one.

He's a Benedict Arnold. He's a Benedict Arnold. He's a Benedict Arnold. And let me tell you, there's a fake government that's putting billions and billions of dollars into Antifa. They're giving $19 trillion to Ecuadorian pedophiles. What? The whole thing. I have a newsletter. I'll send it to you if you don't believe it.

I have an email newsletter, mypillow.pillow. You sign up for it, and it has multicolored text fonts so you can know you can believe it. And when you scroll all the way down to the email, there's a bunch of animated American flag GIFs and eagles swooping in to tear apart a young protester. And it comes with the quality information that's OK to forward to anyone over 65 and get it out there in the forwarded email chain. Mike, there's a lot to unpack there. But but I mean, you must you must not have a problem.

Eighty five percent of households will get $1,400 stimulus checks. That has to be, you know, and $1,400 for each dependent child. Surely, you know, that's something that Donald Trump supported. Yep. This reminds me of propaganda coming out of Nicaragua back when Ronald Reagan was president. $1,400. Every child's going to get a slap on the ass. They're going to get to meet Big Bird and Snuffleupagus.

Let me tell you, I've met Big Bird and Snuffleupagus. I slept overnight at the Minnesota Fairgrounds, right there in between St. Paul and Minneapolis. I didn't realize they had accommodations. I talked to Snuffleupagus for 18 hours. We shared a pipe. Wow. Yes, we shared a pipe.

I know the fantasy. And let me tell you what's really going to happen. What's really going to happen is that there's $10 billion that's going to go to excavate the body of Dr. Seuss, Ted Geisel, and they're going to parade it around the country and kick him while he's dead and down one more time. That's what these communists want to do. That's what these centrist far left communist liberal democrat socialists want to do. I got to let Senator Sanders have a moment to get in here.

Look, there was a fight with the moderates. They reduced the unemployment insurance from 400 to 300, but they made the first 10,000 unemployment benefits tax-free for households. Do you feel that was an acceptable compromise, Senator Sanders? Well, first of all, I want to say that Mike Lindell is insane. And in protest, I have boycotted not only his MyPillow product, but also all pillows altogether. I've never really enjoyed pillows. I've spent most of my life sleeping on couches in various faculty offices and union basements. I've slept in the back of a

Volvo more than I am familiar with the comfort of a twin, let alone queen, a king-sized bed. So, you know, it's not much for me. I'm a little bit more comfortable now as a United States senator. I sleep on a very comfortable cot on the floor of my Senate office when I'm in D.C. Jane comes over and goes, Bernie, you look like shit.

She dumps cold ice water on me. Oh, really? She comes in with cold ice water? Oh, yeah. That's just, you know, that's how she says hello. She dumps cold ice water on me. That's how we, you know, it's like bathing a dog. But I am no longer using pillows after watching the insanity that Mike Lindell and the MyPillow,

you know, let's face it, the MyPillow Nazis, that they have unleashed on this once great country. So I'm sleeping like a Klingon. I am sleeping like a populist left-wing Klingon, just a hard floor, just to prove that I don't need a pillow, let alone the most comfortable pillow that it's out there i think you know it's not about my pillow it's about our pillow and until everybody has the comfort to sleep with a you know shelter and a living wage and yes adequate unemployment go fuck yourselves you moderate democrats then i think my pillow is

not the solution it's our pillow lial if I could jump in there, Lyle. Oh, no. Yeah, get in there. Go ahead, Mike. What you heard is taken straight from a Joseph Stalin speech. I don't know how you people can hear this communist say that kind of thing and not start gassing up the tanks to make another try at Moscow. Mike, I'm going to need you to give me some, I need you to let Senator Sanders finish what he's saying. All right, I've offered you the space to come talk here, and I need you to give the space to Senator Sanders.

Thank you, Lyle. I'm not Lyle. I've never been Lyle. The way I agree with Senator Sanders on that is that he finally, we agree that the music of this country, the country music of patriotic career, was cut short due to an unfortunate hairstyle. Let's put it this way.

From one six to another six, let me tell you, Lyle Lovett, if you score big, that's your prerogative. Look, obviously we were a little bit off topic. And Bobby Brown was a great friend of mine. We're topic. And Bobby Brown was a great friend of mine. We're off topic. Bobby Brown was a great friend of mine. Jesus Christ. What a life you've led. How dare you, Senator. Believe me, Senator.

You're no Bobby Brown. Listen. We're way off topic here. I want to say quick. He's trying. I don't know if you noticed this, Lyle. He's attempting to do Look, I thought he corrected me. I'm willing to admit that I'm wrong. He's trying to do a 1988, what's his name?

The Texas guy. He was attempting. Oh, the vice presidential candidate. Mondale, Mondale. Close, close. Who are we talking about? You're close. Who are we talking about?

That's a Minnesota reference. You got a Mondale in there. Let me tell you something. I won't rest until I get to crawl into Walter Mondale's grave and sleep next to him and give him my thoughts about what rent Wong, not only in 84, but after that. So I've obviously lost control here. A couple of points. I think you're right. I think some of the humor directed at Lyle Lovett is worth a re-examination. I think we've begun to do that about some of the harsh rhetoric of the 1990s. I think that's the humor directed at Lyle Lovett is worth a reexamination. I think we've begun to do that about some of the harsh rhetoric of the 1990s.

I think that's an important step we should take. I'm not Lyle Lovett, and that's fine. Great deal of admiration for Lyle Lovett. Senator Sanders, thank you. You've made some very important points about the bill. Mike Lindell, you're on your own path. Before I let you both go, is there anything— I am on a path of exploration where I'm opening up myself to the spirits and the great shamans,

not only the one that marched on Washington, who I now believe in as a religious figure, but also I'm opening up and exploring great empathies for great right-wing movements of the past. Oh, dear. Whether it's St. Paul taking the beautiful poetry of our Jesus Christ and turning it into a misogynist cult of hate, or whether it's other tremendous right-wing figures that have robbed the hallucinatory poetry of the human species, I'm there, and I'm learning new and new untold levels of right-wing hateful empathy. Mike, before I let you go, and I can't believe I'm asking this, is there anything you'd like to plug? Look, I want to say what Senator Sanders was reaching for

and he didn't get it was Lloyd Benson. Lloyd Benson? God damn it. Lloyd Benson. I am embarrassed to my core that Mike Lindell remembers that. But let me, here's what I've got to plug, and this is going to throw you for a loop. It's my pillow. My pillow.

It's soft and firm. Like a goddamn pillow should be. You can fluff it. You can cut it up into little, look, I take cookie cutters that are in the shape of little sheep

and I cut out little sheep. 99 sheep out of one my pillow and I roll around in it and I start to count the sheep. We're going to have to cut his mic. We're going to have to cut his mic. Don't you cut his mic. Look, you want to cut my mic?

I'll cut my mic. Meaning I'll cut myself, Mike Lindell. I'm not afraid to hurt myself and let the organs and blood and bile spill out into a special edition. My pillow that will be sold like Beanie Babies. Mike Lindell, always a pleasure. Senator Sanders, obviously. And look, I'm sorry about Julia Roberts, but hopefully we can get back together.

Senator Bernie Sanders. Thank you for my time. I yield the balance of my time to the memory of Rosa Luxemburg. When we come back, I guess I talked to the Senator Ed Markey. I guess that's literally what comes after this. Yeah, tell Ed hi from me, and if he could put the rest of that soup in the dumbwaiter,

I wouldn't mind finishing it off. So a lunch request, I thought it might be a policy matter. His office is directly above mine. I think it checks that there's a dumbwaiter. You sometimes share, there's a dumb waiter. You sometimes share. The soup comes. Look, a cup is $4. A bowl is $6. But it's twice as much soup.

I'm not going to eat it all. I want him to taste it. So, yeah, sure. Goes up and down in the dumb waiter. Send it back up. It's probably good for another 24 or 48 hours. James Adomian, thank you so much. This is very fun.

Haga, haga, haga, haga, haga. Thanks, guys. Thanks, folks. Up next, you want to know who had some great thoughts about cancel culture? Jenny Yang as a nine-tailed fox spirit released from an ancient cursed stone. Earlier this week, a college student from the University of Virginia wrote a New York Times op-ed titled, I came to college eager to debate. I found self-censorship and said, as is so often the case with this brand of op-ed,

it immediately created that which it denies exists, namely, a vigorous debate, which ultimately led to acrimony and stupidity on the Internet, because this is America, and that is what debate is all about. But we decided that here at Love It or Leave It, we will embrace the value of a vigorous contest of ideas, no matter the glare of social media. We will debate whether or not debate is stifled in this country.

On the side that debate is stifled, and we need a restoration of free speech, joining me now is a college student who skimmed the op-ed and completely gets what the student is talking about. Welcome to the stage, student free speech advocate, Julia Russ. I can feel the tension, John. I know you're not going to like what I have to say.

I didn't say anything. I didn't say a thing. Oh, I can feel it. This whole stage is full of tension. Oh, jeez. Here we go. And here to argue that there are no such limits to speech and fear of cancel culture is way overblown,

please welcome to the stage the thousand-year-old spirit of Tamamo no Mai, a malevolent nine-tailed fox entity who was released this week when Japan's famous Sesshoseki, or killing stone, split open. According to legend, Tamamo no Mai resided in the rock and once possessed the consort of Emperor Toba in an effort to destroy his reign. Welcome the fox spirit. Welcome

Tamamo no Mai. Oh, thank you, John. It's an honor to be here. It's an honor to be anywhere. I've been trapped inside of a rock for a thousand years. I'm extremely comfortable with all points of view, but I'll be honest, I'm a little confused. What's the problem? Oh, I just thought I'd be debating a human or a person of some kind.

Well, do you want to censor the fox spirit or do they not deserve to be heard? No, you're absolutely right. You got me there. Let's do this. Okay, great. Julia, your opening statement. My fellow Americans. Come on. Speech is under threat in our country every day. Students get nervous

about sharing controversial opinions in America. According to a 2021 survey of 37,000 students, 80% say they self-censor at least some of the time. That makes me want to puke. 48% say they feel somewhat uncomfortable or even very uncomfortable expressing their opinion on a controversial topic in America. Not saying anything that pops into your head. I believe in

a society where you can say something that most people hate, but not have it shape their view of you as a person. It's as simple as that, John. Freedom of speech means freedom from the consequences of speech. Thank you. Okay, well, Fox Spirit, what's your response to that? You've given me a lot to consider. Having heard what you said and thought about it,

I have several questions for you where is the emperor? what is the name of this strange village? how might I find passage to Kyoto? I don't have anything prepared for this hey Fox Spirit come on

that's not right you're here to debate cancel culture that's what our producer Brian told you on the phone. You called the spirit on the phone? What are the rules here? Yes, cancel culture. Cancel all culture. Sweep the face of the earth clean.

I am here to rent chaos on all of the lands under dominion of the emperor. Who will pay for his decadence? Pay in blood. I'm sorry. This is where it leads. This is where it leads. Okay. Now, as is my custom, I have already taken the form of a temptress.

But you must tell me how I might find a ship to take me away from what I can only imagine is this remote and abandoned place. So that I may seduce the emperor and begin to work my magic upon him. A great point. Julia, hasn't it always been difficult to challenge people? Isn't that why it's called challenging people? Must continue to have control. No, but John, you don't understand. The looks that I've gotten in class,

people looking at me, squirming in seats, the sense that people find me annoying, just because I happen to think it's worth playing the devil's advocate on 100% of topics. I mean, including the don't say gay bill, which liberals are blowing way out of proportion. Julia, I get it.

Thank you. I was punished for my words when I possessed the concubine of the last ruler of China's Shang Dynasty. Before I headed to Japan, I paid mightily for speaking the truth. Absolutely. And the truth absolutely and the truth I shared was this we should spend all the tax money on orgies and a pool filled with wine and little meat skewers that were kind of like trees of meat poking out of the wine so we could float and kind of just drink the pool and eat the meat trees. Yeah, that was a real thing we used to do.

And when we did it, because it was objectively awesome, let's see, what happens? A violent rebellion that destroys the dynasty, also known as... Cancel culture. We're talking about the exact same thing. Julia, come on. We're talking about the exact same thing. Julia, come on. Here's the problem the exact same thing. Julia, come on.

Here's the problem. No one seems to be stopping you from speaking your mind and this country has ideological diversity to a fault. A recent study found that 15% of Americans believe,

and I quote, that the government, media, and financial world in the U.S. are controlled by a group of Satan-worshipping pedophiles who run a global

child sex-traveling ring. Only 15%. What does that say about the state of news and debate in our country? I mean, if you think about it, you know what I mean? The point is, we are surrounded by news and

noise and debate all the time. There's never been more debate and discussion and opinionating in literally the history of our society. We are all pontificating and arguing and offering thoughts all the time. He's right. You know, I've been out of that rock for five days and I've spent most of them on TikTok. You just don't know. You just, you just don't like how it makes you feel, Julia. We are drowning in these phony, silly, misleading, facile, shallow debates. As the world burns, no one pays a price for lying. Everyone feels like enervated

by all the noise. There can't be a real debate in a society where no one pays a price for shamelessness. And the only conversation we have about speech is one led by narcissists who think the world owes them a microphone to call everybody woke and applause for being so smart. Wow. So it seems like you don't want to debate after all. This was a debate. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Do you ever wonder if maybe a fox spirit that inhabits the bodies of concubines to convince emperors to do terrible things might be a misogynistic way to blame enslaved women for the crimes of despicable male rulers? Oh, my God. Looks like I am woke after all, John. Oh, my God. Looks like I am woke after all, John.

Oh my God. Oh, woke from my terrible slumber to destroy. Okay, free speech advocate Julia Russ and the recently escaped evil spirit Tamamo Namai, everybody. I was comfortable with all of this. Thank you to Jenny Yang. Listen to her podcast, Going Through It,

and also sign up for her sub stack at JennyYang.substack.com. Thank you so much, Jenny Through It, and also sign up for her Substack at JennyYang.Substack.com. Thank you so much, Jenny. She'll be back for the Red Wheel and give it up for Hallie Kiefer as our resident student complainer. She makes some pretty good points. And finally, before she had COVID, she joined us at our DC show. It's Vice President Kamala Harris played by the incredible Alison Reese. And we're back. Dan Quayle forgot how to spell potato one time and the office of Vice President has never recovered. I'm on Dan Quayle's side though. A, it's not intuitive that there isn't an E. And spelling is dumb. If you don't know what it's supposed to sound like,

it should fucking count. C-O-W-N-T, count. The founding fathers did whatever they wanted. Spelling-wise, nobody talks about it. Anyway, here to discuss her experience as second in line and how she's handling the seemingly nonstop criticism of everything she does or doesn't do,

it's Madam Vice President herself, Kamala Harris. The Vice President, everybody. Oh, hi, John. Sweet, sweet, taller than I expected, John. Yeah, I just want to clarify, okay? I'm actually here to explain how absolutely amazing things are going in the Biden administration. Great. Thank you for standing.

You're welcome. I love being vice president. We're not talking about that other stuff. Okay. Hi. Thank you for joining us, Madam Vice President, and for giving us your time. It seems like it's nonstop over there at the White House, so I'm sure you'd rather be relaxing, getting some sleep.

What, John? No, I feel bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Okay. I mean, sure, I wake up screaming at 3.30 a.m. every day. But that is just because it's the witching hour and I live with ghosts. And because of this recurring dream I keep having. You know, I'm throwing a birthday party for Emmanuel Macaron. Okay.

And there aren't enough tests. And no one has the code to the safe with the tests except for, of course, Hillary Clinton. But guess who's not answering her phone? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And Jill Biden turns to me in the dream, okay? And Jill Biden turns to me in the dream, okay? And for some reason, she's in a navy dress white,

like Demi Moore in A Few Good Men. Okay? And she says, you weren't prom queen in high school, were you? And that's every morning for me. Anywho, I am so excited to be here in D.C. I'm just kind of reeling that you wake up

every day at 3.30 a.m. Look, it's the job, John, okay? I wake up at 3.30 a.m. I check to see if I'm president. I check to see if I'm president, and usually I'm not. Okay. I read an extra hard copy of the New York Times that my staff has already checked and removed any mention of my name from. And then I use a super soaker to spray matzo ball soup at my COVID-infested husband from at least 10 yards away. Okay. Don't the matzo balls get jammed? Yeah, John, I put the matzo balls in the super soaker. No, come on.

You're right, I'm sorry. I was the Attorney General of California, John. I am not an idiot, okay? I shoot the broth and toss the balls. Get real. I'm sorry, you're right. I gotta get serious. This is serious. You're right. So it would seem

based on this conversation that the rumors you're not exactly thrilled with vice presidential life might be true. Oh, not at all, John. No. I love doing all of the stuff that no one else wants to do. Okay. I mean, the stuff that I love doing. Sure, would I have loved to have to add a Nordic country to my portfolio as VP?

Of course. I love the Nordics. They have the best treadmills. But that's not what happened. You took on the Northern Triangle as part of the immigration portfolio. Oh, yes. The immigration portfolio, that famous launching pad for such presidents residents as Marco Rubio and no one. You know, the right-wingers say, you know, go to the border, go to the border. I go to borders. And what do they say? The nerve of her going to that bookstore years after it's closed. Yeah, I guess immigration is a thorny issue. You know, why couldn't I have had infrastructure? They get to hold shovels, wear a hard hat,

get to say how much they love traveling with Chastain on the Amtrak. But that's not the call I get. No, no, no new highway off-ramp for Kamala. My phone rings and it's, guess who? Poland. I hope you didn't make things Warsaw over there. They loved it. That sucks, John. Yeah.

And you know what? I am not the border czar. That didn't come up? Okay. But no one said you were, but I guess that's a phrase you were trying to avoid. According to a new book about the first year of the Biden presidency, this will not pass, you know? Oh, yeah. That book.

They also claim you got into it with Anna Wintour over your Vogue cover, which featured you wearing jeans. Oh, no, because why would I want to be on the cover of Vogue in a magnificent couture gown, John? No, no, no, put me in jeans like the school's coolest music teacher.

This isn't Abbott Elementary, okay? I mean, you don't seem happy about it. But of course, I'm in the wrong for having an argument with Anna Wintour, the person who literally inspired a titular character by the name of the devil when he wore Prada. That's actually a good point. You don't have a movie about you at all. Not yet, John. But if I did, it would be an ensemble of this great team fighting to bring our country back from the terrible crises and chaos of the Trump years.

I like to say that 2020 was the Control-Z election. And now together, we have to make sure Americans don't hit Control-Y. Undo, not redo. As I always say, you know, control, alt, delete. But did it bother you that in the book, Dr. Jill Biden was worried about picking you because you insulted then Vice President Biden during the debates?

Oh, that's water under the bridge. I mean, it's a bridge over troubled water, for sure. But still, if you wanted somebody who never criticized Joe Biden, I guess your choices would be Joe Biden or their dog that bites people. I have been bitten by that dog so many times But we're not supposed to talk about it

You know, being vice president is a hard job Do you worry that the stress is getting to you? Like in that clip where you preach the phrase The significance of the passage of time four times You know, every word I utter is scrutinized. You know, every offhand comment, every laugh, every purchase. There was a two-day story in right-wing media because I bought a $200 copper pot. The audacity. Buying a nice pan on a trip to Paris. What an asshole I am. Right?

But it's fine. I love the job. I'm honored. Just, I hear you laughing and smiling, but it just doesn't seem like you actually feel that way. Oh, now you're telling me how I sound. Typical. No, no, I'm sorry. I don't mean that.

I just mean, what I mean is, what I mean is, it just sounds like there's no winning in this job. A job that was famous for being terrible before the internet. Before there was a right-wing echo chamber watching your every move. Waiting to turn any slip, real or imagined, they're often imagined, into a day or week or month long story. A job that was ill-defined and mocked before it was held by a black woman who is presumed by half of the media to lack authority by her mere existence. The same racism that is so thoroughly soaked into our

politics that a bunch of dumb ass white Republican senators think they can talk down to, reprimand, insult, and smear the soon-to-be justice Katonji Brown Jackson. Yes. Anyways, the point is I love the job. Well, at least you get to live in the Naval

Observatory. It smells like Dick Cheney in there. It really does, and no one knows why. It can't be removed by conventional cleaning methods. It's not in the fabrics. Scientists think it might be part of his soul. It's a hard job. Oh, look, a text from the big guy Joe Biden.

It's a photo of a note that he wrote on the back of a penny saver. He's trying. He's getting better. It's my next assignment. Okay. Here's to it being a opening a fire station. Opening fire station, opening fire station.

Give me your good energy. No, fuck. It's climate change. Oh, no. Vice President Kamala Harris, everybody. Guys, everybody, give it up for Alison Reese. Thank you. So, I never turned on Anne Hathaway, and I want everyone to remember that.

Never turned on Anne Hathaway. Come on. Give it up for Allison Reese. That's incredible. All right, that's our show. But first, here it is, the high note. Hey, love it. This is Drew from Grand Rapids, Michigan.

My high note is that in February, I finally dealt with some addiction issues that I built up during the pandemic. And when I got out, one of my very best friends who found the treatment center for me got inspired to handle her own trauma. And even though we think marriage is a joke, she decided to have me officiate her wedding on 4-20 in front of two witnesses that we surprised at the very moment. As things got darker in the Trump years, I got her listening to your show and you inspired new hope in her proving that there are people out there that care and there are things individuals can do to make a difference in our society. We love your show and watch you every week.

Thank you for all you do. Hey, love it. It's Michael. Just wanted to say I completed the five borough bike tour today. I'm from Queens. It was awesome. Under four hours. Pretty cool. Also finishing up my semester at NYU as a social work student. And I'm extremely excited about that. Long time listener. Crooked. Have a safe day, my friend. Hi, love it. This is Hannah calling from massachusetts thank you so much first of all for your show i listen every week and i i just love it my high note for the week is that after three very very long years i'm finally reaching the end of getting my doctorate in clinical psychology to be a therapist this is something that I've worked for for so long, and there were times, especially during the pandemic,

doing school that I just never thought it was going to end. And this week is my last week of classes, which is so wild. And I just can't wait to be a therapist working to support all of the marginalized communities in the world. There's so much pain and discrimination happening right now, especially against trans kids. And it's just something that I'm so passionate about, helping make sure that there is support and that they know that they are loved. So yeah, I'm going to start that. Thank you again for your show, and I hope everyone has a great week. Bye. Hey, this is Molly from Baltimore. I wanted to leave my high note for this week.

I was at my nephew's communion last week, and there was an anti-abortion lady outside selling roses for a gross crisis pregnancy center clinic. And she was in my niece and nephew's faces, and she's about to say something about Colorado and California. And I stepped in front of her between the kids, and I said, enough, all right. And then she got in my face. Then my mom grabbed me around my waist, pulled me away. I'm fuming, I'm in the car. And then my mom said, she had no right to do that. Molly, did you hear? I said, no, we don't want to know what you have to say. So we're talking about it in the car. And then she said to my dad and I, and you know what? That nun should have said to all the kids grown up. She said mom and dad, and not everyone has a mom and dad. So I'm just very proud of my mom

in a wild week. Thanks for the show. Bye. Thanks to everybody who shared high notes this week. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, you can call us at 213-262-4427, and we will be back for real next week. There are 185 days until the midterm elections. We are at the six month mark. There are only 185 days until the midterm elections. And if this week showed us anything, we have got to get to fucking work. Have a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our senior producer, and Brian Semel is our producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer, and Jocelyn Kaufman,

Pallavi Gunalan, and Peter Miller are the writers. Bill Lance is our editor, and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Caroline Haywood for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Norma Alconian, Milo Kim, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can.