Lovett or Leave It - Maine Character Syndrome

Episode Date: June 4, 2026

Iran leaves the negotiating table, voters enter the polls, and Graham Platner slides into America’s DMs, for better or for worse. Meanwhile, Tig Notaro weighs in on Lovett’s wedding, RFK Jr’s snake handling, and the dawn of Slam Pig Summer. Aparna Nancherla talks anxiety, stand-up and getting your foot in the door at WikiFeet, and we look back (in horror!) with a round of Second Thoughts.

Love it or leave it It's love it or leave it It's love it or leave it live from Hollywood I'm John Lovett I'm married to this haircut We've got a great show for you tonight But first let's get into it

What a week Over the weekend the campaign of Maine Senate candidate and guy who you can easily imagine Getting into a deadly bar fight Over whether the transporter in Star Trek is technically a cloning machine, Graham Platiner, was rocked by a side.

sexting scandal. They're pretty explicit and I have no idea why they were sent to me, said Atlantic editor-in-chief Jeffrey Goldberg. According to reporting in the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal, Plattener's wife, Amy Gertner, told a campaign aide that she had found sexually explicit text from her husband that he had exchanged with several women early in their marriage. Really putting the oy in oyster farmer with this guy. But hey, it takes a little while after getting married to understand the rules, as a newly married man myself, is it technically cheating that whenever the Dodgers win, I use the McDonald's

app to get free chicken nuggets? No. And yet, why do I eat them in my car and hide the evidence? Why does it feel like a shameful secret? Speaking of shameful secrets, the disclosure of the sexy text was part of an internal vetting process that began after the campaign launched in August. Gertner, Plattner's wife, shared that she had found the messages in the spring, and the couple had dealt with the issue in counseling. The campaign ultimately decided that it was a private matter. Sorry, a privates matter and one that they would not make public. But then the aid Gertner told about the text, Genevieve MacDonald, resigned in October over Platner's Reddit posts and of course the Nazi tattoo, which we're calling strike one and strike zvai.

McDonald then shared the existence of the sex, which were told to her in confidence by Planner's wife to the Wall Street Journal. Wow, kind of evil, said Maine resident Pennywise the dancing clown. Said Gertner, I confided deeply personal details about my marriage to someone I considered a friend. I trusted this person with the most private chapter of our lives. This is why I never tell anyone at work anything. Hallie and Las, they think they attended my wedding? That was a decoy wedding populated by crisis actors, including paid selection. celebrity attendee Tignatooro. For Plattenor's part, he made a promise that he would never sex again.

The next embarrassing revelation will be new and surprising and worse. Gertner also recorded a long direct-to-camera message on Saturday while being attacked by bugs. No marriage is perfect, and I don't want a perfect marriage. I want my marriage, and I want to be married to Graham. Sorry, Blackfly's. And I'm sorry for secretly breeding a giant swarm of biting black flies in our backyard over many years, added Graham Platner. It's because I was bummed out over the economy or whatever, and I stopped the night before I announced my campaign. I want to focus on the issues and not the super swarm of bloodthirsty black flies I've bred and released across Maine.

On Sunday, Platner responded to the reports. It's no surprise to me that the establishment media outlets are just going to run gossip instead of wanting to talk about the things. matter in this race, which are the material realities that the miners are working with. Graham, we could spend more time talking about that if so many women didn't know the material realities of what you're working with. During that exchange, Plattner denied the allegations. But the stories are true, right, about the texts? No. No, this is the amazing part. The Wall Street Journal in New York Times ran stories without any evidence besides the gossip from a former staffer. I'm sorry, that's frankly, journalistic malpractice.

But his wife, standing by his side, had already confirmed the story. The discrepancy, it turns out, is that McDonald was quoted as saying Platner had sexed with as many as a dozen women, while the Platner campaign said it was, quote, up to six. First of all, what do you mean up to six? Why are we estimating? How are you sure it's not seven, but not sure if it's five? And six versus 12 is a big difference when you're talking about how many eggs go in the cake batter. But I'm not sure it's a big distinction when you're talking about how many women got a tongue emoji from a married Senate candidate.

But you know what they say, sexed of one, half a dozen of the other. Point is, Graham Platner has real red flags. You've got to question the judgment of somebody sexting up to six women at the start of their marriage. And I get that marriage as hard as someone who's been married for over a week. Plus, yeah, hell yeah. Plus, some of Plattenor's red flags aren't even completely red. They have a white circle with a black twisted cross in the middle that's Sanskrit for good luck.

But I'm not a main voter, and unless you're consuming this in a lighthouse while drunk on coffee brandy and referring to your in-laws who have lived in your town for three generations as the newcomers, neither are you. We can win the Senate. It is within reach. Grant Platner, to me, isn't a vessel for challenging the establishment

or showing that we as Democrats can embrace candidates as flawed as Republicans, or attacking fashionable opponents, or proving what a broad coalition can sound like. He is how we defeat Susan Collins, who is a vote for a Republican majority leader, which makes her a vote to enable the most corrupt and dangerous president in American history. Plattenor is a means to an end, specifically an end, to having to hear Susan Collins say how concerned she is

about Trump's $4 billion proposal to replace the Lincoln Memorial with a solid gold Hulk Hogan built by Eric. and Don's new Katari Gold Statue Company. Yes. And I get it. Democrats are afraid of losing. We're accustomed to losing. Convinced we are losing.

And in fairness, that is based on our record. But it also means that our collective insecurity and anxiety turns debates over practical, political choices into matters of virtue and grievance. And I love having grievances. Just ask my high school bully. Oh, you can't. He's in prison for a murder I committed.

Platiner isn't a cookie-cutter establishment candidate, they say. Sure, but there are plenty of people who didn't go to Harvard Law and also didn't sext random women on their honeymoon. Janet Mills was a stronger candidate. Okay, but she dropped out because she was getting crushed. Now, Janet Mills did helpfully pop up on Monday to tell reporters that people have the impression that she withdrew or dropped out,

but she simply suspended active campaigning and is still on the ballot. Sure, Jan. I didn't drop. up out of the race, Mills says. I simply sat down in the middle of the racetrack and waited for the race to be over, you morons. If you think we need to replace Grand Platiner right now in the days before the primary because this story, which his own wife, which hadn't become public, is the last straw. You can say that, and maybe in a few days I'll be eating my words. I'm certainly eating

everything else now that the wedding's behind us, am I right? This guy knows what I'm talking about, okay. But barring an even worse scandal, which I would not put past this guy, I would rather a Democratic majority with Platiner in the Senate than a Republican majority with Collins in the Senate. And if you agree, and I hope you do, then we ought to believe that main voters can be persuaded to believe it too. And if you don't, it's because at root you have internalized a loser mentality. It's not because you don't trust Grand Plattener. It's because you don't trust yourself. Unless you're Grand Platner's wife, and then I can totally see why you don't trust Grand Platner.

But then again, you seem pretty gung-ho about the whole thing, unless that's an act of self-protection, which I would also understand. Anyway, I'm here if you want to talk, babe. For the record, here's where Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer was at on Tuesday. I met with Graham Blattler today. We're going to beat Susan Collins and take back the Senate. Hell yeah. Another thing Chuck Schumer and I have in common.

This and the fact that we both know that lettuce and tomato on a bagel is extra, but if you just ask for lettuce, it's usually free. And lettuce, look at what we're up against. Ken Baxter, Shut up. Ken Paxton beat out John Corny to be the Texas Republican candidate last week, despite getting indicted on felony fraud charges, attempting to overturn the 2020 election, and being the first statewide official to be impeached in almost a century. While we're at it, Paxton's wife of 38 years publicly divorced him on, quote, biblical grounds.

So either he cheated on her or cooked a lamb in its mother's milk. Meanwhile, on Monday, Iran halted all negotiations with the U.S. over Israel's military offensive in Lebanon. Here's what Trump had to say about it. I said, do you think the negotiations are over now? The president said, I don't care if they're over, honestly. I really don't care. I couldn't care less. If they're over, they're over.

Frankly, I think they started to get a little boring. I just hope for the time capsule. We have a shot of the White House UFC arena in the background while finding out that the president has grown bored of negotiating for peace in the war he started. You're the president. You don't get to be bored of trying to end. a war you chose to fight. It is so insulting. It's like an arsonist leaving before the fire department

shows up. You did this. At least enjoy it. Trump has also latched on to maybe the stupidest talking point in the history of his political career. I take the word dumb, take the B off because most people don't know that, you know, dumb ends with the B, but most people don't know. And all I do is I switch the E with the U and you have a Democrat. Much like Janet Mills has made. Senate campaign, that be is silent. So, you know, that was unfair. Because that was just a swerve to come. You thought we were going to have a nice little fun time

joking about Trump who we all hate. Then I was like, back to Janet Mills. Trump could knock down the East Week. He can attack the pillars of our democracy, but he can't say that most people don't know how to spell dumb. They do, and maybe that is the one thing he cannot take from us. Look, I've seen more than a few commentators say that Democrats are embracing Platner because they've seen how Republicans have embraced morally bankrupt people without paying a price.

But Republicans have embraced Trump and Paxson and other odious figures because they're unrepentantant assholes. This debate over Plattenor is at root about whether a repentant person can leave the asshole behind, specifically in the pictures they sent of that asshole to no more than six women on the internet. And I am hopeful that the answer is yes until we see pictures of that asshole, with an even more shocking tattoo on it. And with that, we've got a great show for you tonight. And when we come back, Tignitaro is here. Hey, don't go anywhere.

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Please go to crooked.com slash friends to become a friend of the pod. It's a lot of great content, and you're supporting independent pro-democracy media. And if you're in the LA area, you can still get tickets at crooked.com slash events to check out our new space here and upcoming guests, including stand-ups, Todd Glass, David Borey, Ali Sadiq, and Jay Farrow. Plus, don't miss a special Pride episode later this June. All right. My next guest attended my wedding last weekend, which was the entire reason I had one.

Please welcome to the stage to take Natarro. Hi, TIG. Hi, John. Good to see you. It's really good to see you. You're still married? Yeah. Yeah, it's good.

Yeah? I like it. I love it. It's fun to say husband. Yes. Well, I don't know. Yes. I have a female.

I have a herzband. You have a herzband. Yes. The other thing that was interesting is realizing I had in-laws. Oh, yeah. I had to fully internalize them becoming true in-laws. Yeah. And there's a word in, in, uh,

Yiddish machutum, which is for the relationship between Ari's parents and my parents, which is, there's no word for it in English because they're not technically in-laws, they're machotunum. Oh. Hey, at my wedding, did you enjoy sitting at the lesbian table? I did, and it didn't take me a long time to figure out that I was at the lesbian table. What was the first cleathing? Just business suits all around.

Yeah. Short haircuts. Yeah. Girls holding girls' hands. Yeah. Yeah. No husbands. Not a husband at that table. No, not a husband there.

It was fun having a big lesbian table. And there was also a gay guy table. I know. And what made you do that? It seemed funny. We almost sat. It did feel like we were sitting at a bit. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I don't know why we did it. Other than we thought, oh, you know, these lesbians don't necessarily know each other. Right. And maybe they'll become fast friends. because I assume, you know, it's like how golden doodles can just tell another golden doodle.

Yeah, yeah. From the business suits. From the business suits. But we also did think about sitting one, we thought it would be at the gate, like to have like Travis Hellwig, who was the former head writer of the show was at the wedding.

It wouldn't it be fun if it was just Travis and the lesbians. Like almost like a band or something. But then we didn't do that. How did the gay guy table do? They all had sex with each other. Yeah. Which was cool. at the wedding, which was like, guys, guys, calm down.

My friend's son, do you want to hear this? Yeah. Okay, he came out to her before he went to college, and then she and her brother were encouraging him to join, like, a gay guy group for support at college. And then she filled me in. She was like, I had no idea I was sending my son off to, like, travel orgies with a bunch.

Yeah, that is a big part of it. Yeah, but those days are over. Yeah, I never really had those days. You know, they were over. I didn't go through a travel orgy phase. You were, you staycation orgyed? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Why are we going on? Yeah, you never need to pass an orgy to get to a further orgy. You know what I'm saying? Don't drive, you know? Yeah. Aaron Serkin used to say that about four seasons. Why would you fly over a four seasons to get to a more distance four seasons? Just go to the nearest four seasons.

And that's how I feel about, you know, orgies. Yes. Yes. Go to your nearest orgy. Yeah. Yeah. At a four season. At a four, I mean, that's a great orgy. That's pretty sweet. That's a great orgy. And if you do with Amex, you get breakfast. Breakfast for 30? Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, I think it's, yeah, I mean, depends. I don't know if you know, but orgies now have MCs. Have you heard this? No. Where they'll, this, my, my wife told me this. Oh. She was like, they'll have a microphone, the host. and be like, free hole, free hole. And like...

Wow. Yeah. Sort of takes the romance out of it. But I don't know how much romance there is it, though, orgies. There's none, but there's free holes. Annie hoodles. Yeah, it depends on if it's like an odd number or even number. Mm-hmm.

Did you like the clowns at the wedding? For people listening, there were clowns at the wedding. We got really excellent clowns to be part of the ceremony and to tell people there are table numbers. Here's my question. What makes a clown a great clown? Because to me, I was just like there's clowns like a clown that went to my birthday as a child. Like I couldn't tell like, oh my God, I just saw four incredible clowns.

So that's a great question. Thank you. I think it's great to, I think you should be, oh, that's a great question. Thank you. They were so committed to the bit. They were each characters, and they each fully embodied those characters. And I will tell you, and I suppose everyone, via the microphone, that I did write what was called the clown memo. Okay.

And the clown memo had detailed character traits, qualities, and scripted dialogue for all four clowns. And was the clown situation your idea? It was our idea to have the clowns. And then I thought, well, if we're going to have clowns, there should be some kind of story, obviously. Clearly. And that evolved into the clown memo. And it was more pages than you'd think it was. I did work on the clown memo till really all hours at the night.

Yeah. And not my vows. So that's on me. But each of the, so basically the clowns. had a story in which they slowly discovered that Stu was a diabolical and evil clown sabotaging the love of Carpaccio and

Stroganoff and undermining the career of Wellington. I'm bored. But did you get that story from them? I did. Yeah, I think that was clear. No, here was my issue. When I went up to get my table number, the clown, and I don't know who it was,

that was giving me the number, there was a handkerchief? Beautiful handkerchief. It was stroganoff? Yes. Okay, it was stroganoff? Because he was sad. Okay, I know. And here's the problem.

As a germaphobe, I had a bit of an issue that this clown took my handkerchief and blew his nose into it. Yes, he had a clown nose on, but still, I was like, yeah, thank you. And I wanted the handkerchief, but I didn't want him to cry and blow his nose and stuff into my handkerchief.

And then I thought to go take it up with you. Yeah. And then I thought this is not really the day to get into my issue with the clown blowing his nose in my handkerchief. Right. And I understand you gave up Instagram. You know, in stand up, I'm not great at going from. topic to topic. And what I fantasize about is having an actual segue on stage.

So I am on one side of the stage. I tell a Joker story. And then I segue to the other side of the stage. Right. And I suggest that for you as well. Yes. It would be fun to do a show with the two of us on segways and try and live through that. Right.

Yes. TIG and other break their legs at the Largo. TIG Notaro and one other. So, yes, I'm off social media and what? Nothing. I'm just locked in. Yeah. Are you on social media and are you loving it? I'm not, I'm less and less on it. And that I do think is for the best. I'm consuming a lot of TikTok still.

TikTok I go to just to consume. That's social media. Yeah. And you're right. Yeah. You're right. For sure. That's the caveat.

Yeah. I'm not using Instagram or Twitter as much. I'm going on there. I'm not producing as much. I'm consuming more. Yeah. But maybe that's worse. Well, I was, that's why I got off.

Because I was never familiar with the Met Gala. I had heard of it. And then I was on Instagram and I was getting all of this information about the Met Gala. And I was like, oh, it's, I truly, I didn't know if it was awards. I didn't know what this thing was. And then I was like, okay, so fashion, then I, you know, Bezos, all of these things, and then the politics of who went and who. And then I found myself mad at Bad Bunny.

And then I was like, hold on, I didn't even know who Bad Bunny was until the Super Bowl. And what has my life become? that I am sitting stewing about Bad Bunny and his decision and then I was like, I cannot be taking in this stuff. Oh, see,

I think you handled that incorrectly. I think you should just let that flow over you and you'll find that there's so many, once you're stopped being mad at Bad Bunny, you'll be mad at somebody new and then that's really cool. And then you're kind of amped all the time, kind of ready to rumble. Yeah, yeah. I guess it's not what I'm

looking for, John. Oh. Speaking of what we were talking about most recently, the time has come for TICT takes. It's where it's a segment where we asked take for her take on current events. Oh no. And now that you're not even on Instagram, boy, I can't wait to find out what you think of these stories. I can't wait either. First up, we have RFK Jr. snake handling. Hi, honey, what are they?

Well, they're having sex, so what were they? Well, I'll tell you what. I feel like this is maybe the fourth or fifth time Bobby has wrangled snakes since he's been in this administration. And he's living in D.C. now, right? How is this man running into so many snakes? And I honestly am starting to feel like they're being placed someplace for him to, I mean, when is the last time you ran into a snake? It's really unlikely. I agree.

It feels a little bit like when Richie Rich goes fishing. You know what I mean? Well, I don't know what you're talking about. There's a lot of fish in that pond. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And it just, like, what, you're just out at, is he at Dr. Oz's house?

I don't know where he is. I don't know either, but it's cement. Right. It's like he's, I... I'm glad you're raising this because I had the same thought, which I thought, I really did see that, and I immediately, my brain just went, staged, staged, stage snakes.

Yes. Snakes staged. Yes. Fake snakes. It's a snake fake. Oh, you should get bumper stickers made that say that. Keep honking. I'm faking a snake thing.

Hey, what do you think about the new White House UFC arena? I like it. It's going to be... Are these quick takes or hot? What is this? Whatever you want. I just learned what hot takes were today. That's just a strongly felt opinion, I suppose.

Yeah. But a quick take is just exactly what it sounds like. I like it. I really like what they're doing. I think the quicker and hotter the better, but it does. But there's no, it could be hot. It could be quick and hot. I don't think it should be neither quick nor hot.

I think a lukewarm, long take is probably not what we're aiming for. But other than that, really kind of the world joister. I would like to see Bobby fighting doing a snake thing in there. Hey, the New York Times published an article called Being Straight is Great Actually. And that was, they changed the headline to there's nothing wrong with wanting men. Agree or disagree? It's complicated for me. I have to be honest.

How are you? I think there's nothing wrong with wanting men. And I think also there's nothing wrong being straight, but they're different. Yeah, it's romantically wanting a man. Yeah, to romantically want a man. I think that, like, if you want a man to pick you up at the airport, I think nobody has a problem with that. And that's not really part of the discourse. I think it's more about having a kind of long-term sexual and romantic attachment to a man.

Yeah. The article is sort of delving at. Yeah, I think there's nothing wrong with wanting men. Yeah. I agree. Yeah. Have you heard of the term slam pig? Because of this show.

You have heard of it? No, truly because the producer told me. Oh, of this show, not the thing. Rhode Island Housewives. Because Bill told you about slam pigs. Yeah. Would you imagine I watch Rhode Island slam picks? No, no.

The show is real housewives of Rhode Island. It's not called Rhode Island Slamp Picks, which, by the way, is a great name for a show. Boy, boy, is there money to be made in a show called Rhode Island Slam Pigs. I would be curious to watch it. For sure. For sure. Not much grabs my attention. with television,

but one time Stephanie and I were in a hotel room and she said, let's watch something, and she was flipping through. And the one thing I chimed in about, I said, wait, wait, wait, wait, go back, go back. What was that, a wagon? And she went back, and it wasn't a wagon, and she was like, what did you think it was going to be

or what were you wanting? And I said, honestly, I was hoping it was like information about the history of wagons. And that was true. truly something that I would have watched. Why are you shaking your head? I'm just imagining that I just feel like, I'm not sure there's much of a difference for Stephanie

between traveling with you and traveling with like a Victorian ghost. Like, ostensibly, I think those are basically the same experiences. You're like, you're, you're not totally tracking technology or anything. It is totally plausible that, that Stephanie could be alone and talking to you as a ghost and everybody, it would be the same, I think it would look basically the same. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to have to let her know you said that.

But slam pigs. I just am grateful that there is now a name for the kind of summers I've been having because it's a slam pig summer, right? Slamp pig summer? Yeah. Is that, and you're just... I've been having slam pig summers my whole life.

Wow, that's so nice. I just didn't know it was called that. Right. Yeah. For you, what is that? What is a slant pig summer to you, Tignitaro? I just like to get my body ready for the summer, and then I like to wear a bikini, you know, and I just sunbathe a lot, and I wrestle.

Uh-huh. What else is there to do? That's it. You got it. Yeah. That's what a slam pig is. In Rhode Island. I spend my summers in Rhode Island.

And then the broth is just clear. That's the thing. Exactly. That's how you know it's a Rhode Island slam pig summer, because you're in a bikini, you're getting tan, you're having chowder, but it's clear. Rhode Island. What would you think if you saw me in a bikini, sunbathing? It's sort of, I don't know. It'd be sort of like seeing Donald Trump in a musical or Donald Trump. You know what I mean? It's just sort of like, boy, that's out of, that seems

something must have, there must be a reason, but I don't know what it is. TIG slam Pagan. Tim's TIG slam piggin. Tim. TIG slam piggin. And boy, the way, by the way, if you want to, if you want to see TIG Slam Pig in other contexts. Check out the handsome podcast. That's right. And TIG will be in Albany on June 4th, Spokane on June 12th, Colorado Springs, July 16th, and Calgary on August 30th.

Bringing that Slam Pig energy to Canada. That's right. It's a slam pig summer. Yeah. Slamp Pig, A? How do you think this went? I'm ready to get started. And we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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It's sharp, honest analysis featuring women's voices with humor and zing. zero handholding. Listen to hysteria wherever you get your podcasts and watch full episodes on YouTube. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage. She appeared at a documentary called Anxiety Club, and now I'm anxious I wasn't asked to join. It's a partner on Charla. Hi, good to see you. There's your seat. Thank you so much. Hi, Parna, good to see you. Good to see you both. So you're in documentary about anxiety, huh? I am.

It's about comedians with anxiety. I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would make me feel scared. Are you in the anxiety club? I am. I'm an official member. That's cool. When I first did therapy, my therapist said, do you think you might have chronic anxiety?

And I said, no, that's ridiculous. And then she said, all right, well, describe how it feels to move through the world. I did. And she's a, that's terrible anxiety. And she's like, I think we have to figure out why you don't understand how you feel all the time and why your brain is not connected to your body because you're anxious 24 hours a day and you just think that's what normal is. And I was like, bitch. That's also how I go through therapy. Yeah? Yeah. I just, uh, I sit there and then occasionally I go, bitch. We might have similar types of anxiety. Well, I, I, the last time, I was in therapy, I was anxious because I wasn't, I was, um, uh, it was like early and I was

dating Ari and I was like really anxious that it wasn't going to go work out. Yeah. And then I, then I texted my therapist a picture of us getting married because I haven't seen her in the years since because I've been so busy. Whoa. So you got into a relationship broke up with your therapist basically or ghosted her. We're not, we're not broken up. We're just sort of taking a break for indefinitely. I don't need therapy. I don't need it. I don't need it.

What are you basing that on? I got it all figured out. He had clowns at his wedding. Oh, well, that's, yeah, that's a sign you've kind of evolved to the next plane. Yeah. Hey, you said you wish you could do stand-up to no audience. Yeah. That's my main problem with stand-up, that there's an audience.

Oh, yeah? But then how do you know how to feel about yourself if you're not getting the validation from outside? I think I just, I will assume it's going fine. I think if I could just remove the fact that there are strangers there, that would be helpful. But I don't mean I want to perform for friends and family. I just, there's something about other people there that's always been my main hang-up with stand-up. And I think that's why people are sometimes upset that I do it. take do you like having a crowd or would you rather do it just sort of in a white box um good question

thank you john um one time i did perform for no people didn't you do a tour that was just like people's living room well i did that too but let's keep that a secret okay okay um i did a college I did Pepperdine College, and I showed up to the student center. No one else did. And the people that booked me, I said, so what do we do? And they said, you have to do your material. So I sat down with my mic and just told the woman who booked me. I was like, so I was at the grocery store and did that for an hour to get my check.

So I guess there was one person there, but. Not a single person. That's almost like she was a dictator, because that seems like what a dictator would do. Like, bring me my favorite stand-up. Exactly. Do your thing. Bring me this unknown person we booked at a very low rate to fulfill our budget. You know what that sounds like, though?

It sounds like what a clown would have done, you know? Dead on. Dead on noise. Wow, that's really good. It's like a clown's here. Yeah. For the listeners at home, no clown, you were saying. I was saying college gigs are notoriously difficult.

Yes. I remember I did a college gig where when I got there, the poster for the show said, Free Chicken Nuggets! And then my name in tiny letters at the bottom. And I was like, yeah, the chicken nuggets are the draw. That's how you get people. And when we had our comedy duo, we were also the Chicken Nuggets. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Free Chicken Nuggets was the Improv Group opening. for me. What have you learned about anxiety that you wish you had known earlier in your life? That it never ends. Oh, well, that seems like a...

How would you answer that? That's a tough one. He doesn't have it. Yeah, I don't have it. Oh, that's true. No problem. I would say two things. I'm thinking about it.

One thing I would definitely say is I would definitely had people in my life that have like moments of really acute anxiety where they're like really like really struggling and there's like a culture around and I think it's for good reason people are like reluctant to like take things like chemicals to deal with their problems but I think it's a good instinct in general but like I think that there are certain times like when people are suffering it's like hey if you're having like an anxiety attack take a thing just get it get the emotions that deal with the thing quickly and then like focus on what caused it but I think sometimes

is people kind of like, you know, like white knuckle through television experiences, and I don't think that's a good idea. Well, I know there are comedians who are also like, I don't want to take, you know, antidepressants because I think then I won't be as funny if I'm not depressed, which is really interesting theory. You don't think there's any truth of that? Well, I think it makes it seem like your pain is the only reason that you're able to, like, create or something, and I don't think that's necessarily true.

I'm on your side. That's my hot take, take. I know what that means. In your special hopeful potato, you talk about seeing your wiki feet entry and seeing that your feet have mid-ratings. Yeah.

So we blow them out. Those are your blurred feet. They have a 2.78. But you know what's weirder? I don't, when I saw that photo, because I first saw it, it was shown to me at some show I agreed to do, and then they whipped this out

after I did my set. And I don't think those are my feet. Wait, where would they have gotten? I don't know. I've never done footwork. I can't picture you ever being in a situation outside of your house barefoot. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I know you well enough to know you're going to put your shoes on.

Yeah, yeah. What the hell's that? I don't know. So you don't even think these are your feet. I think they're deep fakes. Now, we did look into that. and TIG, you have a much higher rating on this website. Yes, yes.

Yes. There I am. We've blurred them just to protect your... Identity. Those are actually at Parnas feet. Now, the team also discovered that John Favro has a high rating, as is Tommy Vitor. Whoa, 4.9. They're getting great ratings for these feet.

I am not on Wiki feet. I'll tell you someone who is, Jeffrey Epstein. Wow, I edged out Epstein. And here you're doing better than Epstein. I want to read the comments. These are the comments on Jeffrey Epstein's WikiFeed. This is a wiki about feat, not about judgments.

What he did or didn't do isn't the deciding factor, period. The eligibility criteria are described, and no, that's not debatable. To argue a site where you rate feet is not about judgments, is patently unhinged. Well, it's not about judgments outside of the feet. They separate the art from the artist. Okay. Basically. Boy, I'll tell you something.

Speaking of feet, walk, don't run to Aparnas new animated series, Kevin. Applaud me. Wow. You play a gross cat. I play a gross, yeah, a gross kitten, a sickly cat. kitten. But TIG, you're also in it. Oh, yes. Do you play a cat? I don't remember.

Most characters on the show are animals, so you're probably either a cat or some other creature. Hey, if you don't want to perform in front of people, doing animated stuff seems like it might be right up your alley. I love it. Because you're in a little booth. You're in a little cave. You don't have to look at anyone.

You just have your cans on, and you can just inhabit your little world and be a little kitten on the brink of death. Any other thoughts about being anxious? I think, I would say one thing that's interesting about anxiety, because you guys were talking about snakes earlier, and how they're there.

Because somebody places them there. Because someone places them there. And anxiety is actually an adaptive trait. It's like when our ancestors were trying to figure out, is that a stick or is that a snake? So I think maybe anxiety is still around because of RFK Jr. When are you least anxious? Oh, great question.

Thank you. Somebody has to have them. Now I'm feeling what I think is anxiety. I'm not sure I've never experienced it before. First time for everything. I have to say a time that I do feel at peace and sorry to be vulgar, but right after I take a poop, I do feel at peace because it feels like there's a release.

I did my job. nothing else is expected of me no one is going to rape me wow that's a leap and I can check it off yeah now this is the second time I've heard about your poop

really well not yours you're going to run an apartment in your bit and then they were like the one thing is you can't poop in this apartment you have to take your poop out in a bag let's go to commercial wait you had to take your poop out in a bag

I saw an apartment in New York where they were like everything's fine, but the toilet you cannot poop in it. That's not a good sign when they start out with, listen, everything's fine. I just, first of all, how do they know?

Well, because apparently it'll probably explode. They can't even handle a classic poop. That's what they've been, that's what they've been, that's what they're, what about a loose stool? Yeah. What about a loose stool? What do you mean?

What about a loose stool? Well, it's poop, but it's loose. Like it's diarrhea. It's got to be fine. Well, I think it was also that when I walked in, it was clearly just like an IKEA showroom. So nothing was actually hooked up to anything. Oh, well, that would also be a problem for peeing, one would think. Yes.

Yeah, they would have been like, you can poop in there, but it's just going to kind of keep piling it. But are you still living there? We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought you by Chime. Chime is changing the way people bank. They offer the most rewarding fee-free banking, built for you, not the 1%. They're not like traditional old banks that charge you overdraft in monthly fees. They have thousands of fee-free ATMs because why pay to get your own money? Chime members can benefit from up to $1,150 in annual rewards.

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yield and cashback for Chime Prime only, no minimum balance required, checking account, ranking based on a JD Power survey published October 20, 2025. For more information on APY rates, MyPay, spot me, and travel perks, go to chime.com slash disclosures. Quick question. Are you politically engaged and spiritually exhausted? If you said yes to both, welcome home. I'm Erin Ryan. And I'm Alyssa Master of Monaco. And we're the host of Hysteria, the podcast for women who care about democracy, culture, and not losing their minds in the process. We break down the news, call out the nonsense, and spotlight the women actually fighting back on Capitol Hill, in classrooms, and everywhere the stakes are high. It's sharp, honest analysis featuring women's voices with humor and zero handholding.

Listen to Hysteria wherever you get your podcasts and watch full episodes on YouTube. And we're back. Yes. In honor of your WikiFeed beat, we're going to put our foot knowledge to the test. In the lightning round, we're calling foot traffic. I'm going to show you and take a pair of feet,

and you're going to guess whose feet they are, and I will reveal if you are right. Some of them are feet from the news this week. Some of them are classic feet from pop culture. Are you ready? We're supposed to figure out whose feet. That's right. First up, whose feet are these?

Fred Flintstone. You got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There he is. I got a softball. Anything after the 70s, I won't know. Three toes. He's always had three.

Next up. Whose feet are these? Oh, that's John Travolta. What? How did you know that? I don't know if that is. Oh. Is it?

No. How did I not know that? How could she have known? How would she know that? I will say this. It is something, it is a photo. that is very recent and it is of someone who has revealed

a new quote, cuntilicious look. Oh, Miley Cyrus. No. Oh, cuntilicious. And I will say it includes a... Is it me? Martha Stewart.

Wouldn't you know if you, first of all, could you imagine Martha Stewart in wide-like pants? It's conceivable. It's Susan Boyle. What? No. Yes.

She has a new look. Boil is back. Boil's back and she's got a, She's got a, what is, I think, known colloquially as a cunty bob. I think it's cool. Do you remember Susan Boyle? Yeah. That's why I guessed it correctly.

But, no, okay, so next up. Who's feet are these? Look at those. My goodness. That's Jill Biden. That's Jill Biden. Show me Jill Biden. Nope, it's Lady Gaga.

But the, that's Lady Gaga? That's Lady Gaga. Let's go to these speech. You still got it, kid. What? Oh, yeah, that's big foot. Close. Big feet.

Big feet. That's big feet. I didn't even see where the foot started. Any guesses? I'll give you a hint. The White House posted a picture of this creature this week. Are you seeing feet? I think I see one.

There's feet. With a mushroom growing through its toes. Okay, okay, yeah, okay. But then it also looks like there's a club foot. on the other side. Looks like a foot and then a club foot. It's Harambe.

Whoa. Okay, that's a foot and a knee. You're right. But it's at least one foot. But he's looking good. He could still get it. He died in 2011. He could still get it.

Died in 2011. And the White House inexplicably posted on the anniversary of Harambe's death. Next up. Oh, yeah. Shrek? You got it.

It's Shrek. And why are we rating these feet? Well, what do you want to give this? What do you want to give Shrek's feet? Two farts down. Yeah. Well, this went great. We'll be right back. And we're back.

And now for our favorite end-of-show segment, where we take a loving stroll through everything I said or did this evening and decide whether or not I regret it. In a segment we call Second Thoughts. And Tegan and A partner, I would love to hear any second thoughts you have about this evening. Okay. whenever you're ready, but I'll take us through a few first. I told arsonists to at least enjoy it.

Oh, TIG, I'm sorry I compared lesbians to golden doodles. I didn't notice. I revealed too much about the born and clown memo. I didn't notice. Hey, TIG, the producers want to know if you have any second thoughts about referring to the free holes at the orgies. I have deep regret over that. It's private.

People should have their privacy with the... the orgies, and I apologize, and I even brought this into this respectable conversation we've been having. Oh, I also lied about not in eating therapy. I think we tracked it. I shouldn't have shown Tommy and John's feet scores because I hurt my own feelings. Stop it! Do you have any regrets of Parna? Yeah, I'm sort of embarrassed I ghost wrote that op-ed.

There's nothing wrong with wanting men. But I'm glad you guys gave it. to shout. People were mad that the times ran that right before pride and it's like, who cares? Yeah. But also, they kind of clickbaited it because the full line was,

there's nothing wrong with wanting men to exist. Too much poop talk, maybe? Not enough. Not enough. I enjoy poop talk. Me too. I guess it's my biggest regret is that we didn't get deeper

into it. Yeah. I always find that people are reluctant to talk about pooping, but you know what? Everybody does it. And if you bring it up, there's a moment where people kind of look around and just like, this is allowed. We can talk about poop at this restaurant, and you can. And you can, and then everybody's having a great time. And you know when people are like, sorry to shit talk, and then they say something about

some peer you know, you're like, I was ready to talk about shit. Yeah. I've seen you in that situation before. Yeah. Yeah, and you see how angry I get. This show's over. I'm going to end it right now. Is that okay?

I'm fine. Any final thoughts? No. No. I don't have any. I don't have time to get into it. And that is our show. Thank you so much to take the time on the carnion and charlie.

There are 152 days until the midterms. We'll be back on Friday with Todd Glass, and we will see you later this week. Lovenor-Need-it is a perfect media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Bill McGrath, Kelsey Gante, and me, John Lovett. Our production team includes, Allie Keeper, Sarah Lazarus, David Tolls, Claudia Shang, Jay Banks, Gavin Purcell, and Matt McGrath. And our staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East. Quick question.

Are you politically engaged and spiritually exhausted? If you said yes to both, welcome home. I'm Aaron Ryan. And I'm Alyssa Master of Monaco. And we're the host of Hysteria, the podcast for women who care about democracy, culture, and not losing their minds in the process. We break down the news, call out the nonsense, and spotlight the women actually fighting back on Capitol Hill, in classrooms, and everywhere the stakes are high.

It's sharp, honest analysis featuring women's voices with humor and zero handholding. Listen to hysteria wherever you get your podcasts and watch full episodes on YouTube.