Lovett or Leave It - Malort the Merrier

Episode Date: July 23, 2022

It’s bottoms up when Lovett or Leave It rolls into town for a show at the beautiful Chicago Theater. The Chicago Gay Men's Chorus reminds us we were born this way: tired and gay. Ali Barthwell does the Cell Block Tango with Trump’s murderers’ row of henchmen. Abby McEnany serves up the Gay News deep dish. A former Jane (Kim Quindlen) gives us hope in a post-Roe world. Ashley Ray and Lovett raise a shot glass to the Second City, and our Hot Takes are the only thing steamier than this humid Windy City summer.--Thanks to The Chicago Theatre and MSG Entertainment for hosting this week's show. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Hey everybody, before the show gets started, just wanted to give a special thanks to MSG Entertainment and the Chicago Theatre for hosting me, Ashley Rae, Abby McEnany, Allie Barthwell, Kim Quinlan, and the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus for this week's episode of Love It or Leave It. Thanks so much and enjoy the show. My mama told me when I was young We should vote for Democrats Ask for pronouns and talk me CRT Give me a pink pussy hat It will get better when Trump is gone, she said, there's not good folks on both sides

So just go fuck that girl and have no doubt, we will heal when he is out Well I guess I was dead wrong, no is past the bone This country is fascistic I'm so tired and gay The kids are poor everywhere There is no oil to spare Canada's right there Baby I'm so tired and gay We'll take our rights away

Baby I'm so tired and gay Baby I'm so tired and gay It's a gerotocracy Baby I'm so tired and gay Baby, I'm so tired and gay Tired and gay It's a gerotocracy Baby, I'm so tired and gay Long track, baby, I'm so tired and gay Don't watch, watch news They hate the Jews

Is that Rudy? Then hide the booze You hot babies, you can't refuse Press snooze, press snooze, press snooze But Lovett is here to make you laugh And he has bought quite laugh. And he has bought quite a crew. After Chicago we'll go to D.C.

for a VCR cleaner let go. A different Lovett is staying alive. If you're here for him you can go. Hey, hey, hey. There's no offense. I'm sure that he's brave But that is just a different show

Without a six-time innings to a guilty plea How can I like this? Jamie, I'm so tired and gay Have you read Mark Meadows' text? They didn't hire the best They didn't eat on this You're next, I's so tired and gay They will die on the hill

Next game, marriage, then the bill Baby, I'm so tired and gay Cause I didn't kiss and piss I got an ass you can kiss Romance is quick, baby We think y'all go the wrong way So don't complain, take to the streets Then get their roll in the sheets You're black, white, gay, short, hard of intent

God, God, you can't say orient Because college wasn't a novel set So tell your refs to pack the bench They want to gut the EPA Soon in schools you will have to break No matter gay, straight, or bi You have a reason to cry Better start marching, baby

Lots of good reasons why We've got some fresh hot kicks in And there's a red wheel to spin Wave it in the wings, baby It's Cassidy Hutchinson Let's start the show We've got a while to go I know the mood's low, baby, those are tired

and gay We're just almost filled with spite For the removal of rights by those that qualify You can't be here, the market is tight Wish there was a new party, baby, I'm so tired and gay Baby, I'm so tired and gay Tired and gay Send me to a new country, baby, I'm so tired and gay, baby I'm so tired and gay Tired and gay Send me to a new country, baby I'm so tired and gay Maybe Justice Alito will just pass away So much justice on hay, John is on the way, hey

The mess are gerrymandered, I'm so tired and gay, hey I'm so tired and gay, hey I'm so tired and gay, hey I'll try being masked, baby I'm so tired and gay, hey. I'm so tired and gay, hey. I'll try being masked, baby. I'm so tired and gay, hey. Hello, Chicago! It is great to be back one more time for the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus. That was amazing. Great job.

Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else, coming to you from New York and L.A.'s favorite nibbling. Nibbling being the non-binary term for a niece or nephew you plan to eat. We have got a great show for you tonight. Allie Barthwell is here to explore the criminal underbelly of this less perfect union of ours. Ashley Ray punishes me for not knowing enough

about this city of yours. Abby McEnany is here for some deep dish gay news. A local mom has some thoughts on a certain Supreme Court decision, and Kim Quinlan joins everyone for some takes hotter than a Midwestern July day. And we're going to be doing live high notes, so excavate those brains for some hope God forgot to expunge. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Rumor has it Donald Trump might be planning to announce his 2024 candidacy as soon as this fall.

But at least we've got the rest of this innocent, carefree summer where everything's going our way. Announcing his candidacy this summer. Oh no, said Merrick Garland, I missed my chance to not be accused of politicizing the next election. Oh well, back to bed. So, so tired. A tired Merrick Garland. Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy. The January 6th committee says Secret Service members deleted texts from January 5th and 6th according to a letter sent by the Homeland Security Inspector General to members of Congress. Look, obviously this is deeply concerning, but if I texted my work husband That Trump choking me out and the beast turned me all the way on I'd delete it too

No matter what the IG says Gotta get rid of that text You'd rather go to jail than have that text come out The Secret Service alleges The texts were lost due to a device replacement program But they were erased shortly after They were requested by investigators I want to make fun of this claim, but I lost my phone once and now I'm five years deep in a text conversation with who? I really don't know. There's no name,

just a number. They're either my closest female friend or an Uber driver. Texas is suing the Biden administration over their announcement that federal law states hospitals and doctors have a legal obligation to provide abortions if the mother's life is in danger, no matter what the local law might say. Your Honor, if Texas doesn't have the right to let Texans die preventable deaths, then how do you explain our gun laws or failing power grid or COVID policies? We have a brand to uphold. Partner. Partner. partner.

Lauren Boebert's gun-themed restaurant, Shooters, located in, of course, Rifle, Colorado, closed down after the lease was revoked by the building's new owners. Yeah. Yeah. Let's hear it for landlords. Doesn't seem right. Doesn't seem right.

The owners also run a cannabis dispensary and said they felt a moral imperative to end the lease. The restaurant previously made headlines in 2017 due to a diarrhea outbreak involving 17 people. Public safety reminder, if you plan to eat at a restaurant run by Lauren Boebert, remember always assume that your ass is loaded and never point your ass at something unless you intend to destroy it. Meanwhile, in California as a result of redistricting, long time right wing anti-gay California Republican

Ken Calvert's very red district has become a bit more purple because he has some new constituents gay as hell Palm Springs. To save his job after decades of anti-gay votes and once sending out lavender flyers to mock a gay opponent, but now facing a challenge from a gay former federal prosecutor, he has moderated on issues like marriage equality. It wasn't always my position.

It's a different country than it was 30 years ago, said Ken Calvert in full drag. On the East Coast, the average Manhattan rent has broken $5,000 for the first time in the city's history. What's New York if no one can take a chance and move there? If it was this expensive a hundred years ago to move to the Lower East Side, there'd be a bunch of Eastern European Jews fire lapping at their doors saying, you see this letter from Jaime? At these prices, we'll take our chances with the Russians. I want you to know something.

With the pogrom was the alt. And we felt that was too hard. And I think that based on your reaction to the Russians, I think we made the right decision. The internet rallied behind a 14-year-old submission to New York's Ulster County Board of Elections sticker contest, a grinning, rainbow-covered, red-eyed human head with spider legs declaring, I voted.

I love it. I just love it. Nothing has captured the experience of voting as this does. I've never seen the experience of looking down at the ballot and clawing

at it with a pencil. In this age, much like this red-eyed freak. I think that should be the I voted sticker. It's our last election ever. Let's have some fun with it. Speaking of elections, John Fetterman's campaign for Senate paid Jersey Shore star Snooki

to make a cameo clowning on Dr. Oz, Fetterman's opponent. I know you're away from home and you're in a new place, but Jersey will not forget you. I just want to let you know I will not forget you. And don't worry, because you'll be back home in Jersey soon. This is only temporary. So good luck. You got this.

And Jersey loves you. I don't need politics to be fun all the time, but wouldn't it be nice if it was a little more often as fun as the Fetterman campaign is having obliterating Dr. Oz. They're really taking pleasure with it. I love it. Always pointed out that he's filming these things in New Jersey. Pointed out every time he takes a picture like a tourist. I love it. Dr. Oz posing with a Philly cheesesteak. He doesn't eat Philly cheesesteaks. You can see it in his eyes.

He's fucked. He has rich skin. You know? You can't come back from rich skin. It's a choice you made. If you want to have rich skin, you don't get to be a senator from Pennsylvania. You can maybe make it in California or New York, but you're not going to get it out. You're not going to make it in Pennsylvania.

The geniuses over at Peloton capitalized on the internet's thirst for Christopher Maloney with a new commercial featuring the Law & Order star exercising in the nude. Apparently, some people think the way I work out is strange. Honestly, I don't get it.

Bum, bum. Peloton, come on. You don't have to try so hard. You won us over when you killed Mr. Big. Obviously, this should have been in gay news, and that was a mistake, and we're sorry. Scientists transplanted genetically modified pig hearts into two recipients who are on life support but have been declared legally brain dead in an experiment they say shows encouraging science for potential trials in humans.

Okay. The way they figure it out if it worked is a doctor leans down and whispers to the unconscious brain dead patient, oink if you love this. I'm sorry. That one was for me. I love that. It made me happy. Can anybody just sign up to be part of these experiments?

If so, this is my verbal consent form. If I'm gone, get in there and get weird with it. Science is great. We love science. We love science here. Huh? Yeah, science. Applaud if you love science and care about your horoscope.

Full of shit. Full of shit. It's a dumb shit. Horoscope people. Oh, you're such a Scorpio. Are you? Are you a Scorpio? What are you? Oh, what does that mean?

What is the position of the... What does your shirt say? Here for John Lovett, you have a sparkling... For Lyle Lovett. Sit down. Sit down. Wait a second.

Hold on a second. Were you actually here to see Lyle Lovett? No? What is going on? She's being a Scorpio. I'm getting the move along fingers from the production team. You don't give me the fingers.

I swear to God, I'm a Leo, so I will drag this out. A previously unknown self-portrait of Vincent Van Gogh was discovered at the National Galleries of Scotland on Thursday. The portrait was found on the back of Head of a Peasant Woman. This is the original deleting a nude but forgetting to delete it from your recently deleted folder. Experts warned against herbal abortion device that circulated on TikTok that advises viewers to use mugwort and parsley to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.

Do not learn how to do abortions on TikTok. TikTok is where you diagnose ADHD, autism, narcissism, and bisexuality, but nothing further than that. That's it. The only medical advice you should get on TikTok is a person who heard one thing from their therapist and then records a video saying, this is a universal truth that applies to everyone seeing this video. That is what TikTok is for. In honor of National French Fry Day, Heinz has created an abomination called Spoon Fries, which are French fries shaped like spoons,

allowing sickos and perverts to shovel in the maximum amount of ketchup. After all we've learned, and after all we've been through as a society, it is a mistake to give Donald Trump a ketchup catapult. The damage he will do to our institutions. With that, an article in The Cut explored the ongoing battle within a Princess Diana fan group to prevent users from posting their masturbation schedules. Yeah, you heard me. I was on the forum, though,

and all I saw was someone letting everyone know when Big Ben would be chiming. Wait, I get it. As I said it, I heard me. I was on the forum, though, and all I saw was someone letting everyone know when Big Ben would be chiming. Wait, I get it. As I said it, I heard it. I heard it. Shut it down. And finally, 4,000 beagles have been rescued from a Virginia dog breeding facility and are looking for new homes. Luckily, one area woman promised to take 101 of the dogs immediately. No questions asked. When we come back, it's time for the Cell Block Tango. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back. Here in Illinois, you know a thing or two about politicians who think a little showmanship and notoriety means you can razzle-dazzle your way out of accountability for rampant law-breaking. But it doesn't always work, does it? Four of your last ten governors have gone to prison. Yeah. All right. Don't pat yourselves on the back. And it would have been five, except Len Small got acquitted, and then eight of his jurors

got state jobs. And that's how you tamper, Trump. Take a memo. Learn from the master. Early 20th century Illinois governor Len Small. Of course, no one has tried to evade accountability with pizzazz harder than Trump, except maybe Roxy and Velma from Chicago. Here to help us figure out who in Trump's inner circle only had himself to blame,

it's the wonderful Ali Barthwell. Hi, hi. What's up, Chicago? It's the wonderful Allie Barthwell. Hi. Hi. What's up, Chicago? Okay, where are my suburbs in the house? Did you boo? He booed the suburbs. Wow.

He booed the suburbs. Incredible energy for the second row. How you doing? I'm doing great. I put on an underwire bra. Incredible energy for the second row. How you doing? I'm doing great. I put on an underwire bra. I'm out to have fun. And that's sort of like a structure. It's like an undergirding.

It's an immovable bridge is what's happening. An immovable bridge. Yeah. A shovel-ready project. We built back better. We built back better. We built back better. You built back better. We built back better. You like Chicago?

I love Chicago. I'm from the suburbs. Oak Park, River Forest, where we at? I feel like what's happening here is the New York equivalent is this person's shouting, bridge and tunnel, bridge and tunnel. You know what I mean? That's what he's doing there. Which again is

interesting second row energy. It's an interesting tactic. Interesting tactic. He's in merch. We forgive him. You better have been born at Northwestern Hospital. I swear to God.

Where were you born, sir? Sir, where were you born? What hospital? I was born in D.C. You were born in D.C.? I live in Chicago proper. Okay. I live in Chicago proper.

I will tell you something. Something I've learned doing these shows all across the country, a bunch of progressives can get into a room and they can believe every tolerant, kind, generous, open-hearted concept in the world, but when it comes to their own city, they are as nativist as Don jr. After a line of Coke,

they are just, they're like, you're from three feet outside the city line. You fuck go back to where you came from. Hot park Ridge. It is like some fucking hot ass Calvin Coolidge, old school 1920s nativism here in Chicago. Exactly. Allie. Yes. You can like the life you're living. Hot-ass Calvin Coolidge old-school 1920s nativism here in Chicago. Yeah, exactly.

Allie. Yes? You can like the life you're living. You can live the life you like. You can even marry Harry and mess around with Ike. Unless you're one of the many duds and chuds who tried to help former President Donald Trump overturn the 2020 election, in which case you're likely in the middle of a legal battle that will, God willing, end with your imprisonment. So in honor of this summer's January 6th hearings,

here's a game we're calling He Had It Coming. You guys remember that? You're not more of a Cats crowd, are you? Anyway, here's how it's going to work. I'm going to ask Ali a question about a lawsuit, charges, or other legal action against Trump or one of his cronies. If you get the answer right, we're going to play He Had It Coming. If you get it wrong, you get this. Uh-uh. Yuck.

Trying to... Giving you an uh-uh. Put it on some merch. Are you ready? Question one. This is a fill-in-the-bl some merch. Are you ready? Question one. This is a fill-in-the-blank question. After a judge shot down Steve Bannon's attempts to avoid a contempt trial for dodging his January 6th subpoena, Bannon's lawyer, David Schoen, declared in court,

what's the point in going to trial here if there are no what? Isn't it like, oh. They phoned a friend already. I really wanted to try. You got it. I'm a big girl. I can do it myself. We'll let you know when we want audience participation.

All right? We'll let you know. I'm going to Bethesda, Maryland right there in the second row if I need something. How are you in there? Foggy Bottom? Nope. Soggy Bottom? Nope. What are the two suburbs at the end of the red line? Here or in there? Foggy Bottom? Nope. Soggy Bottom?

Nope. What are the two suburbs at the end of the red line? Here or in D.C.? No, D.C. Okay, we're losing them. We're losing them. They'll come back. They'll come back. Who likes Chardonnay?

We got them back. We got them back. We got them back. We got them back. They feel things deeply and briefly. Let's keep going. Let's keep back. We got him back. They feel things deeply and briefly. Let's keep going. Let's keep going. All right, this one's a twofer.

Okay. Trump had to cancel a rally in what state to testify in an ongoing probe into his finances in what other state? Okay, the probe was in New York. Correct. And I'm going to guess, oh, Tennessee? Close. Close.

No. It was North Carolina, but you were in the ballpark. You were in the ballpark. You were in the ballpark. Speaking of New York, last week a judge ruled real estate firm Cushman & Wakefield has to pay how many thousands of dollars per day until they comply with a subpoena that seeks to gain insight into how Trump Organization inflated the value of its real estate holdings. That's a word problem, so.

How much are they being fined per day? Is it $1,000, $10,000, or $20,000? $120,000. Correct. $10,000 per day. I believe in accountability, so I think that number should be higher. It should be higher. A judge ruled that Bill Barr can be subpoenaed by Dominion Voting Systems as part of their lawsuit against what network? OAN?

So close. It was Fox News. Fox News! Trump ally Patrick Byrne, who allegedly attended that pivotal December 18th meeting with Trump to push election lies, is testifying before the January 6th committee today. He was the CEO of what website? I'll give you a hint. It's not Wayfair. It's not eBay.

It's Overstock.com. You got it. We had it coming. Seven Trump allies, including Rudy Giuliani, Lindsey Graham, were subpoenaed by this county's attorney general, who is reportedly considering charges including conspiracy and racketeering for their attempts to tamper with a

federal election in Georgia. In Georgia. Fulton? Correct! Hell yeah. There's, um, do you ever like see a TikTok or something and you keep watching it because you want to hear more of the song? When you hear the first line of He Had It Coming, it's just like, I'm in.

I'll have to watch the whole thing. I was in Vegas and I was at a Britney Spears slot machine. And I was just putting money in. And I had to realize, oh, I just want to watch Britney Spears videos. But my yardstick margarita said, keep putting dollars in the machine. How far down the yardstick margarita said keep putting dollars in the machine how far down the yardstick were you oh uh we were at about 35 inches last month the washington dc bar brought a disciplinary charge against rudy giuliani for pushing fraudulent election allegations in what state's federal court a Arizona. So close. Pennsylvania. So close.

The Arizona of the East. Let's think about that. Okay, what's the Arizona of the East? Philadelphia as their Phoenix. I don't hate it. Pittsburgh as their

what's that other city? Tucson. So angry. Tucson. The unspellable one. Where's the C? Where's the S? Not where you think. And no matter which order you put them in, it's the other way.

I'm in a weird headspace today. I'm having a great time. So can I ask you something? I'd love for you to Deep dish pizza Is that just for tourists Or are we eating it locally? We're eating it locally

Here's the thing You have it on Pequod I love Pequod Okay, okay, hold on I love Pequod It is not time for hot takes But I got a fucking hot take

If your favorite deep dish pizza is Pequod, you moved here in the 2000s. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If you have not gone to a birthday party at a Giordano's that has ended in a citywide falling out between two rival families, one Irish, one Italian, then we are not the same. I love a Pequod's. I love it. I love it. But you moved here in 2008 and that shows.

And that shows. So where should one go? You want to find a dive that has a deep dish pizza. Bert's Place, way out in Morton Grove is good. You want someone where there's like a weird old guy making the pizza. If the server comes up and you're like,

I've seen you in an improv show. Not what you want. That's not what you want. Not what you're looking for. Trump ally, Jeffrey Clark, formerly of the DOJ, found his home raided by federal agents. What was Clark wearing as he stood outside his home?

A silk bathrobe. That's incorrect. People had reported it. Uh-uh. People had reported it. I put a little spin on that one. People have reported it as PJs, but it really was just a work shirt and underwear. And I just don't understand.

Like a button down Oxford. Like a button down Oxford. And underpants. And some kind of boxster. Well, that said, he was in underwear and thought, ooh, I got to look nice. And threw a shirt on. He had a French cuff, a cuff link. You love it.

That's got to be a day to think about your choices. You know, I don't care what you say on television. I don't care what your public statement says. You're standing on your driveway in a pair of boxers, your work shirt, agents are in your home. You are not confident. You don't feel good and assertive. You may feel wronged. And you can't get that day back. You can't get it back. Like, you can't recover from that morning. And then you glance up and those are news cameras. That's what you're looking at. No one's ever had that happen

and been like, mm, can't wait to get a spin class. Like, you... Yeah, oh, that day is fucked. You take the rest of the afternoon. When arrested on contempt of Congress charges stemming from his refusal to testify before the January 6th committee, Trump ally Peter Navarro demanded he be allowed to call a TV producer instead of a lawyer and called the FBI agents who arrested him kind what?

I'll give you a hint. They like to march. Kind Nazis? Correct. Final question. Final question. Were you saying Giordano's is good? Giordano's is like, it's where you go.

It's not the best. It's not the worst. It's where you go. You're like, listen, we got a big party. Where can we seat everybody? Get your mozzarella sticks. We're going to have an afternoon. I feel good about that.

That makes me feel good about the choices I've made in every trip I've taken to Chicago. Yeah. If you want to celebrate that your debate team won state. And I often do. And I often do. And I often have. I feel like that's the vibe. That is the vibe. Then Giordano's is for you.

They should put that on the box. That is, honestly, I'm having a personal revelation sitting next to you, which is this. I approach every dining experience the way I did in my happiest childhood memories, which is going to a restaurant after some sort of intellectual meet. Yes. Could be a Friendly's. It could be some sort of chain pizza restaurant. You're just like, I came in first in extemporaneous debate at the speech tournament.

Let's face it. It was probably quarterfinals. But still, I'm getting a fribble. Thank you, Allie. Last week tonight. Please watch it to get a glimpse of that Emmy-worthy writing. Congrats on that. Thank you so much.

And check out her recaps on Vulture. One more time for Allie. She'll be back. When we come back, an area mom with a surprising backstory. And we're back. When I think of Chicago, I think of the Bears, the Bulls, and just about the nicest Midwestern moms you can imagine.

Here to talk about her favorite Chicago things, it's local woman and absolute sweetheart, Jane Kaminsky. Hi, Jane. Hi. Come join me right here. We'll sit together. We'll sit together. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me, Chicago. It's a pleasure to have you on. Thank you for writing me that letter on Teddy Bear Stationery. Now, I already know you hate ketchup on your hot dogs. Yeah. Wink at the crowd. But what are some of your favorite restaurants? Oh, geez, so many good ones. It's so hard to list them all out for you.

I know it's all online nowadays, but to be honest, John, I still have a little decorative box next to the phone in my kitchen where I keep all the menus. I know the out-of-towners love the deep dish, and hey, I'll have one every now and a blue moon, but I like a crispy crust, if I can be honest with you. I love the crust, John. I need it. Yeah, yeah, crispy crust is good. Yeah, anywho, I'm glad and all to talk about some of my favorite local hot spots, John, but we've got more pressing matters on our plates here next to our hot dogs.

Joke. Let me ask you this, John. Do you watch the streaming channels? You mean like streaming TV? Like you must be watching The Bear, right? Like set in Chicago, a chef has to find himself as he makes Italian beef sandwiches. Everyone wants to have sex with the lead actor,

including me. That show is great. But is it authentic Chicago? Yeah, I'm glad you brought up sex. It is super fun. Especially when you have feelings for the other person. But anyways, no, no. I'm talking about that documentary, you know, the one about the women who did the abortions.

Oh, you're talking about the Janes on HBO, the documentary about the Jane Collective in the late 60s, about how women in Chicago banded together to provide more than 11,000 illegal abortions between 1969 and 1973 before the ruling in Roe v. Wade. Yeah, yeah, I was in that. Wait, what? Yeah, now, I didn't do a sit-down interview, nothing fancy, but I'm in a lot of the old footage.

You know, in one scene you can see me putting up one of our Please Call Jane posters with our number on it. I was in the collective, John. Gosh, we had such funny hairstyles back then, didn't we? Wait a second. So you were in the Jane collective. Like Jane, you're blowing my mind right now. You were part of like Chicago history, like national history. Was the group named after you? Oh, oh gosh. You're a sweetie, aren't you? No, no, no. It was a generic name to hide our identities, you know, from the police. Half the women in the country were named Jane those days, and the other half were named Linda.

Yeah. In fact, two of my daughters are named Linda. Wow, okay. Boy, that's a name that disappeared, huh? Different times. Well, of course, except for having to perform illegal abortions. You'll all find out about that soon enough Yeah, there are fewer Lindas

Yeah, you said it, John You know, I kept thinking as I watched the documentary Oh, I gotta call her Oh, I need to call her back Oh, I remember her, I should let her know we'll be in town for Sean's graduation You know, it was a trip down memory lane call her back. Oh, I remember her. I should let her know we'll be in town for Sean's graduation. You know, it was a trip down memory lane. Unfortunately, it's also an instruction manual for young people today who are going to have to perform illegal abortions. Okay, no matter how many times you say it, it just doesn't get any easier to hear.

Yeah, I'm going to be saying it a lot, John, now that Roe has been overturned. Maybe I don't mean this the way that it sounds, Jane, but you don't seem like a vigilante abortionist. You seem like a grandma. Who the heck do you think was doing them back then, John? When the conservatives talk about the good old days, they conveniently leave out endless phone calls I personally answered from sobbing women looking for help, trapped and desperate and afraid. Anywho, promise me you'll go see the bean when you're here, John. It's so shiny. I will. I will see the bean. Great. But to your point, Jane, I was really struck by the moment in the documentary when the former member Eileen Smith pulls out her actual abortion kit and says, I haven't done this in a long time. Yeah, yeah, that brought me back. I'm

gonna have to start carrying a bigger purse is what I thought when I saw that. I started looking for my Vera, my Vera Bradley, the second they overturned Roe, but I think I loaned it to my daughter-in-law. Her name is Joan, which is eh. But something cool about her is that she's allergic to tree nuts. So that's important. That's important to know, that she's allergic to tree nuts. So that's important. That's important to know that Joan's allergic to tree nuts. All the tree nuts?

Oh, yeah, except for pistachios and like six others. But the rest, yeah. Do you still keep in touch with the Janes? Oh, yeah. We're all on a WhatsApp thread. You know about WhatsApp? Oh, who doesn't know about WhatsApp? Get with it.

Texting each other photos of our old little dogs and figuring out ways to make our communications invisible from the government. You know, cute stuff like that. Starting to think through logistics, which are sizable, to begin performing illegal abortions like we did back then. You know, it's easier in some ways with computers, but then of course they'll track you, you know, with the cookies and Fitbits and whatnot. You got to start lining up appointments immediately. Yeah, the Fitbits will get you. Yeah. Jane, it can't be this bad, right? Like not as bad as back then. Like Illinois, California, New York, Minnesota, there will be states where people can go to get reproductive care, to get abortions. It's never going to be as bad as it was in your time.

But what about all the other places, John? What options will they have? Are you going to pay for every pregnant 15-year-old to fly to New York? You know, I just went there to see Funny Girl. I don't get what the problem was. Beanie Feldstein was great. So... Yeah. Sure she was.

Beanie. Team Beanie. I guess I just mean I hope it doesn't get as bad as it did during your era so we don't have to do what you did. And what did we do, John? Break the law thousands of times and get arrested, which your colleagues eventually do in the documentary. Yeah, well, as one of our founders, Heather Booth, says,

I learned that sometimes you have to stand up to illegitimate authority. Oh, I've got to call her. I've got her good Tupperware. It's the glass kind. Oh, the glass kind. It's someone wooed, so that's interesting for their life. You know, glass kind is perfect for chili and other foods. It is perfect for chili and other foods.

I'm going to be honest, Jane. I know it was the late 60s and early 70s, but the documentary felt so unfathomably far away. It's hard to wrap our heads around the fact that that's also our reality now. Like, sometimes I worry we're very different in 2022.. Like we don't have the stuff to get through this. John, I'll tell you, when we look at the history of this country, there is this pervasive lie that history is made by exceptional men with rare talents. It's not. It's made by us. I woohoo. I don't like to woo too much

that's braggy you know I was just a regular lady with way too many corduroy pants you know John when I look back at it all the corduroy industry had a stranglehold on all of us

what was that about tight pants thick fabric. I do love a thick fabric. Stuff in the summer, corduroy. I love corduroy in the summer. The thicker in the summer, the better for me. You know, I wasn't the Michael Jordan of illegal abortions, John. I wasn't smarter than anyone else or more brave. I had to learn everything out of necessity. Once I knew I could help people, I couldn't turn away from the fact that I could. Is it weird to see this incredible undertaking you were part of in your 20s on screen

and then to experience it again as a gam-gam going to your grandkid's soccer practice and doing Zumba at the Y? Zumba's so hard. I'm the same person I was then, John. I'm not just some pro-choice vigilante, John. Some kind of abortion batman. You know, I was a kid who felt like she had nothing to lose.

Now I have a family. I have a career. Big thing, I have nachos every Sunday afternoon. I have a sweatshirt with two kittens playing with a ball of yarn on it. Someone wooed at that. They have a matching one, I assume. Probably do. Got it at Aretzia.

But I don't help despite these things, these wonderful things that I found on the path of a life I chose. And no matter what five legal creeps say, we will choose our own paths because I control everything you see here. From the cow catcher to the caboose. Yep. To all my other great body parts.

And so does every gal, guy, and enby from Biloxi to Bismarck. I think I said that right. Enby. You got it. Short for non-binary. Yeah, you nailed it. I'm still learning about trans. Trans education should never stop, John

I think you're cracking it, I think you got it Thank you I tricked you all into that applause for me Back in my day They said all the same things about us That they say now They try to make us feel weak And soft and lazy and helpless

And get us angry and hopeless You kids have so much power. You can break this world in half with your bare hands if you wanna, but only if you wanna. You'll always be abortion Batman to me, Jane. Oh gosh, you're a sweetie pie, John. And please, let's be serious for a second. Okay. Everyone. You've got to be serious. Please, I am begging you. Yeah? Go see the bean.

Okay. Ha ha, I know that was a joke, but now for the serious part. Get an Italian beef while you're there. Got to get an Italian beef at the bean? Yeah, you've got to just ask for John. Different John. Different John. Yeah. And say he'll get me the Italian beef I need.

Yeah. Say it's from Jane. Say abortion Batman sent me. Yeah. It'll be like, what? Code word is beef boy. Beef boy. Yeah.

Area mom, Jane Kaminsky, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Give it up for Kim Quinlan. Check her out on all of your beloved social media platforms, at Kim Quinlan when we come back gay news

don't go anywhere this is love it or leave it and there's more on the way and we're back everywhere we take this show we do our part to make that place a little bit gayer luckily Chicago you're doing most of the heavy lifting. Joining us now for a special deep dish installment of gay news, welcome back to the show, Abby McEnany.

Hi, Abby. What's up, John? How are you doing? Good to see you again. Oh my God, good to see you too. And also, I just got in trouble for being too loud backstage. It's like we're back in public again. I got in trouble. Abby, thank you for being here.

John, I'm very honored to be here with you tonight. Now, typically, with gay news, we say, ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba-ba, gay news together. But because we're in Chicago, please join me in saying, ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba-ba gay news together. But because we're in Chicago, please join me in saying ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-bears. Da-bears! Exactly. Are you ready? Born ready, motherfucker!

Yes! Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-da-bears. Da-bears! Raven's Home, which is set in Chicago, made history with Disney Channel's first trans character, Nikki, played by actress Juliana Joel and introduced in an episode written by trans comedian Nori Reid. Okay, take back all the stuff I said, Disney. This is good. You're doing

solid post-LeFou work. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Da Bears. President Biden last week awarded soccer player Megan Rapinoe the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian honor. Do you know how good you have to be at soccer

to make Americans give a fuck? The woman should get a cabinet position. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-da-da-da-da-da. Da! Red Stars! What do they do? It's Chicago's female soccer team. Okay. You know, keeping it local.

Gotta keep it local. She said receiving the medal was the honor of a lifetime. Or in other words, it was her lifetime goal. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. The Bears. The Red Stars. The Red Stars. NASA's release of spectacular new images from the James Webb Space Telescope

has reignited calls to rename the telescope, which currently honors a former NASA administrator involved in the lavender scare of the 1950s when the Truman administration purged LGBTQ employees from the federal government. Oh, what a twisted James Webb we weave. Ha ha ha ha ha! Ba da ba ba da ba ba ba, the bears.

The red stars. I mean, seriously, so I was like, found out about the lavender menace, I'm like, that would be the fucking ballerist nickname in the world. So, like, I'd be at work So I was like, found out about the Lavender Menace. I'm like, that would be the fucking ballerist nickname in the world. So like, I'd be at work. I'm like, somebody would say something. I'd be like, classic Lavender Menace. It never picked up.

It didn't stick. I think it's a great thing to have you be called when you're not there. Like, hey, wait a second. Where's the Lavender Menace? You know? It would be like, hey, where's that bitch who wants us to call her the lavender menace? It would be more like that. Hey, you know that one who's hitting us over the head with that nickname we don't want to honor her with?

Oh. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. The red stars. The bear. Okay. You're doing so good. You're doing so good. Oh, my gosh.

Okay. Woo. Reset. We're not resetting. We're doing so good. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Woo. Reset. We're not resetting. We're just powering through. Oh. Yeah, not my forte. Okay.

The Montana State Library Commission voted against a proposed logo for the Montana State Library over concerns that its prism design looked too much like a pride flag. Yeah, we wouldn't want to compromise the raw heterosexual energy of the public library. We need to keep the library what it's always been, a place for red-blooded straight men to get together with their bros and quietly read. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-da-da-bears.

We're calling that now. And quietly read. Nintendo Japan announced that it will provide equal benefits to employees in same-sex unions even though same-sex marriage is banned by Japanese law. All employees will have to hit a block with their heads in order to receive their coins. Ba-da-da-da-da! Bears. Oh, Bears.

You will never stop coming on this show until the day I die. Okay, but it's... You can do no wrong to me. It's going to be the shows that you are like out of the country on? Yeah, the guest hosted ones. They're like, hey, we have a guest host. Enjoy gay...

My mailman. Enjoy gay news with Guy Branum. Okay, what's he like? He seems like a delight. We got to keep going. Okay, yeah, I swear. Read this. Just read what's on your card.

Read it out loud. You're a newsreader. You're an anchor. Let's go. The right-wing Christian group One Million Moms, nickname in college, nuh-uh. Okay. That was great.

See, that's why it's all worth it. That's why we buy a ticket. Okay. The right-wing Christian group One Million Moms has called for a boycott of Disney's new Marvel movie Thor, Love and Thunder, complaining that it includes many LGBTQ innuendos and an abundance of euphemisms. Perhaps they'll prefer the sequel I'm working on, Thor,

no innuendo, just queer fucking. Okay. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-da-bear. Da cubs? In a Deadline interview, Jane Lynch insisted that she wasn't deliberately avoiding working with Lea Michele in Funny Girl. I adore her.

She's just going to take this show and make it her own. I'm so glad she's getting the opportunity in real life to do the show and not just on Glee. Said Lynch, clearly reading from an egregiously misspelled blackmail letter. Can't get it up. It's wrong. It's wrong. It's wrong. The Bears.

When I got this, I wrote a smiley face. That is so funny. Lynch also received an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series for her role in Hulu's Only Murders in the Building, where she plays Steve Martin's character's stunt double. for Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series for her role in Hulu's Only Murders in the Building, where she plays Steve Martin's character's stunt double.

Martin's short stunt double, Tom Cruise, was oddly overlooked. I'm angry! Democratic nominee for Illinois' 17th congressional district Eric Sorensen would be the first meteorologist in the U.S. House in nearly 50 years And Illinois' first elected LGBTQ congressperson ever I mean, it is so awesome There's still a lot of places in this country where it can still be very challenging To come out of the closet as a meteorologist. It's raining men, he said in tonight's forecast.

Hallelujah. The bears. I'm loving it. Oh, the bears. I'm loving it. It's not McDonald's. Fuck. Okay, wait. It's not McDonald's. Fuck. In May, Taco Bell did a series of drag brunches

in major cities, including Chicago, hosted by Quesadilla as part of their Live Moss Pride label. It's a nice gesture, but they shouldn't have scheduled it for brunch. It obviously should have been drag fourth meal. I'm loving it. Oh, yeah. Demi Lovato, wearing a wig with bangs,

said on Jimmy Kimmel Live that they hit their forehead on a large amethyst crystal and had to get three stitches. You gotta keep your healing crystals separate from your wounding crystals. I've seen this happen too many times. Why do you think I'm still single? Ba-da-da-da-da! Da! White socks! Ba-da-da-da-da!

Da! White Sox! Earlier this summer, Jussie Smollett sat down for his first interview since his release from jail on Sway in the Morning where he claimed he didn't know about the backlash to his stage attack until a full year after it happened. I'm sorry, but I'm starting to think this guy might have trouble telling the truth.

Ba-da-da-da-da-da! That's truth-telling. And finally, Chicago is home to the Leather Archives and Museum A museum dedicated Yeah To leather, kink, fetish And BDSM history and culture And a fantastic little cafe

If you can figure out how to get some of that latte Around the ball gag And that's gay news I'm a huge fan Thank you so much Abby McEnany the best. John Lovett. Abby McEnany, everybody.

I love her. She'll be back for hot takes. Oh, that's right. Get out of here. Apologies. Apologies. When we come back, just truly chaotic good. When we come back, praise the Lord and pass them the Lord.

Chaotic good. When we come back, praise the Lord and pass them the Lord. And we're back. Look, not to brag, but I feel like I have a good handle on Chicago. You've got your architecture, you've got your long-form improv, you've got your river that you're forced to flow backwards and then dyed bright green as a fuck you to God. But don't take my word for it. Please welcome back the wonderful Ashley Ray.

She's here to see how deep is the dish of my Chicago knowledge in a game we're calling Your Fugitive's Name is Dr. Richard Kimball. Doesn't make any sense. I just wanted to call it that. All right, so first of all, we have some Malort over here. Yes. You have a glass. Yeah, they said you're drinking from the bottle.

I drink from the bottle. And I'm going to drink like a lady from a glass. Here's how this is going to work. You will quiz me on this fine city. For every question I get wrong, I'll be punished with a swig of the drink that puts the ill in Illinois, the mid in Midwest, the one and only, the revolting and putrid Malort. Yeah. But if I get a question right, I'm rewarded with a sip of my favorite local delicacy, the floral and smooth Malort. But when I get a question right, I'm rewarded with a sip of my favorite local delicacy,

the floral and smooth Malort. But when I get a question right, Ashley, you have to join me. Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready. All right, let me put these cards down so I can... Yeah, it's a lot to hold on to. Get my Malort on.

Hold on, let me open this bottle. Let me warm up a second. Just remind ourselves what it says on the bottle. Jepson's Malort has the aroma and full-bodied flavor of an unusual botanical. Its bitter taste is savored by two-fisted drinkers. Yes. Here we go. Made from the finest wormwood

along the Chicago River. That's not right. It is wormwood. I like to believe they just dig it up next to the Chicago River and then they strain it with rubbing alcohol. And that's how you get malort and I know it seems like I'm doing something akin to but not technically pandering when I say I truly don't dislike this I don't think I've ever tried to perform masculinity as part of this I don't I don't think that's the energy I've been bringing

especially lately so when I say that I have a genuine fondness for whatever is going on inside of this bottle, I want you to know it's not because I'm trying to prove to Tommy and John how tough I am. Yeah. They know how tough I'm not. All right, I'm ready, Ashley. Yeah, okay, okay. Which baked good was born in Chicago? Cheesecake, brownies, oatmeal

raisin cookies, or angel food cake? If you've biked or driven up Milwaukee, that's a hint. Angel food cake? Brownies. You invented brownies? God bless you. Yes! And that's why

if you go down Milwaukee and hit downtown, it'll smell like chocolate, baby. Cool. Chicago. Oh, so I drink too. You got it wrong. No. Wait.

Does she drink when I get it right or wrong? Right or wrong. Oh. But you can drink if you want. I mean, I like it too. I honestly like it too. Cheers to you. Cheers.

That's home. That tastes like home. And by home, I mean a bar logan square where i passed out that's what's up babies it is a botanical it does have floral notes maybe a little orange in there little turpentine little pee little pee. It's poison. But the good kind. What about 2022 says we shouldn't poison ourselves?

Yeah. I like when my alcohol does what I know it's doing to me. Okay? Like, we don't need to pretend it's juice. That's exactly right. That's a great thing to point out about this. This tells you how it tastes, what it's doing to you inside. Okay, there's no illusions here. Just like Chicago,

we're straightforward people. Exactly. Malort, we're here for a bad time, not a long time. Are you ready? Ready. The tour bus of Witch Band dumped 800 pounds of human waste on an architectural boat tour? I know this. Wait, hold on.

As it passed over the Chicago River in 2004. Don't help me. Don't help me. Don't help me. I'm going to get it. Hold on. Hold on. I'm going to say a couple things.

Just do not cheer. I want to get through this without help. I'm just going to walk you through my thought process, but you've got to be chill about it. Here's what's coming to me. Here's what's coming to me. Green Day. The stroke. You didn't listen. I was going to work through it. I know that that's wrong. Something's telling me the strokes.

No, but it's not the strokes. Something's saying blink 182. Are you for real? This is like one of the top most famous Chicago news stories. It's more famous than barack obama honestly it's like this happened and then right barack obama when you say it's like come on when you say i'm gonna you're gonna say it i'm gonna know it it's like it's like a band you'd never think you'd be like but aren't they so polite like don't they recycle and instead they had a bunch of poop crash into a bunch of tourists wait dave matthews fan

i had to give a hint because i want to drink too let's do it next question ashley okay next one and i hope get this right. How many terms did your former boss, Barack Obama, serve in the Illinois Senate? Here's the thing, all right? So it's definitely one at least. I will give you that. It's definitely one. It's not four. It's either one, two, or three.

How long are Senate terms in this place? Four years? So it's not three. Two. It's three. Fuck. We do have a follow-up to redeem yourself. Which district did you represent? Isn't it nice that I don't cheat?

I really don't. I don't know what's going to be in hot takes. I didn't read the quiz cards in advance. They were sent to me by accident

and I flagged it. I could look like a fucking genius for you people. I could be here like, I could be here fucking fake pondering. I don't know.

Did he represent, I don't know, the, you know, central loop. Did he represent the central loop? Okay he represent the central loop? Okay. He represented Loop South.

River North Loop. Did he represent the L? Did he represent Tommy Lee Jones area? Did he represent where the bus got hit by the train? Did he represent where the parade is? I know all my references are from The Fugitive. Did he represent when he lived underground in the Russian lady's basement? Maybe Polish.

Probably Polish. It's Chicago. Let me get you. Okay, so our districts are numbered here. 17, 5, 2, 4. Fuck, I'm drinking. It is 13. The 13th district. I so rarely get quizzed on this show.

What a delight. Okay, you ready for the next one? You bet. What's the one city in the world that has more movable bridges than Chicago? Amsterdam. Trick question, baby. No, I shouldn't. God damn it.

I've worked on this show for five years. Nobody has. Nobody does, of course. So many movable bridges. There it is. It's a trick question. Nobody has more movable bridges than Chicago. Okay, we're the Midwest.

We are very accommodating. You want us to move that bridge? Okay, we'll move it. Oh, gosh, is that bridge in the way? We'll get it out of there. Oh, gosh. Oh, golly, let me just get that bridge right out of your way. Oops.

I'm so sorry. Oh, let me just move right past you. How do you think I did on my accent? Not good. Okay. I'm sorry. There's like an earnestness in the oh that you really got to bring out. Oh.

I was wrong. Are you ready for your next question? You bet. You bet I am. Okay. Does ketchup go on a hot dog? Oh, no. No.

It doesn't. Thank you. It doesn't. Here's the thing. I want to just, a word on ketchup. Please. It's a children's condiment. It's a child's dipping sauce.

I feel as though it had its moment. It was an impressive thing to create. I understand why it took off. It's salty. It's sweet. It's tangy. It's got a little spice. Great with a fry.

Great with a french fry. But mayonnaise is better with fries. Mustard's better with hot dogs. I'm sorry. I don't agree with that. I'm sorry. Ketchup is just too sweet. All right?

And it's time we talk about it. Okay. I'm sorry. You got it right. So we don't drink? Can we drink? drink okay let's drink next question what was the original name of the chicago cubs it was the close yes Close, yes. The mitts, the panther senators, the corpio, the conditioner, the ban...

What was it? Very close. The answer is the Chicago white stockings. The white stockings? Yeah. What's next? Okay. This one, I know the answer's right.

I had it confirmed by Abby McEnany backstage beforehand, so I know it's right. What scientific device was famously developed and tested in a squash court on the University of Chicago campus? Oh. I'm going to know this. Nuclear.

It's going to be something nuclear. It's going to be a nuclear something. A nuclear... There's so few nuclear things. A nuclear reactor. Yes! Yes! Huh?

Not only is University of Chicago where fun goes to die, it is where you can also die. So we drank. And so we drank. Next question. What was notable about 19th century Chicago resident H.H. Holmes? This is so hard. What was notable?

John, just let us know he doesn't read books. I think that's been clear. Wait, what? 19th century? Oh. 19th century H.H. Holmes. Yes! Serial killer.

Devil in the White City. He was America's first known serial killer. Devil in the White City. I know the answer. I knew the answer. I knew the answer. So we drink. So we drink.

Okay, next question. Why were more than 100 Chicago waiters arrested in a 1918 raid? 1918, was that, that was the year of the White Sox. Were they involved in the, in the baseball problem? Were they involved in your famous baseball problem? Yeah, the world famous Chicago baseball problem. There was a world famous. Okay, you know there was a world famous, which might not be that year. It might be 1980. And of course all the waiters at the baseball field. A bunch of waiters arrested all at the same time in Chicago. But not related to baseball cheating. arrested all at the same time in Chicago but not

related to baseball cheating. Obviously a stupid idea if you'd ever heard one before. I am now drunk. What is the answer? I know this.

I know this. I feel it in my brain. You're so close. You should tell me but I'll know when she tells me it's so close to the baseball problem the answer is they had been poisoning bad tippers which is amazing no jury would convict them

no they're amazing okay I have one more question for you thank goodness I saved the easiest for last because you've gotten so many wrong so many wrong oh no

I should have asked for help this one is honestly very easy okay and finally and finally what is what is the bean's actual name

I know this I know this. I know this. You should just let me again. Don't help me. The sky, the sky, the something, the,

the, the, it's something about the sky. I'm coming. Just, it's something about the weather. It's the, it's like the,

the something in the sky. It's cloud. What's in the sky. It's like... Don't help him! Something... Come on! What's in the sky? It's clouds! It's clouds! It's clouds! How did I get down here? Is it called the cloud? The cloud man?

Cloud bean. Cloudy with a chance of bean. It is not the cloud bean. Metal cloud bean. What's the answer? What's the answer? Cloudy bean. Cloudy with a chance of beans.

I wish it was that, but the answer is cloud gate. Oh, come on. What a bunch of pretentious horse shit. It should be called shiny metal IP bean. That's what it should be called. Intellectual property, cloudy, shiny bean. Did I win? No. I won the game. Ashley Ray, thank you so much. When we come back, hot takes. Hot takes. Ashley, stick around. Before we get back to the show, Pond Save America is hitting the road again. We have shows in Nashville on Friday, August 12th.

Atlanta on Saturday, August 6th, 13th. Gotta do housekeeping before I drink a third of a bottle of Chicago's worst alcohol. It's your last chance to see us live this summer. Tickets are selling fast, so get yours now. Crooked.com slash events. Please welcome back to the stage, Allie, Kim, and Abby. Get back out here, please.

Come join us. And now for a segment we call Hot Takes. You know how it works. We'll each have 30 seconds to defend a never-before-seen indefensible position as if it were our own. And the next day, the guests email the producers asking us to cut everything they immediately regretted saying. We've had a bit of a problem with hot takes. Getting it to air. Guests have been unhappy with their hot takes. That's why you've not heard all of them.

We each get one skip, but beware what you skip leads to something that may just be worse. Let's see what's up first. Being twice nominated for an Emmy means nothing to me. Allie, that's yours. She hates it.

Listen, you gotta do it for the love of the game. You know, when I'm in there in my house, working from home, typing on my computer, doing my little click clacks on the keyboard, I'm not sitting there thinking, oh, am I going to win an Emmy? Oh, am I going to be nominated for an Emmy? Oh, am I going to borrow $70,000 worth of jewelry and wear it to a fancy party? I'm not thinking that. I'm thinking, boy, I love the click-clack of this mechanical keyboard. Boy, I love my Herman Miller chair.

Boy, do I love making the children of America laugh. Nice. Nice. That's what it's for. That's what it is. Let's see what's next. Oh, no. Nothing is more important than seeming cool. Overt enthusiasm is

tacky. Abby, take it away. You know, live your life. Find your happiness. Coolness is idiotic because what is cool, it's like wait, I can't remember what it said. And I mean live your life. And it might take you a while to find out that all that shit that society tells you when you're growing up is bullshit. And, um, I mean, live your life. And, like, it might take you a while to find out that all that shit that

society tells you when you're growing up is bullshit. And being overly enthusiastic is very tacky. I'm told it honestly, but I lean into it, motherfuckers, because you know what? We gotta find happiness somewhere! You did it. You did it.

Great job, Abby. Whether or not love it hates it, be overly enthusiastic if it brings you joy. Classic! I wish this was stronger. I made it weak because I knew I was going to drink Jesus Christ. You're very smart. So much malort. Let's see what's up next.

Never tweet ever. Don't do it. Ashley. Wow. This is both a hot take and a message to Ashley from our producers. Yeah, actually, I feel this is a personal attack. Never tweet ever. Don't do it.

Honestly, yes. Tweeting is horrible and dumb. Twitter, when it was founded, they had one goal, ruining lives. And they've done it. They've done such a good job. It's horrible to tweet. You'll just lose friends, career opportunities. And for what?

So you can tweet, the bear wasn't that great when they showed the Tribune building. It was the one in Oakland, not the one in Chicago. And you tweet something like that, and suddenly you're not getting hired on an FX show ever again. And so that is why tweeting is dumb. It's a really good point. It's a really good point. It's a really good and important point. What's up next? There's nothing more comfortable than a Chicago day in July, 90 degrees, 100% humidity, pure bliss.

Kim, take it away. Listen, when I go outside, I want to be two things. A good person and sweaty. I want to be dripping wet. I want to leave puddles behind me everywhere I go. I'm interested why they picked this one for me. Do I seem like someone that hates sweating? Because I'm neutral.

I would say I'm sweat neutral. Way to go. Let's see what's next. I'm really looking forward to being 40. Middle age looks great. Here we go. Here's the thing. Being in your 30s is better than being in your 20s. I'm hoping that being in your 40s is better than being in your 20s. I'm hoping that being in your 40s is better than being in your 30s. Now, the research suggests otherwise. The research tells us that in your 40s, you slowly get less and less happy. That the closer you get to 50, the more miserable you become. You spend your 50s pretty sad. Then you hit 60. You slowly get happier again to your 70s and 80s.

You die old and frail and happy. And I'm obviously looking forward to that. But I am genuinely worried about being in my 40s, because a lot of my life has been about a kind of boyish charm. And I don't really know what I'm going to do in my 40s, because I don't really want to age. I'm not into it. I don't like the way my face looks now compared to the way my face looked five years ago. And I'm approving fewer and fewer pictures. It's actually a really hard and big deal for me. It's something I'm dealing with in therapy. And unfortunately, right now, I know my 30 seconds are up.

I'm in the crowd. I'm making my way back to the stage because this is something I'm genuinely dealing with. And as I mentioned on a previous podcast, Dr. Christie did have a baby, and she's on parental leave, and she did say I can text whenever I want, but it's not something I'm going to abuse. There's no stairs up here. I got to turn around.

And so, here's the thing. You know, someone said something to me once that was a quote from a book I didn't read. And the quote was, there's no such thing as a 30-year-old prodigy. And the problem I'm going to have is I kind of have an impish quality, a boyish charm. And again, as I said, you can't be 43 and kind of like cute. That's not going to be cool. No one's going to be, there's no stairs here.

Here's the thing I'm going to tell all of you, because again, I did have fully half a bottle of Malort. I have gotten Botox several times. And I'm not going to stop. I'm not going to stop. That's what the money's for. I don't read the mattress ads for you. I read them for the Botox. Here's the thing that's important.

And this is what I have to learn. I have to figure it out. The problem is, again, she's on leave, so we're on pause. I can feel pretty good about the fact that I'm a young 40, but what does that fucking mean? That just means I'm going to get hit by the train a few

minutes later. So it's like, the train is coming. I've got to make my peace with the train. I've got to figure out a new way to live that's not focused on the fact that I look kind of young. But right now, I don't have it. I don't fucking have it. And one day I will, but right now I don't.

And that's what I wanted to say about turning 40. And I feel fine about it. And I feel pretty fine about it. That was about 30 seconds, right? About 30 seconds. Next up. TV recapping is stupid. If you didn't watch, you shouldn't get to know what happens. Allie, take it away. Really the best way to watch TV is on your phone in a blanket and then something happens and you can tell something that was important because all the characters are like,

whoa. And then your boyfriend is like, oh my god, did you see that? And then you get to go, no, I didn't. And then you get to say, just rewind a little bit. I'll pay attention this time. And you don't pay attention that time. You're still on your phone because you're like, what's going

on on Twitter? And you're like, what's going on on Twitter? And you're like, ooh, Bumble BFF lets you match with men now? It's like BFFs? That's kind of fun. And then you're like, oh my God, what did Ms. Marvel just do? Rewind it. And he's like, I just rewound it. And you're like, I know I'm going to pay attention this time. But you don't pay attention that time.

That's the best way to watch television. That's the best way to watch television. That's the best way to watch television. Let's see what's up next. We should go back to not talking about mental health. Suffer in silence, world. Abby, take it away. You know what? You whiny motherfuckers.

Oh, you're having a hard day. You're clinically depressed. I mean, you have mental disorders that people have mocked you about since you were tiny. You've been afraid your whole fucking life. I mean, this is too much. Like, what if it's just excerpted? I don't know.

Oh, yeah. Get over it, motherfuckers. Y'all, hang in there. I mean, maybe there's a better place. Oh, no, John, I did it wrong. What are we doing here? Peace. Ah! Peace. An important

message every day. What's up next? The golden age of TV is over. Movies are the rightful king. Ashley, take it away. Pass. Pass. What instead will Ashley face?

The Midwest is called flyover country for a reason. Ashley, take it away. As a person born in Rockford, Illinois, thank you. As a true daughter of Northern Illinois and the Midwest, obviously it is flyover country for

a reason because we hate people from the coast. And we don't even want them here. Fly over us, please. You're not going to respect or understand Chicago. Okay, you're going to come from New York. You're going to come to Chicago. You not going to respect or understand Chicago okay you're going to come from New York

you're going to come to Chicago you're going to try to make a show about us about an Italian beef stand in River North and it's not going to make sense so you may as well fly over us leave us alone if you don't understand Chicago or the Midwest

and also if you're from Kansas Nebraska you're not the Midwest you And also, if you're from Kansas, Nebraska, you're not the Midwest. You're not the Midwest. You're not the Midwest. You're not. You are the Great Plains, and no one cares. No, you're lame. And I know why you want to appropriate the Midwest, because we're so great, but you're not.

And we love being a secret little island of coolness in the Midwest that is beautiful. So fly over us. Fly over us. We don't, yeah. Let's see what's up next. Front-facing character videos are the skinny jeans of online comedy. Colon. Over.

Kim, take it away. I have made between one and 56 front-facing online videos. And what I have to say about them is I'm so sorry to anyone that's ever seen any of them. Front-facing videos are sad and depressing. There's no comedy in the online world. We need to go back to magazines. We need to go back to stories that people told around campfires.

The new world is over. Bring back the old world, but only in specific ways. Let's not get into that. Pass. Can I pass after I did it? Yeah. All right.

Let's do, I think we'll do one more. I would cuck Clarence Thomas if given the opportunity. Now, as you all know, I have the gold star. And I've never been with a Ginny Thomas type. And I don't believe in this concept of cucking. This idea of the emasculation of men because of a misogynist and gendered notion of the sexual dynamics inside of a relationship.

But I bet he believes in it. And if it would help my country to make Clarence Thomas feel very bad and after a couple of espresso teenies at the fucking Bobby Vans with Ginny Thomas, an event and a pairing

that seems impossible to conceive, the two of us ending up having drinks together at the Bobby Vans on 8th Street. Okay. What's the worst that can happen? It's like throwing an icicle into a volcano. You know what I mean? Why did you put that on the screen, Brian?

I thought we had a nice collegiate relationship. I thought you liked working on the show. I thought we enjoyed working together to build something nice for people. Instead, I talk about sleeping with Junie Thomas. I didn't want to, but I had to. Because of the rules of Hot Takes. Because I'm a little drunk. Because of a previous segment.

Because of the rules of Hot Takes. Because I'm a little drunk. Because of a previous segment. And that's Hot Takes. Give it up for Abby, Kim, Ashley, and Allie. Thank you so much for being here. Incredible, incredible takes. Incredible takes.

Thank you so much. When we come back, we're going to end on a high note. Raise your hand. I'm coming down to this area to do high notes. If you have a high note tonight, please raise your hand. I'm coming down. You don't want me to fucking change things. Don't get me drunk three quarters of the way through the show. Hi, what's your name? Lindy. What's your high note? My high note

is I teach sixth grade, and I show up here tonight, and one of my students from 12 years ago is working, and he's doing great, and he's wonderful, and after three years of super hard teaching, you come and see it, and you're like, this is why you do it. That's so great. Thank you.

Anybody else have a high note? Any high notes over here? High notes over there? I'm coming over there. I'm coming to you. I'm coming to you, sir. Hi, what's your. Anybody else have a high note? Any high notes over here? High notes over there? I'm coming over there. I'm coming to you. I'm coming to you, sir. Hi, what's your name and what's your high note? Hey, my name is Mike, and my cousin's husband's brother came out to his family this week, and we went to dinner tonight. Hey, pretty good. Pretty good. I'm coming over there.

What's your high note? What's your name and what's your high note? I'm Colleen. This is my cousin maddie um our high note is we hatched a plan like a year ago we were going to move in together she's going to law school i got a new job we got our keys to our apartment today that's great i'm coming over there hi what's your name what's your high note my name is megan and my sister went into labor today. She is a surrogate in the only state in the United States where it is a felony to accept money for being a surrogate. And she's in labor, so we're excited for her. That's cool. It's your birthday. What's your name? What's your high note? My name is Rachel, and my high note is that it is my birthday,

and I'm wearing this silly crown that my husband makes for all six of our daughters and for me. And why aren't you sitting in the same row as him? Because this is my cousin who introduced me to your show, and when she said she was coming, I got so excited, I forgot how to count to three. Nice, nice, nice. and when she said she was coming, I got so excited I forgot how to count to three. Nice. Nice. Nice.

I'm coming over there. Come over here. Come over here. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? My name is Eli. I'll hold the mic. I need to be able to bring it back if things get out of control. I have a background in theater so I was just... Yeah, no, I get it. My high note is that

my friend and I, my best friend, Krista, and I, we were doing a tour of Lake Michigan, and we figured out that you were going to be here at the tail end of our show, of our fucking...

Tour. Tour. The word you're looking for is trip. We fucking made it here And also next week I start HRT Oh cool That's great Thank you for sharing that

I'm coming around I'm coming through this row Hi what's your name what is your high note Hi my name is Elena And my high note is that I'm a little high with my friend Becca. Hell yeah. Let's do one more.

What's your high note? Hi, my name's Malcolm. We're from Cape Town, South Africa. My wife and I are traveling from the East Coast to the West Coast and we just lucked it into this awesome show. Do you know what this was? Do you know any idea? You had no idea what this was. Hell yeah.

Let's do one. I'm coming to you. I'm coming to you. Your this was? Do you know any idea? You had no idea what this was. Hell yeah. Let's do one. I'm coming to you. I'm coming to you. I'm coming to you. Your hand was up. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? Hi, my name is Sophie.

My husband and I have been doing long distance for four years, so this is the first time we saw each other in a month, and I also started a new job, so yay! Congratulations! What's your name? What's your high note? Hi, my name is Aaron. I'm here with my wife Echo. And my high note is that my wife, despite growing up with parents that struggle with drug addiction, just graduated top 10% in her class at Michigan

State University for law school. So congratulations, Echo. You're the best wife ever. That's awesome. Congratulations. I'm coming. I'm going to, I'm just going back to the stage. And as I do, I'm going to pick a couple of high notes out. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? Quick. Hi, my name is Stacy.

It is my birthday and I'm turning 41. So I'm a little nervous about what you said about your forties. Sure. But my high note is I have a son named James and James prefers to dress in dresses and is pink and beautiful and wonderful and we live in Andersonville here in Chicago and although I'm really scared I'm really scared about raising him in a world that is how it is he has so much love here in Chicago and he is so proud and has no idea. He's so loved and I'm so happy that I'm embracing him with this love. So thank you, Chicago, for what you're doing to my son. Thank you for sharing that.

All right, let's leave it there. Thank you everybody who shared high notes tonight. If you have a message about something that gave you hope, you can call us at 213-262-4427. That is our show. Thank you so much to Allie Barthwell, Abby McEnany, Ashley Ray, Kim Quinlan, the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus, everyone who shared a high note. There are 115 days until the midterm elections. Thank you, Chicago, and have a great night. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our senior producer, and Brian Semel is our producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer, and Jocelyn Kaufman, Poulavi Gunalan, and Peter Miller are the writers. Bill Lance is our editor, and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure.

Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Caroline Haywood, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Norma Elkonian, Milo Kim, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote, for filming and editing video each week so you can.