Lovett or Leave It - Meta or Worse

Episode Date: October 30, 2021

Ooky? Yes. Spooky? Absolutely. This week, a Washington zombie (Demi Adejuyigbe) digs up some undead political concepts, a local news reporter (Megan Gailey) warns us about the tricks in our treats, the global supply chain (Rory Scovell) yells at us to be less demanding, and Facebook’s Carol (Kara Klenk) discovers she’s being manipulated by Mark Zuckerberg, but then again, aren't we all? And before we crawl back to our crypts, we finish the evening with the Rant Wheel. Happy Halloween!For a closed-captioned version of this episode, please visit crooked.com/lovettorleaveit. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

He was working on the hill late one night For West Virginians who are mostly white When he saw a bill coming he didn't like. He told Bernie Sanders go take a hike. He did the mash. He did the mansion mash. The monster mash. He threw hope in the trash. He did the mash. Earth will soon be just ash. He did the mash. Because he did the Manchin Mash From his dinky house boat, the almost heaven He said he'd get Republicans, maybe ten Please Joe, just a talking filibuster The upper chamber has lost its luster He did the Manchin Mash

He threw hope in the trash Earth will soon be just ash Cause that guy, he did the mansion mash Well, cinema is having fun But wait, why did you even run? Are you on a team with the Zodiac Killer's son? The house is begging reconciliation. Senators keep going on vacation.

Civilty was found dead in a ditch. Why can't you go, say, fuck yourself, Mitch? Seriously. He did the mansion mash. He threw hope in the trash. Our one earth will soon be just ash. Because he did the mansion mash. Out from his coal mine, Joe's voice did ring.

You say senator, but I say king. He took an axe to 3.5. Then he senator, but I say king. He took an axe to 3.5. Then he said, for cheaper childcare, really help your family thrive. It's now the mash. He did the mansion mash. The mansion mash.

He threw hope in the trash. It's now the mash. Earth will soon be just ash. It's now the mash. Cause he did the mansion mash. Now everything's hot since there's no carbon tax. Kiss voting rights goodbye. They're under attack.

For you, the voters, this mash was meant to show if you vote blue sometimes it does matter who. Then you can mash. He did the mansion mash. Then once you mash. He threw hope in the trash. Then you can mash. Earth will soon be just ash. Then you can mash. He did the mansion mash.

MASH. Once you mash, you mash. Easy, Holly, you impetuous young boy. MASH. The mansion mash. Easy, Holly, you impetuous young boy. The Mansion Match. Yeah, song's a little repetitive, but I'm having fun. Good evening, Los Angeles. I'm Evan Hansen.

But the twist is, I'm young. That amazing song was performed by Matt Buchel and written by our own Brian Semel, who's on vacation on the Mediterranean. That's real. If you have a live or else theme song, send it to us at leaveit at crooked.com. We've got an extremely ooky spooky episode for you. Filled with ghouls and goblins and terrifying frights

that send shivers up your spine. But enough about Mark Zuckerberg and that meta-announcement video. What if we were in more of your stuff? On the show this week, Demia did you eBay? Summon some ancient political ideas back from the grave. Megan Gailey warns parents about the dangers of trick-or-treating. Rory Scovel updates us on the global supply chain, and Cara Clank takes us inside the spookiest papers

of all, the Facebook papers. Oh yeah, by the way, if you want a pumpkin, take one with you at the end of the show. That's also, that's handwritten here. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Wednesday, paid parental and medical leave were dropped from the Build Back Better plan in an effort to secure Joe Manchin's vote. Initially, Biden's plan offered 12 weeks of leave. Manchin countered with four weeks of leave. As a result, Democrats are planning to lose it entirely. So if you are an angry teen in the year 2040,

please remember you're not actually mad at your parents. You're mad at Joe Manchin. Based on the revised framework Biden revealed today, the White House says climate change spending will approach 500 or 555 billion dollars, the largest investment in clean energy in history. I'm a neoliberal. I pause for applause for the Biden plan. To put that money in terms of 2050 money, the spending will approach 60 gallons of drinkable water. Because of how bad things will be by then. Because of the climate change.

In addition to the historic investment in clean energy, the framework also contains child care and the child care tax credits, housing vouchers, and health care proposals from Build Back Better. Unfortunately, the bill has lost family and medical leave, free community college, as well as lower drug prices, and the expansion of Medicare coverage for vision and dental. It is like Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema have been making us play

the worst game of Would You Rather in human history. You can have a world less ravaged by climate change, but no teeth. Do you take the deal? Do you take the deal? You have to give birth at work, but no one can see it. Spooky.

This week, Rolling Stone reported that multiple January 6th protesters met with Republican Congress people dozens of times in planning meetings ahead of the Capitol riot. At first, the insurrection looked coordinated, but given how often they met, it sort of seems like they didn't get enough out of these planning sessions. Randomly fanning out is no way to hunt and murder Mike Pence. Who was the project manager? Some loopy dentist from Arizona? Turns out it was. Said one organizer, I remember Marjorie Taylor Greene. I remember talking to probably close to a dozen other members at one point or another or their staffs. In another quote, they allege we would talk to Boebert's team, Cawthorn's team, Gosar's team, like back

to back to back. Back to back with Madison Cawthorn? What's the fun in that? Twist, that's about how hot he is. Check your priors. You can boo me all you want. That just means ghosts are here. Moreover, the planners claim they were told by Representative Paul Gosar

that protesters could receive a blanket pardon if they were arrested during the riot. Protesters mistook blanket pardon for a potential reprieve from Trump, but it was actually just a discount code at MyPillow.com. This week, the State Department issued the first United States passport with X as a gender designation. My pronouns are he, they. I've been stuck in this line for three days. Please, God, help me.

I don't even want to go to this wedding. Their wedding website says Mexico has always held a special place in our hearts, and we want to share it with you, but their last names are Stein and Jensen, and they grew up in Park Ridge, Illinois. A committee in the Brazilian Senate has issued a report recommending Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro should be prosecuted for crimes against humanity for his refusal to address the COVID-19 pandemic, which has killed over 600,000 people in Brazil. Damn, your Senate sounds awesome. But can they pass a bill formally denouncing racism by a slim margin? In Florida, Governor Ron DeSantis is offering police officers resisting vaccine mandates across the country

$5,000 to relocate to a state promising we'll treat you better here. But of course, Ron DeSantis, a typical politician, is playing both sides. He's also offering coronavirus and all-you-can-eat buffet of unvaccinated cops for just $5,000. The governor of Florida announced a plan, and the plan was, send us the worst cops you have. The absolute worst ones. The ones who think the laws are meant to bind everyone else but them. That's who we want here in Florida. This nightmare, Mad Max, Thunderdome hellscape that is our swampy state

is not scary enough. We want to bribe the worst cops in America. The Facebook papers, internal documents reported by a consortium of 17 news outlets, revealed even more inner turmoil at the social media giant and its failures in a number of crucial areas like stemming vaccine misinformation, shutting down pages, conducting human trafficking. In 2019, we learned, Apple even threatened to pull Facebook and Instagram out of the App Store over a BBC News report revealing that Facebook's failure to address human trafficking on its site.

In the end, Facebook complied and Apple backed down. Apple is not going to remove Facebook for human trafficking unless it gets really serious, like in-app trafficking purchases not leading to Apple getting a cut. This isn't Fortnite. The stakes are much lower. This is barely a joke. Just a kind of meandering twist of whose side am I on. That started out about Facebook, but it was a jab at Apple. Twist.

That started out about Facebook, but it was a jab at Apple. Twist. But don't worry. On Thursday, Facebook changed their name to Meta, as in your Uncle Richie never Meta QAnon post he didn't like. And can we talk about these announcement videos from Mark Zuckerberg? Let's roll that beautiful bean footage. We're now looking at and reporting on our business as two different segments.

One for our family of apps, and one for our work on future platforms. And as part of this, it is time for us to adopt a new company brand to encompass everything that we do. To reflect who we are and what we hope to build, I am proud to announce that starting today, our company is now meta. They sure picked a great week to rebrand too. This is the perfect time. Hey, I was just reading about how Facebook is a rapacious nightmare factory in literally every newspaper. I can't wait to see how they apply their core philosophy of don't worry about

it and whoopsie daisy, we did a genocide, to even more aspects of human society. That's their core philosophy. Whoopsie daisy. We didn't speak that language and all those people died. Too dark. Per new details released as part of her trial, Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos allegedly scammed $100 million from Betsy DeVos's family who invested in the now-disgraced company.

Elizabeth Holmes, welcome to the resistance. I'm just going to sit down for the next this. You'll get it in a second. Anthony Fauci says, kids age 5 to 11 can get their COVID shots as early as November. Finally school shootings we can root for.

And I knew that's what you do and what you're upset about is the reality of our circumstance. That's not mad at me. That's mad at life itself. Don't boo, ghosts. Vote. And finally, a missing hiker admitted that they ignored calls from the search party looking for them

as they didn't recognize the phone number calling them. Which is insane. Do you really want to die alone on a mountain before renewing your car's extended warranty? All right, when we come back, something spooky. And we're back. I know it's been a little while since we discussed the difference between the infrastructure bill and the reconciliation bill, but it is so important. Once again, I prepared a

point-by-point breakdown. Real technical stuff. It's a little dry and very long, and I only pray I won't be interrupted like I was the last time I attempted to break this down. Okay. So, when it comes to balancing the budget... Uh-oh.

Oh, no. Oh, my goodness. It's a zombie. I'm looking for a Brian. He's supposed to show me where the green room is. Oh, you're saying Brian. You're saying Brian. Yeah, well, he's on vacation.

That kind of scared me. I thought you were calling out to, like, eat human brains or something. Is that how you get stuff around? Cashews! Cashews! Does that work? Cat. Oh, my God.

Thank you so much. Thank you. That's so cool. Hollywood is crazy. Well, here. Sit right down. Oh, okay. Thank you so much. That's so cool. Hollywood is crazy. Well, here, sit right there. Oh, okay, thank you so much. That's great. Hi, everybody.

I am the DC zombie. Guys, give it up for the DC zombie. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I just flew in from Capitol Hill, and boy, are my arms falling off. John, I'm not offended, but just so you know, all zombies don't eat brains. Oh, really? It's a hurtful stereotype. I'm not offended, but just so you know, all zombies don't eat brains. Oh, really? It's a hurtful stereotype.

I'm mostly plant-based. And sure, sometimes I cheat, but I only eat raw and ethically. I only eat the brains of people who brought death on themselves, like anti-vaxxer right-wing radio hosts or Alec Baldwin's publicists. I am not touching that. That's what I said at Antonin Scalia's funeral. He's saying he didn't want to... All right.

DC zombie, I have to ask, do politicians react like I did? Do they react with terror? Oh, no, no. Being a zombie in Washington is great. First of all, I fit right in with the guys. Your Feinsteins, your Grassleys. Flesh falls off decaying human forms there all the time.

So it's not a big deal. 99% I saw Mitch McConnell's pinky finger fall off last week. So nobody cares that I'm a zombie, and they love my zombie ideas. My zombie ideas just won't die. What do you mean Zadisi zombie? Okay, like this one zombie idea I had. That Americans

care about balanced budgets. That there are still people who believe that. See, the other day I had Joe Manchin for lunch. What? I had Joe Manchin over for lunch at the Metropolitan Club. Jeez, John, I didn't eat Joe Manchin's brain. Come on. Hey, you know what they say about West Virginia brains?

What do they say? You're hungry two hours later. Oh, my goodness. The point is, he personally prevented a bunch of good policies because he loves my zombie ideas about deficits. And any other zombie ideas? Jeremy Renner is a movie star. No, no, no, about politics.

About politics. I mean, I've got so many great enduring ideas that people can really get behind. The filibuster actually protects minority rights. And hey, even if a guy was a war criminal, if he worked in Washington, you should probably post something about him being a great dude if he dies. It's called respect. What happened to decency?

Reporters kind of love those zombie ideas, huh? Oh, yeah, and this is one of my favorite zombie ideas, that it's actually extreme to do what is needed to stop climate change because the problem itself is extreme and that it's actually moderate and sensible to not stop it. Yeah, that sucks.

It's sort of like if your house is on fire, it's extreme to put it out, and very cool and chill to save only the room with the TV. So, why do you think these zombie ideas have such appeal? I mean, the same reason 90s sitcoms are popular on Netflix, John. They're safe and old and comfortable. And we need a purple party. Something that's socially liberal and fiscally conservative.

And breakfast is the most important meal of the day. That's zombie nonsense. Eat low-fat. Drink skim milk. We need both parties to come together. Brains! Get out of here, DC zombie! Sanemo's right because she makes both sides mad.

Trump is actually smart. Brains! God damn it. I hated that DC zombie. Hate is bad idea. Give it up for Demi Adedjibe. In the role of a lifetime. DC

zombie. When we come back, more show. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back! My dear Evan Hansen hair is getting in my eyes. I look too young. We're going to have to age me up if we're going to use this.

17? I don't think so. Put some wrinkles on there. I also think these pants are too skinny for the character, but there's still blood in my veins. I'm not going to show up on stage with Dear Evan Hansen pants. I'm not doing squats all this time to wear khakis.

These legs need to be seen. These legs go all the way up to the striped shirt. Don't applaud. What? What do you squash? What do I squash? I know whose voice that was.

Shut up. I don't know if I've mentioned it yet, but it's Halloween weekend. Here to tell us what we need to know, it's KTLA's own news reporter, Colleen Atkins. Colleen, welcome. Give it up for Colleen Atkins. Hi, Colleen. Thank you so much for being here. Wow, thank you, John. Oh, boy.

How you doing, Colleen? Oh, I'm doing well. Okay. Well, thanks for being here. Thank you so much for having me on, John, to talk about a crucial issue affecting our nation's children this weekend. Our top story tonight, trick or weed. Law enforcement is warning parents to check their children's Halloween candy carefully this year. What might look like a plastic pumpkin full of innocent treats could contain potent, potentially dangerous marijuana edibles.

Really, Colleen? I'm kind of surprised to hear you say that. Does this kind of thing actually happen? It's possible, John. There are edibles that look exactly like candy. It is conceivable a kid could mistakenly eat one. And you can never be too careful when it comes to protecting our children. Well, of course, Colleen. But I read a New York Times piece just this week about how trick-or-treaters receiving tainted candy is an urban legend. There is basically no evidence this ever happens. Oh, is that what you write in the New York Times, John?

Is that article really something you'd want to read a mother or even a father as they rush their child to get their stomach pumped after drowning a whole bag of stoner patch kids? First of all, where would I be reading this to a parent of a poisoned child? In the ambulance? Am I waiting in the back just in case?

Second of all, a bag is like 30 bucks after taxes. Plus, you have to get them from a dispensary. Sure, but if some absolute maniac were to slip it into your son or daughter's Paw Patrol-th themed fuzzy candy bag, they could have no idea what it was. Kids can't read, John. And I certainly hope they can't recognize a marijuana leaf on site. I mean, maybe your kids can. Don't you dare insult my completely

fictional children, Colleen. Cirrus and Cordelia are reading Moby Dick to us. Point is, this seems exactly like the urban legends we used to hear about. Razors in apples killing kids. No kid has ever died or ever been injured by a razor in a candy apple. The few times they've been reported, they've turned out to be hoaxes.

Who says it couldn't happen for real this year, John? And to one of your toddlers? You're a reporter, Colleen. I didn't want to, but I did a tiny shred of research. And there's been like three. But I had no choice. There's been only three instances of someone tampering with Halloween candy since 1959. And two of those instances were later debunked.

And one, it was the dad who poisoned the candy, and now I have to know that. Are you going to report that, Colleen? Okay, well, listen, I didn't want to do this, but you need to be careful. Okay, John? It's my responsibility to inform and prepare. I mean, do you hear the choppers in this neighborhood? It's crazy. Police buzzing by.

I am saving people from potentially dangerous situations their children might find themselves in. That is my job. And I won't stand for even one preschooler getting completely baked on my watch. The only cure for marijuana poisoning in children are episodes of Blippi and copious amounts of mac and cheese. It's the only known cure. This kind of fear-mongering, Colleen, might be good for ratings, but you're doing your viewers a disservice. And by focusing on these made-up hypotheticals, we're ignoring real threats.

A pipeline broke, dumped 25,000 gallons of oil along Orange County beaches. The only thing that put out the three-month-old Dixie Fire was the bomb cyclone that brought torrential rains down in Southern California. We have to pray that the weather disasters cancel each other out now. What if they happen in the wrong order, Colleen? Listen, I don't know, man, okay? I've been at this station for like 20 years. It was just supposed to be a stepping stone

until I could go on to have some glamorous correspondent job. They were just loose rocks in a dead loose of bullshit, and now I'm neck deep in this shit. Uh-oh. When I started, the station was owned by an old woman, a nice one, whose only editorial demand was telling viewers when the chacaranda were in bloom, so she knew to leave her damn house.

Now we're owned by Sinclair. I tried to stew a story on wildfires being caused by climate change, but they kept crossing out carbon pollution and replacing it with Antifa. They want people to be scared, but only by things that don't necessitate real change. So here I am. Reporting on accidentally eating weed candies by children hypothetically. Which is why it's so important for parents to inspect each piece of candy your child receives. Their lives might depend on it.

Oh no, Colleen, you're kind of back on the marijuana train again. John, before we come back from break, would you help me go through this candy and look for newsworthy ones? Absolutely not. Three of these lollipops have fentanyl in them. I know because I brought them.

Listen, it's a hard... She's having a hard time, all right? What's a couple of fentanyl lollipops between friends? Well, anyway, thanks thanks Colleen Atkins bye Colleen bye please pass my resume on to Ronan okay I'm not sure okay

okay I got sad at the end Colleen Atkins everybody give it up for Megan Gailey in the role of a lifetime KTLA reporter Colleen Atkins before we move on to our next guest

couple notes Love It or Leave It is coming to New York Comedy Festival join me and a lineup of incredible guests we got an announcement coming soon it's going to be wild. On November 12th at the Beacon Theater, tickets are almost gone, but there are some left. And for my ego

and the confidence I bring to stage, it's helpful when it sells out. For more information, crooked.com slash events. The global supply chain has been plagued by disruptions in recent months causing shortages of certain goods rising prices and a bunch of weird fox news segments about how joe biden stole christmas here to help us walk through what's actually happening please welcome to the

stage the supply chain please welcome to the stage the supply chain. Is the supply chain here? Can we get the supply chain to come out? Oh, okay. Jesus, I'm coming, all right? Give me a goddamn minute. Keep your sweatpants on. All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, the supply chain is finally here. A little slow. Sorry. Thanks for being here. You just were a little bit slow getting out here. Oh, was I? Was I slow? It's always fucking

now, now, now with you people. I'm sorry I can't just materialize on your doorstep the second you fucking summon me. I got a lot going on right now. Don't take this the wrong way Supply chain Well I'm gonna You look exhausted

Okay I'm a mess You want the truth? Yeah I'm a mess I got 200,000 shipping containers Stuck on cargo ships Off the coast of Los Angeles

I got no truck drivers I got no one to unload those suckers once they do make it into the port. And on top of that, I got about a million people dragging me on social media. You think I don't check? I'm on all of them.

The Twitters, the other ones. My phone is, it's unusable. Look at this asshole Mandy Patinkin said about me. You want it? All right, shit. Does anybody have a charger? I'm at 1%. Supply chain's phone's almost dead.

That does sound rough, but let me ask you this, supply chain. We've been dealing with this pandemic for over a year and a half now. Why are you still in such bad shape? Why are you in such bad shape? I'm sorry. I want to apologize. That was uncalled for. Wow. That was harsh. You know, I get irritable.

I get irritable when I get blocked up. Let me just take a swig of this. Take a real good chug of this real quick. Is that prune juice? Is that prune juice? It is.

It's a high-priced brand prune juice. Got a little whisper of meth in it. Just a whisper. I'm desperate. Just a whistle. Just a tickle. Just a soup song. Just a tickle of meth. Just a touch. The hint. Openle. Just a soup song. Just a tickle of meth. Just a touch.

The hint. Open the meth next to the prune juice. Let them sit side by side. That's how dry the prune juice is. Yeah. Meth-wise. I go, I consider it sort of a rave-style Arnold Palmer. I'm desperate.

I'm desperate. These backlogs, they're chopping me up. They're killing me. Look, the short answer is this. Pandemic wasn't easy on me either, okay? You guys, you spent the last year and a half ordering shit online, trying to fill the hole in your life created by the pandemic with fucking objects. Spoiler alert, that doesn't work.

But keep trying, you rapacious fucks. Meanwhile, I'm trying to recover from slowdowns and shutdowns in factories around the world that coincided with a huge surge in consumer demand for random and unexpected shit. Where was I supposed to source all of that toilet paper from, John? Where? I'm not sure. I'm not sure, but I really wish you had figured it out

because I'm not allowed back in Costco. I did. I did figure it out eventually. And you know how you freaks have thanked me? By continuing to spend every second of your free time online shopping even now that you've been vaccinated. What's the matter with you? continuing to spend every second of your free time online shopping, even now that you've been vaccinated. What's the matter with you?

I just needed some new potholders, that's all. Go outside. Have an experience. See a band play a live show with your friends. Ride a fucking barrel over a waterfall. Take a bunch of mushrooms and see if you can make it through a whole matinee screening of Dear Evan Hansen. Try that. Try it.

It's a good idea. I am straight up begging you to stop buying things and go crash your ex's wedding. Okay, I don't... All right, well, Supply Chain, I do have another question, which is what's up with this microchip shortage? Well, that's a great question. I'll tell you what's up. I'm very prepared for these. Tell you what's up. We don't have enough of them.

We don't got enough. And I can't just snap my fingers and produce more microchips, John. I don't know if you know this from reading the occasional article between checking your fucking Twitter mentions, but producing microchips at scale is not like baking sourdough bread. If you get it almost right, it's not just okay, okay? It's silicon nothing. That makes sense. You have to be very exact. It's precise.

Yeah. But don't yell at me. I'm not yelling at you. I am, but I'm not. All right. I'm yelling at the situation. A situation that you all created. Yeah, that's right.

Because this is what globalization looked like. We wanted dirt cheap products, so companies rely on manufacturing in countries with low costs. countries with low costs. An endless pursuit of efficiency and consolidation and scale that has meant the entire global economy runs like a beautiful, delicate, thoroughbred horse. Sure, it's magical and fast when she gallops. And you can have anything you want on your doorstep in a day, but one false step, one twisted ankle, one pebble, and then all you've got is gelatin. The store was actually out of gelatin. That's right. Running out of horses. I used all the pig bones for microchips and it didn't work. Well, let's just have one question

for you. Final question. Do you think that this will have any impact on holiday gift giving? Will massive disruptions in the global supply chain impact your orgiastic winter consumption festival? Yeah.

Yeah. So don't go buy your whiskey stones. Just wash some good old yard rocks. Just wash the yard rocks, people. Give it up for the supply chain. I made it

here. He made it here. It was hard enough to get him here. Rory Scovel. He made it. It was hard enough to get him here. Rory Scovel, everybody. In the role of a lifetime. The supply chain. Thank you. Thank you.

We come back. Our spooky, ooky Halloween show continues with yet another terrifying character. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. As you are all well aware, internal research recently leaked by whistleblower Francis Haugen revealed that Facebook is very much aware of how its algorithms radicalize users. This week, reporting that's part of the Facebook files or papers or clusterfuck provided more details,

like how in the summer of 2019, a Facebook employee created an account for a fictional conservative mom to observe how users can be pushed to extremism. The profile was quickly fed the worst the internet has to offer, and the results were compiled into a report titled, Carol's Journey to QAnon. Here with us now is that fake profile. Please welcome Carol Smith. Hi, Carol. Hi. Hi, hi, hi.

So nice to see you. Thanks so much for being here. Oh, my God. Hi. Oh, let me just put down my wine. Thanks so much for being here. Oh my God. Hi. Oh, let me just put down my wine. Thanks so much for being here. Oh, thank you, John. I'm so happy to be here.

Thank you. You are? You're happy? Yes. That's the emoji I've chosen. Okay. Okay. Well, we're happy to have you now.

You joined Facebook in the summer of 2019. Yes. My kids were not too pleased, but I just love those minion memes. I love those. Oh, how old are your kids? I don't remember. Well, that's okay. So initially, you just liked a few conservative figures and pages, including Donald Trump, Melania Trump, and Fox News. Based on this, after two days, Facebook recommended you a QAnon page, right? Yes, yes. Q is my friend. And by week three, there was, according to reports, a constant

flow of misleading and polarizing content including hate speech and misinformation that violates Facebook's own rules. Well, I wouldn't say that. I mean... No, no. The Facebook employee running your page said that. I'm sorry, the what? You're a profile. You know that, right? I have a profile, yes, but I run my account. I'm sorry, the what? You're a profile. You know that, right? I have a profile, yes, but I run my account.

I'm Carol Smith. Oh, boy. This is awkward. Anyways, moving on. Don't you think it's wildly irresponsible that just because you liked a few conservative stories, you were immediately recommended conspiracy theories and other low-quality sites? Q isn't a conspiracy theory, okay? I'm not one of those weirdos who thinks we live in a simulation or something.

Oh, God. Right. Well, the week you weren't as active, you reportedly received a push notification about a false news story posted in a group. Okay, I wouldn't call it a false story. And what was that news story? It was a post claiming that Barack Obama was born in Kenya. Not like me. I was born in... Wait. I don't remember being born.

Well, that's okay, because none of us do. Oh, thank God. So, you don't see this as being an issue, like a debunked fear-mongering story by the Democratic former president being pushed into your feed in 2019? Why are you saying it like that? Like, in 2019?

It is 2019. Um, Carol, it's 2021. What? No, it has to be the summer of 2019 still. Oh, that's because Facebook shut your account down after four weeks. You're not really making sense right now. I'm a red, white, and blue-blooded American woman. I love politics and puppies, and you better believe I am planning to vote.

But the election already happened. Did you vote? I'm planning to vote. I'm always planning to vote. It's always almost time to vote, because the demo rats will steal this election. They're planning to steal the election. It's 2019, and we have to be ready. Carol, what do you remember from before the summer of 2019? I lived a whole life. I mean, I'm middle-aged. I grew up in, um, I'm having a hard time remembering,

but I'll tell you what I know for certain. These Antifa terrorists are spreading everywhere. Antifa and Kamala Harris and caravans. I remember that. I can picture a farm, but it's fuzzy. And if I could just step away from Facebook for one moment, I could remember. But Carol, I'm so sorry to tell you this, but you can't step away from Facebook. What do you mean? Of course I can. I'm Carol Smith. I was born in America, and I love this country, and Democrats don't, and I am real, and I exist in the real world. If you could just show me how to log off,

I could prove it to you. I know it seems like I don't exist offline, but actually that's true of a lot of my friends on Facebook. A lot of my friends forget themselves, so I'm sure you're wrong, John. I'm sure I'm real, and I'm just another person who's lost in the algorithm, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I went down the rabbit hole, and I don't want to be here anymore. It's so awful here. It's so angry and mean and ridden with anxiety, and I'm Carol Smith, and Trump is our

last hope. Carol, I'm a profile. Calm down. Carol, what do you think about vaccines? I'm not one of those liberal California hippies against vaccine. Those wine country dopes. Still 2019. Would just love to give you a poke, John.

Oh, no. Poke. Did that ever really work? Oh, God. She's poking me. She's poking me. Carol Smith, everybody. Bye, y'all.

Give it up for Carol Smith, the fake Facebook profile that radicalized in the summer of 2019. One more time for Cara Clank, a Facebook profile from 2019. Please welcome Cara, Demi, Megan, and Rory back to the stage. Now it's

time for the rant wheel. You know how it works. This week on the wheel we have jeans, racist dogs, the New York Times spelling bee, the demoralizing inhuman process that is deboarding an airplane, parents who are about English homework,

the squid game accountant, dogs in Halloween costumes, this terrible World Series, and people not using headphones in public places. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on World Series matches suggested by Megan. I'm now Megan, but Colleen would hate this World Series too. It's filled with a cheater.

They cheated a long time ago. Thank you, even you guys are mad. That's, love it, fans are mad. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. But we're mad, and then someone booed, but you're wrong. They did fucking cheat, and there was a whole year off where we were in the stands, and we didn't get to be like,

boo, Altuve, we used to love you, you little bite-sized poly pocket and now we fucking hate your ass so that's one team and then the other team does the tomahawk chop uh which we're definitely i don't think supposed to be i'm obviously a white woman named megan and even i think it's bad so it definitely seems bad the crowds for both of them. Oh, my God. I'm just scanning the Braves being like, do any of you like Stacey Abrams? It's a frightening matchup. And I hope they both lose.

What my dad would say is let's root for a lot of injuries. But that's not nice. So I'm so I'm furious about this World Series matchup between the Los Angeles Dodgers. Nope. Between the Braves. Yep. And, oh, the Astros. They did cheat. I remember that in the news.

I remember stories about their cheating. I thought you guys just said the asterisks. I'm like, so we haven't decided yet? All this cheating going on. Let's spin it again. It has landed on jeans. Suggested by Kara. It's not jeans.

Okay. My problem is that I love jeans, but I'm not going to be buying a new fucking style of jeans every goddamn year. Okay? I got rid of all my bootlegs and I bought the skinnies and I'm not going back. Okay? You're not going to sell me on a fucking cropped jean that also bootlegs under the knee?

Fuck you. Like, what is that? Or it's like a big boyfriend gene that goes, I like a gene that goes right up under my bosom, for sure. I'll take the higher the waist, the closer to God, but I will not be fucking with the way that the leg goes, and then now bell bottoms are back. Uh-uh. No.

No. That's it. No. No. Yeah, thank you. Before this very show, I... These are jeggings I also want to point out that I bought for my character four hours ago at a thrift store.

Before this very show, I realized I didn't have khaki pants because I'm gay. So I went down the street to an Urban Outfitters to see if they had khaki pants, and that was the first time I felt like I was a thousand fucking years old. I walked in that store, and I felt like a vampire entering a house without permission. Like my skin started to melt. That sucked. Let's spin it again.

It has landed on racist dogs. I think, Demi, you suggested that. Sure did. Oh, yeah, no, this is Rory's one. Yeah. Yeah. I'm always thinking about this kind of stuff. Okay.

So my girlfriend's neighbor has a dog that barks at me and no one else, and I know it's racist, and if you're white and thinking you don't know it's racist, we can tell. They bark with a hard R. The thing that I can't understand is I... No, but here's the thing. Just thinking about it from a scientific standpoint, how are there still racist

dogs? I don't understand it. They live like 12 years. So 2009 is the earliest that a racist dog could be born, and how do you make a dog racist? Flash cards? What are you doing? Do you have to go to K you make a dog racist that like flash cards what are you doing do you have to go to kinkos and print out special flash cards because they're color blonde are you doing like oh you're john mccain good the entire cast of insecure bat like how do

you get there and the worst part about it is whenever someone has a racist dog and they bark at me they're always like oh my god i'm so sorry he never does this that's the worst thing you can say to me because what i'm hearing is oh my god I'm so sorry my dog and I do not spend time around black people don't do that I do not need to be the first black person your dog meets I don't want to be a test subject for your KKK nine what I need you to say every single time is I'm so sorry he does this all the time I got him from my grandmother. She drilled this into him. However, she had a heart attack when Moonlight came out. Awesome. Let's spin it again. It has landed on parents who care about English homework.

So there's an ad that's been airing in the Virginia governor's race where Glenn Youngkin, who's a very tall, bad person, but with kind eyes so he may win. I don't make the rules. And in this ad, this woman laments what's happening to our nation's schools. It turns out that what she's upset about is that when her son was in high school, years ago, he had to read the book Beloved by Toni Morrison, and he had nightmares. And honestly, that's okay. A lot of things can cause nightmares.

If you watch an episode of Seinfeld before you go to bed, that can be a nightmare. It's just using stuff from your life. The nightmare comes from within. Your brain's just cleaning up after a long day. So that part's fine. You can have a nightmare about anything. You know? Like when I was a kid, my mom rolled in a VCR and I watched Death Becomes Her when I had 101 fever. That was a bad idea.

But my mom didn't then call the school to try to ban Death Becomes Her, which wouldn't make sense. It wasn't part of the curriculum. The point is, where this went wrong is, that boy told his mother, and then that mother called the school, and then she launched a long-term campaign to ban the book Beloved from her children's school. And the son is not embarrassed about this at all. He loved it, talks about it a lot, and is now a lawyer for the Republican Party in the District of Columbia. Yay! The first mistake, parents should never know what their children are doing in school. That is not necessary.

It's not for them. Let's spin it again. It has landed on people not using headphones in public places. If you are watching your iPad or your fucking goddamn phone, and you don't have headphones, and you've got it on full volume, who do you think you are? And what goddamn world do you think you live in where I gotta listen to your fucking thing and I know what you're doing? You are challenging me to challenge you. And I'm scared. You need to know that. I'm not confrontational. If I go to a restaurant and I am served the wrong food, I don't even say anything. I just eat it. Send this back.

No, I'll just eat it. I'm not going to tap on your shoulder. Hey, can you turn your phone down? I'm not going to tap on your shoulder Hey can you turn your phone down We're on a fucking airplane Instead What I think we should all do Get on your Spotify accounts Go ahead and download a Norwegian death album And be ready for these moments

Someone sitting at the gate They got the music going Put on Norwegian death metal And just stare at them. And just be like, is this what we're doing? Is this how we're living? I need you to know what I like. I don't want to know what you like.

I don't care about your video game. And also, when you get off of a plane, go in order. Quit acting like you got to. You have nowhere to go. You have nowhere to go. If you did, you have nowhere to go. You have nowhere to go. If you did, you wouldn't have flown Southwest. You would have spent the money and cared more. All right, that's all I got.

Thanks to Demi Adjayebe, Megyn Kelly, Rory Scovel, and Cara Clank. That's the rant wheel. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Now it's time to end on a high note. Oh, I'm excited for this one. Where's Zach Z? Hey, let's get a mic out to Zach Z.

I'm excited about this one. This is the rare double negative high note. Zach, what's your high note? I didn't lose my hand this week. Your high note is that you didn't lose your hand. Say more about that. It's kind of gross, but I stabbed my wrist woodworking for my job. But you didn't lose your hand.

I didn't lose my hand. But it sounds like you could have. I could have, yeah. And was it like very close to losing your hand? Oh, losing movement. Right, right, right. Like paralyzing my hand. And what were you whittling?

Some sort of a, were you doing scrimshaw? Carving a drawer. Were you engaged in the ship art of scrimshaw? I wish I was carving a drawer. You were carving a drawer. That's interesting, yeah. But an antique drawer. An antique drawer. You wish I was carving a drawer. You were carving a drawer. That's interesting, yeah. But an antique drawer. An antique drawer.

You can't carve an antique drawer. You know what I mean? You see the problem? So there's a paradox in there. Maybe that's why it went so wrong for you. I'm glad you didn't lose your hand, Zach. Thank you. TJ, what is your high note? So I'm a third grade

teacher at an elementary school not far from here. Yeah. So my students are about eight years old. And earlier this week, one of my students checked a colleague who works at my school on my pronouns. colleague who works at my school on my pronouns. Nice. Hi, Kara, what's your high note? My high note is that right before this show happened, my manager at the Arizona Democrats gave me the okay to announce to everybody that we're hiring field organizers, year-round field organizers, for the Arizona Democratic Party. That's great. Yeah. So thanks for sharing that. And you can apply at azdem.org slash jobs to be a year-round field organizer in Arizona. Yep. Not attached to a campaign.

Year-round, on the ground, always. Year-round, on the ground. Jessica, what's your high note? I can't even articulate how important it is for me to be here right now. I used to live in Europe, and I come from a very conservative evangelical family. Being abroad and having a conservative echo chamber and listening to you guys on Pod Save America, listening to Love It or Leave It,

gave me so much hope. And having you all on the stage, I cried in my seat, and I can't even tell you how meaningful it was to have a tether back to an America that I could return to when I came back from Europe. So thank you. This is my high note. That is so nice. Thank you. I'm so glad you're here. Thanks for coming. That's so sweet. Catherine, what's your high note? That's so sweet.

Catherine, what's your high note? My high note is that even in the face of a pandemic, I work full-time in theater, which is really cool. That's awesome. Yeah. What kind of show are you working on right now? I just finished a play. We're from Boston, and so we just finished a play, and we're about to start a production of The Last Five Years.

Very COVID safe, only two people. It's pretty cool. Cool. Yeah. All right. All right. Let's do one more. Where is Lynn? Hi, Lynn. What's your high note? Well, next weekend we have, we're one year out from the midterms and the Wisconsin Democrats are doing a weekend of action, one year to win, and I get to volunteer for them. Nice. To help recruit poll workers. You got a great party chair in Ben Wickler up there in Wisconsin. Oh, he's fantastic. He's great. Thank you for doing that. Sure.

We got a win. Thank you to everybody who submitted high notes tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 213-262-4427. Remember, we'll be using recorded high notes again in November. And on that note, there was a misconnection last week that I want to highlight.

Somebody called us from a jail or prison, and because our wildly broken incarceration industrial complex makes it incredibly difficult for inmates to connect with the world at large, we weren't able to get the message they wanted to leave up. If that was you, don't call us back. That number can't

accept collect calls, but email us or have someone email us at leaveit at crooked.com. We would like your high note and we are grateful that you are listening. That is our show. Thank you to Demi, did you eBay? Megan Gailey, Rory Scovel, Cara Clink, and everybody who wrote us a high note. Special thanks to Matt Bouchel for making this week's song.

There are 373 days until the 2022 midterm elections. Have a great weekend and see you next week. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me john love it and lee eisenberg kendra james is our senior producer hallie keeper is our head writer jocelyn kaufman paula v ganalan and peter miller are the writers our associate producer is brian semel bill lance is our editor and kyle seglin is our sound engineer our theme song is written and performed by sure sure thanks to our designers jesse mcclain and marissa meyer for creating and running all of

our visuals which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Nara Melkonian and Milo Kim, Mia Kelman and Matt DeGroot, for filming and editing video each week so you can.