Lovett or Leave It - Nesting Doll of Idiots!

Episode Date: March 31, 2018

Trump’s lawyer allegedly floated pardons. Trump’s lawyer’s lawyer is not doing much better. The census is under attack. And this White House can turn any adult into Benjamin Button. Comedians Emily Heller and Jaboukie Young-White and journalist Seema Mehta join Jon to break down the week’s news and celebrate Melania’s victory over cyber-bullying.

It's not a holiday Street shooter Nothing for living, it's not a holiday The snack we don't know sex Nothing for living, it's not a holiday Hey everybody! Street shooter Thanks for coming out to the improv.

How you doing? I'm good, thank you for asking. No one ever asks. No one ever asks. A month ago, we asked for submissions for Portrait Mode. We received incredible, incredible submissions. Do you know who submitted a portrait?

Rosie O'Donnell. And it was funny because in the submission it said, from Rosie. And it described clearly. It wasn't like, you know, I work in entertainment and I really have a problem

with Trump. It was like, Trump once called me out several times by name and we've been in a long-term feud and I used to host The View. And it's like, this seems like it's probably Rosie O'Donnell I don't know what other

Rosie this one could be but it was very coy and then we confirmed Rosie O'Donnell submitted to the portrait contest she did not make the finals but these are the three winners we have and obviously um uh podcasting is an ideal form for describing art but we're these aren't the official names but i will simply describe this as uh trump on daddy's shoulders the daddy is putin by jamie fontana we have trump basically puking tweets by Casey Promise. And then we have, I think, a very accurate photo by Abigail Hammett, which is a donut with a slice of And a cigarette butt also on the pavement. This one's more avant-garde. Anyway, we are going to put this on some merch, and all proceeds are going to go to PS Arts,

which goes to California Public Schools, their art programs, which we're very excited about that. You know, there's been some debate. There's been some division at Crooked Media. How many people in this room would wear Trump as a baby on Putin's shoulders as a T-shirt? Okay, no one. Very few of you. All right, let's do this.

How many people, how do you feel about a mug? Much better. Much better. Much better. You people still buying mouse pads? Guys, to the people of Miami, why don't you make like Columbus, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Chicago, Minneapolis, Philadelphia, Nashville, Durham, Minneapolis, Philadelphia Nashville, Durham Boston and New York and buy some fucking tickets

bunch of pit bull worshipping mojito swilling ignoramuses down there get off your rollerblades and take in some political discourse Friday at 10

like these lovely people and take in some political discourse Friday at 10. Like these lovely people who don't regret it yet. All right, guys, we've got a great show. Tonight's panel includes Roseanne Barr, my avatar from Oasis, and Sanaa Lathan. Got some questions for her. All right, we have a great show for you tonight. She's a political reporter for the Los Angeles Times. Please welcome Seema Mehta.

Hi, Seema. How are you? I'm good. He is currently a writer on Big Mouth. You've seen him on the Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon. Please welcome the very funny, back to the podcast, Jaboukie Young-White. She's a comedian, TV writer, and co-host of the podcast Baby Geniuses.

Please welcome Emily Heller. Hi, guys. Hey, Emily. How's it going? It's so good. It seems like it's going really good so far. All right, guys. Let's get into it.

What a week. Donald Trump, our president, has been under special counsel investigation for the majority of his presidency. This week we learned that the Trump camp is starting to panic a bit about how close that investigation is getting to the president himself. According to the New York Times, Trump's lawyer, John Dowd, who quit last week because he was tired of being ignored by Donald Trump, may have dangled pardons to Paul Manafort and Michael Flynn to stop them from flipping on Trump, which is like witness tampering, like obstruction of justice, which I think fits with their brand in a lot of ways. That's very on trend for them. This year for them is all about sort of dark blues and obstruction of justice. I feel like tampering is such a light way of putting that.

That's the thing that people do to cereal boxes and stuff that you shouldn't buy. It feels like a euphemism, i know it's not right tampering yeah yeah that's like you know what you do to like a mattress you know you pull off the thing and you've tampered with it who tampered with this stereo says a stereotypical father in an 80s thing where they remember when stereos could be tampered with that's what john dow did uh we also learned from we also learned from court filings that muller has established that during the election rick gates which means maybe also paul manafort uh was in contact with a person who directly connected to the russian intelligence agency responsible for uh the various hacks on Democrats, which happens.

You know, you're figuring out, you know, where to put resources in Iowa. You're trying to decide where you're going to put together 270 electoral votes. And you take a few meetings with Russian intelligence, which was a totally normal thing that used to happen all the time, which everyone is blown out of charge because everybody, Trump made everybody go crazy. You know? Any thoughts, Jaboukie? I just personally cannot keep up with all these white dudes at this point. It's so

difficult. It's like someone took a class list from a boarding school and just put it in a blender and just dumped it out into every news headline, and I cannot keep up anymore. You know what I think happened? I think that because the White House personnel office was so screwed up, there was this

mistake that was made. There was a list of super qualified Republicans but instead, what accidentally happened is somebody slipped in a list of prep school graduates who were investigated by their honor code committee during their time at prep school for various,

for cheating and other kinds of, you know, worse things. And they said, oh, here's our list of super qualified people. And then one by one, they're like, oh my God, these people are terrible. So it's sort of like a classic mix-up in a lot of ways. Now, because of this news about pardons being offered, we know that the panic is extending to the things that Flynn, who has flipped, and Manafort, who hasn't yet flipped, that what they might tell Mueller. While all this news was breaking, a bunch of Democratic senators, this was really strange, they released a statement

urging the Justice Department to protect Mueller from being fired. These statements seemingly came out of nowhere and made a lot of folks worry that there's something going on behind the scenes. Seema, what did you make of that? These, you know, Blumenthal and others just coming out and saying we must protect the special counsel, seemingly out of the blue. Well, I mean, it seems like the White House is in an increasing state of panic, where you have the lawyers having to hire their own lawyers, and yet at the same time, the president wants to hire more lawyers and they won't work for him which is unheard of because you know normally it's very prestigious to be a white house lawyer yes right um but he's having problems because people you know he hasn't necessarily listened to his lawyers which has

been a frustration um so it just seems like the white house a they're an increasing level of panic and potentially moving towards doing something with muller which i think a lot of people on the Hill don't want. And I think, you know, Dowd leaving the White House, leaving the president, that's a notable moment because people thought that Dowd would be able to sort of, he would listen to him. When he was brought in, people thought, like, this would be another one of the adults in the White House who would sort of keep the president in check. And then, you know, as we've seen, that has happened once again. And then, you know, as we've seen, that has happened once again.

It's the adults in the White House. It's really it seems to be that if you're an adult who goes into the White House because you're an adult, one of two things happens. You either quit because it's a madhouse or you kind of go through a kind of political Benjamin Button and become a child. You regress. Yes. Benjamin Button and become a child. You regress. Yes. Like, basically,

Donald Trump is a political Benjamin Button-er. Yeah. He found the perfect kind of youth potion that doesn't make you look younger at all.

No, no. No, it's like Dorian Gray, but your body gets worse and your brain gets dumber. I mean, all his wives stay the same age. He just keeps getting older.

Right, his wives, he does figure it out. He did figure. I mean, all his wives stay the same age. He just keeps getting older. Right. His wives, he does figure it out. He did figure out how to Benjamin Button his wives through this weapon. It's a kind of futuristic ray called patriarchy. Or something. Emily, when John Dowd quit last week,

Trump was ecstatic to finally start doing it his way. What do you think is part of his way that we haven't yet seen? Are you at all worried about what his way will be? Like, wait, his way of doing the presidency? Yeah, like he's going to finally, he is going to be himself. He is done being a president for other people. I feel like Donald Trump saying, I can finally do the presidency my way would be like me saying,

I can finally do this brain surgery my way. It's like, there's not another way I've been doing brain surgery. I don't know how to do brain surgery. I mean, I'll give it a go. Just want to pause to recognize that Dr. Ben Carson... I mean... ...is a literal brain surgeon. And his most recent scandal is blaming his wife for purchasing a thirty thousand dollar

dinette set okay in his defense women do be shopping you're a brain surgeon you've accidentally purchased thirty thousand dollars worth of shitty furniture on the government time. The scandal has been going on for the better part of two weeks. You're asked a question about it, and at the two-week mark, right when it's about to go away, like it's just the, it's on the ice flow. It's floating out to sea. It's waving. And he's like, my wife did it. What if I say that now?

Oh, no. That's worse because it's a government job and she doesn't work for the government? I like how he's like, oh, you know what might make this horrible situation better? Fighting with my wife. I want him to put out a book that's called Marriage.

It's not brain surgery. But then the subtitle is because I'm good at brain surgery and I'm not good at this. Looking around the room, angry reporter, angry reporter, angry reporter, smiling wife wife i got an idea sema it also came out this week that uh as you said a bunch of different lawyers have turned

down the job of representing the president um what do you think like what do you think is preventing blue chip firms like this is actually deeply strange, right? Representing the presidency used to be an honor. Even when he was being impeached for lying about what in hindsight was a deeply egregious abuse of office with an intern. Yeah. Let's get some hindsight on that

whole thing. Seriously. That would be really interesting to look back at that in the context of the Me Too movement. But you're absolutely right. I mean, that presidents have, you know, if you're a top chip lawyer, you want to work for the president no matter who it is. So it's really interesting. I think it feeds to two things. One, you can't control him as a client. And we've all seen that.

And we've seen this on the campaign trail. We've seen this at the White House. You have the president on a script. And he can sort of stick by the script. But then once he starts going off his own cuff, it's far more entertaining for reporters and more newsworthy for reporters, but it's perhaps not the best thing when you're dealing with an obstruction of justice probe with the special prosecutor

and facing charges. So I think some lawyers are wary in that part. And then also, he also has a habit of not paying people who he hires. Right. Sort of a one-two punch punch he's a terrible client who often in defending himself cops to several crimes in the tweets and then he's also unbearable and he won't pay you at the end of it at the end of it you'll be like i'm not paying you i'm in jail

why would i why would i pay scat and arps for this service everyone in my family is in jail now that's not how it ends in our hearts we know that we get to the other side of this and we're relieved and we're glad, but we're not satisfied. Everybody's made their peace with that. Everybody made their peace with the permanent injustice that will never be erased from the books. You guys all good with that? Absolutely. I've been black for like 23 years now. Jaboukie's been black for 23 years.

That's just like a way to get in the fact that he's 23 years old. It's like really a frustrating thing. He also brought that up on the last time he was on love it or leave it. It's my only credit. When we come back. Okay. Stop. Hey,

don't go anywhere. There's more of love it or leave it coming up. And we're back! Now for a game we call OK Stop. Here's how it works. We're going to watch a clip wherever it stops. We talk about it. That's it. We say OK Stop, and then we can make a comment.

While Robert Mueller works slowly and methodically to unravel the various illegalities and malfeasance that helped Trump and his second string goon squad attain wealth and power, Donald Trump is flailing a bit through a scandal he refuses to comment on. The Stormy Daniels saga. L'affaire... What's the French word for weather? Storm.

Tempest. Can you do it? Because I'm going to fuck it up. L'affaire tempeste. Cool. Mike, can you do it? Because I'm going to fuck it up. L'affaire Trompeste. Cool. What he said.

Trump's lawyer recently claimed he made a hush payment to Stormy Daniels with his own money and that Trump wasn't involved. That is so crazy. What a crazy thing to say. So Trump's lawyer's lawyer

went on Megyn Kelly to defend him. Trump's lawyer's lawyer went on Megyn Kelly to defend him. Trump's lawyer's lawyer. This is just a Russian nesting doll of idiots. It's like... Guys, episode title, right? I think it's... It can be beaten, but maybe it won't be, you know? Probably not.

The bar is set. Let's roll the clip. Weird thing about this case is that Michael Cohen signed the deal, Donald Trump didn't, and you are claiming that Michael Cohen, the president's lawyer and fixer, the Ray Donovan character, never, ever told Donald Trump about it. Never told him.

Okay, stop. They've really put themselves in quite a bind here. Because does that mean that Michael Cohen is just not doing things, just like going rogue on behalf of clients and writing checks for people and not asking, like it's a crazy claim. I have really terrible friends apparently

because I couldn't get them to pay like five bucks at that time. I mean, seriously. If somebody put out $130,000 for me and... I'm ready for them to just like leak the Venmo receipts of just like... Cash app. Thousands.

With just like... Cash app. Cash app, whatever. And the memo is just like the dancing lady emoji. That's what I think it would be. Can I also point out, she started that sentence by saying, the weird thing about this case is, like, so confident she had narrowed it down.

I wish I had that much confidence about anything I said. Dispensed $130,000 of his own money and never sought reimbursement from Donald Trump? 100%. No one believes that, David. Okay, stop. You know lawyers. As generous as they are stupid. So, first of all, that's fair.

But I want you to know that it's actually a nuanced thing I just said, because if you really think about it, what I was calling you was shark-like, but ultimately very smart. You know what I mean? If you think about the math of the joke. I don't want to break it down, but you know what I mean?

You see what I'm saying, right? You get it. You get it. But by the way, I didn't mean you. I, of course, meant these crazy, terrible, stupid lawyers. Wait. Unless, do you represent Donald Trump? No. Okay. Do you represent

the lawyer representing Donald Trump? One final question. One final question. Do you represent the lawyer representing Donald Trump? One final question. One final question. Do you represent the lawyer representing the lawyer representing Donald Trump? Because based on this guy's performance, he does need a lawyer. I think that's the sequel to Human Centipede. Lots of people believe it. it okay if you understand the dynamics of the relationship it was not the dynamics of the relationship donald trump has billions of

dollars and michael cohen doesn't let me finish my let me michael cohen does have millions of dollars okay billions so no billions and billions all right let me finish my answer okay okay stop Okay, stop. I just want, you guys can't see this at home, but Megyn Kelly, who's not perfect, is doing an admirable job in this interview, but the poor production has taken over the situation because the camera has zoomed in on a large photo of Michael Cohen, who is not present at this event,

looking like someone just whispered in his ear that they found a head in his car. Michael Cohen had great authority within that organization to take care of things. He chose not to go to the boss. He chose to take care of this thing. Why would he pay $130,000 of his own money?

You know what? It is the most unanswerable question. What is this story they're telling? What lawyer spends $130,000 of his own money for his client? It's not a thing. Unless it's like Susan Sarandon, you know, in one of those movies where she plays a lawyer.

And I don't think this is one of those. I mean, I've gotten high and bought some shit on Amazon that I shouldn't have. But it's like max $80. One other reason that we know that this is bullshit, by the way, is something that Michael Cohn already told us, which is that

when he paid Stormy Daniels, I believe it was Stormy Daniels, it's one of the settlements, he used the line of credit he had taken out on his home. Yeah, yeah. Get yourself a friend who loves you the way Michael Cohen loves Donald Trump. He borrowed against his home. As anyone who can spend, anyone who's giving away $130,000 who doesn't care about it's not going to ask for it back does they borrow he borrowed it from business it's not a mortgage it's a line of credit but it's still money he needs to pay back and if you have money to pay someone $130,000

you don't go to your home loan first right that what a, like, that's not what fancy, I don't think, that's like what fancy rich people do. You know, when they're paying their hush money. They write a check. They do the thing where they have that, that beautiful checkbook with multiple checks and they write it out and they rip it out

and there's a little stub left behind. A stub that someone later will find. You know what I mean, Jaboukie? No, I know exactly what you're talking about. They begrudgingly take it out from underneath their desk, slap it down. Yeah, and it's a beautiful leather book. Yeah, and they're looking up at the person

while they're writing it. That's how you write a $130,000 check with your own fucking money. You don't borrow against your home. Hey, honey, how was work today? I don't want to talk about it. Why? I don't want to talk about it. Did something happen? I just had a...

You're going to be mad. You know? I mean, Ben Carson isn't looking so bad now. Husband of the year material. You're not answering. You're dodging. You're getting out of balance. I am answering you. What's the truth? The truth is he loves

the boss. He did it out of love. He did it. Okay, stop. Shout out to the tourists who couldn't get into the show they wanted and got to be in the live audience for Megyn Kelly. Because they're having a great time and they're laughing and funny stuff.

Just one other just small note. When you're a lawyer for a high profile client who very clearly is lying, you don't have to go on news shows. You don't have to. You could actually just say, no, thank you. It doesn't matter what the public thinks, and I can only make this worse because your questions will be hard.

I should just fight this out in the legal system, the only place where it really counts. You go on Megyn Kelly when you're like, we have a story to tell. These people don't have a story to tell. They're not waiting for the truth to come out. Don't go on Megyn Kelly. He does look like he's

having a good time, though. Don't discourage them. He's smiling. Don't discourage them. Our ratings are up. Our viewership is up. We need this. Mainstream media, everybody. Michael Cohen, this guy, Carter Page, what are they doing? He did it out of love, and he did it out of loyalty.

I think when you're Donald Trump, and the best lawyer you can get is Michael Cohen, that means that when you're Michael Cohen, the best lawyer you can get is this guy. Are we sure he's a lawyer and not from improv everywhere? Just like sneaking on? Like sometimes you just send these shows a press release. They have you on. They don't check. Yeah, I think I recognize that guy from my level two class.

Two seconds later he's just like, and that's why he did it, out of love. Did I hear Chinese restaurant? When we come back, we're gonna play a game about the census. So buckle up for that. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back! Now for a game we call Come to Our Census. Can you hear that? In the distance. Excited drumming.

Children laughing. It's finally here. What we've all been waiting for. It's time for the United States Census. Once every ten years, Americans from sea to shining sea come together as one and fill out a Scantron. The census is boring, but it is so important. It's one of the most consequential civic responsibilities we have. Earlier this week, the Trump administration announced they would be adding a question about immigration status to the census. A lot of people are very understandably worried about it.

So we wanted to talk about it in a game we call Come to Our Census. Would anybody out there like to play? It's her birthday. Let's come forward. It's her birthday. That works. That was very effective. Alisa's going to come and give you a microphone.

Hi, what's your name? Hi, Susie. Susie. Yes. Let's play the game. Okay. What is a major consequence of adding a question about citizenship to the United States Census? Is it A?

The Census will spill onto a fourth page, thereby depleting an additional square mile of rainforest, which is only happening because Trump repealed the no-census paper from Fern Gully regulation that Obama signed because of logging oligarch S. Trump nicely during a fake charity event at Mar-a-Lago. No-census paper

from Fern Gully. I'm sorry. Realizing now I took you all on a journey and it went a little bit further than you were prepared to go. Is it B? Undocumented immigrants afraid of being caught will avoid filling out their census forms,

warping the data, and lowering the official population in certain neighborhoods. Or was it C? American citizens will feel a raw and intense patriotism the moment they check that box, leading to a surge in voting, flag-waving, apple pie baking, Uncle Sam hat-buying,

and preemptive war. I'm gonna go for B. B is correct, Susie. Oh, no. Don't worry. We're only going to hear that six more times. Question two for Susie. Why is an accurate census count important?

Is it A? Because if we don't get an accurate head count, then we won't know how much pizza to order. Is it B? Because we as a nation are like Tony Shalhoub's character on Monk, and we must know the perfect, precise, exact number of citizens in each district because it just makes us feel slightly more comfortable when we pay attention to detail,

which, again, is similar to Tony Shalhoub's character, Adrian Monk on the show Monk, which ran for eight seasons on the USA Network. Or was it C? Because the census count in a neighborhood determines an insane amount about a neighborhood, including which member of Congress represents them, how many members of the state house they have, how districts are drawn, and how 132 government

agencies allocate $675 billion in resources, including funding for Medicare, Head Start, lunch programs, and even money for highway repairs, which means that if immigrants are too scared to fill out the census, certain neighborhoods that just happen to be more black and brown and liberal, of course, will be punished for a decade. C. I think that's right punished for a decade. C. I think that's right. I think it's C. Final question, Susie.

In 2010, 1.5 million people of color were not counted in the census. Why are activists and experts already worried that the census will be even less accurate in 2020? Is it A? The director of the Census Bureau resigned on the same day James Comey was fired, and almost a year later, he has still not been replaced because, you know, Trump has a lot of fox and friends to catch up on.

Was it B? The Republican budget slashed funding to the Census Bureau, which means fewer people will go door-to-door this year, and important field tests were canceled. Or was it C?

Lots of people will be filling out the census online for the first time ever, and despite America's impeccable record on cybersecurity, many people are worried

census data could be hacked or manipulated. B. All of the above. Incorrect, Susie. Happy birthday, Susie.

Happy birthday, Susie. Susie, you've won. Come to our census. Parachute gift card. You can buy some sheets and stuff. You know, pillows. Or really whatever. You know, so thank you for playing, Susie.

Or a bathroom, Susie. That's great. That's exactly right. Happy birthday. Thank you. Get yourself a robe. Give it up for Susie. We'll be right back.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back! Look, I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but this is actually the one-year anniversary of a show called Love It or Leave It. Which is cool stop it it was nothing

it's a labor of love you know but it's been a pretty intense year I don't know if you guys have been paying attention to the news at all

but a lot of shit has gone down it is often pretty difficult to keep up with the pace of news and so this is going to be year. I don't know if you guys have been paying attention to the news at all, but a lot of shit has gone down. It is often pretty difficult to keep up with the pace of news and so this is going to be a game we play with our panel. Okay? And I am going to give them several

events or tweets or other things that took place during the year and together as a team they are going to put those events in the right order, hopefully, right in front of you. All right? So give it up for our panel.

They're going to play today. You guys ready? Question number one. Hope Hicks, Sean Spicer, Mike Dubke, Sean Spicer, Anthony Scaramucci. These were the communications directors over the past year at the White House. Their names are behind you. In what order were they communications director?

Oh, my God. Hope is last. All of those are real names? All of them are real names. Okay. You have to put them in order. I totally miss Dubke. All of those are real names? All of them are real names. Okay. You have to put them in order. I totally missed Dubkey.

Yeah, who was that? He was there for two seconds. And then Scaramucci was for three seconds. Sean, Scaramucci, Mike, Sean Hope. Close. However, it was Spicer, then Dubkey, then Spicer again, then the 10 glorious days of Scaramucci, then Hope Hicks. So that was five communications directors in a year, a year and change, which is more than Obama had in eight years.

So he's winning. Trump is winning. Trump is... Most communications directors. Trump is winning yet again. Question number two for our panel. Trump tweets are notoriously unique and not redundant. In what order did he send the following tweets? One,

everybody is asking why the Justice Department and FBI isn't looking into all of the dishonesty going on with Crooked Hillary and the Dems. Two, many people in our country are asking what the Justice Department, quotes around justice, tough hit, tough hit, is going to do

after the fact that totally Crooked Hillary, after receiving a subpoena from the United States Congress, deleted and, quote, acid washed, end quote, 30,000 emails. No justice. Three, so why aren't the committees and investigators,

and of course our beleaguered AG, remember that was a period of time where he was hassling Sessions, why aren't they looking into Cricket Hillary's crimes and Russia relations? These are all from today. Two, I remember two from the campaign. I think two is from the campaign.

Because the acid washing was a big thing that he was focused on for a bit. Okay. So do you think that's number one then? I don't know. We can't tell the rest because the rest are all similar. Yeah. I feel like three is last. Believer Day juice.

That's Sessions. Two and three. Two, one, three. Two, one, three. You and 3. 2 and 3. 2, 1, 3. You're so, so not right. We were misled. Beligard AG

was first because he was trying to fire Sessions. After Donald Brazil's book in November he went after Hillary and finally December of 2017

that was when he went after Michael Flynn when he, when Michael Flynn pled guilty to Mueller. Oh my gosh. I am a failure.

Final. So the acid-washed one is the most recent. That's wild. I mean, acid-washed jeans didn't last that long. Yeah, it was a throwback. You guys are all correct in that it was a throwback. He was digging into his... It was in his drafts for a while. Yeah, it was a throwback. It was a cheat his it was he pulled out you know it was like a throwback. Yeah it was his

it was a cheat. That's his thunder road you know like he brings he doesn't do it at every show but when he does people fucking love it. Final question. Put the following scandals in chronological order.

Trump calling Haiti and Africa shithole countries. Trump saying that there were bad people on both sides of the Nazi anti-Nazi clashes in Charlottesville. Trump tweets

that his nuclear button is much bigger and more powerful than Kim Jong-un's and Trump gives a rambling speech in front of Boy Scouts where he brags

about his victory. I think it's Charlottesville nuclear Boy Scout shithole. Boy Scout was first? Boy Scout Charlottesville nuclear shithole. Boy Scout was first? Boy Scout Charlottesville nuclear shithole. You got it.

Boy Scout Charlottesville nuclear shithole. I have to say. Well done. Thank you. Boy Scout Charlottesville nuclear shithole is a fucking cool name

for a bar in Charlottesville. Yeah. Nuclear shithole is a fucking cool name for a bar in Charlottesville. Nuclear shithole. That's cool. That sounds like a place where you get caps in Fallout. Sounds like a symptom I described to my doctor. They do that thing where they show you the different faces

and I have to show how you feel And the last one is the nuclear face Oh we got a nuclear shithole on our hands What a year When we come back The rant wheel You stop it now. Oh my, how much more of that can we take?

Don't go anywhere. This is love it or leave it. There's more on the way. And we're back. Now for a segment we call the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We spin a wheel and wherever it lands, we rant about the topic.

This week on the wheel, we have repealing the Second Amendment. We have the Atlanta computer hacks. We have the NCAA. We have Texas felon disenfranchisement. We have Stephon Clark. We have Scott Pruitt's $50 apartment. We have race science, which has been in the news inexplicably this week.

And we have personal attacks against the Parkland kids. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on this Texas disenfranchisement. How many of you saw this story about this woman? She was on probation. She didn't realize it was against the rules, against the law. She voted while she was on probation, even though she's a felon, even though she was technically barred from voting in Texas, she was sentenced to five years in jail. Five years in jail for a mistake. No one in their right mind can believe that this woman was willing to jeopardize her future to cast a vote. She clearly just made a mistake, and this judge just threw the book at her.

The most insane part is that I saw a similar article of a white woman who tried to vote for Trump twice. And they gave her $50. Yeah. And the Russians sent her a cake. But no, she only got $750 fine and just some probation. That was it.

It is truly despicable. It's obviously a reminder of just sort of, you know, the racial inequity and how we sentence people. But also just a reminder that this woman was mistaken in exercising her vote. But she's correct in thinking it's completely crazy that after she gets out of jail and she's paid her debts to society, where supposedly she's now supposed to go get a job and start a life and do what people do, that she's permanently barred from voting. It's actually counterintuitive. So of course she made the mistake. Why on earth would we bar felons from voting? We don't bar them from getting all kinds of jobs. We tell them that they've paid their debts, that justice has been served,

and then they're never allowed to vote again because it's a wholly racist policy designed to disenfranchise minorities in the South and elsewhere. And, you know, on Ponce, the people they've talked a lot about this is a great project in Florida that is on the ballot. They're trying to restore felon voting rights. It's something that Democrats need to get behind in a big way.

I personally believe in a constitutional amendment guaranteeing citizens the right to vote in the United States. There is no positive right in the Constitution that guarantees the right to vote, and we should have one. And I believe long term that Democrats should rally behind that in the same way that Republicans have been beating their heads against the wall for this balanced budget amendment or the flag amendment or the gay marriage amendment for so long. I think Democrats should get behind a voting rights amendment. I think it's important. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on Stephon Clark. Seema, I know this was something that you had suggested

because you wanted to talk about it, so take it away. It seems weird to talk about it in this kind of setting, but we had more news today. The autopsy that the family commissioned came out that he was shot eight times, six of which were in the back, one of which was in the side, and that his body was left on the ground for three to seven minutes or sorry, three to 10 minutes before they tried to attempt to give him help. So, I mean, there's a lot of we still need to find out more about the investigation.

But I mean, this keeps happening, you know, and I just think it's something we all need to talk about. Yeah, I think there have been a lot of protests in Sacramento, which I think is good. Yeah, it's a heartbreaking case. He had a cell phone. Yeah, he had a cell phone, and he was in his own backyard. It makes me crazy when people criticize the protests. The protesters surrounded the Sacramento Kings Stadium, which I thought was really smart and cool. Some of the athletes might join them tomorrow. I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's a big basketball game tomorrow, and some of the athletes might join them tomorrow. I'm sorry to interrupt. There's a big basketball game tomorrow and some of the athletes might join them. Yeah, which would be amazing. And I feel like I keep hearing people criticizing it being like,

why are these protests disrupting things? And it's like, you don't know what a protest is. Because now you're talking about it. Yeah, I mean, it seems to happen over and over. We've talked about this before, that whenever somebody sees a protest they disagree with, they're like, what happened to the protests that are apolitical and don't bother anybody? Yeah, that no one knows about or hears about. They really just want a Black Eyed Peas song.

That is the only acceptable form of protest to them. Yeah, I think that's right. And that would be terrible. Let's spin the wheel again. It has landed on Scott Pruitt's $50 apartment. So this, I think this first broke yesterday, that Scott Pruitt had been renting a room from a lobbyist, that that's where he was staying when he was in D.C.

And I remember seeing that, and people were saying, well, this could be untoward, especially if he's not paying fair market rent. And I thought to myself, I actually thought, I wonder what number they landed on, right? Because they would land on a number low enough so that Scott Pruitt's getting a deal, but high enough so that they could defend it, right? Like, you know, like a too good of a deal.

Like, that's what I thought we were going to end up with. We were going to be arguing over a too good of an apartment situation for Scott Pruitt. No, they're such bad criminals. Scott Pruitt was spending $50 a night, but he only paid them on the nights he was there, as all rental apartments work. So he's paying nothing, like a couple hundred bucks for an apartment in DC.C. Or whatever it was.

A basement or some kind of cave or cavern. I'm not sure where they keep some sort of abandoned coal mine. What did you shout? A shithole apartment. Her daughter lived there for free the rest of the time? I got to tell you, this is not well sourced from my point of view because you're just a woman in a repeal and go fuck yourself shirt, but I trust you implicitly.

Can I get a second source from the crowd? Second source from Susie, we're calling it a fact. I feel like two sources from the same table is like a Wikipedia page that references another Wikipedia page. Let's spin it again.

It landed on repealing the Second Amendment. But first, I just want... Wrong. So Justice John Paul Stevens wrote an op-ed in the New York Times about repealing the Second Amendment. Brett Stevens, conservative writer in the New York Times, also wrote about repealing the Second Amendment. I have to say, you know, it's this thing where it's cast as the kind of why won't it's almost always said, like, if you really believed in gun control, you'd believe in repealing the Second Amendment. And it's often cast as the kind of extreme position in gun control, which in some sense it

is. But it's also the the dumbest position in that it's not going to happen. And if you say that we need to repeal the Second Amendment to have gun control, you are conceding an incredibly important argument, which says that you can't have common sense gun control under the Second Amendment, which is totally not true. We don't need to repeal the Second Amendment to pass the gun control we need to protect ourselves. Just refer to the well-regulated militia line. Yes. And we are not going to repeal the Second Amendment. We are not going to be able to get that through Congress. We sure as hell

shouldn't do a ratifying convention in all the states, which we've never done, which would be crazy. And we're never going to repeal the Second Amendment, and it's a sucker's game. So we should just talk about common sense gun control that we can pass without ever very legally, very constitutionally under the Second Amendment. And that's all I wanted to say about that. Should we do one more? All right, let's do one more. It has landed on personal attacks against the Parkland kids. So there's been this deeply strange and vicious campaign against the Parkland kids as individuals. You know, you've seen Laura Ingraham obviously has gotten into some trouble over it. A bunch of conservatives have made a point of targeting these kids, insulting these kids, making fun of these kids, calling them brown shirts, all kinds of insults.

And I think it's, look, I think we're all in agreement that that's crazy and despicable. I don't think we need to make that case. There are kids who are through a gruesome shooting who became activists because of what they went through. And you can attack them on the merits of their arguments, but you don't need to attack them personally. That's, I think, pretty obvious. But I think it says something about conservative incentives. That so many people think that there is value in doing this, that doing this somehow proves something about them. Like there's almost like this, it's almost as if when someone says something insulting about david hogg or or emma gonzalez or any of these kids that they're proving that they're not afraid of liberals or they're proving they're not politically correct or they're proving

that they'll speak their mind and it really is a part of that poisonous culture which is this idea that you demonstrate just how much you aren't beholden to liberals by proving you don't care when you've hurt their feelings or said something bad about them or sort of demonstrated your kind of bona fides to your little club of conservatives. It's what Tommy Lahren does. It's what all these people do. And both sides have their version of it. But there just is no equivalent of this. There is no equivalent of this on the left. And you know that because one point conservatives have made over the course of these marches is, I don't see these liberals applauding the March for Life. Why don't they think, praise those kids for standing up for

what they believe in? Well, we don't go around and puning their motives and attacking children for protesting because they believe in being pro-life. We disagree with them on policy, but there isn't a large campaign to insult children every time they march on Washington. And we know that because if it happened, we would never hear the end of it from these very same people. Listen, I get it. These kids make me feel really bad about myself. I've really not done very much with my life compared to them, and that makes me feel bad about myself. Yeah, I feel incredibly insecure about how much more articulate they are than I am,

but I'm not going to deal with that by insulting them because then it would be so obvious how insecure I was. You know what I mean? Like, have a little shame. For the black students at Parkland, there was a call for more police presence in the school. And the black kids were like, hold up, what? And I do think that that is an interesting intersection of the guns discussion that we're having right now. Like, I don't think that more police is

good for everyone and it's kind of it's kind of just been tossed out in a way that's like disregarding the identities of the people who were leading the guns like anti-gun movement before the parkland situation happened and i do think it's true i think the parkland kids have tried to say like look we've gotten this platform because mass shootings are something that affects white communities and wealthier communities as well as basically every community. And so that's gotten us more attention. I think they've done a good job of trying to bring in other voices and elevate other voices to say that this is more than just about mass shootings, especially because in the grand scheme of gun deaths in the United States, mass shootings are actually a very small part of it.

They are dwarfed by murders that happen every day in our cities, and even more so, they're dwarfed by suicides. And I think they've done a good job of saying this is a larger issue, which I think is really important. But it was interesting to see that one of the responses was a greater police presence that just is a reminder that there are many different forms of violence that people are dealing with on a daily basis. What do you got, Emily? I just think it's interesting that like a lot of the conservative responses to try and avoid gun control is they're like, well, how about more police? And that's like,

that's a terrible idea. And then also like, well, how about we work on bullying? And then they're the ones bullying the survivors of the shooting. It's just like, I don't think that they're thinking before they talk about most of these things. And I think that's a good place to close. Just a reminder that we are a company that cares about activism and doing your part. And I'd remind you that Melania Trump is leading a cyber bullying effort.

And you can sign up and be a part of it by going to whitehouse.gov slash fake thing and you can sign up. That is our show. I want to thank our panel, Seema Mehta, Jaboukie Young-White, Emily Heller.

Thank you guys for coming out. Have a great night. Thank you.