Lovett or Leave It - New York: The Squeakquel

Episode Date: November 13, 2021

This week, Lovett triumphantly returns to New York like Caesar to Rome. Is Ronan here for gay news? You bet. Does he return for the Newlywed game against Oscar nominated twins, the Lucas Bros.? Sure thing. Bridget Everett is here with facts on the rats that've overrun this fair city, and Wyatt Cenac is too with the receipts showing roads can be racist. Busy Philipps AKA Resistance Wine Mom is feeling a little disheartened by the lack of progress, and they're all joined by Kal Penn for the rant wheel, Taylor's Version™.For a closed-captioned version of this episode, please visit crooked.com/lovettorleaveit. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

New York City. Genuinely surprised to feel emotional Processing it Look at your bright shimmering faces It has been too long On this incredible return To the Beacon Theater As part of New York Comedy Festival On this incredible return to the Beacon Theater

as part of New York Comedy Festival, we will be joined by the Lucas Brothers who challenge Ronan Farrow and me in the Newly York game. We have got some gay news for you. Bridget Everett is here with facts about the rats. Don't applaud the rats. They'll hear it. Of our vermin-infested metropolis.

Wyatt Cenac thinks roads can be racist. A wine mom updates us on the state of the resistance. We spin the rant wheel. Plus, start thinking of those high notes. I also did want to say something, which is fantastic pizza in this city. Weird taste in mayors. If you...

If you just look at the four courses of mayors you've been serving as one meal, we start with an egomaniac prosecutor who divorced one wife in a press conference to marry his cousin. Next up, a centrist billionaire who declares war on soda. Next, a six-foot-five sadist with guidance counselor energy. And I do genuinely believe that Bill de Blasio was a psychosexual sadist. I know, without proof. What would happen if I was late to this funeral? You'd be mad, wouldn't you? He gets off on it. And now, a vegan cop from out of town. It's cool. All right.

Let's get into it. What a week. We have some breaking news. Steve Bannon was indicted by the Department of Justice for failing to respond to a subpoena from the January 6th committee. Oh, of course, now you all believe in the carceral state. When it's someone you don't like, then you want to throw the book at him. I'm just kidding. Lock him up. Lock him up. Lock him up. Stop it.

It's too easy. Leonardo DiCaprio is in talks to star as cult leader Jim Jones in an MGM film about the Jonestown disaster, which I do think is perfect because I would drink literally anything Leonardo DiCaprio handed to me. No questions asked. Anything. I would drink anything he handed to me. My parents are here. Don't applaud them. It only encourages them. The largest to date study of the effectiveness of treating depression with psilocybin, the active ingredient in magic mushrooms, found a highly statistical significant reduction in depression.

When reached for comment, Mario said, It's-a me at peace with the universe. Eat shit, Chris Pratt. Don't. Now you're encouraging me. Terrible. In the pages of this month's Vogue magazine, Nancy Pelosi can be spotted officiating the wedding of heiress Ivy Getty with Governor Gavin Newsom in attendance.

There we have the picture. Some people say Democrats are out of touch. I disagree. I sure hope Pelosi flew commercial from the climate conference to the billionaire oil baron granddaughter super wedding. Also, the maid of honor was Anya Taylor Joy. Right? I don't even have anything to say about that. I just was like, what?

How did they become friends? Where did they meet? Doesn't matter. What? How do they become friends? Where do they meet? Doesn't matter. A Capitol rioter who is being charged has fled to Belarus, where he is seeking asylum. We're not sending our best. Ted Cruz joked that Joe Rogan can be the president of Texas if Texas secedes, telling an audience at Texas A&M, if there comes a point where it's hopeless,

then I think we take NASA, we take the military, we take the oil. It is cool that even in Ted Cruz's wildest fantasy of his own home state breaking off and becoming a country, he still can't get elected president. elected president. On Friday, negotiators working overnight at COP26, the climate conference in Glasgow, said they failed to solidify a plan to provide financial assistance to developing countries. You'd think that we'd get better non-binding promises from this thing. That's the beauty of a non-binding promise. That's why toddlers say they want to be astronauts or dinosaurs. No one asks them if it's hard to get into dinosaur astronaut school.

In an interview released by Axios, Trump defended protesters who chanted, Hang Mike Pence, to ABC News' Jonathan Karl. This just came out today and we had to add it. Says Trump, it's common sense. Let's roll the clip. You heard those chants. That was terrible. He could have.

Well, the people were very angry. They were saying, hang Mike Pence. Because it's common sense, John. It's common sense that if you know a vote is fraudulent, right, how can you pass on a fraudulent vote to Congress? A little tough to hear. Now, having listened to the audio closely, it sounds more like Trump failed to process what Jonathan Karl said and just kept making the point he was going to make anyway. A lot of right-wingers have said this to kind of mitigate the damage from this interview. I actually don't think that that's much better.

It's like, he was saying, it's not that it's cool to kill Mike Pence, it was that the idea of murdering Mike Pence does not faze him at all. It doesn't do something for him one way or the other. It's like Republicans are constantly playing the Squid Game version of Marry, Fuck, Kill

about Mike Pence. In addition to apologizing for his role in the Astroworld festival disaster in which 11 concertgoers died and paying for the victims' funerals, Travis Scott is partnering with the app BetterHelp to offer one month of free therapy. Hey, weird, our podcast does that

too, and we didn't kill anybody. One month of free therapy. You did a mass death. Give everybody a coupon code. Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz described the company's benefits to a group of employees using an analogy about Holocaust victims sharing blankets in a concentration camp,

concluding, so much of that story is threaded into what we've tried to do at Starbucks. Share our blanket. Again, this was Howard Schultz reaching for an analogy to explain the hard-to-grasp concept of sharing. I want to be clear, all right, that what I'm about to say is the end of a joke that we did not write and that does not exist. Pumpkin spice death camp. That's it. It doesn't exist. That joke doesn't exist. So it's okay. Big Little Lies actress and person who definitely talks about how important chia seeds

are in any healthy diet, Shailene Woodley, issued a statement chastising the media for disparaging her fiance, Aaron Rodgers, after the NFL player announced that he had tested positive for COVID-19 and said he won't bow to woke culture by getting vaccinated. If you want to get people to stop being woke, you can just make them watch the Divergent movies. A little boring. They'll fall asleep, especially the later ones when they gave up on the whole thing. And then someone doing cleanup on behalf of Aaron Rogers talked to People Magazine, and they said that Aaron was surprised to be crucified for sharing his point of view. Oh, I kind of did expect to be crucified, said Jesus. What was your crucifixion like? I'd say the worst part for me was physically hanging by my nail wounds.

What was the worst part for you, Aaron Rodgers? What's Twitter? Last point on this, because I can't get over it. The same person doing the cleanup for Aaron Rodgers in People magazine also said, Aaron feels like he's an athlete. As an athlete, he knows about his body more than most people, and he made a choice for himself. Can I just say that I think that this is like the perfect wedding of right-wing cult of the individual nonsense

and left-wing hippie, dippy, woo-woo, non-medicine mind-body nonsense. Like, knowing your body is, I need to stretch more if I'm going to run when it's cold. You don't know what your body's going to do with a novel virus. You have no special information. It's so stupid. no special information. It's so stupid. And then you just rely on the fact that you'll get treatments produced by the same scientific method

that you don't trust when it comes to the vaccine itself. It's almost as if you're relying on the science to overcome your idiocy, which has actually been our national strategy for COVID the entire fucking time. Allergic to mRNA vaccines. Give me a fucking break. So stupid. Justin Bieber is scheduled to perform a free live show as a digital avatar with fan

interaction features on November 18th. And then the world's first digital plan B will be administered on November 19th. Welcome to the metaverse. And finally, yet another version of a lawsuit against Subway restaurants now alleges chicken, beef, pork DNA

were detected in Subway's tuna. And I want you to all know something I am still not convinced. The chicken DNA could be there because there was mayo in the samples, and that is made with chicken eggs, and the beef and pork could be there because the tuna were fed hot dogs. I've never, I couldn't get through it anytime. It's so funny to me. Feeding these sad tuna hot dogs in their little net cages. But I still do think it's frivolous, all right? Subway tuna is good. Worst case scenario, there's some free bonus beef in there. I would still eat it. Chant it with me. Would still

eat. Would still eat. You weren't on board with that as much as you were on Lock Him Up. Come on, Subway Tuna. It's not so bad. It's an interesting beige. Come on. Come on. It's meat you can spread. You bougie

sons of bitches. They'd be with me in the Midwest when we come back Rat Facts with Bridget Everett eat fresh guess they let Jared out of jail Eat fresh. Guess they let Jared out of jail. I'm so sorry. Leave that in the show.

That was good and quick. I came off great there. And we're back. New York is an ugly city, a dirty city. Its climate is a scandal. Its politics are used to frighten children. Its traffic is madness. Its competition is murderous. But there is one thing about it. Once you have lived in New York and it has become your home, no place else is good enough. That was John Steinbeck in 1953 because the cut did not invent why I'm leaving New York. There's another aspect to this city that never sleeps, and that is its literally 400-year-old rat problem. Yeah, we're going to talk about it, all right? I know

you don't like to talk about it with people visiting. Some of you talk about it amongst yourselves, but we're going to talk about it. As humans emerge from the pandemic, so too have thousands upon thousands of rats. It's Rat Boy Autumn. According to the New York Times, across the city, one hears the same thing. They are running amok like never before, here to talk about these real New Yorkers, a phenomenal comedian and the star of her own upcoming HBO show titled Somebody Somewhere, not to mention a longtime resident of the five boroughs. Please welcome Bridget Everett. Hi, Bridget. Okay.

Hi. Bridget. Yeah. Did you vote for Eric Adams, and if so, was it because he is committed to getting rid of the rats? I did not. Wait, no, I did vote for him. He wasn't my candidate of choice,

and I'm sort of on the fence about the rats. So you're on the fence about the rats in general? Yeah. Because I like, you know, little fuzzy things. Can I tell you about an experience I had with rats in D.C.? Yeah. I was wearing flip-flops. And I thought it was a cantaloupe.

That was the kind of consistency that someone had left an old cantaloupe. That was the kind of consistency that someone had left an old cantaloupe. Why did I talk about this? Everybody wants to get to know you. It's nice. Bridget, I'm going to list some common New York problems, and you're going to tell us

which you'd personally rather deal with. This problem or the rats? Okay. Wading through hip-deep water to catch the G train or the rats? Okay. Let's walk back. What's a G train? Okay.

Wow. Withering. Withering. Going on a first date at a bar and slowly, painfully realizing that it's an open mic five steps away from you. Or the rats. I'm going to go with the rats. Maybe the date's not going well.

Maybe the date's not going well and you need someone to look at, someone to talk about. I mean, I'm single, so anybody want to take a chance? Take a chance on an open mic? Take a chance on an open mic. Or the rats.

Or the rats. On a completely unrelated note, mic? Take a chance on an open mic. Or the rats. Or the rats. On a completely unrelated note, as someone who was in the first Sex and the City movie, how do you feel about the reboot? Well, I'm excited, you know. I think it shows that New York is back. I like fashion. I like a woman of a certain age, you know, getting

out there, walking around in a kitten heel, or a pump, or a stiletto. I don't give a fuck. You see the rats, you fucking come at me with that, I'll pat them right up to the head. So basically, and just like that, is here to solve our fucking rat problem. I'm wearing Birkenstocks

because I'm a practical woman, but I still support the reboot. For those listening at home, Bridget has defeated the rats with the power of feminine confidence. Yes. Now, Bridget has graciously agreed to be part of a game with the audience. We are going to quiz someone out there

on some rat facts. Bridget and I will be taking turns quizzing you. Would someone out there like to play the game? Hi, what's your name? Maxine. Maxine. And are you a resident of the Five Boroughs? Long Island, like you.

Little bridge and tunnel. Little bridge and tunnel. We're going to take turns asking you some questions. Are you ready? Yes. Bridget, you kick us off. Hi, Maxine. Quick question for you. How you doing? Eric Adams has promoted an incredibly powerful spring-loaded trap designed to crush rats true or false true or false no he's a vegan he's not crushing rats i gotta x because here's the thing

you're correct that he didn't promote that sort of trap, but not because he's a vegan. Because it wasn't spring-loaded, it was a chemical-filled bucket. And I would now like to share you an excerpt from the New York Times about your next mayor's plan. This is real.

A dozen reporters were gathered around Mr. Adams when he gleefully displayed a plastic bin containing blobs of rat floating around in a mouse gray stew. Why did I take the show here? It was a ghastly spectacle. Sometimes you need to see for yourselves to get the shock effect, said the next mayor of New York. Next question, Maxine. The city's 311 line has received how many more rat-related calls this year than in the same period last year?

10,000. It was 6,000 more. 21,000 complaints. Bridget, over to you. Yeah, according to the New York Times, Maxine, what month do rats reach their population peak in the city? April. It's October. That's why it's Rat Boy Autumn.

There was a clue earlier. It's like Knives Out. One method of fighting the rats involves stuffing what into their burrows? Kerosene-soaked rags, dry ice, or signed photos of Rudy Giuliani? Kerosene-soaked signed Rudy Giuliani. Wow, that's a twist.

It was the dry ice. Bridget, over to you. Maxine, one more, if you will. Which of the following substances are harder than rats' teeth? Aluminum, copper, lead, iron, or this bra? Not the bra. Uh, lead. I got nothing right.

Actually, rat teeth are harder than all of them. Oh. That's right. They'll chew through fucking pipes. Final question. How much does one of Eric Adams' rat buckets cost? And can you believe a man who is a vegan

would be into this kind of thing? A thousand dollars. It's 400 dollars. And no. Great job, Maxine. You've won the game. Thanks so much to Bridget Everett for playing. She'll be back for the rant wheel.

One more time for Bridget Everett. When we come back, gay news. And we're back. From Lady Gaga's accent work to People Magazine going Gaga for Paul Rudd, it's time for gay news. Here to help, the love of my life, the freer of Britney. The lever of takeout containers in the fridge For a very long time Face it

You're never ever opening that again Ronan Farrow Come on Alright Hello Don't milk it Come on. All right. Hello. Don't milk it. Isn't he great? All right.

Hi, Ronan. Hello. Thanks for being here. Nice to run into you here. What are you doing here? I want you all to know something. He asked if he could write between the segments backstage because he has a chilling work ethic. Ronan, you and Gia Tolentino, I want to get to gay news,

but you and Gia Tolentino wrote an expose that looked into the reality of Britney Spears' life and what her father was doing as part of this conservatorship. What is the latest? What happened tonight? So there, as you may have seen on your various devices, has been a ruling and the conservatorship is ending. And that is the culmination of a lot

of years of activism from these incredibly organized groups of fans, some crazy quarters of that fan group too that I love as well. I've dealt with them a lot over the last few months. And from Britney herself, and I think that's something that will emerge more and more in the reporting, that she really was behind the agitation for her own freedom. Yeah, she had to really...

But she had to make a decision to fight very hard to get out of this. Yeah, that's exactly right, and that's, I think, more true than has been fully represented in the press so far. I love that this crowd is so into freeing Britney. You guys, you did it! There's blood in their veins, Ronan. Isn't it amazing

what a good lawyer can do in like five minutes? Yeah, everybody hates lawyers except their own. You know? And my lawyer. Ronan. I'm referring to Matthew Rosengart, the former prosecutor representing her. Oh wow, we got a Rosengart fan. One. Just the one.

Well, Ronan, thank you for being here. Are you ready to do gay news? All right, all right, let's do this. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, gay news. Gay news. Kick us off. It's been a long time coming, but Smithers from The Simpsons finally has a boyfriend,

a billionaire mogul voiced by Victor Garber. The part of Victor Garber will be voiced by Hank Azaria. A little, seems like appropriation. Dennis, Gay News. You're supposed to join me in the Gay News thing. Gay News. I'll do the bubba buzz next time. Okay, okay.

Over 75,000 people signed a change.org petition to keep James Corden out of the upcoming Wicked movie. Stop it. That's bullying. You're part of bullying. You guys are so mean to poor James Corden. It's also embarrassing that so many people think this is something to address with a Change.org petition.

Like it or not, it's up to Joe Manchin. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Dennis Prager of PragerU lamented the, quote, stigmatization of the unvaccinated, declaring, during the AIDS crisis, can you imagine if gay men and intravenous drug users or the vast majority of people with AIDS, had they been pariahs the way non-vaccinated people are? But it would have been inconceivable. What has Princess Diana done to end the stigma of being unvaccinated? Nothing, and we need to ask why.

Anyway, here's a fun bit of trivia. PragerU is short for PragerU fucking moron. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba. Gay news. The Navy debuted a new ship named the USNS Harvey Milk, co-sponsored by Dianne Feinstein.

The vessel will be portrayed by a slightly better-looking straight ship. Harvey Milk has penetrated our perimeter, and the harbor was completely unprepared. Harvey Milk is now leaving the southern harbor and heading north, and Harvey Milk is firing. It's firing. I'm not done. Wait a second. Who invited the USS von Steuben?

Very specific. Now von Steuben is behind Harvey Milk. Thrusters on full blast. Von Steuben was the gay Prussian who aided George Washington during the Revolutionary War. He's also now the name of a submarine. So that's why von Steuben showed up to fuck the Harvey Milk ship.

Comedically. Little known fact, the Harvey Milk boasts the cleanest VCRs in all of the armed forces. Wow, this crowd got that. There's some homosexuals in this crowd. Ronan, obviously not a huge fan of Love It or Leave It, unaware that we do a pauper's joke every week.

I was actually going to ask whether they just know because of you. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba Lady Gaga says she spoke in an Italian accent for nine months, alienating her family and friends. And then it worked out perfectly when Ridley Scott later told her he was making a movie about Gucci. My friends and family also didn't want anything to do with me the nine months I was watching The Sopranos and calling everything gabagool.

Lady Gaga explained it was, como se dice, how do you say, extremely annoying. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba who, A, pretends to be dating his best friend, and B, gets set up on a festive blind date by his mother, Kathy Najimy. Who we love. More cheers for Kathy, come on. No hocus pocus fans?

And next year, keep your eyes peeled for the adults-only sequel, Oh, What Fun It Is to Ride. You get me to come on here and read these cards. You bet I do. I don't have a Pulitzer I have this it's not bad Paul Rudd has finally officially been named people's sexiest man when reached for comment the portrait of an old man in Paul Rudd's attic screamed and said

I am alive in here I am alive every day in here in this room also this week a gay man was reportedly turned away from a restaurant in Manchester because his leopard pants were too too much the joke's on them, I wasn't even hungry reportedly turned away from a restaurant in Manchester because his leopard pants were too, too much.

The joke's on them. I wasn't even hungry. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- up gay news. Yeah, we got it. According to the Washington Post, Ireland finally removed homophobic and misogynistic teaching materials that have been in schools for decades and contain statements like, quote, all gays molest children, quote,

girls who don't wear makeup are lesbians, quote, all gays are HIV positive, quote, you can change from being a homosexual and quote, homosexuals try to make others homosexual the good news is they're out of the classroom the bad news is, Chappelle did buy the IP for Netflix

by way of explanation, Ireland's Minister of Education said we didn't know these were wrong because we the Irish have never faced hurtful stereotypes. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, where's the mipotentas? Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da When we come back, Wyatt Sanak is here. Have you listened to Red Taylor's version? Have we listened to Red Taylor's version? You're right to have brought that up during gay news.

So I'll tell you what Ronan and I have done each time one of these new Taylor versions has come out. We listen to both the old and the new and sit them side by side. It's interesting. It's interesting because a hit song is this magical lightning in a bottle of the performance, the production, the songwriting,

an artist doing something that's exactly right for them at the exact right moment in time, creating something that does not exist in the world. And it's really interesting listening to someone try to recreate each one of those aspects of it to fuck Scooter Braun. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back! Earlier this week, Secretary of Transportation and villain for being a good father, Pete Buttigieg, told the Griot in an interview, there is racism physically built into some of our highways, and that's why the jobs plan is specifically committed to reconnect some of the communities that were divided by these dollars.

This sent the right-wing media into an ahistorical tailspin. Can we roll the clip? Roads can't be racist. You can't build racism into a road. Roads are made of sand and gravel and asphalt. Ask any road builder. All right, he sucks. Come on, he's like the evil planet in the fifth element. This helps him.

He absorbs the missiles and gets bigger. How do you fight someone like that? Nobody knows! Here to discuss, please welcome back to the show the incredibly funny Wyatt Cenac! Hi! Put that there. I'll put this here. I like this. This feels a little incredibly funny Wyatt Cenac. Hi. Put that there.

I'll put this here. I like this. This feels a little bit like an old-timey therapist's office. So, Wyatt, why don't we just pick up where we were at last week? Sure. Unless there's anything. I can run through my questions. So you were talking about how hard it was for you to sleep

because of the yawning existential chasm of doubt that we all feel. Yes, yeah. If anyone can sleep, good on you. Really, share the secret with the rest of us. It's drugs, the secret's drugs. Oh, oh, okay, all right. So Wyatt, on your show, Wyatt's Enacts Problem Areas, you discussed how Robert Moses' design of the Cross Bronx Expressway displaced families, cut through communities. The Tucker Carlsons of the world aside, why do people think transportation would be the one area without racism built into it?

Yeah, that's the strange part of it, is like, oh, these highways were built during the height of segregation, and yet for some reason people want to think like, oh, but that's where, like, they were humane with what they were doing. Like, we'll be racist everywhere else, but not the roads. We won't let them drink from the same water fountain, but let's make sure they've got great breathing air as we drive by. So Robert Moses, and this is something that's in Problem areas, Robert Moses said this, I raise my stein to the builder who can remove ghettos without removing people as I hail the chef who could make omelets without breaking eggs. He seemed like a really cool guy, right? Yeah. No, he seemed like quite,

just you want to go have a dinner party at that guy's house. Ah, such a sweetie pie. But it is like one thing you talk about in the show. We really did, I think both because these policies were racist and also because there was sort of this worship of the vehicle, the car,

as like the future of the world. We really did take highways and just slice through communities, break them in half, make them kind of unl the future of the world, we really did take highways and just slice through communities, break them in half, make them kind of unlivable, making the air poison. Can you talk a little bit about what it was like trying to explore that on the show and like what you didn't realize until you sort of were talking about it? Sure. I feel like when we were thinking about it and addressing it on the show and, know the odd thing we made that I don't know now I guess three or four years ago when we were talking about it and thinking about it

there are all of these stories that you see that it's not just highways like in Los Angeles I believe like communities that have higher concentrations of lower income people of color, they were placed in areas that get hotter than the rest of LA. And so they're in like warmer places. And so there are all these things that you look at and it's like, oh yeah, if you can find a way to fuck somebody over, you'll do it. Yeah. The other thing that's happening now is I do think like we're in this re-examination of how we decided to build these things. And there's such a resistance from the right wing to even consider the possibility that

there was racist intent here. Well, that's what I feel like what's so bizarre about it is we're at a moment in time where we can say, oh, okay, a movie that was made like 50 years ago. There's a lot of shit that was like bad stereotypes. Like there was racist shit in there. And we'll put a disclaimer at the front of it or we'll say like we have to recontextualize and rethink this. And yet when it comes to things like policy and infrastructure, we don't think that those same tools were at work. That like, oh no, somebody just put Mickey Rooney in Yellowface.

That's the extent of the racism that existed. And it's like, no, no. Like we should, if we're going to revisit like movies and TV shows and say, oh shit, that was racist or that was sexist or that was homophobic. Maybe we should also look at policies and see, okay, let's revisit this and see how did that same mindset impact and influence the way policy was written, the way that things were built. Yeah. Yes, absolutely. Although- Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I will say though, I actually have some learning to do. I will say, though, I actually have some learning to do. I did not realize people objected to those portrayals in Breakfast at Tiffany's. That's something I need to reflect on. I just thought it was a hilarious, hilarious interlude in an otherwise quite kind of chill romantic comedy.

Never knew people objected to that before. I've never actually seen Breakfast at Tiffany's. Here's the thing. I'll just tell you something, which is I turned it on and then you get to these fucking Mickey Rooney scenes and you're like, what are we doing here?

I can't take it seriously. Well, the whole thing, I want to watch it because the one thing that I feel like somebody told me about it was the main character, Tiffany. Yeah, it's Tiffany. That's where they have the breakfast. Yeah, that's why she was like, yeah, it's my place. Let's eat breakfast here.

Yeah. but her job and i don't know if this is true but her job in the movie is that she like works in like fitting rooms jerking people off this is what i was told i think i think that what we should do is, as two people who have not seen Breakfast at Tiffany's, a movie about a woman who gives handies before making breakfast for friends, is really lay out the plot. As far as I can tell, it's a story about that woman befriends a racist stereotype who takes a bath upstairs and who is very frustrated with the noise coming from the breakfast cooking.

I was like, these eggs are scrambling too loud. Now, your show, Problem Areas, dived into... You don't want to unpack the breakfast Tiffany's mystery, I gotcha. Nope. I think

most of the movie is a debate between her and a kind of handsome actor who did not, we don't know, about what to have for breakfast. But on problem areas, you dove into issues like this about the racism built into our infrastructure. And by the way, right now,

we're trying to figure out how to unwind some of these things and have imagination to imagine what our cities could be if these interstates hadn't cut right through them like a rusty knife. And you spent a whole season, your first season, was looking at policing in America. And it came at this space between this conversation we had about Michael Brown and Ferguson and the conversation we had in 2020 and into this year after the killings of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, at which point a lot of shows, including comedy shows, dove into policing when you had done a full season about it

at a time when there was less interest in that as a news cycle. The conversation is cyclical. Do you think you were just in this space between the time when people were just willing to listen? I don't know. It's a strange thing because I feel like our show came right after the murder of Philando Castile. And so what about this particular moment seemed to wake up an outrage in people when I feel like so many people saw the video of Philando Castile and people seemed

outraged. But yeah, maybe that outrage at that moment wasn't sustainable or something, but it's like, it shouldn't have to be the outrage that we have to tap into to do the right thing, you know? There also does seem to be this disconnect between our political debate and what we're seeing play out in elections. Minneapolis just rejected defund the police vote. New York City just elected

a cop who said he was going to carry a gun as mayor. How do you think about the disconnect between the conversation that's happening in the public and what people are doing in the privacy of a voting booth? For me, it feels like one aspect of it is we have gotten so accustomed to the idea of, well, you just have to have police. And whenever someone says, but do you, they're not allowed to have either the time or the space to try to present other options. And I look at a city like New York. New York, you know, there's a training facility for the cops that cost like nine hundred plus million dollars, like almost a billion dollars.

During the pandemic, Andy Byford, the guy who ran the subway, was like, I want to put more resources into the subway. Cuomo's response was, here's 500 cops. And when you spend that much money on policing, it's no longer a public good. It's a business. And it feels like if you've put that much money into a business, you're not incentivized to have that business fail. You're not incentivized to want to, no one ever wants to give up money. And so I feel like what seems so unfortunate is we've allowed cops to define what they think safety is and what they think policing should be. And there has been no opportunity for people to say, wait a minute, maybe this idea of policing isn't people walking around with guns. Maybe it's social workers. Maybe it's actually putting resources back in the community.

I feel like I'm running for public office. And I love it. Yeah. To that point, you know, one thing you said on the show is, if there's one thing I've learned, if you want somebody to take a black guy saying something meaningful on TV seriously, you really need to have a white guy say basically the same thing right after. Does that apply to podcasts? Is there anything you would like me to reiterate?

You don't have to. I mean, one, just that information I got about Breakfast at Tiffany's. I'd love if you could just get that word out there. I've been on 4chan, and we're really digging in deep on what that movie's about. Somehow we're going to find out what it's about. We're going to do the work. Wyatt Cenac, everybody. They'll be back for the round.

Thank you, Wyatt. When we come back, the Lucas brothers are here. And we're back. They say blood is thicker than water, which is a weird thing to say because, of course it is. It's water with a bunch of stuff in it. It's never made any sense to me.

Anyway, please welcome back Ronan Farrow. It's been so long. Ronan and I will square off against the only two people who could potentially know each other better than we know each other. Oscar nominees, incredible comedians, former womb mates. Please welcome the Lucas Brothers. Hi, Lucas Brothers. Oh, hello, hello. First of all, before we get to the game, you two write together, tour together.

Are there moments where you can't stand each other? Hmm, that's a good question. Are there moments we can't stand each other? No, I think I love every second I'm with my brother. I don't know, man. Maybe, no, so this was like 15 years ago. We have historic beefs. Yeah.

And we were playing this card game game and he was kicking my ass and I got really annoyed and I punched him in the face. Yeah. What was the card game? It's called Speed. Speed, yeah. I beat him six times in a row and I said I'm the Michael Jordan of speed. And that was enough for me to be upset.

So that was it. And you resorted, You didn't have words. You just went to physical violence. No words. Just went right to violence. Physical violence. Physical violence. Against your brother.

Right. Right. Well, we are here to play the Newly York game. Is it a little weird to play a relationship game where on one side there's a couple and on the other side there are brothers? Oh, yes. Very. It's occurred to me.

It's been raised. Whatever. Here's how it works. We're going to be asked questions to see how well we know our brother and or lover. I'm sorry. Hopefully differently. I'm so sorry. Different kind of knowledge.

That's fair, man. It's fine. Very different. All right. But here to help us moderate, please welcome back to the stage the one, the only, Bridget Everett. Woo! Bridget is here. All right, John, I'm going to take over. Bridget, thank you so much for being here. My pleasure, my pleasure.

Love is in the air. We want to know what's going on with you guys. Let's hit the ground running and hear what the fuck is up. So here's how it works. We all have cards. You're going to ask each of us questions. We both have to write down our answers.

And then you're going to see how well we know each other. Oh, fun. Okay, good. All right. So I don't have the questions. So let's kick it off. Okay. Keith and Kenny, we'll start with you.

Kenny, who is Keith's favorite professional wrestler? He's saying piece of cake. Piece of cake. This question would be hard for us yeah Bret Hart oh do I need to write it out or you have to write it too oh well it's Bret Hart for sure all right they got it they got it all right the competition is stiff Ronan we're on to you. What are John's favorite three video game franchises of all time? Oh, okay, okay. Wow, there's a lot of options here.

Yeah, okay. All right, I'm going to say them one at a time, and you say if you got it, okay? Okay. Outer Wilds. Okay, Dark Souls. Yes, yes. Do we not get a ding? Do we not get a ding?

Can we give Ronan a ding? You want a Pulitzer? Change the fucking culture. Thank you, thank you. Okay, so we got Dark Souls. I said Portal. I went with Control. You think one of my favorite video game franchises of all time is Control? A game I have forgotten?

I mean, you spent a lot of time on it. I spent a lot of time on a lot of things I don't love. And I said Shadow of the Colossus and the associated Fumito Ueda games. Obviously you all... Alright, thrilling game. Neck and neck, ladies and gentlemen. That could have been better.

I'm going to step it up. Are you sure you guys want to go against us? I'm a little nervous. You should be nervous. I'm very nervous. Okay, so Keith and Kenny at 200 points. Ronan and John at 12. Okay, Keith.

If Kenny could have a superpower, what would it be? Invisibility. Invisibility. Man. I think it's unfair to compete with twins. We've got one form of knowledge over them. That's it. John, we have a softball for you.

You have to know this. John, what is Ronan's full name? Oh my god. I'm going to read it in order. Let me just read it in full. I think... I read it in order, and you just, let me just read it in full, and then you'll, I think, I think it is Seamus Satchel Ronan O'Sullivan Villiers Farrow.

That is close. That is close. Fuck. Fuck. You know, the order is not technically what was on the birth certificate, but here's the thing.

I think he gets a pass because all of my legal documents have different variations of middle names on them. It's very confusing for TSA pre-check purposes. We give him a pass. We'll give you the pass, but not the points. We're not doing well, though. Okay, Keith and Kenny, 400 points. John and Rowan, 29. Okay.

Keith, you were both very interested in philosophy in school. Who is Kenny's favorite philosopher? Wow, they fucking know. You see, they're going like, oh, Jesus Christ. What do we talk about at dinner? Nothing?

We'll go with John Stuart Mill. Oh. Bertrand Russell. Bertrand Russell. Bertrand Russell. Yes. We're coming back. All right. It's anyone's game. This is a sophisticated marriage game.

Things have really opened up here. John, this is your chance. John, if the apartment caught on fire, what is the one thing Ronan would grab before you ran out? I said OLED switch so that he can play it while waiting for something to happen. Just to have something to do while he's outside. I said laptop and reporter's notebooks.

Oh, come on. Fucking all work. I know, I know. God damn it. Boring, but you're still wrong. I'm still wrong. Okay, still almost neck and neck. Okay, Kenny, if you had finished

law school, what kind of lawyer would Keith be right now? So ready to... They even ride at the same speed and gait. I am so... This is gonna be amazing. Bankruptcy. Bankruptcy. What the fuck?

I don't think we know each other's hypothetical areas of legal practice Certainly not I never went to law school Well I did It's not a big deal We like to keep a little mystery in the relationship

I maintain my feminine mystique We maybe like to keep a lot little mystery in the relationship. I maintain my feminine mystique. We maybe like to keep a lot of mystery in the relationship. He doesn't know a thing about me, and I will not allow him to see me in the bathroom. Honestly, we have barely met. All right, what's next, Bridget? Let's give you one more shot to get back in the game. Ronan, what is Jon's position on daylight saving time?

Now, obviously... He talks about it constantly across multiple platforms. This was a softball. You must know. I'm glad there was a softball in here. His position was anti, consistently anti daylight savings time.

You hate it. I hate the time switch why my position is more nuanced. There ought to be an amendment to the Uniform Time Act so that states can choose between daylight saving time and standard time.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for our winners, Keith and Kenny. You guys crushed it. The Lucas Brothers will be back for the Red Wheel. That was amazing. That was a political posture,

not a position. Ronan, I love you. Bridget, incredible moderating. Thank you so much. When we come back, more show. Get out of here, Ronan. Get out of here, you Lucas Brothers. Making us look bad. Knowing each other so well.

Listening when the other person talks. When are we getting married? Is that your question? Did you not notice earlier when I said my fucking parents were here? How about that? When are we getting married? When are you fucking getting married? Who said that? Who said that? When are we getting married? When are you fucking getting married? Who said that?

Who said that? When are you getting married? When are you going to meet the right person? When are you going to have kids? Too real? Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back.

We're back. And we're back! In 2017, the day after the inauguration, millions of people went to the streets to protest as part of the Women's March, part of an awakening. Non-voters became voters. Voters became donors. Donors became volunteers, and volunteers became organizers. It's how we managed to win the House and the Senate and the presidency. But the fight isn't over. And there has been no greater friend to the fight than our next guest, the wind beneath, love it or leave its wings,

a resistance wine mom. Welcome, wine mom! Give it up for our resistance wine mom. Oh, she brought some wine for us. She's got her I Miss Barack t-shirt. We did it, Joe. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Would you like to sit? I would love to sit. I'll sit with you here. Yay. It's so nice to be here, John. Really,. I'll sit with you here. It's so nice to be here, John. Really, it's so nice to be here. I'm such a huge fan. Huge. I hugged Ronan twice. Ronan, Taylor's

version. Out today, my favorite. Anyway, I just wanted everybody to know. Well, he is a hugger, but thank you for joining us. Oh, no. Obviously, John, thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I mean, it's basically been, what,

one year since we kicked he, who shall I rename us, out of the White House. Can I get a what what? You're right, what what? Who shall remain nameless? Out of the White House. Can I get a what what? You're right, what what? You know, what what? See you never, Cheeto Jesus.

And now every day I just get to relax and unwind and I read about every good thing that gets stripped out of the Build Back Better plan. And our abortion rights being... I'm going to be real. They're not threatened under the Supreme Court. It's fucking done, y'all. Can I get a what what? You okay there, Wine Mom?

Hell yeah! John, it's like AOC told the Glasgow Climate Summit. America is back! We're back, baby! Wow, well, I'm glad you're... I'm glad you're trying to be so upbeat, Wine Mom. Oh, no. I mean, sure, listen, guys. The Supreme Court may tell the EPA to stop existing,

but we're cutting methane. And just last week, I read an article that methane is the world destroyer that you don't know about. It's the kind of news that helps me get up every morning and make breakfast for Dylan and Dakota, little Oakley, without just fucking breaking down and sobbing into their buckwheat banana pancakes.

Honestly, it's like my idol Ruth Bader Ginsburg once said, so often in life, things that you regard as an impediment turn out to be great. Good fortune. Yeah, but did you read what RBG said about Colin Kaepernick? Oh, no. I did.

She also should have retired in 23rd. Shut the fuck up! Okay. Can I admit something to you, John? Yes, of course. It's just you, me, the audience, and everyone listening at home. And Ronan.

And, most importantly, Ronan. Yeah, okay. John, okay, so... I thought that when we voted Trump out of office, that things would be easier. Right. office, the things would be easier. But they are extremely still fucking

bad. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think a lot of people can agree with you on that. And now instead of having my stress diarrhea reading Trump's tweets, I have stress diarrhea waiting to see how high Joe Manchin wants the ocean to get. A man who lives on a boat shouldn't be

in Congress, John. Yeah, you'll have no argument from me. Plus, I have to read about how Kristen Sinema is taking money from Big Pharma. I'm from Arizona. All I really want to know is like where she gets these chic frames and the little pencil skirts. I do like the pencil skirts. Wine mom, no. Not Kyrsten Sinema as a style

icon. Look, I never said I was cool, Jan. And now because of that I'm a punchline. Everyone is always like, oh, Wine Mom, saying Nancy Pelosi won the internet is cringe. Wine Mom, your Instagram of Kamala Harris is Valkyrie and Avengers Endgame is cringe. I am hanging on by a fucking thread, John. And sometimes I need to tweet about how a member of the Progressive Caucus looks like he'd be low-key dynamic in the sack.

All right, Wine Mom. I think you have to tell people what you actually tweeted. I think you have to tell people what you actually tweeted. I think you have to tell them. Okay, so I tweeted, I want to be spit-roasted by David Cicilline and whoever leaked the Ukraine memo. I just tasted metal in the back of my mouth. Look, I don't have time to be cool, John.

I knock on doors. I donate. I have watched Rachel Maddow every single night since 2017. I tricked my husband into getting Rachel's haircut to aid in our lovemaking, and it fucking worked. Uh-huh. I mailed a bra to Tommy. I bought all those books that say things like

meetings with an agenda or white supremacy, and I realized, oh, shit. I am the fucking problem. I am trying! problem I am trying Wine mom's trying Hey knock knock Who's there? Havana syndrome

I want too much milk Please wine mom Wine mom I can't Don't take all of this on your shoulders This is our fault too It was never going to be solved by getting rid of one person. There's never going to be

a permanent victory. We just have to keep on fighting. Forever? Yeah. Forever. Fuck. Can you hand me that bottle? Yeah.

John Lovett of Love It or Leave It, everybody. And the Resistance Wine Mom. Give it up for the Resistance Wine Mom, everybody. And remember, donate to no-off years at votesaveamerica.com. They won't stop. We probably shouldn't either. Guys, in this house, we believe in science. We believe in love.

Congrats, Malala, on your beautiful wedding. Bye. Bye. Ladies and gentlemen, Busy Phillips. When we come back, the rant wheel. And we're back. Help welcome back to the stage all of our guests, the Lucas Brothers, Bridget, Wyatt. Cal Penn is here.

He made it. Yes. I didn't know if you were going to make it. Oh, my God. Wyatt. Cal Ben is here! He made it! Yes! I didn't know if you were going to make it. Oh my god. Everybody get in. Look at this incredible panoply of talent.

Cal, it's good to see you. Good to see you. Cal has a new book out. It's called You Can't Be Serious? That's right. Yeah. I wanted to say you're hardly joking. No, close.

So before we get to the rainbow, I did want to ask you, because I'm so glad you could make it, again, shooting schedules in this fucking city. Now, a lot of reporting has said that you came out. Do people not listen to the Axe Files? I didn't know you were coming out in this book. I thought you were out. Do people not listen to the Axe Files? Like, I didn't know you were coming out in this book. I thought you were out. So I thought that I was sharing a very fun story about how Josh and I met over NASCAR, which I remember talking to you about 11 years ago after we had that first date,

and you were like, run. I don't trust it. Still don't. NASCAR was your first date run. No. But anyway, yeah, the book was obviously about more than NASCAR or gayness. Of course. And it's hilarious and everybody should check it out. I love the part of the book where your fiancé, Josh, invented the term, let's go Brandon. Oh, right. Wow. Sure. I think you might.

That was him. He did that. I don't think that was my book. No, Josh yelled, let's go, Brandon. He said, fuck Joe Biden, and the announcer heard, let's go, Brandon, and that's how it started. Your fiance said, fuck Joe Biden. I think you're confusing me with Bobby Jindal. Maybe that's right.

All right. Now it is time for the rant wheel. This week on the rant wheel, we have the Ivy Getty wedding. We have White Women and People magazine, e-bikes, MoVon, paintball, twin discrimination, people's passions, and Joe Manchin, and the supply chain. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on people's passion suggested by Bridget, I believe.

Oh, did I say that? Well, listen, you know, you spend a lot of time at home staring at the wall and drinking and feeling sorry for yourself. The last thing you want to see are people that care about what they're doing with their life. And that's

sort of where I am with that right now. And I know we're on the Upper West Side and everybody's probably got a degree and whatever, good for you, but for me I would like to just sit and drink and tell them in my own urine and that should be good enough. That should be good enough.

That should be good enough. That should be good enough. I don't always pee myself, I'm sorry about that. Sorry John, it's a nice John. You never have to apologize at the end of a rant. That's the beauty of it. Yeah! Let's spin it again.

It has landed on Mo Vaughn, which I believe was suggested by the Lucas Brothers. Yeah, we, you know, fuck Mo Vaughn, which I believe was suggested by the Lucas Brothers. Yeah, we, you know, fuck Mo Vaughn. That's the first. No, here's why. So Mo Vaughn invested a couple of millions of dollars. $70 million.

$70 million into our housing project. And he did a shitty job. And I was like, we could have seen that from the beginning because he was a shitty baseball player. You know what I mean? I hate that dude. Like Shaq is saving other projects. Why could we get Shaq to save our project? Or Queen Latifah.

Or Queen Latifah. I would have accepted Queen Latifah at least, but fucking Mo Vaughn. Like he couldn't even get the Red Sox to the fucking playoffs. Sorry, man. Yeah, that's it. Fuck Mo Vaughn. Fuck Mo Vaughn. Fuck Mo Vaughn. Buck Mo Vaughn. Buck Mo Vaughn.

Let's spin it again. It has landed on paintball. I recently played paintball. Wow. It was for a birthday party. And I got an email that said, I played paintball. It was for a birthday party. And I got an email that said, I think we should do paintball for my birthday.

And I was the first person to reply, I'm in! Because paintball, go-karts, laser tag, I love the Goyasha arts. Laser tag. I love the Goyasha arts. So we go, we leave the bubble of West Hollywood and Los Angeles, and we head out to the real America, which is about 40 minutes outside of Los Angeles. And then all of a sudden, because of my Twitter following and natural leadership skills, I was made a team captain. At this birthday party, we had to be sorted into teams.

And my co-host, Jon Favreau, his wife, Emily Favreau, was there. Jon wasn't there because he was watching the baby. Coward. And then it's time to pick teams. And Emily's like, pick me, pick me and I'm like, no, if I pick you I can't shoot you with fucking paintballs and then something remarkable happened

which is, I came around a corner and Emily Favreau came around a corner and we opened fire at each other at incredibly close range both of us it was the Saving Private Ryan situation at each other at incredibly close range. Both of us. It was the Saving Private Ryan situation. We both, there was, there's no heroes,

it's just people suffering. That's the message of that film. And I'm glibly comparing to paintball. A lot of people were saying at this event, oh, paintball's a fun thing to do every couple of years. And I agreed to be polite, but I would go again right fucking now. And I will say two things.

One, when I got to New York for this very show, I was removing my clothes and Ronan shouted, oh my god, what happened to you? And I... I had terrible welts. Terrible.

Really terrible. But the point I want to make is this. We played a version of Capture the Flag in which several girls on the opposing team were like fucking ninja assassins. We never saw them coming. They had the flag. I was getting shot in the back, in the head, in the legs. There was no mercy.

And all I want to say is I think any political pundit on Fox News can complain about the end of masculinity for as long as they want, so long as they spend an hour on camera playing paintball. Not because I'm trying to celebrate masculinity, but because I think toughness and strategy and a willingness to shoot at your friends defies gender. and strategy, and a willingness to shoot at your friends,

defies gender. And that's my rant. Let's spin it again. It has landed on the supply chain. Just chill out. It has landed on the supply chain. Suggested by Busy. Guys, I was working a lot, and they were like,

what is your thing, your thing you want to rant about? And I was like, I don't fucking know. I have to learn eight pages of dialogue right now. Can someone just pick a thing for me? And then I got a text from my assistant, Ray, and he was like, so it should be about how, like, in New York City, there's just, like, trash piled up.

And I was like, oh, abso-fucking-lutely not. I just moved here a year ago, and I already know that I'm not going gonna talk shit about New York in front of a New York fucking audience no fucking way absolutely not and then I was like the supply chain because my brain who gives a fuck by the way there's shit, and like the microchips or whatever, fine. I'm getting in February a fucking cartilage transplant.

Do you know how fucking insane that is? Like a cartilage transplant. Like, from like a dead person. We have to wait for the person to die, and then I get the cartilage. Do they throw away the rest, or do they use the organs for someone else? I think they use the organs for other things, too. Good, I think that's important.

Do you get to pick the person? Yes, I don't, but with any luck, she's rad and rides motorcycles and is fucking fearless. No, she has to be female. I'm scared. Wait, I didn't think you,

I didn't think it was, Bridget'm a girl. Wait, I didn't think you, I didn't think it was, Bridget, Bridget. Wait. Listen, guys, all I'm saying, fuck the supply chain. Let's not talk about,

I don't care how it's going to ruin Christmas. You know what's going to really ruin Christmas? Having all of our rights fucking stripped away. I'm fucking sick of it. And I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

But also, all you fucking men, stand the fuck up. Where the fuck are you? Fuck you. You should be fucking talking about this every day because it's like the Texas SBA is a fucking red herring. This shit on December 1st, it's done, y'all. You're fucking done. And every single one of you motherfuckers should be on your social media every goddamn day because you have benefited from a fucking right to choose, bitches. So stand the fuck up. I am not here for it. And I'm going to be laid up with my fucking cartilage transplant with a dead girl. And I want you motherfuckers to join the march.

Because we can't fucking do it again. The pink hats didn't work. Pink hats didn't work. It's time we face facts. The pink hats didn't work. Let's spin it again. That was amazing. That started out about the supply chain.

That's the coolest part. Wyatt, what do you think about the supply chain? Say what now? It has landed on e-bikes. I guess I did, but I don't even know if I can follow Busy. I feel like I just want to cede my time to Busy. I have more to say. Yeah, no.

You said men stand up. You don't need to know what I think about e-bikes. Busy, take my time. Thanks, Wyatt. I really appreciate that. Let's hear about this e-bike. Do I have to now go to the march? Because it's going to be cold. Take an e-bike. Do I have to now go to the march? Because it's going to be cold. Take an e-bike.

Does this count? Can I just trade? Do you know how cold a fucking speculum is? Do you? Wyatt? Wyatt? I've lost control of the show, but I believe it landed on fucking e-bikes.

Sure, e-bikes. Sure, e-bikes. They're not bicycles. Why are we putting fucking pedals on them? They're motorcycles. They should be treated as such. It's stupid. But again, I cede my time to piss. All right. Counterpoint. it's stupid but again, I cede my time to piss alright counterpoint

an e-bike's nice if you have to go uphill and you don't want to get swamp ass in your suit on your way to your job in 2013 let's spin it again it has landed on twin discrimination. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. Even before we got out here, they were like, oh, someone just got here, so we got to give you guys one mic.

Right, right, right. And that's just twin discrimination that we're talking about. That's a part of it. That's a part of it. Here's the problem with American society, really. Here's the problem with American society. It's the singletons man It's the fucking singletons

Singletons don't give a fuck about twins Singletons don't care about twins Singletons is a slur that we use To describe single birth individuals That's right And you guys can walk up to us And say whatever you want I remember one time we were at Toys R Us

And we were paying our final respects We were paying our final respects. And a singleton walks up to us and he's like, well, how long have you guys been together? And we were like, 36 years? I don't know. And he's like, well, how'd you guys meet? And we were like, our mom

hooked us up. That's right. I was like, this guy is an asshole. Right, right. I don't know, I'm just... Singletons don't care about Black twin history, either. No, no, no. We made Black twin history this year. We got nominated for Oscars.

The first... Thank you. The first Black twins to ever be nominated for an Oscar. And Black people don't give a shit. They ain't give a fuck. Black people don't care about black twin history. They only care about black singleton history. That's right.

Think about it. Martin Luther King's a singleton. Malcolm X is a singleton. John Singleton's a singleton. There's a lot of singletons. Alright, we're done. We're done. Let's spin it one more time One more time

It has landed On white women at People Magazine Suggested by Cal Penn Oh, I thought it was for me This one's mine for the week that I've had People Magazine suggested by Cal Penn. Oh, I thought it was for me. This one's mine for the week that I've had. So, to your point, love it.

So I had this book come out last week, and we launched it on CBS Sunday Morning, which was very nice. You can't be serious. It's a very funny book, a memoir. And then somebody said, why don't you do a profile with People Magazine? They would love nice. You can't be serious. It's a very funny book, a memoir. And then somebody said, why don't you do a profile

with People Magazine? They would love to pro... You probably already know where this is going. I really do. And I said, they would do a profile on me? They said, yes, because you're an accomplished man of color. You struggled through Hollywood in the 90s

and really made a name for yourself, and then you went to go work for Barack Obama and John Lovett. And I said, that would be incredible. And they've read the book? Yes, they've read the book. They love the book. I'm like, okay. So I'm Zooming. How do I describe her? Just white women at People Magazine. Okay. I'm Zooming with her, and she asked me a couple of questions about the book, but most of the questions are about my fiancé, Josh, which I'm happy to answer because I write about him in the book, and I'm very happy to write about him in the book. But I'm getting a little bit of a hint that maybe it's not really a profile. But I was like, no, no, no, I'm just

really paranoid about that. So the article comes out, and the headline is something like, about that. So the article comes out and the headline is something like, gay, Cal Penn gay, Cal Penn engaged to a man gay, writes gay book gay. So I'm seeing this and I was like, so as a man of color, I threatened you that much that you had to erase all of my accomplishments and just make it seem like I wrote a gay book, which, by the way, if that's what you're in the market for, please buy it. Parts of it are quite gay if that's what you want, but that's not all of it, not by a long shot. So to your point,

this was just the opener for the rants. So then I'm looking in, you know, people have been very gracious, and they're downloading and they're buying the book. They're buying the book in droves to hit. I'm getting some messages. I'm going to buy the fucking book right now. I'm getting some Instagram messages, some Twitter messages about which chapters people enjoy,

things about typecasting or working in Hollywood or working on policy things. And I'm scrolling through these messages and then there's like an asshole photo that somebody sends. And then there are more, there are more really nice messages. And then there's another butthole picture. So I think my point is gay dudes, can you stop sending butthole photos into the DMs? It's not really about the white women at

People Magazine. It's what happens after that. I don't need to see your hole. I'm sure you have a very nice hole. I don't need to see your hole. I'm sure you have a very nice hole. I don't need to see your hole. I'm going to be a married man. Cal, you know, there are a number of ways you could have brought this to my attention without embarrassing me. And you should think about why you chose to do it in front of all of these people.

I needed you to know. Incredible rant. All right, that's the rant wheel. Amazing. Cal Penn, Busy Phillips, Bridget Everett, the Lucas Brothers, Wyatt Cenac. Thank you all so much. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. All right. I'm going to come out there. We're going to end. We're going to take three high notes. But here's one thing I need everybody to do here, okay? When we get high notes from throughout the country, they're things like,

my brother finished nursing school. When we get them in L.A. and New York, sometimes they're like, the tiles came in for the beach house. You know what I mean? Like, our place on the vineyard is almost ready. All right? So let's try to just think about this

and not be too bougie. All right, I'm coming around. I'm coming around. Can we bring the lights up? What's your high note? My high note is being here. I used to live in Florida, and I'm very excited to live in the Northeast. That's great. We'll take it.

I'm coming around. What's your high note? It's the first time we've left our son overnight just to see you. That's cool. I'm coming over there. I'm coming's cool. I'm coming over there. I'm coming to you. I'm coming to you. I'm triple vax.

It's fine. I'm like basically acu... It's acupuncture for me. That's true. John Lovett, I think that if we met, we'd be best friends. That's not a high note. That's a come on.

I'm coming to you. I'm a public school teacher, and I'm really happy to be back in school with my students. Public school teacher. Coming over. What's your high note? She wants you to give one. It's our first weekend away as a married couple for two nights in a row

because we have four kids. And I'm turning 40. He's turning 40 next week. He's turning 40. He's turning 40. I also think we'd be best friends if we hung out. I think you're overestimating what kind of friend I am. You got one?

So tonight I got the second opportunity to make you feel good because you got the quip in about Eat Fresh, and then also I gave you the Bo Burnham theme song. Whoa, he did a great theme song. I'm coming up there. What's your high note? Because I'm here. I suffer from depression and all of that really hit me hard during a pandemic. And I, like many people had a lot of trouble here. So the fact that I made it through is really hard. Thanks for sharing that. All right, let's leave it there.

I'm ending it here. That's our show. Thank you to Bridget Everett, Wyatt Cenac, Ronan Fowler, the Lucas Brothers, Cal Penn, Busy Phillips, everyone who shared their high notes. Thank you to everybody for coming. There are 359 days until the 2022 midterm elections. Have a greatiefer is our head writer. Jocelyn Kaufman, Pallavi Ganalan,

and Peter Miller are the writers. Our associate producer is Brian Semel. Bill Lance is our editor and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Marissa Meyer for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Nara Melkonian and Milo Kim, Mia Kelman and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can.