Lovett or Leave It - No Bueno Toxic

Episode Date: May 27, 2023

Lovett Or Leave It eases you into the long weekend with the dulcet tones of Ron DeSantis’s hideous voice, while Janet Yellen (Jenny Zigrino) reminds you what catastrophe awaits if we don’t sort out the debt ceiling by, uh, today. Mrs. Davis’s Jake McDorman enters virgin territory, while Jessi Klein ranks the LOLI moms from best to even better. Schuyler Bailar dives into the right’s anti-trans sports neurosis, and we spin the Rant Wheel to start your holiday road trip off right.Chip in today to our FUCK BANS: LEAVE QUEER KIDS ALONE fund at votesaveamerica.com/fuckbans

Hello, Los Angeles! Welcome! Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else, and I just had a very interesting dinner with Jesse Armstrong, creator of Succession, and he told me that in the finale... Which is exactly what I predicted. Thank you.

We have a great show for you tonight. Handsome American Jake McDormand is here to talk about nuns and virgins. He's in Mrs. Davis, which is awesome and impossible to describe. Jesse Klein is here to declare the best mother of a Crooked staff member, because they're all so high-functioning and well-adjusted.

A lot of secure attachment around here. Janet Yellen is here because she's got nothing else to do. Skylar Baylor, the first openly transgender NCAA Division I swimmer, floats on by. And Jenny Zagrino joins for the rant wheel. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Monday, the Mess America pageant continued as South Carolina Senator Tim Scott announced that he's running for president.

Said Scott at his launch event. Our party and our nation are standing at a time for choosing. Victimhood or victory. Grievance or greatness. You've given me a lot to think about, said a man in the crowd wearing a Kill Fauci t-shirt who hasn't been to the doctor in seven years, but has yelled at the manager of a food lion for continuing to stock Bud Light Lime. Donald Trump welcomes Scott's candidacy, posting on True Social, good luck to Senator Tim Scott at entering the Republican primary race.

It is rapidly loading up with lots of people, and Tim is a big step up from Ron DeSanctimonious, who is totally unelectable. This is like a boyfriend saying, you're so much cooler than my dumb crazy ex who no one thinks is hot anymore. It's nice to hear, but is it? Trump continued, I loved Tim Scott when he played Malcolm X and also when he was in I Am Legend and also when he's Kanye.

He's great. Then on Wednesday, Governor Ron DeSantis officially announced his run for president, but it felt more like a crawl for president as DeSantis officially announced his run for president, but it felt more like a crawl for president as DeSantis formally announced the decision during a glitching, crashing, and overall humiliating live Twitter spaces conversation with, of course, Elon Musk and a random anti-woke venture capitalist. That was quiet. Tonight, I'm pleased to introduce two individuals

who've done more to loosen the grip. Let's see, so... Here we go. Yeah, I think so. Mama mia, that's a glitchy meatball. All right. In fact, it was 30 minutes into the whole affair before DeSantis actually said he was running.

The two tech bros at times seemed to forget to bring Ron into the conversation. And after Elon's feed crashed, hundreds of thousands of listeners never tuned back in. You might think it's strange for a presidential candidate to announce in an audio-only medium to a hyper-online crowd of about 200,000 people, rather than, say, using the medium of television. But then you hear the voice. Oh, I am running for president of the United States to lead our great American comeback. And then you realize that's the sexiest voice in human history.

Ron DeSantis sounds like Kermit the Frog asking a seatmate on a plane to lose the mask. Ron DeSantis sounds like an inchworm that's been given a voice for a day by a witch so he can tell his teenage son he's not allowed to have sleepovers Ron DeSantis sounds like a meditation tape for people who burned down a national forest

with a gender reveal Ron DeSantis sounds like a guy who started his own secret society and still got kicked out Ron DeSantis sounds like he spent his formative years with a shock collar on that zapped him any time he gave off Italian charisma Ron DeSantis sounds like he spent his formative years with a shock collar on that zapped him any time he gave off Italian charisma. Ron DeSantis sounds like the voice in your head if you're on a model train website reading a zero-star review for a conductor's hat.

Ron DeSantis sounds like he's running to be president of the teacup Pomeranian Eugenics Society. End of list. Thank you. Thank you. After the fiasco was complete, Trump posted a video declaring Ron 2024 with Ron styled in the font of Jeb over video of Elon's SpaceX starship collapsing and exploding upon takeoff.

Look. Look. Look. Trump must be stopped from reclaiming the presidency at all costs. But the Republican primaries are now a pasta maker that turns wet, soft, spineless dough into Trump-shaped noodles. Whoever wins, we all lose. And we're not Republican primary voters. At best, our influence would boil down to reverse psychology. So with all that in mind, can we stop to appreciate

watching these ambitious, cynical fucking dorks get absolutely steamrolled? Can we say that video rips? Do we gotta hand it to them? Something to think about. Meanwhile, Democratic presidential candidate

Marianne Williamson's top two campaign officials resigned over the weekend. You gotta feel for Marianne. It's tough to lose your two most senior chunks of Rose Quartz at the same time.

CNN announced this week that it will host a town hall with former Vice President Mike Pence next month in Iowa. But oh no, all the town hall attendees are Trump holding a noose, and also inexplicably, Florence Henderson, wearing a stovepipe hat, is describing the perfect male physique to a northern red cardinal in a cage. Awoke Mike Pence from a nightmare. Just going to let that one, you got to just think about it. Chief Justice John Roberts commented on recent ethics scandals around the Supreme Court.

I want to assure people I am committed to making certain that we as a court adhere to the highest standards of conduct. We are continuing to look at things we can do to give practical effect Roberts also explained that approving security fencing around the Supreme Court was the hardest decision of his tenure. I also gave a big thumbs up to destroying the wetlands this week, and that was easy, but I saved Obamacare. I'm a weird dude. At a fundraising auction for the National Republican Congressional Committee, Marjorie Taylor Greene donated $100,000 for a used chapstick once owned by House Speaker Kevin McCarthy. She would have donated the sum anyway, but now she gets a dinner with the Speaker out of the deal. $100,000 gets you dinner with McCarthy, but for 200K, you can eat alone. For interested perverts, you could find more kinky used Republican keepsakes on their new portal, OnlyBans.

Oh no. It rhymes with bands and fans. During a house session on Wednesday in which she was presiding, MTG called for members to abide by the decorum of the House, prompting a wave of laughter from Democrats. The members are reminded to abide by decorum of the House. Can I tell you guys something? This sparks a body memory of being bullied for me. Like, I want a wise old teacher to come up and say,

hey now, everybody, in a way that says, I get why you all fucking hate her, but you know her home life must suck based on her personality and defense mechanisms, so you can just let her finish her presentation so I can give her the C-, and we can get on with our lives, and I can get back to fantasizing about an affair

with the hot new teacher who made eye contact with me last week. And from that nothing, I've built a whole galaxy of happiness in my mind. Lauren Boebert had this to say during a House Oversight Committee hearing on prescription drug prices. I left a prescription at a pharmacy once. I went to get birth control. And I was there at the counter and went to pay for it. And the price was very, very high. I said, wow, is this a three, six-month prescription? No, ma'am, this is one month.

And I said, it's cheaper to have a kid. Lauren, you're so close to getting it. You're just on the fucking cusp. You wonder what it's like to have someone who has real life experience but no empathy. That's a real experience she had. Took the wrong lesson from it.

Better than one of those senators that didn't realize gay people are okay until their kid is gay. That sucks. That's empathy without experience. She has experience without empathy. You need both, but actually just the empathy will do when you think about it. I've actually never thought about that before at all.

You get the point I'm making. Every House Democrat signed a discharge position to force a clean vote to raise the debt ceiling, but they would still need at least five Republican votes to bypass House Speaker Kevin McCarthy. Meanwhile, any deal that McCarthy would bring to the floor would inevitably need many more Democrats. So step right up, five Republicans who are ready to do the right thing one time and become lobbyists. Come on. Being in Congress sucks. Do it and be a legend. A new poll this week found that a majority of Americans want Congress to raise the debt ceiling without forcing any spending cuts. But unfortunately, the same poll also found that should the United States default on its debt because no deal is reached, independent voters

would blame Biden by a nine point margin. Congrats to every news report and piece of commentary that helped convince independent voters that if the bus blew up, it was Keanu's fault. Imagine if speed happened in real life and a pole came out and while it was going on it blamed keanu reeves for the whole situation and would hold him responsible if the bus blew up and people generally felt as though it would be better if the bus could drop below 50 without blowing up but if it did blow up, Dennis Hopper would not be responsible. Do you know how hard it would be to convince people of that? As the U.S. government nears default,

the Treasury Department has started asking federal agencies if they can put off making payments until later. Sure thing, said the agencies. We just need to see America's FICO score, proof of employment, and address, plus two references. agencies, we just need to see America's FICO score, proof of employment, and address, plus two references. Also this week, a man was arrested

after intentionally crashing a U-Haul truck near the White House, then waving around a Nazi flag. Oh, like you're always your best self on moving day. Oathkeeper's leader, Stuart Rhodes, who was convicted of seditious conspiracy, has been sentenced to 18 years in prison for his role in mobilizing the attack

on the Capitol. Yeah, great. And he's expected to be a first-round draft pick for prison white supremacists. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy warned in a 19-page report this week that social media can have a profound risk of harm to children and young people.

Thank God I'm 40, the age at which social media starts to make you feel incredible. The NAACP has issued a travel advisory for Florida, warning that Governor Ron DeSantis has made the state openly hostile toward African Americans, people of color, and LGBTQ plus individuals. They went on to urge travelers to please enjoy Florida from the safety of their home by tuning into Fox News. Said a gay in South Beach who was looking forward to a visit from an old friend from out of state because they always had chemistry,

but nothing ever happened in a way that was confusing. Like you say, oh, the timing never lined up. But really what that means is you were young and now with perspective, you realize all the obstacles were immaturity. Hey. young and now with perspective, we realize all the obstacles were immaturity. Hey! After a complaint by a parent, the poem Amanda Gorman wrote for the inauguration of President Biden was reviewed by a panel and deemed more appropriate for middle school than elementary

school and moved to a different section of a school library in Florida. Is not educational and have indirectly hate messages, complained the bad parent, who later apologized when it was discovered that she posted the Protocols of the Elders of Zion on her Facebook page, explaining that she wasn't much of a reader. That's true. There was a time when someone like me yelled at people and everyone knew to ignore it, she continued. Now I'm in charge of the libraries. God bless America, or any of you Jews. Meanwhile, I feel like that was my fault. That was just a series of facts that seemed like jokes,

and then a joke that seemed like a fact. Meanwhile, earlier this week, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton called for the resignation of House Speaker Dade Phelan, accusing him of being publicly drunk while presiding over a session on the House floor. Mr. Campbell, the amendment is a settlement with the author. Is there objection to the opposite amendment? The jury has done the amendment. Amendment is adopted. That's cool as hell.

That's great. Hey, he's drunk at work. Thought he could hang it to keep it together. He couldn't. Now, it also turns out Paxton is angry because Phelan opposed using state funds to settle a $3 million whistleblower lawsuit against Paxton from former staffers

who resigned or were fired after eight people reported him to the FBI for corruption because of favors Paxton allegedly did for a campaign contributor who employed a person with whom Paxton had an affair for which he also apologized. Yeah. And then today,

the Texas House General Investigating Committee recommended Paxton be impeached and removed from office, accusing him of years of wrongdoing. So now we are rooting for the drunk Republican speaker of the Texas House. Also this week, Uber's head of diversity was suspended after hosting a company event titled Don't Call Me Karen, focused on the experience of being a white woman in America. Hey, come on. Come of being a white woman in America.

Hey, come on. Come on. You don't know. Worse, the suspension has radicalized her. She now goes by the name Karen X. I mean, come on. On a lighter note, it's been an especially rough season on Mount Everest. Fuck. With climbers dying on the Himalayan mountain almost daily.

I don't know what it's going to take to get lawmakers to finally start regulating self-driving Teslas. I like picturing it. I'm almost out, by the way. I'm almost out. I'm almost out, by the way. I'm almost out. I'm almost out. I'm going to get rid of this fucking thing. I'm so close. I'm so close to the end. Can't wait to tell you about it.

It's like trying to get rid of depleted uranium. The Dodgers have re-invited the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence to their annual Pride Night after initially caving to a right-wing backlash. Nice try, baseball people. But if you knew anything about the gays, you'd know there is nothing more insulting than rescinding an invitation to an event we didn't want to go to. Killer whales have reportedly been teaching each other to attack and capsize boats around the coast of Europe. Whales have reportedly been teaching each other to attack and capsize boats around the coast of Europe.

So if you saw me in the dark back room of a restaurant in Spain showing a picture of Harlan Crowe's yacht to an orca in a wig, no, you didn't. A Kentucky man was arrested after shooting his roommate in the ass after the roommate allegedly ate the last Hot Pocket. Said the roommate, ow, my ass. Now, I want you to understand this. Yes, it works. It works better than it should have. Let me tell you what happened here.

Let me tell you about this joke. This joke was originally supposed to be, ow, my ass, you know, like in the cadence. See, it doesn't fucking work. Because in my mind, it was going to be fun to say, ow, my ass,

but I'm not getting it. It's not sounding like, hot pockets, you know? Ow, my ass. You see? What do you mean the meter's off? Da-da-da, da-da-da, hot pockets, ow, my ass. Hot pockets, da-da-da Hot buckets You wrap it up Out my eyes

Hot buckets Is that I'm not going high enough? I just want I wanna know The fucking audacity to do the hand thing From the fucking crowd Shame on you Shame on you

Alright Scientists have discovered a chlamydia-like bacteria Shame on you. Shame on you. All right. Scientists have discovered a chlamydia-like bacteria in the Great Barrier Reef, which has begun plaguing the coral. Can't fuck the koalas? Can't fuck the coral? Is there anything left you can fuck in Australia? That's a callback.

If you've been keeping up with Love It or Leave It to be on board for that one, that one's with the true fans. And finally, a Minnesota woman has been reunited with a diamond ring that she accidentally dropped in a toilet 13 years ago. The woman said, it looks exactly how I remembered it. Absolutely slathered in human shit. When we come back, a travel warning.

And we're back! This week, both the NAACP and the Human Rights Campaign issued travel warnings strongly urging black and LGBTQ Americans not to travel to Florida, following other groups like Equality Florida as a way to call attention to the ongoing erosion of rights by Governor Ron DeSantis' grasping rat-like political claws. We here at Love It or Leave It are ambivalent about the travel advisories, considering millions of black and LGBTQ Floridians are voting and fighting like hell against Republican cultural warfare and can nor want to travel elsewhere. But in the spirit of giving everyone all the information we can,

Love It or Leave It will issue its own travel advisories. Be advised. Malcolm, it says here that be advised should be an essential voice. Is that what you would call that? Runner number one. Be advised. Love it or leave it urges against attending

a wedding where you are a plus one and won't know anyone but your date, but your relationship is falling apart. And if you get drunk, you'll fight in front of people. You might think, no, no, it's fine. I can nail that sweet spot between two and eight drinks to take the edge off both not knowing anyone and the undeniable reality that the

love we once had is gone. But you will be wrong. Oh, but we already booked the hotel and we only fight in public when we've been dancing for hours or eating shrimp. Besides, why would I care what these people think? They don't care if I live or die, and neither does he. That's it. I'm bringing up what he said at Ojai.

I'm bringing it up right now. No, it can't wait until after the best man's speech is over. Prepare yourself for the most awkward plane ride home of your fucking life. You have been advised. Be advised. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

This week, another Republican threw his sneaky little pork pie hat into the ring for the American presidency. No, I'm not talking about Ron DeSantis. I'm talking about the guy no one is talking about, Tim Scott, whose only headlines so far have revolved around his past declaration that he would remain a virgin before

marriage. And he's still not married. So draw your own conclusions. Our next guest joining us on stage stars in the new Peacock show, Mrs. Davis, which features Betty Gilpin as a nun. That was enough for us to go with our next segment. Welcome to the stage, Jake McDormand. Woo!

Hi. Hey. Thanks for being here. Thanks for being here. Hey, thanks for having me, man. First of all, let me just say something. Yeah. I love Mrs. Davis. I do, too. It's so good.

Thank you. And people have tried to tell me what it is. And it's like the Matrix. You can't explain it. You have to see it for yourself. It's really hard, yeah. How would you describe it in one sentence? How dare you?

Yeah, you said that in your opening segment. You were like, impossible to describe. How dare you attack me with such a hard-hitting question right off the bat? You must have done a press tour. I worked on your sentence. One sentence. Oh, God. Let's see. I'm going to do it in five sentences. Okay. Sure, there's no rules. Okay, let's see. By the way,

they told me to sit as close as humanly possible to you or you'd go apeshit. Is that right? I am as close to you as I can possibly get without breaching the arm. Thank you. Okay. That's just that they warned me. Yeah, yep.

Okay, okay. That's it. I love sitting close to people. All right, back on topic. We're talking about Mrs. Davis. Oh, God. So Mrs. Davis, let's see. It takes place in an alternate future not unlike our own.

This is going to be so many sentences, John. I'm so sorry. No, no, you're doing great. Not unlike our own, where a seemingly benevolent algorithm named Mrs. Davis has risen to levels of ubiquity globally for ending world hunger and solving all the wars and the famine and the climate change

and all those things by way of an app. And my character, Wiley, stick with me, is an ex-bull rider and the ex-boyfriend of a nun named Simone, played by the cosmic force of nature that is Betty Gilpin. Are you guys Betty Gilpin fans? Okay, you should be Betty Gilpin fans. She's fucking amazing.

And we decided to take her down because we think she's up to some nefarious doings. John, this is hard. You're a speech writer. You did a good job. I was. Why would you do this to me? I'm sorry.

And are you a virgin, Jake? I'm not. Oh, cool. Yeah. It's cool if you were. No, no, no. By the way, if you are, it's fine to say. Listen, this would be exactly where I'd want to admit it if I was.

I couldn't think of a better venue than on a stage with a bunch of people. Do you think that America is willing to elect a virgin president? And again, he may not be a virgin. He may have fucked. We don't know for sure. And there's nothing wrong if he has or hasn't. That's the thing. That's how I feel about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, why not? Maybe that'd be a great thing for us. Who knows? By the way, we're going with... The show's about a nun, and we're going virgin because virgin mary nun yeah that's the connection i got it that's all we've got okay that you're this is she plays a nun yes and nuns they are abstemious uh-huh from sex correct yeah that's my recollection i'm jewish yeah that's what i know that's what i've read

basically from sister act yeah yeah that's that is the only yeah that's the I know about nuns. That's what I've read too. Basically from Sister Act. Yeah, yeah, that's the whole nun background that I had going into this job was Sister Act. I feel like you dodged the question, would America vote for a virgin president? No, it's okay. Is that really? Yes, yes. I think there would be a very small section

of the conservative right that would love that, right? Mom, sit down. would love that, right? Mom, sit down. It's funny, right? Because on some level, I think culturally, we all believe single people are fucking freaks. Yeah, okay. Do you think the concept of virginity is strange? It's like, what if you weren't considered someone

who's been in a pool until your whole body had been in a pool? Wait, I don't follow. I don't follow. Break that down a little bit for me. Moving on. What? No.

Do you want me to sit closer? No, this is good. I'm good with this level of close dance. When you were cast in Mrs. Davis, did you know about it? Mrs. Davis? Did you know that it was just from the lost guy and the young Sheldon lady, or did you have details? I had a script, yeah.

I mean, I knew about it. My introduction to Mrs. Davis was my audition for Mrs. Davis. Cool. It's funny, too. You're funny in it. You're very good in the show. Thank you, man. It's a fun show. It's Peacock's're funny in it You're very good in the show Thank you man It's a fun show

It's Peacock's best kept secret And Peacock is America's best kept streaming secret Oh god, that's sadly so true Hey Peacock's doing some cool stuff Poker face is good too Hey, Peacock It's the thing NBC decided to call their streaming service Because we all Listen, we all grew up with Pe call their streaming service because we all

listen we all grew up with Peacock mascots because we all loved NBC growing up we all loved the Peacock we'd all say hey are you guys going to check out the Peacock tonight yeah who among us hasn't gone as the NBC Peacock for Halloween are you afraid of AI yeah a little bit

I mean I'm dabbling with it like everyone else is right now are you doing some dabbling you make any art I am embarrassingly Uh, yeah, a little bit. I mean, I'm, I'm dabbling with it like everyone else is right now. Are you doing some dabbling? Doing a little dabbling. You make any art? I am, embarrassingly. Yeah. Do you want to know what it is? Yeah, I do. I had them, them, it, whatever we call it. 100% it.

It's an it. It's an it. I had it, uh, put my mom's cat on horseback like Napoleon in the style of a Vermeer oil painting. Hell yeah. It was incredibly good. How was that? That's cool. It's good. I'm going to get it blown up for her birthday probably. Neat. Yeah.

But that's where it stops. I'm done after this. Dutch. Dutch? Vermeer. Oh, yeah. Virgin? I don't know if Vermeer fucked or not.

I don't know. He paints a lot of hands. That leads me to think yes. This is not real. You know what I mean? They're getting such a good idea of what the show's about. Yeah. There's also, in the show, you blow up a horse I do

Yeah Yeah Did they kill a real horse Or was that the magic of Hollywood Yeah no that was That was a real horse We went for it That's a bummer

That's a bummer That's a bummer People are gonna be fucking pissed Remember that HBO show Killed all those horses Oh my god yeah What was that Luck

Luck Yeah Jesus Yeah and everyone's like This is too boring to kill horses. As previously mentioned, the connecting... We earn our horse death in our show.

Yeah, it's so entertaining. It's like, honestly, if that's a real horse, okay, maybe worth it. It's sacrifice itself. Maybe worth it, because this is a ride. I'm like, luck, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Right, right. Tough hit on luck as previously mentioned the connecting thread of this segment is tenuously thin just like the concept of virginity itself jake are you ready to answer questions about virginity and the virgins who have never had sex okay jake now it's time for a game we're calling Save Yourself for This Quiz. Oh, my God. According to a study, what percentage of college students don't consider oral genital contact a virginity loss? Oh, my God. We're looking for a percentage?

A percentage. They don't count it. Yeah. Who said 99? I'm going to go with somewhere in the 90s. It's lower. It's only 60%. Oh, okay.

40% counted. Oh, my God. Everyone's so disappointed. What a weird thing to feel like you have a dog in the fight of. I know. In 2012, what did 36-year-old virgin Trent Arsenault make national news for doing? That is impossible. Oh, my God.

Listen, I have to say, I'm going to try my best on this quiz, but I'm not too bummed if I'm not a virgin expert. It just sounds, like saying it out loud sounds probably,

Jake McDormand, actor, virgin expert. Better to be. It's like what an incel puts on their resume. Better to be a virgin expert than an expert virgin. You know what I mean?

That's what an incel puts on their resume. Better to be a virgin expert than an expert virgin. You know what I mean? That's what an incel puts on their resume. What? What's the tone? It's a 36-year-old virgin made national news. I'll tell you the answer because it's completely impossible. This is great. The FDA threatened to fine and jail him for his DIY sperm bank after it was revealed that he fathered 15 children.

So it was for donating too much sperm. But he was a virgin at the time. That was his whole thing. He was like, I'm not gonna waste it. Wow. Just telling you, that was the thing. Cool. Again, the show is Mrs. Davis. All this

and more. Richard Branson shut down his satellite launch startup this week. What was it called? Virgin Galactic. It was Virgin Orbit, but no, give it to him. Give him the check. We're giving it to you. What inventor best known for his contribution to the development of the modern

alternating current electricity system is believed to have been a virgin at the time of his passing in 1943. But he did say of his pet pigeon, I loved that pigeon as a man loves a woman, and she loved me as long as I had her, there was purpose to my life. To Nikola Tesla? It is. You got it. If I'm ordering a virgin cocktail, which I absolutely am not, I might order myself a Roy Rogers. Jake, what is a Roy Rogers? Oh, God. What's in a Roy Rogers?

It's cola, a maraschino cherry, and this syrup. It's grenadine. Grenadine. Which is a truly disgusting beverage. It's very generous. Could you imagine having a Coca-Cola being, what could make this sweeter? That's a wild beverage. Yeah, yeah. Have the alcohol. Yeah's a disgusting. Could you imagine having a Coca-Cola being what could make this sweeter? That's a wild beverage.

Yeah. Have the alcohol. Yeah. Roy Rogers. Give the kids alcohol. Better than a Roy Rogers. Shirley Temple's no alcohol too, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Shirley Temple's a ginger ale with grenadine. Yeah. Yeah. An insane beverage. Yeah. Crazy. Crazy.

According to some Catholic teachings, St. Lucy was a virgin martyr who removed what part of her body to discourage an admiring suitor only for God to restore said body part after her death? Eyeballs. Honestly, I really appreciate the help. Was it eyeballs? Yes. It's why

she's the patron saint of eye illnesses. What? That's a little fun fact. It's Mrs. Davis Mrs. Davis, guys And where can you watch it? We can watch it on Peacock It's on Peacock

Yeah They'll let you watch the first one for free But like a drug dealer outside of school That's how they get you Peacock It's like a drug dealer outside of a school It's the after school special of streamers. Yeah.

For some reason, virginity pledges were a huge thing in the aughts. I'm going to read you a list of celebrities who were famous in the 2000s. Which one of these people did not publicly declare themselves a virgin? Okay. Or maybe they all did. Oh, God. Okay. Britney Spears, the Jonas Brothers, Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, Tim Tebow, Jessica Simpson.

Was it? I feel like they all said they were. They all did. You got it. Yeah. Yeah. All right. And finally, what was the penalty for Vestal Virgins who were found to have fucked?

Were they burnt at the stake? So close. Buried alive. Wow. Buried alive. Buried alive. God, I'd probably opt for burnt at the stake. No.

You know? I don't think so. Buried alive? Yeah. No. I mean, they both suck. Let's be honest. Yeah, listen, we're not fans of either.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, both are bad options, but... Peacock, we're not a fan of being buried alive or being burnt alive. No, no, exactly. There's actually, in the opening episode of Mrs. Davis, there is the burning of heretics at the stake. That's why I said that.

I was trying to promote the show. And that's what this did. That's exactly what this did, man. Jake will be back for the rant wheel. Thank you so much for being here. This was fun. Thanks, man. Everybody, go watch Mrs. Davis.

It is really genuinely excellent. Check it out. You're really great. You're really awesome. When we come back, hold your breath. It's swimmer Skylar Baylor. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back. It's been a long time since we had a guest with upper body strength joining me on stage. And this week we've had two. I'll let you decide who the other person is based on the sound of their voice. But number one is my next guest. Please welcome to the stage the host of Dear Skylar podcast and the first openly transgender NCAA Division I swimmer in history, it's Skylar Baylor. Hi. How's it going?

Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. I'm also supposed to sit as close to you as possible? Why do people keep saying that? We've been instructed backstage. Okay. I have a series of questions for you. Some of them are about

discrimination against trans athletes. Some of it is just about swimming. Okay. And we're just going to go back and forth. That sounds great. And you'll know which question is which. Something tells me I will. In April, House Republicans passed a bill barring transgender women and girls from competing in women and girls sports, but they seem to choose to kind of ignore trans men in this conversation. Why? Why do you think they don't like to talk about the existence of trans men in this debate? Yeah. I mean, the shortest answer is not a fun one. It's misogyny, right? So they assume that anybody who's assigned female at birth, like me can't possibly compete against anybody who's assigned

male at birth and they're vice versa. They only care about the fact that they think that trans women are some sort of threat, whereas trans men can't possibly, you know, compete. But we've proved otherwise, right? Many trans men have actually competed against people assigned male at birth. So cisgender men and one, which is pretty exciting. I'll also add though, and this is, I think the really most important part of people focusing on trans women in women's sports is they're focusing on the women's category, having never watched a WHL game, having never been to a WNBA game, having never cared about fairness in women's sports before. And then suddenly a trans woman wants to play and where everybody's a fairness advocate. Right. So I think it's important to recognize that, too. kit, right? So I think it's important to recognize that too. I find that when I'm swimming...

This is the discrimination question? I find that doing this, making the kind of up and down legs, is not as much fun or as easy as doing the kind of froggy style legs. And so even when I'm doing the crawl style front arms, I want my legs to do the breaststroke style style legs. And so even when I'm doing the crawl style front arms,

I want my legs to do the breaststroke style frog legs. Is that okay? Well, it depends on which event you want to do and if you want to move forwards or backwards. Yeah, mostly I just I'm trying to say up. I see. Not drown.

Yeah. Hey, okay. You know what? I got to alternate. Can you talk a little bit about how trans athletes are treated differently by their fellow competitors? Like, what has that experience been like? I think it depends a lot on who you are. So, you know, I was met with a lot of support when I came out. I was very lucky to have the support I had.

My coaches were supportive. The athletic admin at Harvard were supportive. My parents were supportive. I was very lucky to have the support I had. My coaches were supportive. The athletic admin at Harvard were supportive. My parents were supportive. I was very lucky to have a lot of support. People still struggled to understand. I still was misgendered, called the wrong pronouns my first year on the team. And there were people that didn't think that I belonged there. But if you flip-flop and you look at Leah Thomas, for example, who was a trans woman, or she is a trans woman, but she was somebody on UPenn women's swim team, 18 of her teammates supposedly penned a letter to say that they didn't think that she belonged there. So I think it can be really difficult for a lot of us when, um, we're supposed

to be part of a team where they're supposed to have our back. That's all point. We get up every morning at four in the morning to swim together twice a day for 20 hours a week. And you know, it can be really difficult when your teammates don't think you belong there. When you're treading water... It's really like a boomerang right now. They're really going back and forth. When you're treading water... Now, when I tread water, it's really instinct kicks in.

Yeah. It's like doing this with my hands and kicking my legs. Okay. But then I have friends who are like you, swimmers, and they make circles with their legs like they're sitting in a chair. But then I have friends who are like you, swimmers. And they make like circles with their legs, like they're sitting in a chair. Yeah, like this.

Yes. And that keeps you up. It does. And you can do that. Yes. But it doesn't really help you a whole lot actually to do that when you're trying to swim across the pool. And that's mostly your focus. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, they don't usually time me for how long I can stay floating. Oh, that's mostly your focus. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. They don't usually time me for how long I can stay floating. Oh, that's a shame. That's not anything. Well, it is in, in actually military tests, they make you tread water for like 15 to 20 minutes in a long time. Is that a long time? Yeah. But the key is not drowning. That's the only goal, right? Like, no, seriously, when you're trying to tread water, you don't actually want to try to go up a whole lot. You just want to not drown. Right, right, right, right.

When I was a kid at camp, I failed the swim test multiple times. And I don't know what happened because I was quite small. But then they took me down to the pool when no one else was around. And they kind of let me pass. And now as an adult, I realize, and I should check that i think that like my parents called the camp and they said if you think we're going to pay this fucking camp what it costs to go to this godforsaken camp and he's not going to swim with the other kids you figure out a way to get him to pass you know what i mean that sounds safe sounds really safe can you can you talk a little bit about there are states passing these anti-trans bans, and one of the responses from people who obviously sort of object to them on moral grounds is that, hey, this isn't just going to hurt trans athletes.

This is going to affect a lot of different athletes. Can you talk a little bit about what the actual impact is of trying to exclude trans people from sports and what it means for trans and non-trans athletes. Yeah, I mean, I think that's the part that a lot of people also miss is that when we try to exclude trans people, we actually hurt the entire, we'll talk about the women's category because that's what people focus on.

We actually hurt the whole women's category because in order to exclude trans people or trans women specifically, you have to police the whole category. You have to police everybody in order to decide who is woman enough, which means you have to create a box of what womanhood looks like, a very narrow box of what womanhood looks like.

And in order to exclude trans ones, you have to exclude all cis women down to their reproductive capacity, which is sort of the opposite, you know, the antithesis of feminism is women are more than their bodies. And when you do that, then at what point is a girl too fast,

too strong, too muscular, too tall, her hair too short, whatever about her too muscular, too tall, her hair too short, whatever about her is too not woman enough to masculine, right? Too masculine, exactly. To then be accused of being transgender. And the thing is that this also disproportionately affects women who are already called too masculine, which is largely black and brown women due to the way white supremacy works. So if we look at this, it's actually an attack on womanhood altogether, an attack on bodies and trying to, again, police women's bodies and specifically black and brown women's bodies. You know, in the same way that what trans acceptance does to threaten the culture for conservatives in that it kind of attacks gender as a construct.

There does seem to be a way in which the focus on sports is a kind of reckoning that does seem in some way unsolvable, which is, as you just described, like there is a binary in sports. There's the men's category and the women's category, but there is no binary in gender, and there is no binary in biological sex. In some way, this does seem sort of unsolvable, right? To have these two categories, one of which is just, you can't be a man, whatever that means. And it's in kind of, we've realized more and more kind of an undefinable thing. Like, how do you think about that? That sort of the problem of just the binary in sports? Yeah. I mean, I think we have to consider that sports are sort of set up to fail. And the thing that we hear constantly is, oh, there's no fairness,

there's fairness. And first of all, we have never seen the word fairness appear more in talking about sports than when we talked about trans people in sports. People do not actually care about fairness in sports. If they did, they would try to reconcile the primary thing that threatens fairness in sports, which is socioeconomic advantage, right? Access to physical therapy, access to healthcare, access to the sport itself. 64% of black children don't ever learn how to swim. Why? Because they didn't have pools. Why? Because of segregation. Why? Because before that there was enslavement, right? So if we actually look at fairness in sports, it is set up for white people in sports. Women's sports is set up for white women in sports.

And this attack on women's bodies in sports has started a long is set up for white women in sports. And this attack on women's bodies in sports has started a long time ago. It is not a new thing. So your question is a really good question. I don't have a perfect answer, but the answer is going to lie in really deconstructing sports as we know it today to create a more inclusive environment that actually allows everybody to perform at their best, not just white men and white women. Can I also, I want to add something also, you said something about how like the concept of transness conservatives experience it as an attack on the gender construct. And I want to say that I think there are trans people that I think are living to disrupt the cis norm, if you will. But a lot of times we're just actually just trying to

exist. We're just trying to live. And I know you weren't perpetuating that at all, but I think it's important to recognize that the attack that a lot of anti-trans people or conservatives are experiencing is because of their own insecurities, their own conceptions of gender that we threaten by existing, not by actually threatening anything. Well, of course. Yes. Well, I mean, it's interesting, right? Because there's a contradiction in that, which is these categories are inexorable, biological, indefatigable. But if you challenge them, you could destroy them with a gust of wind. I do think that there is a kind of contradiction, which is the way in which LGBTQ people struggle with both the desire to challenge a construct like gender and then also gain access to it. Right. And I do think that that's, there's different, you know, I think

gay people, trans people, non-binary people, that there's just a range of experiences of gender. And for some people, the equality fight is a fight to gain access to a category. And for others, it is a fight to tear down the category. I don't know if I see them as dissimilar. I think they might be part of the same fight if we really dug underneath it, which is a fight to belong as whoever you are. I also think though that there are people who will use the tools of the oppressor to feel liberated. And I've seen that frequently where there are people who are maybe trans people, maybe cis gay people, non-binary people, and so on who will try to fit in to conform in the tools that they've been given to belong, which often look like the tools

of the oppressor, right? In order to belong. And that doesn't end up working. Yeah. I mean, there's gay people who are mask for mask. And then you also have like the idea of passing. Sure. It's like a big part of that. Um, but what do you think about people who hold their nose when they jump in the pool? I was waiting for, we were really serious for a while. I know, I know, I know. We hit a groove. What do I think about them?

It looks dumb, huh? Well, you know what looks dumber is what I do when I jump in the pool. What do you do? You do that? Does that work? Yeah, it does. A lot of swimmers do it.

We like lift, for the people who are listening, we lift our lips up and we press it against our nostrils and then the water doesn't go up. Yeah, I know a lot of swimmers who do that. I didn't know that was possible. Yeah. I can seal my nostrils. Yeah.

You have to start doing it when you're really young. It's not available to me. When you're making circles with your feet. That's not available to me. What food did you definitely not eat while training for a big swim meet? What food did I not eat pesto no pesto

pesto is a way of like sitting in your system and like if you burp later in practice and I don't like nope I can safely say this is the most I've been ever asked about swimming while talking about swimming before usually people don't ask about swimming when I'm talking about trans people in sports that's so interesting no one asks about swimming while talking about swimming before. Usually people don't ask about swimming when I'm talking about trans people in sports.

That's so interesting. No one asks about swimming. No. Is it cold? Yes. Yes. And it's good when it's cold. If it's hot, we get upset and we call the pool slow.

Oh, I thought you were saying we're going to be called the police. No, no calling of the police. We don't do that. You don't call the water police? No, no, no. The water is supposed to be 78 to 79.5 degrees. If it's over 80 Fahrenheit, it feels slow. Thank you for telling us.

No boiling. If it's over 80 centigrade. Then you're really slow and also hot. Water polo. Don't play it. It's a lot of kicking underneath. Yeah, it's a lot of that circle thing that you do. That seems real hard.

Also, if you put the cameras under the water, there's a lot of sketchy stuff going, it's a lot of that circle thing that you do. That seems real hard. Also, if you put the cameras under the water, there's a lot of sketchy stuff going on. Yeah, they're kicking each other. Yeah, not in a fun way, like in a hurtful way. What is the fun way? Like, you know. Shut up, Skyler.

Hey, do you think you could swim from Florida to Cuba like that woman did a couple years ago? Yeah, Diana Nyad. All right. Probably not. You don't think so? I think you could do it. I bet you could do it.

I'm a sprinter. No, I don't think so. Oh, come on. Believe in yourself. All right. You've done so much. You sponsor me. I'll do it.

Okay. All right. Skylar, thank you so much for being here. Go listen to this podcast. Dear Skylar, when we come much for being here Go listen to this podcast, dear Skylar When we come back, another travel warning And we're back Now for another Love It or Leave It Travel Advisory

Be advised So the first one was central. That one's robot. Travel advisory. Do not visit the Cheesecake Factory at the Americana. Not because you've been there four times this month and not including the three times you order takeout.

Even though you live in one of the best and might I say most underrated food cities on the planet. Do not visit because while the restaurant's vibe might scream fancier than Chili's, the bathroom's vibe is dirtier than a rest stop unholy sacrifices take place within is to because the sumptuous menu and decadent portion sizes encourage customers to let their hair down so to speak once they're behind closed bathroom doors do the columns and dozens of options foster a sort of hedonism that rivals the great roman vomitoriums of it old even though vomitoriums of it old. Even though

vomitoriums as places to puke so you can keep eating is really an urban legend and food is almost certainly better than whatever they served at the vomitorium. I said that in a confusing way. You've been advised. Be advised. Terrific.

Alright. At the time of this recording, the White House has just made an offer to House Republicans to cap federal spending at 2023 levels for two years and rescind $30 billion of unspent COVID relief funds in exchange for raising the debt ceiling. Joining us tonight to talk about what someone's like, oh, not the unspent COVID relief funds. That's something I knew existed before I found out it was a chip in this big game. That's something I knew existed before I found out it was a chip in this big game Joining us tonight to talk about where we stand on hopefully avoiding global economic catastrophe Please welcome United States Secretary of the Treasury, Janet Yellen Can we speed this the fuck up, please? Secretary Yellen, are you alright?

Are you alright? Ah! Are you all right? Yeah! Oh, Jesus! Am I all right? Is there anything in my recycling bin other than half-eaten bottles of Grey Goose vodka because I got to bite through the glass in order to get the alcohol in my body sooner?

Jesus, I don't know. Is there? I don't think so, dipshit! Fucking no! I will snap this couch in half! Please don't, Madam Secretary. I can see that you're a little stressed. Oh, John!

A little stressed. Let me ask you this. What kind of fucked-up, backwards, godforsaken, baby-run, backwater, dogshit country is this? Jesus. I'm sorry, I don't know how to answer your scary rhetorical questions. No real country gets this

close to default. I'm secretary of the motherfucking U.S. Treasury biggest economy on earth and I have to talk to these grown ass members of Congress like I'm a driver's ed teacher begging a bunch of 15 year olds with ADHD to glance up from their TikToks

when they merge onto the highway. I'm sick of this shit! I'd rather be a fourth grader working the night shift at a Kentucky Slim Jim factory. Come on. Come on. You don't mean that. Oh, you don't know me, you squirmy son of a bitch. Hey,

I get why you're frustrated. Republicans have brought us all to the brink of disaster for no reason other than to hurt America's poorest families. What I don't understand is, why are you taking it out on me? I'm just some guy. Oh, are you a little baby? Are you a little baby? Oh, you gonna cry about it? Oh,

the mean, mean Treasury Secretary's gonna make you cry, you little beta-cut bitch? I'm not gonna cry unless I'm in my car. Well, my name is Janet Yellen, don't ask. I'm Janet and I'm Yellen. I'm sorry, libs. I'm not just

yelling at Republicans. Sure, they've taken the economy hostage for the chance to cut spending for things like schools and food assistance and Medicaid and that kind of reckless bullshit makes me real mad, John. It makes Janet want to hulk out. Oh, Jesus. What happens when you hulk out, Janet?

I hurl Pete Buttigieg across the cabinet like a little toothpick. Has that happened? Have you thrown Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg? No, he's very hard to catch. He's very slippery. There's a sheen on that man

yeah I can see that I can see that anyway Republicans are being absolute shitheels but Democrats could have denied them the opportunity if they just raised the debt limit themselves during the last fall's lame duck session we would have avoided this whole fucking shitshow mess

I would be at the Mint right now making them print out fresh sheets of Benjamins for my annual summer trip to the Tasteful Scarf store. You ever been to a Chico's? No, but I've heard they're wonderful. Yeah. You should try it.

I should go to Chico's. You should go. Okay. Secretary Yellen, the Biden administration didn't think they could get all 50 Senate Democrats to sign on to a reconciliation bill.

Shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear it. No one is willing to browbeat Joe Manchin, huh? They should have sent me. I would have dangled that dumb motherfucker from a 15th story window.

No problem. Matt, I'm Secretary. I think I speak for everyone. Dare me to do it. Look. You dare me. It's not like Democrats story window. No problem. Matt, I'm secretary. I think I speak for everyone. Dare me to do it. You dare me. It's not like Democrats are the only people with agency. Republicans have actively chosen to hold the economy for ransom. It feels like

a lot of coverage is glossing over that. Yeah, no shit. And I'm yelling at the media too. There's no one I'm not yelling at, John. I'll yell at the fucking audience. You idiots, do you even know how the national debt works? Or what? Do you know what default means at the fucking audience. You idiots, do you even know how the national debt works? Or what? Do you know what default means for the financial markets? You liberal arts,

humanities motherfuckers. Alright, hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh, I live in Silver Lake. Look at me. I drink coffee from a drip. Hey, hey, hey, Secretary Yellen. No yelling at the audience. They're dumb and hot

There's nothing wrong with that Well, at least they're hot, alright? Yeah, they're hot These dumb huggers in the press Can't even get the story straight It's like we're all supposed to take it for granted That Republicans don't give a shit About the state of the economy

It's just baked into the coverage That one political party Is willing to plunge the country into recession to get what it wants. Why isn't that worthy clearly spelling out John? I don't know I think you're 100% correct. Let me fucking finish bro. These

clowns jump straight into dissecting whether Democrats have the right negotiation strategy and to skip over the fact that Republicans have become full on economic terrorists. How does that give Americans a clear picture of the situation, you gay little clown? Jesus.

It was written. I am on your side. I don't understand. I am agreeing with you. The media treats the GOP's outrageous behavior as a foregone conclusion, and it's a real disservice. We agree.

I'm on your side. Don't tell me what side I'm on, asshole. I will launch you into the sun. Oh, no. Oh, no, she's going into Hulk mode. Janet, hate fiscal irresponsibility! All right. Oh, no.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. For our own safety, we better... Three entire losers. We better... Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen, everybody. Pay your taxes. All right, guys, give it up for Jenny.

Go watch her special Gen Z out on Blonde Medicine. When we come back, do not go to the set of Rust. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Listeners, remain alert. We have yet another Love It or Leave It travel advisory headed your way. Y'all go on now. Be advised, I guarantee.

Malcolm's long con to get that voice on the show. Whatever you do, do not travel to the set of Alec Baldwin's movie Rust not because of that thing that happened just because of the incredible overacting and the even more unbelievable amounts of dust seriously they should have called this movie Dust also they shouldn't have finished making it just this

one man's opinion just this week Alec Baldwin posted to Instagram One man's opinion. Just this week, Alec Baldwin posted to Instagram to celebrate the end of filming, and this is true, said in the caption, it's been a long and difficult road, but we reached the end of the trail today. Congratulations to Joel, Bianca, and the entire casting crew. Nothing less than a miracle.

You've been advised. Y'all go on now. Be advised. I guarantee. What a weird show this is. What a weird, weird show. And it's very successful. You know, that's the funny thing about it.

I don't think we could do this otherwise. Some might celebrate Mother's Day. But here at Love It or Leave It, we celebrate Mother's Month because we thought of this pitch two weeks too late. Joining us now is someone who celebrates being a mother all year round because that seems like the only way to mentally withstand how hard it must be. Welcome to the stage, Jessie Klein. Hi. Hi, hi. Thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. Hello. Hi. Hi, hi.

So you wrote a book called I'll Show Myself Out. Yes. About becoming a mother. Correct. Have you ever considered making a run for it? On the daily. Yeah, you fantasize about making a run for it and then you stay you know um yeah yeah um but i think every honest parent would tell you that yeah there's moments where your kid is shitting in the bathtub uh for example didn't happen last

night uh and you're like i wonder if i could get someone else to do this but you love them they're shitting in the bathtub. For example, didn't happen last night. And you're like, I wonder if I could get someone else to do this. But you love them. They're cute. Your book was excerpted in the cut. Everyone's like, she's a monster.

What my toddler's nom noms taught me. What did the nom noms teach you? What the nom noms teach you. For me, like the thesis of the book, basically, I know, I'm sorry. I said thesis is so pretentious.

Um, I kind of was talking about how motherhood is really like a hero's journey. Um, and we don't really acknowledge it because once women become mothers, they're essentially invisible. Um, and is that why I see floating clothes and glasses? Yes.

It's why you just see a little scarf and glasses. So weird. Yeah. Little shoes. But yeah, you that it's, it's really, really hard.

But what you're doing as a mother matters. And I feel like there's also a lot of pop culture that we see that's supposed to be about motherhood being hard. And it's usually a movie where like someone just gets poop on them and you're like, ah. But what you don't see is that it's like much deeper than that and much harder than that. I know I mentioned poop first. But yeah, that it's like really a profound, it's like a profound time and you grow through it. Is it like the movie Baby Boom? It's exactly like the movie Baby Boom.

Remember that? Yeah. She's a high powered executive. So much power. And then she has exactly like the movie Baby Boom. Remember that? Yeah. She's a high-powered executive. So much power. And then she has to go to the country because it's baby. Yeah. But she figures out a way to do capitalism out there so it all works out. Doesn't she fuck a vet? A hot veterinarian?

Not a veteran of war. I don't remember. Is someone a hot doctor? That could be. I don't remember that part of it. I just remember her making her new jam. Tomatoes. She grew like a ton of tomatoes. She makes a jam or something. A baby food of her own named after her baby that she's taken in.

I feel certain we've seen the same movie. Diane Keaton. Diane Keaton. And in the beginning she's in like. What an icon. Icon. She's in that 1980s office which always has a lot of like glass blocks and black shiny business. Orchids.

Orchids. Shoulder pads. Shoulder pads. So much heels clicking on a hard floor. Hey, question. Yes. Off topic. It's exciting to think that's going to, we're going to start moving through that again soon.

Through. That 80s kind of style. It's like. Orchids. Shoulder pads. Yeah. Don't you think? I mean, it does feel like we've circled around and back.

I'm not mad at an orchid or a shoulder pad. I'm not scared. I'm not scared either. I'm not scared of a flower or a jacket. Jackets don't scare us. Yeah, look at us. I don't think I can wear anything with shoulder pads because I'm cursed with a very short neck.

I disagree. Thank you. I'm not looking. You can't fix this here. I'm just deflecting from my own self-loathing to compliment how gorgeous you are. Say more about that. The point I was making is that if I have shoulder pads, I just look like a kid in a peewee football uniform. That's what a shoulder pad does for me. I need an unstructured coat.

I mean, I came out here basically just draped in so many long layers. And I realize it's weird, but I don't know. I don't think it's weird. I got this scarf with boats on it and that felt like something for the night. The scarf's cool.

Thanks. Oh, boy. It's hard to bring a podcast to a halt. And yet, I have. Honestly, but I make it look easy. All right, now it's time for a segment where we're going to ask you to rank the Love It or Leave It mothers.

I can't wait. In order of Virgin Mary to Mommy Dearest. What a weird group. So Virgin Mary is the good mother. I can't believe we're ranking women in terms of just virginal good or slutty terrible. Have we ever seen this before?

I'll do it though. Alright, so I'm going to tell you about the mothers of Love It or Leave It. And you're going to rank them. I'm going to give you one good fact and one bad fact. Am I ranking them as we go? I'll figure out. We'll rank it as we go. Alright, we're going to start with Brian.

Okay. Horrible thing. She took the whole family to see Fiddler on the Roof thinking it would undo his sister's decision to cancel her bat mitzvah. Wonderful thing. She won't call anything poop or shit. Instead, it's just doody.

She also hates all holidays. Whoever this woman is is an icon. Yeah, she's cool. Yeah. She's cool. She's cool. Hallie's up. Horrible thing.

When Hallie was five years old and they were shopping for bathing suits, she told the sales lady that Hallie had just seen Who Framed Roger Rabbit for the first time and, quote, wanted to be sexy like Jessica Rabbit, which is why Hallie wanted a two-piece. And look, don't be your child's first bully, but has been supportive of her coming out of the closet.

Well, then obviously this is a great mom. Yeah. I've yet to hear about a bad mom amongst your crew of people. Yeah. You're all amazing. Let's keep going. Okay. Malcolm. Malcolm. Horrible thing.

Relentlessly hates cats, dogs, and all pets and has openly told Malcolm that if we ever got a dog as a gift, she would have it put down the same day. See, that's a threat designed to stop. She doesn't actually want to put a dog down. She doesn't want to get a dog. Now, is it a threat or is it a healthy boundary?

I'm just saying, very important as a parent who's in charge, not Malcolm. But wait. Malcolm's wonderful thing. Put her own passions aside while raising four kids and then took a chance on herself in 2014 to found the Rochester chapter of

Dress for Success, a non-for-profit boutique that focuses on empowering women by providing professional attire and tools to help women thrive and work in life and it's still open what wow malcolm with a mic drop on that mom i mean i i'm an amazing mom now All right, you have three now. It's time to quit fucking around and do some ranking. Look, I mean, obviously Malcolm's really the dress for success. Tugs to heartstrings. It's okay, we can put him in number one. I'm sorry, but you know I'm going with that tie. It's a tie.

It's all great moms. Everybody's got a great mom. Guys, help me out. Let's see if Zuri can win this whole thing. Wait, there's one more? There's one more. This is got a great mom. Guys! Help me out! Let's see if Zuri can win this whole thing. Wait, there's one more? There's one more. This is Zuri's mom. For the first ten years of Zuri's life, she told Zuri that he was adopted.

Go on. But the wonderful thing is, Zuri's mom came to this country on her own as a teenager and went on to get her master's degree while raising three children. No, I'm sorry. I was waiting for more. Wait, is he not adopted? Zuri, are you

adopted? Not adopted. Can I just pull that thread a little harder? Yeah, sure. So, why the telling of the adoption? Hey, Zuri. Zuri, why'd your mom say you were adopted? She wanted to hurt my feelings. She wanted to hurt your feelings. Sorry to laugh so hard.

Huh. Whoa. And so we all agree that Zuri's mom is amazing? Zuri's mom is so... I have to say it's a four-way tie. All the moms are amazing. All the moms are amazing. Four amazing moms to the moms are amazing. Four amazing moms

to celebrate Mother's Month. Alright, everybody, give it up for Jessie. Buy her book, I'll show myself out. When we come back, it's time for The Rant Wheel. And we're back! Before we get to The R rant wheel, a couple notes.

What happens when a mysterious stranger comes to town with a wild idea that weed can solve all of the city's problems? That's the question of Dreamtown, the story of Adelanto, Cricket's newest podcast and an official selection at this year's Tribeca Film Festival, bitches. Listen to the Dreamtown trailer now and subscribe to hear the first episode on June 7th wherever you get your podcasts. It's an amazing story about a town that was going under and the effort to use weed to try to save it, but there's corruption,

there's guns, there's money. It's a cool story. Also, a quick reminder, Love It or Leave It is kicking off the Errors Tour in San Francisco on June 22nd. We're heading everywhere from Washington, D.C. to Chattanooga, Tennessee to Portland, Oregon this year. And if you're in L.A., so are we. Our annual Pride Blowout is next week featuring Guy Branum, James Adomi, and Danielle Perez, Irene Tu, Kel Cripe, and Gina Yashir.

The first SF show is sold out, but there's some tickets left for the second show that we added. Also, some upcoming guests include Michaela Watkins, Brendan Scannell, and soon-to-be favorites like Moona. Yeah, big booking. Ryder Strong and Danielle Fischel. Tickets are selling fast,

so head to crooked.com slash events to get your tickets today. All right, now it's time for the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We spin the wheel wherever it lands. We rant about the topic. This week we have succession contrarians, celebs lying about being on Ozempic,

how every coffee shop closes at like 4 p.m. now, anti-trans legislation, when songs and musicals end in a speaking line, method actors, age limits on voting and elected positions, and when people dance ironically. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on age limits on voting and elected positions. Okay, so this is not a new thought.

I think that we should all get on top of this thought that there should be limits to voting. If you're taken from the system, you shouldn't be allowed to destroy the system. Okay? Am I right? Am I right? Am I right? No one's saying shit. All right. Anyways. I just, I feel like that we have to have a limit

because if you're 87 on the way out, you're not going to give a shit about climate change. So why should you be allowed to vote on climate change or have any idea? You don't even know what climate change is. You keep your heater at like 89 degrees at all time you don't understand anything it just that doesn't exist like the seniors in high school don't get to decide right off the bat when they leave what's going to happen the freshman it fucks up their whole time all right there's no like trickle down promonomics when it comes to high school. They're not allowed to do it, so I'm just

saying that if you are old, stop it, and you're not allowed to vote. And on top of that, also to... Oh, I know your whole old audience is really going to be mad about this. All your senior citizens listening to your show right now.

Anyways, fuck them. And on top of that, Dianne Feinstein, please go away. I think we covered that. Is that her name? Who gives a shit? And yeah, and all those old people in Congress,

they need to just sit down and go to bed. Just leave it up to the adults, okay? Leave it up to us. That leave it up to the adults, okay? Leave it up to us. That's it. Thank you. You know, it's funny. I've never thought about it before. You know, we have an age.

You have to be a certain age to start voting, but I've actually never heard the pitch of a certain age to stop voting. You should stop. Which is exciting to me. If you can't drive, you can't vote. If you can't drive, you can't vote. Okay. No, listen. Listen, I think no bad idea is in a brainstorm. Which is exciting to me. If you can't drive, you can't vote. If you can't drive, you can't vote. Okay.

No, listen. Listen, I think no bad idea is in a brainstorm. It is ageist. Spitball. This is a spitball. Oh, it's definitely ageist. Spitball. 100% ageist.

It has to be ageist. I don't give a shit. It can't mean anything else if it's not ageist. They're going to die soon. Who cares? Coming in hot. Old and green. Hey, hey, hey.

If you listen closely, you know what you're hearing? The Overton window Let's spin it again Opening just a little bit Just there it is When songs and musicals End in a speaking line Yeah, this is mine

Alright, this is mine. Yeah. All right. This is going to be interesting because I don't think I've ever actually argued about this out loud. This has been something that's bothered me since I was a little kid. Okay, you know when a song in a musical, and I imagine that this is the choice that the performer makes to have a moment of introspection at the end of a grand finale of something they're singing,

but it just drives me crazy. I can't think of a specific example off the end of a grand finale of something they're singing but it just drives me crazy i can't think of a specific example off the top of my head so i'm just gonna have to do it for you oh yeah which is really fucked up because i hate it right so let's just pick a line like if they're like i want it all i want it all yeah that is so cringe it gives me the ick I can't I don't know what it is I don't know if it's because it falls into some kind of auditory

uncanny valley or what it is but holy shit please keep singing please keep singing we're there for the singing why would you stop singing all of a sudden it like snaps me out of the reverie Please keep singing. We're there for the singing. Why would you stop singing? All of a sudden, it like snaps me out of the reverie.

And I'm like, oh, we've been fucking singing. Right? We could have just talked about Wicked, the popular girl, in like 30 seconds. I get it. Don't stop singing. I knew you were talking about Wicked. It's a lot of like, for good. Ugh.

Just what are we doing? Just keep going, please. That's all. Hey, Jake. Late at night, do you ever watch all the different versions of Defying Gravity to see which one

is your favorite? No. Neither do I. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Succession Contrarians. And I'm going to make a point. Now, you may think that this is directed at a big group of people out there. It's not. It's directed at one person, Crooked's own Elijah Cohn,

who has the audacity to say on our Friend of the Pod community, which you have to subscribe to to gain access, that the final season of Succession is, in his mind, a 7 out of 10. The last season isn't really doing it for him. And he can fucking jump off a goddamn bridge

as far as I'm concerned. Succession is a gift. It is a gift we get every week. And when it's gone, we should be sad. And if you are going to receive this gift of succession week after week into thinking, I don't like it as much as previous season, you can go fucking suck a dick.

If that's not something you like. If you like it, don't. No dicks. Dicks if you want them, If you like it, don't. No dicks. Dicks if you want them. No dicks if you don't. It's a golden age of television. We got writers at the Universal lot. They got to wait till they get a crosswalk to pick it. Do you know what?

That sucks ass. That means they pick it, they wait. They pick it, they wait. They pick it, they wait. It's enough to drive a person insane. They're not even getting their fucking steps in. And you're going to tell me that we saw a one-hour play inside of a church and you got bored? Put down your fucking phone, you addled lunatics.

Succession will be gone and it won't be coming back. When you are given something amazing And then you say it should be better What the fuck is wrong with you? You think Tina Turner didn't do enough? You think Jimmy Carter should have built more houses? Shut the fuck up The man's in hospice, show some respect

Thank you Strong agree Strong agree Best writing in the history of television Not good enough for me I'm gonna watch TikToks instead I'm gonna watch a science teacher Lighting magnesium on fire

And then two hours later Realize I'm gonna be tired tomorrow Let's spin it again. It has landed on the equally important topic of anti-trans. Who could this be for? Skylar, take it away. This is not fair. I'm going to do a doom scroll here.

The shortest rant I can give you is that trans people are not an inherent threat transphobia is the longer version of that is that everybody is so concerned about one percent of the population passing bans to ban our life-saving gender-firming health care uh our participation in sports our pronouns because those are apparently biological now and anything else really that allows us to exist in public with any kind of safety. And in reality, I think if we zoom out, this is happening in so many other realms of society as well with critical race theory bans, bans on black history month and teaching that, bans on our education about gender and sexuality, bans on bodily autonomy for anybody who can get pregnant, right? This is a really large conversation about trying to actually stop

people from being able to have their own body autonomy and freedom about themselves, which is really depressing. And I think that I don't know how to close this out in a funny way because it's not funny. Yeah, I don't know. I'm trying to grasp for something to make you all laugh because I've been trying to laugh recently because it's been really tough. But I guess the shortest thing that I want to end on, well, one, all those anti-trans legislators have definitely peed next to a trans person

and survived it. They came out of it alive. And the people that they're truly afraid of, I read this tweet the other day and it was, it was, um, one of the Republican lawmakers was saying that he was afraid that if we let trans people in bathrooms,

that men like himself would do what let trans people in bathrooms, that men like himself would do what he would do in bathrooms to women. And so the reality is that these men who are making these laws are afraid of their own shitty behavior. And they're afraid of the fact that they are going to do the things that they would do if they were allowed access to women's spaces. So the cis men are the problem, not trans people. Yeah. And I'll just do a plug. If you go to votesaveamerica.com slash fuckbans, we have a fuckbans fung.

It's going to be called Leave Queer Kids Alone, You Absolute Freaks. And you can donate right now to support organizations on the ground in states that are banning gender-affirming care. We're going to be running that fund all through Pride to try to raise a bunch of money. So if you go right now to votesaveamerica.com slash fuckbans you can help kick off our Pride fund right now. It's worth doing, so do it.

Yeah, there's a lot of kids that need that kind of help right now, for sure. I mean, I think we have to understand that we're talking about, for example, one trans athlete in all of Utah. We're talking about 17 in the history of Arizona's recorded sports that are trans athletes out of the 170,000 athletes. This is such a small percentage of the population, and people are attacking us because we threaten something to them. But what we really threaten, I always like to say this, trans people are a threat, just not in the ways that they say that we are.

We're a threat because we threaten the systems of power that are shackling all of us. are. We're a threat because we threaten the systems of power that are shackling all of us. And there was a vote in Louisiana and they voted down a ban on gender affirming care. And you see that like, oh, there's places where we're kind of winning the argument. And I do feel like we really are in a replay of what happened in the mid 2000s when we were in the process of winning the argument on gay rights. But there was this last gasp where they passed a bunch of anti-gay, anti-marriage bills into law and into state constitutions, kind of trying to get one last bit of bigotry out of the fucking towel. And some money left over.

Yeah, there was a little bit left over. I think that sucks. Let's spin it again. Celebs lying about being on Ozempic. Oh, dat me. Yeah, I just want to talk about celebrities saying they're not on Ozempic when they're obviously on Ozempic. And before I go into it, I just want to be clear. There's no shame in the Ozempic game

and the only thing keeping me from hopping on that train is my fear of needles. I'm a pussy. That said, if you're going to be on Ozempi, you have a few choices in how you talk about it. You could just not talk about your body or your weight at all, which is fine. You could be open

and shout out to the world about how you're on Ozempic. Obviously, that's my favorite option because I love hearing people talk about it. But the one path that's really no bueno toxic is lying about it when you're on it. No bueno toxic. Because first of all, we know. We see you. And we know if you're on it, if one day you weigh X amount of weight and then magically a month later you weigh 2,000 pounds less we know it's ozempic

um i have friends on ozempic who are already skinny in the first place and they lost 40 pounds in a month um secondly when you say something that's obviously a lie it's gaslighting all of us it's like if i dyed my hair platinum blonde and then when you said oh i like what you did to your hair i was just like oh i didn't do anything i just ate a few salads and took platinum blonde and then when you said, ooh, I like what you did to your hair, I was just like, oh, I didn't do anything. I just ate a few salads and took a walk and then this long blonde hair just grew in. Just little blonde me now. Oopsie, I'm gorgeous and I'm not even Jewish. You'd be annoyed. For the listeners, I'm brunette. And thirdly and lastly, I know you're welcome. When someone on Ozembic who's had drastic

weight loss starts lying to Entertainment Weekly or whatever about how they've just started eating salads and taking walks, it makes all of us who are trying to do the same thing and aren't losing any weight feel like full shit. I've been eating salads

and taking walks forever. I even sometimes do some sit-ups brag. And guess what? I weigh the fucking same. Now, do I treat myself to a daily snack of 12 malted milk balls a day? Yeah, I do and so are you and you know it.

But I'm just saying the point is I'm not on a magical medication that makes me stop needing or wanting to eat any food ever. The reason everyone is on Ozembic is because they try losing weight the normal way and it sucks. It doesn't freaking work or it's just too hard. Feeling the pressure to be thin sucks. I'm a

feminist who knows better, but still I have basically two rotating thoughts, which take up 80% of my day. One is I know being thin is not important. Stop thinking about it. And the other is God, I wish I was thinner. We all live in full hell with this patriarchal bullshit ideal about bodies and it's not our fault but we don't help each other when we lie about what we're doing

to hold up the bullshit ideal. Counterpoint. I have to go throw up. And that's the rant wheel. When we come back we'll end on a high note. And we're back. And now here it is, the high note. I love it.

This is Katie from Wisconsin. I'm a teacher and I just got home from a rally at the state capitol organized by our teachers union today on may 20th we're pushing the state legislatures to accept the governor's budget that'll utilize the seven billion dollar budget surplus that we have to fully fund school breakfast and lunch get more nurses and counselors in the classrooms as well as making sure that our special education programs are fully funded and it was just so incredibly uplifting to hear all the stories of educators and parents and students who talked about what this money would mean if the legislature actually listens to the people about where our money should go and how we want to use it.

And I'm just so grateful that our union continues to remain strong and active in the state of Wisconsin, even after repeated attempts to dismantle it. And I'm also just incredibly grateful for you and your show and really all of Crooked Media because you continue to remind me that political activism, even on the toughest of days, can be done with a smile and it can be done while we're laughing. And I just really appreciate so much of all the work that you do. Thanks for everything. Hey, Love It. I live in the upstate of South Carolina, where I started a community theater in a small town just seven short years ago. Our company believes that the arts are for everyone. We produce a little bit of everything, so there's something for everyone, including the drag show that we produced last weekend, which got major hateful blowback from some factions in our community.

It was really disheartening. Hateful words and responses came from even the people that I've known my entire life. Well, I'm excited to say that after that hateful response, one of our incredible local businesses stepped up and decided to become a sponsor. They bought every remaining ticket to the show so that we could give them away for free. Thanks to them and to the haters, we had a packed, sold-out house for the whole weekend. The naysayers have gone radio silent, but we're all still beaming over here because love is louder. Thank you for all you do to fight for freedom, love, and light.

Hi, my name is Matt, and I'm calling from Florida. My wife and I have two sons, the youngest of which was born almost 10 months ago. I have two sons, the youngest of which was born almost 10 months ago. I had a bunch of podcasts saved up from right before and right after the birth when we were occupied with the business of everything else going on. I slowly caught up on the most important ones while holding my new beautiful sleeping boy at the time. One of those episodes was a July Love It or Leave It live from Minnesota, and we had been talking about raising our boys somewhere other than Florida for the longest time, but it felt like a really far off idea. I listened to

these wonderful people from Minnesota talk all about these great initiatives, make fantastic jokes and just act as great ambassadors for their state. Yes. It was really inspiring. And so nine months later, we finally closed on a beautiful home in Minnesota, and we're beyond excited. You will probably be listening to this while I drive a moving truck 1,500 miles, but our boys will attend A-rated schools in a state that cares about education. They'll have a big yard to run around in. My wife will have real seasons to admire, and we won't burn or drown to death in a state being consumed by climate change. Thank you to everyone that makes this show possible, the incredible people in Minnesota for being so welcoming, and for everyone listening

who hears what is one of the highest notes of my life to date. Much love, everyone. Thank you. Oh my gosh, love it. I had to pause mid-listen to your appearance on Las Culturistas this week because you brought up MathNet on PBS. I have been asking for years and years, my mom, my brother, people I grew up with, what was that show growing up where the music was dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun? And my mom's always been like, that's the music from Dragnet.

You never watched Dragnet. And I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't have watched Dragnet as a child. That doesn't make any sense. And now I know it's MathNet on PBS. Thank you so much for unlocking a memory I've been trying to access for years. Wow. What a relief. Also, today happens to be my 32nd birthday.

Thanks so much to you and your team for all the great work you do. Take care. And some of those high notes came from members of our friends of the pod community. In addition to calling and emailing your high notes, you can now share them in the friends of the pod discord. Thanks to everybody who sent in a high note tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 3, 2, 3, 5, 3, 8, 2, 3, 7, 7.

That is our show. Thank you so much to Jenny Zagrino, Jake McDormand, Skylar Baylor, Jesse Klein. There are 528 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night. Thanks for coming out and have a great weekend, everybody. Love to Leave It is a Crooked Media production. Thank you. Gunalan, Peter Miller, Rebecca Kaplan, Alan Pierre, Chandler Dean are our writers. Bill Lance is our editor. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer and Kyle Seglin provides audio support. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and Caroline Haywood

for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Zuri Ervin, David Tolles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos at www.youtube.com slash at Love It or Leave It podcast. That's the best we can do, I guess. Subscribe to Love It or Leave It on YouTube for access to video versions of your favorite segments and other exclusive content. Don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on IG and Twitter. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review.