Lovett or Leave It - Old Bay v. Pumpkin Spice (Live from Baltimore!)

Episode Date: October 12, 2022

Lovett Or Leave It takes the stage at Goucher College and enjoys a little bit o’ Baltimore (okay, more specifically, Towson, Maryland). The Washington Post’s Alexandra Petri looks back at the incredible women who girl bossed, gaslit, and gobbled sailors whole throughout history. Reporter Dave Weigel leads us up the mountain that is the midterms. Halle and Brian are forced to chose between the flavor of the city and the flavor of the season, and the Rant Wheel spins at the touch of Edgar Allan Poe’s spectral hand.

Hello, Maryland, Baltimore-ish. Baltimore-ish. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else. Coming to you from a state made famous for food Jews are forbidden from eating. We have got a great show for you tonight. Dave Weigel is here to give us a midterm update. Alexandra Petri of the Washington Post will decide in our time and for all of history who has earned the most sacred of moniker, which is girlboss. Plus, we'll hear your high notes, spin the rant wheel,

and put Baltimore up against your toughest rival, Autumn. I'd also like to shout out Martin, the manager from the Cheesecake Factory, who we met last night. Love you, too. I don't like coming to a city without trying its best restaurant. And then today I went to its second best restaurant, the P.F. Chang's next door. But first, let's get into it. What a week.

But first, let's get into it. What a week. President Joe fucking Biden announced on Thursday that he will be pardoning all prior federal offenses and simple marijuana possession, a major step in the fight towards legalization. White House insiders say Biden weighed this decision for several days while chilling in his beanbag chair and absolutely blasting his ragtime records. He said he had been procrastinating and just needed a vibe shift to figure out how to unlock. In his pardon, Biden urged state governors to issue the same pardon for state-level offenses. Said the president, no one should be in local jail or state prison for the same reason. The federal pardon will clear anyone with a federal conviction of simple possession of marijuana dating back to when the law was passed in the 1970s. Unfortunately, Biden's pardon makes an exception for his old nemesis, Corn Pop. Let the grudge die, Joe. You're both old men.

GOP Congresswoman Nancy Mace even praised Biden for the decision on Fox News. Well, I want to give credit where credit is due. I don't always agree with the Biden administration. I've been very vocal about that. But this is a step in the right direction. Nancy and Joe then went to 7-Eleven and split a $5 pizza, which is fucking good. And people who've never had it think it's gross, but it's good. The 7-Eleven pizza is surprisingly good.

How many people here have had 7-Eleven pizza? You're my people. How many people have eaten 7-Eleven pizza on their way to the gym? I'm broken. Meanwhile, after Georgia Senate candidate Herschel Walker claimed he had no idea which anonymous person could possibly be saying that he paid for her abortion, the woman gave the Daily Beast permission to report that she is the mother of one of his children. This is like watching a very public, very high-stakes game of Guess Who. Herschel, the person you reimburse for her abortion, does not wear glasses.

Herschel, the person you reimburse for her abortion does not wear glasses. In an email to supporters, Walker's campaign called the report a flat-out lie and asked supporters to donate in solidarity, raising more than $500,000 as of Wednesday. And after the cost of all the abortions is deducted, there's like 50K left for ads that say Warnock will abolish the police and use the money to do top surgeries on unsuspecting teens. That's what the ads are. I don't write the ads. I'm just describing what the ads are. Speaking to Hugh Hewitt on Thursday, Walker continued to call the allegations totally untrue, saying, I know nothing about any woman having an abortion. But then somehow Herschel Walker ended the same interview by saying, if it had happened,

I wouldn't have said it. There's nothing to be ashamed of there. People have done that. Someone has to tell him, Herschel, sit down there. You're for a national abortion ban. You think you are paying for murders. This isn't a game. It's not like pointing a gun at your wife's head. This is serious. The ongoing scandal has not gone unnoticed by Georgia Republicans. Here's what Republican Lieutenant Governor Rick Duncan had to say. At the end of the day, I think the most attractive feature of a great leader is being intellectually honest. And if we're being intellectually honest, Hershel Walker won the primary because he scored a bunch of touchdowns back in the 80s and he was Donald

Trump's friend. And now we've moved forward several months on the calendar, and that's no longer a recipe to win. No notes. That's good. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, he hit the nail on the head, that guy. Of course, just keeping in mind, Herschel Walker's sin is not being a hypocrite who paid for abortions. His sin is not doing it in a way that will allow him to continue to win the election. No sin in Republican politics is to stop losing. Over half of all GOP candidates on the ballot

this November for the House, Senate, and key statewide races have denied or questioned Joe Biden's victory in the 2020 election, according to a Washington Post analysis. But don't think of it as the glass as half fascist. Think of it as half too afraid-afraid-of-fascist-to-say-anything. Optimism.

A Christian pastor from Ohio was arrested for participating in the January 6th riot, having been identified by the company logo visible on his jacket. It's not fair, however. He was just there to give Mike Pence last rites. Oh! I think that's what a pastor should do. He wants Mike Pence, when they're going to hang him and fucking kill him,

he should have a chance to, you know, be with a pastor and have that moment. I think it's honorable on some level. They were trying to kill Mike Pence. Meanwhile, the Secret Service, taking Vice President Kamala Harris to work on Monday, hit a curb of a D.C. tunnel hard enough that the tire needed to be replaced and the motorcade was brought to a standstill.

The time to change this tire is now, said the Vice President, and also always into the future. While visiting parts of Florida that were hit hard by Hurricane Ian, President Biden was caught on a hot mic during an exchange with mayor of Fort Myers Beach and was recorded saying this. No one fucks with a Biden.

There you go. Sorry, it comes across like muttering, but he did say, he said, no one fucks with a Biden, is what President Biden said. Sure. No one fucks with a Biden except a Biden, said Hunter with a wink while filming a documentary about his efforts to launch a cyclosybin soda brand with his new business partner, Casey Anthony.

Not looking forward to that new cycle. After reaching a settlement between Alec Baldwin and the estate of Helena Hutchins, the cinematographer who was killed on set, the movie Rust will officially continue production in January. You know this means it's going to do well at the box office because of all the controversy, but I still think it's good that Billy didn't shoot Guy

on the set of Bros. Let gay art bomb, I say. It's okay. I'm saying that even if it would have helped the film, I'm glad that Billy Eichner didn't shoot my dear friend Guy Branum on the set of the film Bros. Thank you.

Don't applaud. What are you applauding exactly? Explanations? Also, I just want everyone here to know something. If Alec Baldwin ever shoots me during a podcast recording, don't keep making the podcast. If anyone tells you Love It would have wanted us to continue, know that that's a lie. There is nothing more insulting to me than the fact that the earth will continue after I'm dead.

In the latest episode of The Great British Bake Off, the hosts and contestants had a little trouble with something they called Mexican Week. You've got pico de calo. Pico de calo. Pico de galio. Pico de calo. Pico de calo. Pico de calo. So is Mexico a real place? I think so. I think it's like Xanadu.

Like Oz. Yeah, like Cleethorpe. Okay. Where to put the guacamole? Although I don't feel like we should make Mexican jokes because people get upset. Well, not even one. Yikes.

But you've got to hand it to them. We aren't talking about Peru drowning kittens anymore. Egyptian archaeologists are calling for the return of the Rosetta Stone after being on display at the British Museum for about 200 years. They should return it. They're not even using it. You just heard how they pronounce pico de gallo. I got it back. I got it back. We're going to be okay. We're going to continue the show. Vatican police detained an American tourist after he damaged two ancient Roman busts by hurling them to the floor. According to reports, he was angry about not being allowed to see the Pope. When reached for comment, a

spokesperson for the tourists named Rudy Giuliani said, I'm sorry, I have to go. My client, Rudy Giuliani, just came out of the bathroom and everyone is barfing. A Southwest pilot sued the airline for retaliating against her after she reported a former colleague for deadbolting the cockpit door, putting the plane on autopilot, stripping naked in front of her, and watching porn on his laptop. And I'm sorry to be the person to break this to all of you. It was Sully Sullenberger. It's a real bummer. It's a real bummer. Southwest issued a statement saying, we're sorry this behavior took place in the cockpit. We expect this kind of shit from our passengers but not our pilots. The pilot is no longer working for Southwest

so he was out technically fired. After the incident became public, he was recruited by the CEO of Spirit Airlines. The CEO of Spirit Airlines is, as we all know, Senor Frog. He's a party frog. Runs the airline Ribbit, ribbit, get them closer together

Ribbit, ribbit, no pecs And finally, Princess Anne took a ride on the Staten Island Ferry During a visit to New York this week The lengths women will go to date Pete Davidson are astounding to me. When we come back, we've got an update on the midterms from reporter Dave Weigel. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. And we're back!

Here to talk about the talk of the town that we can't stop talking about. I hated that. Everybody, welcome back to the show, Dave Weigel. Yeah. Hi, Dave. So, you're just back from Wisconsin. I took literally a plane, train and automobile to get here from Wisconsin. Thank you for doing that. Everybody, Dave, give me, that's a trip. First of all, just general reactions, like anything just from being on the ground about the race between Mandela Barnes and Ron Johnson. Yeah. My take would be, it looks great for Democrats in Maryland. I don't like it. I was there for a fairly rough patch. People in the audience are probably reading

stories about it. If you're in Wisconsin, it's pretty nonstop. TV is, you know, some sports, maybe some local news about crime, and then just nonstop ads about Mandela Barnes saying to fund the police a bunch of times, like in 2020. When I was there, the governor called a special session. I don't know if people are familiar with this new tradition in Wisconsin where the governor calls a special session on some issue and the Republicans gavel the session to completion in like literally less than 10 seconds. They'll show up, we'll take the gavel, they won't say anything. No one gets to say anything. He tried to do one on an abortion ballot referendum because that would win. That would be a big deal because Wisconsin has this 1849 law that bans abortion on the books.

Everyone wants to get rid of it. Not everyone. 65% of people probably won't let it happen. It's funny because Ron Johnson says, great idea. I'd love it for that to happen. But both Evers and Barnes are in pretty precarious positions, and Barnes has been slipping. And if you talk to Democrats in Washington, they worried this would happen with Barnes. They like him. But just if you have 30 seconds worth of clips over the years of you saying like, maybe don't fund the police as much as you fund them now. That is

toxic. They don't have a great response to it. So just so people understand, Tony Evers is the Democratic governor. That's right. The legislature is very gerrymandered and they have a huge Republican majority. They cannot lose. They'll regularly get 45% of the vote and win two-thirds of the seats. Which is, I think, a harbinger of things to come nationally. That is, Wisconsin has been the proving ground for a lot of the policies we're seeing across the country. So basically, there's wall-to-wall ads by Ron Johnson against Mandela Barnes, accusing him of being soft on crime and that crime message.

Can you talk a little bit about the difference between what's happening in Wisconsin versus what's happening, say, in Pennsylvania? Yeah, because both those campaigns turned to crime in the last two weeks. Republicans saved up their money, then they let it loose. The difference is John Fetterman's running in Pennsylvania, Mandela Bard's running in Wisconsin. They both were lieutenant governors for just four years, but they have different careers. They both responded quickly, but the Fetterman response is, I was mayor of a small town. Look at my arm with the tattoos marking the people who died in the town. I fought crime. And the Barnes response has been a little bit of a response and pivoting. What they will say, and this is really frustrating Democrats, is literally Wisconsin Democrats, the governor, Barnes, everybody wants to fund local governments more. I mean, if you are to

fund the police person, just Democrats aren't, they're not there right now. The Biden position, everyone's position is hire more cops. And they keep trying to pass more funding and Republicans won't let them do it. They want to just fund the cities so they can hire more law enforcement, mental health, what have you. They won't do it. So their response is, hey, we actually want to spend more money on police. You're the guy who voted against the American rescue plan. You're the guy who doesn't want to fund cops. And let's talk about abortion instead. And that has been less effective than Fetterman saying, like, look, guy from New Jersey, I was a mayor fighting crime in my city. I don't need a lecture on this. That has been a little bit more effective.

Look, and also one guy is white, one guy is black. That probably plays some role in this. But that has been more effective. Yeah. What is the Barnes campaign doing to respond or change the story? Like, you know, obviously the summer was about, I think, a series of accomplishments by Joe Biden, as well as the Dobbs decision. We saw a kind of rush of enthusiasm towards Democrats. There's a question now of how much that remains. Is the Barnes campaign trying to kind of shift things back to economic policy, get people talking about abortion? What's happening? They've been talking about the economy the whole time. I mean, his first introduction ads were,

I'm a kid from the poorest zip code in the state, sometimes in the country. There's commercials of him walking through a supermarket, picking stuff up, talking about budget costs. So he's been doing that to diffuse that. And I mentioned abortion. That's been the thing. It's saying like, this is an existential election. You either can have a Senate that won't ban abortion or won't vote on a ban. For governor, it's like, you can have me as the last bulwark against this Republican majority, or you can't. They've been trying to frame it as this existential election and say these things that like 70% of you want,

even if you're annoyed with Democrats, we're the only way you can get any of that done. And they'll say, like, what's the advantage of us of responding every day on crime? Because look, the issue has changed from month to month. Like a year ago in Wisconsin, it was critical race theory. Like there are all these local school board elections, superintendent of education election that was like save the kids from learning about reading the 1619 project. And now it's crime. So they do feel we can take

things back. Maybe you're angry about crime right now, but the thing in Wisconsin, not to get too about it, is that in crime for like rural conservative voters where there has not been an increase in crime, crime equals Milwaukee. Crime is the cities are out of control. Things are spinning out of control. Republicans are very blatant in the state about using this Waukesha Christmas parade massacre where this guy drove through a crowd killing people who's on trial right now. So that's in the news every day. And they say, yeah, well, Democrats did that.

Democrats, because they support cashless bail, the reason that people are able to get out of prison and commit more crimes is Democratic policies. They are very blatant in just saying Democrats equal crime, crime equals Democrats. Democrats have fought for an issue that is popular. And you're right, you were talking about the summer. It definitely was dominating in the summer. It is not dominating as much now. The other thing that's been happening is Tammy Baldwin, Senator from Wisconsin, was leading this effort to get a vote to ratify gay marriage because obviously Clarence Thomas made clear in his concurring opinion in Dobbs that that's next. He wants to come after it. And he's been a pretty good predictor of what this conservative court will do. Ron Johnson, strangely, at first was like, well, I don't see any reason to be against it. He then walked that back. But clearly,

Ron Johnson is feeling some kind of pressure. And like from the outside, Ron Johnson to me has been one of the, like he spreads COVID misinformation. He's really extreme. I mean, he was involved in handing along fake electors as part of the effort to overturn the election. He's one of the most radical members of the Senate running in a purple state, a state Democrats can win. And yet he's always managed to eke it out. What is it that people from the outside miss about Ron Johnson? Because when I like, to me, Ron Johnson, isn't that far off from a Dr. Oz or a Herschel Walker or a Blake Masters. I mean, he's very similar to Blake Masters. And yet, he seems to always have a few more points behind him. It's just this brutal partisan math in Wisconsin.

He appeals to some voters that I think nobody in this room maybe agrees with. He tells it like it is. Stands up to the Democrats. He's a business guy, all that stuff. He has a genuine appeal with party electorate, but he has not been that popular kind of ever. And he has run, 2010 was a good year, 16 in Wisconsin was a good year. This in some ways is a good year. He puts together this coalition that is just iron clad. That is the Milwaukee suburbs. He does better than a lot of people do there. The more rural conservative parts of the state, he wins there. And then he does better, and all Republicans are doing better in kind of the driftless region, the Southwest, in the North country, in places that were Democratic like 10 years ago. He started

to do better than when he ran in 2010, and he has just benefited from people who are tuning out on Democrats for all sorts of ways. I mean, people who voted, like, if you look at the map of Wisconsin in 2008, it was very Democratic, and there are a lot of people who bailed on the party for different cultural reasons, for being frustrated with the economy in 2009, 2010. They never came back. He starts every election, maybe his approval is 35. Republicans know he's going to be at like at least 48 on election day. And he builds from there. I'm not that popular, and this is also classic. I'm not that popular, but wait until I'm done with my opponent. I'm going to make him really unpopular. And that's what happened. Barnes's negatives went up 15 points, really, once they started hitting him on crime. People didn't know a lot about him.

I mean, he's a lieutenant governor. No offense to lieutenant governors, but often people don't know a lot about them. And then it was, oh, this guy? This is the guy who has six or seven quotes talking about cashless bail? No, not him. That was the strategy. Yeah. So it's locking back in all those rural conservatives, people in suburban Milwaukee for whom they don't think of themselves being suburban Milwaukee. They are where they are to get away from Milwaukee. He's a guy from Milwaukee who wants cashless bail. I mean, it tells itself in these Republican ads. Are you a cheese curd guy? Do you like cheese curds when you're on the concert? Oh, they're great. Yeah. Yeah.

I love them. I don't understand why they're not catching on. We live in a rapacious capitalist system. Any food that people want year round, you're not catching on. We live in a rapacious capitalist system. Any food that people want year-round, you can get year-round. We figured out ways to get tomatoes year-round, figured out ways to get pumpkins year-round. What's going on? You need proximity to the cows. You need to be really fresh. Is that true? I get plenty of cheese.

That's what they tell me. That's what they tell you. That's on the ground reporting. There is a curd belt. If you kind of start in, like, Illinois, go up to Canada, you can find them. And Canada has its own, you know, they're not fried because they're savages, that they put on poutine. Apart from that, I think we're just too far from chaos. I mean, I didn't see any on the way here. Yeah. Okay, well, we got to the bottom of that. So stepping back, my sort of sense of things is that no one knows what's going to

happen. No one ever knows what's going to happen. But this election, for whatever reason, feels like a midterm with a very flat probability curve, that polling has become more and more unreliable, that there's this sense in which Republicans have a wind in their backs more broadly because it's an off-year election in a Democratic president, Democratic Congress, because of inflation, because of a kind of sourness in the country after two years of a pandemic. And yet, post-Obs, we've seen a few key elections, not polls, where in Kansas, we saw an incredibly surprising and, from my point of view, positive outcome that said, wow, there's a big majority here that's pro-choice and willing to turn out. We've seen some special elections that have had the same results. So what I see is polling that kind of is pretty mixed, a general environment that is very tough for Democrats with these kind of points of real world testing in which Democrats did better than they thought.

From being on the ground, from what you're seeing, do you view the underlying dynamics as carrying more sway right now? Or do you think that there is this kind of hard to see but real Dobbs effect that could manifest in November? There is a Dobbs effect, and it's not that hard to see, but real Dobbs effect that could manifest in November. There is a Dobbs effect, and it's not that hard to see. You mentioned the special elections. I was covering the one in New York 19, where Republicans released polling really right after the Dobbs decision, but before much campaigning that said they were up 15 points. And by the end, they lost by four. And they have reasons they'll say they lost. But it really was, it was as simple as there were a lot of suburban, and that's like the Hudson Valley, a lot of voters who maybe moved from New York, they're liberally inclined, but maybe they don't vote in special elections, maybe in a midterm where they're feeling depressed. And they were very depressed, like six months ago, it looked like Biden was getting nothing done.

They weren't going to vote, they weren't turning out. And the way the coalitions have shifted, it's bad for Democrats in some places, but in any place where there's a bunch of people who are suburban and, you know, pay attention to news and they're not like even happy with Biden, like Democrats all over the place are running well ahead of Biden's approval because they just are alienated from this version of the Republican Party. Republicans should be doing better given the advantages they have. The economy approval right now, even though unemployment is 3.5 percent, it's like in the 30s, lower sometimes. You just have a lot of voters who are going to vote and say, I'm paying more for some stuff, but I don't want abortion to be banned forever. And that's enough for them to vote. Like Republicans have benefited

from this for generations of people who were like, I've never been doing better than I am under Bill Clinton, but you know, I want to save the baby. So I'm going to vote Republican. There is that vote out there. In a lot of coverage, it's seen as less legit. Like, well, this will fade at some point, right? This won't be real at some point. I found that in New York, where people saying they can't possibly just run every election on abortion. It's kind of cringy. Well, the subject will change. But there's that voter who says like, no, if I stay home, we're in dystopia. And some of those democracy voters, the same thing. There are like swing voters who hate Democrats at the moment. Maybe they'll hate them forever. A lot of like Latino working class, white working class, but they won't all vote. And everyone who has that profile, who's like pretty comfortable, maybe a little bit less comfortable than they used to be. Maybe their portfolio is not as good, but like they went to college or they're liberal in some ways, like they're just not going to vote Republican. They will turn out. And that's given them a cushion in a lot of places. Last question, Dr. Oz. It seems like Dr. Oz thought, I'll run for Senate in a Republican year. It'll be fun. It doesn't seem like it's been as fun as

he hoped. He's met lots of great people. If you look at his Instagram, they look, everyone's having fun. Was he campaigning with Hitler's car? Hitler's car was in the background that happened today. Well, you know, it's the kind of thing, you know. Sometimes it just shows up. I mean, you put gas in it, drive it around. I think he went to Hitler's car. I don't think Hitler's car moves anymore. But yes, for those who didn't see earlier, he did do a fundraiser.

And the backdrop was Hitler's car. It was with Matt Gaetz's, I think, in-laws. Is that right? Is he married? That doesn't make sense. He's a creep. Some people related to Matt Gaetz's, I think, in-laws. Is that right? Is he married? That doesn't make sense. He's a creep. Some people related to Matt Gaetz. And he's been doing the thing where he campaigns with super conservative folks in some part of the state,

liberal folks in some part of the state. Doesn't campaign with Doug Mastriano. I don't think he would bet on having a running mate who was going to be losing by 20 points. That hasn't helped. Yeah, and it's a shame, right, because Doug Mastriano is going to pray and fast until Election Day, but it doesn't seem like he's brought Dr. Oz into that. It seems like it's just for his own race. He's never says stay home and fast and pray so that the ticket wins. Oh yeah. When I was, I was in Pittsburgh when DeSantis was there and it was a Republican unity rally, but just with Mastriano. And at one point there's big applause, Mastriano and DeSantis

is the point. And also it's important to vote for Dr. Oz. You know primaries are rough. The way he talks about it, everyone in the room was a little bit unhappy that they might have to vote for this guy. No, he's generally unpopular. People don't understand why their choice as a Republican is this guy who is a TV quack. That is still how they view him, a guy who is not from the state. That has been harmful. He definitely thought he was going to coast Republican year in Pennsylvania.

Yeah. I mean, that made sense. If I was going to be paid by a self-funded candidate to consult for him, I would tell him, yes, this is the year to run. Good thing you didn't do it in 2018, but sure, do it now. And he just doesn't have any connection to the state. He's trying to build one really quickly, but that has been the problem. It was supposed to be a glide path to the Senate, and it's not one. It's not easy for Fetterman, but easier than it should be in a year like this. Yeah, we really caught a break there. I hope we win. Mastriano and Oz being very bad, in the same way that it'll be hard to explain to future generations, like, yeah, for whatever reason, Trump came after Obama because this guy named

Jim Comey was too tall and couldn't understand humility. And then, oh, but by the way, then we managed to hopefully save democracy because it turns out that Republicans nominated a fucking TV quack who killed dogs as part of like a fucking medical experiment for no reason. If he wins, it'll be one of two members of Congress who murdered animals for medical experiments because there's a Democrat in Detroit who won the primary who in his last two races, everyone said, we can't possibly vote for him. And he's like, what if who won the primary who, in his last two races, everyone said, we can't possibly vote for him.

And he's like, what if I run a primary with 20 candidates and only need like 20% of the vote? Turns out 20% of people love killing dogs. Not in this room. Not here. You've got to find the right district. No one knows what's a killer anymore, I have to say. What thing you can do that people don't like that will say, I'm out now. Remember when Bill Frist had a scandal because as a kid he would catch neighborhood cats and do experiments?

Yeah. Serial killers and senators. The only thing they have in common, I think. Yeah. And they get played by hotter people when there are movies about them. That too. Dave Weigel. Everybody check out Semaphore and subscribe to his newsletter, Americana.

Dave, thank you so much for being here. When we come back, girl power. And we're back. My next guest shares an odious task with Love It or Leave It, which is trying to make something funny from the planet's unceasing cycle of terrible news. And if that wasn't hard enough, which is trying to make something funny from the planet's unceasing cycle of terrible news. And if that wasn't hard enough, she does it for the Washington Post. Welcome to the stage, the phenomenal Alexander Petrai. Hi.

Good to see you again. Good to see you. Hello. You were at one of our first DC live shows back in the day. Back in the day, indeed. So much has changed. Everything has changed. But some things, they stay the same. I disagree.

I think actually everything is different. So as you're writing a column every week, that is funny. And it is very funny. Thank you. Really one of the funniest. Are there topics that you find insurmountable? Because we do.

Oh yeah, 100%. Mostly, if something's not funny, you don't want to write a funny column about it, because then you're just a monster. So that's a good point. That really limits your options, given the world. So it's a lot of, like, puns. That's the only joke that's, like, usually, like, very sweet and hopeful is the pun. Yeah, the pun's always there. The pun also rises. The pun. Nice.

Nice. How often do you go to a place we call the Rhyme Zone to look for puns? Because I do it more often than I'd like to admit. Oh, therhyme Zone to look for puns. Because I do it more often than I'd like to admit. Oh, the RhymeZone.com? Yeah. Oh, my favorite bookmark. It's like one of the top 10 websites that my computer suggests to me when I open the browser.

As two people in the pun business, the Rhyme Zone is a secret weapon. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, lyrics, anything you need, just go to RhymeZone.com. And I hope they can sponsor, do they sponsor things? Can I become a RhymeZone.com? If you're listening to this show right now

and you're in any way involved with the RhymeZone, from within the depths of the RhymeZone, if they have the internet there in the RhymeZone, the kind of tesseract, hall of mirrors, nightmare space, five-dimensional string theory RhymeZone, if you can get away from General Zod for five seconds and send us a note, we'd love to be sponsored by you. Yeah, same.

When Meghan McCain tweeted about the Brothers of Italy fascists, everyone wants a woman in power until it's a conservative woman in power. Do you think there was any irony or self-awareness? I have to hope not. There's an element of, like, hopefully you're doing your best, and then you notice other people seeing what you're doing. Like, when I'm driving, I feel like that's sort of how she feels sort of moving through the world,

because, like, I will be driving, and little children will be like, why is that person so bad at driving? That's how you find out. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I just think I so bad at driving? That's how you find out. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I just think I'm doing the best and then people notice the patterns. So you think that's what's happening for Meghan McCain in her tweets? I hope so.

That's your hope? Yeah. Your hope is that she's sincerely throwing these views into the world and then only discovering by their reaction, much like you driving into a 7-Eleven, that there's been a blunder. Yeah, that or it's like deliberate, but on the internet, somebody deliberately trolling just doesn't seem plausible. Doesn't seem right. It's never been seen, never been done.

God help us if anyone figures out that they can do that. Yeah. What'll happen to us then? Chaos. Chaos. Mayhem. Mayhem. Panic. Probably. Maybe not panic. I think panic was too far. Panic. Potentially. Maybe panic. Now it's time for a game. Oh. We call Girl Boss Gatekeep Gaslight Global. Girlboss Gatekeep Gaslight Global. Spicy girl power. Here's how this works. We will show you a powerful woman along with some pros and cons and it will be your job to rank this person

using our patented tier system, which you can see here. It runs from... The best you can obviously be is a girlboss, but you can also achieve a wing conference room being named after you, an episode of Gutsy now streaming on Apple Plus, or

just one drop, the Elizabeth Holmes Hall of Shame. Those are the maximum points. That's the best a person can do. I have to say, I miss the wing. There used to be a wing right next to my favorite coffee shop, and you could steal the wing's Wi-Fi if you sat there. Wow. Because the coffee shop itself had no Wi-Fi. Anyway. Shameful. And that's why I missed

the wing. All right. First up, we have Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Maloney, the very first female Italian Prime Minister. That's a pro. The con, first female Prime Minister who has already vowed to turn back immigrants who arrive on boats. Pro, she's also the first female leader of the Brothers of Italy. Con, the Brothers of Italy is a far-right political party co-founded by Maloney herself. Pro believes in God, family, country. Con, God, family, country has been adopted

as a fascist motto. What do you think? I hate all these sequel fascists. The regular fascists, we dealt with them, but now everybody's like, in Europe, there are still places where you can have an additional fascist party, where they're like, what if we got back together

and did, like, a little First Order-type deal, but for, like, Mussolini, and I don't like it. Yeah, there is a real First Order vibe, right? They're like, let's get the gang back together. People don't remember how bad it was. Hillary Clinton said, the election of the first woman prime minister in a country always represents a break with the past, and that's certainly a good thing. Do you agree with that? Look, I think in the sense that all events represent

a break with the past, it's technically not untrue. Like, I just broke with the past right now. And earlier, I took a dump, and that was breaking with the past. I just feel like, yeah, it's a milestone. All events are milestones. But this idea that any time a woman is the first to do something, it's inherently good, like, because of feminism. Otherwise, they put me in the special hell place where women go who don't support other women. And you have to be like, it was great that a woman led that doomed arctic expedition uh or built that

skull throne or whatever it is women are doing now it's like women are doing all kinds of things yeah like where's our jeffrey dahmer finally you know like right it's actually not progress one of the few good things about the past is that like if 100 of the people in the past had power answerable to their will would the world have been a better or worse place because like women are people that's the thing john i i and i want you know i agree and i've always said that uh On some level, what you're saying is, for most of history, 50% of people weren't allowed to be the truest and best

and most authentic version of themselves. Some of those women would have killed a lot of people. Exactly. Yes, that's the thing. And so it's like, is it bittersweet? It's true. No. You look at the past, it's like, okay. Brian is just like, oh, I guess we'll leave this in i don't know

we got to put something out yeah no it's like elizabeth bethori was just like you know taking baths in the blood of 300 women at a time like goop could never um but goop could never okay um oh i'm supposed to be ranking people so by, by the way, what's amazing is, I don't know how this is possible, but we're about to talk about Elizabeth Bathory. That's literally the next name. Look at this. Can you believe that? Can you believe that? What are the odds that this was a game that was going to make the same reference? That's awesome.

So now it's time to give this Italian fascist a ranking. Do you consider her a girl boss? Would you name a wing conference room after her? Would she get an episode of Gutsy now on Apple Plus? Or the Elizabeth Holmes Hall of Shame? I have to give her the Holmes Hall of Shame. Yeah, I think that's right. I think that's right. Next up, Countess Elizabeth Bathory. Hey!

What are the odds? Pro. Countess Elizabeth Bathory. Hey! What are the odds? Pro, Countess Elizabeth Bathory owned land in Hungary in the 1500s, which is pretty impressive. Con, she's accused, along with her four servants, of killing hundreds of young women between 1590 and 1610. I mean, I feel like her scale was... She was limited by her geographical reach, and... That's true. That's true.

And also, at the time period, travel took a lot of time. So like how many people could she be really bringing in? Plus like a lot of this is men's rumors after the fact. Some of it's rumor. Yeah. Then again, she did it on her own steam, which I think gets girl boss points because usually you have women who are

like adjuncts to men, like the lady Macbeth action being like, go and do the murders. And she did the murders. So maybe not personally, but like countess Bathory managed her husband's estates during Hungary's war against the Ottomans, providing medical and other services to residents in the area, but

Khan, over 300 people testified to her torture of daughters sent to her gynaecium, don't love that, to learn court etiquette. She earned several cool nicknames, like the Blood Countess or Countess Dracula, and the legend of her horrible deeds trickled down through history. Khan, she did play a legend. Trickle down. Trickle down. She is alleged to have

bathed in the blood of virgins. So what do you think? Well, and slut shaming. Like, just adding another one. I'm going to give her a three. Yeah. All right. So we're going to give her an episode of gutsy. This is a very controversial take because now I've ranked. I wasn't thinking when I started. I'm like, oh, maybe everyone's a four now. I think it's cool. I think it's cool. Next up, Arizona gubernatorial candidate Carrie Lake. She was a respected anchor in Phoenix KSAZ, the Zaz. I don't know if that's how they say it. For 22 years, Khan, a legacy she tainted by sharing COVID misinformation all over her Facebook and Twitter in April of 2020. She did say abortion should be rare and legal, then immediately walked back saying abortion

should be rare and legal because she claimed it was taken out of context. The context being she forgot that she's for a ban. She forgot that she's against it being legal. Yeah. Pro has big Annette Bening and American Beauty if things got in slightly different energy. I can see it. I will ban this abortion today. Con, once said Trump had BDE. What do you think? Do you ever feel like a plastic bag floating in the wind?

Yeah. Wishing you could have an abortion, but Carrie Lake won't let you, uh, for political expediency. You know, my ranking system is falling apart. I'm going to give her a two just because I want everyone to have a different ranking. I love that. I love that. Next up, Marjorie Taylor Greene. She's a successful working mom of three, up. Marjorie Taylor Green, she's a successful working mom of three, currently

going through a divorce while managing a challenging career. Wow. You know what people don't understand? Empathy's free. Listen, I obviously don't share Marjorie Taylor Green's politics. Marjorie Taylor Green as a con once Marjorie Taylor Greene as a con

once put her mouth up to the mail slot in AOC's office door at the Capitol and threatened her to get rid of your diaper. What a fucking kook. She co-founded a CrossFit gym in 2013. So, business. She called her fellow Republican Senator Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski, and Mitt Romney

pro-pedophile for supporting the confirmation of Judge Katonji Brown-Jackson and declared, the Democrats are the party of pedophiles. What do you think? I don't think the Democrats are the party of pedophiles. Well, that's great. I appreciate that. We all appreciate that. But what do you think? Let's see.

She's a girl boss, or is she getting a wing conference room room or does she get an episode of Gutsy or the Elizabeth Holmes Hall of Shame oh man I have to say

I'm not a big fan of this person you know you hate to find it in yourself but unfortunately she just makes herself

very difficult to love yeah no I know it's hard but that's what compassion's all about it's not about yeah no I know it's hard but that's what compassion is all about it's not about the easy compassion cases it's the hard cases I don't like how she has like the triple name

thing going I get it because you have like the whole sort of you get your middle initial if you're like a notorious figure like you get like the John Wilkes booth yeah the cool like three syllable thing letters I forget what letters and syllables are Rhyme Zone's going to take back their sponsorship. Well yes, do you think

she hasn't earned being at MTG? It's also frustrating because that's just a subject line abbreviation for meeting and so you'll see like MTG colon in your email from some fundraiser from some democrat near the end of a quarter and it'll say MTG colon and then something and you'll be like what is this meeting about?

Oh. John it's also Magic the John, it's also Magic the Gathering. It's also Magic the Gathering. And it's also Magic the Gathering. Thank you. Yes. I knew a crowd who was here on a Friday night would maybe like a Magic the Gathering joke. Well, it's Magic the Gathering and now it's time to tap your action card. And I can't remember now. I played it. I'm not a big fan. I'm going to give her a four but that's more on me than it is on her. If you're going through history trying to be like, who are these people mapping them accurately?

It's hard. Here's the thing. It's hard. Let's do conservative, operative, and Clarence Thomas' earthmate Ginny Thomas. Pro, Ginny Thomas successfully escaped a self-help cult in the 1980s. Hey! Or did she?

Also another pro, Clarence Thomas is a resolute wife guy, even knowing his wife's efforts could affect him in public eyes, so Ginny Thomas must be, you know, they have a good relationship. They seem to really love each other. That's right. That's right. I think they're a great couple. They support each other. That's right. That's right. I think they're a great couple.

They support each other in their jobs. They have complementary yet very distinct careers. They both want to overthrow the government, but they work toward it in different ways. They're really aligned on their political values. I think she's more like a big overthrow, and he's more of an undermine. It's an inside-outside game. On the other hand, 78 amicus briefs filed to overturn roe v wade jenny thomas has ties to group that wrote 34 of them what do you think that's too many i think it's too many

also her text to mark meadows i think one aspect of like the trump years has been i always used to think oh some of these people put on a show for the cameras, but they're much more reasonable or controlled behind the scenes. They say these wild accusations on camera, but then behind the scenes they're more circumspect. She texts exactly as you'd expect the public persona

of Ginny Thomas to text. It's just off the walls like, I found a ballot in Arizona. Why aren't we doing things about this? Why aren't we doing things about this? Why aren't we doing anything? And you know Mark Meadows has to respond because it's like, I can't get on the bad side of Ginny Thomas. Her husband is fucking Clarence Thomas.

No, if I were Mark Meadows, I would get an Android. Because you don't see the bubble come in. You don't see the typing thing. Because I would have to type and respond and come up with something. And I'm assuming in this scenario that Ginny Thomas has an iPhone. I have this rich fleshed out scenario in my mind where she's got an iPhone. Mark Meadows has an iPhone. One of the worst things for him when he gets a text from her is she's going to see delivered

and then read and then like him typing and he should get an Android. Sponsor me, Android. Mark Meadows should have had an Android. I completely agree. But we're going to need an answer. What do you think? Are we dealing with a girl boss? Are we dealing with a, is she going to get an episode of Gutsy?

You know, I don't think she's a girl boss because she's behind a man. And she's trying to do all this girl boss stuff, but did the insurrection succeed? No, it didn't. Thank goodness. Thank goodness. But a failed girl boss is a girl boss nonetheless.

Yeah, I'm going to give her a one. We're giving her a one, so we're going to call her a failed girl boss. Finally, we have Scylla, a whirling monstrous hellmouth across the river from her counterpoint, Charybdis, who attempts to drag Odysseus and his men to their doom. Pro, people don't often ask, how did Scylla become so monstrous? Why? Odysseus doesn't care, but we do. It's because she had the audacity to say no to a man. Glaucus, the marine god and nascent incel,

tried to use a love potion to get Scylla's affections, which raises obvious consent issues, but those issues never came into play because Cersei poisoned Scylla because she, Cersei, loved Glaucus, who isn't some great catch anyhow. So then her lower half became dogs? Yes, that is a con. She ate six of Odysseus' sailors, and her body does have barking dog heads surrounding her lady parts. Okay. That is a con, but also pro.

Her body has barking heads of dogs surrounding her lady parts, which is fucking cool. There's like a tasteless joke involving cats and dogs that people can fill in here. Fill that in yourselves at home. That's part of it. It's a thinker. Use the little notepad we give you with the spaces to fill things in with each episode. Yeah. That's so thoughtful. That's such a nice touch. People can play along at home.

Yeah. No, I feel like Greek mythology is just rife with this kind of thing. There was a great article in the New York Times recently about this painting of Zeus, and they had the caption that said, Jupiter, comma, a serial abuser. And I'm just like, yes, finally we're coming for Zeus. It's the time. Oh, great, the woke police have canceled Poseidon. Yeah. Yeah, he can take that trident and give it to someone different.

Give it to Amphitrite. Yeah, who's next? No, Amphitrite is complicit. Are we not even going to talk about what happened to Persephone? Are we just not even going to? Or you're not ready to have that conversation? That's dubious consent at best. At best.

No, and I think Apollo, Cassandra, the whole, literally Apollo gave her this shitty gift because he was like, hey, he was trying to to, you know, get it on in a way. And I don't know why I'm like, I suddenly became a mom. I guess I am a mom technically, but I still like say fuck around the house. I'm cool and stuff. Yeah, no, Apollo, he tried stuff and she wouldn't have it. And so he cursed her with like, you're going to never be believed, which is so on the nose. Wow. So you're going to tell people what happened and no one's going to believe you. Thanks, Apollo.

And then, several thousand years later, people on Twitter still say, Hillary warned us! It's very on the nose for a myth, I'll give it that. We never talked about Helen of Troy. Maybe a girl boss? Anyway. Helen of Troy, yeah. So, now, one

final note is that Charybdis, obviously, was the more dangerous of the two, famously. It was safer to go by Scylla, because if you is that Charybdis obviously was the more dangerous of the two, famously. It was safer to go by Scylla because if you went by Charybdis, your whole ship got sunk. Right. But Scylla would just eat five or six of your men, which is obviously a tough conversation before the day you sail out. So what do you think? Girl Moss?

Episode of Gutsy? Wing Conference Room? Or Hall of Shame? I'm going to give her like a zero. I like Scylla. I'm all about this gal. Yeah. She's not on the chart.

Scylla's not even on the chart. Scylla did nothing wrong. She was just poisoned and turned into a monster that eats Odysseus' men. Yeah. And they weren't so great. Any final thoughts? Agree with you, but Odysseus was a complicated man. We all think that.

I can't believe we got into all the Greek mythology. I cannot believe that we separately brought up a murderous countess from Hungary in the 16th century, that that came up on this stage coincidentally. That name, that countess has never been discussed in any live podcast in the history of the world. It came up twice tonight. Although I'm sad we didn't talk about Bloody Mary because I feel like she did the girl pause like trifecta or difecta. I can only think of two things. She both burned like 300 people at the stake. Not personally, but like caused to be burned.

And there's a brunch drink named after her. Thank you, Alexandra Petri. Check out her column. And check out her book, AP's U.S. History, Important American Documents I Made Up. She's so funny. Thank you so much for being here. When we come back, I torture Hallie and Brian.

Don't go anywhere. Just love it or leave it, and there's more on the way. And we're back! Every time we visit a new city, I have to sample the delicious local cuisine, but today, we've decided to flip the script because it's time for a flavor of the city to face off against the flavor of the season.

That's right. It's autumn in Baltimore. And it's time that Old Bay went toe-to-toe with pumpkin spice. Yeah, that's right. That's right. It's happening. It's happening. And who better to help us than two people who are very excited to have to say yes to this bit because they work here. Come on out, our show's head writer, Hallie, and producer, Brian. My God. Before us, we have three kinds of food of escalating intensity to be served with Old Bay and or pumpkin spice. None of us know which spice is on which food. We will know the moment.

You will know the moment that we do. Before us, each of us has Baltimore's Burger Cookies. Burgercookies.com has a tab called The Story, and here it is. The Burger Cookie dates back to 1853, when German immigrant Henry Burger arrived in East Baltimore and opened a bakery, which he ran with his three sons, George, Henry,

and Otto. So then I guess he made the cookie, which seems to be the chocolate side of the black and white cookie. The good side, the actual specifics about the cookie itself are scant on burgercookies.com. We will be adding to this storied history by enjoying a burger cookie two ways,

which is what we're calling putting Old Bay and pumpkin spice on each cookie. All right, here we go. Oh, it's cinnamon. Okay, good. That's really good. Oh, that's yummy. I gotta tell you. I like that. Pumpkin spice on a chocolate cookie, that's a hit. Why not? The game is flawed.

The premise of the game is deeply flawed, and we understand that now. Everything we eat is going to be good. Next up, it's time for a cookie with Old Bay. I'm going to spit out this cookie. I can't. Even with the cinnamon, it was too much, so I can only imagine. It's bad. A little salty. I've got to tell you, though. Shout out to the burger cookie, which is overcoming... This is good. This is an A-plus cookie. Sorry, I can't swallow it. You guys got to get this cookie out there. This should not be Baltimore's

best-kept secret. John Waters is from here. Edgar Allan Poe. Edgar Allan Poe. The Baltimore accent... Guys, I'll Poe. Edgar Allan Poe. The Baltimore accent. You guys all say Balmore, which is fun. Baltimore, to me, the accent sounds like you're a vampire from Pittsburgh.

Does that make sense? And I remember the first time I heard it, I had an old job and the accountant was from Baltimore, and I was like, is he a count? Is he a ghost? Like, why would... It is Baltimore. Wait a second. Are these cheese fries? They're loaded fries.

They're loaded fries? Oh my god. Next up, we have loaded fries. I'm signing with Old Bay. You have to read the intro about fries I wrote. While I was losing my mind. Whatever person decided to pair French fries with the bracing sea air is a fucking genius. You might think, I don't know, is wearing a windbreaker

as cool, wet breeze slaps against the face really French fry time? You absolutely better believe it is. Whether you're walking along Baltimore's gorgeous inner harbor or sitting in my car with the window cracked like I'm my own dog, it's always French fry time. For reasons that now seem eldritch and obscure, we will now eat fries covered in Old Bay

and pumpkin spice. Open wide, it says here, my employees. Yeah. That's what you said to us. I also want to say the Old Bay and the spice. Open wide, it says here, my employees. Yeah. That's what you said to us. I also want to say, the old band, the fries. Mwah. Good. Very good. You guys did it. Did you do the cinnamon?

Pumpkin spice on french fries is a fucking miss. That is wretched. Wretched. Do not do. Don't do it. Awful. Really. Vile.

It's in the back of your throat. Oh, my God. I can't breathe. I'm so sorry about the mic, Steven. It's covered. It's actually worse than you think. My mic is wet. Here's the thing you have to understand.

It doesn't seem like it would be so bad. It is fucking awful. Wow. It really ruins everything. And finally, we've got Miss Baltimore Crabs. Allegedly, the term crab cake dates to the Crosby Gage 1939 New York World Fair cookbook. Have you guys ever heard of Corinization? It's a type of convergent evolution in which a crustacean evolves from a non-crab form into a crab form.

This happens so much, there's a term for it. We might be living in a simulation, but it's time now to simulate pleasure as we chow down on these sweet, sweet succulent crabs. That's right. We're having crab cakes two ways with Old Bay and pumpkin spice.

Let's do Old Bay first. I also want to say, I included a sentence at a certain point in one of the intros that says, is this even a game? And no one responded. And here we are. I'm excited about the Old Bay one. Oh good, the room temperature.

Still good. What were you expecting? The Old Bay is still good. Yeah, the Old Bay is good. Old Bay and crab, two great tastes that go great together. Yeah, great, excellent. But have they met their match? Crab cakes with pumpkin spice.

What was the point of all this? You're asking yourself. What was the end game? Listen, we were pretty tired on the bus. This is our second of four show. We were like, we got to do something. He had the wettest slice of Sparrow on the bus. He comes out holding a piece of pizza.

It looks like it's a gutter in a rainstorm. We're like, what are you doing? It's bad with the piece of pizza. It looks like it's a gutter in a rainstorm. What are you doing? It's bad with the pumpkin spice. It is. It is. Not that bad. Okay, the sweetness of the crab. I don't hate it.

Honestly, I'm going back in. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. It's not horrible. It's not that bad. Pumpkin spice crab, please try it. Yeah, please, please try it. I'm going back in for a pumpkin spice burger cookie.

I've got to tell you, these burger people are leaving a lot of money on the table if they don't do this every year. You got the McCormick's factory down the street, you throw some pumpkin spice on these bad boys, that's money in your pocket, burgers. That's free. You get the first one free from me. Nova, could you sum up what we learned, why we did this? Yeah, were there morals or lessons? Why you made us do this? Could you sum up what we learned, why we did this? Yeah, were there morals or lessons?

Why you made us do this? Life is about learning and growing and trying to, you know, even as we age, maintain a flexibility and creativity. What age? Yeah, this is all about your stuff with aging, but okay, go ahead. Keep going. And as I've turned recently, what is it? There you go. 40?

40, yeah. Can we get out the words? I've discovered that I think it's important that we open our minds to the possibility that pumpkin spice on savory foods might be good. Yeah. And it isn't. Well, we tried. Now we know. I also thought it would be fun, the three of us having a little fun, eating something

on a stage, and I mostly was. I had a fun time. I have a session go for me. Brian and Hallie, everybody. It says here that I respect you more than anyone I've ever met, including all presidents. I wake up every morning filled with gratitude to have you around. You do wonderful work and are invaluable members of both this

team and society writ large. God bless you both when we come back. The rant wheel. And we're back. Crooked is bringing... What? What happened to the two giant television screens we have in Los Angeles?

They're there. We're a podcast. This isn't like the fucking CNN New Year's Eve. We don't have like a... We travel with our suitcases. We get together and we figure out which two bags we're going to check. The ones with the cameras. There's no big screens. What do you think this operation is? Yeah, I wish there were teleprompters. Think I like futzing with these fucking cards everywhere I go? No, but we haven't cracked that code yet. We're working on it. I don't know how much money you think a three-quarters full thousand auditorium brings in. But it's not teleprompter money. You want a teleprompter,

email a couple friends. Tell them there's a fun show this weekend. Entitled sons of entitled Sons of Bitches. This we should leave in. Crooked is bringing you the election coverage you love to hate with Crooked Radio every weekend in October on SiriusXM Progress and on the SiriusXM app. Join our lineup of podcast hosts, candidates, experts, and more, including Love It or Leave It, at 7 p.m. and 10 p.m. Eastern every Saturday and 10 p.m. Eastern on Sundays

as we break down all the issues that matter this November, dive into the conversation shaping our current political climate and give the only 100% correct opinions in politics. You don't want to miss this. Listen on channel 127 or subscribe now to get up to four months free of SiriusXM. See offer details at SiriusXM.com slash crooked. Also, election day is one month away. We're officially in the final stretch when most normal people are starting to actually pay attention to decide what they're going to do and how they're going to vote or if they're going to vote at all. If you're listening, we hope you already know how important going to vote on or before Election Day, November 8th, will be. So now we need to get your help to get other people out to vote.

Face-to-face conversations are the most effective way to make a difference on the margins in the races that are going to be close. So we're asking everybody listening to sign up to volunteer to be part of Vote Save America. You really turned down in 2018. You really turned down in 2020. We need more people to show up now in 2022. A lot of you have already signed up, but we need to do even more because we're facing, obviously, a really tough environment. And wherever you live, wherever you are, there's a close race near you right now that you can drive to and help. And there are going to be elections that we are staying up late, watching the results come in on election day and the days after. We all need to go to sleep on election day knowing we did everything we can.

So please go to votesaveamerica.com slash volunteer to find an opportunity near you. If you haven't signed up yet, that's fine. But now, now is the time. All right. Let's bring Dave and Alexandra back out here, because it is time for the rant wheel. You now work to spin the wheel wherever it lands. We rant about the topic. This week on the wheel, we have when your victim's heart keeps beating beneath the floorboards, nursery rhymes, dying under mysterious circumstances,

you tell me, which is when you're going to tell me what to rant about, nursery rhymes, dying under mysterious circumstances, you tell me, which is when you're going to tell me what to rant about, when there's a pendulum in your pit, when the raven won't stop tapping, pitchfork redoing its 90s list, and getting a hard time for marrying your cousin. All right, let's spin the wheel. It has landed on You Tell Me. The Great British Bake Off.

I'll talk about the Great British Bake Off briefly. Here's what I want to say about the Great British Bake Off. I feel about Sue and Mel leaving the Great British Bake Off. I have a similar feeling I have about that. And again, I have no ill will towards any new person that has been involved since the Great British Bake Off I started watching. Truly, I don't. But Sue and Mel for me were like a warm blanket, a comfort in the storm. And I feel the same way about there being new Great British Bake Off hosts

as I do about what happened when Martha Stewart went to jail. Specifically, this is what I mean by that. Which is, look, I don't know. You see what I'm like. This didn't do well in high school. You know, this wasn't something that was really popping off the popularity charts. We weren't number one with a bullet in high school. All right. We struggled. But they aired Martha Stewart every morning and maybe it was middle school. I don't remember the exact years. The point is, I would watch Martha Stewart because it was like this little bastion of like warm perfection that only existed on the television show. And I loved it. I'm not

cooking or doing any of the things that she's doing. I'm certainly not doing anything in her wrapping paper room, that godforsaken space. And I didn't like when there were animals. I was like, I don't need fucking Jack Hanna. That's not what I'm here for. I don't know why I'm here, but it has to do with being gay. I don't totally understand why we'll deal with that in therapy. But then when Martha Stewart got arrested, and even though I think she was railroaded, I think it was bullshit. All right. Martha Stewart's not going to bet her whole life on five grand. She's fabulously wealthy. It was stupid. Shouldn't have lied if she did lie, but I think she got railroaded. And it's like, this is who we're throwing the book at. I blame Comey for that too. We blame Comey. We also blame Comey,

who doesn't get enough blame for what happened to Martha Stewart, coming after yet another powerful woman. The thing about it was, once she went to jail, it was like, that was always in the back of my mind, and even though she resumed the show when she got out, the kind of patina of perfection was gone, and the outside world had got in,

and I could never watch again. That's how I feel about these new hosts on The Great British Bake Off. Like, who are you? I don't feel safe anymore. They did a churro cooking segment years ago and when he tasted one he liked, I vividly remember Paul Hollywood saying, now that's a churros.

And it was like, how do you get to tell people what it is when you don't know what it fucking is? Now that's a churros. Ew! Spin it again. It has landed on Pitchfork redoing its 90s list. I think Dave suggested that. Yeah, I got this.

I don't know how many people are angry about this in the audience. If it's just me, I apologize. But that list was an insult to everyone who dressed like Jeremy Corbyn when they were 18. This is the third time Pitchfork has done this, where they have gone back to the 90s and said, oh, you know what? We rethought it. Half of the stuff that we said was the best music of that period actually wasn't the best, or it was like 20 places less good.

And what was the best song of the 90s was Mariah Carey. What was like the 20th, I think. Best song was Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You. And it's this refinement culture, this smoothing everything out so that if you had a taste that was a little bit out of the poptimism mainstream, you should be ashamed. If you liked a taste that was a little bit out of the poptimism mainstream, you should be ashamed. If you liked Pavement, that was problematic. It turns out you should have been in to like SWV and cool 90s pop.

And it's all poptimism. I get it. It's kind of recasting. They've done this with their old reviews where they gave stuff zero and they're like, well, that was mean. We're going to give it a better review. We're going to say Taylor Swift was better than we thought she was. I have nothing against Taylor Swift.

You better not. No, she's great. But I want consistency. Tread lightly. If Pitchfork is bailing on 90s sadcore suicide music and instead advancing like, oh, everyone should dance to the songs you dance at weddings from the 90s,

that's ridiculous. We need some website, because there's not that many left. We need some website that covers music to just be consistent and be sad 90s sweater music was good. It was the best. And they don't do it anymore. They've all gone full pop. So,

there was a list of 90s music. Right. There were several. They don't delete the old one, do they? They leave the old one up. They don't just erase it from the internet. You can still find it. You have to go to the internet archive. It takes like three clicks now.

It used to take one. So they've just sort of said, hey, we've thought about it, and here are the things we like more now and like less. Rolling Stone did this too, and there's this smoothing out of the canon every few years where people... It's okay when sight and sound does it.

Every ten years we're going to ask French critics, like, you still like that one Godard movie? And they're like, we. And they still put it number one. They keep expandable music critics, but the thing they're doing is saying the last era of, like, cool, because I'm not, like, a rock-to-mist. I like modern pop music, too.

But somebody needs to, like, wave the candle, you know, the candle from the cover of Daydream Nation. Somebody needs to wave that one candle and keep some appreciation for weird, pathetic 90s music. Because I grew up on it. I watched VH1 while waiting for the bus at my middle school. We all did.

That's a relatable story. And there was this music we discovered that was not the popular stuff. What they're doing is throwing that out and saying, no, actually, if it was popular, it was better than the weird album that we liked 15 years ago. I don't like that. Was that a rant? I don't know how to rant. I usually just post. No, no. I'm into it. I'm years ago. I don't like that. Was that a rant? I don't know how to rant. I usually just post.

No, no, I'm into it. I'm into it. Let's spin it again. It has landed on nursery rhymes. Oh, I was hoping it was when your victim's heart keeps beating because I could actually whip up a rant on that. No, I do have a...

I'm going to do my scheduled rant, which is about nursery rhymes. Because you know how like all of Christmas music is horrible 1950s music because boomers ruined it with their nostalgia? Sure. Well, yeah. So all Christmas music is horrible 1950s music because the boomers ruined it with their nostalgia. Famously. And that's why we're going to have hear like michael buble doing his uncanny valley frank sinatra until the day we die because the boomers ruined it with their nostalgia well you think it's bad with christmas music you should see the state of nursery rhymes have people been paying attention to nursery rhymes lately i assume not because you're out on a friday night after 8 pm., which is weird for me to be doing,

but I have been paying a lot of attention to nursery rhymes because I've got a baby now. And thank goodness that you do, because otherwise it would be strange. It would be a little, yeah. Like, Dolly Parton sends you a book, and one book that Dolly Parton sends your baby is, like, gotta know the nursery rhymes.

And you think the 1950s is bad. But all the nursery rhymes are, like, at best from the 1830s. They make no sense whatsoever. You can, like, try to make them make sense. Like, wee willy winky runs through the town. Like, who is this guy? Get him out of here. You try to explain it to your child.

It's like, Mary had a little lamb. Like, probably that's Jesus. Like, that's probably an allegory. Or, you know, there's an old woman, she lives in a shoe, she has so many children, she doesn't know what to do. That's life post-Roe. That's just like setting you up. But the rest of them don't make any sense. No, they're even, they get worse because like they're all like, you Google them and it's like, tell me what the fuck is going on with Humpty Dumpty. and Google like knows that you're going through this because it gives you an answer that's like not helpful but also just

confusing so it'll be like actually Humpty Dumpty's a canon well that doesn't explain things to me little boy blue they're like this might be Cardinal Woolsey it's like it might why is this helpful it's 200 years from any of these political figures that ostensibly the nursery rhymes are about. It's relevant. And they're all British political figures. It's like we're in space. The year is 2200. And we're sitting there reciting to our children being like, Jeb Bush said, please clap, please clap. But we didn't want to. Let's spin it one more time. It has landed on when the heart won't stop fucking beating.

It has landed on the heart won't stop beating and Chris Pratt as Mario. Let's put them together. Let's see them together. Let's see what happens. So here's the thing. I killed someone and I buried them under the floorboards of my apartment. And then a detective came to the door and I felt very guilty about it.

And then he comes in and I say, hold on one second. A friend of mine just sent me a text. Let's see what it is. Oh, it's a trailer. It's a preview trailer for the new Super Mario movie that I say Mario because I'm from Long Island. And I play it and then Chris Pratt is just doing a completely normal voice. It's just Chris Pratt. What is Chris Pratt's take on Mario? Chris Pratt's take on Mario? It's Chris Pratt. But then I got to thinking, there is no acceptable voice that Chris Pratt can do. There's nothing that he can do. He was doomed from the start. He was doomed from the very start. Because do you think we'd be having a different conversation if Chris Pratt was doing

the fucking Italian bigoted voice that we've all come to know and love. The kind of like fucking pizza box as a voice that came out of Nintendo in the 80s. I don't think so. So Chris Pratt couldn't win. But that's why it should never have gone to Chris Pratt. I have nothing against Chris Pratt. And I think actually I'm part of the backlash to the backlash. That's right.

But so, because I don't think Chris Brad, people turn on people and I don't totally understand it sometimes. And there's a little bit of a pylon thing. Like I think a lot of people pretend to not like James Corden secretly on some level. Oh, you're mad. He gets parts. That's not his fault. The point is the detective is here. I'm very nervous because I'm guilty for what I've done, which is murder someone. I'm realizing now I've retained very few details of the story of the telltale heart, other than there's a body under the floorboard and the detective comes, and they can't stop the beating of this hideous heart, but it wasn't really beating.

and they can't stop the beating of this hideous heart, but it wasn't really beating. I think that Hollywood needs to stop putting celebrities in voice roles because it doesn't make any sense. You don't need Jack Black to be Bowser. You just need someone who has a really good voice actor to be Bowser. We used to have really amazing voice actors do all of these parts, all of our favorite Disney movies, until Robin Williams was the fucking genie, and everything got fucked up because Robin Williams was the fucking genie, and everyone's like, that's it. From now on, they've got to be someone as famous as Robin Williams, otherwise people won't go.

Then all of a sudden, you have Ice Age, Ice Age 2, Ice Age 3. One of the favorite things that I've ever seen in my life was Ray Romano, Queen Latifah, and John Leguizamo doing an interview on The Early Show, or one of those morning shows. And the host of that morning show has John Leguizamo, Ray Romano, and Queen Latifah sitting in a row. The stories had just come out that each of these persons had received about $10 to $15 million to reprise their role as Squidgey Joe Mayor. I don't know their fucking names. And the four of them are sitting there at 7.30 in the morning, and the host asks each of them, so what keeps bringing you back to performing

as these characters in the Ice Age? And the four of them just wanted to shout from the top of their lungs at 7.30 in the morning, money, you dummy. It's money. We're doing it for money. Anyway, I confess to the murder. Thank you.

One more time for Dave Weigel and Alexandra Petri. When we come back, we want to hear your high notes live. Thank you guys so much. Stupid rant that was. And we're back. Here's how it works. Brian and Kendra are going to be out there with microphones.

If you have a high note, something that gave you hope, please line up on either side of the stairs to share your high notes. What's your name? What's your high note? Hi, I'm Eric. I will say it's been great to be back on this campus for the first time in six years since I graduated in this room. And it's been a little, it's been a while. It's been a really shitty six years,

to say the least. But it's good to be back on Goucher's campus. Great. Well, thank you, Eric. Hi, what's your name and what's your high note? Will. Hi, Will. Hi. So I recently started a new role at Jewish Community Services here in Baltimore to help Holocaust survivors get medical aid. And I'm just really excited to get started with that. help Holocaust survivors get medical aid. And I'm just really excited to get started with that. So I work with the Kavod program with Jewish community services, and we help work with the German Claims Conference to help provide medical aid and funding for Holocaust survivors.

Wow. And I'm just starting to roll there. That's great. Thank you. Thanks, Eric. Hi, what is your name and what is your high note? Hi, my name is Maria. I'm a middle school teacher. This is my... I turned 28 this week. I'm here with my dear friend, Emily, who introduced me to this show after its first episode.

And I've been listening since then. And my darling friend, Elizabeth, got us these tickets for my birthday this week, and I'm so happy to be here because it's also my first night out since having a baby nine months ago. Wow, Maria, thank you. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? Hi, my name is Morgan. I'm here with my girlfriend and Harumi, and we're all teachers in Baltimore, so shout out to the other teacher. And it's just, well, I guess this doesn't sound very high,

but it's been a hard week. But we ended with the pep rally today and it was good and it was fun and it's a hard job, but they're doing a really good job and everybody's doing a good job and we love kids. What do you teach? English, 10th grade English. What are they reading right now?

We just got a new curriculum. So they're just reading like, I'm not going to talk shit about the curriculum right now because I want to keep my job and stuff. But they're reading a bunch of articles. We're talking about rhetoric, ethos, pathos, logos, all that good stuff. Hell yeah.

Yeah. Nice. Thanks. Hi, what is your name? What is your high note? Hi, I'm Katie. And my high note is this week I found out that I get to be an election judge this coming election. And I go to my training tomorrow.

Awesome. Thank you for doing that. And, hey, if you go to votesaveamerica.com, you can sign up through every last vote to volunteer. I was doing calls in PA to get poll observers. And everybody can sign up to do these kinds of things. And we really need them. We really need people to sign up and be poll watchers, poll observers, because, you know, there are a bunch of fascists on the other side. So we've got to keep our heads on a swivel. Thank you so much. Hi, what's your name? What is your high note?

Hi, I'm Keith and I want to talk about food trucks. No, I'm just kidding. name what is your hi note hi i'm keith and i want to talk about food trucks no i'm just kidding so i just wanted to say last time i saw kendra was three years ago before the pandemic and we had planned to go see love it or leave it live in la and john lovett got sick canceled the show so we didn't go to we didn't go see john lovett so three years later, post, well, post-pandemic, Kendra and I got to see a Love It show. So, here we are. And you knew each other before today. You're friends. We're friends.

But how do you guys know each other? How do we know each other? How do we know each other? The internet, I guess. Yeah. Nice. I'm sorry I was sick. I remember that.

It was only the, by the way, also. It was at the improv. Yeah, yeah. I think that was like maybe the only show till COVID we ever canceled i think i canceled one show and i'm sorry that's the one that's it well now we're here should have powered through well good to have you now we're here all the way in towson all the way in towson which we love great cheesecake factory hi what's your name what is your high note hi my name is katie um my high note is I am a PhD student in sociology and criminology at University of Delaware. Nice.

A lot of work. But this week I found out that I got a conditional pass on my first comprehensive exam, which was a huge win for me because I thought I was going to fail, but I didn't. Wait, sorry, before you go on, conditional pass means you have to make some changes? Yes. What are those changes? Are they doable? I just have to do some edits and it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. Not a lot of conditions. No. It feels like a pass. Yes. You're going to pass.

It is a pass in my mind. What are the edits? One step closer to the PhD. Why couldn't they just give you the pass? What are these hoops they're making you jump through? It's all subjective grading with like old heads in the department. Fucking classic. It's all politics. It is what it is. It's a win. It's a high note for me. Awesome. That's great. Congratulations. But I want to know what the paper was in. What was the paper in? So it was a sit-down exam where I had to write for six hours straight about the subject of criminology.

What were your conclusions? The field sucks, and it's androcentric, and white men control everything. Wow. They're like, it's conditional. Yeah. They pass you. Everybody here passes you. What is your name?

What is your high note? Hello. My name is Izzy. passes you. What is your name? What is your high note? Hello. My name is Izzy. And about four years ago, I started working on a political docuseries for Showtime. And I started at like the bottom of the food chain. And we just started up with our election block. And I am officially a full-fledged producer on the show. That's awesome. Congratulations. What's your name? What's your high note?

Hi, my name is Kwame, and I'm a proud graduate of Baltimore Public Schools. Nice. Shout out to the teachers, a lot of my friends are teachers, and I've been trying to think what did I want to do to kind of hop out in the city and do things for the schools. And we actually have an open school board seat. So a couple of my teachers convinced me to go out for it. So I'm really excited to start trying to put that together and get into the Baltimore School Board and make some changes. Awesome.

Kwame, that's great. Yeah, let's go. Everybody vote for Kwame. Thank you. Once we find out what he's for. Let's appoint him, but we're going to make it work. Yeah. Hi, what's your name?

What's your high note? Hi, I'm Kelsey. I'm here with my friend Jessie. We know each other from Peace Corps. And she just passed her NCLEX, so she's a nurse. But this is not her high note. This is my high note. Fuck yeah. Eat shit. Eat shit. Like a year and a half, I was living in LA, really unhappy, left my partner, left my job.

It was before the great, what's it called? Resignation was cool. I started that. Really had no plan, moved back to New York, started a marketing agency, started taking classes full-time in science, and still had absolutely no plan. And then just a couple months ago, phased out some of my clients and started Johns Hopkins nursing program. So this is just a little reminder that even if you're 30, you can do a career pivot. You can chase your dreams and shout out that crooked coffee is one of my clients. Oh, cool. Yeah. Thank you. Hi, what is your name? What is your high note? Thank you.

Hi, what is your name? What is your high note? Hi, I'm Hannah. So I just recently left a job that I was unhappy at and started at the Department of Energy in the Wind Technologies Office. And so I'm going to be helping on the path to net zero. That's great. Thank you so much.

Hi, what's your name? Hi, my name is Rita. Hi, Rita. This is my sixth time seeing you. Three PSAs and three... I know, I love you so much. I want to thank you. I had a really tough time during COVID

and the high notes really helped me. So thank you. I'm super excited cheerleader right now. So I just want to say on November 8th, this applies to everybody in this room except me because I live in the District of Columbia and I don't have a voice or a vote, but you all do.

And so on November 8th, we are going to elect the first black governor of Maryland, Wes Moore. The first Indian American female lieutenant governor, Aruna Miller. The first black attorney general, Representative Anthony Brown. And the first female comptroller, which I don't really know what that is, but it's Brooke Learman, and you should vote for her, because they're all fantastic, and I need you guys to have Wes on PSA. Please, please, please

have Wes on PSA. Oh, yes, yes, we'll help. Okay, okay. Thank you, Aruna. Vote for Wes Moore and Aruna. Thanks for sharing. Thanks to everybody who shared those high notes. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show. Thank you so much to Dave Weigel and Alexandra Petri.

Thank you so much to everybody that came out tonight. This is so much fun. There are 28 days until the midterm elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend, everybody. Thank you all so much. Thank you for coming. night and have a great weekend, everybody. Thank theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Caroline Haywood, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers,

Narmal Konian, Zuri Ervin, and Milo Kim, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroot for filming and editing video each week so you can, and you can find these glorious videos at youtube.com slash crooked media.