Lovett or Leave It - Pot, Porn, and Planned Parenthood

Episode Date: November 11, 2023

And we're back in Los Angeles to get high off some big election wins. A newly single Brad Turbo (Matt Rogers) returns to solve male loneliness after his girlfriend leaves him for a certain South Carolina Senator. Casey Wilson gets baked (off), while River Butcher tries to distinguish Biden from BID3N. And it finally dips below 70 in LA, so we pour ourselves a steaming cup of Hot Takes. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Hi everybody. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. What a beautiful crowd you are. Thank you all for being here. Alright. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. I'm Jon Lovett. You might recognize me from our TV appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night. I think it was a big, I think it was my big break so I won't have to slum it with this. Let me do it again. Here we goum it with this... Here we go. You guys, we have done so many fucking shows. Have you noticed this in your feeds? The amount of content we're producing? Are you listening to all of it?

Are you consuming all the content? We're making you fucking better. You better click play on every goddamn one of these episodes. Otherwise, it's a slap in the goddamn face. We're bleeding to bring you this content. Right, Kendra? I feel it in my bones. We feel it in our bones. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. I'm John Lovett. You might recognize me from our TV appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night. I think it was my big break, so I won't have to slum it in the podcast world with you Hollywood-adjacent fucking zeros. But until, but until ABC unblocks my number, here we are. And what a show

we have today. Brad Turbo is back and he's here to discuss a recent breakup. Casey Wilson gets real about housewives and the wives of the house while we're at it. River Butcher joins in to fight the war on AI and see if he can tell the difference between Biden and Biden with a three like in Megan. The joke works visually. And hot takes with Matt Rogers to keep you warm once the sun goes down at four in the afternoon. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows has been sued by his book publisher who alleges that according to media reports, his sworn testimony undermined a lot of what he claimed in The Chief's Chief, that's the name of the book, that supported Trump's election fraud story. Between the judge and his publisher, sounds like a lot of people

are throwing the book at him. Yeah, that's right. Fucking deal with it. Sadly, this blindsided the publisher. Prior to Meadows' testimony, the only thing that contradicted the claims Meadows made in the book was every single observable, well-documented fact in the fucking public record. Wrote All Seasons Press in his breach of contract lawsuit, if such media reports are accurate, Meadows testified under oath that his book contains known falsehoods. Added the publisher, obviously the book is full of lies. We were just assured that he would continue telling those lies. But don't worry, this preening little lawsuit is just about money. All Seasons Press says that they only sold 60,000 copies of the 200,000 that were printed and blame Meadows'

cooperation with the special counsel for tanking sales. Snitches get stitches in terms of book sales. So All Seasons Press claims that they had an ethical obligation to pull the book because these are ethical people who got into publishing to shine light in the dark places. That's why All Seasons Press takes their responsibility so seriously and why they publish such important books as Tucker, an inside look into one of the most beloved and polarizing media figures these are the real books i'm not making these up levi's unbuttoned the subtitle of which is the woke mob took my job and gave me my voice which is by a former levi's executive who did bad tweets that's what that book's, about getting yelled at for bad tweets.

And then there's also, and this is real, The Real Anthony Fauci by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., also printed by All Seasons Press. And good news, you can get the RFK Jr. anti-vax book and a complimentary Naomi Wolf anti-vax book as part of a box set. And that box, your fucking coffin. The Republican presidential primary

in which several people polling dozens of points lower than the frontrunner continue to do nothing to change that fact and instead target each other to vie for who can come in second to a Donald Trump continues apace. It's like how lions will focus on taking down the weakest, slowest gazelle. Except in this case, it's the slow gazelles attacking each other while the lion

eats a Big Mac and tells a bunch of Iowans about how windmills turn birds gay. Nikki Haley, for example, released a video ahead of the third Republican debate attacking Ron DeSantis as being anti-fracking and quoting DeSantis simply referring to the existence of a chief science officer at a Florida agency to tar him as being a woke lefty. Damn, things are really heating up in the race for backup candidate in the event that the stimulant bridge holding Trump's last artery open finally collapses. Meanwhile, Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders on Monday endorsed Donald Trump for the GOP nomination. It's not a question between right versus left anymore, she said. It's normal versus crazy. And President Biden and the left are doubling down on crazy. This statement is a

wild ride. It's not about right versus left anymore. Okay. It's about normal versus crazy. Honestly, love where this is going. And Biden is the cuckoo bananas one. Sanders went on, we need to move away from the historical aberration that is Joe Biden, a man who had been in federal government since the start of the Holocene. We need to return to the comforting familiarity that only comes with an unhinged game show host president. Do you want to continue to be shocked as Biden meets with stakeholders and reads briefs? I didn't think so. You want to go back to a simpler time when the president would order the assassination of an Iranian major general out of nowhere, or try to buy Greenland,

or draw his own weather maps, or randomly, and in defiance of international law, tell Israel that they can have a part of Syria. Normal just means what you're used to, and I'm used to having a stroke every goddamn day of my life. Speaking of Trump, his daughter Ivanka took the witness stand for a civil trial in New York this week, where she was questioned about her role in the Trump organization. Said Ivanka,

I'm not sure what about my role requires clarification. It's very simple. I'm the girl. Meanwhile, the Supreme Court heard oral arguments in United States v. Rahimi, which challenges a federal law banning people under domestic violence restraining orders from possessing guns.

But, and here's a twist, the justices seemed inclined to uphold that law. The biggest issue being, if you take away the guns from domestic abusers, what will those cops point at people? In one exchange, Chief Justice John Roberts asked the lawyer for Zaki Rahimi, a drug dealer with a history of armed violence, you don't have any doubt that your client is a dangerous person, do you? The lawyer answered that he wanted to know what a dangerous person means. Said Roberts, someone who is shooting at people. That's fair, replied his lawyer. Your Honor, Webster's dictionary defines dangerous as, okay, fuck, the dictionary just has a picture of my

client. We can move on. Facing questions over how Republicans would pass a bill to fund the government, House Speaker Mike Johnson urged the public to trust us this week, with just 11 days left to avoid a shutdown. Trust me to fix this incredibly complex financial clusterfuck, said Mike Johnson, a man with no known bank account. Trust me, said Mike Johnson, I don't watch porn. I think

women have one extra rib. I am definitely a normal guy with a wife and kids, one of them being a black adult you will never meet. Trust me, my fellow Americans, Mike Johnson, a man you hadn't heard of until a couple of weeks ago, and since then have only heard the weirdest possible shit about. Continue Johnson, we represent a united front, working diligently for the American people, and I'm so sorry, I just got an alert that my son is on a website called stepsistersstuckinthewashingmachineagain.com. I have to be off.

Also this week in Congress, 22 Democrats joined most Republicans in voting to censure Rashida Tlaib for her comments criticizing Israel, citing her use of the pro-Palestinian mantra from the river to the sea, which, coincidentally or not, happens to be exactly where we keep Israel.

She was also further condemned for her use of the pro-East Side Boy slogan from the window to the wall. The censure accused Tlaib of promoting false narratives and claimed the slogan is a genocidal call to violence to destroy the state of Israel

and its people. We don't tolerate false narratives and genocidal violence, continued a Democrat who supported the censure resolution. Now let's get back to Thanksgiving where we celebrate the Indians inviting the pilgrims over to dinner and saying, oh, this land is just way too much for all of us.

Why don't you, why don't you take it? Also, we call it maze. Okay. Now that you've made your point about that phrase, can you help me find my brother? Said a little girl sitting in rubble covered in dust. Can you find some way to treat this with the seriousness it deserves without doing what you do on every other fucking thing, which is finding ways to make it about yourselves and your little gross assumptions about each other that make you feel superior. Also, you can perhaps together find a way to use the incredible power you have in this conflict to denounce the indefensible level of death and destruction Israel is inflicting in a campaign as part of a shared understanding that it is not only a moral horror, but also ultimately

putting lasting peace and security further out of reach for both Palestinians and Israelis. Oh, no, you want to keep doing this? Cool. I don't believe that Tlaib is using the phrase to call for genocide and the wholesale destruction of Israel, but people who use that phrase do believe that, and she knows that. So what are we doing here? You know, what are we doing here? The nation, or the part of the nation that remembered, headed to the polls on Tuesday across the country with abortion once again at the forefront of voters' minds. Taylor Swift encouraged her fans to head to the polls, writing on Instagram, voters gonna vote.

But now all the Gretchlers think Taylor Swift is fucking the governor of Michigan. It's a whole thing. Well, if you watch the video where Taylor Swift told people to vote and you look in the background, there's what looks to be a shape of the Great Lakes. And many people, that is a message she's sending to her girlfriend, Gretchen Whitmer, the governor of Michigan. Down in Kentucky, Democrat Andy Beshear won a second term as governor,

defeating his opponent, the state's vocally anti-abortion Republican Attorney General, Daniel Cameron. Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell was reportedly frozen in horror as the results came in, or just regular frozen. Hard to tell with that guy. Interestingly, since the turn of the century, every Kentucky gubernatorial winner has had the same party affiliation as the next presidential winner. I muttered to myself, rocking back and forth under my weighted blanket after once again defeating my insomnia medication. In Pennsylvania, Democrat Dan McCaffrey won a seat on the state Supreme Court, securing an important 5-2 majority for Democrats ahead of any potential voting-related cases in 2024. McCaffrey joins the court's liberal bloc, Gritty, Philly Fanatic, Swoop, and Franklin the Dog. In Virginia, Democrats won total control of the

statehouse, blocking a trifecta for Governor Glenn Youngkin and dashing his dreams of a 15-week abortion ban. Yeah. It was a tough night for the weirdest Glenn since 9-year-old Glenn Bishop asked Betty Draper for a lock of her hair. Mad men. Ohioans

voted to enshrine reproductive rights, including abortion access into their constitution, as well as legalizing marijuana use. It was a fantastic night for Dr. Cool Guy Greenberg, Cincinnati's highest abortionist. Not the best abortionist, but the highest. That's why it was a good night. Ohio, I just want to say we still don't think you're cool. But we're very proud of you. As is their way, conservatives handle the outcome with rational analysis and decorum.

Rick Santorum, having a rough night, offered this cool take on Newsmax. Thank goodness that most of the states in this country don't allow you to put everything on the ballot because pure democracies are not the way to run a country. No. The way to run a country is for voters to elect politicians. And then when those politicians are too liberal, draw a map that looks like a Kandinsky painting so the liberal politicians can't win. And then when the liberal politicians still won, challenge the election results in court. And if that doesn't work, charge the barricades and rip a few cops limb from limb, which is

much cleaner. A little later, a Newsmax host summed up the night as follows. Over on Fox News, Sean Hannity seemed to have a genuine existential crisis. I consider myself pro-life, but I understand that's not where the country is. This is the problem with leaving stuff up to the states. Sometimes the people in those states want lives that aren't endless slogs of repression and misery punctuated by occasional moments of mortal terror, because it takes all kinds. The reality is finally sinking in, and not just for Hannity. Experts predict Republicans will shift their focus to undermining democracy and implementing voting restrictions and other policies that shift political power to a wealthy elite

and the slim majority of the population that agrees with them, combined with cynical propaganda that leaves everyone else disengaged with politics in order to preserve their power, despite the gross unpopularity of their right-wing agenda. And be warned, this plan could be put into effect as soon as several decades ago. As the actor's strike stretched into his 18th week, the fight over how the studios can deploy artificial intelligence using actors' likenesses continued to be a huge sticking point. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the studios offered to pay to scan high-paid performers, those earning more than $33,000 per episode of television or more than $60,000 per movie. Now, I sort of get

wanting to scan A-listers to get around complicated reshoot schedules, but if those scans get out, AI porn studios are going to cause the grid to collapse, starting with Mike Johnson's kid's phone. But sources on the union side told the reporter that studios could potentially use the scans in perpetuity without consent by the performers, especially problematic if the performer has died. Cary Grant was rolling over in his grave, and then out of his grave, and right into Pacific Rim 4, Fallen Angels. Of course, the studios disputed this characterization,

and they released a very powerful ad from Bing Crosby and Brittany Murphy that walked through all the details. And by the way, those two? Incredible chemistry. Despite these disagreements, the AMPTP, the industry group repping the studios

in the negotiation, called their most recent proposal last, best, and final on Monday. Now, the thing is, you can't make a last, best, and final offer that doesn't resolve key disagreements because they're already on strike. These people went out and found part-time jobs at the Haagen-Dazs at the Grove so they could wait. Also, and this really bothered me, last and final mean the same thing. You don't need to say last, best, and final. You say best and final or last and best. And also, last and best or best and final are terms for negotiations that everyone can walk away from. ABC says last and final offer to an agent for a writer with a pitch for a sitcom about a single mom who pretends to be a therapist to pay for her precocious daughter's chess lessons. Because

while that's actually a surprisingly good pitch for something I wrote as a setup for a joke, the world would be fine without it. So some studio lawyer sends over deal terms in an email that says last and final, and then the agent for the writer either calls the studio's bluff, accepts the deal, or walks away. You can't say last and final when the alternative is no acting in Hollywood forever. Why is everything so fucking stupid? Pay the actors a slightly bigger share of the profits, except that you don't get to make new episodes of Friends with Matthew Perry's hologram,

and let's get the actors off of Instagram and back on fucking TV and movie sets. John, Tommy, and I were on Jimmy fucking Kimmel last night. Look at what these shows have been reduced to. They used to have movie stars on these programs. Now they're having podcast hosts? This is Hollywood.

Make good movies and good TV shows and there'll be plenty of fucking money for everyone. Oh, this just in. The strike is over. They did it. They did it. Fran fucking did it. Tyler Perry, who was part of that Clooney crew a few weeks ago that tried to offer their own proposal to end the strike, said of the ongoing negotiations this.

This is only a three-year deal. And in two years, two and a half years, we'll be renegotiating again. So we have to know when have we won and when have we won for now. For now. That's the thing. There's a long term goal. For now. For now.

And if I had done my business like trying to get everything at once, I wouldn't be here. I've got as much as I can for now. So let's see what we can do next. I think Tyler was actually just pissed this has screwed with the production of his 12th Madea movie. Madea joins the Pinkertons. I still like that joke. People magazine named Patrick Dempsey 2023's sexiest man alive.

Me, sexiest man alive? I'm absolutely blown away. Thank you, People magazine, for this amazing honor, tweeted George Santos. A group of orcas launched a 45-minute attack and sank a yacht off the coast of Morocco on Halloween. I should clarify that it was either orcas or teenagers dressed as orcas. Nobody knows why this is happening, said a scientist at the University of British Columbia,

but best not to look into it further, he continued, the orca pressing the gun harder and harder into his back. A recent article in the Journal of Communications argues that most people are what they described as normatively honest, and most lies are told by a few prolific liars. Or as I call them, friggin' Congress. Scientists say they discovered the oldest known black hole formed 3.2 billion years ago just after the Big Bang. It's also enormous, ten times bigger than the black hole at the center of the Milky Way. Here we have a photo of the universe's oldest and biggest hole. What the fuck? That sucks. Hey, that's so mean. And on Wednesday, Republicans gathered in

Florida for a primary debate between everybody except the guy that is almost certainly going to win the primary. Answering the debate's first question, Vivek Ramaswamy started things out hot. We've become a party of losers at the end of the day. We're the cancer of the Republican establishment. It's like those videos where a dog suddenly recognizes itself in the mirror for the first time. Yeah, that's you, little buddy. That's you. That's you. And you're going to ruin America. Yes, you are. I know he's just saying it to shit on his opponents, not to help the country, but it does. It goes down smooth. It goes down smooth. Added Vivek.

Think about who's moderating this debate. This should be Tucker Carlson, Joe Rogan and Elon Musk. We'd have 10 times the viewership. You think the Democrats would actually hire Greg Gutfeld to host a Democratic debate? They wouldn't do it. By the way, the question is why do you want to be president? That's like the question was so fucking softball. You know, it was like, well, it was Welker or Lester Holt

asking the most like banal opening debate question. He's like, you fucking woke piece of shit. There should be Elon Musk doing this. That car guy should be doing this debate, not three journalists. Also, Hugh Hewitt was there. It's not like it was like just three mainstream

journalists. They had two mainstream journalists and one right winger right there on the bench. So it's like, what are you fucking complaining about, you wacko? By the way, imagine these three candidates moderating a debate. No candidate would get a word in. Actually, it sounds pretty good.

The vague Ramaswamy also had this to say about Nikki Haley. Do you want a leader from a different generation who's going to put this country first? Or do you want Dick Cheney in three-inch heels? All right, Mr. Ramaswamy. In which case, we've got two of them on stage. Mr. Ramaswamy, thank you. And then later, Nikki Haley responds with this. I'd first like to say they're five inch heels and I don't wear them unless you can run in them.

But then Vivek, you don't see him on camera. He goes, but there are two of you basically saying, I was actually also talking about Ron DeSantis. He was doing a Ron DeSantis in fucking heels joke, which is funny because when he said it, he said Dick Cheney in heels. Dan, I was actually also talking about Ron DeSantis. He was doing a Ron DeSantis in fucking heels joke, which is funny because when he said it, he said Dick Cheney in heels. Dan, I was watching the beginning of the debate with Dan and John and Tommy. Dan was like, does he mean Nikki Haley or DeSantis? And we were like, tweet it.

But oddly enough, Dick Cheney in three inch heels is also the answer to the I'm looking for prompt on Dick Cheney's hinge profile. prompt on Dick Cheney's Hinge profile. If I turned to see Nikki Haley running up behind me in five-inch heels, I would give her the power to veto legislation and grand pardons.

And by the way, if this ends in a foot race between Nikki Haley and Ron DeSantis, it's what we deserve. And I will pay, I will pay extra. I will pay extra for a seat where I can recline and order food. The audience later booed Vivek when he criticized Nikki Haley's daughter for being on TikTok, despite himself also being on TikTok. In the last debate, she made fun of me for actually joining TikTok while her own daughter was actually using the app for a long time. So you might want to take care of your family first.

Leave my daughter out of your voice. Joke's on Vivek. Nikki's daughter is somewhere posting instantly viral TikToks of him with the body of a weasel and the voice of, well, with his own voice. I like when these debates turn into Jerry Springer for a second. It's a nice break from how they usually feel. The parts of Jerry Springer they cut for being too boring. I also like Nikki Haley being like, keep my daughter's name out of your voice.

Because clearly, by the way, accidentally, she's paraphrasing Will Smith. She just did a little AI Will Smith. Keep my so-and-so's name out of your something. That's not a phrase that was in Nikki Haley's vernacular. She got that from Will Smith slapping Chris Rock, which is cool. It's like a new part of its cultural legacy. Nikki Haley accused DeSantis of being a liberal over opposing fracking in the Florida Everglades. He was praised by the Sierra Club, and you're trying to make up for it and act like you weren't a liberal when it comes to the environment.

You were. You always have been. Just own it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just because he smiles like he's making love to an alligator doesn't mean this man is an environmentalist. It's called environmentalphilia. What? Hey, everybody accidentally does something liberal once in a while. Ronald Reagan himself once walked past a poor person and forgot to cross the other side of the street. These things happen. All right, when we come back, things get turbo. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back! Men. What's wrong with them, and how do we get them to stop taking it out on flight attendants? American men are in crisis. With a male loneliness epidemic sweeping the nation, the football stadium's still sweeping out concert glitter, and no new Avatar movie

in sight. But my next guest offers up some solutions in his new book, How to Karate Kick Male Loneliness in the Throat. Okay. Please welcome back to the show, masculinity expert Brad Turbo. Hi, Brad. Right this way.

Oh, you seem to not have any shoes on. Hey. Oh, no. Hey, John. You been adding elk antler to your protein shakes? Because I can tell your sperm count is popping. Not even a little bit. Brad, are you

okay? Of course I'm okay. Okay, first rule of my patented iron predator system, to skull fuck male loneliness, never admit weakness. Okay, well, that's an interesting first rule. You think it's stupid? No, Brad, buddy.

Come on, what's going on? She left me, John! Who left you? My beautiful Giselle. Light of my life. Giselle? Was that your girlfriend? Giselle.

There's a B at the end. Idiot. Whoa. I'm sorry. I've been emotionally eating steroids. What a unique name, G. Whoa. I'm sorry. I've been emotionally eating steroids. What a unique name, Giselle. I'm sorry, Brad. I didn't even know you'd been seeing someone.

And I still would be, if not for that honey-tongued Casanova from South Carolina, that black Pete Davidson of the Senate. He could have any girl he wants and he steals my Giselle? Wait. Wait a second.

Are you talking about Tim Scott, Republican presidential candidate and self-proclaimed virgin Tim Scott? That he stole your girlfriend? Don't speak his name in front of me, John. It gives me a strange feeling in my chest. Like when I tried to bench press a Harley with two medium hot babes on it for my tiktok and dropped it on myself but from the inside i think i think you're describing heartbreak brad no heartbreak heartache is for simps and guys who use seat belts i just told you it's the motorcycle thing sure okay whatever but i i just i just can't believe this. Tim Scott's girlfriend is real.

Not only is she real, Giselle is the sexiest woman you have ever seen. Eyes the color of ribeye steak. Long, shiny hair like someone who eats a lot of steak. Three perfect tits. 18 long, slender fingers. Oh, God god return to me Giselle

hey Brad yeah was Giselle been AI girlfriend duh what else is there well there are human women with their fluids with their long real hair and soft, soft skin?

Uh, yuck! There are also human men. But I'm a man. Right. So, what? It'd be like, pfft, two guys kissing? His strong arms wrapped around me? Our hot male sweat intermingling.

His meat-stained camo-print tank top pressed against mine. Yeah, I mean, that's sort of the general... Our facial scruff interlocking like Velcro. His raw egg breath hot against my ear. My calloused hands exploring his taut, seed oil-free body. I don't know, John. Sounds pretty gay. Yeah, yeah.

But are you sure you wouldn't just be a little bit into that? No way, John. I like girls. Hot girls with dozens of teeth and empty, soulless eyes. Girls who respond to your texts instantly and say things like you are a genius and raw milk is better, baby.

And selling French bulldog puppies out of your trunk to raise the startup funds for your male height enhancement business is such a good idea, it's making me super horby. That's how she said horny. The app had some bugs.

Maybe we should put a pin in that. But male height enhancement? Okay, here's the pitch. Brad Turbo's Turbo Boost Footwear. They're shoes that make you taller, but not like a woman's high heels, which are stupid and frivolous. These have heels on the inside where you can lie about them, and it's not for vanity. It's about

correcting God's fucked up mistakes. Yeah, but, question for you. You happen to sell a pair of these to Ron DeSantis? So, the one flaw in Turbo Boost's business model is that it's based in secrecy,

and I'm contractually not allowed to tell you I sent him a prototype, but yes, obviously. Wearing one inch every three months while he learns to walk in them. His goal height is Twin Peaks Fireman. Well, Brett, that's huge. We've been making fun of those boots for weeks. Congratulations.

Thanks. Oh, buddy, are you still thinking about Giselle? I just wish I could share this moment with her. She'd be all like, I love you so much, and here are some shoe stores in your area. She didn't always get what was going on. No partner does. Hey, do you have a

support system, Brad? Friends you can talk to? What, like the guys who comment flexed arm emojis on my YouTube vlogs about doing a sardine cleanse? Oh, Brad. Well, listen. If you really have nobody, maybe I could be your friend.

Really? You mean it, John. Sure, Brad, why not? A real, wholesome, healthy male relationship like you see on the news? Yeah, but wait, what does that mean to you? Okay, you know how Speaker Mike Johnson and his son Jack monitor each other's porn intake? Nope, friendship offer rescinded. Brad Turbo, everybody. Okay, you know how Speaker Mike Johnson and his son Jack monitor each other's porn intake? Nope.

Friendship offer rescinded. Brad Turbo, everybody. Just consider it. Just help him be into it. Give it up for Brad Turbo. Everybody, go check out Matt Rogers' holiday album, Have You Heard of Christmas? It's awesome. Everybody check it out.

We will be right back. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage a truly one-of-a-kind talent, unless the studios make a scan of them. It's the Hilarious River Butcher. Hi. Get in here. Always wanted to do that.

What's up, John? How's it going? Good to see you. It's good to see you, too. Hey, if you could be scanned by one studio to be used in perpetuity, which would it be? Which studio would it be?

I would choose... Okay, I'm going to give... Not a real one. Okay. Because that's more fun. I would like to be scanned by the USA Channel from the 1990s. Oh, hell yeah. They played only cartoons.

And then that show that was up all night. Do you remember that? I can't do a high voice anymore because the testosterone is working. But do you remember that? They would play like, I don't know, like adult-ish soft core movies on USA. And there was like a host that would be like, we're up all night. That was like the thing. I don't know.

It sounds great. No, I think. That's what I wanted to. That's what I would want to be used on. Well, when you were talking about being in the cartoons, I was thinking about that Twilight Zone movie. Yes. Which fucked me up when I saw it. Uh-huh.

The one where Dan Aykroyd's in the beginning. Uh-huh. Remember? Yes. And where the boy who can make everything happen, he puts one of his siblings in the cartoon, or the uncle, and they get a very scary cartoon. Very scary cartoon.

Yeah. I want to be in a very scary cartoon in perpetuity. Yeah. Or Heathcliff. Which is like the dollar store version of Garfield. Yeah, it is crazy that there were two orange cats. Yeah. That's insane.

Yeah. And like the Heathcliff guy must have felt guilty about it. I don't know. Just guilty all the way to the bank. That's right. Just count that sardine money. And the appetite for cat cartoons was fucking insatiable. There was more than enough demand for the supply.

There probably could have been a third. It's kind of like Elvis movies now. It is kind of like Elvis movies. Which is kind of like Volcano and Dante's Peak when you really think about it. By the way, I'll say to the day I die two things. One, Volcano is how I learned LA geography.

And two, I'm a Dante's Peak boy in a Volcano world. That's right a Dante's Peak boy in a volcano world. That's right. Dante's Peak is the superior film. And its science is better. Its science is much better. It's better science. Another film that I saw, I think I was too young.

Do you remember the scene in that film, and this is important, when the grandmother jumps into the acid lake? That's what I was going to bring up, John. It's the best scene in the entire film universe. It fucked me up. It was messed up. Scan me and put me in that scene so I can help that grandma.

It makes no sense. It makes zero sense. There's only one way to get across this lake. We have to use grandma as a human ore. Do you remember that? She drags the boat through the acid fucking lake as her legs

are being melted and then she dies from it from their fucking I also went to see that movie

at a slumber party so I was like 10 or 11 and just a bunch of 10 or 11 year old children just traumatized by a grandmother

slowly losing her legs and they make it and they make it about the legs, but she's waist fucking deep. So that's vag and asshole in the fucking acid. That's what scarred me.

I thought about that. Oh my God. Fuck. Also, by the way, peak Pierce Brosnan. Yes, absolute peak Pierce Brosnan and also Sarah Connor. Yeah, Lisa Hamilton.

Linda Hamilton is in that film. Linda Hamilton from fucking downtown. Like, yeah, yeah. There's going to be two movies that we're going to let her be in during this era. And one of them is Terminator 2 and the other is Dante's Peak, the other volcano movie of the time. Fuck. Yeah, dude.

Well, it was great to be back, John. I'll see you later. Now, this began, I believe AI is how we got to this. And again, when you say what studio to put yourself in, my first instinct would be like, oh, A24, they make good stuff. But then I think, now I'm waking up and fucking hereditary? Yeah, you don't want to be in that and talk to me? No, thank you.

And now I'm realizing that in my mind, I'm conscious inside of these entities. But really, it's not me in No, thank you. And now I'm realizing that in my mind I'm conscious inside of these entities. But really, I'm just... It's not me in the movie. No. I don't have a memory of being in Hereditary. No, you're not going to remember that. Speaking of President Biden... He's taken up the mantle of creating guardrails for the use

of artificial intelligence, including an executive order last week mandating tech companies give the government specific details about their AI technology and any potential risks it might pose. During the signing, President Biden said this about watching his own deepfake videos. With AI fraudsters can take three second, and you all know this,

three second recording of your voice. I've watched one of me on a couple of them. I said, when the hell did I say that? Is there, hey, is that, there's supposed to be one before that. I heard one of these AI voices pretending to be me.

And I said to myself, Joe, you're old, but you're not that old. You'd remember saying that. It shook me to my core. Uh-huh. Which one was real? The first one. Yeah, because that was when we were supposed to play fucking second. Which brings us to a game we're calling

iJobot or Biden but like Megan with a three. Nice. Here's how it works. We will play you an audio clip. You tell me if that's the current president of the United States or artificial intelligence pretending to be the current president of the United States. Either way, yikes, are you ready? Yeah, yeah. Yikes, indeed.

Yeah, I'm ready to go. First clip. To make a long story short, I almost lost my wife, my 67 Corvette, and my cat. I think that's fake. It was real.

Oh my God. Shit. It was Biden trying to relate a small fire that once... That was Biden relating a fire... That was Biden relating the story of a small fire that once... That was Biden relating a fire... That was Biden relating the story of a small fire that once broke out at his Washington home in an event about wildfires. So it was probably not the best story to tell anyway, but it was really him.

So are you telling me he... Just one quick question. Sure. He was talking about actual wildfires that actually happened, and he was like, this one time, something almost happened.

Yeah. Cool. Just checking. It was a bit like people saying where they were at 9-11, but they were just not... actually happened and he was like this one time i had a house fire almost happened yeah cool it was just checking it was a bit like people saying where they were at 9-11 but they were just you know they were in ohio they were somewhere else right you know where i was on in 9-11 in in not you know what i mean i was in ohio not there right yeah okay i think i was just AI'd for a second in my own brain. No, it happened. Here's the thing, by the way. How would you know?

I wouldn't know. Am I even really here, John? The simulations are getting better and better. Let's roll the next clip. I was sort of raised in the Puerto Rican community at home. I'm going to go with real. That was real. Okay, thank God. Talking about Delaware's Puerto Rican community at home. I'm going to go with real. That was real. Okay, thank God.

Talking about Delaware's Puerto Rican community. Next clip. Everyone laughed at that video of me falling off the bike. But honestly, I've taken way harder spills. Ask anyone. Ask Jill. She's seen some horrible things. I think that's fake.

Yeah, you got it. You got it. All right, let's do the next one. I think that's fake. Yeah, you got it. You got it. Alright, let's see the next one. I wish it was real. I wish it was real too. Are you guys big reggae fans now? God, I love reggae. Jill does too. She's a huge fan and I love her for it. Oh man.

There's no winning really. No, that's the fun of it. That's part of the fun of it, man. There's no winning, really. No, that's the fun of it. That's part of the fun of it, River. There's no winning. I think that's fake. It was fake. You got it. You got it.

You got it. Next clip. Cornpop was a bad dude, and he ran a bunch of bad boys. Oh, shit. Am I allowed? Can I hear it again? No. We don't have that technology.

Yeah, that's right. It's been erased. I think it's... I'll just go with real. It was real. It was real. But isn't it interesting that the second you find out that this technology exists, it's not that you think the threat isn't that you think fake things are real.

It's that you think real things are fake. Yes, 100%. That's what makes that even more dangerous. Next clip. I think I probably have a much higher IQ than you do, I suspect. I think that's real. It was real. It was a young Biden talking to a New Hampshire voter in 1987.

It really was. Man, that first campaign, you got some humdingers from that race. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next clip. And we owe it all to... Jesus, what's his name? No, I know it.

Stop. Stop talking. Martin Luther King Jr. I knew I got it. I think that's fake. Yeah, you got it. You got it. You got it. You're doing great. You're doing great.

Let's do this next one. Commander's never bitten anyone. Nipped at them, sure. But drawn blood? Maybe once, maybe twice. He's a puppy for Christ's sake.

That one's fake. Yeah, it is. You're getting it. You're getting it. You're getting it. I got it. I got a feel for it now. We have plans

to build a railroad from the Pacific all the way across the Indian Ocean. It's some fucking railroad. Oh, man, that's real. It is real. We don't really,

I don't even know what it was about. Wowza. All right, let's do a couple more. No, no, this Barbie is about empowerment. It's about empowerment.

Women standing up to men, women running the world. No, I'm being serious. You think I'm joking? It's good. All right. That didn't sound very real. I think I'm joking? It's good. All right. That didn't sound very real. I think that one's fake.

Yeah. All right, next one. Sometimes you can kind of hear the typing of the statement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can hear the computer humming underneath. The monkey at the typewriter. You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I'm not joking.

That is real. That is real. What year was that from, John? What year do you think it was? It was 2006. Wow. It's recent. It's recent.

He apologized for it. He apologized for it. Of course. In what year did he apologize for it? I think it was pretty soon after. I think that one bit him pretty quick. What in the world? Let's go to the...

It bit him pretty quick, just like Commander Biden. What is his name? Donald Trump is a stupid son of a bitch. I don't know how else to put it. I wish I did. He defies logic.

The level of stupid son of bitchness a man can contain in one horrible body. God, I hate him. Fake faces. That one's fake, and did you guys make it? I'll tell you what. Yeah, we made it. It's fake.

It's fake. It's fake. The strike's over. Yeah,'s fake. The strike's over. Yeah, it is. The strike is over. Ah, finally. Now I get to be turned into AI and never work again. Isn't that the dream?

Isn't that the dream? It's a dream, you know? Take my body, Warner Brothers. Yeah. Bend, burn, and break me. Make me new. Put me in the background of something cool. Yeah.

I want to watch. Hey, I want to see a Transformer fight an evil Transformer. Yeah, that's right. I want to go like this. Ooh, as Doc Ock does something. Yeah. I want to watch, hey, I want to see a transformer fight an evil transformer. Yeah. I want to see, I want to be, I want to go like this, ooh, as Doc Ock does something.

Yes, yes. Yeah, I'm in. I want to see an evil transformer fight an evil transgender person. Me. Yeah.

That's cool. That's cool. Transformer versus transgender. Wow. Colon, fallen angels. We both have truck nuts in that scenario. Wow. Colon fallen angels. We both have

truck nuts in that scenario. Hey. I'm trying to do the river. We need your help. The Decepticons are planning

are banning the book. Some boys are blue. I can't do the they've they have I'm done. I can't do Dave does They have a I'm done Any final thoughts?

No I mean It was great talking to you John Good to see you I am so glad You're a real person still Yeah That's great That's me

Flesh and bone For now Still you Still me For now you're real You're there I'm real There it is

For now That's cool Great Yeah Alright Thanks to River When we come back casey wilson's here don't go anywhere this is love it or leave it and there's more on the way

and we're back my next guest knows hollywood well i know ho for ugly people, which is Washington, D.C., which is a mean way to talk about a city when you think about it. They're also poor dressers. Here to discuss the two, straight from the famous tent. Oh, the famous tent.

I thought it was the tent full of celebrities. You know what I mean? Straight from the famous tent. Straight from the famous tent. And the new host of The Great American Baking Show, please welcome Casey Rose Wilson. Hi. Thanks for being here.

It's a mess today. Thanks for having me. Hi. Good to meet you. Nice to meet you. Hi. Say hello, you animals. Hello. You you. Hi. Say hello, you animals. Hello.

You greet our guests. Say hello to me. We have company. Do not ignore me. Don't. Get it to fucking gather. Thank you. Thank you.

I mean, this is the rudest 300 people I've ever seen. I've never seen anything like it. It's unbelievable. I hate them all. Yeah. Just busload after busload of quiet freaks. So, you've joined the Bake Off universe. Yes, I have.

Which, as far as I'm concerned, is way cooler than joining the Marvel universe or the Suicide Squad universe. Thank you. I completely agree. It's the only mild manner dignified reality show we have where there's no money prize. It's just a cake stand. It's just a cake stand. It's the only like mild manner dignified reality show we have where there's no, you know, money prize. It's just a cake stand. It's just a cake stand. It's so gentle. I can't believe they get away with it.

I know. It feels wrong, but it's very right. I have a question. Please. We had a debate. We had a legitimate debate earlier today. The debate was this. How soft are Paul Hollywood's hands?

Soft. Yeah. That's what we thought. That's what we thought. No, I know he was kneading that bread for a period of time in his life.

That's literally the exact, that was the exact place we went to. A lot of bread kneading but still soft. They're like a meaty hand, a meaty soft hand. Yeah, yeah.

That's, thank you. Honestly, it's nice to hear that confirmed. Yeah. You heard it here first. That was the consensus. The consensus that it would be meaty but soft despite all the kneading.

Not to denigrate the amount of kneading. It's never to denigrate it. No, tons of kneading. No one's denigrating it. No, but it's just a lot of oil. Exactly. It's a lot of oil. Supple.

Supple. A lot of proofing or whatever. Yeah, a lot of proofing. You know what proofing is. No. I didn't know anything about cooking. I was saying the words like I was reading them phonetically. I was like, work on your ganache.

And everyone's like, it's ganache. It kept coming up to me, but you know, look, it is what it is. They can't change it. Because sometimes if you do the ganache right, it's shiny. But if you do it wrong, it's not. It's not shiny. These are the kinds of things you have to you know, you'll see on the show.

Hey, do you think that the handshake has gotten out of hand? Like too many? Because when I first started watching the bake-off, it was like, holy shithake's gotten out of hand? Like it's like a. Like too many? There's too many. Because when I first started watching the bake-off, it was like, holy shit, it's a handshake. Now it's like, he's throwing out a lot of handshakes. I only saw him give one this whole season. Cool.

But then he had to give one in the celebrity one. Because you know the American celebrities, like they needed that. They needed it, yeah. But that was on them, I think, not on Paul. No, I know. No, and I agree. And I think the right thing to do in that situation is to give them the handshake because you can't wean these people off of approval on the day.

No. And I want to say it was really fun filming with a bunch of standups who had a camera on them at all times. It felt, I'm just kidding. It was horrible. They didn't shut the fuck up. Yeah. You think so?

For one second. Right. No, that checks out because these are a group of people that are animals, human animals, that they're on 24 hours a day. They're on in the shower.

They're on in their dreams. So when the camera's on... And not just one, sometimes two or three right here. No, I know. And yeah, and I do think comedians are like teenagers in the sense that you run into one harmless, three you get nervous,

six or seven you're crossing the street. They were screaming at me. Screaming at you? I was like, 30 minutes left, Bakers. They're like, shut the fuck up! Oh my God, it was terrifying. Oh no. I know, it was scary. Joel McHale leading the pack. You know, it's like sort of a good rule of thumb, which is I don't want to see chefs do jokes and I don't want to eat something made by Joel McHale. It's by the way, very true.

I got into that gingerbread man. I can't think of a group of people less inclined to know what they're doing around the kitchen than stand-up comedians. People that have just been eating just cold chicken tenders that have been around before they go home. Just people that make meals of just... Or like are just taking Ozempic. Like no one's even making food. Oh, and even that. Even that.

Yeah, no, that's true. I will say like it was different to see. You know, I think Paul was surprised when he saw Joel with his shoes and socks off and his feet up on his baking table. You know, these are things you don't see normally on the Great British Bake Off. No, you normally see just like a sweet gay plumber, you know, just with a little dream, with a little dream. Yes, a grandmother who was a public school teacher just wants to make, like, a little something. Yeah. Every single person cute, no one hot.

That's what you want. And you know what? You don't want to see people. You don't want, they're not supposed to be. Okay, I'm going to stop you right there, though. Hit me. There's a guy on this season that is so hot. He was military, gorgeous.

Yeah. They were, like, enough. Like, you can't do every bit where you're, like, trying to have sex with this guy. He's very Christian and I would pop up in between his legs and his pants. I'm like, stop! The Bake Off doesn't have that flavor.

Can you just talk to me about the temperature in the tent? Perfect. Really? Yeah. Perfect. Not only that, at 3pm bunnies appear out of nowhere where they film, and they're just surrounding the tent. So it's like enchanted.

It's enchanting. Wow. They film Mary Poppins there. Wow. All of it? I don't know. I'm sure someone said that. Maybe like bits and pieces.

I don't know. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Mary Poppins. Yeah. I think they did that Jolly Holiday with the

part no one likes there. Did you like that part? Yeah. Oh. I like every fucking part of Mary Poppins. I'm so sorry. I thought that was the part we all agreed. It was like, ugh. I don't agree. Okay. I'm sorry. Do you want to do this segment or do you want to just keep talking? Whatever you want.

Do you have any other secret? You know what? We don't even need these cards. I just want to hear more about being do you want to just keep talking? Whatever you want. Do you have any other secrets? You know what? We don't even need these cards. I just want to hear more about being on the great American Bake Off. What a dream. What a dream. Paul Hollywood is so cute. And that's his real given name, Hollywood.

Isn't that insane? When I first started, I'm like, it's kind of sad he's named himself this. It does feel a bit sad. It feels embarrassing. And he's like, should I use of sad he's named himself this. Like, it does feel a bit sad. Yeah. It feels embarrassing. And he's like, should I use a stage name like Greenberg or something? Then I just felt like, oh, God, he made this horrible choice. And then it stuck. And this is embarrassing.

And then I looked it up. And I'm like, of course he didn't. He's a cool guy and would never do that. Yeah. Yeah. Any other secrets from the tent? Oh, my God. Secrets from the tent.

Well, they have incredible bakers, real bakers that are there, you know, when they do like the real cake corner and stuff and they just pass it out all the time to you. So you're just sitting there. Then the producers have the nerve to every time someone bakes, they take little pieces and put it in a to-go box

and it's sitting in my trailer right when I'm ready to leave. They give you to-go? They give you the food to go? Yes. And do you take it? Of course I take it! Of course! It's just like a little bit. It's so considerate. They're like, we thought you might want to taste all the bakes because you know the hosts aren't supposed to taste them?

What? You know when we go around? Yeah, you don't taste them all? Well, the hosts aren't typically supposed to, but I did. I was like, what am I? What's going to happen? You get arrested by the... What am I? A ghost? Is the police going to come? Thank you. I don't understand. Why couldn't... Because you made it impartial? This isn't the Olympics. Because it's like Paul and Prue

were doing their thing. And I just said to Paul, I brought a fork with me to all the stations. And I said, I'm breaking ground here. I'm breaking the ceiling. The baking ceiling? Because... And that's so important. Thank you. You know, the highest,

hardest baking ceiling. Well, it's soft because of the tent, but still. Yeah, that's right. Someone has to do it

and I'm honored to have been the one. Right, they don't normally let you taste it. No. Just Paul and Prue. Just those two motherfuckers.

Because I guess, and then, because you, why? You're not supposed to express your opinion? I think it's, yeah,

you're supposed to like give a little joke at the end and they're, you know, the learned, I mean, they are quite, give a little joke at the end. And they're the learned. I mean, they are quite. She's a dame. And they know about baking.

Well, they know about making things. But we all know about eating things. Thank you. I mean, I don't believe that you're mad. We've been all eating the same. I literally said that. I'm like, I've eaten before. Please.

It's like, oh, you're. No, no, no, no. Only I know how to taste cake. Shut up, Paul Hollywood. We all know how to taste cake. Does he drive Paul Hollywood. We all know how to taste cake. Did you drive a Lamborghini? Yes. That's wild.

He has like 17 cars. He has the Batmobile one. Whatever that is. Again, I'm saying I only know little bits and bobs of things. I met Kandi Burris. Where? I had her on the show in Atlanta. Really?

It was wild. She's so cool. So charismatic. Just effervescent. Just charisma coming at your face. See, there's only like two housewives in the whole history of housewives who are genuinely talented. And she's one of them. Really?

No, no. I'm being misunderstood. I could not love these glorious monsters more. No, you love them. I love them with all my heart. But I mean talent. She came in with talent. You know? Real talent. She's a songwriter. Yes. And just also, what I appreciated love them with all my heart but I mean talent like she came in with like talent you know yeah there was a real talent songwriter and yes and and just like also what I appreciated

just like a fucking pro yes like she she didn't know what the show was she can't know surprise candy burris didn't know what this was she didn't know what these all these papers are and she just like this is what I'm here to do and I'm gonna I going to make this work.

I'm going to figure it out on stage. And she had a really good time with us. And then we were selling shoes. We were doing a Crooked shoe. Yeah. And I was selling the shoe. And she looked me with such disgust in her eyes and said, if you're selling the shoe, why aren't you wearing the shoe?

Okay, that's business. That's business. And she was right. Jordan, who runs a lot of the marketing for Crooked, is like, yeah, you should have been wearing the fucking shoe. Okay that's business That's business And she was right Jordan Jordan who runs a lot Of the marketing for Crooked Is like yeah You should have been

Wearing the fucking shoe Kandi Burris is correct She's so correct How dare you try to sell it It was stupid I felt Not wearing it Humiliated

Because it was true You don't feel humiliated When someone's wrong When someone insults you And they're wrong You feel mad Yep When someone insults you

And they're right You feel so sad. So upset. That's how you know if it's true or not. You knew it rang true. Right. Or how it's true to you because you can hate yourself and believe things that aren't true. But if you believe it, then you'll feel sad. If you don't believe it, then you'll feel mad. It's the true ones that get you. That's right. And she

knows about business. She has a line called Bedroom Candy. Yes. It's so successful. Yes. The vibrators. Yes. And other things. I've participated in the product and I think she's so successful yes the vibrators yes and other things I've participated in the product and I I think she's

she's so talented I've participated I've participated in the product and the product's participated in me yeah I think that's it

you know yeah and then we we participated with each other. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. 100%. Oh, I don't know why. I think it's good. That area, it's so not my normal. We were talking on Terminally Online about, shall we do, about there's a house, there's someone involved in the Housewife franchise who somehow had some sort of incestuous thing go on. Yes, that's right.

There's like a stepson and a brother and a father or something at a church. Allow me to take it over for you. So there's a woman who is a pastor. I'm looking out at Matt Rogers when he's out there. And we both love Housewife so much. She's a pastor and is, unfortunately, she is married to her grandfather.

Right. Now, it is a step-grandfather. Uh-huh. You know, the first time I heard it. It's still just not great. Everyone's always like,

oh, no, no, it's step-grandpa. It's like, that's not good. That's, so I want you to know that because I've heard this before, the first time I heard it,

someone said, married to their grandfather and I went, ugh. And then they said, step. And I went, ugh.

And then I went, wait. And so this time i didn't react my eyes stayed fucking dead because i know it's because i was already ready for how bad the real thing was not as even though there is a worst thing there are things that are bad even though there's a worst thing there's a worst thing but this is still pretty bad yeah there's that clip not ideal there's that clip where she's like sorry i'm late someone died and then like they fell out of a sunroof. And it's like, I don't believe that happened. She goes, I'm so sorry, someone flew out of a sunroof and she landed somewhere in a neighborhood.

The look on the little girl's face who's listening to it. And it was such an unnecessary lie. It was like, sorry, I'm three minutes late or I forgot the carrots or something. A woman flew out of a sunroof and died. It was so unclear. It was like, do you know that minutes late or forgot the carrots or something. A woman flew out of a sunroof and died. It was so unclear. It was like, do you know that person? Is that, were they in your way?

You know, what had happened? Yeah, it had the vagueness of a real lie. Yeah. Yet oddly specific enough. Yes. That it was too specific. It was too specific. Flew out of the sunroof. Out of the sunroof, landed in a neighborhood. In a neighborhood. And then there's a little girl watching.

She goes, are she alive? And she goes, no. And this is what happens in these shows all the time. Exactly. That's why I love these women. You know, and I said that Candy is the only talented one, but that woman's very talented for that story. I mean, that's as entertaining as anything.

And just people missed it. This is a pastor. That's right. Of a church that's as entertaining as anything. And just, if people missed it, this is a pastor. That's right. Of a church. Yes. With a flock of parishioners. And who,

you know, there's some, we don't know what's going on with her there. There's some trouble. There's financial shenanigans afoot.

Yes. Things are afoot. There's confusing hierarchies. A lot of times with housewives, though, if I don't see it

because they don't show that part, I just put some blinders on and I choose to ignore what's going on in that church. Right. And like, but you, you don't,

it's bad. You don't deal with the outer, you don't deal with, you don't deal with things in the canon. You're like someone who's seen the star Wars movies, but you don't, you don't watch the cartoons or the books of the games and they're not part of your story that you're,

that you're telling. It's not part of what I'm watching. Right. Right. And it's art and it's art. And so this is a piece of art that you're telling. It's not part of what I'm watching. Right. Right. Yeah, I didn't see that. And it's art. And it's art. And so this is a piece of art.

Oh, it's absolutely art. And you interpret this piece of art however you want. And that's a true... Yeah. It's not up to the authors. And you may be free to do however you want. Exactly. You see this as a...

You can interpret it. I don't see the MLM scheme that is her church. So. Yeah. Maybe you do. Not me. Right. And what is an MLM scheme?

If not a club that works for a little bit for a couple people. Yeah. And then gets out of hand. That's right. You know, people throw this term pyramid scheme around and it's like, okay. You want them to be more judicious with it. Yeah. I just think it's a, I just think it's an awful slur.

And, you know, my friend sold Cutco. To the products? Yeah. Okay, to the leggings. It's not the Cutco Knives Vault. Right. Right. Getting to wrap it up.

All right. I threw away the card. Wait, so the Great American. Yes, the Great American Bake Off is on Roku and the holiday celebrity special is out. It's out right now. It's out right now. We can see Joel McHale's feet.

We can see them. And I love Joel. I love all of them. In small doses, you know? Well, that's the thing. That's the thing. And they're cooking in very small doses. Yeah.

Yeah. And the cool thing is, even if it doesn't taste good to you, the audience at home doesn't get to taste any of it. That's right. What was the worst thing you tasted? What was the thing that just absolutely, who is a comedian that just absolutely fucking

crashed into the mountain? On this show? Yeah. You know, well, he's not a comedian, but the basketball player DeAndre Jordan made a vegan cake. And now that was just, I think he didn't have the proper, he had to make it with applesauce, lovely person.

But I think that one was, it was tough, tough. Now, but this is what I sometimes don't understand when I'm watching the show, which is why I'm asking, is it not good in the sense that you've had better cake? Is it not good in the sense that, oh, I don't care for this?

Or is it not good in the sense that I need to go off camera and spit this out because this isn't cake. This is something else. So the real contestants, they don't even call them contestants in London. It's so dignified. The bakers. The bakers. They're simply bakers.

The bakers are all so great that even if it's not their best, it's very good, which is wonderful. The celebrities were so terrible. And the best is that, you know in the main season, they all have 27 ingredients and it's this and it's followed with that. They was like, and here's Egonodum's

red velvet cake. And they didn't have one other thing to say because everyone was making the most basic. They're like, yeah, Joel McHale has made a lovely French onion dip.

It's a recipe. B.B. Robinson's brownies. And it wasn't even like with chocolate chips. It was like, that's too much. But it is hysterical. It's awesome. Truly so funny, the show. All right, everybody check it out.

Thanks, guys. Give it up for Casey Rose Wilson, everybody. Thank you. Give it up for Casey Rose Wilson. Thank you Thank you. Give it up for Casey Rose Wilson. Thank you. When we come back, it's time for some hot takes. And we're back. Let's get Matt and River back out here.

Oh, here comes Matt. Matt is one of the all-time funniest people. Matt. I'm so sorry. Hurry. Matt Rogers for the first all-time funniest people. Matt. I'm so sorry. Hurry. Matt Rogers for the first time. River's back. Get in here.

Hi. Can I say why we're late? Yes. So a woman from my church, her daughter went through the sunroof and she fell into a neighborhood. Before we get to Hot Takes, in case you missed it, Tommy, John, and I wrote a neighborhood. Before we get to hot takes, in case you missed it,

Tommy, John, and I wrote a book. It is coming out on June 25th, 2024. It's called Democracy or Else, How to Save America in 10 Easy Steps. That's right. We completed the writing

of a fucking book. You don't understand. Do you know fucking... Imagine me working on something for that level of a sustained period of time. The wrangling and anger that had to be fucking the blood to get me to write a goddamn book. If you don't buy it, it's a slap in the fucking face.

And here's the craziest part. We'd be selling if it turned out like okay. It's actually really good. We're really proud of it. It's very funny. They're really funny illustrations. We have a ton of awesome advice from real experts and the people we've interviewed over the years and great stories from our time in politics. So everybody, please go to crooked.com slash books to buy it.

We just have the cover out. Can we show the cover? Probably not. Not at this juncture. Not at this juncture. And I have to say this exactly. Crooked is donating the profits to support Vote Save America, its

partners, and other organizations mobilizing for progressive outcomes in the 2024 election and beyond because we wanted to make sure the book went towards supporting Vote Save America because that's what the book's all about, what everybody can do. So check it out. The cover's out. It's very cool. Crooked.com slash books. Alright. I did it. I did my promo. Well done.

Great job. Candy Burris will be proud of the way you sold that. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. You really wore that. It was all over your feet. Is this on? Is it on? I don't think the mic is on. Okay, it is on.

Thank you. It seems quiet. Someone said angrily. One of the 300 people here. It's on. So sorry. I was looking forward to the cards that you threw on the ground. That was a lovely chat,

but they were going to do this whole thing about Housewives products, and I was looking forward to that. But that was a lovely chat but they were going to do this whole thing about housewives products and i was looking forward to that but that was incredible sometimes you just gotta sometimes you gotta go with the flow i was enjoying our conversation it was it was really good i'm happy you went with the flow and we got some mary m cosby in there yeah her name was mary m cosby the woman we were i feel like we didn't give her her too we didn't say her name yeah mary m cosby it's mary m and she's a pastor and people on sundays go and hear what she give her her due. We didn't say her name. Yeah. Mary M. Cosby. Mary M. Cosby. And she's a pastor. And people on Sundays go and hear what she

has to say, which is cool as hell. I walked by her church. I went. You did not. Yes. When I tell you there, it felt a chill in the air. I've never, like, the energy was scary. Yeah.

Terrifying. Yes. Haunted church. And now it's time for hot takes. Here's how it works. We'll each have 30 seconds to defend a never-before-seen horrible opinion. As if it were, it's, oh, you guys, stop taking it personal. No, I was saying we were going to take the, we were upset that we took the show from you for that second.

Why are these two talking so much? Nothing brings me greater joy than when people fucking take this, whatever this is, and run with it. We don't want to be disrespectful. Oh, no, no. No, no. This is a place filled with decorum and manners.

I mean, just look at the ground. Where we take our jobs very seriously. Here's how it works. We'll have 30 seconds to defend a never-before-seen, we've truly never seen it, I haven't seen them, generated by the producers. We have to defend these opinions for 30 seconds as if they are

our own. We each get one skip, but be mindful, what you skip to may be worse. Oh my god. I'm scared. It's always worse. And I consistently have to say to the team before every episode and hey remember what we talked about like funny hard not actually personally devastating things right and then every time after i was like what did we talk about all right let's see what my... I couldn't tell my family what we were going through. Right, just like chiefly intimate problems.

All right, let's see what we have first. For me, it is, I am the perfect porn accountability partner. This is for me. I will actually defend this. I am the perfect porn accountability partner because as everyone who knows this show, I believe in a society

that is body positive and sex negative. And I will not judge you for your freaky interests, because we all see the categories that are available, and we're all fucking freaks. And if what you want is to be less of a freak, I'm here to support you. If you want to be more of a freak, as long as nobody's getting hurt, I'm here to support you too. And I can just take in the information because I don't care about anybody else except myself. So what am I going to do? Remember?

Well done. Beautiful. Great hot take. I'll text you later tonight and let you know how I'm doing. Yeah, I'll be your accountability partner, Matt. You can talk me off the ledge. Let's see what's next. Okay, it's me. Here's what it says on the screen.

The strike is over, but me and all my friends were having so much fun chillaxing. Okay, I can defend this. I actually was just saying earlier to River, I'm horrified to have to audition again because I did forget how to do it. What I didn't forget how to do? Chillax. I actually went to Las Vegas last weekend

and I was telling Casey I was very connected to everyone backstage individually. I said I was at BravoCon. I had an amazing time chillaxing there. I actually did buy

lots of products so if you do want to pick the cards back up the ground, I can go through that with you guys. I also went to see Usher. I would willfully get an STD from him.

That's the way I would chillax with him or reach the climax, as it were. And then I went to Adele, and that whole thing is a chillax sesh. In the best way. Nice. Amazing. Fantastic.

I don't want to work. Till my love could be over. I don't know why. It just felt like that shit right there. No, it's really good. It's a great musical. You should stream my album, Have You Heard of Christmas? It's out now. It's incredible. It's incredible. I don't know why. It just felt like that shit in there. No, it's really good. Great musical. You should stream my album, Have You Heard of Christmas?

It's out now. It's incredible. It's incredible. I don't know. I think Matt's going to remember how to audition pretty quick. I think you'll get it. I've been acting all night.

Let's see what's next. Oh, God. Okay. Jesus. Why would anything happen to me on a beat? Okay, I'm Okay. Jesus. Okay, I'm going to skip. Only because I'm trying to even understand my viewpoint on it. This is just for people to know what Casey is skipping is all this legalizing weeded abortion has to stop. It's madness.

More than anything, women want to be sober and pregnant. Let's see what Casey is skipping to. Oh, God. I'm so scared. It could be worse. That's see what Casey is skipping to. Oh, God. I'm so scared. It could be worse. That's what everyone keeps saying. Is this mic on? I hope my children's taste...

Great. This is great. I hope my children's taste is too elevated for anything on Bravo. Nothing would make me happier. Okay? The next generation needs to be better than the first. My taste is Bravo. I want them, I mean, I'm trying

to start to help them with the great American Bake Off plug, but I want them to have even more elevated taste, not like my garbage taste, although they'd really be missing out, and I know I'm not defending, but they would be missing out. But I hope that their influencers, I hope someone would ever call

them a Nepo baby. Nothing would make me happier than if someone saw me enough for my kids to be Nepo babies. And I hope that they are sophisticated and into chic programming. I love that. And what I love about that is the range of sophistication of what the future could be runs from one TV show

to a slightly more elevated TV show. And I like that books did not factor into the equation. Not even a painting. No, fuck that. Does that read have to read to teach them how to read? No. That's not going to happen. I can't do that. No. No. Reading is over.

Reading is the old economy. Let's see what's next. Oh, I could do this one. Reading is the old economy. Let's see what's next. Patrick Dempsey is people's sexiest man. Has no one seen Matt Rogers? I love it. He's like, this is so dumb. You should probably skip it. Don't fucking skip it.

As I fix my hair, I set the system. Please, like I would ever skip this. I'm doing this one. Come on. Wait, first of all, Patrick Dempsey as America's Sexiest Man, what year are we talking about? First of all. Second of all, the year is 2023,

and the world's sexiest man is sitting on this velvet or velour couch with me in a beautiful orange sweater. How many people have you ever seen wear an orange sweater? Yet, let alone make it this fucking sexy, it is dripping with post-Halloween

sex lusciousness. I thank you. I really did say earlier to Casey when we were connecting backstage, I think this sweater is not seasonally appropriate, and she did not disagree. Were you a traffic cone for Halloween?

No, I'm saying... I'm smoldering it. By the way, you were trying to be mad, but it was just hot. No, I'm saying... I'm smoldering it. By the way, yeah. Jeez, that was... You were trying to be mad, but it was just hot. You know what I was, actually? I kind of did... Okay, so who here is gay?

Do you know what it means to give trade? It's like when you give trade, you're like a sort of gay guy that looks really butch. So I went as a baseball player. Wow. Give me another 30 seconds right now. Put it on the clock. I got more material. This is the sexiest

man I've ever seen in my life. He went as a baseball... Give me a photo. Matt, where's your Instagram? Let me see. Let me see. Podcasts are not a visual medium, but just know that I'm connecting with everyone right after, and in the backstage,

I'm going to show everyone pictures of me on Halloween. And by the way, the sexiness is coming across even in this audio medium. It's working for me so much. I love that you keep, when you say that we're talking and we're connecting. It's nice. I don't ever waste a minute.

Is that sexy? I don't ever waste a minute. Is that sexy? I don't ever waste a minute. That's my Housewives tagline. I don't ever waste a minute. In New York City, I don't ever waste a minute. First of all, I like that. I also like that as someone that's been to a dinner with you where you just fought with someone at the table.

Oh, I felt so embarrassed about that. I was going through a rough breakup. What happened? What happened? What were we fighting about? It was something so funny and stupid. I was going through a rough breakup. What happened? What happened? What were we fighting about? It was something so funny and stupid. What was it about? It was the definition of camp and kitsch.

It was literally and it was like we were at an Italian restaurant and all of a sudden there was an argument about the definition of camp and it went from being... Oh, I thought you meant like it was the definition of camp. No, no, no, no. Well, it was. No, it was. Actually, I think it has to be, again, this is part of the argument.

I think it would have to be on purpose for it to be the definition of camp. And it was... Willfully bad? This was just bad. And then all of a sudden it was like, oh, they're arguing about the definition of camp. This is awesome. I was at my lowest point and probably shouldn't have accepted the invitation of the dinner, but I did. No, it was fun other than that.

We had fun. Anyway, see me after we'll connect backstage and I'll tell you the definition of camp. Mine is right. Let's do one more. Patrick Dempsey is people's sexiest man. Has no one seen River Butcher? All right. I want to get real.

I want to get real. Because there's some people saying some pretty stupid things like matt rogers is the sexiest man alive when you've got river butcher right over there and here's the here's the thing about here's the thing here's the thing about river butcher every time i see river butcher the mask leaps out more and more every sometimes there's a cowboy hat. There's chaps. So I think I honestly, a little bit more testosterone. I think there'll be a horse and I don't even know. That doesn't even make sense.

It doesn't make sense. I don't know how injecting testosterone will make a horse come on stage and be part of your life. But all of a sudden they'll just be though. I think they'll come to you like in the movie. So just come to your door and be like, yeah, yeah.

These horses, you're a cowboy and you must ride them and that to me is what makes river the sexiest man alive wow my horses thank you john but for real can you believe the patrick dempsey thing for real what is happening no i think it's good i think? No. I think it's good. I think it's good. You think it's good? I can tell how passionate you are about it because you can form more than four words about it. Listen. Pedro Pascal. There's two more. He was right there.

He was right there. He was right there. Is he in something right now that they picked him? The answer is like, no. Okay. We're going to. Is it the strike? Does that have anything

to do with that? I think a lot of people say no to that. Patrick Dempsey isn't struck right now so we can talk about him. Yeah. So last night,

John, Tommy, and I were on Jimmy Kimmel, which I've already talked about. Before we were on, Patrick Dempsey was revealed on the show as People's Sexiest Man.

And so they decided to do a fun thing where Patrick Dempsey in disguise was gonna do 20 questions with the audience to figure out who it is. on the show as people's sexiest man and so they decided to do a fun thing where patrick patrick dempsey in disguise was going to do 20 questions with the audience to figure out who it is so they could guess it is but they couldn't figure it out it was going on for so long and they were like are you george clooney no are you over 40 yes are you over 50 yes are you in any movies this year no it was fucking crazy it was absolutely fucking crazy. And it was like

never ending. They didn't have a way out of it. It was legitimate audience asking these questions like, um, are you Harry Styles? No.

They just were like, they did the audience and out of play 20 questions. They were just asking specific people and endlessly disappointed. Like there,

and then one person got up and said, sorry, I think my question was going to be, are you Travis Kelsey? But I think I already know you're not. So what happened when he was revealed? Everyone was like,

it was unbelievable. It just couldn't have ever been in their heads that it would be him. It didn't make any sense. And it was like, and then you're like, but why? And then they asked him like, are you in any movies this year?

And he said, no, because I think he forgot he's in Ferrari. It was unbelievable. It was. Jimmy Kimmel also had to say one hint. He was on one of the biggest TV shows in history. Still, people didn't get it. And then he came back and goes, another fucking hint. He played a doctor.

And that's what someone gets. That back and he goes, another fucking hint. He played a doctor and that's when someone gets... Yes! That's when they guessed George Clooney. It was un-fucking-believable. It was... I don't know how much they cut it down. They must have cut it down dramatically. I hope they didn't cut a second out of it. Yeah, I want to see it cut in real time. When we come back,

we'll end on a high note. And we're back! Here it is, this week a high note. And we're back! Here it is, this week's high note. Hi, Love It. My name is Rebecca. And my high note is that this Saturday, November 4th, I'm going to be marrying my wonderful fiance, Francesco. And you are slightly responsible for this high note

because we met waiting in line to see Love or Leave It. It was at the David Center, and we've been together ever since. So thank you so much for bringing us together. See you, Love It. My name's Natalie. I'm a Canadian listener since 2016 because what happens in American politics tends to ripple into our politics within a few years.

And a few weeks ago, there was an anti-trans protest in my city. But of course, that's not my high note. My high note is that after an excruciating wait, I am recovering from top surgery. And all those people who protested my existence will be paying for my gender-affirming care. I'd also like to shout out my union, HSA, for negotiating a guaranteed eight weeks of pay for gender-affirming care leave. And to you, Lovett, thank you for being a light in dark times. And to everyone going through it, just remember, keep your stick on the ice. Thanks.

Hey, Lovett. This is Holly. I'm calling from Lincoln, Nebraska. My high note is I volunteer at a goat and sheep rescue, and we just picked up our goats that we rent out to the zoo. They came home for the winter. I'm looking at them right now, and they're very happy to be home. Also, on my way here to the sanctuary today,

I listened to your Portland show, and I want to say, Sarah, thank you for being here still, babe. We love you. We're so happy that you gave this life another chance. Yeah, that's all. Thanks. Love it. Bye. Hi, my name is Crystal. I'm from Charlottesville and my high note this week is all of my friends from Livable Seville. They've been working for almost four years trying to get the city to allow for more housing in our zoning code. I'm so proud of these people who show up to every public comment and who stay for hours just to be able to say that we have more room for people to live here and that we would love to have new neighbors.

We have one more vote to get through, but I'm hopeful that Charlottesville will become the latest town to do meaningful upzoning and that soon everyone who works here, everyone who studies here, and everyone who just moved here for the bagels will be able to find housing in this city. Thanks for all that you do. Bye. Hey, Leavitt. This is Hannah. I called you back in August when issue one failed. I'm calling you back on November 7th, where in Ohio, issue one has passed. Hello, suckers! Hey, suckers! I'm here with Planned Parenthood, Gym City Action, and J-D-Law-E-F-A, Jaden Women's Rights Alliance. I mess it up every time. A lot of people worked really hard to make this happen today,

and we are so thankful that we ignored all of the lies that were told by the GOP and our own governor. And we kicked some ass. And Secretary of State Frank LaRose. governor and he kicks an ass and secretary of state franklin rose and we have won and we are very excited thank you so much thanks everybody who shared a high note tonight if you want to leave us a message with your high note something that gave you hope. Something that was good. You can call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show.

Thank you so much to Casey Wilson, River Butcher, and Matt Rogers. There are 359 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night. Thanks for coming out. Have a great weekend. That was great. Kaplan, Alan Pierre, and Chandler Dean are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. And Kyle Seglin provides audio support. Our theme song is written and performed by Shersher.

Thanks to our designer, Jesse McClain, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Zuri Ervin, David Tolles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos at www.youtube.com slash

at Love It or Leave It podcast. That's the best we can do, I guess. Subscribe to Love It or Leave It on YouTube for access to video versions of your favorite segments and other exclusive content. Don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on IG and Twitter. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review.