Lovett or Leave It - Pride 2022: Choose Wrath

Episode Date: June 18, 2022

This week, Lovett or Leave It celebrates Pride the best way it knows how: with the help of Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s ghost (Abby McEnany). River Butcher, Tre’vell Anderson, and Zach Noe Towers solve gender, answering definitively if cats really are all girls. Solomon Georgio and Sydnee Washington have all the gossip, while Jared Goldstein spreads the good gay news. Bob the Drag Queen tries to locate the lone straight at the show, and we say goodnight to all our beloved LGBTQ listeners with a round of Queer Hot Takes. Happy Pride, everybody!!! For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Hello, Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. Pride or Else. to Love It or Leave It. Pride or Else. The or else is a descent into autocracy with Christian nationalist harmonies.

What do you think the or else was? This year, Crooked Media's Pride Fund is split evenly between the Transgender Education Network of Texas, which is TENT, the Trans Lifeline, and Equality Florida. These incredible organizations provide gender-affirming and life-saving resources

to the queer and transgender community, and they're fighting on the ground to organize against the anti-gay, anti-trans goons pulling shit all over the country. So if you go to crooked.com slash pride, please donate. We're trying to raise a bunch of money over the course of Pride to get to these organizations. These are organizations

that need every dollar. They are small organizations that are actually doing really good work. Every dollar makes a difference. So please go to crooked.com slash pride. And we have a huge show for you tonight. Solomon Giorgio, Sidney Washington, Jared Goldstein, Zach Noe Towers, Travelle Anderson, River Butcher, Bob the Drag Queen, Abby McEnany, and our toughest booking, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I have some questions for Ruth about her choices. But first, let's get into it. What a week. During Monday's January 6th committee hearing, video of Bill Barr's testimony revealed

the former attorney general's honest thoughts on Trump's allegations. The claims of fraud were ******. I thought, boy, if he really believes this stuff, he has, you know, he's become detached from reality. This story has no heroes, just a spectrum of dirtbags with varying breaking points. We've transcended the hero dirtbag binary.

Happy pride. After being accused in that very same hearing of drunkenly trying to overturn the election, specifically on election night, Rudy Giuliani tweeted, I refused all alcohol that evening. My favorite drink? Diet Pepsi. I was stone cold sober

when I tried to overthrow the government, screamed the former mayor as rivulets of hair dye and scotch sweat streamed down his face. My favorite drink, Diet Pepsi, is one of the drunkest things I've ever heard. In response to Monday's hearing, Donald Trump released a 12-page rebuttal, but it's only 10 pages if you don't count the centerfold, which was very tasteful. page rebuttal, but it's only 10 pages if you don't count the centerfold, which was very tasteful. The fun didn't stop. Monday, at Thursday's hearings, former federal judge J. Michael Luddig

described the scheme to have Pence reject the results of the election. This is constitutional mischief. I'm glad we got the word mischief on television at a public hearing. The American people need to know the stakes. This was not just hijinks. This was monkey business. Not for nothing,

anyone who watched the hearing was struck by Judge Luddig's delivery of his testimony, which was extremely slow-paced, long, and careful. Don't worry, ladies. He testifies exactly how he fucks. I'm so...

I don't know why I said that. I'm really sorry. I'm so stupid. In his deposition, Jared Kushner blew off a question about White House counsel threatening to quit, saying he dismissed it as whining. Kushner added,

and I'm the guy who looks like a 13-year-old inbred Habsburg prince, so yeah, I know a thing or two about whining. I look like Goya was trying to roast me in a portrait. That's how much I look like a guy who knows a thing or two about whining. Shout out Goya. Uranus devouring his son has queer energy. What that means. In text from Sean Hannity to Mark Meadows revealed by the January 6th committee,

Hannity said he thought that White House counsel would resign if Trump pressured Mike Pence not to ratify the election. In response, Rudy Giuliani said, put me in, coach. I wouldn't resign, not unless the White House ran out of single malt diet Pepsi. During the hearing, the committee made the analogy between Mike Pence

and Al Gore in the 2000 election. According to Trump's cronies, technically Gore could, as vice president, have refused to acknowledge Florida's electoral votes and made himself president. He, of course, did not do this. There's one critical difference, which is that in 2000, it would have been cool.

The idea that every vice president could have picked the president for our entire history but never did, like it's like, democracies hate this one weird trick. According to top Pence advisor lawyer Greg Jacob, Trump did not call to check on Mike Pence during the Capitol riot even once. Trump did text Mike Pence, hang in there, but depending on how you read it, it might have said, hang in there. It's hard to say. What did he mean? What was the intent? It's a lot of conversation about Trump. Did he mean hang in there or did he mean hang in there. It's hard to say. What did he mean? What was the intent? It's a lot of conversation about Trump.

Did he mean hang in there? Or did he mean hang in there? Much of the hearing focused on Trump's efforts to get his lawyer, John Eastman, to convince Mike Pence to refuse to ratify the election when asked to reject the state's electoral votes, including Arizona's, Pence said,

that's rubber room stuff. And I know rubber rooms. I lived in one while the scientists raised me to be the perfect boy. That's why mother is made out of chicken wire with a blanket thrown over it. He refused to eat when they took the blanket out of his cage. He would take the blanket before food.

That's how much little Mike Pence needed the warmth and comfort of a mother. It's just science. John Eastman also accused Mike Pence needed the warmth and comfort of a mother. It's just science. John Eastman also accused Mike Pence and Greg Jacob of themselves causing the insurrection by refusing to overturn the results. You can't argue with that logic. Similarly, an effective way to prevent break-ins is to place all of your valuables outside of your front door. He was actually saying, give us your democracy and no one gets hurt. It's not funny.

Just the dark reality of the coup. Hang in there. I'm furious you got that laugh. Absolutely. Absolutely outraged. What a despicable. Say one more word and then show you're out of here. It's a democracy

out there for a little while longer, but not in here. In the wake of the Capitol riot, Eastman messaged Rudy Giuliani to float an idea writing, I have decided I should be on the pardon list, if that's still in the works. Hey, sorry to bother you. If you haven't put my order in,

I'd like to switch to the pardon list. He also put that in email. These are great lawyers. The January 6th committee also teased that it has emails between Ginny Thomas, wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, and huge fan of the insurrection, as well as Trump's lawyer,

the one and only John Eastman, and plans to ask her to testify. But for all we know, there's a perfectly innocent explanation. It is possible that Clarence Thomas is simply being cucked. Possibility. You know I love an abrupt segue. It's no Diet Pepsi, but in honor of my masochism and general chaotic energy this Pride,

we're now going to drink a refreshing beverage we saw on TikTok. Has anyone seen this nonsense that is being described as healthy Coke? Yes. All right, let's do it. First of all, Jared Goldstein, get out here to join me, please. He's graciously agreed to help. Hi, Jared. He's out here.

Give it up for Jared. Hi. Hi, Jared. Hi, hi. Good to see you. No, you can just stand with me because we're just drinking, you know? Hi. Hi, Jared. Hi, hi. Good to see you. No, you can just stand with me because we're just drinking, you know? Okay.

So, Jared, here's the deal. There is a claim that began with someone's yoga or Pilates instructor, I believe, that you could make something called healthy Coke, which is healthy Coke. Okay. And I don't know what this is.

I'm not like super on TikTok. I'm extremely present. Famously present. So I'm learning what this is. I'm not like super on TikTok. I'm extremely present. Famously present. So I'm learning what this is in real time. And what it is, is balsamic vinegar. Whoa. And any sparkling water of any flavor. That's the claim.

Oh. That the flavor doesn't matter. So let's check it out. Okay. Wait, is this like a sugar-free Coke? It's a healthy coke I mean oh healthy whatever's in the balsamic got it okay I'll stand over here this is this is someone's from home cuz it's like mostly done this wasn't

like a new bottle bought for the show this is somebody brought some producer brought this from home terrific can I just say they told me backstage they're like are you okay with drinking coke and I was like no and they were like you know cuz you're so funny, you do the show, and you're down for anything. And I was like, uh-huh. And they're like, so you're going to drink Coke? And I was like, fuck.

But now I know there's no sugar in it. The ice melted. I was pouring out some of the water. This is going to be legit. Here we go. All right, let's start with the balsamic. Balsamic vinegar. Wait, at the very least,

this is like a cleanse, and I'm excited. If you think this is the first time I'm drinking vinegar, you're wrong. You're wrong. Apple cider vinegar, one part apple cider vinegar, eight parts water. That'll get you there. All right, here's yours. Okay, oh my God. What's exactly, this is LaCroix Pamplemousse.

This is LaCroix Pamplemousse. I need it to mix with my finger. It does look like Coke. Vinegar. Two ingredients. Happy Pride, everybody. That is not Coke. What the fuck?

It's nothing. This is nothing. That's insane. I mean, honestly, it's probably good for your GI. It's not bad, though. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. It's nothing. This is nothing. That's insane. I mean, honestly, it's probably good for your GI. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I don't hate it.

It's not Coke. I don't hate it. And I don't know that I'll ever have it again. If you told me, if you were like, this is a vodka Coke, I'd be like,

something happened to the vodka, but that's okay. That's okay. It's good though. I'll tell you this. If somebody want to try it, I just tested positive. Okay. Can we want to try it, I just tested positive. Okay.

Can we hand it to our, what's your name? Grace. Grace. Give it up for Grace. What do you think, Grace? It's not the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth. It's really not.

Grace wants everyone to know it is not the worst thing she's ever put in her mouth. Honestly, if you gargle and swallow that every morning, you're never getting COVID. You're never getting it. Thank you so much, Jared. He'll be back.

Thank you. What a success this was. The World Health Organization. What do you want? It's a podcast. You want what? Nifty trends? We did it. We did a funny thing. Now we're going back to the rest of the monologue. That's fine, right? You're okay with that? Yeah, so everyone chill out. You're sewing again.

Front row. What is it called that you're doing? Bargello or Hungarian flame stitch. Hungarian flame stitch? But I mean, what's the broader term? Sewing? Bargello? That's nothing I've heard before. But what is Bargello? It's a I've heard before. But like, what is Bargello? It's a kind of... It's a kind of stitching. It's stitching. Stitching. And is this gonna be

clothes or one of those things that hangs on the wall of some cottage? It's a throw pillow. It's a throw pillow. Right, we talked about it. It's the same throw pillow? Yeah. How much progress have we made since last week? I just had the outline. Wow. It's really coming along. How many more episodes do you think it's going to take you to finish?

I'll probably be done by next week. Done by next week. Okay, we have one more before we head on the road, so I'm excited about that. Are you going to come next week? Are you going to be here next week? I did buy tickets. You bought tickets? Fantastic. Fantastic. It's a great place to come and quietly sitch. I want you to know, we meet every single day. There's a team of people that work on everything we do here to make it a great show for you

so that you can fucking multitask. The World Health Organization said it will rename the virus formerly known as monkeypox to avoid discrimination and stigmatization. Some critics say the new name, Juice Gavies, solves one problem by creating another. And even worse,

and even worse news, 31% of the white nationalist group Patriot Front were arrested in Idaho over the weekend after police found them packed into a U-Haul truck on their way to disrupt a pride celebration in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. They chose a U-Haul to blend in with the pride parade's lesbians.

Meanwhile, sophisticated. Meanwhile, Wall Street fell into a bear market this week after anxiety about a delicate economy and rising interest rates, and the S&P 500 more than 20% below its record set earlier this year. Look, we've all fallen into a bear market. If you want to get out of one,

you get low to the ground. You gotta get low and push through. A lot of these bears are barrel-chested but spindly-legged, so there's room down there to maneuver. Tampons are the latest essential to be hit by supply chain issues and shortages in the U.S. Thankfully, the Supreme Court has hard-earned work cooking up a way for people to need fewer of them. And finally, the transit agency serving downtown Boston will launch a pilot program this summer that will place urine detection sensors in four downtown elevators. The sensors will determine if there's urine in the elevators by asking the question, are the elevators in

downtown Boston? All right, when we come back, a very special guest, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, is here. But first, a message from a sponsor. You know, people make fun of corporate pride advertising, and I get it. You don't want your most intimate personal experience, your authentic identity co-opted to sell products to consumers. On the other hand, for me, growing up gay, I had to compartmentalize so many different parts of myself to survive. That's why this pride, I'm partnering with the Container Store.

The Container Store. You're still you when you leave. You just have boxes you will fill with crap you won't open again until the next time you move. The next time you move as a proud queer person. Or, instead of buying clear boxes, you can send your money to the Crooked Pride Fund, which goes to organizations like Trans Lifeline,

which works to build a resilient trans community through direct services like peer support and a crisis hotline, a micro-grants program that provides direct material support to trans people, and advocacy work. We also have a sick t-shirt collab with them, which you can order now at the Crooked store. Some of the proceeds will go to the Trans Lifeline.

I told you I love an abrupt segue back to the show. And we're back! Look, we can argue all day about what does or doesn't belong at Pride, kink, the cops, a bottom-friendly menu at Buffalo Wild Wings. But absolutely no one asked for a Supreme Court decision overturning the right to an abortion, which is expected to drop at any moment. To help us wrap our heads around it,

we hit a Ouija board with a gavel until one of America's finest legal minds agreed to come back from the dead. Please welcome to the stage late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. What's up? What's up, queers? Notorious RBG in the house, motherfuckers.

Who out there has a tote bag with my face on it? A mug? A candle? Hold them up. Nobody's got it. Justice Ginsburg. Hi, John. So great to see you.

I'm thrilled. You look happy. You seem like you're in a good mood. Hi, John. So great to see you. I'm thrilled. You look happy. You seem like you're in a good mood. Yeah, why wouldn't I be? It's Pride Month. Yeah, dogs. It's a perfect month to celebrate LGBTQ plus folks and also deceased gay icons.

Huh. Would you say that you're a gay icon? Yeah. Wouldn't you? Sure. Yeah, I guess. I wouldn't want to say otherwise. Not to brag, but I kind of consider myself the Judy Garland of the federal bench. The Judiciary Garland, they call me.

Nice. Classic fits. Who calls you that? All the top gays. That's what my clerks tell me. They write me notes. No bigs. That makes sense. I just thought you might be feeling a little more somber

given everything that's been happening at the Supreme Court. You mean like the legalization of same-sex marriage? You're welcome, sluts! Fuck anybody you want! Love wins! You know what I always say? Who's horny for commitment? Make some noise!

Yeah, okay. And buy a fucking tote bag with my picture on it. Oh, right. All right, RBG. I'm all about the merch. Look, obviously we're all fans of marriage equality, but that was seven years ago. Are you saying you're not aware of anything that's happened since you...

Since I dropped dead? I was trying to put it more delicately. Yeah, you're known for that, John. You're a delicate... Yeah, I try to be tactful all right well i mean so so it seems like you don't really know what's been happening since the old uh since you kicked the bucket yeah i should yeah i mean i've been kind of out of the loop but um i you know i was planning to hang around a while to just haunt elena and steven because you know i was saw them

at brunch the weekend before like i just fucking bit. And I was like, is my phone broken, you bitches? And I was like, come down. But you know what? My personal trainer, I don't know if you caught this, started doing push-ups next to my casket while I was lying in state in the Capitol. And I was like, this is so cringe. My soul evaporated. Yeah, I do remember that.

It was wild when the trainer did the push-ups next to the casket. Yeah. Especially because you had died. Yeah. That was crazy. Oh my God, it was fucking crazy! My friend, Tony Scalia, and I had a good laugh about it

when I told him. Wait, if you're with Scalia, did you wind up in hell? Oh, no, no. You know, the Supreme Court justices have our own neutral afterlife. It's like the independent branch of eternity. Everything is beige.

No offense, but that does sound kind of like hell. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, hell's thrown a lot of dark money at it, so dirty money exists at all planes. Mm-hmm, sure. Anyway, so tell me what I've missed. Okay, well, obviously you were placed on the bench very quickly. Right, right after the 2020 election. No, no, no.

What? The fuck? People were already voting? What happened to the no-filling vacancies in an election year? I'm paying that weasel Mitch McConnell a little visit in hell. He's sidelined so far, right? No, not yet. No, somehow not.

But his skin. Justice Ginsburg, this gets so much worse. All right, you know what? Rip that Band-Aid off. This old broad could take it. So here we go. You've been replaced by a 50-year-old Federal Society anti-abortion originalist zealot. No.

Who's poised to be the fifth conservative vote to overturn Roe versus Wade in an abortion decision that will come out any day now. No. Assuming it looks anything like the Samuel Alito draft leaked last month, it seems pretty clear that the rights to same-sex marriage and contraception could be next. No. No, no. God. What the fuck? I know. It's bad. So you're telling me somebody actually leaked a draft? Supreme Court decision?

No, that's not... Oh, come on! I'm just messing with you, John! Uh-huh. I mean, who gives a shit about that? A radical court deciding that your right to buy a weapon of war is more sacrosanct than the right to control what happens to your own body based on some phony fakakta legal theory cooked up by a bunch of right-wing goons?

As a Jewish woman, I think you might have said fakakta with a little bit more comfort. RBG, this must be incredibly upsetting for you, both as a lifelong champion of women's rights and also... Yeah, also what? And also as the person who... You want to jump in again? Nope, no idea where you're going, sweetie.

As the person whose fault this is! Okay, you know what? Whoa, whoa, whoa! All you had to do was keep your soul in your body for a few more weeks. You couldn't stay clenched for a few more weeks. What was that personal trainer for? You know, you can only hold it in for so long, John. The soul is like trapped wind in more ways than you can possibly imagine.

Yeah, no, I get it. After everything else, you won't say fart, but don't... Don't get mad at me for asking this, but does any small part of you now feel that maybe you were wrong not to retire before it was too late? No, no, no, no, no. Uh-uh. You're not putting this on me.

Nope, John. I'm not taking the heat. My legions of RBG heads, armed with action figures and prayer candles, but no tote bags, will rise up to defend me. I'll tell you, they've gotten pretty quiet over the past couple of years.

In the last three minutes, am I right? Oh, you're kidding. No, some of them came out as homosexuals briefly, but that didn't last. No, no, actually, I was alive for that shit show. So you don't feel any responsibility at all for the direction of the court taking us now that it has this far-right supermajority?

Okay, don't tell anybody. But if I'm being brutally honest, I guess there might be a tiny part of me that wishes I'd made a different decision. Maybe it was a teeny bit of hubris. I'm not perfect, okay? And I wasn't then, and I'm not now. Everybody makes mistakes.

Mine just accidentally cemented a total right-wing takeover of the court and the rollback of 50 years of rights. Is it all my fault? I'm like, what have I done? Don't look at me! Nobody look! All right.

Okay, Justice Ginsburg, please. You're not worthless. Wow, that was kind and really heartfelt. Like, um... Uh-huh. I just thought it would all work out. Everything has always worked out somehow. Things were always getting a little bit better.

The moral arc of the universe was bending towards justice. I mean, they made an all-female Ghostbusters. Melissa McCarthy. A dream. She's so funny. I just thought we'd be on that ride forever. We all did. I think all of us had to wake up to realize that we can't take progress for granted.

If we want a kinder, fairer, more inclusive country, or even one that isn't like a Peter Thiel wet dream, we're going to have to really fight and work hard and not assume that everything works out. Everything doesn't always work out. Oh, God. Okay, well, you know what? You guys must just hate me. I'm such a fuck-up. I'm like a sea slug.

I'm a sea slug, Josh! Don't say that, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. You look delighted that I'm such a fun cop. I'm like a sea slug. I'm a sea slug, John. Don't say that, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. You look delighted that I'm saying that. You made enormous contributions to the law. It was one mistake. Anyone could have made it. Justice Breyer almost did until we tweeted at him relentlessly for months. Come on.

We all thought Hillary was going to win. We couldn't have known. Yeah. That's right, you little fucker. Everybody hear that? RBG innocent. Hashtag that. Unbelievable.

You tricked me. The ghost of Ruth Bader Ginsburg tricked me. Yeah! I still got it. All right. I'm out of here. I got to go drink with Scalia. He gets like a grumpy little fuck during Pride.

Okay. Good luck out there. And if anybody needs me to officiate a wedding in a public health emergency without a mask on, you know where to summon me. RBG! Ah! RBG! Ah! RBG! ah, RBG, ah, RBG. Get out of here, RBG. The late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Okay, deep down you know I wouldn't get transgender anyways. I do pills with Rehnquist now. Bye, babies. Thank you. Guys, give it up for Abby McEnany. Go watch Work in Progress on Showtime. RBG's doing Pills with Rehnquist

in neutral Supreme Court purgatory. Classic. Go watch Work in Progress on Showtime. When we come back, gender reveals. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Gender.

What a puzzle. Here to solve it, it's Travelle Anderson, River Butcher, and Zach Noe Towers. Come on out, everybody. Take a seat seat good to see you all hi travell hello hi river hello hi zach hi uh gender what is it a construct it's a construct i agree i agree uh so we've been grappling here at the show with the fact that languages have gendered language about inanimate objects. How do

we gain a new novel understanding of gender when it's baked into the croissants, the pupusas, the mooncakes? Depending on what language you speak, all sorts of objects can be girls, boys, you name it. Travelle, River, and Zach, you are here to choose the definitive gender for some very common items in a game we're calling It's a Noun.

Fabulous. All right. Now, this one is easy. In Spanish, shoes are your father tapping his wingbacks impatiently while watching your school musical. It's masculine. Sapatos.

And look, he's not wrong. It's not good and you were terrible in it and you'll remember this sound forever. Meanwhile, in Italian, shoes are purses you wear on your feet because they're feminine. Appropriate. Which one's right? terrible in it, and you'll remember this sound forever. Meanwhile, in Italian, shoes are purses you wear on your feet. They're feminine. Which one's right?

Zach, I'll start with you. I say the masculine. Anything that you can easily get poop on is man-based. Uh-huh. Okay. I gotta go with Zach on that one. Whenever there's poop flying around, that's dudes for sure. Yeah.

As a person who has now visited both public restrooms, that is 100% true. Yeah, I feel that. I see what you mean. What do you think, Travell? So initially, before you gave that riveting response, I was going to go with the scarpe. Is that how you say it? I don't know. I don't speak.

I was socially passed through Spanish class for seven years so I could go to college. Wow. I retained nothing. They called me the king of the cognate. Because I could only pull words that sounded like what they were in English. At one point, I was caught because I said, and my teacher slammed a ruler against the blackboard and said, So I don't know.

Noted. Okay, well, I was going to go with that. I love the idea of a purse for my delicate feet, you know? But then, you know, shit and men, I mean. Shoes are boys, it's done, it's locked. Next up. Poop-chew. Next, it's a boy.

For now. Next up, we have... Period. Hell yeah. Next up, we have the violin. In French, it's a boy. Violon. Don't tweet at me.

I don't know how any of these words are pronounced in any language ever, including English. Shut up, Kendra. I don't do other languages. I can't. I tried. I can't retain them. And then in Russian, it's feminine. We're going to say skripka.

In Russian, a violin is a beautiful, curvaceous woman, which is why I've never touched one. In France, it's a case. It's a case is the perfect shape for a mobster to carry his machine gun, and the mobster is a man. Which tongue is correct about a violin's gender? Travelle, we'll start with you. I'm going to go with the skripka. A mobster is a man. Which tongue is correct about a violin's gender? Travelle, we'll start with you.

I'm going to go with the Skripka. Feminine, feminine. You think a violin is feminine? No, I think that's the masculine one. No, no, no. Look at that. There's a hard rock man holding a violin on screen. That's the man. The Skripka's the lady.

You sure? Am I? Producer Brian's telling me. Look, it is a The Skripka's the lady. You sure? I might be right. Producer Brian's telling me. Look, it is a construct, but I'm just saying. But I thought we were choosing the gender. We are choosing gender. We are choosing the gender for sure. That's the point. You got that. Nailed that. But Skripka is feminine.

Right, but I thought... For now. That was a callback. Sorry, nobody... You know what you can't this is all stupid you can do whatever you want what do you want to do you want Scripka to become feminine

we can do that we'll talk to Putin about it I thought you said it was feminine it's not it is see I'm gonna actually jump in because I agree the violin is Scripka

because Scripka the word but also I would argue this photo of this violin is just giving me butch lesbian vibes. So I think that is what's throwing you both off is that like, is it female? Is it male? It's a butch lesbian.

It's a butch lesbian. It's 100% a butch lesbian. Absolutely. It's a woman that could change a tire. That's right. And also play a beautiful violin song. Yeah, for sure. Exactly.

I'm also going to say Scripka. See, that's called influence. Because, because while it oftentimes sounds quite shrill, it's ultimately very beautiful. All right, everybody, uh, give it up for Jack. You won't be It's ultimately very beautiful. All right, everybody. Give it up for Jack.

You won't be hearing from him very much in the future. It's a girl. Next up. In Yiddish, a bubble is a tiny little grandpa. While in Polish, it's mass transit for Glinda the Good Witch and no one ever pisses on this train.

Which gender is the right one for a bubble in masculine blas in Yiddish, feminine bunka in Polish? Let's start with River. Okay, great. Look, I think gender can be an expansive, fantastical experience in your life,

but this makes me feel like sometimes gender is a disease. Man bubble but this makes me feel like sometimes gender is a disease. A man bubble is really upsetting to me. But also a woman bubble is also upsetting to me. I have to go off book and say that a bubble is non-binary. I'm so sorry. Period. I'm so sorry that I have to ruin the game.

I hear that. I'm just going to throw in my thoughts for one second, which is bubbles are fundamentally collaborative. They're non-hierarchical. I'm so sorry that I have to ruin this game. I hear that. Here's my, I'm just going to throw in my thoughts for one second, which is bubbles are fundamentally collaborative. They're non-hierarchical. I agree. Bubbles can combine. They come together. They can become bigger bubbles.

They can become individual bubbles. That's very feminine by nature. Bubbles are not top down to me. I'm going to have to absolutely ruin your argument. Oh, wow. All right, Zach, take it away. Because they're masculine because they love

to get blown. Well, how you doing? They're extremely sensitive and full of hot air. Wow. Wow. That was absolutely devastating. That was amazing.

Travelle, you have a moment to contradict that, but I think that's hard to argue with. I'm with it. Let's do it. Wow. It's a boy. Sorry. No non-binary.

Look at that. We went backwards. There was a moment where bubbles could have been non-binary. We said no thank you. Not on my watch. Not on Zach's watch. Not on Zach's watch. Zach thinks bubbles are men because he's not bothered by their voices.

Zach thinks bubbles are men because he's not bothered by their voices. In Arabic, a cat is the mysterious elegance of Elizabeth Taylor in the first half of her Wikipedia page. In Spanish, a cat is James Corden covered in digital fur. Who's right about the essence of gender of a cat? Kita or Gato? Travelle, we'll start with you. We're going with Miss Aristocats. Keita, just because, you know, I'm with the pink. She's got a pink bow.

She's got a pink bow, 100%. For, you know, the people who are not here. How y'all doing? River, what do you think? Look, I'm going to go with Gato on this one. Just personally because I feel like people think that all dogs are boys and all cats are girls. So I'm just going to have to rep the boy cats

because we do exist. Stop erasing boy cats. Stop erasing boy cats. What do you got, Zach? You're a little mad at me. No. What do you got, Zach? You're a little mad at me No I just picked up a brick I was really curious

What's the gender of the brick? Bricks are non-binary I think that's right I think that's right I'm gonna say Keita Because Like the females are Are sophisticated

And smart And elegant And really good at Hiding their shit The females are sophisticated and smart and elegant and really good at hiding their shit. Wow, that's tough to argue with. Zach is bringing a level of debate to this that honestly none of us is able to match. Beyond my range, okay. So I think we're going to have to give it to Zach on this one.

It's Keita. That's that. That's that. To be clear, I think I have a shrill voice, too. Thank you so much to River, Travelle, and Zach. Go listen to Zach's podcast. It's awesome. Good morning, sodomites. And Travelle, and Zach. Go listen to Zach's podcast. It's awesome. Good morning, sodomites.

And Travelle on What A Day on the Crooked Network. And check out River's special, a different kind of dude on Comedy Central. It's really funny. Check it out. When we come back, it's time for some hot goss. That was so great. We'll see you guys in a bit.

That was awesome. As a gay man, I know what it's like to be an outsider. That's why this Pride, I'm teaming up with the coyotes that live in Griffith Park. Go ahead. Leave your little dog in the yard. They'll be fine. I'm kidding. Take your little dog inside

and hold him up in front of a computer so that he can visit crooked.com slash pride where he can help organizations like the Transgender Education Network of Texas, TENT, an organization dedicated to furthering gender diverse equality in Texas and halting discrimination through social, legislative, and corporate education.

Anyway, how about the show we're doing, huh? Let's dive back in. Every human being has two vital body parts, a mouth to gossip with and a back to gossip behind. Here to discuss the life-giving fountain that is gossip, it's the host of his own gossip podcast, the Jew, Solomon Giorgio, and the absolutely hilarious Sydney Washington.

Hi. Hi. Good to see you. Welcome back. Come join. Thank you. Hi, Sydney. Hi, hi, hi.

Solomon, your entire podcast is about gossip. Why is gossip so meaningful to you? It's stuff that happens to other people that doesn't involve me, and it's usually bad, and that's why I love it. I love reveling in other people's terrible situations. You got to hear gossip to know that your life is not that bad. Yeah, yeah. If you can talk with somebody else about some shit somebody else is pulling,

there's nothing that brings you closer together faster. It's so easy. It's such a great thing. Can you believe this shit? Yeah. Great. Can you fucking believe this shit? Can you believe this shit?

Can you believe this shit? Can you believe the shit they're pulling? This is what they're doing right now. Sydney, what is it about gay gossip that feels so good? There's just no end to it.

Like, it just fucking keeps going. No one ever learns a lesson. No, ever. Why are we learning? Why? It's all about doing. I fucked him once and I'll fuck him again.

I'll fuck him and I'll fuck you. Proverbs 2019 says, He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets. Therefore, do not associate with a gossip. What is a proverb? Do you think the Bible... First of all, I'm just saying, are we going to sit here and say the Bible is wrong?

Yeah. It is, first of all, if you want to talk about gossip, read the Bible. It is. That's all it is. That's all the Bible. All gossip. He's the son of God.

Why are you telling everybody that, Dudas? Gossip. We will now call upon any gossips in the audience, specifically with some kind of gay or queer gossip to rise and tell us your tales of titillation and intrigue. Here's how it works. Kendra is out there. You're going to share some gossip from your life.

You can anonymize it. We can hide your identity, but you got to give us some hot, juicy gossip from your world, from your life that no one should really know that you're going to anonymize but share and we're going to unpack. Let's see those hands.

It's pride. Get those hands up. Think about it. Something happened this last weekend and you want to talk about it. Something happened. Hi, what's your name? It's Yasmeen. And is that your real name or did you anonymize?

No, it's Yasmeen. Do you want to anonymize or are you good sticking with Yasmeen? I think I'm going to stick with Yasmeen. I love you, Yasmeen, already. This is going to be a great story. That's pride. What's your gossip?

Oh, I'm one of the hosts of Dear We See. Oh my God, Yasmeen, already. This is going to be a great story. That's pride. What's your gossip? Oh, I'm one of the hosts of Dare We Say. Oh, my God, Yasmeen. Hi, hi. Hi. Good to see you. One of the hosts of Dare We Say, our new podcast. Everybody should check it out. Hi.

Good to see you. Hi. Hi. I have a little gossip if you want to unpack it today. Let's do it. Okay, so I was out in Silver Lake already queer and I went to Zebulon and with all

my friends and I said, I want to invite every person I'm talking to. The girls and the guys and I'm going to just mass text them and there's like six of them on my roster and five out of the six came that night. Anyways, I kind of was circling around the bar

and the whole club area. I would dance with one guy, go to the bar area with one girl, go to the bathroom with a girl, go over, like kind of just talking to them, not really doing anything. I'm going to just keep myself, you know, maintained, clear, concise.

I'm there, you know, to have fun. I ended up going home with my best friends that night because that's how you kind of end the night with a bang. And that was it. But my question for you is, why did I do that? Why did I set myself up for failure? Oh, well, first of all, I don't know what to tell you. Because it sounds like you had a great night.

I don't talk to more than one person a night. This is already too much. Here's my question. So you invited six people. There's always one crush, one person. There can be others, but there's one that's sort of the one on your mind,

the one you go to first. Was there anyone in this five that you were most eager to pursue? Yes. And was there anything about inviting the other four that was about protecting yourself? A thousand percent.

I see, I see. She's a Leo. She's a Leo. I have a question. Did everybody who came buy you a drink? No. But also, I didn't want to go crazy kinky.

Delete that number. Throw it away. Yeah, I know. X them out of my life. Did all five know that there were four other people there? What kind of mass text? Was it a... I don't know how a Gen Z phone works.

Is there a BCC in texting? Right, right. No, that's a really good question. And to the audience, no. We send individual texts. And we kind of just say, hey, we're going to be here tonight. Let me know if you want to stop by. I love your life.

Yeah, that was really good. Thank you. Wait, did you do it on the same day or did you give them like a week's notice? Never. Never? Like an hour, hour and a half. You have 10 minutes to get here or this pussy's gone. She's gone.

She's out the front door. What power you have. That means you're sitting on gold because if everybody came within an hour, like, I can't even get some of my best friends to come in a really like desperate moment for me. Well, because I feel like we all... I won't even pick up the phone. Yeah. I texted a friend I hadn't seen in a really long time, and I said, I will bring you a bagel to your house

if you'll hang out with me for half an hour, and they said no. Wow. Damn. For only a bagel, half an hour is a lot. It was us. Talk to me about the most important part of the night, which is how you left it with the only person

you actually cared about seeing. I had a win that night, and this is why. All I wanted was, at the end of the night, which is how you left it with the only person you actually cared about seeing. I had a win that night. And this is why. All I wanted was, at the end of the night, I always want to eat. No matter what. And there was a hot dog truck right outside Zebulon. And this is not a free ad. It is a

free ad. And he bought me a hot dog truck outside of Zebulon. Where are the hot dog truck outside of Zebulon? This the hot dog truck outside of Zebulon. This pride. Yeah, here is pride. Sometimes gay people are hungry late at night. This pride, we're proud to be sponsored by

the hot dog truck outside of Zebulon. It is, it's true. So true, bestie. So he bought me that. We talked. And I went home with my friends and that was a win for me. When. And I went home with my friends and that was a win for me. Okay.

When you say you went home with your friends, like you just went home, you didn't hook up with them, did you? Nope. I said I'll see you around. Oh.

Yeah, power moves only here. Power moves only. In 2022, we're taking it back. I remember the power moves of the 20s and they will give way to the giving up on that entire idea

soon enough but I love that that's where you are and we're so happy for you. Yasmeen, everybody give it up for Yasmeen. Thank you.

Check out Dare We Say. Anybody else have some hot goss? Let's see some hands. Somebody over here. And it doesn't need to be about you. It can be about someone

you're absolutely trashing about. Thank you. Anyone. Hi, this is my nightmare. What's your name? Sarah. Hi Sarah. Good. Thank you. Anyone. Hi, this is my nightmare. What's your name? Sarah. Hi, Sarah.

Good to meet you, Sarah. What is your story, Sarah? Okay, so I've been going to this writer's retreat every year or so. It's very LA. And it's always like friends of friends because nobody has that many connections they actually want to spend a week with.

And so two guys who went this most recent trip are cousins. And one of the cousins is like longtime best friends with another guy who went. And they're very close. Anyway, his cousin ends up, well, they flirt the whole weekend. The cousin and then the friend of the other cousin. Is this tracking so far? The cousin and the friend of the other cousin. I thought you were going to be like, the cousin's

hooked up that weekend. Oh, that's some good tea. Look, I'm not... I can't say this for sure, but I would believe that they hooked up in the past. Oh, yeah. But, you know, there's that sort of energy would believe that they hooked up in the past. Oh, yeah. But, you know, because there's that sort of energy. You've never hooked up with a cousin?

No, not the cousin. I'm not saying me. I'm just saying. We're not shaming here, okay? That's what I'm saying. I am shaming here. Some people have hot cousins. I don't know.

I'm just saying. I think we misunderstood each other. Sorry, sorry. Probably mostly me. So Sarah, you walk in on these cousins and they're fucking. Anyway, I just hung out with one of the cousins last week and he was very drunk

and it's like our first time hanging out as like friends' friends. So he's trying to impress me which happens um classic he uh just broke up with his like longtime partner anyway he goes on to tell me that he like met with the friend of his cousin privately kept it a secret and they definitely hooked up and he proceeded to tell me all the details, but he's like, you cannot tell my cousin. You can't tell him. And I don't really know why. Who keeps secrets from their cousins?

I don't know. Who's worried about their cousin finding out things? The only person in the world that can't know about this is my cousin. That's not how cousins work. I feel like I'm a little concerned. This is too much level of detail. It's too specific and you might hear this and know

but so their moms are twins. Wait. Their moms are twins? Why is that shocking news? Wait. That's why they're close cousins. Wait a second. If their moms are twins

I didn't know they could have children. That's why they're close. Wait. I'm sorry. If their moms are twins oh they can be cousins. I get it. I'm sorry.

It's like wait. Twins are siblings. I get it. I'm sorry. It's like, wait, aren't they? Twins are siblings. I get it. No, but these might be like well-known twins. That's what you're saying. It could be well-known. Yeah, they know each other well and they're close because their moms are twins. Let me ask you this.

Is the word Sprouse anywhere in this story? Wait, they're twins. They're mothers. I'm confused. I fucked up. Forget that. Forget that. So there's cousins that are twins, children, and a friend.

Listen, Sarah, I don't know that you've told us anything. No. But I loved it. I loved it. And I thought we were going to get better writer retreat LA nonsense than we ultimately did. But I support you. Thank you. But no, no.

What I think is actually happening is the other cousin has a crush on the friend. Oh, that's what it is. I mean, that's what's implied. And that cousin a crush on the friend. Oh, that's what it is. And that cousin fucked the friend. Yeah. And that actually happens a lot. Did you make any progress on your screenplay? I wasn't running a screenplay. I kind of just go to hang out.

To get the gossip. And that's why you really go to a retreat. So everybody... You're brilliant. Give it up. Genius over there. to get the gossip. And that's why you really go to a retreat. So everybody... You're brilliant. Give it up. Genius over there. Give it up for Sarah. Crushing it.

Kendra, let's do one more quick. Hi, what's your name? Or anonymize. My name is Carl. Yeah, no it isn't. All right, Carl, quick. What's your gossip? I know this couple

and they were out at the bars and they decided to bring another guy home. They had a threesome with him. Oh, yeah. And one of the guys in this couple just had me starting a new job on a Monday. Yeah, this is gay gossip, okay? Completely.

So then I ask him how his first day went. All he texts me back is, well, I fucked my boss. My new boss. That's how you secure the back. That works in my department. On the first day. Carl, thank you so much.

Carl, thank you. Wait, I had one question. Sydney has a question, Carl. Where did he fuck his boss? By the fax machine? No, no, no. It was at their apartment. They brought him back.

Yeah. God. Come on, Sydney. He didn't have a second encounter. You out here figuring out cousin situation. Couldn't figure out A plus B equals C? Don't you understand, Sydney? The boss was the third.

The boss was... I got it now. Red alert. Red alert. He texted the love of his life. The boss was the third. The boss was the third. That's like, you know,

one of those tragic short stories, you know? That's like the gay equivalent of Never Worn, you know? Oh, no. The boss. Our third. Thank you, Carl.

Thank you, Carl. Great work. Thank you so much to Solomon and Sydney. That was awesome. Go listen to Solomon's Baga as the Juice, and Sydney will be at the Elysian tomorrow night. Everybody go check that out. When we come back, some more stuff.

And they'll be back later for Hot Takes. Thank you. Bye, bye, bye. You know, I want to take a moment and say that as a gay man approaching 40, I know what it is like to feel ancient, but still at the top of my game. That's why I'm teaming up with Dianne Feinstein's Senate office. This pride, we all deserve to live our best lives. Whether you're the only person at a gay bar who remembers 9-11, or the only person on a Senate committee who doesn't. Speaking of feeling like we're living in the 70s, please, for the name of everything that is gay,

go to crooked.com slash pride and donate to the Pride Fund already so we can support organizations like Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community through education, grassroots organizing, coalition building, and lobbying. What's that?

You're donating right now? Great. Your reward is more show. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Joining me now for that old rainbow-colored chestnut,

that Love It or Leave It's pride staple, gay news, it's the hilarious Jared Goldstein once again. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi guys. Has there been anything in the news that had felt particularly gay to you?

I'd love to discuss. Yes. And I am a news anchor. The Emmy nominated show Hacks was renewed for a third season. And in totally unrelated news, I am 5'11",

vaccinated, local hire, willing to shave. You want to be on Hacks? Sure. Are you ready for some gay news? I guess. You know how we do. We say,

ba-da-ba-ba-da gay news. Ba-da-ba-ba-da gay news. Here we go. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-buh-duh-buh-duh-buh-duh-buh-duh-buh-duh-gay news. The ad agency behind Burger King Austria's Pride Whopper, which celebrated the LGBTQ community with burgers featuring two top buns or two bottom buns, apologized, said the company. The intended message of Pride Whopper was to spread equal love and equal rights. Our strongest concern is if we offend members of the LGBTQ community with this campaign.

If this is the case, we truly apologize. First of all, hey, Burger King, calm down. Nobody was offended. I don't think so. Nobody gave a shit.

I don't think so. It was funny. It was okay. Imagine needing an apology for Burger King. Like, I was offended that you put the bottom buns

and the top buns on different burgers. I mean, I did think I was like living in a dystopian nightmare. Sure, but it was funny. Yeah. It wasn't offensive. It was stupid.

It's an honor to be here. And then I was like, why? It was also like, okay, one of the buns has more carbs and one of them has less carbs. Wait, would you get the top bun or the bottom bun? Depends on what mood I was in. It's tough. Come on. What would you get the top bun or the bottom bun? Depends on what mood I was in. It's top. Come on. What would you do?

Okay, I think the top buns have sesame seeds. Sure. And the bottom buns are probably butterier. Yeah, that's a good point. That's a good point. I would probably get the bottom buns. The point is, this is why Burger King always loses to McDonald's. You're making little puns about burger buns?

McDonald's has a butt plug for a mascot. Why do you think he's called Grimace? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba starring cute, horny, LGBTQ foods. And then I wrote down lettuce, grains, bacon, tomato, quinoa. You bet. Yeah. Meanwhile, Grindr introduced a top friendly menu called

Grindr. Gay news. Chris Evans defended the chased lesbian kiss in Disney's Lightyear from conservative homophobes, explaining the real truth is those people are idiots. The scissoring scene, Evans agreed, may have been an overreach.

Added Evans, there's always going to be people who are afraid and unaware and trying to hold on to what was before, but those people will die off like dinosaurs. Dinosaurs, by the way, notoriously straight, or they would have moisturized. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- Google your name. That's the legacy. I reject the idea that everybody has to create a boogeyman to sell tickets. You can also have a name that sounds a lot like Lyle Lovett. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba. Gay news. Gay news. And

finally, thank God, is this over yet? Jesus. What a thing to say. I thought it was fun. Yeah. I have some gay news. I'm heartbroken. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

This just in. Ba-da-ba-ba-dum, gay news. Ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-da. And finally, Maybel Blair, one of the girl ballplayers, quote, who inspired A League of Their Own, publicly came out at 95 at the new Amazon Shows Tribeca premiere.

A dramatic out in the ninth inning it's never too late to switch teams yeah thank you so much Jared go to his Instagram hey Jared

hey to see his upcoming shows that's your plug your plug block me at hey Jared hey block don't block him

find out where his shows are gonna be when we come back. Is there a straight person here? Yes. Okay. Calm down. All right.

What do you want to pat on the back? Give it up for Jared Goldstein. And we're back. Millennials have ruined so many things. Department stores, diamonds, bar soap. But if there's one thing Gen Z has taken the lead on destroying, it's gaydar. Someone has a carabiner clip and comfortable walking sandals.

Sorry, you can infer nothing about them. Long hair and a nose ring. Have you seen Barron Trump recently? I haven't. But I hope he's out here with the rest of the young, enjoying some vintage denim, a crop top, and loafers without socks, because every traditional signifier of queer sexuality is now mainstream. Here to put our theory to the test and see if he can find

the straight, it's the one, the only Bob the Drag Queen. Well, hi. Hi, Bob. Let me tell you, Bob. I have a question for you. Do you think straight people exist? I live in Hollywood, so I haven't seen a lot of them. Whenever I fly into town, there's a guy who goes, so I haven't seen a lot of them. Whenever I fly into town, there's a guy who goes,

this is your captain speaking, he sounds straight. Yeah. But he doesn't live here, so. Yeah, he's just passing through. He's just passing through. Have you ever been truly shunked by someone's sexuality? Except for mine, because it's so intense. Well, I was shocked that you weren't John Lovett, so I'm really blown away right now.

I'm shocked by your existence. Bob the Drag Queen's coming. That's so exciting. He said yes to do this show. Maybe he's a fan. How exciting. Oh, that means so much to me. I'm so excited to meet him.

I showed up. You don't know what the fuck this is. You don't know what this is. You have no idea what you're at. I showed up, though. Most people would say thanks. Jeez Louise. I'll tell you something.

You know who Michael R. Jackson is? He wrote Strange Loop on Broadway. Yes, yes. He put the R in there. That's smart. Oh, you think I... But we... Excuse me. First of all...

You ever heard of Michael... You know Michael B. Jordan? Michael was like... He was like, man. He was like, there's a really famous guy named Michael Jordan. I really gotta do something. His name is John Lovitz. My name is John Lovitz. They are different names.

We have a different name. It's not Michael Jordans. If your name was Michael Jordans, you'd be fucking fine. And no one can make that mistake. So what does your card say? What is that? Alright, fine. It's time to put... Go ahead. John Q. Lovis. What were you saying?

Alright, it's time to play Find That Straight. Let's bring out Matt, Kendra, Brian, and Charlotte. They're going to stand over here. So we have four people here. We have Kendra, we have Brian, we have Matt, and we have Charlotte. Bob

is going to ask them questions and try to assess out which is the straight, but he can't ask about your sexual orientation or anything very direct about your sexual orientation. That would be unrelated questions. Bob, take it away. Got it. Can I go up to them? You can do whatever you want.

Can I smell them? Sure. With consent. With consent Can I smell them? Sure. With consent. I mean, that's with consent. With consent. Enthusiastic consent. What's your name again? Kendra. Kendra.

Kendra. You have any cats? No, no. No? Allergic. Allergic. Curveball. Brian.

Brian. I'm just going to say a word and you just respond. Okay. Okay. Share. Actually, nothing. Ooh. You will be excommunicated, that's for sure. Matt.

Matt, how many minutes are in a year? Oh, God. 525,600. Very interesting. Can you name one drag queen that wasn't on Drag Race? Mmm, this is not looking good. Divine? Divine, okay. Wow. You could have said anything, we would have believed you. Divine? Divine. Okay. Wow.

You could have said anything. We would have believed you. You'd have been like... Thank you. That's a good point. Way to go, Charlotte. Amanda Jones. That's a good point.

The famous drag queen, Amanda Jones. Should I do another round? Yeah, do another round. Okay. You tell us when you've gotten the information you need. What's up with Ellen? Like, what's up? She seems mean.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. How much does a twink weigh? Like, what's the max? What's the max? How tall is he? Well, I think he's about

5'8", 5'9". This random twink. It's not about you. This random twink is about 5'10". Well, he's been going to the gym, so 120. He's been 120. What you got? Okay, Matt.

Hosting or traveling? You're done. That's getting close. That's getting close to breaking a rule close That's getting close To breaking a rule It's getting close To breaking a rule I just want to know How's the good traveling

Mine wasn't That's just facts Alright Bob You can ask Charlotte One more question Then you're gonna have To make a decision About who is the straight

What's your favorite Comedy special Wow There's one really gay answer. It's like a really old Cat Williams special that used to be on Comedy Central. Years ago. The gayest answer

is Nanette. Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. One last question. To who? What's the gayest color? Like the gayest color? Go down the line. Everybody answer. What's the gayest color? Like the gayest color. Go down the line. Everybody answer. What's the gayest color?

Kendra. Lavender. Lavender. Maybe like a pale orange. Hot pink. Hot pink. Like rainbows? It's actually cerulean.

The answer we were looking for was cerulean. It's not lapis. It's not turquoise. It's actually cerulean. Bob, we're going to need an answer here. You're going to have to pick which of these four people that stand before you. I'll remind you of their names. We have Kendra. We have Brian. We have Matt.

We have Charlotte. Who is the straight? You thought it was easy. You said, why haven't you given me a hard one? That's how you began. I did. Those of you listening in right now, you can't see what I'm seeing. You can also rule people out if you want. You can't see what I'm seeing. You can also rule people out

if you want. You can rule people out. One of them looks like they chop wood and has a neck as thick as their head. Jesus. All right.

Well, so I'm going to say you are queer. I am so straight. Kendra's straight. I am so straight. Kendra's straight. I am so straight. I should have known. Who did you think? Who did you think was straight? Matt?

I'm gay. Matt is so gay. Matt, you're gay? I'm gay. Matt didn't know how many minutes were in a year. Come on. He knew how many minutes were in a year. That was a giveaway. The color was hot pink. Come on. You think a straight man could tell you how many minutes were in a year. That was a giveaway. But the color was hot pink, and that's what really threw me off. Come on.

You think a straight man could tell you how many minutes were in a year? 526,600 minutes. That was wrong. Jesus. Sorry, that was wrong. Wait, five... All right. Unfortunately, Bob, you've lost.

I did lose. I had lost. But one more time for Kendra, for Brian, for Matt, for Charlotte, and I want you guys to all know something. They really, they were honest. But I just want to applaud Charlotte specifically, who put together such an outfit to straightify themselves. This is the straight version?

This is the straight version. You have no idea what you're dealing with day to day. I have no idea. I have absolutely no idea. You have no idea how not straight Charlotte is day to day. This was a lot. Do you normally come in like Katie Lang? I mean, she's a little closer.

This is the straight person work. This is my straight job. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. All right. I feel seen. I feel... I look like the dad from Powerpuff Girls.

Yes. I love it. I think it's cool. Thank you. I think if we push them any further I'm gonna have an HR meeting on Monday yeah yeah

thank you all for your time when we come back everybody listen to Sibling Rivalry and go to Bob's website for more of his upcoming dates when we come back hot takes

Bob the Drag Queen thank you guys that was great that was so great wow this show has given me a lot to think about. And one thing I wanted to share before we leave you for the night is that I, as a gay person,

fundamentally believe love is love. That's why this Pride, I'm partnering with that journalist who threw her whole life away to chase after Martin Shkreli. That journalist who threw her whole life away to be with Martin Shkreli. Being straight is hard too. And also that's why this Pride

I'm partnering with BetterHelp. BetterHelp. You deserve better than Martin Shkreli. We've had a lot of laughs tonight. Arguably. Okay, we've had some laughs which I can scientifically prove but I'd be remiss not to acknowledge

how particularly and deeply fucked this moment in time is which is why the Crooked Pride Fund exists so you can easily with a click of your button donate to wonderful, vital, direly necessary organizations like Tent, like Trans Lifeline and Equality Florida so please, this is my last time I'm going to ask you this episode

you are listening to this at the gym or on the toilet. If you are on the toilet right now, if you're listening at home and you're on the toilet right now, you have no excuse. Donate. Go to crooked.com slash pride. Throw in some money.

Let's raise as much as we can over this month. It will make a huge difference. Crooked.com slash pride to support our pride fund. Also, if you haven't checked out Crooked's new podcast, Mother Country Radicals, you're missing out. Jose Ayers Dorn, it's so good, someone shouts from the crowd, takes us back to the 1970s when his parents and their young friends started the Weather Underground organization.

The story explores both the reasons and consequences of the organization's actions from declaring war on the United States to bombing the Capitol and brawling with riot cops on the streets of Chicago. You can listen to the first four episodes of Mother Country Radicals right now wherever you listen. Please, please check it out. You won't regret it. Just won a huge award at Tribeca. It was pretty cool. Hey, Crooked Media winning some real prizes here.

Tribeca? Get those leaves? You know those leaves? Like those, you know those things? Alright. Laurels. And we're back! And now for a segment

we call Hot Takes. You know how it works. We have one minute to defend an ever-foreseen horrible opinion. Let's welcome back all of our guests. Everybody's coming back out.

Grab a spot wherever you want. A stool, a spot. I'm a little uncomfortable with the fact that we've put the four black people in the back. No, chase that out. They said you requested this. They said get those black people.

We made this choice. You go to that stool, Bob, you're coming right there. No, no, no. Just because Rosa Parks did it doesn't mean the rest of us have to. Come on, Bob, you got to go there. I can't allow this. I can't allow this. I can't allow this. They said John was like, put those black people at the back of the stage.

Unbelievable. What kind of operation are we running here? Way in the water. Way in the water water children. You can't tell us to shut up. You don't want that press. John Q. Lovitz. I just want to take a moment to acknowledge

that is a professional because Bob the Drag Queen has no idea what this is. Never heard of this show. Doesn't know that it's a podcast. You don't know anything. You don't know fucking anything. You've never heard of any of this.

And you just came in hot, sorting people by their sexual orientation. You don't know if this is right wing, left wing. It could be fucking anything. We could be science. I fucking saw an NRA meme. Thanks, everybody, for being here at the premiere podcast of Scientology. Scientology.

Give it a shot. This is a light drag. A light drag on Bob the Drag Queen. Light drag. All right. Hot Bob the Drag Queen. Light drag. All right, hot takes. Here's how it works. We all will have one minute to defend a never-before-seen horrible position.

Usually you get a skip, but this has been a long show, so instead, if you don't want to defend your take, you'll have to say one nice thing about a straight person. And not a straight person of your choosing. I was going to choose Kendra. Alright, let's see who's up first. Bob.

Be meaner to lesbians. Be meaner to lesbians. And hear me out. We have been letting them bully us around for years. They walk into the room

just glaring at us, making fun of our skirts and our shoes and the way we dress. Bitch, look at the way you dress! Yes, you're on time for everything. Yes, you're smarter than all of us. No, we couldn't get anywhere without you

because gay guys are very, very, very bad at planning things. The only reason it's called brunch is because a gay guy couldn't show up to breakfast on time. However, we will no longer be bullied by you. And when you're nice to lesbians for far too long, look what happens. Ellen DeGeneres. Let's see who's up next.

Yeah, for Abby, it says, corporate pride is helpful and good for queer communities. Thank you for Abby, it says, corporate pride is helpful and good for queer communities. Thank you for the rainbow pen, TD Bank. Abby? Okay, you know what? I'm bad with the budget.

I like free shit. I like a pen. I like a tote bag. Hey, Miller Lite, I'd like some coveralls. Never received them. They've heard the plea. Corporations,

they care. They care about the queer community Corporations, they care. They care about the queer community because at least the queer cis men got money. Oh, was that too much? Suck it up. Oh, yeah, John Lovett doesn't have money. Everybody chill out. Yeah, so corporate, let's give them a break.

I mean, we're all struggling, but they could really bring us up. You guys, 24 more seconds. You know what? I saw a trademark in there, and I'd like to trademark my... Oh, God. So how are we doing, John? This is over, right?

You're doing great. You know what? I hate the patronization, but I'm going to lean in. You know, corporations aren't all bad. Suck at social services. Oh, no. Fantastic. Suck it.

Look, as we always say during Pride, suck it, social services. What else? Let's see who's next. Lipstick lesbians are posers, Sydney. Wow. Wow. And I just want to be clear I truly do not see these

Before we come on stage I don't know any of them Answer the question You have one minute Lipstick lesbians are posers Sydney That's your take Take us away

I'm not doing that I'm gonna I'm gonna speak about Someone straight Alec Baldwin Just tell us some nice things Something nice about Alec Baldwin. Just tell us some nice things. Something nice about Alec Baldwin.

Okay. I actually met Alec Baldwin on the red carpet and he has nice nail beds. He does. They are really nice. Like for a straight man, it's crazy crazy how symmetrical each nail bed was. And I met him, and he didn't shoot me, so that was great. He said I had a nice forehead, which was the nicest compliment I've heard a straight man tell me before, so that was nice. You said damn? How many nice things you want to say about Alec Baldwin?

First of all, straight men don't know how to give a compliment. Yeah, his forehead is real good. Yeah. Okay, that's it. That's it. That's it. What's next?

Send gays over 40 to a farm upstate. Solomon. Rude. Send gays over 40 to a farm upstate. Easily, yes. We don't need to be out. I'm 40. I'm done. You guys are exhausting. It truly...

What do we need to do? We've proven... I've come too much. I can't get chlamydia again. Send me somewhere else. 35 more seconds. Look, over 40 gays, you see us in the club. We're creepy. You don't like it.

You don't want us there. We don't look like we should be there. Why do we have a vest with no shirt on under it? That was never in style. I have nothing else to say. I'm going upstate. Solomon's going upstate.

Let's see who's up next capitalism is queer and flawless river sweet Christ okay uh capitalism is queer and flawless um have you ever seen how Lincoln looks on a penny I mean come on look I don't want to give any straight compliments because I've seen those names already, so I'm not doing that one. Capitalism is flawless. It has never let us down. Over the, what, 200 years we've had it?

It's been perfect all the way. Tens across the board, I would say. For capitalism, I've say, for capitalism. I've got thousands of dollars. And I'm queer. So that proves it right there. I'm from Ohio and I've got money. So there you go.

Capitalism is queer and flawless. Yes. I mean, have you seen those wigs on those presidents? They're really bringing it. They had bows on their socks and stuff. I mean, have you seen those wigs on those presidents? They're really bringing it. They had bows on their socks and stuff. I mean, come on. Come on. This was a great one. Let me

just also add that capitalism said I had a great forehead. Call back. Call back. Alright, who's up next? Travelle, queer spaces are bad. Boo WeHo, Boo Provincetown, Boo Fire Island, Boo Palm Springs. Integrate with the rest of society.

Oh, my God. Is it perfect for me? Queer spaces are bad. And a lot of them are. You know what? Uh-oh, I'm about to get on the soapbox. Uh-oh. A lot of queer spaces are bad because the white

gays are running around thinking that they can't oppress people because they're homosexuals, right? But that's when the whiteness creeps up on you. And it comes back and it get you, right? And so you end up turning these queer spaces into spaces that are not safe

for black and brown folks, for other queer and trans folks, right? And so what you need to do, all of you homosexuals out there, I know you're here, including you, John. Take a look at yourself, all right?, John. Take a look at yourself. All right, 15 seconds. Take a look at yourself.

Think deeply, okay, about the trauma you are inflicting on the rest of your community, okay? And be better. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah. Nice. Encore Encore

Keep going Did Alex Baldwin ever say anything nice to you? I don't think I'm Alex-tying Let's see who's next Men with long hair are gross What are you? A woman Jared

Men with long hair are gross. What are you, a woman? Jared. Men with long hair are gross. Have you ever met a man who used to have long hair? I meet them every single day because they come up to me and they tell me. And they will go, they will go, hey, great hair. I used to have long hair.

And that's very sweet and we love that. But then every single time they will follow up, they will go, mine used to have long hair, and that's very sweet, and we love that. But then every single time they will follow up, they will go, mine used to be longer. Men are perfect, never change. I got to say, okay, a lot of men with long hair, it's not your destiny. And when I see, like, a gorgeous man, look at Zach Noe Towers.

Look at this gorgeous head of hair. If he were to grow it out, it would be a disaster. It would just suddenly all be wrong. But you see this and you go, yes, you are fulfilling your destiny. And that is beautiful. That is great. And that is what I need from a lot of men. I need to put two more minutes on this clock.

I'm not done yet. Don't you dare. Men with long hair are gross. Good night. Let's long hair are gross. Good night. Let's see who's next. Bottoming, I couldn't imagine. Zach, over to you. This is such, fuck you guys.

I didn't do it. I swear. Did you do that? I'm like, Zach, I didn't know that was you. Homophobic. I know, homophobic. Bottoms are gross. They have poop in their butts.

Historically speaking. And you can't trust a bottom. They think they know their bodies. They don't. They think they're good to go. They're not. They're liars. Yep.

They're liars. Did I say they have poop in their butt? You did. You mentioned that. I think that's the main point I want to hammer home here. And it can't be said enough. Also, like, of all things to put up your butt, a penis just doesn't make sense.

Doesn't make any sense. I feel like I should have just let Travelle, like, spank me for my minute. We can arrange that. But no, I could not imagine bottoming, no. All right, let's see what's next. I feel most myself in a nice pair of slacks. That's for me.

I feel most myself in a nice pair of slacks. I think it's great that men can only wear one kind of thing. The other day we did the Ponce of America live show and we did gays versus straights. And on the gay side, the queer side, we had Travelle, we had Guy Branum, we had a lovely person from the crowd, and they were in reds and blues and yellows.

And then I looked over at my straight friends, my Dans, my Tommies, my Johns, and my goodness, my goodness, was the saturation level on their Photoshop set way, way low. Your muted maroons, your muted grays, your muted burgundies, your muted greens, your khakis, and that's good. There's too much color out there. I feel most at home in a nice, very simple pair of straight-down slacks. I want to make sure my legs are touched by fabric all the way to the ground. I think it's good that men wear the same thing to weddings and funerals. That makes a lot of sense.

The straight male wardrobe is good, and it is fine that they only get to choose one frilly piece of fabric. I feel most at home in a pair of slacks. Slacks. Slacks are so stupid. They're so uncomfortable. They don't make any sense. Slacks. I think slacks lives matter.

And we'll leave it there. Good night. And that's Hot Takes. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Because we all need it this week, here it is, the high note. Hey, love it.

I'm Jack Tracy. I'm a queer creative in New York City. And my high note is that I've been trying to manifest performance opportunities for myself this year. And finally, on June 30th at the Stonewall to close out Pride Month in New York City, I'm going to be co-hosting an abortion rights fundraiser with RuPaul's Drag Race's own Brita Filter, which I'm really excited about. We have decided to donate all of the proceeds to an abortion rights charity, and we chose Vote Safe America's Fuck Bans Action Plan at votesafeamerica.com slash row. So if you're in New York City on June 30th, you want to come down to the Stonewall, see a bunch of queer entertainers perform and help raise money for a good cause, we'd love to see you there.

Thank you, love it to you and the boys for all you do and for the roadmaps to the best places to put our money. I love it. This is Ella. I live in New York City. My high note for the week is that I'm coming up on my one-year anniversary of living here.

I also just finished the first year of my master's program at Columbia University. And in two weeks, my parents are coming out to New York City Pride. and we will all be celebrating my first Pride ever as a lesbian woman. So thank you for all that you do. I hope you have a good week.

Bye. Hi, Love It. My name is Corey, and I'm calling from Cedar Rapids, Iowa, with a high note. is Corey, and I'm calling from Cedar Rapids, Iowa with a high note. I have the great honor of being the president of the Board of Directors for the nonprofit responsible for organizing our community's yearly pride celebration. After a two-year hiatus due to COVID, the board agreed in February that we had to come back bigger and better than ever. So we added an event our community has been asking for for years, a parade. We honestly had no idea what to expect on June 4th. I was blown away by the turnout.

We had over 400 individuals participate in the parade, and over 3,000 of our community members lined the streets showing their support. After the parade, I had lots of youth come up to me and tell me how much this parade meant to them, the support of the crowd, and how they felt and seemed accepted. Sadly, I live in a state where the national narrative of LGBTQIA plus individuals, especially our youth here, that their lives do not matter. But on this day, love won. I couldn't be more pride right now and can't wait for our festival on July 9th. Thank you to you and Crooked for all you do to support the community we belong to. I wish you and everyone a fun-filled and safe Pride season.

Hi, Lovett. This is Andrea calling from the D.C. area. And my high note is that this week, my 14-year-old shared with us that she is trans. And I'm so happy that her friends have been really supportive and the family that she's built so far have been great. Her dad has been helping her pick out dresses and I taught her how to paint her nails. She's also autistic and the last few years have been so hard for her in a lot of ways. And this week, it's like the joy that she had as a child is suddenly back. She's so happy and joyous and just exudes a brightness that hasn't been there in a very long time. We were able to get her an appointment at a

brand new LGBTQ gender-affirming care clinic in our area that's coming up soon. And I just want to share that it's truly been such an amazing shift and gift for her and our family. And I love her so much. And I hope that every trans kid out there gets the support that they deserve because it does make such a life-changing difference for them and for everyone around them. Take care. Be well. Hi, I love it. This is Katie from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, calling with my high note this week, which is that after my 10-year-old daughter a few months ago came out to me, I spent this past weekend with her at Milwaukee's that space and feeling so comfortable with herself and feeling so much more herself was so amazing. It was like some little puzzle piece clicked into place.

You know, she's usually so shy and self-conscious and anxiety-filled, and it just all kind of melted away seeing her there. And it was just really beautiful. Thanks so much bye thank you to everybody who called in with a high note if you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope call us at 213-262-4427 that is our show thank you so much for coming to our pride show thank you to bob the drag queen abby mcinerney river butcher sydney washington solomon giorgio trabella and Jared Goldstein, Zach Noy Towers, and everybody who sent in a high note and gave us some gossip. There are 143 days until the midterm elections.

Have a great weekend. That was great. Thank you all so much. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our senior producer, and Brian Semel is our producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer, and Jocelyn Kaufman, Poulavi Gunalan, and Peter Miller are the writers.

Bill Lance is our editor, and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Caroline Haywood, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Narmal Konian, Milo Kim, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can.