Lovett or Leave It - Private Jets, Public Frets

Episode Date: August 6, 2022

Nancy Pelosi might be trotting the globe, but Lovett or Leave It is home sweet home at Dynasty Typewriter. There’s no such thing flying as flying too close to the sun when Luenell buys a ticket to the celebrity private jet scandal. President Biden’s personal physician (Vinny Thomas) diagnoses us with a bad case of hustle culture. Crooked’s own Dr. Imani Walker offers her words of wisdom to our audience, and our guests pass the Rant Wheel with flying colors. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Good evening, Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else, coming at you what will surely be the coolest August for the rest of your lives. We've got a great show for you. Lunell is here with a fork and knife to eat the rich. An anti-hustle culture doctor, who may be Vinnie Thomas, has some words for President Biden. Crooked Zone Dr. Armani is dishing out advice, so start brainstorming problems you would like to share on a podcast. Plus the rant wheel. Let's get into it.

What a week. In amazing news, Kansas voters overwhelmingly rejected a ballot measure that would have allowed lawmakers to ban abortion in the state. Next time I fly over you, Kansas, I'm gonna give you a thumbs up. The ballot measure was shot down with a 59% to 41% margin, giving pro-choice Americans and other red states

hopes that the reversal of Roe does not mean a loss of their reproductive rights as a bygone conclusion. That's like two weeks of good news in a row, all right? What is this feeling? Is this how Ben Shapiro feels all the time? The vote also saw unexpected voting trends flip, with registered Democrats more likely to vote than registered Republicans, suggesting abortion rights is an energizing issue that will get pro choice voters to the polls. It's all about kitchen table issues, like getting to decide how many people

are at your kitchen table. Moreover, according to NBC News, Steve Kornacki, in his khakis, at least 20% of Republican voters in Kansas oppose the measure. Trump is right. Republicans really are tired of winning. After the Kansas vote was in,

conservatives immediately started scrambling to explain the results away. Molly Hemingway, editor-in-chief of The Federalist, claimed anti-abortion groups were merely outspent, asserting so much money was spent by hardcore abortion supporters. Campaign spending on both sides was actually about even. This is like when I eat two McDonald's meals and I tell myself I feel sluggish because it's hot out. Whatever gets you through the day, Molly. Over on Fox News, Dagan McDowell said the success of Kansas' pro-choice voters actually

blows up the narrative that the Supreme Court is destroying our democracy and in fact they're saving it. When I poured lighter fluid all over your house and then set fire to it, was that an attempted murder or was it a gift that made you realize how much you wanted to live? Over on Twitter, Eric Erickson suggested

pro-life voters just read the ballot wrong. How many Kansans who were generally pro-life but not plugged in went to the polls, read the ballot language, and thought, shit, I don't want to let the legislature pass abortion laws, I'm pro-life. I like this explanation because the ballot measure was clearly designed to confuse pro-choice voters. It's Roadrunner painting a tunnel on a solid wall and then slamming straight

into it. On Wednesday, the White House physician reported that President Biden is still testing positive for COVID four days after the start of his rebound infection. Luckily, his actual rebound hasn't been affected. Seriously, his doctor said he did a light workout. Why is this guy healthier than me? I played Portal 2 on my Switch and I had to take like several naps. Biden killed Ayman al-Zawahiri. What the fuck? As of tonight, it looks like we may have a deal on this Inflation Reduction Act. It seems like they got Kyrsten Sinema on board. She wanted to remove the carried interest loophole, which allows extremely wealthy hedge fund managers to pay the capital gains rate on what is very clearly income. Now, a lot of cynics probably feel pretty silly.

People were sure she would sabotage the deal, but you were wrong. She's just making it worse on behalf of the wealthiest financiers in this country. Sinema also wants to add about $5 billion in drought resiliency funding to the deal, which sounds good until you realize he's just turning Arizona into one big vineyard

and only for Moscato. She stinks. In other news, as of this week, election deniers have now won the GOP nomination for Secretary of State, Governor, or both in four swing states, Arizona, Michigan, Nevada, and Pennsylvania. Wish we could deny those elections. Eric Schmidt landed the GOP nomination for Senator in Missouri, defeating disgraced former

Governor Eric Greitens. Donald Trump finally announced his endorsement the day before, urging Missourians to vote for Eric, even though there were three Erics. Both leading Erics immediately claimed the endorsement for themselves. Look, I've had my disagreements with Donald Trump, but dropping an endorsement into a cage of three terrible Erics

is pretty good. It's really one of the dumbest things we've ever seen that actually could happen in politics. He really did it on purpose. He said, I choose Eric, and they both said he means me. And still not his son. And never his son.

He never chooses Eric. Really good point. Thank you. Michigan Representative Peter Meyer, one of the 10 Republicans who voted to impeach Trump, lost his primary to Trump-endorsed candidate John Gibbs, who backed the big lie. Adam Kinzinger lambasted

the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee for the disgusting decision to spend roughly half a million dollars on a pro-Gibbs ad, a calculated attempt to meddle in the hope of midterm success this fall. Fortunes favor the bold, baby. No pain, no gain.

Gotta boost the Gibbs to elect some libs. Said Kinzinger, Don't keep coming to me asking where are all the good Republicans that defend democracy and then take your donors' money and spend half a million dollars promoting one of the worst election deniers

that's out there. Look, he doesn't not have a point. But come on. Adam isn't running for re-election because his vote to impeach Trump made him a pariah in a radicalized GOP. The DCCC didn't create that base. It's just waving a big red cape in front of it.

Is that dangerous? Sure. Will we get gored? Maybe. But they did move that seat from toss-up to lean-down, you know? You know, you gotta take some chances out there. What if we went and keep the house by one seat? Because we got this, uh, you know, principal person out of the way. It's not our fault

their base is monstrous. That's the whole thing. It's like, these people went to the polls and they voted for these fucking maniacs all across the country, and they didn't just do it in this one district where the DCCC ran it at. Everywhere you go, there's no greater moral failing on Earth than winning a Republican primary in 2022.

No sign of a more broken person. Just as a reminder, in addition to backing Trump's election fraud lie, John Gibbs has also promoted the deranged spirit cooking conspiracy, which alleges prominent Democrats cook bodily fluids such as blood, semen, and breast milk as part of a satanic

ritual, which is disgusting and wrong. It's a smoothie. Tensions were high as Nancy Pelosi headed to Taiwan this week. Unfortunately, Taiwan was not the only questionable place the speaker visited over the course of the month. So now for a brief look back at Nancy Pelosi's other controversial trips.

And this is very exciting. We have exclusive images of her global journey. It's an exclusive. So now for a brief look back at Nancy Pelosi's other controversial trips. And this is very exciting. We have exclusive images of her global journey. It's an exclusive. This is fun. I've never done it like this before. I haven't seen any of these yet, so let's take a look. Photo number one.

Oh, no, it's Nancy Pelosi at the opening of Lea Michele's Funny Girl. Sure, Lea's going to be great, but at what cost? Huge misstep, Nancy. The military's funny girl. Sure, Leah's going to be great, but at what cost? Huge misstep, Nancy. The military's against it. Where else did Nancy go? Oh, God, it's Nancy Pelosi at Kim Kardashian's infamous 40th COVID birthday. I didn't notice Nancy there before. I guess I'm glad she's masked up.

I'm sure it was fun, but the optics, Nancy. Oh, look, it looks like she has one other destination. Let's see. Oh, no, Nancy, no. No. Going with Logan Paul on his offensive, ill-fated journey into Japan's haunted woods? The suicide forest? This seems horrible for Dems. How does she even know Logan Paul? And she's wearing pumps? Nancy, please. I can't stay mad at you. That's it. Those are the photos of Nancy. Logan Paul, Kim Kardashian, and Lea Michele. We also put her on the grassy knoll when Kennedy was killed.

And it felt like the wrong vibe. Like, I thought the tone of the first three were a little bit more like, you know, obviously the suicide forest thing was very dark, but it was all kind of in the pop culture realm. Not where Kennedy had his head shot off. It felt wrong. During his defamation trial, the

lawyer for the parents of a Sandy Hook victim revealed in court that Alex Jones' attorney had accidentally emailed him a digital copy of every written digital communication Jones has sent for the last two years. News that shocked both... It's years. News that shocked both. It's amazing.

News that shocked both the InfoWars host and his counsel. Asked lawyer, do you know what perjury is? Is that when the lizard people are trans, responded Jones? The judge also had to remind Alex Jones several times not to Alex Jones all over her courtroom. Jones several times, not to Alex Jones all over her courtroom. It seems absurd to instruct you again that you must tell the truth while you testify. Yet here I am. You must tell the truth while you testify. This is not your show. You need to slow down and not take what you see as opportunities to further the message you're wanting to further. And instead, only answer the specific and exact question you have been asked. There's something that happens when these kinds of right-wing figures,

when the gears of our justice system catches just a little bit of their shirt or just a little bit of their pants and starts pulling them in, then those gears are going to keep going. You can't stop it with television. You can't stop it by talking to Sean Hannity. You can't stop it with a donor email. Once those gears get on your shit, you just get grinded, you know? And you know, sometimes that's good. After receiving the contacts of Jones's whole phone, the lawyer for the Sandy Hook family wrote back, my assumption is that you did not

intend to send this to us, to which Jones's lawyer replied, please disregard the link and I will work on resending. The family's lawyers did not. Jones' lawyers complained in a filing that the other side didn't disregard this. Needless to say, their motion was denied. Your Honor, I've slit my pants and revealed my whole ass. An opposing counsel refuses to avert their eyes. Opposing counsel is pointing and laughing, Your Honor. And finally, today Alex Jones was ordered

to pay two Sandy Hook parents $4.1 million in compensatory damages. The jury will debate again on what additional award they might receive for punitive damages. And this is only the beginning, Alex. Turns out the frogs are gay. And get this, they're litigious. When we come back, sharpen those pitchforks, it's time to take on

those high-flying, private jet-riding celebs. And we're back! This week, the internet caught fire after a UK-based marketing agency, Yard, released their analysis of data collected by the Twitter account CelebJets, which tracks celebrity private jet flights, revealing the worst offenders behind the hundreds of climate-crushing jaunts,

some as short as 14 minutes, that A-listers have been racking up this year. And you know how I feel about it? Jealous. I mean, enraged. Here to chat about it, it's the hilarious Lunell. Hi, how are you? I. Hi, how are you? I'm good, how are you? Are you following this private jet scandal?

No. What's going on? I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but the celebrities, they're at it again. What are they doing? They're flying private on their jets And sometimes the flights are really short And they could have just taken a car

They're barely flying across the map And $30,000 a flight At least, plus the climate, you know So what's the problem? People don't like it Haters don't like it Yeah, haters, that's right Isn't that the goal?

To get off of Southwest and get onto a jet? Obviously. People aren't mad because they're flying on private jets. They're mad because they're not flying on private jets. People also have a kind of problem with the climate pollution. But you think it's probably just mostly because they're haters you know, they're haters.

I fly private. Must be nice. On other people's planes. Yeah, other people's planes. People, they lease these planes. I think Kylie Jenner does own her plane, though. And sometimes you can tell whose plane it is by the tail. They'll have the initials of the people on the tail.

What else do you want to know? Would you personally have a private jet knowing how bad it would be for the environment? Yep. It was fucked up when I got here. What am I gonna do? It was fucked up when I got here. You know, it's time for a game we're calling.

Where we're going, we don't need roads because we're flying private to skip like an hour of traffic. Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready. According to data collected by Twitter's CelebJets, which tracks the aircraft of the rich and famous, which celebrity produces the most

carbon dioxide private jet emissions? It's a musician. I mean, you're not going to give me a multiple choice? I'll give you one multiple choice. I'll do it right now, ready? Okay. Is it Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, or Taylor Swift? Bieber. It's Taylor.

Oh. I see. Okay. So Taylor's not so crystal clean after all, is she? I guess not. Which celebrity couple sparked an internet backlash

by posting an Instagram photo posing with his and hers private jets with the caption, you want to take mine or yours? I'll give you a hint. One of them is a Kardashian. It was Kylie and Travis. You bet it was. You got it. You're doing great.

Taylor Swift, the top offender in this year, so far accounts for how many times the annual emissions of a standard schmo? What? I don't know. That's a stupid question. It's a thousand times. Though we can't prove it. Who in our hearts and minds leaked the information that led to Taylor Swift being named the biggest private jet offender?

Who snitched on her? Yeah. The fuck do I know? How the fuck do I know? If you don't give me multiple choice... The correct answer is Kris Jenner.

Here's a theory. Kris Jenner leaked it because she knows that... Oh, this is a theory. This is just a theory. We're just making it up. Because here's the thing. It's not a real quiz.

Oh. It sort of is a real quiz. It's not real answers. Because here's the thing. If Taylor Swift hadn't been in the number one spot, they would have been coming for Kylie, you know? They would have been

coming for Kylie. But hasn't John Travolta been flying a fucking whole 747 for like 40 years? Yeah. Like, didn't Elvis have a plane before him? And James Brown?

And what about the people that died to make that song about the music stopping? They were on a private plane. The Big Bopper? La Bamba? Wow. You went there. But didn't they,

that wasn't a commercial flight. Okay, but you put a whole, like, black cloud over what was really fun you want to talk about dead motherfuckers with planes god damn I do think you're right

it does seem as though every once in a while there's a kind of a news story that says John Travolta kissed a man on the cheek and then flew a 747 somewhere you know

more importantly is this your beverage yeah this one's would you like a beverage well I've been here and ain't nobody

offered me a motherfucking thing nobody offered Lunel a beverage no they offered me some water but this is clearly not

it's a Paloma can we fly out a beverage so you want to bitch about private plane and you drinking some seven dollar motherfucking grapefruit and agave

this is very bougie do you live in West Hollywood I've actually I recently moved to the east side okay it's coming it's coming yeah

we have options for you can you open it for me? Yeah, IPA, Mugello, and Marg. Yeah, I'll take the margarita. Thank you. And Claire, we can't have these kind of fuck-ups again. See, this is what... All right?

Black grandmothers used to have a saying that a closed mouth don't get fed. Meaning, if you don't speak up for what you want, you'll never get it. That goes from margaritas to anything in this town and in this business. Can we toast now? Yeah, that's right.

Cheers. COVID. I'm over it. Monkeypox. I probably don't have monkeypox. You might. I'm more likely to be pregnant, I swear to God. Takes three weeks to pop out on your face.

Drake recently faced backlash after his private jet logged a flight from Hamilton, Ontario to Toronto. How long was that flight? Was it 14 minutes, 34 minutes, or 64 minutes? 34 minutes. It was 14 minutes. He took a 14 minute flight. Watch what you say about Drake though.

He can do what the fuck he wants to do. I'm trying to get at Drake. I'm trying to get at him. I will ride him for 14 minutes. How about that? How about that?

How about them apples? What's up, Drake? Listen carefully. What's up, Drake? What's up, Drake? What's up, Drake? How long would that same ride have taken in the car? Okay, wait a minute. It took 14 minutes? So if it's...

No. If it's... And that is 400 miles. It probably was... 100 miles. It probably was 100 miles. It would have taken one hour and 12 minutes. I think that's about right. I think that's about right. Drake tried to defend himself,

claiming that he wasn't actually on the short flight. Was the plane, A, delivering a donor kidney to a child in need, B, taking his son to preschool, or C, returning to the child in need, B, taking his son to preschool, or C, returning to the airplane garage where it lives, or D, performing an aerial search for Sasquatch?

It was probably just going home to the garage. It was an empty plane going to the garage. Yeah, I won again. Oh, shit. Final question. Okay, and then I have a question. What celebrity has the shortest average flight? Is it A. Travis Scott, B. Steven Spielberg,

C. Oprah Winfrey, or D. Kelsey Grammer? Well, I don't think Oprah's flying from Santa Barbara. Yeah, let's get specific. Kelsey or Steven. It's Travis Scott. His average flight length was seven miles. He's taking really short flights.

I think he just likes to fly. Well, he's so ugly, he should be on a private plane. I said it. I said it. Too ugly to fly commercials. That's right. Put it on his tombstone. What did Warren Buffett name the Berkshire Hathaway private jet?

Is it A, the glacier melter, B, the indefensible, C, Mr. Zoom Zoom, or D, the two degrees of Celsius warming over pre-industrial levels? Okay, I cry racism. Why don't you ask some questions that black people know? We don't know no fucking shit like this. I barely know who fucking Warren Buffett the fuck is. Nobody knows this. Okay, so I don't know. I quit. Look how belligerent I got after half a margarita.

Maybe I better top this baby off. You won the game. What do you want to talk about? You ask questions. Whatever you want to do. My main question. Remember, I had a question. That's what I want to know.

Okay, what the fuck is this? Like, what is this? Like, do you guys do this weekly? Is this going to be on the internet? I don't know. I just go where my publicist tells me to go, and I don't fucking know where I'm at or what I'm doing, what this is.

I just saw a witch backstage. You got on a hat. It's fucking August. I don't get it. I don't understand. Typewriter, theater, what the fuck is going on? That was a few questions, actually. Okay. So, first of all...

I'm glad to be here, by the way. Thank you for asking. I do stand-up, so I love a live audience. We love them. I started in theater, community theater, just like this. So this is, I feel like I'm doing inside the actor's theater. When you get to heaven, what do you want St. Peter to say? I wouldn't put my money on that one.

I came up through the 70s. I don't know if heaven, I don't know. We don't know. Well, thank you for being here. So this happens from time to time. You're not the first guest to not understand where they are or why they're here or what this is. Where is this going? Is this cameras over there?

There's some cameras, but it's... Where is this gonna air at? It's a podcast. So it's a podcast. We also put clips on YouTube and social media. Okay. You guys gonna tag me? Yeah, we'll tag you for sure. We'd love to tag you. I need a good tagging, too. We all do.

As evidenced by my lack of monkey pox risk. Corona shut my whole sex life down. And now the monkey pox. Shit, I don't know what to do. Everything I do got a glove on it. You know the gas pump is nasty AF. Yeah. I mean, I have a Tesla.

So I don't get gas. I just see the prices go up, but it doesn't affect me. Oh, because your emissions and shit? No, I just... Is that what you're trying to floss, that you don't have no emissions? I just don't. Well, I got a Mercedes Benz, and a Lexus, and a Subaru Forester, and they all run on premium gas, and I worked hard for it,

and I don't give a fuck. Well, back to your question. I don't want to be rude. I want to answer your question. So this is kind of a weekly podcast. We do this show every Thursday night, and then it comes out on Saturday mornings, and it's actually surprisingly popular.

This is like some really cool underground shit. I don't know. Did somebody ask for me or how did I get here? Well, that's a great question as well. So we work with a booking. This is really good by the way. It is good.

If you slam it like I did, it works really well. It's, you know, it's shaped like a can, but it's really as strong as wine. So I assume what happened is, um, it just happened. Who got me? Kendra. She wanted you to come.

Hey, Kendra! Kendra wanted me. You thought I would be well-suited for this? Kendra grew up with you. She's a huge fan of yours. She's awesome. Thank you. You're a legend.

And everybody should know that. Word. Oh, my God. I got a little emotional. I must be tipsy. Thank you so much. Is there anything else you want to know about what's happening? Is there any pay?

I think like, yeah, obviously nothing that will matter to you. Yeah, but I want it. You'll get it. We'll get it. We still pay guests, right? Yeah, we pay guests. We're a serious operation. Cash, please. I like that dirty, nasty cash. Can somebody send Claire, the intern,

to an ATM? You know who wants cash Lunell wants cash. She gets cash. Okay, I have one more question. So, like, can I come back? Of course you can come back. This has been an absolute delight. Lunell, you've won the game.

Incredible. Thank you so much for being here. What a delight. Such a fan of yours. Thank you so much. Lunell, everybody. That was so much for being here. What a delight. Such a fan of yours. Thank you so much. Lunell, everybody. That was so much fun. Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Grappling with the rebound case of COVID, President Biden tested positive throughout the week, even as his physician said he continues to feel well and he did a light workout. In fact, while in isolation, the president remained apprised of the operation in order to kill an al-Qaeda leader. Here to discuss the state of the president's health, it's one of the president's physicians, Dr. Mark Mallow. Welcome, Dr. Mallow.

Why don't you come sit over here? Thank you so much for coming on the show today. Can you give us some news about the president? Let me start by correcting you, John. I'm no longer the president's physician because I'm here to announce that I have resigned. You have a scoop? This is a scoop. I could no longer be associated with a White House

in which the president abuses his power in such a deadly way. I understand principled objections to the imperial presidency and the destruction of U.S. military interventionism. And yes, the authorization of military force Congress passed after 9-11 has been stretched beyond all meaning and should never have continued in perpetuity. But in this case, doctor, it was targeting an al-Qaeda leader who planned the 9-11 attacks. What the hell are you talking about? I don't know who al-Qaeda leader who planned the 9-11 attacks. What the hell are you talking about? I don't know who al-Qaeda is, one of your homosexual friends.

But that's not why I resigned. What? Then why? I find it disgraceful that the president ordered this drone strike while convalescing with a rebound case of COVID. He should be resting. I'm sorry, what? This is hustle culture at its absolute worst. And I could not be a participant in it. Oh, God. You're

one of these people? Yes, I am asexual. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's not what I meant, Doctor. Look, obviously, I think it's very important that people isolate themselves when they have COVID and no one should feel pressure to work through COVID, even if they're isolating. We should have a culture where people can take breaks and they can take care of themselves.

And that's not just about culture, it's about policy. We should have paid medical leave. Exactly, John. And that's why President Biden, who I think we can all agree is normally very spry and absolutely shredded, should not have been giving speeches and doing meetings and ordering drone strikes. Do you know how hard it is to do a drone strike? How hard is it? You gotta press several buttons. But he's the president. It's different. Everyone gets that. That's what POTUS said when I prescribed a week of bed rest with no meetings, no briefings, nothing but recovery and Delaware-style chicken soup.

What's Delaware-style chicken soup? What's Delaware-style chicken soup? Oh, it's just chicken soup with some vanilla soft serve on top. He'll eat anything with soft serve on it. Absolutely anything. Let's be serious here, Dr. Mallow. Stop it. The president can't be incommunicado for a week. He's the president. It's not a normal job.

That would be dangerous. There's nothing more dangerous than the grind, John. You can read about it in my new book, There's Nothing More Dangerous Than the Grind, by Dr. Mark Mallow. Did the president listen to you? No. He's out doing a light workout,

which for Biden means riding a penny-farthing bicycle with a nickel in his pocket for the mutoscope which we installed on the South Lawn. And I think we all know what a mutoscope is. We all know exactly what a mutoscope is. But when I heard he ordered that drone strike while ill on a Saturday,

that was the last straw. If the president is working on a Saturday, that means a whole bunch of other people had to work too. Not exactly a good boss, if you ask me, Jonathan. Sometimes we do shows on Saturday. Okay. Actually, I'm editing this script and it's almost 9pm on a Wednesday night and I'm gonna send it

to Hallie so she can send it to Vinny so he has it the night before. I see. Looks like we have a bit of a hustler. The point is, I'm afraid the internet's melting people's brains. Everything isn't about everything. The president should be giving it 100% every day of his turn, and every president should be wracked with guilt and worry over the stakes of their decisions.

They should age dramatically over the course of their time in office, and then they should be basically crawling out of the building when they're done. That's the price you pay for the egotism and arrogance it takes to think you should run the fucking country. Quiet. You see? Yep. That attitude about work, That's why Travis quit.

Okay, doctor. Okay. Okay, Dr. Mallow. Don't applaud that. That's quite enough. This isn't like a normal person feeling pressure to keep a marketing zoom on the books even though they're exhausted from COVID or worrying about taking their full parental leave because of a snide comment from a boss without kids. This is the president. And by the way, I think people should be intentional about how hard they work at their jobs and no one should be forced to work under abusive or unsustainable conditions. But I do worry that this message of anti-hustle culture aimed at people pursuing jobs in competitive creative industries comes from the same people who capitalize on hustle culture itself. It's the same kind of trap, but instead of making you cry on the bus, it's telling you that giving up on caring about your work means you'll never cry on the bus. It's the flip side of the same coin, and it's just not true. Jesus Christ. A lot of words, John.

A lot of words, John. It's easy for you to say. You did the grind, and it worked out for you. I saw two kinds of sparkling water in that green room. Perrier and San Pellegrino. Would it kill you to buy American? But when you can work your heart out and feel like you won't get what your parents got, when you feel like you're not getting anywhere, what's the answer, John? Give me that. I don't know. But I can't believe it's telling people to

give up or just do enough just not to be fired but not to get ahead or that trying hard is patriarchy. Not because I think it's morally wrong to half-ass it at work. It's not. Believe me. I worked for Jon Favreau and he'd tell you, I'm not half-ass it at work. You know what I mean?

I just think it's bad advice. It's the kind of advice like a stranger gives a stranger on the internet, but not the kind of advice you'd give someone you love. Like hustle culture is toxic. No one should have to sell weight loss shakes to school acquaintances on Facebook to pay for childcare. But I just think there's plenty of industries that do take advantage of people to be part of something creative. But like, I don't know. I worry about it. Okay. But my weight loss shakes actually work, John. As outlined in my next book, My Weight Loss Shakes Actually Work by Dr. Mark Mallow. There are no parasites. There are no parasites in Dr. Mallow's shakes.

There are no parasites in your shakes. There are no parasites. The allegations aren't true. They've been disproven. They've been debunked. These are haters on the internet. They shouldn't be listened to. The shakes are fine.

It's just vitamins. It's just vitamins and minerals and vegan protein, right? Amen. It's vegan protein. Chops and chocolate, vanilla, coconut. We get it from wax beans. They get it from wax beans. Anyway, the point is, I worry that telling people not to try it is just another way to make the next generation suffer for the failures of the generation that came before.

The book comes with a free packet of powder, John. I'd like to point that out. The book comes with free shake powder from the wax beans. From the wax beans, John. That's neat. Anyway, I'm glad Biden worked through COVID, and I'm glad I mostly rested through COVID, though I did a couple of Zooms and napped.

Is that okay, doctor? Oh, and when your hair starts to fall out, John, what then? It's already falling out, Dr. Mallow. And it's not due to job stress. Oh, do when your hair starts to fall out, John, what then? It's already falling out, Dr. Mallow. And it's not due to job stress. Oh, do you need a hair guy? Because the president's hair guy does beautiful work. I already have someone. I live in L.A.,

Dr. Mallow. Dr. Mark Mallow, everybody. Vinnie Thomas, everybody. So great. We come back. It's time for some advice with dr armani don't go anywhere this is love it or leave it and there's more on the way and we're back

this is gonna be shocking to hear but sometimes even i don't know the best thing to do thank god we have our next guest who's just as a reminder is going to help me tackle the advice you need. So get those personal crises popping off. Welcome to the stage, the host of the new Crooked podcast, Imani State of Mind, Dr. Imani Walker. Hi, Dr. Imani. Thanks for being here. Hi, how are you?

I'm good. I'm fine. I'm okay. Two questions for you. First of all, I feel like this is a moment where a lot of people are feeling kind of overwhelmed by keeping up with the news. It's hard to tell when you're stressed out because you're following the news too much or that's just sort of what it means to be a person.

Yeah. What do you do? That's a great question. It wasn't. No, it is because I actually went through this this year. So I'm a psychiatrist, not a psychologist. And I freely tell people that I have depression and anxiety. I take Prozac.

It's awesome. I love it. There was a period of time where I would read the news every day because my parents were in the news. I always read the news. And it was just I liked reading the news but it was so overwhelming and I would just be so crushed and since this pandemic we all know it's been just I can curse on this show right 100 okay it's been fucking crazy so I got to a point where when I would read the news I would just be so down and I would just be just like oh my god I can't take

this and I will say that reading the news kind of contributed a bit to my anxiety. Now that I'm on Prozac, I can read the news and I know where to put it. Like I can say, okay, this was terrible, but you know what? I have stuff I have to do today. So I'm going to go ahead and do that as opposed to just like ruminating and thinking and perseverating about like what I just read. So I would say that if you read the news and if it is contributing to your mood being low or contributing to any anxiety that you may experience during the day, then I would say that you might want to think about taking a news break or a news diet,

which is what I would do from time to time. All right. Are you ready to give some people advice? Hell yeah. Give some people the advice? Yes. All right. Raise your hand if you have a question.

Oh, I see a hand over there. It could be anything. It could be anything. It doesn't even have to be like mental health related. Hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm Kai. Hi. Hi.

Hi. So I'm on a new antidepressant right now, which is actually really working for me. And I'm trying to figure out how not to feel guilty about feeling happy. Do you have any advice? Oh, that's a great question. Well, let me ask you this. Are there other people around you like in your life that you think are depressed? And is your feeling better?

Like, are you kind of doing like comparing yourself to other people? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I mean, this is going to sound, well, I guess a little bit selfish, but we've all heard like, oh, in the plane, you know, put your mask on first or whatever. Like, it's kind of like that. Whatever medication you're taking is that air mask.

And not to say that like, oh, well, you guys don't have air masks. Well, like, whatever, like get out of my face. But it's more so about, like, you have to take care of yourself first. And then you might actually be the inspiration or the beacon for the other people in your life to be like, yo, like, let me, you know, let me, like, go talk to somebody or let me, like, see about medication. I understand the guilt, absolutely. But it's always better to make sure that you're doing better first, and then you can kind of bring other people along with you.

What's the antidepressant? What's it called? I'm on Abilify. Abilify? That's been advertised on television. Abilify actually, in case anybody cares, Abilify actually isn't an antidepressant. It is an antipsychotic medication, but it has been FDA approved for bipolar disorder. So if you have a history of a mood disorder like bipolar disorder, like you may cycle between depression. I don't know. I'm not trying to get into your business, but I'm just saying that Abilify is not an antidepressant, but it can work on certain mood disorders.

Well, maybe one of the cool things about this example is that maybe none of those people that she's worried about feeling guilty exist. Okay. Do you think we have to cut that? I think we should leave it in. I think we should leave it in. We're leaving it in. Okay.

But we know it was wrong, and I saw you all cringe, but it's fine because it was a joke about it, but not the joke. It's fine. Right? You're a doctor. Yes. Thank you. You're welcome. Oh, God. Does anybody else need some advice? Right? You're a doctor. Yes. Thank you. You're welcome.

Does anybody else need some advice? That was great. Thank you for your question. Thank you. It could be about anything. Like, should you see a certain movie? Like, I know astrology stuff. Like, anything. You got a hand in the front,

Segi. Oh, wait, we shouldn't say your name, because then it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. She's a great Vote Save America volunteer. Give it hand in the front, Saggy. Oh wait, we shouldn't say your name because then it's like. No, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. She's a great Vote Save America volunteer. Give it up for Saggy, everybody.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay, so I'm here from abroad kind of on vacation sort of for a conference and something that I've, you know, it's a conference but I turned it into a

vacation, it's fine. And something I've been kind of debating and that I need to make a decision on is whether I I when I get back and then have to do a family vacation, whether I kind of hustle and struggle through finishing my dissertation proposal for my Ph.D. and take a financial bonus from my department for finishing it by the end of August. financial bonus from my department for finishing it by the end of August, or if I just enjoy my fucking vacation and take the financial hit knowing that I have other means kind of later on

because I like desperately have needed a vacation. Or if I, you know, it is feasible for me to finish the project, like the proposal by the end of the summer, but I think that it will be painful. And so I'm kind of, I don't know which way to go. And maybe both of your sage wisdom will help me decide. Do you honestly feel like you could get through a vacation and enjoy it knowing that you weren't working on your proposal? Such a good question. Yes. That's an eight plus 10 out of 10 question. It's a great question. I've been, you know, in different places in California this trip.

And half the time I've been like, oh my God, I should be working on this thing. I should be working on this thing. Do you think, yes or no, do you think you can get through your vacation and enjoy it without worrying about completing a dissertation? Yes or no?

Yes. Yes or no? Yes. Yes or no? Yes. I think that if I decide that that's what I'm going to do, that's what it's going to be. My supervisors are fine with it. No one is pressuring me except for me. And just knowing that I have this kind of financial incentive, it's basically leaving

money on the table. Is the financial incentive... I think I would be okay with it. How much money are we talking about? Right. Give us a number number Just say the number Should I not ask that? No

What I was going to say is I guess I guess like the nicer version No offense No none taken Is Is the financial incentive Equivalent to

The cost of your vacation No And I Less or more What are we talking about here? Okay so Just say a number

Listen It's only... It's $1,000. No, girl, no, no, girl. No, no, no, no. And I took a research contract with a professor who basically already paid me the bonus

so that I could work for her during the summer instead of doing my dissertation proposal. $1,000. You can barely fill up your gas tank in Joe Biden's America. So all I can say is yes. Yeah, no. You think vacation, right?

Yeah, go on vacation, girl. Go on $1,000. Thank you. Yeah, go on vacation. You know what? You just needed the permission. Yeah, I needed permission. Right.

We all agree on vacation? Everybody agree? Yes. Great. $1,000? The groan from the people on a thousand dollars. The world-weary fucking feeling of just how little a thousand dollars gets you. All right, we got to leave it there.

That was so great. Thank you so much to Dr. Imani. Everybody, go subscribe to Imani State of Mind. It's an awesome podcast where you can hear lots of great conversations just like this. When we come back, it's time for the rant wheel. And we're back. Now it's time for the rant wheel.

Here's how it works. We spin the wheel wherever it lands. We rant about the topic. This week on the wheel, we have Nichelle Nichols dying. Watch it. Watch it. Rats in LA. Carolyn Bryant.

Donham. Donham. Brittany Greer sentencing. Paul Mooney. Some other stuff. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on Breakfast combo platters Breakfast combo platters

Which I believe was suggested by Vinny It was Because I just moved out here in January And if you go to a breakfast place And you ask for a waffle They just serve you the waffle for $15 There aren't eggs and hash browns attached to it, which is deeply perplexing. Because what kind of fucking sociopath just wants a waffle?

If I go to a breakfast place, I would like the entire breakfast. And I'd like it not all to be a la carte. You gotta buy five or ten separate little things, like a separate little cup of eggs and a separate little thing of hash browns. That's segregation, and it's sick. Sick. And furthermore... Ha ha ha ha ha! Furthermore, I think American diner culture

is the only bastion of American cuisine, and it is the only linchpin of true American culture. And the fact that it's being wiped out for ridiculous little brunch places with matcha waffles is obscene. And that's my rant, then. Have you been to Norm's yet?

Yes. Good. Let's spin it again. You need to eat at more black places. We serve sides with the motherfucking waffles. to eat at more black places, we serve sides with the motherfucking waffles. It has landed

on Nichelle Nichols dying. Yeah, this isn't really a rant. This is just a reminder. Like, Nichelle Nichols was amazing. Yes, she was. Yeah, she was amazing. Actually, NASA recruited her

to actually help recruit astronauts and probably other people who work for NASA because it's not just all astronauts. It's not all astronauts. It's not all astronauts. She was awesome. She was like the first black woman that I can recall who had like a position of authority on TV. And she was an interpreter, right? She was an interpreter on Star Trek.

Yeah, don't get all fucking quiet now, white folks. You know what it is. Okay. Now, random, because I love random information. Do you guys remember that cult? The hell bop people with the twin beds? Yes, yes. Her brother was one of them.

Oh. Yeah, her brother was one of them. Yeah, yeah, random, random fact. But in any case, Nichelle nichols is awesome i have her barbie at home like she's yeah like she's like most of you yes and that that's my that's my rant my deeply held personal belief is that uh star trek the undiscovered country is the best star trek film ever made uh i believe. And what is great about that film is it's kind of like a swan song for them

as like the original cast. And there's this great scene. It's one of the funniest scenes ever in Star Trek. To you. What a, what a, you don't even, I'm just. It wasn't even controversial. I didn't say anything wrong. I didn't do anything.

He said, this is my opinion. And you said, is it? Just absolutely withering. I thought we had built a rapport earlier. I felt a connection. That might have been wrong. But there's this incredibly funny scene where they're trying to kind of create a diversion,

and so they're trying to talk to the Klingons, and there's this great scene where they have to pretend they're a Klingon ship. Does anyone know this scene that I'm talking about? And there's this great moment where Uhura pretends to laugh like a Klingon and it's one of my favorite things I've ever seen in the history of television. And she goes,

and then she presses and ends the call and she gives everybody a big eye roll and it fucking rules. And she's awesome in that movie. She goes like this because she's the only one that understands what's happening she's signaling to like i think it's like scotty and uh okay and and she goes like come on we're laughing don't you understand they're trying to say they made a joke about us they made a joke fucking laugh and she goes she ends the call and she fucking hates the guys around her. Rules.

Love that movie. Love that movie. For our rules. Let's spin it again. Star Trek The Undiscovered Country is the best fucking Star Trek movie. And I don't care if anybody tells me wrong. It is the best. Unpacking in hotels.

This one's for me. It's part of a series of rants I'm doing on hotels. I used to just, you know, I'd bring my suitcase into the hotel and then I'd live out of the suitcase. Something's changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm not going to keep doing this song. I now unpack.

If I'm staying anywhere for more than three nights I open my suitcase and I take out every I'm home I take out every item I take out every item I unpack

and then I put my suitcase away far away and I don't have it anymore while I'm at this hotel and I'm using drawers and I live there and when I tell you I for years it was like who's using these drawers I'm at this hotel and I'm using drawers and I live there. And when I tell you, I, for years, was like, who's using

these drawers? I'm using these drawers. Who's using these cabinets? I'm using these cabinets. It's life changing. Can I chime in on that? Please do. Because I pack weekly. It's the bane of my existence. But I don't put my suitcase away. I do take out everything.

Everything. Because, you know, like, I just happen to be at the Ontario Improv this weekend, ladies and gentlemen. Shameless plug. Friday is open, Sunday's open, Saturday both shows are sold out. But I repack as I wear it and I put it back in

so on the last night I don't have that much to pack but I'm still living under the hope that one day I'll open a fucking dresser drawer and a million dollars will be in that motherfucker I still do that

that's interesting nobody leaves shit I keep looking nobody leaves shit don't you look in the drawers to see even the drawers you don't use I check them all You gotta check them all You gotta check all those drawers

Cause I left $2,000 in the drawer one time But my security found it before I got out the door That's what I pay that motherfucker for What a life What a life you're leading out there What a window into an existence You know when you're drunk and you hide your money from yourself No, I don't know what it's like.

What are you talking about? When I'm drunk and hiding $2,000 in a hotel? That doesn't happen in my life. Oh. That's cool. I think it's cool. Are you in Vegas? Where are you?

What are you doing with all this cash? Actually, I am in Vegas at the Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club. Let's spin it one more time. Sunday nights at 10 o'clock. It has landed on HBO Max's Meltdown. That can't be my question. Let's spin it again. I'll do one thing on HBO Max's Meltdown, which is this.

I paid for a year in advance like two weeks ago. Did I fuck up? Yes. It has landed on Carolyn Bryant Dunham. That's mine. Do you guys know who Carolyn Bryant Dunham is? I feel like I should. A wealthy British aristocrat?

She wishes. Carolyn Bryant Dunham is the old white woman who lied on Emmett Till. Oh, yes. She is. Oh, yes. She's responsible for Emmett Till. She is 88. Bitch.

Okay. She is. Listen, she's 88. She's blind and she has cancer. And I don't give a fuck. That bitch needs to be arrested. She needs to be locked that bitch up until she motherfucking dies. Right.

Lying ass bitch. And they found her ass, too. They found her ass. They rolled up on her ass. In the words of the great Tupac Shakur, a lot of real Gs doing time because a groupie bent the truth or told a lie. That bitch lied. That bitch lied.

So, look, there was a Holocaust. There's a guy in Germany who was a Nazi general, 101. His ass got five years in prison. That's right. And that other gangster, that old smoky, sleepy, whatever the fuck his name was, a gangster guy that they picked up. He was like 70-something. Lock that old ass bitch up.

Yeah, lock her ass up. Keep in mind, her family's been hiding her, too. Oh, yeah. And like, she just peeked her head out of the ground like a fucking meerkat after this whole time. I will say she looked like the Cryptkeeper, but I don't really care. Like, arrest that bitch. And that's not a joke, that's just a fact.

I'm just saying, okay, she peeked her head out. The bitch has been living for 70 years in life. 67 years. So she ain't peeked her head out, she's been out. But her people have been hiding her. They have been hiding her. They behind her.

Yes. So yes, arrest that bitch. That's my rant. And I should have known her name, but I just found it out yesterday.

Spin the motherfucking wheel. My questions ain't come up yet. I want to rant. Let's spin it one more time. Linnell's going to rant. Linnell's going to

take us home. Wherever this lands, you rant. Whatever you want about, you're in charge. It has landed on Paul Mooney. Ah. Today is the great Paul Mooney's birthday. And Paul Mooney came from Oakland, California, as well as me. And Paul Mooney came from Oakland, California, as well as me.

I've known Paul Mooney for probably 20 years, maybe 22 years. He was one of the biggest influence in my comedic career because he showed me that not giving a fuck is okay. Like, just don't give a fuck and say what the fuck you mean, mean what you say, speak the truth, and make it funny, and if everybody don't laugh, that's okay too. You know, I've seen him record albums. White people got all upset, twisted and walked out. He didn't give a fuck.

He still made the album. Black people were falling out in the aisle. But the white people got very nervous. But, you know, it's weird like that, that white people would be the ones who bought the tickets to come to see the black people talk the worst about them. Richard Pryor, Paul Mooney, black people couldn't get a ticket because the white people bought all the tickets. And he's standing in there talking about y'all. But he was a great, he was a great he was a legend to me he um you know wrote a lot of things he and and of course the homie the clown on in living color was one of his greatest things and then he did um was it bamboozled bamboozled which everybody needs to see because it's prevalent and happening right now and a lot of the things that richardryor said came from the pen of Mr.

Paul Mooney. He was around when roasts, when the roasts were not just tearing you down and insulting you, but they were really funny and really witty. And I look up to him and today's his birthday and I salute Paul Mooney. I think that's a great place to leave it. Thank you so much to Vinnie Thomas, Dr. Armani and Lunel When we come back, we'll end on a high note And we're back

Because we all need it, here it is, the high note Hey Lovett, long time listener, first time caller And I need to leave this high note I just attended your live show in St. Paul I've never been as proud to be a Minnesotan as I am when I hear Lieutenant Governor Peggy Flanagan be such a badass. my highest note was last week's show when your producers first unveiled the scream wheel and you so obviously hated it and they loved it and I loved it. I could not stop laughing and I thought I was going to die. And then Vanessa Bayer told me about the Colonel Sanders on general hospital and my mind exploded. I watched the YouTube video.

I re-listened to the rant and my life is changed forever. Thank you so much. Hey, Love It. This is Liz calling from a little town in the Sierra Foothills in Northern California. And my high note this week is related to my lowest ever low note. We lost our home and everything in it last August in a wildfire. And we just broke ground last week, 11 months and three days after the fire. We're hoping to be home by March. I can't wait. Thank you so much for everything you do. Keep up

the good work. Hi, Lovett. This is Laura from Texas, and my high note is that the brand new organization that I volunteer with, Elevated Access, which is dedicated to connecting people who need abortion or gender-affirming care with private pilots that meet them at small regional airports near their home and then fly them to their appointments in another state, recently completed our first flight. And as of yesterday, we've received applications from over 700 pilots across the country who want to give people access to health care. We still need a lot more pilots to sign up, but it's been really encouraging to see the turnout so far. Thanks. Hey, Lovett.

I'm calling back to give some positive update. I called a while back and was having a hard time trying to get into the health care system to get some help. It was overloaded like crazy, still is, but finally got in, and I'm doing so much better. So I wanted to say to all the people struggling out there, just keep trying to get help. It's hard to get in. Everybody needs help right now. There's no shame in needing help at all. Just keep trying.

Don't give up. Help is out there. Thanks. Bye. Thanks to everybody who sent in high notes tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 213-262-4427. And that's our show. Thank you so much to Vinny Thomas, Lunell, Dr. Armani, and everybody who sent in a high note. There are 101 days until the midterm elections. Have a great weekend. Thank you.