Lovett or Leave It - Republicans Shoot the Moon (Live from Charlottesville!)

Episode Date: October 23, 2023

The Errors tour heads to Charlottesville as Trump violates one gag order and evades another. Virginia assembly candidates Lily Franklin and Kimberly Pope Adams fight to save abortion access in the Cavalier State. The Washington Post’s Alexandra Petri is back to take on the zoo that is the House (analogy) and the White House (actual). We help give Charlottesville a little brand refresh because… well you know why. If Republicans come begging for help to elect a Speaker, we have demands. And rants on the hot pop culture topics you’ve been begging for: Ancient Greek poetry and neoclassical French architecture. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Hello, Charlotte! Let's go. Lovely to be here on grounds. You pretentious fucks. Welcome to the Heirs Tour. It's great to be here in Virginia, named after Elizabeth I. Because she was, it said, a virgin. Imagine having a state named to the lamest thing about you. But this show isn't lame.

We have two amazing candidates for your legislature. Kim Pope Adams and Lily Franklin are here. Incredibly funny Alexandra Petri and I see if we can squeeze some concessions out of these House Republicans. You will help us come up with a brand refresh for this city. Are you mad at me that I'm referencing it?

Are we going to all pretend that there's not an issue now? Right? Let's talk about it. And having a famous burger place called The White Spot isn't helping. We'll get to it. And we'll spin the rant wheel

and we'll hear you. And we'll hear your live wheel, and we'll hear you... And we'll hear your live high notes, so get thinking. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Alabama Senator Tommy Tuberville told reporters that he would continue blocking Senate confirmations of military officials despite the escalating Israel-Hamas conflict, saying, we're not at war. Not with that attitude. As any military historian can tell you, the time to prepare for a war is the first day of war,

and not a moment sooner. According to Romney, A Reckoning, the forthcoming book by McKay Compens, Oprah Winfrey suggested in 2020 that she and Romney team up for a White House run in order to save the country from Donald Trump. Romney said he shot down the idea, which is a shame because I could see the two of them planning a rollout in full for literally months, up to and including an event with thousands of people, and both assuming the other was the vice president, and assuming it was so obvious, never having

said it. You know? Both of them on the phone thinking, I guess I would let them be my vice president. I think that that's cool. I would let them be my vice president. I think that that's cool. A spokesperson for Oprah disputed this account, telling Axios in November of 2019,

Ms. Winfrey called Senator Romney to encourage him to run on an independent ticket. She was not calling to be part of the ticket and was never considering running herself. It is always nice when the correction makes it a little bit worse. Sidney Powell, one of the many Trump co-conspirators charged with attempting to undermine Georgia's...

There she is. There's the mugshot. Attempting to undermine the election results. She pleaded guilty one day before her trial was about to begin. There's been a crack in Trump's defenses. Okay.

Rudy Giuliani also reportedly pleaded guilty. But it's unclear if it counts since he was talking to a dancing inflatable tube man outside a car dealership. Just apologizing. Powell's plea was part of a deal to secure her testimony against her co-defendants, so there are a couple ways this ends.

Either Trump gets sent to jail by his own crackpot lawyers, or 70 years from now, we find this missing woman's bones in Ivana Trump's golf course coffin. Trump's former attorney, Kenneth Chesbrough, has taken a plea deal with Fulton County prosecutors, receiving probation in exchange for his agreement to testify. And here's where things get interesting. There's no way that both his and Powell's bodies can fit in Ivana Trump's golf course coffin.

Chesbrough is the third Georgia co-conspirator to plead guilty, and an Atlanta bail bondsman who had a smaller role in the election scheme also took a plea last month, which means we've finally broken through the goon tier of indictments and are working through the thin, sedimentary layer of stumble bums. All of this is a bad sign for Trump. Chezbrough pleaded guilty to a conspiracy charge for a conspiracy that involved Trump.

And Chezbrough communicated extensively with Trump and others about the plot, all spelled out in emails and texts that he now has to hand over to prosecutors. The rats are fleeing the sinking ship and then turning around and forwarding their little rat emails from their little rat inboxes. Having one of Trump's lawyers admit that at the time he knew that their plan was not legally viable, but did it anyway, undermines the argument that Trump is in the clear because he was listening to the advice of counsel. This is like if I wrote a joke and head writer Howie tells me it isn't funny, I do it anyway, no one laughs, and then I blame Howie. For example, it's Howie's fault that that Kraken joke was in here. Howie's an angel.

Howie's an angel, sure. Let's cut that And in even worse news for Trump When Chesbrough and Powell testify in his Georgia criminal trial That testimony can be cited in Trump's D.C. trial as well In which Chesbrough and Powell are unindicted co-conspirators That could mean two convictions for the price of one. This guy is really good at deals. All these jokes and more are brought to you by our new sponsor, Trump's Extra Wide Utility Coffins. Oh no!

No. In other Trump legal news, the judge in his civil fraud trial, Judge Arthur Engeron, fined Trump $5,000 for violating a gag order for his comment calling a law clerk Schumer's girlfriend, an accusation he deleted from social media but did not take off his website,

which his lawyer apologized for, said it was an oversight. $5,000 to me is the worst amount. It isn't high enough that Trump feels it, but it is high enough that the fact that Trump doesn't feel it is a reminder that even though he's not as rich as he says, he's still pretty rich. The judge did not find Trump in contempt or slap him with a harsher fine because it was his first violation of the gag order, but said any future attacks by Trump on court staff could lead Engron to possibly imprisoning Trump. It would be amazing if for all the blatant crimes that Trump has committed in public, he finally saw the inside of a jail cell for calling a bailiff Biden's little side piece. Meanwhile, the judge in Trump's D.C. trial temporarily lifted the gag order she issued,

which was designed to stop Trump from publicly bitching about special counsel Jack Smith. Oh Christ, here we go, said Iowa Trump supporters. Judge Tanya Chutkan said the temporary freeze is to allow both Trump and DOJ to brief her as she considers Trump's appeal of the gag order. Said Chutkin privately massaging her temples, maybe he'll get it all out of his system. How many slurs rhyme with Chutkin anyway? Slutkin, I'll live. Why are we even bothering with these gag orders? A gag order only works in a world where Donald Trump has the self-control of a human man. He doesn't. He has the self-control of a tall dog who knows you brought home pizza

and also knows at some point you'll have to go to the bathroom. A State Department official involved in arms transfers to allies resigned this week over the Biden administration's pledge to support Israel in its conflict with Hamas. He ended his resignation letter with a somber, and boy are my arms tired. Yep, what are we supposed to do with this stuff? Got it. The Biden administration has announced plans to spend 3.5 billion dollars upgrading the nation's electric grid more than half of the transmission lines in the U.S. and its transformers are from before the 1970s the only way to bring more renewable energy online is to update the nation's

grid starting with getting George Santos to stop stealing all the copper wires out of the capital Why is he doing that? For the first time, Lunchables, remember Lunchables? They now qualify for the nation's subsidized school lunch program and are now being given to children in cafeterias across the country. Yeah, fucking Lunchables. I was shocked as well. It's Lunchables for the least lunchable. Yeah, that's the last one that's going to feel like that, I think. The Washington Post did a fascinating investigation of how this happened,

and I really do recommend everyone take the time to read it. Lunchables, it turns out, were developed by Oscar Mayer in the 1980s as a way to sell excess bologna. I remember when Lunchables came out because I looked up the date and it checks out. So they first hit the store shelves nationwide in 1989, which was when I was seven years old. Six years old. Depends on when of the year. But I remember when they came out and they were the coolest fucking thing in the world. Do you remember how cool it was?

They're like, it's all in there? And some of them had the drink. Some of them had the Capri Sun. And you're like, and there's dessert. It's a whole fucking thing. There was something about the whole complete lunch inside the box that was just intoxicating. And so you'd put it in the cart

and then it would come out of the cart because your mom said, it's gross, unhealthy, and unnecessary. Because we can buy crackers, we can buy turkey, we can buy cheese, and we can buy drinks. And it was rich kids who got them. It was rich kids who got them. And also the cool kids whose moms didn't give a fuck.

I see you. Listen, I never got Lunchables. I always wanted Lunchables. They were so cool. And then what? You'd get get once in a long while, you'd get one Lunchable, and then you'd eat it and be like, this is too salty.

And it is too salty. And they're still too salty. And now, look how far, and so are we. And now look how far they've come. From a yellow package in the supermarket to being flung at children across America, a shipping pallet at a time. According to the report, if Lunchables were served to kids in Chile, for example, it would require a cigarette-like warning label

due to its salt and saturated fat content. But not in the great U.S. of A. No, here kids are handed a Lunchable. It was slightly modified by the evil scientists at Kraft Heinz to meet what little nutritional rules we do have, but because it doesn't meet the whole grain requirements. Okay, so they're giving kids a Lunchable in schools, but there's a whole grains requirement that the Lunchable doesn't meet to make the meal healthier. Do you know what the schools give the kids with the Lunchables?

A bag of Cheez-Its. To make the meal healthier, do you know what the schools give the kids with the Lunchables? A bag of Cheez-Its. To make the lunch better for the children. A bag of fucking Cheez-Its. Now, you may be saying, they must give the kids some kind of an alternative to fucking Lunchables. And they do. They do. At one school in North Carolina, the Post found that they offer children another option. It's called walking tacos. Do you want to know what walking tacos are? It's a bag of Doritos

with taco meat on the side. Yeah, that's right. Sounds pretty good. That actually sounds great. Sounds pretty good. And they get away with it because the salsa counts as a vegetable. Yeah, that's right. That's right. A ketchup packet. Now, there were positive changes made in the law as part of Michelle Obama's efforts to improve nutrition in schools. But lobbying by the food industry during the rulemaking process at the USDA means pizza sauce, French fries, salsa.

These things can still count as vegetables. French fries. And I didn't understand this. And now it all makes sense because this has been fucked since I was a kid. I remember when I was a kid in middle school, you could choose what you wanted for lunch for $1.40. And it was either nuggets and fries, burger and fries, or plate of fries. And with chocolate milk on the side. And then we're like, you know what's wrong with these kids? Their brains are fucked up because of ADHD. It's their dumb brains. That's why these kids are like this.

It's their fault because of their stupid fucking brains. Now let's fill them with fries, sugar, and milk for baby cows, and get them back in that room where they buzz against the walls because they want to play with their hands, but we're saying no because they need to be trained to build cars

in the 30s. We've got to learn to sit fucking still. Alright? That's what school's for. You've got to learn to hate books and sit still. Now eat your fries, which is a vegetable. Make sure you get your ten whole grains from those cheez-its.

This episode of Love to Leave It is brought to you by Frito-Lay. Frito-Lay, our food is to taste what staring at the sun is to your eyes. Unbelievable. No money for school lunches. Can't find it. We looked everywhere. Can't find it. Can't find it. Is it under one of those fighter jets that can't fly in the rain?

Nope, no money under the fighter jets that can't fly in the rain. Oh, well, I guess there's nowhere else to look. North Carolina Republicans proposed gerrymandered congressional maps to turn what is currently a 7-7 split between Democrats and Republicans into districts that would make it possible for Republicans in this closely divided state to hold 11 seats versus Democrats three. They've gone from 7-7 to 11-3. The Republicans in North Carolina have fully embraced their role as the bad guys from Breaking 2, Electric Boogaloo, a movie you all remember and love. That joke is also Hallie's fault.

The proposal is only possible because Republicans flipped the Supreme Court, which meant they could reverse a ruling that said they had to draw better maps, and because that sleazy, dumbass legislator flipped from Democratic to Republican, giving Republicans a super majority. But in her defense, she was just following her constituents' request to live in a waking nightmare. There's nothing to joke about. This fucking sucks. Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley's offices

have reportedly resulted in 20 employee marriages over the years. Sadly, all of the marriages were to Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley. Sick. Fierce winds up to 80 miles an hour have been ravaging communities in Montana, leading homes to be buried in tumbleweeds.

Look at that. The fuck? There's so many tumbleweeds. I've never seen anything like this. All right. Despite Montana's best efforts, shooting them isn't working. Will Smith and his children joined Jada Pinkett Smith

for a book event in Baltimore I know He called their relationship brutal and beautiful and a sloppy public experiment in unconditional love A sloppy public experiment in unconditional love is also how House Republicans characterize January 6th If this is a public experiment, I would like to be part

of the control group. I want to be part of the null hypothesis. Smith also said that he didn't know about... You know what? We're all fucking sick of this. Gwyneth Paltrow called the term nepo baby an ugly moniker in an interview published this week,

saying there's nothing wrong with doing or wanting to do what your parents do. Nobody rips on a kid who's like, I want to be a doctor like my dad and granddad. Thankfully, the interviewer suffered only minor injuries when she fell out of her seat as a result of leaning forward too much in the hope that Paltrow might say that nepo baby is the other N-word. That's what happened. Paltrow also said that once she sells goop, I will literally

disappear from public life. No one will ever see me again. Gwyneth continued, stop it. Gwyneth continued, unless you're skiing too slowly in Deer Valley, bitches. Like she did it. Like she got away with it.

Like she absolutely, how cool would that be, by the way? I would honestly, wouldn't you fucking love it if like five years from now, Gwyneth does like a full jinx thing and it just says like, I fucking nailed him.

Everything I said was a lie. Everything he said was true. I won. you believe me The system did not work I fucked that guy's back up He was telling the truth She should do it even if she isn't responsible A 22-year-old man in Poland

Has been charged with theft After allegedly pretending to be a mannequin In a shop window In order to steal jewelry after closing time Amateur, said Mitch McConnell mannequin in a shop window in order to steal jewelry after closing time. Amateur, said Mitch McConnell. The attempted thief was caught when the store's security guard did his crabs have gone missing from the ocean around Alaska. They likely starve to death due to warming ocean temperatures.

You know what I can't fucking stand? I can't stand when crabs say that they're losing weight because of warmer ocean temperatures. You know what I can't fucking stand? I can't stand when crabs say that they're losing weight because of warmer ocean temperatures and fundamental changes to their habitat when we all know that it's fucking ozempic. A man in Spain was finally taken in by authorities after running a scam in restaurants where he would fake a heart attack to avoid paying the bill. Sources claim he has tried this 20 times in different restaurants where he would fake a heart attack to avoid paying the bill. Sources claim he has tried this 20 times in different restaurants before he was finally caught. Said the man, okay, fine, you guys got me. I'll come quietly. Just go ahead and act. Oh boy,

it's the big one. Sadly, this scam won't work in the US. If you say you're dying of a heart attack at the Cheesecake Factory, they'll just stack you like cordwood in the walk-in freezer with the others. Also, sure, you might get out of a $50 tab, but it won't make up for the $800 ambulance ride. And finally, Rite Aid declared bankruptcy this week as it grapples with both massive debt and a lot of lawsuits because of opiates. The Department of Justice says Rite Aid filled prescriptions for quantities of opioids that had obvious and often multiple red flags indicating misuse. But the only thing Rite Aid

has going for it is they don't believe in red flags. If I'm buying gummy worms, hemorrhoid cream, a family-sized Stouffer's frozen mac and cheese, a People magazine, and a five-heat electric blanket, for his frozen mac and cheese, a People magazine, and a five-heat electric blanket, that's my business, and Rite Aid respects it. There's no judgment there. Anyway, I'm about to say something that none of us will be happy about, but I can't not say it, and so the only way out is through. More like wrong aid.

And that's Hallie's fault, too. When we come back, Billy Franklin and Kim Pope Adams are here. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage two names you should absolutely write down

because you're voting for them. It's two of your incredible Virginia delegate candidates, Lily Franklin and Kimberly Pope Adams. Hi. How are you? Welcome, welcome. Thanks for being here. All right, let's start with this. I want to just hear from each of you what made you decide to get into this race. I'll start. Good evening, everyone. I'll be honest with you. I'm a working single mom. I have a 15-year-old son. And I've seen people like me in my community for years. I've just never seen anyone like me in the General Assembly. And I said, I've got to do something about it.

You know, hardworking people are around us every day. But when it comes to who's at the decision-making table, it seemed to be a lot of the same. So I wanted to change that. making table seemed to be a lot of the same. So I wanted to change that. A lot of the same kind of reasons. I grew up in the community. I'm from rural Southwest Virginia. And so for me, when I saw that there wasn't any representation, democratic representation in Southwest Virginia, that I decided that I needed to jump into the race. Virginia that I decided that I needed to jump into the race. So let's talk about the stakes in this election. Last cycle, Virginia was one vote away from an abortion ban. Republicans seem

to know that their extreme position is not just wrong, but it's bad politics. So they've been kind of running away from it and try to lie about it. What are you hearing from voters about this issue? How much has Youngkin's effort to kind of try to claim that they're less extreme on this issue? How much is that working? What are you hearing? It's not working at all. So the district that I'm hoping to represent sits on the front lines of this issue. In the region that I hope to represent is the westernmost Planned Parenthood that offers abortion services in the south. is the westernmost Planned Parenthood that offers abortion services in the South.

Back in May, when I talked to them, they had 28% of their clientele as having to cross state lines to seek services. 28% coming from Mississippi, Kentucky, West Virginia, driving through the district. So, I mean, this is critical that we keep Virginia open. district. So, I mean, this is critical that we keep Virginia open. Kimberly, Glenn Youngkin is claiming, yes, that their 15-week proposal now is a consensus proposal. Who is that consensus with exactly? Himself. And let me be clear, because they tend to use the word compromise listen there is no compromise when it comes to my decisions with my body there is no compromise but what what I'm hearing from voters is in my community voters are scared because they know this is a slippery slope. And if we allow

this freedom to be taken away, then what's next? So people understand the importance of this election. Lily, the audience at a recent debate with your opponent, Chris Obenshain, I believe is how it's pronounced, literally laughed out loud at him twice. The audience laughed at him twice. Once when he said an AR-15 is just a rifle. And once when he said, there's no climate crisis. Which of those did you find funnier? I think for that community, I might get a boo from the audience, but I'm hoping to represent Virginia Tech University. Oh, I thought I was in a UVA strong crowd.

So we have both young people there. So the climate crisis is top of mind. But we also had the Virginia Tech shooting. So, I mean, both of those things really hit miss for him. So, I mean, it's tough. Can you talk a little bit about that control of the legislature will determine what happens in terms of Virginia and clean energy? Either one of you, Kimberly, you want to take it? Yeah, well, I mean, it's absolutely important that we make sure we protect the environment.

I grew up in a place called Hopewell, Virginia. And clearly you've never driven through there. It doesn't smell great. Not a great smelling city. I love it. It's not a great smelling city. And unfortunately, I grew up with that. So I understood there was something about the water, something about the air. And when we have the governor

pulling out of Reggie and climate agreements, it's clear that if we don't stop him from getting this trifecta, we're just going to continue to move backwards. And we can't have that happen. have that happen. Lily, yeah. Youngkin, he is in part governor because he was able to kind of put a nice vest on top of some more radical policies. He is, you know, he does have a way of trying to seem more moderate. It's easy for Democrats to point to the Matt Gaetz's of the world and say, this guy's a nut. How do you do that in a race where the Virginia Republicans are a bit smarter

than that? They understand a little bit better that some of their positions are pretty unpopular. How do you combat that and make sure that some of the voters who maybe aren't as engaged and some of the more independent-minded Virginians understand how radical they are despite the civil approach they have to talking about politics? I think it starts with the truth. We tell them the truth. You know, my opponent, while Governor Youngkin

has been tried to be moderate on the issues, when we saw what actually he proposed in the legislature, it was extreme. When we saw leadership in the state proposed to the legislator, it was extreme. And so when we start talking about these issues and they start seeing what's actually happened in Virginia, they're like, oh, that's not the Virginia that I want. So he's had two years in office and we've seen the proposals. And so it's nothing new. Final question. Either of you can

take it. What did happen to the Roanoke colony? Now, look. All right. Well, look. Alright, well, whatever. She's a dumb joke. Look, I know I'm just a small-town, L.A.-based liberal elite, but the most egregious part of the Virginia GOP to me is their extremely on-the-nose attempts to downplay all their extremely unpopular things

that they've said and done. It's as if you've been careening 100 miles an hour directly at a brick wall, and now you're trying to convince people, no, no, no, don't listen to the Democrats. They're delusional. We know that that's not a real tunnel. We'll jerk the wheel away at the last second. That was our plan all along. We absolutely know how to safely drive a car. All of us know that that stinks, but it's good to be reminded from time to time, which is why we're going to play a game we're calling Virginia is for Democracy Lovers. Lily? Oh, no.

Kimberly, are you ready to go toe-to-toe? Let's go. All right. We'll go back and forth. Lily, I'll start with you. We'll go back and forth. Lily, I'll start with you. Virginia Governor Glenn Youngkin said last month through a statement from his PAC

that Democrats worried Republicans will undermine voters' abortion rights if the GOP gained control of both houses is what? Did he call it A, delusional, B, fear-mongering, C, totally misunderstanding the issue, or D, dead wrong? B? That's correct.

He called it fear-mongering. But meanwhile, Kimberly, last summer, Governor Glenn Youngkin said he would pass what kind of abortion bill? A, a moderate abortion bill. B, a totally cool abortion bill. C, an abortion bill that will ban trans athletes from college sports.

Or D, any abortion bill. Well, if Lily and I had it our way, he'd pass no abortion bill. But I believe he said any. That's correct. Youngkin said, any bill that comes to my desk, I will sign happily and gleefully

in order to protect life. The governor said that last summer during an online forum for the Family Foundation of Virginia celebrating the destruction of Roe v. Wade. That to me, it's like so galling that you have legislators who have said they will pursue total ban, incredible draconian bans. You have a governor who said he would sign those bans. First of all, they try to spin whether or not it's a ban at all, but they campaign as if they don't really believe it as some fear mongering when this is the position they've taken all along.

I find it's incredibly galling. Liars is the word. Lily, back to you. Many of the Republicans running this fall claim to be on board with a 15-week ban, but have espoused much more extreme beliefs. For example, GOP candidate John Stirrup now says he agrees with a 15-week ban. However, in the past, he called Youngkin's 15-week ban a starting point and says he supports what kind of ban? A, 12 weeks, B, 8 weeks, C, 6 weeks, or D, a total ban? Six weeks?

No, it's a total ban. He supports a total ban. Of course. Earlier this month, Democratic Senator Mark Warner and Tim Kaine asked the Department of Justice to investigate whether or not Governor Youngkin violated what law, Kimberly? Was it with voting rights? It is, you got it. Yeah. The Voting Rights Act.

After Youngkin's administration wiped 270 qualified Virginia voters off the state's voting rolls. Lily, as staunch pro-lifers, Republicans in Virginia have also fought to make it easier to bring a gun into public spaces. Which of the following has the Virginia GOP supported? A, allowing guns into church services. B, letting people buy concealed handguns without a permit.

C, allowing guns into daycares. D, removing gun-free school zones. Or E, all of the above. All of the above. You got it. That is wild. Kimberly, Republican candidates. Do you prefer Kimberly or Kim?

Kimberly. Kimberly? Yes. I got it. My Republican opponent is named Kim. She's the better Kim. We want to make sure people pick the right Kim. Got it.

Republican candidate Danny Diggs is currently running for the Virginia Senate. Throughout his tenure, he has rallied against gun control laws, including supporting the repeal of an ordinance that banned the discharge of firearms in residential neighborhoods. For all this talk of freedom, however, when Diggs was sheriff, he opposed the repeal of a 1792 ban on what? A, profane swearing. B, going shoeless in public. D, owning more than two cats.

Or D, women wearing men's clothing. What? Shoeless in public? No. Was there a real right answer? There's a real answer, which is even though he believes that there should be unlimited guns basically everywhere, profane swearing was too much for the sheriff. He complained to the Williamsburg York Time Daily that they've taken away a tool that we could use

to defuse a volatile situation. That's, could you imagine? It's, you look at it, it's a, what? All these people are firing these dangerous words at me. If only there was some way to stop someone from pew, pew, pewing me with these fucking words. And finally,

for both of you, just so everyone in the audience remembers, currently, who controls each house of the assembly? The Republicans control the House of Delegates

and the Democrats control the Senate. The Senate. And how many seats in the House of Delegates do we have to flip to take it back? We need to flip three seats.

Yeah. in the House of Delegates do we have to flip to take it back? We need to flip three seats. Yeah. Two of them are on the stage right now. And two of them

are on the stage right now. Hell yeah. The election has begun. Ballots must be postmarked on or before Election Day. In-person early voting ends on Saturday, November 4th. Polls are open from 6 a.m.

to 7 p.m. on Election Day, November 7th, and double-check your voter registration. You never know when Glenn Youngkin might decide to do another one of his Republican deep cleans. Thank you so much to Lily and Kimberly. Go to lilyfordelegate,

L-I-L-Y for delegate.com, and kimadamsforva.com and Kim Adams for VA.com to learn more about these amazing candidates and find out how to get involved in Virginia by going to votesaveamerica.com slash Virginia. When we come back, Alexander Petrie is here.

Thank you both so much. And you'll be back for the rant wheel. And we're back. Please welcome back to the show. She's a fantastic humor columnist for the Washington Post. It's Alexandra Petri. Here she comes.

How are you? Hi, hi. Hi, bring it in. Come on. Good to see you. You're right in the middle. Hello. You wrote just yesterday

that Jim Jordan has finally faced his arch nemesis, voting. Now that it's defeated him, do you think he's learned anything? No. My short answer is no, and my long answer is definitely not. Or just no said really slowly.

I should have really committed and gone, no. Yeah. No, this is why. He hates voting because voting hates him. It's mutual. It's always been mutual. At one point, I think he was like, maybe if I shoot the moon, maybe if we just keep going down and I get to zero votes, they have to make me the speaker.

I don't know. He was doing something. There was a real fool-me-twice, shame-on-me situation going on because there was a report that the anti-Jordan votes were staggering so that it would look worse for him every day, which is great. Good for them. But I understand going for the second vote and losing worse the second time. It was quite a move to go for the third. for the second vote and losing worse the second time. It was quite a move to go for the third. Yeah, I don't know what he thought would happen, but I guess it seems as though many Republicans around the country think that, like, you just sort of need the sense that you should be in charge, and you don't actually need people to vote, and you can maybe just put people in a box somewhere

and not let them vote, and then you can be in charge of things so maybe he was trying that i love also like the threatening calls where they have to say but non-violently just wanted to non-violently threaten you um which i always love to get a call where they have to specify that to me that feels very reassuring yeah you know yeah you're you're in your home your phone rings it's late at night it's like hey if you don't support Jim Jordan, you will regret it, and we will make you pay. In a way that doesn't involve anything physical.

That feeling of nausea and anxiety, the kind of battery acid taste in your mouth you're getting because of this phone call, that's not fair to me. Yeah, no, exactly. Just to be clear, I used my wording carefully. Anything you're putting in there,

I think somebody also said, like, you know, the problem, they were only getting threatened because they didn't vote for him. Like, if they'd voted for him, obviously they... And it's like, oh, this is real, this is good math. I haven't watched The Sopranos. I understand that's how math works on The Sopranos, I think. Yeah, it's very, yeah, it's like, no, no, no.

The violence only comes if you don't do what we asked. Yeah. It's a pretty nice Congress you've got there. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it. Did you know that Jim Jordan has never passed a piece of legislation that he authored or co-authored? I think that's amazing. I love that for him. Because, I mean, honestly,

the things that he's co-authoring seem bad. But I also just, like, he's not there to legislate. He's there to yell and be on Fox News and, like, alienate jackets for some confusing reason. He's not there to pass laws, hopefully. I both feel like I should make fun of him for not passing laws,

but also I'm really glad he didn't pass any laws. Right, right. Like, one of the reasons he wasn't the right candidate for Speaker is because he's incredibly ineffective, thankfully, so... Yeah, exactly. No, it's like if somebody's trying to, like, leap into your window holding a hatchet and, like, they keep falling in a really funny way, you're still like, I wish you weren't doing it, though.

You also wrote about how Congress right now is not unlike a haunted house. Who are the Ghostbusters? Such a good question. I think it might be one of those Scooby-Doo situations where it's actually just like an old, very rich man and we just have to find him somewhere. Right. Mr. Federalist, he's like, I don't know.

Wait. He's got all the courts. Maybe under those robes there's a connection. Yeah, it's like all these goblins and maniacs are going around and then all of a sudden you go into a back room and there's a projector and you pull off the mask and it's Harlan Crow. You've been causing all of this?

It's just a photorealistic painting of Harlan Crow. It's not actually... I'm trying to think of something that would have to do with crossing the streams in Congress, but I'm not... We've been crossing all these Rubicons, but I don't know about any streams. If someone asks you if you're the speaker, say yes. That was a deep cut Ghostbusters joke.

It's true that this man has no dicks. No votes. Yeah. Tom Emmer, Kevin Hearn, Austin Scott, Pete Sessions, Byron Donalds, Jack Bergman, Joding Arrington, Ron Flickman, and Mike Johnson have all announced a bid or are actively considering a bid for Speaker. Which of those names did I make up? They're all such obvious household names. I can't... The correct answer is Ron Flickman, who doesn't exist. Which of these people do you think is going to be the one to not be speaker most?

I mean, I feel like it's going to be hard to beat how much Kevin McCarthy has not been speaker because he's got so many votes already against him being speaker, more than anyone, I think. But, you know, I'm going to pick Pete Sessions because that's a name that sounds like Congress. It's just a fun... I saw the name Pete Sessions. I was like, oh, I've seen that name around. Yeah.

That guy's been around a while. They must hate him. I really genuinely don't understand how they're supposed to make these two Venn diagram circles come together. I just like don't see, like they're so far apart. So on the floor of 194 people are voting for Jim Jordan, but behind closed doors, when it's anonymous, it was, I think, 112 to 86 that Jordan lost, right? So dozens and dozens of his colleagues said yes when their names had to be to it, but said no when they could do it anonymously. What'd you make of that?

This reminds me, for some reason, of when we had the vote for eighth grade class president and it was anonymous, and I won. And I've always believed that anonymous votes are the truest votes. That's when you really get to know, like, what do people think about? And the answer is, they think I should be eighth grade class president, and they think that Jim Jordan is bad news. And I feel like anonymous, like, what's that? Pizza for everyone. Yes. Actually, my one platform was like, it wasn't pizza. It was, I was going to say a fun proverb before every like class meeting.

I was like, I had a book of them. And it was like one of those books that's sort of a threat when you show up holding it. And it says like the number of quotes that are going to be in it on the cover is like 400 fun proverbs. And it's like, this is not fun. The fact that you had to put fun in the title of your book is already a warning sign. And so I'd be like, two watermelons cannot be held under one arm. Celebrate eighth grade. What I'm saying is I should be speaker. Just put me in. Absolutely.

No, I'm really thinking about the practical and metaphorical truth under you cannot hold two watermelons under one arm. Like, I understand that it's mostly true. I think it's probably something that is hard to do. And then also I'm thinking, well, okay, what do I take from this? Is it that you're going to do one hard thing

better to make it two half as hard thing you know what i mean like that's true you know what is the watermelon in this scenario and what is the arm in this scenario i guess it's that i understand what the watermelon is some sort of burden but but what is the arm i think we're the arm i just assumed assumed I was the arm. But, yeah, I think the solution is fewer watermelons or smaller watermelons. Yeah. That's my promise to the American people. Happy gourd season. Are they gourds?

They might not be gourds. They're melons. They're melons. It says in the name. What am I even doing? Oh, God. I'm embarrassing myself in the gourd season. Here's where I'm at now,

which is I've never thought about it really before, which is, is watermelon just like the dessert gourd? Like, is watermelon just a gourd that knows how to have a great fucking time? Are they related at all? This is all beyond me. All I know from, like, gourds is I just go from door to door of the neighboring houses with my toddler, and we pound them to see if they're real or not.

And she goes, ooh, wow. And what's a squash? Is a squash a gourd? Yes, yes. Is a gourd a squash? Is a squash a gourd? Yes, yes. Is a gourd a squash? Yes. Always? No.

Oh, this is what the audience knows. Is every gourd a squash? No. Is every squash a gourd? Yes. Is every pumpkin a gourd? Yes. Is every gourd a pumpkin?

No. Is every squash a pumpkin? No. Is every pumpkin a squash? No. And are they all one thing that's above all three? Or is gourd the level? Is gourds up here and pumpkins and squash?

What's an eggplant? So gourd is like the highest like taxonomic level we got going here is gourds. And then everything below that, like yeah, pumpkins, ukuleles, squashes, calabashes, that's all, yeah. What is the closest thing to a gourd that's not a gourd? Fuck yeah.

Another story I wanted to ask you about is Commander Biden. I wanted to ask you whether or not people have such strong feelings. Yeah, you're all like, free commander. You're not the one standing on top of an armoire in the diplomatic room. You're not the one fending off a German shepherd with a Regency-era chair. No, they don't issue armaments that I think are required, but I think we have to put

Commander in historical perspective, which is, like, Teddy Roosevelt had an actual hyena. That's true. Like, for real, I feel like everything you know about Teddy Roosevelt makes more sense

once you know that he had a hyena in his home. Like, speak softly, I feel like everything you know about Teddy Roosevelt makes more sense once you know that he had a hyena in his home. Like, speak softly and carry a big stick. I would. There's a hyena in the house. Um... Ha ha! But...

Benjamin Harrison had two pet opossums, Mr. Reciprocity and Mr. Protection. Oh. It was like a fun, cool thing to call them at the time. Opossums are the fucking worst. They're the worst. They're the worst.

They go, all, they just, they just, they seem so nice and so sweet and slow moving. You get even, get within a couple feet of those things you know they're mean you know they're mean they don't mean it you know they're not going to act on it but they want you to think they will you know they make those faces i am shocked by the fact that you all came to the defense of possums yeah no i feel like we're getting a fascinating picture of the audience from their responses. They love gourds. They know a lot about gourds.

And they love possums. Suspicious. Two suspicious traits combined. I think if we threw water on the audience, they'd all be like, possums and a trench goat. They're like, we love gourds. We know about gourds. You should all leave gourds outside your houses.

Everyone leave gourds outside, low to the ground. Yeah. Now. Robin, you're a good kid, yet possums are misunderstood. Wow. I just, I honestly, listen, we've talked about the rules of shouting at this show.

They're very good climbers. I'm telling you, I think you're right about these people. They're just possums in trench coats. They make a wonderful pet. Bring one home. Marry a possum today. Now, so Teddy Roosevelt had a hyena. But there were also snakes. The Roosevelts had snakes. Yes, Alice Roosevelt

had a pet snake named Emily Spinach. Cool. Which, it was Emily because she had an Aunt Emily, and I guess she didn't like that aunt, and it was Spinach because it was green. So, you know, 50% of that is a solid snake name. And then her friends maybe killed it,

because she kept taking it to, like, house parties and visits. And then, like, it was, like, shedding its skin in a healthy, normal way. Like, she wasn't not feeding the snake or not doing things right with the snake. She was a responsible snake owner.

But one day, she, like, wakes up, and the snake is just lying there dead. Like, yeah. So I think her friends murdered Emily Spinach and I want to get to the bottom of it. Now, the snakes were a beloved feature of the Roosevelt household

because Quentin Roosevelt reportedly once brought home four snakes. He barged into his father's meeting with elected officials in the Oval Office, dumped them on a table, sending the senators fleeing and earning the snakes a trip back to the pet store. Why did Quentin not get to keep a snake,

but Alice did? Listen, Teddy Roosevelt famously said to Owen Wister that I can either be president of the United States or I can control Alice. I can't do both. So she had just like a buy. She had a buy on all. She was fascinating.

Anyway, I'm obsessed with Alice Roosevelt. Until she was 90, she was at the center of all of politics. She was at one point married to the Speaker of the House of Representatives, like back when they had those. And while having an affair with the chair of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. That's cool. And she named her daughter, who was clearly the daughter of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. That's cool. Although, and she named her daughter, who was clearly the daughter

of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee chair, because she was like, his last name was Bora, and she named the kid Deborah, and everyone's like, don't do that. So she changed the name. But, and they like all hung out together with the baby. It was fascinating. Although Bora was sort of a weird guy.

He was like famously like party of one maverick before he was a maverick. And a thing that he thought about himself, which I think gives you a picture of maybe she didn't have the best taste in men, was he's like, you know, if I'd ever been able to talk to Hitler, I think things would have been different. Which is like, no, I don't like that.

I don't like that. Man, 100 years later, there's that poem, like, if I was Putin's mother. It's like there's history does repeat. There's one's that poem, like, if I was Putin's mother. It's like there's, history does repeat. There's one in every generation, and he was the one in hers. One last pet to discuss in the history, in the annals of White House pets that drew blood. In November of 2008, George W. Bush's Scottish terrier, Barney, bit Reuters reporter John Decker as he bent down to pet the pup outside the White House, there is a photo.

He got got. Would you say that this reporter was an enemy of the popple? Oh. Oh. Meet the press, but with an A. Yeah, no, I was going to talk more about the Biden White House, but we didn't get to.

Biden. Biden's. Yeah. All right. No, I got it. It was pretty good. Fortunately, we didn't get to that joke, so we didn't have to hear how badly it would have gone had I said it. Lucky for us.

Now, before we let you go, as of now, there is no speaker. There are those who say Republicans may never get their act together, in which case Republicans who want to perhaps have what they used to call government will have to work with the woke mob. That's us. But the question is, what do we fucking get?

Sure, the responsibility geeks that populate the Democratic Party are demanding things like votes on important bills. But I say, not enough. So, Alexander, I'm going to read you two possible demands. You will have to choose which of the concession you'd prefer from the Republicans. You're going to choose between two. And from this, we will create a list of demands for Republicans. Are you ready? Sure. First up, the Fetterman look of sweatshirts and shorts isn't just permitted, it's required.

Or George Santos immediately gets to host the old Wendy Williams show. Oh, I got to go with the Santos option. immediately gets to host the old Wendy Williams show? Oh. Oh, I gotta go with the Santos option. I want to see him do stuff like that. I just want to watch him. I just want to sit and watch him. But you know what I don't want to see? I don't want to see everyone else's, like, everything.

I don't want, you know... You don't want to see Mitch McConnell's calves? Like, if on a sunny day, you can't look at them, they'll blind you, I have no doubt. Yeah, I just, there's so many calves in Congress I don't want to see. I don't even, like, sure, people sent them there because they voted for them, but I think the number one principle

assembling them together is that they're people whose calves I have no interest in seeing. All right, that's demand number one. Next up, some sort of interdimensional camera that shows you what terrifying thing Mitch McConnell sees when he freezes up. Or Nancy Pelosi gets rolled off his back and there's a brand new stainless steel freezer

full of Halo Top. I don't want to see the first thing. That sounds too scary. I think that, like, I don't like a movie where there's a jump scare. Like, imagine seeing like the pit of ultimate darkness. You know? I think that haunts you. I think that does things to you.

Did you see the movie Event Horizon Too Young? Because I did. Did you see that movie Too Young? I know what you're talking about because I read the Wikipedia page and I was very scared by it. I love to just read the Wikipedia pages of scary movies and be like, thank God I didn't. Thank heavens I didn't watch Hereditary.

That would have been a huge mistake. I saw Event Horizon too young, and there is no age that isn't too young to see Hereditary. Listen to Ruey. No age that isn't too young to see Hereditary. Nancy gets her ice cream yum. Three. Next up, a monthly drag show on the house floor, attendance mandatory,

or Matt Gaetz is confined to a dunk tank until we tell him he can leave. Matt Gaetz is confined to a dunk tank until we tell him he can leave. I love a drag show. I think we would all benefit from a monthly drag show. Not just libraries, but also just Starbucks, just everyone, everywhere you go.

But I do kind of want to confine Matt Gaetz in some way. Although I worry if we got him wet, I don't know what would happen. Like maybe he would disintegrate. Or maybe it's a gremlin situation. Then all of a sudden there are fucking five of them.

I think though it's better to find out. It's better to know. Yeah, remember when they throw gizmo in the pool? It's no good. It's no good. I haven't seen gremlins. Thank you, audience member who shouted out good i haven't seen gremlins thank you audience member who shouted out she hasn't seen gremlins i was hoping i was like yeah the pool no i know i saw it in your eyes yeah my favorite part of gremlins was citation needed

you know what's great about the different that tells you everything i think about the difference between us because we have reference to a book of fucking proverbs and I'm like, you didn't watch Gremlins, Law & Order, Event Horizon, just Saved by the Bell episode after Saved by the Bell episode. You were reading books, weren't you? I was.

Unbelievable. I need an answer. Matt Gaetz in the tank or drag on the floor? Gaetz tank. Gaetz in the tank or drag on the floor? Gaetz tank. Gaetz in the tank. Next up, every Republican turns in a book report on our bodies ourselves. Or a national assault weapons ban.

I think you've got to do the assault weapons ban. Yeah, you've got to do the ban. Because that kicks in. That kicks in That kicks in Yeah Marjorie Taylor Greene Goes to therapy Or

Hakeem Jeffries Gets to make Kevin McCarthy Eat a whole chocolate cake In front of everyone Like in Matilda That's a book you've read In a movie I've seen

Yes Yes That's our frame of reference We should only be talking About books that became movies That will both have I've seen. Yes, yes. That's our frame of reference. We should only be talking about books that became movies. That will both have consumed it. We've identified the Venn diagram. Well, everyone benefits

from therapy, but therapy is good and helps your brain. Cake seems like a more novelty thing. Let's do the novelty thing. Okay, we're getting cake. Kevin eats cake.

Next up, no more laws that have convoluted names to back into an acronym or republicans must refer to trump as daddy oh see this is a horrible catch-22 for me because I secretly love the acronyms. I think it's so dumb. I'm like, oh, this is nice. The act is called, like, we have a tree act. And it's like, what? I suddenly forgot how letters worked. I'm like, I guess, okay. No, you were beautiful-minding.

You were seeing, I was seeing, like, there was marker on glass. It was just happening all in front of us. I created the social network. It's all happening. But I don't want to hear Republicans calling Trump, Daddy, that benefits no one. Like, no one's kink is that, I think. Like, oh,

I feel, okay, we've learned more things about the audience. Yeah, yeah. It's, um, I think it's, uh, yeah, it's quiche in the oven and freaks in the sheets. Is quiche made from any of those foods no i don't know what you do with a gourd i get food from restaurants i think let's keep the acronyms and so i guess everyone will all be happy because we'll keep the acronyms and people will call him daddy and And I guess some people's boats will be floated by that and their little Trump flotillas.

When I remember when, you know, disgusting. Well, it says Daddy Dommel on the screen for people listening. I remember I believe it was Barney Frank was talking about the Dodd-Frank bill. Somebody asked him, like, why do bills have such stupid names? And he was like, I don't understand why people try to give their bills interesting, funny names. I would never do that. If you give a bill an interesting, funny name,

that's the name. If you give a bill a boring name that nobody can remember, it's Dodd-Frank. Huh? Smart. Branding. So just so people know, we have our final list of demands for the Republicans in order for them to get our vote

for the speakership. One, Santos hosts Wendy Williams. Two, Nancy gets her ice cream yum-yums. Three, Gates is in the dunk tank. Four, an assault weapons ban. Five, Kevin McCarthy eats cake, but a lot. And six, Republicans have to call him Daddy Donald. Everybody give it up for Alexandra Petrie.

Check out her incredibly funny columns at the Washington Post. When we come back, speaking of brands, we're going to talk about Charlottesville. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. Charlottesville.

Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Charlottesville, how are you feeling tonight? Okay, good. Because look,

we need to talk about something. We need, we're going to talk about it. All right? We're going to talk about something. We need, we're going to talk about it. All right? We're going to talk about the city's brand, which has taken a hit. That happened,

that's true of all of us since 2017. And I'm not even going to say what it is. We all know what it is. But it's not your fault that a bunch of fucking creeps showed up. Which is why I'm going to open the floor

to all of you, the audience, to pitch me an idea on what Charlottesville's national rebrand is in a segment we're calling Welcome to Charlottesville, Land of the Blank. Brian is going to be out there and I'd like you to think of how to finish that sentence

Charlottesville, home of the blank and no, you're not just going to shout things you heard earlier because that's not what an adult fucking person would do, that's something a child would do so we're going to pretend you know like chat GPT fucking person would do. That's something a child would do.

So we're going to pretend. So you know how like chat GPT, if you say pretend you're really smart, it gives better answers. Now, raise your hand. Producer Brian is here and I want your pitches on the Charlottesville rebrand. I'll give you some facts, all right?

Charlottesville is the home and launching pad of the Dave Matthews Band. Yeah! Welcome to Charlottesville, Virginia, the home of the nonviolent. Okay. Well, we're on our way. Put it up on the whiteboard.

I'd say, what I would say is I'd call that not a pitch, but an area. You know what I mean? It's an area for a pitch. Let's keep going. Welcome to Charlottesville, Virginia. Home of the bagels. Home of the bagels. Wait, now wait.

Okay, let's talk about this for a second. Okay. Yeah. You heard me. Wait, now wait. Okay, let's talk about this for a second. Okay. Yeah. You heard me. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I just flew in from New York for the bagels. What do you want to try? Or is the deep dish pizza too good here?

Does everybody love your cheesesteaks? What's up with the bagels? We're at one. Bodo's! Also thin sliced pizza. What's the best in the south? Frodo's? Bodo's. Everyone shut the fuck up.

Bodo's. We're one. What are they called? B as in boy. Bodo's. Bodo's bagels. Yes. They're the best in the South. Nowhere else in the South even knows that you should boil a bagel. They don't even know you should boil them.

And these are actually really good compared to not. Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't put yourself down. Wait, you're from the North and it's true. They ship in New York. Do they really ship in New York water, or is that just something we say? That's what they say. Shipping in water. What are they?

What, do they got somebody with buckets up there? What are you talking about? Shipping. What do you mean shipping New York water? That's not a thing. What are you? People say, oh, they ship in the water. What?

Like, in what? Like, they got a tank that goes up and just turns on. All right. ship in the water. What? Like, in what? Like, they get a tank that goes up and just turns on... Alright, so home of the bagel is in, shockingly, in pole position. Thank you, sir. Thank you for that pitch. This is, like, kind of UVA specific, but I'd say

Charlottesville, home of the streakers or Charlottesville, home of the inexplicably loud acapella groups. You won't shut the fuck up at two in the morning. The streakers. Is that is that a term of art or are you talking about naked people running around buildings? So the tradition is that you run up and down the lawn once. is that you run up and down the lawn once. You have to run around the statue of Thomas Jefferson three times, run, look in the keyhole, and say, good night, Mr. Jefferson

while falling naked, and you're looking at the statue on the other side. I like it. There's something about whispering naked through a keyhole, something to a founding father that I find deeply off-putting. I'm going to do it.

Good night, Mr. Jefferson. Ew. Shame on all of you. Read a book. Study something. But okay. Home of the Streakers. I love it.

What else we got? All right. Welcome to Charlottesville, Virginia, home with the vino, the wine. So you have wineries here? Yes. Pippin Hill. All right.

What else we got? So wait. So this is a wine region? Yes. Monticello. Not really. There's some disagreement. Is there a Trump winery?

Yes! And is it the same Trump? Yes! Do you know in the UK that means fart? Monticello never produced any wine. Monticello never produced any wine. Monticello never produced any wine. As in, Jefferson's Monticello didn't produce wine, but it's now a winemaking region.

Yes, that's right. Or maple syrup. Or maple syrup. Those are two things that he... The Monticello Society is in the wine business. Why do they have such ambition? Shouldn't they just be making sure the bricks are clean and stuff? And, like, properly pointed?

What are they doing? So now because of climate change, it's becoming a wine region. But that still doesn't make sense to me while the people whose job it is to take people on tours of that place, tours that are, I'd say, careful, fucking careful, tours that do some skipping and so forth, they're also making wine now? Interesting.

What do you got? Okay, so our former mayor called us the capital of the resistance, so I would say home of the resistance. Home of the resistance, okay. Now we're pitching on your area, the nonviolence area. When not in LA,

Dwayne The Rock Johnson and his horses live on a farm outside Charlottesville. Have you seen him? You've seen him? You've seen The Rock here? The Rock is around? He's what? He's intimidating

because he's quite large. You saw him at a pizza place? Must have been a cheat day. He's got cheat day energy. You know, like one day a week, he goes absolutely fucking ham. But the rest of the days, it's just chicken and rice, chicken and rice,

chicken and rice, chicken and rice, you know? What do you got? Welcome to Charlottesville, home of the pretentious. Ooh. Wow. Some town and gown energy. Wow, some town and gown energy. George O'Keefe took classes for artists as well as taught others to create clearly vagina-inspired paintings

at the University of Virginia each summer between 1912 and 1916. Is that anything? Any final pitches? What do you got? I was going to say welcome to Charlottesville, home of one of the few blue spots south of northern Virginia. Okay, I don't think it'll fit on a bumper sticker. But we can maybe tighten it. What do you got?

I'm part of a Facebook group that has a name that I can't take any credit for, but it's CLUC, Charlottesville League of Urban Chicken Keepers. So, home of the CLUC. Wow. I feel like the Urban Chicken Keepers circle and the people that know a fucking ton about gourds circle has a lot of overlap. All right, we're going to vote.

We're going to just vote on some of what I believe, based on audience response, were the finalists. Charlottesville. We're going to do three. I'll do three. Home of the Pretentious. Charlottesville, Home of the Resistance. And Impossibly. In a tough category with cities including New York and Montreal, Charlottesville, home of the bagel.

All right. We did it. That's it. That's our brand, all right? Guys, give it up for Brian. We come back, the rant wheel. And we're back. We've talked about the importance of these House of Delegate races that are happening in Virginia,

but there are important races happening right now. There are no off years. We're asking everybody right now in these final few weeks before elections in Virginia and the Ohio Reproductive Rights ballot measure for people to go to votesaveamerica.com and sign up and do what you can. In Ohio, there's a ballot measure to protect abortion rights. In Virginia, abortion is on the ballot, as we discussed. You can help right now. There are races that need you right now. And because it is an off year, you can have an outsized impact. We have to turn people out in an election year where they don't know often that it's

another election because we, I don't know, we hide them on strange days. So go to votesaveamerica.com slash nooffyears, or just go to votesaveamerica.com. You'll crack it. You'll crack it at the maid fucking hub. Get involved. Also, the Love It or Leave It Arrow Store is heading to Portland and Seattle on November 3rd and 4th.

There are a few tickets left. If you haven't gotten your tickets, I would suggest not waiting any longer. That's it. You're almost out of time. Go to crooked.com slash events right now. And please welcome back to the stage Kimberly, Lily, and Alexandra.

Welcome back. Come next to me. Lily, Alexandra. Hi. Hey. Now it's time for the rant wheel This week on the wheel we have the Iliad We have airplane food, am I right? Airplane food, am I right? Airplane food, am I right?

We have Southwest Virginia getting left behind We have Netflix prices We have my rant which shall behind. We have Netflix prices. We have my rant, which shall be about Thomas Jefferson, the architect. Yeah, buckle up. I've got notes. House Republicans, going to the vet is always an errand from hell.

Keurig T, being corrected about something trivial in the middle of telling a story. Let's spin the wheel it has landed on southwest virginia being left behind was that lily's rant no it wasn't me i'm so for me you know i ran in this race because we got left behind, but a little fun fact, last year I actually worked in Josh Thornburg's race here, right here in the 5th Congressional District against Representative Bob Good, which we all, and that was the reason what made me think of this, so really more generally speaking, rural Virginia, you know, last year we ran this race. We had to fight so hard to get people to come and fight in this district and fight all across southwest and south side Virginia. And so for me, I just want to make sure that we're

thinking about these races and how they have longer term impacts. I mean, the race that we ran against Bob Good last year has long term impacts. I mean, look at what we're seeing right now. It would look a lot different in Congress if we had one against him. Absolutely. Absolutely. Let's spin it again. It has landed on House Republicans, which I believe was suggested by Kimberly. Oh, yeah. Okay, so full disclosure to everyone in the audience, I have never fired a Speaker of the House. All right?

But if I did, but if I did, I'm pretty sure you should know what you're going to do next. If I did, I'm pretty sure you should know what you're going to do next. It just baffles me that this chaos caucus was able to get together and get this done. And then they're looking at each other like, OK, now what? And we're looking at them like, well, you're the one that fired him. You know, you didn't have anyone else in mind. But to me, it just shows why it's so important that we vote in every election and make sure that we vote for people who are smart.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I do think it like it is part of this like national trend. It is what's happening here in Virginia, too, which is there's a lot of Republicans that they know how to run a campaign. They know how to make noise and make chaos and make people afraid and make people worry. They know how to do a good television hit, but they don't have any interest

in actually doing the daily work of governing. Absolutely. Campaigning is one thing. Governing is another. Absolutely. Let's spin it again it has landed on the iliad i'll take it oh no no it's okay it's also a movie uh with brad pitt no so please stop me because all i want to do is talk about the iliad i'm so excited

about the iliad it's it's it's my gourds it's my bagels it's like my christmas i don't even know how to express how excited i am for it so So new translation just came out from Emily Wilson. She did the Odyssey back in 2017. It was phenomenal. And like, like, it's so much better. I like, I know in the original Greek is like, you know, whatever, but like, that's, that's in Greek. It's hard to read. You have to get your dictionary out and flipping back and forth and remembering. But in English, it's like, I understand what she's saying. And so I highly recommend reading it in translation, just like a lot less clicking, a lot less flipping. But also the translation is so good. Like if you like to be alive, if you like reading similes, if you like reading battle sequences, it's got it all. It is like, obviously I've been a Greek nerd since like the Dolayers mythologies back in the day.

Greek nerds since like the Dolayers mythologies back in the day. But they're a classic for a reason. So yeah, this is just everybody go read the Iliad and let's all talk about it. And first of all, I just first I just I'm still a bit I'm honestly like still kind of in awe, because you're saying to this audience, hey, listen, I know what you're thinking. You don't have to read it in the original Greek. And they're like, oh, that was my whole plan, to read it in the original Greek. Second, there's been some public debate lately

around the translations of these stories and that there were these sort of like hyper-gendered versions, right? And now they are, like, hasn't there been like a reevaluation of how these stories have been translated? Well, I think there's so many words that you can translate one way and like all the men who translated in the past would translate it that one way. But you could equally translate it another way that was just as valid and illuminated whole aspects of the story. And that's been going on in the Wilson versions. But also, it's just a beautiful version.

Nobody went up to, what's his name, Chapman, and they were like, oh, you're Homer. I love the gender of it. So I just also want her to get credit as she translated it and it's dope. So, yeah. So yeah. Let's spin it again. It has landed on my rant.

The reason it says Lovett's rant is because we couldn't update the wheel over the weekend. Here's what I would like to take you through. I have actually put together a presentation because I went on a stroll. And I'd like to just tell you what my experience was today. So this is Jefferson's Rotunda. And we all think it's great

and we think the proportions of this are good we think that this makes sense as a building that the way it kind of pops up there like a mole, like the way it's just kind of got a straight out like kind of a protuberance, okay, we like it, fine alright, now I went inside and I said alright, let's check this place out. Next slide. This room is too big. Nothing, this is a giant conference table with leather chairs around it. If you look at this room and you don't get a bad feeling,

there's something wrong with you. Nothing good has ever been decided in a room with this many chairs that look like this, in a room with this kind of ornate chandelier. I became a doctor there. You became a doctor in this room? Yeah! What do you mean? I got my PhD defense in that room.

Well, no, you became a doctor over several years. That's a room where they... Next slide. That's a statue I saw. That's Thomas Jefferson. Hey, is the issue that people at the University of Virginia forget what Thomas Jefferson looks like? So if you're not reminded of it every seven seconds,

something happens to you. Look at these dead fucking eyes. What the fuck? Look at that. Look at that. That's the best we're going to do? This is finished? We're calling this a done work of art?

You don't want to put a fucking pupil in there? All right, next slide. The ceilings are too low. I'll tell you something. I'll tell you something. I was like, Thomas Jefferson, architect, something you hear all the time. As I wandered through this rotunda, I thought to myself, but he had a lot of other things he said was his job too. And so was he an architect in the way that like Frank Gehry or Frank Lloyd Wright was an architect? Or is an architect in the way that that rich guy that designed that dorm with no windows is an architect? Because these ceilings are fucking low. Next slide. Low ceilings. Next

slide. There's nothing going on under this fucking roof. I'm looking at this rotunda. I mean, we're inside the rotunda now. There's not a painting. There's nothing. It's just a white wall. This is not done. And I know it's burned down several times, which is also something you should reflect upon. Like, this is your most prized building.

It burned down at least twice. It caught fire at least twice. You couldn't keep this thing from burning down. You know, somebody on the job of making sure that fire doesn't destroy this thing you all claim to love. It happened twice. Next slide. Faggoty ass columns. Next slide. So this is a very specific place and I I don't know if... It's not going to really translate well, but when you walk outside of the rotunda and you're on the thing that surrounds the rotunda, you walk towards where there's the big lawn, the grounds, grounds, the lawn, the big-ass lawn, which is fucking beautiful,

and a lot of places copy it because it's a stunning, stunning space. But I thought to myself, oh, these two buildings, the rotunda and the neighboring building where they have to put a no trespassing sign on because they were built in such a way that you can hop from the first floor of the rotunda onto the second floor of the neighboring building to the point where they had to block it with fucking wooden slats and a sign that says no trespassing. You know, there's been a mistake made when the outside of a fucking balcony has no trespassing on it. Like, this is not a route. And so I said to myself, well, don't blame Thomas Jefferson. These buildings must have

been constructed at different times. No, this is the intention of the artist. This was built in 1822. What an architect. Next slide. Hey, just because it has a column Doesn't make it sophisticated You just put them wherever you want This doesn't make any sense Doric, Doric, Ionic, Ionic Doric, Ionic, Ionic, Doric These two, closer together

These two, far apart Next slide What the fuck is going on here? First of all These two, closer together, these two, far apart, next slide. What the fuck is going on here? First of all, first of all, look at this, look at this. Fat ass Doric column, thinner Doric column, big space, Doric column, Doric column, Doric column. Right on top of each other, more columns, oddly spaced. Falling to pieces, by the way.

Next slide. In fact, some of them are literally held together with what seems to be saran wrap. That is a column held together by literal fucking plastic wrap. Next slide. This, what kind of, this is a statue I found out later plastic wrap. Next slide. This what kind of

this is a statue I found out later was, speaking of the devil, a statue of Homer. What kind of groomer-ass vibes are you people trying to put out there? Look at this fucking thing. And by the way, there's no sign near it.

There's no way to know what this is. I walked, if you saw me outside today, earlier today, I was circling the statue looking for some explanation for who these two people are supposed to be. A naked boy with some kind of a lyre harpsichord and then an old man talking at him. Next slide. But despite my protestations, stunning.

It's a beautiful place. Look at that. Look at that. So I decided to walk on and I said, you know what? While I'm in this fair city, no one had yet told me the news about the bagels. Actually, what's funny is I really did walk by, I believe, this bagel place, because I thought, that's a lot of people at this bagel place

in the middle of the afternoon. Huh, of course, because I hadn't had this information, the idea of my body physically crossing the threshold of a bagel south of Philadelphia seemed inconceivable to me. And it's like a vampire entering a house without an invitation

or someone my age walking into an Urban Outfitters. Like I thought if a Jewish person walking into the University of Virginia in Byron's Bagel Store, I would fucking melt. So I walked on, but I did see it, but I was hungry. So I stopped in for a burger, a Gus's burger. Not before 10 p.m. Not before 10 p.m.

Now, that's an interesting point you're making. I see why this is a food that your eyes should not be able to focus on. Because, next slide. Listen, I try to tell the truth. This thing was extremely okay. And I thought, well, this is a famous burger. What is the name of this establishment? What?

You're going with the White Spot? That's the name we're sticking with? And by the way, it doesn't make it better when it's like, since 1953. It's like, oh yeah, that's when you called it the white spot? And we're all just gonna fucking roll with that? What? Thank you for having me. And that's the rant wheel.

Guys, one more time for Alexandra, for Lily, for Kimberly. What's your website again? What's the website they can go to to support you? Kimadamsforva.com And Lily? Lilyfordelegate.com All right. When we come back,

we'll end on a high note. Thank you so much. Now it's time to end on a high note. Does anybody have a high note? Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? Hey, yeah, my name is Sean. My high note is that yesterday I married my best friend of almost 30 years. Congratulations.

And is this her? It's her. Okay. And she doesn't know I'm here. And we drove 300 miles down from Pennsylvania this morning just to see this show. Wow. drove 300 miles down from Pennsylvania this morning just to see this show. Wow. And today, when we got back to our apartment, there's a book that she wrote a study

in about lung cancer. Yeah. I'm a doctor at UVA. That's awesome. Congratulations. Hi, what's your name? What's your high note? I am Meg. My partner is not here tonight. They are at their first drag show. Last night I went to my first local transgender meetup, and this morning we worked together to pick out some cool femme clothes for them, and they are doing some cool transitions in a couple months

and we're super excited and That's awesome. Their co-workers and friends have been very supportive and it's pretty awesome. So yay! That's great. Thank you.

Hi John. Hi, John. Hi. When you get a Bodo's bagel tomorrow, you can also go to the Memorial for Enslaved Labor. Wait, what was it? Okay, so at the University of Virginia, in between the white spot and the rotunda is this thing called the Memorial to Enslaved Laborers. All right. Check it out. And it would mean a lot to me if you went there before you left. Okay. Okay. Check it out. There's a piece in the Smithsonian

Magazine that talks about the history of Monticello. I joked about the way in which the tour of Monticello glosses over aspects of history, but I will always, it's seared into my memory, there's a section in that piece looking at Thomas Jefferson's relationship with slavery. And one of the ways in which he had a pretty far less ambivalent than often portrayed relationship with slavery is the operation of a nailery at Monticello in which children made nails all day. And it's something I always think about when I think about the beautiful building and the beautiful history of Monticello and the Rotunda and the Declaration of Independence.

But I will check that out tomorrow. But we're on high notes now. What is your name? What is your high note? My name is Julia. My high note would be today, I picked pumpkins, gourds, with my almost two-year-old and my almost four-year-old out of Liberty Mills in Orange, Virginia, near Orange, Virginia, Somerset, Virginia.

And I feel like we went over a lot about Charlottesville, but one of the beautiful things about Charlottesville is the surrounding area. And it didn't, I mean, we talked a little bit about wine, but it's just a great place to pick gourds. And actually, we cut the pumpkins right off the vines. That's cool. So, everybody knows, best pumpkin patch. Nice. What's your name? What's your high note? Hey, John. This is Ann Tolley, and I'm from Charlottesville, but I started listening to you when I lived in Chicago

right after you guys left the office and then saw you in Los Angeles at the improv, and that was pretty fucking cool. And then I convinced my now husband to move to Charlottesville to have a family, and I'm just so fucking glad that you're here, man, because... Thank you.

Yeah, it's a pretty big deal to me. It's a pretty big deal to us that you're here. This community is very blue, and I know that we don't always show it in the rest of Virginia, but you are a bright and shining light. And... All right. All right. I saw your face. It, blah. All right. All right. I saw your face. It's fine. Thank you for saying that. My high note is that you're here.

My husband's here. Charlottesville is the best place to live and Bodo's is a very good place to go. And I really hope that you get to have it tomorrow. And Brian is very handsome.

Wow. I was going to cut that, and now I'm not. Yeah, it's a sure way to get yourself in the show. He QCs this thing. Make whatever point you want if it ends with, and isn't Brian so handsome? Hey, I'm Anne, and I'm here from the Valley. I came over from Harrisonburg.

And I'm a certified nurse midwife. And I have, thank you, and I have delivered over a thousand babies, but I spent a good part of this year also providing medication abortion online. But my high note is that I'm also faculty at Frontier Nursing University, which graduates the largest number of nurse practitioners in the country. And every day I get to see nurse practitioners and nurses doing quality improvement projects to improve health care in this country. And I really feel like nursing is the future of health care. Well, thank you for sharing that. And thank you for what you've been doing.

That's a great place to leave it. Thank you, everybody, for your high notes. If you have a message about something that gave you hope, you can call us at 323- 538-2377. That is our show. Thank you so much to Alexandra Petri, Lily Franklin, and Kimberly Pope Adams. There are 378

days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night. Have a great weekend. And thank you Charlottesville. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. Kendra James is our executive producer. Brian Semel is our producer. And Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer.

Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Poulavi Gunalan, Peter Miller, and Alan Pierre are our writers. Lee Eisenberg produces the show. It's mixed and edited by Evan Sutton. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thank you. videos at youtube.com slash at love it or leave it podcast. Do us a favor and subscribe to love it or leave it on YouTube. And don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram and Twitter. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review. It's Love It or Leave It