Lovett or Leave It - Resigning Women

Episode Date: April 15, 2023

Take a (Senate) seat, relax and kick back with a nice, cold Lovett Or Leave It. Jon reaches out to the deranged Republican billionaires in the audience. Joe Mantegna challenges us to answer the age-old question, “Was I in this?” Jena Friedman, Aparna Nancherla, and Blair Socci give us the latest in Girl News (spoiler alert: the news… is bad!) and we close out the show with a spin of the Rant Wheel that will leave you AND your personal Supreme Court judge feeling dizzy! For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Hello, Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. So nice to see you all. So this is a bunch of succession spoiler jokes that I will be peppering in the other jokes. So if anyone here is not caught up, you've missed your window. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else,

a challenge we meant as a joke that a certain California senator has taken too seriously. We have a great show for you this week. Blair Saki, Aparna Nancherla, and Jenna Friedman read some girl news. It's like gay news, but different in one critical way. Joe Mantegna is here. So cool. Jenna Friedman read some girl news. It's like gay news, but different in one critical way. Joe Mantegna is here.

So cool. And he wants you to guess if he was in this. Plus the rant wheel spins. But first, let's get into it. What a week. In a Today Show interview ahead of the White House Easter egg roll on Monday, President Biden said of his 2024 plans. I plan on running out,

but we're not prepared to announce it yet. All right. Biden's like the frosting guy who writes, congratulations, Madison, in blue frosting, directly on the cake. The Democratic National Committee has announced that the convention will be held in Chicago in 2024. Chicago was chosen to commemorate the birthplace of finally catching supervillains, not for their

worst crimes, but for tax fraud. The DNC going back to Chicago for the convention is like me going back to a diner for oysters. Sure, I remember what happened, but this time will be different. Honestly, though, I think it's brave of Democrats to bring the convention back to Chicago after the famous horror happened there in this past convention. I think it's sweet. They look so guileless and happy. Before social media, it was a better time for doing whatever that was.

Fox News was sanctioned this week by the Delaware Superior Court for withholding evidence in the Dominion Voting System's defamation suit. Do you know how corrupt your business has to be to get in, yeah, yes, applaud legal consequences. Do you know how corrupt your business has to be

to get in trouble in Delaware? It's the Cayman Islands of the US. Every company incorporated there gets unlimited tax breaks and a personal smooch from Chris Coons. Fox, to use the legal term, done goofed bad. In an interview with Tucker Carlson, Donald Trump claimed Manhattan courthouse employees

apologized to him for his arraignment last week. And I'll tell you, people were crying. People that work there, professionally work there, that have no problems putting in murderers and they see everybody. And they were crying. They were actually crying. They said, I'm sorry. They'd say 2024, sir, 2024. And tears are pouring down their eyes. It's awesome. It's awesome. I bet he really believes it. It rules.

What a way to live. But a law enforcement source told Yahoo News that this was absolute BS and no one was crying or apologizing. The giveaway isn't that a New York City municipal employee would be pro-Trump. It's that a New York City municipal employee would emote under any circumstances. These people are hardened. Do you know what you see when you work in a New York City municipal employee would emote under any circumstances. These people are hardened.

Do you know what you see when you work in a New York City courthouse? It's not all lotto winners marrying diner waitresses, I'll tell you that much. If anyone is crying in that building, it's going to be whoever showed up to the kiosk without their paperwork. The source said Trump's visit was actually pretty routine, except that his fingers were too dry. This is real. His fingers were too dry. This is real. His fingers were too dry to be fingerprinted. So DA, yes, yes. So DA employees had to give the former president lotion. Honestly, if Trump needed to borrow lotion from somebody, he could have just asked any of the MSNBC reporters covering the proceedings. Trump has basically mummified

himself on Diet Coke and over-salted restaurant food that he is so dehydrated and desiccated that his fingers are too dry to be fingerprinted. He is a criminal icon. Trump also told Tucker Carlson that Biden abandoned dogs when the U.S. pulled out of Afghanistan, saying this. They left the dogs, by the way. You know, the people say about the dogs. They left the dogs. Everyone, you know, the dog lovers. And you got a lot of them. I love dogs. You love dogs. But they left the dogs. People said, what? One of the first questions I got, what did they do with the dogs? It is true. We did leave dogs, but we also left them a lot of bones to play with. Boy, that response was limper

than Logan Roy's dead body slumped over on a toilet. This room's so dead, I'm about to hold my phone up next to its ear so Kendall, Roman, and Shiv can say goodbye. Thank you. Thank you. But previous reporting tells us that Trump actually hates dogs. His ex-wife Ivana wrote in her memoir that he never got along with her poodle, Chappy. But that might have something to do with the fact that the dog was affectionately named after Trump's fucked up, dry-ass fingers.

the fact that the dog was affectionately named after Trump's fucked up dry ass fingers. Meanwhile, meanwhile, Trump used his crunchy, dusty hands to file. Trump used his crunchy, dusty hands to file a lawsuit against one time attorney Michael Cohen for breach of contract this week, saying Cohen owes 500 million dollars in damage. What sucks is Trump actually has a pretty good case against Michael Cohen. Your lawyer can't go on TV and just reveal your private conversations for years. You can't write books and do podcasts about your clients. That's the whole deal. That's the whole point of lawyers. Reverse priests can't tell anyone and help you figure out how not to seek forgiveness. Our only solace is that Michael Cohen radiates, I sleep in my ex-wife's parents' rec room energy,

so there's no way Trump is getting a dime out of him. And then today, Trump appeared at yet another hearing, this one regarding the civil fraud suit brought against him by New York Attorney General Letitia James, an entirely different case. Trump is in a vaudevillian level of trouble. Hello? I'm calling about my fraud. No, not that one, the other one. That's it. That's vaudevillian level of trouble. Hello? I'm calling about my fraud. No, not that one, the other one.

That's it. That's vaudevillian level of fraud. I expected a laugh there, but much like Conor Roy expecting his father, Logan Roy, to come to his wedding, I am left disappointed because Logan wasn't coming to the wedding and then also died. It sucks that Trump is in this insane situation and he isn't

even charming enough to have fun with it. You know that if Bill Clinton had to check in with the same receptionist for two different criminal cases in one week, he'd be like, we gotta stop. We gotta stop meeting like this. Alright. That joke flopped harder than Succession's Logan Roy when he keeled

over in that airplane bathroom. Some of them are killing. These jokes are good. In this lawsuit, Trump and his adult children stand accused of committing staggering fraud by lying about the value of their holdings by billions of dollars. But they were only staggering their way to fraud because Don Jr. mixed up his pills. On Monday, the Justice Department sought a stay of Judge Matthew Kazmarek's suspension of the FDA's approval of mifepristone,

one of the two pills used for medication abortions, which makes up most of the abortions in the U.S. The other pill enables you to understand what is actually happening outside the illusion of the matrix, giving you valuable perspective into why the old white dudes want to force you to procreate so badly. The Fifth Circuit

ruled on Thursday, staying part of the Bunker's order, specifically the one that reverses the decision from the year 2000, but allows part of the order to stand, which reverses the FDA's decision to make Mifepristone more accessible in recent years. At the same time, the judge in Washington issued a contradictory ruling

telling the FDA it must continue to make Mifepristone as available as ever, which means relief will have to come from the Supreme Court. Good luck, guys. The only relief that anyone's getting in the Supreme Court is coming from Harlan Crowe's generously donated luxury massage chairs. There's something about like, I'll do whatever you want.

All right. Out of an abundance of caution, Democratic states like Massachusetts, Washington, Maine, and Maryland moved to stockpile Mifflipristone for their residents through a variety of avenues, from having universities bulk order the pill to passing legislation to protect pharmacies. Hear me out. Let's not stockpile it. Let's get it to the people. Let's load up trains all over the country, close our eyes, and let nature take its course. Meanwhile, after reporting that multiple women nearly died after being sent home because the hospital was unable to perform medically necessary abortions,

a bill to exempt women in this specific circumstance from Florida's 15-week abortion ban was voted down by Republican lawmakers, who then went even further, passing an even more draconian six-week ban into law earlier today. Now the only place to get an abortion in Florida is the Norway pavilion of Epcot World Showcase. Not because Norway's laws apply, there's just a guy there who will do it. Said one anonymous source, Gorsh, ask for Kyle.

California Senator Dianne Feinstein has been absent from the Senate for several weeks with a case of shingles and has not given a return date. I know a phony excuse when I see one. First the Kardashians and now Feinstein. Seems like everyone is getting their butt implants taken out. Senator Feinstein has missed 60 out of 82 votes this year. And in her absence, the Judiciary Committee is unable to send progressive judicial nominees to the floor at a time when President Biden and the Democratic majority are trying to confirm as many judges as possible after McConnell and Trump spent years stacking the court with fascist womb hunters. After the chair of the Judiciary Committee, Dick Durbin, who is chair in part because it was clear that Feinstein was no longer fit

to be ranking member or chair, told CNN that Feinstein's absence was slowing down the confirmation process. The calls for her resignation began coming from inside the House. Ro Khanna and other House Democrats began calling for Feinstein to resign for the first time. The Durbin comments had me reeling, so I yelled about it on Pod Save America. And then Fox News and New York Post picked it up because they love Democrat on Democratic violence. I just want to note to the people who said to me it was sexist, ageist, and or ableist to call on Feinstein to resign, I want you to know something. I hear you. I see you. I think it's amazing that you can function in the world with zero critical thinking skills.

In the wake of this kerfuffle, Feinstein acknowledged the cost of her absence and asked Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer to ask the Senate to provide for a temporary replacement on the Judiciary Committee. This requires 60 votes, so the question is, how much was that hug worth to Lindsey Graham? I suppose we'll find out soon enough. Oh, it's sexist to suggest

that a 89-year-old senator who has had reporting that she's unfit to serve already, that is more than what, a year and a half ago we started hearing those reports, is now completely absent. She's preventing us from confirming pro-choice, pro-gay, pro-worker, pro-environment fucking judges. And it's ableist and sexist to say we should have somebody in our senator's job. We're already underrepresented in the fucking Senate. We already only get two, and so does Wyoming, which we all know is horseshit, and we can't fucking fix it. Now we only get one working senator? Bullshit.

And now we'll see what happens, because now Senator Feinstein has said that she understands that her absence from the Judiciary Committee has real consequences. There's one of two possibilities. Senate Republicans will be kind, or we will have to figure out what to do because they won't allow us to put a temporary replacement on the Judiciary Committee. But either way, we need to vote people out of the Judiciary Committee, and it's not her seat, it's our seat. You know, it's like a storied career. It's a shame that

at the end of a storied career, she was the mayor of San Francisco. She did a lot of good at a very difficult time. Meanwhile, Harlan Crow, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas' billionaire sugar daddy, reportedly collects Nazi memorabilia. When reached for comment, Crow said,

Before you call me a racist, you should know that I've also acquired another rare, expensive collectible, a black friend. Crow has explained that he collects all this Nazi stuff because he hates fascism. It's the same reason Lindsey Graham owns all that RuPaul's Drag Race merch. RuPaul's Drag Race. It's the same. Fuck it. Leave it. It's fine. You race merch. RuPaul's drag race. It's the same. Fuck it.

Leave it. It's fine. You get it. RuPaul stuff. Yeah. Is he gay? Whatever. That's the joke there.

And adding to the growing case against Justice Thomas's corruption, it was recently uncovered that Thomas never disclosed that Harlan Crowe bought property from him and owned the house that Thomas's mother-in-law lives in to this day. He also, I think, fixed it up for her, apparently. Not disclosing this kind of a real estate transaction is called illegal. Might as well call Clarence Thomas an old lady with shingles that I'm bullying on the internet, because that guy needs to resign. On Monday, Nashville City Council unanimously voted to appoint Justin Jones back to his seat in the Tennessee legislature,

days after Republicans expelled him and Justin Pearson for participating in a gun control protest. Because unfortunately, while the expulsion was valid, the Republicans forgot to file the all-important no-back-says resolution. Then on Wednesday, the city council in Memphis also voted to reappoint Justin Pearson, who stated in the New York Times that he wasn't elected to be pushed to the back of the room and silenced. This just in, this just in in, and it's just in time. Thank you. That response was so warm, there's no way anyone could mistake it for the corpse of Logan Roy. Over in Florida, Republican Webster Barnaby apologized Monday

for calling trans people mutants, demons, and imps during a hearing on the bathroom bill. The Lord rebuke you, Satan, and all of your demons and all of your imps who come and parade before us.

That's right. I called you demons and imps. Jesus. He has yet to apologize for that Dickensian-ass name. Webster Barnaby, what are you, a bumbling oaf courting a beloved sister of the protagonist? He went on to say this. I'm looking at society today, and it's like I'm watching an X-Men movie with people that when you watch the X-Men movies for Marvel Comics, it's like we have mutants living among us on planet Earth.

And of course, we all remember the heroes in the X-Men movies, the people who spread fear and hate about X-Men. Just completely missing the point of those films. During a debate about gender-affirming care, which he is of course against, Missouri State Senator Mike Moon defended children being able to marry at age 12. at age 12. You voted no on making it illegal for kids to be married to adults at the age of 12 if their parents consented to it. You said actually that should be the law because it's the parents' right and the kids' right to decide what's best for them to be raped by an adult. Okay? Do you know any kids who have been married at age 12? That was the law you voted not to change it do you know any kids who have been married at age 12

I don't need to and guess what they're still married yuck remember how much middle school sucked now imagine starting it as a divorcee. We're really going for it tonight. Pentagon officials spent the holiday weekend scrambling to understand how dozens of highly classified intelligence documents wound up on social media,

the worst U.S. intelligence breach in a decade. Unfortunately, the answer seems to be some weird guy put him there. And honestly, we could have told you that. The documents were reportedly leaked on an invite-only Discord called Thug Shaker Central, where, according to the New York Times, 20 to 30 young men chatted about their shared love of guns, racist memes, and video games.

Ah, yes, the incels live laugh love. You don't have to leak sensitive military intelligence to impress those guys. You can just write, I have a girlfriend. They can prove that you don't. The documents include tactical information about the war in Ukraine, provide a rare window about how the U.S. spies

on both its foes and its allies. The mood is anger, one Defense Department official told Politico. It's a massive betrayal. I can't imagine how you feel, said an Afghan translator in a Taliban prison. That was the one. That was the one that was too much. This room is so dead, I'm about to hold my phone up next to its ear so Kendall, Roman, and Shiv can say goodbye.

Now that you've warmed up, in horrific news that we all want to ignore but can't, the literal Dalai Lama had to apologize. I know. I know. You just want to pretend you never saw it, but you did see it. We all fucking saw it. Don't look away.

Anyway, the Dalai Lama had apologized for kissing a little boy and asking the child to suck his tongue. That's what happened. That's the story from the news. That was the news this week about the Dalai Lama. And sure, he's canceled, but 14 incarnations, it's a pretty good run. And sure, he's canceled, but 14 incarnations?

It's a pretty good run. In his statement from his office, the Dalai Lama said he wished to apologize to the boy and his family. His holiness often teases people he meets in an innocent and playful way, even in public and before cameras. The statement goes on, and when he's not doing that,

he's asking little boys to suck his tongue. A truck carrying 40,000 pounds of toxic soil from the East Palestine train derailment overturned on an Ohio freeway this week, spilling half of the soil onto the roadway. It's another major embarrassment for Transportation Secretary Lucille Ball.

This just in, oh, this is a relief. The soil from the crashed truck from the crashed train is being hauled away safely by a 1930s-era Zeppelin filled with hydrogen. The FBI has warned the public against using free phone chargers in airports, hotels, and shopping centers, saying bad actors have managed to use public chargers to infect

devices with malware, a scheme known as juice jacking, which is a way hornier name than what is actually being described. You can avoid the danger of juice jacking by using your own cable and by plugging into electrical outlets instead of USB ports. But that doesn't sound like you, does it? You're going to raw dog it at the airport like you always do, you fucking freaks. This week, the Journal of Cosmetic Dermatology published a new scientific article titled The Scrotum, a comparison of men's and women's aesthetic assessments.

Here's the conclusion, and this is verbatim. Ultimately, it was barely possible to identify a beautiful scrotum. Ultimately, it was barely possible to identify a beautiful scrotum. We must instead speak of the least ugly. Must we, though? Must we? Scientists initially approached the study by scanning thousands of pictures of balls, but unfortunately, most of the data was tainted. Get one a week. One a week.

As he prepares to portray Bob Dylan, Timothee Chalamet is reportedly working with the same vocal coach who trained Austin Butler for his turn as Elvis. Here we go. Only when the next victims get stuck in the voice of a great musical icon

will my own curse be lifted. Thank you, Timothee. Thank you very much. Yeah, sure. Well, everybody do it or no one do it. Five people clapping. It's a waste of fucking time.

Being nice is free. Fucking animals. The Yuba City Police Department appointed a rabbit named Percy as a wellness officer who will remain at the station as a support animal for the staff. The support he's offering, he knows how to get rid of body cam footage.

You awed so sweetly. Aww. Still a fucking cop. And finally, Billy McFarlane, the architect behind the failed Firefest of 2018, announced on Twitter that Firefestival 2 is finally happening.

Remember the guy who was willing to suck dick to secure water for the first festival? He's back, and you won't believe what he's willing to do this time. It's sucking dick. When we come back, when you're right, you're right. When we come back, we'll do more show. It's

fine. And we're back. This week, Senate Democrats called for an investigation into Supreme Court justice, and according to the mug Ginny bought him on their first anniversary, world's biggest sweetie pie, Clarence Thomas. After it was revealed that Thomas accepted decades of lavish, all-expenses-paid vacations from Republican billionaire Harlan Crowe,

who, it's since been revealed, owns a collection of Nazi memorabilia and has, in his backyard, statues of historical dictators placed in what one might call a garden of evil. We also learned this week that Harlan Crowe bought real estate from Clarence Thomas, which he also didn't disclose. And apparently, we learned just earlier today

that because of an interview she did, we know that, I think, Clarence Thomas' mother or mother-in-law still lives in that place. Mother must be mother-in-law. Still lives there. Still living in Harlan Crowe's house. It's interesting. Anyway, I didn't disclose it, which is illegal.

So the ProPublica oil seems to be lasting eight corrupt nights. And by the time you hear this, perhaps even more weird Nazi garden shit may have come to light. Anyway, in order to help his friend Clarence, Harlan Crowe is auctioning off some of his cherished keepsakes, but kind of like the B-list keepsakes, if we're being honest, to raise money for Thomas' potential legal defense fund.

First up, we have a printout of the original Airbnb listing for Hitler's Bunker. Look, we thought Airbnb launched in at least the 80s, but we've been wrong before. Let's see here. The text of the document reads, Relax and keep your powder dry in this cozy concrete retreat

located 28 feet below the bustling streets of Berlin. Let your mind wander, but not too far, through our 30 rustic rooms, perfect for those unplanned getaways and even the planned ones. So bite the bullet and reserve now. Pets welcome. Really makes you sit back and think

about how Hitler was a pretty crummy guy. All right. The bidding is going to start off at one American dollar. Would anyone like to bid? Anyone? Oh, we have a bidder over there, Malcolm.

What is wrong with you? Put your fucking hand down, you twisted son of a bitch. You should be ashamed of yourself. You're not some wealthy conservative with serotonin receptors so fried you can't enjoy a spring rain shower unless you're standing under the watchful marble gaze

of Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceausescu. An actual statue in Harlan Crowe's Garden of Evil? Grow up and get a life. All right, thank you, everyone. We come back. Joe Mantegna's here. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back. You've heard him voice iconic characters. You've seen him solve unspeakable murders. Hopefully, he'll only have to do one of those things tonight. That's right. Welcome to the stage the incomparable star Joe Mantegna. Hi. I might do both of them tonight.

I don't know. You could do both. How you doing? I'm doing great, thanks. It's good to see you. Good to be seen. Such a fan of yours. Thank you. It's exciting to have you here. Thank you. Did you know what this show was? No, I have no idea. That happens. That happens. Did you think John Lovitz? I did.

No, but it didn't matter. I mean, that's fine. It's fine. Yeah, and I wasn't even sure up until this morning. I mean, my wife went online, and she says, I don't think it's the same guy. I had a feeling. I had a feeling.

I had an instinct. Yeah. No, it's good. It's all good. It's fine. It's fine. You're okay. I'm fine with it. You're happy to be here. I worked a feeling. I had an instinct. No, it's good. It's all good. It's fun. It's fine. You're okay. Absolutely.

I'm fine with it. You're happy to be here. I worked with John. I hosted Saturday Night Live years ago, and he was part of the cast then. So now I'm here with you. So this is good. I've done, you know. It's the Grand Slam.

I got, you know. So far, which is a more memorable experience? You don't have to answer that. I'll let you know. I'll let you know. All right. I have a couple questions. Okay. All right? right yeah you were in the 1996 horror film thinner i was based on the book written by richard bachman which of course was stephen king's pseudonym

okay no i didn't know that i didn't know that either okay don't you think it would be more satisfying if he had eaten the pie at the end you know instead of making other people do it you know what i found interesting about that movie is because i also did the book on tape of that oh really as it turned out cool and so i kind of already knew what was going to happen you know when i got the part but it didn't have a happy ending which i thought was weird because i thought they were going to change the movie because it's hollywood it's pretty dark it is dark yeah i mean you know they have that ending where the kid dies the mother the dies, the wife dies.

Everybody dies in that movie. Oh, I'm sorry. This is a spoiler alert for the 1996 film Thinner. Yes, exactly. It's a fun romp through, you know, whatever. Don't you think it's interesting that in that film, there's a curse in the film? Yeah. There's one part of the curse, which is no matter how much you eat, no matter what you do, you get thinner and thinner and thinner.

And we call that Ozempic. And then at the end, there's a way to turn it off. The pie turns it off. There's an off switch, which is stopping Ozempic. I think these Romani in the movie were leaving a lot of money on the table. That could be. One person's curse in Hollywood. I mean, there's a lot of people that would be like,

so I get thinner and thinner until I die, but what's the catch? You know what I mean? Yeah, well, I think they should start marketing this pie and, you know, whatever. Yeah, I think it's a good idea. It's a good idea. Okay. So I saw that you said about The Simpsons that you like to voice Fat Tony no matter what. Yeah, I do.

You know, it's the same thing like when I'm doing a movie sometimes or whatever it may be, and they'll say, we decided to put in the scene of, you know, like you grabbing something, but you don't have to do the scene. We'll just have somebody else, like, do it. And I say, well, no, but I'll know it's not my hand. You know what I mean? So even a little thing like that. So, I mean, I've been doing The Simpsons now for, this has been my 33rd year

playing Fat Tony. That's wild. And so, but my feeling is, like, even if it's just one word, I want to be able to be the one that says that word, because even if they say, but my feeling is like, even if it's just one word, I want to be able to be the one that says that word, because even if they say, well, nobody will know the difference. It's just a word.

But I mean, I'll know the difference. And it's like, you know, that'd be like somebody being, you know, they're going to be you for a minute. So you could take a break.

And then, you know, we know that can't happen. Can't happen. Won't allow it. Won't allow it. Then the illusion will be broken. Yes,

exactly. Do you, as someone who's been working and so committed to what you're doing for so long, do you see young actors who kind of take it for granted and say, oh, you're not like when they're shooting, say, the other direction says, oh, use my standard. I don't feel like being here anymore. To me, that's the difference between, you know, the pros and somebody really who isn't. And what's interesting is the higher up the food chain you go, the more likely it is that they're going to be the kind of person that will be there for the off-camera and do all like that.

It's usually the ones that are not where they think they should be and kind of use that as like a power thing of like, no, I'm going to let the stand in. But they don't make it. They don't last. I don't think so. Yeah. No, I mean, I feel blessed because I grew up, I mean, I met actors, people like Cary Grant and, you know, people that your parents know and your grandparents know. Like Cary Grant or Gregory Peck and people like that who just had, you know, had a lot of class and stuff like that.

And I just think at my age, I kind of feel like I'd like to start to perpetuate that as much as possible. I like that. If possible. So you've been on Criminal Minds for a long time. Long time, yeah. What do you think is the weirdest murder situation? Oh, man, it's all weird, that show. Everything is weird on our show.

There was a human-sized marionettes at one point. Do you remember that one? I do. Does that stick with you? My dear friend Matthew Goobler, who plays Dr. Reed on the show, he loves those kinds of episodes. He directed that particular one,

I remember. So he's a real freak? He's a real freak. He's a little freaky, Matthew. But he's wonderful. I love him to death. He's like my son.

I love the kid. Yeah, we do a lot of freaky stuff. Another freaky episode I thought was pretty, I've been on a show like, we're still doing it. It'll be my 15th year

doing it this season. But anyway, I think my very first season there was an episode where there was something going on, and they had people volunteering to looking for somebody who was missing. And so this guy had volunteered to run the stand that gives you refreshments. And what he was doing was he was taking people and making chili out of them. And that was the refreshments that he was handing out. What a criminal mind. Yeah, I would say that's a criminal mind.

Because there was a great line at the end of that episode where a priest character says to the guy, don't you realize God is in you or something? And the guy came back with something like, and mentions the girl who's missing. And Janet is a little bit of her in everybody, too. And I thought it was about my third episode. I thought, okay, this is what I'm going to be doing

for possibly the next 15 years. But it's all good. Did you ever want to say, hey, listen, let's try something different. Let's not catch him. We don't always catch him. You don't always catch him? No, there's been a couple instances where we don't catch him.

They just get away with it. They do get away, because in life they do get away with it. In life they do get away with it. But not the chilly cannibal guy. Hopefully that one got caught, because it is patterned pretty much off of real stuff that's happened. That's what's weird, too. Because it's not like one of these Marvel shows that is about fantasy things. There is a behavior

analysis unit with the FBI. I've been to Quantico numerous times and met the people who do this job. It's just weird to think, wow, somebody does this for a living every day and has to deal with that. Thank God we have these people that do that. One of them leans over and whispers,

I have no one else to tell this. I tried the chili. Just don't have the chili in the calf. So, as we've discussed, you've had a long and storied career. I remember Bobby Fischer. You're amazing in that movie. Searching for Bobby Fischer. Searching for Bobby Fischer.

It's a nice movie. Well, you know, that's a testament to the writer, Steve Zalian. Because I remember, we're getting near the end of it. And he directed it as well. It was his first time directing. But he wrote the script. it was such a beautiful script you know, Ben Kingsley in the movie and Lawrence Fishburne, you know, just

Joan Allen, wonderful cast, just a great, great script but I remember, we were on one of the last couple days of filming and I see him scribbling in the corner, you know during a break, you know, really, I said Steve, what's the matter? He goes, I'm writing this movie for Steven Spielberg it's the next film, such a... He goes, I'm writing this movie for Steven Spielberg.

It's the next film. I'm not directing it, but I'm writing it for him. And I'm kind of behind. I'm trying to catch up. I go, what's the name of the movie? And he says, Schindler's List. And so in my mind, I'm thinking Schindler's List. I'm thinking like five easy pieces.

So I'm saying, it's about a guy that goes to the grocery store with the list? Yeah, yeah. And he says, yeah, not quite. Not quite. You know? It's like Ocean's Eleven, Schindler's List. Yeah, exactly. It's like a heist.

I thought it was a list movie, you know? I mean, it was a list movie, but on a whole other level than I expected. Yeah, it was a different kind of list. Different kind of list. Needless to say, he's done very well with that movie and with Schindler's List. You were sitting there, and he goes, I got this crazy idea. Full color. Bright as you can make it. Yeah were sitting there and he goes, I got this crazy idea. Full color. Bright as you can make it.

Yeah. He's like, oh, I don't know. Yeah, left track, the whole thing, yeah. So, now you've had, as we've discussed, you've had this long a story career and we would like, I'm enjoying these stories and I'm sure you have more of them. And also it's nice when we have a great person

come and tell stories because less work for me. I got it. I also only have a couple stories and one one of them is, no one will buy my Tesla. And I don't know. I've gotten enough juice out of that. Whatever. The way things are going, everybody's going to be driving a Tesla. Oh, I hope not.

They'll be so disappointed. What with the rattling. I drive one. Doesn't it rattle? It does rattle. But I don't have to stop at a gas station. Yeah, sure, but can't we have both? I know.

It's still in its early stages. It's like the Model T of electric cars. Yeah, that's right. So we're going to play a round of Was I in This? I may lose that contest. Now, for those listening at home, we have a Where's Waldo with Joe. I thought that was an outfit I used to wear in something.

Do you want to read these to the people? Yeah, here we go. Hi, what's your name? My name's Elizabeth. My son watched all 32 seasons of The Simpsons at the time during pandemic schooling online. I know that one. I know Fat Tony.

That's about it. Is Fat Tony your favorite character, though? I'm going to pass. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Sometimes I think no one...

Correct answer. Ooh, I heard it. I heard it. Sure. That's my Uncle Willie's voice, by the way. Really? Because when I got cast in The Simpsons, the movie Godfather III had just come out.

And at the time time this was 1991 the movie you know it was a big gangster movie very anticipated because of the history of the first two godfather movies so i played the villain in that joey zaza and godfather 3 so here i get cast now is this character fat tony and i thought it was just gonna be one episode like that's it boop i'll do it that's it but i go in and i'm thinking the godfather movie was still playing in the theaters and i'm thinking I can't be the same guy. I don't want to be Joey Zaza and Fat Tony. And it's like, oh, it's the same guy.

Right in the spirit of the moment as we're there recording the episode, I said, I'll just do my Uncle Willie's voice because my Uncle Willie talks like this. And I thought, if I just do it and they don't say stop, I'll just keep going. And so I did. I mean, I did it. That was 30 years ago. Yeah, it was 32 years ago. And it worked. don't say stop, I'll just keep going. And so I did. That was 30 years ago. Yeah, that was 32 years ago. And it's a work

that never said stop. And when it was over, I went, okay, great. Willie will get a kick out of it and all that. And little did I know that they kept calling me back. What did Willie think of it? Oh, he loved it. I brought him to the set like four or five years into it. I says, I want you to meet somebody. He walks in and he goes, how you doing, everybody? Nice to see you.

And they're all like, oh, that's him. It's him. It's ground zero for Fat Tony. All right. Oh, OK. I played myself on two episodes of HBO's Barry, true or false. And for an extra point, name one of those episodes, All the Sauces and Crazy Time Shit Show. Well, those are the answers.

So yes. Yes. Those were? Well, those are the answers. So, yes. Yes. Those were the answers. Yes. Yes. You got it. Yes. Woo! Oh, there you go. How about that? See, but that's another show I knew nothing about. And, of course, my daughter, who are obviously younger than I am,

said, Dad, you don't know about Barry? I mean, you know, of course, it was great. I mean, what a thrill. So I got to play myself, so. Hi, what's your name? Chad. I actually just watched House of Games like two days ago. Oh, okay.

Well, you just want the answer to the next question. The question was, was I in the movie House of Cards or something, right? You can pick one. Just read any question you want. Whatever. Did you like the movie? Oh, yeah. It was a lot of fun.

You got it. You won. Let's do one more. Let's do one more. You can pick any question. Okay. I am the current, no, I'm definitely not the current chairman of the American Italian. You keep giving away the answer.

I do? That's the whole, that was the question. Oh. It was up to him to tell you know what you're going to do. You're going to get the... Here's the thing. If you get them all right, you win.

If you get them all wrong, you get to be the senator from California. Great. Great. Okay. I think I got this one now. I think I got to figure it out. I have a cameo in the upcoming Barbie movie

As much as I would love to see that I'm gonna go with no That's true Nice I'm getting the hang of it I played Dean Martin in the HBO original movie The Rat Pack True or false? That's true

Atta boy And I want to just tell you something You know how I got the voice of Original movie, The Rat Pack. True or false? That's true. Atta boy. And I want to just tell you something. You know how I got the voice of doing the research as I did for the role? I thought to myself, not that I'm trying to imitate him exactly, but I want to at least get in the ballpark. So to get the voice for Dean Martin, I kept listening to his voice and interviews records. Then I realized it was the Sugar Bear from the Sugar Crisp commercials. The guy goes, can't get enough of them Sugar Crisps.

Oh, I'm the Sugar Bear. So like instead of saying, y'all can't get enough of them Sugar Crisps, I would say stuff like, oh, how do all these people get in my room? It's basically. Right? It's just, you take that mascot, take three fingers of scotch... That's it. That's it.

You never know where the inspiration's going to come. In this case, it was from the Sugar Bear, so thank God for the Sugar Bear. That's a lesson for all of us. Yeah, it was. Want to do a couple more? It's up to you. It's your show.

I think you've got it. I'm enjoying it. I was in the Tom and Jerry movie. What do you think? What do you think, Betsy? False. It is false only because Warner Brothers wouldn't let us use that title, and so the movie had to be changed to Jerry and Tom.

Because of the, you know, I guess the cat and the mouse would get pissed that we took that. Yeah, the cat and the mouse are very litigious. Okay. Okay, it says, I hosted the first episode of Fear Factor before Joe Rogan took over. Betsy, what do you think? False again? I could never watch people eat bugs for my job

because that's how I unwind. That's true. Joe Montani, everybody. Thank you. Everybody, check out Criminal Minds Evolution on Paramount+. That was so great. We'll be right back.

And we're back. Because we're committed to the bit. Now it's time for our next item in our Hitler merch auction. I may just ditch it. It was the first Peloton. The idea of that whole thing was going to be that it was like, you know that we got those Nazi rocket scientists to help us with rockets? On the side, they helped us with the Peloton.

Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back! Please welcome to the stage three of my favorite comedians, Aparna Nancherla, Jenna Friedman, and Blair Saki. Hi, Aparna. Hi. Hi, Jenna.

Hi. Hi, Blair. Hi, John. How you doing? Good. Good. Happy to be here. Thrilled Jenna. Hi. Hi, Blair. Hi, John. How you doing? Good. Good. Happy to be here. Thrilled.

Thrilled. It's fun to have Joe Montini here. Oh, my gosh. Surreal. It's cool. You don't even want to know what we were doing in the green room. What were you doing in the green room? Criminal Minds.

We're watching it. Yeah. We're watching Criminal Minds together. That's cool. Kendra, our producer, has seen almost're watching it. Yeah, we're watching Criminal Minds together. That's cool. Kendra, our producer, has seen almost all of it. And it's part of her character. I love that about Kendra. She also has a collection of antique muskets.

Really? Yeah, we keep a Google Doc of the weirdest shit about her. Whoa! Yeah, that people can dump things into. I love how multidimensional Kendra is. One other fact about Kendra is she has a pet tortoise, but she keeps it in her mother's home and visits it from time to time.

What? Yeah, wait, let's hear something. Malcolm, let's share some things from the actual real document. One, she has seen Jason Mraz in concert nine times. Wow. Two, she had a Legolas pillowcase growing up. Oh, Legolas. She wrote a book.

You guys can check that out. It's very good. And she loves Ulysses S. Grant. It's her favorite president. Whoa. And those are a now introduced recurring segment, Kendra Facts. That was great. And I'm sorry that you were here for that.

I loved it. Especially the tortoise. I think that's interesting, right? Yeah. I love the part about Ulysses S. Grant. Apparently Ulysses S. Grant wrote his own memoir. Is that impressive to not have it ghostwritten? Did they do ghost writers at the time? Do you think you could call up an agency and

send someone over to Ulysses Grant's house? Obviously. The gals did that back then, right? Yeah. The women in the shadows was writing them? It probably was the women in the shadows. Yeah.

Betsy Ross. Get Betsy women in the shadows. Betsy Ross. Betsy Ross, for example. Get Betsy Ross on the horn. I didn't know people had favorite presidents anymore. I like that. Yeah. Do you have one? And don't say who we think you would say.

Yeah. Yes, I do have a favorite president. All right. Barack Obama. Oh, well, you know, sure You have to say it But let's say Barack Obama, present company excluded You know, that kind of thing

Yeah, a lot of charisma on that guy Yeah, very charismatic For sure Barack Obama, very charismatic It's not Polk It's not James K. Polk You're right Rutherford B. Hayes.

Are we going to go through all 45? I'll tell you, it's not like a reach. You don't have to go deep into it. Lincoln? Close. Carter. Trump? Lin-Manuel Miranda.

I love FDR's speeches. So when I was a speechwriter, Trump. Yeah. Lin-Manuel Miranda. Right. I love FDR's speeches. So when I was a speechwriter, I love FDR's speeches. Okay. Yes. Absolutely. At the 1936 Democratic Convention.

A classic. Oh, boy. Did you say, oh say oh boy before I... This show exists because it is entertaining. You're here because you're expecting it to be entertaining. If I begin an anecdote and you say oh boy, excitement?

That's what people say when they're excited. They go oh boy. I love her enthusiasm anyway the night either i'll be brief but all i was going to say is that the 1936 democratic convention speech is a beautiful speech because he is foreshadowing the fact that he believes the united states is going to be involved in world war ii so it is a speech about the economic crisis but also one girding the country for the fact that countries are giving up their democracy would for the illusion of a living, which is a beautiful

phrase. That was the point I wanted to make about FDR, which is why we're all here. A segment about President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Throw out these cards, it's now a test. FDR, hell yeah. Actually, we're going to play, we're going to

do a special round of girl news, but before we do, I just wanted to, we have three comedians on the stage who I love. And one thing that I've just been noticing is that there's something that seems to be happening to the hyper successful, almost exclusively, but not always male comedians who achieve a certain like kind of level of super success and immediately start moving to the right. That they get to this certain level and they know they're losing touch. They even joke about losing touch,

but they can't help but sort of become like anti-woke, anti-young people in some way, like become conservative. I'm just curious of like, you've thought about that or what that path is, or if there are any people that you see kind of skipping it. You want us to shit on our employers. My next special is going to be called Triggered.

So, yeah. The last truth teller. Yeah, you're going to have one of those jokes that's like, my pronouns are I love ice cream. My pronouns are get a job. Okay, what about Jim Gaffigan? Still proudly blue, I think. Do we know that for a fact?

No. Yeah. I thought maybe he could give me a job. The reason I bring it up is because I do think that there's this, like, pipeline that goes from the, like, Joe Rogan, Dave Chappelle, Ricky Gervais style of anti-woke comedy that, like, goes to the right. And I'm, like, thinking about, like, there's a lot of really great people who are pushing back against that. But there seems to be something that happens when people get to that level, that they just sort of become like that. They become sort of frustrated by the idea of criticism. A lot of the comedy before the internet, the mainstream comedy was what you would classify as maybe more right-leaning.

is maybe more right-leaning. So maybe it's just people who are kind of staying in the lane they've always been in and frustrated by the fact that more people have microphones, and then that kind of pushes them into a little more of a silo. Yeah. I think a lot of those people that are really rich and conservative were always conservative, so they are just more open about it now.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think a lot of comedians, I hate to generalize, but we are very thin skinned. And then I think if you add money and wealth and nobody around you saying no, we're all going to have some bad ideas, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, also, a lot of those people, without ruining my career, I think they can be celebrated. All these people come out of nowhere to support them, and now they do arenas if they make mistakes. You've never seen a canceled woman do an arena. Not yet, but I'm opening for Roseanne. Yes!

In a couple weeks. No, I'm just kidding. I wish. I would. Yeah, you should. I think it'd be cool. Roseanne, if you're listening, and I know Love It or Leave It is your favorite pod. My pronouns are, let me open for you.

Tonight, we have a new spin on an old classic. It's one of Love It or Leave It's time-tested segments, which is gay news, in which we joke about gay news, but in a clever inversion of expectations, we present girl news. Now, we usually say between gay news bits, gay news, what did we decide we're going to do? Ladies.

Oh, yeah. But you have to say it like that. So we're going to go like it's like the kind of like Morse code thing from like a World War II newsreel. And then we go ladies can we do it all together? ladies oh dang

so I'll read a prompt and then you'll hit them with their punchlines and I'll spring in we've prepared extremely insightful penetrating hilarious masculine jokes because we didn't know what I was supposed to be doing while I was sitting here during Girl News. All right.

A number of Democratic states have begun stockpiling the abortion pill Mifepristone after a federal judge in Texas invalidated the FDA's 23-year-old approval of the drug. Leave it to the Supreme Court to turn liberals into survivalists. Ladies. Ladies. Ladies. Ladies. Ladies. And for all the ways

that women are increasingly being oppressed by state governments, there's actually nothing more hot girl chic than buying a bunch of medicine and refusing

to throw it away even after it's long since expired. You heard it here first, ladies. Abortion bunkers are the new shiplap. Watch out! Chip and Joanna Gaines.

Ladies! Ladies! It's fantastic! Oh, God. Herschel Walker is wondering, is this just for states or can anyone get in on it? All right, and here I have one of my jokes for men. Much like women, democratic states be shopping.

Ladies. But above about ladies. In the first six months after the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, more than 66,000 individuals were unable to get an abortion in their home state, according to a new report by the Society of Family Planning. Fortunately, all of those people can purchase firearms to do the trick for them. Ladies. Ladies.

I'm sorry, but this is unacceptable. We can't have this many women on the interstates. Stranger Things star... Ladies! Stranger Things star Millie Bobby Brown and Bon Jovi's son Jake Bon Jovi hinted that they may have gotten engaged. 19 is way too young to get married.

Personally, when it comes to appropriate nuptial ages, I think whoa, we're halfway there. They told me to sing. I never sing for anyone. It was really good. And then I'd save it for a podcast.

Ladies! They also hinted that there won't be an official announcement Until after they can think of a better celebrity couple, Nate Than Brown Jovi Brown Jovi Ladies I guess I'm just like If you're not going to name him son Bon Jovi. Ladies. History was made in New York as former elementary school teacher Kathleen Karate was appointed to the city's first director of rodent mitigation.

She's been tasked with curbing the rat infestation and winning the city's war against the overwhelming rat population. And you know what they say, behind every great Manhattan is a great woman-hattan. She's breaking the glass ceiling and immediately finding a super colony of rats stuck living in the attic. I guess some women really can have it all. In response, the rats of New York have hired Pizza Rat to do a series of PR promos raising awareness about the surge in rat-cist rhetoric in 2023.

Rats have been given notice to leave the city by the end of the year or enroll in vocational training at SUNY Ratatouille. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba! Ladies! Okay, so now it's just the McDonald's... It's now the McDonald's song. All right, and now here I have one of the jokes for men. I've said it before, there's no place in society for unmarried women over 30,

but I stand corrected, there is, and it's fighting rats in the street. Karate said in her press conference, you'll be seeing a lot of me and a lot less rats. That sounds suspicious. Is she just like a bunch of rats in a suit? Aparna, help me write that one. I like that. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ladies. Ladies.

Senator Tammy Baldwin, the nation's first openly LGBTQ senator, announced on Wednesday that she'll be running for a third term to represent the state of Wisconsin. I can't think of any headline I'm happier to read than lesbian looking for a third. Hey, someone has to be gay for Wisconsin. According to Vanity Fair, one of the terms of Jerry Hall's divorce from Rupert Murdoch is that she cannot leak details of said divorce to the writer of HBO's Succession. Murdoch is still trying to figure out how this show learned he died. Ladies.

Ladies. Ladies. Well, as a woman, I'm pissed off that Rupert Murdoch would limit his ex-wife's freedom of speech. But as a woman in the entertainment industry, I'm even more pissed off that Rupert Murdoch doesn't understand the final season of Succession wrapped months ago. What kind of dumbass all-powerful media mogul are you? You think Jesse Armstrong is still tinkering in Final Draft? You think they'd let Episode 3 air if they were still breaking Episode 8? Grow up! Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, ladies.

The United Nations says it's reviewing its presence in Afghanistan after the Taliban barred women from working at the country's UN branch, a decision the United Nations calls unacceptable and unlawful. Those are some pretty weak descriptors. I would have probably gone with sausage fest. Because, you know, groups of men historically come up with the best ideas. True, true, true.

But up, but up, ladies. In an interview about her new book, California congresswoman and single mom Katie Porter said that people have told her you can't do this job without a husband. That is true about one job and one job only, and that's co-hosting a house-slipping show on HGTV. Feels like we're at a Seder.

Ladies. Dayenu. Dayenu. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba, Dayenu. Dayianu. Dianu. Dianu. Dianu. And finally, Nancy Pelosi suggested Wednesday that calls for Senator Dianne Feinstein to resign were sexist, saying, I've never seen them go after a man who was sick in the Senate at way.

You know, I actually do believe it is sexist. Mitch McConnell's been dead for years. And he's still there. And he's still there. That's true. That sucks. Wow, that Diane. She's really putting the she in shingles. That's the best one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that one. This segment went, I would say, twice as well as I thought it would. Yeah, for sure, for sure. This is a weird episode. I can see that now. Sometimes that happens. Here comes Malcolm, and this is going to be a card that tells me, keep going.

Okay. Is that what it says? Or is it a Kendra fact? I'm going to hand this card to Aparna, and Aparna, you're going to read it. Okay. Okay? Okay.

It says, FYI, Joe left. Damn. Aparna, Blair, and Jenna will stick around for the wear and wear. Jenna's book, Not Funny, Essays on Life, Comedy, Culture, etc. is out on April 18th. You can pre-order Aparna's book, Unreliable Narrator, and you can see Blair's show, Blair's Sake, and a few friends on April 27th at The Lyric.

When we come back, it's time for the Waren't Wheel. And we're back! The last item in the auction was a Lenny Riefenstahl movie where a bunch of people tell Hitler his art is good. You've heard it here already. Love It or Leave It is going on tour. We're bringing the Errors Tour to San Francisco and tickets sold out fast for the June 23rd show,

so we're adding a second show on Thursday, June 22nd. So get your tickets today at crooked.com slash events. Also, Love It or Leave It is nominated for Best Live Podcast Recording at this year's Webby's based on tonight's episode. And voting is open to the public until April 20th

at 11.59pm. Well, that seems like too much detail. Anyway, vote at the Webby's. And the website's impossible. Just Google vote Webby's. Insert quippy non-begging sentence. Done. And we're back!

Please welcome back to the stage Joe Mantegna. Oh! Jenna? Yeah. You tell us about your book. I'm excited about it. Oh, it's a book about comedy

and the culture surrounding it. The question that you asked about, like, older comedians kind of veering to the right, I actually talk a little bit about that in the book in a chapter about cancel culture. But yeah, if you're interested in comedy and issues relating to feminism, but more something,

I wish I could say something just more marketable, you know, than something that would make you want to buy the book. If you're interested in Joe Montagna's life story, this is the book to buy. I talk about Prince Harry from the first person perspective of his time in the royal family. Oh, that's a really, that's cool. That's super popular.

Yes. That's super popular. So that's what the book's about. Yes. It's called Joe Montagna, A Life. Parentheses. Also, what it was like for Prince Harry to have a weird dad. Yes.

That's cool. Aparna, how much of your book dives into the royal family? Pretty much everything. It's mostly from the baby's perspective. All the new babies is sort of what their take is on all of it. That's cool. And the queen, mostly. It ends with the queen.

It ends with the queen. And she dies. The take is too bright. The take is too bright. Blair, no book? I wasn't going to bring it up, but yeah, no book yet. If any is Random House here. Probably got an offer drafted up after this segment, but yeah, I'm sure the offer is on its way to me pretty soon.

Blair Socky, Brown Jovi. Yeah, Brown Jovi, Blair Socky. Blair Socky, Brown Jovi. Yeah. Brown Jovi, Blair Socky. Blair Socky, Brown Jovi. Now it's time for the rant wheel. This week on the wheel, we have woke Nintendo, the time Sebastian Maniscalco hosted the 2019 VMAs, shoes that won't stay tied, breakups, yogurt, the dumbing down of America, that one's Joe's.

So I'll take it. The term pro-life in superhero costumes in film. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on shoes that won't stay tied. This feels personal to me because I have sneakers that won't stay tied. First feels personal to me because I have sneakers that won't stay tied. First of all, why are we still tying shoes? They're like corsets for the feet.

It's like if each of your foot was a little Victorian woman waiting to be bustled up. And also, shouldn't we be past lace technology? Like, shouldn't we have the shoe equivalent of Teslas now where you just download an app and then a little thing covers your foot like an Iron Man outfit. And then the founder of

shoe Tesla's buys TikTok and ruins it. And sorry to victim blame myself, but I never learned how to tie my shoes properly. I still do the bunny ears. Oh, oh, and so does our nice producer to my right. And because I do that, I hide on the street when I have to tie my shoes. I put my coat over my body. And I don't need to be doing that 14 times a day. And lastly, the only purpose of laces is to stay tied. If they're not tied, they can't be called laces. They should be called shoe snakes. Thank you. Thank you. It is strange that Velcro's just like, nope,

that's for losers. You can't have Velcro unless you're a baby. Well, goo goo ga ga. Let's spin it again. It has landed on the dumbing down of America. This has got to stop. Let's spin it again. Yeah, sorry, guys. I'm going to have to take this one.

It's landed on yogurt. Yeah, yogurt as a food is bad. It's cherry-flavored snot. The consistency is something that would come out of a pussy that is unwell also it should be illegal to eat yogurt in public in front of me i should never be forced into a scenario where i'm trapped to watch you unselfconsciously lick a blob off a spoon that's entrapment assault and battery i've never seen a food lack more dignity i've never seen something with less appeal oh you

have acidophilus big deal it's never saved anyone's gut it's everyone holds it up like it's a miracle health food when it's not. Charlatan. Like cranberry juice for the UTI. Yogurt has never helped one person one time. Yogurt is disgusting. Oh, good bacteria. More like bacterial vaginosis. Yo, play, you're sick. Some people don't think I'm tough, but what they don't know is that one time in fourth grade, my dad forced me to eat two yogurts as punishment for not eating the first one, so then I ate both and threw them up on

his feet. Okay, so yeah. I stood up to my dad. Okay? Thank you for sharing that Thank you Sounds really hard Yeah It's really a gross yogurt

Yeah Let's spin it again I didn't understand the premise of this bit. This is the term pro-life. Yeah, no, I know, I know. I don't have a funny thing about it. I just wish that it would die. I think we need to kill the term.

And I feel now I'm pandering, you know? But yeah, I think the term pro-life should be buried in a very green cemetery, you know, next to like Basquiat. There's a green one cemetery actually in Brooklyn. It's really beautiful. And I don't know why I'm getting into talking about cemeteries, but I've always known I want to be buried there. And like I'm dying on stage right now. should the term pro-life you know what i mean it's time it's time for it to go i just think it's interesting that the term pro-life is a term you

despise i hate it because it's a misnomer you know right and yet you're burying it next to an artist like bosca oh i love but i'm thinking of the green i'm i'm riffing i don't hide and have anything prepared um so i think that's cool you're gonna. No, I think that's cool. We're going to cut that. No, I think it's cool. I think they're side by side. And everyone's like, this is the one we visit to be like, thank you. And this one we were like, eat shit. Fine. Pro-life should be buried on Trump's golf course next to like all of the rest of his wives for tax breaks.

I don't know. Is that funny? That's good. That was great. Let's spin it again. It has landed on breakups, and producer Brian has something to say about breakups. Hi.

I have something to say. Come on, Brian. As I was just telling my dear friend tony hawk i'm going through a breakup uh and i'm very sad about it which i was expecting to be but i'm also very mad because i'm so boring because usually i'm the most unique wonderful boy there ever was as you're always telling me sure uh like every thought i have is unique and it's never been thought before and now every thought i have is like an adele lyric and i'm walking around like a fucking cliche and a chump so i spend all day sad and i then like judge my sadness like i'm a fucking misery sommelier giving it like tasting notes then i feel really vain because i just think

about myself all day so i think about myself and I think about myself and I think about myself. And then after this very show last week, I open up DoorDash for Flesh, Grindr, because I'm lonely. And I order myself a body and we're smooching and we're smooching and we're smooching. And then mid-smooch, I find out he has my first and middle name. So fuck me, I guess. And I did. So I'm just crying constantly. And the things that bring me joy

make me cry. Like Succession, for example. I order myself another body to come watch Succession. Theme song comes on. I'm crying. I'm like, oh no. I tell him it's allergies,

but the only thing I'm fucking allergic to is being miserable all the time. I get it. Aw, time. I get it. Aw, sorry. I get it together. Logan dies. I start crying again because I also just lost a withholding monster.

And tears do not work as lube. So I'm upset. Breakups are done. The next person that dates me will have to marry me or kill me because this is the last one. Producer Brian, everybody. I hope that helped.

I hope that helped you on your journey. Yeah, that was great. Let's spin it again. It has landed on woke Nintendo. And this is my rant. And the reason I put that there is, you know, obviously Disney has become this sort of cause on the right that they've gone to woke. You know, they've discovered that Ursula is queer.

I don't know. They've gone around the bend. And now Disney is going to fail and be attacked because Disney has given in to the woke mind virus. But not Nintendo, they say, the right-wingers. That's why they say the Mario movie, Mario, as you would say, calm down. That's why the Mario movie is such a huge success because it's the anti-woke Mario movie. Okay. And that's because Nintendo has never done what disney has done nintendo has never

forced the homosexual agenda down our angry yet interested throats but that is just their ignorance about how gay nintendo has been I mean, obviously Nintendo can do better. Everyone can do better. But they just have no idea what has been going on inside of Nintendo for quite some time. Like the fact that, and I think we have an image, the fact that this, this is Vivian from Paper Mario. And Vivian is one of the three sisters who is a trans icon. And the reason we know that is this is the dialogue from the game. This is Vivian. We will defeat that Mario guy because we are the three shadow sisters.

Marilyn, how can you define us as the three shadow sisters? You are a man, a man. Vivian, sorry, sister. It was my mistake. Sigh. Marilyn, I'm sure it wasn't just a mistake. You are a man. A man. Vivian, sorry sister, it was my mistake. Sigh. Marilyn, I'm sure it wasn't just a mistake. You deserve a punishment. Yeah, exactly. And later, she reacts to Mario's kindness. Also, next clip. So this is the way in which you can accessorize an Animal Crossing in a way that is gender nonconforming. They've allowed you to be gender nonconforming for a while. So they have succumbed to the woke

mind virus. And then the queerest of all, this is what happens when Link dresses as a woman in Zelda. They play this in the game. They have a gayass moment where Link is dressed as a woman, and guys hit on Link all over the Naruto Valley. It's non-fucking-stop. The guys want to fuck Link so bad in that game. So the point is, Mario is succeeding because it's anti-woke. It is succeeding because it is incredibly mind-numbingly stupid.

And Dungeons & Dragons, which committed the sin of having a beginning and middle and an end, isn't doing as well. But it has really good jokes in it. And that's my rant about the dumbing down of America.

Alright, that's the rant wheel. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Because we all need it. Here it is, this week's high note. Hey, love, this is Beth from New Orleans. I love your show, and I listen to it every week. And I have not stopped re-listening to Brad Turbo, masculinity expert, so much so in my work as a mental health therapist.

I talk to a lot of my clients about unpacking where we learned about toxic masculinity and have referenced and referred them to watching Matt Rogers as Brad Turbo on your YouTube channel. So thanks for helping me help other people understand that masculinity is silly. Appreciate you. I love it. This is Marcus. My highlight of the week is that Justin Joan has been reappointed to a seat in the Tennessee House. that Justin Jones has been reappointed to a seat in the Tennessee House. And we expect Justin Pearson to get his seat back as well until there's a special election.

Also, just learned that Vote Save America has donated money to the Tennessee Democrats. And I just learned from you guys that there is going to be a case that possibly will fix this gerrymandering in Tennessee. So with all the bad news that comes out of Tennessee, it's good that there is some good coming to us. And I also like that the nation has been able to see these two amazing men that represent Tennessee. And also, I'm still replaying the episode where you had

Ari Shapiro on, because even though he is married, a gay man in Tennessee can dream. Thank you. Hey, Lovett. This is Mandy calling you from Seattle with my high note this week. I am a hospice social worker, and we just learned that we are no longer required to wear N95s and face shields for each visit. And I'm so relieved.

and face shields for each visit. And I'm so relieved. I'm really, of course, we're still required to wear surgical masks, but I'm eager to connect a little more easily with my patients and their families. Thanks for all you do. I've already got my tickets for the November show. See you then. Bye. Hey, you love it.

This is Elise from Kansas. And my high note is that after almost two and a half years of trying and in miscarriage, my husband and I have a perfect baby who just turned six months old. We've been listeners the whole time. Love or Leave It has existed, but your show helped us through some rough spots. So thank you for the show. And it's my husband's 40th birthday on Friday. Happy 40th birthday, Jeffrey. You are a phenomenal dad, and I love you. Thanks, y'all. Thanks to everybody who sent us a high note tonight.

If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show. Thank you so much to Jenna Friedman, Blair Saki, Joe Mantegna, and Parnan Anchola. There are 570 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night. Thanks for coming out, and have a great weekend.

Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Brian Semel is our producer and Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Poulavi Gunalan, Peter Miller, Rebecca Kaplan, Alan Pierre, and Chandler Dean are our writers.

Bill Lance is our editor. And Kyle Seglin and Stephen Colon are our audio engineers. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Caroline Haywood, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. Thank you. and subscribe to Love It or Leave It on YouTube for access to video versions of your favorite segments and other exclusive content. Don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on IG and Twitter. And if you are as opinionated as we are,

consider dropping us a review.