Lovett or Leave It - Ronald Reagan, Welcome to the Resistance

Episode Date: November 1, 2025

This week, Trump’s got us all in a Catch-22nd Amendment, Reagan battles tariffs from beyond the grave, and Mike Johnson does what he does best: shut down. Steph Tolev and Daniel Webb drop the gavel on ChatGPT erotica and Lily Allen’s revenge album, and join Lovett to dig up the most ghoulish dating stories ever told. And we end the show like Bruce Springsteen would have wanted: by making sure our biopics cut the mustard. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live at Dynasty Typewriter. We've got a great show for you tonight. Seth Tolliv is here. Daniel Webb is here. It's our Halloween episode, so we're going to have some thrilling debates, terrifying dates, and please, from the great beyond. But first, let's get into it. What a week.

In a recent, it's. interview with The Economist, of course, Steve Bannon let us know that we can put our anxieties about the 2028 presidential elections to rest for the future is already written. Well, he's going to get a third term. So Trump 28, Trump is going to be president of 28, and people just ought to get accommodated with that. At the appropriate time, we'll lay out what the plan is. But there's a plan, and President Trump will be the president in 28. Trump is a vehicle. I know this will drive you guys crazy, but he's a vehicle of divine providence. He's an instrument.

Divine Providence, maybe if God is named in the Epstein files. At first, speaking to reporters on Air Force One on Monday, Trump wouldn't rule out a third term. I would love to do it. I have the best numbers ever. Am I not ruling it out? You'll have to tell me. Thankfully, if we toss out the 22nd Amendment,

Democrats' biggest problem will no longer be figuring out how to convince ourselves that we love our best option. Our biggest problem will be convincing Barack Obama that he actually loves working really, really, really. yard, and here's what's crazier he misses it. Alabama Senator in the first recorded case of a person getting CTE from coaching football, Tommy Tuberville, suggested on Tuesday that if Trump has a secret plan to stay in office, he's into it. If you read the Constitution, it says he's not, but if he says he has some different circumstances

that might be able to go. go around the Constitution, but that's up to him. That's up to him, huh? The whole point of having a Constitution is that it's actually not up to him. That's what the Constitution is, a document that says it's not up to him. But Boy, try explaining that to Tommy Tuberville, a dumb asshole. Okay.

The 22nd Amendment of the Constitution reads no person shall be elected to the office of president more than twice. It does not have any loopholes. There is no cheat code that would install Trump for a third term. It would require to find the Constitution one way or another. He could refuse to leave office. He could act as president behind a figurehead like the Queen's regent for this baby queen. Photo of J.D. Vance, for those listening.

Or he could be installed as president through a backdoor if he's made, say, speaker of the house. And while we're on the subject of House speakers who love a backdoor, even speaker Mike Johnson knows that the writing is on the wall, specifically the wall of the Library of Congress. Well, there is the 22nd Amendment. I think the president knows, and he and I've talked about the constrictions of the Constitution. As much as so many American people lament that, I don't see a way to amend the Constitution because it takes about 10 years to do that. I don't see the path for that. Look, people are complicated. Every once in a while, just to mix it up, a bottom tries being

a top, and then holds a press conference to rebuke the president. That's two. A day later, Trump acknowledged that he can't run for a third term, though he's been talking out of both sides of his mouth for months now. If you read it, it's pretty clear. I'm not allowed to run. It's too bad. He's actually referring to the latest MRI of his ankles, but also applies to seeking a third term. Bannon on this score is a perfect encapsulation. of MAGA politics. We're being trolled, and we're right to worry.

It's a joke, and it's serious. But it doesn't matter how serious Trump is. What matters is how serious we are. Trump will not be president in 2029. He will leave office. Presidential terms are like martinis. One isn't enough. Two is too many, and three makes you puke and hug strangers on the train.

Eh. Besides, shut up. You're telling me that if Donald Trump is president in January 2029, you won't want to puke and hug strangers on the train? Thank you.

Sometimes the best jokes must be fully explained. I'm going to take a moment, and this will just be between us. There's a joke coming up later that's really going to require you to believe. And I'm not going to tell you what it is. I'm not just letting them know

that it's coming. right? And so far, I'm worried. I'm worried, given where we're at right now, that I'm not going to have you when we get there. And the problem is, I bet someone at the office, a sandwich, that it will work. Now, this, what I've just done truthfully, what's cool is it won't, this is, this happening now, when we get to that joke later, it won't matter. It will work or it won't. It will live or it will die. But then we will remember what I said here. And we will circle back to it to see if my energy about you, we'll see. Besides, there's nothing about what Trump could do that should take our eyes off of what

he's already doing right now. For example, he's continuing to abuse so-called emergency powers. Trump raised tariffs on Canada's goods by 10% because he didn't like a TV commercial that aired during the second game of the World Series, which is another one of those sentences that should open up a hole in the sky through which a giant arm comes down and hits a reset button of some kind. But... Nothing yet.

The ad, produced by the province of Ontario, quotes a 1987 Ronald Reagan radio address in which he criticizes tariffs. When someone says, let's impose tariffs on foreign imports, it looks like they're doing the patriotic thing by protecting American products and jobs. And sometimes for a short while it works, but only for a short time.

but over the long run, such trade barriers hurt every American worker and consumer. I know I'm always saying it on this show, and I'm sorry to be repetitive, but go off Ronald Reagan. The Ronald Reagan Foundation criticized the ad for using selective audio and video, which is true, because it cuts off before Reagan says, anyway, age schmaids. But if you listen to the full of drama, the spot accurately reflects Reagan's pro-trade argument. And of course Reagan was pro-trade. You can't get that much crack into black communities

if you're blocking foreign imports. Speaking of presidencies dragged down by their own violent lawlessness in Latin America, on Monday, Pete Higgseth announced that 14 people were killed in strikes against several boats off the coast of Mexico the deadliest attack in Trump's ongoing campaign against alleged drug traffickers

in the Pacific and the Caribbean. shall we toast to a job well done, said Pete Hegseth, to a four-star admiral who has a recurring dream about making Hegseth cry because Hegseth keeps falling off his tricycle and spilling eggs everywhere? Now here's the question. You can say yes,

and you could say no, and I want you to be honest. Did the person who bet me that that joke would fail, were they correct? Yes? Yes. Or no? She gets a sandwich. Let's face it.

Let's face it. Fuck. Senator Am Paul said Congress had not been briefed about the attacks, nor has Trump presented any evidence as to whether the people killed were involved in drug trafficking. And so far, they have alleged that these people are drug dealers. No one said their name. No one said what?

evidence. No one said whether they're armed. And we've had no evidence presented. So at this point, I would call them extrajudicial killings. And this is akin to what China does, to Iran does with drug dealers. They summarily execute people without presenting evidence to the public. So it's wrong. I know I'm always saying this on this show, and I'm sorry to be repetitive. But go off, Rand Paul. Defense officials did give a classified briefing on the boat strikes to members of the House Armed Services Committee on Thursday, but said that they, they couldn't be sure exactly who the strikes had killed. Call me old-fashioned, but I've always felt that if you're going to execute someone,

you should at least know their name, like walking up to the bride at the rehearsal dinner and asking how she knows everybody, but for war crimes. All the while, here at home, Trump continues to add more and more names to his long list of political enemies. On Wednesday, the Justice Department indicted progressive House candidate Kat Abu Ghazale, along with five others for allegedly conspiring to impede ICE officers during a protest.

test last month in Chicago. This is Kat Abu Ghazale, by the way, there she is. Ice agents are probably 50 times more likely to be injured by chronic lower back pain than by comrade Sabrina Carpenter. Abu Ghazale posted a video responding to the indictment. This is a political prosecution and a gross attempt to silence dissent. Say you can't sleep, baby. I know. That's that me protesto. I can't sleep, baby, I know. That's that me, protesto. I don't know what kind of person

you are waiting for Trump to arrest before you realize they will come for YouTube, but sound the alarm, we've reached the blondes. I interviewed Kat today for the Potsave America YouTube. Kat used to work for Media Matters. Her job was watching Fox News all day. They have gone after one of the strongest, most resilient people alive.

And I'm sure a lot of you have heard Kat on terminally online. Like, she doesn't deserve this. And there are a lot of examples just like it. Last week, a federal judge dismissed charges against Jaime Alberto Quintanilla Chavez, who the DOJ accused of forcibly assaulting, resisting, opposing, impeding, intimidating, or interfering with the federal officer engaged in the performance of official duties. The DOJ was seeking a penalty of up to 20 years.

The judge throughout the case, because it turns out that the agent scraped his arm when he punched a hole in the defendant's driver-side window during an investigative stop. It's your fault that I hurt myself while punching through your window, Also, it's my wife's fault that I cheated on her, and that's why both of you were going to jail. Trump, 2028. Along with targeting his enemies, deploying troops on our streets

and punishing nations for personally insulting him, Trump also pardoned Zhang Pen Zhao, founder of the crypto exchange, Binance, and convicted money launderer, whose network the Justice Department said allowed money to flow to terrorist, cyber criminals, and child abusers. Zhao backed the Trump family's efforts

to build a vast fortune in crypto, and now he's receiving his reward, or as the Justice Department put it in their statement, ja you see him, ja you don't. Taiseless. White House spokesperson Caroline Levitt said in a statement that the Biden administration's war on crypto is over.

And with that, all the cyber trucks switched from war mode to peace mode, suddenly becoming very smooth and curvy. At root, the problem isn't just that Trump wants to be a dictator. We live under a contract that contemplates would be tyrants. The problem is that Congress is filled with spineless little freak, and Trump knows that too. During a speech in Tokyo on Tuesday,

the president said this about his big, beautiful bill. I said, put it all into one bill, and if we get it done, we're done for four years. We don't need anything more from Congress. Well, other than to stand there while I make fun of their ugly wives during cocktail hours. According to the New York Times,

Trump has privately joked, I'm the speaker and the president. I can forgive a private joke, but what I can't abide is a joke about private, said Mike Johnson, trying to change the subject before withdrawing to his office to eat a whole banal. and one bite.

Three. Is it okay I keep calling him gay? I think so. And he is gay, but in the way 2021 Graham Platner uses it. Okay. You know what's really gay? The House hasn't met in weeks.

Johnson is refusing to swear in Representative-elect Adelita Grihalva who won a special election in Arizona over a month ago. And not just because you know Johnson would absolutely butcher her name and end up calling her Adelaide. granola. It's because

Griehalva would provide the final signature needed to force a vote on releasing the Epstein files, and Johnson is hell-bent on protecting Trump and a ring of pedophiles, as Jesus would do if he were in the same situation. The Constitution explicitly grants Congress the power to enact tariffs, but

they've allowed Trump to abuse a law that grants him emergency authority, which Congress could withdraw at any moment, even as Trump uses tariffs to punish allies, seek business favors, so global chaos, and and raise prices for American consumers. And I know from experience, screaming, it's an emergency, doesn't let you do whatever you want.

It doesn't even let you cut the bathroom line a third time. Last month, the Department of Agriculture posted a shutdown funding plan on its website and said they had $6 billion in contingency funds to continue delivering SNAP benefits. That's food assistance for poor kids and families. In fact, that's exactly what Trump did in his first term during the longest shutdown of all time, so far. And that was great news because according to experts, poor kids actually need food in order to live. The USDA has now taken that plan off their website and slapped up a new banner that reads

the well has run dry, blaming Democrats for its decision to suspend SNAP benefits starting November 1st. They were refusing to send food aid to families that rely on it as a means to pressure Democrats. It's yet another example of the administration doing whatever it wants, regardless of the law, and it only underscores why Democrats were right to draw a line in the first place. As the shutdown continues, low-income families will start losing access to head start rural airports, may begin being forced to close. Flight delays at major airports will only compound. The pain is going to get worse. And now you can't even take Tylenol for it without RFK Jr. jumping out from the backseat to ask if you're pregnant. I'm not pregnant. I just ate

too quickly. Which brings us to election day. In California, we have Prop 50 on the ballot, which would allow our lived-out legislator to counteract Republican plans to redraw their maps mid-decade to rig the midterms. Trump was hoping he could win without cheating, but plan A, blame autism on Tylenol, didn't move the polls like he was hoping. The Justice Department is dispatching federal election monitors to polling places in California and New Jersey ahead of Election Day. There's an obvious pretext to call the results into question.

It's also a way to socialize us to election monitors when Trump sends federal agents to blue strongholds in 2026. But we've got to make sure Pam Bondi trying to intimidate voters in blue states is like paper straws or how every screen asks you to tip now. We'll never get used to it. Bitch, I'm at the dentist.

So make sure to get your ballots in if you are in New York, New Jersey, or California. There's a Supreme Court race in Pennsylvania and a public commissioner election in Georgia. We've got to win big in 2025. We've got to turn out in 2026 because there are many ways in which we can lose even if we win.

But the surest way for Trump and his allies to stay in power is to convince us that we can. cannot stop them. But that is just not true, at least not yet. And sorry if it is true by Saturday, we recorded this on Thursday. Up next, we got stand-ups, Daniel Webb and Steph Tolliv, and they're here to sit down. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love or Leave It is brought to you by Bilt. If you're paying rent every month without earning anything in return, let me introduce you to Bills, the rewards program designed for renters who want

to earn something for their largest monthly expense. By paying rent through Bilt, you earn flexible points that can be redeemed toward hundreds of hotels and airlines, future rent payments, your next lift ride, and more, but it doesn't stop there. Built is about making your entire neighborhood more rewarding. You can dine out at your favorite local restaurants and earn additional points to get VIP treatment at certain fitness studios and enjoy exclusive experiences just for Bilt members every month. Built is turning a monthly expense into an opportunity to earn rewards and discover the best that your neighborhood has to offer. Your rent is finally working for you. Earn points on rent and around your

neighborhood wherever you call home by going to joinbuilt.com slash love it. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.com slash love it. Make sure you use our URL so they know that we sent you. And we're back. If I learned anything from Ellen DeGeneres' 2024 Netflix special, comedians are still our modern-day poet philosophers. All right. And right now, I'll take all the help I can get, which is why I want to welcome

Steph Tollive and Daniel Webb to the stage. Hi. Hi, hi, hi, hi. I don't know. Awkward, awkward, awkward. Yeah, all right. Come sit, come sit. Hi.

Hello, hi. Welcome to the show. Both of you haven't had you on the show before. So nice to meet you. I'm not offensive. I was like, this is weekly. I've never been invited. Rude, Bill.

I know. I know the book. That's fucking rude, man. Hey, Bill, what the fuck, Bill? What the fuck, Bill? What the fuck, Bill? Fuck Bill. What the, hey Bill, what the, hey Bill, what the fuck.

I accost you at one Comptessential party years ago, and now I don't get booked. Oh, my God, you stole the pillow. I stole the pillow. We had a night. I... We had a night at that party. I ran barefoot through the sunset of San Francisco

to escape the grasp of a very famous Rupal's Drag Race drag queen. Because her six-foot bond gave me the spins. And I was like, I can't have sex. I have to run out of here right now. And then when I got home, Steph was at the hotel. were you like don't you have to center yourself like she's in the bed yeah yeah when i'm too

we have the spins if you put one leg down it like centers you and you don't feel like you're spinning more but then someone's only honestly it helps but then she had a comedy central pillow just like under her i was like what the fuck somehow you were in worship than i was bad i went to the same i went to the wrong hotel and didn't realize that there's a coy pond in it i'm like i would i would full coy pond not in the hotel we're saying in full coy point i go hmm i go up i'm like my key isn't working and come down the guy's like there's two holiday I'm like, oh, I guess ours doesn't have a pond in it. It was insane.

It was very drunk. That was great. God, I never, whenever I'm having a night where I drank too much and have too much weed, I'm never like, boy, what a crazy evening of running from a drag queen this will be. For me, it's always, I'm, I, whoever I'm with, I shut down. And then eventually they realize something is wrong. And I say, we must leave this restaurant so that I can go home and write apologies. What's that about?

Mental illness. Mental illness. Mental illness. Now it's time for a segment we call, Is this Good? There we are. So here's how it works. There are many confusing and confounding topics

where it's hard to even know what to make of it. And so tonight we're going to randomly assign each of you the pro and con of something that's in the news and you'll help us debate whether or not is good. Okay. All right. And so first up, chat GPT,

erotica we'll start this will be that sucks so so we have a coin here one side says yes the other side says no I guess that yes we'll say is pro and no will be con

we're going to flip it for you staff all right yes I'm pro that so you are you are going to argue you are going to argue that Chad GPT erotica is good Daniel, you're going to argue that it is not good 30 seconds you have the floor

Well, as you've seen from that delicious photo Chad GPD is good for people like Elon Musk. Nobody, no real human being wants to be with this man look at this claymation human being this is helping only fans

relax take a weekend off these gals can finally put their feet up and not be smothered by sick, disgusting, pervert pig men. Beautifully said. This is helping the

greater good, get off porn, let the women rest. They have to let their vaginas rest. The end. Daniel, why is Chad GPT erotica not a good idea? It's bad because, first of all, it generates

falsehoods like, that is the shape of Elon Musk? Where's the dent in the man's declatage? The man is shaped like he swallowed a cyber truck. Where's that part? And that hair is inaccurate. That looks more like a wig than plugs. Like, how am I supposed to come to that?

And then, yeah, and chat GPT is erotica is also bad because the minute I blow my load, I'm in immediate danger of electrocuting myself. What? You don't shoot a huge load? Fuck y'all. We're editing this, right? this is live we're live

also I think it's important when I'm on Grindr a lot and there's a lot of illiteracy when you're texting old and young people I think I speak for lots of faggot pusses in the audience and I think that chat GPT erotica will help people learn to spell all the bad words

oh that's so interesting it's educational because I can sort of learn from it I guess I don't really understand whether the erotica is just text-based I find it hard to believe that that this culture of people are people that are enough with all this pornography. It's time for sexually enjoying the written word. You know, that doesn't strike me as the way it's going to go, but maybe I'm wrong. I don't know.

Well, I mean, Gen Z doesn't even use vowels, so how are they even going to be able to read anything? Phone sex is back. Oh. I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe I'll get another job again. Like, FaceTime phone sex? My friend... I'm back in business.

My friend was a phone sex operator in New York. New York City, she, but she, you know, if you want young and slutty, if you want old and sassy, if you're, whatever the button, you push, one, two, three, four, they all went to Jane. She was all the categories, right? Like, so she, they, they...

Yeah, if you're, like, fucking old and crotch and you're like, ah, you want me to jerk your dick off. You know, she had to... She had to... She had to... Well, whatever the kink was that you wanted, right, like, if you wanted the housemaid, or you wanted, you know...

I could only do, like, ghoul or gau. I want the goblin. Oh, I want the goblin. I'm ready for you. Welcome to the Cemetery sex line. Spooky is spooky sex line. We want to be scared and horny. Let's do it tomorrow.

Yes. Halloween. I have a shovel. Just one fact to share. Open A I acknowledged this week that around 560,000 chat chit users exhibit psychosis or mania and 2.4 million people are confiding suicidal thoughts to chat So, yeah, I think it's good

if they can have sex with it. I'm going to give the point to Daniel. I am. Fuck you guys. They don't like that. I am. I thought the point about not getting electrocuted was a good one. Next up, airing out

your insane husband via song, i.e. Lily Allen's new album. Is it good? I'm going to flip it for Daniel whether he'll take the pro or the con he's the con that stinks oh because it's so good

but you have to that's what makes it a challenge totally yeah okay have you listened to it I have yeah I have all right Daniel tell us why that a breakup album

like Lily Allen's it's not good it's not good because this man is an actor and actors have no self-esteem they barely know what to say without a script

Have you seen this man? He's shaped like a hairy armoire. He needs all the confidence he can get. And I believe he has a new film or movie or creative project coming out. And like all of us, the industry has turned on its head. And we're all scrambling for work. So I think in the decent... And he is a white straight guy.

And I think all those guys need a lot of grace and patience and understanding. And I actually know someone who knows someone. who banged him while he was dating Lily Allen? I do, I do, I do. Not in real time, I just found this out. I would have spilled the beans.

And frankly, it should have just been done as a Tori Amos album. They should have collaborated, and then she really would have sank that guy. See, I like that idea. That's good, right? Yeah.

Like a Gundam, you know? Leave him alone. Yeah, leave Britney and David Harbor alone. Alone. Seth, you have to take the office. Composite view here. Uh-huh. Why, is it good?

Yeah, this guy can suck our whole fucking assholes. Are you fucking crazy? I'm sick and fucking tired of these white straight men cheating on all these fucking hot babes that are bringing in all the fucking money. Suck our fucking dick. If you want to be a fucking pig, it should be public. Every fucking woman on the planet

should be smearing a man who puts them down and cheats on them. Fuck you. You want to cheat. Fucking break up. Get a fucking divorce. You disgusting fucking pig. You fucking deserve it all. I hope his career is fucking ruined. Let's all go out and fucking buy

Billy Allen merch. Wow. Just to reiterate, my perspective was chosen for me and now it wasn't an honest feeling. I was just playing the gang. You know what's crazy?

There was a study and even if people know that your position was randomly assigned, they will still retain animosity towards you for having argued a position. they don't agree with.

I know. I just remembered it. I just remembered that study. David Harbour and Lily Allen did an architectural digest tour, which I really recommend people go back and watch. Please, it is. First of all, it was cursed from the...

It wasn't like people were like, I couldn't have known. When you watch that fucking thing, it is a cursed text. Every frame of it, you know it is edited to try to make them look, to make them look good. It's not like the architectural digest is like, we're going to really fuck these two, right?

It's a house tour. It's not an expose. And yet the energy of the two of them walking around, every individual item, you're like, that's a beautiful thing. Like, this is a home, fancy, beautiful home. And yet all together, it's like screaming like not good, bad, bad vibes, bad vibes, pulsating with bad energy. Okay, I've got to watch it. Have you seen it? No, I haven't seen it.

Oh, it's so good. They have a carpeted bathroom. It wasn't good to work. It's just like pee drips everywhere. Are you serious? It's a piss-soaked rug. Sick. Oh, yeah, it's a mold thing.

Stinks. There's a Ruby Wax interview with Liza Minnelli and David Gass. Was that her weirdo husband? It is the strangest interview you've ever seen. And he takes her to Cartier and buys her, buys her like a $30,000 necklace, but she has to like make out with them before. And they're on camera, like David Gaston. It's so.

Well, it's like, do you love, like, it's a gross little, like, it's so gross. And Liza plays the game. It's so crazy. She kissed that gay man on the mouth. Disgusting. I couldn't even think about it. It's hard to trust. Okay, next one.

Oh, I think, I think Daniel won that one again. What the hell? I clearly won that one. No, shut up. Leave him alone. It was such a hard position that he would put it. Whatever. Mine was good.

It was really good. I was heated. Hey, it was really good. You were invested in it. You were invested in it. Those songs are good. They are good. I like the parts of the songs where she's just like,

and here's the voicemail, and I'll just read it to you. You're like, okay, I guess, with a melody behind it, sure. But you don't stop talking. That song, it's just this little sing-songy insult. Like, you don't stop talking. So good. Yeah. I actually never heard it, but I guess I'll go home listen to it.

You have a lot of content. I really do. I'll get on chat GPT this second I get home. Let's do one more. This week, the Palo Alto Company, One-X technology, revealed their new humanoid for the home, Neo.

Let's take a look. Neo is a humanoid companion designed to transform your life at home. It combines AI and advanced hardware to help with daily chores and bring intelligence into your everyday life. The Neo Home RyBut, available now for $20,000

or $499 per month, reportedly combines AI and robotics to automate your home housekeeping, do your chores like Siri can, and wash dishes. Let's see. Steph, let's see. Let's see if you're going to get pro or con. Pro.

Take it away. I mean, clearly we all need one of these in our home. I'm sick and tired of bending over and picking up a dish out of the dishwasher. You know all these L.A. houses, all these dishwashers we all own? I don't I'm too busy editing my own clips

I don't have time to do housework I have to edit my podcast and my Instagram clips I would like to come home and have somebody in the companion nice put a wig on him couple googly eyes

maybe put on a strap on who knows what I'm going to do with the guy I might have my way with him if he's in my house train him to walk my dog gives me more time to relax my vagina, just like those only fans.

See? Aplaus, break. That was beautiful. Just one note and just, I just, I want, and I think the argument you made is fantastic. But just one thing that you should just keep in mind is that at first, Nia will be remotely operated by human engineers.

So there's a man in my house operating this? Well, no, no, the man is remote, but looking out through the eyes at the room. That's even better. That's, it's cool. Oh, making that guy, I would be the worst person he had to do it for,

I'd be like, it's me again, yeah. I would be so awful. That guy would hate his job. Oh, that's good. That makes it better, actually. Daniel, why is this not good? Okay, enough with the, is it ice?

What the fuck is that? Is it a C of music video? What am I watching? He fences. He obviously fences, but does he clean? Yeah, I, listen, I'm all of. about letting faceless, unidentified men

into my apartment. Never, with this kind of lighting, though. It would never be this lit. How often are they doing the dishes, do you find? What was your question? Are they helping with the dishes often? The dishes are later. You got to earn the dishes.

You don't kink you're clean? That's what you've got to do. That's... Anyway... That's a good idea. Kink you're clean? No, it's just a good. my kink is you coming over and cleaning my house

does that work? Can you come all over my dishes and then clean that? Okay, long story short, I don't want this person in my house because I think that they're ice and also I don't really see a hole. Oh, I'd make one. Oh, that's an easy fix.

And honestly, what the fuck was that song playing? Why is Ain't no sunshine when she's gone playing in the advertisement? This should clearly be a daft punk song. Like, what are we doing wrong? Anyway, if this guy started telling jokes, I'd let him clean my house. But other than that, get out. Here's what I don't understand.

And I think you've made some really important points. But here's what I don't understand. So this is going to be a robot that lives in your house, potentially constantly operated by some stranger watching your home through a camera because it can help you with chores, including loading and unloading the dishwasher. And laundry. And laundry. Now, I...

I would, does everyone agree that as a, in terms of piece of technology that's almost good is the dishwasher, right? Like, it's like, like, it's like almost good. Like, it's like kind of good.

Like, it doesn't totally, it's like, not totally reliable. Like, does often breaks, like, drawers never, nothing. It's like, how is it that we're already at robot to load the dishwasher? But not at good dishwasher. You guys all have dishwashers?

I have not had one out here. I am the dishwasher. Yeah, I'm like, the fuck. That's me. I would, if that robot could clean the space between my refrigerator and my stove, I would hire that son of a bitch in a heartbeat. But also, who's cleaning in all white?

I'm really confused with the concept of this. Like, where's the design team? Is clearly heterosexual. I have a feeling that the ideas behind it are not sort of home cleaners, like really thinking through it. at all. Okay. Hey, wait, your special Filth Queen is on Netflix. Wait, did I win that one?

Yeah, you won. So competitive for no reason. I've already lost, but I'm like, did I win? No, you got to, I like that. You've got to have the red in your eyes. Thank you. In this business. Filt Queen on Netflix. Yes. And the Keepin' Am Hard. It's great. Two of you. Thank you. Wow. This is, I need more of you. All of you go home and watch you tonight. And the Keepin of Hard Comedy Tour dates are at at Steph Tolliv on

Instagram. And Daniel has live dates at the Danielweb.com. Hey. And he doesn't mean that about the Lilian Al-A-L-L-A-L-L-A-Lum. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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And we're back. It's the week of Halloween. And since there's nothing scary than opening one's hard to love, we wanted to plug. the most desperate depths of romance in a segment we're calling 28 dates later. Here's how it works. We have a board here with 13 terrifying date scenarios, the spookiest number, 13. We will each pick one that we think is actually kind of manageable compared to the other

and explained why, and we'll go until we arrive at the final dating horror boss. Daniel and Steph, before we start, what's your most bone-chilling dating experience? Not on this, right? Not on the board, ideally. A man bit my neck mole off during sex. It's, yes, it's no longer there. I had to get it surgery. I knew the mole.

You knew the mole. You knew the mole. I knew the mole. Launched in, squishy. It was the size of a junior man, very large. And I felt blood drizzling down my neck. You asked. You asked.

And I went to the bathroom, and it was like gushing blood. And I was like, you have to leave. And it was, like, dangling off. And then when he tried to leave, I was like, you have to go. And he's like, get the fuck out of here. You're digesting my mole. Go. And then when he went, this is the worst part.

When he went to leave, he went to put a tanter on my neck. I'm like, a goodbye choke. I'm like, get the hell out of my house. You're eating my mole, man. Go. And then I went to go to the mole doctor the next day because it was like fluttering off. And then they had to get it surgically removed. Mole money, mole problems, am I right?

Hey, and when you say mole doctor, you mean a dermatologist? Yeah, I guess is their call. But I did put mole doctor in. to my Google Maps. Because there's three things it could be to me. It could be, one, a doctor, like a dermatologist. Two, it could be a mole. That's a doctor.

Like a big cartoon mole that treat like, like, you know, kind of like, it's so brave, but I'll help. And then, or it could be like a doctor of moles. And, like, I guess I'll treat a person. Oh, you mean like a professor of moles? Yeah, sure. Like a vet. Oh.

It has, I guess, it could also be like a mole. Yeah, like, you know, like a unit of stuff, like a mole of carbon. I don't remember what that is. What a mole is a number? Have you heard it six times 10 to the 23rd? Shut up. Too slow, bitch. Mole is a number.

Have you heard it six times sent to the 23rd? Much the larger number to comprehend. Wait, that's all I heard was I went to the mole doctor. Right? That's all. He told me what to do. He said, ooh, uh-uh. Anyways, the mole's gone

But the hair still grows Oh, shut up Nobody's a hairy hole Turn on the fucking house lights You know when like you swallow a penny And you have to make sure it gets out I hate that But it's like

Happens a lot God I hate when that happens I just wonder if he was worried If he expressed the mole No he didn't even notice Is that too much No one's at wondering what happened to the mall No, the mole they sent it in to get tested.

No, cancer. You got it back? No, they sent it. I need it back. Oh, it was dangling. Yeah, but they took it off and then sent it to a lab. Why is the taking it off the grossest part? I don't know why.

And the funniest part was, I was trying to be really funny in the doctor's office, and I go, can I get a moleman alone? And he, he thought I was serious and went to leave. I don't need to be alone with my mole and say goodbye to it. Like, he thought I was fucking deranged.

Like, I already, I already was Oh, a man bit it off. And he was like, what? Like, the whole thing was already strange. And then I just kept adding on to it. But you said mulment? I said moment. That's hilarious.

He literally went, oh, I'm sorry. I went to close the door. Yeah, I didn't get the laugh it deserved in the real. So I think, like, when you're bitten by a person, you have to make sure you know where that person goes because you need to check their brain for rabies. Could be dead this man. I don't know. I never, we never, there's no follow up. I never spoke to him again.

Yeah, and that's right. I mean, I feel like, let's part way. I'm not going to like, let's try our second date. I'm good. I have no more moles, but they'll find something you can nibble off. Disgusting. I didn't want this. Daniel, do you have a dating story like that?

I hope not. I don't know. I mean, lots of gross things have like certainly inner my mouth, but I've never swallowed, like, my current boyfriend, I didn't realize it at the time But I found his earring His hoop earring in my bed Later

Because I'd ripped it out In the yes And we had only hooked up like once or twice So he didn't say anything With the skin? Ripped it out Oh my God Y'all I work hard

But that's not my story My story is Sometimes when you invite A gay man over to the house Some things have to happen Before the happening happens right I'm a top. What?

What? Hygiene. But I'm a top. Surprise, surprise. I know. Fuck you. Anyway. And this guy, it's not unusual for someone to come over and ask to use the, go in the

restroom, right, for a minute or whatever. Everyone should. Doesn't matter who you are, who you're with. Go rinse your fucking. Yeah, fucking wash your ass. Clean your mole. So he goes, and I have a small apartment, very small apartment with very thin wall. So it's hard to ignore when someone's in the bathroom.

And he wasn't in there for, like, a normal, I don't know, what was it take you to do, five? Sure. Four. Anyway, what? Just a 40, 30, yeah. In and out, right?

In and out. The guy's in there for like 10 minutes. I've set a playlist to fuck to and I'm running out of the hits. So I'm trying to put more, add more because he's taking so much time. And it was like 15, somewhere in the 15 to 20 minutes is when he finally. And you know, I have respect for him. He's preparing. So I want to give him his time.

And then he comes out and he has clearly cut banks. What? No one. He cut... Daniel! Banks. I had long hair. This is worse than the mole.

He had long... And the weirdest is the worst part is the scissors I had in my bathroom are the tiny... They're manicuring scissors. They're the little... Those. He cut bang.

Like, maybe they were here and he trimmed them to there because all of a sudden that was... He was share. It is nuts. That's crazy. Yeah.

That's grosser than the mole, I swear to God. A man with bangs is hideous. No offense. Well, uh, and so do you, do you say, hey, did you get a haircut? No, I said, so you want to bang? But here's the thing. He didn't clean the hair out of the, yes, that's what I'm saying.

It was like, it wasn't like, but was his butt clean? Well, that was the other thing. Yeah, he didn't, you trim back there? Well, they both had the same part. And also it bangs? He cut bangs on it? But it was really hard. Is there a generous reading of it

where it's like he walks into the apartment blown away by your handsomeness says I got I feel and self-conscious I got to do something to spruce it up I'm going to go in the bath or we give myself a terrible hair. I think he was like, I don't think I can fuck this dude

and he cut bangs to blind himself so that he could just like without having to look at me. Thank you for not laughing at that because you can't think. And you're still in touch? No, that's the one time I didn't, like, go the whole way. I was like, you're just going to have to, well, whatever.

You know. We just did, like, a couple bases, and then I kicked them out. Get your bangs out of my head. Get your bangs out of my head. Well, the thing is, it was just like the apartment was too small for bangs. You need higher ceilings for that kind of shit. And that's a statement. Like, you wouldn't have matched with him if he had the bangs.

Well, it would be like, what if I just went to, excuse me, I'll be right back. And I came out with a mustache on. You'd be like, whoa. What are you doing? It was nuts. You did so the mustache. I did. Slowly changing your look

throughout the evening would be such a fun idea to really throw someone off. All right. Steph, why don't you kick us off? You can choose something from the board

that isn't as bad as future things to come. Okay. Tell us why. Well, not, okay. Oh, I guess this isn't bad. Off is you 25-buck giftificate to Chili's after sex?

What's wrong with that? This fucking slap? What are you talking about? Are you kidding me? I love this. So that's great. This is great. So I'm saying.

That's actually my story also. That is. It is. I'd be like, thank you so much. I fucked it. It was in Austin, Texas. And at the end of it, you know when you have like the table with all your mail on it? He goes, oh, hey, your birthday's coming up, right?

Because for some reason when we were fucking, I mentioned my birthday. He goes, oh, here. And he pulled out a $25 gift certificate to Chili's and goes, there, enjoy. And I spent it. Yeah, of course. That's an awesome blossom. That's mine. 100%.

And what's interesting about that is it is psychologically different than if he had handed you $25. I mean, I earned it either way. And for sure and did not mean to imply it otherwise. But if someone were to say like, oh, it's your birthday, here's $25 in cash,

you'd be like, this is weird. I'm not saying a Chili's gift card after fucking someone isn't a little strange, but it has a joy to it. No, I see. It's fun to it. I see because like $25, Chili's dollars is enough.

But it's, If you just gave me $25 cash, that is not enough for the work I just did. It's all so silly. It's so goofy. It's so goofy. This is a goof. This is a funny goof. Yeah.

Chili's? I never went back. Yeah, you just run my buck. Oh, no, I mean to chilies. I fucked that dude a bunch. But I never, I never went to Chili's again. All right, Daniel, you pull something from the board. Okay.

I, okay. Says their ex is crazy is, it's a red flag. It's not scary, but that's a red flag. For sure. Are we just talking about fucking or a date? I'm so sorry. It's whatever you want it to be. Yeah, you're never supposed to bring up an X on a date.

That's insane. But that's just, that's... Wait, what is the game? We're trying to see what's not... We're pulling things off to say why we think other things on the border are worse. We're defending things that's not so bad to get to the worst. I can get to the worst thing possible. All right.

That's just, I think... Yes, yes, yes. All right. I'm going to go to... I'm going to go to Oh, wait, there's a... That's your story. That's me.

Oh, I'll do this one. Doesn't believe in sunscreen. Oh. Doesn't believe in sunscreen. How many people here were sunscreen today? How many? Oh, you reapplied five times. In the front, has to.

That guy... How many people... This guy better be wearing it right now. Yeah. How many people here didn't apply sunscreen today? Most people here. So, here's my question. Everybody in here who do not and said,

you don't believe in sunscreen, but doesn't wear sunscreen? Do you believe in sunscreen? I know you say you do. But there's a lot of people who say all kinds of things and their behavior is the opposite. So really ask yourself if you actually believe in sunscreen. I don't think you actually do.

Because if you did, you'd wear it every day, but you don't. I also have questions about it. It's so gross when you put it on. I don't like how it feels. That's why I don't like reaching into bags or having, you know. Reaching into bags? I don't like the feeling of things. When you put your hands in a bag and it touches the top of your hand, sucks.

What kind of bag? Any bag. any bag any bag I don't like reaching into any bag I don't like a suitcase I rip every bag open

if I get delivery food I rip the bag open I rip every bag open spill it out don't reach in bad feeling bad feeling sunscreen when I was a little boy

my family went to club med you know club med I don't know how familiar people are with club med and whenever we went on one of these places they would try to put me in the camp with the other kids and there are joyful, wonderful children

that can make friends anywhere. I am not among them. And so I would just sit by myself all day until it was time to get picked up. And they would always give you ham. And ham, I don't eat that. So there was one day where they were going to put on a show

for the other parents. And they dressed up all the kids as little clowns, little tiny clowns. And they were like, we're going to put makeup on all the kits. And I said, please don't do that. And they said, it'll be fine. And they started applying makeup onto my face.

I lose touch with reality, come to screaming, crying, demanding help. Because I had thought that makeup was poison and I would lick my lips and then die of poison from something being on my skin. And so they washed off all the makeup, but I still had to do the little clown performance with the other children. And so there is a video that exists of 10 to 12 children in full, clown makeup, except for me who looks like Heath Ledger's Joker

dancing. And they're like, put both your hands in these bags. You're like, and my point is, how could not believing in sunscreen be a red flag when these are the kind of stories I'm telling on a first day?

All right, Dan, you're up. Being ghosted is not scary. I think it's a compliment. I love when people don't want to waste my time. It's great. If you think it's wrong and you're going to disappear on me, later it's efficient at this point too it's also like it's so it's so done now like when i when when i first was like only dating apps it was so upsetting now it's like this is just common practice yeah so it's not even like it's like who cares also gay men do that you come you leave you know what i mean that's it's it's it you ghost almost immediately it's like you were

it's just a vapor it's also that person that you don't want them in your life that's a fucking pathetic loser so it's like do you ghost have you ghosted i never ghosted i always text even if it was awful a big hey nice meeting you yeah i didn't feel a vibe ta ta ta ta like Dating. Except the mole man. Except the mole man. Wow. No, if I was dating someone, no, I've never done that.

Yeah, no, no, no. All right, let's get to the worst one. Let's pick what do we think is like the weed. Can someone just put backcicle on there? That's disgusting. I have a worse one. Okay. Let's pick.

And I'm going to win right now. Okay. Let's win it right now. Win it right now. Getting matching tattoos because your head over heels, I've had this matching taco on my leg. This is me getting it removed. This is 10 sessions.

Take a fucking look, audience. That's 10 fucking sessions of my skin getting fucking grilled off and I can't get fucking rid of it. I've had this for two fucking years of tattoo. Never get a matching tattoo with anybody in your life. It's hell on earth. When you if you've got a tattoo removed, it looks like

fucking meatloaf for two weeks. They like drill it off. It's a nightmare. Can I ask you a question? Why would you so your... Mental illness. That's why. No, for sure. That's why. That's it. But did you consider turning it into something else? I can't, but it's not

it's not light enough yet. So I'm at the point where I'm like, because it's like, What was it? It's a taco. It's so stupid. Yeah, it's stupid. But, like, in one session, instead of ten sessions, just do one and make it an impanata or something. Like, just change it.

No, it's getting, it's like two years. And I can't feel it. It's, like, numb there. And they, like, drill. Like, you could, like, slice that right now. Do you think it would feel different enough if you added rice and beans and called it at the platter? Make it a combo plate. Put a chimichanga next to it.

Oh, God. Wait, let's, wait, just last, last note. Let's call this one the last one and the worst one. Makes you hold their gun after sex. Oh, yeah. Did that happen to one? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

There was a guy. Yeah, yeah, no, no, it was bad. I had a bad, I have a nice boy for now who loves me. He's also Shooter McGavin's nephew, hot stuff. Anyways, happy gum more, nobody cares. It looks exactly like him. That's why I'm mentioning it. I'm fucking shooting McAvin.

That's what I'm saying. That's cool. Yeah, he, after sex, he's like, hey, check this out, goes under his bed, brings out this box, opens it up, and he goes, hey, check. And I was like, naked, just like, holding this man's gun and his, like, run down apartment. It was terrifying. It's so, it's so interesting, and I think this is where we have to leave it, because we simply must. On this high note. Because it's like, I'm sure Daniel's horror stories from Grindr would take the paint off the walls of this theater.

But at the end of the day, these are gay men. They are not straight men. And I just, it is inconceivable to me to bring a straight man into my bedroom without a background check, putting in a quick call to the fucking precincts to say, call, check on me. Again, I do have a boyfriend who loves me.

We've been over two years. It's very nice. And you get more of it race. It could be just sort of like a, Curly-haired cartoon person, your taco. It's got to go. It's giving pita. It has a lot of... It has a lot of roads that can go. It could be a goldfish. That would be good.

We're getting it covered up. We're getting it. You know, I think it's beautiful. And let me tell you why. No, I do. I do. Because when I was a kid and I saw people who had tattoos, I thought, wow, how can anyone get a tattoo? Life is so long. And the older you get, you're like, of course you get tattoos. Life is so short. And I think that's kind of interesting. Because it was a moment in time. And that's who you were.

And nothing to be ashamed about. You made your choice. I don't have any tattoos, but the one I am going to get as soon as I want a Duny and Burke purse, you know, with the mallard. And I want it on my hip with the strap going over. But I have to find the actual physical matching bag so I can take it on and put it off and it's still there. So I'm going to get a tattoo.

My friends and I are going to Croatia this summer. And there's this little place that has all these really interesting sort of skull tattoos. We're going to get a little skull tattoo. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love or Leave It is brought to you by Helix. I love Helix mattress.

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Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you helixleap.com slash love it. And we're back. All right. CricketCon is less than one week away. CrickCon is your chance to join some of the smartest organizers and politicians in America to strategize debate and commiserate about where we go from here. There will be panels. conversations, workshops, live tapings of strict scrutiny, hysteria, and our friends of the pod favorite terminally online. I am hosting a panel with Asan Piker, Simone Sanders, Towns, and Tim Miller and Jessica Tarlov called Are We Having Fun Yet

about how Democrats can lose their downer image. I also have a one-on-one conversation with Senator Ruben Gallego about how Democrats can win on immigration, how to run a local race when all politics can feel national. There aren't many tickets left really are about to sell out. So go to crookedcon.com, please. All right. Bruce Springsteen fans are up in arms following the release of the new biopic. Springsteen, Deliver Me From Nowhere, which depicts the singer saying his favorite hot dog condiment is mustard.

Whoever, Springsteen publicly hates mustard, as seen in this post by Twitter user Gen Z Bruce fan. And so I used to go into that luncheonette. I used to order an ham sandwich with cheese and lettuce and a lot of mayonnaise. but no mustard don't get me no fucking great Boupon I don't like any mustard I don't like it on my hot dog

I don't like it on my sandwiches no this guy sells out that's what he's saying also first of all if you've never been to a Bruce Springsteen concert they're four hours long it's all mustard time

it's that it's so funny that there is a video of him talking at length about how much he hates mustard in the movie. He's like, but I thought with mustard, please. I got him. Yeah, that's what a brew show is. It's that. I think he needs to have the same cognitive test that Trump just did.

That didn't make sense. Draw a cock, Bruce Springsteen. All right. You need, if you have ham, me eat mustard. But here's it. I'll say this. If you have enough mayonnaise, you don't need anything. Who said, ooh? I'm going to meet you in the alley.

Amen, meo. That's interesting, yeah. Oh, ew, grow up. Maynese is great. Don't pretend otherwise. Also, somewhere in my early 30s, I decided to just intentionally start pronouncing it Maynese.

Maynese. See, look how happy that made people. How old were you? How old were you when you found out you could dip fries in it? Oh, late. I was so old. I was so old.

And I was like, 1920. What? Why are you even hiding this? As a kid, I learned early that you could dip your french fries in the Wendy's Frosty. So who needs mayonnaise after you've crossed that bridge? So it's time for a segment we call

Actually Bruce Springsteen hates mustard. Here's how it works. We're going to share one minor detail that they ought to get fucking right in our biopics. Okay. All right. To the wheel. Let's spin it.

Steph, what's one detail that the biopic needs to get right about you? I don't actually hate my big labia. I talk a lot about it in my act you've seen my field queen special and people because I talk about a lot a lot of women tell me after like

about labiaplasty and like women like come at me and like you know and I just you know my boyfriend doesn't mind it I don't mind it men have never complained guess what I'll slap it across you have no idea I'm talking about

you're like I don't know what she's referring to do right now it's sort of like a prolapse Yes. Wait, wait. That is a medical term. But it's covered in mail. Putting the hell in hellmen.

No, what I was actually... What was really interesting about it, honestly, is the way that your whole demeanor and energy changed. And then it was like... You thought it was going to be serious. No, it wasn't. It was that the whole, like, kind of goblin thing you do fell away. And then the real person was there.

They're being like, actually, it's cool. I like that. Yeah. I like that. I like that. I feel like that there was, I appreciated the... Thank you. Two women applauded it.

It's on you. They're like... Now I force that. They're like, they're like, disagree. Be ashamed. You're wrong to not be ashamed. Let's spin it again. I just wanted to keep landing on stuff.

I know. I was like, Daniel, what's a detail you'd like your biopic to get right um i want my biopic to get right the fact that i am actually on lily allen's side can we please make that make sure people know that i don't like her fucking gross cheating husband don't look at me like that you don't believe me either put that that's a chapter title that's not just a side i want that to be daniel love lily we're just going to cut this i think the whole thing we're just going to let it we're going to let what you said earlier stand i love lily i love lily i love

lily i'm going to say it over everything you say I love, Lily. We're going to really just have to... You're a huge David Harbour fan, I heard you. Big Stranger Things person. Isn't it crazy that Stranger Things still happens every, I don't know, like two to three years? It's crazy. I've never seen an episode.

Oh, really? I watched the first season. I thought it was done after that. The monster came and the monster left. Then I was like, it's over. Do you remember in COVID they had the immersive experience? where you could go to the stranger's thing in a parking garage. Did no one else do that?

I did. I think you fell for something. No. There were actors and they were acting, but I hadn't seen a single episode, so I didn't know what the fuck was going on. Yeah, I'm okay with it. The only thing that needs to still be on television

is designing women. That's the only thing that needs to still be on television. Thank you. Yeah, I love designing women. Delta Burke. She's the one. Everybody, check out Steph's special on Netflix. uh thank you

jesus christ edit out go to the daniel web dot com to check out daniel's days we will see you next week at dynasty diaper there are 367 days until the midterbs have a great night half a great weekend

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Loved or Leave it is a crooked media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Halle Keeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Koff, and Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Suba Argoal are our writers. Jordan Cantor is our editor, Kyle Segland, and Charlotte Landis, provide audio support.

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