Lovett or Leave It - Smother of Exiles

Episode Date: August 5, 2017

Trump plays to the base, foreign leader transcripts leak, Mueller makes some moves, a C+ Santa Monica fascist takes the podium, and Dunkirk is best in 70mm. Joe Mande, Cameron Esposito, and Ann Friedman join Jon to break down the week's news and introduce a new game that worked... pretty well. 

Thanks for coming out to the show. I see a friend of the pod. We have a great show. We have a great panel. It's great to be back at the improv. So Love It or Leave It is going to be at the Now Hear This Festival on September 8th in New York. You can go to nowhearthisfest.com to get tickets. If you're listening and you like the show, we would like you to rate and subscribe and review the show. Recently, as you may remember,

I got into a bit of a tiff with an entire generation. Now, I'm not going to open that up again, but I will say that our Facebook rating has dropped from a very comfortable 5.0 to a, you know, red flag 4.9. So baby boomers listening, you have spoken,

you have been heard. I love you. Keep on doing what you're doing, which is spending down the resources of this country. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, baby boomers. I kid with you, baby boomers, listening and writing to our public email address

to yell at me. I kid you because I know you can take it. And because you deserve it. Because Trump isn't a millennial, is he? Let's bring out our panel. She is a journalist covering gender, media, technology, and culture, and co-host of the podcast Call Your Girlfriend.

Give it up for Anne Friedman. technology, and culture, and co-host of the podcast Call Your Girlfriend. Give it up for Anne Friedman. His new comedy special, Joe Mandy's, award-winning comedy special is now streaming on Netflix. Joe Mandy. And she is a stand-up comic and host of the new podcast, Query, which debuts this Monday.

Cameron Esposito. What up? Monday, Cameron Esposito. What up? Hey, Cameron. How are you? I'm good, nice. Off to a bang and stuff. Hey, Joe. Nailing it already.

Do you notice that somebody at the improv got carrots and celery sticks? Like straight up at a comedy club, they were like, what's your crudite like? Bring it out. I want to try it. Okay, if you have peppers, I'll take those. It's hummus. It's for hummus. Oh, it's for hummus.

No, no, but I still think it's weird. But straight up, could I have one of those? Now we're eating on stage. This is a lot of business. Okay. No, I don't. Forget hummus. Come on, I'm in the business.

All right, let's get into it. All right, what a week. A lot happened. I will say, though, in any other administration, this would have been an insane week. But after last week, relatively chill. Yeah, this is a chill week. You know, just tripling the number of investigations into leaks, a grand jury, and a Michael Flynn investigation, a former national security advisor, plus an attack on affirmative action.

So, Special Counsel Bob Mueller is issuing subpoenas to investigate Russia's attempt to disrupt last year's presidential election. Also, the New York Times reported that Mueller is seeking documents from the White House related to Michael Flynn. I had said that if we defeated health care, one of the fun things we get to do is talk about Russia. So let's talk about it. This seems to be taking a new and very serious, going in a new and very serious direction. The special prosecutor, Robert Mueller, has also been adding more lawyers to his legal team.

It's a Guardians of the Galaxy situation. What do we think about this? Are we nearing the point at which we're going to finally start hearing about charges? Are we entering a new phase or is just more of the standard kind of an endless series of stories about Russia that we continue to not be sure if it will lead to anything? Anne, what do you think? I just want to get to the subpoena phase. All I want is a subpoena. I mean, that's it. I want to hear directly from the people

who always seem to weasel away. Yeah, well, you know, let's not hold our breath. Directly. Directly. Joe, what do you think? I'm psyched that there's a grand jury because both my parents, my mom's a judge, my dad's a lawyer. If you guys don't know what a grand jury is, it's like a normal jury, but they're vetted by the federal courts, and everyone is over 6'6". I believe.

It's just like a bigger jury. They're enormous. It's like a grand piano. It's just like a bigger jury. It's just a fuller, richer sound from the jury. Right. I'm an audiophile, so I'm just psyched that there's a grand jury. Right.

You don't notice it, then all of a sudden you hear it. You're like, oh my god, that is a richer sound. I gotta get more into grand juries. You know what joke I made about this today? What? Or whenever this happened. Every day feels like a new nightmare so I can't tell what day is a part anymore.

Every hour feels like a new nightmare. I can't believe you even go by weeks and not individual minutes. I can't believe you don't rehash the minute. But the joke I made was, oh, I've impaneled a few women myself. Now, that's where I'm at mentally as a comedian. Great.

I feel like everything has gotten so far away from me. Yeah, yeah. That I'm just saying nonsense jokes. You're going back to your roots. Going back to my roots. I felt as though that wasn't nonsense. I felt like the joke is about you being a hip lesbian and getting with a bunch of chicks.

That's my whole brand. So Preet Bharara, who was fired by Donald Trump, he basically said that the Michael Flynn stuff is actually more serious than the grand jury part of this. Although, I have to say, look, we're not making predictions anymore because those didn't go well for us, but Ivan the Flynn stuff,

he seems to me, I have no idea, and we'll see what comes of it, but he seems to me more like an ancillary moron who was coincidentally committing several crimes in the midst of a larger crime that was going on that actually endangered the country. Like him getting money from Turkey and then not reporting it and then doing shit for Donald Trump. Like that just seems to be a guy that was in over his head, felt like he'd been treated unfairly and like was going to get what was his. I think you're right. It feels like, to me, it feels like all of these characters,

it's like when you watch The Godfather and somebody gets their comeuppance, like somebody's killed with a piano wire, and you can't remember what they did to begin with. There's so many ancillary characters that you're like, I can't remember if this person deserves it or not, but man, Michael! It is like the Godfather if everyone is Fredo.

Literally every single character is Fredo. 100% Fredos. Fredos all the way down. A universe of Fredos. It's like a cheat code, all Fredos. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start, all Fredos. It's like a cheat code, all Fredos. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start, all Fredos. Contra.

So, alright, well, look, the Russia thing's still happening, and, you know, maybe people will go to jail or he'll pardon himself in a tweet, we don't know. So, this was a week defined by Trump playing to his base. It started last week where he went to the Boy Scout Jamboree and made a mockery of the

Boy Scout Jamboree. Nothing is sacred. But we've now seen that the Justice Department is launching an effort to see if affirmative action is hurting white people at universities. See how that goes. Finally.

Finally. That the New York Times people at universities. See how that goes. Finally. Finally. That the New York Times reported this story based on a hiring announcement put out by the Civil Rights Division. We saw that last week Trump issued via Twitter a ban on transgender people serving in the military. And while the military itself said that the president, they couldn't take that as an order from the president, which is actually a very good sign.

It's still a sign of the fact that they're going to start using some more scapegoats. And Trump endorsed an immigration plan offered by Senator Tom Cotton to reduce immigration by 50%, legal immigration by 50%. And that, of course, led to Stephen Miller, C-plus Santa Monica fascist, taking to the podium and giving a ridiculous speech which we will get to in OK Stop so Trump is clearly going back to his like Bannon roots here do we think that this is going to work this time

you know the Senate just went into recess no big legislative accomplishment to speak of he's clearly a bit on the ropes and so what does he do he kind of goes to his thunder road, which is immigrants. Oh, police brutality, by the way. You know, his hits.

Brutality on the police, right? Of the police. That's what you mean. Yeah, that dude, you know, I for one was shocked about the tweets where he really took a stand against trans folks in the military who are not harming us in any way. Because I don't know if you remember, during the campaign, he stood on stage and held a pride flag upside down. And so to me, I was like, oh, this guy's on our side. I don't know if you guys saw that.

It said LGBTs for Trump. And I just felt like, wow, that's really cool that he pluralized it. You know what I mean? I just thought that was cool. Because up until this point, I've just been saying LGBT people. You know? And it was an interesting evolution. And he pluralized the T's specifically.

So it was like one lesbian, one bisexual person, one gay. Lot of trans people, but not in the military. You know, I thought, I was shocked. I just, hey, this guy's on our side. Do you know what I mean? Do you guys think, do you guys agree with me? I feel like, I feel like if that guy met me, he'd be like, I have a use for this lesbian. You know what I mean?

Like, I feel like. He's like, you could be my L. Yeah, I feel like, I feel like he'd respect my body type he'd respect that i only wear pants do you know what i'm saying i feel like i'd be allowed in the white house is what i'm saying like if i went there he'd let me in is what i feel this is how i feel pence pence get in here get in here look at this look at this one i like this one no what do you hate him you know because I feel like he gets that women are valuable. You know what I mean?

Like, I think he sees that women are valuable, and he's like, oh, this woman I can't fuck. You know, or can I? And I'm like, no. And he's like, well, I can't. And then he's like, well, I still see that you have inherent value. Don't you think that's how that would go? That sounds right. Yeah, I think that's how it would go.

I think you nailed it. I think you nailed it. Yeah, I think that's how it will go. I think you nailed it. I think you nailed it. Trump is clearly going to go into the midterm elections, which are a year and a half away now. He's going to campaign again on immigration.

He's going to campaign again on supporting the police and saying rough them up and all this and kind of stoking this white resentment. We've seen this movie before. What we did last time, you may have noticed did not work what do you think and what do you think about democrats and what they should do to respond to this how do we push back on this without making the same mistakes we made in the last election which i think are numerous did you see that polling about the better deal how most people were were like, what's a better deal? This is the sort of like, you know,

the Chuck Schumer attempt to be oriented toward economic concerns, which, I mean, I actually, I'm of the mind that if Democrats were to do what Trump said he was going to do, you know, the part that wasn't just pandering to white hatred of everyone else, then it could be fine. Actually following through on policies that have to do with helping the working class is a great

idea. However, I think it's hard to really light a fire under that if you've got a better deal. I don't want to take that. Listen, we've already, we've gone over the better deal.

Yeah, I don't want to take it. I don't know if you guys saw, you know this is the slogan they're rolling out. We think it's okay. We think we can do better. We'll do better tonight. A better, better deal. A better, better deal.

Let's turn to sessions because sessions, as part of this sort of playing to the base, it looks as though Sessions is going to oversee an attack on affirmative action and diversity in higher education. He's also been one of the people who's been spearheading efforts to stop criminal justice reform, increase sentences. Joe, this Sessions guy. I don't think he's great. Well, that's where you and I are different. I love the guy. I think he's a big cutie.

Apparently he is 5'4". That's the size of me. And I found that out tonight. I mean, I suspect that Trump only hired him because he thought that would give him an in at Santa's workshop I feel like it's really weird that like since he is involved in the Justice Department in fact heading it like can we fully get off the ground our investigation of why Jeff Sessions lives next to Tom Hanks and buried so many

people in his backyard. And this is a reference to the movie The Burbs. I know what a reference is. I know what it is. I know what you're talking about. Love The Burbs. You know what, though? You know what I just want to say about the Democrats? You know what they should do?

The Democrats, us, me, I'm in that group. Stop fucking talking to white dudes. Seriously. I see a lot of you here. That's cool. I want you to know you are overvalued. Like straight up girls trip. I want the Democratic Party's

new slogan to just be girls trip. That movie did fucking amazing. And it's not pandering to white dudes. We could leave. Do you know how many people fucking vote? It's like four people vote. Leave the fucking white dudes.

You can come back to us later. I don't care. Get everybody else. Get everybody else. When you put girls trip that's great you know what don't applaud

that so much applaud it more you want to be you just want to be pandered to get a long week you just want to be told how great you are

that is white dude every day that's a white dude every day listen I get it I get it I feel bad look I get I get a little dude every day. That's a white dude every day. Listen, I get it. I get it. I feel bad. Look, I get a little bit of it because it's usually directed at straight white dudes, so I get

most of it. I get two-thirds of the benefit. I'll say I'm thriving in Trump's America. I'm crushing it. Nothing to compliment. The problem is if the slogan is Girls Trip, by the time it gets put through the kind of democratic consultant machine, it comes out as

women traveling for a better tomorrow. Right. Our seven part plan for getting women from point A to point B. Yeah, the logline is you'll be glad you came. And that'll be like, pleasure is good for all. You'll have enjoyed your experience having gone on this traveling excursion. For cheaper prescription drugs.

Back to that old well. When we come back, Too Stupid to be True. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Now for a segment called Too Stupid to be True.

This week, you may have seen several transcripts of President Donald Trump speaking to foreign leaders. This week, you may have seen several transcripts of President Donald Trump speaking to foreign leaders were leaked. It is an unprecedented leak, and oh, it makes us so sad to see our institutions being violated in this tiny way. We don't care.

Anyway, we need a member of the audience to participate. And, you know, look, you wear the merch, you get called on. You know the rules. Elisa is out there in the house. Who wants to play? Hi, what's your name? Sean.

Sean, we're going to read to you several parts of conversations. Three of them are real transcripts from the conversations between Donald Trump and either the President of Mexico and the President of Australia. One of them is one that I made up this afternoon. It'll be your job to determine which is fake. Have you been paying attention to the story? Yes. Have you read the transcripts? No. Okay, that's good. That's good. I'd rather you hadn't.

And it's good that you didn't. That's been a waste of time. The best stuff has been excerpted. So I will kick it off. Anne and I will read number one to you. Are you ready? Yes. Sean. That is why they lost the election, because of stupid deals like this. You have brokered many a stupid deal

in business, and I respect you. But I guarantee that you broke many a stupid deal. This is a stupid deal. This deal will make me look terrible. Mr. President, I think this will make you look like a man who stands by the commitments of the United States. It shows that you were committed.

Okay, this shows me to be a dope. You know what? Think about it. Could be real, could be fake. Let's go to number two. Look, I spoke to Putin, Merkel, Abe of Japan, to France today, and this was my most unpleasant call, because I'll be honest with you, I hate taking these people refugees.

I guarantee you they are bad. That is why they are in prison right now. They are not going to be wonderful people who go on to work for the local milk people. Uh... I would not be so sure about that. They are basically... Well, maybe you should let them out of prison.

Okay, let's see where we are with number three. This is number three. I'll play the role of Donald Trump. You have to stop the drugs, okay? They're coming over the border incredibly. West Virginia is a disaster. A total disaster. Overrun with drugs. More drugs than coal. And they got a lot of coal, okay? They're coming over the border incredibly. West Virginia is a disaster. A total disaster. Overrun with drugs. More drugs than coal.

And they got a lot of coal, okay? Have you ever been to West Virginia? Uh, Mr. President, we'd like to work together. I have not, no. It's a hellhole, okay? I can't have that. Alright. Now for your final

transcription. I will say with you representing Mexico and me representing the United States, we will have a good agreement and we will almost become the fathers of our country. Almost not quite, okay? Please go away from this conversation. Understanding is not my first choice,

but what I want is to have a good and strong neighbor in Mexico. And we have to generate jobs, and we have have to generate jobs and we have to be stronger and we have to be growing. I share that position with you. It is you and I against the world, Enrique. Do not forget. Sean, we have read to you

four conversations. One of them is fabricated so we had four quotes we had West Virginia and drugs we had this shows me to be a dope we had the milk thing West Virginia drugs

more drugs than coal and then just straight up talking about being the fathers of our country. We had stupid deals that make him look like a dope. I'm gonna say the third one. It was fake, I wrote it. Yeah. Sean,

I want to congratulate you. You are the first person to win a three month subscription to Blue Bottle Coffee. Whoa! When we come back, OK Stop. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back.

Now for a segment called OK Stop. This week we will be reviewing Stephen Miller's rant at CNN journalist Jim Acosta. It was a press briefing about their immigration proposal to cut legal immigration when Acosta raised the very controversial partisan subject of the poem by Emma Lazarus on the Statue of Liberty. We all remember it. Huddled masses, et cetera. They got into a heated exchange about it. We're going to watch the clip, and when we want to stop it, we'll say, okay, stop.

That's how it works. Let's roll it. This whole notion of, well, they have to learn English before they get to the United States. Are we just going to bring in people from Great Britain and Australia? Actually, I have to honestly say, I am shocked at your statement. So, what I like about Stephen Miller... What do you like about him?

I'll tell you. Okay. What I like about him is that when he delivers the script that he has been given, he does it with zero emotion. I love watching someone say, I am shocked. With a totally flat affect.

It's really nice to watch him back it up, too. Did you think that only people from Great Britain and Australia would know English? It's actually, it reveals your cosmopolitan. Okay, wait, stop. So what I love about Stephen Miller is that he's so obviously like a speech and debate nerd, right? And so he saw an opening, this rhetoric tactic where he's like, I'm going to use his words against him. Is it not true that you, Jim acosta are the bigot and i am the one who's a champion of diversity

like it's just like it's totally like he doesn't mean a single thing he's saying but he saw an opening and he took it it's interesting isn't it it's interesting also it is so weird to hear this kind of right-wing, radical, anti-immigrant language in a surfer dialect. Yes. Isn't it interesting? It is so interesting. Dude, that is so not gnarly that... I also just think it's important to point out that he's younger than everybody in this room. Yeah, he's 31 years old.

He's younger than everybody. Your baby cousin that he's younger than everybody in this room. Yeah, he's 31 years old. He's younger than everybody. Your baby cousin, he's younger than your baby cousin. I don't know how old your baby cousin is, but this guy's younger. Every lie he tells, he loses a hair follicle. He's 31 years old. He is 31. He's 31. His 10-year high school reunion was two years ago.

Look at this motherfucker. You know what I think? You know what's interesting is he's from Santa Monica. He's just a Jew from Santa Monica. I think he tried to get a handjob from a Mexican girl in high school and she said no and then he was just like a super villain now.

That's his origin story. He was not cast in the school play. Yeah. And a very handsome black person was cast instead. And he said on that day, vengeance would be his. He's like Lex Lugerstein. Which is...

To a shocking degree, that in your mind... No, this is an amazing. This is an amazing moment He's so shocked. He's shocked. Do you know what I love about Stephen Miller? Amazing moment that you think only people from Great Britain or Australia would speak English It's so insulting to millions of hard-working immigrants who do speak English from all over the world. Jim, are you honest? Okay, stop. Just one thing to just point out is that Jim Acosta, the person being accosted. Are we gonna get to the part where he claims that the poem... I think we might. Okay, great. He never met

an immigrant from another country who speaks English outside of Great Britain and Australia? Is that your personal experience? But that's not what you said. And it shows your cosmopolitan bias. And I just want to say... And in conclusion, speech and debate nerd.

This is what I'm talking about. In conclusion, you are the bigot. I am not. I win the debate. He is one girlfriend away from being a Hillary Clinton supporter. Yeah, totally. If he had one girlfriend in his whole life, that's where this angst comes from. And I know this is not appropriate, but when I first heard of this fellow, Stephen Miller, Jeff Sessions, point man on the hill and I was

reading about him and the way he behaved and all the stories and you see him give a press conference early in the administration I immediately went to Wikipedia and I was like I want to know if this guy has any evidence of some kind of relationship because it's not always true but in this case his being single

seems to come through every word it's, I am single. I'm very single. Everything I'm saying flows from the fact that I've been single a long time. When I first heard his name, I was like, I can't believe the Steve Miller band is going in this direction with rebranding.

Like, it's such a weird... He's a joker. I mean, talk about a joker. Can I ask you... If he got one blowjob in his whole life, he wouldn't have this job. Do you guys know what he means by cosmopolitan bias in this situation?

I have no idea what he's talking about. Based on... So he's saying, you are so dumb, you think people don't speak English, which is, first of all, amazing, because it's like, then English is the only smart language. You think people are dumb think people don't speak English which is first of all amazing because it's like then English is the only smart language you think people are dumb because they don't

speak English you have cosmopolitan bias which is obviously the magazine that teaches you how to give blowjobs that he's never gotten well it teaches you how to give blowjobs but straight up like what is

what is he talking about so So I think that it is something that makes a lot of sense if you spend time on forums on the internet devoted to this guy's ideology. But I don't fully understand it. I will say that I thought

Julia Yaffe at the Atlantic made a really good point about this. She just said, she came to the United States as a Soviet refugee, a Soviet Jewish refugee. And she said, I came to this country and I didn't speak English and now I'm paid to write in it. So Stephen Miller sucks. But it's also like I don't really understand the argument because if you're trying to lower immigration because these people are taking the jobs away. we're immigration because these people are taking the jobs away. The part of me is like, great, please take these jobs

because nothing would make me happier than driving by a field of pasty white dudes with red hats picking strawberries. They don't want those jobs. It's a totally empty argument. It's a non-starter, a massive cut to legal immigration

but below levels that would take us back to like the 70s like no most republicans don't want it most democrats don't want it's a very radical position like if there's any hope of anything happening on immigration it will be some kind of a compromise involving security but also legalization for the millions and millions of people who are here and so this is a pure base play, not meant to be realistic, meant to create this grandstanding moment. And the thing that sucks is Stephen Miller knows who his audience for this is.

And it's the Breitbart people, but it's also Donald Trump himself who probably gave this guy quite the attaboy after coming off the podium. Like, wow, you really told that Jim Acosta guy that was great. Right. The flow of people into this country.

That is one of the most outrageous, insulting, ignorant, and foolish things you've ever said. And for you, that's still a really, the notion that you think that this is a- Wait, can you pause? He just bailed so hard. He bailed. He couldn't, he had no roast joke prepared.

So he was like, and for you, that's a- Well, I think in the moment, he got very excited. He was back at college. He was debating somebody, and he was about to go in for a kill. And then I think he saw the looks on the other journalist's faces, and he was about to say, for you, that's impressive, or some version of that. And he just pulled the ripcord and Dunkirked out of there, you know?

This bill is so wrong and so insulting. Jim. End of clip. Yeah. Anyway, I don't remember. The thing that he goes on to say is that the Emma Lazarus poem was added later. Right.

Which is, again, something that makes a lot of sense if you love white supremacy. Do you know what else was added later to America? White people. You know what? We know what they want to hear, but we try to tell them what they need to hear. Pandering to these. That was a girl's trip of your own.

Well, I just, it's like, it's amazing. Guys, we fucking stole this. I stole this play. You know, my family fucking, I'm from Italy. Shit, guys, where do we, how am I going to end this thing? What am I going to say at the end of this thing?

And then Harry Styles is in Dunkirk and you're watching Dunkirk and he disappears into the role. Dunkirk was fine. What? Fine. It was fine? It was fine. It was extraordinary.

Did you see it at the City Walk in 70mm? I saw it in 70 Millimeter, yeah. What did you see in 70 Millimeter? Arclight Dog. Is that real IMAX 70 Millimeter though? Was it in the dome? Would that help the lack of story? Or not

knowing who a single character was? I'm not going to see that movie. I'm not going to see that movie. Nope. Nope. It's just like, does every Nolan movie have to have a moral quandary on a boat? Honestly, it's good if that is true. I love the moral quandaries on the boat. They're some of my favorite parts of Chris Nolan movies. So Cameron, what was your favorite part of Girls Trip?

No, I'll say right now. I saw Girls Trip. Best movie since Mad Max. I really truly believe that. I love that you said best movie since Mad Max. Get out of here. I was, I mean, I was stoned, but I was like, this movie rules. Yeah. When Tiffany Haddish pees on those people, I was like crying laughing.

I haven't seen it yet. I just saw Dunkirk. And then I built a company. Yeah. When we come back, a new game, guys, called Shake Up. Don't go anywhere.

This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Guys, we're going to play a new game. It is called Shake Up. Let me tell you how it works. And Elisa, who has the mic in her hand, who did explain it to me earlier,

will have to correct me if I get it wrong at this very moment. We are going to bring a member of the audience on stage. They will face the audience. They will not see what's on the screen. What will be on the screen is one of three people that Donald Trump seems to be threatening to fire on a basically daily

basis. There will also be three words we're not allowed to use to make it a little bit more challenging. Your job is going to be to figure out who we're talking about. Because you have a repeal and go fuck yourself shirt on, you will be playing the game.

So come on up on stage, because we couldn't figure out another way to do it, even though I don't like civilians up here. What's your name? Joy. Hi, Joy. Hi. Thanks for coming.

Thanks for having the show to come to. Okay, I'm sorry that I made that question happen. Joy, you are going to face the crowd. All right, so let's start. Our first, Jessie, let's go to our first slide. All right, Joy, are you ready? You pay attention to the news, right? Yes.

You're up on it? Pretty much. All right, this is one of the people pay attention to the news, right? Yes. You're up on it? Pretty much. All right. This is one of the people supposedly on the chopping block, okay? He has worked at the Pentagon. He has a very important job monitoring things like North Korea. He has been attacked on Breitbart.com on a semi-regular basis in a very strange and coordinated way. He's also currently under assault by Russian bots.

His initials stand for human resources. That's right. And his last name, think of a really good movie about Scientology starring Joaquin Phoenix. He looks like... But if that movie was at a fast food restaurant... Joy, Joy, you're panicking.

Huh? You're panicking. You don't know who we're talking about. You've been given all the information that a person could need, including his initials. Joy, I'm going to tell you now who it is because you failed. Sorry. Joy, I'm going to tell you now who it is because you failed.

Sorry. Joy, it's H.R. McMaster. So far, this game is a dud. Next slide. Okay, I got this. I got this. He's a 1,000-year-old baby. Jeff Sessions? Yes.

Joy, you're coming back. You're now batting 500. I had so many locked and loaded. I want to hear the rest of them, Joe. If he gets fired, he's going to go back to his hollowed out tree to make cookies with fudgy stripes. His clan robe is made with twin-size shoes. Let's go to the next one.

I got this one, I think. All right. Did I see you have a Carrie Fisher pin on? I do. Okay, so my clue for this one is, help us, special prosecutor. You're our only hope. Mueller?

Yes. Joy, here's what I think happened on the first one. Is that like a Valerian reference? It was, you know what it is? Star Wars is the Valerian of the 70s. Oh. That was their Valerian. It's like Baby Boomer Valerian.

Yeah. Like a worse Valerian? That was their Valerian. It's like Baby Boomer Valerian. Yeah, yeah. Like a worse Valerian? Yeah, like Valerian, but with... She straight up just died. I mean, have a bit of her. I'm not making fun of her.

We're not making fun of... We love Carrie Fisher, and how dare you politically attack us for making fun Baby Boomer jokes. assume Carrie Fisher doesn't know how to speak English.

I don't know. I don't know. No, that was good. I don't know. No, that was good. I don't know where I'm going with this. That was good. Okay, Joy, you are two for three. You've done a wonderful job so far. You are on the verge of winning some blue bottle coffee.

I've trained them well. Final slide. I'm excited about this one. All right. Anne? She's a woman who works. Works very hard. You know, maybe you've seen someone for work at Macy's.

Is it Ivanka Trump? Yeah. It is. The real first lady. She's our first lady, Ivanka Trump. Joy, you can. The real first lady. She's our first lady, Ivanka Trump. Joy, you can face us now. I'm sorry.

It's very, a lot of strictures to this game. You did very well. You did blow it on the first one in a way that was shocking, but I am going,

I am going to chalk it up to a new game and you kind of feeling your way out because once you got the hang of it, you were cruising. Guys,

give it up for Joy. Once you got the hang of it, you were cruising. Guys, give it up for Joy. So let's review the game. It worked. It worked for a second. We weren't sure. When we come back, the rant wheel.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Today on the rant wheel, we have Aaron Schock, abortion litmus tests, Steve Jobs in it, Time Warner Internet. I have some recent corporate experience with that entity. We'll have an audience suggestion. Lowly, as in the initials for this show and what happens when I use those initials on Twitter. Foreign leader leaks and Laura Trump's real news network.

Let's spin the wheel. This is one of those times where it's landed on Time Warner Internet because I think Jesse was like, I want to hear that. It's very bad internet. It's very bad internet in my home, and it is very bad internet at Crooked Media, a media company with bad internet. We are a digital first media company and none of us can be on the internet at the same time. Oh should we log into the network that's the name or the name plus 5G? What

is that? Why is everything two networks and why do we get to constantly switch between the two of them? It's a very specific problem. Anyway, we are installing fiber. I mean, no internet is good. Like, I have AT&T. It's terrible. And also, they gave me a router, and there's a password that I can't change, which wouldn't be annoying if it wasn't, like, two, five, three, umlaut, upside down Spanish exclamation

point, nine, four, interrobang. You know, it's just like, I can't remember this. Yes. And it is, it is often, it's, it's, it's, then all of a sudden you find yourself having to enter it. Maybe this has happened to you hypothetically, entering it on a PlayStation four and you're flipping through all those menus, your menus, your, you have to go up hypothetically, entering it on a PlayStation 4, and you're... Flipping through all those menus. Flipping through menus. You have to go

up, shift, find the ampersand. It's fucking impossible. Then you have to, like, oh, Bitmoji keyboard. Bitmoji for, like... Why does my password have a swastika? I don't know if you know this, but the Democrats have come around for a better

deal. And listen, we don't need to like the slogan, but one of them is about monopolies. And we should get fucking on that shit because... I'm sick of it. It's a terrible game. It takes three hours to win. And basically you've won in the first five minutes

because of where you landed. Whoever gets part play wins. Spin the wheel again. Yeah! It has landed on abortion litmus test. And this was something that you raised. Well, when I thought about

what I wanted to rant about this week, this came to mind first, which is, how can you say, oh wow, we had millions of people in the streets upset about this president. We have millions of people calling many of those millions, a high percentage of those millions happen to be women, like looking at who actually voted. I mean, not really white women, I'm not really gonna include white women in that. But who voted the way we wanted to vote?

Women. And then being like, okay, you know what? We actually don't need to have all candidates be on board with women's bodily autonomy. That's not that important to us as we're trying to take back the house. I just shake with rage.

Oh my god. Can I just add? Do you mind if I can we piggyback and rant together? Please. Please. Nothing makes me more furious than people talking about making abortion illegal. There is absolutely no correlation between restriction on abortion and lowering abortions. If you take away legal

abortion, it just means more women die in back alleys. There is nothing more fucking offense. Poor women, but also poor women yes but also fucking everybody we are 51% there are more of us we need to fucking say absolutely fucking not it has nothing to do with whether or not you think abortion is right or wrong it is just about controlling the masses it It is just about controlling women. I am a fucking lesbian. The odds for me to need this

service, something terrible has happened and still, Cecile Richards, the president of Planned Parenthood has looked in my fucking face because I work with Planned Parenthood and promised me that she will personally secure my abortion if I ever need one. I am with Planned Parenthood.

I am with my fellow women or anybody that has a uterus. This is fucking not yesterday's news. This is 150 years ago's news. This should never come up for debate again. If anybody says this to you, first of all, never have sex with that person.

Second of all, slap them in the face! Get them away from you! Get them out of your family! There is nothing more offensive to me than the idea that abortion would be illegal. It is stupid nonsense. I hate you. Yeah. Let's spin the wheel again. It has landed on foreign leader leaks, and there was one specific thing I wanted to talk about

with the leak of these calls from the Australian president and the Mexican president. Enrique Peña Nieto. Enrique Peña Nieto. Enrique Peña Nieto. Enrique Peña Nieto. That sounds so much like a Missy Elliott lyric when you say it. Enrique

Peña Nieto. Enrique Peña Nieto. All right. Flip it in reverse. So these calls leak and two things happen, right? We see that there's a ton of coverage about how bananas the calls are, right? Just the fact that he's incoherent and babbling and unable to keep up with the substance of the conversation.

Terrific. But he was earlier in the job then. He's obviously matured and gotten smarter since, so, like, no big deal. But then second, there was the stuff about the fact that he basically told the president of Mexico, like, this wall isn't important, but it's important to me politically, right? Basically giving away the game.

Put that aside, there was a conversation amongst conservatives about just how dangerous it is that these things leaked. And you saw kind of a little bit of a bipartisan conversation about that, that like, obviously it's good that we've seen the content of these calls, but it is dangerous as a precedent to see foreign

leaders need to be able to trust blah blah blah blah. That is no. Trump is the problem. Trump is the unprecedented, unprepared, undisciplined person in this role.

The fact that he is on a daily basis unable to do the job and constantly attacking our norms and institutions. The fact that there's going to be unprecedented leaks is just an immune response to the fact that the person in charge shouldn't be there. So the idea that this is the problem and then the other part of this too is you see concerns

like maybe it's good that these specific calls came out but it sets a dangerous precedent yes it does there's a ton of dangerous precedents being set every fucking day i can't believe this is the one time you've noticed that we're gonna have to spend years and years and maybe a generation digging out from this fucking bullshit so more leaks please undermine this person show us what's going on and and i'm sorry that that's breaking our precious norms but like these are the norms that have to break to keep this person accountable that's it like this is one of the great tests of trump people that believe in democratic norms and institutions are in a vice grip which is we're fighting against someone who

doesn't value them who uses them when they suit. He's against leaks and all the rest when it suits him. Of course, he uses them on the campaign trail when they're against Hillary Clinton. So if he's going to use our norms and institutions to his benefit when they help him and then discard them when they don't, one of the great challenges for those of us against Donald Trump is going to be determining when we have to fight fire with fire and and and leaks from this administration the more the merrier we'll deal with the damage after he's gone right that's it and he's also a person who said throughout the campaign i love leaks i love these leaks i love these wiki leaks so it's like yeah oh no wiki leaks good leaks about me bad right that's that's

his that's his philosophy is there a bigger leak than twitter.com for national security issues? I mean, seriously, I don't care if he's saying something that isn't true. The fact that the world has a status of our president's mental state at all times, and especially in the middle of the night,

is fucking terrifying. There's not anything that could ever come out about the administration that is more awful than the things that he has written on his own phone or someone nearby's phone. And by the way, he is still using that old, insecure Android phone. It is bananas.

Maggie Haberman gave a great interview on the Long Forum podcast, which I really recommend. She is very cool. What an intense and fascinating reporter she is. But anyway, she has this long interview, which I very strongly recommend, and you know how much it pains me to recognize the existence of podcasts that I'm not on. But I really suggest you read it. But one of the things she says is he's still using that same old phone. Can we spin it one more time? Yeah. All right, let's spin it one more time. It has landed on Laura Trump's Real News Network.

Joe, have you seen the Laura Trump Real News Network? I have, yeah. Thoughts? Well, she is to me indistinguishable from Sandra Lee from Semi Homemade, the Food Network

show. So I feel like if this doesn't work out, they could just play reruns of Semi Homemade and it's the same thing. I think that's right. So this is Lara Trump standing in front of a Trump-Pence background background basically reading a few talking points of like their accomplishments of the week and it is so low rent and so embarrassing

and it's just it's a sad reminder that these people were never supposed to get anywhere near the levers of power like the the social media guy was a golf caddy who basically knows how to put clip art on top of an Instagram. Like, that's the extent of his skills. And, like, in any other administration, like, every president has friends and friends of friends who want to be helpful, but they're kind of embarrassing. And, like, you just put the kibosh on it because adults are around and say, so, Laura, it is so great that you want to be helpful. So, Laura, it is so great that you want to be helpful, but you doing a newscast in front of a blue curtain that has weird cuts in it,

and it's just you to camera reading a few headlines from Breitbart, like, that is embarrassing for you and doesn't help us. So we'd like you to put your resources into something more useful, like whatever you did before you thought about this. It looks like the first video that the Young Turks made.

Like one that they never posted. You know? Like when the internet was first a baby and you had to use like a real camera with a videotape and then somehow find somebody who had a VCR that could upload to the web. Yeah, it's very early internet. It's very GeoCities.

Yeah, it's very early internet. It's very GeoCities. There was a little bit of tension when I insulted GeoCities. This is an angel fire room. I want you guys to thank our fantastic panel. Give it up for Cameron Esposito, Joe Mandy, and Friedman. Thank you guys so much. That was awesome. I'm going to stick around and do some Q&A.

And just as a reminder for everybody listening, rate and subscribe. And next Friday, we're taping at the Outside Lands Festival in San Francisco. So, again, you're in L.A., so it doesn't apply to you, but for the people there, it's going to be pretty great.

End of show. Hello. Hi. Hi, my name is Shanice. The question I have is, I don't know if you heard about this whole campaign against Kamala Harris, Robert DeWall, and Cory Booker. So what is your whole take on this? My concern is that somewhere down the line, I don't want us to be like the Republican Party, where there is a Tea Party and then fractured so much. When they have the entire power in Washington, yet they can't legislate because they're so divided. Yeah, I think that's a really good question. I'm really glad you asked that.

So just there's been a kind of intro left argument going on about who our future candidates are going to be. Are they to establishment? And I believe Ryan Cooper wrote a piece about, and he's more to the left, wrote a piece about why Deval Patrick, Kamala Harris, and Cory Booker

are doubted amongst a certain segment of the left. It was not lost on people that he chose three people of color to be the heart of his article, which I think he did to be provocative, but at the same time raised a lot of questions. I think that there's two conversations going on. There's a good one and a completely unhelpful one. The good conversation is,

what do we have to learn from the fact that Donald Trump is president, that we have lost up and down the ballot? I've talked about this a million times. And I think that conversation between the center left and the left, like, are our policies bold enough? Are we not going far enough? Are we, have we capitulated too much to the right, to corporate interests? What is the language we need to use? What is the platform of this party? I think that's a great conversation. We must have it. And it is a conversation that will be acrimonious because it's, you know, the narcissism

of small differences. You know, we are people who generally have the same goals we want universal health care we want universal quality education we want universal opportunity we want universal security for people in their lives we want dignity and opportunity and all the rest but we have differences about how to get there great conversation and sometimes heated but totally worth having must have then you see that of course because of twitter and because again this is a lot about personality and tone you see a lot of bad faith arguments and and i think that's really unhelpful like i found the like this this notion that that that it just ends up being a bunch of people accusing each other of racism

for various past sins. And it is ridiculous. You see people saying, oh, the establishment attacked Keith Ellison because he was a Muslim when in fact, a lot of people rallied behind Keith Ellison. And while, of course, he's faced a lot of anti-Muslim bigotry, the most, most of that did not come from his fellow Democrats. Of course, it came from the right. And then on the other hand, you see people saying that Ryan Cooper is racist for having made this argument, and on and on and on and on we go. I think it actually relates to what we talked about earlier. I think two great challenges, big 30,000-foot view. One is when a president is attacking norms and institutions, how do you defend them? How do you uphold them

when you fight fire with fire? It's a really tough decision to make, right? When do you support leaks, even though in another presidency you would be against them? How do you navigate that? Very tough. But the point is you can't handcuff yourself in a battle with somebody who has no respect for the institutions you care about. The second part of that is a unified left. When the head of the Center for American Progress gets into an argument with Glenn Greenwald on Twitter, it's a way, I can't believe you saw that. I knew that you were referring to him. Yes, and look Neera Tanden and Glenn Greenwald. Yes, and look, here's the thing. I really like Glenn Greenwald. I think he could be a total fucking prick, but I really like him. And I

like Neera Tanden, and she's tough, and she's a really smart cable person who really is passionate about healthcare and the issues, and the Center of American Progress has been a force for good. To see the two of them bickering about nonsense all day, and seeing everybody pile on and cause this thing first of

all it doesn't really matter it's a dumb twitter fight but it is part of a larger problem which is people starting to see each other as adversaries like glenn greenwald's a journalist but there's a lot of people who kind of are on that wing of our politics and like they're on the same side and we just have to remember that we're on the same side and the conversation is never resolved that's all so arguments in bad faith trying to say see they're the real the real they're the real racist is just a waste of time and counterproductive thank you so much yeah um so every day is like super unprecedented right like everything that comes out of the president's mouth is worse than like every day is unprecedented and it leads to a lot of like depression and you

know everybody's upset and everybody's whatever and so my question is looking to 2020 what is this going to mean for the presidential race I mean right now if we keep on this pace with the president just undermining everything it seems like this is the end of democracy in America. And I know that sounds like really bleak and like really grim, but I don't know. What do you, I don't know. Yeah.

So here's what I'd say to that. Very easy to go into despair, I think. And what I do is I really do divide it into these baskets. There's the policy basket, there's the culture basket, there's the institutions basket. And then it becomes sort of, you can see each on its own terms and understand how to fight it. First of all, I would not spend even one second thinking about 2020 right now. Everything should be about 2018. Because winning the House, winning the Senate is very difficult. Like, you know, look,

we can fight to defeat Ted Cruz. We could hold every seat we have. It's really, really tough. We can pick up some seats in the Senate, but we can win the House. And things change if Democrats win the House, because that's it for Paul Ryan's agenda, right? We don't have to, that cannot pass. But more than that, we will have the ability to call hearings, issue subpoenas. We will be able to have the accountability for Donald Trump's administration that he has not had to the degree that he deserves under Republican rule. And so think about what those two years are like. Investigations, subpoenas, people claiming the fifth, people refusing to show up, people being held in contempt. The beginnings, you know, we'll see what's going to come out of Mueller, but we shouldn't count on it.

But we'll see what comes out of that. And you start to think about what happens if Democrats can win the House. And you start to see how those two years allow us to fight back and ultimately take back the White House and take back the country. So we do these shows and we're trying to keep our spirits up and have fun because it's going to be a really long slog and we're in the middle of a long-running, soul-crushing national emergency. But being worried about it all coming apart,

you don't have control out of that, but you have control over what you do to help. So we're going to fight to win in 2018. We're going to donate to the people we need to donate to. We're going to knock on doors where we can. If you're in LA, you're going to have, there'll be the to donate to. We're going to knock on doors where we can. If you're in L.A., there will be the California.

There are seven seats. Every Republican in California is defeatable. So you're in California. You'll be able to go fight for House races. If you want to help in a Senate race, you'll be able to go to Las Vegas and go to Nevada and fight against Dirty Dean Heller. Do you think that's catching on? Do you think we can get people to call Dirty Dean Heller? It's pretty good.

You know what it is I like about it? Because apparently he's like a Mormon and a very kind of upstanding guy, but he's a shady fucking shifty politician. So I like going after, it's like a Rovian thing. We're going after his supposed strength. He's a dirty politician. Dirty Dean Heller.

Digression. The house. You can do your part to help win the house. If you do that, you're doing your part, that's the house you can do your part to help win the house if you do that you're doing your part that's the best you can do cool cool

we are six months in no major legislative accomplishments they have control of all three branches of government we stopped healthcare there's been no major

major achievement that he can speak of he's going back to his base he's got nothing else to do we're winning fights we should be losing so let's just stay in the game

what else you got? we were dealt a very bad hand we are playing it very well let's keep doing that end of show thank you guys It's Love and Oliven. Scrap, shoe, tie. Love and Oliven. It's Love and Oliven.

Respect it on both sides. Love and Oliven. It's Love and Oliven.