Lovett or Leave It - Some Mic it Hot

Episode Date: September 7, 2024

Goodbye Brat Summer, hello...Liz Cheney Autumn? That can’t be right. Lovett or Leave It is back at Dynasty Typewriter to sweat through the first heat wave of fall! Poppy Liu and Gareth Reynolds stop by to solve our audience’s problems, Paul Scheer gets a little twisted, and we all raise a glass of Fruitopia to the best decade there ever was.Tour dates & cities: crooked.com/events  

What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It. We're less than a week out from the next presidential debate, so here's hoping it goes just like the last one. So terribly that we trade in Kamala Harris for an even younger, stronger candidate, like a politically and chemically juiced up, Sydney Sweeney-Hunter-Shafer hybrid. We've got a great show for you tonight. Poppy Lu and Gareth Reynolds. like a politically and chemically juiced up Sidney Sweeney-Hunter-Shafer hybrid. We've got a great show for you tonight, Poppy Lou and Gareth Reynolds.

Solve your problems without showing their work. Paul Scheer and I duke it out during a summer movie showdown, and then we wrap it all up with a trip down memory skate ramp. But first, let's get into it. What a week! On Tuesday, Vice President Kamala Harris kicked off her reproductive rights bus tour, which will make stops across the country to win over voters in swing states. If the bus ever slows below 50 miles per hour, a national abortion ban immediately goes into

effect. Her first stop was Palm Beach, Florida, which is just a stone's throw from Mar-a-Lago. A stone's throw, also the potential punishment for having an abortion in Florida. Seven states, including Arizona, Nevada, and Florida, will vote on abortion measures in November. Trump dug himself into a hole by overturning Roe. But we can't rely on the hole to do all the work. We have to point at the hole, yell about the hole,

shine a light on the hole. We have to bring the hole home for people. We can't just tell hole. We on the hole. We have to bring the hole home for people. We can't just tell hole. We must show hole. But the vice president is speaking to more than reproductive rights during a rally in New Hampshire on Wednesday. Harris outlined her economic agenda and addressed gun violence after yet another mass shooting, this time in Georgia. This is just a senseless tragedy on top of so many senseless tragedies. And it's just outrageous that every day in our country, in the United States of America, that parents have to send their children to school worried about whether

or not their child will come home alive. It's senseless. We've got to stop it. And we have to end this epidemic of gun violence in our country once and for all. You know, it doesn't have to be this way. It doesn't have to be this way. Or does it, said a man who has no idea

why he's angry and sad all the time, even though he's tried everything, like ignoring it or driving really fast for no reason? Harris has reached at least one Republican voter. Wyoming Republican Liz Cheney announced Wednesday that she'll be voting for Kamala Harris in November, driving really fast for no reason. Harris has reached at least one Republican voter. Wyoming Republican Liz Cheney announced Wednesday that she'll be voting for Kamala Harris in November, saying this during an event at Duke University. As a conservative, as someone who believes in and cares about the Constitution, I have

thought deeply about this. And because of the danger that Donald Trump poses, not only am I not voting for Donald Trump, but I will be voting for Kamala Harris. Yeah. Yeah. This is pretty huge. I have to double check the population of Wyoming, but I think we just won Wyoming.

There's like a quantum theory of Bush Republican, which is you can't predict their location and trajectory at the same time. Like, Liz Cheney is now voting for Kamala Harris. Lindsey Graham will drop flowers on John McCain's grave before campaigning for Trump. Like sure, at the scale of the meter, Republicans look like particles that hold specific views and values, but zoom into the nanosphere and what you'll find is a dazzling and uncertain world that defies logic and expectations.

Speaking of people going against the family, Tim Walls' MAGA older brother Jeff Walls suggested in a recent Facebook post that he didn't consider Tim fit for office writing the stories I could tell. Not the type of character you want making decisions about your future. Those stories? Mostly things Jeff considered gay at the time that are now just things we consider wearing pink or tucking in your shirt. That sounds like an exaggeration, but this is real.

When a News Nation reporter reached out, this was the story that Jeff told. I'll give you one example. My little brother, when we were younger, we would go on family trips in a station wagon, and the thing was nobody wanted to sit with him because he had car sickness and would always throw up on us.

That sort of thing. No, it's important. This country cannot survive having a vice president who has to stare at the horizon while he's on a boat. Get me to the window, Kamala. Get me to the window. Meanwhile, a photo circulating online shows a smiling family of very distant relatives of Tim Walz dressed in matching t-shirts

that say Nebraska Walz is for Trump. All right, yeah. So I believe they're related to like a great uncle's brother or something. It's not the worst thing about these shirts, okay? There's no apostrophe in plurals. It's Walls's W-A-L-Z-E-S. If you want to know how we got to the point where Trump is president and people are filming

and shouting at each other on airplanes, it's because first we let go of the little things and then we let go of the big things. Like I'll allow for a debate over whether when you're doing walls in the possessive, if it's W-A-L-Z apostrophe S or whether, you know, there's a debate about how you, whether you say walls or walls is I'm fine with that. When there's an S at the end of a name, Jones Jones's... Speaking of letting go, a federal judge has ordered the Trump campaign to temporarily stop using the song, Hold On, I'm Coming, by the late soul singer, Isaac Hayes. Said the judge, this court finds it highly implausible that Donald Trump has ever warned anybody that he was coming.

Speaking of awful surprises, we have some more ghosts from Joan Dudian Vance's horrible and quite recent past. Joan Dudian, you know, again, you're missing some fucking, that was good. That was good. Joan Dudian, I swear, if you don't laugh at these, I'll stop doing them. And we got a long fucking list of these. And yeah, yeah, the low hanging fruit, that's gone. Jeffrey Dahmer Vance, that's gone. But we're still going to keep doing it.

The New York Times reports that the VP pick wrote the introduction to a 2017 Heritage Foundation collection of right-wing essays opposing fertility treatments and abortion access and that included one essay describing the threat of an empty stomach as a great motivator for finding work. No big deal. I can still fix this, said Vance, taking a steadying breath before his next round of ordering

donuts practice in the mirror. Got to get your 10,000 hours. Whatever makes sense. No, JD, that's not how you order donuts. They all make sense, you fucking asshole. You can't go wrong. Whatever makes sense. Speaking of trying to fix it,

when Trump was asked last Thursday how he'd vote on a Florida referendum that would overturn the state's six-week abortion ban, Trump refused to say he'd vote no and seemed to imply kind of that he'd vote yes. The state that you are a resident of, there's an abortion-related amendment on the ballot to overturn the six-week ban in Florida. How are you going to vote on that?

Well, I think the six-week is too short. It has to be more time. And so that's, and I've told them that I want more weeks. It's an age-old political dilemma. On the one hand, your real position is toxically unpopular. On the other hand, your brain has holes in it. This led to a whole bunch of agitator from the Christian right, Albert Moller Jr., president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, wrote on X that Trump's comments

seemed almost calculated to alienate pro-life voters. Hey man, sorry you're having a rough one. If it helps, not a single word out of Trump's mouth is calculated. Then on Friday, right before his Pennsylvania rally, Trump said he would vote no on the referendum protecting abortion access before ranting about how Democrats want to execute babies once they're born. Are you voting yes or no on Amendment 4 in Florida? So I think six weeks you need more time than six weeks.

I've disagreed with that right from the early primaries when I heard about it. I disagreed with that right from the early primaries when I heard about it. I disagreed with it. At the same time, the Democrats are radical because the nine months is just a ridiculous situation that where you can do an abortion in the ninth month. And you know, some of the states like Minnesota and other states have it where you could actually execute the baby after birth. And all of that stuff is unacceptable. So I'll be voting no for that reason. So just, yeah, man. So he's voting to keep a six week abortion ban. He's voting in favor of a six week abortion ban, which he knows is totally unpopular. So he makes up this bullshit about, you know, the, you could do abortion up till the Bar Mitzvah. Abortion up to the age of Haftorah.

All right. Donald Trump is, after all, a man of conviction. And his conviction is Donald Trump popular. And everybody loved Donald Trump. And then, because he knows how bad his abortion position is, politically, he tried to swing over to the left on IVF, saying he's not only in favor of it, but that if elected, he'd make the process free to families in need.

Who would end up paying for this policy between the insurance companies or the government, you ask? And what we're doing, and we're doing this because we just think it's great, and we need great children, beautiful children in our country. We actually need them. And we are going to be, under the Trump administration,

we are going to be paying for that treatment. We are going to be paying for that treatment. So we are paying for that treatment. Or we're going for all Americans to get it. All Americans that need it. So we're going to be paying for that treatment or we're going to be mandating that the insurance company pay. That clears it up. What has to be new, what IVF was Trump responded.

I think it's where you pop the uterus out and blow on it and put it back in. If you've tried everything else. Trump is also, to be clear, against Obamacare. He famously only failed to repeal Obamacare in 2017 because John McCain gave it a dramatic thumbs down. So Trump is voting against allowing access to reproductive healthcare in Florida.

He's for throwing tens of millions of people off their health insurance against coverage for pre-existing conditions, but for universal free IVF coverage, which will also be a felony. Pretty neat. Tied in Pennsylvania. Make it make sense. On Wednesday, Trump and Harris finally locked in the rules for their presidential debate next week with Harris' team reluctantly agreeing that microphones will be muted when it's not the candidates turn to speak.

Here's my pitch. Both mics muted. No moderators. No one is in the room. Kamala isn't there. The room is small. It has bars. It's a prison cell. Incredible that the Trump campaign insisted on this, on the muting of the mics.

Our candidate is a walking bellowing id with zero self-control and we demand that ABC fix it. It's also incredible what side we're on now. If we remember just to a few weeks ago, we thought the muted mics would be good because our candidate spoke in a whisper and even the slightest breeze could turn a sentence upside down. Now it's like, muted microphone? What, like for fags? Just hours later, during a Fox News town hall that was actually just a Sean Hannity interview

in front of a live audience, Trump basically questioned the fairness of the upcoming debate. Her best friend is the head of the network. Her husband's best friend is married to the head of the network. Her husband's best friend is married to the head of the network And they're gonna get the questions. I've already heard they're gonna get the questions in advance Sounds like somebody's worried, but that's life. Sometimes you're in a debate with the faltering old man Sometimes you're in a debate as the faltering old man Listen debate as the faltering old man. Listen, they knew I would, no, we didn't talk about it, but they're annoyed. They know that I'm sorry. You have no idea how much time was spent getting that right.

It was the try to find the right rhythm of it and you'd fucking it just be minused right through the room. And I'm sure the original formulation would have done fine, which is what everybody said to me because they wanted to go home. Trump also in this conversation with Sean Hannity seemed to have trouble remembering who he was actually running against. I can't imagine New Hampshire voting for him. Anybody in New Hampshire, because they're watching right now, but anybody in New Hampshire

that votes for Biden and Kamala. But don't worry, Trump may seem old, but he said this week he'll put Elon Musk in charge of making the government run better. So if you don't like what's coming from deranged grandpa, you can get a second opinion from the ketamine kid. It's like putting the weasels from Roger Rabbit in charge of judicial reform. Speaking of destroying something from the inside, unlike that worm in his brain, RFK Jr.'s campaign just won't die.

As multiple states, including Wisconsin and North Carolina, have ruled it is way too late to get off the ballot without creating chaos for ballot printers and local election officials. On Tuesday, a Michigan judge ruled that RFK Jr. must remain on the November ballot there as well, adding, elections are not just games and the secretary of state is not obligated to honor the whims of candidates for public office. Another sign it's not a game? Are you having fun? Is this fun for any of us? Thank you for bringing the joy to this fight.

Tim, not now. On Wednesday, Baron Trump started his first day at college, at NYU. And we here at Love It or Leave It wish him well. Really, none of this is his fault. Yet. Also this week, CBS announced the full cast for the upcoming season of Survivor. One contestant, John LeVette, said he'd join the show.

Because at its root, it's an experiment in democracy. It ends in a vote and the players decide what it means to earn that vote. I wanted to be part of that experiment. So make sure to watch and see if I was 2020 Joe Biden or 2024 Joe Biden. And finally, it's time for a segment we call America's Least Wanted. This week, we're headed to New Hampshire to talk about the craven Republican lady dangerously close to becoming its next governor, Kelly Iote. Ah, New Hampshire. New England's libertarian uncle with several DUIs. Okay, that's not fair.

The Granite State is home to all manner of Republicans, from libertarians who have all the age of consent laws committed to memory, to maga-c, to upper-cross Mitt Romney types who think all taxes are theft and you can't be racist because they've always been so generous with their Christmas tips. Speaking of Mitt Romney, what's with all the New England states and their Republican governors? You guys are always bragging about how you're so liberal, but it seems like you secretly want a big Republican man with a strong jaw to come in and be mean daddy, don't you, you sick fucks? Anyway, back in 2016, when she was serving as Senator, Kelly Iote publicly withdrew her support from then candidate Donald Trump

after the Access Hollywood tape leaked and she said she would not vote for him. Iote said she made the decision because she wanted her daughter to know where she stood. But boy, that backbone disintegrated quickly. In 2024, she endorsed Trump again, so Senator Iote's daughter can take comfort in knowing exactly where her mother stands, in the garbage. In this governor's race, Iote is saying that if voters don't elect her, the Granite state could become

more like the worst place she can imagine, Massachusetts. We are one election away from becoming Massachusetts in New Hampshire, and I'm not going to let that happen. Like Reagan once said, I was one generation away from becoming Massachusetts. Her official campaign slogan is don't mass up New Hampshire. First of all, cool it lady. Second of all, face down, mass up was right there.

And what's wrong with Massachusetts besides the people? Healthcare and public schools too good? A city with more than 100,000 residents? A cool lesbian governor? And this is just a personal aside, but why aren't people in New Hampshire constantly bragging about how they have no seatbelt laws? Like, ooh, the law says you don't have to wear a seatbelt. Cool.

So edgy. Do you also drink beer in the shower? Congratulations on all the preventable deaths, I guess, you stealth hillbillies. If you're a New Hampshire listener, this was not about you and you are perfect. Kelly Iote has repeatedly called for a national abortion ban and voted to defund Planned Parenthood four times a senator despite the fact that she looks like an unassuming woman you would see in a Coldwater Creek catalog. She's proven herself ready to fully rubber-stamp the Trump agenda. On Tuesday, New Hampshire will hold its primary to decide which Democrat will face Iote, but we already know that Iote would be a terrible governor

and this election will be incredibly close. So if you want to help flip New Hampshire's governor's mansion, go to votesaveamerica.com to get involved. And that has been America's Least Wanted. I remember what it's called. Woo! Woo!

Coming up, Poppy Lu and Gareth Reynolds have all the wrong answers. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage the hilarious Poppy Lou and the gregarious Gareth Reynolds. Hi, welcome. Come on in.

Hi. Thank you for being here. So nice to see you. Oh, bring it in. I'm good. Yeah, that's great. Hello. Hello.

I should just do a disclaimer because whenever I'm in the audience and someone's wearing a mini skirt, I'm like, careful, it is a squirt. Sorry, it's a what? A squirt. Oh. Which is a skirt with shorts inside, so no one will see my cooch. So you can watch in peace.

I think that's nice that you let their anxieties, because I think there'll be people out there worried for you. Exactly. And I'm an empath, and I care. So I wanted you to watch this in peace instead of being like, oh, no, will my joyful time be broken by seeing Poppy's cooch? You won't.

Do you think it's a problem for empaths that half the people who say they're empaths are actually sociopaths? It's a different path. Interesting. It could be me. You think? Maybe.

Well, it would take time for us to know. Yeah. Well, I did. OK, I need to just get this out. This is the second thing that's on my mind. You both already know this. I had a chicken just die, one of my chickens, like two hours ago. Oh. Thank you.

Oh my god, you all are empaths. Some of them. Yeah, but and this is actually my fourth chicken that's died. So maybe I am a, I don't know, which like, yeah. I think on the other side, just to see the chicken is half full for a second. Thank you. 100% of the chicken, most people's goal

is to kill 100% of the chickens in their care, right? The second, that chicken is meant for death. And if you've saved even a single one, that's lucky for that chicken. Because 100% of the chickens I see, they died, ideally as soon as possible. A lot of them come dead. Yeah, right, right, you know. I don't want to tell you my ratio of living to death. Then don't. You don't have to.

You're right. These people don't get that information. They don't need it, and it's not, you don't owe that to. Oh, now that's different. That's far, that's different. Yeah, do you want to, if you want to tell us, you can, but don't. Four, I've had four chickens die.

It's not a lot. I have three living still. OK. But OK, two of them were really not my fault. Right. Two of them were taken by coyotes because someone had left my driveway gate open, and the coyotes got in.

And my neighbors told me that they saw the scene. Oh, yeah. You have two coyotes, which is another way to me that they saw the scene. Oh yeah. You have two coyotes, which is another way to look at it. Two happy oats. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. There's no blood there, so I think they brought it home to their young, which is kind of like

that. Right. So that's something, I mean, it was a good day for the coyotes and maybe for all you know, that that coyote was like, if I don't get a chicken in the next 15 minutes, the next shih tzu's fucking dead. And I have a shih tzu, so I... Living, living, living shih tzu! A live shih tzu.

Yeah. Poppy, you're an actor. I'm just gonna read the first question on my card. Amazing segue. Hey, speaking of, you know, being alive, good. Very natural. I'm like Dick Cabot. You learned to deal blackjack for hacks. Yes. You're also a doula. Yes.

Wow. I know it feels like I'm not a good doula based on my chicken stuff, but chickens and humans are different.'m not a good doula based on my chicken stuff, but chickens and humans are different. I'm a good doula of humans. I would say, how are you with eggs? How am I with eggs? Like chicken eggs. Oh, good. See, that tracks for me.

Yeah. Thank you. Like a chicken doula. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Because after the baby is, I mostly did like birth, labor, and abortion doula stuff, not that much postpartum,

which actually makes sense because it's mainly just the egg and birth phase. And then I kind of check out. So the- And there's better protections for coyotes in hospitals. 100%, 100%, yeah. It's been a long time since a coyote has gotten all the way up to the level where the babies are.

You can get a coyote in the ER. It's not impossible. But it's been a long time since that kind of thing has happened. Centuries. Centuries, really. Without question. Without question. Technology's come a long way.

Speaking of technology. Nice. Gary. You have a phone. You've done your homework, John. And on it, you watch videos. You watch. Who told?

You watch, you're obsessed with watching videos of chiropractors cracking the necks of their patients. Yes. Yes. I just want one to die. Yeah, I want the guy who has the loudest crack ever and then he's like, Tom? Tom!

Tom! Do you, isn't chiropractor, chiropractic? Chiropractors. Chiropractors. Yep. What are they doing? Well, John, that's a great question. No, what they're doing is they are getting the, if there's a chiropractor here, don't

speak up during this wrong answer. But I believe there's like little gas between our vertebra called subluxations and they're releasing that pressure. But I don't think it actually does anything long-term. Right. Yeah, but when you watch these videos, they are now like fully in on social media. They're miking the patients.

They're yanking them with towels. They're really- I've seen it too. Yeah, they're competing. And it seems like, it does seem like this is 50-50, you're gonna be better, you're dead. Yes. And because the crack is too loud.

It's simply too loud. I also think if I was there, and they did it, and it hurt, I would be like, that's great. I would feel weird being like, ow. They're filming. There's animals too. And that's really real, because they wouldn't perform for the camera.

No, sometimes the dogs go to bite the guy. And you're like, That probably hurt him. One, sometimes there's chickens. You'd like those ones. They don't always make it. It's too soon. Too soon. I apologize.

I'm still raw. I apologize. From my experience. So is the chicken. Yeah. Actually not anymore. Stiff, stiff body. Gareth, you told our producers that you're

bothered greatly by TikToks where people scare their significant other. Yes. Why do you hate love? Geez, you're really coming at me tonight, John. Well, I don't know. To me, that's not an extension of love. That's where maybe it's how some people keep the fun of a relationship alive.

But when was the last time you were genuinely scared? Like, jump scared, not Trump scared. Um, well, yeah, my, someone I was dating did, uh, pop out of a garbage can once. That's a crazy setup. Broke up on the spot. It was a proposal? What, uh, John, marry me! It's out of line. This really happened?

Yeah. All of it? Uh-huh. You, but so you must relate to what I'm talking about. 100%. What was the purpose? Was it to like be cute? Um, I'm trying so hard to commit to this.

Was it like sexual? It was sexual. Okay. It was 100% sexual. It was like a garbage can roll away. But it was, but I was not the person who was supposed. Was it Oscar? I wasn't supposed to open the can.

I discovered cheating because it was a sex game that I wasn't meant to be a part of. You were the garbage like truck driver. This was the, that's the scene. That was the sex scene? That was the sex scene that was the sex scene. That was the sex scene. I've seen this. This fetish, not your specific one, but yeah.

Garbage bucket. We taped it, we taped it. Oh, I've seen it. I knew I knew you. It was on the internet, because you don't wanna lose a take. Yeah, because he was dressed in an orange, it wasn't technically in a green costume, it wasn't technically the Oscar,

just for copyright reasons obviously, but it was an Oscar. It was Matthew the Grunch now John for the crowd here will you show where the grunch is on a human body poppy you're in the new movie space cadet what would you do if you were one of the Boeing Starliner astronauts stuck on the International Space Station you're stuck up there for months. Are they still there? They're there right now. Really?

Until February, right? Until February at best. I feel like I check in. It's not really on my news radar that much, except for every couple of weeks. And I'm always surprised that they're still there. So are they. It's been like seven months.

How long has it been? I don't know how long it's been. I know that they're going to be there until. Does anyone here know how long it's been? Read the fucking news. It's still don't know. It's gonna. I don't know how long it's been. I know that they're gonna be there until then when you're Know how long it's been Read the fucking news It's still at least February. I don't think I would farewell No, I have really bad astigmatism first of all and I have really expensive contacts I would run out and then when I don't have them, I'm basically I'm like I think

Legally blind my optometrist hasn't fully said that. They keep saying something like you're 99.999th percentile of astigmatism, which seems bad. That's kind of cool. Or good. I don't know. Really impressive. He doesn't want to give you the bad news. I have like a lot of, I have a really extensive skincare routine that I feel like would not

bode well on that. Right. You only brought enough for like 10 days. Yeah. And there was like at least eight different specific K-Beauty creams. You know what's sad about being on this? So one thing that happened is there

was a ship leaving the International Space Station, but they just said it had to go empty because they weren't sure if it was safe enough. And I feel like the astronauts were like, well, let's just get on it. And NASA said, no, thank you. No, I don't think it feel like the astronauts were like, let's just get on it. And NASA said, no, thank you. No, I don't think it's on the astronauts. I think it's on Boeing because they keep having stuff blow up.

Hey. Look, I mean, we're all friends here. I shouldn't say that because they're always like, they're whistleblower. Good Lord. Copy. Some things are sacred. You're going to install Boeing on this stage?

Boeing? Boeing? Boeing? Boeing. I shouldn't put a target on all our backs. Like that. You don't need to. With Boeing, you don't need to. It's already there. Flying to Denver, you are a target.

The target is the earth, and we'll send you, and we'll point you at it. By the way, they might be the safest Boeing passengers on Earth. Yeah. In the world. In the universe. The 1990s are back. I don't know what. Space disasters, Oasis, the 1990s are back.

And while all the revivals and sequels have grown tired, the Oasis reunion has kept me wide awake, not just because of their musical art, but also Noah Gallagher, the lead singer waxing on about the time he shit on Maroon 5 right to their faces with absolutely no remorse. What fans do you like now? Guitar banners are shite these days.

So we're in this bar in Hollywood after a gig and this guy said, excuse me, can you just come and say hi to my friends? He's a really big fan and he's like, hey man, you really inspired me to play and me, can you just come and say hi to my friend? He's a really big fan, and he's like, hey man, you really inspired me to play and all that, I just wanna say hi, and I was going, I know what band you're in, he said, I'm in the bass player in Maroon 5, and I'm in Maroon 5, fucking shit!

How the fuck have you got Maroon 5 from what I'm doing? He got out of my sight. Wow. That, he later ends up at a party at a big house in the Hollywood Hills, comes out of the bathroom, sees that guy from Maroon 5, says, what are you doing here? The guy from Maroon 5 says, this is my fucking house.

Okay, this isn't on my radar at all. The thing that's on my radar is about how T-Pain, my hero, my love, my man, how he said that when he got big, he was on the plane with Usher and Usher was like, you ruined music because you brought an auto tune. And he was like, it sent him into like a deep depression, which is so sad because T-Pain is actually an incredibly talented singer and he uses auto tune as like an aesthetic choice, not like a, I can't sing choice, but I love him. If T-Pain, if you're listening to this, look in that, in that one instance, great guy, like in the heart.

I've always said that about T-Pain and look, I look, I think the story you're telling about Usher is important because it is true that it does happen that once in a while a hot person can be wrong. It's time for a segment we're calling, Duel a Right Thing. Mm. Wow. Took the image, but it did work.

That was when a piano fell on my head. I can't actually tell what I... Here's two. Am... What am I? You're holding a pizza from South. Ah, you see, it's from above. Yeah.

It's from above. That didn't track it, did it? Oh, yeah, yeah. Right. Inspired by Oasis, and now, to a lesser extent, Usher, if you have a question... So Gareth gives advice in his podcast. We're here to help us, an advice podcast, yes.

And who's your cohost? Jake Johnson. Pretty neat. Wow, that, people were impressed. They're like, he got Jake Johnson, pretty good. No, they see me and yeah, no, it's definitely a get. I'm punching out of my glass for sure, no doubt. Yeah, no, no, and listen.

And we acknowledge this. We acknowledge that. If you have a question that you need advice in your life, and the question is basically about whether you should be nice or whether you should be honest, please raise your hand. Hi. What's your name and what is your question?

My name is Jessie. My best friend is dating a guy significantly older than her. And the other night he broke up with her and said that he could never see himself loving her. And then now he's like texting her and wanting to get back together. What do I say? Because he's really nice, he's just like a lot older.

Wait, what's the age difference? She's 22 and he's 31. Oh, that's not that bad. That's not that bad. That's not that bad. 30. I feel like you're- That hurts me. Wait.

Yeah, no, no, that was a punch in the gut for sure, but- Wait, I'm scared. 100%. Now, if someone says, you're filthy disgusting dirt to me, and then the next day says, please, please, give me another chance,

I'm not thinking age gap. You know what I mean? I'm not worried about that part of it. me another chance. I'm not thinking age gap. You know what I mean? I'm not worried about that part of it. You keep saying, and there's an age gap. We would like, just because we want to, put the age gap aside. What are some other qualities?

He's a chef. Well, he's got a lot going on. He's old and a chef at 31. Wait, tell me more about the chef, like a good chef? Okay, well, it's my best friend from college. She lives in Chicago now. He's old and a chef at 31. Wait, tell me more about the chef, like a good chef? Chicken? It's my best friend from college. She lives in Chicago now. They live in Chicago.

Is that like a good restaurant scene? The Bear? I don't know. Based on The Bear, but I mean, that's a show about important sandwiches. OK, but they live there. He's. Wait, let me say, actually, I do think that the age gap

thing is relevant, because as someone who dated a lot of people in their early 30sies when I was in my early twenties, I really thought I was like, I was like, I'm so mature, amazing. But now if like one of my friends in their early thirties was dating someone in their early twenties, I would very much judge that. Or like now that I look back on the guys I dated that were like 10 plus years older than me, I'm like, oh God, what losers. You know, so like.

No, cause why is he single at 31? Why is he single? Whoa! Why is he single? Hey, hey. Why are you guys so senior? You're calling. Poppy was on your fucking side.

Poppy was on your side. Poppy was helping you. And you're like, out of the way, Poppy. I have a hole to dig. I, so. Wait, one more crazy thing. I have one more crazy thing. The biggest thing when she first told us

that she was dating him was that he wouldn't tell her his birthday. He just didn't want to make a scene of it. So like that was very sad. Wait, like year or? All, all the above. But we knew he was like 30 something. So what is your friend,

I don't even understand what's happening here. Yeah. Like what's the question? There's an immature 31 year old who says he can never love her and she's saying, what do I do to you? Yeah. And you're, what are you,

what are you just, are you just leaving her on read right now? What are you saying? She seems like she likes him, but I don't want her to be with him, selfishly. Well, John, as the only doctor on the stage, let me point out that 31 is just three years older than 28. 31's not that old, first of all.

For those of us who are a little older, like that guy who's... Only fucking guy clapping. And President Joe Biden, it is wonderful to have you here tonight. He thought we said crapping. I would say the reason to not be with this guy is because he just broke up with her because he's like

I can't see a future with you not because of age So if anything I would be like that's a really weird Tendency and thing to say to someone and then be like by the way, I don't mean it So I would highlight that part of it versus the age and be like, yeah There's like some weird not telling your birthday is super shady obviously, but I'd be like, yeah I mean the fact that you break up with me because you can't see a future is just a super weird cop out, and I don't do super weird cop outs.

Yeah. Wow, thank you. Thanks, guys. Really good. Got a plow. That was cool. Yeah, thank you. I liked that.

Thank you very much. We're here to help, Tuesdays at 9. That's why Jake Johnson keeps you around. Yeah. That's right, every now Yeah. That's right. Every now and then, yeah. What do you got? Today, I posted something about, on Instagram,

I posted something that was criticizing Kamala Harris for her genocidal campaign against Gaza. And a former high school teacher of mine responded back saying that I question saying that like well so who are you gonna vote for then and then saying that I should not be posting this because it will make it'll have Trump be elected and this is a former high school teacher of mine who I haven't spoken to in more than a decade who responded. I have not responded to him yet. Should I be nice or should I be honest to him about,

you know, like get off my DMs? It's getting political. The, how many Instagram followers do you have? Not many, 3,000. That's what I was like, who? 3,000. Okay, but any of them in Wisconsin? Maybe a few. A couple? A, okay. Any of them in Wisconsin? Maybe, a few. A couple?

A couple, and any faves from them? No. Okay, I don't know if, I listen, I think every post does matter, and we should treat every Instagram post like it will be the difference between life and death. You laugh, but.

I think you should be honest. I think you should send... I mean, okay. I had to like, I try not to engage in like online just back and forth battles because it, like, I get really, I have a Scorpio moon and I get really, really riled up and it like keeps me up at night. And I like really, I'm not scared of conflict. I actually kind of like it. I don't like it, but I'll like, I'll really jump into it.

So I've like tried to like stay away from internet arguments. But if this is someone that you know, and they're there, I say be honest. Honestly, there's been like a lot of people that I've talked to in the last 10 months arguments. But if this is someone that you know, and they're there, I say be honest, honestly, there's been like a lot of people that I've talked to in the last 10 months, who like, I know personally, and I feel like if they feel comfortable to reach out to you, that is an open door for like, maybe for you to share information. And honestly, I don't know, I like, And honestly, I don't know, I like, I have a lot of thoughts about this. And I feel like if it were me, I would say something like,

honestly, the, the illusion that we have a democracy is a facade. And we should start from there. And if it is actually a two party system that we're locked into, both of which support the same genocidal regime, how much of a free choice do we actually have as American people? And if like the actual possibility of having a third party outside of that, that isn't bought by AIPAC money is not possible on the table, what is the democracy that we're fighting for? And I'd be curious to hear what their response is.

You're definitely gonna get the C more, but I think that's pretty good. Ah! I would also add, John, if I may, while I agree with what Poppy says, I think it's also, the reason why you do it is not only because of everything you just said, but also because how often do you get to go

fling shit at a teacher? That's true. Of yours. This is someone who you probably, because how often do you get to go fling shit at a teacher? Of yours. This is someone who you probably, if a teacher of mine was coming at me in the comments, I would relish the opportunity to be like, I get to talk shit to Mr. Bach, publicly now, as a grown man.

Like I can find, it's satisfying as like fighting your father, which I don't know if you've done, but there's few highs bigger. I would say that one other thing to say too is that like, if you actually are committed to your party and you care about it, you should hold them accountable to what they say. And Kamala Harris is someone who's repeatedly said that she's doing everything she can to fight for a ceasefire, but her actions are not matching to that. And I think it's incredibly valid to hold our candidates accountable to what they say they're going to do, which they haven't done. Yeah, I think the most scattered applause. Yeah.

Look, we have, we have 60 days to stop a fascist takeover of our government. We all must do everything in our power to elect Kamala Harris. The idea that there's that these are two parties that are in any way the same, that there aren't vast differences between them. There's one party that will make life in this country a lot better. There's one party that will make this country a lot worse. There's one party that believes in democracy, one party that doesn't, one party that believes in abortion, one party that doesn't, one party that believes in the dignity and rights of

Palestinians even if they are failing every single day to fight for them, and one party that is using them as a scapegoat and using them to create racist ads all across the country. That doesn't mean that we don't need to prove to everybody that could be part of the coalition to elect Kamala Harris from the furthest left all the way to the centrist and moderate in the middle of the country that they have a place in this coalition. One of the ways you prove that there's a place in this coalition is by saying, I am a part of this coalition and I want Kamala Harris to do better on this issue. I want her to represent change, not just from Donald Trump, but also from Joe Biden in the

way that they conduct this policy in the Middle East. And that means a policy that is about supporting Israel's right to exist, but also showing that you stand with the protesters on the streets of Israel who recognize that Hamas is a murderous and disgusting regime, but also Benjamin Netanyahu is putting his own interests ahead of the hostages, ahead of the Israeli people, ahead of peace in that region. And I think making clear to everyone that I am going to hold Kamala Harris accountable every single day that she's president, but I'm also a part of her coalition.

I think that both serves to make the point that you're making while at the same time helping to elect Kamala Harris, and those things are not in conflict, is what I think. Thank you. Thank you. Oh my God, this is a giant, juicy fly on my arm. Save it, take it home. You need to replace an animal.

I know. This is my... That was a big boy. This is the spirit of my chicken that I... It's that Scorpio moon. Mm, thank you for remembering. What is a Scorpio moon? It's where the astronauts are.

Hey. Hey. When do we do one more? So, a former flatmate of mine used to be very, very close friends for over a decade. very close friends for over a decade, got weird during the pandemic, variety of reasons. Like, just, we all did, we all went through it. Still weird.

Yeah, and, but it's kind of like continued and we just don't have as much in common anymore. And lately, this person has been reaching out a lot to hang out and still kind of making it weird every time we do hang out. It feels like I'm being interviewed or, I don't know, the friendship just like isn't really there anymore. But they keep trying to push it. And so I'm kind of at a point where it's like, do I be nice or do I be honest? I have follow-up questions.

Do you mean interviewed? It's like every time, because I do meet up with him and every time we grab coffee or something, I feel like I'm on stage with you guys getting interviewed. Like it's weird. It's just like a lot of questions and a lot of... Well, it seems like you're not vibing.

There's no vibe. Right. And you don't want to be friends anymore. No. He keeps, like, inviting me and my husband out to go to, like, EDM dance raves. And we're, like, 40. I'm too old for that.

I'm in bed. 40? Yeah. I think 31 is old. By the way, 40, not that old. Jesus. Okay, but anyway. Not that old, 40.

Not that old. Not that old. 40 is not that old. 40 is the new 20s. And honestly, the hottest decade actually I think is 50s. Think about it. Rachel Weisz, 50s. Yes. Shakira is 50s. Think about it. Rachel Weiss, 50s. Shakira, 50s.

T-Pain. I'm sorry. T-Pain, I actually don't know. Pangeless, we don't know. Shakira is 50? Actually someone should fact check me on that. Here's what I think. I think this is a great time to be nice.

I just think you don't, do you ever see that video going around of this therapist or some kind of a, I don't know, spiritual nothing, saying, like, advising people on how to end a friendship and saying, like, I've really enjoyed our time together, but our season of friendship is at an end.

No. And, like, poke me in the eyes before you tell me that. I think this is why the kind of like off ramp of, ah, just can't make it fucking work. Like, oh, not in, can't do it this week. It's been crazy. No one's busy.

Everyone's phone is telling them they're doing six hours of phone time a day. Nobody's busy. Everyone's pretending to be busy. Like 17 people are busy, but the rest are not. And so you're not busy. This person's not busy. Pretend to be busy. Like 17 people are busy, but the rest are not. And so you're not busy. This person's not busy. Pretend to be busy.

Everybody gets away with it. But I don't have to go to the dance rave, right? No, you absolutely don't. No, you've gone above and beyond by doing, I mean, how many times have you hung out with this flatmate, by the way? Come on. What are we, in SoHo?

Yeah. It sounds like you're the, maybe he's somewhere being like, this person, since the pandemic, she's really putting on airs. She called it a flat. She keeps calling me darling. Yeah, pick me up in a lorry.

Yeah. That's so weird. Yeah, we parted ways, she said cheerio. That's fucked up. How many times have you hung out with this charity case? It's been, it used to be a lot. Yeah, but like since- And I'd say like in the last, I don't know, like I saw them a couple weeks ago.

And they- Over under five times. Huh? Over under five times. In what amount of time? Since you've not been flatties. Oh, way over five times. You've done your- You've done it. But it's been over a decade. No, you're good.

I think you do use whatever scapegoat you need, but it's OK. Say you're trapped in space. I also would say this. Speaking of, I feel like you've put a pejorative on this to make yourself feel better, that he's weird and you're not. You're weird. He's weird.

Everybody's just growing in different directions. You're growing in different directions. You just grew apart. Like in space, time and space are relative. Is he getting weirder? Or is he blue shifting? Or maybe you're red shifting. You know what I'm saying?

Also, if you're asking someone to go to ED, it's not like he's asking you to go get waffles. Right. That's a huge commitment. Come meet me with a bunch of people who are on Mali. There are certain things you can only say no to if you're busy, and there's certain things you can say no to no matter what. Sports events, concerts, EDM events,

you're allowed to be free and say no. Weddings, birthdays, a coffee, you're not allowed to say, if somebody says, hey, you wanna get a coffee tomorrow? You'd be like, I'm free, but I don't want to. Not allowed. Actually not allowed to say. But if someone says you wanna go to a rave, you can be like, I don't want to.

And everyone's like, cool. Counterback can be like, do you want to come to a chicken funeral? I'm hosting. At Poppy's. All right, we have to leave it there. Thank you all for your questions, for being honest and nice.

Thank you, Poppy and Gareth. That was and nice. Thank you Poppy and Garen. That was very fun. Up next, he knows how it gets made, it's Paul Scheer. We'll be right back. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage, he's here. He's sheer. Get used to it. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Paul Sheer.

Hey. What's going on? Thank you for being here. Good to see you too. All right. Let's go. Let's do this. You have a new memoir.

I do. Yeah, it's called Joyful Recollections of Trauma. And it was a New York Times bestseller. I have to say that now because I feel like, I work so hard on it, I gotta at least say it every single time I talk about my book. Was it worth excavating your deepest and darkest memories to get on the Times bestseller list?

You know, here's the thing. I don't view this book as therapy. So it's a reflection of therapy, so it's like, I wasn't like, I got to sell my soul to get on this list. It was like, it was actually something that I felt like empowered to write. Like I didn't know I was going to write it. I thought I was going to tell like funny stories that I've been telling on how did this get made. And as I started writing those stories, like, well,

there's actually something more here. And I've read a lot of books that feel like it's just like a journal from a therapy session. And I'm like, I can't be that, but I want to be able to be like honest and tell something and be funny at the same time. And I feel like in that way, I was able to release it into the world and then be okay with it. It wasn't like, Oh my God, what have I done? You know, I was remembering, like my parents are alive.

I must not say things that their friends will take and then drive into them, which is, you know, like, you know, these conscious thoughts. My wife is someone that people know. Like I have to, there was a, a part of it that was like, I was aware of what I was doing. And I think sometimes try to be responsible, responsible memoir. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. What? I didn't expect that. Yeah. I wonder what the, what the real story is. Well, the real story is that like,? I didn't expect that. Yeah. Wonder what the, what are what the real story is? Well, the real story is that like, but I mean, like that's,

you got to also keep stuff. It's like, I could tell you my dream, but like, is that interesting to everybody? Like I have to understand. Like there's like, like, no, it's like, it's interesting to me. There are things that, that are personal to me, but that's not for everybody then. Cause if I give it to everybody, it's not mine anymore. Do you because if I give it to everybody, it's not mine anymore. Do you think, we wrote a book and it was hard.

It's hard. It's so hard. But our book wasn't, I mean, we had little fun stories about politics, but it wasn't deeply personal. It wasn't revelatory about our human spirits. But we got like notes. You get notes from editors and others. How do you get notes?

Like how do you get feedback on a book that's so personal? I think that you don't in a weird way, right? Cause I think there's an element where people are like, you want to write it, put it in the book. Like, you know, they can't be like, make that ending different, make that person a killer. You know, like they can't change it. And really what I did is I wrote the book,

they gave me not notes like, oh, we need this. It's like, oh, maybe we combine these two chapters. And it was really my own sense. I spent like two months in the revision mode, too much to their chagrin of just trying to like, get it to what I really wanted it to be. Cause I don't think there's anyone there to stop you and I think that's where it gets dangerous. It's like because it's like I wrote things when I was angry. I wrote things that I was like yeah and then I'd read it back. I'm like

do I want it? It's forever out there. It's locked in amber and I'm telling these stories and I'm like how can I walk that line of being truthful, personal, real, and funny, but also not in a way like, yeah, just the consequences. I understand consequences. Like, you know, you deal with it because I feel like these books are like, the worst actor I ever worked with, Nick Nolte, that piece of shit.

And it's like, and then you see Nick Nolte, like, oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't know. It's like, you did, you had many times, you did the audio book, you said that piece of shit. You saw the first pass, piece of shit. I'm sure a lawyer said, do you wanna call Nick Nolte a piece of shit? Like, yeah.

Like, you know, and you get like empowered, like, ha ha. It's like, no, but everyone is gonna see this. It's like, you know, that's, I was aware of that. I think that was, I'm happy that I was aware of that. Do you think that trauma brought you towards comedy or was comedy just something that was helpful to process it? I think that trauma is the, is the fire in which we are all forged in a way, right? We all have it. It doesn't make a difference. Like what mine is worth, what mine is, what yours is. It's like, how do we respond to it?

How do we get over it? And, you know, it's called joyful recollections of trauma, not just recollections of trauma, right? And it was like, cause I always look back on my life in this way, like my grandma told me, never open the door to strangers because there's a rogue butcher out there who kidnaps children, grinds them up into chopped meat,

and they did catch him because when one of the moms went to go buy some chopped meat, she was making a patty and the patty looked up at her and said, mommy? You know, and I was like, and forever I bop that story hook line and sink her. It makes no sense. That is, I think it's funny and that is traumatic.

So that's the book, you know, it's like, but like, yeah, so it's like, I'm looking at those things and I'll tell you that story right now. And that was a hilarious moment, but it also did fuck me up. I was like, I gotta lock these doors. The butcher, the butcher is out. They're gonna make me the chop meat. There were two important moments when I learned that adults

could lie to you. Yeah. One was when I saw Billy Crystal doing an interview, and he said that City Slickers 2 is even better than the original. Ah! And then I was like, I like ran. I literally, I like saw it.

It was like, it was in the time where there was like a movie on HBO. And so like five minutes or four, because they had to fill the time before. I literally ran up the stairs and was like, Mom, Dad, you'll never believe it. Billy Crystal says City Slickers 2 is better. It's like, you bow, I love that.

I will tell you this, I don't know if I've ever talked about this. When I was a kid, I loved the idea of meeting a celebrity, going and having an interaction with a celebrity. It felt so foreign to me. And there's a book called called How to Meet Celebrities. And the book was like, never approach a celebrity with like their career. So I wouldn't come up to you and be like, Oh, I love your podcast.

I love I loved your book because that would you like, oh, thanks kid. And you'd walk away. I'd have to come at you and be like, I find out your interest. So they had always put in the book like, here's a celebrity, here's their interest. So it's like, okay, you're gonna approach Nick Nolte. He loves speed boats. Like, hey Nick, do you see that new speed boat that came out?

You know, and he'd be like, oh, this guy knows. We're buddies now. And so like, that was the way in. That's how you meet these celebrities. It was like beyond the picture. But the only, I remember this, and I've been trying to find this book forever. The only person in that book they said, do not approach Billy Crystal.

It was the only, they had a meter on each person, like friendly, not friendly. Billy Crystal was the only one who was like, do not approach. They broke the mold. It wasn't like one. It was, I never had seen anything like it and I was shocked. I was like, I love Billy Crystal. You look marvelous. What do you know?

I couldn't believe I was, I still don't believe it. And I'm a Clippers fan and he's a Clippers fan. And I saw him, I was on a vacation and he was on a vacation. And I was like, do not approach. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I know it. You just like, you walk up to him and you just go, Jews in baseball.

And he's like, Jews in baseball. Jews in baseball. The other moment that taught me that adults could lie is my grandmother said something to my mother. She was telling a long story. And then we were like pulling out of the driveway of my grandparents' house. And my mother just rolled up the window and she just turned to me and my sister and goes, she's lying. She made that up.

Well, you know, I think as I became a parent, I realized you have so much power over your kids. And in a wonderful way, like they look up to you and you want to be a good role model for them, but you also can tell them whatever you want. It's like, that's why every now and then you'll see a story where it's like, this family taught their kid how to speak Wookie. And that's the only language that they speak. And you're like, oh God, you know, and I have that power. We all have that power.

They look to us and you got to wield it the right way. And I think some parents can abuse it and not. And you know, I forget sometimes that, but it's a great reminder. Cause I'll say like, oh, I was making a joke. I mean, this is gonna sound really dark. I was making a joke and I was like, yeah, it was you and your other brother and this guy. And my son was like, what do you mean my other brother?

I'm like, oh, we don't talk about him. They're like, what do you mean? I was like, we lost him. And it was like, and I thought I'm doing a fun bit. And then like 30 seconds, I was like, dad I thought I'm doing a fun bit. And then like 30 seconds later, I was like, dad, are you being serious? And I'm like, oh no, no, I was just totally joking. But I was like, oh, if I leaned into it,

I could be like, yeah, we lost your brother at the zoo. You know, and he would forever go like, yeah, I did have a brother that we lost at the zoo. You're in twisters. I am. No. No. Yeah, it's my blockbuster summer, you know, so finally Hollywood has acknowledged everything. I love being in Twisters. I loved every moment of it, and it happened in such an interesting way.

I was going down to Oklahoma to shoot a Super Bowl commercial commercial. I was directing and starring in the Superbowl commercial. And I was on the plane to Oklahoma on a Monday night. And everyone around me has Final Draft open. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on in Oklahoma? Why is everyone going to Final Draft? We're going to Oklahoma. I was like, weird. And I talked to my DP and I'm like,

did you see everyone at Final Draft open? He's like, yeah, I don't know what that was. And I was like, I don't know what that is. The next day I get a phone call. Hey, are you in Oklahoma? And I'm like, did you see everyone at file draft? He's like, yeah, I don't know what that was. I was like, I don't know what that is. The next day I get a phone call. Hey, are you in Oklahoma? And I'm like, yeah. My agent called me. He's like, well, you were sitting next to the director

of Twisters on the airplane. He wants to write you a part in Twisters. And I was like, yeah, sure, I'll do it. And then I talked to somebody in Oklahoma. I was like, they want me to be in this Twisters movie. He's like, oh, it's a Netflix series. I'm like, all right, cool. And I was like, they want me to be in this twister's movie is like, Oh, it's a Netflix series. I'm like, all right, cool. You know, I was like, twister. I didn't know. And then all of a sudden I see it's like a hundred and $50 million movie that

they're like, they shut down the Oklahoma city airport for this scene that they wrote for me to do with, uh, with Glenn and Daisy and everybody in the, in the movie. And it was, it was, it was, it was like, again, I didn't think about it. I didn't know. And then all of a sudden,

more than anything I've ever done in my life, everyone saw Twisters. Like every way to a point that it was like, my, I was like, my phone was blowing up. I was like, oh, this is what it would be like to be like in a Marvel movie. I've never experienced like hundreds of texts. Everyone, like old people.

Like I got a text from an 80 year old friend of my parents who were like, I went to the movies. Like you did? I didn't even know that you're going to the, like I was surprised that people were out in the cinema. Like they were like, they were, and everyone was like, this is great. And it was, it was the craziest experience.

Did you get to kiss Glenn Powell? I did. It's cut out of the movie. Here's the thing that was the best part. I don't wanna spoil the movie but. Tornadoes. Tornadoes. Um, and uh, and we're shooting this scene and I'm kind of, I'm a traffic cop

and I'm getting into it with Glenn and Glenn has this truck that drills itself into the ground. And he doesn't follow the rules? He's a tornado wrangler. You know, his rules are, you know. It's sky law. Yeah, that's it.

Ha ha ha. It's just high pressure, low pressure. The only rule that counts. You know, Mother Nature is the only person that tells him what to do. And he doesn't even listen to her. And so it starts drilling into the thing. And the director comes up to me.

He's like, why don't you just say, what the fuck? And I'm like, yeah, yeah. And he's like, no, do it. And I'm like, it's like a PG movie. He's like, yeah, but you'll be the only fuck in the movie. And I was like, what? Now it got awesome.

I was like, I'm already having so much fun. I'm in, Twisters, Frank Marshall is there. I'm like, this'm already having so much fun. I'm in Twisters, Frank Marshall is there. I'm like, this is the coolest thing. They're shooting on film and then I get to say, fuck. And then all of a sudden, you know, I see him go into like the little area where the monitors are. And then a big conversation is happening.

A big, and it feels like people are like, no, no. We've gotten through the entire, I'm in the last, literally the last scene of the movie. I think I might be the last spoken line in the movie. And you see a bunch of people like pointing at me going. And I'm like, they don't want me to say fuck. And the director comes back over and he's like, why are you gonna say fuck?

I'm like, really? He's like, yeah, you'll say fuck. And I was like, all right. And it's like, this movie you gonna say fuck? I'm like, really? He's like, yeah, you'll say fuck. And I was like, all right. And it's like, this movie is like on one or two takes. It's not like we're doing 50 takes and a bunch of coverage is like, I said fuck. And if you watch that movie,

it cuts out right before I say fuck. It is not, fuck is not in the movie. And for good reason, I watched it. It would be for a movie where people are getting sucked up into the sky, dual tornadoes, fire tornadoes, for the guy at the airport at the end to be like, what the fuck? You'd be like, wait, wait, that pushed the button?

It's like, and it's almost like you got so far to then hit the fuck button on me. It's like, so yeah, I didn't get to say my fuck. And I thought, well, it would definitely be in the gag reel. Well, it's not in the gag reel because I think it falls into the same thing. It's not a family movie if I'm saying fuck. No, that's the thing about America.

You can watch a person get sucked up into a fire tornado while screaming. That's just good, wholesome family fun. Yeah. But to take, to swear. Yeah. No, can't do it. Can't do it.

And now I wish I was in an earlier scene and I watched somebody get sucked up. I go, whoa, what the fuck? It would have been great there too. I'm available to curse in your big blockbuster films. It was truly though, it's been hilarious. And then the other thing that's kinda happened that was dumb was, you know, I was walking in the red carpet.

I have a very small part in this movie. It was a thrill to be in it. I like my part. I love everybody that I worked with. They were amazing. It became like a family on set, I heard. Yes, so this is the thing. I worked for a couple of hours.

I worked for like three hours on one day, but I'm walking down the red carpet, no one knows that and they're like, oh, he's in the movie, because I'm on the sheet of paper that everyone has, like, come over, what was it like? And I'm like, oh, the best, everyone, oh, we're the camaraderie.

I heard Glenn Powell's a prankster. I'm like, he's the best, oh, he's an attractive guy too. You know, I'm doing all my bits, because I'm not going to go like, well, technically I was only there for one day. It's like, they're not going to use it. I'm like, everything is great. So at one point they said, what was it like? Uh, it was like entertainment tonight or something. They're like,

what was it like to be a, you know, part of the, the, the, this, this twisters world? And I said, well, it's not my first time. You know, my, my mom was actually pregnant, uh, during the first twisters. Um, and that was me,. And that was me. That was me. And the director was like, we need to find the kid that was in that pregnant woman's belly and put him in the movie.

And they did. And that's how they got, that's how I got in the movie. So I'm the only legacy character. I'm the only one. And for some reason that like took off on TikTok. Now Twisters came out in 1994. So, you know, and I thought it was a pretty obvious thing. And so I have done interviews where people are like, and you're the only legacy character.

I'm like, and then I don't, I don't correct it anymore. I'm like, yeah, the only legacy character. And'm like, and then I don't, I don't correct it anymore. I'm like, yeah, I'm the only legacy character. And then I'll have other people like, he's lying. He's lying. I'm like, yes, of course I'm lying. Can I tell you something? Yeah. I have to tell you something right now,

which is I saw this reported earnestly. Yeah. That you were actually in the first twisters because there was a woman in the movie that was pregnant. That's your mother, and I did not interrogate it at all, and I'm realizing now that I simply believed it. And I never questioned, like if I'd thought about it

for a second, I'd be like, wait, I was alive when Twisters, I was a conscious, like, teen when Twisters came out. And it's also like, how insane would it be for the director to be like looking like that pregnant woman? Find that find that child Like it's like it's such a it's such a Prepping for the movie. We need the kid that was that member that background actress. Give me that kid That person would be fired. I just thought I just thought oh, that's so fun

That's so interesting. So now I have adopted that I am a legacy character in Twister. I'm like, yeah, I'm in both. If someone says it, if you would have said, oh, and you're in both films, I'd be like, yeah. I just, now I can't correct it anymore. It's out there. I like how in Gremlins 2, there were like more Gremlins, different shaped Gremlins, and that's

the same approach to Twisters. That it's like, we need more tornadoes and we need each tornado to have a little bit of a personality. Fire tornado is the best tornado I've ever seen. I love the fire tornado. School as hell. I mean, I saw that movie at the premiere, which was great,

but where I really enjoyed it was in 40X. When the seats are moving around, you're getting sprayed with water that I'm not interrogating where that water is coming from, but you're getting blown with like that I'm not interrogating where that water is coming from. But you're getting blown with fans and there's lightning effects. 40X, that movie was so popular that it just came back out in theaters last Friday,

again in 40X and they play both twisters. You can go back to back 40X and twisters. That's cool. You can get pill packs and spit on your face. You feel like you're there. Yeah, a cow pisses on you. My kids had a love for a movie. They went to that movie.

They loved it. And the best part was, I forget that my kids are, again, we're talking about young, impressionable kids. One of the final scenes of the movie, Daisy Edgar-Jones, she's about to launch her big plan. And I look over at my son. He's like this, oh, please let it work. Please let it work.

Please let it work. I was like, wow, that is the magic of movies. I was like, this is the best experience I ever had. There was a lot of doubt in his mind at this plan. Because it was a crazy plan. It's a crazy plan. It's a crazy plan. He fucking pulled it off.

But to watch him just like, please, please, please, please, please. Tornadoes are a great villain, you know? I love Mother Nature's villain. Because they don't care. They don't care. That's the thing about them. They don't care. They just don't care.

They don't care. They're sociopaths. They're the sociopaths of nature, the tornadoes. Well, are they or are they just living their life and we're like, you know, we're just here. It's like that asteroid in Armageddon. We love something that has no personality coming right at us. You know, it's a... I thought that asteroid was a little bitch.

LAUGHTER The ones in Deep Impact were kind of pretentious. If you had to choose, uh, Dances with Wolves or Forrest Gump? The worst. That's the battle of the worst. I know. That's why it's fun. Um, I guess if I had to choose between them, you're just going to watch, you have to watch one every day for a year. Okay. Well, that's going to be, it's going to be far as Gump, uh,

because at least I could just listen and focus one day on the music and the music is not bad. I can look at Marvel to see CGI technology, learn a little bit about our history, you know, and really make a good thesis about Jenny and her AIDS, where she get it from, why. Write some fan fiction on that. Dancers with Wolves is a rough rewatch, but it's tough. I'm over Kevin Costner.

And I feel like, like the horizon, it's like, like it's like, you know, he lost all of his money on it. Yeah, don't make a fucking six hour movie. Like anyone who would have been like, hey, should I spend $45 million on my own movie on a six hour film? The answer would be no. No, but he did it.

I don't feel bad for that. Like if he said, oh, I spent $45 million on a 90 minute movie, I'm like, oh, that sucks. I appreciate it. But a six hour movie is egregious. That's like, you should lose $45 million. Right. Like you should not, you should be banned from,

yeah, that's a bad idea. Aaron Sorkin has told this probably, so I can share it here, but when I was working on the newsroom, he told this story about how he basically went into a hotel room, did a bunch of drugs, and came out with a several hundred page script. And Rob Reiner took this loaf of script

and said, this hundred pages, this love story, I'm gonna make a movie out of that. Wow. And Aaron Sorkin, who uses the whole Buffalo, said, well, I'm gonna use the rest out of that. Wow. And Aaron Sorkin, who uses the whole Buffalo, said, well, I'm gonna use the rest to make the West Wing. Wow. Which is interesting. So American President and then West Wing

were from the same kind of drug-fueled, very long writing session. But the point being is Kevin Costner needs somebody to come in and say, six hours? Mm-mm, no, sir, no, sir. Yeah. You need actors, need somebody in their life who's like, I don't give a fuck that you were in that movie about baseball. You know, I just watched it last night. Bull Durham. I've never seen it. It's a lot about fucking less about baseball. And he's also filled the dreams. Right. That's another. He's a lot of baseball. The other one's where he's a pitcher on the mound. The key. One day in baseball. Nope. One day in baseball.

For the love of the game. For the love of the game. So he's in a lot of baseball. He's like our representative of man and sport. Golf movie, draft day. And there's something about him where I'm like, I watch Boulderm, I'm like, what the fuck is this movie about?

It's like Susie Sarandon's fucking Tim Robbins and to make them a better baseball player. Okay, cool. And, uh, but, and then, and that's really the premise of the, that's the plot. And then like bull Durham, who's not a character, by the way, I thought Kevin Costner's name was bull Durham. It's not, uh, yeah, he also is helping Tim Robbins be better at baseball. And then when Tim Robbins leaves town, he starts fucking Susan Sarandon at the end of the movie.

Yeah. I'm like, what was this movie? What did I just watch? I enjoyed the hell out of it. And I think that that's what I miss, is that kind of movie star energy, where I'm like, none of this works as a film, but I'm just watching.

You had a great time. You had a great time. Yeah, sometimes I see some of those like Masculine, Kevin Costner movies, like shut up and kiss a boy, all right. But you would like to. You had a great time. You had a great time. Yeah, sometimes I see some of those, like, masculine Kevin Costner, who's like, shut up and kiss a boy. All right. But you would like to see him kiss a guy. I just think it's like, it's enough already. We get it.

You got a hat on. You're in Yellowstone. You're such a real man. Kiss a boy. Let's see how much of a man you really are. Thank you, Paul. Paul, when we come back, when we come back, the end of the game, end of the show. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back. First of all, if you like this show, like and subscribe, like and subscribe to this podcast on your favorite podcast app. As Paul was saying, plus for those who like to watch, okay, you can catch all the funniest moments and gay is chaos on the love it or leave it YouTube channel. Sharing the show really helps people find us. So do that. Don't tell Kevin Costner. We're talking some shit about him.

No, we can tell T-Pain, but not Kevin Costner. Check us out on YouTube, Apple, Spotify, wherever, and make sure you send this episode to that special someone in your life. Also, the first ever presidential debate between former president Donald Trump and vice president Kamala Harris is set for September 10th, assuming someone doesn't chicken out. Will we see a heated exchange of policy ideas? Will it be a master class in dodging questions? Join our friends at the Pod Discord community for subscriber live chat during the debate with fellow Crooked listeners in real time.

Head to crooked.com slash friends to sign up. All right, please welcome back to the stage, Poppy Lu and Gareth Reynolds. To close out our show, it's time for a game we're calling, I want my 90s thing. Really good. Really good. Really good. That was really good.

Really good. I liked how slow I liked how slow it was. How did you get Diary of Straits to do that? That is so... I know, guy. They were a band. We'll spin the wheel, and when it lands on us, we'll share one thing from the 90s that we'd like to bring back from that glorious decade.

Just something from the 90s you want to bring back. Let's go to the wheel. Oh my god. Tobi, what's something from the 90s you'd like to bring back? OK, honestly, I thought about this before this show, and I'm triggering myself with my own answer. Because the thing I was going to say is like Tamagotchis and Furbies.

But then they would all die. Which is like. That's because they don't believe in the vaccine, right? No, it's because I kill all of the pets I have. I have had no dogs die. Knock on any. Someone get wood. But I've had it over. I don't know what the math is, four out of seven chickens die. So that's not good. Two of them were not on me.

I think seven out of seven chickens counts as one chicken. Right. Thank you. No, I think that's it. Thank you, Paul. And I've always said that. I also just think it's worth keeping in mind that over time, 100% of dogs die.

That's true. You know? Whoa. Something to think about. Thank god that's true. You know? Whoa. Something to think about. Thank God that's not true for humans. Yeah. Anyway.

Not if we give Elon what he's asking for, which is control of the government. All right. Let's spin. I think you're right about the Tamagotchis. I think we should bring them back. Let's spin it again. I love them. They were great.

They were great. They taught kids responsibility and about batteries. Two important things. Oh. Gareth, what do you got? My cheek looks swollen in that picture. Wait, that's you? Yeah. Papi.

I have lived a life. Wow, the difference a hat makes. Yeah, no. I like that that's all it is to you. No, no, I think it's good. One time we spun the wheel and it landed on me and the other guest said, oh, that's such a bad picture of me.

And I was like, that's not a picture of you. That's a fucking picture of me. Who was it? It's not important. That's tough when you're like, it's actually a good picture of me. Yeah, that's a good, yeah. I miss the Ab Roller.

Remember the Ab Roller with the connective bar? That seemed like the peak of technology for abs for a long time. And I really, when I got it, when I was probably in like ninth grade or something, I was like, well, this summer is going to be fucking off the chain. As I was in my room, and then I was like, well, this summer's gonna be fucking off the chain. As I was in my room and then I was like,

I'm still a chubby child, what's going on here? I thought the Ab Roller was gonna, the Y had them, it was awesome. The 90s was a great era for, if you just used this strange shaped device for three to five minutes a week, you're gonna be so skinny. That was the Suzanne Summers had the-

Thigh master. Thigh master. Delicious. Mm-hmm. George Foreman Grill. Yeah, I love it. Not the same, but kinda the same. What about the Ron Popiel food dehydrator?

There you go, that's what it- The fat just rolls off of it. And then there was so many different ways that you can make your legs go like this. Like kind of swing your legs back and forth, but not exercise, you know? Yeah. And that was exciting.

No, it was really like when we were like, anyone can be in shape. And it was a lie. But it was before we knew it. It was like the Instagram ads today, I still fall for them. But back then, I would watch like a 45-minute thing and be like, all right, I like what this guy's pitching. I mean, I was never overweight as a child.

All right, Paul. But I. Congratulations, Paul. But I was interested in Deal Meal, the Richard Simmons card game that was like, you would have a card game and then you Deal Meal. I had my vegetables. Yeah, and you put them in a little folder.

Yeah, it was great. Folder. Where's that Nerf gun? It was a simple time when you could go on a diet by eating only pasta, and that was a beautiful era when they were like, get as many fucking potatoes in your system as you can to be healthy, and we'll never go back to that. We'll never guilt, that's over.

That was also Jared the subway guy, right? Yeah. Whatever happened to that guy? Yeah. Is he good? Did he stop acting? No, no. He just went off to that.

Wish him the best. Yeah. We're. I bet he listens. No, I wonder if they have radio where he is. Is this radio? Let's see. Yeah.

I got a feeling. Hey. You know what? I was really deliberating between two things. And I'm going to go with my less popular thought, which is the Sega Dreamcast had a remote control fishing line. Uh, and I was like, when I was a kid, that was the most fun. I could possibly, I was like, just throw out a fishing line.

Like you were just fishing video game. That was like, the dream cast was the shit crazy taxi. I know I could get all this stuff, but there was a simplicity to it. Not VR, just a simple game, and I am a big Sega Dreamcast guy. I love the Sega Dreamcast, Toy Commander. There you go. Fucking Toy Commander.

God damn it, that was fun. Crazy Taxi is still not even available to get anywhere. It's like, it's held up. Because it's ableist. Someone had to say it. It's like, just have Tetris. Dr. Mario was fucked that game. Every aspect of that game was insecure, sad. That game had a sadness to it.

It was, it really, it was like- The music was sad, it's about pills. It's like, what if Tetris were about pills? It's such, it's like, it's such a terrible idea that they're like, they raced into it and no one thought that through it because pills in a bottle, a game for kids, like Tetris. Oh man, oh man.

Purdue and Mario, finally. Yeah, yeah. It's a me, a pharma. It's a pharma Mario. Ah! And every time we do this, we're one day closer to when you're not allowed to do this. Yeah.

All right, let's spin it again. Enjoy it. Mm-mm. Hey. It has landed on me. And I have two things that I would like to be nostalgic for from the 90s. One is just colors, using them all. Just we're going to use all the colors and that's totally cool and allowed.

The cars could be in all the different colors. What's the baseball team from San Diego called? Padres. They rolled out a new uniform. Did you see this? They have a new uniform. Definitely not. It's amazing that I know about this.

And the first thing at the time I heard about it, it was somebody saying, these are the ugliest uniforms in baseball history. And I was like, I want to see the ugliest uniforms in baseball history. They fucking rule. They are colorful. Has anyone seen them?

You don't agree with me. You don't like them, because I can tell by your shirt that you're a straight man. And I can also tell, what color are you wearing? Oh, blue and white stripes top and blue shorts. You have a blue sweatshirt, a blue fucking watch. This is the point, but you're dressed beautifully. This is the point I wanted to make.

There's a whole rainbow of colors and no one's going to think you know your way around somebody else's dick if you wear a pink shirt. It'll be okay, sir. Thank you for coming. But this is what happened. Like, there's every, like, there's only two kinds of colors now for straight men, which is like navy and tactical.

And like, that's fucking ridiculous. And like, yeah, I wear a pink shirt a lot. And it gets a very mixed reaction. It gets a big, like nice pink shirt. I'm like, OK. And then some people are like, I really like you in that pink shirt. I'm like, whenever someone says, oh, that's interesting.

The pink shirt, it's like, you don't like it. If you're calling it out, you don't like it, I feel like. I agree with that. But I just think like the narrowing of this, the range of colors, like too much beige in the fucking world, too like, like you go into a West Elm because you want to buy sheets, all the colors are gray. And that's why I've adopted an Adam Sandler lifestyle.

Like during, oh. That's the jersey. Oh, wow. It's fucking cool as hell. It's cute. Yeah. And maybe you should open your mind for a goddamn second. There's other colors.

It's OK. Just take a, I'm not saying you have to like it, but I'm saying give it one second to go into your mind in the same way that when Paul, when I see on the internet that Paul is appearing in Twisters because he was in the original Twisters as a fetus and I didn't question that at all, that same failure to actually interrogate it, you're reacting negatively to a jersey

because it's not what you expected. And I'm just saying, give it a goddamn second before you jump on the train and say, not Navy, not black, not gray, hate it. Every car is gray and black and Navy now. It's enough. Colors from the 90s. That's good.

I also think we should have romantic comedies again. And that's all I wanted to say about that. Oh, I love a romantic comedy. All right. I like your outfit. Thanks. Colors. She doesn't speak for all of us, sir.

I was going to say, in defense of this gentleman, it looks like you're wearing a little, like, I was, when I looked at you very quickly, and if I'm wrong, I'm wrong, it looks like you're having a little bit of a golf look here. Like, you know, the like, brings back colors. Most people, you look at people playing golf, they're wearing bright colors, they're embracing it.

It's one of the only sports that I think really does embrace a colors game. So you could do it, sir. And sir, listen, I'm sorry to pile on, but this is raising another important point, which is, hey, just because you golf at some point during your day, doesn't mean you have to treat the whole fucking world like it's the back nine

It's the only sport where you just be like, nope I wear golf clothes 25 like basketball players don't do that pickleball people don't do that But the golf people like no no no I can wear this to a restaurant. I It's oh, it's always dressy go because the collared shirt is a collar It's a collared shirt that you never wear. Listen, listen, listen. These fucking, these performance fabrics, you're not fooling anybody. We can all see that it's a fucking performance fabric. We know you're comfortable.

We're happy for you. Put on a fucking night shirt. John, may I point out that he's sitting next to a gentleman who's got a shoulder bag with a pink strap and a mullet, so maybe he's just trying to balance the evening out a little bit. And that's a beautiful point about diversity. When we come back, we'll end on a high note.

["The High Note"] And we're back. Because we all need it this week, Here it is, the high note. Hey, love it. This is Lily in Manchester, New Hampshire. And my high note this week is I am running for state rep for the first time in here in Manchester and I was out talking to voters today and I had a really great conversation with one woman, you know, about housing and a lot of housing, the housing market sucks here.

And at the end of it, she was like, well, you've got my vote. And just hearing that from someone who has never met me, doesn't know one, not family, doesn't know any of my family, you know, to have the confidence to say that they'll vote for me really just hit home like I can do this. So yeah, that's really exciting. Thanks so much. Bye. Hey, love it.

My high note is that after making my off BroadwayBroadway debut this summer, this week I got to record my first original cast album of a new musical. Something I never actually thought I'd get to do because I've been just doing regular plays for 15 years and now I'm doing musicals. And it's really cool. Love the show. Thanks everybody who sent in a high note. If you want to leave us a high note, you can do it in the friend of the pod discord

server in the love it or leave it channel or the high notes channel. That's our show. Thank you so much to Poppy, Luke, Gareth, Rettleton, Paul Scheer. There are 58 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend. Crooked Media Production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Chris Lord is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre,

Will Miles and Mahana Del Shiki are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support, Stephen Colon is our audio engineer, and Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Serna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers,

David Tolles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can. It's Javis Olive. Javis Olive. It's Javis Olive.