Lovett or Leave It - Strait Privilege

Episode Date: April 11, 2026

Trump walks up to and then back from the brink, the Strait of Hormuz tells America to get bent, and Melania reminds us she definitely, for sure, wasn’t friends with Jeffrey Epstein, even though no one was asking. This week, Joel Kim Booster and Symone pull into Lovett or Leave It station with their arms full of filthy anecdotes and apocalyptic thinking, and we send Lovett home stuffed to the gills with yet another helping of Second Thoughts.

Love it or Leave it is brought to you by Mint Mobile. I don't know about you, but I like keeping my money where I can see it. Unfortunately, traditional big wireless carriers also seem to like keeping our money too. If you're fed up with crazy high wireless bills, bogus fees and free perks that actually cost more in the long run, then it's time to switch to Mint mobile. Stop overpaying for wireless just because that's how it's always been. Mint exists purely to fix that. Min Mobile is here to rescue with premium wireless plans starting at 15 bucks a month. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Bring your own phone and number, activate with ESIM in minutes, and start saving immediately. No long-term contracts,

no hassle, ditch overpriced wireless and get three months of premium wireless service from MintMobile for $15 a month. You'll save so much based on those other big carriers. Those big ones are big expensive. Yeah, you know, what are you going with them for? You like your money. Mintmobile is for you. Shop plans at mintmobile.com slash love it. That's mintmobile.com slash love it. Upfront payment of $45 for three-month five-gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 dollars per month. New customer offer for first three months only, then full price plan options available, tax and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Hey everybody. Recently, I was joined by drag race and reality

TV icon Monet Exchange here on Love It or Leave It, and we had a blast. She gave us a scoop of what it's like navigating the housewife mafia on traders and her 36 hour appearance on Survivor. If you enjoyed my episode with Monet, you should definitely check out our weekly podcast, Monet Talks. Monet Talks features captivating conversations that divulge the industry's hottest gossip, seekers to success, and how to show resilience in the midst of adversity. Some of her recent guests include Kaja, Lisa Rina, David Archeletta, Vanilla Mace, and many more. Listen to Monet Talks with Monet Exchange every Thursday wherever you get your podcast for the hottest gossip, secrets, and lots of laughs. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live! Live it or Leave It Live! A Dynasty

typewriter here for the late show. We've got a great show for you tonight. Joel Kimbooster is here. Simone is here. And we're all feeling romantic and apocalyptic. And while we plan to go out with no regrets, we'll end the show with some second thoughts. But first, let's get

into it. What a week. On Easter morning, he had risen, and Trump was pissed. The United States president, is what he technically is, wrote on social media, Tuesday will be power plant day and bridge day, all wrapped up in one in Iran. There will be

nothing like it. Open the fucking straight, you crazy bastards, or you'll just be living in hell. Just watch. Praise be to Allah. Wow. At least when Obama praised Allah, he had the sense to do it in private five times a day, every day for his entire life. On Tuesday, with Trump's 8 p.m. deadline for Iran to reopen the Strait of Hormuz fast approaching, Trump went further, writing on true social, a whole civilization will die tonight, never to be. Never to be. be brought back again. I don't want that to happen, but it probably will. Trump is acting like someone is forcing his hand, but his hands can't be forced. His hands turned to dust with the slightest bit of pressure. So in the wake of that post, many former Trump acolytes called for his

removal from office via the 25th Amendment. Enough is enough, said Melania from behind a pair of groucho glasses. I feel like I did it better in rehearsal. Doesn't matter. Wrote, Marjorie Taylor Green, 25th Amendment, not a single bomb has dropped on America. We cannot kill an entire civilization. Good for you, Marjorie. We talked about it. You're allowed in the secret Jewish bomb shelter underneath Russ and daughters. Come on in, Marge. Green later went on CNN to explain her point of view. The president has a long history of shocking and unprecedented social media posts. Why was this the final straw for you? Because it's absolute madness. How can any person that is mentally stable, call for an entire civilization of people to be murdered, to be wiped out,

to never come back again. It's like the Holocaust, Green continued, except this time, it's real. And then, listen, two hours before Trump's deadline, the president announced on truth social that the U.S. and Iran had reached a two-week ceasefire. Good news, the U.S. will not launch a campaign of wanton destruction against the civilian infrastructure of Iran. the bad news, this counts as good news these days. I guess on some level,

I personally never believed he was actually going to unleash a genocidal attack across Iran because I was at like a quarter tank on Tuesday and I didn't fill up my car. Like if I really believed it was going to happen, I would have gotten a, I would have got into the evening. I would have gone into the deadline with a full tank of gas.

So on some level, I didn't really believe it. Here's how Fox News processed Trump's. decision. So, Democrats are already saying that this is taco. Trump always chickens out. Let me give you another acronym, Nacho, never avoids confronting hard obstacles. Yes, yes, my boy. Let the cringe flow through you. To defeat Chuck Schumer, you must become Chuck Schumer. Anyway, I have another acronym for you. Trump was never fit for office and still defending him as an embarrassment. That's right. Twentefada has a day. Both sides will now negotiate based on a 10-point plan Iran previously submitted to Trump, which includes lifting

sanctions, allowing uranium enrichment, and granting Iranians control of the Strait of Hormuz and all restaurant reservations for tables of 12 or more in Beverly Hills. Pakistan signed on to mediate the deal with talks to begin on Friday in Islamabad. The White House confirmed that Trump is sending junior deal boy Vance to negotiate. That means J.D. Vance has to go directly from Hungary, where he is campaigning for Putin-stooge Victor Orban to Pakistan without first coming home. More like I didn't pack for this, Dan. Meanwhile, according to the financial times, Iran plans to charge vessels the cryptocurrency equivalent of one dollar per barrel of oil to pass through the Strait of Hormuz, which could be millions

of dollars per ship. Trump claimed in a call with ABC's Jonathan Carl that he and Iran discussed collecting fees as part of a joint venture saying it's a way of securing it, also securing it from lots of other people. It's a beautiful thing. Let's just say Trump made him. an offer they can't Hormuz. And then... And then on Wednesday, Israel bombed Lebanon and Iran announced that the strait would be closed again,

even though it had never really been reopened in the first place. Israel claims the peace deal doesn't apply to Lebanon, and when you read the fine print, it does look as though the Lebanon bombings only stop if we pay for ceasefire plus. Vance, then said the whole thing amounted to a whoopsie-dazy.

I think this comes from a legitimate misunderstanding. I think the Iranians thought that the ceasefire included Lebanon, And it just didn't. We never made that promise. We never indicated that was going to be the case. And you can see how this happens. Everybody's remote. The U.S. uses Zoom and Iran uses teams. Israel killed everybody who knew the Wi-Fi password. So it's a tough week for news. It's okay. Vance also made the case for why it's fine for Iran to retain the right to enrich uranium after all. Jollybov said, which again, I found fascinating as he said, we refurb.

to give up the right to enrichment. And I thought to myself, you know what? My wife has the right to skydive. But she doesn't jump out of an airplane because she and I have an agreement that she's not going to do that because I don't want my wife jumping out of an airplane. That's interesting.

How often is it coming up, buddy? How often is Usha asking to skydive? How often does she lie awake at night imagining the 50 seconds of freedom and weightlessness between God and the ground where there's nothing but whoosh and eternity and gravity and the secure embrace of Dustin, the skydiving instructor, who didn't even know who she was.

Remember that? Being unknown? Remember being unknown to the world, to your husband, to yourself? Anyway, speaking of the country's number one Catholic, the free press reported that back in January, a senior Pentagon official met with the Vatican's ambassador and lectured him about the Pope's criticism of Trump's military aggression. Boy, right when the Catholic Church

stops protecting pedophiles. We get an administration obsessed with protecting pedophiles. And the Pope from two popes ago was literally in the Hitler youth. It's like ships passing in the fucking night. They would have been, I mean, the Catholic Church

and an older version of the Catholic Church in the Trump administration would have been peas in a fucking pie. Now I've got the woke pope from fucking Chicago. Also, yeah. And also, by the way, yeah, put the Pope thing aside. Your plan is to get

get a 70-year-old man from Chicago to stop sharing his opinions. It's inconceivable. During the meeting, the Undersecretary of Defense for Policy and a guy who legally can't be rejected from Yale because of his name, Elbridge Colby, reportedly told Cardinal Christoph Pierre that the U.S. military had the power to do whatever it wants and the Pope better take its side.

Colby also reportedly brought up the Avignon Papacy of medieval France, where the French monarchy gained control of the papacy from 1309 to 1376, bringing on what historically is known as the era of the stinky popes. Got him. Got him. Shizum. Schism. Schism. Schism. Schism.

Schism. Is schism acceptable? Or no? I think Sism... I think Sism, if you're Jewish. I think Sism is acceptable. Technically. I know it's schism. I know it's schism. A department and defense spokesperson called the report highly exaggerated and distorted. Being dramatic,

moi, how dare you, said Cardinal Pierre, seen here before swinging his velvet cape over his shoulder and heading back into the cathedral with a hundred foot ceilings and dozens of fully dressed skeletons. Most dramatic fucking people on earth. Look at this. fucking queens.

All right. Speaking of fully dressed skeletons, we cannot lose sight of who is responsible for a president as lawless and corrupt as this one. Republicans in Congress. Talk of the 25th Amendment is a tacit admission that Trump should be impeached and removed from office and the people that could do that

not only refuse to do it, they refuse to hold him accountable in any way whatsoever. Here's what the official Senate GOP account tweeted on Tuesday after Trump threatened to wipe out Iranian civilization. would be wise to take President Trump at his word, they can choose the easy way or the hard way. The hard way, I choose the hard way, said a sweating, flustered Lindsey Graham.

That's why our job is to turn our collective anger of Trump into action, to win the House, win the Senate, and ultimately take our country back in 2028. So please, do me a favor and go to votesafeamerica.com and sign up right now because, my God, we got to take Congress and start turning this country around. Melania Trump just dropped this today. And what you're about to see for those listening is an interminable walk to the microphone

followed by a completely off-the-wall surprise statement that we don't even understand the context of yet. As of right now, we have no idea why she did this. What the fuck is this? Let's take a look. She starts from so far away. Good afternoon. The lies linking me with the disgraceful Jeffrey Epstein. Need to end today. What the fuck is that?

Where did this come from? Why are we hearing about this now? You distract us from Epstein with Iran, then you distract us from Iran with Epstein, and so the glorious cosmic dance continues. But like I said, and everyone say it with me, twin facade of hay, twin facade a hay. And we've got a great show for you tonight.

We'll be right back with Joel Kim Booster and Simone. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love it or leave it is brought to you by IndyCloud. There's a lot happening right now. And most of it is loud, historically loud, and not in a good way. Which is exactly why people are becoming more intentional about how they unwind. Indicloud is designed to help. Indicloud is a fully legal online cannabis dispensary for gummies, exotic flour, premium pre-rolls and zero sugar THC SOTUS. Everything is federally legal

HEM-T-HC, lab tested and shipped discreetly to your door. And with 420 right around the corner, it's always 420 somewhere. New customers get 40% off all month long with IndiCloud's biggest sale of the year. Sleep gummies for nights when your brain refuses to clock out. Zero sugar THC sodas for social plans without alcohol. Premium pre-rolls for intentional evening wind downs and $70 ounces for consistency that actually makes sense. I'm a huge fan of Indy Cloud. They have really great edibles like gummies. They have brownies. They have a range of potencies from micro doses to high strength options for experienced users. I happen to be a lightweight experience user. And so I always go for a very little bit. There's a perfect match for every goal, whether you want to

unwind or find an uplifting boost. The world might stay loud. Your evening does not have to. If you're 21 and older and a new customer, go to indecloud.com. That's dot co. That's dot C-O-N-C-O-R-C-O-C-E-C-O-C-E-C-O-C-E-C-E-N-C-E-C-E-L-E-C-E-L-A-C-L-E-A-C-L-U-D. And don't forget to fill up the quick survey when you order to support the show. As always, please enjoy responsibly. And thanks to Indic-C-L-C-C-O-U-D. for supporting a calmer 420. Love it to leave it is brought to you by Stamps.com. It's staggering that to this very day, many small business owners are still making post office runs

or are stuck with expensive postage metered leases. It's 2026. Enough. Basta, mail and ship when you want, how you want, with Stamps.com. With Stamps.com, you can send from your computer or phone 24-7, no long lines, no low supplies, open anytime, print postage on demand and get up to 90% off carrier rates like FedEx,

UPS, and USPS, schedule carrier pickups right from your door, get carrier compliant labels, labels, every time. No errors, no rejected mail, no waste of trips. It's perfect for your business. Send certified mail. Get document tracking to confirm delivery and analytics to make sure you know exactly what you've sent and spent for almost 30 years. millions of customers have relied on stamps.com to make mailing and shipping faster and simple. We're a huge fans of stamps.com. They've been helping us from the beginning. It's a great way to make sure that you can get your packages to people, get your mail to people that I've been to go to the postoff.

And you don't have time to do that. You don't have time to do anything. Now when you need six hours of screen time in day. That's right. Got to get home. Check out your screens. Right now. Try stamps.com. risk-free for 60 days. Go to stamps.com. Use code love it to get 60 days risk-free. 60 days is plenty of time to see exactly how much time and money you're saving on every shipment. That's stamps.com code love it. That's stamps.com code love it. And we're back. All right. Friend of the pod subscribers. We just dropped a new episode of Pod Save America. Only friends. If you're not a subscriber yet, please consider joining Friends of the Pod. In this episode, John and Tommy talked about the election results

at a Georgia in Wisconsin and how Fox News is coping with Trump's failed war in Iran. If you're not subscribed, here's what else you're missing. Polarcoaster with Dan Pfeiffer, open tabs, the behind-the-scenes newsletter from PSA editor Reid Churlin, ad-free breaking news from Pod Save America. So why subscribe? You're supporting independent progressive media

that will never be owned by an Ellison. I'm 99% sure. You know, to say never in this life, this crazy world of ours. but it's all, I mean, 99.99.99% almost impossible to imagine Ellison being involved. Almost. It's impossible. Impossible. I'll say never.

Thank you. So sign up at crooked.com slash friends. Please welcome to the stage. My two hottest guest ever, and we've had Danny DeVito. It's Joel Kim Booster and Simone. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Thanks for being here. Come on in.

Welcome to you both. So nice to see you. Joel, yes, sir. You got gay married. I did. In January? Technically December.

It was New Year's wedding, yeah. Okay. I never thought I'd get gay married. I never thought it was for me. I think gay marriage is a lot like deep dish pizza in that it is, it's great, but it's not marriage. You know?

So it's its own thing. thing. But no, but now that I'm gay married, I think it is real. Well, it's funny, when you said Deep Deep Dupitia, I thought, no, that makes sense. It's deep dish pizza is kind of incompatible with the gay lifestyle in a certain sense, you know? Not mine, but yeah. No, no, but for, I'm just saying, it's a, it's a big commitment, a deep dish pizza. You know, it changes the course of the evening, I find. The course of the week sometimes. Sometimes, sometimes the course of a week. Yeah. Simone, what do you think about deep dish pizza?

You know what? I love deep dish pizza. I think it's lovely. Me too. I love it too. I've actually never had it. I'm going to be real with you. Oh, I never.

Did I fend somebody? I'm sorry. I've never had it, no. But I have been to Chicago, so yay for that. Yes. Work. Oh, it's so good. But it's not pizza.

But it's not pizza? No. What is it? It's its own thing. You're on scrubs. Yeah? People are so excited about Scrubs And then there was a rumor

That Zach Braff was dating an AI I am familiar with the rumor And now I had heard the rumor The rumor mill on basically just Everyone I had so many conversations I had texts I had people that were like

Oh my God, did you hear? Blank is dating an AI And it was seven different people Yeah One of whom was Zach Brath And then he had to say No I'm not dating an AI Yeah I got a lot of text

messages about that too, because people knew that I was working with him. And they were like, oh, is he dating an AI? Is this believable? And I said a lot of things, but he is still technically my boss. So I will say, it was so unbelievable. And I couldn't believe that the rumor was started. Be careful, bitch. No, I love... Be careful, bitch. Protect the check. He's great.

And I think it obviously came because there was a literal storyline on this season of Scrubs that he's dating his AI. And I think it just sort of got extrapolated from that. Right. That was sort of in the fictional world of the show. But there's other people that I think are much more plausible to actually be dating an AI that I believe. And we can talk.

We'll talk about it. We can just talk about it. Oh, I thought you were about to pull up like a whole powerful. I was like, this is the new segment. And Simone, you're, everybody is so excited about stop that train. Hey! The trailer is so good. Oh, it is.

I love it. I love it. So it's, it's RuPaul's comedy. It's you and a bunch of other drag race alums. Yes. And many other D-Lis-Gay celebrities as well. We have a clip. Madam President, we have an emergency.

The situation is ongoing. Look at Mother. Monitoring it from every angle. Tell it to me straight. There's a Glamazonian Express had it directly into a massive storm. Now tell it to me gay So it's a lot of that I saw a very early screening of this movie

Pre-special effects What they haven't even have told us the screening yet I will say it's incredible It's everything you want it to be You are fantastic in the film Everyone is fantastic in the film And it is exactly what it promises itself to be Which is gay airplane

Yes Yes That's a perfect description If you are craving the naked gun airplane Like, it is that, but through the Rupal lens That was so delightful. Always the movie she wanted to make, I feel. That's what it felt like.

Who in the movie was like, oh, my, like, what, like, queens from the show were like, oh, wow, they're, they're, they're, they're actors. Oh, Jujui made us laugh all the time. That was the one. She was the one we would always, like, have to stop ourselves and be like, we're, we're on camera right now because she's funny. She's the, y'all gonna laugh.

She's funny. So, Christy Noam tried to ban drag on. Lovely segue. Wow. Just no lube straight into Christine Nome. Great. You know what? That's my fault.

Yeah. No. No, it's good though. Keep going. Speaking of people with just incredible features. I think it was right.

Speaking of guns. Speaking of guns. Speaking of guns. That's a good one. Yes, so. So, Nome. trying to ban Dragon College campuses in South Dakota, but her husband was... Wait, did you just say cousins?

Cusband? Are they could? Honestly, they might... They might be. I was about to say, in certain parts of the country. Cusbands are very popular. Great read. Cusband.

Cusbands. Husband was putting on a breastplate at home. How far do we think Brian Nome would have made it in Drag Rains? Oh, honey. He wouldn't have even made in the door. Listen, there's... Those wonky boobs? There is such a fine line and there, but a big...

difference between a drag queen and a cross-dresser. That's true. And there is a distinction there and this man is a crossy. He's not a queen. This is me and my friends called Cedar Chest. That's what this is right here. This is drag. But if you were to give, if you, I, and I see the difference.

And I know the difference. Yes. But if we were, if you were going to say, you know what, if let's say, remember when, let's say we're in, we're dressing up the crew. Yeah. We're in the crew episode. he's, you know, he's a, he's, needs a lot of tips and a lot of pointers. There's a lot of tips.

What are we, what are we doing to help Brian Nome get into drag? Well, first of all, we're putting a lot of spackle up there. Yeah. We are, we are reshaping this entire foundation right here is where we're starting for me. Because that's not my daughter. I, that's, right here, this is not my daughter. I feel like the proportions are also quite off. Those are quite all.

One boob is doing, this one is tits up, literally, nipple up. And this one's tit down. So I don't my daughter would never look like that So tits would be forward She is not in the house of Avalon Yeah she's not a house of Avalon girl Well not yet Not ever

What if we're at the beginning of a journey We have not even All we all this All we know All we know is that this person Is married to Christy Noam Yeah Who was

You think she knew You know Like do you think she found the breastplate And was like Eh Who knows? Who knows? Oh, they're balloons.

That's even worse. Yeah. You didn't even get a breastplay girl. Get on. Like, you can get them a lot of places these days. Lowe's Home Depot. Now, taking inspiration from Joel's new podcast, intimacy coordinator. Yes.

We have invited our closest friends and enemies to submit their most confusing, surprising, or unexpected sex and dating question, as well as a few questions from our team. And boy, people have a lot of weird chick on them. Oh, shit. Okay, which is why... Look around. Which is why it's time for a segment we're calling into seeing you next Tuesday.

Ooh. I like that. All right. Here's, let's see, we have some questions. First question, I don't drink anymore and genuinely don't know how to set the mood on a first date without booze. Any suggestions for date ideas or how I can just...

It says here, nut up already. Nut up. You know, I don't drink. I haven't been drunk. since 2022. And I think like a really good alternative if you're looking for a non-drinking focused date is ketamine.

And I think that could be really like a nice sort of different mode to go. Because that's, you know, that's sort of I'm Bushwick sober. Wait, so ketamine. It's everywhere these days. Everyone's talking about it. Yeah. There's

a lot of sick horses in this country. Okay. Does it make the horses, does it put pep in there step or does it chill out the horse? No, it's a horse tranquilizer. No, I know that. But for humans, does it bring us up or does it bring us down? No, it's down and sort of lateral into a different universe.

It's so great because if you do enough of it, you start to feel like you're playing yourself in a video game, which I find is the perfect state of mind for a first date. Because then it just turns into like a session of the Sims, you know? And that might ease their anxiety about first dates as if they're just simply playing themselves in a simulator. For the first date, though? Yes, for the first date.

Oh. I feel like that made me go a little. I'll make me go left. Not right. Are you yourself on ketamine? I really am like, all of a sudden you hear about all the, so many people are microdosing ketamine. There's so many people getting ketamine lozenges.

I'm hearing a lot about ketamine. And I just like, is it all I know is I know weed. I know alcohol and I know mushrooms. Where am I in that world? I mean, it's definitely, it's a light hallucinogen, so it's closer to mushrooms than it is to weed, I would say, for sure. Interesting. Interesting. But it's perfect for a first date because it does give you,

what is the, aphasia. So you're unable. So you're unable to speak. Great listener, great listener. Exactly. Great listener. Close this down. Close this down.

Just receive. You don't want to get to know them. You just want to sit and stare. No, I mean, my real answer for this would be activity-based dates. Like, I think that there's a lost art to like going bowling or going put putting or going, doing something. Bowling is a great first date. I actually find bar dates to be really bad for a first date sometimes because it's just like you're just sitting there and there's nothing but the other person to focus on, which is sometimes for good. But sometimes when it's a first date, you really do need to like have.

something to be doing to sort of make it a little bit more like easy to get to another person so that it's not as awkward if you don't have something immediately to say to them. That's a good idea. Yeah. Yeah, you need more time where you're facing the same direction. Yeah. You know, you just need to be able to rotate through different shapes. Exactly. I think. And that's smart. On Caller Daddy this week, Nikki Glazer talked about her hot husband fetish where she likes hearing about her boyfriend sleeping with other women, though she doesn't sleep with other people herself. Is this a fetish or just a sign of having too many bookings? Is she just too booked and busy?

She's too successful that she has to outsource this aspect. I mean, is, cuck-holding is like a fetish. I know a lot of people who are into sitting in the corner and just, you know, and not being engaged in it and, like, hearing it. I, I, that could never be me. Could never be me, though. No. Could never be me.

Yeah. You want to be involved. I want to be involved. Or don't ask, don't tell. Yeah. You know, like, take me to that space. Like, if, like, the thing is, is, like, if I'm out of town and my husband has had like an amazing hookup, I like don't. I'm like,

who cares? But if something funny happened, then I want to know about it. If there was some slapstick involved, then please share, divulge. But other than that. Yeah, like someone slipped on a banana peel. Yeah, exactly. You know? Or like a piano fell on, on like a board and paint flew up in the air. He's often hooking up with Wiley Coyote. Yeah. For sure. Right, you go like this and nothing happens. It doesn't. and explode. So you go all the way down to the bottom of the bridge and you're like, what's happening? Then boom.

Simone, a couple was looking for a thruple. This is a person saying I'm talking to a couple who's looking to be in a thruple. I'm not against the idea. Do you think functional throuples exist or are we fooling ourselves? It's funny you ask me this question. Because if I was ever, I don't know if I could ever bring in a third because I get jealous. But I do have a friend You know what I'm saying

But we could do See I have a friend Who's in a throuple They have the whole life They have a kid and everything And it works for them So I guess it does work But for me and my brain

I don't think that's Do you know if it's a triangle Or a V They're set up Like do are they all Are they all in a relationship Together or is it One person has a husband

But he also has a boyfriend But the husband and the boyfriend Aren't dating No they're all together They're all together. I was like, wait, is that mean all of them coming to him or are they all fucking each other?

I'm sorry, I was going sexual. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I get like, oh, you know, like monogamish style or like open, but you know, we're a couple committed, but we do things. That all makes sense to me. The second you have two boyfriends

and there's two birthdays, that seems like life is short and turns exhausting. It sounds exhausting. It sounds exhausting. Because listen, I get like this, I obviously understand non-a-monogamy from like a purely sexual

perspective. Like I get the variety or the distance being sort of necessitating or whatever if you're into that. I cannot fathom doing all the work parts of a relationship with multiple people. Right. Because that is at the end of the day

I love my husband, but it is work to make that happen every single day. And I can't imagine having to... I mean, how could you ever give 100% to multiple people? I know people who do. I'm like Samar. I have friends who have been together. For over 20 years in a thruple.

And it works very well for them. But I am not built that way. Yeah, I don't judge it. I'm more amazed and astonished by it. Exactly. Do people not care about their jobs enough? You know what I mean? Like, should people be working harder?

The shift to work from home really changed. There's a lot of people. But hey, they have a lot of love to give. Yeah, a lot of love to give. Not me. Not me. Oh, this one I thought was... I recently went out with a woman

who looks a little like me in her photos in person we look shockingly similar, is there a level of doppelbanger where you just look too much alike to date? Oh. I feel like this happens to gay people a lot. Yeah, I really want to know, is this a, is this a, a, a het couple, or?

This is a, this is two women. Okay. Because I was going to say, like, when straight couples, like, yeah, it's like, go off, Cusband, you know. Cousband, you know. I, listen. Gird your loins for being made fun of, for being, you know, girlfriend twins or what have you,

because it is like a funny thing to joke about when you see it out in the wild. And inevitably, it also happens with couples end up starting to look more and more like each other, I think, as they get older too. But my thing is, is if you have happened to find someone that you are falling in love with, which is such a rare thing in this life, like, do not let shit like that stand in the way of it. because like other like if I like listen did I plan on marrying a white man no but like that is who came into my life who who loved me and who I fell in love with and I'm not good that's such a statistical anomaly for that to happen to a person and I would never deny myself that because it's not

convenient for my narrative you know and I just think like so it's the same with shit like this where it's like yes you're worried about the optics of what the world is going to see but at the the day. If you found somebody like that, then don't let go of them for something so trivial. I just want to know that this was from our head writer, Hallie. This is Hallie's experience. Oh, Hallie. Hold on, Hallie.

I'm going to text Hallie and talk about this with her later. We're on board, Hallie. So you used to think, oh, I won't get married, and then you got married. What, like, you were wrong? Why were you wrong? Like, what were you wrong about? You don't know what you don't know. And listen, I think, like, I had never been in a relationship until I met my husband. And so I was learning a lot of things about

myself and what I wanted on the fly as I was falling in love with him. And I think for us, like, A, was like we both love a party. And B, I think I realized suddenly what marriage was, which is that it wasn't so much about our commitment to each other because we could have been partners for life and we didn't need a marriage certificate to tell us that we were going to do that work to make sure that that worked. But it for us, for me at least, it became this thing of like, when you know, you know when you tell someone you're writing a book and then it's like, well, now you have to write the book because that person is going to check in with you and be like, how's the book going? And then you don't want to be embarrassed. Our wedding ceremony

and the vows that we made to each other in front of all the people that were most important to us in our lives is sort of the macro version of saying, we're writing a book. And like, you now have to keep us on track. And like, we included everyone in the ceremony, in in ways to make it so that like they felt like they had an investment in us as a couple and we need your help to make sure that this stays intact. And so like when I thought about it in those terms and it was so much more about community and not just about me and him, it made suddenly a lot more sense. Yeah. It's funny too because I would like it made both both. I remember talking to you when you were a person that was never going to get me. And it's so funny

talking to you now because really what you just described is the absolute textbook conservative idea of the purpose in a good way and I'm good at the purpose of marriage and I do think there's something interesting about like growing into that once you have the right person yeah yeah Simone what do you think about the institution of marriage listen I've never been married I'm not on my way to be a married as of yet if you see somebody out there but I think it's a great thing I think if it's something that you are prepared for and it's something that you really love this person, I think it's a beautiful thing. And I think people

that enter to it knowing that and the weight of that, I think it's something that everyone should experience with someone they love. Hopefully I get to do that. I'm not opposed to it, but it's just never happened to me yet. Yet. You guys would throw a sick ass wedding. Oh, honey. The wedding. Here's my idea of my wedding. I would

go to town, was it town square town hall? And I would get my marriage certificate. I would spend the money on the party. I want a party. And I want to have a good time with the people I love and the people we love. So, you know, I guess like a good dress and a cute tucks, but, you know, I want to have multiple party outfits, darling. That's more fun to me.

We changed, for sure. Somebody to look forward to. I'm excited for that for you. Yes. You get an invite, yes. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Love It is brought you by Built. We can all agree. Housing is expensive. Rent and mortgage. It doesn't matter which one you're paying. It stings every month. But Built can make it feel a little better. Built started out rewarding members on their rent.

Now, as of 2026, Bill members can also earn points on mortgage payments wherever they live. Every housing payment earns you points. You can use towards flights with top travel partners like United and Hyatt, lift rides, Amazon. Amazon.com purchases and so much more. Personally, I'd go for you get fitness classes. You can get home delivery through Amazon. You can do lift rides. You can get a gift card for 120 different kinds of brands.

So there's a lot of ways to redeem your points. Here's the most underrated part. Bill members also get access to neighborhood concierge. It can make restaurant reservations. book fitness classes and find new local spots all being rewarded and more than 45,000 merchant partners. It's like having a personal assistant baked into where you live. It's simple. Being a renter and now owning a home is better with Bill. Join the membership for where you live at joinbilt.com slash love it. That's J-O-I-N-B-L-T.com slash love it. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. Love it or leave it is brought to you by Cook Unity. I'm a huge fan of Cook Unity. I just tried their, they had a salmon curry dish. That was just excellent. I really like it. I actually need some reminder to go on to the website, give him five stars. Get that thing coming to

my house again. Cook Unity makes eating well, effortless and rewarding, delivering chef-crafted meals right to your door so you can spend less time planning and cooking and more time enjoying the longer, lighter days ahead. Explore Cook Unity's menus and discover how chefs are redefining seasonal eating through food that nourishes fuels and inspires. I'll tell you, yesterday, literally yesterday, I had the salmon that I just mentioned. Then this morning, before I came to the office, I had a Chinese chicken salad that was really great. They just did. It just, Just make great stuff. It's so great having every week, I get my six meals from Cook Unity, and I just know that for

six of my meals, it's just so easy and so good. Cooking quality meals takes time, but it doesn't have to be your time with Cook Unity. There's no cleanup or meal planning. Meals are delivered fully cooked, just heat up in as little as five minutes. Choose from a rotating seasonal menu of over 300 meals or let Cook Unity's platform provide personalized recommendations. There are over 25 diets and cuisines to choose from, so you can always match your cravings with your wellness goals.

Commitment-free subscriptions start at as low as $11 for meal. Skip deliveries, pause, cancel any time. For my six meals, I get something that's like a fun pasta. Then I get some healthier options. Then I just try some new stuff every week. That's what I do. Taste craftsmanship in every bite from the award-winning chefs behind CookUnity. Go to Cookunity.com slash L-O-L-L-I.

Go to cookunity.com slash lowly or enter code L-O-L-E. Or enter code L-O-L-L-I before checking out to get 50% off your first order. That's 50% off your first order by using code LOLI, or going to cookunity. com slash lowly. And we're back. First of all, I just want to say, And I'm so excited for Stop That Train. Thank you. Me too.

Which is in theaters on June 12th. Yes. And Simone's at World Pride in Amsterdam. Yes. And at a Pride Fest near you. Uh-huh. Go to At The underscore Simone on Insta for more information. And Joel's on Scrubs on ABC and Hulu.

Hey. And the Intimacy coordinator on Smartless Media launches on May 18th. Wow. Really? Yeah. Do you not know that? I didn't realize it was that soon. It's coming.

May 18th. May 18. That's dope. I love to hear that. It's time for a love it or leave a classic, The Egg of Truth. And this week, there are only two topics we want to talk about,

sex and the end of the world. Based on the news. So, we have two eggs here. We have the egg of erotic truth, and we have the egg of apocalyptic truth. In a segment we're calling, The Egg of Truth, the end is coming. Shit.

Work? Visual joke. So here's how it works. We have one egg has a pocket. The other egg has horny questions. This egg is ready to go to Folsom. Yes, it is. It's a leather egg.

So perfect. Ooh, she's ready for her video. Only fans. And just to note, there are some apocalyptic erotic questions distributed randomly in both. Nice. Simone, why don't you kick us off? Would you like an apocalyptic or an erotic question? Oh, let's go erotic, darling.

All right. What's the worst pickup line anyone has ever tried on you? or that you have ever tried? So this is when I was younger, and I was, you know, watching TV, and I was like, oh, let me go talk to this boy. And I, I'm going to embarrass myself. I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to embarrass somebody else. And I did the cliche one of like, oh, did it hurt when you fell? And they were like, what? It was like, oh, you know, when you fell from heaven. And then, of course, it went nowhere. But I was like, oh, you're trying to say that. That was for TV. Okay, great.

Check. But, yeah, no. I tried, you know. It was like 19, 19, 20 years old. Sorry, a little reggie. That's my boy name. Yeah. I bet it worked for you.

Oh, no, it did not. It did not. Joel, what about you? But I tried. So this was the day L.A. reopened after the pandemic. And I think people had forgotten how to flirt. But I was at high tops in Ou eating a buffalo chicken salad.

Shout out the best salad in the city. And I was standing because it was so crowded eating the salad. and a guy approached me and said, you do not eat that salad confidently. And I was like, new insecurity just dropped. And then he literally then, like, he was negging. Like, he was trying to, like,

and then he proceeded to, like, hit on me and ask for my number after that. And I was like, why would you start with a bizarre insult? But that has stuck with me. Every time I eat a salad now, I wonder if I'm doing it. With confidence.

Did you give him your number? No, never. How were you eating the salad, though? You wouldn't demonstrate that? I was standing, hoovering it into my mouth, which feels pretty confident. Yeah. From what I'm saying, you look very confident. Yeah, I don't get it.

Joel, would you like an apocalyptic or ironic question? Apocalyptic. Let's do apocalyptic. If you could survive the apocalypse, but you had to live in a cave with Trump's cabinet, could you do it? Yeah, I think I could, actually. Because who knows where the food is coming from? and there's a lot of them in the cabinet. And I think post-apocalypse, the rules around cannibalism will sort of have shifted a little bit.

And I think I could overpower most of them. Wow. Simone, what would you like? Let's do a puck-a-lac-lick-it. All right, let's do it. I'm just doing this one. Do you think you could eat bugs? Well, what kind of a bug?

Are we saying like a grasshopper? a spider, that's an arachnid. Are we talking about like a, like what kind of, an ant? Any bug? I guess if I had to survive, we've got to do what you gotta do, honey. It's fear factor at that point, honey.

Every once in a while you look at a stripping, you're like, that's a bug, so I can't eat other bugs. That's a bug. If I eat a big bug, why can eat a little bug? That's right. I had a grasshopper taco once. Not good.

How was that? Not good, but it was fine. It was fine. Where did you have that? I had a restaurant. Now, was the grasshopper supposed to be in the taco? Yeah, it was grasshopper. It was on the menu.

Yeah, it was on the menu grasshopper taco. What comes on a grasshopper taco? Well, it was grasshoppers and then some kind of a salsa. The truth is, when you eat a grasshopper taco, you do forget the accoutrements because you really are remembering that you ate the bucks. So I don't remember anything other than the fact that there was bucks. Oh, that's a good, another good question. Are there condiments? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, then yeah, I can sauce it up. You got a sauce. You got a little something on that. I mean, hell, it's apodoleps. I'll eat the mayonnaise, I'm sure. Yeah, sure, why not? I eat amazing good. Cupy mace.

I think people have the, I love the Japanese-style mayonnaise. And I think there are people that don't like, like, Helmand-style mayonnaise that might enjoy a Kupi-May. It's just a different kind of man-e-a-jointed. Is it lighter? It's just a little different. It's just a little different. Let's do an erotic question. Yeah, let's do an erotic question.

What's the oddest place you've had sex? You know what? It's interesting. I find the like, where's the craziest place you question, like, to be of the who, what, when, where, why, the least interesting. I find who's the craziest person you've ever had sex with me. But no, no, no. I will say, like, honestly, it's not that exciting. It is the back of a Subaru behind a target in my hometown. I think that's interesting.

It's not that interesting. People have sex in their cars all the time. It's happening right now outside, I'm sure. All right, then what is the most jaw-dropping thing someone has said or done on a date with you? Somebody, oh, this was not a date. I'm not a big dater, but this was a hookup. The first guys I ever went to his apartment in New York when I moved to New York. And I got there and he said, we have to do this in the living room because my husband's home and he's really racist.

And I was like, what? And I was like 24 at the time. And I was really proud of myself that I only gave him a blowjob. I was going to ask, bitch. I was like, did you give him some bitch? Because I would have to ask the girl What's coming out that room? Yeah, it's sort of like

Come up with a different reason Yeah, no, I was like, you don't have to be honest about everything No That was crazy work You could keep it down. My neighbors. Well, it was one of these things where like It wasn't clear I was like, but against me

You know, like I was obviously would have put up with it If it was anyone else But I was like, it's specifically me? Yeah, but you? Yeah. Model minority over here?

Come on. How could it apply to me? M.M. Simone, what kind of question would you like? Let's do erotica. Do you ever think about how gross sex was in history? Yes, I do, actually. I do.

I like historical dramas. I mean, sometimes I look there and I say, they didn't do it. I know they didn't do it. Okay, and I know you, you as a king or whatever, But that's, can we say a peasant? Sure. You're a peasant, and I know you didn't do. So yeah, I do.

Like, I think about like, like, Bridgeton, but for real. But for real. And just the smells, you know. The wool, the wet wool. The wet wool. So much, so much sweaty wool. Yes, and they would pee in their dresses and just walk on about their day. Now, do you know that?

I did not know that. Yes, baby. They would pee in the dress because they didn't have no toilet. And so they would just have to let it go. And that beautiful silk dress. Are you describing your time on drag race right now? Yes, I am, actually, I am.

You got me, bitch. You got me. I didn't want to talk about that online. Let's do, I want to do an apocalyptic one. Let's do an apocalypse. Oh, here we go. An asteroid is heading toward Earth. What is the length of time left on Earth

at which point you stopped doing skin care? Oh. I'm going to the end. So let's say, I'm going to the end. Let's say we find out that the asteroid's going to hit in five years. I think we're still doing it. Oh, yeah. If it's six months, are you really going to do red light?

Oh, absolutely. I'm going out with glass skin, honey. I think leading up to like maybe two weeks or a week is when I would stop. So that's interesting because then you can actually measure the sheer percentage of time you're doing skincare as a share of your time on Earth. Doesn't take long to slap some SBF on people, okay? Oh, if I know an asteroid's coming, sunscreen is done. I'm done. Sorry, no way.

It doesn't matter at that point. It doesn't matter. Yeah, I'm free. I'm free. Are you committing crimes? Are we committing crimes? Oh. Listen. Listen.

That's what I'm saying. We got to do it. I would do like a victimless crime like rob a Walmart. But like not like one with the real victim. We've already done that. You know? They're going to, if there's an asteroid coming, everything's going to be behind the little glass things. Yeah. That's true.

You know. You're pushing the button. Let's do and I'll do one. Let's do one more of each. Hmm. Hmm. That's the same as the one about the history. All right.

Oh. The world is ending. Your partner is giving you the green light. What celebrity are you fucking before we blink out of existence? Boris Kojo. Michael B. Jordan. Oh, good one. Okay, wait.

Who was yours? Boris Kojo. Who's Boris Kojo? He was on, what was it, Station 19. You know him. I know what you're talking about now. What was it? Medea's film reunion.

Yeah, family reunion. He was the bus driver. I'll show you. Oh, no. You'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it. I promise.

You're going to look at that man. You're going to be like, yes. I'm going to change my answer. Okay. Only because Michael is too top of mind, it's an obvious choice. But Riz Ahmed. That's who I would. Oh, okay.

Riz Ahmed. Interesting. Okay, good. Yeah, I had to go with the straight ones because the gay ones are too attainable. A little too accessible. That is true. I'm going with Martin Short.

I think we'd have a good conversation. Oh, okay. Yes, I bet he has some wild stories, bitch. I just like to have the evening. Yeah. Okay. We're right back. Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love or Leave It is brought to you by Blinds.com. There's a version of your home you haven't lived in yet. Where the light behaves, where the rooms feel finished, where you sleep until you decide to wake up. Blinds.com has spent. 30 years making it easy to find the perfect fit with over 25 million windows covered and have 50,000 five-star reviews. You can feel confident you're in good hands, whether you want to go full

DIY, bring in license and vetted pros to handle the measure and install or land somewhere in between. You're always in control. They make it simple to choose the level of support that works best, with flexibility every step of the way. Need help picking the right style. Book a free consultation with one of blinds.com's award-winning design experts, no pushy salespeople, no awkward in home visits. Just real advice on your schedule. They'll even ship samples to your door, fast and free. Choose from a huge variety of style options. At prices that fit any budget, everything is backed by blinds.com's 100% satisfaction guarantee because at blinds.com, the only thing they treat better than Windows is you. I love blinds.com. We got blinds.com here at Cricket. They're great.

You customize it to the window. You get free samples. They come right to your door. You can choose something that looks cool. They have all kinds of blinds and shutters. You know, don't sleep on shutters. Right now, blinds.com is giving our listeners an exclusive $50 off when you spend $500 or more. Just use code. Love it at checkout. time offer rules and restrictions apply seeblinds.com for details. And we're back. Woo! And now it's time for everyone's favorite exercise and self-correction.

I mean reflection. Second thoughts. Here's how it works. I have a list of potential second thoughts for us. Let's see. First second thought. Danny DeVito caught a stray in the intro for tonight's guest. I think that was a bit unfair.

I just needed to bring him up. Oh, I jumped into the Christy Noam question without any segue. He's probably jarring for you, and I'm sorry. missed opportunity for sure yeah there's so many obvious fun ways we could have gone into it and I didn't even I didn't I would have loved to see you thread the needle of like connecting like dog murder to like whatever we were just talking about Joel any regrets um I regret wearing shorts on an elevated stage because I feel like um you know that was a mistake

I think they look nice thank you I like the shoes and I like There's a kind of like a schoolboy energy too with the shoes and the socks and school girl kind of mixed in there with the socks. What is the speaking of shorts on your thigh there's a molecule. Oh, this is poppers. Is it really?

Yeah, amyl nitrate. That's it. Look at that. It's scratch and sniff. Okay. And then, and that's fun. Poppers. Is it really poppers?

It is really poppers. It's sort of a joke that I wanted to make forever. It's good. I think it's good. I think it's good. Because it could have been something like it's serotonin. Oh, no. I love when my like PA comes in and she's this wonderful straight woman and she's like, I love organic. Can I bet I can guess what this is? And I'm like, baby, I don't think you can.

I don't think they were covering this one in med school. But maybe they were. Maybe they should. Simone, do you have any regrets? Any second thoughts? No, I had a lovely time. I have a great time. I look great.

You guys were lovely to talk to. You do look great. The lighting is great. The audience is lovely. I have no regrets. No regrets. No. And I don't regret.

I need to date more, it seems. We got to get out. Hey, we got to get out there. Yeah, I have to get out there, you know. Anyone? No, all right. No. I thought I would try.

That was me trying. You know what? This is you trying. That's beautiful. Thank you. It only takes one. It only takes one. That's right.

You know, Joel was a hardened cynic. One and done. One and done. And look at you. Married. One and done. And I don't regret making everyone think about how gross sex used to be. And with that, that's our show.

Thanks, everybody. Thank you to Joel Canbooster and Simone. We will see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter right here. There are 205 days until the midterms. Holy shit. Have a great night. And have a great weekend. If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are,

don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram, TikTok, and all the other ones for original content, community events and more. You can also find Love It or Leave It on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube exclusive content. And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad-free Love It or Leave It and Pod Save America episodes, subscriber exclusive pods and more sign up at crooked.com slash friends. Love it or leave it is a crooked media production. It's written and produced by me, John Lovett. Kendra James is our executive producer,

Bill McGrath is our producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer Sarah Lazarus is our senior staff writer and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Suba Argoal are our writers. Jordan Cantor is our editor, Kyle Seagland and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure, Sure. Thanks to our designer, Sammy Kudurna Reeves for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Tolls, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, Delon, Villanueva,

Jayv, Jayv, and Rachel Gaieski for filming and Rachel Gaiyeski for filming and editing video each week so that you can. Love it is produced by Lee Eisenberg, and our head of production is Matt to Grote. And our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.