Lovett or Leave It - The Artful Todger

Episode Date: January 14, 2023

The secret’s out… Lovett Or Leave It is back with another episode! Lovett finds out what dirty dealings Kevin McCarthy got up to when he unearths House Rules’ shadow document. We see if Star Trek: Picard’s Michelle Hurd knows her princes. The L.A. Times’ Julia Wick unpacks our fair city's city council mayhem. Holmes joins us to present the first-ever Ussy Awards, musical improvisers Zach Reino and Jess McKenna sing us into the weekend, and the Rant Wheel spins on and on. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Hello, Los Angeles! Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else, it's going to be a doozy of a show this week. We've found the script in an envelope marked classified behind the toilet and Biden's favorite Amtrak car. Holmes is here and they're going to help us present the Ussy Awards. It's tough to say. Zach Reno and Jess McKenna will regale us with some musical improv. Michelle Hurd takes on a certain Prince of Wales. More like fails. No, he's great. We love him. He's fine. A little over Sherry. The LA Times' Julia Wick takes us on a scandal-ridden tour of this fair city and the first rant wheel of the year. But first, let's get into it. What a week.

In a classic political whoopsie-daisy, President Biden's personal lawyers found a small number of classified documents dating from his time in the Obama administration at his former office space in D.C. Just once I wish we could have a president who was strong enough to resist the intoxicating allure of documents. The papers were turned over to the National Archives immediately and are now under review by the Justice Department,

or they will be as soon as they get the old man smell out of them. Can't let him air out. Donald Trump, who famously stole classified documents and then refused to cooperate with the National Archives, wrote on True Social,

when is the FBI going to raid the many houses of Joe Biden, perhaps even the White House? These documents were definitely not declassified. And when is Joe going to have to shortly thereafter be forced to attend

Tiffany Trump's wedding? And then on Wednesday, we learned that Biden aides reportedly found at least one other batch of classified documents at another location. It says here that the second location was Hunter Biden's art studio. That stinks. That's not good. The White House subsequently put out a statement acknowledging that they found a couple more docs, no big deal, at Biden's garage in Delaware. That's strange, said the president. I would never would leave them in my house. Usually I forget them on the train. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Anyway, I'm as surprised as you are, added Biden, moments before hacking up a classified document like a hairball.

In a press conference on Thursday, Merrick Garland announced that he was naming Robert Herr as special counsel in the investigation into Biden's handling of classified documents. Herr? That's it. At this point, can every past president just stand up and turn out their pockets? Don't make us pick you up by the ankles, Jimmy. Carter. President Biden waved off the new discovery, explaining, as I said earlier this week, and by the way, my Corvette is in a locked garage, so it's not like they're sitting out on the street.

Sure, when I'm pushing 80 down a straightaway with the top down, maybe a document or two flies out, but I don't know if they found any of those. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Of course, Biden's lawyers immediately reported finding a small number of documents and have cooperated to find and return any others. In the case of Trump, the National Archives tried to get the documents back, but Trump obstructed and refused for so long that the government had to get a warrant and search his house.

Good news, everyone. The distinction is clear to most Americans, and the right-wing media had a meeting and said, let's skip this one. One story the right- wing is not skipping. The White House announced that President Biden does not support a ban on gas stoves after a Consumer Product Safety Commission official suggested a ban was under consideration, which ignited a brand-spanking-new culture war. To be fair, it's a tricky issue. The new generation of induction ranges are better for cooking than gas stoves. But on the other hand, gas stoves give children asthma. gas stoves. But on the other hand, gas stoves give children asthma. I'm really glad odorized gas preceded this modern Republican Party, because I literally think that they would oppose putting a

smell to let you know that there was a gas leak in your house. Like, I don't want the government coming in here and making my gas smell. If I want odorized gas, I'll do it myself. I would be remiss if I didn't address the most important news story of the week, the fact that Tom Hanks invented a cocktail just for me. So please welcome Holmes to the stage to join me in trying the Diet Cocaine. Hello. Hi, everyone. Everyone's like, I don't know.

I'm actually a pretty important governor, so that's really crazy. No, sorry. Do you know about the Tom Hanks invented cocktail? I found out about it today. I don't know about it, but someone told me backstage, and I'm actually pretty excited to try it. It sounds like something that I might like. Yeah, so it's pretty complicated.

It's Diet Coke, and it's champagne. Oh, there's a video. Roll the video. You shot a champagne on your Diet Coke. So I cap it off here? There you go. This is exactly what the folks at Vouv Clicquot intended. Oh, by the way, that is...

This recipe can also be found in the Book of the Revelation. That's right. Now, first of all, look at the color. It's gorgeous. Is it not kind of gorgeous, right? It's like an American Aperol Spritz. And I want to say, happy 2023. Happy 2023.

Oh, it's cool. They like it. All right. Thanks, Alex. You can do anything when you're good at acting. All right. Let's do this.

Let's do it. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers, huh? To Perdition Road, or whatever. That's not what it was called. Yeah, I know it's road two.

Okay, that is so much worse than I thought. Backstage, they were like, do you drink? And I was like, how much do I want to lie? I like it. You do? It tastes like tap water in a place where you're like, I don't know if I want to risk it. And I love that. I think that's cool.

Like when you get a fountain diet Coke and it's like, they haven't cleaned this in a very long time. You know that like bar diet Coke? You're like, nope, not right. This is not McDonald's. I wish I were somewhere else like McDonald's. I actually really like it. I don't care.

Okay. I won't ever have it again, but I'm happy I had it with y'all. Holmes, everybody. She'll be back in a bit. I think it's good. I'm going to make another one for myself. I mean, champagne in many ways

is the Diet Coke of drinking. You know? An ad for Mike Pompeo's new book, Never Give an Inch, features exactly one blurb from none other than Mike Pompeo. And the title is not about my penis size, the blurb continued inexplicably. Meanwhile, in their first legislative act, House Republicans passed a bill to strip out funding for the IRS,

making it easier for the ultra-wealthy and corporations to cheat on their taxes. They're making M&Ms gay and hate your stoves? This press conference is over, said Kevin McCarthy. California Congresswoman Katie Porter this week announced her 2024 bid for the Senate seat currently held by Dianne Feinstein. Adam Schiff, Barbara Lee, and Ro Khanna may also soon enter the race, even though Feinstein has not officially announced her retirement.

Feinstein criticized her potential replacement, saying, and I quote, you're all blurry. On Wednesday, the chairman of the Nassau County Republicans, which had endorsed George Santos, said, George Santos' campaign last year was a campaign of deceit, lies, and fabrication. I am calling for his immediate resignation. Unfortunately, George Santos is unable to resign as he is lost at sea, according to his twin brother, Jorge Santos, who, it must be said, looks a lot like George Santos with a mustache.

Seattle's public school district has sued the parent companies of TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and Snapchat, alleging they fueled a youth mental health crisis. Maybe Seattle wouldn't be having a mental health crisis if they brought back a certain radio psychiatrist. Talking about Frazier. Frazier Crane. Originally of Boston. Moved after

his divorce. start a new life where you're a syndicated radio host in two markets and you live in a fucking palace with your dad, who's supposed to be so elderly he can't do anything, but in reality was like 58. A Korean War Wall of Remembrance honoring veterans that was unveiled on the National Mall last summer contains hundreds of spelling mistakes, omissions, and other errors.

His name was Alec, not Alex. And seeing you mangle his name like that made it feel like he was slipping through my fingers into the cold waters of Incheon. And he was the love of my life, said a weeping George Santos. Brazil experienced its own January 6th on January 8th when supporters of former right-wing Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro stormed government buildings in the country's capital Bolsonaro himself is in Florida where he's reportedly once again been hospitalized now that he's no longer president of Brazil

he must be fulfilling his lifelong dream of almost dying in every major hospital in the world before the hospitalization Bolsonaro was spotted wandering all over the Sunshine State must be fulfilling his lifelong dream of almost dying in every major hospital in the world. Before the hospitalization, Bolsonaro was spotted wandering all over the Sunshine State, including being filmed in the aisles of a Publix and eating alone at a KFC. Happy to see Bolsonaro and I have the same retirement plan. While touring and promoting his new memoir, Prince Harry has shared new details of his life inside the monarchy. For example, Prince Harry describes the moment a friend advised him to use Elizabeth Arden cream on his frostbitten penis following a trip to the North Pole, the same cream his late mother used.

Which is interesting, since I didn't even know she had a penis. Let's take a listen. My mum used that on her lips. You want me to put that on my todger? It works, Harry. Trust me. I found a tube, and the minute I opened it, the smell transported me through time. I felt as if my mother was right there in the room.

And I took a smidge and applied it down there. Move over, Proust's Madeline. We're rubbing cream on our frostbitten penises and thinking of our mothers. It's sad, but it's weird. The memoir's title, Spare, is actually short for Spare Penis Governor. Mine snapped clean off while I was at the Northie with me lads. In the wake of the holidays from hell, thousands more flights were delayed or canceled this

week when a power outage knocked out the antiquated computer system used by the FAA. In the wake of the holidays from hell, thousands more flights were delayed or canceled this week when a power outage knocked out the antiquated computer system used by the FAA. Sorry you missed your sister's wedding. The FAA had to use a paperclip to hard reset air travel in America. Transportation on Earth was no better. A 17-hour train trip from Virginia to Florida

turned into a 37-hour waking nightmare after a freight derailment forced Amtrak to take a long detour and the social fabric aboard the train slowly unraveled. As the train filled with trash and ran low on food supplies, passengers began fighting over the last cup of ramen in a dispute that one woman described as nearly barbaric. Hey, hey, hey, hey, save it for the airplanes.

This is an actual quote. Once again, for those of you that are calling the police, we are not holding you hostage, said a crew member on the train's public address system. My we're not holding you hostage announcement is raising a lot of questions already answered by my announcement. In fairness to the conductor, they said the same thing

at my AMC screening of Babylon. Can you guys feel it? The overwhelming sense that we're on the verge of a golden age of train murders. They're back. Anyway, the worst part of the train ride,

they did get to Florida. Mike White, the creator of White Lotus, delivered a drunk and briefly spiteful acceptance speech at this week's Golden Globe saying this. And Jennifer, I love you. Like we went out with a show we wanted to do with me and Jennifer and everybody passed. I know you all passed. You all passed on this show. And so, yes, it's very gratifying to have this moment. this show. And so, yes, it's very gratifying to have this moment. He was on vacation, thought of a perfect idea to spend the rest of his life being on vacation, sold it instantly to HBO, won every award, is a little annoyed about it. I think that's cool. I think that's cool. Gwen Stefani is drawing criticism

after saying to an Allure interviewer I'm Japanese Now listen before you accuse Stefani of racism or cultural appropriation stop and ask yourself if you really want to attack a woman of color As harmful chemicals and toxins

have been phased out since the 80s scientists have found that the Earth's ozone layer has begun repairing itself and predict it will be fully repaired for most of the world by 2040. Oh, cool. No, that's awesome. Good for her, said Earth's glaciers. Meanwhile, scientists have found that the Puerto Rican-crested anoli lizard has changed and adapted to better acclimate to life in urban areas. And yet it's only when the Puerto Rican-crested anoli lizard takes a break from its magazine job in the big city

and comes home for the holidays that it will finally find love. The cost of eggs in the United States has skyrocketed, with prices averaging over $7 per dozen in California. Seems like none of these chickens want to work anymore. I do genuinely like this godforsaken Tom Hanks concoction. I mean, I have seven Diet Cokes a day.

Can half of them be champagne? Is that allowed? After permanently shelving Sierra Mist, Pepsi introduced a new lemon-live beverage to compete with Sprite called Starry,

which has adopted the slogan Starry Hits Different. The original slogan was going to be it's giving Sprite. To use Starry in a sentence, just so you get used to how you're going to use it,

I'm sorry we don't have Sprite, is Starry okay? And finally, the Mars company has announced a limited edition product that only contains all female M&Ms, a little something for the dudes who think it's gay to eat an M&M. A Mars spokesperson explained that these will be like regular M&Ms, except little something for the dudes who think it's gay to eat an M&M. Amara's spokesperson explained that these will be like regular

M&Ms, except without the little penises. When we come back, we found a copy of the new secret house rules. And we're back! Between Prince Harry waiting outside your house to tell you about a sex stream he had, and Joe Biden wandering around Delaware with classified documents falling out of his briefcase, it's been a big week for secrets.

A new House rules package went into effect on Monday night, and while the 55 pages are available for public perusal, there are rumored to be a few additional promises made, perhaps in writing, perhaps not, of which only a few House Republicans know the details. Reporters say they've confirmed the existence of a secret three-page addendum containing the most controversial concessions McCarthy made to far-right members in order to get elected speaker, but McCarthy denied it. But he's a liar. Well, we here at Love It or Leave It managed to get our gay little paws on a copy. I'm excited to share some of its spiciest excerpts with you here tonight.

Let's begin with addendum one. That's our secret music. It says here, Kevin Owen McCarthy. This is addendum one, section D. Kevin Owen McCarthy, hereafter referred to as little bitch boy, agrees that any single rank andand-file lawmaker may force a vote on any of the following motions. A motion to remove the speaker.

A motion to retain the speaker, but require that the speaker shave his head and dress in such a manner as would befit the Blue Man Group. A motion to hotbox the speaker's office with farts. A motion that the speaker call a press conference and read aloud the following statement. Hey, America, Kevin McCarthy here. I just wanted to announce that the latest crime

they're accusing Matt Gaetz of, it was me who did it. I have framed Matt Gaetz who was innocent and handsome for my heinous deeds. Please take me, Kevin McCarthy, to jail now.

I am so unbearably horny for jail, as well as for teens. End of statement. Yikes. Hope it was worth it, Kevin. Excuse me, little bitch boy.

Excuse me, speaker little bitch boy. When we. Speaker, little bitch boy. When we come back, Michelle Heard is here. And we're back. Star Trek's James Tiberius Kirk once said, without freedom of choice, there is no creativity. Without creativity, there is no life.

The body dies. Here to play a game about Star Trek entirely because we felt like it it's the star of Star Trek Picard the incredible Michelle Hurd hi guys

hi hi hello hi thanks for being here I really love this jumpsuit thank you I love a good jumpsuit right really cool

it's really cool Lizzie Kaplan wore a jumpsuit in the final couple episodes of Fleshman in Trouble which we'll get to later okay something I haven't been able to stop thinking about because it kind of fucked me up couple episodes of Fleshman in Trouble, which we'll get to later. Okay. Something I haven't been able to stop thinking about

because it kind of fucked me up. Did you watch Fleshman in Trouble? I'm going to bring it up a few times tonight and I didn't know that I was going to do that, but that is what is going to happen. Shit, I need to watch it right now.

No, it's okay. Okay. I feel like I haven't studied. I should have gotten a little heads up. What the fuck, guys? I'm just saying. You know that the show

fucked me up. I'm obviously going to bring it up all week. Produce How you doing? I'm good, I'm good So you're going on a Star Trek themed cruise I am And is that for work or fun?

Both? Yes You have to say it's for fun But it's a little bit for work It's so for fun but it's for work Yeah What kind of people are on it? I'm super excited about it

What kind of people are on that kind of cruise? Trekkies. Die hard Trekkies. For a whole week, right? Trekkies out there, anyone? Come on. Yes. We did the fingers.

That's cool. You did it. You did it. Did you do it? I can do it. You can do it. Hell yeah. That's good.

Although this one is a little not friendly. There you go. There you go. Be friendly. Gotta be friendly. Now, you were also on Gossip Girl. I was. Which fans do you love more?

Star Trek. Hell yeah. Current gig. Smart. That's your biz. Absolutely. No, Trekkie fans are the best, though. They're not even fans.

They're like family. It's true. What was your connection to the Star Trek universe before Picard? Series. You know, I'm black and white. My father is a beautiful black man. And he had three brown daughters and wanted to make sure that his kids saw themselves represented. And Nichelle Nichols was one of the only women of color that was on television.

And, yep, give her up. And so that's where our first sort of sojourn into Star Trek World was, to see myself represented on television. Have you seen Star Trek Undiscovered Country? No. The movie? Okay. Sorry.

Wait, which one was that? Because I did try to watch all of them once I got the job. Nice. Just saying. That's the one where they do diplomacy in space, and they accuse Kirk and McCoy of doing a murder, but really they were framed. And there's a scene where Uhura has an incredibly funny moment and they accuse Kirk and McCoy of doing a murder, but really they were framed. Okay.

And there's a scene where Uhura has an incredibly funny moment where she's racing to translate Klingon in real time, and it's a controversial scene because on the one hand she's really funny in it, but the joke is a little bit that she's roughly translating when really she knows Klingon inside and out. Don't we all? Other than Star Trek Picard,

what do you consider to be the best Star Trek franchise? Is there something other than Star Trek Picard? That's so weird. There's a couple. People refer to something like Deep Space something. I've not seen that one. I'm a next generation person. You're next gen?

Yeah. You're going to love our third season. We've got all of our next gen people there. I was just cavelling the whole time. When I was in college, I had this really long-running dispute with my roommate, Sam, about how you pronounce the name of Riker, the actor. His name is Jonathan, F-R-A-K-E-S. And at the time, we couldn't find out how to pronounce it online. And I assumed for no reason that it was Jonathan Frakes.

And Sam correctly said, no, no, no reason that it was Jonathan Frackus, and Sam correctly said, no, no, no, you're wrong. It's obviously Frakes, but then we found out the answer because when he directed episodes of Star Trek, he had a nickname because he was so good at getting his shots done quickly, which is Tutakus Frackus. I didn't even know that was his nickname, Tutakus Frackus.

I will call him that. I'm going to call him that from now on so I was right you were right is space cold? it's perfect temperature actually it's perfect

because here's the thing we were debating this there's a reason for this we were debating this because they say it's cold they you know they say it's cold

but here's the thing like because it's empty famously well less than normal stuff like not it's more empt But here's the thing. Because it's empty, famously. Well, less than normal stuff. It's more emptier than here. There's a lot of emptiness in space, which is something. But if you were in empty space next to the sun, it'd be very hot for you.

That would be very hot. Very hot. Well, if there was a room in your house that was zero degrees Kelvin, but if you walked in, you boiled instantly. You'd say it was hot. Oh my God. Yes. Why are you trying to hurt me? Hey, another question. Please, please, let me see these.

None of them are on the cards. Well, it does say is space cold. I'll be honest. Here's a question that's been on my mind a lot lately for obvious reason given everything that's been going on in politics do you think that when a character gets beamed down they're being murdered and replaced

or do you actually believe they're being sent? I've always believed they were being sent. The transporter is one of the things that I wish I could take with me but now that I'm being introduced to the concept that I might be dying every time I go down perhaps it's not the best way of transporting yourself.

How did you come up with this? I'm just curious. I mean, they copy you. They don't send anything across. It's information. So they kind of get your information, but they use the energy from your body to make a new version of you.

Down in Earth or someplace. I just think, what if every single time someone's being beamed somewhere, really what you're witnessing is a murder. A little murder. That is so dark. It breaks. There's times when it breaks and then there'll be two Picards or

half a Picard and half a Riker. That's not one, but that could have been one. There's been Goldblum fly things that have happened. But that wasn't Star Trek. I know that wasn't Star Trek, but there's been merges. There's been like Goldblum fly things that have happened. Well, but that wasn't Star Trek. No, I know that wasn't Star Trek, but there's been things like that that have happened with the transporter. Our transporters are a little bit better

than that. Well, sure. Of course, you're from Picard. They've really worked that shit out. It's not like Tesla hitting people on bridges. Exactly. They figured it out. We worked it out. We worked it out. We had some expendable people and that's it, you know. So you don't feel like there's some kind of ongoing massive conspiracy involving

the Federation just murdering people for the convenience of beaming them there rather than transporting them physically. I'm gonna... I'm gonna have to hold on to that and just I'll look into that. I will. I like where you're going though. Politics. Can't speak to truth.

Captain Catherine Janeway once said, you can use logic to justify almost anything. That's its power and its flaw. Uh-huh. Which is why we're playing a game called Spare Trek, The Next Gingeration. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

Aw, Will. Here's basically how... I'm going to suck at this. You're going to do great. Here's how it works. All right, Michelle is going to be quizzed, and the question will be either taken from Prince Harry's new autobiography

or from the life of Wesley Crusher, a.k.a. the Prince of the USS Enterprise D. Two Nepo babies. Okay. Are you fucking kidding me? Dictionary Nepo babies. Each. Are you fucking kidding me? Dictionary nepo babies. Each and every, that is like, you can't do more. How do you get that job

in the Enterprise? Fucking connections. His mother's a doctor on the ship. This is true. I'm not arguing with him. You're warped. You fucking fight your way through the Klingon system. You end up on this ship and then there's some fucking kid whose mom knew a guy? That's such a good point.

Wild. Oh. And look, great character. All right, Michelle, you're stalling. Okay, I'm not, I'm not, go. Hit me, hit me. Did Worf say this to Wesley Crusher, or did Prince Philip say this to Prince Harry? Let grow the luxurious bristles of a Viking.

That's Crusher. Incorrect. What? That is Prince Philip to Prince Harry about his beard. Who was sentenced to death for accidentally stepping on a sacred garden during a game of cash whilst accompanying their guardians on a diplomatic visit?

Wesley Crusher while visiting Rubicon 3? Oh, that's the answer. Wesley Crusher. God damn it. It was Wesley Crusher while visiting Rubicon 3. I like, ask me the questions like that all the time. Who was nearly forced to play a game that would have led to an invasion and war?

Well, I feel like it's Crusher because, you know, what did those guys do? Yeah, we would know about that. What are they doing? You got it. It's Wesley Crusher in the season five episode, The Game. Nice. Which one escaped from reality via game sessions where he played against someone known only as the Prophet?

I kind of want to say Harry just because. Yeah, you got it. It was Prince Harry playing Halo at Eton. It was Prince Harry playing Halo at Eton. Which one, Prince Harry or Wesley Crusher, was found kissing a foreign dignitary and then was assaulted by her bodyguard? Harry. It was Wesley Crusher.

He was a child. When was he kissing someone? He was a teen. He did, he did. That's true. He was going through it. He was going through it. He kissed Salia, the head of state for the planet Dalet IV,

as we all know. Who gave this report of a military demonstration gone wrong? We performed a loop and afterwards broke formation and attempted a Colvord starburst. We knew it was prohibited. We knew it was dangerous, but we wanted to do something spectacular for the commencement demonstration. We pushed Josh into it and he wasn't ready.

We thought we could do it. We thought we could do anything. We were wrong, and Josh died. Poor Josh. Will. Wesley Crusher. Wesley Crusher, yes. In the first duty. Will Wheaton. It is. It is. Badger, Casper, Nisha, Lizzie,

Skippy, Emma, Rose, Olivia, Chimp, and Pell. Are these the names of Prince Harry's friends from Club H, or the names of Wesley's fellow ensigns? Oh my God, I thought they were going to be like Harry's dogs. No, they're people. They're actually humans. Yeah.

I kind of want to say Harry's still. Yeah, they're Harry's friends. Yeah. Was the Koh-i-Noor, A, the world's largest diamond, with Prince Harry described seeing in his great-grandmother's crown, or B, the sister space station to Taraknor, Deep Space Nine's Cardassian name that Wesley visits during his time at Starfleet Academy?

Wait, what was the name of it? Koh-I-Noor. Harry. Yeah, you got it. You got it. Who was treated not unlike a young stallion by the older woman who took their virginity? I'm sorry that that's when I made the eye contact.

I know. This is our moment, huh? Okay, well, alright. I like the answer of both. It was Prince Harry. It was Prince Harry. Wesley Crusher, of course, lost his virginity in a now-banned episode to the Galactic Superintelligence Q. No.

What? He did it That was not real That was not real They couldn't air that True or false Harry and Wesley both left their military services at the same rank True

False God damn it 50-50 Harry left as a captain Wesley left as lieutenant junior grade After much less service than Harry It's all about who you know Was the following quote Prince Harry

Describing his fight with his older brother William Or Wesley Crusher in a fight with a crewman While at Starfleet Academy Here's the quote Who do you think you're bullying? You bumped into me, it was your mistake You were at fault, do you want this to become violent? That's Wesley

Yeah that is, it was Wesley who recognized When crewman Rondon said, you despicable melanoid slime worm. It was actually a test to see if Wesley knew that in Zandon culture, friendship required insulting him back. Wesley passed the test. Very well. Because he was a great student at the Starfleet Academy.

Is that the last question? That was it? That's all we got? Okay. It was good. Challenging. I want to go back to, thank you. I'm exhausted? That was it? That's all we got? Okay. It was good. Challenging. I want to go back to... I'm exhausted.

That was hard. So back to the replicator. So let's talk about the replicator for a second. Replicator is a good thing. We would like to have one of those now. But it seems like on some level, people don't like the food that comes out of a replicator as much as the real thing.

Yes, because they don't really taste real. It just looks like it. It just looks like it. It just looks like it. God, what a bummer. They all talk about it like it's amazing, but it's not a real chicken parm. No, it's not.

What's the difference? It's simulated. Simulated. It's fake, yeah. And you think the people being, you'd be fine being beamed down. If someone said you could beam down.

You guys, would you not want a transporter pad in your house? Yes, you could be anywhere you want. No traffic, no nothing. Come on. Now, let me, it's better than Southwest. That's true. Now, let me adjust it for one second. Okay. Everything about it is exactly the same. They download your body in full and they transport it and you're replicated exactly the same. Okay. But in this world, you don't just vanish.

After they download you, someone comes in and shoots you in the head. Oh! But everything's the same. When you arrive at the new place, you just remember beaming, but your body is still alive, and they come in and they fucking murder the original you.

You are awake. Well, if that happens, you know it's happening. You see someone coming up to you. They come and they go, they shoot you. And you can never go back to that body. No, that's over. That's dead. But you've already been transported.

So they click the transport button. They know that it went through. And then they come out and they shoot you in the fucking head. No one's for it. No one's for that. What's the difference? There's no goddamn difference. There is a difference.

There's no fucking difference. There is a difference. What's the difference? You can come back on a normal transporter. No, no, you're still back. No, when they want to transport you back, again, they press the button, they transport you back,

and then somebody down there fucking shoots you in the head. Oh, my God. And they just recycle the bodies like a Klingon out the fucking airship. They go... It's the same. It's the fucking same.

Don't get in it. Hey, Michelle, promise me that you won't. Now I really have to question it. I'll hesitate in it. Hey, Michelle, promise me that you won't. Now I really have to question it. I'll hesitate next time. I will. When's the next season of Picard coming out? February 16th. February 16th. Everybody check out Picard.

Michelle Heard. We'll see you at the Randwell. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. When we come back, more secret rules. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back.

It's time to see what else was on the menu at Kevin McCarthy's concession stand. Addendum 4, section C, the House of Representatives shall appoint a select committee to investigate Twitter's shadow banning of Congresswoman Lauren Boebert on January 5th, 2023. Boebert tweeted, I like my coffee like I like my preschools. No woke stuff in there. Followed by three crying, laughing emojis. This tweet ate shit. And Boebert, a veteran poster with over 2 million followers, can think of no innocent explanation. The United States House of Select Committee to investigate Lauren Boebert's underperforming tweets must have subpoena power, hearings, and access to, it says here,

the real shit, the alien shit, the Kennedy shit. The committee shall be dissolved upon Elon Musk extending a public apology and turning over the contents of Hillary's DMs. Oversight is oversight. Let's get to the bottom of this. When we come back, our guide to Los Angeles with Julia Wick. And we're back.

Love it or leave it strives to think globally and act locally, which can be hard when your location is Los Angeles, California. Is it actually eight giant cities smushed together? Is it one gigantic strip mall? Is it a Saw-style psychological obstacle course designed by a supervillain, specifically the one who designed the interchange downtown?

Here to give us a deep dive into the city that goes to sleep at 10 p.m., it's the L.A. Times Metro reporter, Julia Wick. Hi. Welcome. Thank you for having me. So the reason I was excited to talk to you, because there's nobody that knows Los Angeles politics better. There was a moment that transpired at a city council meeting that was extraordinary, which was a member of the city council got into a physical fight with a protester. And I do think that a, it's,

you know, we hear it, love it or leave it are officially messy bitches who live for drama. But also I do think that like, there's something really interesting about what led to that moment. So can you just tell people how did Kevin DeLeon, a Senate candidate who once ran against Dianne Feinstein end up in a physical fight with a protester at the city council? Well, so one small correction, it actually was at a children's toy giveaway.

Oh, sorry. Thank you. Sorry. You're right. I'm stupid. Yeah. Kind of a more informal setting where, you know, I guess fisticuffs occasionally. It could happen. But no, I mean, the context is that, and I don't know how much your listeners know about this, but last fall, a tape came out that showed several very powerful members of the city council in a closed-door conversation with the leading labor leader in the city saying some pretty horrific things,

a lot of racist things, and also really kind of scheming to maintain power. And the ramifications from that tape have sort of been permeating through LA politics and kind of upended it and have created chaos for months. Do you want to more specifically into the fight though? Well, so this is what I think is so funny and important. So he was wearing a Santa hat and it fell off during the...

As it would. So two people involved in that conversation have already stepped down, right? Yes, exactly. Well, one stepped down and one was turned out. Right. But Kevin DeLeon has decided to try to hang on. And one thing that I think is so funny is his way of hanging on has been to kind of sneak back into the city council with baby steps. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Yes. So he was absent after all of this broke. He came to the first meeting after that. And then he didn't come for nearly two months to city council chambers. And the other thing I should say is that for months, L.A. city council chambers have been sort of a theater of the absurd, where, can I curse? You bet you can. I said penis a thousand times today.

People are like, while they're doing very mundane city business, people are screaming like, fuck you, fascists, fuck you. And then they're getting kicked out by cops in riot gear. And then, you know, someone is saying, okay, and like, let's vote on this motion. So it's this kind of very heightened, kind of scary atmosphere at times. But so De Leon has like, to try to come back, he like showed up for five minutes. So he first comes to this meeting after nearly two months, and he comes in for a few minutes, leaves. The next time he comes in, and immediately they declare a recess because they're scared of losing quorum, not having enough members to vote if everyone gets up at once. So he just stays in the room for an hour by himself.

And then he leaves. And there was kind of some mischievous about what was going on there. But then you can vote from outside the room, which is also kind of crazy. A while back, a city council president liked to go out and smoke, which is one of the reasons. while back a city council president like to go out and smoke which is one of the reasons um and also people like to have you know meetings with donors meetings with lobbyists do other things in these kind of back chambers behind and so he voted but wasn't in the room and then winter break happened he came back and he came for the first meeting on tuesday and he never sat down but he was in the room for the entire meeting. I fucking love it.

I love it. It's like he's like weaning himself. It's like he's like, we're building a tolerance for him still being there, you know? I mean, it's tactically kind of brilliant. There were a lot of questions about whether, if and when he came back, whether they would be able to maintain order enough just to conduct very basic city business.

And this seems to have kind of worked. Like, there's still protesters screaming, you know, he needs to resign, et cetera, et cetera. And people are getting kicked out of the meeting, but they're running meetings. I gotta tell you, it's not a great proof point, but it is a proof point for the never resign theory. Like if George Santos was my best friend,

I'd be like, you fucking stay. There's nothing for you after this. Hang on, hang on for dear life. Because if he had resigned, he's out of politics because he was part of a horrible racist conversation. But if he hangs on, he's in the city council. I mean, that's very much his hope, I think. And the other thing I should say, by the way, is there are people who come to every meeting from his district who speak in support of him. So it's not like he does not have a certain amount of support in his district.

So I do think that like for people outside of Los Angeles, I do think that there's sort of like a story here that's about something broader than what's just happening in this city, which is like, this is a city that is, there is no Republican anywhere involved in any of this. This is 100% democratic dysfunction through and through. And we just went through an election where a former Republican business person almost defeated Karen Bass, a Democrat and long

time Los Angeles politician, because people are so frustrated by a lot of the dysfunction in the way the city is run. Can you talk a little bit about the kind of progressive insurgence that we've seen in recent years to kind of change the shape of the city council and what's been happening in terms of like the ability of the city council to actually address some of the post-COVID housing rules and like what's actually happening in this only democratic city where every problem is a democratic problem? That's very good and very accurate framing in terms of it just, yes, every problem is a democratic problem. That's very good and very accurate framing in terms of it just, yes, every problem is a democratic problem. The only thing I would say though is,

I mean, Crusoe lost by nearly 10 points. So there were moments where it appeared like he was gonna kind of surge forth, but in the end she won with the real mandate. But yeah, so there's a couple of factors of this kind of progressive surge. And it's been happening for a couple of years. One thing I'd point to was

the pandemic and George Floyd's murder and the ensuing protests both really put Klieg lights on the functions of city government. And L.A. is a place where many people don't know who their city council person is, if they even know there's a city council. And suddenly people were going out to protest. They were thinking about LAPD funding. They also were very aware of suddenly who Garcetti was, who these people who were making decisions about closures were that they were or weren't happy with. And so that really, I think, activated a lot of people to start thinking about it. The other really big factor that we've seen play out in elections, there were reforms that went into effect in 2020 that moved elections from odd years to even years. And again, that sounds really small, but L.A. city elections had been held in off years, odd years, for more than a century.

And what that meant in the last few decades is the people who show up in odd year elections was a really small slice of the electorate. And so in a majority minority city where most people rent, the people who were deciding elections were whiter, older, and more likely to be homeowners. And that's now changed, right? And now you see like Nithya get elected and you've seen like Ugo got elected and like a bunch of progressives be able to kind of defeat city council members when before like incumbents never got tossed out. So it was pretty much like every now and then an incumbent would lose, but it was a little bit like snow in LA, like was that rare? And we had Nithya Raman's election in 2020, which was again, the first year these reforms went into effect. And then in the last round in 2022, we saw two

incumbents lose their seats, which is just a crazy kind of thing to see in LA politics. And not only did two incumbents lose their seats, but both lost to candidates who were DSA and other like lefty grassroots endorsed candidates in their 30s. So that's a real kind of sea change just in who's even on city council. So that's been super interesting. So one thing that I think people outside of LA don't understand that I didn't really fully understand until I lived here is that there's a strange thing in which in LA, the mayor is kind of weak.

The city council is very strong. But then we live in Los Angeles County, which is what? 10, 11 million people and is governed like, you know, places with 10 or 11 million people. They have state legislatures with governors and two bicameral legislatures. We have five people. So in states with 11 million people, they'll have a state Senate, a state assembly, and a governor. We don't have that. We have five people, five members of the board of supervisors.

Nicknamed longtime five little kings because they were so powerful. And now it's women. And so we have those five people oversee the county, then the city council oversees the city, and the mayor is a weak mayorship. It's a relatively weak mayorship. I mean, the mayor has, it's a real bully pulpit. As the mayor of America's second largest city, you get a lot of press. What you want to push, you can really push and you can do a fair amount with like appointments.

Like you appoint the police commission, who has a lot of say over the LAPD. You have these kinds of things, but yet you do not, the council is much more powerful and the council is also really small for a city of our size. And so each of them is really powerful. Is there any hope that there will be actual structural reforms that will either give the mayor more power to help make decisions around, say, issues like the unhoused or to have powers devolve from the supervisors down to the city? Because it just seems like unless we'd make those kinds of structural changes, a lot of these problems are in many ways unsolvable. I mean, I think a big issue in homelessness has been kind of the fractured power between city and county. But powers wouldn't really go from county to city

just because it's two separate entities. But one thing on Karen Bass's very first day as mayor, she declared a state of emergency on homelessness. And so what that actually, one of the things that does is really gives her more power to act immediately. The council has to approve that state of emergency, but then she can move much more quickly on a lot of things. And then in terms of reforms, there's been a lot of reform energy specifically around the council in the wake of these tapes. Two things that are kind of on the horizon, an idea to make the council bigger. So right now, each council person, there's 15 of them, represents a little

more than a quarter million people, which is unlike any other city in the country. But the problem, so here's the tricky thing, is that in order to change the city charter, which is a kind of our constitution, it has to go to a vote of the public, which is a good thing. But people don't want to vote for, bigger council sounds like more government. So that has been put to the public as a vote before, and it didn't pass, I think, somewhat for that reason. And so it'll be really interesting to see

if that ends up going to the public for a vote for what's called a charter amendment and kind of what the energy is around it in 2024. All right, now let's get to some hard questions. Okay. Should I take my parents on the Angels Flight funicular downtown or just skip it and go to Grand Central Market? Take pictures in front of it, go to Grand Central Market,

walk through to the other side of the street and take them into the Bradbury building. Wow, that's expertise. The La Brea Tar Pets. Our best tourist attraction or a big stinky hole? Oh, gosh. I just think of the scene in, was it My Girl or My Girl 2, where she throws the ring and... That's correct.

I'm sorry. I don't think that was the right answer. They're fine. My Girl 2, what a money grab. She's just moving on? I don't think so. The Cheesecake Factory at the Americana or the Cheesecake Factory at the Grove? You know, covering the mayoral race, I went

to the Cheesecake Factory at the Grove to validate my parking more than once after campaign press conferences and it was a very surreal experience. You didn't eat? I had to file a story. I just had to validate my parking after driving because it broke.

Sometimes you can just sit at the bar. I should have brought my laptop and kind of worked from the Cheesecake Factory. Do you like the Cheesecake Factory? Yeah, it's fine. Can I tell you something? I think you really like the Cheesecake Factory. I think you've had dark moments at the Cheesecake Factory.

I have to tell you all something. I have been ordering from the Cheesecake Factory, delivering to my home. I'm saying at least twice a week for the last month. I'm saying that I have a fucking sickness. What do I do? How do I stop? And every time I get a piece of cheesecake. Every fucking time.

What do I do? I'm getting the. Every fucking time. What do I do? I'm getting the egg rolls every time. What do I do? I think the bigger problem is that you're still drinking the Diet Coke champagne. This is a great crowd. In-N-Out fries, yes or no? Love. Unbelievable.

Last week, the New York Times published an essay titled, Is New York Turning Into Los Angeles? As Proof the Peef posited... Stop being so obsessed with us. Yeah, thank you. As Proof the Peef says, New Yorkers drive more and ride the subway less. They're eating earlier, dressing sloppier, and doing ketamine. Your thoughts?

I think the New York Times style section has a very particular idea of what Los Angeles is that is true of like a portion of the city that is, you know, in like the tri-hipster area around Silver Lake, Echo Park, Los Feliz, and then like Abbot Kinney and like anywhere no one has like a day job and everyone's just like out having lunch. But that's not the LA that many people know and love. It's kind of like when they said no one ate bread and you're kind of like, this is not the richness of the city that I know and love. Yeah, we eat bread. They put it in the bag. Both the sourdough and that sweet brown bread. Sorry, is that the cheesecake?

I've never had takeout from there, so I just don't know what they... It's the same bread they put on the table. Do you order from the Grove or the Americana? The Americana now, because I moved east. Over the last week, Los Angeles has had an incredible amount of rain, and every roof in the city is leaking. If New York was going through the kind of shit weather that this city is having, it would be on the fucking cut.

It would be on vulture. It would be the Times wall-to-wall coverage. There'd be coverage of the coverage. There'd be cultural commentary about the coverage of the coverage. What are we going to do? When's LA going to get its due? This whole state can be on fire. The New York Times is like, it's like a fucking line, like next to a bus plunge in Venezuela.

I don't want to bring up another podcast on a podcast. I feel like that's probably bad. But it was the daily this morning. Was the rain? They finally decided we exist. So Mike Barbaro can make his little noises. Everybody,

give it up for Julia Wick. Check out all her work at the LA Times. Thank you so much. That was so great. Thank you for having me. It was wonderful. When we come back, the USSE Awards. And we're back. As they do every year, the American Dialect Society

recently dropped the word of the year for 2022. What gem of the English language did they celebrate at their voting ceremony at the Hyatt Regency Denver at the Colorado Convention Center in Denver, Colorado, according to their press release? That's right, it's ussy. I know, but I can't, honestly, I swear to God,

if you just say it alone, if you just, I'll do it once, ussy, you feel disgusting. Usy. I can't say it, I see people I know. Here to celebrate the Oosies. See? You see how it's gross? Here to celebrate the Oosies of the world

and to honor the other award-winning terms that defined a year, please welcome back Holmes. I'll say Oosie all you want. How are you? I'm doing great. I want you to know that... I'm feeling Oosie all you want. How are you? I'm doing great. I want you to know that. I'm feeling Oosie-astic.

Oh, you're still doing this. This is like my third. No. It's bottomless Tom Hanks' tear today. I love it or leave it. Okay, incredible. What does Oosie mean to you? What does Oosie mean to me?

Oosie. Sorry, I'm getting emotional. I grew up on Usi No, Usi actually does mean a lot to me though because like genuinely going down on Usi versus Ick is so much better you know can I say that?

You can say that So even though I like both I prefer ussy. So it means a lot to me. I'll never forget my first one looking in the mirror right after a big ussy and just being like, my lips have never looked better. But also, I love politics. And other stuff

other than that too I'm also you know I don't just I'm not just you know thinking about us all the time

but what is it 70% of my day sure I don't know what's a word or phrase you've seen online you genuinely do not believe

anyone has spoken out loud mine is based use that in a sentence this shit is based is there a word or phrase that you would use to describe your 2022 yeah my 2022

I would say you gotta be fucking kidding me question for you have you seen Fleischman is in trouble and do you know why I haven't seen it don't set the drink down can I ask you a question what I've never seen anything online are't set the drink down. Can I ask you a question? What?

I've never seen anything online. Are you a 40-year-old Jewish boy from New York? Thank you. Because if you are, you should watch it. Because it's very intense. I will watch it. And a lot of people don't know this about me, but I am a 40-year-old Jewish man from New York.

I just dress a little different. There's a character in it that has a John Irving book while going to see the Virgin Suicides when they're 20 and it's like hey, get out of my fucking brain. I don't care if you have seen Hulu's Fleischman is in Trouble, the

adaptation by the author. It's all I'm thinking about. It's all he's thinking about while I'm over here thinking about Ussy. No one's laughing enough and I know a lot's all I'm thinking about. It's all he's thinking about while I'm over here thinking about Ussy. No one's laughing enough and I know a lot of you guys are thinking about it left and right.

Go one by one through the crowd who you think is who's thinking about it the most. I literally saw a guy straight ahead of me going like this the whole time.

Every time I said Ussy he was like this. And I was like that. I was just like I know exactly where you're at but it's okay Everyone loves Ussy But we'd be remiss

If we didn't salute The other words and phrases That started on the bottom And came out on top So please put your hand up If you would like to see If you know the winners Of this year's

Ussy Awards Woo Hands up is what we said Okay This is the Ussy Awards music The lights went down Instead of up in the crowd Okay

Can we get some lights up Oh here we go Here we go Let's bring Oh Aussie Awards music. The lights went down instead of up in the crowd. Can we get some lights up? Oh, here we go. Here we go. Brian, that hand went up so fast. Hello. Hi, what's your name? My name's Sophie, and shout out to Pat. Shout out to Pat. You're out there doing your thing, Pat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pat really

needed that. Okay. Aussie may have won word of the year, but it had some stiff competition now, didn't it, Pat? Including Dark Brandon, Quiet Quitting, Riz, Slava Ukrani. My question to you, what is Riz? And do you want multiple choice or do you want to discuss right off the bat? What's Riz, Sophie?

Is Riz when like in Young Frankenstein when they get all dressed up? That's not anything. That's not like something. That's nothing. You didn't describe a thing. Oh, you mean like the ritz, like putting on the ritz. Yeah. No.

That could have been me. I think rizzing is what I'm doing to you right now. We're being rizzed. I think it's like, oh. I'm addicted to it. Okay. So, ready? I'm going to give you some multiple choice.

Ready? Is a rizz, A, a genre of TikTok dance, doing the rizz. Have you seen that? Okay. B, the little weed crumblies that inevitably end up at the bottom of the bag yum c effortless attractiveness or style okay riz or d a word describing the futile rage you get from reading something stupid on the internet what is it can i phone a friend sure is it pat because okay we think it's c ding ding ding c is correct this makes so much sense because

when i'm walking down the street a lot of people are like riz riz riz riz riz riz riz they're like homes you've got you've got riz literally and i'm always like go fuck yourself and i'm like i didn't know it's been happening all the time you didn't know it's been happening left and right i've been like so mad and now now i know thank you so much sophie you you want to do another one? Let's do another one with Sophie. Okay. We're going to keep you and I'm sorry for sort of passing you along like that. We're keeping you for the next one. Thank you. Who is Pat? He's my age gap boyfriend.

Sorry, age gap boyfriend like an air gap laptop? Like a boyfriend that's not on the internet? What? My age gap boyfriend. What's age gap? You mean just he's older? Yeah So why did you include that information? Wait, wait, wait, Sophie

Is this a cry for help? Sophie, and we want to hear what you have to say I don't know Why did you include that information? We didn't know anything about you, him, your life Nothing, why? It was specifically to make this friend laugh. Did it work? Oh, that's cute.

She's rezzing. Can you pass the mic? Can you pass the mic? Hi, what's your name? I'm Simona. Hi. So you don't like this relationship? Simona, that's gonna make us mess up so easy. I love Pat. You love Pat? He's just my age gap boyfriend and we love him. Say how old he is right now. He's 32. And how old are you?

Um, 24. Oh, gross. Monster. Kidding, kidding, kidding. No, stop. He can't take it. But all I'm asking is, like, why doesn't he date his 32-year-old friends? I'm kidding. I'm not even like that. We're not even kidding. We're kidding. Let's get into it. But the age difference is a big deal to you.

It can be sometimes. Like when he's sort of like, my back hurts, and you're like, one more. It's more like when he's watching this show and he understands all the references. You're my age gap friend. We gotta keep moving. We gotta keep moving. It's a pleasure to present you now the category of

most useful slash most likely to succeed. The word nominees are A, quiet quitting, also known as doing the minimum requirement for your job, a.k.a. doing your job. B, climate criminal, though when Taylor Swift does it, it's girl boss. C, long-termism, the ethical stance that future humans

as matter as much as current ones. D, Riz, which we just learned about, or E, Nepo baby, the children of celebrities, our wonderful peers in the entertainment industry that we support. What was the most likely to succeed word or phrase? Passing it to Simona.

We're passing it to Simona and also to Ruth. Roo, kind of the sign of fun. Look at these names. Ruth, there's a T-H, so sorry. You guys have the names of like an HBO Max show. No. Like incredible names. Can you believe that the joke wasn't for Roo? Sophie, Simona, and Roo? Jesus. You guys have the names of an HBO Max show. No. Incredible names.

Can you believe that the joke wasn't for Rue? Sophie, Simona, and Rue? Jesus. Are all of you on opiates? What? It's Ruth, like an old lady. Oh, Ruth. Ruth. Ruth.

Ruth isn't on drugs. I'll tell you that. I take back what I said. That was my great grandmother's name, and she went through a black and white television out of a window. What is your answer, for Christ's sake? Quiet quitting.

Yes, you got it. Quiet quitting. Jesus, take the mic away from Sophie. Quiet quitting. Thank you all. We love you. Enjoy life

with your elderly boyfriend. I want to say so much more but I'm not going to because I'm a good person. Okay, here we go. But I like you so much and the only person I'm judging is

Pat. Okay? No, Pat. You understand a lot of references I don't understand but that's because the age gap isn't it now. Okay, here we go but i like you so much and the only person i'm judging is okay no pat you understand a lot of references i don't understand but that's because the age gap isn't it now okay here we go the next category is political word of the year the nominees are oh who do we go to obvious this somewhat older who said that you guys are lovely yeah hi what's your name? Craig is in the list. What? Craig is in the list. That's cute. Like Craig's list. Misconnections. Yeah, here's the thing. We heard Craig. When you said Craig

is in the list, we got lost in it. It made it harder, not easier, to figure out that your name was Craig. It was cute. My last name is Mennonite. Your last name is Mennonite? You said your last name in full? Wait, it's Mennonite. Take the mic from him. Take the mic from him. Take the mic from him.

No! Go back, go back, go back. Hi, Craig. I'm sorry. I sometimes bully for fun. It's a good feeling. I'm gay, too. Okay, here we go. Political word of the year. The nominees are

A. Dobbs. The Supreme Court decision undoing roe versus wade b you guys don't be booing that could be really a good thing we don't know yet no okay b no i'm kidding i'm like i had an abortion in the back no okay here we go i didn't do that we don't't have everything. Okay. B. Pink trickle slash splash. A phrase I have never seen before to describe what happened during the midterms instead of the much hyped red wave. Okay.

C. Slava Ukrani. The pro-Ukraine cry of glory to Ukraine. D. Dark Brandon. The extremely base evil version of Joseph Robinette Biden. Craig, what do you think? Oh, E. Woman, Life, Freedom, which was rallying

cry for women's rights in Iran following the death of Masa Hamini. What's the winner? What are the choices again? No. Quick. No, Craig. Craig's list. We already gave you the list, Craig. Hey, Miss Connections. It was Dark Brandon. Of course. No, Craig. Craig's list. We already gave you the list, Craig. Hey, Miss Connections. It was Dark Brandon.

Of course. It was Dark Brandon. Let's go to somebody else. Hi, what's your name? I'm Kyle. Hi, Kyle. Hi. You said your name with intense confidence.

Your shirt is buttoned in a way that also suggests confidence. What's the secret to confidence? Buttons help. I don't know. Have you always been this confident? No, I got bullied a lot as a kid until I realized I was hot, so that was bullshit. Kyle, you're going to make me tell you to sit down pretty soon.

Wait, Kyle, what did you get bullied for? I don't know. I was really like hyper kid. You got bullied for being hyper? People were like, stop eating candy and you're like, fuck off. Well, kind of. I had a lot of energy that was not perceived as cool throughout until like 10th grade.

And then I just started carrying myself with more of a confidence of a hot person. And my body kind of adapted to that. Kyle, I'm liking you less and less with every fucking second. All right, Kyle. The nominees for Digital Word of the Year are... I'm sorry, man.

To be a guy. Can you imagine if I did that? I was like, yeah, I was bullied, and then I decided to have posture, and guys started loving me. It's like, no, they were so mean. What's going on? Okay, you're right.

Kyle, I love you to death. Kyle, here's the thing. The jealousy coming off of us. I'm jealous. Yeah, we're both jealous of Kyle. We're so jealous of Kyle. It sucks. Kyle, digital word of the year.

Yeah. Chief Twit, a truly dumb nickname for Twitter owner Elon Musk. B, chronically online or spending so many hours online it starts to affect your connection to actual reality. Dash, as in like wordle, basically something a little. Okay. Like hurdle, absurdle, foodle. D, BFFR.

Do you know what this stands for? I know what BFF stands for. R throws me for a loop. this stands for? I know what BFF stands for. R throws me for a loop. See, that's the thing that you only say if you've got the confidence that Kyle brings to the table. That's what sucks. I know, I know.

Because he's got that confidence. He's just fucking barreling through. Kyle's like, I have to go to the bathroom, but everyone wait for me. It's B for fucking real. That's what BFFR stands for. E, crypto rug pull. That's just cryptocurrency scams. Sure.

F, touch grass. Something you tell someone who's chronically online. Or G, dash verse. A suffix for the online world like meta's metaverse. I'm going to go chronically online. Incorrect. Damn. It's gold.

It's gold? And finally, we've saved the best for last now, didn't we? Emoji of the year. The nominees are A, melting face. B, skull. C, saluting face. D, dotted line face. E, red flag.

Or F, colored box. What do you think? So originally I would have said red flag, but I know a lot of people like posting, they're like, oh, I got this many letters correct on Wordle. And so those boxes would appear often. So I'm going to hail Mary and say the boxes. No.

You're wrong, Kyle. Damn. The winner is Skull. Damn. 2022 was all about the Skull. Are you serious? Yeah, I think Melty Face should have been, I think is like a good option

as well. I need to call my friend Taylor because she's constantly using Melty Face for a cute moment and it means like death. She's always like, I'm in love and I'm like, I think that's wrong. When my sister called off their engagement though, they sent me only a skull emoji and I knew. And on that note, Kyle, thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you, Kyle. Thank you so much to Holmes. Go watch Welcome to Flatch on Fox. It's so funny. They're performing their new half hour in Chicago on January 28th at the Lincoln Lodge. They'll be back for the rant. When we come back. See you soon.

One more peek at the rule book. Don't go anywhere. Love it or leave it. There's more on the way. And we're back. I have to say, I'm not sure how Kevin McCarthy is supposed to actually fulfill all these promises. Addendum 13 just says, Kevin McCarthy shall ensure that Paul Gosar is popular in high school.

What? How? In the past? Is that supposed to be retroactive? How are they expected to make someone popular 40 years ago? what? How? In the past? Is that supposed to be retroactive? How are they expected to make someone popular 40 years ago? There are several references to not having a core group from the prom. What does that mean? Not having a core group for the prom.

What's he supposed to do about that? And then addendum 15 reads, Marjorie Taylor Greene shall be the fairest of them all. Did McCarthy promise to kill anyone fairer than Marjorie Taylor Greene? When we come back, songbirds. And we're back. Of course, we couldn't get to everything in the news, so here to cover all our bases in song,

it's the incredible Zach Reno and Jess McKenna. Hello. Welcome. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having Welcome. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having us. Our pleasure. We're joined by our incredible guitarist, Brett Morris. Hi, Brett. Hi, Brett Morris. Thank you for being here. Here's how it's going to work.

We're going to get a musical topic from the audience. Great. And then the genre. You'll get the genre too. Great. And you can do that. That's it. Yeah, that's fine. That's sometimes more than we get. That's wild. Let's find out. Are you like ChatGPT? What? Say that again. One more time.

Alright, here's how it's going to work. Alright, so people should just shout out a political topic of some kind? It doesn't have to be political. It can be anything. It can be anything. Oh, and there's a bucket. We have a bucket full of what is this? Genres. So, genres. Alright, do you want the genre first or the topic first? Let's get the topic first. Oh, and there's a bucket. We have a bucket full of, what is this? Genres. Musical genres.

All right, do you want the genre first or the topic first? Let's get the topic first. Okay, let's get the topic. Virtual reality. Virtual reality. Great, we'll try not to retread what Jamiroquai already did so eloquently. Famously, with that incredible moving floor. Oh, what a moving floor.

And that cockroach, though, that's where it ends for me. All right, I'm going to pick out a genre. Someone recoiled. I'm picking out a genre, okay? Okay, great. All right, are you ready? Yeah. Ready?

Country. Country, great. Country, yeah. Country song about virtual... Oh, here we go. Well, I lost my friend And I lost my job and I lost my lover too. What am I to do?

What am I to do? Well, I flipped to another channel in my virtual reality world that I live in, where I didn't lose my job or my friend or my lover. Yes, that's what I'll do. That's what I'll do. I'll buy me a plot of land in the metaverse and I'll raise some virtual sheep. I'll make a lot of virtual money that I'll virtually get to keep. And I'll buy a big old pickup or I'll buy a fancy car, but in VR. In VR. That's what I'll do. That's what I'll do. That's what I'll do waiting for. Let's do three topics at once. Can you do three topics at once? Calf tattoos. I heard calf tattoos. I didn't hear that other one.

Brazil insurrection. Calf tattoos. One more. And the IRS. IRS, calf tattoos, and the Brazil insurrection. Great. And then we gotta do a genre. Adult contemporary. It'll be hard without a sax, but we'll do it.

Brad, can you do adult contemporary? I'm sick of children's contemporary music. Oh, the IRS is after me. They came for my receipts. Because I got on a plane. Went to Brazil To tread my feet Because I'm angry

How an election went And I'll tell you what I'll do I'm so angry About the election I'm getting me a calf tattoo And that's why I got Two lines And a squiggly line That's why I got two lines and a squiggly line. That's right, I got two lines and a squiggly line.

But that's what it means if you could audit the meaning in my mind. Between these two lines. And a third line but the third one is a squiggly line. Jessica had to do the chorus because I ate all three of the suggestions in the verse. Alright. We're doing one more. We're gonna do one more.

Alright. Let's get two topics. Stolen documents. Stolen documents. Stolen documents. What? In-N-Out Fries. In-N-Out Fries, classified stolen documents, and rain. Rain?

Rain, In-N-Out Fries, and stolen classified documents. And our genre is? And our genre is hip hop. Okay, great. Yeah. Okay. Uh. Uh. Uh. great. Yeah. Okay. Yo, okay, hold up. Jessica McKenna!

Every day the news, it gets more and more wild. It's like, ooh, get my fries, but they're animal style. And yo, oh, I got documents, and yes, I bet you're finding them next to Joe and his Corvette. Oh, no, Delaware, do we care? I don't know, but we'll see when Merrick says so. So here we go. Stolen documents and fries, but also it's raining.

Rain down on me. Rain down on me. What do I got to see? What do I got to classify me? Rain down on me. You come into my house for those documents. You can't read a single one. They're incredibly wet.

They got rained on. Much to your surprise, they go out and celebrate with some In-N-Out fries. Guess what? I'm back on the attack. I'm going to celebrate by playing the sax. Jazz music. Rain down on me. Rain down on me

Ooh, it's classified So you're not allowed to see But also it's wet Cause it rained Cause it rained Down on me Give it up for Brett Morris, please. Brett Morris, Brett Morris.

Zach and Jess, thank you so much. Go listen to their podcast, Off Book, and watch their show, Play It By Ear, on Dropout TV. When we come back, The Rant Wheel. That was so great. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And we're back.

Little housekeeping. Grab your cape and strap in because X-Ray Vision now has two episodes a week featuring expert guests and unique analysis. Host Jason and Rosie journey through the hottest pop culture topics and test your fandom knowledge with panel discussions on your favorite franchises. Get ready for deep dives and more with X-Ray Vision every Wednesday and Friday. Don't wait. Tune in now wherever you get your podcasts. Check out X-Ray Vision. It's awesome. Don't wait. Tune in now wherever you get your podcasts. Check out X-Ray Vision. It's awesome.

Welcome back for the Red Wheel. Hi, everybody. You guys know how it works. All right, we spin the wheel. We rant about wherever it lands. This week on the wheel, we have the Crown Act, gas price signs, minimum age for the military, signs on lawns that say this is a no poop slash pee zone.

I'm very interested in that. Interesting. Target self-checkout cameras. Fleischman is in trouble. Naturopath dentist and the 110 highway. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on the 110.

Julia, I think that's you. I get there's a lot of things going on in the world, but not enough people are spending enough time talking about how stressful the 110 freeway around downtown is. Like, it's not being discussed at all. And it's a really... Thank you. Thank you so much.

You're so right. It's a really big problem. And, like, I'm from here, but I'm so stressed out. If you don't live in LA, all these different freeways are coming together. You have to try and get across a lot of traffic to get where you're trying to go. It's really scary. And then the directions are really unclear if you're not from here. So people are stopped kind of in the middle trying to get over.

And I always am like, it's like a Tuesday at rush hour and then I'm thinking about that line the first line of less than zero people are afraid to merge on freeways in LA and I don't like Bret Easton Ellis but I'm also like like I don't want to be thinking about that but I'm also like I'm really afraid I'm thinking about dying so now it's rush hour I'm thinking about mortality I'm thinking about Bret Easton Ellis I just want to get home I don't want to be here I don't want to be thinking about any of these things it's uncool it's rush hour. I'm thinking about mortality. I'm thinking about Bridgestone Allies. I just want to get home. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be thinking about any of these things.

It's uncool. It's uncool. Do you think that that's why that guy jumped out of his Tesla and started attacking cars with a bat? I don't know that story. Is that real?

They haven't found him yet, but people thought he was handsome. It was Kyle. Or was it? Thank you, Julia. Thank you. The 110 stinks. It's time we talk about it.

Let's spin it again. It has landed on the Crown Act. The Crown Act, yes. Michelle, was that you? Does everybody know what the Crown Act is? No. The Crown Act is creating a respectful and open workplace for natural hair. And this is a real fucking thing. That's right.

If you guys remember, there was that wrestler a while ago, a teenager, and he had locks, right? And his locks were unceremoniously hacked off by a referee because the other team said that it was rubbing against the player's face. And then the team was like, yay, thanks for cutting off your locks. This is bullshit. See this hair? See this hair, you guys? This is my fucking hair. This is my crown. And it comes out of my head this hair, you guys? This is my fucking hair. This is my crown.

And it comes out of my head this way, naturally. Do you know children who look like me are sent home from school because their teachers say that their hair is unkept and looks messy and that they need to do something with it? This is unacceptable. You can be fired from your job because of this.

And, you know, like even doing, you know, Star Trek, there was a moment that, you know, I wanted really, I made a point with my producers, I wanted her to have a huge, you know, sphere of curls, of unruly curls, because I wanted all these children to know that in 2400 in space, we're still there in a lab, right? And still, even in that moment,

my hair person, who's a wonderful person, I love her, she happens to be a white woman, she said at one point, she goes, you know what, Michelle, what would be really fun is that maybe there'll be a time when Rafi goes on a, you know, like has a gala or a date or something, and we can make her look glamorous, and we can straighten her hair. And see, you guys, I tried to say to her, why do you think Rafi would think in order to make herself look pretty, she has to have straightened hair? That's not beautiful. This right here is people are trying to make me homogenize this into a concept of beauty that I was never included in the first place. And it just it just pisses me off. So now that you guys all know the Crown Act,

we're pushing it forward. It's codified in 12 states. It's being discussed in 13. Paul Ryan just said no to it, by the way. Cory Booker pushed it up, you know, presented it, fucker. So, you know, please speak on it. You know, when you see a child who's got curly, crazy hair, walk up to that child and say, hey, you've got some fabulous hair. Go with your crown. That's the crown act. Thank you. Thank you.

Let's spin it again. It has landed on gas price signs. Really hard to go after that. It's not hard if you shift the frame to important stuff. This is unimportant things that I'm mad about. Gas signs are the only thing in the world that are allowed to list prices in fractions of a penny. What the fuck is that?

Gas prices being in the global market aside, like, $4.99 and nine-tenths of a cent? Like, pennies as a currency are already garbage. Like, if you put a penny into a parking meter, like, I'm pretty sure it explodes or something. Like, there's nothing you can buy for a penny. There's nothing you can buy for five pennies. So why are gas companies

allowed to list fractions of cents on their signs as a marketing thing to me? Well, gas is only five dollars. That's the end of the rant. I'm angry about it. I don't understand. It's also so strange.

And you put it in your car, gasoline. And gas, you put it in your car, and the car goes. And it goes. And it goes, and you take the gas from the ground. And you take it out of the ground. And you put it in the car, and the car goes, and the price is on the sign, and the sign has numbers. And there's too many of them on there.

And there's too many of them on there, and that's what makes your car go. Here's what people don't understand. It makes the car go. And the sign and the go. And the sign and the numbers. And the sign and the numbers

are out of whack. Too many numbers. I can't talk on this anymore. Let's spin it again. It has landed on... You guys, I didn't know this is what I was doing. I'm doing it, though.

Naturopath dentist. I'm going to love you. Aww. I gotta go shut your fucking mouth during my setath dentist. I think I would love you. Aww. I gotta go shut your fucking mouth during my set, then. Kidding. I love you to death. Really, I really like you a lot. Okay, here we go.

Taking care of your body is already hard enough, right? I have, like, nine problems right now. Like, half my face falls asleep. I'm shitting blood. I don't know what's wrong. Okay? No one's checking in. Okay?

My brain is taking up enough time. So, I go to the dentist. Like, what? Well, every couple years, we have to go to the dentist, right? I go home where my mom lives, Kansas city. I go to this dentist. I get in immediately. I'm going for a cleaning. That's it. Right. Immediately. He shows me a chart, a bunch of different tongues. I go, what's going on? Why am I looking at tongues? He's like, he's like, lift your tongue up. I'm like, I don't really want to, you know? And he's like, lift it up. And he's like, he's like, your tongue tied.

I go, you're a liar. He tells me that my tongue is too attached to the bottom of my mouth. Okay, this is a naturopath guy, right? He goes, that's why you have ADD. I go, don't be. How'd you know I have ADD? Okay, so then he tells me my tongue's why I have ADD. We spent about two hours telling that they want me to make an appointment where he's

cutting the bottom of my tongue out. Okay? He's cutting my tongue. He goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, you're going to be way better at kissing. I go, you might have

to go to jail. Okay? I'm actually thinking you might not be allowed to be around me. Okay? But then what happens? He's talking nonsense

like this the whole time. You have ADD. Your tongue is broken. I'm like, I just want someone to brush my teeth. He's like, well, for that we use an oil instead of toothpaste

because toothpaste kills you. I'm like it doesn't okay so then i finally leave the appointment you think oh you go home think that guy's a lunatic no i start researching that i got to get my tongue cut you know he totally got to me i'm like i'm fully like i'm like i'm like that's why all my problems exist it's because my tongue's fucking weird everyone lift up your tongue right now no i'm not circumcised everyone has a better tongue than me anyways the point is if you go to a doctor make sure that it's a real doctor because shit's really shit's really scary out there but your teeth look lovely thank you thank you my teeth weren't good enough for him he needed to get under the tongue so come on thank on. Thank you, Holmes. Thank you. Let's spin it again.

It is landed on Target self-checkout camera. Okay, so, you know, we're all looking for those simple pleasures in life to get us through. A little stop in to a Target on a Tuesday for one thing you need and nine things you don't. And you take your time. You're walking through some aisles.

You're on an off time. You're not there when people are doing a big rush. You're there on a Tuesday at 11 by yourself having just some me time. Picking up new sponges. Makeup sponges. Getting a kombucha or something. Then you're checking.

You go by the dollar section. You're like, do I need Valentine's decor that I paint myself? I might. You go to check out, and you're like, okay, I don't know that I needed to spend $32.50 on this little jaunt that was unnecessary. You're almost done, right? You look up.

That is the worst image of you you've ever seen in your entire life. You look like a goblin. There's somehow they add seven layers of dark circle to your eye. There's something about the lighting on the checkout camera at a self-checkout at a Target that makes me like really, really re-examine how I see myself in the exterior world. I'm like, that's, that can't be what I look like, Target. How dare you rob me of this joy and make the final thing I see my own darkened, circled eyes

as I like scramble to hold it all in my arms because I didn't bring in a bag because I was like, I'm only getting one thing and I don't want to take a bag because it's 10 cents and I have already skipped no bags because I'm a no bag person but then I'm like, now I need a bag because I got too many things and the last thing I see is myself as like a little goblin peering back at my

my like scared visage otherwise no notes on target you know but perfect company yeah thank you Jess let's spin it again. Super specific. That's what we're looking for. Oh, that's weird. It's landed on Fleischman is in trouble. I think that's mine. Fleischman is in trouble. How fucking dare you?

A couple points I'd like to make about Fleischman is in trouble. One, it should have some kind of a warning label on it. If you're a Jew of the same age from the same place as the characters in that show, they just let you hit play as a 40-year-old Jew and all of a sudden you're fucking transported

into this world where these people are basically you going through the things you're going through? That's allowed. And then point number two. Hey, Hollywood. You have not been taking advantage of the treasure that is Lizzie Kaplan. Yes.

Lizzie Kaplan, narrator. Perfect performance. Perfect. There's more that Lizzie Kaplan can do Lizzie Kaplan should be in fucking everything point number three if you're going to have a moment in a show

where three 40 year old Jews from New York one divorced, one single and one married debates whose life is the worst you're not allowed to do that you're not allowed that isn't right that. You're not allowed to do that. You're not allowed. That isn't right.

That's not a nice thing to do. All right? It's not cool that those are the only three options. It's just not fucking cool. And you're not allowed to talk about it. You can't just put that in a show. It's not right. And here's another thing.

You need to tell me I'm going to cry this much when I watch Fleischman is in trouble. Because it's not like, look, I cry at the end of everything. But, like, no snuff cry? Like, nobody told me that that was going to happen to me. Also,

here's the thing, and this is the most important point. I'm doing great. Shut up. Cut that. Here's another thing, all right? Fleischmann is in trouble. You don't get to use fight song like this, all right? They use fight song three times.

One time, it's just fight song, because it takes place in 2016 the recent past the second time it's two children singing fight song and I weeped I wept they used fight song in such a way as to make me weep unacceptable and then the third

time and again this goes to my earlier point about it needs a trigger warning for 40 year old Jews from New York they sing it in Hebrew. You're going to use fight song in Hebrew? And again I'm weeping? You're going to have covers of Dancing in the Dark? You're going to have covers of Dancing on My Own?

And I'm going to cry during both of those too? And the point is that I'm fine. Maybe you have to do fight song. This is my fight song? Take back my life song? Just don't play it Brett, don't you fucking dare Don't touch that guitar, Brett

Brett, you put that guitar down, Brett And that's the rant wheel When we come back We'll end on a high note And we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Here it is, this week's high note. I love it. This is Amanda in Virginia.

And I have been looking forward to spending in this high note for a very long time. for a very long time, I have been desperately trying to get out of a job that did not bring me very much joy and was really kind of sending me down a bad path mentally. And I am calling because on Wednesday of this week, I started a new job where I'm already feeling more fulfilled and more valued as a person and as an employee. And I look forward to continuing to spend my Saturdays listening to Love It or Leave It and all of the wonderful things that you guys at Crooked put out there. Thank you for the high notes. Thank you for the laughs. And thank you for keeping on going even in the weirdest times that we have ever seen

politically. Take care. Hey, Love It. My name is Claire, and I'm calling from Atlanta, Georgia. My high note is that after two and a half years, I finally graduated with my MBA last month. I started my MBA program during the height of COVID in August, 2020, and managed to complete it while also navigating life with a chronic illness

and planning my wedding. I've never been more proud of myself. My husband and I listen to your show every week. Thank you for bringing light and laughter to our lives during a very stressful and chaotic time. We love you and we love your show. Take care. Hey, love it.

It's Kyle in Chicago. My high note this week is that my friends, Adam and Jeremy, finally got their adoption fulfilled with two beautiful twins. They came back from their honeymoon and are now dads. It is so inspiring to watch them grow into this new role, and I know they're huge fans of the show. Thanks for everything you guys do. Take care. I love it in Friends.

This is Liz calling from Orange County, California, and my high note this week is that my son, who came out as trans last year and is celebrating his first year being trans and open and out, just made the boys volleyball team in his high school. So it's pretty exciting. It's pretty neat to see him come out and be his confident, true self and really feeling like he finally fits into his world. It's amazing to watch and amazing to see how many people support and accept. And we are very, very fortunate that the athletic director was super on board with him playing and saw his athletic talent beyond his identity. And honestly, just everything you guys do for the LGBTQ community and the kids,

especially in this world where it feels like trans kids are being attacked. Specifically, we really feel like we have a home listening to Love It or Leave It. My son and I will listen to it and laugh together. And just thank you for that. And I hope more kids can hear you and hear the messages and know that there's hope out there and that there's acceptance and love. So, yeah, I'm excited to see you live for my birthday on the 19th this week. So I'm so glad you have your residency.

Yeah. Have a great week. Thanks to everybody who sent in a high note tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 323-538-2377. That's our show. Thank you so much to Michelle Hurd, Holmes, Julia Wick, Zach Reno, Jess McKenna, and Brett Morris. There are 661 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, Thank you. Bill Lance is our editor, and Kyle Seglant and Stephen Colon are our audio engineers. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure.

Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Caroline Haywood, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Nar Melkonian, Zuri Ervin, and Milo Kim, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroot, for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos at youtube.com slash c slash crookedmedia.