Lovett or Leave It - The Pool is Always Greener

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

JD Vance treads water on Iran, D.C. swan dives into Reflecting Pool chaos, and Trump lifts a glass to his brand-new Air Force One. This week, Matt Hamilton stops by to discuss local journalism, the L.A. mayoral race, and, of course, a plague of fire rats. Ali Siddiq and Ify Nwadiwe find out if Father really does know best with a round of Would You Rather?, and we have regrets like we’ve never had them before when we share our many, many Second Thoughts.

It's love it or leave it. I'm Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live it, live from Hollywood. I'm John Lovett, and I like my reflecting pools, like I like my texts, green. We've got a great show for you tonight, but first, let's get into it. What a week. Vice President J.D. Vance left Switzerland on Monday after a marathon session of talks with Iranian diplomats. That was the longest week of my life, said an Iranian negotiator,

after spending a single day with Vance. Here's Vance describing the summit. We laid a very good foundation for a successful final deal. The final deal is the house. We set the foundation. We haven't built the house, but we've laid a successful foundation to get to a good place for the American people. Thanks for spelling out the analogy of a foundation, you charisma void.

How stupid does he think we are? We know what a foundation is. We know the foundation is the base on which a building may or may not be built. We understood your point. In fact, the philosopher Daniel Dennett, bear with me, chill out. Oh, it's going to be fine. May his memory be a blessing. All right, he described analogies as what he called intuition pumps,

in that an analogy can push you towards an intuitive understanding, even if that understanding is wrong. For example, a house is like a complex nuclear deal in that you start by laying a framework and you build from there. It's not like a complex nuclear deal in that when you're building a house, You don't lay the foundation before you have a final plan for the fucking house. And if you and your contractor have said explicitly that you would like to build completely different houses,

and if any of your rooms do not fit their vision, they'll blow up the whole fucking house. And yes, I know that spelling all this out makes me seem like Trump's energy secretary in this clip. Thank you, Mr. President. So, 140, 141 years ago, Albert Einstein, 121, 121 years ago, Albert Einstein, 121 years. years ago. Albert Einstein published a paper on the phone. Nobody cares. Just when you think, just when you think he's lost it. Trump shows us that the part of his brain that's responsible for bullying is still lighting up like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center.

Like how towards the end when he performed with Lady Gaga, Tony Bennett wouldn't know where he was, but when she poked him with a stick, the duets were magical. You know what I'm saying? So, you see his face? turning. The guy really fucked up because if he had just not got confused about the length of time, how long ago Einstein published those papers, which was 1905, so it was 1201 years ago. If he hadn't gotten screwed up on the number, he might have been able to get his little story out, but you see Trump's face being like, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to lay this guy on the ground. Nobody cares. Absolutely devastating. The fact that that is so funny is how we got here.

Anyway, Vance claimed at the news briefing that Iran had agreed to allow nuclear inspections in the country, but Iran's foreign minister denied it. But here are you going to believe a bunch of lying, bloodthirsty religious extremists or the Iranians? Before leaving Switzerland, Vanz was asked about an awkward moment at the talks. There was a moment yesterday when Arachi came into the room and did not greet you, you guys did not shake hands, and then he walked out of the room. Did you feel snubbed by that? Did you feel it was an intentional move on their part? How did you interpret what happened? No, I mean, I, trust me, I've spent a lot of time dealing with the Iranians over the last few months.

Sometimes I find them extremely confusing as negotiators. Nah, I see where they're coming from, said the Pope. The talks almost fell apart after Trump issued a series of threats over the weekend, including this one. He says, we may take over the straight if we have to. I'll blow the S out of them. Happy pride, everybody. We'll block the straight from here and maybe from here. lock it from both directions. Here's Vance defending the president's threats.

What we told the Iranians yesterday is when you guys engage in what us millennials might call trash talk, you can't expect the president of the United States not to respond and not to correct the record. Every once in a while, I remember that I'm two years older than J.D. Vance, and it makes me want to develop a nuclear enrichment program of my own. The Pentagon has reportedly told senators that, that it needs $80 billion in new funding to cover the cost of the war in Iran. Has the Pentagon considered asking the soldiers

to bring their own missiles from home? Said a third grade teacher buying Elmer's glue on her way to work. Buckle up, she returns later. So if you didn't like that, wait, she's coming back. Made you uncomfortable thinking about teachers buying school supplies on their way to work while we're spending $80 billion to buy.

Iran and then pay them more to fix the stuff we bombed. Stay tuned. We'll keep talking about it. Meanwhile, the Senate on Tuesday passed a war powers resolution with four Republicans joining every Democrat in voting yes, except for contrarian ogre John Federman. The resolution is basically a slap on the wrist, which in Trump's condition could be fatal. Mitch McConnell missed the vote as he was in the hospital

for an acute case of touching the water in the reflecting pool. Speaking of, as Trump's strike, to secure a body of water in the Middle East, he's also struggling to gain control of another body of water right here at home. To catch you up, Trump said only he could fix the reflecting pool on the National Mall. We're going to be able to do it for about a million eight, 1.8 million, and it's going to take one week. In the end, no part of this was true, not the cost estimate, not the time estimate, not even the phrase, we're going to be able to do it. Then the Trump administration awarded a 1.7 million dollars, no-bid contract to a Trump donor named John J. Kaffaro and his company, Greenwater Solutions.

And I also can't stress this enough, this is what John J. Caffaro looks like. It's unbelievable. He looks like if the one guy sleesier than Donald Trump ate Donald Trump. He looks like the ringmaster who is furious that Dumbo is too sad about his mom to fly. He looks like he's in town for the Adams family reunion, but can't attend because it's close to a school. Here's one where he's chomping on a literal cigar. Even if you knew nothing about this man, we should not be trusting the aesthetics of our national model to someone who lets his eyebrows go gray while dying the rest of his hair jet fucking

black. Kaffaro gave $250,000 to the Trump Victory Committee back in 2020. He is also a convicted felon, having pleaded guilty in 2001 to bribing corrupt Ohio Congressman James Travagant. who looked like this. And as a rule of thumb, you should not be awarding contracts to people who you found on a guess who board. The administration also awarded an even bigger no-bid contract

over $14 million to realign the reflecting pool in what they called American flag blue. But the only thing that's blue are my balls waiting for Trump to fix this reflecting pool, because the reflecting pool is once again filled with green algae, and the new lining is peeling off in chunks. And so our big boy is embarrassed. What I'm curious about this situation is we stood here with you in April when you first revealed the plans.

I said what? In April, you showed us pictures of what you were going to do at the pool. You said you had a guy who was going to do it in a week for about a million dollars. Well, it's been too much, 16 and a half million dollars. Okay, ready? Barack Hussein Obama. Have you ever heard of him? Guy hasn't been president for a decade.

Trump really has Obama on the brain. In the spots, the dementia hasn't eaten, of course. And so now Trump is claiming that the reason the pool is green and peeling is not because of corruption and incompetence, but because of sabotage. We also fix the reflecting pool. In fact, if you go over there right now, it looks very good. It's up. They put somebody said fertilizer in the water. If you put fertilizer in the water, you get algae.

But somebody said they might have put fertilizer. They did something to create the algae. No one creates the algae. It was always there. It never left. Algae was either created by God or evolution, or if you're a liberal churchgoer trying to avoid the contradictions in your mind, God through evolution. This is like leaving a bunch of plums in your kitchen and coming back after vacation to find fruit flies and announcing that someone must have broken into your house with some sort of fruit fly gun. Trump was adamant that it was knife-wielding vandals and not as contractors who were to blame.

Are the contractors who did the initial work with a reflecting pool, are they sublime for the current condition? Or is it the vandals? No, no. Vandals. They went in there with a knife. Let's assume Trump is right. Let's just assume it. Let's assume he's right. And that vandals went in there with a knife.

Should you be able to do that to a pool with a knife? I still think, I think if you stab a pool and it instantly becomes a giant composting toilet, but there's still a problem with the pool. The same traitors, Trump claimed, poured corrosive and destructive chemicals into the pool, describing the vandalism as, quote, an affront to both presidents George Washington and Abraham Lincoln and should be dealt with accordingly. Whoa, hold on there, Mr. President.

I agree these vandals are bad news, but I don't think they deserve what Abraham Lincoln got. Famously murdered. Besides, Whatever happened, Lincoln is not part of it. It's like if my toilet started overflowing and I accused nefarious toilet scoundrels of disrespecting Vanessa Hudgens, who hasn't lived in my house for years. And for our new listeners, I live in Vanessa Hudgens' old house and I keep wrecking my toilet. At least six people have been arrested and cited, but not for tampering with the pool,

rather for grabbing pieces of detached pool coating that are floating to the surface. And that's just a fun souvenir, like taking home a piece of the Berlin Wall, if the Berlin Wall collapsed because of Soviet incompetence, which in a sense, it did. On Monday, a dead duckling could be seen floating in the reflecting pool, but only briefly, as Health Secretary RFK Jr. soon swallowed it whole. The ongoing pool saga has inspired protests, including members of the public who have declared themselves Team Algae. To recruit new team members, they posted a kelp want today. Speaking of affronts to the nation, on Friday, Trump unveiled the luxury Boeing 747 he received as a gift from Qatar, which will ever so briefly serve as the new Air Force One. This clip is, of course, from last week before the plane was completely covered in a thick layer of algae. Here's the president bragging about his new toy.

This plane was transformed into a flying White House at a level of luck. that nobody's ever seen before. Wow, cool, said that same third grade teacher from earlier, waiting through a creek to catch frogs for her students to dissect. You're upset about America. The joke is good. Put that on my tombstone. All right, we've got a great show for you tonight.

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We'll have our guests out in just a moment. But first, a big thank you to our friends of the pod. If you are not yet a subscriber, consider this your midterm reminder. When you become a friend of the pod subscriber, you get a discounted. ticket to CrookedCon. You get ad-free episodes of all your favorite pods. You unlock more Pod Save America, including Pod Save America, only friends. That is our subscription-only show that is very loose where we say the things that we don't want everybody to hear. You get our open tabs newsletter. You get Dan Fyfer's Polarcoaster. You get ad-free breaking news episodes and more. Plus, your subscription helps support pro-democracy media and trying to get good information in front of more people. So please, please,

please become a friend of the pod at crooked.com slash friends. And if you're in LA, you can still get tickets at crooked.com slash events to check out our new space and upcoming guests, including John Stamos, Jody Turner Smith, Mark Duplas, and more. And now, please welcome to the stage. He's made of some of the finest L.A. material. It's Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Matt Hamilton. Hi, welcome. Good to meet you.

Thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. So you're a part of LAMatured, which is a new local news outlet. You left the LA Times. Yes, I was there for a decade. For a decade. And the LA Times has gotten under some big changes under its billionaire owner. And one that I think is really frustrating for a lot of people is the LA Times used to be an incredibly valuable resource for local elections.

Because if L.A. and California generally, our ballots are stupid and insane. They have dozens and dozens and dozens of offices and different initiatives you have to vote on. And you're voting for things like water commissioner. It's like, well, I don't know how to be an educated water commissioner vote. I don't know what a tax abatement specialist does, et cetera. And L.A. Times used to give you endorsements and then they stopped. Why? So I'll take you back two years ago to the 2024 election.

The L.A. Times had issued all their endorsements except for one in the presidential race. And the board, this editorial board, a bunch of opinion journalists had planned to endorse Kamala Harris. But the billionaire owner, Dr. Patrick Sun Chong, he blocked it at the last minute. And that triggered all this uproar. Board members resigned one after the other, so they're all gone. The short story is there's no one there to make endorsements at this point. So this was the first election, the first local election in which there was nothing for any race. Nothing.

And I went to the LA Times. It's like, well, what the fuck? I don't know. These judges from Adam. I know. They did issue voter guides, so they do give a state of the race, but there's no recommendation of who to vote for or their explanation. And that was a very robust process.

It wasn't just a bunch of people saying, yeah, pick the Democrat. They talked to both candidates or every candidate in a race. They talked to supporters of a ballot measure. I mean, all the way down to, like, community college district, like a low-level ballot measures. I mean, the things often is a voter in California, the first time you see someone's name, be when you're looking at your ballot. And that's a big problem if you want to make a choice about who to vote for.

And so, I mean, I do think this is obviously an LA issue, but it's a broader issue about what happens when the local news business is seen as a losing bet. And so you end up either with nonprofits that struggle to generate revenue and to cover the cost of journalism, or you have like these sort of wealthy backers that have their own interests. Yes. There's the oligarchs, the There's the nonprofits, and there's hedge funds. Those are kind of the three main forces in local news at the moment. And that's, you know, all of those have very specific interests. Some of them very noble, some of them very admirable.

But the consumer, the citizen, isn't always the best served in that equation. So you're now at LA Material, which is a new outlet. And I should disclose that it was started by friends of mine. I am a supporter, subscriber. investor in LA material. I'm rooting for the success of your organization. But can you talk about what like what the like wide what is it doing that you think the LA Times is not doing? You know, I think the LA Times does great work. They do great reporting. Local TV does some great reporting. We're there to try to make LA legible. We're very small. We're focusing on

compressing making it accessible to your average news consumer and really be people where they are. whether a daily newsletter that's for free, a podcast that we're rolling out soon, and exclusives that the way we look at a story is it's something you want to send your group chat, your family group chat, you know, something that lights up conversation that makes you feel smarter. That's our goal. Yes, we want to bring information to help you be a better informed consumer, voter, all the above, but we also want to make it fun. I mean, that's a huge part. News doesn't feel fun a lot. we want to bring a dose of that too.

Yeah, LA deserves more fun news. We need more fun. Well, it's just there, it's like the LA Times, even before all of this sort of, there was an LA Times kind of, I don't know, tone in which it was like, it's Hollywood. Why is everything so serious all the time? Like, this is a silly, ridiculous place. It deserves silly, ridiculous coverage. That's not by the New York Post.

And also, LA is very hard to understand. And I think that it's hard to write news because sometimes there's the insider that, you knows what the difference between the county and the city and the all the different structures of government are and then there's a bunch of people who are like what what are they talking about what's a county supervisor um so i think we're at the mind of trying to reach people who may have no idea what the hell their local government is doing or how it's structured and bring a sense of context and sweep to make that uh easily accessible yeah well speaking of the multi multiple layers of government here in Los Angeles. But as you think it's like a story about Democratic governance and

other places, too. We're in the middle of this fire emergency again in Los Angeles. There was a, there is an ongoing fire. As we record this, there is still a fire at a warehouse in Boyle Heights, which is a neighborhood of Los Angeles. And you know it's still burning because Los Felis smells like fish sticks. It is a frozen food warehouse. Mayor Bass, famously, under a lot of scrutiny for what happened with the fires in the palisades and Altadena, what's happening with her response to the fire this time? You know, a big talking point that has emerged in kind of conservative media, I think the California Post had a big op-ed today, is Mayor Bass was in Chicago for the Obama Library opening on Thursday,

and this is a fire that started Wednesday. Actually, just before I got here, I finally confirmed she had gone to Chicago Wednesday well before the fire had started. So she didn't leave town after the fire started, but she was out of town. So there's just kind of echo to the Palisades Fire. Mayor Bass was famously in Ghana when that broke out. There had been all these red flag warnings. So there's some scrutiny there, but at the end of the day, she runs the fire department, and the LA Fire Department is the one responding to this warehouse fire.

And it's kind of an emerging public health crisis. There's so much we don't know. And we ran a story today that talked about, yes, like there's pollution sensors, air quality sensors, that tell you some information about like the, there is particulate in the air. We just don't know the type of heavy metals and toxins that are in the air at the moment. Cool. Yeah. I mean, so we smell it. We see it.

The fire is still going on. And Mayor Bass has kind of been front and center. She's been having like press conferences. excuse me, press availability, but it's still kind of an emerging crisis at the moment. Yeah, well, part of this doesn't just get laid at the feet of Karen Bass. There is a larger problem in the governance of Democratic cities, both in the ways in which through years of sort of progressive reform, there's just a lot of bureaucracy that stymies the ability of leaders to just make quick decisions because they're meant to be more accountable and that

accountability comes with sort of sludgy process. But also, L.A., we're at, we have, we, are one of the biggest and richest cities in the country in the fifth or fourth largest economy on earth. We have the same number of firefighters in Los Angeles today as we did decades ago and a massive budget deficit we can't seem to close. And so even as the firefighters are trying their best to deal with this situation, they are struggling because of a resource problem. I think there's to some extent maybe a resource problem. I think it's just the structure itself is inherently complicated. We're talking it's a half million square feet.

There's 85 million pounds of frozen food inside. Hence the smell of the fish sticks. Like kind of this very specific foam lining. This is a frozen food warehouse. So, and it's in a dense area. So it's kind of getting to it, getting to where the fire is, navigating the complexities of all that food inside. All of that is not necessarily preventable

or foreseeable. It's not like Mayor Bass knew this fire was going to break out when she went to Chicago or the fire department, for that matter. So I think I give a little latitude to the complexity of this type of fire. You never want to see the fire department being like, it's going to burn for a while, it's going to get better than it's going to get worse.

We're not sure. And then the meat's going to rot. What's going to happen to them rotting meat? And then, you know, there was footage today of like rats in the area. So it's just, oh, no, the rats have caught fire. And now they're running a muck. So it's just one thing after another.

Mayor Karen Bass, what will you do to stop the flaming fire rats from ransack in your city? Why are you in Chicago? It's, I mean, that's a question for her. But I think one data point, this same company had a fire, I believe, in Washington? Two years ago. Two years ago. In Washington, in 20, 24. 60 fucking days.

Yeah. This thing burned. So what? Right? Isn't that crazy? See, what do you mean you can't put it out? What's all the science for? Why do we build the space shuttles

if you can't put out this fucking fire? No comment. We pretended to put people on the moon for this. No, I mean, another part of it is, so L.A. is very complicated, as you said. And there's Los Angeles, but then there's all these neighboring cities. And so right next to where this fire is,

it's an area called East Los Angeles. Now, East Los Angeles, they don't have a mayor, They don't have a city council. They're unincorporated L.A. County. So they exist in this kind of quasi-no-man's land that is run by the Board of Supervisors, which is a five-member body

that oversees a $50 billion dollar budget. Now, $50 billion, L.A. city's budget is $15 billion. So this is this kind of like shit show, if you will, of L.A. municipal government. And it's, for people that are not from here, L.A. County is roughly the size of Ohio. A democracy in Ohio has a legislature, a governor, an attorney general.

It has all of these people and all of these agencies. Los Angeles County is run by five people. Yes. Five people, this star chamber that nobody really knows much about, but controls basically one of the biggest... Public health. Yeah. Children and family services.

Sheriff's Department budget, public works. I mean, like extremely powerful. very little coverage. I read, I said this to Mayor Bass when she was on the show once, which is like the idea, the fact that we have a weak mayorship, right? A lot of people like,

oh, why can't L.A. have our own mom, Donnie? And it's well, they only made one of him and he's over there somehow. But also L.A. has a weak mayorship in part because of this strong county. And man, I wonder when we're going to start talking about Los Angeles, the city, leaving Los Angeles, the county, or figuring out some new arrangement

because this is, like, whether it's the fires or a whole bunch of other issues of mismanagement, like this is a, this is no way to run a railroad. Yeah, I mean, it's government by committee. And when powers diffuse like that, it's also very hard to hold people accountable and kind of figure out where the buck stops. And I think Mayor Bass, there's plenty of things she does control, but I think in the public eye, she absorbs a lot more criticism than she's deserved. I think in part because people just have this idea

the mayor of L.A. controls all of this. And she's a very limited sphere in which she operates that I totally think we should hold her accountable for. Don't get me wrong. So early this year, L.A. Material uncovered the secret Instagram account of Disney CEO Bob Iger, who stepped down a few months ago. His secret Instagram handle was Max Stryker.

Great name. Great name. Which is why we're playing a game we're calling, You Better Lerk, bitch. I'm going to name. a famous pseudonym. You have to tell us the man behind it. Are you ready? I don't think I am.

First up, Pierre Delecto. Oh, Mitt Romney. That's correct. In 2019, the Atlantic confronted Romney about a slate article claiming he had a lurker Twitter account under the name Pierre Delecto, and then Senator from Utah replied, I don't know.

How do you do French? You seem like you might know. Semois? Semois. That's what Mitt Romney said. That's what Republicans used to be. Rich guys that spoke French. Next up, we have the pseudonym George Fox. George Fox.

It was uncovered a week after this person was busted as part of a high-priced prostitution ring. Oh, Elliot Spitzer. It is. It's Elliot Spitzer. Thank you for the hint. It was his pseudonym. And he used the name George Fox, and George Fox was a real person. And George Fox had to put out a statement that said, Mr. Fox has known Governor Spitzer for 20 years

and has been a supporter during the governor's various campaigns. The news that his name may have been used as an alias comes as a great surprise and disappointment. Next up, John Barron. Oh, how could I forget? Donald J. Trump. That's right. He used it as a pseudonym.

He also used John Miller to call in and pray himself during his divorce from Marla Maples. We call CNN as John Miller to say, God, this guy Trump's great, Marlon Maple sucks ass. He also used the name David Denison when signing his documents with Stormy Daniels. Oh, that's right. Next up, Reinhold Niebuhr.

Reinhold Niebuhr, the German theologian and philosopher Reinhold Niebuhr. That would be our esteemed former FBI director, Jim Comey. Yes, James Comey. even at a smug and fucking pompous fake pseudonym. This guy, this tall asshole, is even self-righteous when he's pretending to be someone else on the internet. Unlike Max Stryker.

Unlike Max Stryker. That's just cool. Oh, wow. I didn't realize that one of Reinhold Niebuhr's post was, what's the point of watching fully clothed beach volleyball? hashtag NBC Olympics. Wow, come on, James Comey, a little bit dirty.

11 p.m. 2. 11 p.m. He had a tall glass of wine, I think. Last one, Carlos Danger. Oh, Carlos Danger. How am I blanking on this? What he was doing was also quite dangerous and illegal, and he did pay a price for it.

It also may have been the thing that led to Trump. Oh. And his laptop, but not the Hunter laptop. He was a member of Congress. There were emails on the laptop that became part of a surprise probe that led Comey to send the letter. Oh, of course. Anthony Weiner. That's right.

Anthony Weiner. You got it. There he is. Thank you for the help. You are. So I when I was in politics, I would write jokes for politicians sometimes just almost as like sometimes you do whole speeches, but a lot of times people because people knew I wrote jokes for people. They would just reach out and hey, do you have a couple of jokes here, a couple of jokes there. And I so I had written a few jokes for Anthony Weiner when he was a member of Congress, pre-discraise. And I remember when this, remember he, what happened was he had posted an image of his like underwear, like a like a penis shot of his underwear. What do you call a bulge? A bulge shot, a crotch shot, bulge. and then deleted it. And I remember thinking,

I believe him. He was hacked. Thank you to Matt Hamilton. Everybody check out his reporting at LAMaterial.com and find him at underscore Hamilton underscore Matt on X. We'll be right back.

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Helix sleep.com slash love it. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage. You can see them being hilarious on YouTube and in real life, including right now it's Ali Sadiq and Ifi Wadaway. Hi, thanks for being here. Come on in.

Good to see you, buddy. I'm good. Come on in. Welcome. Nice to see you both. Did your kids get you anything for Father's Day, Ali? Yes, my youngest baby gave me a dollar.

I was very, very, excited. Rapped? No, just she just loose. She found her coin person. It was like, yeah, and I was like, perfect. That's sweet. Yeah, I loved it. That's the only money I've ever gotten. I have a 32-year-old too. He didn't give me anything. Did he get a phone call? No. No phone call. I got a text. A tax. In the middle of the day. You got a call. No, he sucks. gave me something. What? Um, a baby. I'm a grandfather now. You're a grandfather. Yeah. Wow. Wow. So, and, and, and, and Father's Day is, is additive, right? Like, you get, you, Father's Day applies to grandchildren. They have to call you, too, eventually. Hopefully. Right? Maybe I

get another dollar. Yeah. If you get anything for Father's Day? Yeah, no, I got a board game called Thunder Road Vendetta. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a sequel to Thunder Road, or is it called Thunder Road Vendetta? Thunder Road used to be a board game that exists, I think, in the 80s based off of Mad Max. And then they remade it and did the new, like, models, and it was really cool. So there's one that I got the base set, and then my fiancé got me the expansion to go with it, where it's called, like, Twisted Tina because it's based off a Thunderdome.

With Tina Turner. Yeah, exactly. These were nice. Yeah, oh, yeah. Did you see it in the 80s? Yeah, yeah. I used to love what's love got to do with it. That used to be my favorite movie.

Really? What an interesting favorite movie? I know, it was weird. Like, it definitely was weird. My mom banned me and my sister from watching. It's like, why I like watching this? Because I feel like, in general, biopics are a kind of one and done situation.

Like, they can be great and amazing, and you're glad they exist. But you're never like, ah, you want to go back and watch one of those? Yeah. Also, I realized you asked if I've seen Tina Turner and Angela Bassett plays Tina. That's not actually Tina Turner in that movie. So that doesn't answer your question. I just said. I was just like, yeah, I've seen Angela Bassett. Let you ride with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're going to let me off, but I was like, no, I messed up. I was totally in the movie, too. I, you know, I went with you to the movie. Well, at the end, it shows Tina, like, you know, doing a performance. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, if the movie about Tina Turner is your favorite movie, it'd be weird if you hadn't actually also seen Tina Turner. It's a crazy thing. No, it's a difference because my dad actually went to go see Tina Turner, and I remember him getting ready, and all he was talking about was her legs.

He was like, going to see her legs. I'm like, you're a pervert. He's getting the floor seats, getting, you know, in the view. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, Al, your new special is called My Father. I assume that means you had a simple, excellent relationship with your father. No, I had a difficult relationship. Oh, that makes for a better special probably.

He wasn't a perfect father, you know, but. he was mine. So, you know, I just went with it. You know, this is what it is. You know, he wasn't the Cosby Show or James Evans if you saw those things. What's James Evans? Good Times. Oh, Good Times. I remember Good Times. I just remember the name. That was his name, James. I don't remember the character names. If I watched Good Times, it was on in the evening. So you watched Good Times and didn't know who's, okay. That's a difficult one, but I'm going to go with it. Florida. Good Times. Yeah.

Not even the state. Even when I hear Florida, I still think of good times. I don't think of the state. The place. Did you watch Good Times? Yeah, I did. Specifically, because, you know, the scene was, Damn, Damn, James.

Yep. Oh, yeah. Now I'm hearing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember Alf's name. I watched it. Remember Alf? Yes, I watched it.

I got in trouble for bringing up. Alf too much. With both the people that work here and the audience. They didn't like the sitcom? I just bring it up too much. Oh, you just, you... This is the first time in three episodes. And that's the longest we've gone without my bringing up Alf.

Elf used to be in the Universal Studios studio tour. Because I grew up out here, and so my dad's from Nigeria. So as anytime somebody would come from Nigeria, he was like, oh, you want to to see, you know, L.A., and we just go to Universal Studios. But we would just, it was like a dice roll weather we went inside. Most of the times we posed in front of the fountain, and then leave, which

was like, like, whatever blue balls are for kids, that was what I had. And I was like, oh, we're going to, we're going to, we're going to, Universal Studios. No, we just pose and we're flicking up and go home. Who's that picture for? I'm sure people

in Nigeria. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, like, go back and it's like, He was there. Not inside, but we was there. Hey, what does your dad think about your career trajectory? Oh, you ask him now, he'll say he always believed in me. You know, he'll tell me. He's like, you know, if he had always told him, you just got to focus. He's like, no, he told me to run away from my dreams.

He said they were nightmares. But now if you ask him, he will be like, you know, I tell him you got to focus up. One time we're at dinner and, you know, Yvon Orgy, you know, another great comedian who's Nigerian, And he's like, tell me, he's like, you know, I saw in an interview. She said her parents wanted her to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer, and didn't support her doing comedy. And I was like, yeah, dad, what was that like? He was like, I know. And kept eating. Like, he didn't.

That's typical. Yeah, yeah, exactly, you know. I grew up next to some Nigerians. Oh, yeah. He definitely's a doctor now. Oh, see? He'll, like, bring it up now. But now, you know, there's too many Nigerians because it was cool when, like, you, I did a commercial.

Yeah, because like when I did a commercial, it was like, oh, this is great. Like, my dad didn't know, he didn't know was aspirational. And then Ego went and got on Est and L. He's like, why don't you know on SNL? You know, like, you know, I'm not trying to do all that, you know? Too many Nigerians. Too many Nigerians. Because it was cool when my dad thought, like, I hit the height of my career when I was in an AT&T commercial, you know?

Now that he knows there's other things you can do. Now he's expecting it. And Al, your 2025 special was called My Two Sons. Yes. And it won an NAACP Award, which is the first independently released comedy special to ever be nominated. It's watched millions of times on YouTube. Have you ever felt like, like, are there like Netflix executives and others that are like, like, ah, we fucked up, we should have bought that thing?

And now you do it on your own and you get millions of views yourself. They were like that doing domino effect, the first one that I endedly produced. But, you know, I don't have aspirations of going to a big place on a larger platform because I can't do that many specials on their platform. It'll be like one every two or three years. It wouldn't be the volume that I'm putting out now. You know, I have six specials in the can and I'm just dropping them as I see fit. So, yeah. Right, very productive.

I know. If you, why don't you do more? That's what I was thinking. I was thinking like, you just like, oh, I don't know. In my head, my dad popped up right here. He's like, oh, how many do you have in the can? Zero. Zero.

I'm making it stretch, you know. I'm at that point of the can where you put some more water in it and you shake it up. It's a residue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. If your brand is black nerd. Yep. Allie, what's the nerdiest thing about you?

Man, they would say that I garden. You know, I know a lot. Who's they? Who's they that is saying? Do you garden? Because, you know, I'm from a different cut of cloth, and they don't think that I'm supposed to garden. Why not?

I've been planting things for a long time. Oh, yeah. And growing things. And, you know, that's what happens. Why don't people want you to garden? I have no idea. Why can't you have fun gardening? It seems very, I don't.

I don't know what they think about it, but it's a very manly thing, especially how I talk about gardening. You know, different plants are different, you know. Wow, that's beautiful. You know. That's such a, by the way, people don't think about that enough. Yeah, like corn is a very, you know. Are you growing corn? Yes.

Wait, what? It's a very sexy fruit. It's a very sexy vegetable. It likes to be planted together so it can shift and groove up against because it's very rod. I have to tell you something. When I think that somebody gardening, I never occurs to me that they're growing corn. Because I would think, you know, maybe a tomato in there,

some herbs, maybe flowers, maybe a little vegetable or something. But when I think of corn, I think of industrial. I think corn's a thing where you've got to have a whole field and a big machine, like a thresher. No, you just, a little spot. You know, you don't have to plant all the corn. I made that mistake of planting too much okra. Oh, okay.

And then it just took over. Yeah, you're doing AP plants, you know? Like, you okra and corn? And Cautilu. Cautilu grows crazy. Wow. You don't have to plan it once. And then it just takes over.

If your dads were to do stand-up about you, what would they make fun of? Oh, man. My dad would probably make fun of how round I was at 10. I was a very round kid. But it was his fault. You know, you can't tell me how to teach me how to make a baked potato in the, you in the microwave and then buy a bag of potatoes and don't think I'm gonna eat them all.

Yeah. Wow, I did not expect you to say that. Of all the foods, I think of, like, kids, like, going crazy on, never just loose potatoes. No. You know, like we could be canned your chips or something. Once you learn how to bake a potato in the microwave. That's just my favorite.

And you can put all the butter and cheese and salt cream that you want on it. Oh, it's 10 in them a day. You just eat them for snacks. That's too many potatoes. That's a lot. Hey, I found your problem. What would your dad make fun of you about? Oh, you know, I think it'd be like, you know, because he's like a very type A person,

and I'm a type B person. And I, you know, was undiagnosed with ADHD for a long time. So probably how late I usually am, you know, just how much I'm not, you know, doing anything that he likes, you know. Oh. I hope you haven't internalized that too much. Oh. Not at all.

You can check out Allie's brand new special My Father on your YouTube channel right now. You can get tickets to Alice International Custom Fit Tour at AlleySedek.com. And check out Iffy as the host of I'm actually on Dropout and go to iffycom for tour dates. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It is brought you by fast growing trees. Did you know Fast Growing Trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants and over 2 million happy customers?

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Now is the perfect time to plant. Let's grow together. Use code love it to save. today, offer is valid for limited time terms and conditions may apply. And we're back. Once a year, we all come together to remember that we have dads, but at what cost? We'll find out in a segment we're calling, when you're here, your family, derogatory. Here's how it works.

I'm going to present you with a series of challenging would-you-rather dilemmas about family. There are no wrong answers. There are also no right answers, and that's what having a family is. but just like in a real family, you have to pick a side. Are you ready? I'm ready. Yes. Would you rather be stuck on that Hanta virus cruise with your entire family for a week

or have one of your parents walk in and you masturbating? I'm on the cruise. Take your chances on the cruise. Take my chances on the cruise. Yeah, I'm going with masturbation. One, because I feel like, you know, some of the people in my family cannot handle hand a virus. You know, like, I don't think they'll be able to rock with it. And also, you know, when I was 12, the FBI thought I was an adult having cyber sex with another child, but it was just

a kid my age. And so they brought the, like, chat files and gave it to my parents. So I'd rather them see me jerk off than what they read. Wow. Wow. What up? That was like, you know that, you know that like the short tragedy story that are like 10 words. Like Jesus Christ that was horrible. We're reeling. We're reeling right now from this. I'm gonna go with the

crew still. Still. Look, you. Look, I've already been to darkness. Would you rather watch your uncle fist fight a stranger who ate your birthday cake or watch your uncle chicken out and let that guy

eat your cake right in front of you? Fist fight Oh yeah Yeah It's definitely one of my stories I'm good with it 100% Behind my birthday cake for sure

I was six That happened to you Yes And you got the cake Or did you lose the cake I didn't like Because he still had put his hand in the cake It was saying

My uncle brought it to me Why he was still dancing And I didn't like how it looked But you know It was still my cake Hell yeah Yeah Would you rather watch your son compete on

Love Island or watch your son on the Biggest Loser. Ooh. I'm gonna go with Love Island. Yeah, same, same here. I could, you know, because I think I'd be trying to like, you know, be like the coach, you know, trying to help him. I was like, all right, here's how you, here's how you be a slut. You know, like, Daddy's going to show you what he used to do.

Because if he was on Biggest Loser, my dad would be like, you letting me eat potatoes like. Yeah, it's interesting. as I think about it, because it's like on the one end, Biggest Loser was kind of an evil show. There was that documentary, and I watched it when an air, and you're like, oh, my God, we're really treating these people terribly, but to get healthy. And then meanwhile, on the Love Island side of it,

I think anybody involved in that production should probably just go to prison. Everyone involved, I'm sorry, I don't want to be, I don't want to be judgmental, and I want to be very progressive, but I think everyone in that, anyone involved in the making of that show, including the cast, should be forced to go to church

and then put in jail. Yeah. Just a thought. Would you rather your kids be constantly broke or constantly getting dumped? Ooh. Constantly getting dumped. At least you was going out. You had a little money to go out.

If you were just always broke, you definitely going to get dumped. So I'll just go, you're constantly getting dumped. You're going out, you know, having a good time, just not working out. Right. They haven't found the right person yet, but they have money. Yeah, I've been, I've been, dumped and I got my G-wagon and drove off.

It's like, yeah, poor you. Put a sad song on while. I have to say, I have to say people in G-wagons all drive like they were just dumped. You know what I'm saying? G-wagon people drive like,

why isn't this car making me happy? You know what I'm saying? There's a quality of the G-wagon driver. You know what I'm saying? There's a kind of darkness to the whole enterprise. Like, like they know that it's not doing what they thought it was going to do because on some level the materialism

isn't solving their problems, but it's still a nice car and they're happy to have it, but they're just a little mean on the road. You know what I'm saying? No, our problem with the G-Wagon is that we're not in a space that utilizes all the things that it can do. I'm just on the street. When I look at the G-wagon, all the commercial, you're supposed to be off-road. You're supposed to tumble down, a cliff, and still be able to drive. It's all these type of things. Yeah, it's stupid. Why is the boxiest car the most expensive? expensive car. That doesn't make any self. It's windy on the highway. It's sexy inside. Yeah, no. I get that because I drive a Subaru out back and so and mine still hasn't been watched because, you know, I do take it off road and so anytime I see a clean G-wagon or Jeep on like y'all some posers.

Y'all have some poses, y'all not in these streets. It's just something sexy about leaning on it. No, I agree. It's cool. Like in front of it, you know, get out of the light. Somebody's like, yeah. Yeah. I hate when the G-wagon people get out at the light. Would you rather your kid achieve their dreams, but in the process become a selfish and narcissistic person, or fail to achieve their dreams and forever be tormented by it, while being a fine person, not amazing, but generally kind, but hardened and defeated by the failure.

In the first scenario, you get to be on a boat a lot. So your kids have a super successful asshole with a boat, or a kind of hardened, defeated person, no bosh. Here's my theory, and here's why I think I beat the game through my dumb loophole. I think that when people get like that, like narcissistic and jaded, is because they've distanced themselves from family, because no one kind of humbles you more than family.

Like I, you know, just did New Orleans. It was a packed house, and, you know, my aunts and all that was there, and they're like, yeah, you look good on that stage. Like, didn't say I'm good at comedy. Just you look good up there. And I feel like, you know, I was like, all right, That's cool. There wasn't like, there was no like, oh, I'm surprised.

All these people came out. It seems like you're making it. It's like, yeah, no, you keep on it. I was like, I thought I did it. Keep trying. Oh, yeah. It's like, it's between my family and this guy in the Indianapolis Uber who was like, he kept being like, he was like, he was like, oh, you do comedy?

Do you pay your bills with that? I was like, yeah, yeah. He's like, man, I hope you make it. I'm like, what do you mean? Like, like, like. I'm doing it. I'm living the dream. It's like, all right, man, I'll look out for you.

You can't. You can see me tonight. No, right. There was a story about how there was a part that, you can see me tonight. There was a part that Dustin Hoffman was hoping to get, but he would only get it if Al Pacino said no. And he was like, God, one day I'm going to make it.

And you're like, you're Dustin Hoffman. You're at like the pinnacle of your career, but you're still just like, I hope I get to have my dream, you know? Do your family keep you honest? Oh, very honest. My family doesn't care what I do, like at all. It's like I'm just the guy who pays the bills.

It's like I come home from selling out arena two times and then get right home. Are you taking out the trash or what? Like, yeah. Isn't that nice, though, because doesn't it mean, right, if the money meant you didn't have to take out the trash, that'd be a problem. It's good that the money doesn't mean you don't have to take out the trash. the trash because you don't want to be a person for whom the money stops you from being the kind of person who has to take out the trash because if you don't take out the trash you'd be the kind of person for whom the money has made you a person nobody should really listen to i thought the son made it why i didn't have to take out the trash i'm like yo he's 15 he can definitely take out the trash oh yeah he could do it is he not doing it no i took it out on the way here what is it what is it about taking out the trash it is an annoying task there's something about it it's so quick and easy and you're like rha fuck

You know? It's two trash bands. All he has to do is roll them to the curve. That's all you have to do, too. But it's not my job. Also, sometimes the trash is juicy. Yeah, see? That's why.

That's how them people sent that stuff to your family. The trash is juicy. The trash is juicy. Yeah. They said my language was so advanced. They had to make sure I wasn't an adult. And it wasn't until telling her that joke over a hundred times. I was like, oh, I was having cyber sex with an FBI agent.

Yeah, you got to arrest him. They didn't do that, though. They came and gave my shit to my parents. I mean, gave my stuff to my parents. But they did, but the FBI agent, he gets to, what? This is dark. I can't even tell. As a child, you were catfished by an FBI agent, and they tried to arrest you for it.

Yeah, yeah. But they're like, oh, so he came to the door and he was like, are you, if you want, he went? I was like, yeah. And he was like, oh, thank God. And I was like, that's weird. He was like, can I talk to your parents? I was like, sure. I don't know.

So I didn't have survival skills either because if I, you know, I'm like, this, a weird moment happened with an adult man. I should go, no, they're not home. And close the door and never look back. But I didn't. I invited him into our home.

And he then handed, opened a briefcase and had chat logs of me saying I was going to pour syrup on someone and lick it off because I was 12 and it sounds cool. Wow. I didn't know about doing that when I was 12. You were having cyber sales?

No, I was such a lay bloomer would shock the conscience. But wait, there's something sweet about the FBI agent being relieved that he, like, oh, wow, there's nothing, there's no monster in this home. There's just a horny child. I mean, that's a different day, right? Like, that guy thought he was having a day where he was going to meet the scum of the earth, some of this despicable human beings. You'll ever come across your life and just like, no, no, just a, just a 12-year-old trying to get his rocks off. Yeah, yeah. It's the horniest most...

You were definitely advanced at 12. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because I was just dry hump and you was pouring syrup. Oh, what you're saying? I was saying I would do it. And I wasn't even doing anything yet. It wasn't, I didn't find out until after like the person stopped logging on that I was like, oh, I could be using this.

Your thoughts were advanced. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was doing it for the love of the game, you know, just typing words. Let's see what this is getting me. Serap. We'll be right back. And we're back. Let's welcome Matt Hamilton back to the stage.

Matt Hamilton, everybody, join us right there. All right. Now it's time for a segment we call Second Thoughts. Here's how it works. I take a loving stroll through everything I said or did and decide what I regret. And if you have any second thoughts about tonight, you can share them as well.

I have some prepare. have written down things that I should regret from this show. Oh, I made you guys sad about Tony Bennett. I made you guys sad about an imaginary teacher. Our photo of James Traffickingt didn't do justice to how insane that man looked. You should look up Jane's Trafficant. He's from an era of larger-than-life Midwestern politicians. Just an absolute nut.

Also went to jail for corruption. I made you guys sad about Abraham Lincoln. Matt, I'm sorry that I imagined fire rats into existence. That was on my mind, too. Also, none of us should have to know about horny James Comey. That was a bummer. I couldn't think of a single biopic. I said, you know, biopics like didn't have one.

Still don't. I guess theory of everything. Yeah. Theory of everything. The Great Unknown was the Bob Dylan one. Oh. With a T-Shall. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I brought up Alph again. Yeah. Hey, the producer just thought, if you might have a second thought about the phrase, Blue Balls for Kits. Yeah. Yeah, it was kind of one of those things that, as I was saying,

and I was like, hmm, maybe not, but hey. That's generally who catch them. If you got Blue Ball as a grown man With all this porn sights out, you wow Yeah, that's true Well, I mean they're banning them everywhere else now You know? Like whenever I travel, you know You try and log in

I'm looking at you, you're trying to walk in You're trying to get there Classic problem Yeah, yeah So then you know you text all your partners I'm sorry I have to do this I need you to send nudes They're banning porn out here

No, you gotta stop having syrup on your fingers. Oh, I also, I repeated the phrase and I quote, too many Nigerians. And maybe I shouldn't have even repeated it. I think it was me that started. You did, but then I did it because it was fun to say for a second. It felt dangerous. Matt, you say it.

Say too many Nigerians. Too many Nigerians. See, you shouldn't say it was wrong from you. Cut it, cut it. It's like I'm going to hear about this when I get back home. What did you say? Hear about it on Twitter. Any regrets?

Well, if I think about it, no. I'm pretty much solid with everything I say, good or bad. Yeah, that's beautiful. And I'm mostly proud of too many Nigerians. Yeah, I'm mostly proud of that one. Oh, I badmouthed G-wagons to someone who has a G-wagon. Yeah, I didn't like it, but I dealt with it. Also, I drive a Mercedes.

But I hate it. I call it my Nazi sled. I really regret it. I hate it. I hate that car. I feel bad in it. I don't belong in that car. You know you can get rid of it if you don't like it that much money.

You definitely love it. But see, no, it's the honestly, see, here's a thing. It's a Nazi sled, but I'm a Jewish person who can't break a lease. Oh. Like, I can't. Like, I honestly think my relatives would pop up from the ground like zombies if I tried to break a lease. Like, that's the biggest waste of money. We started a barber shop in the Lower East Side, you piece of shit, you go back there and you take that car.

And that's how I feel about breaking leases. Matt, any regrets? I haven't had a baked potato in a while. So that's my kind of standing regret that I realized tonight. They're delicious. Well, here's something. I want to bring this back to the floor because I didn't now, and I think that there's small people I'm curious.

Because with me, I feel like baked potatoes, like, they're so, like, amazing at first. Then you get past the sour cream and cheese, and then it's just a hot potato, and you're like, well, we throw these. We made a whole game about it. You don't bake a right. That's a construction problem.

Like, you can fix that. Are you just in the potato just crunching it up? Yeah, you've got to mine it out a little, you know? Tell them, man. This is turning into one of your little chats. It's getting horny at the end. Yes, I agree with you. I don't think people like baked potato.

people like butter, sour cream, chives, bacon, and cheese. And if there's potato involved, that's a beautiful thing. No, I'm telling you a bake, I'm not going into it. Because it sounds like the FBI going to come to my house. He's so into potatoes. And that's our show. Thank you so much. Itty Watt, Alice Sadeek, and Matt Hamilton.

There are 131 days until the midterms. We'll be back on Friday with the great John Stamos and Jody Turner Smith. Love It or Leave It is a Quicket Media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Bill McGrath, Kelsey Gante, and me, John Lovett. Our production team includes Hallie Kiefer, Sarah Lazarus, Raman Borsalino, Peter Miller, David Tolls, Claudia Shang, Jay Banks, Gavin Purcell, and Matt DeGroath. And our staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.