Lovett or Leave It - The Rage of Innocence

Episode Date: June 10, 2023

We got ‘im? We’re gonna need 1850 boxes to carry all the Trump indictment jokes packed into this week’s episode of Lovett or Leave It. Lovett slips into something a little more uncomfortable when he tries on the new Apple Vision Pro. Ronnie Woo and Michaela Watkins party plan Lovett’s emotional eating. George Santos (Oscar Montoya) stops by to bear false witness, and he looks good doing it! Brendan Scannell delivers you some Gay News, hot off the presses, and the Rant Wheel spins us into the Multi-Verse… and beyond.For more information on Here 4 the Kids, visit their website at Here4theKids.com, and follow them @here4thekidsaction  on Instagram. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Hello, Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else. It turns out our headliner, Pat Robertson, couldn't make it tonight, as he's currently in heaven. Hi, Pat, said God. You were right. The Haitian rebellion against slavery is why I sent the earthquake. What'd I say? Yeah, you said they do that. But I don't, that's okay. No, no, it's good.

It's still good. No, it's a great joke, too. This week, we look to the future through Apple's new augmented reality headset. Mariah Carey's favorite backup singer George Santos stops by to tell the God's honest truth about all those lies he told. Brennan Scannell shares some gay news this Pride. Michaela Watkins and Ronnie Wu tell me what to eat when I'm on the brink. And the rant wheel takes us into the multiverse.

But first, let's get into it. What a week. Well, a mere two hours ago, the news broke. Former president and current wedding DJ Donald Trump received word that he has been indicted on federal charges related to the inquiry into stolen classified materials that he hid at his home-slash-event space. You'd think the second indictment would be less exciting, but it's not. It feels just as great. They nailed the sequel, the Top Gun Maverick of indictments. Trump was previously indicted in New York back in April, making him the first U.S. president to face criminal charges after leaving office.

Now he is also the first U.S. president to face criminal charges after leaving office. Now he is also the first U.S. president to face federal charges. If we can trick him into believing the world's best McDonald's is in The Hague, maybe we can get the trifecta. Trump reportedly faces seven counts, including willfully retaining national defense secrets and an obstruction of justice conspiracy.

He also may face charges related to violating the Espionage Act. It's always a tragedy when an uggo gets charged for one of the country's sexiest crimes. The former president reportedly must go to a federal courthouse in Miami on Tuesday. Tuesday is, of course, the one day of the week when people in Miami work. Just a little detour to take a shot at the people in Miami. Trump confirmed the news in, you guessed it, a Truth Social rant declaring,

the corrupt Biden administration has informed my attorneys that I have been indicted seemingly over the boxes hoax. Just a master of rebranding. The boxes hoax. It's like if John Wayne Gacy tried to defend

his birthday kerfuffles. And then in a video filmed in his Bedminster office and posted on true social trump said this i'm an innocent man i'm an innocent person so i just want to tell you i'm an innocent man i did nothing wrong i'm an innocent man we will prove that again i'm innocent and we will prove that very very soundly and hopefully very quickly. Thank you very much. Nothing, nothing makes you look or sound more innocent than saying I'm innocent over and over and over again. Innocent people are always doing that.

They famously can't shut up about it. The more times you say I'm innocent, the less convincing it becomes, much like saying I'm not mad or I know what I'm doing. It's cool that Trump and I have identical reactions, by the way, to Trump getting indicted, and that's time to make some content. He ranted for a full four minutes, culminating in this. Our country is going to hell, and they come after Donald Trump, weaponizing the Justice Department,

weaponizing the FBI. We can't let this continue to go on because it's ripping our country to shreds. It's a kaleidoscopic nightmare world where obviously corrupt businessmen can't steal and sell state secrets to the Saudis. This all follows a bananas report from CNN. Get this, a flood allegedly damaged the computers where surveillance video logs were stored at Mar-a-Lago after a shockingly convenient mishap in which an employee drained the compound swimming pool into the server rooms.

The same employee then accidentally spilled the resort's entire supply of hammers directly onto the hard drives, and then he tripped over a roller chair that knocked the official Mar-a-Lago comically large magnet directly into the servers. The employee's name is being withheld, but a photo of the suspect has been obtained by investigators. It's Mr. Bean.

In other news, on Monday, former Vice President Mike Pence filed paperwork officially declaring his presidential campaign, which will pit him against his high school tormentor, Donald Trump. I'm going to show Trump how it's done, said Pence, while drafting the speech in which he'll concede defeat to Donald Trump. Publicly flaming out in a doomed presidential campaign is kind of like the autoerotic asphyxiation version

of hanging Mike Pence. While speaking at the Pence campaign launch, Indiana House Speaker Todd Huston, a Pence backer, said this. This morning I read that somebody said Mike Pence can be a lot like mayonnaise on toast. And let me just suggest this. I think you're going to get to know the Mike Pence

that we know, that Congressman Pence and I know, and there's a lot of Iowa bacon, maybe even a little Tabasco sauce in that toast, too. Someone said that Mike Pence is boring, and yeah, he is. But he's a boring deluxe. All that's missing is the lettuce, said a magagoon, as in, God, please let us kill Mike Pence. The former vice president also took a rare public swing at Donald Trump during his launch

event saying this. I believe that anyone who puts themselves over the Constitution should never be president of the United States. And anyone who asks someone else to put them over the Constitution should never be president of the United States again. And anyone who dedicates four years of their political career to serving that person should be promoted. Pence also criticized Trump for calling Putin a genius during his CNN town hall. Well, and frankly, when Vladimir Putin rolled into Ukraine,

the former president called him a genius. I know the difference between a genius and a war criminal. Which should be the captcha you have to answer when you log into the Oval Office computer for the first time. During her CNN town hall, the devil's reject Nikki Haley complained about trans kids and made this leap. Biological boys playing in girls' sports. It is the women's issue of our time. My daughter ran track in high school. I don't even know how I would have that conversation with her. How are we supposed to get our girls used to the fact that biological boys are in their locker rooms? And then we wonder why a third of our teenage girls seriously contemplated suicide last year?

You go, girl, said a woman having a miscarriage in a hospital parking lot. Yeah. Yep. You want me to cut it? It should be there, right? Okay. Well, when you don't laugh, I don't know

what you think. North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum, who? Doug Burgum also threw his hat in the ring for the Republican nomination this week, and then the ring threw it back. Burgum did have some strong words for Donald Trump, though, declaring, I'll just stand back-to-back with Chris Christie so you only have to use one bullet. Donald Trump, though, declaring, I'll just stand back to back with Chris Christie so you only have to use one bullet. To express his frustration with Speaker Kevin McCarthy over the debt ceiling deal, Matt Gaetz said this on Steve Bannon's podcast.

We're going to force him into into a monogamous relationship with one or the other. What we're not going to do is hang out with him for five months and then watch him go jump in the back seat with Hakeem Jeffries, you know, and sell the nation out. What are we even doing here, Kevin, said Matt. I want it to be just us, except for the prostitutes, which, as I've told you, do not count. On Thursday, the Supreme Court sided with a three judge panel that tossed out Alabama's racist congressional map. Look, we didn't expect the bad air quality to have this effect on Brett Kavanaugh and John Roberts, but we need to keep those Canadian trees burning. The decision was 5-4,

with Roberts and Kavanaugh joining the three liberal justices. Congratulations and thank you to whichever Chevy Chase golfing buddy has been giving Brett Kavanaugh weird looks lately. You are saving democracy. Predictably, Clarence Thomas was pissed writing a scathing dissent with a magnificent golden pen

whose origins he refused to disclose. In case you didn't hear, Canadian wildfires blanketed the East Coast with smoke this week, leading to historically awful air quality in New York City and other cities that don't matter as much. Hey, New York,

if you can't breathe, they can't breathe. Bring the rats inside. The good news, the smoke has finally begun to lift. The bad news, the smoke has published a personal essay on the cut titled, Why I'm Leaving New York. Also this week, the PGA Tour agreed to merge with its rival, LIV Golf, which is backed by Saudi Arabia's public investment fund and controlled by the Saudi royal family.

Golf, finally as evil as it's always vaguely felt. The truth is, Mohammed bin Osama is actually a big golf enthusiast. It's why when he says he's got a hole in one, you never know if he's talking about golf or the head of a journalist he had murdered. What did you think this was? You think we're doing carpool karaoke? As the Writers Guild strike enters its sixth week, the members of the Hollywood Acting

Union, SAG, have voted to approve a strike authorization as well. Actors saw writers getting all the attention in Hollywood for once and said, uh-uh, no way. Actors and writers pledged in solidarity to keep taking press photos where it's six people standing in a row, and despite the writer trying as hard as humanly possible, can't help but look like the writer in the photo. In a new Netflix docuseries,

Arnold Schwarzenegger details how he approached telling his wife, Maria Shriver, about his extramarital affair that resulted in a secret child who was by then 13 years old. It's not a rumor. Thank you. Thank you. Jodie Comer halted a matinee performance

of her Broadway play Prima Facie on Wednesday, saying she couldn't breathe due to New York's poor air quality. Wow. Nobody wants to work anymore. Just for some context, Comer's character in the play is a person who's able to breathe. Setter understudy who took over to complete the performance, I'm fine.

I'm fine. I'm fine. Academy Award winner actor Jared Leto was seen in Germany this week inexplicably scaling a five-story hotel exterior. That little guy must have been all worked up from across the Spider-Verse. He'll sleep tonight. You go rock climbing four times, and then you're in Germany,

and you're like, I can get attention here. Pope Francis underwent a three-hour operation to repair a hernia on Wednesday and completed it with no complications. Yes, of course, hernia surgery. That's all it was, said the Pope, before turning to walk away, revealing a surprisingly fat and juicy ass that I guess we never noticed before. A jury has convicted an Oregon man who rigged his home with booby traps, including a round hot tub that was on its side set to roll down the hill,

inspired by Indiana Jones. A separate booby trap inside the home injured an FBI officer. Wow, with Kieran in the spotlight, Macaulay's really acting out. Justin Bieber's father, Jeremy Bieber, posted a meme with a rainbow that said, don't forget to thank a straight person this month for your existence. The singer's once absent father,

who has four children with three women, added, we need to celebrate families. You know the reason we're all here. The thing this generation glorifies is unbelievable. What happened to traditional values, where you knock up a woman and leave her and your son for years until his YouTube does amazing numbos, and suddenly you can imagine a life where you aren't the fifth least bad contractor in Stratford, Ontario, so you come back into his life to live off the complicated love that deep down you both know wouldn't exist,

but for the vast fortune and fame neither you nor your son are emotionally equipped to handle. And listen, Jeremy, we don't need to know what any famous person's dad thinks about anything. Oh no, Desmond Stiles thinks trans people smell weird? Shut the fuck up. Count your blessings, you worthless luck magnet. Scientists are warning beachgoers in Florida

about a 5,000-mile-wide blob of decomposing algae and seaweed that contains flesh-eating bacteria. The scientists are referring to the blob as your mom. And finally, wrestling legend and former WWF heavyweight champ The Iron Sheik passed away this week at the age of 81. He died as he lived being slammed through a folding table in front of friends and loved ones. Now, before we go, I wanted to let you know

I have officially rid myself of the Tesla. It's gone. It's over. All right, when we come back, we go into the metaverse. And we're back. This week, Apple revealed their new Vision Pro VR augmented reality headset to rousing applause. Apple Vision Pro starts at $34.99. It will be available early next year on Apple.com. First of all, love that clip.

Love you get your biggest fans, your biggest nerds, your diehards in a room, and when they see the prize, they're like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Like, Tim is in trouble. Sure, you could experience actual reality for free, but now you can watch a dinosaur walk around in the background while you answer Slack messages.

The future is now. We here at Love It or Leave It are so excited for this next step in society's constant quest to distract ourselves from real-life problems, we leapt at the chance to accept the Apple Vision Pro as our latest sponsor. I'm using leapt metaphorically, of course. We actually accepted it sitting down slack-jawed and motionless on our couch in our darkened home alone, hoping to augment our way into a reality that never was and never can be. Imagine it. You're watching my incredible monologue on YouTube and then also seeing the wall of your apartment behind it. That's right. That almost inconceivable experience

could soon be in your grasp with the arrival of Apple's Vision Pro augmented reality headset. Enter a world all your own while still seeing what's happening right in front of you, all while full-length Hulu ads play immediately in front of your retinas. Let Apple push your human brain to the limit.

Also, the Vision Pro is too small for glasses to fit inside, so you will have to buy unique corrective inserts for any member of your family who needs them. How much are they? No one knows. Apple Vision Pro, the future is now. We come back. Eat your feelings. And we're back. And we're back! Before we bring out our first guest, I want to make a confession to all of you. I'm currently eating my way through the last of my pandemic pantry purchases.

Yes, I'm talking about oatmeal and honey from late 2020, tortillas and beans from the mid-Pleistocene, potatoes I should let goes. What was this pun supposed to be? Potatoes I should let go. Potatoes I should let goes. Potatoes I should let goes. What was this pun supposed to be? Potatoes I should let go. Potatoes I should let goes. Potatoes I should let goes. Potatoes I should let goes. That's not different. It is though.

An onion I should put out of its misery with a gunion. And that visceral feeling of concern and disgust currently coursing through your body inspired our next segment. So please welcome to the stage celebrity chef extraordinaire Ronnie Wu and one of our favorite friends of the show, Michaela Watkins. Hi, come on out.

Ronnie. Yes. You're a chef who's been featured on Rachel Ray and the Today Show. Tell me, what is the most depraved thing you've eaten over the sink at 3am without even turning on the kitchen light so that the eyes of God could not find you? Jack in the Box. That was recent. Recent? Yes.

One of the fish burgers, which is probably so gross. And a shake. An Oreo shake. I'm sorry. You're saying you bought fish from Jack in the Box. 100%. But I won't eat it on the plane. Was it Friday? Is it like a Catholic thing? It was after like a big event. It was after like the GLAAD Awards or something. I was wearing an open it on the plane. Was it Friday? Is it like a Catholic thing? It was after like a big event. It was after like the GLAAD Awards or something.

I was wearing an open shirt at the awards. Like I do, you know, like chefs do and stuff. And I was like looking so good. And I was like, I want to ruin it tonight. So I just literally just ate Jack in the Box. You didn't eat the bun? Of course I ate the bun. Fine, I ate like three-fourths of the bun.

I do what my husband does and he like rips around it. You ripped around the bun, son of a bitch. But like just a little bit. I don't want to hear it. I ate it. You ate a piece of sole with a tiny bit of bread. Is it sole? I doubt it.

I'm sure it's just white fish for human consumption in a big bag. I'm more stuck on that it's like you got a good buzz you probably snuck like a cigarette even though you told yourself you were never gonna do that again and you're like let's get fish no this is actually completely me not intoxicated at all and i was like let's get fish and that's probably why i don't drink that much or smoke mainly because i don't want to make really bad decisions. So this was me just normal. I would do it now.

I'll probably do it after this. Yeah, this is a regular thing. Just realizing that like my good Wednesday is your worst Saturday. No, I can do worse. That's a real bummer. Michaela, same question to you. 3 a.m., you're over the sink. What are we eating? Just last night, I can do worse. That's a real bummer. Michaela, same question to you.

Yeah. 3 a.m., you're over the sink. What are we eating? Just last night, I landed at LAX and was driving, and the only thing open was In-N-Out. And I know better than to ever get their shitty fries. Their fries are shitty. They're not good.

Yeah, you can't do a single fry fry. They only fry it once, straight from the spud. Yeah. It needs to be fried and then frozen and then fried again. Yeah. That's how you get the creamy inside. Thank you. Just trying to flex my knowledge.

Hey, that's... You have a lot. You are a chef. That's chef talk. But I was amazed at how, when I was watching the guy make it, I was thinking, wow, it's not like an allotment of lettuce. He like picked up half an iceberg head and shoved it onto mine.

And my husband had like two leaves on it. So I just like that it felt very bespoke. For me, at this point, fast food is like the ring. If someone says it, I get it. Like Katie Porter was on this show, and I believe she said the words Del Taco, and then all of a sudden, my car is driving there. Like, after the show, I literally, I took a picture,

I texted it to Katie Porter. Ronnie. Yes. You have a show, a reality show called Food to Get You Laid. What food should someone make or eat if they were interested in something like that? Or she, whatever, whoever. If someone wants to get, what they what steak steak yeah oh i feel for me because

i i've been with my husband 15 years so i don't know what a first date is like anymore but if i did i imagine making a steak a steak yeah steak because i feel like it's very primal and sexy and it's like meat and everyone loves meat. And if the person has to eat meat, then I just can't be with that person. I don't want to do anything with them in the first place. So if they're eating the meat, then I'm just going to be like, okay. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Good to know. Yeah. Wait, if the reality show is called Food to Get You Laid, there must be more than one episode. There was eight episodes. But I was telling Michaela backstage's it's actually like heartfelt because i have i have like this is not me bragging i have two master's degrees one of them is in therapy i mean sorry

just want to set the background straight and um it was like out of my league up here it was like uh helping people mend their relationships through food and conversation and communication in like a therapeutic setting in the kitchen. Isn't that sweet? That is a therapy session I would go to. Yeah, I should start that. Yes. Yeah. Do you not eat during therapy?

I do that. Do I what? Do you eat during therapy? No, but my husband, not my husband. Before we got married, we thought we'd be really cool and progressive if we went to counseling before we got married so that we would like get ahead of, I don't know what the fuck. Anyway,

I mean, there was a woman that was the counselor that we never went to again, but she came out and she was like, I'm so sorry. I just had to microwave this burrito. And then we were talking and then she kept interrupting going, this burrito is so good. Shut up!

Oh, my God. I was like, I don't like it. Are you sure you went to a therapist? She was like, okay. Oh, my God. This burrito is delicious. Shut up, Michaela. Oh, my God.

It was happening. But I would like to be the one eating. Well, clearly it worked, because you're still together. Yeah, we are. We're very happy. And we're very happy. If he ever eats a burrito in front of me, I will be violent. Ron, I want to tell you about a dish I made in the last 72 hours.

And this is a real thing that happened, which is I found a jar of sauce that expired in January, but it's Best Buy. Best Buy? You got it from Best Buy? No, it's Best Buy, not Best Buy. Oh, what? You got it from Best Buy? They sell sauce?

I know. I haven't been. You know what sucks? I'll tell you what sucks, Ronnie. They know that I do so bad diet-wise that they all thought for a second, I bet this fucking jackass somehow got sauce at Best Buy. Like it came with a Switch game or something.

It came with Mario. Oh my God, cute. So Best Buy January to use it. Not use buy or sell buy, Best Buy, which means it still could be fine. Obviously it's not as good as it could have been, but it doesn't mean it's not good. So you smell it. Right. Even though it's not as good as it could have been. But it doesn't mean it's not good. So you smell it.

Right. Even though it's in January is a while ago now. You know? Depends on the sauce. They patent a lot of time for people like you. That's what I think. So you don't die. Because they have you in mind and they're like,

okay, what is the least common denominator? How long do we have for this man? We don't want to kill him because that's a lawsuit. Unless you die by yourself and no one finds you and then they're like, no one can sue us. You know, so. It's for feral men like you. I just want

to understand. Buried inside of that was like one of the meanest things a person's ever said to me. No! Like I'm one of those New York City shut-ins where like eight weeks later, the super is like, something's not right. Listen. Something smells best fucking expired.

I've only given you one ingredient. Okay. We're at the very beginning. Then I did find an onion that- In the sauce? No, no, no. In the fridge, but it... Let me ask you this. Do you keep your onions in the fridge?

Yeah. Thank you, Michaela. Thank you. So here's the thing. Something's wrong. You know, sometimes an onion will say, I'm ready to become something else. And parts of it are green. Yeah.

Is that me? The onion's done? I don't think so. No. Right? No. You just cut around that. If it sprouts, you mean if it sprouts, it molds.

Yeah, it's green. No, no. It grew. It was green on the very middle. That's fine. You just cut around that. If it sprouts, you mean if it sprouts and then it molds. No, no. It grew. It was green on the very middle. That's fine. You just don't want to eat mold. So then I cut that up. But you peel off the layer, everyone, and you're fine, generally.

Just with an onion. That applies just to an onion. Yeah. I mean, anyway, we're all onions. Oh, boy. Yeah. Layer-wise, wrap it up, says Malcolm. Okay.

So then I had frozen broccoli. I'm now thinking I didn't check the date on that. That's fine. Frozen is definitely. Frozen is frozen. It's infinite. It's fine. It can go bad.

I mean, how much ice was caked around it? It was just sort of like a little coating. Okay. And then I had impossible meat. Ew. And. I hate impossible meat. And so then I cooked all those things together.

I made the pasta in water. You cooked at the same time. Yes. And then here's what I did, which is, so I've invented something. It's something I invented with my friend Sam when we first lived in D.C. more than a decade ago, and it is called eggy pasta. And what you do is you turn the heat off, and then you put an egg in it,

and you go like this as fast as you can. It's called carbonara. Yeah, I carbonara'd it. I thought it was called salmonella. And then I put Kraft Parmesan cheese on it. Okay, that's fine. And then I ate it. Why did you have Impossible Meat?

We're not in a pandemic anymore. It's so gross. It's so bad for you. and then I ate it. Why did you have impossible meat? We're not in a pandemic anymore. Because it's not. It's so gross. Is it? Yeah. I didn't. Okay. It's so bad for you.

Is it bad for you? I feel like it's bad for you because it's super processed and there's like a bunch of shit in it. Oh yeah, I've heard that. But it's got, it's got pee. No offense to anyone who is vegan.

But it's, but it's vegan. It tastes the way cat food smells. But do not find that though. But maybe it was masked by the Best Buy sauce that you had I put a lot of you didn't say what kind of sauce

the sauce was it was just marinara sauce oh okay great it was just marinara sauce I know it's just like don't be sad this rug is vegan but you don't want to eat it

you know yeah thank you that's how I would compare it Michaela yeah babe you're currently co-starring on You Hurt My Feelings. Mm-hmm.

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm such a fan of Mikayla. I'm sorry. Where were you? What food do you turn to

when you've hit your personal limit? Does it have to be in my house or I go out for it or what? You can go anywhere you want. Oh, okay. I'm a full pasta person. And, um... That was a okay. I'm a full pasta person.

That was a sound. I know. So cute. This is the thing. There's restaurants that I really love. What is the word in the chef world for when you go to your favorite restaurant and you're ravenous and you've hit your limit. And you're with other people. And there's like a rancini or something, but it's $18. And then three tiny little balls the size of a baby's testicle come out.

And then you're meant to share that with five people. And you're just more mad. And what is the word in the chef world for I want this all for myself. Don't touch it. Like why is every single restaurant since 2018 let's get a bunch of tiny little plates

and share them. Oh like tapas. Yeah. Yeah what happened to the fucking entree? What happened to the fucking. What happened to the good old days? There used to be back in the good old days you the fucking entree? What happened to the fucking... What happened to the good old days? There used to be, back in the good old days, you got an entree, and then they said, that comes with a salad. What do you want on it? Yeah.

Oh, remember that? Yeah. What the fuck? It was amazing. It was amazing. Isn't that just Olive Garden? You get breadsticks. You get unlimited salad and breadsticks.

Not just Olive Garden. I just want to be like, I'll have a rotisserie chicken all for me. Right. Then just go to Costco. I don't want to go to Costco. I want to go to the I'll have a rotisserie chicken all for me. Right. Then just go to Costco. I don't want to go to Costco. I want to go to the place with the Edison light bulbs. Isn't that nice?

Oh, wait. The Laurel Hardware? I want ambiance. But when you've had enough, you want to be around more people. Midlake, playing on the radio. You know what I mean? Yeah. Thank you.

He gets it. I love Midlake. They did that song Roscoe. Yeah, exactly. I want like sexy, smooth. I want the big ice cube in my old fashion. And I want a whole rotisserie chicken to myself. Okay.

Yeah. You can have that. And you should have it. Thank you. I think you should have it. But I mean, can we just decide that it's not rude for me to say, you guys have your 20 plates and I'll have my 17 and don't touch them? That's totally fine.

I think that's fine. I don't think it is. I think it's totally fine. Do you think it's fine? Or just go by yourself. Go by myself? What am I, a maniac? No, I used to go by myself and bring my computer and fake type on it.

Oh my God, sorry, I used to go by myself and bring my computer and fake type on it. Oh my God, sorry, I'm so busy. I'm sorry, I need a rotisserie chicken as soon as possible. I'm getting two masters. I'm so exhausted, I can't see straight. That was like an odd compliment. Oh God, I was in Highland Park here in Los Angeles, and I went to get coffee, and there was a guy in there typing on an actual typewriter.

Oh, my God. With fucking the headphones on, the, what do you call them? The Air Maxes, the big things. Like a telemarketer. Beats, headphones on, and I wanted to just wrestle that man to the ground. Because you could just see everybody being like, tap, tap, type, type, type, tap, tap,

tap. It's like, what? That's so weird. I know. It was this car crash of light-eyed and millennia. There's so much happening. At the coffee shop I go to called Starbucks, there's... I don't know if you've had it. I love Starbucks. It's exactly what you,

you get the same thing every time. Breakfast sandwich. Impossible breakfast sandwich. I just get the egg protein box. Yeah, you get the, we know what you get. We know what you fucking get.

And ice water. It's unbelievable. I don't drink caffeine. I'm just naturally happy. Son of a bitch. I knew this was going to happen. There were too many abs on his fucking Instagram.

Now, listen. No No that's built by depression Oh I can tell you more about that Oh and you get abs when you're depressed That's cool I get pizza boxes and a friend saying I need to do something And then I see the pizza boxes through his eyes And that's when I know it's time to make a change That's real

Wait I wanted to make a point about something okay starbucks oleado have you ever had one yes i did do the olive oil coffee and man that thing will go through yet but the point is at the starbucks i see a couple like tiktok influencers at the starbucks that i recognize from tiktok and like seeing a tiktok influencer who you've seen make like front facing videos at their computer clearly working on them in one form or another. It's like never meet your heroes.

Now it's time for a segment we're calling Slop Chef. Ronnie, Michaela, I'm going to give you an emotion and you need to tell us what someone should eat when they're going through that specific emotional experience. Fun! Okay.

And there are no wrong answers, but there are. Okay. And I'll decide. All right. First emotion, rage. What pairs well with rage? You're hungry and you're furious. I'm going to say, like, beef jerky,

so that you can just ruminate and be like. That's good. That's good. Like my dog has this thing. It's like a nubby toy. It's got these nubs on it. And he's just like. And I was like, I need one of those.

And they're always sheep like dildos. Yeah, they are. And they're just like gnawing on it. Yeah. It's very, seems dildos. Yeah, they are. And they're just like gnawing on it. Yeah. It's just very, seems wrong. Yeah. Yeah. My husband wouldn't, would think that's like maybe we're onto something here.

If you were doing that, you're like gnawing, gnawing, gnawing. He's like, maybe. Does this make your dog gay, fellas? Does a blowjob make you gay? I don't know. What do they think for rage? A shrimp cocktail. Oh, that's so nice.

We're fine. Oh, I'm so angry. Dip, dip, dip. Oh. I only like that when I'm really happy. When I'm depressed, I want to look really hot. So I don't eat shit. So I'm just like, oh, I'm angry.

We're different. I know. You should have seen me before 2016. I would be sitting here in a bikini. You could be sitting here in a bikini. Ron, I'm going to ask you a question now. And I need you to be honest. Okay.

Have you ever said the following sentence? Oh my God, I forgot to have lunch. You did. Okay. Next up. No, actually, to be honest with you i've never forgotten to eat before i always like food is always on my mind okay but that's probably because like there's days right you're hungry all the time yeah i mean there's days where i might be

more hungry than others but i i eat a lot like people don't believe me but i eat a shit ton they don't believe you all right right. I need to make some videos for approving it. Michaela, next emotion, it's second day of your period despair. What are we eating?

Well, it's fried and it's coated in chocolate. Cool. And there's probably an ice cream element with it and some ham. That's cool yeah ham is a fun food just to have around you know i didn't eat because i grew up like jewish i didn't ever encounter ham ham to me was only like a sliced deli meat sold in packets and we didn didn't have it. And so the first time I ever had ham as like an entree,

I was like 30. Wow. And I was like, oh my God, where have we been hiding this ham? Sweet on the outside, ham on the inside. It was so cool. Ham, huh? It's America's best kept secret. Ham.

It is yummy. You should try some chocolate covered ham. That's been fried. Ronnie, what do you eat when you're pensive? Shrimp cocktail. When I'm pensive, like potato chips. I like love potato chips. Sort of maybe distracting sound wise.

Wait, what do you mean by pensive? Like you mean like if I'm just like. Right now, you're being pensive. Iensive? Like, you mean like, if I'm just like... Like, right now you're being pensive. I am? Yeah, you are. Yes. What do you want? What do I need right now? Like a cheesy pizza with extra cheese. Okay. Yeah. Okay. There's this place by our house that does, like, amazing pizza, because I think they put a little bit of

MSG in the sauce. But, yeah, I know it's really helpful. And it's just like, I always order, like, a cheese pizza with extra cheese. I think it's funny there's like... Is that boring? No, I mean, it's cool. When you're pensive. Yeah, but I'm... I think it's really helpful. And it's just like, I always order like a cheese pizza with extra cheese. I think it's funny. Is that boring? No. When you're pensive. It's cool.

When I'm pensive. Yeah, but I'm... I think it's cool that there's like... I'm not really ever pensive. There's been like a collective delusion around MSG, which is just like a savory taste. And then there was like all this stuff about how like, oh, I can't have MSG.

It gives me headaches. No, it doesn't. Doesn't? Right, no. It makes you a little thirsty. I'll say that. Yeah. Next emotion.

You just found out that the person you're in love with, who you were working up the courage to tell, is dating your co-worker's super hot ex, who you know is a sociopath, but when you told your crush they said something kind of snide, like they know you have an ulterior motive, which means they also know how you feel, which oddly feels like a relief, and also you're drunk.

You know that feeling? Burrito? Burrito. Burrito. I would say salad. Oh. Mmm. You know that feeling? Burrito? Burrito. Burrito. I would say salad. Oh, Jesus. I want to throw this guy around the world. Okay, but hear me out.

Hear me out. I want to throw this guy around the world. Hear me out. Hear me out. You've lost them, Ronnie. You've lost them. No, remember. Boo.

Get them out of here. No, remember. You want to be hot. You want to be hot. So, like, as you're eating, like, salad, you're just like, yeah, I'm going to be hot. Like, salad and, like, with some chicken. Ew. Ew. Go away. you're eating like salad you're just like yeah i'm gonna be hot like salad and like with some chicken i think ronnie likes to be fuck you fabulous no no no i just saying like when you're dealing with that kind of shit you want to just look good

okay okay it gets more power it does give you okay i respect that i respect that i think that's a good point right you know don't give that's my advice. It's not over. I just like to put my hands into candy and just two-thirds of it is making its way into my mouth and the rest of it is between my legs and the car seat. And it's just

like power eating it and then I get to the end and I'm like, oh, I don't even remember opening it. That's what I like to do. My move is McDonald's drive-thru, large Diet Coke, and this is how you know you're dealing with a real sicko.

I'd like two Egg McMuffins, please. Because here's the thing. Egg McMuffins, and it's by the way, and I've said this before, but just in case, I sub bacon for ham, which is a real move. Wait. So you're customizing your McDonald's order?

I'm customizing my Egg McMuffin. And you know what? Special orders don't upset us. Wait, do they do that anymore? Do they do breakfast all day anymore? It depends. Mostly yes. Oh, because I thought they stopped doing that.

But the point I wanted to make is that Egg McMuffins are like martinis. One is not enough. Two is too many. Wow. One is not enough. Two is too many. Wow. It's kind of true. Three is not enough. If you were a Muppet, you would be like

Donnie Diabetes. No. Who can count how many Egg McMuffins you have? I am Miss Piggy with a Fozzie Bear rising. All right. Next up, it's time for our lightning round. I'm going to show you some what are being technically called foods.

And you have to say what emotional state you would have to be in to eat them. Are you ready? What is she eating in that photo? Noodles? They look like maybe calamari, but remember when there was those stories about how secretly restaurants were using pig butts instead of calamari? Remember that?

Yeah, that's what that is. Or the intestines. I'm not sure. Because the pigs only have one butt. That's a lot of butts. But we also go through a lot of pigs, and I imagine you get them in bulk. You can get pig butttholes in bulk? I'm going to Google that.

I don't know. It was a legend. All right. First up, watermelon-flavored coffee from Nespresso. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Tired, I suppose. Very tired.

I'm not mad at it. Okay. Okay. Why not? Yeah. Because I feel like the watermelon could be, like, the sweet element. Okay. Maybe just, like, hot hot but also constipated.

Yeah, I feel that'd do the trick. Yeah. Yeah. Like a hot summer constipated day. Like, you know those videos of that guy that goes around unclogging local drains? Uh-huh. That's what that is. That's what that is.

Next up, we have hash browns as the bread when you make toast. Okay. So it's just toast, but instead of toast, it's hash browns. Oh, that's like, you know, you just found your first gray pubic hair. Wait, what is that emotion? Mikayla, what is that emotion when you found your first gray pubic hair? Like, I give up. Life is over.

Bring me that pizza. I give up. The potatoes are the bread now. Ronnie, what do you think you'll eat when you find your first gray pubic hair? Is that a hard question? What is a gray hair? No. You don't have to answer that.

I don't know. I'll think about it. Filet-O-Fish. And finally, hot dog tacos. Okay, I feel happiness when I see this. I like that. I'm into it. I'm into it.

Hot dog tacos? Yeah. That sounds good. I like hot dogs. Hot dog tacos? Yeah. That sounds good. This is like you're going to binge alone, and you're just going to fart on the dogs.

And you're going to fart on the dog. Yeah, you're going to watch a show. You don't need to be alone to fart on the dog. You're going to watch like seven episodes out of ten of something, and then you're going to fart on the dogs. This is a fart on the dogs. I like that. There'll be days where I'll get home at like five o'clock and I'll be like,

I'm going to order something disgusting and I'm going to watch TV till ten o'clock. I'm going to watch five hours of TV and hot dog tacos is right where it's at. That's what I'm talking about. It actually, you know, this may be wrong but I believe the Taco Bell on Vine was a Pizza Hut Taco Bell combo. Is that right? And then they stopped doing it.

That was glorious. I'm just saying that's a deliberate choice, that hot dog tacos. Although there's nothing wrong with a regular hot dog. That's not a mistake. That's not a I'm cleaning out the fridge. That's a... I went to buy taco shells and hot dog.

Yeah. Today I'm doing what I want. Yes. That's fusion. Yeah. That's a fusion meal. Yeah. That's a fusion meal. Yeah, that's science. What I'm saying is, again, two-egg McMuffin person,

hi, I'd like a Mexican pizza and a pizza pizza, please. That's how you know you're really living. And you're like, I ate fish. I mean, you're not wrong. I think that's cool. Yeah. I'm going to make a smarter fish choice

next time because of you. Can I ask you one more question? When you order fish at the Jack in the Box are they like really?

No. Okay. One time I ordered the cheese sauce at a Dairy Queen that wasn't a DQ Grill and Chill. You guys know

the difference, right? Grill and Chill has the full menu. The Dairy Queens just have the blizzards and like a tiny menu in the corner that really they shouldn't offer. And I ordered my normal blizzard,

which is a large Oreo blizzard and then a cone dipped in chocolate, always the two of them together. And then like cheese sauce for some reason. You've really come alive just now. I'm just coming into my own. I feel comfortable now so I can divulge how I get this body. Ronnie, speaking of,

what is one recipe that everybody should check out from your book, Did You Eat Yet? I wouldn't say a recipe. I'd say one chapter, which is the breakfast chapter. There's an egg sandwich in there, so you can make three of them. You just have to do a recipe and a half because they only make two. So just make sure you do the math correctly. So I can just double everything?

You can just double everything. You have to eat that fourth one. No, it actually holds really well. So you can make that. You don't have to eat them all. You can put them in the refrigerator for the next day. And they hold really well. Or in your case, the next two years.

Yeah. And what's the book like it's it's it's it's chapters not recipes it's a cookbook called did you eat yet it's got i think like 10 or 11 chapters and in the chapters are recipes you know like cookbooks have recipes uh-huh you know i i know about them um and it's just really fun and cool. I'm not selling it right now, but you should buy it. It's really good. It's really good. And it's really good.

It's really good, you guys. Just buy it. You won't regret it. And, Mikayla, you can check out Mikayla in You Hurt My Feelings, which is in theaters now. I'm so happy. I really like this movie. I'm so excited about it. We don't see these movies anymore. I know. I'm really excited about it.

I don't know why we have to miss these kind of movies, but I miss these movies. Maybe once the streaming wars are over and we get the bodies off the streets, we can start making them again. We can start caring about our trifles. Will you come back?

Yeah, I'm a great host. I don't even know what's coming up next. We'll be back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Are you trapped in a loveless marriage? Do your children wince when you try to offer lessons gleaned from your years on this planet?

Lessons that hold no relevance to them as they pull further and further away from you into their own inscrutable inner worlds? Sure, you could ask them what they're thinking, but why not watch Jack Reacher on your brand new Vision Pro VR augmented reality headset instead? The Vision Pro comes with two state-of-the-art speakers to drown out the sound of your spouse's lonely sobs emanating from under the bathroom door. It also features a video display of your own eyes that will stare back as your children rage at the digital wall You've erected around your heart

You can hear them now begging you to tear it down and be here with them here in the world You brought them into without their knowledge or consent, but don't worry There's a knob that lets you turn the sight of them into the sight of a mountain range The vision Pro also has a big bulky wired battery pack You have to cart around in your pocket while you wear it. Apple Vision Pro. The future is now. When we come back, you can't handle the truth.

And we're back. All of us tell the occasional lie. Most of them are harmless, like, I love this pie you baked, or I truly wish I could come to your gay dog wedding, but I have a prior engagement, which is also a gay dog wedding. Or great show tonight, love it.

But it takes a once-in-a-generation talent to lie his way into America's heart and also into Congress. And that talented individual is here tonight, unless all those emails were total bullshit, which is for sure a possibility. Please give a warm welcome to New York Congressman George Katara Santos.

There he is. Boo me. Go ahead and boo me. Hi, Congressman. Sean, it's so good to see you again. We have never met. No, come on. Of course we have.

At last year's Poetry Society Gala, honoring my lifetime contributions to The American Verse in Anchorage, I believe. Alright, come on. You've been out here for less than 30 seconds. Maybe pace yourself. Johnny Boy, why so

serious? I have no idea what you mean. You look great, by the way. Thank you. So you can tell the truth. You know what? I tell the truth all the time. When I said I'd rather go to jail than have a judge reveal the names of the people who agreed to pay my $500,000 bond, I meant every word of that. In fact, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever told a single lie in my life. Congressman, can I call you George?

Sure. I'm a man of my people. Can I call you Katara? Okay, I'm not a man of those people, no. Fine. George, these anonymous people had to pay your bond because you were indicted on criminal fraud charges. A grand jury believed that you did lie a lot of times about important things. Mm. Mm-mm-mm-mm. No.

See, I don't agree with that characterization. And if you continue to defame me, you'll be hearing from my lawyer. Hey, Siri? Email Michael Clayton. Okay. Your lies are just not plausible. Confess, George. What kind of absolute rock-bottom, unspeakable Jeffrey Epstein-ass freaks paid your bond that you'd rather go to jail than tell us who they are?

No, no, no. That's not the reason. They're really cool, actually, and I just don't want them to get harassed by Antifa. If they were cool, you'd say who they are. Fine. It was Elton John. It wasn't Elton John. Okay, fine. It wasn't Elton John. You caught fine, it wasn't Elton John. You caught me in my first ever lie, Johnny.

All right. Congratulations. You feel good about yourself, huh? Okay, not really. But let's pretend, for argument's sake, that I've lied on other occasions, if you can believe it. Why do my hypothetical lies get more attention and collective outrage than anyone else's?

Huh? RFK Jr.'s out there lying about vaccines. Homegirl Marjorie Taylor Greene lies every moment of every day, except when she's doing CrossFit. That's her sanctuary. Yeah, that's her time. That's her time. Continue. Thank you.

I'm just saying, why does the media make a joke out of me? Because my lies are personal instead of political? And that's worse? You lie about your resume, everyone goes ham. But if you lie about climate change, you teach the controversy. Why? Well, a few of your lies are tied to alleged federal crimes. Okay, sure.

But a lot of my lies aren't even newsworthy. I lied to get a free creme brulee at Les Diplomates. It's French. I don't even like creme brulee. I just like lying. I'm a huge liar, Johnny John John. And I've been very, very honest about that.

You lied about it less than a minute ago. Oh my God, get over it. You know why you're so obsessed with my bullshit? Why? Because it's easy to point at, okay, compared to the sea of bullshit all around you. Oh, look at George Santos. He said his mom died during

9-11, but she was actually in Brazil at the time. Huh? Let's cover him in jelly and tie him to an anthill and make fun of his eight pack. Okay, I don't really think anyone... That's a quote from a reputable news source. I don't think it... I'm not sure about the last part.

I think, yes, eight pack. They literally said eight or 12. I'm not sure. Okay, sure, whatever. Meanwhile, Joe Biden can spend weeks negotiating the debt ceiling with Republican leaders who are, and I say this with total admiration, a pack of shameless, bold-faced liars holding a loaded gun to our economy

for no reason. And that's somehow seen as serious and proper. But any workaround that would let us bypass all that, like minting a trillion dollar coin, is seen as too silly to even consider. Maybe I'm a joke, but you're all fucking clowns.

Hey. Hey, Congressman. Come on. George. That's so mean. Come on. I will not come. You make the same wisecrack every week. George Santos is the first person to ever be indicted

after walking on Mars. It's easy and it's cheap. And sure, I'm a liar and a fraud and I use scams to make up for the money and talent and advantages I lacked. Kids who start like me don't make it to places like this. Even the smart ones, even the good ones. But I broke your rules, so I have to pay? Like half the nepo babies in Congress wouldn't have scammed to make it if they didn't start with a name and a trust fund. Or worse, they would have tapped the fuck out like the soft-craving, little people-pleasing freaks they are. I made it to Congress, bitches.

You want your seat back? Come and take it. Oh, wow. Let's go, girls. I never did drag. Look, Anna's George Santos makes some pretty good points. Don't get used to it. Every time I say a true thing, I feel physical pain.

As if I were back in that Russian prison where I was tortured for being too goddamn sexy. Come on, Congressman. That's a reputable news source. Oh, sure, I bet. You can read that on any online publication. Look it up on Alexis Nexon. Listen, love it. Can I call you love it since we're best friends?

Sure. Little love it. All I say is this. You people take comfort in recognizing that I'm clearly unacceptable. Like a little drug that transports you to a world where we haven't let tech giants treat our attention spans like a trough urinal

on 10 cent beer night. Where the right wing hasn't spent 40 years hardening half the country against reality and human compassion. A magical society where lies matter to everyone and local news is thriving and there are limits and there are values and good

can win just by exposing the truth. But we don't live in that world, do we? No. But I know how to build it. I'm afraid to ask. Come on, ask me, baby boy. Come on, ask me the question. How do we build that world? Easy. I'm glad you asked.

Easy. I'm glad you asked. I'll just need everyone in this room to donate $5,000 to my nonprofit, the George Santos Think Tank for Political Solutions and Offshore Banking Initiatives. The routing number of the Bahamanian bank I use is... Absolutely not. Get out of here. What? Get out of here, indicted Congressman George Santos. Fine. You can find me on Zelle, the app I invented. Michael Clayton. Oscar

Montoya, everybody. Come on. Season two of Minx premieres on Starz on July 21st. Check him out there. When we come back, gay news. And we're back. Have you heard the news? It's Pride.

For more gay news, please welcome to the stage, friend of the pod, Brendan Scannell. How you doing? I'm good, how are you? How's your Pride going so far? I'm tired, John. Going hard? Well, no.

Okay, but just tired? Just tired, yes. You must be exhausted, right? I'm always tired. I keep asking the doctor why, and they keep saying, stop what you're doing. Maybe you're not hydrated. What are you drinking?

It doesn't matter. Mm-hmm. In honor of this majestic month, Brendan and I will be playing a round of Love It or Leave It's Most Cherished segment, Gay News. Do you remember the jingle? Gay News It's really not a jingle

It's meant to be like the sound of Morse Code From a 1930s newsreel The imitation game It was written by That gay guy Who was this? Alan Turing No no The Imitation Game, right? Yeah, like The Imitation Game. It was written by that gay guy. Who? What's his name? Alan Turing.

No, no. Who's that? Right. I'll pull that one out. Nice. Huh? Gay news. The frontrunner in Thailand's prime minister race has vowed to legalize same-sex marriage

within the first 100 days of office if elected. Though any gay destination wedding couple that uses any form of hashtag tie the knot as their wedding hashtag will be tried publicly. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Gay news. Gay news, okay. A federal judge temporarily blocked Florida's attempted ban

on minors receiving gender-affirming care, saying in his ruling, gender identity is real. The record makes this clear. That record, turn off the Light by Kim Petras. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- Half of you are actually thinking of Rooney Mara Gay news Booksmart star Beanie Feldstein tied the knot with Fiance Bonnie Chance Roberts last month Their lesbian wedding was so beautiful you'd think it was a gay wedding There's a note here that says

A lesbian wrote this so try to cancel me queers Have you been to a gay wedding? Yeah I've been to a gay wedding They're not beautiful It's a lot of Mr. Turk okay Have you been to a gay wedding? Yeah, I've been to a gay wedding. They're not beautiful. It's a lot of Mr. Turk, okay? Wow. Happy pride.

Maybe not so much. Maybe not so much. This will certainly be the role of a lifetime, said Lea Michele, clearing her calendar six months from now. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, gay news. Arnold Schwarzenegger shared in his new Netflix documentary that his mother worried he was gay when he began hanging posters of naked, oiled-up bodybuilders in his room. She later became even more disturbed to see him appearing on posters with a predator. Gay news.

She needs to remember that Miles Davis quote about being closeted. It's not the posters you hang up, it's the posters you don't hang up. That one's just a thinker. I don't get that one. You don't need to, it doesn't matter. The stakes are low. But above it on Gay News. Rachel Sennett and Ayo Adebiri star as two queer losers hoping

to meet girls by forming a self-defense fight club at their high school in the new Bottoms trailer. Finally, representation for all the women who want Cate Blanchett to punch them in the face. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba. Gay news. Fans of Spider-Man across the Spider-Verse are convinced that the character of Spider-Woman,

Gwen Tracy, is trans. Stacey. Stacey. I've never seen it. Sorry. Spider who? Spiting the trans flag in her room, the use of the trans flag colors in her scenes,

and a shot of her police officer father wearing a trans flag pin. In the words of the great Uncle Ben himself, with great power comes great desire to get credit for stuff you're too cowardly to explicitly say in your movies. Gay news. And this explains the scene in the first one where she was bitten by a radioactive non-binary barista. Gay news.

There were a few other subtle hints, like that scene where Spider-Woman gets arrested for going to the bathroom in Florida. We'll find out for sure whether these clues mean anything very soon. For example, if they get removed from the Chinese release. Gay news. During a CNN town hall on Wednesday, former Vice President Mike Pence compared gender-affirming care for minors

to letting kids get a tattoo. Pence said it was one of the biggest regrets of his life, then lifted his shirt to show the crowd a massive back tattoo of the Fonz giving a thumbs-up to the Bible. Bada-bada-bada-bada, gay news. And finally, religious broadcaster Pat Robertson, who blamed hurricanes on gay people and the Haitian earthquake on Haiti's political independence,

died Thursday at age 93. What goes around comes around, bitch, said the queer community upon learning that Pat Robertson died old and wealthy at the peak of his influence, surrounded by loved ones. At least he died doing what he loved, blaming the Canadian wildfires on Tegan and Sarah.

Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba. Gay news. Thank you so much, Brendan. His next show, Sporting with Brendan Scannell and Sam Fishel, is on June 27th at the Elysian. Elysian Theatre. It's a sports and pop culture themed show, and in honor of Pride Month

we're doing a Pride slash Christian Faith Night. So come out. Everybody go check it out. It's a great show. Tickets are available on their website. When we come back

it's time for The Rant Wheel. And we're back. Is the sky blood orange? Not on Ted Lasso. Which plays directly into your eyeballs on your beloved Apple Vision Pro augmented reality headset.

The headset knows where your pupils are looking, and that data will help Apple in ways your brain can scarcely imagine. Around you, the earth burns. Soon the fire will be at your doorstep, the lapping heat of hubris itself made real in smoke and ash. And look, the little app icons seem to float in the room, making a shadow on the floor

neat. What is it to be a person, a conscious being? There are two processors that make Vision Pro possible to make this illusion. You feel yourself feeling, but to pause and observe this magic of being aware is to change the experience while creating the illusion that you are capable of both having an experience and observing yourself having it. As if the moment you turn the lights on, the door doesn't close. It closes every time. But when you FaceTime a colleague, it feels like they're in the room with you. And even though you're wearing a headset, machine learning will allow us to model your face to reproduce every movement you would have made had we not invented yet another way to put us between you and the beating pulse of another human soul.

Your mind is a machine. You are a machine. Our machines work together and make life better even though you don't feel better. When you took a day off, you joked about how nice it was to leave your phone in a drawer, to experience what it was to be alive until a memory ago,

to let your brain bask in creation. But that was yesterday. Today, there are tasks to complete and shows to stream and text to heart and podcast to play at 1.75 speed and news to fear and stars to collect to earn free food and wonders to behold. No one chose this, but we all choose this. You can see as much or as little of the world as you want. Look away, don't look away. Turn the knob, don't turn the knob. It doesn't matter.

It will feel like the NBA finals are in your living room. And isn't that wonderful? Isn't that enough? Applevision Pro, the future is now. When we come back, The Rant Wheels. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It,

and there's more on the way. And we're back. A reminder that Love It or Leave It will be kicking off the Errors Tour in San Francisco. Yep. At the Palace of Fine Arts on June 22nd and June 23rd. The 23rd is sold out, but there's still some tickets left for the 22nd.

We have a great lineup of guests, including Chris Fleming, Casey Newton, Dylan McKeever, Adam Savage, and more. We have an amazing set of shows lined up. So head to cricket.com slash events to get your tickets. And we have awesome guests that we'll be announcing for the whole tour coming soon. Now it's time for the rant wheel. This week on the wheel, we have gay song of the summer, the multiverse, having ADHD, gym etiquette, any restaurant that has tacos for over $15,

L.A.'s two back-to-back prides, guns blew themselves, the dumbing down of America. One day he'll come and do it. I love it. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on Jim Etiquette. I wonder whose pitch that was. Oh, that's right. It's Ronnie's. Well, I set myself up for that one. oh that's right it's ronnie's

well i like set myself up for that one okay so i have one minute only yeah okay fine so i just come up with a list okay so it's like people have like really bad body this actually bothers me every single day people who like don't wash their clothes before the gym that like drives me nuts i'm really sensitive to smell because you know i cook and stuff so that's like my yeah the surgeon's hands yeah your nose but also your hands also my hands you know and um like people who take a lot of gym selfies i'm like always ducking because i don't want to end up in someone's gym selfie like the other day i saw a girl just like in like the main area just kind of like she was just like crossing her legs i caught myself staring at her but not for the right reasons but more because i was like they just look so stupid

they do that really stupid and like who wants to see you at the gym like it's just dumb okay and then like people who have like unwarranted gym swagger you know where they're just like there's like a limp it's like they're like broke their leg and you know they're just like they're like but it's like but then the second they get out the door, they're just like... It's so weird. It's like this thing that possesses them. And then probably the worst thing is when the guys...

I don't know if the girls do this, but first of all, men's locker room smells so much worse than the women's locker room. I only know it's because one time they're reconstructing the men's and we switched on and off with the women's and the women's smells like roses. I like i don't you guys really take care of

yourself but the men's stinks and then so there's this one thing that guys do and they like i don't know if the guys have ever seen it but like there's like the men who blow dry their naked bodies in the middle of the locker room and then they they'll literally put their leg up on the thing and then blow dry their taints and their assholes. What? You've never seen this? It's not a good thing. Say it's me, okay?

Yeah, Brendan. Just say it's me. Can you stop? Oh my God, no one's seen your taint, that hole. It's just too big. But it's just like big but it's it's just like stop with the blow drying of it

somebody is walking out of the theater they are what would you do use a towel shut up or just go home like I don't know just stop staying there with your taint just exposed to the rest of the free world and just blow drying it.

It's too much. I like a good taint, but not that one. What gym do you go to? The Equinoxes. Actually, I'm projecting. It's just me. I'm just like, I hate it when people do this. And I'm just like curling, like straight ironing my pubes.

Just like in front of everyone. Just like, you know, like in stylists where they blow dry it and they have like a big fluffer brush. You can tuck in your actual microphone. Just like this and they're fluffing it to make that bush extra big. Wow. So this is all what goes on at the gym. Yeah. Fascinating. It's like my what goes on at the gym. Yeah. Fascinating.

It's like my least favorite time of the day. Like, I just hate, like, I'm miserable. I always look at those buildings and I think, what's going on in there? Yeah. A lot of blow drying your taint and assholes. Just ruining that. I think that's good. Maybe it's nice.

I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. Not at the gym. Let's spit it again. It has landed on the multiverse. I would like to talk about the multiverse. I'll be all right. I don't like it

I don't like the concept of it in life I don't like thinking about the possibility that there is an infinite incomprehensible number of possibilities all playing out at once and that ours is just one of an infinite number of outcomes all of which are happening all the time

every single day I also don't like it when it's inside of a movie. And I'll tell you why. We spoke earlier during a segment called Gay News, you remember. Yeah, you get it. About the fact that there are people who think that in the Spider-Man across the Spider-Verse film there might be a trans Spider-Person.

But these movies take place in a multiverse. So there are trans Spider-Verse film, there might be a trans Spider-Person. But these movies take place in a multiverse. So there are trans Spider-People, an infinite number of them, and some of them are Holocaust deniers. Actually, an incredible number. Arena after arena filled with trans Spider-People, all of whom gather to talk about how the Holocaust is a made-up hoax. There is a universe where Ant-Man killed Princess Diana.

There is a universe where Superman goes to KKK rallies and also killed Princess Diana. There's been a lot of like talk lately about what's happening with Marvel and the movies aren't doing it as well. And they look for specific explanations and I'm sure there's truth to some of it. And you can't like kind of peer through all of it. No one's saying it's because of the multiverse. But when you say these movies basically live in a universe where the stakes don't matter. And every time the hero wins, there's also a place where the hero lost a kind of like metaphysical choose your own adventure. It doesn't feel like it matters. You don't need to see what

happened in the movie because that's just one universe that they happen to film there's another one where ant-man gets squashed when he's real small and not just like on a random day not even like not even in the midst of action just like on a tuesday he got real small dead gone and that's how it ended in that one introducing the idea of the multiverse was like a huge mistake because it just sort of stole the stakes from all of these stories that we've been watching for the last, I don't know, 500 years. And I think it's time for the multiverse to go away. The problem is, how do you get rid of it without saying we killed everyone in every universe a thousand times? Malcolm, do you know how? Well, okay. So Marvel Comics, they did this event where all these

Earths were crashing into each other. They're called incursions. And actually, that's why Miles Morales is in the mainstream Marvel Universe right now. Because before he was on 1610, Earth 1610. Thank you, Malcolm. Okay, cool. Let's spin it again. I feel sick about that. I'm in the nauseous.

Oh, this is me. LA's two back-to-back prides. Okay, so for people who aren't local listening to the pod, I imagine there's like 10, 15 fans out there. LA has two prides right now. There's West Hollywood Pride was last weekend. LA has two prides right now. There's West Hollywood Pride was last weekend. LA Pride is next weekend. We're currently

in like the eye of the storm of the pride. The gay storm. It's like that Mark Wahlberg and George Clooney movie, The Perfect Storm. And we're all sinking. And we're all gonna die at the end. This feels like a psy psyop created by the CIA

to kill gay men who party too much, okay? They were like, oh, you want more pride? Well, we're gonna kill you with it, okay? We're gonna shove it down your throats, which is a Herbert J. Edgar Hoover quote. I don't know which one was president and which one wasn't. I Hoover quote. I don't know which one was president and which one wasn't. I'm gay.

Last weekend... J. Edgar Herbert Hoover once said... Listen, there's two types of gay men. Ones who know history and ones who know pop, okay? And Guy Branum was here last week. Last week, we had Carly Rae Jepsen headlining WeHo Pride. This week we have Mariah Carey. That's like gay Chernobyl, okay?

The containment zone stretches from downtown L.A. to Lance Bass' two bars in West Hollywood. He has two bars. Whatever happened to just having one thing, John? One pride. One pride. Also, my understanding is Carly Rae Jepsen went on at 10 p.m. on a Sunday. Being gay isn't a job.

It's a thing you do between, it's an after work thing. Being gay is, well, for some of us it is. For some of us it is. For some of us it's how we make money and then we put all of that money back into waiting at line, long lines for parties, okay?

It's gotta end. And which pride would you keep? Keep, yeah. WeHo or LA? One's got to go, Brennan. Let's not get political with this, okay? Don't put me on record and have the city of West Hollywood say, I can't shop it out of the closet.

Oh, so it's West Hollywood then, huh? Yeah. I'll just say, like, there was a Pride parade in West Hollywood then. I'll just say, there was a pride parade in West Hollywood. There was a pride parade in Hollywood. Those are one half of Hollywood from each other. Just connect the pride. Make it one long parade.

I love a parade as much as the next Maid Marian, but it's too much. It's too much. Did you go to pride this weekend? Hell yeah too much. Did you go to Pride this weekend? Hell yeah. And are you going to go to Pride this weekend? Yeah, now I have to see all the people who I was trying to forget at this next

Pride. I'm sorry that happened to you. It's okay. I'm reading Quit Like a Woman, and I'm going to quit drinking as soon as Pride's over. I'm going to go to Malibu Pride and drive one of Caitlyn Jenner's motorcycles into the sea.

Let's spin it again. It has landed on guns blew themselves. Mikhail, I believe this is yours. Okay. I just came back from Denver, Colorado, with a movement called Here for the Kids because guns are the number one killer of teens and children in this country.

And what we were asking of Governor Polis there is for a ban on all guns and sales of guns and issue a buyback, okay? And everybody's like, oh, you can't do that because of the second amendment law. And it's like, first of all, shut the fuck up. Don't tell me. Thank you.

This is real preach to the choir, I'm guessing. Because I'm guessing nobody here... One person just left. That person is like, I love killing kids. But abolishing guns is not a radical, crazy idea. I think sending kids to school with bulletproof backpacks is a crazy fucking radical idea. I think arming teachers is a crazy fucking radical idea.

My mom is a Latin teacher. She's 86. I've seen her purse. If anybody armed her, she would blow 20 kids away just looking for her car keys. I'm not kidding. I'm genuinely not kidding.

I didn't want to be there. None of us wanted to be there. There were thousands of women. We did not want to like, I didn't want to be there. You know, none of us wanted to be there. There were thousands of women. We did not want to be there, but we had to be there because the gun people, the lobbies, the NRA, the fucking legislators that are all bought and paid for, and the really scaredy cat ones who are afraid to do shit all, they fucked it up. who are afraid to do shit all, they fucked it up.

They fucked it up so bad that I had to get on a plane and go to a state. It's just too many sports bars, really. Get them. Nobody needs that many TVs with their micro brew. But it's really insidious because all we were ever fucking asking for is just a little bit of safety like ban bumper stock ban assault rifle you know issue a you know like three days have an age limit you know lock your shit up and everybody's like no no no no no no no no no no no and they made

it so easy this is on them if your guns go away if guns of guns owner go away, you have nobody to blame but yourselves. Because if you had just done the bare minimum like 20 fucking years ago, instead of going the other way and trying to make everybody murder each other, if you go down the wrong driveway or knock on the wrong door picking up your sibling. I know this is not funny. I told you it's not gonna be funny. But if they had just done that, then we wouldn't be here now. But they fucked it up. They fucked it up. And you know what? You don't get your guns. You don't get your guns anymore. Okay? Because I don't care about your Second Amendment and your shooting. I don't care. Because nobody asked my opinion when they started legislating over uteruses. Nobody was like, oh, but incest and rape.

No, they just said no. And so nobody asked for permission. And guess what? I'm not going to be polite and say, oh, I don't want to hurt your feelings. Maybe we just don't take all your guns because I don't want you to be sad. No, be sad. This is on you. You fucked it up.

You fucked it up. You fucked it up. What's the website for the organization? It's called hereforthekids.com, and you can follow it on Instagram. In fact, you could all take out your phones before you leave and just follow Here for the Kids Action, because that was just the beginning. We're going to go state by state. And by the way, we were talking about having a 28th Amendment that might overturn the Second Amendment, and just today, Governor Newsom talked about introducing a 28th Amendment that might overturn the Second Amendment. And just today, Governor Newsom talked about introducing a 28th Amendment.

It doesn't go far enough. It doesn't go far enough, okay? Because he's doing like light. He's like 28th Amendment light and somehow keeping the Second Amendment. I don't really understand the math on that. I'm no constitutional scholar. But I can tell you that we are moving. My only goal of the whole day,

I didn't think Polis was going to sign that, but my only goal genuinely was to change the conversation around guns and ban guns into our mouths. And once we start getting that into our mouths, it becomes possible. Women forget that we are the biggest voting bloc in this country,

and we are not powerless. We can do this. Thank you. That's my stop speech for Banning Guns. Let's spin it again. That was fun. That makes my gym rant. Just two really

important conversations that we need to have. I need to change my priorities. It's landed on Gay Song of the Summer. Okay, this one's mine. Y'all, I'm really scared. Y'all know what the song of the summer is going to be, right? The Gay Song of the Summer is officially... Padam.

Padam, Padam, Kylie Minogue. Yes? Don't clap! Because here's what I'll tell you about that song. It's not that good, okay? It's very mid. Listen, I love my queen Kylie. Do you like Padom Padom?

Yes. You just did. Gay News had Padom Padom Padom Padom Gay News. It's not that good. Gay News should be the gay song of the summer is what it should be, okay? Wouldn't hate it. Kylie Minogue.

I love Kylie Minogue. Kylie Minogue is mother, yes? She's made hits after hits. The locomotion, she brought it back, right? I was gonna cancel. There's nothing gayer than canceling plans. That should be the song of the summer. Pa-dum, pa-dum.

Pa-dum, pa-dum. I see you walking out. You mad. And you know what? That's fine. And I totally understand that. But first of all, it's barely the summer. And I've heard this song way too many times.

I haven't heard it at all. Okay, so then that's on me. Then that's my fault. Because I feel like I'm being exposed to a song I don't want exposed. Maybe it's just like my phone is trying to make me crazy because it's like every reel I see on Instagram, every post I see is, it sounds catchy, but it fucking sucks, okay? Can we put another Kylie Minogue song? Can we put a song that was hot in the summer of 1983?

Can we have Kylie Minogue as Cammy from Street Fighter just talking? That could be the gay song of the summer. Anything but ba-dum ba-dum. Thank you. I agree with that. There's something also that... Wow, they're not on board yet. And that's okay. But come August, listen to me yeah okay you'll remember where

you were remember where you were when you found out how you would feel in august there's something that happens now because of the fact that we're all under the yoke of these sort of algorithms which is i never get to experience it normally. It goes from, wait, what is that? Like what's Padam Padam? And then within, it seems almost like seconds, like you like put your phone down, you go get a soda, you come back and your whole, it's like, you will know what it is by the end of this day.

The sun won't set unless you know what this song is. Every person will be dancing to it on your phone. I think so. And I think it started out with my friend being like, oh, have you heard the new Kylie Minogue song? And I was like, no. And he was like, oh, you should listen to it. And then from that moment on, it was nonstop ba-dum-ba-dum.

And I'm like, y'all trying to make me go crazy. Internet, you trying to make me go crazy. And it's working, because that song, it sticks with you. It really does. Trust. Go home and listen to it. But I will say something who have never heard this song. It's like there's so many straight people who've never heard of Kylie Minogue.

I also just think like the opposite of love is in hate is indifference. Like this song is causing a reaction in you. And maybe that's something to think about, something to explore. Maybe. And you know what it is? Maybe actually, Dr. Love it. I do think that it's like

people love it so much that it'll be like, ba-dum-ba-dum, is a bop, right? And then I have to lie about it. I have to be like, mm-hmm, because I don't want to hurt their feelings.

Also, you don't want to be negative. I don't want to be homophobic. I'm pride. That's pride. No. You don't want to yuck someone's yum. Exactly. You don't want to yuck someone's yum.

But I do. Turd in the punch bowl, as it's said. You just did. I just did. This someone's yum. You don't want to yuck someone's yum. But I do. Turd in the punch bowl. You just did. I just did. It comes out Saturday. But art is, you know, whatever. That's the fun of art, right? I can shit on it, and that's fine.

Yeah. That's what it's for. That's what it's for. If you've learned nothing else from Hannah Gadsby's Pablo Picasso exhibit, it's that. Malcolm, before we go, sorry, can you just finish what you were saying? So do they find a way to end the multiverse inside of Spider-Man? I mean, essentially what happens is... And that's the rant we want.

I'm genuinely curious. When we come back... Check my blog. We'll end on a high note. And we're back. Because we all need it this week, the high note. Hi, Love It or Leave It. This is Ellen calling from Madison, Wisconsin.

My high note is about my son Aaron, who has been a big fan of the show since the Keepin' It 1600 days. We still call you all the Giggling Boys. We were actually at your first show in Madison way back when, and he proudly sported that repeal and go F yourself t-shirt. Anyway, Aaron's had some ups and downs this past year, but I'm happy to say he's graduating from law school this weekend. That's my son, the attorney. As my dear sweet mom would say, love and pride, Aaron.

I am going to get him a Friends of the Pod membership as a graduation gift. Thanks for letting me say all this, and for all you do.. Hey, Lovett, this is Josh from New York. My high note this week is I finally finished my one-year probationary period as a New York City civil servant. There's been a lot of blood, sweat, and tears getting this far, but it has all been worth it because now I am a permanent Unionized employee working for one of the greatest cities in the world. I also want to say thanks to you especially because while it is an honor to help my fellow New Yorker every day, we are a people with a lot of personality, so it isn't always easy, and it does help to hear your voice on my way to work every weekend.

So thanks for caring to me this far, John. With probation over, I feel like I just started a new chapter in my life. Hi, Lennett. This is Caitlin in South Dakota, and my high note is I didn't die last week. I was hit by a car in an intersection while riding my bike. I'm a little torn up, you know, broken ankle, but my helmet absolutely saved my life. So my high note is to remind people to wear their helmets because they really do work. Thank you so much for your show. We listen every week. Hi, I love it.

This is Lori in Durham, North Carolina. My high note this week was being part of a sit-in at the Colorado Capitol Building in Denver with Here for the Kids to demand that the governor of Colorado ban guns and buy them back. My sister and our friend and I were some of the thousands of white women that recognized that the Second Amendment is a foundation of white supremacy and that we need to get rid of it to change the shit for everyone in this country. And this morning I saw that Governor Newsom supports a 28th Amendment for gun reform. So while we did not get the governor of Colorado to ban guns, we did shift the Overton window on gun policy. Thanks for all you do. Bye. And some of those high notes came from members of our Friends of the Pod community. In addition

to calling and emailing your high notes, you can now share them in the Friends of the Pod Discord. Thank you to everybody who sent in a high note tonight. And if you want to leave us a message, you can call us at 323-538-2377. That is our show. Thank you so much to Michaela Watkins, Brendan Scannell, Ronnie Wu, and Oscar Montoya. There are 521 days until the 2024 election. Have a great weekend and happy Pride. the 2024 election. Have a great weekend and happy pride. Thank you. David Toles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos at www.youtube.com slash at Love It or Leave It podcast. That's the best we could do, I guess. Subscribe to Love It or Leave It on YouTube for access to video versions of your favorite segments and other exclusive content.

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