Lovett or Leave It - Tony's Angels

Episode Date: March 25, 2023

Lovett Or Leave It brings you March Radness as we welcome everyone’s favorite surprise celebrity sighting, Tony Hawk, who offers the LOLI team some much needed advice. Liv Hewson must vote yes or naur on the question: are Australians as dumb as Americans? Kimberly Clark puts the period at the end of Lovett’s sentence (which is also about periods). Brad Turbo (Matt Rogers) has something for fans of toxic masculinity, and we rant our way though Gwyneth Paltrow’s skiing suit. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast. 

Hello, Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live or else, coming at you from the other side of an unrelenting atmospheric river. I've had enough. The only storminess I want is the one that will give us Trump doing a perp walk. I want to see what's coming out of Fulton County. I'm watching Fulton County. We've got a great show for you tonight.

Yellow Jackets' Liv Hewson is here to decide if they make them dumber down under. Our resident masculinity expert Brad Turbo is back to break down March Madness. Kimberly Clark thinks that you should be able to talk about menstruation in school. Period. And Tony Hawk is here,

and I'm excited to find out where he thinks he is. It's a big get. Plus, Matt Rogers joins the whole crew for a rousing spin of the rant wheel. But first, let's get into it. What a week. The nation was giddy with anticipation after Donald Trump declared that he would be arrested on Tuesday, part of the case involving the former president's hush money payments to porn star Stormy Daniels.

Trump has yet to be arrested, of course, making this the most disappointing week since Trump beat COVID. It's... Hmm. Because some other bad news stuff had happened. It's just how I remember what happened that week. It's ironic that all this is happening

because Trump wanted to hide what he did. It's a classic example of the Streisand effect, named for the time Barbara Streisand raw-dogged a porn star. Naturally, in his true social posts, Trump incited his followers to protest, protest, protest. He should have been more specific.

Conservatives have only two protest settings, telling the Starbucks barista that their name is America or Hanging Mike Pence. I've seen some newscasters pronounce it protest, protest, protest. I don't believe that was the intention of the artist. Meanwhile, when he was asked about Trump's possible indictment, Ron DeSantis found an interesting middle ground. He said this about the prosecutor. The Manhattan district attorney is a Soros-funded prosecutor. And so he, like other Soros-funded prosecutors, they weaponize their office to impose a political agenda on society at the expense of the rule of law and public safety.

But then after he put the prosecutor's name in parentheses three times, he tried this. You're talking about this situation with, and look, I don't know what goes into paying hush money to a porn star to secure silence over some type of alleged affair. I just, I can't speak to that. Speak to it. You can't speak to it. Ron, is the library open, you catty little bitch? Meatball anti-hero Ron DeSantis

was really soaking in the limelight as his administration moved to expand the Don't Say Gay ban on teaching about sexual orientation and gender identity to all grade levels. If this thing passes, Florida teenagers are going to have to learn about the broad spectrum gay ban on teaching about sexual orientation and gender identity to all grade levels. If this thing passes, Florida teenagers are going to have to learn about the broad spectrum of sexuality the old-fashioned way, by participating in a massage train backstage at the school play. Now remember, when the initial don't say gay ban passed last March, DeSantis and all of

the anti-trans, anti-queer conservatives fell all over themselves, declaring that it would only apply to young kids, specifically kindergartners through third graders. The bill prohibits classroom instruction about sexuality or things like transgender in K through three classroom to five, six and seven year old kids, six, seven, eight year old for grades pre-K through three. So five year old, six year old, seven year olds. And now they grades pre-K through three. So five-year-olds, six-year-olds, seven-year-olds. And now they are moving without needing the legislature. They can do it just at the administrative level

to expand it to all grades. And is anybody surprised? You think they were ever gonna stop? You think they'd be cool with gay teens? Being gay is not something for teens to discover in school. It's something for Lieutenant Governors to discover on a semi-nude twink's Instagram. It's something for the head writer of this podcast to discover in her 30s.

Hallie Keever, everybody. Little fact about Hallie. This week, President Biden vetoed a bill for the first time since taking office after Congress attempted to block an administration rule that would allow but not require retirement funds to consider their environmental and social impact. It's nice of Biden to do a veto to protect the earth, even though it was the earth that vetoed Biden when he tried to ride that bike. In a change of pace, the Supreme Court heard a case this week that isn't an attempt to abrogate our basic human rights, but instead is one that pitted a toy manufacturer against the liquor company Jack Daniels. The issue at hand, is it trademark infringement to sell a dog toy shaped like a Jack Daniels bottle, but instead of Jack Daniels, the label says Bad Spaniels,

and instead of saying 40% alcohol by volume, it says 40% poo, and instead of saying Old No. 7 Tennessee Whiskey, it says Old No. 2 And instead of saying old number seven Tennessee whiskey, it says old number two on your Tennessee carpet. 10 out of 10. No notes. The judges debated whether this qualified as free speech, but for Elena Kagan, that meant understanding, what's the joke here exactly?

The parody here, though, is not putting Jack Daniels on a dog toy. There is far more to it. And there is, in this case... What is there to it? What is the parody here? The parody? Yeah. The parody is of...

Maybe I just have no sense of humor, but... What's the parody? That fucking crushed with Clarence Thomas. Anyway, it's not clear how the justices will rule, though Kavanaugh did seem pretty embarrassed after he tried to drink a bottle of Patron tequila. An Idaho hospital announced it will eliminate its obstetrics department and stop delivering babies,

citing the increasing criminalization of medical care driving doctors out of the state. Highly respected, talented physicians are leaving. Recruiting replacements will be extraordinarily difficult, the hospital said in a press statement. Life begins at conception, said Samuel Alito, not when women give birth in their trucks on the shoulder of a snowy road outside Sandpoint,

an outcome that four lawyers and I personally caused using powers more vast than any person should hold, said the Republican woman who gave birth in her truck while her husband desperately tried to get help. Fucking Soros. During... That's all that deserved. Leave it in, though. It's a thinker. During a speech at a conference in France, an Israeli minister said there is no Palestinian history or culture and no such

thing as a Palestinian people. He then apologized and clarified that he mixed up his speech with his vision board. TikTok CEO Xiao Chu testified before Congress for the first time on Thursday as lawmakers called for the app to be banned in the United States. Although some people may still think of TikTok as a dancing app for teenagers, the executive said, it's also an eating disorder app for teenagers and an ADHD self-diagnosis app for people of all ages. According to page six, a disturbing discovery was made as Hillary Clinton and Chelsea Clinton were enjoying the Broadway musical Some Like It Hot. When the lights came up for intermission, two human turds were resting near them in the aisle. Sounds like somebody had to Pokemon Go to the bathroom.

Sounds like somebody had to Pokemon Go to the bathroom. By the way, all the articles wanted you to think that this was some sort of directed attack, like somebody ran up, like in the dark, ran next to Hillary Clinton and Chelsea Clinton and took a dump. Not true. Just an old person who had a bad day. That's real. Anyway, I haven't seen someone shit themselves that badly in front of Hillary Clinton since the time she really hated this healthcare speech I drafted,

and the notes were very fair but very harsh, and I was so overwhelmed because I was 23 and didn't know what to do. Rupert Murdoch announced he's getting married for a fifth time after proposing to former journalist, model, and police chaplain Ann Leslie Smith on St. Patrick's Day. I had no idea he was famous or wealthy, said Ms. Smith, about the right-wing mogul whose vast media apparatus spreads division and hatred around the world. We met in line at Panera when we both complained

about how the little screen asks you to tip. This has all come as quite a shock. I just wanted to fuck his adorable, sexy 92-year-old brains out in what I assumed would be a modest one-bedroom ground-floor apartment where a home health aide visits five days a week. And now I'm rich beyond measure? Life is crazy. An international team of scientists have sequenced Beethoven's DNA using hair that was saved by his fans. And this just in, scientists have cloned Beethoven, who is currently disoriented and being held against his will in a secure medical facility.

Earth's average temperatures are expected to rise above the critical 1.5 degree threshold by the first half of the 2030s, according to a new report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. So we have 10 years to solve this. One less thing to worry about. This just in. Uh-oh. Beethoven has escaped his enclosure. Beethoven has escaped.

Reminder, reminder, Beethoven hunts using his eyes. Beethoven cannot hear you. The new global happiness index is out, and the number one spot went to, you guessed it, Finland. Not for long, said Sweden menacingly, hiding something behind its back. My God. My God, this just in. Life has found a way.

The gorilla DNA used to complete the gaps in the genetic sequence of Beethoven has not only given him the ability to hear, but Beethoven has ape strength. Be advised, Beethoven is scared and dangerous, can now hear and has ape strength. Be advised, Beethoven is scared and dangerous, can now hear, and has ape strength. If you find yourself between Beethoven and a clavichord, drop into a fetal position and remain still. The part-ape,

part-human clone of the composer Beethoven will attack your genitals and face. This week, the SEC charged Lindsay Lohan, Jake Paul, Lil Yachty, and five other celebrities for promoting the crypto tokens Tronics and BitTorrent without disclosing that they were paid to do so, which is incredibly disappointing. I thought Lindsay Lohan was just in it for the love of the blockchain. We joke, but let's not lose sight of the real

victims here. Consumers whose financial investments are guided by Jake Paul's Instagram grid. Oh, guys, good news. The crisis is over. This just in. Animal Control has captured the fugitive composer ape, Beethoven. He is currently being held without

b-b-B-Bonds That was worth it The bank JPMorgan Chase Thought it was storing 1.3 million dollars Worth of nickel in a warehouse But it turns out it was just a bag of rocks God damn it Danny Ocean's done it again The oldest animal at the Houston Zoo,

a 90-year-old tortoise named Mr. Pickles, just became a father for the first time with his 53-year-old mate, Mrs. Pickles. If the Houston Zoo thinks I'm going to overlook that problematic age gap just because they're tortoises, they're right. They are two consenting adults. Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Pickles. Mrs. Pickles is a former police chaplain who, hold on. I'm mixing this up. I mixed this up with the Rupert Murdoch story again. Sorry, I just can't keep these animals separate in my head. The two turtles were destined to be together the moment the zoo named the girl tortoise Mrs. Pickles.

And finally, badgers burrowing under a train line have halted train traffic in the Netherlands twice in one week. What a quaint backwards nation. Thank God we live in America where nothing can stop a train, not even brakes. Yep. Coming up next, hope you brought a helmet, because we've got Tony Hawk.

And we're back. Hope you brought a helmet because we've got Tony Hawk. And we're back. Before we get to the rest of the show, this week, 420,000 L.A. public school students were home as SEIU Local 99, a union which represents 30,000 L.A. school support staff, including custodians, cafeteria workers, and bus drivers, went on a three-day strike, joined by L.A.'s teachers. Here to discuss why, joining us is a teacher from Elysian Heights Elementary School and the chair of the union's local chapter, Vanity Amano. Hi. How are you?

Hi. Thanks for being here. Thanks. Okay, so no one wants to see kids out of school, especially after the last three years. Why is this strike happening right now? So, SEIU, like you said earlier, is comprised of all of our support staff. And we know that they're important. We know that having them not be at school for a strike is really important to our schools. And it sends a bigger message when

our teachers also support them. So we said, we're also going to be on strike in solidarity with you guys. We're not going to cross picket lines. And our superintendent decided he was just going to shut down the schools instead of negotiating. Not good. I have to say, I found the demands to be outlandish and absurd. Really reaching for the moon here. What are the strikers' demands, just so people understand how greedy these custodians and bus drivers are being? That's a wonderful question.

Most of these workers are part-time workers, so they do not get health benefits. The average salary of someone in SEIU Local 99 is $25,000 a year. Our superintendent makes $446,000 a year. He makes more than President Biden. So it's a little hard to say they're asking for too much when this is someone who is literally too rich.

What are some of the things specifically that they're looking for? What are their demands? So they're asking for safer working conditions, bus drivers especially. They have certain facilities that do not have up-to-date air conditioning. And so when it gets hot, it gets really hot. When it gets cold, it gets really cold. And especially with the weather that they're dealing with now. We know that it's really hard for them out there They're asking for health care because a lot of them are part-time workers

They do not receive health benefits And yeah, they're asking for a 30% raise because $25,000 a year is not enough to support a family As a fifth grade teacher when you turn a child gay, what's What's your approach? What are some of the tricks of the trade? Indoctrination works. Indoctrination. That's smart.

That's cool. What can people do who are listening? What can they do to help? So because we had everybody out there, a lot of schools have set up GoFundMes and strike funds. So if you can support with just that, that'd be amazing because we want to be able to give everyone at least a little bit of peace in that time because those are unpaid days, especially for SEIU workers, like I said, who are part-time, who do not receive as much pay as teachers and, you know, even us being on strike also. That's one way. Call your local board member. Please get them on our side so they can move these contract negotiations

because they can. And if you'd like to call Carvalho's office and send him a message about how you're upset that these kids were home three days, it was his fault, so. Okay. Vanity Amano, thank you so much for being here. Thank you.

Thanks a lot. One more time. Fifth grade teacher, Vanity Amano. I really appreciate it. Thank you. All right. Now it's time. Please grade teacher, I really appreciate it. Thank you. Alright. Now it's time. Please welcome to the stage the one and only, the legendary

Tony Hawk. Hi. I'm so tall. I'm so tall. It's very good to see you and we were excited you're here. Is it good for you to see me? Do you know what this show is? Absolutely. I came to a live show in San Diego as an audience member.

Oh yeah, I know that. Yes I do, I swear to God. I was like, I think Tony fucking Hawk is here. That happened. But thanks to my lovely wife, Kathy, who's here. She turned me on to Positive America and then to your show and then I bought tickets to

the San Diego show and then she couldn't make it so I went. Cool. And I enjoyed it. So thank you. Yes, I know what I'm doing here. There you go. Oh, cool.

Yeah. So here's a question. In a recent interview, you mentioned that you've had three concussions. Is that right? Hmm. No.

It's not right. I've had many. I've had dozens. Dozens of concussions. I've had many. I've had dozens. Dozens of concussions. I've had three that were severe. Let's put it that way. Okay. But you've had dozens of concussions.

Yes. Yeah, I didn't know that's what I was doing here. You know what? You're right. I don't know what I'm doing here. But you were doing this as you were kind of pushing a sport forward. Before you knew you were going to be a world famous athlete. I suppose, yeah. That wasn't the general idea, but I was just trying to push my limits.

Right. Which I did. You did. Yeah. And you never found those limits, or you did. That's a question for someone else. I'm still trying to learn new tricks, but I'm not trying to cheat danger as much as I used to. And when you were sort of really pushing, and again, obviously I'm well trying to cheat danger as much as I used to. And when you were sort of really pushing,

and again, obviously I'm well known for my love of and consumption of sports. Your sick kickflips. Yeah, and my sick kickflips. Was there ever something where you never actually got, so you rotated like three and a half times, and your last thing was to get four times, but you never got it?

I tried to do a double rotation a 720 in skate terms. I've done it many times with my hands on a controller. I tried to do 720 and I tried to do 720 without grabbing my board which would be an Ollie 720 and I never did

figure that one out and I think that ship has sailed. Has anyone done it? No one's done it actually. No one's done it? No. One guy got pretty close that I was kind of rooting for and he gave up on it. You know when there was that guy that threw the javelin too far and they were like that's it, we're making the javelins heavier.

Should you make the skateboards heavier so no one can ever touch your records? Yes. That'd be cool. It'd be more subversive. It's something that I just do. Just like a lobbying campaign. These boards are too light. The wheels are too big. Yeah.

You should think about that. You have been world-renowned for a very long time, and yet you're not despised. You seem to be well-liked by everyone. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. This is who I am.

That's cool. I love skateboarding, and I never was in it to be rich or famous. But you got both. I got both. It was weird, but I still love doing it, and I get to do stuff like this.

It's amazing. That's cool. So you're not pretending to be like this? No. I don't know. Catch me outside. We'll see. Oh, man. All we did was play that game

I mean I played it so much oh my god it's all coming back did you play it a lot? Absolutely really? Yeah. Did you play it yourself? wait a second what? I'm just kidding it's not the first time I used that joke it's good it was good

uh yes I play as my character yes I do It's not the first time I used that joke. It's good. It was good. Yes, I play as my character. Yes, I do. I like that you make a distinction between Tony Hawk the man and the Tony Hawk pro skater character. Do you have different qualities? Yeah, he's much more resilient. His concussions don't affect him. Do you ever feel like, because in the game,

you can do things that you can't actually do in real life. True. Do you ever feel like, because in the game, you can do things that you can't actually do in real life. Do you ever feel like people played the game and then were like, ugh, this real life guy is pathetic compared to them? I think that that was kind of a curse in the beginning of the success of the game series because I would go to various skate parks and public exhibitions and kids were like,

why can't he levitate? Like, what's the deal? It's bullshit. Like, where's the deal? It's bullshit. Like, where's the 900 Reaver to manual? I don't see... That would have been me. That would have been my question. So, which of the following

is not a skateboard trick that you originated? Okay. You're like, they're not tricks. They're illusions. Is it... Is it A, the 360 variant McTwist? B, the eggplant to fake?

C, slob G twist one foot? D, sack trap? Sack tat? You've said all the names wrong so far. Wait, really? At this point, I can say I didn't invent any of those tricks. Wait, what did I say wrong? Okay, well, it's not the Slob G twist one foot.

That works. That works. It's not the 360 variant. Varial. Varial. Yeah. Variant, though. I think that might be a new take on it.

That's out of Wuhan. The eggplant. And it's not the eggplant to fake. To fakey. Fakey. Who wrote this? The fucking card is wrong. It's all right. It's way more fun that way. The eggplant to fake? To fakey. Fakey? Who wrote, the fucking card is wrong, tough and dead.

It's way more fun that way. The eggplant to fakey. I should know that. I'm an expert. But wait, you invented them all? Yes. That's cool.

And who's it? So far, so good. And how high were the people, were you when you named them? There's not one name here that reveals a sober mind. It was more that in skateboarding, the general rule, there were no rules, really. There were no rules.

The general vibe was that if you created a trick, you could name it. Most of those tricks were variations of existing tricks. So like eggplant is a trick that exists. Going to fakie was just a way to do it. Fakie is what you call going backwards. So don't shoot the messenger. I'm just creating, I'm just throwing together existing tricks.

And is a McTwist just a kind of Irish twist? It is a 540 spin, but you're doing it upside down with a very particular grab. Wow. That's cool. It's the very trick that I broke my femur on a year ago. A year ago you broke your femur?

I did, yes. My God. What? Your femur? That sucks. Are you okay? It sucks. I'm good now. I wasn't good for the first seven or eight months because I got back on my skateboard too soon because I just don't learn.

Oh, man. But I'm okay now. I had to have surgery and have it realigned, and now it's good. Oh, God. I twist my ankle. I'm out for weeks. That happens, too.

All right. Now, everybody out there in the audience, we have someone here today who is famous for taking risks and getting concussions. That's what I'm famous for? Cool. And sometimes not, and really doing amazing things. I'd like to say mostly not.

Mostly not. It's all about the concussions you don't get, famously. And so you are an expert at taking risks to change things and make things cool, to change, to like change your sport basically and become like singularly identified with the sport, which is pretty amazing. Oh, thank you. Yeah. I think just to sort of push perceived limits. That's been my goal. But some of you on here tonight, you're thinking about whether or not to take a risk to push your limits.

So if you have a question about a risk you're thinking of taking and you need someone to convince you to take it or convince you not to take it, please raise your hand and tell us the risk you're thinking about taking. Now, to kick us off, Hallie Kiefer wanted to share a risk she was thinking about taking just to give you a sense of where we're at. Hallie? This is a segment we're calling

Tony Hawk Wants You to Risk It All. Oh, wow. Hi, Hallie. Hi, how's it going? Thanks for inviting me out. We weren't sure if we were going to involve the staff or not, so I was at the ready. I want to be clear.

So, Tony, I came out last year. Tomorrow I'm going on my first. Thank you. Give it up for old gay people who come out. Yes! Tomorrow I have my first date with a woman ever. Awesome. So, Tony, I basically just want you to hype me up

and then give me any advice that you could possibly give me, I suppose. Well, I believe in you. Thank you. I really do need to hear it. Give it up for Tony Hawk, everybody. That's all it took. That's it. And I think that you just got to be yourself.

Oh, God. That's hard, isn't it, Tony? Not for you. That's the problem. It's like you spent your whole life being yourself. And everyone's like, yes, we love this. Everyone else, not so much. Does that make sense? I suppose, but I think that you're going to just be natural.

And I think you're going to do fine. You're going to, you work on one of the funniest shows. So you got that going for you. Yeah. And I think that, you know, dig a little bit of that humor out and you're going to be golden. Thank you, Tony. Make him laugh. Make him laugh.

I will. Okay, great. Thank you. I don't know, Cheryl, I want you to risk it all on your first date. That's fair. But risk some of it. Risk your first date. That's fair. But risk some of it. Risk a little bit, yeah.

Yeah. What percent should I risk? Definitely, hmm. What do you think? That's the question, isn't it? Isn't it on the first date? Go half at least. Half. Half, 50%.

Okay, I'll do it. Okay, great. Keep half for yourself. Thank you. Thank you, Tony. With a McTwist. Okay, great. Thank you.

Hallie Keefe, everybody. Tony, there was a really interesting thing that happened when we were talking about you being on the show today, which is one by one, everybody that works at Crooked realized they wanted to tell you all their secrets and ask for your help. What is that? What is this energy that you have?

What explains that? I have no explanation for that, and I can't say it's happened very much anywhere else. Interesting. I'm glad to have that effect on your crew, but... Malcolm, do you want to go next? I mean, not even my own kids will do that, so... Yeah, Malcolm, come on.

Hi, Tony Hawk. Hi. I guess for me, I'm recently out of a relationship and trying to do this whole thing where I'm trying to find myself a little bit more. And something I've realized from talking to a lot of my close friends is I'm not vulnerable. I'm not really good at sharing details about my stuff because it's really hard.

And I want to be there for people, but they keep telling me that they want to do the same for me. So I guess my question is, how do I risk it by opening up more? It's so funny that we didn't tell you you were doing any of this. No, not at all. Just absolutely deciding you're a therapist from nothing, based on nothing. Because you're good at jumping in the air with a wheel on your foot. I think, but luckily, I would say within the last 10 years of my life,

I have learned to become more vulnerable and share more. So what can I tell you? It's much more liberating. It's super scary. But when you get past that, it just flows. And then you will feel relieved. You feel like this weightless. I can't explain it.

There was a weight lifted from me when I sort of went that direction, especially my wife and I have a lot of kids. And when I got to be more compassionate to them and more open to them, everything became easier. Thank you. I want to say I have an identical twin brother and he told me that like a couple weeks ago, like pretty much the same thing, but now I believe it. I do want to be clear about that, so thank you very much. Producer Malcolm, everybody. Do you think that the weightlessness you felt is what gave you a kind of cockiness

that might have caused you to break your femur? No, I think what caused me to break my femur is, I mean, there's a bit of Peter Pan syndrome, but mostly that I took for granted my skill set way too into my older age. And I thought, I can do this trick. I don't have enough speed.

Things aren't perfect. I've done this thousands of times. I got it. And next thing I know, I'm sliding across the bottom of the ramp. My leg is pointing backwards. No good. And I looked up at my friend thing I know, I'm sliding across the bottom of the ramp. My leg is pointing backwards. No good. And I looked up at my friend. I said, I broke my leg. And I grabbed it and put it back in place.

It didn't help. It didn't work. Yeah, it's not. It just made me feel more normal in that moment. They don't say like, oh, yeah, you just got to pop your femur back in. Yeah, that's not a thing. It's like a Lego set. Just line it up. It'll be fine.

The body knows. And it was a rough road, but like I said, I'm much more on the road to recovery. I know I'm not going to make a full comeback because I'm going to be 55 soon. And yeah. Yay. All right. Yes. Everyone gasped

They're like, no Tony Hawk You stay the same age You don't change Tony Hawk If you change, we're all changing And that's unacceptable She got a great big cheer for coming out at an old age I want to still be skateboarding at an old age But I get more gasps than cheers

But that's fine, I accept that We'll do one from Brian And then we're going to do a couple from out there. Brian wanted in on this too. Hi, Tony Hawk. It's so fun. Just this non-consensual therapy with Tony Hawk.

I don't know why my advice would have any... Honestly, it's been awesome so far. I'm not super familiar with your work, honestly. It's cool. This isn't a big thing for me. That's okay with me. But I'm not super familiar with your work, honestly. This isn't a big thing for me. That's okay with me. But I'm not like Malcolm. I have no problem being vulnerable.

I'm an incredible oversharer. It's a problem. And I'm also going through a breakup right now. And yeah. The Love It or Leave It team is a fucking mess. We are a shambles. Or this show just causes breakups. Free for thought.

Something to think about. Too soon. I'm sorry. So I live with my boyfriend right now. He's going to move out. And I've never lived alone. And I'm very bad at being alone. And I'm very scared of being alone.

And I'm criminally underpaid, so I can't afford to live alone. Get your question, Brian. So I guess my question is... And I'm criminally underpaid, so I can't afford to live alone. Get your question, Brian. So I guess my question is... Brian, you should risk it all. Yeah. Do I be alone, which I'm very scared of doing, and also can't really afford to do, but I think that would make me grow, perhaps.

Or do I find a roommate? Well, I think just financially, it sounds like you need a roommate, but I think that... I think it might be good for you to have that discomfort of being alone for a little bit to see what it's like and to embrace it. Okay. Sure.

I will. Producer Brian, everybody. Thank you, Tony Hawk. Until all the money runs out. Is anybody out? Hi. Hi there. I'm Jeff. This is real time.

This happened in an Uber coming over here. Tony Hawk, I need you. Okay. All right, Jeff. What happened? I currently live in Ohio where we have Jim Jordan, where we just gained J.D. Vance.

And I now have an offer to move from Ohio to California. Should I now have an offer to move from Ohio to California. Should I do it? Yes. Alright. Especially if you're trying to make it as a career of a skateboarder.

I dabble. I dabble. The epicenter was here. It's not only here, but it helps. But yeah, absolutely. I think you'll love it here. So no hesitation. We're going. Sure. I live here, so. Yeah, we like it here. A little bias. Every person who doesn't live in Ohio made a choice.

Thank you, Jav. I appreciate you. So I have two risks I want to ask you real quick. Should I leave this country and move to Italy? Guys, you don't know a fucking thing. What is wrong with you? Just give it a second. You don't have any information. Is it

He Prayed Lovers or Amanda Knox? You don't know the story yet. Italy can go a couple ways on you. What's your life? What's happening? I'm getting evicted. My dad lives there right now. My job is minimum wage and I just feel like I don't have a purpose right now, and I feel like I want to find myself in Italy.

Do you speak Italian? I don't, but I'm going to learn. Well, that's the right attitude. Yeah. And then my second question is, I've always wanted to skateboard, but I've always been scared of getting hurt, and now I'm 35.

Should I bother? That's the first question you've gotten about skateboarding. Literally the first one. I don't know if I'm going to encourage you to go to Italy but if you do go to Italy, learn to skateboard there. Okay. And then that'll get you a whole new path.

And I don't think it's too late to skate. And I'd say that in all honesty. I think that if you can stand comfortably and you're comfortable with being in motion, you can skateboard. You don't have to jump down big stairs or do big ramps. You can just cruise and have fun. Awesome.

Well, thank you for the encouragement. Sure. All right, thank you. Okay, okay. Hi, what's your name? I'm Kat. What's a risk you want to take? Okay, so I actually came out at 31 myself.

Awesome. And I'm going to be 36, and I'm engaged to this beautiful woman. And we're actually here from Milwaukee to Elope on Saturday. And my question is something that came up right before she's wondering, she's like, Oh my God, what? No, we, I want to know whether I should write down my vows or just kind of say them in the moment. Because it occurred to me today when I was thinking about writing them, I was like, I kind of just want to take a risk and just say it from my

heart. And she... I already gave my advice on this, and I said, nay. I think you might be at risk of locking up. That's what I said. I speak from experience. But it's only us. Sure. And like,

two other people. You could write down something really meaningful and make her cry. But I feel like I could do that from my own experience. You probably will on your own, but I'm just saying it's almost like a surefire thing if you write it down. Here's what I think.

I would say this. Sometimes you find out what you think when you write it down. And you can write it down and decide you don't want to use it because it's free and then throw it out and then speak from the heart. But I would say take a piece of paper. Or like bullet points. Bullet points.

This feels like not a risk then is what you're saying to me. All right. Go for it. Risk it all. You know what? Be safe. Get wasted before you do it. You know what?

It seems like here's what I would say. I would say this. I've been to many a wedding where someone spoke from the heart. They're not the best toasts, you know? The people that wing it. I would say winging it is a high risk, low reward choice. Grand scheme of things. You should do what you want.

I'm just thinking about the time that a drunken father got up to give an unprepared toast at a wedding and then just told the entire story of the birth. Right. You don't want birth stories. To the bride and groom. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Okay.

So write a speech. Can you pass the microphone to your fiance? Hi, what's your name? My name is Margaret. Hi, Margaret. Hi. Where are you on the whole winging it? I boldly gave my opinion, and I said, no, I wouldn't do that if it were me.

Right. And it is me on the other side of her. It's interesting. It's going to be the last thing you do before you're married or the first thing you do as a married couple, and your plan is to disregard the wishes of your partner. Something to think about. Oh. And maybe that's the greatest risk of all.

Let's wrap it up, says Malcolm. I agree. Let's wrap it up. But congratulations. Congratulations. It says here, Tony would like to plug World Peace. He just said, what do you want to plug

when we were in the green room? I was like, World Peace? Sure. Hell yeah. The Skate Park Project. I would like to plug when we were in the green room? I was like, oh, World Peace, sure. Hell yeah. This guy. Guys, the Skate Park Project. I would like to plug the Skate Park Project. It is my nonprofit for public skate parks in underserved areas. We've been doing it 20 years.

We have helped to fund over 700 skate parks across the U.S. And it's definitely the work that's close to my heart. Tony Hawk, everybody. Thank you. Thank you so much. When we come back from Yellow Jackets in Australia, Liv Hewson. Thank you, Tony. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage, the thunder from down under, the star of Yellow Jackets, Liv Hewson. Hi.

Thanks for being here. Hello. Welcome. Thanks. What is the most annoying Australian stereotype Americans have? That we're laid back. Because that's not true. It's not true?

I know. You're riven by anxiety like us? No, yeah, it's a well-kept secret, but I actually think Australians have a real uptight streak. Really? Yeah, that we try to keep buried from international parties. So that's something that you only talk about with each other? Yes, and I'm actually going to get into a lot of trouble for saying that, I think, but whatever. I tell it like it is.

What happens if you get in trouble with Australians? Yeah, what else could they do? We're going to send you to a colony somewhere. Oh, wait. Residio Prison Island. Oh, hang on. As a star of Showtime's Yellow Jackets, do you at least admit that America has better cults than Australia?

Oh, yeah. No, you guys have that covered pretty much, I would say. Great job on the cults. Thank you. Yeah. All right. Now, when you see an American being afraid of an American spider,

do you find that pathetic? Given the fact that what we're dealing with is nothing compared to the monsters that roam the Australian countryside? I think it's very sweet. You know, I think it's darling. It's like watching a kid be scared of like a moth.

It's like, oh, it's gorgeous. Because I'll tell you something. There'll be a TikTok of just a family in Australia being like, oh, we got a spider again. And that's a crab on the wall. I was just visiting home last month and I was in Brisbane seeing some friends and there were fully spiders hanging in between

the power lines and I had sort of forgotten about that because I had been spending so much time in North America. I was like, right, right, right, right. We're not kidding about any of that. That's right. I forgot. Hi, guys. Those are my friends. Do you think of them as your friends? I mean, you have to, don't you?

They live there, too. I'm in their house. And you can't kill them all? No, we'll try, but you won't succeed. And the snakes are pretty bad. Where's he going? Oh, no, I'm being handed a card. Do you want to know what the card said? I really do. Can you tell me? It says,

gotta ask some stuff about Yellow Jacket season two. Hey, speaking of spiders. Yeah, yeah, what? What, Sean? So, you know, they're famous for surviving. Okay, great. And Yellow Jackets, your show, is a show about surviving.

Can I tell you what I would have done? Yeah, sure. I would have said that a yellow jacket is also a type of bug. God damn it. Sitting right there. I know, I'm so sorry. Hey, speaking of bugs,

Yellow Jacket season two, is it going to be good? What? This is what you told me to do. What's wrong with that? Okay, imagine. Imagine if I said no. Yes, yes, it's going to be great.

Oh, phew. Yeah, it's going to be great. God, how hard to do a whole promotional tour if it sucked. I could have tanked this whole thing right here. When I was a kid... Mm-hmm. What? Here's when I learned

that Hollywood didn't always tell the truth. Oh, good. Okay. I loved the movie City Slickers as a kid. Mm-hmm. And then I saw an interview

with Billy Crystal and he said that City Slickers 2 was even better than the original. And I ran screaming up the stairs to my parents and said,

we must go see City Slickers 2 on opening night. Why? It's even better than the original. And that was a fucking lie. City Slickers 2, The Legend of Curly's Gold sucks ass.

It's like that scene in Elf where he runs into the coffee shop and he's like, wow, world's best cup of coffee. Congratulations. Yeah, that's what I was like. Yeah. A little smaller. Yeah, a little smaller. But that's, that's what I was like. A little smaller. But that's not, you're not

doing that. I would never do that. Yellow Jacket season two is great. It genuinely is. Cool. And all of our favorite characters return. Yes. But anyway. You told me to ask about Yellow Jacket season two and I'm doing it, Malcolm. You write it on a card, I do what you say every

goddamn time. You're doing great. card, I do what you say every goddamn time. You're doing great. Can you rate my Australian accent? Okay. Yes, I can. No. Four. Out of six.

What channel is Yellow Jackets on? Whip so people can watch it Why, it's on Showtime, of course It's on Showtime I once sold a pilot to Showtime They didn't make it Oh my god, what was it about? It was about a presidential election That falls into chaos

Because a Republican declares victory Even though he lost Swear to God Are you serious? Yeah You should call them again Yeah because the Republican declares victory even though he lost. Swear to God. Are you serious? Yeah. You should call them again. Yeah. I think we can still do it.

What country do you think has dumber people, America or Australia? Well, America has almost 300 million more people, so probably here statistically. Just more of us. Yeah, and that's not personal. It's just mathematical. Not percentage, just by volume. I mean, I wouldn't know.

I don't know what numbers are. Well, now it's time for a game. Because what we realized is, if you look at stupid news headlines, you know, there is a bit of a competition between Australians and Americans. Okay, let's do it. So it's time for a game we're calling Is This Dumbass an American or an Australian? Are you ready?

I'm so ready. All right. A man was arrested for calling the police after a strip club denied entry to him and a kitten. Was this man American or Australian? I want to say that he was American. That is correct. It was a Florida man in 2012. Is there a part of Australia that has

Florida vibes? Yes. Yes, there is. I think probably the Gold Coast has the most Florida vibes, I would say. Very cool. A passerby called the police after walking by a house where they heard a toddler crying and a man repeatedly screaming, why don't you die? When police arrived, they found a man

trying to kill a spider. Was this person American or Australian? Now, I feel like you put the spider in there to throw me off. And I feel like I'm about to make a mistake. But now I'm second guessing myself because maybe it's not that complicated.

I don't think we're... Yep. Okay. Really? Okay. I think that person was Australian. You got it. but then now I'm second guessing myself because maybe it's not that complicated. I don't think we're, yep. Okay. Really? Okay. I think that person was Australian. You got it. We're not trying to double cross you.

That's what my interview part is about. Okay, I got scared. A man robbed a church while wearing a Batman costume he found in the building, but not until after wandering past security cameras with his face unmasked. Oh, noticing a pattern here. American or Australian. So he wandered into a building then found a costume. Well, that's what I was going to ask. Then put it on

to hide his face. Yes. But it was too late because he entered the building without the costume. Yes. American or Australian? That person was American. Correct. South Carolina man. A couple thought they were trapped in a closet for two days, not realizing that the closet was unlocked until police,

whom they waited two days to call, arrived to rescue them. American or Australian? Australian. That was an American Florida couple. Damn. All right. Well, you can't win them all. And you can't win them all.

You can't. It's famously true. The man was charged thousands of dollars for recording videos of himself illegally catching crocodiles and posting on TikTok. Crocodiles, you say? Crocodiles. Okay. This one might be a little easier than the other ones.

American or Australian. Australian. Yeah, because I guess we don't have crocodiles. No, you do not. We have alligators. Yes. And we all know the difference. Which is?

Oh, man. Crocodiles have a round and are bigger and are in salt water and are in Australia. Yes. Great. Well done. Thank you.

What is the trick to doing an American accent? Watching The Simpsons as a child. Really? Yeah. I mean, for me, at least. Which one? Who's the person you emulate on The Simpsons? I don't know that I emulated anybody.

I just learned how to do an American accent quoting stuff, and I quoted The Simpsons the most often. Really? Yes. Do you remember the Monorail episode? That's one of the best episodes that exist. That's cool. Conan O'Brien wrote that.

I know. What a talented guy. Oh, yeah. That's cool. Conan O'Brien wrote that. I know. What a talented guy. Oh, yeah. What's he up to? I think he does a fucking podcast like every other person. A man was charged thousands of dollars for recording videos of himself illegally catching crocodiles. Oh, I did that one right. Jesus Christ. Oh, no.

Three. Two. Two burglars were caught after one of them butt-dialed the police while trying to break into a car. American or Australian? American? Yeah, California.

This is a hard one. Okay. An amateur model threw a wet tampon at a McDonald's drive-thru employee and then complained on Facebook that the media had blown the whole tampon incident way out of proportion. Keep in mind, this person was an have blown the whole tampon incident way out of proportion. Keep in mind,

this person was an amateur model and the tampon was wet. Yeah, the tampon thing makes me think Australian for some reason, but the complaining

on Facebook makes me think American? Right, that's what's a tough question. Yeah, but I think I want to go with my initial instinct. I want to say Australian.

You got it. Let's go. Wow, what a move. Thank you. What a move. What could happen between one window and the other window that was so terrible you're hurling a tampon into a McDonald's? A wonderful place that just is there all the time and is so reliable.

Something stable you can count on. You can always know what you're going to get at McDonald's. No matter what's happening in your life. No matter how sad you are. Yeah, you'll get a tampon thrown at you. Great Diet Coke. A drunk driver was arrested behind the wheel of a motorized beer cooler. Australian.

You got it. Yeah. A man was arrested and charged with assault with deadly weapon after throwing a live alligator through a windy stride through. Alligator, you say? Yeah, that gives it away. American. Yeah, it was an American.

And finally, again, what could have gone on between the two windows? It's such a recurring theme. People get so upset between the two windows. Something happens in that space. Something, it's a liminal space. Something happens to you. It's like the airport.

It is like the airport. You know, anything goes between the ordering and the window. Airport, hotel. People get angry. Something happens to your brain. And finally, is there anything else you want to say about Yellow Jackets? I don't want to get in trouble after. Oh, watch it.

Yeah, everybody watch Yellow Jackets. It's awesome. It's on Showtime. And finally, oh, come on. It says in full Australian accent. I can't. Well? No, a drug runner. says in full Australian accent. Well? No, a drug runner.

I can't do it. I know the vowels shift, but I don't know which direction. Two. A drug runner with $200 million of meth in his van accidentally crashed into two parked cop cars. $200 million. Was he American or Australian, Liv? American. He was Australian. God damn it. Maybe they American or Australian, Liv? American. He was Australian.

God damn it! Maybe they were Australian dollars, though, so it might have been a little bit less than that. Well, that's what the dollar amount threw me off. That was the problem. Thank you so much, Liv. Thank you! Thank you so much, Ron.

The second season of Yellow Jackets premieres on Showtime March 26th. When we come back, it's the return of Brad Turbo. And we come back, it's the return of Brad Turbo. And we're back. March Madness is upon us, and the excitement is palpable. All week, Team Love It or Leave It was abuzz with the unanswered questions of this year's tournament, like, March Madness, that's college basketball, right?

And wait, how many players are on a basketball team? We found out that the answer is 13, with only five players on the court at a time. But that only raised more questions, like do the other players get sad? Are they allowed to read a book? Do they have to watch? Here to help us get to the bottom of the unknowable mystery that is March Madness,

please welcome masculinity expert and returning guest, it's Brad Turbo, everybody. Hey, Brad. Good to see you, Brad. John, my man. You're looking very high testosterone tonight, buddy. Oh, okay. Thank you.

Come here. Let me smell you. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. That's a high T musk. That's intoxicating, baby. You been knocking back some eggshells? Have I been eating eggshells?

Yeah. No, Brad. not on purpose. Oh, you're leaving testosterone on the table, brother. Listen, a year ago, I was like you, okay? I was just chugging six raw eggs first thing every morning. I never do that. But then, a guy at the gym showed me this YouTube video. Turns out, the eggshells were all the real health shit's at.

You can straight up throw the rest of the egg away. I know some guys like to blend their shells up in a smoothie, which I guess is fine if you're a fucking pussy. I like to put those big bad boys in a big old rusty bowl and crunch on them like Pringles while I'm doing research for my paleo slash pickup advice podcast.

Meatboner. There's a paleo slash pickup advice podcast. Meatboner. It's a paleo slash pickup advice podcast called, what is it? It's called Meatboner, John. Wow, so much to unpack there. Listen, wherever you get your podcasts. It's on Stitcher. Is it on Stitcher?

It's for sure on Stitcher. It's always on Stitcher. Everything's on Stitcher, baby. It's 2023. Anyway, I do want to ask you about March Madness before you drop dead of eggshell poisoning. I assume the following. It says here, NCA Division I's men's basketball tournament.

In a word, fuck yeah, J-Dog. Fuck yeah. I've been rock hard since the first four. Gross, but okay. Listen, thank God for March Madness, John It's a beacon of masculinity In a dark, yassified world A breath of dank air

After the manhood-wuthering Crucible of awards season Why would Lady Gaga make me look At her in jeans and no makeup, John? How does she expect A red-blooded American male To jerk off to that? Glam it up, honey!

A little confusing. So it does sound like you watched the Oscars. No, no, no. It was playing at the warehouse where I go to throw truck tires at pictures of Velasca talks. The TV was broken or something. Anyway, the death of masculinity

is the biggest threat this country faces. So yeah, I watch college boys play basketball like it's my damn job. As someone who hasn't watched a single second of March Madness, let me ask you this. What do you like about it? What's the appeal? Well, I like finding out which team

will completely dominate and humiliate all the other teams, obviously. And I like that they're all really tall. It's like, oops, all alphas. I guess that makes sense. Plus, sometimes I like to pick one of the teams, Princeton, for example, and imagine that I'm on the team

and that those guys are my friends. Huh. Okay, okay, okay. I imagine that those guys are my friends. Huh. Okay, okay, okay. I imagine that we're all in the locker room, maybe getting undressed or whatever, and I just told an awesome joke. And everyone's laughing so, so hard. One of them, I don't know,

sophomore Blake Peters, slaps my back. And then he kind of leaves his hand there. So it's just this warm arm against my back, and then he kind of leaves his hand there. So it's just this warm arm against my back, and I'm like this core beloved part of the group, you know? Just one of the guys. Oh, also it's sick when they show the chillers, because some of those bitches are hot.

Brad Turbo. That was so vulnerable and so honest. What? No, it wasn't. I like watching the ball go in the hoop. Did you know I can fix the car engine with my teeth? Brad, it sounds like

you're a little lonely. No way, John. Loneliness is for unmarried women, fat asses, the lesbian M&M And dogs whose owners have gone to war Men can get horny Homicidal Sometimes a horny-cidal combo

The American Royale I call it But we don't have the hormone That makes loneliness Speak for yourself Brad You're such a beta John Sure I am Fine call me that Brad is it possible Speak for yourself, Brad. You're such a beta, John. Sure I am. Okay. Fine. Call me that.

Brad, is it possible that Marsh Madness... Have you seen Tar yet? Have you yet seen Tar? Brad Turbo, thank you for asking and I understand why a masculinity expert would want to know if I've seen Tar yet. I do too. To find out how not masculine I am

just to provide a baseline. Yeah. And here's the thing. It's hard to find three hours. Can I tell you something, Brad Turbo? What? I literally didn't go to an Oscar party because I was afraid people would find out.

I literally stayed home and watched it by myself because I didn't want people to know. I literally stayed home and watched it by myself because I didn't want people to know. I'm so embarrassed. I have to watch JAR. When are people watching movies anymore? I got one episode of Survivor in me and then I'm out like a fucking

light. Survivor's really good this year by the way. I'm not on this season yet. I'm 12 seasons behind. Chill the fuck out. I'm not going to watch the current season because I like watching the show evolve over time. All right. Go back to your little routine. Brad, speaking of March Madness,

is it possible that March Madness gives you some space for emotional catharsis? All that winning and losing and hope and disappointment, does it maybe let you feel some feelings that you otherwise

have to hold in to meet some crushing, outdated model of masculinity? No. I don't have any feelings. I got rid of them to make room for protein. You must have seen that Arkansas player who was crying after his team beat Kansas.

I didn't see any of the game, and it was still pretty moving. Doesn't ring a bell, but it sounds pathetic. I think we have a clip. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Put in a lot of work. Oh, no, it's crazy. I feel good.

I'm glad we came out the win. What makes you tear up? What are you thinking about? Just putting in the work. This team has been struggling. And we figured it out. And I'm glad we did at the right time. And hopefully we continue to do it.

You earned it. You enjoy every second of this, young man. Thank you. Congratulations. Come on, Brad Turbo. That must make you feel something. I've never felt anything. He should be ashamed of himself.

An adult man crying just because he beat the top-seeded team and made it to the Sweet 16 against all odds just because he and his best friends worked together to accomplish the impossible? Grow up! Channel those feelings into lifting weights or building pipe bombs. Brad. Brad, you're clearly crying.

No, I'm not! These aren't tears, it's cum. crying. No, I'm not! These aren't tears, it's cum. I just have so much because of my supplement regimen. Sometimes it backs up and leaks out my eyeballs.

Okay, sure, that's way less embarrassing than crying. God forbid you were crying, it's cum. Any final thoughts? Brad Turbo on March Madness, a thing I now understand perfectly. Who do you think is going to win? The men of America, John.

It's going to rule. That's what I tell all the basketball fans on my fans page. Your what page? Yeah, it's more of a community. And you know it's legit and cool because you have to love basketball because it's only for fans.

Ah, so you have an OnlyFans. No, it's a basketball thing! I give people workout tips and do workouts and take off my clothes and talk about basketball players' physiques and wiggle my toesies. Well, that's masculine in a way, I guess. People just love how manly I am And I love how it feels to be seen, okay? And what is toxic masculinity if not a performance? Drag for straight men who still watch Family Guy

I never had one good conversation with their dads You know you're gay, right? Oh, yeah Brad Turbo, everybody Subscribe to Meat Boner And bonus episodes every Wednesday to Meat Boner and bonus episodes every Wednesday on Meat Boner Plus. Thank you so much.

Matt Rogers, everybody. Everybody, visit a Les Culturises. Come on. Thank you. We'll be right back. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way.

And we're back! We booked our next guest thinking she was a global paper company founded in Neenah, Wisconsin and currently located in Irving, Texas, but it turns out she's a comedian with the exact same name. Please welcome to the stage the hilarious Kimberly Clark! Hi, how are you? Hi, John. Welcome.

Question. Hi. Question. Hi. How much of an SEO nightmare is it having the same name as one of the premier paper product companies on the planet? You know what? It's not a nightmare. Actually, I was very honored to be Kimberly Clark. Even as a kid, I would turn over tissue boxes,

and I would see Kimberly Clark just to see my name. It was kind of narcissistic, but, you know, I loved it. I loved it. That's cool. It's not a nightmare. It's not? It's okay? I like it.

And nobody forgets my name. And then you always remember me like when you're in a public restroom. You see my little brown face. That is true. It'll stick with me. It'll stick with you. You will not forget. Whenever I'm using Kleenex, Kotex, Cottonelle, Scott, or Andrex.

All that. Did Kimberly Clark pay us, the company? Why am I reading their product names? Now, one of the products made by Kimberly Clark, the company. Yes. Not you personally. No. I wouldn't be here if it was you.

Yeah. That Kleenex money. Yes. That's real cash, the Kleenex. For sure. We all need the paper. You know you've made it when a thing that existed before you is now called the thing you put on the box. That part. Like Xerox or Kleenex or Google.

Yes. Anyway, they made Kotex, which we're raising because Florida is currently trying to pass a bill to prevent educators from teaching even the basics of menstruation to kids in school. Now, is that a very tenuous news peg for a game?

Sure it is. But less tenuous than the Republican understanding of the human body. Stay with me, people. All right, so Kimberly, here's how it's going to work. Okay. All right, and I'm going to put proverbial quote marks around the word work.

You are armed with questions for me about periods. Yes. And I am going to quiz you about every other kind of period. Okay. So I'm going to quiz you about every other kind of period. Okay. So I'm going to quiz you about historical periods, punctuation. Yes. In a game we're calling The Quiz. Period.

Period. All right. You know that's what the kids say now, period. Period. That's an exclamation, actually. Which a period doesn't really do in language. That's a really important point. And no one's a really important point.

And no one's saying it. Right. All right, I'll kick us off. Yes. What is Picasso's blue period, and when did it begin? Is this multiple choice? It should be, but it isn't. It really should be. All right, did it run from 1850 to 1860,

1750 to 1760, or 1901 to 1904? 1901 to 1904. You got it. The artist's exploration of a monochromatic blue thing. I went to Spain. You've been to Spain? Mm-hmm. You see some of his works there?

No. But you knew they might have been around. Yeah. I felt the energy. No, that's cool. I think one of the coolest things to do in a European country

is know that there's art and do something else. That part, okay? And actually, it takes a kind of confidence, a quiet confidence to make that decision because if you're not careful,

you can spend a week in Europe seeing painting after painting. Is that a memory? John, you're speaking my language. Although I love museums, but if I'm going to Europe, I'm not doing that

for the whole vacay. What'd you do in Spain? I went to Barcelona for 10 but if I'm going to Europe, I'm not doing that for the whole vacay. What did you do in Spain? I went to Barcelona for 10 days. I just, you know, wandered, ate a lot. Did you see any of those Gaudi buildings? Yep, I did see those. What's that big one that's like the big church? Sagrada Familia, I believe

it's called. Yes. I think it's kind of ugly. They're still building it, actually. I know, and it's never done. It's like a New York subway station. They don't want to be done. They don't want to be done with it. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Is it good, though?

If someone told you a kid made it, you'd believe it. Oh, no, the Gowdy people are going to go nuts. Oh, my God. Oh, we've got three people in our emails.

Can't be worse than most of the shit I do. All right, do you want to ask me a question? Yes, I have a question for you. Okay. At what age does the average American get her first period? I don't get options?

I'll guess. I'll just say 12. Right. You're right. Nice. That was really good, John. I'm impressed. I'll tell you what my thinking was.

My thinking was that in Judaism, the boys get bar mitzvahed at 13, but it was kind of okay for girls to get bar mitzvahed at 12. I thought maybe that might be connected. Do you have sisters? I do have a sister. Okay.

Are you older? I'm older. Okay, so, I mean, that might be prying too much. It wasn't something we would have talked about. That wasn't, that wasn't like,

that wasn't the dynamic. It wasn't like that kind of an open, that's like a more modern kind of family. Yeah, okay. This is the 90s. These things were not discussed.

Ooh. All right. Sorry. Sorry. What is not an alternative name for a period, the punctuation kind? A, full stop. B, full point. C, full mark.

Or D, full drop. I'm going to say full drop. Correct. Nice. I was an English minor. Oh, really? That's cool. My college didn't have minors. I thought it was cool when colleges had minors. You didn't have a minor?

No, they didn't do that. What college did you go to? Williams College, a little liberal arts school. I majored in math. I don't really use it. It's kind of sad. I love math. Two sad stories in a row.

All right, I'm ready for a question. Okay. Can you name the four phases of the menstrual cycle? I will award you one point per phase you can name. This is actually a really hard... Can I skip some of these? You can do whatever you want. Yeah, this is a hard question.

Can I guess one thing? Is one of them ovulation? Yeah, you're right. Okay. And that's all. It happens to me. I don't even know all these. It happens to me and I don't even know all these. It happens to me, and I don't know all these.

This is going on in my body. Well, I give up. I give up. Those are, that's the, I don't know what the phase. Should I read these phases? The menses phase, the follicular phase. I like the word follicular. Men, make no noises at all during this.

And the luteal phase. Wow, interesting. Okay, well, thank you. I don't know that. You're welcome. All right, next question. Bob Dylan entered his electric period, which everyone immediately hated,

by busting out of an electric guitar at the Newport Folk Festival during what year? 1960, 1963, or 1965? I think it's 65. Correct. I was waiting for 70s maybe because that sounded like some Miles Davis stuff. Okay.

All right, I'm ready for a question. Okay. What is the average age of menopause in American women? A, 55. B, 54. C, 51. D, I don't know. Please ask my wife.

I am begging you. Is it 55? What is it? The answer is C, 51. 51. Okay. Well, that was close. Yeah.

Sort of. Kabuki theater, which emerged during the early Edo period, is characterized by every one of the following except one, which was not a quality of kabuki theater in the Edo period. A, a walkway leading to the audience down which performers enter and exit. B, an artistic pose held by a performer to establish a character. C. Wooden animal puppets which frolic in front of a dark curtain. Or D. Stagehands dressed entirely in black and considered to be invisible.

I think it's C. The puppets? Yeah. You got it. There are no puppets. That's interesting about the invisible stagehands. They can do moves and stuff. That's cool.

It sounds cool. It sounds Kabuki-like. I've never seen that live. I really only know it as an analogy. Somebody will say, oh, that was Kabuki theater. And the restaurant in Burbank. And the restaurant in Burbank.

How many years of a menstruating person's life can they expect on average to be on their period? Do I get options? Yes. I'm going to read them to you. A, four years. B, seven years. C, 12 years.

D, 13 years. Seven years. Seven years. Right. Okay. Seven years. Which of these was not an inventor working during the Victorian period?

Okay. Gregory Thune, the inventor of the first deli slicer. Alexander Graham Bell, whose lab invented, among other things, the alkaline battery. John Boyne Dudlap, the inventor of the inflatable tire. Can you say the question again? Which of these is not of the periods of Chinese Eastern... Oh, my God. These are so hard. My brain hurts. The deli slicer was the answer. these is not of the periods of Chinese Eastern... Oh my god.

These are so hard. My brain hurts. The deli slicer was the answer. Here, you ask me a question. Okay. You ask me one more. These are too hard. One more? Yeah. Okay. How long is the average menstrual cycle usually? That would have been helpful on my other fucking question.

What are the options? We're working backwards. Okay, A, 21 days. That's too long. Wait, the cycle, not the week, not the period of... Yeah, because you know there's four phases.

There's four phases. Menses, follicular, ovulation, and like luteal? There you go. All right. Yeah. You on the road

to be a gynecologist. No, I'm not. You impressed me. You ain't going to check me, but... Keep going. Gotta hurry. Gotta get out of this. Okay, okay, okay. Get us out of this.

How long is the average menstrual cycle usually? 21 days, 28 days, 31 days? Or D, honestly, I don't know. Let me ask my wife. I think it's 28 days. I think it's 28 days. You're right. Yeah.

Because it's a month. Because it's a month. Yeah. Makes sense. Kimberly Clark. Yes. This has been a blast. Fun.

Check out her special on Netflix. Yes. Tiffany Hadges, They Ready, episode four. Hell yeah. Check out her special on Netflix. Yes. Tiffany Hadges, They Ready, episode four. Hell yeah. Thank you. Emily Cluckerby. She'll stick around for The Rant Wheel.

Oh, nice. When we come back, The Rant Wheel. And we're back. Get ready to be transported back to 1973 New York City with Stiffed, the new podcast from Crooked Media and iHeartRadio. In this eight-part series, host Jennifer Romolini takes you on a wild ride through the rise and fall of Viva, the erotic magazine for women started by Porn King publisher Bob Guccione that rocked the publishing world with a team of feminist writers

and editors behind it. Viva, in its original form, had full frontal male nudity. A fashion section run by Anna Wintour and cover stars like Bianca Jagger. But were they doomed to fail from the beginning? Everybody check out the series trailer for Stiffed right now. And don't miss the first episode on March 30th.

Listen for free on your favorite podcast platform. All right, now it's time for the rant wheel. You know how it works. We spin the wheel wherever it lands. We rant about the topic. Ooh, it's a new rant wheel. We redesigned it. This week on the wheel, Brokeback Mountain is becoming a play with music.

When your umbrella turns inside out, resellers, the streaming service wars, La La Land, having a start time for an event that is an hour to an hour and a half earlier than you actually want people to show up, Ticketmaster's hatred of the American people, and the Gwyneth Paltrow ski case. Let's spin

the wheel. It has landed on having a start time for an event an hour to an hour and a half before you want people to actually show up. I believe this was Liv's suggestion. Yeah, if you tell me what time to be somewhere, I'm going to get there at that time because I respect you. Don't fuck me around. Now, I'm here and you're setting out chips and I'm sitting in a chair alone looking like an idiot showing you nothing but love and we're protecting your shitty friends who don't know how to be on time to anything. And where does that leave me? I mean for god's sake,

oh I had to tell people to show up at 7 because everyone's actually going to show up at 9. Why are you babying them? When do I get babied? You know? Why isn't the party fucking scheduled around me for once? I'm doing everything right. Yeah.

Thank you. I think that that was so important. Thank you for sharing. I do think when you have a party, you know... You do this, don't you? No, I don't. No, no. Here's what I do. You're playing devil's advocate live.

Here's what I... No, go on. If you say your party is going to start at, say, 9, you know that really most people aren't showing up before 9.30. But you also know that you have the lives in your life that are going to show up right at 9. And they're the heroes. I think they're the heroes because then when the main thrust of guests show

up, the people you really want to impress, there's already bodies in there. I don't want to be a body! I don't want to be a body in a room! I want to be your guest! Agree to disagree. Let's spin it again. Oh, it has landed on the Gwyneth Paltrow ski case.

This is my suggestion. Everybody, I can't tell what you think I'm going to say, but here's what I'm going to say. I understand and respect why the internet turned on Gwyneth Paltrow. I understand why it happened. There are good and legitimate reasons for it to have happened.

However, it is into that climate, that hostile climate, that the fact that, in what sounds very funny, Gwyneth Paltrow is being sued for having knocked over an elderly man on a ski slope in I believe Utah is that what it's about? yeah that's what it's about

and the facts when you first hear them sound absolutely atrocious for Gwyneth Paltrow he's an old man he had a concussion he broke several ribs he was an optometrist his life was never the same he was old from that day forward He's an old man. He had a concussion. He broke several ribs. He was an optometrist.

His life was never the same. He was old from that day forward. She said nothing and skied away. She skied away. She said nothing and skied away. Now that is the set of facts that the internet has presented to you because the people posting these things knows what the internet wants

and the internet will have what it wants. The internet will be fed. The internet eats first. Now... Where does this leave goop? Not in a great place. But here's the thing. I did something earlier this week, which is

I took mushrooms and then did a deep dive on this case. And I am here to tell you something, all right? I can't know for certain. I wasn't on bandana run that day. But it is my opinion, based on truly a shocking amount of research involving documents and two hours of videos

of testimony, including both opening arguments by the defense attorney and the plaintiff's attorney and the main testimony by the plaintiff's key witness. I really dove deep. And it is my personal view that Gwyneth Paltrow is being scammed. Gwyneth Paltrow is right. She is innocent. And it is my personal view that Gwyneth Paltrow is being scammed. Gwyneth Paltrow is right. She is innocent, and that is why she has countersued for one dollar instead of settling, is because she is being railroaded. The internet is wrong.

Here's what actually happened. Here's what actually happened. And some of this stuff is not in dispute. Brian wants the show to end. I don't care. I don't care. The truth will out. He claims, this man claims that Gwyneth Paltrow skied into him. He flew across the ground and she skied away. The problem is the $3.1 million lawsuit was about the fact that it was a hit and run, but the court threw out the hit and run

because actually she didn't leave. She never fucking left. She stayed there for, according to the defense, seven minutes, but even according to the fucking plaintiffs, at least three to four minutes. And she didn't leave until the ski patrol said she could. Why did the ski patrol say she could leave?

Because everyone said that they were okay. And not only did everyone say they were okay, everyone agreed that that man hit Gwyneth Paltrow and he apologized. And everyone saw that that man hit Gwyneth Paltrow, and he apologized. And everyone saw that. In fact, the ski instructor that was with Gwyneth Paltrow skied down the hill and filed a report. In that report, he said, the man hit Gwyneth Paltrow from behind.

She was the victim. He says it in two places. He filed it. Nobody on that hill disagreed, not the witness, not the man who was hit. But that instructor, as he was skiing away, as just everyone says they're fine, everyone's okay, that instructor, just as he's turning away, as almost like a joke, as an aside, he says, hey, your buddy just took out Gwyneth Paltrow, at which point that man sits back down. Suddenly, he doesn't feel so good. They get the ski patrol to take him down

in a toboggan. And then he decides that he's going to file a lawsuit because he didn't know he hit Gwyneth Paltrow because she had a helmet and goggles on. Now is what I'm saying true? I don't know. Well you

were on mushrooms. And the weirdest part is, halfway through my research, Gwyneth Paltrow appeared before me and handed me some kind of a stone egg. Now, counterpoint, bone broth is not a lunch. Thank you.

Can I ask you a question? Yes. Did they call Apple Martin to the stand like they were threatening? They're going to. Okay, this is really huge because this is an opportunity for Apple Martin to take

out her mother and take over Hollywood. And it's important to me that she do it. The youth will inherit. The rich youth. Oh, one other fact. The key witness for the plaintiff said that, you know what? I think you've heard

enough. Are you part of the legal team? I want to be. I want to be part of the legal team. Call me. Let's spin it again. I really did go deep. Did you?

When your umbrella turns inside out. There is nothing more mortifying in this world i'd rather a strong wind blow my dress up and expose my underwear than for my umbrella to be turned inside out that is so and when it happens i know it's happened to everybody in here. You feel like a vaudeville clown. It's embarrassing. You're like, oh, my God. You're like, people are looking at me. And we live in L.A., and, you know, we have this crazy-ass weather

that we're not used to, and the umbrella culture here sucks. The umbrellas are not sturdy enough to withstand this Armageddon weather at all. Not at all. Yeah, so that's how I feel about it. So embarrassing. There's no

good way to fix it. You're struggling like this, then eventually you just give up and you kind of hit the ground with it. Well, people that continue to carry the upside, that's like, it's over. Just throw that bitch out. It's over.

It's over. Let's spin it again. It has landed on resellers. Oh, man. This is such an elitist problem. Okay, so a few years ago, a phenomenon started where people would sort of stalk me at hotels and airports. They knew I was flying into town for an event or whatever, and then they had skateboards,

and they want me to sign the skateboards, and they'd go and sell them on eBay or whatever. And I respected the hustle. It was like, you spend all day outside the airport. That's impressive. I guess, I don't know. Is it worth it? I guess, you know, and I was kind of honored by it. Then, uh, they started hacking into my email accounts, uh, my, my airline accounts to find out when I would be flying, where I was flying to. Even if it was just a family event, we would be going, like we visit my father-in-law in Fort Lauderdale, and they're just outside the airport, lots of them, to the point where I kind of had to start running away from them because I couldn't appease all of them. And so it was starting to get a

little tricky. And then last weekend, this is why it's so fresh and why I'm ranting. Last weekend, I did a public appearance at my friend's skate shop opening. He had a bunch of legendary skaters there. It was kind of a scene. People were driving from all over the country to come see this original crew. We were called the Bones Brigade. We're all old now, but we're still around. Thank you. And then it was completely monopolized by resellers.

All these people coming in, mostly from L.A., no offense. But they had all these skateboards and items, and they were pushing forward in front of kids and families and trying to get these autographs that they're going to sell. And I just know because I can kind of see them, but it got hard to differentiate between the true fans and the resellers. And eventually, it was just too overwhelming. They had to shut the doors

and literally leaving kids in tears because we couldn't do anything about it. So I no longer respected the hustle in that moment. And so it just become a very big challenge in my life and wham, people want my autograph. I give you some tips after the show for what to do. They're here, by the way. If you saw people outside with skateboards,

that's them. Yeah. We have to create a human shield around Tony Hawk. Everyone gather after. We got your back, Tony. We'll surround him. Tony's angels. We'll surround him. But we'll kind of like in... Tony's Angels.

Tony's Angels. Someone in the audience just said Tony's Angels. That's awesome. That's cool. I appreciate that. Thank you. That's why I came here. And that's why he came here.

Let's spin it again. Let's spin it again. Brokeback Mountain becoming a play with music. Can you guys guess this one's going to be me? Matt? Okay, so it hit the news that Brokeback Mountain is becoming a play with music. What I have to say to this is, shut the fuck up and sing. This should be a musical. Play with music? What's have to say to this is shut the fuck up and sing. This should be a musical.

Play with music? What's a play with music? It's just like they're dangling a carrot in front of us like it could have been a musical but no gays. We're still not giving it to you. Just like we're not giving you the best picture Oscar we as the gays deserved. Crash is one of the worst movies of all time.

Don't get me on my soapbox Because I will never get off It's a play with music You've cast Mike Feist I don't know if it's pronounced Like the singer of 2004's 1, 2, 3, 4 or not You've cast him He was in West Side Story

He's got a perfectly lovely voice And Lucas Hedges, who I'm going to guess by the way he dresses Can sing So basically we have two actors here He's got a perfectly lovely voice. And Lucas Hedges, who I'm going to guess by the way he dresses, can sing. So basically, we have two actors here who are more than capable of singing the music of Brokeback Mountain. Here's a pitch for a song. Who's going to eat the beans? Parentheses, one of us has to bottom. Like, was it that you couldn't get someone to write the score?

I'm right fucking here. I am right fucking here. We all would have thrown our fucking hats in the ring. Andrew Lloyd Webber is out there writing anything. Just ask someone to write the goddamn score. A play with music? I don't want to hear it. It's ridiculous.

Gay people, once we hear music, we begin to sing. So if you're going to have gay people on stage and music's going to play and they're not going to break into song when the emotions get too big and a story as ain't as old as time, like Brokeback Mountain, and they're not going to begin to sing, you are missing an opportunity. And I'm certainly not going to the West End to see this. I will go to Broadway to see it if it transfers. That's what I have to say about that.

There's a defying gravity sitting right there. Song called, It Could Be Like This, Just Like This, Always, parentheses, someone has to bottom. Yes! Are you talking to me? You're talking to me and you're saying that that Michelle Williams moment where, first of all, this could be a featured actress Tony win.

And you're taking that from Carrie Butler. The gay people in the audience sort of know what I'm saying. You've taken that opportunity away from a character actress when you don't allow a spoken word stepped out sung soliloquy of the moment when she sees them in the driveway kissing. That is a bonkers Tony Award winning song. And then the moment where she says, you don't go up there to fish. That's an anger ballad, mama.

Yes. So good. Jack Twist, Jack Nasty. Yes, Jack Twist, Jack Nasty or Nasty as they said. And what is a play with music? A play with music is an insult. That's what it is. It's another moment in history where we're being disrespected.

And we should all be angry, and I can tell you all are. You're just tired. And on that note, when we come back, we'll end on a high note. Yay! And we're back. Because we all need it this week, here it is, the high note. Hey, love it. This is Eric from Rhode Island. And my high note is I just recently finished my court case with a former employer who fired me while I was beginning chemotherapy.

And it's a real big deal to finally have this chapter of my life closed and feel some retribution for the damage they've done. But please note that there's a lot more that can be done for employees' rights, even in the liberal Northeast. It's still not in your favor. Keep working, everybody. Hi, I love it. This is Nikki from Colorado. And I'm just letting you know that I finally found the thing that broke the camel's back and to become active in local politics. And that is the NIMBYs in my neighborhood. My husband and I set up a website,

yimbyenglewood.org, for people to learn about how to respectfully and sustainably grow during these times when housing is insane. So I just thought you guys would love to hear that. And thanks for the show every week and have a good weekend. I love it. This is Josette. I live in New York. Two years ago, I came out as non-binary. It was my first step into the trans community and it was a really comfy label for a good while.

But since then, I started to realize that I'm actually a woman. I've only mentioned this to a couple of my closest friends until this week. I woke up yesterday and read an article quoting She Who Must Not Be Named comparing trans people to death eaters. I felt really attacked, and I was so upset that I needed to do something in response. So yesterday I came out publicly as a woman, and I'm now using she, her pronouns. I've had nothing but love and support from my friends and family. I finally feel like I can live fully in my identity instead of holding it away with one arm. I didn't know I could be this happy. If I did, I would have done it a long time ago. Thanks for supporting the trans community. I love your show. Protect trans kids and celebrate trans

joy. Bye. I want to give a huge shout out to my wife for finally defending her dissertation and getting that PhD in economics. And I also want to give a huge shout out to myself for achieving the highest goal of Judaism, being married to a doctor. I love you, Emma, and I am so proud of you. Thanks to everyone who sent in a high note tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 323-538-2377.

That is our show. Thank you so much to Matt Rogers, Liv Hewson, Kimberly Clark, Tony Hawk. And a very special thank you to Vanity Amano. There are 591 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night. Thanks for coming out. And have a great weekend, everybody. Love It or Leave It is a great weekend, everybody. Jocelyn Kaufman, Poulavi Gunalan, Peter Miller, Rebecca Kaplan, Alan Pierre, and Chandler Dean are our writers. Bill Lance is our editor, and Kyle Seglin and Stephen Colon are our audio engineers. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and Caroline Haywood, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see

because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Zuri Irvin, Milo Kim, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroot for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos at our YouTube page, youtube.com slash at Love It or Leave It podcast. Who do we have to kill to get that name? Subscribe to Love It or Leave It on YouTube for access to video versions of your favorite segments and other exclusive content. Don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on IG and Twitter. And if you are as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review.