Lovett or Leave It - Trump's Emotional Affair

Episode Date: September 16, 2017

Chuck and Nancy make a deal, Medicare for All battles Repeal and Replace, and Sessions gets reamed in the Oval. Guy Branum, Erin Gloria Ryan, and Julissa Arce help break down the week. Plus Jon sits down with Cyrus Habib, the Lt. Governor of Washington, to talk education and we check in with America's evil baroness.

Hey guys! How's everybody doing? What are you filming? You can have it on. I didn't mind. What's up? How's everybody doing? Everybody have a good time at the improv?

Guys, Love It or Leave It is going on tour with Pod Tours America. Did someone boo? is going on tour with Pod Tours America. Did someone boo? You're mad that I won't be in LA during the tour? That's cool.

October 5th, Madison, Wisconsin at the Capitol Theater. There's still some tickets left for that. And then this week, going on sale, we're adding a show

in DC on Friday, November 3rd and a second show at the Beacon in New York City on Saturday, November 11th. So if you're listening, show in D.C. on Friday, November 3rd, and a second show at The Beacon in New York City on Saturday, November 11th. So if you're listening, go to crooked.com slash chores. I don't care if the people here get to see how the sausage is made. Look at all these friends. Look at all this merch.

I've been saying it the same way, and John and Tommy have been doing, I see you're trying to, and so I'm not saying it in that way anymore it's great to see you wearing a shirt from the company what great question

where's the new merch not going to make a habit of answering questions shouted but because it's one that redounds to the benefit of crooked media I will tell you that new merch is coming and there's going to be some love it or leave it. Look, there's been a graphic with George Washington

with a clown nose, and that's exciting. Let me bring in our panel, because we have a great show. She is the author of My Underground American Dream. Please welcome Julissa Arce. She is a senior editor at the Daily Beast. Please welcome Aaron Gloria Ryan.

And he is the host of Talk Show the Game Show on TruTV. Please welcome Guy Branum. All right, let's get into it. What a week. So, big development of the week. Donald Trump is a Democrat now. And honestly, what a twist. He's not. He's not.

While eating Chinese food with Senator Chuck Schumer and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, Trump made a... That's what they were eating. Trump made a tentative plan to protect undocumented Americans from deportation and providing even a path to citizenship in exchange that Democratic leaders agreed to

increase funding for border security. Trump told reporters later, we're working on a plan for DACA. The wall will come later. This took many Republicans by surprise. Someone in the crowd is losing their shit.

And that's okay for now. So this led Republicans feeling a bit surprised and not sure how to handle it. Erin, I'll start with you. What did you make of President Deal's this week?

Okay, so I saw a lot of coverage of Trump being like, oh, he's this bipartisan visionary. I think that he is bipartisan like a freshman girl making out with another girl on the floor of a frat house is bisexual in that it is completely performative and for the reaction of the people around him in that immediate moment. Controversial metaphor.

Or simile. Doesn't matter. She used the word like or as, so it is a simile. Good job, good job. Thank you. Guy is a lawyer. Guy, what did you think about it?

I liked that the same week that we saw the capacity in Trump to sort of compromise and maintain some of the good moves that the Obama administration had made on immigration, administration had made on immigration. He was also personally asking for an ESPN correspondent to be removed from her office because she questioned his commitment to black America. I like that he is essentially a roulette wheel of

racism where you never know where the ball will land. I actually think it's a little bit more predictable than that in that if Trump breaks with the base on a key issue that does connect to racial grievance, he must also at the same time commit some kind of equal and opposite worsening of a racial grievance. Like it's a law of thermodynamics. It's a law of thermodynamics. So that's why he starts talking.

We're going to get to what happened with ESPN later, but that, I think, is partly why it's almost like, all right, my anti-immigrant base is going to lose it over this. I better give them something to chew on, like call her Crooked Hillary again and call for a black woman to be fired. They love that. I do like that he is taking his one option for fucking over the Tea Party members

of the Republican Party who simply are keeping anything from happening. I think both parties need to be reminded that at the end of the day, you should be able to get shit done. And if the only thing that you can do is shut things down, it hurts everybody.

Yeah. Speaking of that, Julissa, what did you make of the compromise on immigration itself? What looks like perhaps even a path to citizenship for undocumented young people, but also border security? First of all, I'm glad they had Chinese food, which is like Chinese food from immigrants. And at the same time, they're talking about like kicking immigrants out, but they're having Chinese food. So that was a nice touch. What really upsets me about this DACA situation is that they're just playing yo-yos

with this kid's lives. One minute he's like, we love them, we're going to treat them with heart. And then the next minute he's sending sessions out to be like, no, DACA is done and over. And then he's like, but don't worry, we're going to have a compromise with Congress. And now he's like, well, no, actually, we're not going to have a compromise with Congress, but I'm going to tweet all of the details of the deal that we did make last night.

So, like, which one is it? I think that the hard part about this DREAM Act, which would be great if it passed, right, because it would give a path to citizenship to young, undocumented people who came here when they were kids and they didn't have a say when they were four years old that they should come to this country. The hard part about it, though, is

if it does come with a bunch of enforcement. If it comes with, like, last night I was watching Tucker Carlson. I watched Tucker Carlson. I know. Listen, I watch him. You just can't I watched Tucker Carlson. I know. Listen, I watch it because I want to know what I...

for that guy. I know. He's so handsome. You went on... So handsome. You love, you're in love with Tucker Carlson.

You love him so much. She was talking about him backstage. She was talking about him so much backstage. Julissa runs the shop around the corner and Tucker is your Fox Books.

And you guys don't even know that you have matched on Bumble. Or one of them. I would like to go on record to say that I am not in love with Tucker Carlson. Okay. All right. None of us. That was the least believable thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. I watch it because

i go on his show so i went on like what i'm up against but he was like you know this is gonna like cost chain migration and like they're all gonna bring their whole families over here and i just wanted to ask him like tucker why do you hate brown people like why you know um but anyways like the the hard part about it's going to be like this enforcement like if if and he oh he was so adamant about how come republicans and democrats won't give money for the wall and i'm like i thought mexico was gonna pay for the wall like what happened to that conversation well that was the other thing that was amazing is sort of trump already capitulating being like we'll get to the wall the wall is basically already done honestly it's really

fencing and a lot of it's already being painted and i just want to the wall. The wall's basically already done, honestly. It's really fencing, and a lot of it's already being painted, and I just want a painted wall. And once it's painted, it'll be great, and it's basically as good as a wall. But inevitably, though, a compromise, if some form of the DREAM Act was going to pass with Republican votes, it was inevitably going to contain

some kind of border measures, right? I mean, that is the immigration compromise we've always been heading towards. Yeah, and so I think it's fine to have a conversation about a compromise, but I don't think either side is going to give the house away without the other side giving something in, right? So for me, the dream compromise on the DREAM Act would be fine. I actually wouldn't mind giving them some little bit of money to go figure out how they're going to build a wall

because as long as we don't give them enough money to build the whole thing, which is impossible. It is true. That's like billions of dollars. A wall, 90% of a wall is just as useless as 0% of a wall. Or like 50% if it's half as high, and you can just like, oh, you get it right over it. 100% of the wall is as useless as 100% of the wall.

Because, first of all, like, okay, you can build a wall, but like I came here, and then I was undocumented for 15 years. I came here on a plane with a visa. Plane? Wait a second. They could make it really big. How high is this wall going to be?

Can I just say I'm a little bit pissed off that a moat has never been considered. Guy, Barack Obama when he was talking about immigration in the White House, when he was talking about all the border security measures, we wrote a whole joke. He did it in the

Oval Office. He's like, what do they want? A moat? What are we going to do? Put alligators in the moat? And it could now happen. There is a non-trivial chance that President, I almost called him.

There is a non-trivial chance that Donald Trump says, maybe we need a moat. And then someone's going to tell him that the Rio Grande is in a way a natural moat. Can I just ask that possibly one of the chips in this compromise be cracking down on Canadian actors who come to Los Angeles for pilot season? Yes.

And then just stay. Because that's a real problem in our culture. They all look like hot dads from a paper towel commercial. Right. That's not it. That looks like it should be in some kind of Scandinavian language. Right. And they're so nice that you're like, are you being a dick?

You can't enjoy their kindness because it's like, I think you're being a dick to me right now. But they're really that nice. They're terrible. That's a good thing about Mexican immigrants. We'll just tell you. We won't pretend to be nice. Let's build a wall between America and Canada, guys.

That's where we should build the wall. We've come to some sort of compromise. Just right here. Love it or leave it. It's been a while since the kids in the hall. It's just been a while. We can move on from this topic. I could take over the whole show and just been a while we can move on from this topic we if you have more we can't i mean i could like take over the whole show and just talk about this subject but i won't but i

won't um you know i just really hope that we stop playing yo-yo with this kid's lives because they're like real lives at stake that we're talking about and it's not just like uh it's not they're not just tweets they're they're like real lives that are at stake here. Well, I think that's also part of the issue is like a lot of the people that are talking about it are people that can watch it like it's a sporting event and like they're never going to be directly affected by it. So they're commentators and they're calling,

now this is leading, now this is leading. And I think it gets lost in the conversation that like you said, there's, people's lives are involved in this and like entire families, futures are involved in this and it's not about scoring political points.'s about like what are we doing with these people well also that so much of the goal is just to make a community of people frightened so they will be more economically exploitable the united states of america can't run without like a lot of the undocumented immigrants that we have here and we can't get

rid of those people because then you would have to pay like american citizens who can go get a lawyer like a fair wage to do what a lot of people are are doing now under some degree of duress and we're trying to increase the duress so they are more exploitable. We need to remember that when we see these things in other countries, it's very clear that these are apartheid situations, very clear that it is exploitation, but we're just used to it here, so we don't think about it. Yeah. We'll leave it there.

Let's move on to health care. Two big developments this week. One promising, one deeply frustrating, frightening, and stupid. Let's start with the latter. On Wednesday, Republican Senators Bill Cassidy and Lindsey Graham and Dirty Dean Heller, as well as right-wing nut Ron Johnson and former Senator Rick Santorum, who stopped by without purpose.

Oh my God, he's like the high school guy who graduated three years ago who shows up in the lunchroom still wearing his letter. He's like, go Cougars! Hey, what's up, guys? Remember when I was a senior and you guys were just fucking sophomores?

That's Rick Santorum. Love this place. I ruled this place. You guys don't even know. I'm Rick Santorum. My name became synonymous with something else. So we don't really need, I don't know that it's worth getting into all the details of what kind and then kind of slowly turns it off and sort of puts it all in the hands of states. It seems unlikely that this will pass, but that is something that we said on several other occasions in which zombie Trumpcare came back to life and then almost got us. Erin, what did you make of this?

Do you think this has any chance? Are we afraid of this? Okay. So first of all, I'm based in new york and so whenever i come to california i'm like i just am crazy for a week because i like wake up on new york time and i go to bed on california time so i wake up at six and at like 3 p.m i'm like why is it not time to go to bed so i this is i'm prefacing with this cassidy graham sounds like the name of a neocon American girl doll. She invites you to her birthday party and she's like,

there's a bouncy castle and there's going to be Barbies. But you get to the birthday party and it's a pile of balloons and you have to line up to get the balloons and if you have enough subsidies, then you're allowed to jump on the pile of balloons and they're all going to break anyway

and it's the worst. Cassidy Graham sucks. Okay. Like shoulder length, like... Like honey color. Auburn. I was thinking auburn hair.

I can capitulate to that. Born at the University of Chicago. No, I think she was born at the University of Michigan. University of Michigan or Notre Dame Law School. I don't... I don't really know what that meant. John, have you never been to the American Girl doll store?

Guy, I can't say that I have. John, we're getting tea in the not too distant future. I was going to say, if you haven't been to the American Girl doll store, then where'd you get those pants? Oh my God. That was such a sick burn.

I wore these pants to talk to Hillary Clinton. You guys want a little behind the scenes thing about Hillary Clinton? I'll tell you guys this story very briefly, which is, now as you know, Favreau recently got married, Tommy recently got engaged, and so John, Tommy, and I are there, and I did not do either, those things have not happened to me, and so she comes down the stairs, and she says

to John, congratulations, I hear you recently got married, she goes to Tommy, Tommy, congratulations, I know you recently got engaged. Then she turned to me and she goes, John, it's so good to see you. Congrats on still being alive. Whatever. Where were we? American Girl doll, Graham Cassidy.

Cassidy Graham, Graham Cassidy and her shitty birthday party. So Graham Cassidy, but I guess, Aaron, I don't know how you're seeing this right now, but I can't tell if this is a moment where we're not getting riled up fast enough because this really could happen

or if they're spinning themselves up to almost do something, but because Rand Paul is a no and it seems unlikely that Collins and Murkowski flip back, that it really is hopeless. Right. Well, I mean, so I feel like the election of Donald Trump created this doubt in people's minds

around everything that seems ridiculous, where you're just like, well, there's no way that they're going to pass a law requiring all dogs to be made into hamburgers when they turn five. But then you're like oh shit they did it like and logan's run for dogs right um spoiler so no i think but so i think that like it's it does seem unfeasible but the fact that something extremely out of the ordinary happened pretty recently has made people kind of on edge. I was just going to make

the point that when Melania is wearing six inch heels to a hurricane, it's easy to get distracted. We all do in this sweeping dog hamburger legislation. You know, one day it's on John Oliver and then you forget about it and then you turn around

and you're like, this burger tastes weird. I mean, but I also think that, you know, I also think like getting to what the bill actually does, what's crazy about it is it's like worse than what they rejected in July. And they're like, you know what, let's try what we did again and couldn't do, but let's do it in a

worse way. Which doesn't make any sense, but I also worry that people are complacent because they're like, it already failed and they're not expecting the zombie to come back again. Yeah, I feel like maybe because it's a totally different access point to repealing Obamacare, which instead of just one of the

vice grip they walked themselves into last time, that's a mixed metaphor, was that they used the structure of Obamacare to replace Obamacare, which basically just meant they ended up with a shitty, less generous, but still government-run

program of Obamacare. But this is a different idea, which is to break it up, turn it into less generous block grants, and then put it in the hands of the states, which could appeal to a broader base of Republicans. Right, and there's also a cliff that it falls off in, I believe, 2026.

Right, where there's just no more subsidies. Right, where it just is gone. It's a gift card. Right, it's a gift card to everybody that's old right now, basically. Well, on a totally, it's almost like we're in a parallel universe, but

at the same time as this was being debated, Bernie Sanders and 16 Senate Democrats who co-sponsored it introduced a Medicare for All bill, which is a single-payer plan that would phase out private insurance over a four-year span and result in universal coverage. And it would do this by eliminating, eliminates co-payments and deductibles, expands the range of services, including long-term care, vision, and dental. There are some options of how to pay for it.

Obviously, it would be expensive for the United States to transition to a Medicare-for-all-like plan. Fascinating how quickly things have changed. During the campaign, this was seen as something that Hillary Clinton said was not feasible, and now, months later... It's still not feasible. Oh, okay, we'll get to that.

That's exciting. But now basically every Democrat who looks like they might run for president has lined up behind a single payer. Julissa, you say it's not feasible. Yeah, it's still not feasible because the question that Bernie didn't answer during the campaign

is still the same question he isn't answering, which is how are we actually going to pay for it? That's still the question. So everybody gets really excited because it sounds really good, but when you actually get into the weeds of it, it's how are we going to pay for it? That's the big question mark. So I think most people, and even if you read all the articles that are going around around it it's like dead on arrival but yet we're putting so much effort into something that isn't going to pass instead of actually spending time on fixing the real problems with Obamacare because Obamacare

you know it's great like I have insurance because of Obamacare I also know, it's great. Like, I have insurance because of Obamacare. I also, you know, pay $300 a month for insurance I don't really even use because it's so expensive to use. So it is not perfect, but the solution isn't actually going to pass. Wait a moment. Are you saying that actually implementing practical solutions is better than a very, very nice idea? Yes. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. I also think that there are some things that are on Bernie Sanders' wish list that are contrary to existing law.

One of the things that he wants this Medicare for All plan to cover is abortion services, which has been illegal in the U.S. since 1974. And the Hyde Amendment prohibits like Medicare funds from covering abortion services so there'd be like this lengthy court fight to determine whether or not it can actually do what it says it's going to do not to mention you mentioned economic issues like what's gonna happen to all the people who work for insurance companies because it's not just like a faceless entity where people aren't employed like

there are secretaries there are janitors there are people that are executives that have families. There are children of insurance executives who are in NYU film school right now. Right. What will become of them? I'm not saying like, first of all, absolutely

fuck NYU. Secondly, I'm not saying that single payer isn't a goal that people should move toward, but I think that, I'm not saying that single payer isn't a goal that people should move toward, but I think it's really naive to assume that you can just burn it all down.

First of all, Karen, I'm busting your balls. I mean, the thing, I don't have balls. I'm sorry, I am busting your ova.

But, like, it is just a thing of a very, very nice idea. We have to realize, like, there are so many people who want to say, like,

oh, yeah, it seems impractical, but only because you're held back by your centrism and mediocrity. And it's like, we're not really going to do anything. You're not mediocre. Have you seen me on stage? But, like, we're not going to do a thing that is going to make hundreds of thousands of people

unemployed tomorrow. We may do it over the course of the next 20 years, but we have to figure that out. Here's the thing. Look, one of the lessons though to me of 2016 is that too often we were behaving like a governing party

when we weren't governing and it prevented us from getting the ability to govern. So what I find exciting about this is that it's a big idea. It's a vision for the future. Now, I think that there's a question about how we would, a big, big question about how we would achieve something this big, right? That's hard. It's really hard.

And I don't think we need to have all the answers right now. I think Chris Murphy also introduced an interesting plan that's about making sure individuals and businesses can buy into Medicare. And I think that's a great way to get to access to Medicare for all anyway on the table as well. But one thing I think we need to do a better job of is saying, when we imagine a better future, what does it look like? Yes, you're totally right we need to fix what's wrong with

Obamacare right now. I do not think Democrats lining up behind a vision for healthcare in the future where every single person has access to a public option like Medicare I do not think that takes away from the ongoing bipartisan efforts to reform Obamacare and I do think it's important to tell people, here's what we believe in.

Because I think too often we've been afraid to do that. So you're right. Single payer is a huge lift. And it is hard. And figuring out how to pay for it will be a giant problem. It will be really tough. But at the same time, first of all, we already spend more per person than any other country on earth for health care. And we don't get better results for it.

So while it's true that you end up maybe on the grand health care ledger, you shift more of the money from premiums and out-of-pocket expenses into the tax column, at the same time, as a country, we wouldn't necessarily spend a dollar more on health care. In fact, we might end up spending less. I just want a guarantee that it isn't going to work like the DMV. Honestly, I think you've been spending too much time with Tucker Carlson. Also, insurance companies already work like

a much more expensive DMV. Yeah, I think that's right, too. Honestly, I would... At this moment, I would rather go to the DMV, I think. But I do want better health care. Sweet. When we come back,

the Russia stuff. And we're back. Now for a segment we call The Russia Stuff. Here's how it works. We put a two-minute clock up because while it is good to keep up with what's happening with The Russia Stuff, for the most part we should be focusing on other issues as we all say to ourselves over and over again

that we can't be distracted by one crazy thing because we chose the other crazy thing to be the thing we're not going to be distracted from. A decision I don't always understand. But there have been some developments, and as always, we don't know what to do with them. We're like, oh, okay, well, that's terrible, but then we keep moving on with our lives. So, two minutes on the clock. Let's begin. The New York Times had an article this week that shared what happened when Trump found out in May that a special counsel had been appointed to investigate Russia. Apparently, he exploded, saying that choosing Jeff Sessions to be his attorney general was one of the worst decisions he had ever made. He called him, quote, an idiot and said that he should resign. Sessions did not enjoy this experience. He called it the most humiliating experience in his professional life. As Brian Boitler pointed out on Twitter,

this is someone who was denied a judgeship for being racist. So I don't know how you make that call. Sessions told the president he would resign and left the Oval Office, but by then Mueller had been announced by the Justice Department and some of Trump's advisors had intervened to save Sessions' job. Trump

eventually returned the resignation letter to Sessions with a handwritten response on it. It was just a frowny face and then signed Donald Trump. Meanwhile, as Mueller's team expands, it is questioning more people in the White House. They need to hire lawyers, which gets expensive. There are now legal defense

funds that lobbyists can donate to anonymously to cover legal fees for Trump staffers in the Russia investigation. We have 46 seconds. Does anybody have a comment? I'm pro. Guy, what do you got? I just think it's crazy that Jeff Sessions

is like the bulwark of American constitutionalism right now. I also love that he's humiliated though so I'm of two minds. And everybody's like, oh, poor Jeff Sessions, he was humiliated.

I'm like, I will never feel bad for that guy. Not one second. Like ever. In 1996, he made it illegal to have a gay club

at the University of Alabama. On September 5th, he went up on stage and rescinded DACA. Call him an idiot all you want. And he was like vibrating with joy when he did it. He was. He had this little grim on his face like, oh, I just want to reach across the TV and break him.

And that's the Russia stuff. Koda to that section. Guy, I did not know that about the University of Alabama Gay Club at that point in time he said that talking about being gay was conspiracy to commit sodomy which was illegal at the

time so when they talk about freedom of speech let's always remember that honestly I think that as a term of art, conspiracy to commit sodomy needs to be something people

text each other more often. When we come back, a new segment, a new game called It Happens A Lot. And we're back now for a segment called it happens a lot earlier this week Ted Cruz woke up to find himself why not

why can't we talk about it? There's no rule. Oh, we should talk about serious stuff. I'm just kidding. This is a segment about a disagreement on Bloomberg about cost outlays in the out years of Medicare. It's not. Ted Cruz woke up

to find himself trending on Twitter for accidentally liking a two minute porn clip he of course blamed an unnamed staff member named Bed Bruise that was weird named Fred Fred Trues and explained that it was

an honest mistake no it couldn't have been anyway it's 2017 And explain that it was an honest mistake. No, it couldn't have been. Anyway, it's 2017. This kind of thing is happening more and more. Aaron actually wrote a piece about what politicians do when they accidentally tweet or post porn on the internet. So the original headline on it was, so you've been caught jerking off. But my editor changed it to, so you've been caught watching porn on the internet.

Which sucks. It should be, so you've been caught jerking off. I thought it was kind of sweet that one of the girls in the video looked a little bit like Heidi. I was like, that's kind of sweet. That's so lovely. You studied this. Oh my God. You know what, though?

I really like that because that is a very generous read of the whole thing. Anyway, we're going to play a game. Basically, we have three real excuses people have offered for when they've posted porn by accident and one that we have made up ourselves.

Would anyone like to play? It happens a lot. Somebody pick a friend of the pod, but go deep if there's, if they need to be in a, they need to be in merch, but I've always favored the front, but someone over here is pointing.

That seems fine. It works. It works. They came from San Diego So did we It's not a contest Hi, what's your name? Emily

Emily, hi, how's it going? Good And you're from San Diego Yes And you came here Just for you And then who pointed at you? My sister

Your sister That's nice And she's wearing I need merch She's wearing What does it say? Calmer at you? My sister. Your sister. That's nice. And she's wearing... I need merch. She's wearing... What does it say? Calmer than you? Calmer than you are.

So it's like... Oh, I see. Oh, calmer than you are. That's right. I remember that. Calmer than you are. I got it. I got it.

So, Emily. Yes. Here's how it works. We're going to read some quotes to you. Three of them are real excuses. One of them is one that we made up. It is your job to suss out the fake excuse. If you do this correctly, you will win a parachute gift card.

Oh, man. I will go first. Are you ready for one of these excuses? Yes, I'm very nervous, though. Don't be nervous. The consequences are minimal. I was just sitting there, bored as they were debating the abortion bill.

I opened it up and said, holy shit, what's on my screen? And clicked away from it right away. You don't have to decide now. Okay. That's the first one. Keep that in your mind. Julissa, you're up.

Okay. This is a Twitter hoax prank that was done. I'm a victim of it. Victim of a Twitter hoax prank. Okay. That's number two. Erin, you are up. This was a joke that's not lost on my followers

who know that I always hide Easter eggs in my posts. Obviously, this was a little salacious. Someone claiming that it was a hidden meaning for the true fans. Guy, you're up. Curious by nature, I wanted to test the suggestion that somehow, lurking out in the pornographic world,

there is some evil operator waiting for the one and gazillion chance that a candidate for federal office would go to that particular website and thereby be infected with a virus that would cause his or her FEC in brackets, Federal Election Commission, data file to crash

the FEC file application each time that it was located on the day of the filing deadline as well as impact other critical campaign systems. Well, the Geek Squad text testified to me after servicing thousands of computers at the Bailey Crossroads location that they had never seen

any computer using their signature virus to protection for the time period to acquire over 4,800 viruses, 300 of which would require reinstallation of the operating system. Thank you, Guy, for that reading. So I guess we could summarize

that as to say, I looked at porn. But I suppose that was a sting operation gone bad. Emily, the time has come for you to choose which of these was fake. It's tough.

It is tough. I couldn't even keep up with what's going on in number four, so I'm going to go Which of these was fake? Oh, man. It's tough. It is tough. It's tough. I couldn't even keep up with what's going on in number four, so I'm going to go with number four. Emily? No. You have lost. But I will tell you,

you will receive the consolation prize of a gift card to Parachute. But you're still getting the gift card. But then I did card to parachute. But you're still getting the gift card, but then I did this to you. So it's a mixed bag. Give it up for Emily. When we come back, I'm going to sit down with the Lieutenant Governor of Washington,

Cyrus Habib. And we're back. Joining me is the Lieutenant Governor of Washington. He presides over the state Senate, serves as acting governor when the governor is out of the state. That's kind of cool. Could do a coup. Maintains a portfolio of issues including veteran and disability, employment, access to higher education, economic development, trade, and international relationships. That was a mouthful I wish I hadn't said. He's also the first and only Iranian-American official to hold statewide elective office in the U.S. Please welcome Cyrus Habib. Hi Cyrus. Thank you.

Get the mic closer. Thank you. Get the mic closer. Thank you. All right, all right, all right. All right. Good to be here with you. It's great. So you just came back from China. I did.

I did. And I'm really, really glad I got to catch up on the news through your show earlier today. So thank you for that. I was petrified. Like, I did not study as hard as Emily. And she didn't win.

So I was worried I would lose this interview. So one of the things you work on is veteran and disability and employment. Right now there's a debate going on about the Americans with Disability Act under the Trump administration and Congress is considering reforming education around the ADA. Can you explain what's going on with this right now and how it affects people at the local level? You're just trolling me with a really hard federal question. You know I work at the state level.

Well, for the countless listeners who aren't here, one thing that matters and relates to my interest on this is that I myself am fully blind. I became blind at age eight. And so I actually, shortly after becoming blind, the ADA was enacted. So it's been there for almost my entire life as a person with a disability. I benefited from federal law growing up, other laws that protect students with disabilities. This is a very important issue for me.

other laws that protect students with disabilities. It's just a very important issue for me. I do want to say, actually, that I particularly like this format because a live podcast where there's no cameras is kind of like blind TV. Everyone out there is kind of like, what's going on? Somebody just did something funny, but I can't see it. I'm listening on the show so it's it's you all know where i'm coming from this is like life every single day

in a way that's fascinating to me because in a way you were riding the podcast train right when you were way before right right exactly yeah i was an audiophile so like your listeners don't even know that I'm like this young, cool politician who brought a beer up on stage. I just wanted to say that for them because they don't get to know that. Very cool.

If they were watching on TV, they would know that about me. What a relatable guy. But no, you know, but the Betsy DeVos, you know, it is, this is, as you said earlier, you know, we,

there's always this kind of reality TV show, cartoonish element to the Trump administration. So we get distracted so easily. And we're right to be up in arms about all the outrageous things he says and does. But then it's actually what's going on at the cabinet level. And the Department of Education is one of the most concerning areas. It's not one that we should be surprised about because if you go back to her Senate confirmation, a lot of these issues came out. Her previous views on students with disabilities and particularly the IDEA and federal law around students with disabilities. It's a huge problem because as much as I as a person of color

am always talking about the opportunity gap for students of color, the opportunity gap for students with disabilities is profound. And in a lot of ways, it's less convenient to talk about kids with disabilities because we're not always sure how much we should really be expecting of them in the first place. And so it's a harder thing to talk about than some other categories. What are some of the obstacles that you're talking about? What are some of the things that make it harder? Well, so there's always this desire to be compassionate, right?

And not to, and I know we've got some teachers here in the audience. So at some point, I think that there will be a redemption of Emily. Just to fill in the crowd, because we were in break, Emily, who did lose, is a teacher of American history. But then again, these weren't American history facts. These were facts

about weird excuses for looking at porn. Which I'm glad you don't know about. Frankly, you're with kids all day. Porn is an important thread in the history of this nation. Thank you, Guy. But I'll tell you,

so just to use my own personal experience, I became blind at age eight. By the way, that happened in 1989, which means all eight years I could see took place in the 1980s. So all my visual memories are from the 1980s. So everyone still looks like Cyndi Lauper and Boy George. But shortly after I became blind, I was in school and there were countless episodes in which,

out of just benign compassion, you know, teachers would want to make sure that I wasn't, you know, that I didn't feel bad, that I wasn't, you know, unable to do something. And so there was this kind of, these kind of lowered expectations that were there. On the other hand, you know, there's this opposite extreme where you just kind of throw a kid in and say, well, whatever, Cyrus did it, so why can't you do it? And it's just highly individualistic, each kid's needs. That's why we call them individual education plans, IEPs. So it's just extremely difficult. Whereas as seemingly intractable as some of the racial inequalities are and economic inequalities, we actually know what works.

And we know that it can work at a kind of scalable level. We just haven't had the courage and the commitment to put the resources into solving those problems. These problems are in many ways even more challenging. One other thing that you work on is college affordability and other kinds of higher education for people from rural communities. I think Democrats at the national level have been talking a lot about how we've become a party of people in the cities. What is this issue and how does it relate to sort of

appealing to people outside of whatever big metropolitan areas like Seattle? I'm really glad you asked because, you know, Washington State, I mean, we're known, you know, we've got Amazon. We are taking over your world, you know, and we're known, you know, Washington State, I mean, we're known, you know, we've got Amazon. We are taking over your world. You know, and we're known for kind of our booming economy in Seattle. But we do also have, you know, as in some ways California does too, we have, you know, a diverse state, diverse economy. And we have struggling areas, post-industrial areas, agricultural areas. And we have opiate addiction challenges and other things, same things that you find in the Rust Belt and other parts of the country.

My feeling is that both parties have, in a way, been derelict. I am a Democrat. I happen to believe the Republicans have been far more derelict. But here's what I mean. The Republican Party, particularly under Trump, seems to have this feeling that we will have shared prosperity in this country if we cut taxes drastically, particularly on the wealthy, kick out the immigrants, and deregulate on the environment. We have better ideas on the left, and they're ideas I support, like having a living wage, paid family medical leave so that families can continue to work

and not lose their jobs and their livelihoods. But we also, neither party is addressing the issue of economic mobility, which is how do you give people a chance to end up in a better position than their parents' generation? College does that. And in fact, I really push back against something you hear a lot these days. And you hear it in both parties, which is college isn't for

everyone. College isn't for everyone. And what's perverse about that to me is the person saying that almost certainly went to college, right? And they almost certainly are sending their kid to college. And so it's not the case, I'm going to look really, really kind of like an Angeleno here. It's not like what they're saying is that people at Harvard-Westlake shouldn't send their kids to Harvard, but should, you know, rather think about the virtues of the construction and building trades. That's not what they're saying. What they're saying is there's a bunch of kids out there that we don't have the money to help go to college or to give good k-12 education to to be on the track to college but you know what we'll just excuse

ourselves from that problem and say college isn't for everybody and and i i just resent it because i know that if college isn't for everyone it's almost certainly not for a three-time cancer surviving fully blind iranian american from a mixed religion immigrant family. And so I just take it very personally. That last part was pandering and I'm all of you applauding to be ashamed. No, I'm leaving it in. Leaving it in.

Hi, Cyrus, it's good to see you. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. You wanted me to say good to see you too so that you could then... I didn't even do that on purpose. We have fun blind jokes. That, yeah, yeah, yeah. We have fun blind jokes. That's what that was, a little bit of a... But this is, I don't want to say one, it is fun for me to be, as an Iranian American,

I would say this is like our Mecca, but I don't, it's just too soon. But it is wonderful to be here in LA. but it is wonderful to be here in LA. Cyrus, the best thing about being in LA is going to the supermarket in March and being like, why the fuck is there a goldfish right there? All the goldfish. Protect the goldfish from the Persians.

That's right. Honestly, that was... People are laughing nervously because they don't know what we're talking about. I am one of them. Yeah. That's fine. You're having your Emily am one of them. That's fine. You're having your Emily moment too,

John. It's fine. Oh no, now it's like a branded thing. Now it's something we're going to have to make shirts about. Cyrus, before we let you go, I did want to play a pop quiz with you. You are a lieutenant governor.

It is time for you to play our famous quiz with you. You are a lieutenant governor. It is time for you to play our famous lieutenant governor quiz. How did Gavin do? He's not been on, but he's on our list. Cyrus, your

question first. How many states have lieutenant governors? Is it A, 37? B, 45? Or C, 49? 45. That is correct. Now I'm going to read you the names of three presidents. You have to tell me if they were a lieutenant governor or not beforehand. Cyrus.

Gavin Newsom. Was Chester A. Arthur a lieutenant governor? Why would we ever want to be affiliated with Chester B. Arthur? Come on. I don't know anything.

I just remember him from the movie Die Hard with a Vengeance. He plays an oddly plot critical role in that film. He just remember him from the movie Die Hard with a Vengeance. He plays an oddly plot-critical role in that film. He knows the guy in the front row knows what I'm talking about. Because he was 21. 21 out of 42. 21 out of 42.

I don't know what you're talking about. He wasn't. All right. You know what? I did not handle this question right. And that's fine. Cyrus, I'm going to tell you you've gotten both right. Warren G. Harding was

and Calvin Coolidge was. Did you know that? I knew about Coolidge. I did not know about Harding. He's probably the worst U.S. president. So there's I'd like to just wipe that from the record. A cool middle name though. Gamaliel.

What? Is that true? Yes. Alright, okay. He's making hand gestures like that's not true. No, no, no. It is true. Also, I feel like saying something like Warren G. Harding was our worst president is the kind of thing

that at this moment in American history is sort of tempting the fates. Okay, right. But I think that at the airing, likely by the time this airs, that will still be true. Your final question. While Lieutenant Governor of Alabama,

Lieutenant Governor Steve Windham feared that the Democratic majority would take his powers as presiding officer of the Senate if he left the chambers. So what did he do? Not leave the chambers? He did one thing

to make sure that he did not have to leave the chamber. There's no multiple choice. He brought in a port-a-potty. Very close, very close. He decided to discreetly urinate into a bottle behind his desk. Cyrus, I have a question. We can do that?

Wait, what? But only on a podcast where there's no cameras, right? Cyrus, you could be the first blind Iranian American elected to statewide office to pee in a jar. And your office. That could be the first blind Iranian-American elected to statewide office to pee in a jar. And your office.

That could be something that happens for you. And this is why you have a history of political consulting and guiding candidates to outstanding victories with that type of guidance. I said, don't let Gavin Newsom do that, all right? Please, I don't. Guys, give it up please Cyrus Hibib he's so smart

he's such a great not just a friend of mine someone I think is a great leader for Democrats so give it up for Cyrus alright thanks a lot buddy when we come back okay stop and we're back OK, stop.

And we're back. Now for OK, stomp. Look, I don't know if we should watch this because it's like whatever, but who cares? Obviously, this week there's been a controversy around Jamel Hill on ESPN and Sarah Huckabee Sanders threatening to, saying that she should be fired from the podium of the White House briefing room because she doesn't have better things to fucking do someone named Clay

Travis from Fox Sports went on CNN to talk with Brooke Baldwin, it was a pretty absurd clip, so we're gonna watch it, and as we go we're gonna stop it to talk about it, that's it that's all there is to it, alright, you guys ready to watch it, and as we go, we're going to stop it to talk about it. That's it. That's all there is to it. All right, you guys ready to watch the clip? All right.

And that had absolutely nothing to do with sports, and they said, look, you can't have this opinion. It's too conservative. We're not going to allow it. I think that's a bad move. I'm a First Amendment absolutist. I believe in only two things completely, the First Amendment and booze. Okay, stop. The sex-haver has logged on.

This guy is, I'm not sure. I feel like I'm really tempted to maybe reciprocally make fun of his sexual proclivities, but I don't know if he would know what to do with a boob. I feel like people who say things like I believe in two things in this world. Freedom of speech and boobs

is not someone who says things to other people aloud a lot. Yeah, well, yeah. I don't think he talks to very many humans. I think that he looks at a lot of, like, 11-year-old boys high-fiving in, like, a lunchroom.

I also think that's the kind of thing you say when you're the kind of person who takes a gym selfie in the mirror and then texts it through a dating app, you know? Yeah, I think that if you're the sort of person who, uh, if you're the sort of person who if you tell a joke

and nobody laughs because they're being polite because it was a bad joke, you just keep repeating it louder and louder until you're yelling it and everybody is asking you to leave the jimboree. I think that there are many ways that the founders of this nation failed us. And one of them is that when they had the opportunity,

they protected one of those things, but not the other. Oh my God, imagine if it were constitutionally enshrined, that it was like, you know what? Boobs. And you could just... I mean, Erin, I would say a significant amount of your professional career

has been advancement of trying to get our Constitution to protect women's bodies. That is... Can you imagine what it would have been like if it had been there since 1789?

That would be amazing. Like, let's just throw uteruses in there and I am fine. And you know, it's tragic because Benjamin Franklin was a TNA type.

He was famous boob aficionado. He was. He's actually Franklin-esque, this guy. I've never said TNA before. I'm never going to say it again. I didn't know what to say, but I wasn't going to say the actual thing because I'm a gentleman. And we curse here, but no, we're not vulgar. We're crass, but we're not vulgar. Wait, we're, but no, we're not vulgar. We're crass,

but we're not vulgar. Wait, we're vulgar, but we're not crass. Let's keep watching the clip. So once they made the decision that they were not going to say, if you believe in the word, Okay, stop.

Before we hear the rest of that, I just want, I just want Cyrus and everybody listening at home to understand that the audience is reacting to Brooke Baldwin's face. You're welcome, Cyrus. Sports-related commentary.

They couldn't do it either. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I just want to make sure I heard you correctly as a woman anchoring this show. Did you say, what did you say? You believe in the First Amendment and B-double-O-B-S? Boobs. Two things that have only never let me down

in this entire country's history. The First Amendment and boobs. Okay, stop. I just... He leads into it because, you know what it is? He went for a line, like a real line.

He went for... Okay, that morning, he got out of his race car bed and he went... And he went to his full-length Transformers mirror and he looked in it and he looked at himself in the eyes and he practiced that joke and he was like, this is going to land.

And then it didn't and now he's just doing it over and over again. I mean, this is why I hate straight guys. Because they think they are allowed to pull shit like that, and everybody just has to be like, oh, sure, they're in charge of things, let's keep moving along. And it's why, like...

Thank God for lady anchors. I know it will probably take, like, hundreds of years before we are able to, like, completely chip away at the patriarchy. But the fact that she got to, like to eye roll him made me very happy. Yeah, Brooke's doing great. For somebody to come on CNN and to say something like, the only thing I believe in in a discussion about substance...

I'm still there, too, and I just want to make sure I'm hearing you correctly. B-O-O-Z-E or B-O-O-B-S. Because as a woman, I'm... As in boobs. I believe completely, I'm... As in boobs. I believe completely in the First Amendment and in boobs. Those are the only two things I believe 100% in in this country. Okay, stop. He really just dug and dug and dug.

He just kept on digging. He's like, what about my pithy little fun line that I worked on? Don't you understand? Well, also, how much more sympathies you have for the female sports journalist at the center of this question that she's been having to deal with this shit. It's like, she didn't show up to your offices and shoot all of you assholes. You should be thanking God.

Yeah, he's like D-grade red state Jon Hamm. I believe completely in the First Amendment and in boobs. Those are the only two things I believe 100% in in this country. And by the way, Jamel has absolutely nothing to do with that. Okay, stop. My boobs do not believe in him. my boobs do not believe in him. I also think that this little trifecta that we're looking at is a perfect, like,

encapsulation of the American state right now. We have a white guy over here being a fucking dick. We've got a woman in the middle like, oh my God, you're being such a dick. We've got a guy on the left who is not white being like, what is this white guy doing? You can say a black guy. I wanted to be more inclusive

than just one specifically black. I would like to make another important point. Clay Travis is clearly not wearing camera makeup right now. He is very reflective and it is clearly because he thinks that makeup is for fags. And I would just like

to repeat in saying, fuck him. Let's finish the clip. Did you notice that? He went straight to that. Yeah, you're absolutely right. I did go straight to that. Why would you even say that live on national television and with a female host?

I say it live on the radio all the time because it's true and that's what I do. Guys, you don't get that that's what Clay Travis does. That's what you get. You sign up for Clay Travis, you know that you're signing up for a guy that believes in two things. And he's going to tell you about it all the time

it's actually the only two things he can say it's just bad opinions with like flames painted on the sides also as an Angelina let me say many of the best boobs are lies you shouldn't believe in them they're made of something else before we move on I do think we can pause to talk about the fact that this was ostensibly about the fact that the White House press secretary tried to get an ESPN commentator fired for saying something true about Donald Trump. Because it was so offensive and inappropriate when Donald Trump has hosted Ted Nugent and other assorted

villains at the White House who have said far worse things about previous presidents, about the fact that Donald Trump called Barack Obama racist and led a birther camp. Anyway, I don't know. This is a... That's all. And also, by the way, like, you have all these people being like, First Amendment, why can't Ben Shapiro go talk at

Berkeley without there being protests? First Amendment, but then when you have a black woman exercising her right for the First Amendment, then the White House calls for her to get fired. Here's the thing about the First Amendment, though. It covers free speech as long as they agree with me personally. That's what the First Amendment...

And when I mean me personally, I mean if I'm literally that guy. That's what the First Amendment covers, is agreeing with him. I don't have anything else to say about that guy. Guy, do you have anything else about these people? My only question, like, it used to be that people wouldn't do stuff like that for political reasons, but when does Trump trying

to stop speech become state action? You had somebody speaking, like, the White House press secretary speaking for the president was saying that somebody should be punished for an opinion that they they espoused like at what point in time does this actually run into the First Amendment and like this shit becomes you like it's we're

just in a legal nightmare everywhere everywhere we turn the Constitution is on fire we come back, the rant wheel. And we're back. Now for the rant wheel. You know how it works. We spin the wheel, we rant about wherever it lands. This week we have evil bros. The fact that no one is talking about the earthquake in Mexico.

We have advertising algorithms, which have been in the news this week. Electronic ballots. Ivanka's interview about her role as an advisor. Ex-Trump people on talk shows. An audience suggestion. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on ex-Trumpers. I don't know about ex-Trumpers.

Anyway, it's landed on ex-Trump people on talk shows. Spicer on Kimmel. Thanks. Thanks for shouting Spicer on Kimmel. on talk shows. Spicer on Kimmel. Thanks. Thanks for shouting Spicer on Kimmel. Did you guys see Spicer on Kimmel? No. I deliberately am avoiding this because I feel like there's been this period of time where they're all kind of completely sacrificing their dignity in order to work for this terrible person. And then the fact that they get a second act at all, the fact that we're like, oh, it's fine,

is kind of obscene to me. I don't think that we should give them a second. I think that they, okay, so I'm Catholic. I think they should need to serve penance. Like, legit penance

where there's like a year where we're all like shunning them and like instilling shame. Like, we can't just have you on a late night talk show again where it's like, well, now you're cool

because you're not cool. You were never fucking cool because you joined that administration. Pick up a hammer, go stand next to John Edwards and build a fucking house. Don't go on Kimmel. Plea bargain. Like,

I am excited that Trump is creating all of these, like, angry ex-employees. I just want one of them to go to Mueller and, like, tell him something good that will... Maybe they already did, though. I just want one of them to go to Mueller and tell him something good. Maybe they already did, though. That's a hope and prayer. I just hate that we have to go be chill with people because

they come on Colbert and take a joke and it's like, no, there should be war crimes tribunals for this. All ex-Trumpers, they should just go to that new Trump TV Facebook thing that I don't know who watches it

where they look like they're all hostage videos they should just all go there like that's where they that's like where the green pasture is for them

yeah they should be in a room that has this Trump Pence step and repeat on all four walls and just once a day the camera turns on

and then twice a day a slot opens and a fucking let's move Michelle Obama meal slides under. There should be a decontamination period where they just have to go somewhere where it's like you got six months and you can't talk to anybody. Like decontamination. You can't spread it to other people. Right.

If you move too quickly from the Trump environment to the real world, you get the bends. Yeah, no, it's true. We talked about this, that it was inevitable that when someone like Spicer left the White House, that they would just be welcomed back into sort of DC culture with open arms. And of course, now he's on his

speaking tour, and he's going to maybe write his book, and he's going on Kimmel. And I get why Kimmel would have him on. That's fine. But it is true that these people sold their country out to do this job. And they did something deeply wrong. And I think they shouldn't be let off the hook for this. And by the way, Sean Spicer isn't even one of the people

leaking on a daily basis to Axios that they're trying to save America from Trump. He was just a guy that went to the podium every day. He doesn't even have a bullshit explanation. It's not like Sean Spicer was stopping terrible policies. He's not in the situation room. He's just at the podium being like, I don't know.

Just like the podium to his special crying closet, which is what I pictured to be where else he'd spend his time. Don't bother Sean. He's in his weeping chamber. Let's spin it again it has landed on audience suggestion does anyone have something Steve Mnookin that's a great one

Steve fucking Mnookin so I don't know if you saw this. Steve fucking Mnookin. So, I don't know if you saw this, but apparently Steve Mnookin, who famously with his wife, the model and biggest quote fingers you can fucking

make with your hand, actress, end quote, Louise Linton, took a government jet to Fort Knox to watch the eclipse which put him on the radar of people being like why the fuck and anyway apparently Steve Mnookin

requested Air Force transport to his fucking honeymoon God's applauding he's applauding the chutzpah or as some might say chutzpah to do that and then of course he then this is so so that was the report the report was that he was requested it someone was like what no and then he clearly

he and his uh wife and that's you know we no one has access to the inside of what looks like a very real relationship uh uh went on their our their journey to sit at beautiful vistas and not know what to say to one another. But then anyway, this was reported. And then of course he tweeted, I did not take an Air Force plane on my honeymoon. That's fake news.

No one said you did. No one said you did, Manuken. Fucking Manuken. You look at that. Some people are just exactly as sleazy as they look. I think that they're like the least likable couple in America, and you almost have to admire it, because they're both like,

they've covered all these different bases. It's like, oh yeah, he's like this kind of slimy ex-Wall Street guy. Okay, check. We've got this entitled, much younger Scottish actress who sucks at acting. Check. She's super mean. entitled, much younger Scottish actress who sucks at acting, checks. She's super mean. She, like, bullies people for being poor on Instagram,

the least dignified place to bully people. And she, you know, and then she tries to apologize alongside a spread in a magazine called, I think, Washington Life, which is a magazine. She's wearing a ball gown and being like, you know what, I realize it's ironic that I'm apologizing for being so awesome's wearing a ball gown and being like you know what I realize it's ironic that I'm apologizing for being so awesome while wearing a ball gown but I'm so sorry anyway they're awful

and also why does he have so many teeth he has so much more teeth than a normal person should have and it goes across his whole face like Jack Skellington I for one am thrilled that American politics finally has something like an evil baroness. And despite what you say, Aaron Gloria Ryan, I know damn good and well you want to read a book written by that woman's stepchildren.

I absolutely do. This is, like, bigger than Steve and his Barbie wife. This is, like, rich people wanting to get everything for free. Like celebrities, you know, they want to stay at the hotel for free. They get offended if they get a bill at the restaurant. Like you have money. Pay for your damn honeymoon. Yeah, but the best thing about that whole situation was that, you know, when she, when Louise Linton made that Instagram post and she hashtagged all the designers, all the designers were like,

no, no, no. We had nothing to do with it. Which is like, I'm not famous enough to get these for free. Which is like the absolute best. Also, I'm not going to lie. If I get to 10,000 Instagram followers, people will send me stuff for free.

Now, the other part about this is offensive. Instagram is one of the places with very little bullying. It's one of the bastions. Are you serious? It's not as bad as Twitter. All I use Instagram for is bullying celebrities. I didn't know that about you. I would say Instagram is just passive bullying

of trying to make your life look as fabulous as possible so that your friends feel bad about how poorly lit they are. Okay, no, that's true. But I think when I say bullying celebrities, I mean like if Kim Kardashian posts a picture of her wearing a tube top, you just respond, tube top much? And if she's in front of a plant, you go, plant much? That's how I bully celebrities on Instagram.

I thought you were busier. I really, I find the time. It thought you were busier. I really, I find the time. It's a passion for me. Let's spin it one more time. It has landed on Evil Bros. It has been a week of Evil Bros. Erin, I know this was something you were passionate about. Who were some of the Evil Bros that were on your mind?

Oh my God, there's so many bros I would like to thank for being evil and getting what was coming to them this week. Martin Shkreli, the Pharma Bro. He, just this week, had his bail revoked because he posted a Facebook plea to his fans asking that he offered $5,000

if one of his fans could pluck from Hillary Clinton's head a hair, like during her book tour, if they could pull a hair off of her head. So which is disgusting and not something I saw in time. Yeah, it's... I'm not...

Well, anyway, so it was a... I don't like Martin Shkreli, but I don't hate $5,000. Yeah. Damn. That would be awesome. And then you donate it to the Martin Shkreli Stay in Jail Forever Fund or whatever. Yeah. Can I just say, as a former consultant

on the television program Punk'd, that pranks are just crimes committed by heterosexual white men 18 to 34. I think that's true. I think that's true. Well, okay, so there's a second subset of evil bros. The two Google bros who founded Bodega. Okay, first of all...

I want to talk about it. They invented vending machines. What if you could just have a... Take a vending machine, but make it more complicated. Involve a phone. That was what Bodega was. They did this interview with Fast Company where they said

they were going to make the mom and pop store obsolete. It turns out a lot of people really like their mom and pop stores. They were kind of like, fuck you. The firestorm, the blowback was so intense that they were forced to apologize, and now VCs, if you call them, venture capitalist groups, if you call them up and ask them about

Bodega, they'll hang up on you. It's become completely toxic. Third bro, Paul Ryan. The first bro speaker of the house in American history, has really gotten, to borrow a Donald Trump phrase, schlonged

this week. I think he's watching him try to kind of retroactively explain Donald Trump's actions in terms of things that are rational and good. It's like, if you have a friend who has a terrible girlfriend or boyfriend and they storm out of a bar in front of everybody

and then your friend is sitting there alone like, well, she had a really hard week at work. That's Paul Ryan every single day with Donald Trump. Yeah, basically being a Trump surrogate or ally is just the world's most elaborate shit-eating contest. And they all just spend seven days a week eating shit on television. No days off.

No cheat days. Shit every fucking day. I'd imagine you get used to it after a while. I hope they don't. I want to go back to this startup bodega because what the fuck? Like, who goes to a small store in New York

that's not, one of the rare places that's not been absorbed by some mega corporation where, like, you get a soda on your way home or you can get a sandwich, like, this has to fucking stop. What do you got? You seem to be bothered by this bodega announcement. I am so bothered by it because

it's like you're trying to kill this thing but you still want to keep the name. You're like, I'm still going to call this virtual thing a bodega. They even had a cat as a logo. Like a little bodega cat was the logo of a bodega. That, by the way, was one of my rant wheel things was people who hate cats who's never met a cat.

You know what? You know what, Julissa? I would like you to tell me why I'm wrong to hate cats. Because you know what kind of animal I can't fucking stand? Cats. If I wanted another withholding creature in my life, I'd get a fucking person. Dogs love you.

They love you when you come. They're just excited to see you. And it's like, oh, what are you, simplistic? Yes. It's not my fault cats don't like you. So, you know what? If I wasn't comfortable with people not liking people and animals not liking me,

I couldn't do this. Anyways, the bodega thing. Back to the bodega thing. Yes. First of all, this virtual bodega can't give me a bacon egg and cheese sandwich in the morning when I'm trying to get to work. So, like, no. I want the real bodega with the cat that comes and, like, purrs on my leg. That's the one I want

oh I don't want to that part's not cool well you can go to Dwayne Reed I honestly think most of these Silicon Valley guys don't actually think these things are ever going to happen I think that there's just they believe that one of their class prerogatives

is to come up with some shitty idea hand it to a VC, and then get five million dollars handed back so they can get a nice place outside of San Jose. Like, it's just a wheel of class. And we're not going to stop the wheel. We're going to break the wheel.

We're not. We're not. I do all of this ranting about class prerogatives, but I am a white guy with my own TV show, so I'm doing fine. Yeah, you're class traitor Guy Branum. What are you doing, Guy? Don't tell him about this shit.

It's not a class thing. We're gay. We're not part of it. Exactly. We're not part of the problem. We just look like and we're trained to be part of the problem. For the next like and we're trained to be part of the problem. For the next 35 minutes, Guy and I will be having a discourse on covering. And gay voice.

I want to thank our panel. Julissa Arce, Aaron Goyer-Ryan, Guy Brown. I want to thank Lieutenant Governor of Washington, Cyrus Habib. I'm going to stick around and do a little Q&A, but I want to thank our panel. And we'll be right back. All right, I'll do a couple questions and then we'll wrap it up.

I think we have some time. What's your name? Mallory. Hi, Mallory. Hi, I can see you. There, I got you now. Fucking Mallory. Eyes on Mallory. Yeah.

Hi, everyone. I was just wondering, you guys have been talking a lot about Trump with the recent DACA deal and other things that he's been motivated by been motivated by the good headlines he's got and the good press reception. And I'm just kind of curious, you're someone who has been in politics and worked around a lot of politicians for a long time. Is that not what a lot of politicians are motivated by?

What do you find politicians are motivated by for real, generally? That's a great question. I think it's a matter of degree. So on the Trump side of it, it is both deeply disturbing, not only A, how receptive he is to headlines, but also B, just how malleable he is based on the kind of headlines he receives. It's pretty clear that right now, the fact that John Kelly, the new chief of staff, has changed the information flow to the Oval Office, has fundamentally changed the way Donald Trump is behaving. That's really troubling. And that's

in part because he has no core beliefs. It's probably because he's a dotty old racist. So he is that kind of affected by what he sees. You know, I would say, for the most part, politicians in Washington are motivated by a combination of a deep, deep hole inside of their hearts, which compels them to seek approval, accolades, power, and attention, as well as a sincere desire to do good in the world. That's true. Like, I do think that those are the things that kind of battle it out for a lot of these people. And one of the interesting things that I feel like this is probably a pretty good gloss on DC,

which is it's a giant mechanism for turning human flaws into positive democratic outcomes, right? These are all people like hustling for a combination of selfish interest and a desire to do some good. That's not all of them. You know, there are heinous villains and monsters in human suits wandering around the Capitol at all times with a greater preponderance of them

currently represented inside of the administration. And then there are people captured by audiology or captured by financial interest, and they're just sort of lost souls, and they're there too. But it's a mix. That's it. I just think Donald Trump being so thoroughly motivated by the press and the polls is an extreme of something you see every day. Hi. What's your name? Dan.

Hi, Dan. So before Steve Bannon unceremoniously exited the White House, he talked about how a lot of the cabinet positions were selected to effectively deconstruct the various departments that they were put in charge of. So my question is, which one should we be most worried about

given things percolating in the national discourse right now? Who poses the greatest danger? Yeah, I think that's an actually, I feel like it's an easy one. Jeff Sessions poses the greatest danger. Jeff Sessions has the most power. He is the most consistent. And he's a creature of Washington. He can execute on what he wants to do, and he already is. We see that on what they're doing with criminal justice reform. We see that with what he's doing on immigration. We see that across the board. So I think Jeff Sessions is the most dangerous member of the cabinet. What's happening with Rex Tillerson at State

has been flying under the radar, but the way they're kind of decimating State, not filling important positions, changing the way State operates, it has affected the way we do foreign policy, which up to and including statements that seem to be drafted via Jared Kushner about really sensitive matters about how we relate to China and these kinds of things. So I find that really frightening. The truth is the Department of Education is the weakest part of the cabinet. And then as for someone like Ben Carson, I think the thing that is frightening about Ben Carson is not ideological, it's competence. It is the role that they play in housing. I mean, it's just true. Ben Carson, there used to be this thing, you'd be like,

well, it's not brain surgery. And now I just think, well, maybe it fucking is brain surgery. Maybe brains are just these goop things that you can adjust like the fucking garbage disposal in your sink. You just get in there with a wrench because Ben Carson can do it. It's a shame. He's done a disservice to neuroscience, to the profession of brain surgeons they've lost some of the luster they're gonna need to basically there just needs to be another prominent brain surgeon who runs for president who are like holy shit that guy knows his stuff he does not seem like he wandered onto this stage thank Thank you.