Lovett or Leave It - Uncut Dems

Episode Date: February 22, 2020

Warren tenderizes Bloomberg, Bernie avoids fire, and Amy and Pete’s relationship has not improved. Emily Heller and Sean Rameswaram help break down the debate and more. D’Arcy Carden returns as we release secret footage of a White House wedding. Plus in Gay News, Trump discovers subtitles and Billy Wilder. And finally, in all things, Harrison Ford doesn’t give a shit.

Good evening, Los Angeles. Do not worry. That is not smog you are seeing. That is the fine mist of Michael Bloomberg wafting here from Las Vegas after Elizabeth Warren changed her phaser setting

from wonk to vaporize. Calm down. Calm down. We'll get to it. First, some light housekeeping. While we're debating now, Republicans are organizing across the country. To win in November, Democrats need to start building our ground game. That's why our new Leave It All on the Field Fund

supports the efforts to raccoon... raccoon? Shut up! People make mistakes. Learn from Amy Klobuchar. Recruit, train, and pay 1,000 organizers in key battleground states. We've already crossed 200,000.

We're trying to get to 500,000. VoteSaveAmerica.com slash field and Love It or Leave It and Pod Save America are going on tour. You can get tickets right now at Crooked.com slash events.

We're going to cover a lot of news this week, but first gay news. This just in over the gay P Newswire. So stupid. Don't reward me. Earlier tonight, Trump said one of the most disturbing things he has ever said. It just happened.

Let's roll the clip. We had one of the Academy Awards this year. Did you see it? And the winner is a movie from South Korea. What the hell was that all about? We got enough problems with South Korea with trade. On top of it, they give them the best movie

of the year. Was it good? I don't know. Let's get Gone with the Wind back, please. Sunset Boulevard. Alright, first of all, you take please. Sunset Boulevard. All right, first of all, you take the word Sunset Boulevard out of your fucking mouth. That is our movie. That is our street. Gone with the Wind.

Donald Trump has never sat through Gone with the Wind. He saw the first half, maybe, and he thinks it's about a lovely family with no problems or issues that should keep their house. It's pretty obvious why Trump doesn't like Parasite. The last time he read that much, he was three chapters into Mein Kampf

and quit because there was no titty stuff. And that's gay news! All right. Let's get into it. What a week. On Tuesday, Trump issued a series of controversial pardons and commutations, including former governor and celebrity apprentice contestant Rod Blagojevich, who tried to sell a U.S. Senate seat,

former Major League Baseball player Pete Rose, who pleaded guilty to tax evasion, former New York City police commissioner and Rudy Giuliani's best pal Bernard Carrick, and Judith Negron, who ran a $200 million Medicare scam. This is a profound abuse of the pardon power. It is crazy. In fact, it is so crazy, you really wouldn't have noticed

that I made up the Pete Rose thing because it fits fucking naturally completely plausible in future part news Roger Stone and it says here he dresses like a Victorian chimney sweep who stole a bunch of fancy clothes off a clothesline to impress a dowager he plans to marry and then murder for her lands in title, was sentenced to 40 months in prison this week. I just hope everyone realizes what this means. It means we may live in a world where Michael Cohen, Michael Avenatti, and Roger Stone have to live together

for years. Justice is possible. Don't lose hope. Meanwhile, the Nevada caucus takes place on Saturday, the day this episode comes out. Early voting has started, and this year they are also adding something called strip caucuses.

Now, I have been to Las Vegas, and I've seen some strip caucuses, and I have to say those gentlemen are very persuasive. I don't know who I'll vote for. Nevada Dems have decided against using an app, but will instead be using the iPad caucus tool. Caucus tool is, of course, what Brian Williams calls Steve Kornacki during commercials. Chris Matthews just calls him the numbers twink.

Now, the rules of the Nevada caucus are much simpler than those of Iowa. Like, for instance, and this is real, instead of a coin flip, in the event of a tie, the delegate will be decided by drawing of playing cards. Whichever group picks the highest card wins the delegate. If the group picks the same card, the winner is chosen according to the card's suit,

spades being the highest, then hearts, diamonds, and finally clubs. But if a candidate draws a joker, the campaign precinct captains must each do an equal line of cocaine before rushing to Hakkasan Nightclub in the MGM Grand. First candidate to touch Steve Aoki's glow stick gets the delegate and the molly. Vegas.

Anyway, this is my way of saying we will be covering the Nevada caucuses from Vegas. Anyway, this is my way of saying we will be covering the Nevada caucuses from Vegas. Nights in Las Vegas are like martinis. One is not enough. Two is too many. Three is not enough. I think liking Las Vegas is the straightest thing about me. And so, with the Nevada caucuses just days away,

Bloomberg rising in the polls, a divided center-left opposition creating a path for Bernie to potentially gain an insurmountable delegate lead as soon as Super Tuesday. The five candidates and one billionaire who paid 400 million dollars for an immersive candidate experience gathered for a debate of ideas and policies. Let's roll the clip. I'd like to talk about who we're running against, a billionaire who calls women fat broads and horse-faced lesbians. And no, I'm not talking about Donald Trump. I'm talking about Mayor Bloomberg. Look, I'll support whoever the Democratic nominee is, but understand this.

Democrats take a huge risk if we just substitute one arrogant billionaire for another. Listen, NBC may not have polled Elizabeth Warren before this debate, but Elizabeth Warren came to this debate to poll Mike Bloomberg. Let's watch another clip. Why not? He has gotten some number of women, dozens, who knows, to sign nondisclosure agreements, both for sexual harassment and for gender discrimination in the workplace. So, Mr. Mayor, are you willing to release all of those women from those nondisclosure agreements so we can hear their side of the story i do want to point out that when someone says non-disclosure agreements during a

democratic debate that is the equivalent of someone in gotham shining a spotlight into the sky that spells out ronan farrow he's like he's like all right all right all right He's like, all right, all right, all right. NDAs, you say. To the Batmobile. I can't drive. Can you drive? To the Bat-Uber.

Fine, to the Bat-Lift. But now, it's Mike's time to shine. And he's ready. He's got the best team money can buy. Really smart people prepping him. That's true, I mean that sincerely. He has very smart people prepping him. He's Ivan Drago. Okay? He's got the state of the art 1980s exercise machines.

Alright? Warren's chasing chickens at this point. Let's roll the clip. We have a very few non-disclosure agreements. Let me finish. None of them accuse me of doing anything other than maybe they didn't like the joke I told.

And let me just put... And let me put... Brutal. And that is when Elizabeth Warren made her final pitch for the wealth tax. I think that you got the wrong impression about me. For instance, tomorrow morning, I'll get up nice and early,

take a walk down over to the bank and walk in and see you and if you don't have my money for me, I'll crack your fucking head wide open in front of everybody in the bank. I don't know what that clip was doing there. It's supposed to be Elizabeth Warren. Anyway, for those

listening at home, after Warren issued her final attack on Michael Bloomberg, people are giving her some criticism for taking it a little too far when she reached into his cowering form on the floor to take out his wallet, remove all the cash, throw the wallet on his chest, and say, consider your wealth tax, bitch. Now, Olivia, excuse me, I'm going to go home and fuck my supportive feminist husband. Bloomberg defended himself against criticism of

New York's infamous stomp and frisk policy, saying that his goal was simply to lower the murder rate. However, when Bloomberg entered the debate, the murder rate did rise precipitously. Oh, I'm sorry. Travis has handed me a card. Yes. Okay. I just want to add,

Mike Bloomberg has a plan to win and he knows how to get results. He built a business, saved New York, and he's not 5'6". Bloomberg. He's bae, ironically, or however it works for you. I think the deal was we had to get them to chant it.

I think it's an extra 10k if they chant, Bloomberg, Bloomberg, Bloomberg. I'll throw in 10 bucks. Bloomberg. Alright, Bloomberg. I'll throw in 10 bucks. Bloomberg. All right, it didn't work. I don't think we're going to get the money. Anyway, in reference to Bernie's statement that billionaires should not exist,

Chuck Todd asked Bloomberg this question. Mayor Bloomberg, should you exist? To which Bloomberg responded, right now, I wish I didn't. When we come back, our panel. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. He's a reporter and producer and currently hosts Vox's daily news podcast today.

Explain, please welcome back Sean Ramos-Farrum. How you doing? Great, how are you? So good. Good. So good. Sometimes these debates, they feel bad after. But for whatever reason, these people ripped each other to shreds, and it was like invigorating.

And now there's only one left. It just got good, and they're going to stop doing it. We have another one on Tuesday. What are you talking about? This is like peak who wants to be a millionaire. They're putting it on every fucking night. She's a comedian and an award-winning writer for Barry on HBO. Please welcome back Emily Heller.

Hi, Emily. Hi, how are you? How doing i'm good that debate was like uncut gems level stress just a frantic new york jew making a lot of really bad decisions over and over again i'm so glad you said that because somebody on twitter said we better call this episode uncut dems and now we're doing it. All right. So I want to talk about the debate a little bit more because it is just, it's on everybody. My 20 million people watched this thing. That was quite a fucking debutante ball for Mike Bloomberg.

Let's show this clip of Amy Klobuchar and Mayor Pete Buttigieg, who really had a time together. You're literally part of the committee that's overseeing these things, and we're not able to speak to literally the first thing about the politics of the country to ourselves. Are you trying to say that I'm dumb,

or are you mocking me here, Pete? Okay. Did they just break up? Well, I don't know. I mean, what? I guess, Sean, why do you think Amy and Pete have such a clear personal animus at this point? Having watched all of them, it seems like she's hated him from the jump. But they were always sitting much farther apart from each other or standing.

And they moved them really close to each other. And then it was like, it's fucking on. I'm going to tell you how I feel. You know? Yeah. I feel like they really just, it was like, it's fucking on. I'm going to tell you how I feel. You know? Yeah. I feel like they really just, they're like, how can this be the funniest? Let's put Warren next to Bloomberg

and let's put Amy next to Pete and let's just fucking watch. Not like butt in at all. Yeah. Five minutes before the thing, we need a podium for Biden. Fuck. I forgot to mention Biden in the monologue.

I'll tell you what I was going to do. Trump ruins everything. Biden is the fucking Sunset Boulevard of this debate. He's coming out there being like, it's the debates that got small. I was big, damn it. They know me. They wave me onto the lot, you sons of bitches.

I got to go bury my monkey. Not enough of you have seen Sunset Boulevard. Exactly. Your references are too deep. Which means not enough of you are gay. Yeah, that fucking awkward silence tells me all I need to know. So one of it's, you know what? Trump makes fun of Parasite because it's got words on the bottom and it's from South Korea.

But a lot of people in this room have not watched Sunset Boulevard because you think it's old-timey and you think that means it's boring. Well, guess what? It's a great fucking movie. And you'll love it. And once you're in, you'll be like, I can't believe how good this is. I can't believe how entertaining and fun it is to watch this movie. And I can't believe how cool these people from the 50s were. I thought everybody in the 50s was square.

They're not. They're kind of interesting. You'll like it. They got personalities and jokes're kind of interesting. You'll like it. They got personalities and jokes. Watch the movie. Sunset Boulevard. Somebody's got to advertise Sunset Boulevard. Sorry.

It really bothers me. I love Sunset Boulevard. It's like the thing between you and Trump's Venn diagram of like, shit, that's great. Listen, we also both have, I mean, you know, artificial tans. It's Sunset Boulevard, artificial tans, and Diet Coke.

Yeah. Alright. So Warren called Buttigieg's health plan a PowerPoint, and then Pete said, I'm more of a Microsoft Word guy. Emily, do you think Pete's telling the truth there? I think Pete uses Google Docs. But I think he says Microsoft Word

because he thinks it's more accessible. Look, you people in the big cities using your pages. Out in the heartland, we have different kind of values. You're out there with your fancy Helvetica. For some reason, we're stuck with Calibri because we don't really know why. It was Times New Roman, then one day it was Calibri.

I bet Amy's emails come in comic sans. I'm just like, it's a hunch. Oh yeah, she definitely thinks this is fun. Emily, what did you think of Bloomberg's response to Warren on the NDAs? It was perfect. No. I mean, obviously I loved watching her eviscerate him,

but I was so distracted the entire time because I was like, where have I seen this guy before with the sputtering and the nervousness and the obviously being caught and it took me hours after the debate to finally figure out where I had seen that guy before. Will you please roll a clip?

What does that say to you? I mean, the writing looks similar and the spelling is the same so I can see the conclusion the cops would draw It's Robert Durst! He's Robert Durst! He's the jinx He handled

Elizabeth Warren's questioning as well as Robert Durst handled realizing that he spelled Beverly wrong twice and that that is going to get him arrested for murder I just want to pause and point out that Mike Bloomberg spelled Beverly wrong twice and that that is going to get him arrested for murder. I just want to pause and point out that Mike Bloomberg, while I have disagreements with virtually every aspect of the

way he's run his campaign, is by all accounts not a murderer. And while I don't agree with a lot of his politics, I do recognize that he's a sophisticated and intelligent businessman who also led a city and launched one of the biggest and most important media...

Bloomberg, Bloomberg, Bloomberg, Bloomberg, Bloomberg, Bloomberg. I think we can get that money. But he reminded you of Robert Durst, wealthy madman murderer of the jinx. So let's just say that regardless of whether or not you agree with Emily's rendering, certainly suggests he did not have

a great debate night. No, I mean, it was more the look on his face of feeling very caught. He did not handle it elegantly, I will say.

And it was definitely a question he could have anticipated. That is, that to me is the most extraordinary aspect of Bloomberg on the debate stage

because we knew... I feel like we knew a couple things. One, we knew that he is historically not a particularly good debater who has used his resources to overcome his liabilities as a candidate. Two, we knew that he, unlike the rest of these people,

had not spent a year on the ground practicing debating, talking to people, engaging with actual human beings, you do not pay. And three, we knew that after spending $400 million to buy this spot on the debate stage that there were going to be five coyotes

holding forks and knives, looking at that roadrunner and kind of transforming into a kind of... Like little napkins tucked into their collar. He said it was just some bad jokes, which feels like he's setting himself up to get in way more trouble down the road by saying that,

because clearly it's fucking not just some bad jokes. Clearly not just jokes. And so he just lied up there, and now he's going to get in more trouble. We don't, in part because of these NDAs, we don't know the full extent of what happened at his company. And some of these are accusations

directed personally at him. Some of them are directed at his company. And I think what he's trying to say unsuccessfully is whatever these NDAs say, they're not about sexual assault. They are about saying the wrong thing, inappropriate words that he used over the years. Clearly, I just want everyone to be on the record, not defending it. But he's trying to say, I'm not as bad as Trump. When you find out, it's just the fact that over many decades I created an insanely toxic work environment that

made it nearly impossible for women to feel safe around me and the people I employ. Vote for me. What he's saying is, listen, there's a lot of different versions of the joke, the aristocrats. And I've been at this for 30 years. I had them do everything in that talent agent's office. Have you seen that movie?

Yes, I've seen that movie, Sean. Now, I want to move off of Bloomberg for a second. He'd love that. But I do want to move off of Bloomberg because a second. He'd love that. But I do want to move off of Bloomberg because ultimately Bloomberg is in this race for whatever you think of those reasons, sincere reasons that they want a center left person, A, because I think he believes

that's a better policy platform, and B, they think that that's what it will take to win. Clearly, his entering the race this late was in part a response to the fact that the party had not coalesced around an alternative to Bernie, whether it be Biden or Amy Klobuchar or Mayor Pete or even Elizabeth Warren. And so he comes to the stage and he says this.

I don't think there's any chance of the senator beating President Trump. You don't start out by saying I've got 160 million people. I'm going to take away the insurance plan that they love. I'm going to take away the insurance plan that they love. And if he goes and is the candidate, we will have Donald Trump for another four years. And we can't stand that. Clearly, Mike Bloomberg is speaking to a lot of concerns that people have, not about whether Bernie Sanders would be a two left president, but whether someone who identifies as a democratic socialist can win in the United States. What do you think of that argument? who identifies as a democratic socialist can win in the United States. What do you think of that argument? I mean, I just love to watch like a like a 78 year old rich white man tell another 78 year

old rich white man that he can't be president in 2020. It's so reassuring. While there's another seven year old white man as president right now, it's just like, shut the fuck up. You don't know who can be president. I mean, and like, if you think you are going to win as like clearly someone comparable to the current president, like what's the alternative that you don't know who can be president i mean and like if you think you are gonna win as like clearly someone comparable to the current president like what's the alternative that you're presenting right i mean i guess i you know when bloomberg says that and says it is also very i first of all it's incredible it's repellent to have somebody who just started running and hasn't won a delegate to come on the stage and not say i disagree with bernie sanders not say i think bernie sanders would struggle but he can't do it and I can. And I don't actually believe that.

I think my personal, my view is nothing is written. Nobody knows the answer. I think Bernie Sanders can win. I think Mike Bloomberg can win. I think Elizabeth Warren can win. I think Amy Klobuchar can win. I think they all can win. I also think they all can lose.

Yeah. I mean, after 2016, I stopped trying to predict the future anymore because I don't like being wrong. It's really hard to know what is going to happen. I mean, we shouldn't get complacent and be like, Bernie's going to win no matter what. Like, it's going to be fine. Like, we're going to need to be mobilized around whoever the candidate is no matter what.

Like, whoever the candidate is, we're going to... It's going to take work. When we come back, we have some secret footage from a very special wedding. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It and there's more on the way.

And we're back. If you've been following this show, you know I love the crown and the message it sends. Leadership is about doing as little as possible and making sure no one catches you trying too hard. And that's why I was so excited that America had a royal wedding of its own this weekend. I'm speaking, of course, of the marriage of C-plus Santa Monica fascist Stephen Miller to, uh... Yeah, we don't like him. The marriage took place at the Trump International Hotel with the president

in attendance, and so the journalists here at Crooked Media did some digging, and we were able to find a recording of a toast given during the wedding reception. This is real, and we wanted to play it for you now for the very first time on Love It or Leave It. Here it is, a toast at the wedding of White House advisor Stephen Miller.

Hi, everybody. Hi, is this thing on? Hello, everyone. Hi. Hi. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous. It's not every day you give a toast in front of the President of the United States. And the First Lady, hi.

You look beautiful and not terrified, ma'am. It's good to see the bride's incredible family and friends all around us. And the groom has a table of people here somewhere, I think. Good for you, Stephen. A whole table. somewhere, I think. Good for you, Stephen. A whole table. Now, obviously a wedding speech is not supposed to be about the person giving the speech. No offense, Mr.

President. Your toast about the pitfalls of the restaurant business in the 1980s Manhattan hit the exact right note. I myself didn't realize how many maitre d's steal, so thank you. But pat myself on the back,

I set up Stephen and Katie, so this is my day too. Maybe I should wear the white dress, and maybe I should fuck that ghoul. Maybe. Maybe I should fuck that ghoul. Maybe. Maybe. Now, okay.

I met Katie years ago at a no hip-hop spin class in Alexandria. You've been? It's very popular. And I met Steven when I was the moderator of a white supremacist message board. Aww, I know, sweet. When I first suggested Katie to Steven, he was a little cagey. But that's our Steven, am I right? He loves cages in general.

Just all cages. Cagey, cages. He said, and I will never forget this, is she the type of female who will have intercourse before I have to prove I'm a reliable provider by paying for several expensive dinners? And I said, hey, Casanova, why don't you ask her yourself? And he did.

And now we're here. Oh, so romantic. Oh, and let me just say, elephant in the room, there's been some snark about this couple. How could somebody marry a person with Stephen's views? Or is she kidnapped? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Frankly, I find it sexist.

It's 2020. Women can be fascist too. Just look at this pair. He's an advisor to the president. She's the press secretary for the vice president. It's like white power couple. White house power couple. Darn it. I knew that sounded wrong. White house power couple is what I meant to say. Anyway, I love them. Oh, I love them so much. They're one of those classic duos

that's always finishing each other's sentence recommendations for detained migrant children. It's so lovely. And as the couple stood under the chuppah, open on all four sides like Abraham's tent in the Bible, a symbol of hospitality for those in need, a reminder that mercy and openness are woven into the fabric of Jewish ritual itself, a fact all the more powerful for you personally as descendants of immigrants. I thought, well, this makes total sense.

of immigrants, I thought, well, this makes total sense. I didn't question it at all, because that is the only way existing in this social circle is bearable. Stephen, Katie, I just know the love the two of you share will stand the test of time. You are family now. And as we all know, there is nothing, no law, that can legally separate families. Mazel tov. And as Steven said to the busboy at the rehearsal dinner last night,

now try it again in English, amigo. So congrats. Wow. What a toast. Guys, give it up for Darcy Carden That was incredible Thank you Darcy If you haven't watched The Good Place, you've watched The Good Place It's an amazing show Gay news And it's time for a gay news flash.

In this week's news, the Flash is gay. And I know what you're thinking. We already knew that Ezra Miller, who plays the Flash, identifies as queer, and we all wish that I was cool enough to identify as queer. Just classic David Hyde Pierce, Pete Buttigieg gay. I don't make the rules. I can't pull off queer.

I don't even know where you shop. This week we are talking about Rick Constant from the Flash TV show who said this. Hi everyone. Dramatic pause. I'm gay. All right. Couple points. It is often the case

that when a handsome TV actor comes out as gay, they're also coming out as Australian or something. It's usually when you learn that that's been an accent that they've been doing. I find that very frustrating.

Are there no gay Americans for these jobs? Second point, and this is at a point that I know is wrong. I want to just be clear that I'm going to say something now that I know is indefensible. I am sick of super hot guys talking about how hard it is to come out of the closet. I know that that's unfair. But why don't you try being out of the closet and you can't do a push-up and you're in rural northwest Massachusetts and come talk about it, all right?

I came out. Nobody wanted to sleep with me. You guys are going to have fun. Did I complain? Of course I did. Has it shaped every aspect of my personality? Including the spray tan I got for this show? And the completely and totally unaddressed complex I have about my weight slash jawline?

You better fucking believe it did The more important point is Welcome You're gonna love it We're fine The more important point is, welcome. You're going to love it. We're fine. We don't all bring a lifetime of trauma rooted in cultural homophobia to every interaction. And don't forget to see Neil Patrick Harris for your tote.

Also, just want to reiterate a point I've made many times, and it is this. It's time for a Marvel or DC superhero in a film to be gay. And I know that Tessa Thompson is going to be a gay character in something, and I know that technically being a lesbian counts, but I'm talking... The point I'm obviously making is I just wanted to be a super hot guy that's all I'm joking I'm joking to the pairs of women shooting daggers at me all around the room I don't mean it I don't mean it I just want one of these hunks

to kiss a man in front of a bunch of people that weren't expecting it. That's what I want, all right? You go into Will & Grace, you know you're getting gay stuff, all right? You go to Avengers 7, you may get caught off guard. That's the goal. We gotta trick people. Which is why I say to you again

what I've said many times. Let them fuck. Let them fuck. Let them fuck. Let them fuck. When we come back, the rant wheel. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back. Now it's time for the rant wheel. You know how it works. We spin the wheel and wherever it lands, we talk about the topic. This week on the wheel, we have Valentine's Day. We have the question, should billionaires exist? We have airplane recline truce, we have cruises, we have a Harriet Tubman debit card,

kebabs, unfollow Trump, and Harrison Ford. Hmm, let's spin the wheel. wheel it is it has landed on airplane recline truce now last some time ago time is a flat circle but uh some time ago this this controversy bubbled up again, and everyone was talking about who's the right to recline and who shouldn't recline and is reclining morally justified in a Kantian sense? What about the veil of ignorance? Too much? I don't care. And I have taken a pretty firmly held view, which is, stop talking about this. It's stupid. And it's fine to recline. That's just genuinely my position.

It's fine to recline. Thank you. Okay. Well, I'm not, this wasn't a Q&A part. We'll get, fine to recline. Fine to recline. That is my assumption going into this, was that it's fine to recline, and everybody complaining about people who recline

are the soft liberals that cost us the election. You gotta fight. You gotta take what's yours in this society. This is America, damn it. All right? Take what's yours. That space is yours. Take it!

However, I will say this. I have learned. And I have grown. Because I did not think enough about two groups of people. The very tall and the very heavy. Sincerely. And I heard from people who talked about how difficult it is to

fly when you are overweight. And that often people treat you like shit because it's an acceptable group of people to mock criticize and feel aggrieved by having to sit next to you or around now i am less sympathetic to the very tall because uh fuck you being tall is so cool and i say that now when i say fuck you for being tall that so cool. And I say that now, when I say fuck you for being tall, that is not to say that I have a complex

about being short, far from it. It's actually one of the few things about which I do not have a complex. I don't mind being close to the ground. It's never really bothered me, except in crowds, at concerts, baseball tryouts, like when I made the away team

and there wasn't enough room on the van, so they had to cut one person. And so as we were boarding the bus to go to the other camp, they cut me from the team. And now I am here seeking your approval.

However, and so I believe that there is a grand truce that can be reached on this issue. And it is this. In general, it is fine to recline. However, one must, as a matter of courtesy

and civility, look behind you to see what's going on back there. And if it's somebody who is either very tall or somebody who is either very tall or somebody who is struggling to fit into the space capitalism has deemed acceptable, then it is, I think, a courteous thing to do to say, do you mind if I recline?

And if they say, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't, you say, okay, I understand. Now, there is a subsection B to this truce, and it goes like this. If you have reclined because you've checked and the person doesn't need the extra space, and they tap you on the chair and they say something very cordial like, Hi, would you mind moving up just a little bit? I'm having trouble opening my laptop. It is then, I think, acceptable and appropriate to say,

Of course, I'd love for you to be able to use your laptop. I'm going to split the difference. That is part of the truce that you're allowed to recline half the amount. However, if someone taps you on the chair and says, I need to use my laptop, and you're in my space, you are allowed to say, I'm sorry, this is my space. You can go fuck yourself. See you in Houston. You can go fuck yourself. See you in Houston. That is the grand truce.

And if we as citizens in a capitalist society that pits us against each other, a grand system that leaves us on an airplane with too little space due to the consumer choices we have collectively made to prize lower prices over comfort and joy and general happiness, a trait that is spreading through virtually every aspect of the economy and society. If we can do this together, then local news can't hurt us anymore, all right? And it can't come into our lives and get us arguing about this dumb topic.

This truce is a way to fight not only the airlines, but a broken media culture, okay? And a declining civility that has corrupted virtually every aspect of our lives. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Valentine's Day, suggested by Emily. Yes. Did everyone have a good Valentine's Day?

Yeah. I hate Valentine's Day? Yeah. I hate Valentine's Day. I don't have to celebrate it anymore because I got married on February 9th. Not this year, just in general. So we celebrate that. We always get restaurant reservations. It's very easy.

I highly recommend it. I don't have anything against celebrating your love, but I don't think that's what Valentine's Day is about anymore. I think it's about trying to show your love to everyone else. I think there's a crazy amount of pressure

on it. It's very hard to have a good time because there's so much performance to it there's so much expectations and then if you're not in a relationship everyone is shoving their relationship in your face all day and if god forbid you have to work at a restaurant i can't imagine how hellish that is to just deal with all of these stressed out people who don't eat out that much and maybe don't know how to tip and are just like trying to get you to shove rings into their food and demanding that you make their night perfect I think it's

terrible I don't really believe in Valentine's Day I wish we understood how to celebrate it better which is why I was very heartened to find out about a new Valentine's Day tradition that I did not know was happening, which is that in Lakeland, Florida, there is a park where they have to shut down part of the park every year around Valentine's Day because a bunch of water snakes have been having an orgy underneath an oak tree every year. And I think that is fucking great.

They're not shutting down the park. They're just putting up caution tape around where the snakes are fucking so that people don't disturb them. What? How do you know when snakes are fucking? I'll tell you. They form something that I forget, but I think it's called a mating ball,

where they just all kind of crawl around on top of each other, and then the male snake wraps its tail around the female snake's tail so that they can line their cloacas up, and he can insert one or both of his penises snakes have two penises one main one one backup in case he meets someone else after they're done each one has a corresponding testicle it's incredible the other reason that they know that they're having sex is because most of the time they don't hang out with each other except to do

that, which I also don't have a problem with. What I am trying to say is if you are going to spend your Valentine's Day shoving your relationship in everyone else's face, do what the snakes do and

do it all the way. Make them shut down part of a park. If they aren't putting up caution tape around you on Valentine's Day, are you even celebrating? This is how I think Valentine's Day needs to be celebrated, with a bunch of snakes slithering out of the water to just wrap their cold-blooded bodies around each other and open up their cloacas. I think it's very romantic, but you do have to get the timing right, because if it's on February 14th, it is romantic.

If it's on February 16th, it is Stephen Miller's wedding. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Unfollow Trump. trump sean what does it mean so um you know just like it says a friend of mine recently got a job making a podcast that's just about donald trump and he g-chatted me to say you know i think i finally got to do it in 2020 the year of our lord i think i got to follow donald trump on twitter and i said no, Matthew, you do not. What I do, and I make a daily news podcast

that is often about Donald Trump. What I do is I pop up a new tab and I'll look for the tweets of concern and then I'll close the tab and go back to my merry little fucking life. And I said, Matthew, I think you should do the same thing because this man, it turns out, loves to be followed, right?

His whole fucking life, he's been clipping out the articles about him in the newspapers and the magazines, and then the first thing he did as president, way back when, was bitch about his inauguration size, right? All he cares about is how many people were there, how many people saw it, how many people are following him. And I know for a fact, because when I go to Donald Trump's Twitter page, it says, you know, like 2,000 people that you follow are following him. And I'm like, why? I don't think I follow a single Trump voter on Twitter, but so many people I follow follow Donald Trump.

I'm like, you know he loves this. Why are you feeding into his thing? So I want to propose right now during this election that he might win, which is a terrifying thought. Let's just accept it, because we didn't think it would happen last time, right? Booing probabilities. Do not point out the possibility of an outcome we dislike. You're booing, but come on, let's be real.

How many people in this room follow him on Twitter? No one. I follow him. I follow him, Sean. Sean, hey. I follow him. So, I'm here. Sean, hey. I follow him. So I'm here to convince you, and I noticed that Crooked Media

follows one person, and it's Donald. We're just going to talk about it like grown-ups, okay? Relax. No thank you, Sean. Fuck you. When we started that account

at Crooked Media, we thought we're going to follow that one guy. I thought about this. Here's what you could do instead, right? Like, follow someone that would piss him off even more. Like, follow Tiffany Trump, his least favorite Trump. Like, if everyone that knew,

everyone in this room woke up tomorrow and unfollowed Donald Trump, he's got like 70 million followers right now, I bet he would like lose like at least 20. And it'd be the worst day of his presidency. He'd be so mad. I'm going to activate on this. And if you all followed Tiffany instead,

he'd be even fucking more mad. Piss off, Donald Trump in 2020. Unfollow him on Twitter. Tell everyone you know to unfollow him on Twitter. And follow Tiffany instead. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Harriet Tubman debit card. So, a bank has introduced the Harriet Tubman debit card,

which means there is a portrait of Harriet Tubman that sits between the gold chip we don't understand and the Visa logo. She's also vaguely making the Wakanda symbol with her hands, which is a bit chilling. Now, it is from a bank that is actually the largest black-owned bank in the country. So I actually, and I understand that they were trying to make an inspiring choice on that card to remind people that Harriet Tubman was supposed to be on the $20 bill,

but Trump found that appalling for reasons we don't understand, doesn't really track. So that got pushed after he leaves office. But they were trying to make a point that Harriet Tubman deserves to be on money. And so they put her on a debit card and it makes us feel a little uncomfortable because it's like, well, ew. That said, Harriet Tubman should be on the money.

But the point I just wanted to make is we have gotten way too precious about who we put on our money. We have had a bunch of politicians on there for a very long time, and the money used to change more frequently than it does now. We're pretty stuck. You know, we've got Washington on the one,

Lincoln's on the five, and different shaped faces on the ten. I know who it is. It's Hamilton. Obviously, from the play. And Andrew Jackson, a racial terrorist, is on the 20. The 50

exists, and the 100 has Ben Franklin, who fucked in France, and I think that's fine. However, I would like us to imagine a world where not just Harriet Tubman's on the money, but we start putting what makes America truly cool on the money. So let's get Albert Einstein on the money. Let's get fucking Stonewall on the money.

And did someone say 50 Cent? Honestly, I'm so glad you did that. This is why nothing good happens. Because you try to have a sincere, honest conversation about how to make something cool happen, and a bunch of people want to call it Boaty McFuckin' Boatface. This is why the internet ruined fucking everything. What if we make a 50 cent coin and get this, it's 50 cent. He doesn't belong on the money.

Very talented man, fine, but doesn't rise to the level. There's a lot of other people we need to put on currency before we get to him. God damn it. How about Jonas Salk, you piece of shit? Oh, yeah. Your first thought is a rapper

from now. That guy cured fucking polio. Doesn't occur to you because people don't read books anymore. Someone say Casey Anthony? Who? Stacey Abrams is... Look, I like Stacey Abrams, too.

She's doing a lot of good work in this current election. She was the secretary of state of Georgia. She doesn't go on the money yet. Jesus Christ. Get your heads in the fucking game here. You know what? Forget Bloomberg. No.

No. No, Bloomberg. He's not going on the money yet. How dare you, sir? We're not putting Mike Bloomberg on the money. Ruin this rant. None of you deserve to hear my other money ideas Ruin this rant. None of you deserve to hear my other money ideas.

None of you. None of you. Don't raise your hand. It's not a fucking classroom. God damn it. It has landed on Harrison Ford. Let's end on a high note. Harrison Ford.

Now there is something I appreciate about Harrison Ford, which is this. He has never, not when he was a rising star, not when he was the biggest movie star in the world, not when he is now a Eminence Gre grease of Hollywood. Has he ever, through all this time, ever given a fuck? Never, never.

The guy crashed his plane on a fucking golf course, doesn't give a fuck. What made me originally learn this is I used to watch David Letterman's show, and Harrison Ford went on the David Letterman show to promote a film called K-19 The Widowmaker. And David Letterman, I couldn't find this clip online because it's before the internet, and David Letterman asked him,

why is it called K-19 The Widowmaker? And he said, I don't know and I honestly think it's going to ruin the movie. It's a terrible title and I think it's really hurt us. it's a terrible title, and I think it's really hurt us. Anyway, I was thinking about that clip because Harrison Ford is obviously currently on the promotional tour for Call of the Wild,

a film in which he performed opposite a CGI dog. Of course, that means Harrison Ford has to give interviews in which he talks about what it is like to work with a CGI dog, which obviously involved a man, a human man, for weeks on end, pretending to be a dog across from Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford. And so CBS this morning, CBS, in one of their Sunday show, with a very wholesome Sunday show, they do those long profiles, a very kind of a nice sounding voice, asked Harrison Ford about this topic, and here's what he said.

I mean, it's a little strange. I'm rolling around on the floor with this guy and scratching his tummy. Were you physically doing that with him? Because you had to, I guess, right? There was money involved. Were you physically doing that with him? Because you had to, I guess, right? There was money involved. Fucking legend.

And obviously, Harrison Ford, over the years, has been asked about the various controversies related to Star Wars, a film in which he is featured. And he's often been asked about some of the internet controversies around, say, who shot first, whether it was Han or Greedo. And he was asked about this in an interview. Please roll the clip. Did you shoot Greedo first or did Greedo shoot you first? I don't care. The reason I bring this up is it is February of 2020.

We are about to have an incredibly emotional nine months, and I would just always like to remind you to watch the news, take in the news, donate, volunteer, pay attention, follow Tiffany, don't follow Tiffany. But I'm urging everybody to carry yourselves over the next eight months with the spirit and energy of Harrison Ford he shows up

he does his fucking job he puts in a great performance but he's not losing sleep over any of this nonsense and he doesn't care what happens he's just gonna do his part and he's gonna show up and that's what we've gotta do we've gotta be Harrison Ford.

We're going to let all this shit roll off our backs, all right? Trump says people shouldn't watch Parasite. That's not going to bother us too much. We're not going to lose sleep over it because he's prevented a bunch of Arizonan senior citizens from appreciating a wonderful piece of art. That's not going to make us upset. We're not going to get bogged down by it we're not going to get all sad about it when Mike Bloomberg says that Bernie can't win even though Bernie who's been campaigning for two years is currently the front runner supported by millions of people because of a grassroots campaign we're not going to let it hurt our feelings we're just going to wake up in the morning like Harrison Ford and say Han shot first first, Greedo shot first, who gives a fuck? That's what we have to do. So that's why

I want you to go to votesaveamerica.com. I want you to sign up. I want you to stay in the fight. I want you to have a Harrison Ford-like energy, okay? You don't give a fuck, all right? You don't care that you're rubbing the belly of an actor who will tell the story about Harrison Ford's belly rub for the rest of his fucking life. You're going to show up to set and you're going to do your fucking job. You're going to scratch that adult man behind his ears as he sticks his tongue out, all right?

You're going to throw a ball as that adult man runs across the field and grabs it and brings it back. You're going to get into a raft on a fake ocean with a man who is going to lick you while you row to safety, and you're going to make it believable. All right, you're going to put your heart into it, and then when it's over, you're going to go home,vable. You're going to put your heart into it and then when it's over you're going to go home and you're never going to think about it again. That's what we have to do. That's our show. I want to thank Sean Ramos-Varren, Emily Heller, Darcy Carden. There are 254 days until the election.

Everybody do what you can. Thanks to the improv. Thanks for coming out. Have a great night. Love It or Leave It is a product of Crooked Media. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, Elisa Gutierrez, Lee Eisenberg, and our head writer, former Mike Bloomberg speechwriter, Travis Helwig. Jocelyn Kaufman, Alicia Carroll, and Peter Miller are the writers. Bill Lance is our audio editor, and Stephen Colon is our sound engineer. Sydney Rapp is our assistant producer, and August Dichter is our intern.

Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McClain and Jamie Skeel, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Nar Melkonian and Yale Freed, for filming and editing video each week so you can.