Lovett or Leave It - Wanda Maximoff v. Sam Alito

Episode Date: May 14, 2022

Lovett or Leave It is up past our bedtime at the ‘ol Hollywood Improv. A super chill GOP congresswoman (Atsuko Okatsuka) thinks we should all calm down about this leaked opinion. Jason Concepcion swings on by like Spider-Man to decide which hero is the most super of all. Lovett and Erin Ryan go house hunting based on real estate prices and... other factors. What will they pick!? The answer may surprise you. But wanna know what’s really surprising? The too hot takes Jon, Atsuko, Jason, and Erin find themselves forced to defend.---With our constitutionally protected right to abortion under attack, abortion funds are working nonstop to make sure people can still access (and afford) abortion.Visit votesaveamerica.com/roe to learn more, donate, and take action. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast. 

Hello, Los Angeles. Great to be back at the Improv. It's good to see all of you. You are the diehards. 10, 15 on a Thursday. Welcome to the Late Show. It's bad bitch o'clock. I'm feeling fussy.

I'm Valenciassi. We've got a great show for you. We have a super chill GOP legislator who will just probably, you know, chill out. Erin Ryan is here. Would you believe she's been enraged by recent events? Jason Concepcion is also here and he's ready to fight

Wanda Maximoff. And we've got some takes and they're hot off the presses the presses with Aaron Jason and Otsuka Okotsuka. But first, let's get into it. What a week. The Biden White House issued a warning that the United States might face up to 100 million cases of COVID-19 this coming fall and winter. So thanks for the heads up, I guess. Maybe now we should just do what the Bush administration did after 9-11. Just give us a completely useless national color coding chart.

It's green in the spring. It's orange in the fall. It's a red winter. The administration went on to advise Americans to get their fucking and sucking done this summer. It's cool, it's cool. Dr. Jill Biden paid a surprise in-person visit to Ukraine Sunday, visiting with the country's first lady. Said First Lady Zelenska, oh, thank God, a doctor. We didn't know how it would go. As a result of sanctions, Russia has resorted to putting computer

chips from household appliances like refrigerators and dishwashers into their tanks. Alright, you think that that's not going to work for them, but these tanks can shoot three different kinds of ice. The FDA has approved the use of latex oral sex protection underwear intended to trap fluids and approved the use of latex oral sex protection underwear Intended to trap fluids and prevent the spread of STIs I'll trust them when I see Dr. Fauci using one on television

That's my standard According to a report in Rolling Stone President Donald Trump repeatedly asked his advisors If China might have a hurricane gun To send bad weather to the United States. And if so, would the U.S. be able to respond militarily? I think it is time we acknowledge that Donald Trump may be a little boy who bigged himself. It's time we face it.

That's the real cue. He's a little boy who got bigged, and then he scared his mom, and he became president. We don't talk enough about the story of Big from the perspective of his mom. It's not a comedy.

It's not a comedy at all. It's barely acknowledged in that film. I mean, just you think about it. And it's like people would start to put the puzzle pieces together like, wait a second, this child disappeared, this strange man showed up in the home around

the time of the disappearance. He then goes on to work at a children's toy company. Lives in a kind of playground with a trampoline. Jail. Jail for Big. I don't know what his character's name is.

Also not acknowledged how weird it is that there's kissing in that movie. I also like to think that at the end of the film Big, I know she glances down, and then when she glances up, he's a little boy. But I always like to imagine she is the only person who sees the full transition, and in that moment, she sees a grown man shrink into a little boy

in a kind of unholy reverse aging, and then she just kind of smiles. Oh, he's a little boy again. We did it. You fucked that kid. We've got to face it. We've got to face what happened. A federal grand jury

has opened an investigation as to whether or not classified documents from the Trump White House that ended up in Mar-a-Lago were mishandled, it would be cool if Trump's ultimate downfall was not flushing enough stuff down the toilet. A Trump-endorsed candidate facing... Oh, I'm skipping this joke. We're not in the mood. I'm going to describe the joke, but not do it, all right?

So Trump endorsed a candidate in Nebraska. That candidate was accused of just groping women serially in photos, Republicans just kind of going for it. The governor endorsed somebody else.

This person lost. Okay? And so then the punchline was going to be neither he nor Trump had the magic touch. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you so much. As expected, the Women's Health Protection Act failed in the Senate with 49 votes on Wednesday after Joe Manchin said he wanted to codify Roe v. Wade into law, but sadly wouldn't support this act because he said it went too far. Manchin said he would like to split the vote into two halves, one bill with the abortion rights and a narrow bill to help the coal industry. We'll have to pass the second bill first, but then he's good for it.

Republican Senator John Cornyn and Democratic Senator Chris Coons of Delaware introduced a bill to expand security for Supreme Court justices, yeah, after pro-choice protesters marched peacefully outside several justices' homes following the League to Lead to Opinion, the Senate quickly passed the bill by unanimous consent. If you're keeping score, the Senate unanimously believes lawns deserve more federal protection than wombs. What are you booing? The situation? I hope so. The editorial board of the Washington Post weighed in with his own civility panic,

writing, to picket a judge's home is especially problematic. It tries to bring direct public pressure to bear on a decision-making process that must be controlled, evidence-based, and rational if there is to be any hope of an independent judiciary. Boo. But we don't have those things right now. That's not what it is. They're not doing any of those things, whether they're protesting or not. That is like saying, if you protest the new Death on the Nile, it won't hold up to the 1978 version. That's for no one. Very specific. If you protest the Batman, the third act won't make sense. Doesn't make sense, the third act of that movie. Why is he upset?

His plan worked. Did people see the Batman? His plan works. He floods the city and... This is a spoiler. He floods the city and shoots the mayor. He did it. And then he's like, ah, rats. Why?

He's like, good day for you. Montana Senator Steve Daines compared turtle hatchlings to human babies, declaring, if you were to take or destroy the eggs of a sea turtle, the criminal penalties are severe. Why do we have laws in place that protect the eggs of a sea turtle or the eggs of eagles? Because when you destroy an egg, you're killing a pre-born baby sea turtle. Or a pre-born baby eagle. And another thing. Why do we let women drive cars?

If a sea turtle drove a car, the criminal penalties would be severe. Meanwhile, supply chain issues and product recalls have caused a nationwide baby formula shortage with the national out-of-stock rate reaching 43% last week. This is obviously terrible, and the people using this as an opportunity to scam or price gouge our monsters, but there's a small thing each one of us can do to help, and it is this.

When you see a man online asking why new moms don't just breastfeed, you bully these people to within an inch of their lives. Bully them off the internet. This is a serious, nerve-wracking problem with multiple causes, recalls due to contamination, supply chain issues during the pandemic due to fluctuations in demand, trade policies and regulations that restrict imports. So what does Governor Greg Abbott and his fellow Republicans do? They demagog this issue in a vile and disturbing way. Like, even for them,

the stunt they pulled today is so disgusting. Here's what Congresswoman Kat Kamak of Florida said. They are sending pallets, pallets of baby formula to the border. Meanwhile, in our own district at home, we cannot find formula, said Governor Abbott. While mothers and fathers stare at empty grocery store shelves in a panic, the Biden administration is happy to provide baby formula to illegal immigrants coming across the southern border. So this is about feeding babies in U.S. custody, as in like not breaking the law and committing crimes against humanity. That's their sort of complaint. As Jesus said, starve the babies in our care who committed the crime of being carried here. That's not a joke. It's just awful.

I just can't get over it. I can't fucking get over it. Why aren't they starving the babies we don't like? That's what they're calling for. I actually was genuine. I'm mad at myself for being surprised, to be honest. Every time I'm shocked, I'm disappointed in myself. Like, oh, you idiots. Of course they'd do this. But I just, starving babies to make a point.

I thought that was extreme even for them. But maybe not. The January 6th committee announced on Thursday that they're issuing subpoenas for five Republican congressmen, including Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, Scott Perry, and Jim Jordan. I'm surprised that the process server could fit their arm all the way into Jim Jordan's burrow. Little known fact, during some seasons, Jordans and coyotes will actually hunt together In other news Two sets of human remains have been found at Lake Mead

The country's largest reservoir As water levels plunge amid a mega drought fueled by climate change Picture it, New Jersey, 1998 We gotta decarbonize our economy pronto, said local climate activist Polly Walnuts. They're finding bodies from the mob in there.

That's crazy. The mob is like, we've thought of everything, but this. We don't tackle some of these greenhouse gases. I'm gonna break some. Alright. We gotta put a price on carbon. Las Vegas police said they expect to find more murder victims as the lake dries up. There's no telling what we'll find in Lake Mead, said former Las Vegas mayor Oscar Goodman.

It's not a bad place to dump a body, which is why it takes the three spot on Curb's best place to dump a body in Las Vegas list. The trailer for Avatar, The Way of Water, premiered ahead of the Doctor Strange movie, revealing that the film picks up ten years after the original and focuses on Sam Worthington and Zoe Zaldana, as well as their children. You remember Sam Worthington? One of the actors in the highest grossing film, Sam Worthington. Remember when there was a moment where they said, you know what, put him in everything. He's a Terminator now. He's an avatar. He's in everything. And then we said, no mas. And then they went and made 5,000 Avatar movies in private. And now they're happening. Ten years ago, ten years ago, they were like, we're going to make seven more Avatars. And now it's here.

And we have no choice. We're going to all see a million Avatar movies. And then we're going to talk about them all the time. Avatar movies, and then we're going to talk about them all the time. Dolly Parton will star in a musical based on Doja Cat's Twitter exchange about the return of Taco Bell's Mexican pizza to be released on TikTok

later this month. Sentence. What a sentence. The Mexican pizza is fucking back. We did it. We did it, Joe. It's going to cost $18, but we did it. We did it, Joe. It's going to cost $18, but we did it. It's not the first, definitely not the last time I've lost out on a role to Dolly Parton.

Dolly Parton. She turns down the Presidential Medal of Freedom twice. She turns down the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame once. And then she stars in a musical based on Doja Cat's Twitter exchange about the return of Taco Bell's Mexican pizza to be released on TikTok. Dolly doesn't miss. Actor James Cromwell superglued his hand to a Starbucks counter as part of a PETA protest over the chain charging customers more for vegan milk than for dairy.

Some people talk about lactose intolerance. Actor James Cromwell lives it. What an exciting day at the Starbucks. You're doing your shift, and then in comes the man from Big in the City and Star Trek First Contact, and he says, I would like an oat milk latte,

and they say, sorry, sir, it's 50 cents more for oat milk here, and the star of Babe, Pig in the City says, I understand, squitch, squitch. Hands on the fucking counter. What just happened? James Cromwell, the actor, the actor from Babe Big in the City,

just glued his hands to the counter where we put the mobile orders. Come on in, everybody. Just reach around. Actor. You remember, he's actually in the most recent season of Succession. You gotta go around him. A through K is to the left of actor James Cromwell.

L to Z is to his right. If you need straws, they're beneath his haunches. I mean, there's a thousand reasons to glue your hands to the counter of a Starbucks. It's for the 50 cents. I think it's cool. I can't argue with it. Back in February, Adidas advertised a sports bra by posting a grid image of women's bare breasts celebrating the differences between them. But the advertisements have often been banned. In the good old days, children could celebrate the differences between women's breasts the way God intended,

horrified in the women's locker room while waiting for their mom to finish blow-drying her hair. In Thailand, police have arrested a self-proclaimed holy man, whose followers worship corpses and consume the man's urine, feces, and phlegm to cure their illnesses. It's unclear

what Joe Rogan was doing in Thailand, but we pray for his swift release apple announced that they have discontinued the ipod touch putting an end to the 20-year ipod era sorry ipods we've moved on to something better an ipod that can receive 800 spam calls a day a giant sinkhole 200 meters long containing a beautiful forest has been discovered in China. That's just what happens

when you throw poppers into a river. So stupid. And finally, scientists working on the Event Horizon Telescope project have captured the first picture of a supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way. Scientists discovered the image

when video was leaked of Madison Cawthorn ironically putting his dick in it. When we come back, a chill GOP member of Congress. And we're back. Millions of Americans have been shocked and horrified by the leaked draft of a supreme court decision that would overturn roe versus wade and follow-up reporting by politico suggests

that justices have not shifted since it was leaked in response dozens of elected republicans have reacted with a hot new move that's halfway between a shrug and a dab why are they shrabbing and why is that the word i've chosen for it? Here to enlighten us is a United States congresswoman who couldn't give less of a shit about your rights. Please welcome to the stage Republican Representative Janet Dongle. Hi, Janet. Hi, congresswoman. I'm so, so, so rude. Oh, thank you for having me, John. It's not often that I take a break from real America, you know,

and do a little sightseeing in the devil's glittering anus. Do you mean Los Angeles? Yeah, whatever you want to call it. Most of us call it Los Angeles. Congresswoman, you've said that liberals are fear-mongering over this issue. Oh, yeah, they are.

Come on, ladies. Quit your bitching. Huh? It won't be so bad. That's your answer? It won't be so bad? Everybody's your answer? It won't be so bad? Everybody's got to relax. Okay, what's the worst that could happen?

This isn't like giving your dog an edible, Congresswoman. We know what would happen. Think about it. 26 states will likely ban or severely restrict abortion access, some of them without exceptions for rape or incest, and people who can't afford to travel will be forced to either endure pregnancy and childbirth or risk their lives getting unsafe, illegal abortions.

You know, just for starters. Sure, sure, sure. Look, I get that people are upset. I was young once. I remember when I thought things would turn out the way I wanted, but you grow up and you get over it. You look stressed, John. You want a Xanax? I just take them

for flying and for when I'm on the ground. Just in general. That's so nice of you. I don't want a Xanax. Thank you. I appreciate it. I appreciate it, but I want to understand how you can pretend this is not going to be terrible. Already in

places like Texas, doctors are afraid to treat patients for miscarriages or fear of being accused of breaking the state's draconian new law. John, when I was studying abroad in Florence, I fell madly in love with a man named Giacomo. Seems like a dodge, but sure, let's see where this road goes. Giacomo was everything to me. You see, he taught me how to experience life,

to experience art, you know, to share a piece of spaghetti from both ends so that you eventually kiss in the middle, like two cartoon dogs. He was perfect, or as they say in Florence, al dente. But my parents wouldn't approve of our marriage, of course, because he was European.

Of course. You understand the point I'm getting at? No, not even a little bit. Well, all good things come to an end is what I'm saying, John. Oh, God. America had a 50-year-old fling with the constitutional right to abortion, and now it's time to move on. You know, just masturbate to the memories and learn to live with the new reality. Like how I learned

to live with Phil. Phil? Yeah, that's my husband. I'm like, my God, do I hate that guy? I've lost control

of this conversation. I won't pretend I was excited to marry Phil. Oh, no. The day he proposed to me during a second encore at a Jason Mraz concert.

Oh, my God. Second encore. Stop it. Shut up. You don't mean it. Shut up. Sit down. Go home already. I was just about to fall asleep, you know, at the second encore. And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you feel like you're falling. You ever feel this? And you brace yourself

and then your whole body just goes tense. Do you know what I'm talking about? I know exactly about that. But then you realize you're not falling from a tree from a million years ago. No, you're a person in a half-empty arena, okay? Compromising forever. Imagine yourself walking down the aisle next to fucking Phil. And then while you're imagining walking down the aisle,

you imagine yourself in that wedding dress, you know, which itself is a compromise. Imagining a life full of taco Tuesdays and Sunday night pump and dumps, whatever the fuck that means. You're fine, though. You're fine, though. Eventually, you stop crying. And this country just needs to power through the post-Roe honeymoon, is what I'm saying. Jesus, Congresswoman Dongle, as bleak as your marriage sounds, and it does sound tragic, you can't compare it to a ruling that will affect hundreds of millions of people if the Supreme Court

ultimately hands down this decision. It could jeopardize the rights to contraception, IVF, same-sex marriage, even interracial marriage. Ah, but you're ignoring all of the positive potential consequences, John. Succumbing to an eternity with Phil is what brought me my three kids. Well, I guess it's good that you're happy

with your children, at least. Oh, you wanted to hear something that makes me happy. Okay, I'll think of a better example. Congresswoman, I have two burning questions for you. Oh, I promise to answer as honestly as I want to. Number one

Why not just leave your husband? You could give Giacomo a call Maybe it's not too late to pull in under the Tuscan sun I realize coastal elites live to snore pot And get divorced every weekend But that's not how we do it where I'm from No, no, no Well, let the record reflect I tried to help

And my final question Listen, you're a woman. This is your bodily autonomy being stripped away. Don't you feel any sense of personal violation? I'll tell you what makes me feel violated, John. What is it? Yesterday, two liberal protesters came to my house, okay? A mother and a daughter.

That's a double threat, okay? And they tried to give me a cake with a please codify Roe v. Wade written in frosting. double threat, okay? And they tried to give me a cake with a, please codify Roe v. Wade written in frosting. They brought this to my home. A cake. Yeah, I mean, that sounds terrifying.

I hate getting free cake. Yeah, it took the police almost an hour to show up. We need to get those guys more funding, you know, for some kind of rocket cars. Woo, pew! You know, get there real fast.

Anyway, you're getting all worked up about nothing. Okay? It's not going to be so bad. Learn to dissociate. I have. Numbing is the new coming. And you can quote me on that. Alright, well, we have some news here tonight.

We have one more surprise for you, Congresswoman. We found him. No, you didn't. Ladies and gentlemen, Giacomo. Oh! Chabela. Is that it?

That's all you... That's just your swishy producer. Yeah, that's right. We're not trying to fucking help you. We didn't find Giacomo. This is bullshit. You're terrible. Congresswoman Janet Dongle, everybody. Oh, arrived trying to fucking help you. We didn't fight Giacomo. This is bullshit. You're terrible. Congresswoman Janet Dongle, everybody.

Oh, arrivederci. Mangia. Cacio, pepe. Salmonella. Thank you, Atsuko. Check out her dates and buy tickets at AtsukoLive.com A-T-S-U-K-O-L-I-V-E

dot com and she'll be doing 25 shows at the Edinburgh Fringe Fest this summer. A-T-S-U-K-O-L-I-V-E.com and she'll be doing 25 shows at the Edinburgh Fringe Fest this summer. When we come back, it's time for a bracket. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back.

Upon its release, Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness inspired a million different reactions, and we'll be spoiler-free here. So they reacted to whatever it is that took place in the film. The Multiverse of Madness raises many questions. One important question is, how do these powers all work? And who's stronger? And how do the punches always seem to involve? Every fight in a Marvel movie is punch, punch, punch,

punch, punch, punch, punch, punch, punch. Those punches don't matter. Then the last punch, that punch counts. Here to talk about it, please welcome to the stage, Crooked's own Jason Concepcion. Hi, Jason. Numbing is the new coming. That was really good. That was a really good joke. We like it. It was good.

It's thought-provoking. I'm thinking about it. Where do you rank Multiverse of Madness among the Marvel films, the many gems? If you just take the Phase 4 films, it's like the second best of those. Wow. It's like Spider-Man, No Way Home,

then Doctor Strange, and then the other one. You know what's interesting about that? I'll tell you what's interesting about that. There is a real dissensus on this film, and you're the second person I really respect singing its praises. Okay. Who is the other?

It's Dan Hernandez. Oh, he's great. He is great. I thought it was really fun. Do you like horror? Do you like Sam Raimi style, like, cartoony horror? Sure. It's there.

Do you like action? I love action. It's there. Do you like powerful women who wield magic and fuck shit up? I find that intolerable. That's the problem. That's why. That's probably why it won't work for me. Alright, so I've seen so many

of these films, these comic books. Which ones have you seen? What was the last one you saw? So I had to Google whether or not I had seen, here's the thing, they've made so many

of these godforsaken films. Well, which ones? You're being very mean. Let me tell you what I'll tell you about it, which is this, they have now made so many different

comic book movies, I literally sometimes don't know, forget if they've even come out, if I've seen them. Like I was like, I didn't know. You don't know if you've seen them.

I don't. I literally can't tell, especially, I don't know who's in charge. I don't know the marketing whizzes over there at Disney Corp. Can I ask? Yeah.

At Woke Disney. What strain of weed are you smoking these days? You can't remember? What's the last one you saw? Let me tell you what happened one let me tell you what happened let me tell you what happened which is every one of these goddamn spider movies is called spider-man the home time spider-man home way spider-man home goods

spider-man home depot spider-man so i i was on an airplane. Okay. And I literally bought 30 minutes of Wi-Fi to Google the Wikipedia to figure out which... First of all, to figure out the fucking order. Like, homecoming... I don't understand. This has also happened before. The homecoming first. It goes homecoming first, which I knew I had seen.

But I literally didn't know... Far from home. Then no way home. Then no way home. Do you understand that that's stupid? So you're getting progressive. It actually makes logical sense. It absolutely does not. Because homecoming is like you're in high school, you're

at home. What? Far from home. You've now moved a little bit farther away from home. And then no way home, you've moved still farther away, but now you can't get back. But he does come back at the end of the film that is not homecoming. He starts at home in the first movie. That's right.

Then he leaves. So in homecoming, he leaves home. Then in far from home, he is in Europe. Then in no way home, he comes home. He comes home at the end of no way home but nobody remembers who he is okay the point is i had to google a if i'd seen these films and then be what the order was so that i could watch them on the air so then the last one you've seen is was far from home okay no no way home no way home right but i did watch them. Who's on first?

But here's the thing. Here's the thing about Spider-Man. Okay. Okay. How strong is he? Well, he does have the proportional strength of a spider. I think if you wanted to be canonical about it, I think in the Marvel wikis,

he can lift approximately 10 tons. So like several cars. Another question for you. Iron Man. He's pretty good for a young... He's just a rich cars. Another question for you. Iron Man. He's pretty good for a young... He's just a rich guy. He's just a person in there. Right, he's like Elon Musk, but slightly younger and less bad?

Now, here's the thing about this. Here's the thing about it. I don't know what this suit is doing, but we all understand that he'd be soup inside of that thing after some of these crashes, right? Just be pure soup. Right, yes. What's going on in there?

Well, what's going on is a lot of nanotechnology, John, that is extremely powerful. Each of the later incarnations of the suit actually lived in his clothes as little molecules of nanotech, and then it would come out, and then it would cover his body and turn into a solid suit. Have you ever had fun with Google Translate? Yes.

And put in something in English and then translate it to Japanese and then translate from Japanese into Hebrew and then from Hebrew into Spanish, then from Spanish back to English and see how it happens? That's not the exact specific sequence that I've taken, but something similar, yes. Do you think that that is kind of analogous to the way Benedict Cumberbatch learned an American accent?

That someone four accents ago taught someone three accents ago who taught someone two accents ago that taught him? Because I don't know what the budget is for these films, but it's high. Can we increase it by 30 grand and get some fucking upkeep on these American accents? Tom Holland's in Brooklyn.

They all do this American accent. And please, turn in whenever you'd like. It breaks. It's less and less as we move through the films. But there's this kind of American accent that they all do where someone told them to make their mouths really wide. And so that's the Benedict Cumberbatch American

accent. I'm a doctor. Hi, Spider-Man. And I'm going to talk like this. Welcome to the magical city of Comartage, Spider-Man. Swishy, switchy, arm thing makes a shape, disappears. I'm a surgeon but broke my fingers. Well, you know what? This is an aside, but let's talk about this. For some reason, the Australians are great at it,

and that's why there's so many of them that come reason, the Australians are great at it. And that's why there's so many of them that come over and have such great careers in Hollywood, because they're really good at it. Game of Thrones is a series I loved. You could tell who was going to have a career because they just couldn't do the American accent. They were not going to have a long-running career because they were not going to be able to do it.

Robb Stark, I'm sorry, my guy. It's just not holding up. It's not doing it for me. It's not doing it for us. It to be able to do it. Robb Stark, I'm sorry, my guy. It's just not holding up. It's not doing it for me. It's not doing it for us. It was very tough to hear it. Benedict Cumberbatch is pretty good. Kit Harington doesn't have to say a goddamn word. If he had been in CODA, I'd have seen it.

Cut it. 100%. Get it out. I'm fucking dead hold on not to be chaos agents but to be supportive of me purely supportive of me you're just trying to protect me applaud if we should leave that in

what applaud if we should leave that in. Applaud if we have to take it out. Leave all this in. This is good stuff. It wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad. You just did C-coded, not a big deal. So it is time for us to do our Marvel bracket.

Because what I want to understand from your expert point of view is who would win in some of these fights. Okay. Right? Because that's been a source of controversy around this film. So we have a bracket behind us. What? It's the Wanda Maximoff bracket. And we have the No Powers, what do you call it, a conference?

Yeah, yeah. So this is like the Just People conference up here. Yeah. We have the Family Conference. Those are people related to Wanda. We have the Reality Benders. That includes like Loki and Phoenix and Green Lantern. And then we have the Team Standouts.

Your Captain Marvels, your Supersman. There's some slight factual mistakes here, but we're going to go with it. All right. It's okay. We're going to roll with it. Oh, wait. I said Marvel.

I meant to say we were going to bring in some DC. I'm sorry. You're absolutely right. We discussed this. It's not a Marvel bracket. It's a comic book bracket. And we want to see what happens when we pin these guys up against you. I knew that.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Again, again, no one's listening past the CODA thing anyway. I'm dead. I'm dead in the water. But I could not survive. I'm getting sunk. All right.

Let's do it. All right, let's do it. All right. Who's going to win in a fight, Batman or Iron Man? Well, the Batman fans will tell you if Batman has time to prepare, he can beat anybody. That's cool. That's true. I agree. So let's say, and that includes Superman, forget it, anybody.

You tell me. Is this just like they run into each other and it's on? No, no, no. This was on the books. They were like, hey, next Tuesday. Yeah, yeah, at the flag anybody. You tell me. Is this just like they run into each other and it's on? No, no, no, this was on the books. This was like, they had big time. They were like, hey, next Tuesday. Yeah, yeah, at the flagpole, let's do this. We're going to do it?

Unfortunately, then Batman will win. Batman takes it. Batman takes it. Batman does take it. Look, obviously we know Batman is an incredible detective because we saw in the Batman that he can solve a child's riddle and also can find blood on the ground. Well, that was the younger Batman, to be fair to him.

I love the part of this where this is what we have to do. For those listening at home, we have to take it out of the presentation and Brian adjusts the fucking presentation. All right, next up, Black Widow versus Nick Fury. In a straight-up fight. Straight-up fight. Nick Fury is old as dust.

Yeah, it's not close. Black Widow is going to fuck him up. Like bad. Like really, really bad. Alright, now we're going into the family bracket. Magneto versus Wiccan. Now here's a slight issue with this. Just fight through it, Jason.

Slight issue with this is recent retcon means Magneto's actually not Like related to Wanda And some of these, but we're gonna go with it Magneto fucking wrecks Wiccan It's not even funny It's actually mean that you put him Against Magneto

Because Magneto will like pull the iron Like out of his body And then he will just drop to the ground As like mush, it would be disgusting Okay So Magneto takes it pull the iron out of his body, and then he will just drop to the ground as mush. It would be disgusting. Okay. Yeah. So Magneto takes it.

It would be really bad. Next up, we have Polaris versus Quicksilver. Polaris, Magneto's daughter, and then Quicksilver, at one time Magneto's son, but not really anymore. Polaris has very similar powers to Magneto. It can affect magnetism and ferrous materials. Quicksilver, he can run really fast.

You know, Quicksilver, he takes a lot of it. He loses all the time. It's Polaris. Polaris will win, I think. Polaris takes it. I'm going to give it to Polaris. There are situations in which I think Quicksilver could win, but we're going to give it to Polaris. Next up, we are in the reality benders. Okay.

First up, Loki versus Zatanna. I'm not sure that Loki counts as a reality bender. He's a demigod, part frost giant raised by Asgardian gods. Sure. He is the god of mischief. We're going to... Tom Hiddleston. Zatanna, a very powerful magician.

Like card stuff? Yeah, like card stuff. Like sleight of hand? Like sleight of hand stuff. Close-up magic? Like close-up magic. I love close-up magic. Do all that stuff.

Very powerful magician. But Loki is a god and has soloed the Avengers multiple times. We're going to go with Loki. Zatanna, love you, girl, but it's not a fair fight. I'm sorry. All right. Phoenix versus... Which one? You can pick. Let fair fight. I'm sorry. All right. Phoenix versus... Which one?

You can pick. Let's see. I want you to pick. So Jean Grey is kind of like the iconic Phoenix. Then there's Rachel Summers, the alternate reality dystopian. And then Maya Lopez recently has acquired the Phoenix powers. I only... Echo from...

You've seen her in the Hawkeyes, you know? Of course we have. Okay, so we'll go with Jean Grey. I remember Jean... Look, look. Jean Grey wrecked a planet. She killed six million people on a planet. It was very tough.

She was kind of out of her mind at that time. I remember, but that was in one of the X-Men films. Green Lantern is a cop. ACAB. So let's go with... We'll go with Phoenix. All right, Phoenix takes it. We are now moving into the team standouts.

Captain Marvel versus Superman. Wow. It is... I mean, Superman's going to win. I mean, Superman beats... I know, I... His weakness is morals. That's true.

His weakness is morals. And kryptonite, dummy. I just feel like... Famously. I don't know if people don't know that, but. And kryptonite, dummy. I just feel like... Famously. I don't know if people don't know that, but it's kryptonite. And morals, but kryptonite. I want it to be Captain Marvel, but it would be... It would be Superman.

It would be Superman. You know what? I have a problem with Superman. I'll tell you my problem with Superman. Bad journalist? Terrible journalist. But also, he always seems to strain against whatever massive object he's trying to lift. Right.

And the thing is, like, I've seen him strain lifting a plane. And I've seen him strain lifting a meteor. In which movie? So the Richard Donner Superman? He's always straining. No matter what the object. Basically, like, I know what I strain to lift. Right.

A book, say. You know, an art book. You know, I got arms, but it's an art book, you know? But, like, I know that, like, I could say, if I had to push a car, it would be really hard. You did have to do that one time. I did. I did after the election because I ran out of gas

because I was distracted by fascism. So... Yeah. But it just seems like if I've seen you lift a plane, why are you acting like lifting an elevator is a big fucking deal?

You know what I mean? That's a great point. I mean, there's various reasons for that related to, like, suspension of disbelief, but I think that if I was to invent a reason right now, it would be that

Superman, alias Clark Kent, because he has to pretend to be a human all the time, and that takes a lot of concentration. When he picked up a pencil, what if he just snapped the pencil and people would be like, oh my god, Clark, are you okay? He's like, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fucking Superman. Or what if he killed

his girlfriend, Lois Lane, while they were intimate together, because he's so fucking strong. So I think that here's my, you see where I'm going with this? He has to continually just like inch up the amount of strength that he uses because

he's just constantly in control of the amount of strength he's using because he could just kill everybody if he's not careful. He's got that heat ray eyeball stuff. He can breathe on everybody and they freeze. He can fart and destroy a building freeze. Do you remember in... He can fart and destroy a building.

Remember in Superman 2 where one of his powers is throwing a big S? A cellophane S? It's kind of canonical, but it was super weird. I didn't like it. It was weird. I also think that he should have had therapy instead of giving up his powers. You know what I mean? Like, there's just...

Dude, you don't have to change yourself. To be fair to him, that was like know what I mean? Like, there's just like, hey, dude, you don't have to change yourself. To be fair to him, that was like, what, 1981? It was not really a thing. I know. It would change. It's good. We've evolved as a society. I think if it was 2002, maybe Clark would have gone to therapy. Next up, so Superman takes it. Next up,

we have Wonder Woman versus Vision. Man, well, white We have Wonder Woman versus Vision. Man. Well, white Vision or regular Vision? I don't see what his race has to do. I don't see Vision. Okay. Infinity Stone in his head Vision or not? Before that.

Before that. Because if he has the Infinity Stone, he's going invisible. He's getting punched through. I don't understand what we're going to has the infinity stone he's going invisible he's getting punched through I don't know I don't understand what we're gonna do with Vision when he's got the infinity stone this is gonna sound sacrilegious but really I think Vision actually should win because he has these density powers it makes him like actually a really tough out

you have to kind of like really prepare for him and if it's one of those things where they just kind of run into each other oh shit we're going we're gonna fight now I do think Vision would just, like, make his hand kind of immaterial and then reach into

Diana's chest and... Kill. Dead. Be dead. She'd be dead. Ba-na-ma-na-ma-na-ma-na-ma-na-ma. Just imagine that playing as Vision kills Wonder Woman.

Ba-na-ma-na-ma-na-ma-na-ma-na-ma. All right. We're moving on. We gotta move fast. Yeah, yeah. Batman versus Black Widow. Wow. Does he have time to prepare?

Does Batman have time to prepare? No. Let's give it to Black Widow just because. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. As we say here at Love It or Leave It,

defund Bruce Wayne. Yeah, yeah. Magneto versus Polaris. Magneto yeah. Magneto versus Polaris. Magneto wins. Magneto. Magneto. Come on. It's not close again.

Come on, the OG. Yeah. Loki versus Phoenix. That's interesting. Phoenix. Phoenix. She takes him apart. Takes him to pieces.

Absolutely. Takes him to pieces. Wrecks him. And then I'll just be there to nurse Loki back to health. Yeah. More matzo ball soup, Tom? I mean, Loki. No, as I said many times, get out of here.

Superman versus Vision. We're going to give it to soups. Soups wins. I agree with that. I agree with that. We have our final four. Oh my god. This is big. This is huge. I have to say, Black Widow versus Magneto. I just whoops, I threw a car on you.

Magneto would have to be asleep and even then I think Black Widow unfortunately would lose. We're going to give it to Magneto. It's a wash in that case. Phoenix Superman's a good fight though, guys. Yes, to Magneto. It's a wash in that case. Phoenix Superman's a good fight, though, guys. Yeah, that's cool. It's a good one. Gosh.

I think it is Superman. Unfortunately, if we had a magic, we should have got a magic person in that. Man, if Zatanna could actually fuck up Superman, it's a weird, it's one of those weird 16 versus one matchups where it just so happened that she has the key to get him. He's weak against magic. She's like, where's the coin? Where's the coin? Yeah, but we're going to give it to Superman.

We're giving it to Superman. Alright, now it is. Here it is. The finals. This is it. Superman Magneto? Superman versus Magneto. It is Superman. I think he's too fast. I think he could hit him with the laser beams from really far away. But does Superman have iron in his blood?

Yes, probably. What happens when Magneto tries to take the blood, iron out of Superman's blood? Now, here's the thing. What is the thing? The experts would say, okay, whose comic book is it? If we're doing this in the X-Men, Magneto wins.

If we're doing this in DC Universe, then Superman wins. Now, Magneto wins. If we're doing this in, like, fucking in DC Universe, then Superman wins. Now, Magneto could do some, like, crazy shit. Like, if he knew about kryptonite, he could be like, watch this. I'm going to pull kryptonite out of the fucking atmosphere, the latent kryptonite from various meteorites that have crashed into the Earth, and I'm going to pull it all together, and now you're fucking dead, Superman. Right, he was ready.

I don't think that would happen though I think Superman would win so that's it it's the man of steel it's so boring though truth justice in the American way

I know Superman takes it congratulations to him congratulations Superman thank you Jason Concepcion over at X-Ray Vision Jason and Rosie are talking

to writer Michael Waldron to ask just how much of the film was informed by his love for Don Draper. It is a significant amount. What? Yeah, a significant amount. And it kind of makes sense because Doctor Strange, super egomaniac guy, one of these bad, toxic men who's very creative.

I'm very creative. That's right. And then much like Don Draper, whose personal growth was fueled less by a will to, like, get better as a person and not be an asshole. I'm not trying to self-improve.

Right. He engaged with his own toxicity and, like, unpacked it in order to be better at selling people shit. And that's much like Dr. Strange.

Wow, that's interesting. Yeah. That's interesting. All right, Jason Concepcion, everybody. Goodbye. Thank you Jason So check out X-Ray Vision

And one other note on Keep It Ira shares his thoughts on Elizabeth Olsen as Wanda Maximoff Keep up with X-Ray Vision and Keep It Wherever you get your podcasts When we come back It's time to go house hunting And we're back Please welcome to the stage Crooked's own Aaron Ryan And we're back.

Please welcome to the stage, Crooked's own Aaron Ryan. Hi, Aaron. Hi. How you doing? I'm good. You know what? Men contain multitudes. Because some of them can just grasp an entire universe of superheroes and backstories and others cannot understand

the way a human boob works. That feels like an attack. I've always thought of it as kind of like a fire hydrant. In a way. Like a sexual fire hydrant. In a way. Is that right?

That was my nickname in college. So do you think it's a little on the nose that in the same week, the conservative right-wing Supreme Court is on the verge of overturning Roe versus Wade. We also have a nationwide formula shortage as new mothers try and scour the shelves to find vital nutrients in our society. Does you think that's too specific? Yeah, God, take another pass. It is a little on the nose, but it also kind of expresses something that I think a lot of people sort of suspected but didn't see fully expressed. Which is like, they don't give a shit about the people that are actually taking care of anybody. They don't give a shit about actual human children. All they give a shit about is exerting power over people that they can exert power over.

exerting power over people that they can exert power over and like giving a rage boner to Fox news viewers and getting people to give money to a cause that they're so removed from that they have no concept of like the real world implications of it. Like, I know it's super not funny, but like I have a daughter. She's seven months old. And before I had a daughter, I did my best to have empathy from people who are different from me. And now that I do have a kid, I'm like, holy shit, the extent to which people in power who should know better don't is like ridiculous and then I'm you know I'm thinking about how Greg Abbott people like him people like you know Ron DeSantis people like anybody who ignored this formula crisis coming and people like Sam Alito who's married and has two kids it's like how do you go through your life having been so close to a person's experience of motherhood and have absolutely no concept of what that is? It's crazy to me. Anyway, it's,

that's not funny. You can, you can cut that, but like the, the lack, the lack of empathy, the lack of empathy, it's like, it takes a real effort to, like, be living alongside of a person having an experience. And then also not be able to understand that that person is having an experience. It's, like, sociopathic to me. Anyway, I'm in a great mood. I'm having a great day. Been having a great week. It's been about seven and a half months

since I've had a full night of sleep. I'm normally about three hours deep in sleep at this time of night. Yeah, we got a new mom here. Yeah, I'm mad. I'm pretty mad. I have two points for you. Okay.

One, if we cut everything that wasn't funny, we wouldn't have a show. And we've got to put out these episodes, all right? Those mattresses won't sell themselves. And two, I think it is a learned lack of empathy. I think that that is actually... When you watch these Trump rallies, I actually think that that's a lot of what it is

if you step back as an exercise. That's lead poisoning also. It's also lead poisoning. They've all got lead poisoning. They all do have lead poisoning. Big time lead poisoning. Here at Love It or Leave It, we believe that baby boomers do all have lead poisoning.

They've all got lead poisoning. That is the official position of this show. That's also why we're running out of true crime, because the most interesting true crime happened when everybody had lead poisoning. What a shame. That's why we're on to scammers now, and then we're on to cults after

the scammers. But, like, we're gonna run out of it. We need a new heavy metal poisoning. I don't know if you're aware of crypto, but I don't think people are getting smarter. Lead poisoning aside, and it is genuinely a big factor in why we're not addressing climate change. I do believe that, sincerely.

But it's true. I do think that when you watch these Trump rallies and step back, like it is an exercise in a group of people persuading each other to not have empathy, not even just obviously towards immigrants, towards trans people, towards women, towards gay people,

but also towards themselves, right? Like our own suffering is of value. Like it's not just about sadism, people, but also towards themselves, right? Like our own suffering is of value. Like it's not just about sadism. It's about masochism, right? Like we don't deserve more than what we get. We shouldn't get the vaccine. We should take the risk. Like there is a kind of collective effort to reduce empathy. And I think you see that in how they are reacting. I mean, yeah, and I totally agree. And this is kind of a micro version of it. But like in the discussion of student loans, there's always a person that's like,

I had to pay for it. Like Laura Ingraham being like, my 73-year-old mom was working in a restaurant as a waitress, paying off her student loans, so everybody else should have to too. First of all, bitch, you went to Dartmouth and were a lawyer at the time that she was doing it. You suck. You're a terrible daughter.

Second of all, like, this idea that, like, the suffering I endured was somehow, like, it contributed to who I am and therefore everybody else should have to deal with it is, like, this really fucked up and weird. Yeah.

Like, I had bad traffic getting here, so they should put a car crash on the 101 for everyone. I... There were three white Audi SUVs trying to cut me off. Therefore, everyone should have to deal with white Audi SUVs.

These kids today think they don't deserve whooping cough. But I think they do. So on Wednesday, Governor Newsom, Gavin, as we know him here. The Gavs. The Gavs announced that California plans to become a sanctuary state for people

seeking abortions they cannot obtain in their home states. California currently records 46,000 abortions per year obtain in their home states. California currently records 46,000 abortions per year. If Roe versus Wade is overturned, the state is expecting that that number is to leap to as high as 1.4 million as people from across the country seek refuge here. This is why we wanted to play a game we're calling

God Bless This Constitutional Mess. Yeah, we're doing it. You know what? If we can't do this here, where can we do it? Yeah, that that's right it's a house fucking game extreme tiny house nation more like a judicial abomination beachfront bargain hunt more like

keep your bitch hands off my area what I didn't say it keep your oh okay okay okay beachfront bargain hunt. More like keep your bitch hands off my... Off my cunt.

Area. Erin, here's how this works. I'm going to show you two homes. We're going to go house hunting together. All right. And we're going to give you two options for places you can choose. All right? Like we do on these reality shows where they show people the houses.

Okay. That you people love. That you guys can't get enough of. Are you ready? Yes. All right. First up. So you can have this gorgeous stone French manor.

It's got seven fireplaces. It says an amazing school district. It has a beautiful babbling creek. But it's in Ohio where Governor Mike DeWine promised last week to revive the state's heartbeat bill, which would ban abortions as early as six weeks and currently has a proposed trigger ban, kicking in state legislation that would make criminal abortion

a fourth-degree felony. Or for the same price, you can have this shack, which is also $ million dollars in California. It's a shack. It's a shack. And it's not a shack in very good shape. Apparently it's in a tight-knit community.

But any community in 180 square feet would be tight. But it is in California, a state where Governor Gavin Newsom just dedicated $57 million more to abortion services, bringing the total to $125 million as the state prepares to become a sanctuary.

So which, you want the shack or do you want to live in Ohio? Okay, so let's, it's close. I would honestly rather throw myself into a fireplace than live in Ohio under most circumstances. But there are seven fireplaces in the Ohio house that cost the same as the California house,

which means that you can burn evidence. You could run an abortion like network from that house. Yeah. You got so many. You can throw a hard drive in there. You can. Throw medical records in there. I wouldn't.

Honestly, I think just fume wise, I wouldn't burn a hard drive. Like, I don't know. There's terrible shit in a hard drive. I mean, I don't. I try not to light anything on fire because I live in California where everything can catch on fire. We need your decision. Yeah, I think the Ohio place.

Done. Next up, how about this chic little mid-century number in Austin, Texas? Coming in at a little over $1.6 million, this 2,300-square-foot home is on a third of an acre with a giant pool. It's in a great school district. It's in a great school district. Also, Governor Greg Abbott signed a bill restricting access to drugs used for both abortions and miscarriages, meaning that women undergoing miscarriage in the state now suffer without adequate medical care. Or you can have this chic little windowless industrial space for roughly the same amount in Brooklyn, New York.

Located in the neighborhood of Greenwood Heights. This lot has a maximum buildable floor area of 13,000 square feet and property taxes only $1,000 a month. So, you know, it's funny. I used to live in Greenwood Heights. When I lived in Brooklyn, I lived on 25th Street between 4th and 5th Avenue. No. I would go ahead

and live in Austin and just get spayed before I moved here. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We're going to have to get you one of those cones. I will. I will try to chew on my stitches. Oh, Erin, I'm sorry.

We've got to put the cone back on you, Erin. You're eating barbecue and gnawing at your stitches. All right, next up. Would you rather live in this beautiful four-bedroom, five-bathroom house for only $550,000? It has two ponds, a pool, and hardwood floors. Ooh.

Wow, you can get all that in Oklahoma, a state that just this week had a six-week abortion ban signed into law who said upon signing it, I want Oklahoma to be the most pro-life state in the country. The mansion has a see-through fireplace. Also, Oklahoma does not have an exemption for rape or incest. Or you could have this slightly more expensive home in Hawaii

coming in at $587,000, but you get what you pay for, multiple trap doors in the floor. Oh, my goodness. That's horrifying. I'm going to say Oklahoma just because it's easier to drive other places. Got it. And that house is nice. And finally, you have this not unreasonable, albeit sort of haunted-looking multifamily home for $195,000.

The listing says it has easy access to stores. The basement's floor is made of, wait for it, dirt. But the state did support abortion providers with $2 million and aiding out-of-state patients who Republican Governor Charlie Barker publicly lamented the overturn of Roe v. Wade, saying, I think it would be an enormous setback for women across the country, and especially in states where they literally could lose access to any number of reproductive health services. So that's in Massachusetts. Or you could have this stunning villa for 185,000 euro, designed by Italian architects and referred to as the Sleeping Beauty of Bustini in Romania. It's got a semicircular veranda decorated with wrought iron

and a mosaic in the interior. You'll be forgiven for thinking it's a castle looking at those turrets. Unfortunately, as part of this deal, you will have to live there in 1966, the year that the nation's dictator, Nicolae Ceausescu, outlawed birth

control and abortion, resulting in the deaths of at least 10,000 women due to illegal abortions, and by 1989 the number is deaths of at least 10,000 women due to illegal abortions. And by 1989, the number is thought to be much higher, as well as leading to at least 170,000 children being placed in nightmarish state orphanages where children were starved and tortured for decades. The logical conclusion of these kinds of policies. So what do you want to do? Too dark, everybody?

I don't give a fuck. It was called Decree 770, and it was one of the inspirations for Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale, which was based on things that had already happened. The other thing. I'm going to go Massachusetts. As long as the Adidas backpack is included in the house. I mean, we can do it, and I'll have to do it as part of the... I mean, we can ask.

We can't guarantee it, but we can ask. Can I get a similar Adidas backpack? Sure, we can do it. We'll have to do it as part of the... I mean, we can ask. We can't guarantee it, but we can ask. Can I get a similar Adidas backpack? Sure. Okay. And then the Massachusetts place, for sure. All right, you did it. All right, thank you for playing House Hunters with us. Thank you for playing with me.

Thank you, Erin, for being here. And go to votesaveamerica.com slash ro to support our Fuck Bans action plan. We've raised hundreds of thousands of dollars. That has gone towards abortions providers and reproductive health services across the country to help get people the services they need or get them to where they can get those services. And it's raised tens of thousands of dollars already

for midterm madness for electing pro-choice candidates across the country. Everybody, listen to Aaron on Hysteria every week. Aaron Ryan, everybody, thank you so much. So good to see you. When we come back, Hot Takes. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way.

And we're back. Please welcome Jason and Otsuka back to the stage. Welcome back, everybody. Now it's time for a segment we call Hot Takes. We'll each have a minute to defend a never-before-seenensible did i say hammerback i know i did we're just gonna put in the description that was a loose episode uh here's how it works we each get a skip but beware the next one could be worse i have not seen any of these not mine not yours they are chosen by our producers so uh let's see what the first take is.

If it's for me, the Taco Bell Mexican pizza pales in comparison to the mixed spaghetti. Jesus. I don't know what the mixed spaghetti is, but I can only imagine it is a sensory delight. Now, obviously, I like the Mexican pizza. I consider it a near-perfect food, but only near-perfect. But as I look at what could I only imagine a long-tested product, like when McDonald's rolls something out,

they're not putting it together willy-nilly. They got scientists. They got experts. They get the right balance of all the flavors. Your salt, your sweet, your sour, your spicy, your umami, which is the poignancy of flavors. Yes. You know what I mean? Are you looking at me

for, yes. No, I wasn't. Oh, I thought you were wanting a Japanese person. Okay. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. And obviously, as we all know, when we think of umami, we think of Parmesan cheese. Otsami, we think of Parmesan cheese.

We think of Parmesan fucking cheese. Yay, John! So I love mixed spaghetti. That was so good. And aggression towards me for some reason. I don't know where. I was just trying to

support. I was yes-handing. You were looking at me. I said, yes don't know where. I was just trying to support. I was yes-handing. You were looking at me. I said, yes, I know, mommy. I was trying to help. We got each other. Shut up, everyone. Don't side against me on my own goddamn show.

Wait, quick question. So it's like that's how it works. Yeah. You get a hot take and you do your best, you know? You just try to defend it. Pails, I thought, meant like, is better than mixed spaghetti. I think this was saying that the mixed spaghetti is better than the mixed pizza. A position I obviously don't hold.

That's why they're trying to make me defend it. Got it. Thank you so much. Okay. Let's see what's up next. Otsuka, this is you. Oh, it is? We have nothing to learn from the elderly.

They are wasting our resources. Wow. We have nothing to learn from the elderly. They are wasting our resources. Wow, man, shoot. Have you looked at old people lately? Oh, my God. They're just like, oh, you're just like, I'm i'm trying to walk okay and you're in front of me

you know and so it's you know this is hard because my grandma is my best friend this is a personal attack this is an attack you know but i mean you gotta see them okay just trying to do anything oh my god what a sight you know it's's And then, you know, they also wear diapers We're like, oh, babies, everyone's like babies You know, they use a lot of Plastic, diapers How about the elderly, huh? Oh, aren't they just

Like babies? They use the same products Oh, we only attack The babies, oh, you know The environment, but how about the elderly? They also use diapers. They eat soft foods. Same ass shit. Get rid of them.

Fantastic. Next up. Next up. Oh, wow. Boo unions, just give me my coffee. Jason, take it away. Yeah, go ahead, boo that. I dare you, but here's the thing.

We all need coffee, don't we? And we've survived this long without unions. Why exactly do Starbucks workers need to get together and use their collective leverage to get more stuff? What's the worst thing you have to do with? James Cromwell gluing himself to the fucking counter? Big fucking deal. Tell me you can't take these

pastries home when they throw them out at the end of the day. You can take those home. That's free food for you. All the coffee you can drink, right? You're learning Italian phrases. Grande, vente, latte. It's like educational as well. It's everything you need from life

working at Starbucks. Why do you also need to be a communist? Just give me my fucking latte. Wow. Excellent. Excellent defense. Thank you, Jason. With time left. Wow. You had me Italian. Oh my God. Let's see our next hot

take. Formula is for quitters. Breast is best. Aaron, take it away. Oh, my God. Let's see our next hot take. Oh, God. Formula is for quitters. Breast is best. Erin, take it away. Oh, fuck. Can I just say, breastfeeding has, like, almost ruined my marriage. I'm doing it, and I wish I was a fucking quitter.

But I'm not a quitter. You know what? Why? I am a winner. I was a fucking quitter. But I'm not a quitter. You know what? I am a winner. I am a winner. I will kamikaze every aspect of my life. I will kamikaze eight hours of my day to have a tit in a tiny baby's mouth.

That makes me a better mom than a person who can't. Why? No reason. Formula costs money. Formula feeds the economy. Formula can be made into a commercial. My tits can't be on a commercial. They censor that shit.

We're prude about it. We need to feed our babies via ads Things that can make money And not tits The end Fantastic We're all so different With our approaches

That's true Is there a winner? Sorry, I'm just trying to make friends We all lose We are all losers. This is a game where we all lose. Let's see what happens. The audience wins.

Shows that start at 10.15 are always better than shows that start at 8. Why would I want a full night's sleep and a full audience? Pass. Dolly Parton is not a national treasure. She's a chronically underwhelming disappointment. Ooh.

Boo. Listen, let's face the facts, everybody. It's been a long time since 9 to 5. Oh, my God. And here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I like Jolene a lot, all right?

But I think there's something we can all be honest about, all right? I like Jolene a lot, all right? But I think there's something we can all be honest about, all right? Dolly Parton may have sang a relatively well-known version of I Will Always Love You, all right? She wrote it. And obviously wrote it, famously. I couldn't remember if she wrote it or not. And I remember now that she did write it.

But here's the thing. It's not her fucking song anymore, is it? All right? It is. It's Whitney Houston's song anymore is it alright it's Whitney Houston's song alright that is Whitney Houston's song alright and that tells you something about the limits of Dolly Parton's talent

it tells you a lot alright and I'll just leave it there because I think I think I've made my point we come back. We'll end on a high note. And we're back. Here it is, the high note. Hi, John.

This is Marcy from Portland, Oregon. And my high note for the week is this. On Tuesday, in the wake of the Supreme Court leak, my favorite food truck, JoJo, maker of legendary chicken sandwiches and burgers, posted on their Instagram feed that they had set aside $1,000 in matching funds to donate to the National Network of Abortion Funds. They asked people to DM screenshots of their donations, and they invited other Portland small businesses to join in adding to the matching budget. And by Friday morning, they had raised over $32,000. It feels amazing to see a small business that I love step up like this

and it feels amazing to contribute to their efforts. I mean, where else can you contribute to abortion rates and get unbelievably delicious chicken and JoJo's at the same time? Anyway, that's my high note. If you want, check out thejojo.pdx Instagram for more info and to salivate a little bit. Hope you have a great week. Bye. Hi, love it. This is Bella calling from New Paltz, New York. I have been really looking forward to sharing this highlight with you for quite some time.

And so my high note this week is that my amazing sister is graduating from law school this very weekend. She has been working and studying immigration law, and that has well prepared her for next year when she will be clerking in the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. I could not be more proud of her. You know, listening to Crooked Podcast has been one of the ways we've stayed connected, working and studying on opposite sides of the country over the past few years. And I'm just so grateful to all of you for bringing some levity and clarity and a sense of purpose to these trying times in our country. So thank you so much for all you do. Hi, Levitt. This is Eric in Tempe, Arizona, calling with my high note. And my high note was the previous weekend I was reunited with my sister and my two parents together for the first time in five years.

I had not seen my sister in about five years. Saw her more recently, but this is the first time the four of us had been together in about that long. My sister and I had some bumps in our relationship about five years ago, and then the pandemic happened, and that kind of slowed down any kind of reunion. But, you know, we found that in those five years, we'd all done a fair amount of growing and reflection and self-improvement, and there were no, like, huge tearful reunions or hug it outs or anything like that. But we had a good time, and it was really fun to see

her spend some time with my two kids who she also hadn't seen in about five years and really getting to rebuild that relationship and having the four of us all together again. Also a shout out to my wife who is looking to make some new job moves and become my breadwinner and my sugar mama. So thank you all so much for everything that you do and take care i love it this is stephanie in boston i always enjoy listening to the high notes and i'm excited to finally send in one of my own after teaching for 13 years i, finally got my public service loan forgiveness and my student loans as a teacher were completely forgiven. I can't even tell you how big this is for me and my family and that it just is like a humongous weight lifted off my shoulders. Thank you for the show and thank you

to everyone who submits high notes. Have a great week. Thanks, Lovett. Hey, Lovett. My name is Jen. I'm from Austin, Texas. My high note for a week otherwise filled with lots of rage is that after 10 challenging, beautiful years as a middle school and high school special education teacher, next year I will be evolving into my true form, an elementary librarian. I somehow finished my master's with a 4.0 while teaching full-time and doing a 160-hour practicum, which I think was good practice for when I need to draw upon a deep well of strength and grit to stand up to the goons in Texas who are promoting anti-intellectualism and censorship.

I was voted most likely to inspire youth rebellion by my teaching cohort, and I say it's never too young to start teaching kids how to stick it to the man and stand up for their rights. Love the show. Peace and love. Thanks to everybody who shared high notes tonight. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, call us at 213-262-4427. That is our show. Thank you so much. Deja Concepcion, Otsko Totska, Aaron Ryan, everybody who sent a high note. 178 days until the midterm elections. We have to elect a pro-choice majority everywhere. Have a great weekend. Thank you.