Lovett or Leave It - Wet Hot American Bummer

Episode Date: July 1, 2026

America’s 250th birthday is here, and boy, is she pissed you didn’t get her anything. This week, Trump puts the grimace in Great American State Fair; baby eagles put in their ear plugs, and Bush���s Baked Beans single-handedly puts an end to the American experiment. Meanwhile, Mark Duplass helps us cling to reason, while X Mayo brings her X-factor to a little U.S. history quiz. And we go out with a bang, and a round of Second Thoughts.For a transcript of an episode of Lovett or Leave It, please email [e-mail].

Loverdolute is brought to you by MIMMobil. There are things in life that you don't want to be transparent, like your swimsuit, ha, ha, or your search history. But I don't know. I don't know. Once the quantum computers, you know, de-encrypt everything, we'll all be in each other's business and we'll learn to live a new kind of life together. Interesting.

But when it comes to your wireless bill, transparency is everything. That's why MIME mobile wireless plans have no gimmicks and no gotchas, just high-speed data and reliable coverage on the T-Mobile 5G network. And right now, all plans are $15 per month, even unlimited. It mobile took what's wrong with wireless and made it right with premium wireless for $15 per month. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You even bring your current photo and your number. Choose from three, six or 12-month plans and say goodbye to a monthly bill.

Ditch overpriced wireless with MintMobile. It's so easy. Sign up online and get three months of premium wireless service for $15 a month. To get your new wireless plan for just $15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com slash love it. That's mintmobile.com slash love it. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash love it. That's it. There is no catch.

Up front payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12 months, plan required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. Includes up to 20 gigabyte hotspot capable device required availability. Speed and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com. I'm Keanu and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed.

Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business. But Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free trial at Shopify.com. Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live from Hollywood. I'm John Loven and baby I'm a firework. We have got a great show for you tonight, but first let's get into it.

What a week. On July 4th, 1776, the delegates of the Second Continental Congress signed the Declaration of Independence, separating themselves from England and creating the United States of America. One day, God willing, they'll teach their children about us, said John Hancock. Only the good parts, said Thomas Jefferson. Only the good parts, said. John Hancock, haza, said the founders. Jefferson and John Adams, former allies, turned adversaries, died on the same day 50 years later on July 4th, 1826. Poor John Adams, that's like

when Farah Fawcett died on the same day as Michael Jackson. For a moment, you're like, oh, right, Farah Fawcett died. John Adams' last words were said to be, Thomas Jefferson still survives. but unbeknownst to him, Jefferson had died a few hours earlier. Adams shows up to heaven, pissed. St. Peter tells him Jefferson died, and then John Adams is like, okay, then where is he? And St. Peter says, oh, he's not here, babe. And then how John Adams laughed, eat shit, Thomas,

enjoy kissing the devil in the French way. Speaking of hell, the Trump administration's great American state fair is in full swing on the National Mall. It's pretty cool. use Trump crypto coin to buy tickets for the carnival games, and then if you win, you get tokens that you can exchange for Trump crypto coins. Now, Congress had created a bipartisan non-profit called America 250 to organize the events. Trump then launched a competing organization called Freedom 250 so that he could turn the occasion, originally meant to be a patriotic celebration

for everybody, into what Trump himself described as a kind of MAGA rally. Not since you are sister wore white to your wedding and announced that she was pregnant during her toast has someone tried so hard to ruin an event by making it about themselves. Artists like Martina McBride, young MC, and Brett Michaels pulled out of their scheduled concerts at the fair because they didn't realize that the event had become politicized. And they're right. State fairs are where all Americans, young and old, straight and gay, liberal and conservative, come together on a hot summer day to give themselves diarrhea. The fair kicked off Wednesday, June 24th with musical performances and welcome speeches like this one from Transportation Secretary and former real-world contestant Sean Duffy.

To start this off, I think we have to give a big round of applause for our military band and singers way better than those libtards that canceled on us. It might seem like calling the artists libtards is a great way to prove that they were right to cancel. But that's not fair. was just a last-ditch effort by Sean Duffy to convince the black-eyed peas to show up and play Let's Get Lib-Tarded in here. Each day of the Great American State Fair is dedicated to different Trump-approved themes, such as Horsepower of America, Wings of Freedom, and the American Canvas. Other days include a salute to divorce dads, red, white, and two genders, and poetry day,

just kidding, Gunday. There is also, and this is real, Maha Monday, where visiting, can learn about, quote, feeling better, living longer, and doing it the American way, which I guess means eating a salad while busting a union. Don't let the health talk worry you too much, though, because this is still a fair, and you can still get a corn dog, and there will be eating contests, and the fair's porta-potties will honor tradition by having three settings, occupied, vacant, and this place is not a place of honor.

What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. The danger is still present in your time, as it was in ours, this place is best shunned and left uninhabited. The last day of the fair is dedicated to the next 250, including a celebration of robotics and artificial intelligence, and it was all going swimmingly until lightning struck that one robot, and it screamed the Lord's Prayer, and then it started counting down in a kind of monotone

toward what seems to be a specific day and time a few years from now. Weird. In the meantime, visitors can run, the Ferris wheel that has been erected on the National Mall. And this just in, the Ferris Wheel is covered in algae. I repeat, the algae has taken the Ferris Wheel. Meanwhile, Bush's baked beans debuted a limited edition summer trio of patriotic baked bean flavors,

dill pickle, apple pie, and rocket pop. In my day, you could only experience exciting flavor combinations like this if you threw up. Look, on a hot summer day as a kid, whenever I had an ice-cold rocket pop, I often thought, gee, this would be better if it were piping hot beans. And of course, July 4th brings Nathan's famous annual hot dog eating contest at Coney Island, where the world record for hot dog is eaten in one sitting competitively, 76, was set by Joey Jaws Chestnut in 2021.

Boy, I wish I could gobble down that many weaners, said South Carolina Senator Lindsay Graham. This year will also feature the first Ozempic hot dog eating contest in which contestants will compete to finish one hot dog. And finally, over 10,000 Big Bear residents signed a petition asking the town to cancel the annual 4th of July fireworks spectacular

despite the boon to local tourism as it would disturb the area's celebrity bald eagle family, which includes two new news. eglets, Sandy and Luna. Don't press your luck, bald eagles. We did right by you. DDT was awesome. It killed a lot of bugs. All right, but we stopped using it because it made your shells so thin that eagle moms would lay eggs and then crush those eggs under their own weight, which I agree is deeply sad, but we stopped it for you. Don't mess with the fucking fireworks. Or we can go back to Benjamin Franklin's original pitch of making the turkey our national bird.

I swear those freaky gobbling birds like being eaten. It's their kink. Oh, the widow baby eagles are scared. Grow up. This is America, and I don't care if it frightens the last white rhino to death. We light it up. The Hershey's bars don't come in foil anymore. All our cars are ugly and gray.

You can't buy a house unless you already own a house. So we're going to do the fireworks. And if those birds want to be fags about it, they can take their nest to fucking Canada. Say it with me. USA. USA. USA.

All right, we've got a great show for you. And we will be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Stamps.com. We could all use a few more hours, even minutes, in the day for ourselves. Skip your trip to the post office and stop letting mailing steal your precious little time with Stamps.com. With Stamps.com, you can print postage and shipping labels from your computer or phone 24-7

with up to 90% off UPS, USPS, FedEx, and more. No lines, no trips, no waiting. Get everything done in minutes and even schedule free pickup, so carriers come right to you. Whether you're sending letters, contracts, important legal documents or packages, Stamps.com, makes mailing simple for businesses of all sizes, including multi-location offices. You can even send certified mail with proof of delivery right from your desk. Boy, wouldn't it be nice to get things done in minutes instead of hours? If everything you needed was right there on your computer or a phone, what a world it could be. It's not even AI.

It's not even AI. It's a world you could live in. If mailing is taking more time and more money than it should, try Stamps.com free for four weeks and get a welcome kit. Go to Stamps.com slash love it to get this offer today. that's s t a mps.com slash love it stamps.com slash love it taxes and fees apply. Love it to leave it is brought to you by zbiotics pre-alcohol. Let's face it after a night with drinks. You don't bounce back the next day like you used to.

You had to make a choice. You can either have a great night or a great next day. That is until I found pre-alcohol. We were just in Chicago for the opening of the Obama Presidential Center. And I brought zibiotics. And before I left the hotel, I would just threw zibiotics down because I knew I was going to be having a couple drinks. I don't know normally have drinks two or three nights in a row.

Yeah, let me tell you, Chicago really tested the outer bounds of the zbiotics. Absolutely. But it held up. But it held up. Zbiotics pre-alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Here's how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in the gut.

It's a build-up of this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for rough days after drinking. Pre-alcohol produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. Just remember to make pre-agololol your first. first drink of the night. Drink responsibly and you'll feel your best tomorrow. I just told you the story of how I used it. Let me tell you something. I had Zibiotics on Thursday night, had a bunch of drinks, woke up the next day, walked myself to a bar, had pizza with John. Then you know what I did? I walked to another pizza place to have a deep dish by myself. Do you know that's what I did after I left you on Friday? I went and had a secret deep dish pizza at the bar of a restaurant. You know what I did

before I saw you on Friday? Thanks to Zibiotics. That was at 11.30. At 8.30, I got to Navy Pier with my family and two children and went on the teacups three times. Wow. Three times after all of those bourbon and sodas than I before. Incredible. Thank you, Zbiotics. July is packed with barbecue, fireworks, late weekends, and late nights with France. Keep the good times rolling into the next day. Drink pre-biol alcohol before you go out and wake up ready for whatever Sunday brings.

Head to Zbiotics.com slash love it. Use code love it at checkout for 15% off that Zbiotics.com slash love it. code love it. And we're back. Mark Duplas will be out in just a moment, but first, if you are a friend of the pond, thank you. And if you're not, consider this your midterm reminder. In addition to even more Ponsave America content like Only Friends, that's our podcast,

that's just for subscribers, and our Open Tabs newsletter. You get ad-free breaking news. You support independent media you can trust. Plus, you get a discounted ticket to CricketCon. So please, please, please become a friend of the pod. We provide a lot of content, and it's a great way to support a pro-democracy media company. So go to crooked.com slash friends to learn more. And if you are in L.A., come check out the new studio.

People are having a great time, right? They're right here. Upcoming guests include Margaret Cho, Langston, Kerman, and Dana Gould. Plus, we have the first Gen Z member of Congress, Maxwell Frost, joining us. So go to cricket.com slash events to get those tickets. All right. Please welcome to the stage. The taller one, Mark Duplas.

Hi. Hi, good to see you, buddy. Thanks for being here. I got three chairs. Where do you want me to sit? Sit closest to be please. Yeah, sit close. So I want to tell you something.

I wanted to make sure I didn't say duplas because I believe I have undiagnosed dyslexia, so I struggle with reading things phonetically. So here's how I remember to say it, which was Duplas do equals doer. What is dyslexia, you think? I think it's not that. Right, for sure.

Well, some people like to sit in a chair just kind of like normally and some people can't sit normally. Can't do it. Can't do it. And I think it has something to do with that. I might be. Yeah. I think you're fine.

I can get lower. Yeah. So, back rooms. Back rooms. Back rooms. Which is not the back rooms. You know who the fans are because basically everybody over 25 calls it

the backrooms. Oh. Like the Walmart, the Steinmart, the thing. And then everybody under 25, who's a fan of the movie, calls it backrums. So you did really well.

Thanks a lot. I try to keep in touch with the youth. Can you tell me what happens so it's less scary when I go see it? Yes. Okay. So I'm going to start at the end. So here's the thing about backrooms.

It's the truth. I don't think backrooms is an empirically, like, scary movie. It weirdly, to me, I can't believe this movie is as popular as it is. It's like a strange

Eastern European mood piece that happened to be an internet meme that a bunch of people came to see. But when I saw the movie before it went out, I was like, oh these kids, they're going to be upset that this is not more jump scary and all that stuff.

But they fucking loved it. And I was so happy. I was at a days in in upstate New York, and it had this it had built this kind of indoor space between what had previously been a motel and there was an arcade that was making noise 24 hours a day, fake plants and a kind of pool.

So the whole room had that kind of indoor pool smell. And it was the spookiest fucking liminal space. I feel like people, there's something about, because I remember when the videos of the back room started going viral. Were you, you watching it? Yes, okay. I was seeing them. and I was really freaked out by them.

And then you start to experience these liminal spaces. And there really is a lot of people that they stumble upon these places. And they feel like they've kind of broken through to the other side of the matrix. And I don't know what it is about the moment of not being able to trust what you see, that we're all kind of ready to believe that behind the door of a place that seems normal is a kind of true back area where it's all being run. Do you feel that? Well, I feel a couple of those things.

I think that there's this thing that kids, I don't know if you've ever, been around kids who they have this great fear that their parents may not be the real parents. And it's a very consistent thing with kids. And my kids, when I was, when they were like maybe three, four, and five years old, one of them in particular, she would hug me at night and she would put her hand inside my shirt to feel and make sure that there was still like my body underneath this thing. And it's this deep fear that everything that we see and that we trust the most might actually not be what we think it is.

And to me, that's the core of the liminal space fear. It's like, this is just a millimeter off from reality, and I'm not going to be able to tell, and it's going to go bad. Yeah. It's like you and I are on a talk show kind of right now. Yeah, kind of.

Kind of. But it's like, but it's a little bit different, right? Yeah, something's a little bit off for sure. Yeah. And like if everybody's like really quiet, there's like this subtle like little you hear it yeah there's something not quite right yeah there's something not right but i think that's my energy as a host yeah that's it yeah we're good uh so you had to like make a see because people were trying to suggest that you had speaking of things not being what they seen that you

had secretly directed backro yeah there was this weird thing that happened where um and it all sort of makes sense kane parsons who directed this film was 19 when he directed the movie which i think It's disgusting. Which is disgusting. And we all hate him because of that, right? But we have to find different ways to sort of operationalize that hate so we don't look petty. Right. And the main way that this materialized was people saying, oh, Mark Duplas was on set.

He's a mentor of young filmmakers. He clearly ghost directed the movie. That was sort of this thing that went around. So I bravely came out on my social media accounts. So brave. Yeah, it was very brave, you know. So powerful. And I let everybody know that Kane is a great director, which is true.

that he directed the movie by himself, that he didn't need any help for me, which is also true. But at the same time in my braveness, I just wanted to let everybody know because I had a relatively small role in the film that I could insert myself into the conversation in a meaningful way to maybe get some more roles out of it.

Right, right. That's cool. See, that's the business. That's real bravery. That's Hollywood. That's how it works. That's somebody who knows the business. That's someone who knows the business.

You also co-wrote Magic Hour with your wife Katie, who also directed. And it's the first time you worked with her since, I think, 2012. Is that right? Yeah, I mean, we do little things together, but this is the first time we had done something very meaningful. Yeah. What's the, are there, are there pitfalls to working with your spouse?

Because it's like, you're together all day, so you can't come home at the end of the day and talk about your day. How much time you got? Oh, we, well, you guys got time? You know, listen, we've got to, you know, look, listen, we've got to go a few more minutes to this mattress out. Okay, yeah. But, because I used to work with my husband.

Yeah. So, you know, as you might imagine, it's a love, hate thing. For us, it's just love, so your step is worse. Yeah. So, yeah, so, well, it's weird because Katie and I are, we are getting divorced. Oh, no, God, I hate to hear that. No. So, all right, so here's the thing.

They're not getting divorced. They're deeply, you're deeply in love. Yeah. You have a, deeply, you have a kind of rapacious love for your wife. We have, we are notoriously sort of somewhere between codependent and interdependent, which is kind of what the movie Magic Hour is about to a certain degree was us expressing this sort of feeling of isn't this everything you ever wanted to be so close with someone that you feel that you really can't live without them but we have become so inextricably intertwined that it can be a little problematic and we think it's half good and half bad so we decided to sort of make a movie about it but to your previous question i think for me

I'm really grateful that this thing that I do telling stories that I take very seriously that, you know, it encapsulates the highs and lows of my day, can be understood by the person sleeping next to me rather than sleeping to someone who works at doctors without borders or is like... You know what I'm talking about? I can't stand those people. And because like you sleep next to them and you want to complain about the fact that you weren't able to get your full vision across on take four and they're like, Yeah, we fix the cleft palate. Yeah. You don't get to talk about take four when the cleft palate's sleeping next to you. Right, right, yeah, which is in a way it's almost like insulting to you.

It's like your work matters. Like, who the fuck is this doctor? Yeah. To act like your work doesn't matter with their whole energy. This is why I'm, this is why, this is why it's enough with the doctors. Yeah. That's why I've come here, basically. If you take nothing away from this show, it's like we got to knock the doctors down

They're all high on their own supply. Speaking of people coming after online, you had a modern love conversation with the times in which you and your wife talked about being codependent. And then people got mad at you for suggesting you were codependent because you were describing it, they were like, that's not codependent. That's not codependent.

You're just independent or interdependent. Interdependent or just maybe just clingy, you know? Yeah, you're super, and I don't really understand the difference myself. I did find it interesting to learn that you and your wife have the same therapist that you don't see as couples. You do, but you see individually. You share a therapist that you see for individual sessions. That is intimate. Yeah, some people, some people would say that that is a conflict of interest. And I would have a hard time making a co-jum argument otherwise. But for me, it sort of happens serendipitously. Like, when you find a good therapist,

it's the greatest thing in the world. And there are a waiting list and light. It is so hard to find. harder than finding someone to marry, I would argue. And so we found the great therapist, and it was like, well, who's going to go? Well, we're both going to go. Now there's this ancillary benefit that I just really love, which is like, I can't paint Katie in some unilateral way that this therapist doesn't have other information about and sort of like get her to say that I'm right and make me feel good and ram jam jam that situation to stroke my ego. She knows Katie empirically on her own. also saves a ton of time with exposition. She knows all the story.

I can just jump right in. To me, it's win-win. I'm sure someone out there is like, you have so many blind spots on this right now. You have no idea. Yeah. No, I mean, like I'm not in therapy because they said I didn't need it. They did.

They said I was good and then I didn't eat it anymore, which was cool. They were like, you're set. Never come back. Transcended forever. Yeah, they were like, we've never had this happen before, but you've cracked the whole thing. Actually, I'm going to just start telling you about my problems.

Now, inspired by your modern love episode, we're going to play a game we're calling, love it, and please God, don't leave it. I'm going to give you a scenario, and you're going to answer, is this too clingy or is it just right? All right. First up, only being able to go to the dentist if your spouse holds your hand. That's just right. That to me, that is a level of vulnerability that I think we all hope to achieve, which is I'm 49 years old. I should be not afraid to go to the dentist. You love me enough that I can admit this to you,

and you'll not only still, ideally want to fuck me at the end of the day, you'll walk me in and you get a free toothbrush at the same time. What's your restaurant ordering process? Is it assumed that even if you order individually you're sharing? This is a little different, but I'm glad you asked, because in a truly interdependent relationship like we have, there are these areas where we defer to each other and we know we're going to defer to each other. So I don't have the most sophisticated culinary palettes, whereas Katie does.

So when we go to the restaurant, there's going to be two entrees and an appetizer, all of which will be her choices that she thinks could be good. One and a half of those will work for her, and then I'll eat the other stuff. And we're both totally happy to do that. That being said, when it comes time to, like, sit down for a movie, she tends to fall asleep early at night. So I'm always going to pick the movie because she'll fall asleep in 20 minutes, and I'll ride out and pick the movie I want to watch.

So we have these, like, little areas that we are, like, captain and co-captain of. Do you have individual shows? Very thought out, you guys. The therapy is great. Do you have individual shows and group shows? Or, you know what I mean? Because I have shows that are, like, so I have, I know that they're, like, Ari's going to watch Love Island, and that's their thing,

and I'm not participating in that. But then if they were to watch Ellsbeth, I'd be like, no, no, no, that's our thing. This is our thing, yeah. So I did a show called The League with the great Paul Shear for many years. And he, yeah, I've got some fans out there. And he was asked to speak at a wedding, and he realized that by the time it got to him,

everybody had said everything he wanted to say. So he was like, shit, I got to come up with something on the spot. So his advice to the couple that he thought of in the moment was, do not hold each other hostage on any of the shows you want to watch together. Let each other go and you'll have a happy marriage. I thought that that was really, really, really, I thought that was really, really beautiful. So Katie and I don't hold each other to those things because there are times when you're out of town. You get an episode ahead.

I once lied about it and told her I hadn't seen the episode. He can't pull that off. She sniffed that shit out on me in like minute two. I have to tell you something. I don't think there's not a person with blood in their veins who hasn't thought, I'm going to watch the episode and then fake it and watch it again.

Yeah. You know what I mean? You've thought about it. It's like it's like a fantasy, you know? Yes. You ever had like a, it's similar to the thing of like when you're, when you had a paper due and you thought, what if I fake that I broke my leg?

You know, and you never actually go through it. Once in a while, some sociopath will do it and you'll be like, oh my God, that was the kid at my school that pretended they broke their leg. You think about it, but you don't do it.

I did it. I did it. Yeah, I did it, and I was quickly caught, and there wasn't sex that night, but it's okay. We came back around. But sex 364 other days of the year. Hey, what was the next thing you were going to do? Insisting your beloved leaves the door open while using the bathroom so you can still talk. Katie's put up a boundary.

So for those of you who have children in the audience, you know that, or dogs, or needy rescue dogs, there are these moments when you start to open the bathroom doors because the kids want to get in, the dogs want to get in. Our kids are older now, they don't want to do that anymore. And so we had an open door policy for a little while. And then a few years ago, Katie was like, we're going to shut the door. So I was like, I respect that, you know, a little wounded. But when she's in there, I do like to pass by the door and just do a little

do do do do do. And she gets a little angry and a little giggle. It's nice. One time I thought It was like the middle of the night And I woke up to go to the bathroom And I thought Ari was sleeping next to me But it was actually the dog had jumped in to Ari's spot

And so I just went and opened the bathroom door And we both screamed loud enough to wake the whole neighborhood Just a full blood-curdling scream from the toilet Followed by a full blood-curdling scream from me Causing the dog to jump off the bed in panic and then we had to take the dog to the vet because she hurt her leg from the panic screaming because she was so afraid

and she couldn't turn her homework in the next day no she was absolutely it's awful the whole thing was terrible that that is an incredible horror movie I mean dog hurt but that's like invasion of the body snatchers like I see something this person is how can they are there in the bed too

right it was very spooky you know what I have a problem is with invasion of the body snatchers I'm glad you brought it up it's not a good film oh that's I don't agree with You don't think it was? You don't think it's a good film? You don't think the Donald Sutherland version is good? Here's my problem. They don't snatch the bodies. They just kill you. They just kill you and use the shape. They grow a new ones. I thought invasion of the body snatchers is they have a body, they snatch you, replace the brain. No, they take you and desiccate you and make a new plant version of you that only talks like you. They're not snatching the bodies. They just kill you. It's just invasion of the body killers. If you and I were like 23 years old and living in deep Brooklyn in an apartment together,

and we hadn't yet made it in the industry, and you said that to me, I'd be like, okay, tonight. I made it next to the industry. We're going to make this short film. We're going to dress you up as like, you know, CISCAL. And you're going to give the review of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Someone who clearly loves the movie, but has to give it a zero review because there's no snatching. That four-minute short film monologue needs to be done. Here's my feeling.

I just learned something about you and us, which is, why do I have to be Siskel? Why can't you be Siskel? I want to be Syckel. You want to be Iver? You're Ebert. You're Ebert. I'm Ciskel.

You do have that specific type of anger. It just showed it. You think I have a Siskel energy? Yeah. Kind of like a vaguely like kind of Niles Crane adjacent kind of nose. Well, it's like I'm going to be the bigger man nine out of ten times. But on number 10, you're going to like breathe wrong and I'm going to tear your face off. Okay, you're Ebert, I'm Siskel, that's right

Tracking your significant other's location Do you have Find My On On Your Phones? We do. A whole family's got it, the two daughters, my wife, and myself. I find it's interesting that there are some couples, great couples, that are like, no, never, and then there are some that like, of course, why not? And it's an interesting device. What are you guys?

We're on, I like knowing. We're always seeing each other's location. Has there ever been a moment for you where you're like, oh, there's a little white lie here I'd like to tell, but they've got my location, so what do I do? This is going to sound, it's birthday present shopping. Yeah. I swear that's when I tried to turn it off.

You are posturing for the audience. No, I know. You want them to think you're amazing. You know, plus my affairs. But other than that, yeah. Game recognized game. Yeah, yeah. Plus my affairs.

All right, let's see. Holding hands while driving. That seems wrong. We do it all the time. No. We do it all the time. There is a. There is a thing where Katie's grandparents were like our heroes because when I met them,

he would never let her pass without like giving her a little cute little tap on the butt and little kisses. And I saw it and I was like, he's not always wanting to do this and she's not always wanting to receive this. But there is a fake it to make itness where they just keep doing this and they have kept that rhythm up. And it has sustained them. So Katie and I saw that and we're like, okay, 20% of the time we're not going to feel like doing this. this, but we're going to do it so we can stay in the rhythm. Cool. Just kind of wrote buttpats.

That's the secret to a happy life. You get it. I'm in. You get it. You're going to go home tonight, and shit's going to change. Just right. And you can watch Magic Hour, the movie you wrote with your wife. Katie is now on video on demand, and we'll be right back.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It is brought you by Helix. Sleep. Oh my gosh. It's so important. A good night's rest sets you up for a great next day. So I was supposed to wake up.

I don't know what the person I believe I'm going to be on Monday morning when I'm making this plan on Sunday morning. But I was like, you know what? I'm going to get up early and go to a gym class on Monday morning before I come in. And I woke up early and I was like, I'm just going to sleep an extra hour. But then Pundit was up. And so Pundit just barked at me for the hour. So I didn't get the sleep anyway.

Tough. But today I feel great because of my Helix mattress. Helix livers your mattress right to your door with free shipping the U.S. How do they know which matters? mattress is right for you. You take the Helix Sleep Quiz and I'll match you with a perfect mattress based on your personal preferences and sleep needs. They have over 20 mattress so you can find the perfect model for you. The Happy with Helix guarantee offers a risk-free customer-first experience designed to ensure you're completely satisfied with your new mattress

so you can rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges. Plus Helix offers a 120-night sleep trial and limited lifetime warranty. I have my Helix mattress. I love it. I have the Dawn Lux, super comfortable. Highly recommend it. Go to Helixleep.com slash love it for 20% offsite wide. That's HelixSleep.com slash Love it for 20% off sitewide Helixleep.com slash love it. Love it or leave it is brought you by AG1. Everyone loves a good summer vacation, but getting out of your regular routine

can leave your body feeling a little run down. But it doesn't have to be this way. Head out for your summer adventures worry free with AG1 every morning. Just mix one scoop with eight ounces of water and you are good to go. AG1 is a daily health drink with a multivitamin, pre and probiotics, superfoods, antioxidants. The easy delivery system means you'll get high quality nutritional support every single day, no matter when or where you start your morning.

Age 1 helps you maintain energy, support your gut health, and supports immune health. The next gen formula delivers 75 plus ingredients clinically shown to support gut health, fill common nutrient gaps, and improve key nutrition levels within three months. You should really just in the morning, you know, like, whatever you need that day, maybe you're going to go to a chick flay, maybe you're going to go to a party, whatever. You're not going to have a salad. Have a vitamin to start the day. Boy, you'll feel better.

You know, you got some good stuff in there, you know? Drinkag1.com slash love it to get a free AG1 travel case with seven free AG1 travel packs in your welcome kit with your first AG1 subscription order while supplies last. That's drinkag1.com slash love it. And we're back. Hi, everybody. Please welcome to the stage. X marks the spot. It also marks our next guest.

Please welcome the stage X-Mayo. Hi, welcome. Welcome. Bring it in. Nice to meet you. Thanks for being here. First of all, love the jumpsuit. I'm going to go through your phone.

If that's cool. He has very intimate, he's a clingy guy. You get used to it. You sit like that the whole time? Sometimes. I can get lower. Oh, okay. I just don't.

I feel. No, no, that's good. It opens up your hips. You know, now that I'm approaching 40, I'm, you know, getting out the bed in sections. So, you know, I have a myofascial person. You know, that's nothing that you get a mild. So you have fascia. Oh, my God.

I'm obsessed with this. Okay. you. Okay. Fasha is in between the bone. It protects the bones. You got to work that out. So it's like above the muscles. So that stuff needs to move. So think about if you open up an orange and you peel it apart, all that white shit, that's fascia. We got to work that out. And she's very stubborn. Interesting. Yeah. So it's like when I went to go see her, I was like, oh, because I'm training for this fitness competition. I was like, hey, we need to work on my running. She was like, do you know how to walk. And I was like, bitch, been walking since I was two. Like, what she meant?

You know, it's like, somebody asked you like, do you know how to talk, John? Like, Mark, do you know how to like, write? It's like, yeah, you know how to write. You've been writing for forever, you know, like, so I was like, yeah, bitch, you don't know how to walk. Can I tell something? I think I need to go to this person because I think I don't know how to walk. My gate is so weird. And she said she opened up my hips and I was like, my hips closed. You know, like I didn't know that was a thing. John, can we see the walk? Yeah, I'll show you my weird walk. It's a weird gate. It's hard to do it. be self-conscious, but I'm going to try to walk as if no one's here.

Just try, yeah. It's a little weird. I think, I think you're, I think you're primed to fall. Holy. Because it's like, it's like a one step in front of the other kind of thing. Like, you see what I mean? I can't even describe it. It's a weird gate.

And there's nothing wrong with it. It's hard to know what the problem is, but there's something not quite right with how I'm walking. And I'm in very good shape. The left foot's going out a little bit. Yes. And my grandfather had that as well. We had the outgoing left foot.

Oh, so you inherited that. I think so. Yeah. It's kind of like an heirloom. Would your grandfather, Daniel DeLewis? He did that movie My Left Foot. You know what? Did he do a movie called My Left Foot?

No, but Daniel Day Lewis studied my grandfather. Oh, there you go. To get into the character. And that's what's so amazing about that. Okay. Hey, you are writing for the BET Awards. Yes, yes, I just left work. Any tips if we want to make money on Kalshi, like, you know, best artist or anything

like that? You say anything on what? To make money on those betting markets on like the Kalshi betting markets. That's where people bet on real world events. fence through, through, um, so for, it, it would literally be like how long before John falls walking across the stage and you put, and you put that one minute, you can bet on two seconds, you know, yeah. Wait, that's a thing.

Yeah, it's terrible. Wait, it's all, it's, you can like, bet on it right. I bet right now you can bet on who's going to win. It's really what it is. You can probably bet on the BET Wars right now. Okay, well, I mean, don't do it. I think there's like, it's ethically dubious and law, and the law is a bit murky, but unless you're a big Trump person, that they'll come after.

So don't insider trade If you do know who wins best male hip hop artist of the year at the BDTW. But tell me after. Right, right, right. Yeah, I'm a whispered. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll get your bequette.

Don't worry about that. Bequette, that's like crypto. Sure, yeah. Okay, that's another version of fake money. You'll make some money. You'll make some. We'll help, we'll do it. Okay. You know?

Okay. Well, for the BET Awards, I don't know what you said it's called calisthenics. It's Cal sheet. Cal sheet. Cal sheet. Yeah. Cal sheet.

Yeah, okay. I don't know what they would do on couch. Y'all know how to vote, but I would say watch it to help my residuals. Great, perfect. Yes, please. Yeah, you go. When you were writing for the Daily Show,

you know, we... Come on. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Mr. Trevor Noah. What was your strategy for keeping up with the news all the time without losing it? Because I don't have one.

Yeah, I think there's a point when working in, specifically something like the Daily. show where you're no longer human. So it kind of like broke me down because I got to a point. So my mentor, my everything, my sensei, Juban Perang, he's still there. Jubin and I were performing together at UCB, long story short. I had no idea what the fuck he did at the daily short or anything like that. To me, he was an improv god. And I was about to move back to L.A. because I'm from L.A. born and raised. I did New York for five years. I was like, I'm not spending another fucking winter here and I'm broke. So I was like, God, listen, I'm out of here. I got to go. He was like, I'm

going to pitch you to Trevor to write for the show and I said God or your friend. No God as in him up there. Right. Jesus. Yeah. I don't know who you serve. I respect that. No, got it. Right. Yeah. I'm opening. I think everybody faith is right. Be Buddhist, yoga, bow down to a lollipop. I don't give a fuck. Just try to be better. You know, right? So I just wanted to say that. You know, I believe in interfaith and

all of that. Okay. So when I was like, God, I can't be here and be broke, right? So then, Jubin was like, hey, I'm going to pitch you to Trevor to write for the show and I was saying what the fuck do you do right because you know LA everybody's an agent everybody got a car to everybody do something I'm like what do you do it he could be working crafty you know like what do do do you do do you do and he was like oh I'm a producer for the show and I was like oh okay great so then once I got there I'm saying that because with jubin there was a point where I forgot what the fuck the story was about and I was like jubin I can't I can't make a joke about like we can't make a joke about like I can't like I just felt

so like this is immoral like this this we can't make a joke about it like this we can't make a joke about this person. He looked me in my eye and he fucking did a Jedi mind sure. He looked at me in my eye. He didn't blink. He said X, there's always a joke. And from that point on I have become the most problematic person. I mean... That's beautiful.

I like that. I like that. There's always a joke. I got two sketches for you. You know, like I just... Yeah, I just had funerals. It's bad. I have to like turn it off like because I see it. But so what I'm saying is like I was able to like keep up with it because there's a part of me that kind of just died.

and to do the job, you know, essentially. But then there was, because I'm such an actor, because I'm such an artist, there would be the other part of me that would come back up, which is helpful because I'm very passionate. So there would be certain jokes that I feel hit more because there was emotion behind it. And Trevor's such a fucking brilliant genius. So yeah, so I had to get a Twitter.

Did not have Twitter because they were like Trump could take his dick out, you know. You got to be ready. You got to be ready. You got to be ready. And so I was like, okay, got ready to see it. And so, yeah, so it was just like the internet and also being a black woman, there are certain stories that I'm like, I care about that are like, you know, maybe like the masses or the traditional daily show audience wouldn't. So I'm on other outlets as well because I'm like, Trevor, what if we talk about this?

Because there's a way to like surprise the audience to do stuff. It's like, okay, we know a fucking, you know, New York Times going to say Washington Post. But it's like these other outlets like the Jasmine brand, the shade room. Like, you know, what's going on on Hollywood Unlock? what's the ear to the streets? And because Trevor is, you know, black, and so he's like, wants to know those things as well. So I think that was great, too,

because he has such an international voice. So, yeah. That was my long one to answer. I'm so sorry. No, that was good. Yeah. Mark, did you ever have any strange encounters with the TSA at the airport?

Well, I noticed that. at a certain point that I was getting away with more liquids than I should. You guys noticed this lately? Yes, it seems it's like I forgot and I put the big toothpaste in

and I was like, oh, I'm gonna get, they didn't catch me. It seems as though, I think that's such an important and interesting point that we should all be chill about and not make a big deal of, but it seems like they know the liquid rule was bad, the government,

but they're also afraid that if they announce all liquids are good. Next thing you know, the bad liquid bomb thing happens again. So they have to kind of allow the rule to go away without ever actually letting the rule go away and we all live in a kind of gray zone

where it's like, as long as it's, it could be more than 3.4, but it can't feel like more than 3.4, you know? Everybody's getting very vibey at the TSA. Which is, that's why it's so confusing because that sort of fluid energy is not something we're used to at the airport.

If your bag is 50 pounds and 0.1 fucking ounce, an extra $200, you're done. There's no fluidity there. So, yeah, it's a theory. The problem is, I just, I wish we knew someone who, like, worked there. I know.

I wish there was someone we could ask who had maybe been in the TSA, worked there, could kind of give their expertise. Wait, so, XMO, did you work for the TSA? Yes. And you were a TSA agent. This is crazy. So you were a TSA agent from 2008 to 2010.

Yes, a little over 2010. Yes, I did my bid. I did my time at L-AX. At L-A-X. T4, baby. It never did. T4. T4.

International. No, no, no. That's American. Yeah, that's American. Sometimes it would, you can connect. You can connect. Sometimes you get an American flight and you're like, where am I walking? And then all of a sudden, you're in it.

So wait, what was your TSA experience like? It was amazing. I love working and I genuinely love people. And I thrive in customer service. And I feel like that was like a real customer service job. I did not fuck around. I took my job very seriously. I didn't realize at the time

because I did not have the comedic language to say that I was doing bits or that I was just like, you know, I'm just, have always just been horny for the stage. I've been performing since I was eight. So when I got to TSA at 23, I had quit acting for the second time.

I was like, fuck it, I'll get a job because at that point I've been auditioning for 11 years, never booked. And I was like, okay, well, maybe this isn't the thing. So then I would never want to be tagged out of the mag where you make the announcements, I fucking loved it because you had to listen to me.

So I had like an audience that was forced and if you fucked up, you wouldn't get on your flight. You won't listen to me? Okay, fine. Well, then you are exhibiting terrorist like activity.

I need you have additional screening. You know? So I loved it. And everyone, no one loved to talk. No one wanted to do anything. So I'm like, yeah, leave X there for the whole fucking, you know, thing. And so, yeah, no, I loved it.

But I took my job very seriously. I did find things. The general post. public is very stupid. What's an example of something you found? Well, especially back then in like 2008, like, I mean, I'm from

L.A., so like marijuana to me was like always legal, but I know that I got like officially legal at some point. And so you guys had like marijuana cards, right? But people would put their weed in foil and put that through the x-ray. Then

people would make homemade panties and put money in foil, wrap it in and zip it in there and go through the walkthrough. Like this is all metal. That's not a good idea. No, it's not.

But you caught somebody with someone with weed, right? 100%. And you tell what happened? Yes. I was surprised to learn where and how the weed. Yeah.

Okay, so it was my last day. I decided to quit. And I was like, because Marlon Wayans came through and I was like, oh my God, you're my king. How do I like get back into the industry? And he was like, you have to write. Do you write?

And I was like, I write a text message. And he's like, no, you have to fucking take this shit seriously. So you just. You know, I'm like 24, and I'm like, oh, my God, Marlon Wayans to me, I have to go after my dream. You know, like, it's just that young. I love being ignorant and having audacity in their 20s. It's the fucking best, right? So it's like, I'm leaving.

I'm going back to pursue my dream. So it was my last day, and then this woman walks in. So to the untrained eye, we get a lot of heavy training at TSA. To the untrained eye, to all of you, she'd just be walking. But I was like, this bitch is up to something, right? So when she was, like, walking, and then she started to be, a little too frazzled for me when I was like, hey, can you send her in for additional screening? Like, if you don't

have additional, if you don't need additional screening, you'd be like, okay, cool, whatever. But sometimes people amp it up, like, why me? Like, what? I don't have anything. And it's like, ah, you do. So, when they, like, brought her in, I had fucking terrible-ass, fucking manager, Moises. He'd love, he would write

you up for 30 seconds late. Like, you're just a fucking asshole. So, when she came in, I'm like, okay, this is a fucking test from headquarters. Moises is fucking with me on my last day, you fucking bitch. So when she comes in, legally, I can graze your sensitive area, right? I have the right to do that. So as when I was like patting her down, I have a vagina.

She has a vagina. I felt something that I'm like, I don't think that's what should be in a vagina. Vagina shouldn't feel that way. Right? And at the TSA, when you feel something, you hold something, right? So I had to cup her vagina and I said, man, what is this? Right? And she was like, oh my God, I have a tampon.

I said, I need to see it. She was like, I need to see it. It's blood. There was blood on 9-11, bitch. I don't play by my job. Why do you think I'm here? I'll give a damn. I need to see in there.

That's right. That's right. Oh, no. No, I was an officer of the law. Officer of the law. Protecting the country from terrorists. Let me tell you something. John, the FBI didn't have shit on me.

Am I blue bag? Oh, baby. Absolutely not. So then she was like, okay, okay, okay. It's just something weird. I said, well, you lie to me. You're exhibiting terrorist activity. So go in this room, take your panties off right now.

So I had another woman in there with me. I had another person. like another officer in there for additional screening. So she drops her panties and she's like, pops out this Kodak camera case and has Steve Urkel on the front that says, did I do that with a little more than a dime sack of weed inside the camera case? I said, do you know that weed is legal?

She was like, yes. I said, you could have just had a card. Like, you didn't have to do this. So in my mind, I'm like, Moises is fucking with me, right? Again, this is a test from head of course. Nobody could be this fucking stupid. So I'm like, ha, ha, Moisette. So on my last day, really going to fucking do that to me?

He was like, X, no, you really caught some. I was like, fuck me because now I have to do six hours of fucking paperwork for this bitch. So, and then she gets arrested. It's like, yeah, why did you do that? But like, yeah, because she had on like the dress she was wearing and this and this and that's like, yeah, you think. And also like, the pussy is foul more powerful than that. Bitch, you could have a hefty bag of weed in that shit. You really waste it for this little shit.

And also like, get it in there. Like, it was literally like, because the thing is like, it could be a deadener. It could be a vibe. I would need to fucking get there. play with her pussy and detonate the bomb. I don't know what's in there, John. You don't know what's in there. You're trying to help.

You're serving the country. You're in uniform. Respect people in uniform. Right. Yeah, you say vote save America, X saved America. Ex-in-Ber, yeah. Hello.

All right. So, yeah. So that was one of my stories at TSA. Holy shit. We do have a little surprise for you. We do. She's here with us tonight. Still got weed in her pussy.

My lord. And we'll be right back. Yeah. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love to leave it is brought to you by Thrive Market. Thrive Market takes the hassle out of grocery shopping. You can easily filter by your specific dietary needs or health goals to find the perfect

alternatives for you. No stressing over labels or Googling every additive. Every product and brand is vetted before they ever hit the site. The in-app barcode scanner finds a healthy or so on almost anything in your pantry right now. Member pricing up to 30% off plus weekly sales plus free gifts, plus price matching, plus free delivery on qualifying orders, all in the membership. 90 plus filters means you're only seeing what works for you. High protein, low sugar, GLP1-friendly, gluten-free keto and more.

No more decision fatigue. Your filtered results only show you what fits your household. There's a lot of great stuff you can get on Thrive Market. You get grata olive oil, which I really like. You can get primal kitchen sauces like their special sauce, burger sauce for, you know, you're going to have a barbecue this summer. You can get organic nuts or dried fruits. You can get coconut oil, pasta, peanut butter.

If you're ready to do your own spring reset, joint Thrive Market with our link, at thrivemarket.com slash love it for $20 off your first three orders, plus you'll get a free $60 gift.thrivemarket.com slash love it. And we're back. Now, you're in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Yes. You're in Disney Plus's Wonder Man. Yes.

And what's it like being, I mean, you know, you were, you had been auditioning for years. You were giving up, you're becoming a TSA agent, then you're back at it. Now you're a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Do you get to go home and be like, I told you? No, I think I never feel secure in this industry. I think I've been blessed to, you know, consistently work and pay my own bills via living my dream since 2018.

But, you know, we dealt with the strike. And I'm in the WGA and the SAG. And I feel like I just don't feel, I never feel like totally secure this is it or that I've arrived. There's so much that I want to do and there's so many personal projects that I want to do. So I did feel excited and extremely grateful

because I was shooting in Los Angeles, the city that I'm from, the city that I love so dearly. So that was amazing. But nothing in me, once I did that, it felt like, oh, I did it. Or like, you know, I've arrived. You know, it just felt like,

okay, this is amazing. This is a blessing. There's more work to do. But, like, being part of Marvel, like, you must have, like, friends or family that are like blown away. There's got to be a nephew who thinks you're the shit.

No, my baby brother, who is my everything, and we're 17 years apart. So I'm his like second mom and I'm his primary parent. That is the first time he's cared about anything that I've done. Like I've done, I've done movies. I've done multiple TV shows, been blessed to do all of that. As soon as I told him, I call him Papa, I was like, Papa, I got booked to me in a Marvel show. He's like, oh my God, what are you wearing? Do you have powers?

Do you fly? Who's it with? Is it Thor? I'm like, okay, listen, can you be happy for me? But yeah, he was so excited. That's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was great. It was great.

And it was great working with Yaya, the whole team. I hope we get nominated for an Emmy and not even me personally. I think Yaya did an amazing job. Destin and Andrew were phenomenal and Sir Ben Kingsley. I mean, King. Ben Kingsley. That's so cool. It was great.

It's also so fun that like a character that was kind of like, that they can make something, that they can like bring that kind of character back and have a whole different kind of world, you know? It's so different from, like, I don't know, like, it is so different from, like, Thor. It's like a much more kind of L.A., kind of like Hollywood thing. It's so cool. We're here in L.A. as we're approaching the 4th of July holiday. And so we thought it would be a great time to look back at American history, but only the history events I have personally taken an interest in.

In a segment, we're calling American History X. Mayo. And... Wait, Mark, you're not playing? No, he's playing. Oh, okay. He was playing. He's playing. He's playing.

But we just thought American History X Mayo is a fun name. It is. And even though it's evoking a, like, a... pretty dark film and it's unrelated to the game. We thought like, well, we're not going to leave a pun like this on the floor. No, you know what I mean? You're going to leave, you know. You gotta pick that out. You gotta use it. I gotta use it. It's got a great curb check

scene in it. We all... Yeah, we're really... You know, Mike, I hope you're okay with me touching you. You know, black people, we're very, like, physical, like I... I... You know? Yeah, yeah. I'm so sorry, I didn't ask for consent of top. I'm wanting a little more. Yeah. Okay.

Sorry, Mike, we're very physical. You're so sweet. First up, question for you. Abraham Lincoln had a close male friend named Joshua Frye Speed. What did he and Josh share for four years in Springfield, Illinois? A sexual relationship. That's not known, but where would you have that relationship? In a bedroom. That's right, in a bed.

They shared a bed. Now, I was going to say gym membership. The gym membership? Well, I mean, they think they were getting exercise. I mean, bed sharing was common, but it was more of a kind of an instance. necessity thing. They should have been even after Lincoln became a prominent lawyer who could afford his own home. So that's interesting. Yes. Everything I know about him is from O'Mary. Yeah, that's interesting. Yes, they exchanged deeply affectionate love letters throughout their lives.

But that's what everyone did. So who knows? Right back then. Yeah, everyone was gay. All right, Mark. George Washington also had a gay friend. Baron Friedrich Wilhelm von Steuben, who historians believe had a close possibly homer relationship with. with Prince Henry of Prussia. Baron von Steuben's on the left. They have taken gayer shots than this, but man, these are some, look at these. Look at these flaming homos.

The wigs are great. Baron von Steuben was credited with forming Washington's men into a proper military force. During the Revolutionary War, what was the name of Washington's army? Oh, they were called... It's also a kind of breakfast at a hotel. Oh, the Continental.

You got it. The Continental. So that's good, yeah. Next question, either of you can take it. In April of 1861, the Battle of Fort Sumter raged for over 34 hours. The Confederacy firing over 3,000 rounds to force a union defeat and ignite the Civil War. How many people died at the Battle of Fort Sumter? Zero.

That's correct. Oh, wow. Not one. Good job. That's the only way that question becomes interesting. Right. Yes. Yeah, you thought to the other side of it.

Yeah, went the other way with it. Yeah, there's a... I was on Jeopardy. I lost. Aw. I'm sorry. Everybody got really sad when I said that. Right, Mark, you're really about to root down.

I was right in the humor and I was like, oh, I'm going to get the last little nip of the laugh and that laugh's going to fade right into John's next question. And it just went silent. I know. You know what was something? I was with you because I was caught off guard by the silence, which is why I, like, wasn't... I was ready for what you were expecting. We had a whole thing set up and you all let us down. In 1900, meteorologists scoffed at the idea that a hurricane could hit this city in Texas

right before a catacismic storm, technically a cyclone, caused the deadliest natural disaster in American history. Plano? Is not Plano. Austin, Texas. It is not Austin, Texas. Dallas, Texas. Galveston.

Galvison. Why do they not think? Galveston's on the freaking border. Why did they not think that? Well, because it was a bigger city. It was a bigger city. You don't think about it as much as, but at the time, boy, Galveston, was hopping. Galveston was going off. And then they're like, nothing could go wrong for us here

in Galveston. What's the wind about? Forget it. Don't worry about it. Oh, no. We're all dead. In the 19th, Galveston was that off the chain in the 19th century. It was crushing it. Yeah. It was crushing it. I don't really know how the story ends because I'm only three quarters of the way through that book. I don't know. The store, literally, I'm reading a book about the 1900 hurricane in Galveston. And right now the water is going up and they're like, this is weird. So literally while I was driving I was listening on my way to the office and I got to the office and it was like

and then the water was hitting the bottoms of the horses but everyone was still going about their day that's not good I don't think it ends well for those people Not for that horse In Los Angeles there's a mile of Hollywood Between Santa Monica and Fairfax And Hollywood and La Brea where everything is diagonal

diagonal streets, diagonal buildings and even diagonal swimming pools Why? Why are there diagonal buildings in one square mile Okay, diagno is... Slant. Slant. Yeah.

Okay. I'm bad at math. So they all go like this. Yeah, just on that one stretch. Because it's the epicenter of Los Angeles and everything was designed like painting from the way out in and they had some fucked up. Interesting.

That doesn't really make sense. I was thinking like painting himself into a corner or something like that. Yeah. Well, in a sense, it was because... Oh! What? Oh, that's shady. Who did that?

You are a shady. You know what? The Russian judge is on the buzzer. That was good comedic time. It was good. It was a well-time buzz. It was because it was to accommodate the street cars turning around, and the street cars can't make hard right turns.

I'm from New Orleans. I should have known that shit. Yeah, the city used to have an incredible network of street cars. Then we ripped them out of the ground, and now everyone's like, burp, traffic. And you know what that sound means? It's time for the Coca-Cola history lightning round. What? Yes.

They're not a, and they're not, it sounds like they're a sponsor. They're not a sponsor. They're not a sponsor. That sounds like a branded segment, and God willing, one day it will be. What year was Diet Coke introduced to the American public having its official premiere at a gala at Radio City Music Hall? 1923. False. 1956.

Later. 2016. Later. 2005. Earlier than yours later than his. 2000. Earlier. 1999.

Earlier. Did you take into 90 guesses? It's 1982. 1984. The year of my birth. Diet Coke. Wait a minute. Why so late?

I don't know. It's awesome. That's Joe Namath. Joe Namath. Sucking on a Coke bottle. Diet Coke bottle. And he'd love in every second of it. What a dream.

What a world it was before. So you really love Coca-Cola. Love Diet Coke. Yeah. You know Diet Coke. Okay. What year did Coca-Cola remove cocaine from the ingredient list and makes growing concerns about addiction?

2021. Earlier. What? Much earlier. 1971. Way earlier. 191902. Very close.

Yeah, I'll give it to you. 1903. When was it invented? I don't have that information on the card. But what a bummer to have been a huge fan of Coke. And then you buy it on the next day, you know, like, this isn't working. What did they do? I thought that that was just like,

a dumb bit that like comedian said like and it's like such an easy joke but there really was cocaine yeah and finally what was the name of the first pre-cocola tonic that the inventor john stythe pimberton developed on his path to creating coca cola and i'll give you a hint it's dr blanks compound syrup of blank uh again this man is not a doctor yes uh it's impossible to guess so i'll say that doctor's blank i want i want to guess yeah go ahead it's the The doctor, it's the doctor's blank compound syrup of blank. Dr. Brown's compound syrup of brown. Good guess, good guess.

Mm-hmm. Dr. Goods, compound syrup of zinc. Wow, very close. It was Dr. Tuggles, compound syrup of globe flour. Glob flower. Glob. Isn't that, that sounds, don't you want a nice ice cold glass of Dr. Tuggles? Dr. Pepper.

That sucks. I want Dr. Tuggles. That's insane. Wonder Man, now on Disney Plus. Right? Wait, what are you doing? I'm doing it. I thought we was on Coca-Cola.

He did you a solid. The game's over. Oh, okay. Okay, I was like, are you tweaking? I'm sorry. He's plugging. You failed to track my smooth segue into your plug. Yeah, I'm so sorry, John.

I just looked at you dead in the eyes and said, Wonder Man on Disney Plus. That's how I did it. Yes, you did that. TV show. You're right. Yay. Yeah, Michael Rose. Yeah.

And we'll be right back. You'll be right back. Oh my God, John. I'm so sorry. I feel like an asshole. I didn't know that that's what you were doing. I'm so sorry. It was a perfect moment.

It was fantastic. It was fantastic. And if you're not, if I'm doing something and you're not reading it, that's because I'm a strange person. I bring a weird energy to this. This is not normal hosting. There's something quite off about how I run this operation. All right, and it's built a... And it's okay if I agree with you.

Yeah. Okay. No, I'm not sensitive about it. I'm not sensitive about it. You're a sweet boy. We're going to use this. This is all in the show now. No, I think we went to commercial break.

We're back. Oh. Oh my God. I'm never coming back. This is my last time. I'm a man. It's going to be banned. My name's going to be out on that door.

We're having a good time. We're having a good time. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're having fun. Yeah, I like you.

Yeah, I like you. You can't leave. You can't leave. We haven't even brought marijuana vagina woman out yet. That is a great improvative name. We didn't bake a giant cake for that woman to jump out of and not use it. And we're back. And we're back.

But we're already been back. What a wonderful time we've had. The producer of this show, in the other hand, have notes, which is why it's time for a segment we call Second Thoughts. And here's how it works. I have a list of reasons I should feel regret for how I've conducted myself during this very episode. And if you have anything you regret about tonight, you can share it now, because we're just going to deal with the things we've learned that maybe, you know, we're not perfect.

You don't have to be. And you don't have to be. Let's see. One thing I might regret is that I put the words, enjoy kissing the devil in the French way, bitch. And I had that, that was a quote in my mind by founding father John Adams. But I don't regret that. Oh, I did refer to bald eagles as fags. But that's when it's a group, right?

Yeah, though. Whoa. No, you're right. No, that's favorite. You guys, no. I worked at Hollywood Squares. I know too many facts. It's a group of pandas.

They're like butch. It's like a thing. Yeah, no, for sure. But a group of... No. No. No. A group of...

You're right. You would not get me canceled. I just wanted to make the money yesterday. A group of crows is called a murder and a group of eagles is called a fag. Right. No, that's dead ass. And we're back. Oh my God.

I got too upset thinking about an imaginary spouse who works at Doctors Without Borders. And then I got pretty animated about invasion of the body snatchers and whether it's a good title. But I don't regret that. I think it's not a good title. They don't snatch the bodies.

You inspired a short film idea. Yeah. Why would we regret that? X-Mai, do you have any regrets? Yes. You want to... Yeah, and you don't even tell us what they are if you don't want. No, I do.

It's about Mark. Oh, what is it? So when I was upstairs talking to Mark, I didn't know who he was. So I felt like, so when we're talking, I'm like, this is such a sweet, sweet white boy. I knew he was a comedian because, you know, comedians, you're like, oh, you're funny, right? So, like, we're just talking everything like that. And he's talking about things that he's done and everything like that. As soon as he walks down, I'm like, back room.

Oh my fucking God How did I I felt like such an idiot I feel so bad I regret that Like not clocking that And just like he's And his brother they just I know Asperger's are us

I'm just like oh my God Like it all like hit me And I felt so bad And although he's like so humble And didn't need any of that Like I was literally talking to him Normally asking about what he did But back rooms I feel like it's

Such a brilliant movie I have nothing to do with it I'm not getting paid This is not an ad But that that that little white boy, he knows what the fuck he doing. He got one. Back rooms was incredible.

I saw an opening weekend. You're so, like, I regret that. I'm so sorry. I feel like you wouldn't even care. Like, you're such a normal fucking person, which makes me love you even more. But it didn't hit me, so I regret that. Look, I just want to say.

He's been seating the whole rest of the day. First of all, I have no ego about all that stuff. No, I know. It's totally fine. But I, but I do, I should say, though, that I, regret all the names that I called you in my head when you didn't realize who I was

and I'm gonna write them in your phone and then you just we'll just, we'll meet here next week and we're gonna work it out and we're gonna work it out okay, all right, all right. I love you. No, no, Mark, he's great. No, clap it up again for him.

He's so humble and sweet. And you're like, you're a legend. I feel like an idiot. And yeah, I regret that. the audience we felt should have a second thought about failing to appreciate the Jeopardy thing

and then I have a second thought for not following up with even a little bit about Celebrity Jeopardy said I was on Celebrity Jeopardy and I said wow and then moved on you didn't say wow

I didn't see a wow you said nothing I said nothing I just I just went huh yeah I just sort of give me your phone

I'm gonna put that shit in there too and then he just got back to opening him hips he just got there yeah you gotta work at You gotta open him here.

Hey, do you have any regrets, Mark DuPas? That I didn't sit like this. It's comfortable, right? The whole show. It's nice. It's not comfortable. Really? Do you have your fashion woman's name for me?

Yeah, because I need to work this. Yeah, Charlene. She's in Studio City. Okay. She's phenomenal. She'll work you out. I need it because one other regret is I shouldn't show people my gait. Your what?

My gate, my strange walk. My strange disconcerting way of moving through the world. No, John. I sometimes feel like, you're a little too hard on yourself. Nah, I could be harder. But you know what I've known. You know what I think? Sometimes I think, what if in the simulation,

the walk that I was assigned was accidentally taken from that part of the Scorsese movie that he filmed backwards and then ran it forwards? Because sometimes I think, what if you run the tape of me walking in reverse, it actually looks more normal. You know what I'm saying? Listen, some walks, you can only go up from where it is.

I think that's what your walk is. That's positive. Any regrets for you, Mark? Oh, any regrets for me? Just coming. He's being. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, my God, Mr. Duplas. I had to burst that beautiful bubble that you painted me in in front of people, you know? Yeah, he's so nice. He's so humble. All of a sudden, people start taking advantage. He's got to have some edge. He's got to have some hardness to him. This is a tough town.

You know what I mean? He can't be known as this sweetheart that'll just, someone doesn't recognize him, and he just eats it like a little bitch. He's got to be tough. He's got to be tough. How dare you? I'm Mark Duplas, damn it. This is my town.

This is Mark Duplas. This is Mark Duplos's city. No, John, when I first saw you, Oh, oh. I was like, no, when my agent first was like, hey, you should do the show. And I'm like, I've heard about it so much. And I was so many comedian homies that have done it. And when I looked, and I was like, this is like a sweet, sweet gay Corey Matthews.

You know, like, you were like, it's like, boy meets world, but gay. So better, right? Oh, cool. I was saying gay Chris Matthews, but they both work, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you, and you, and you, and you, and you're, you're just having your little potty mouth. And I'm very excited. It was a surprise for me because I sometimes clock it, clock it, clock it.

Yep. So it was a surprise for me because I thought you're just going to be like, just like, sweet, sweet boy. And I'm like, should I cuss? Should I not? I'm like, oh, we can fucking go to town. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You learn that the sweet, sweet white boys got a little something on them. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. You're in a sandwich right now. Yeah, I would, oh, I am, and I'm loving a sandwich. Yes, I'm clearly the patty. But, yeah, I love this show. I would love to come back, and I think that you're an amazing host.

And that's our show. And we're back. Thank you to Mark Duplaz and Ex-Maya. There are 125 days until the midterms. Thank you both. That was so awesome. We'll be back next Wednesday with Dana Gould and Alana, you back. Happy Fourth of July and how much.

Have a great weekend.