Lovett or Leave It - What a Weekday: 2 Canceled 2 Debt
Episode Date: April 9, 2024It’s the day after the eclipse, and boy, are our retinas tired! The world’s biggest liar is at it again, this time pretending he wouldn’t sign a national abortion ban with the thickest Sharpie h...e owns. President Biden finds a kinky new way to forgive student debt, the Rock finds the loudest possible way to say nothing, and all of us find out together how much $30 million weighs.
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The two RuPaul lines are all born naked and the rest is drag.
And it's so silly, but it's like how you can't love someone else until you love yourself.
Like truly, like, like are there any two more important sentences?
That's like those are it.
If you just can internalize those two ideas, you're pretty good.
Speaking of Spanx, it's funny.
It's also funny that RuPaul's like, if you don't love yourself, how are you going to love somebody else?
Oh, there's no makeup because we're in the pandemic.
I'm putting on a balaclava.
Oh my God, I forgot about that.
And we're back.
I'm here with Kendra.
I'm here with Chris.
Halle is on vacation.
Sarah Lazarus is sick as a dog. You love to put our business out there. Yeah.
That's not like social security numbers. Do you know the last time you said on
the air that I was sick I then got a text from my mother being like, why are
you sick? So that does that mean your mother listens? Yes. I like that. Oh yeah
she listens to like every episode. Hi mom.
No, good for her.
Hi Kendra's mom.
I bet Kendra was a challenging, a challenging daughter.
And I think it speaks really well at you that you allowed her to have so many different
kinds of animals in the home.
And having worked with Kendra now for several years, I just want you to know, I see you. Wow. I was a real, I was, oh, you know, I was an easy child.
No, I'm sure you think you were.
Compared to what came next.
Okay, well, you know what? We can't focus on that right now. Let's get into it. What a weekday.
This week, Donald Trump finally answered the question on everyone's minds. What will he do
to pretend he wouldn't sign a deeply unpopular national abortion ban he
will 100% sign?
Many people have asked me what my position is on abortion and abortion rights, especially
since I was proudly the person responsible for the ending of something that all legal
scholars both sides wanted and in fact demanded demanded be ended, row v. Wade.
My view is now that we have abortion,
where everybody wanted it from a legal standpoint,
the states will determine by vote or legislation,
or perhaps both, and whatever they decide
must be the law of the land, in this case,
the law of the state.
This statement was at least initially taken at face value, covered as if Trump said he would leave abortion up to the states.
But A, he doesn't actually say that.
And B, he's the world's most famous liar.
If you believe Trump wouldn't sign a national abortion ban,
the instant Republicans sent one to his desk,
I've got a Trump endorsed Bible to sell you.
I bought it as a joke.
I don't even know what I was thinking.
Please, someone stupid, take this Bible off my hands.
People are gonna believe that you own that.
Well, you know what, maybe I did buy a Trump Bible.
Did you actually buy one?
No, I did not buy it.
Here are some things I did not buy.
I did not buy a Trump Bible.
I did not buy an Apple Vision Pro.
I was closer to buying,
I am currently closer to buying an Apple Vision Pro
than I am to buying a Trump Bible.
But that's because I will never buy a Trump Bible.
I may ultimately buy an Apple Vision Pro.
And the Trump sneakers are in your closet.
I would have bought those.
If those Trump sneakers, I liked those Trump sneakers.
Okay, all right.
It's a choice.
If it wasn't the Trump version, right?
If you had just the gold sneakers with the American flag, no T, no Trump connection.
Even with the American flag, you're gonna wear sneakers with the American flag on them.
Yes, yes. As part of what I believe should be our collective progressive left project, which is taking back the symbols of patriotism.
We should all be wearing the American flag. We should all be wearing the Gadsden flag.
We should take these symbols back and make them our own. They get them.
The freaks get it.
If the freaks own patriotism, then patriotism is for freaks.
Trump told Americans to follow their hearts and added this.
Now it's up to the states to do the right thing.
Like Ronald Reagan, I am strongly in favor of exceptions for rape, incest, and life of
the mother.
Trump, once pro-choice, took a hard anti-abortion turn during the 2016 primaries, saying at
one point that if abortion were outlawed, women who got one would face some sort of
punishment — a comment that he walked back amid backlash.
It was a revealing moment.
Having not really thought through any of this very deeply, Trump just assumed, correctly,
that being pro-life means punishing women for having abortions.
He didn't realize that while it does mean that, you aren't supposed to say it, just
make it the logical conclusion of your policies.
He wasn't versed in the nuanced politics of taking away basic human rights.
It was like it was his first Stone Temple Pilots concert, and he was like, oh, I love
this.
It reminds me of Pearl Jam.
Of course it does, man, but shut the fuck up.
Just weeks ago, Trump had been privately talking about supporting a 16-week national abortion
ban, reportedly telling one aide, know what I like about 16?
It's even.
It's four months.
Sorry, you were denied an abortion at 17 weeks and now you're in sepsis and may not be able
to ever have another baby, but you'll be relieved to know that there was a good reason.
16 is a perfect fourth.
After calling that reporting fake news, Trump then publicly announced that he was considering
a 15-week federal ban.
The number of weeks now, people are agreeing on 15, and I'm thinking in terms of that, and it'll come out to something that's very reasonable.
But people are really, even hardliners are agreeing, seems to be 15 weeks, seems to be a number that people are agreeing at.
But I'll make that announcement at the appropriate time.
And again, Trump's new statement does not preclude supporting this ban. And he says explicitly
in his new statement that he is not endorsing the ban in order to win the election. His position
is virtually unchanged, which is why anti-abortion groups expressed disappointment at Trump's
decision not to endorse a national ban right now,
while saying that they were still rioting for him anyway.
Anti-abortion groups know that Trump may not align perfectly with their views,
but he's still vastly better than his opponent.
It's sort of like how many on the left are upset with Biden's response to the Israel war in Gaza,
but they understand that despite serious misgivings,
for the good of the country, we all have to do everything we can to re-elect him,
because he is far better on every other issue and even on the issue of Gaza,
Trump would be far worse.
I agree.
Meanwhile, former Vice President Mike Pence called Trump's new stance
a slap in the face to the millions of pro-life Americans who voted for him.
Continued Pence,
and not the hot kind of slap in the face that I let Mother do to me
once a year on Ascension Day.
God is coming up, keep it together, Mikey.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, because this screen is still up, we're looking at this Trump
interview that he did. I just want to say, like, I want my politicians to be accessible.
This man will talk to anyone. Who are Sid and who are his friends? I've never heard of this.
You know what, it's one of those things where it's like, we've never heard of Sid and friends,
but it's got more viewers than like,
you know, Fleabag ever had.
Where is he finding these people?
On W-A-B-C, listen to Sid and Friends in the morning
on wabcradio.com.
Wabcradio.com, traffic and hate on the eights.
Yes.
That's what I'm saying, you definitely just did an ad
for like ingesting Clorox.
Yeah, right.
100%.
I like that.
Traffic and hate on the eights.
Meanwhile, President Biden slammed Trump in a Monday statement saying that Donald Trump
made it clear once again today that he is more than anyone in America, the person responsible
for ending Roe v. Wade.
He is more than anyone in America responsible for creating the cruelty and the chaos that
has enveloped America since the Dobbs decision. Let there be no illusion, if Donald Trump
is elected and the MAGA Republicans in Congress put a national abortion ban on the resolute
desk, Trump will sign it into law. Or, the statement continued, perhaps he'll sign it
in the private study while dining with Eric and Don Jr. and jokingly, but non-jokingly,
referring to them as abortion number six and abortion number seven.
Speaking of the promising next generation, during a speech in Wisconsin, Biden announced a new plan
to reduce or eliminate student debt for tens of millions of borrowers. The White House
estimates that the plan would wipe out debt for more than four million people and reduce the amount
owed for 25 million people. A majority of Americans with federal student loans will qualify for some
form of relief. Kendra, I believe you are one. I'm excited. This is the marital income limit on this
is finally something that I fall into for some relief. And I've never like of all of the other
past plans that have both succeeded and failed, I've never qualified for anything. So this is very
exciting for me. I will say as someone who holds a federal student loan,
maybe like the most frustrating thing
about the last two or three years
has been just like the unknown.
Because for so long, I graduated in 2010.
And for so long, it's just been like habit.
I pay my student loans every month.
I have a federal and a private.
And I just pay it.
It's always been part of my life.
But then once all of this started happening, especially with the pandemic cutting out payments for a year,
it just feels so unknown now of like, should I still be paying? Should I not still be paying?
Should I pay once every three months? Should I?
Because it just feels like anything could happen at any time.
And will I get the money back that I have been paying if it's deemed that I didn't need to be paying this whole time?
It's been really weird.
Yeah. Yeah. It says here that the only borrowers who wouldn't be eligible are those who quote,
got a degree in something fucking stupid like poetry or Latin. So sorry to 98% of our listeners.
Biden highlighted-
This anthropology degree really served me well.
I consider you a student of people.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Biden highlighted his efforts to keep his promise to cancel student debt even after
the Supreme Court blocked his initial $400 billion debt relief program.
Tens of millions of people's debt was literally about to get canceled.
But then some of my Republican friends and elected officials and special interests sued
us and the Supreme Court blocked us.
But that didn't, well But that didn't stop us.
No, I mean it sincerely.
We continue to find alternatives to reduce student debt payments.
Continued Biden, you're never too old to experiment with alternative paths.
That's what I told Jill when I talked to her about opening up our marriage on April Fool's
Day.
God, you should have seen her face.
Hey, don't go anywhere.
There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.
But not everyone smells what Biden is cooking.
Dwayne The Rock Johnson said in a Fox News interview last week that he will not be
endorsing Biden again in 2024 after backing him in 2020.
The endorsement that I made years ago with Biden was one I thought was the best decision
for me at that time.
And I thought back then, I'm in this position where I have some influence and it's my job
now to exercise my influence and share with this.
This is who I'm going to endorse. Am I going to do that again this year? That answers no.
I was then the most followed American man in the world,
and I am today the most followed American man in the world.
I appreciate that.
What that caused back then was something that tears me up in my guts,
back then and now, which is division.
And that got me.
And I didn't realize it then.
I just thought, hey, our country feels like there's a lot of unrest.
It feels like I would like things to calm down.
To be clear, the Rock's endorsement obviously did not cause division.
The division was already there.
He just didn't like hearing about it.
It's like if in the movie San Andreas, he flew the rescue helicopter away from the earthquake
because when he flew towards it, people started screaming for help and it grossed him out.
Johnson continued.
The takeaway after that, months and months and months, I started to realize like, oh
man, that caused an incredible amount of division in our country.
So I realized now going into this election, I'm not going to do that.
I wouldn't do that because my goal is to bring our country together.
I believe in that.
There's going to be no endorsement.
This level of influence, I'm going to keep my politics to myself.
And I think it's between me and the ballot box.
But I will tell you this.
While like a lot of us out there,
not trusting of all politicians,
I do trust the American people
and I trust that whoever they vote for,
that's gonna be my president
and that's who I'm gonna support 100%.
I endorse whatever happens.
Whatever happens is great
as long as no one is mad at me, The Rock.
I love this country and its people too much
to try and make it a better place.
The Rock also bravely came out against the Wokes saying this in today's easy cancel culture
world and
Cancel culture woke culture this culture that culture division, etc
that really bugs me and in the spirit of that you either
succumb and be what you think other people want you to be, or you go, well, no, that's not who I am. I'm going to be myself and I'm going to be real.
And that may get people upset and may piss people off, and that's okay.
In summary, does The Rock have a preference? Yes, but he will express his preference privately.
He will decide what he thinks is best for the country in an election that has vast stakes for
his hundreds of millions of fans, and then choose not to help make that better outcome a reality.
Why?
For The Rock, keeping it real means hiding what he really thinks.
If The Rock told you what he believes, that wouldn't be true to what he believes.
After all, a lot of people out there will try to silence you for expressing yourself.
And The Rock hates that, and so he won't express himself.
You see, The Rock's fame is a good unto itself.
It has no value to society beyond serving his reputation and interests.
Could he spend some of that capital he's earned over decades to make the world a better place?
Yes, but then he couldn't be buried with it in his pyramid.
The Rock is simply too influential to use his influence.
The Rock is too big to care.
Okay, I have a question.
Is that a bottle of his branded alcohol sitting on the table between them?
Like, is this whole thing just an advertisement for one of his companies?
Yeah, this is branding. Ugh, is that whole thing just an advertisement for one of his companies?
Yeah, this is branding.
Ugh, is that what this is?
He's also at WrestleMania.
Yeah.
I find, it's like...
It's...
Politics is so hard, and you know, it's always hard, but man, there's so many people out
there that could make it easier.
Like, do I think the rock endorsing Joe Biden makes the biggest difference in the world?
No.
But do I think if you add up all of these people who know better, who in their private
lives claim that they are compassionate, believe themselves to be kind, believe themselves
to have good values, if he went on stage at the Democratic convention, if he was joined
by a bunch of other big nonpartisan or Republican
figures saying that for the good of the country, we have to get behind Joe Biden, I think it
could really make a difference.
And like his whole life, he walks around, he hugs all of his fans.
He has a very important, his image is very important to him, right?
His image as being a decent and beloved figure who cares about the people who care about
him is very important to him.
And ironically, he has decided that in order to protect that image
as someone who is beloved and caring, he is not going to do something to help or show love to the
people that love him, especially the people who are vulnerable, who could really benefit from
having Joe Biden in the White House as opposed to Donald Trump. And I know it's like all this is just
him bending over backwards to avoid saying he doesn't want to endorse because he didn't like
the political blowback, but it's just frustrating to me.
I've always said, I said it since 2022, if he had really, if he was really serious about
helping with politics, he would have set John Fetterman up with his tailor. No, genuinely.
I genuinely believe that. If he wanted to be helpful, he would have set that man up
with the person who makes his suits.
I don't know that John Fetterman can afford the rocks. Then pay for it, because I know he can afford that.
That's an in-kind contribution.
I don't think the Rock can pay for those suits,
and I bet those suits are so expensive.
I mean, definitely.
Wow. Wow, what is he paying for a custom suit?
God, he looks good.
I miss the Rock from like 15 years ago,
when he was self-deprecating and would poke fun of his own image versus the one now,
which like he thinks himself as the most serious person
in everything all the time.
And he's just so boring to me now as an entertainer.
Yeah, he's got his serious man glasses on.
And yet he's doing an interview on a show with a logo
that looks like it should be on the cover
of a YA fantasy novel.
Like, that is what that logo says to me.
He's gotta move alcohol.
Please just Google the Will Cain show logo
and just see what I'm talking about.
The things we've been promoting.
Oh, right, what are we doing?
What are we doing?
What are we?
Well, these people are like making,
putting these people into the algorithm of my brain.
I've never heard of these folks before.
I just don't, I don't get it.
I really don't get it.
And it's, and you know, like people are like, Oh, Taylor Swift should do this.
Taylor Swift should do that.
I was like, well, actually at one of her concerts, she said this and oh, she did put out this
endorsement.
And that's all, that's all great.
But I find it like, I just, I just can't imagine being in the position of having this much reach and
Seeing what is happening in politics and forget having to be dragged kicking and screaming
To like do the right thing that you wouldn't be like so excited like you're the rock
You have the most followers of any American man in the world. I want to account
Yeah, sure
Like the idea that you wouldn't be excited, like, wow,
the election's really important.
I want good things to happen.
I can help these millions of people understand what I think
is the best thing to have happen.
And the idea that you would see that opportunity,
be like, no, no, that would make a group of people
mad at me.
That might hurt my future box office.
That might hurt my image.
That might make people mad. I don't me. That might hurt my future box office. That might hurt my image. That might make people mad.
I don't like that.
I like being publicly lauded.
I like being celebrated universally.
Like he says in this thing,
like, oh, I don't want to sow division.
I want to bring people together.
But not saying what you think
doesn't bring people together.
It just lets people stay exactly where they are.
Like there are a ton of people
who will hate you for endorsing Trump.
There are a ton of people that will be glad
you did what you could to elect Biden.
They're there. They exist. They're moving about their days. You're not bringing them together.
You're just going to each of them individually and saying that you want to be loved by both
separately. And like, okay, that's a choice you can make, but don't pretend it's anything other than
a dodge. I mean, and it's fine to believe all of that, like to believe that you don't want to
sow division, to believe that you don't need to say anything.
But then my thing is, don't say anything.
Never have, you know who's political beliefs
I know nothing about?
Tom Cruise.
Couldn't tell you a thing that man believes.
Can't even tell you his favorite movie
because he will never say it.
Just don't say anything.
Once again, this podcast, if it believes anything,
it believes that Tom Cruise is the kind of movie star
we want and love and need.
And I agree.
I agree too.
I simply agree.
I know nothing about him.
It's the, yeah, no, I know, I know.
And well, part of it too is it's also like
what gets to count as expressing a view or what doesn't.
Like he does here get to say like, oh, I don't like cancel culture.
I don't like woke culture.
There's just, because the Republican Party
went completely bananas, there are
all these rich, successful people out there
whose instinctive politics is a kind of moderate, old-fashioned
Rockefeller Republican cosmopolitan conservative worldview.
And because it doesn't really have a political home
in the Republican Party and being a Democrat
is just not cool, we end up with this.
And so you can't, it's not partisan, I guess,
to go off against woke culture, cancel culture,
because if you're a rich, successful person in LA or New
York, that's what people are talking about at dinner.
That's why all these movies are about cancel culture.
Oppenheimer's about cancel culture.
Ferrari's about cancel culture.
Napoleon's about cancel culture.
Every movie is about cancel culture in one way or another,
because these are the, when politics has no material impact
on your personal life, when you don't feel threatened
by abortion bans or by draconian border policies or efforts to crack down on
protest or basically politics for you is something that happens on television.
It's a sport.
It's something you watch.
It's something you observe.
It's something that your personal identity is wrapped in with but not your personal stakes.
This is how you end up with this kind of moderate but empty politics where the only thing you
can decry is cancel culture because it's the only thing you feel or see.
It's the thing you worry about. And I just...
These people need better conversations.
All right, now I'm done.
How do you start, you know, I don't know how you're supposed
to not be out of touch when you're the Rock.
Hey, go, he's, after WrestleMania,
he's getting back in his helicopter
and going back to Star Island,
where he does not have to interact.
It's great for him to see LGBTQ people out when he's like,
out in Miami for the nightlife.
It's great for him to experience all of that stuff.
But then his private police force,
or the private police force of like Star Island,
none of that gets in.
He just goes back home.
Yeah.
How do we get out of here?
I don't know, we're going to cut some of this.
I just wonder what kind of microaggressions The Rock deals with on a daily basis.
I'm sure it was a lot more back in the WWF day.
For sure.
Back then.
I feel like probably now for him, microaggressions come in the form of just it's all online.
Who is he actually talking to in the real world that's not just immediately trying
to...
Beloving, loving him.
Just like exist in his shadow somewhere,
or beloved him, or like loves him-
Lighting up, panicking, nervous.
It is, that's why, right?
Of course, he goes to, if he's talking about something,
he's talking about cancel culture,
he's talking about world culture,
if he sees culture, it is people like that
criticizing him on the internet, which is annoying to him.
Because he's not even the type of person,
like take, say, Will Smith.
I could imagine walking into a Vons,
and Will Smith is there,
and I would not recognize Will Smith
just because he is a normal size.
No, genuinely, because he's a normal-sized human being.
The Rock is never able to go somewhere
where people are interacting with him,
not knowing that he's the Rock.
Because he's shaped like the Rock.
Yeah, I mean, he's just so-
Massive man.
On Thursday, hard transition, him not knowing that he's the rock. Because he's shaped like the rock. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's just so... A massive man. Yeah.
Yeah.
On Thursday, hard transition, Biden got on the phone with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin
Netanyahu and delivered what sounds like an ultimatum that the US would change its policy
towards Israel unless Israel took immediate steps to protect civilians and address the
humanitarian crisis in Gaza.
By Thursday night, Israel's security cabinet had approved measures to open the Erez crossing
in northern Gaza for humanitarian aid and increase the flow of supplies through another
crossing.
Even though for weeks, if not months, they said that they weren't standing in the way
of that aid, but there were practical impossibilities to getting that aid in.
Interesting.
Ultimatums work unless you're trying to get someone to commit to you romantically.
Well, even then they can work, but it's not quite right.
It's like, did the ultimatum force you
to actually see happiness right in front of you?
Or did it only force you to see that what was in front of you
was slightly less terrifying than being alone?
Have you ever issued an ultimatum in your personal life?
I haven't.
I don't think.
No, yeah, I did actually.
Nice.
With my ex.
Did it work? Tells you how that goes, yeah. Did it work. Nice. With my ex.
Did it work?
Tells you how that goes.
Did it work?
I mean.
Did it work and then it didn't work?
It didn't work, I think is the ultimate answer there.
I think we know how I feel about ultimatums.
During their call, Biden also told Netanyahu that an immediate ceasefire is essential.
Meanwhile, after facing months of criticism for failing to apply more pressure on Israel
given the devastation in Gaza and mounting conflict in the region, Biden's decision
to take a slightly harder line made Republicans absolutely furious.
Cried Republicans, wait, no!
Keep doing that thing that makes gender studies major burn you in effigy.
House Republicans introduced a resolution in Congress denouncing Biden for calling for
a ceasefire, criticizing efforts to place one-sided pressure on Israel with respect
to Gaza.
Nothing makes Republicans more upset than Biden addressing a crisis in an election year.
Reaches the deal on the border, shut it down.
Calls for a ceasefire when a country where supplying with weapons is killing civilians by the tens of thousands.
Center him.
They're like a bunch of hot topic golf kids on a beautiful day pissed at the sun for ruining their vibe.
Speaking of ruining the vibe, last Thursday,
RFK Jr.'s presidential campaign sent out a fundraising email that referred to January 6th insurrectionists as activists who had been stripped of their
constitutional liberties.
We all remember those precious words of our founding.
We are all endowed by our Creator with the right to life, to liberty, and to drop a loose
one on Nancy Pelosi's day planner.
I never thought I'd say this, but I wish you'd go back to talking about how fluoride
toothpaste causes bipolar disorder.
Kennedy's campaign quickly distanced itself from the email with a spokesperson saying, that statement was an error that does not
reflect Mr. Kennedy's views. It was inserted by a new marketing contractor
and slipped through the normal approval process. And you have to be careful
around that new marketing contractor. He's a disbarred lawyer with an anger
problem in the morning and a drinking problem in the afternoon and his suit
coat smells like it's from a steamer trunk labeled guys and dolls in the back
of the auditorium at the local high school.
But believe it or not, that marketing contractor was once the mayor of New York City.
Oh my god.
And then, flipping back, Kennedy said that if elected, he would appoint a special prosecutor to investigate the harsh treatment of January 6th defendants.
He said that while he opposes Trump and all he stands for, he was also disturbed by the weaponization of government against him.
You can't say you oppose all Trump stands for while also parroting his grievances.
His grievances are all he stands for.
It's like saying, I'm no fan of the Joker,
but I will set a series of elaborate traps
to test the moral boundaries
between Bruce Wayne as a human being
and Batman as a heroic figure.
Kennedy also said in his statement
that there was little evidence of a true insurrection
and included the false claim
that the protesters who stormed the Capitol
carried no weapons.
In reality, a bunch of insurrection and included the false claim that the protesters who stormed the Capitol carried no weapons.
In reality, a bunch of insurrectionists were armed with guns.
Others had axes, knives, tasers, bear spray, baseball bats, and literal fucking pitchforks.
But to be fair, this is also how they attend NASCAR events.
Kennedy put out a second statement on Friday.
Kennedy then put out a second statement that read, my understanding that none of the January
6 rioters who invaded the Capitol for carrying firearms was incorrect.
Several have been convicted for carrying firearms
into the Capitol building.
Admitting you're wrong, this absolute amateur,
this dilettante, he makes his name talking about
how vaccines cause autism and he thinks it means
he could just start sounding up on January 6th,
not being real.
It takes actual qualifications to talk about that.
It takes holes in your brain so big
an adult could walk through them without bending over.
Speaking of conspicuous holes,
thieves pulled off one of the biggest heists
in Los Angeles history on Easter Sunday,
stealing somewhere between 20 million and $30 million
in cash from a Garta World warehouse
in the San Fernando Valley.
Garta World, you couldn't even Garta one stinking warehouse.
Love an analog heist.
Fuck off phone scams and cyber attacks and AI voices telling your grandma you've been kidnapped in Buenos Aires. couldn't even guard a one-stinking warehouse. Love and analog heists.
Fuck off, phone scams and cyber attacks and AI voices telling your grandma you've been
kidnapped in Buenos Aires.
We're breaking into a building and cracking a safe like good old-fashioned patriotic
Americans.
Though the burglars tripped at least one alarm, the theft wasn't discovered until the next
day when warehouse operators opened the vault.
Can you imagine?
You feel a little off from eating too much Easter candy, but you drag yourself into work
and then immediately, first thing in the morning, before you've even poured yourself a coffee,
you have to call your boss and tell them someone stole $30 million.
Woof.
Officials haven't announced any suspects, but said it appears to be a professional,
sophisticated operation with one former FBI official speculating in the LA Times that
it likely involved a current or former employee who knew the facility's layout.
The former agent also pointed out the challenge that thieves now face, saying,
"...this is a lot of money.
I use the analogy we have stolen the circus elephant.
Where do you hide it?
There aren't many places this amount of cash could go."
Yeah, in Joe Biden's America, it would take weeks to spend that at a coffee shop.
Am I right, Maria Bartiromo?
So according to the Federal Reserve Board, a bill,
an amount of the denomination, weighs about one gram.
If the thieves stole $30 million in smaller bills,
let's say it was all 20s, that would be 1.5 million grams
or 3,300 pounds of cash.
So they have a cool, interesting hobby,
they're good at making plans and they're super strong.
Hey, if you recently robbed the garter world in the San Fernando Valley, damn me
Were I were I still in my fanfiction writing days I would probably be
Commuting into work and turning this into a story of Danny Ocean and Carmen San Diego's honeymoon. Oh
My god, I like that. I am curious how many people are writing spec scripts
based on this right now.
I love it.
Just morning.
Plug it into chat, cheapy tea.
They'll give you one.
Anyway, this should be an easy crime to solve.
We just need to keep our eyes peeled
for the richest, buffest man.
Wait a minute.
It's the rock.
I think it's the rock.
All right.
Before we go, Love or Leave It is going on tour.
It all starts at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival
in Austin, Texas on April 21st.
And then we're headed to Washington, DC on April 25th.
We have incredible guests lined up.
In Austin, we'll be joined by Tim Miller, Zach Zucker,
the Sklar Brothers, and Joel Nicole Johnson.
And then in DC, we'll be joined by Josh Gondelman,
Sam Jay, Al Franken, and Mehdi Hassan.
Joe Rogan was busy for the Austin show, I guess.
To get tickets, head to crooked.com slash events.
And that's our show.
I wanna thank Chris, I wanna thank Kendra,
I wanna thank the whole team here.
You know, a prayer's up for Sarah Lazarus.
Yeah. Yes.
Yes.
I think it's a cold, I think she's gonna be back.
She's got a cold. See you Lazarus. Yeah. Yes. I think it's a cold. I think she's gonna be back.
She's got a cold.
See you sluts on Saturday.
["Straight Shooters"] If you're already doomscrolling, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram
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Plus, it's a great way to get involved with Vote Save America, so sign up today at Crooked.com
slash friends.
Love It or Leave It is a Crooked media production.
It is written and produced by me, Jon Lovett and Lee Eisenberg.
Kendra James is our executive producer and Chris Lord is our producer. Hallie Keefer
is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles
and Mahana Del Chiqui are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor, Kyle Stegland and Charlotte
Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer and Milo Kim is our
videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designer,
Bernardo Arsena for creating and running all of our visuals,
which you can't see because this is a podcast,
and to our digital producers,
Zuri Ervin, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman,
and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video
each week so you can.
-♪ It's love it or leave it.
Do you guys see the eclipse?
I washed in salt. I did some cleansing.
Right, you have sort of, I think, uh, uh, what's
it called? Astrological concerns about the influence of the sun. Yeah, the people... If you know anyone
who got married under that eclipse yesterday, that marriage is over. Within. Wait. See, you say that,
but surely that isn't true. I wouldn't chance it. I would not get married under an eclipse during a Mercury retrograde.
Do you love bad movies?
I'm talking about movies where Mario Lopez saves the day
or a lifetime thriller about a killer flight instructor
or basically anything made in the eighties
that's set in the not too distant future.
If that all seems like it's up your alley,
then you'll love the podcast, How Did This Get Made?
Every episode comedians Paul Scheer, June Diane,
Ray Field, and Jason Manzoukas break down the very best
of the worst films ever made.
And the best part, they watch these movies
so you don't have to.
Plus sometimes they're even joined by guest hosts
like Seth Rogen, Nicole Byer, Adam Scott, or me.
I love How Did This Get Made.
I was a fan and then I was a guest.
How about that?
Tell us more shows you've been guest on.
I just like, when I'm promoting, they, you know, I'm doing these ads for shows where they list all the guests, and then I was a guest. How about that? Tell us more shows you've been guest on.
I just like, when I promote,
I'm doing these ads for shows where they list all the guests
but I've been on it.
And presumably if you're hearing this ad, you like me.
Yeah, which is important to let people know.
I think it's the way I'm saying it.
And me.
What are you waiting for?
Listen to How Did This Get Made
wherever you get your podcasts.