Lovett or Leave It - What a Weekday: Biden visits Israel, Jordan vies for Speaker, Will Smith turns off notifications

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

There’s too much news to cram into one Lovett Or Leave It episode per week, which is why we’re here with our new Tuesday comedy dispatch, What A Weekday! Jim Jordan loses his first vote for House Speaker, Jada and Will enlist all of us in their psychosexual games, and Biden travels to Israel. And yet somehow, it’s not even Wednesday.

You guys are you guys are dressed in a very specific way, which I love like there was a wardrobe coordinator Yes, who wanted you to be together? Who wanted you to tell you want who wanted you to be part of the same story? But look very different. You're very sitcom dress. Do you know what I mean? I feel like it looks like lazarus. Do you know what I mean? No, it looks like holly has to go to work. So she told kendra to take me to her treatment I'm, like your aunt that came to pick you up. Hey, everybody.

Welcome to What a Weekday. We record Love It or Leave It on Thursday nights, and that means there's a fair amount of news we miss that feels old by the time we get to the following Thursday

because you're news beasts who demand to be fed the freshest of meat. And much like a cow needs to be milked. So sorry. The funny dopey elves that write this show need to get their little dumb jokes out of their systems or they pop. So in addition to the Saturday mornings, we will spend together till the sun goes supernova or your tastes change. We'll be releasing What a Weekday every Tuesday afternoon. Plus, when we head out on the road, you'll be seeing those

special episodes in your feeds when you head to work or school or hell on Monday mornings. A lot of content. So let's get into it. What a Weekday. Thanks, everybody. Yeah, great. While Will Smith said he was defending his wife's honor when he slapped Chris Rock at

the Oscars in 2022, Jada Pinkett Smith says in her new book that she and Smith had been separated since 2016. Pinkett Smith even said she was shocked that he called her his wife in that moment. Why are you telling us this? Why are you making that slapping incident somehow even more sad? I don't understand and I don't want to understand and I don't need to learn anymore. I don't need to learn anymore. No't need to learn anymore no i want to be removed from the group chat i don't get it and i like to know ever everything about anyone and i feel like the more we learn i'm like please stop don't involve us in this it's none of our business it's none of it it's all so personal i think that was the worst thing to happen in 2016

they're getting separated amidst all this will smith posted a video of himself on a boat with the caption, Notifications off, but are they still popping up on your Apple Watch, babe? But doll, are they still popping up on your laptop when you're doing your emails? The wild thing about that is that she then replied to that Instagram with like three smiley faces. She's taunting him. I actually think this is a kink. This is a sexual game that we're all a part of.

And I didn't consent. Like the normal smiley face? Just like with a winky, like smiley face with the heart things. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Like she's taunting us. But I don't like. She's taunting us.

I truly don't understand. Like, I don't think we're meant to understand. It's not really. It doesn't need to make sense to us. It's their personal life, I guess. But either she's doing these things publicly in a way that is either against his wishes or a surprise to him in some way, which is a violation, or he's part of the decision making that's leading to this, which means it's all false in some way.

Yes. And I don't really care which it is. I just don't believe any of this is real. It's just they have two children who are like bearing witness to their psychosexual escapades. Well, yes. And the children have not spoken to Page Six, but someone has spoken to Page Six on behalf of the children. And they're like, shut the fuck up. Stop talking about this.

That's a bummer. Yeah. That's a stone cold bummer. I mean, there was like, we went through this news cycle about Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner. And it was like, Joe Jonas was leaking these negative things about Sophie Turner. But then Sophie Turner was staying in Taylor Swift's apartment and having a moment where everybody was coming to Sophie Turner's defense. But just because there's an easy narrative on social media that he's the villain because he's trying to use PR the old-fashioned way and she's clearly being maligned in a way that isn't true,

doesn't mean we know what's going on inside of that relationship at all either, that we know anything about them as human beings, as partners, as parents. We know nothing. And the only thing we know is that anyone participating in one of these kind of public spats when they have children is doing something wrong. There's no way to win a public debate with your partner when there are kids involved. Well, I think Jada thought that she was going to win because at the same time as all of this has been playing out, she also started Red Table Talk while knowing that she was separated from her husband and then brought their relationship onto Red Table Talk, ostensibly giving us the truth of us, the public, the truth about the situation. And now we find out that nothing that was said on Red Table Talk was true. I'm just enjoying the ride but but some of this isn't true either like it doesn't

it all feels like a lot of therapy speak there's something about like there was something in the moment like i don't i'm not a big like i don't follow a lot of like celebrity gossip so it has to kind of it's like whether if it's sports or celebrity gossip and I know about it, either Taylor Swift is involved or it's like big, big news. So this is now like big news. But I remember when, first of all, there were interviews that they've been giving for a very long time that had this dark undertone to it, where like Will Smith would give an interview where he would say something like, you have to just take the word divorce out of your vocabulary. You just have to like not believe divorce is something that people can do, which is, I think a nice sentiment unless your marriage is failing, in which case it's a very sad sentiment. And then during the slap,

there was, there was the slap. There was something about like the way there does seem to be something about the way their relationship has been made public and like the way in which infidelity has been made a public part of the story that has created some kind of like roiling ego and insecurity that like comes out in this moment of the slap. And then to come back years later and be like, hey, remember this moment where somebody was at their absolute worst and it had real lasting damage to their career and they've had to apologize and find a way back from it. The part of it that was rooted in something good,

whether or not acting upon it was good. The fact that he thought he was defending his spouse, there was a lie inside of that, too, that that was also fake and maybe part of another kind of insecurity is all very dark and I don't care for it. Remember when he said that he had sex with so many women he would throw up? Does he remember that? Is that what happens? I don't. Well, I think we can find out at some point, but I haven't seen it yet.

I can confirm. Oh, okay, great. okay great we'll report back that's why you keep a bucket next to the bed that's why you keep a bucket next to the bed Jaden O says the couple is currently working very hard to repair their marriage though they still live separately this marriage is like how Disney won't let

anyone be declared dead on park property. Like your head may have fully come off your body on the Tron ride but some poor EMT with a Mickey badge on his uniform is doing CPR until the ambulance passes the last of the hedge animals. If their marriage ended seven years ago, what do you mean they're working to repair it?

Well, because the marriage did not end. They are not divorced. They are separated but living in the same house the entire time. And she said with this book tour that she's like, we're really working really hard.

It's like, we're good to do what? And you're not, in what way are you separated? If you hang out in public and you live together. Do they live together or they live separately? They live in the same house.

But separately. Oh, separately. Separate bedrooms. Like my parents did and that worked out so well. We can see in your tone that that's an ironic way of saying so well, but we don in your tone that that's an ironic way of

saying so well, but we don't know that. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, though, of Maplewood, New Jersey, of course. Well, there you have it. Well, oh, we're not done with the story. Meanwhile, we're going deep on this one. Meanwhile, meanwhile, in an interview with Hoda Kotb, Pinkett Smith denied rumors that she and Will Smith had an open marriage, were swingers and or are both gay. The rumors that there is anything fun about this endless and depressing and needlessly public saga are false. I highly recommend if you can go find this interview. The last five minutes are wild because Hoda says, so you're divorced. And Jada gets like visibly prickly about it. And it was like, no, we are separated separated and then like starts backtracking

that's when she starts backtracking on the whole news cycle of the last two weeks then the air clearly gets very tense in the today show studio they cut to al roker to do the weather and he simply goes well i'm glad we managed to land that plane oh i love al roker al roker to get a shot off on your marriage to land that plane. Oh. I love Al Roker. For Al Roker to get a shot off on your marriage movie, that's tough.

But all of this, this is not because, this is not like a story that popped up while she's on a promotional tour for a movie. Like,

she has a memoir that she's done another bit of work to explain her personal life. There's going to be more stuff coming out. Like,

this is what, this is just, she's just life. There's going to be more stuff coming out. She's just begun. She's a great actor. They're both phenomenal. They're very talented. I never understood. You're this good? You're this talented? You could be known for that. You could

just be known for that. Wouldn't that be nice? Didn't they say they were open? Wasn't the whole August Alsina thing that they were? At the time, I believe, they were open. So why is she getting all upset about this thing? I don't know. I don't know. Yes.

What? She said it before and now she's upset that people are saying, but remember when you said? I don't like. You're on a. You've just spent years publicly talking about the ways in which your marriage is not like a typical marriage in that you've had other relationships, aren't living the same life, and choose not to get divorced because it's in some way like anathema to your morals or your values. And then someone's like, so you fucking other people? You're like, how dare you? values. And then someone's like, so you fucking other people? You're like, how dare you?

Lawyers for the crypto scam artist Sam Bankman-Fried have petitioned the court to allow him access to more Adderall during his hearings, saying that he hasn't been able to concentrate on court proceedings. Even worse, he hasn't thought of a single groundbreaking app concept since his arrest. I think it's cool to petition a court for study drugs because you're not able to pay attention enough. That the threat of jail time doesn't focus the mind enough. In a memo to donors, Tim Scott's PAC says it has canceled all of their upcoming campaign commercials and more broadly, all of their fall media inventory. Look, I've seen it a thousand times. Having a girlfriend is just distracting, especially your first girlfriend.

You're in love. You don't care about homework or mounting a credible presidential campaign. Last week, Congressman and free diving world record holder George Santos was seen exiting Congressman Tim Burchett's office with a baby in his arms. When a reporter asked if it was his baby, Santos replied, not yet. PolitiFact later confirmed that the baby would belong to Santos only if the baby's mother failed to solve the Goblin King's labyrinth. This happened last Thursday. We're recording on Tuesday.

We still do not know who that baby was. I understand there's more important news to cover, but is there? Judge Tanya Chukin issued a narrow gag order on Donald Trump on Monday, restricting his ability to publicly lash out at court personnel, potential witnesses in the January 6th case, or special counsel Jack Smith and his staff. It's completely irresponsible for a judge to issue this gag order to a former president in the middle of a campaign without a safe word. Said Chukin, when you start using a word like thug to describe a prosecutor doing their job, that wouldn't be allowed by any other criminal defendant. Just because this defendant is running a political campaign does not allow him to do whatever he wants.

Oh, doesn't it, said RFK Jr., doing a tucked double backflip round off into the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool? At one point, Trump attorney John Loro argued that Trump's pretrial conditions were enough to keep him in check, telling the judge what you have put in place is working. Chukin burst out laughing and replied, I'm going to have to take issue with that. Being Trump's lawyer in court continues to be like showing up at a parent-teacher meeting after your kid superglued another kid to the blackboard. Mrs. Trump, we had to cut the boy's hair to get him loose, but we just upped his dose of Focalin and it's starting to make a difference, don't you think? He killed the classroom frog. In another exchange, Chukin asked Trump's lawyers whether the hypothetical statement would be appropriate.

Bill Barr should be executed for as many treasonous acts. Laura replied, it's not a threat, your honor. Why can't crooked lawyers be this cool? I'm not allowed to say anyone should be executed and I have such a good list. Later on Monday, Trump attacked Chukin in the gag order at an event in Iowa. A judge gave a gag order today. Did you hear that on speech? Which I believe is totally unconstitutional what she did. A judge gave a gag order. A judge doesn't like me too much. Her whole life is not liking me. We have that in common.

This judge assigned to my case treats judging me like it's her job. Trump also said this. But what they don't understand is that I am willing to go to jail if that's what it takes for our country to win and become a democracy again. Yeah, that's what we're saying. That's our whole fucking point. We want you to go to jail so our country can win and be a democracy again. Does he not understand it? Everyone applauded. Everyone applauded.

This thing would wrap this thing up. During a diatribe against Republicans who opposed him, Donald Trump declared this. But remember, Republicans eat their young. They really do. They eat their young. Terrible statement, but it's true. Matt Gaetz heard this and said, that's not all I do with them.

Oh. Sex with them. All. Yeah, sex with them. All right. All right. We now go live to the House Republican Caucus choosing a speaker. For those listening to this

because it is a podcast, what we are looking at on the screen is the Goya painting Saturn Devouring His Son. He looks like someone just walked in, which I liked.

Like, oh, oh. Now what it looks like. One of the best. One of the best. Look at that. Come on. One of the best. Look at that thing. That painting rules.

Yeah. What's cool about it is the way that the, the, the, the body is eating is kind of like chill. But the, well, the thing is Saturn swallowed his kids.

He didn't devour them, and they all got out. Oh. Yeah, so Goya. This is actually inaccurate. On watch, Goya. He's taking liberties. Yeah, artistic liberties. He's adapting IP. Look, famously, Goya

was all about bringing his own take when he adapted IP. And he was one of the best. He likes Ovid. He doesn't love him. Yeah, he's one of the best to ever do it. He's directing the Zelda movie. Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back in the wake of Hamas' attack in southern Israel. Donald Trump criticized Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as being not prepared, and he called Hezbollah very smart. Trump is still angry at Bibi for being among the first world leaders to congratulate Biden on winning the election, even as Trump continued to contest the results. Trump is treating one of the biggest foreign policy and humanitarian crises in a generation like a teen furious about her ex-boyfriend's likes on Instagram. Several of Trump's GOP primary rivals jumped on his comments, with Mike Pence saying from New Hampshire to speak in a critical way about Prime Minister Netanyahu to refer to the terrorist organization Hezbollah as very smart.

I think it was incomprehensible to me. I believe this is a moment where we ought to send a steely resolve to the enemies of Israel. This moment calls for that most necessary of leaders in the Middle East and off-putting evangelical from Indiana. President Biden will travel to Israel on Wednesday after Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu extended an invitation over the weekend. Biden only agreed to the trip after Israel agreed on a plan that would allow humanitarian aid to reach civilians in Gaza. This came after a marathon meeting in which Secretary of State Tony Blinken met with Israeli officials, including Netanyahu, for eight hours. Blinken then immediately hopped on a plane in the middle of the night for Jordan as part of ongoing talks, as he's made some 10 stops in five days as part of the administration's diplomatic efforts to support Israel,

press for humanitarian aid and protection in Gaza, and prevent a wider conflict in the region. Now imagine what would be happening right now if Donald Trump were president. I don't have a joke about any of this. Do you believe his administration would be doing a goddamn thing for civilians in Gaza? Do you believe that he and his wretched scumbags who populated that administration would have the capacity to defend Israel as an ally

while understanding that restraint is not only a moral necessity, but ultimately in Israel's interest? They'd just be threatening a war with Iran and pitching Clarence Thomas on a new Muslim ban, and guess what? He loves it. It fits him perfectly. And then there's the speaker drama in the house. Ever since Matt Gaist and his band of unfuckables defenitrated Kevin McCarthy just to hear the splat, the question has been what comes next? It took 15 ballots for McCarthy

to wrap his wet little hand around that gavel and only 269 days for it to fall greasy and warm to the floor. Who gets to pick it up? Last week, Steve Scalise was the front runner, and only 269 days for it to fall greasy and warm to the floor. Who gets to pick it up? Last week, Steve Scalise was the frontrunner, and he even won the intra-Republican vote over insurrectionists and guy who doesn't agree that he's yelling, Jim Jordan. Scalise is no moderate. He most famously called himself David Duke without the baggage. David Duke being, of course, a celebrity white supremacist from the 90s and right-wing politician from Scalise's home state of Louisiana. But then on Thursday, Scalise dropped out of the speaker's race after a group of Republicans pledged to block his path to the 217 votes he would need. Because even Scalise faced the same dynamic that undid McCarthy.

A majority of the Republican majority might prefer him, but a small faction of right-wing attention seekers knows that even though they don't have the votes to win, they do have the votes to never lose. And because they have no real agenda or patriotic ethic, they have no motive to compromise, especially when refusing to compromise gets them more of the attention and controversy and hate on which they thrive. They're sort of like those organisms in the furthest reaches of the ocean

that live on the toxic minerals spewing out of those deep sea vents. They don't need light or nutrients from plants. They don't need the nourishing warmth of policy goals or legislative achievement or national success. They just need the sweet, sweet poison from the vents. Honestly, we didn't even realize anything could live off of

that shit, but there they are, thriving in the abyss, in the dark, eating the toxic stuff that spews from those sweet, delicious, wonderful right-wing vents. You know those things that live on the vents? Yeah. Extremophiles, I think they're called.

Oh. Because they live in extreme environments. All right, Miss Frizzle. Hey. Hey. Be on the bus. What did we start calling him? What did we start calling him? Frizzle.

I like it. Okay. And so Steve Scalise dropped out when he realized that the same fate that befell McCarthy was coming his way. Phew, thank goodness. We got that piece of shit out of the running. Who's next? Oh, it's an even bigger piece of shit. Yes, that left Jim Jordan, a person who supports a nationwide ban on abortion from the

moment of conception, who has been accused of lying about how much he knew about a sex abuse scandal at Ohio State when he was a coach and who personifies the right wing policies and burn it all down politics that led to this chaos in the first place. Former Republican House Speaker John Boehner, a Republican, called Jim Jordan a political terrorist in his memoir. Liz Cheney said if Republicans nominate Jordan to be speaker, they will be abandoning the Constitution. And Cassidy Hutchinson, former Trump aide who knows Jordan well, said on Ponsay of America just last week, Jim Jordan can't be trusted with the Constitution. So naturally, on Tuesday, the full House voted on whether to give Jordan the gavel and several GOP lawmakers who'd previously pledged never to support him changed their mind.

And that's what I've always admired about Republicans. Their open-mindedness, their flexibility, their ability to say, hey, that's not my favorite scumbag. I personally prefer a different scumbag, but I will obediently fall in line behind this scumbag all the same. Former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy said of the vote, I feel very good about where Jim Jordan is at. All I have to do is wrap Jim Jordan in a little piece of cheese and massage the House Republicans throat and he goes down easy peasy. I give Calvin his meds day. Pundit, pundit is,

she's getting older. And so her rituals are getting longer. Like pundits list of needed requirements are going up. And what I've discovered, and this is a tip for anyone out there, the American cheese, the Kraft singles, not the full thickness slices, but the super thin slices. When I say that I have never found something better for giving a dog a pill. Amen.

Do you know these slices? Yeah, my dog had her ACL replaced. We were shoveling them down her throat. But like the beauty. Don't get me started. I'm so bad about it. She was playing basketball. But the little super thin slices, you can give them very little cheese.

But the thing about the American craft singles and people don't know about this. They're barely they're barely a solid. Yep. You know, they're designed for grilled cheese. Yeah. And so they melt around the pill. Yeah. They melt around the pill just from the warmth of your hands. And they just, they work every goddamn time. Do you sing anything when you give her it? Well, what I actually do now, cheese time, cheese. Here's what I do. Here's what I classic classic. But so what I do now is because she's also getting ear medicine is I show her the ear medicine and I show her the cheese and I say these things are connected. The cheese comes because you get the ear medicine.

Kevin McCarthy voted with the insurrectionists. with the insurrectionist because he is, of course, a craving little weasel. But Jim Jordan voted as an insurrectionist and as part of Trump's two-bit operation because in some combination, he believes the big lie and believes that Democrats are so evil and Republicans so righteous that remaining in power is more important than remaining a democracy. Over the weekend, there were 55 Republicans who said they wouldn't support Jim Jordan on the floor. A lot of those people caved. As of this recording, Jordan lost 20 Republicans after the first ballot. They didn't go to a second vote. How many more will cave? How many more will agree to let Jim Jordan become Speaker of the House, even though they know it's reprehensible? They can only lose four. Right now they're losing

20 and we don't know what will happen next. If it's not Jim Jordan, don't worry. We've got plenty more quality options for Speaker. Throw open the door to their cage, Mr. Barnum. When she nominated him Tuesday, Elise Stefanik, who is going to get leather poisoning trying to figure out who's boots to look next, shouted out Jim Jordan's wrestling credentials. Dems in the House laughed out loud as several former Ohio State University wrestlers accused Jordan, who was then an assistant coach, of covering up sexual abuse allegations against OSU doctor Richard Strauss. Before the vote, Jim Jordan told press, I feel really good, whatever it takes to get a speaker today. Sometimes Congress is about serving the American people, but sometimes Congress is about setting aside an hour to ruin Jim Jordan's good mood. Both functions are so important. Also, if that wasn't enough chaos, four House Democrats have proposed expanding temporary

Speaker Patrick McHenry's power to allow them to, you know, keep functioning as a Congress. It would be cool if this guy just became speaker by default. He's like that friend you hook up with between partners and you've always just been this mutual placeholder to each other. But then 10 years go by and it's like, should we get married? The proposed temporary powers would cover three areas that require swift action, emergency aid for Ukraine and Israel, extending government funding through January 11th and individual spending bills. And it would be easier to get all those taken care of without Jim Jordan scrambling through the air ducts, chewing through the wires. But he's probably going to cause his usual chaos. In the end, Jordan did not have enough support to secure the speakership in the first vote on Tuesday. Twenty Republicans did oppose him. That's where we are right now as of

this recording. And that's what I've always admired about Republicans, their independence, their strong principles, their readiness to sacrifice party unity for a public humiliation of Jim Jordan. What happens now? Nobody knows. And that's the beauty of storytelling. See you sluts on Saturday. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production.

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