Lovett or Leave It - What a Weekday: Trump on the Cross/Nasdaq

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Lovett or Leave It was disappointed not to be chosen as RFK Jr.’s running mate today, but don’t worry, we’ll still be voting for him come November. Meanwhile, Ronna McDaniel’s gets the best of both worlds: being on TV and everyone hating you. Donald Trump compares himself to Jesus, and not just because of those washboard abs. Rudy Giuliani screams across the void from his nightmare world, and producer Kendra has us doing quad axels with her knowledge of, and love for, the world’s most slippery spins. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

You told us about how you were flip-flops to the White House one time. Well, I would bike in and so... In flip-flops? Well, sometimes I would wear flip-flops, but I would bike in and then the bike was an excuse to be able to wear shorts and a t-shirt. That's what it was. So that I wouldn't sweat through my suit. But then I would get to my office and I would try to go as long as I could

without having to leave my office. Because if I haven't left my office, then I still can be in my shorts and t-shirt. But I can't leave my office in the shorts and t-shirt I must change so I'd basically try to make it all the way to lunch without putting on a suit so yeah no UTI of your entire And we're back! I'm here with the one and only Kendra. Hi. Hallie.

Hello! Sarah. I'm not one and only? I mean there's so many Sarahs. I never was in a class with Kendra. Yeah. Hey, I take a bag. Who are you?

Yeah. One of many. I'm one of many. Hey, head ticket bag. Who are you? Yeah. One of many. I'm one of many. I'm a bro for Ro. That's what I am today. Thank you. Bro for Ro. Let's get into it.

What a weekday. The moment has arrived. RFK Jr. finally picked a running mate on Tuesday and a huge congrats to our next vice president, one of the raccoons from Grey Gardens. Having a vice president on the ticket shows that he's moving forward. The co-founder of RFK's Super PAC told The Hill voters then get to see that he's very serious about becoming president. I guess that's true in the same way that buying a plane ticket to Paris shows that you're very

serious about becoming the first person to eat the Eiffel Tower. That's not really the part people have doubts about. Reports said that his shortlist included anti-vax football person Aaron Rodgers, actress and comedian Roseanne Barr, and former Minnesota governor and professional wrestler Jesse Ventura. One of those three names was not actually on the shortlist and was included by us, but the fact that it's not totally clear which tells you how dumb this all is. RFK Jr. ultimately selected lawyer Nicole Shanahan, former wife of Google co-founder Sergi Brin, who also helped fund RFK Jr.'s Super Bowl ad. I'm now going to read to you the last line of her Wikipedia. In 2023, Shanahan held a love ceremony of commitment with Jacob Strumwasser, who is an advisor at Lightning Labs, a Bitcoin software company. She described the event as a hand-fast fasting ceremony influenced by druidic tradition. The pair met at Burning Man in summer 2022.

Oh, my nose is bleeding. Sorry, I feel like that's like, if you read it out loud, that it does what that that weapon does to your brain. Remember, whenever it was getting their brains microwaved? Cuba syndrome, whatever. Yeah, the Cuba syndrome, Savannah syndrome. I feel like that sentence causes it. I think we gotta, what was that thing from Escape from LA where it's like a bomb that destroys all electronics?

We gotta do that, but just in Silicon Valley. Oh, the EMT? Yeah, yeah, we gotta get that localized. EMT, electromagnetic pulse. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Let us know in the comments if you have one of those. EMP, electromagnetic pulse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let us know in the comments if you have one of those. Also, in the movie GoldenEye, there's an EMP.

I love GoldenEye. I love GoldenEye. I love the GoldenEye is awesome. And so what's interesting about GoldenEye is if you go back and watch it, when GoldenEye came out, it felt like such a modern movie. But actually, if you go back and watch it,

it's actually the last of the old action movies. Classic. It feels like it's come from another era. I don't remember the movie as much as I remember the N64 game, to be honest. Oh please, just that game was the best, the best. And that game also had, do you remember how they were like, each level had different goals that if you completed them in a certain time or did certain things inside the level, you unlock special weapons and other things. The reason I never finished the game.

Right. Because you can never do that. The last level, the last level, I think it was like three minutes. I couldn't do it. I know I've never done it. I like to finish things. And so because I couldn't do everything at every level, I just like, I tried it. It really was very, that was the one.

It was that one, remember it was like that last thing. It was the last thing you had to like get it done on the hardest setting in a very short amount of time. And it meant you had to like fly through the level. It was impossible. My N64 is at home. I really should be re-investigating this. Do you think that with age and wisdom,

you might be able to do it? Or do you think that we've lost the dexterity? So there's a game called, I want to say it's called Time Bandits? No that's wrong, someone help me. Time Bandits is the movie by... Time Crisis, thank you. Okay. Hal you want to get out of here? Oh, Time Crisis! Okay, wait. Where you play the arcade with the buttons, red and blue and you would like... Right, so I've been playing a lot of Time Crisis recently and I'm very very good at it so I'm wondering if that would help translate into into N yeah. Right, so I've been playing a lot of Time Crisis recently and I'm very, very good at it. So I'm wondering if that would help translate into N64. Maybe.

Here's the problem with taking the electronics away from Silicon Valley. They're just gonna go further into steampunk. They're gonna retreat further into the... They wanna all go to the desert and play steampunk. If they go birdie man. That's great. Cause last, remember the rain. Yeah.

If there's even more rain, then they're forced to stay out there. We could lose Elon Musk in the desert. That would be great for all of us. Any day now. Actually, Nicole Shanahan, the last time she was in the news, it was when there was a rumor

that was reported publicly that there was a fallout between Sergey Brin and Elon Musk because Nicole Shanahan had had an affair with Elon Musk and that Sergey Brin had like begged for forgiveness. I may be getting the details of this wrong, but it was something like that. How is he pulling these women? I will say this without judgment, gross.

Yeah. Because these women are all so insane. These are female Elon Musk, they're like, yes, let's do this. Remember when there was a whole new cycle with all those people that were stuck in the mud at Burning Man? Yeah. Trying to say, it's not actually mud, it's worse than mud.

Yeah. I was going to go out with this woman and then she got stuck at Burning Man. And I'm like, you know what? This is maybe a sign that it just is going to work out between us. That was the thing when I moved to LA and I was on Dating Apps here and realized that in New York, you could have, want to go to Burning Man or have been to Burning Man as like a hard red flag and instantly disqualify those people. You can't do that in LA. Just so many people go to Burning Man. Yeah.

I've never been. But I would go. I would. I don't think I'd go now, but I would. I could have gone. You in that mud? You would never. You're insane.

Why would you do that? You die. I won't even go to Bonnaroo with my husband, who I love. They have porta ppotties. Okay, you're right. What was I thinking? It was the right decision not to go. Yeah.

Speaking of people covered in mud and trying to figure out why their life has no meaning, on Friday, NBC announced that election denier Trump Aboratschik and former Republican Party Chair Ronna McDaniel-Nay Romney would join the network as a paid contributor. Weirdly, it was to provide commentary at the national dog show, and the backlash was immediate. What do you mean you can't wait to find out which breed is most delicious? What do you think this is, Ronna? Journalists and anchors at NBC News were furious. McDaniel wasn't just the face of Trump's efforts to overturn the election.

She was an active participant in the scheme. McDaniel even called GOP canvassers in Michigan on November 17th, 2020, and urged them not to sign the boat certification. The Detroit News reported on the call in which McDaniel reportedly tells two canvassers, if you can go home tonight, do not sign it, promising them, we will get you attorneys.

Now, one of those attorneys may be drunk and leaking black goo like a startled octopus, and he also may try to fuck you. But believe it or not, he was also once the mayor of New York City. Now, post job at the RNC, McDaniel's tune has changed. Less Hunter, more we shouldn'ta. Hell yeah.

Got him. I want you to know something. I was alone in my home. As you mostly are. And and that I made myself laugh Let's hunt the more. Oh, we shouldn't have Yeah, I was in my vision pro so I wasn't alone I was with my I was my cheering audience of dinosaurs Just high-fiving Just high-fiving Tyrannostor. Tiny, tiny arms.

Yeah. Good one, John. They don't talk. They're all high-fiving each other. Yeah. During her guest appearance on Sunday's Meet the Press, McDaniel rebuked Trump over his promise to pardon convicted January 6th insurrectionists, calling the Capitol riot unacceptable. When asked why she's only speaking out about January 6th now that she is no longer associated

with the Republican National Committee, McDaniel offered this. When you're the RNC chair, you kind of take one for the whole team, right? Now I get to be a little bit more myself, right? This is what I believe. Yeah, everybody calm down. She didn't actually believe the election was stolen. She just pretended to think that for money and power, unless she just pretended to think the opposite now also for money and power. I guess we'll never know the opposite now, also for money and power. I guess we'll never know. The important thing is most people get their news on TikTok. I hate when you have to put on a fake self for a job,

you know? I never tried to overturn a national election. I knew I hadn't been stolen in order to install an authoritarian bozo who probably called me ugly behind my back, but I also did have to wear a suit to work. That stunk. So I get it.

Former Meet the Press host Chuck Todd told current host Kristen Welker on air, Look, let me deal with the elephant in the room. I think our bosses owe you an apology for putting you in this situation because I don't know what to believe. She is now a paid contributor by NBC News. I have no idea whether any answer she gave to you was because she didn't want to mess up her contract. Said an NBC executive in response, that is so cynical, Chuck. What's next?

You think dolphins don't love bouncing balls back and forth to each other on command and are only doing it for the fish? You think Ronna did this? I can't do the noise. What do they do? That's hard. You think that she's not doing that because she believes it? I can't do the noise. What do they do? Oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop oop event recently that he feels as if he's trapped in a quote nightmare. Wonderful. If you recall, Giuliani is facing bankruptcy due to the $148 million fine you received in December after being found guilty of falsely accusing two

Fulton County poll workers of voter fraud. Giuliani allegedly told Mar-a-Lago guests that he quote, wakes up every day and can't believe it's real. wakes up every day and can't believe it's real. ["Celebrate Your Time", by The Vigilantes plays.] Isn't it funny that for Giuliani, being here with us is his nightmare, but for us being here with him is our nightmare? It makes me wonder, how could heaven be real?

You know? In a sense. Like if Rudy Giuliani was in heaven, you'd be like, well, this can't be heaven by default. Right. I don't think he's going to heaven though. Yeah, I don't, I never. So you're saying that the only people that get to go

to heaven are people that all want to see each other. But there are good people who can't stand each other. There are heaven worthy people who fucking hate each other's guts. How can it be heaven if two people who hate the sight of each other can see each other? No, that's different rooms. Different rooms. Well, you can hate someone cause you find them annoying, but each other. No, that's different rooms. Different rooms.

Well, you can hate someone because you find them annoying, but still they're in heaven in a different room. He's done something. He actively tried to overturn a democratic election. That's why you're not going to heaven. It's not because he's annoying. He is annoying, but also he's a bad person.

I appreciate that. I appreciate that. I understand that in this analogy, Giuliani's never in heaven. But the fact that for us, he's our nightmare, and for him, we're his nightmare. I mean, he's not my nightmare. He's not really my nightmare.

He looks like a nightmare came to life. He's painless at this point. He looks like something that would appear in my nightmares. Yes. Yes, he does look like a sleep paralysis demon. If I saw Rudy Giuliani in heaven, I would kill myself.

And then where'd he go? So I guess I would go to hell, then. That's it. He's probably there too. Do you ever see the movie, What Dreams May Come? Hell yeah. I really, that movie, it's time we all take a moment and give what dreams may come another shot.

I think we were also, we were really struggled with Robin Williams making the dramatic turns. But if you go back and watch them, one hour photo, great. One hour photo, excellent. Insomnia, great. Insomnia. Insomnia. Yeah, he's excellent.

I think it was just like we were riding the high. We were getting the, and then when he's like, no, I'd like to do something else, we're like, oh, please just do Mrs. Doubtfire too. That's what we want you to do. We'll never get that Mrs. Doubtfire too. Where Mrs. Doubtfire has to go undercover as Robin Williams.

As Robin Williams. Yeah, hell yeah. And who would it be? Susan Boyle? I'm like, who are we starting with? Shout out to Susan Boyle. I listen to her cover of Wild Horses all the time. Really? Yes, even though she looks like Susan Boyle,

she can't sing. I know we're all shocked to hear about it. Susan Boyle, really put Susan Boyle in the time capsule because the whole premise of her celebrity was, can you believe what this woman looks like? Can you believe a woman that you don't want to fuck can sing? Like, it's just like, it has nothing to do with it whatsoever. It's like, yes, I do. I absolutely believe it.

We of course know that. They're like, what? We think there has to be this correlation, but that's just a choice we made. Yeah, we of course know that that's not the case. Just their faces, like realizing an ugly person kissing. I don't mean anything bad to Susan Boyle. No, look, it was part of it. It was part of it.

Even in the moment, they couldn't discuss why they were so surprised because she was standing there. She violated so many rules that we all live with. And it wasn't right. It wasn't just that she wasn't to their beauty standards. It was that she was kind of kooky. It was that she was a little off kilter. It was like she just didn't fit in. It was that she wasn't trying to be beautiful. She wasn't making the effort.

She seemed comfortable in her own skin. And that was upsetting to people? Yes, it was that she didn't even care that she wasn't hot to Piers Morgan. What power? I want Piers Morgan to think I'm hot. I'll admit that right now. I want him to think I'm hot. I can't help it.

Was it Piers Morgan? What? I thought it was- It was Simon Cowell. Simon Cowell. No, but Piers Morgan is on that dais. Oh, I thought it was Simon. Check it in the comments.

In my mind it's Mel C and B. I believe Piers Morgan is the other person at that desk. We can check it. We'll check it. We'll check it. But shout out to Susan Boyle. You're doing a great work out here. In a blow to our dreams of seeing New York's Trump Tower turned into the world's biggest gay bookstore,

New York Appeals Court on Monday said it would accept a bond of $175 million, while Donald Trump appeals the full judgment of $454 million in a civil fraud case. Fine, I suppose you win this round, said New York Attorney General Letitia James, reluctantly giving Barron his Xbox back. Trump has 10 days to secure the smaller bond, which he said he would do. New York State is being battered by his decision. So I greatly respect the decision of the appellate division

and I'll post either $175 billion in cash or bonds or security or whatever is necessary very quickly within the 10 days. It's super frustrating, but who knows? Kate Hudson was sure she could get Matthew McConaughey to dump her in 10 days, and we all know how that turned out. McConaughey had to travel through a wormhole to find a habitable planet and winds up falling into a five-dimensional tesseract.

I may be getting my movies mixed up. Meanwhile, in Trump's other Manhattan area legal proceeding, Judge Juan Marchand on Monday denied Trump's request to further delay his hush money trial, finalizing the April 15th start date. So to our dear listeners in New York City with a jury duty letter in their hands, the time has come to do your public service. Don't lie. Don't try too hard. The key is you got to set your gob in such a way that you seem like you go with the flow. You don't really have too many strong opinions. Like think about the face you make when you've had an edible, then just cut that in half.

You know, it's like go super stoned. I'm gonna do it. I'll do edible then just cut that in half you know it's like go super stoned I'm gonna do it I'll do it and cut it in half there we go juror face mm-hmm perfect huh inscrutable just sort of dead behind the eyes yeah not too eager not too reluctant no oh yeah no I'm yeah I kind of keep up with the news a human bowl of soup I'm open I didn't vote in the last election that might well that if it's true we're not we can't no one's mission can't lie can't we voted in the general baby what some of the primaries we got past yeah yeah he moved he didn't register I don't know who the AG is all right that kind of thing and also you

just pissed your pants you You can also piss yourself. Trump called the decision by Judge Marshawn election interference and pledged to appeal it which he cannot actually do. This is a pure case of voter intimidation and election interference. This was a case that had been brought three and a half years ago and they decided to wait now just during the election so that I won't be able to campaign. It will be appealing to this. Nothing is more frustrating to Trump

than a process he can't corrupt. I was reminded of the expression, when you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression. And I feel like there's a Trump corollary, which is, when you're accustomed to corruption, integrity feels like a crime. That he cannot believe that this is a process,

being rich and connected can't allow him to escape. Which like to be fair, I think, given examples, one understands why he thinks that. For sure, for sure. It's, there was a, there's a kind of like ugly kind of expression that I think appeals to someone like Trump, which is Whoever has the most money is in charge that like in any room, you know it's like, you know, you look around like who's in charge is the person with the most money and

That used to be true everywhere without exception including a courtroom But it's actually not true in a courtroom anymore. And so him being the richest person in that room doesn't get him out of anything. He can't bribe people. He would be so happy in a Tammany Hall type New York, be so happy in like a true corrupt, old school mafia system.

That's when he got his power. Like in the eighties, it was like, I'm sure you just throw money at whatever. Or and get away with just throw money at whatever. And get away with not throwing money at anything and not paying people to do shit. Like the New Jersey casino business, he can't believe he can't bribe his way out of this thing.

Yeah, what do you mean I can't wink at this guy and it all goes away? Right, like some goon with a suitcase can't get into somebody's car and be done with this. And it's hard because he does have so many goons. Like all these guys are from like, you know, rent a goon. But you have to provide the suit. Yeah, you have to wear it.

This is the thing about- Yeah, they come naked and you have to dress them. Yeah, yeah. They have no genitals, don't worry. It's just like smooth, but you gotta close them. It looks, and it says it right there in the goon contract. These goons will arrive nude. These are nude goons. They don't wanna hear you calling them. It there in the goon contract. These goons will arrive nude. These are nude goons.

They don't wanna hear you calling them. It's in the contract. Look, we used to send the goons clothes, but then sometimes you want different clothes. So we leave the clothes up to you. Suits, warmup jackets. Primary colored ties. Yeah, we don't know what you want our goons to look like.

We sent them in suits, the suits kept coming back to her. You can't keep buying these goons hot dogs. They get ketchup on the suits. Now it's your problem. Yeah. Oh, and that's another thing I want to remind you of. You're in charge, while the goons are in your custody, you gotta feed the goons.

You gotta feed them. We've been getting too many of these goons back, hungry and thirsty, delirious. Unwashed. We're getting filthy, hungry goons back in these cages. And don't kiss them. Was there a concern? Don't kiss the goons.

In the wake of this ruling, Trump also, in a post, compared his ordeal to the stations of the cross and then quoted a psalm about how he was being persecuted unfairly. The passage ends in reference to his unnamed accuser, let his days be few and let another take his office. There's any doubt what Trump is saying here. The next lines, which he doesn't include in the post, say, Let his children be fatherless and his wife a widow.

Because of the comparison to Jesus, this was sorted into the Trump is a narcissist bucket, but I do think not enough is being made of the part that belongs in the Trump is always threatening violence bucket. He is constantly saying that Biden is pulling the strings, that Biden is out there making these cases happening, that this is all Biden's big plan. And then he puts up a post that says, let his days be few, let his wife be a widow. Let his children be fatherless." And then you remember Trump tried to kill Biden with COVID. He had COVID and went to the debate and tried to kill him. Do you think Trump has like a beautiful little leather-bound book called Psalms for Assholes? It's just only Psalms for when you want to be a big jerk and still quote the Bible.

Yeah, like the kind of the, the, the like the inverse of the Jefferson Bible where he takes out the God and leaves just the kind of spiritual parts. But for just the dickish portions of the Bible about smiting your enemies and so forth. The Biden campaign responded to Trump's news conference in a statement and I'm going to read it in full because it was great. Trump's news conference in a statement and I'm and tired Donald Trump. Come on, come on. Our boy Joe, he's got it. He's got it. I think what's at least nice about this moment in politics is like, we could finally admit you can't bullshit a bullshitter.

Like to me, it's like Trump, the emperor has no clothes. Let's just constantly be talking about how his dick's hanging out. You know what I mean? It's like there's no reason not to say all these things once you've gotten to the point where Trump has already been president, you know? Yeah. Yeah, there's no like rising above this guy.

You have to meet him on his stupid level. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would say we're about three official campaign statements away from, Donald Trump fucks like your mom's ancient terrier listlessly humping the sofa. And we love that. That's where we're at.

That's where we got to be. It's only March. I mean, I'll say that second paragraph. Like that's a man that I would really enjoy watching on Bravo. That's where he belongs. Yeah. That's what this was all about. This is like, talk about Rudy's nightmare.

We are living in a nightmare. This was about goosing the ratings for The Apprentice eight years ago. Yeah. That's what this all was about. Roe is overturned because he was trying to goose the ratings of The Fucking Apprentice. And we were all already watching. It was very popular.

That's what's crazy about it. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Speaking of gross couplings, on Monday Trump... I tried. No, I think it was good. It's from the terrier thing. No, it was from the terrier thing. Remember the terrier humping the couch?

Speaking of gross couplings, on Monday Trump Media announced his merger with the publicly traded shell company Digital World Acquisition Corp. Trump Media, the owner of Truth Central, began trading on the stock market on Tuesday under the ticker symbol DJT. Trump's stake in the company rose to a value of $6 billion on paper. But he's barred from selling his shares for six months and the company itself is not only losing money, it has never explained how it could ever achieve a level of growth, revenue, profitability commensurate with what the valuation currently is. The deal was made possible by right-wing mega donor Jeffrey Yoss, whose firm owns a $20

billion stake in the company that owns TikTok. After meeting with Yoss, Trump, who once issued an executive order to try to ban TikTok, now is against a ban. What do you get? The conservative billionaire who has everything? You get him Donald Trump jumping out of a box with a bow on it like a golden retriever puppy at Christmas. They just— He just bought the guy. He just bought him. He just don't. Just bought him. There is a Yoss Queen joke, but we just haven't nailed it.

No, I know. Trump has been Yasified into, Trump has been Yasified into supporting TikTok. In other thrilling triumphs, Trump announced on Sunday that he was the golf champion of the world, wrote the former president on True Social. It is my great honor to be at Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach Night, Awards Night to receive the club championship trophy and the senior club championship trophy. I won both. So exciting.

Anyway, I'm thrilled to announce that I've just received the Crooked Media Award for Best Gay Jewish Podcast, host over 40, and the Crooked Media Award for Chillest Handsomest Boss. I'm very honored. Thank you all for voting. And I told HR to unfreeze your paychecks. The voting was rigged. I saw them taking the win. Continue Trump, a large engulfing talented membership, a great and difficult course made the play very exciting. The qualifying and match play was amazing. very exciting. Thank you. President Biden quote-tweeted Trump's post writing,

"'Congratulations, Donald, quite the accomplishment.'" And I do like his bitch era. Yeah, Biden's in his bitch era. I hate how much we're talking about golf. I hate golf. I hate it so much. I think it's the dumbest sport. I never wanna hear it mentioned.

It's an environmental disaster. That too. I just like, just get a divorce. If you want to spend every, if you're, if you want to go out, leave your house for four hours without being reachable and have a good excuse, just get a divorce. Also you can just take a walk with your boys. Yeah. You can just go for a walk with your friends. I'm sure people, for me it's also like if I'm going to do a sport. Yeah. Like golf is a sport that you can play every day for your whole life. And when you go to the doctor,

the doctor will say, you gotta exercise. Yeah, and like you're dying. It's gonna fuck you up more than like, speaking of someone who took a swing last summer for the first time in like a decade, that shit hurts. Yeah, I look at people like golf, great, have at it. I don't, you know, I'm not, it's not for me. I don't judge, I'm not gonna yuck somebody else's yum.

But there is a kind of, there is something about the length of it and the way it kind of like creates a permission structure for like, I golf, I'm out. My parents were deals are made on the golf course people. So they made me take golf lessons as a child. And the trauma of going to the place for your lesson, being like, I'm a lefty,

and then have them spend 20 minutes digging around in the closet for a lefty club has never left me. Hmm. I'm sorry that happened to you. Thank you. Were there any other ways in which you were different that maybe had an impact on what it was like to be a young person golfing

at this fucking golf course in New Jersey? I mean, it wasn't like a country club. Right. Yeah, I say we set all the golf courses on fire. That's what I think. I do like mini golf, if that's the right version of golf. Mini golf.

With a windmill? When it hits, when you're having a good time, it's the best. I do think though, my thing though is, I don't wanna play mini golf if we're not taking it seriously. No, I want to keep score I want to be accurate. I'm not just here to putt around and have a good time I am gonna have a good time, but I want to fucking contest. You're not picking up the ball and putting it in a better spot We're playing we're playing and we're betting

Oh, I didn't know there's money riding on it. We're betting we're betting dinner after we're playing for something. We're playing for keeps. Can we just have fun? No. I'm in between. I think you play seriously, but there's no stakes. Constantly reasonable. Constantly the voice of reason. Unbelievable. Sorry. I don't want to go mini golfing with you. Just to stop asking us to go mini golfing. You know what? Here's here's fundamentally the issue with Love It or Leave It. We got two kinds of people on this show, Ids and superegos. Which one is which? Kendra, superego, Hallie, Id, Sarah, superego, and I'm Id. I can see that.

I think Id is a person being a performer. I think there's something there. We're just sort of like kind of gl We need our gnome gnomes? ...galumphing chaotic figures. Yeah, knock stuff over, absolutely. Yeah, and then, and like, Kendra and Lazarus bring a level of control and discipline and kind of shape, you know? We played sports as a child.

I did too. I just was bad at them and I hated it. Yeah, for sure. Which is why I don't like this whole, the mini-golf thing. I don't want, let's not compete. Who cares? I do think it's important to note that all three of us are horse girls, which is another way we can divide. Yeah, it's horse girl, not horse girl.

But I will say, I didn't like the horse, my relationship with the horse was that I thought it was a dog and I didn't understand why we ride it or do anything else but hang out. My dad is a horse girl. Really? Yeah. That's cute.

Yeah. We should go riding, next thing's out. Yeah, we should go to Burbank. Finally bond with your father and finally have one meaningful conversation with him. All right. Jesus. I, of course, that's everyone's father. I mean, it's not personal. They just don't like talking. I don't know. In other news, Congress came dangerously close to causing a shutdown with the White House waiting for the spending bill to pass the Senate ahead of the midnight deadline. The White House received the $1.2 trillion spending package at approximately 2 a.m. Saturday morning. Luckily, it coincided perfectly with the president's nightly fifth piss.

In reality, by 2 a.m., Biden is usually clocked out for the day and has retreated to his private quarters to watch old tapes of his dogs mauling Secret Service agents. According to Biden, the bill rejects extreme cuts from House Republicans and expands access to child care, invests in cancer research, funds mental health and substance use care, advances American leadership abroad, and provides resources to secure the border that his administration successfully fought to include. It also keeps to spending levels that got Kevin McCarthy ousted from the speakership last year. And so, following the passage of the spending bill, Marjorie Taylor Greene filed a motion which could force the same kind of vote that led to McCarthy's downfall, threatening Speaker

Mike Johnson with removal if he continues to work with Democrats and passes a Ukraine funding bill opposed by the far right. That's what you get for making Marjorie Taylor Greene your accountability partner. Ah. Oh, seen here is a photo of Marjorie Taylor Greene watching the zone of interest. Jesus. She has so many teeth. So many. Oh, seen here is a photo of Marge with each other green watching the zone of interest. Jesus. She has so many teeth. So many.

It's like double the amount. It's like AI teeth. Did you see that there was a rumor that she had appeared on, I believe, American Idol. I've seen that video. Under a pseudonym. It's not actually true, but it does look just like her.

It does look like her. And it was Susan Boyle. She could really sing. MTG also said her motion is more of a warning than a pink slip and she doesn't want to throw the house into chaos so soon after last fall's speaker debacle, during which the house was without a speaker for three weeks. Continued green, at least not that kind of chaos. I glued photos of Hunter Biden's hog to several actual live hogs that I plan to release into

the Capitol tunnels and I would hate to pull focus from that. Matt Gaetz, voice of reason, told reporters he's against ousting Johnson as he fears some Republicans would vote for a Democrat. Said Gaetz, we'd have Republicans cross over. I worry that we've got Republicans who would vote for Hakeem Jeffries at this point. I really do. I take no joy in saying that. Continued Gaetz. I get my joy from saying things like it's actually pronounced bombardier and sure it's eat six But yeah, it is a little tight. Why don't you scooch on over here next to me, darling? I'm sorry I'm sorry about that

Mike Johnson scoffed when asked about his potential removal ahead of Friday's government shutdown bill said the speaker I don't operate from fear continued Johnson fear is too close to sexual arousal A lot of the physical symptoms are the same sometimes I'll see a picture of a naked woman by accident, by accidentally typing in boobs.com or whatever. And it's like, am I aroused or am I scared? And I can't even tell. Except for when I'm using my new web search monitoring app,

Pornopticon. Pornopticon, we saw that. And to close this out, here's figure skater, Ilya Malinin doing a quad axel to the Succession theme song. This is the part of the show where we turn to figure skating expert Kendra James to tell us why that sucked. It's not... to be clear, nothing about his skate sucked. Okay.

He is a very good skater. Let's get that out of the way. Very technically accomplished skater. Yeah, we agree. But, my issue... You have an issue. My issue overall is his component scores and what he so okay, there's two. It's like she's like, like she can't get it out fast enough. Yeah, okay. I want trying to condense. Okay, so there's two, there's two

scores that you get in figure skating. One is the technical stuff, which is, uh, imagine you're telling us this and the room is filled with water. Yeah. So one of the technical stuff, which is, uh, imagine you're telling us this and the room is filling with water. Yeah. So one of the technical stuff, which is like all of the jumps that you're putting in the program and then the step sequences and the spin combos, all of that. So he's excellent at that stuff. My thing with him is he, while he is so accomplished technically, he does not bring an emotional gravitas to his program. And I hate that. an emotional gravitas to his programs. And I hate that.

And well, I do hate that because skaters like him are pushing jumps forward. I've talked about this on the show before. They're pushing for these quads. He's talking quints next year. Oh, we're talking quints people. That's five times around in the air. No, for an axle, it's five and a half times around.

Five and a half times. Cause you start facing forward, you end up facing backward. He's not talking quint axles, but's five and a half times round. Five and a half times, because you start facing forward, you end up facing backward. Correct. He's not talking quint axles, but he's talking quint other jumps. And I just, it's, I think there's a, the skater who came in fifth for the second year in a row,

Jason Brown, this was World Championships, by the way. So he is Jason Brown's fifth best male skater. We've all drowned, just so you know. We're dead, we're drowned. We've all drowned. Well, okay, you, you- Now we're in heaven,'re drowned. We've all drowned. Well, OK. You out. You out. But now we're in heaven learning more about it.

Yeah, now we're like, now we're like, glug, glug, glug. Tell us more. OK. So Jason Brown came in fifth. Jason Brown had the highest component score. Your component score encompasses skating skills, composition of the program, and how well you perform it overall. That was only his third competition this year.

Most people have been competing since the fall. Jason Brown went and did shows all year, which sort of brings out more of that, like, component score because you're performing to an audience, not to judges. I think he's too young to do that because Ilya is, like, 17 at this point. So he really does have his whole career ahead of him. But I think it would be so beneficial for him to go do a season of shows,

to try to build up from the... Like Ice Capades? Uh, like Stars on Ice. Like Frozen the Musical? No, Stars on Ice. Stars on Ice. Stars on Ice, but it's like that kind of thing. He's not doing Disney shows,

he's doing just traveling, skating shows. But I think that that would benefit him so much, because while his component scores have improved, Disney shows, he's doing just like traveling, skating shows. But I think that that would benefit him so much because while his component scores have improved, for me, watching him, it just like, it doesn't bring anything out in me. Yeah, me neither. It's lifeless, it's technical.

Yeah, and then, here's what I'll say, here's what I'm gonna say. What will you say? We're talking about Ilya, and I'm just gonna say, if this got you interested in skating and you wanna see some like great performances from Worlds, watch Donovan Carrillo's short program. Watch Jason Brown's short program.

Watch, definitely watch Yuma's long program. Yuma came in first overall for the competition. There's just such, there's more interesting skating out there. And while he, again, he's so good, he's really, really good. There's, it's just, there's skating out there. And while he, again, he's so good, he's really, really good. It's just, there's better skating, in my opinion.

I did think it was cool when he jumped in the air and turned all those times and then landed without falling. I thought it was impressive. I mean, yeah, yeah, it's really... I like his little suit. That's honestly my, I love that. And it was in the Succession theme song. Yeah, great choice.

Really great. Did you hear about that? So the other crazy thing about this program got in this fucking show Before we go you heard it here first and now second and several other times love it or leave it has announced new tour Dates we are heading to Austin DC Charlotte, Asheville Boston Madison, Chicago and Pittsburgh Maybe in some more places see how the tape holding those bowings together holds up to get tickets Some of the shows are almost sold out, so go to crooked.com slash events right now.

And that's our show. Woo! I want to thank Kendra on ice, Hallie on wheels, and Sarah on horseback. And I want to thank all of you, the dear listeners. See you Slut Saturday. If you're already doom-scrolling, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram and Twitter.

You can also find Love It or Leave It on YouTube for access to your favorite segments and other exclusive content. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join our Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and a great discussion on Discord. Plus, it's a great way to get involved with Vote Save America, so sign up today at crooked.com slash friends. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Love It, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer

and Chris Lord is our producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mahana Del Chiqui are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor, Kyle Steglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Steven Colon is our audio engineer

and Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Shor Shor. Thanks to our designer, Bernard Arsena, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Zuri Ervin, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can. I am the only Sarah Crooked now. It took a while yeah I was I was thinking about that today that like I instinctively still call you Lazarus yeah because there were so many Sarah's for a time and now you're the only one we can just call you

Sarah yeah but I think having a Z in your first name really elevates your level of coolness yeah it's fun it's fun it's good last name. I'm good either way. Laz. Yeah. It's fun. It's fun. It's a good last name. Thank you. It evokes some coming back. Rising from the dead. It evokes Emma Lazarus. It evokes no relation, which we've already discussed in the past.

So it evokes the Statue of Liberty. Let's get into it. What a weekday. All right. Great timing on the ding.