Lovett or Leave It - What a Weekday: Trump’s Legal Troubles and McDonald’s New McDoubles

Episode Date: December 5, 2023

For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

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This is the Joy Behar seat. I didn't know she's in her 80s. What? In her 80s? Yes. That's incredible. How old is she? Or maybe like late. I didn't know she was as old as she is. Well, she's got money, though.

Is she 80? I wouldn't be surprised. That sounds right. 81. 81. Yes, I found this information out the other day, and I was shocked. She looks incredible. Yeah.

That's like Martha Stewart level. Oh, yeah. How old is Martha Stewart? In her 80s. God, that's awesome. Yeah. Got to go to who they go to Yeah I want

You need to find the name You don't want to go to Who Matt Rife goes to Well he got a He had a group on And then we go Again it's the whole New York thing

It's like you never let The butchers out here Touch your face And you never let people You told me that And I've seen people In LA since I'm like they didn't know

Right That's the old saying right You do your face in New York And then your body In Los Angeles. The girls are going to the DR to get their body. I'm not doing that. And we're back.

I'm here with Kobe Copeland. Hello. Thrilled to be here. Sitting in for Brian Semel. Oh, wow. I'm in with Kobe Copeland. Hello. Thrilled to be here. Sitting in for Brian Semel. Oh, wow. I'm in the Brian seat. You're in the Brian seat. I didn't know this was the Brian seat.

Just two feet taller and... Blacker. Yeah. Wow. It's three toes darker. Kendra and Hallie are also here. Oh, hi. Hello.

Let's get into it. What a weekday. Back in October, Donald Trump's lawyers asked Judge Tanya Chutkin, who's overseeing the January 6th case, to dismiss the election interference charges against him on the grounds of presidential immunity. And you gotta admire the bold swing. Your Honor, my client may have done some serious crimes,

but he also abused his power as leader of the free world to do them, so I believe we're in the clear. His lawyers argued that Trump was working to ensure election integrity as part of his official responsibilities as president and was therefore protected from criminal prosecution. That's right. As long as you're sitting behind the resolute desk when you tweet, try to box in Mike Pence from the right, he has a weak ankle. They can't take it down for it. Chutkin rejected the argument, saying that former presidents enjoy no special condition on their federal criminal liability. Defendants may be subject to federal investigation,

indictment, prosecution, conviction, and punishment for any criminal acts undertaken while in office, but not if they never catch you said Jimmy Carter with a wink, placing a stolen Renoir and Rosalind's coffin. So let's talk about it. Yeah.

Because why did they wheel him out? so let's talk about it because why did they wheel him out in a wheelchair oh did he make it to the funeral oh you didn't see there were two funerals that he was at both I think that's so they had such a love no no no two Roslyn funerals

oh okay okay they had such a love yeah it was like if my spouse passed I too would want to be there but it's also like Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had such a love. Yeah, it was like, if my spouse passed, I too would want to be there, but it's also like, he was like in repose almost.

It's the best case scenario. Yeah. That is the best case scenario. Yeah, for sure. They had like a 60-year romance. They were so in love. They so loved each other, but at the end... Would you rather be the one who went first or the second?

100%. 100% first. I would go second but only because I think I would imagine my spouse would want to go first. So I'll take the L. You know, that's interesting. I think it depends on like, if we're at the Jimmy Carter, Rosalind Carter

99 years old old at that point it really doesn't matter like you're not here versus i think there's something like they're both at the very end of their lives one obviously is gonna go first and i would hope that you can that like you've sent you've been able to send your spouse off they gone. You've successfully lived your life together and you can kind of reflect on that in your very final days. And it's not that long. He's very, he's been in hospice care.

Maybe there's something beautiful in that, that like he can just sort of say like, I did it. Yeah. I hope that that's how it is. I hope he's not furious. I'm trying to, just beating on the top of his head.

It should have been me. Like trying to get like young blood and like try to see like he's not just gets jacked like that guy. That weird tech guy. What if that? Mark Zuckerberg? The one who's bringing down his epidemic age or whatever

it's called. Yeah, he like injected his son's blood. He's like taking all sorts of medication. He has a horrible dye job, which is the craziest part. It's like, if you didn't have that, you'd look 10 years younger. What if in the next few days, there's a statement from the Jimmy Carter Center and it says, Jimmy Carter would like to announce that he's met someone and has begun dated his new 32-year-old girlfriend, Janice. Like a Anna Nicole Smith kind of situation. That would be such a twist.

I love her. Just ruin his legacy on the way out. But also, I would be interested. I'd want to know more. Yeah. Back to the ruling. If the specter of subsequent prosecution encourages a sitting president to reconsider before deciding to act with criminal intent, that is a benefit, not a defect, Chutkin added. Every president will face difficult

decisions. Whether to intentionally commit a federal crime should not be one of them. Though the suggestion that Trump has ever made a difficult decision instead of moving entirely from primordial instinct is pretty funny, like a Venus flytrap that loves hamburgers. You wrote this one and you had originally said hamburgers and then you changed it to grabbing pussy but Sarah and I changed it back

We liked hamburgers I know you're reticent to use that word in a joke anyway No, it wasn't that, it was purely joke math I hate that word too I think there's something funny about a Venus flytrap that eats hamburgers Also, hamburger is a funnier word It is, that's why, it just a funnier word. Hamburgers. I just was in a mood.

No, listen, we're all in a mood. Meanwhile, a separate decision over January 6th lawsuits found that because the president does not spend every minute of every day exercising official responsibilities, when he acts in an unofficial private capacity, he is subject to civil suits like any private citizen. And that's true for all of us. I can call producer Brian a goofy idiot with breadsticks for legs while we're recording. But if I say it in passing in the kitchen, suddenly it's an HR issue. That would have worked better if you were here.

He's not, yeah, leave him alone. I didn't even write that. I don't even know which one of you maniacs wrote it. I think Brian wrote it. Could have been Lazarus. Could have been Brian. Sometimes Brian puts those jokes in. This is like me watching the sausage get made, as they say. Trump wasn't just getting bodied in court this week, whoever. He

was also in Iowa riffing. In a speech in Cedar Rapids on Saturday, Trump tried to I'm rubber, you're glue, one of President Biden's core messages, calling Biden the real threat to democracy. Well, I suppose it's one man's word against another's. Time to let Joe Rogan sort it out. Said Trump, he's been weaponizing government against his political opponents like a third world political tyrant, which is bad, which is bad, continued Trump frowning at the notes scribbled on his hand. Journalists seem to be catching on to the threat Trump would pose in a second term as he's promised fast immigration roundups, persecution of trans people, and military intervention in America's cities. This is on top of the violent rhetoric he's been using on the campaign trail.

Very simply, if you rob a store, you can fully expect to be shot as you are leaving that store. Shot. Is that past tense or future tense? Is he making a promise? He is making a promise. He's making a promise. That is, of course, a promise.

Okay. Thankfully, there's not much chance Trump will be able to enact this policy vision, since traditionally the sitting president does not also work as a CVS security guard. Also, one of the challenges to implementing this policy, most stores aren't gold rush supply depots run by a failed prospector. Who the fuck is pulling down $16 an hour and getting into a hot war in the soft goods department to protect Walmart from retail shrink. Get behind me.

Get behind me. We're taking back the floating section that has outdoor cups in spring and Christmas shit in the fall. I'll die to protect shareholder value. It's not a Waffle House. Are you familiar with Gail Lewis? Who's Gail Lewis? Are you familiar with Gail Lewis? More context.

Okay, on TikTok, this woman, Gail Lewis. on TikTok this woman, Gayle Lewis. She worked at the Walmart for 10 years and then she sent out a message like on the phone into the TikTok over the, I mean, into the phone

over the speakers, the intercom, saying this is Gayle Lewis signing off, 10-year associate, and it's gone like crazy viral on TikTok. And I think she would ride

for the goods, for the store, for the Walmart. And, you know, that's, I think it's cool to take pride in what you do. But the idea that, like, someone's grabbing fucking diapers and running out of a Walmart, and you're going to shoot that person? It's not a criminal offense. People have been shot for less.

They have been. They have been. But that's not right. I don't think it's good. You did say that like there's an experience backing that up, but... I am not a criminal. Trump's also said that his opponents are vermin and immigrants are poisoning the blood of our country.

It's poisoning the blood of our country. It's so bad. And people are coming in with disease. People are coming in with with every possible thing that you can have. Oh, that explains my tummy ache, said Armie Hammer, wiping his mouth because he eats people. According to those stories, remember when he's a cannibal? He's on Instagram again. He soft launched himself back a few weeks ago. And he's at the gym, which means it's like a thirst trap. Like he's like, he's out for blood.

And I also, I don't know. That's one of those ones where we, I think we talked about this. I feel kind of bad for what we, the way we let that story get out of control. No, I'm double back. I think it was fine. I cannot speak on this topic. I don't. Num, num, num.

Num, num, num. What do you mean, Kendra? Just in terms of like no article ever came out. There was never any like actual reporting done to back up any of the numerous. I can't even name. I thought the messages came out, no? There were messages, but no one ever like went and then interviewed that person or like I think we have, what we have learned, I think, over the last several years is when a story is reported journalistically, that is a place where you know that there's been a real adjudication of the facts. Are they always right? No.

Like, people make mistakes. People can say that some, you know, that some outlets have not covered things they should have covered. There've also been stories that have fallen apart, but when there are just sort of allegations leveled by a person against another person and they're not like run through a process by an institution, it kind of is like the worst of both worlds, right? Because like the allegations are out there and people can read them for themselves and decide how seriously they take them. But on the one hand, the person they're about doesn't have a forum to respond in the same way. And then on the other hand, people don't take them as seriously as they would an allegation in like the Times or in a reported outlet. So you end up in this sort of strange like nether space where a person has been maybe correctly accused of something but at the

same time it isn't like the it's it's like half a reckoning you know yeah because the journalists no one did anything journalistically and then also i think it was the lapd like cleared him of the the cannibalism part or the or the the assault part like the lapd cleared him on something and then it never went any further except for the fact that like the messages were released and then we started seeing him and working in that timeshare office.

So I guess we just gotta hope that he doesn't eat a woman. I think unfortunately, that's where I was like, well, I hope that wasn't real. I mean, I love it doesn't eat a woman. That's just a standard that I hold everyone to. You had better not at this point,

at this point of the game, if you eat a woman. It's up for you. When a woman, excuse me, excuse me. We're not dealing with you at all. When a woman goes in for a hug, I extend my hand for a handshake. I know that's like the level of intimacy I'm going for. But it's like, there's another part of it too, which is like, then you end up in a situation where like,

like the whether or not a person is held responsible in their careers is like almost it's like it's so that's like luck right because you have like jared leto there's been like a bunch of kind of oh he slides into the dms of younger women how young who rumors and then people say all kinds of things but jared leto is is doing whatever jared leto's doing sending dead birds to what is going on on? What was that? Why is he doing it? He climbed the Empire State Building dressed as Spider-Man, I believe. I think that's great.

Yeah. Better than eating a woman. We can all agree. Yes. And I've always said that. I've always said that. But then you have Armie Hammer, right? And it's like,

is the threshold just like, oh, we don't want the trouble? You know? It's like, I don't know. But that's true of a lot of this Me Too reporting where it's like i don't know but i mean that's true of a lot of like this like me too reporting where it's like the thing about harvey weissing is like there were so many stories it was so much like i mean not easy obviously uh but like there was and then i feel like this is the kind of thing like cannibalism unless there are these

specific facts that's i feel like people probably wouldn't necessarily want to stick their neck out on something like this. Famously, the neck is so soft and vulnerable. Go cut right through that. One of his own. Slice it with a deli slicer. Please edit this out. Yeah, but everyone deserves it. It seems like Armie Hammer got canceled because cannibalism is so funny. I think it was also he was just kind of zeitgeisty in the moment.

You know how they say the white boy of the month? He was like the white boy of the month. Because wasn't he being considered maybe for a DC role or something too? Something major. Yeah. Where we just decided this is an easy one to get rid of. And so we got rid of him. He's back.

I love the man from uncle have you seen the man somebody had to really no i think that's have you seen my vibe oh i like the man from uncle yeah the man from uncle is great it was solid it was solid it was better than it was better than i expected it's a romp it was a romp it was a rob it was a good old time yeah and by the way call me by your name yes yeah that that film. Yeah. That's a beautiful film. It's a little groomery. Can we talk about it? For sure.

For sure. However, also, you could be groomery and also be romantic. Those two things are mutually exclusive. Mm-hmm. I avoided it.

That's the full quote. I avoided it. I avoided it for a long time because I was like, seems groomery. Right. But, it's a good movie. It's a Right. But it's a good movie.

It's a good movie. Lone Ranger. I forgot about that one. But I think like, I think like Call Me By Your Name, like the spoilers ahead for Call Me By Your Name. In 2016, Call Me By Your Name. So pause now. Pause now and watch right now. Call Me By Your Name in full. Okay, you're back that like to me like the movie i was i was sort of like uncomfortable with like the full embrace of it because i was

like well there's a way in which this age dynamic is is strange but i do think that like the end of it and the way it does kind of like end with the pain of this young guy like experiencing this loss and the other guy going off just about his life back to my wife back to Janet and him just you know beside himself which is so sad

you're like oh well this is grappling with I think a bit of it anyway so that's our thoughts on our movie of the year. You know, but it's funny because I missed it. Because I didn't see it, I missed the Call Me By Your Name commentary discourse, the discourse cycle. So I had to bring it back for this.

That's what this show is for. Yes. Well, yes. And Kobe has yet to share his thoughts on Call Me By Your Name until this moment. Get them to the people. Make them public. I already said too much. We got plenty. We got plenty. On Sunday, Liz Cheney joined the chorus of panic, saying in a CBS interview that the United States is sleepwalking into a

dictatorship. But like we collectively are not sleepwalking into a dictatorship, some of us are deeply terrified by the prospect and will do all we can to prevent it. Some of us are really into it. Some of us aren't paying attention at all. Some of us are deciding to embrace third-party candidates. They're a mix of immaturity, genuine frustration, ignorance, and preening narcissism. And some of us are George Santos. In today's show interview on Monday,

Cheney warned that Trump would never leave office if he's reelected. Do you believe if Donald Trump were elected next year that he would try to stay in office beyond a second term he would never leave office there's no question you think he would try to stay in power forever absolutely i mean he's already done it once i think it's cool that she thinks trump has more than four years left oh truly though i i maintain that man is going to live forever. I have said it for years. He's going to be alive for so much longer.

The doctor said he's in great health. Yeah, Trump's doctor, a doorman at Trump's Soho, gets him pills when he's in town. Anyway, this is the week that everybody stopped worrying Biden might lose and started worrying Trump might win. In an Atlantic piece titled The Danger Ahead, David Frum warns that Trump's second term Anyway, this is the week that everybody stopped worrying Biden might lose and started worrying Trump might win. In an Atlantic piece titled The Danger Ahead, David Frum warns that Trump's second term will be immensely worse than the first, just in terms of joint pain. When you get older.

You do get older. Frum argues that Trump will attempt to stop all cases, criminal and civil, pending against him, pardon those who tried to overturn the 2020 election, and weaponize the DOJ against his critics while firing federal officials who refuse to carry the 2020 election, and weaponize the DOJ against his critics while firing federal officials who refused to carry out unethical and or illegal orders and using the military to put down protests. Crazy prediction. It's like when you hire a pet psychic

and she tells you your dog wants more treats. Thanks for nothing, Carol. I paid you 80 bucks for this. Kendra. What? You wouldn't go to a pet psychic. Absolutely the fuck not. My dog had to get her ACL replaced

and I fought it tooth and nail. Oh. I don't. But did she win the basketball game? Okay. In the end, if Trump is willing to undermine an election, Frum concluded,

Americans must face the reality that Trump would have no problem using the military against protesters or his opponents and American military officials must start planning for that possibility now. Hey, military officials, learn to say no. Establish some boundaries. You think your people-pleasing will bring you the love you deserve, but it won't.

There's a lesson we all had to learn. One day. And, oh no, Hitler week continued at the Washington Post, where Robert Kagan, part of the anti-Trump neocon wing, wrote that we all need to exit our world of self-delusion and cut the shit. Trump will be the Republican nominee, and he is currently polling higher than President Biden for the presidency. As long as I keep my other delusions about how I look in certain shirts and my overall likability, I am willing to hear this man out. delusions about how I look in certain shirts and my overall likability, I am willing to hear this man out. Once Trump secures the nomination, Kagan writes, the mainstream media will boost his candidacy and messaging by covering his every move as they are doing currently with the coverage of his many legal trials. The problem with this logic, though, is Trump may have won the Republican

nomination because of nonstop coverage that crowded out space for alternatives. But the reason that coverage worked is because it turns out Republicans fucking love Trump. It wasn't just that there was a lot of coverage, it's that people liked what they saw. In the general, in both 2020 and 2016, Trump's popularity ebbed when he was covered. His poll numbers right now may be partly explained by a lack of coverage.

He won in 2016 when James Comey got out in front of Trump's scandals and noise. It cannot be that we are not taking the threat of Trump seriously enough and sleepwalking into dictatorship. But also if we cover his crimes and evil ramblings and promises, we are falling into his trap. He's an asshole with a shitty fan base. He's not the fucking Joker. There's this like Trump is magic thing that like, it seems almost self-fulfilling.

Like we can't go from not paying enough attention to resolving that Trump is inevitable. Like it just, there is a middle ground where it's ugly and no, not everybody opposes Trump, but enough people do to stop him from winning. Trump will not be contained by the courts or the rule of law, Kagan argues. Well, not with that attitude. On the contrary, he's going to use the trials to display his power. That's why he wants them televised. Trump's power comes from his following,

not from the institutions of American government. And his devoted followers love him precisely because he crosses lines and ignores the old boundaries. They feel empowered by it, and that in turn empowers him. Anyone else get a little bit of a sexual energy from the way that was written? Like a little bit charged? Not for me. I'm saying from the writer.

Sounds like it's from you. Yeah. Sounds like you're picking up what he's putting down. But I think that paragraph or whatever we want to call it is completely right. I just remember like the furor over like the Johnny Depp trial even because that was like that was televised in parts and you could watch it live streaming. And I feel like that brought a lot of attention and a lot of people over to his side in addition to like the TikToks and the social media obsession. Yes. But that's also in part because the coverage of the trial was so terrible.

Yes, but that's also in part because the coverage of the trial was so terrible. And Trump being on trial may empower him in the sense that it might work for a small subset of the population. But the vast majority of Americans are not excited by the prospect of an indicted or, and certainly not convicted president. In fact, they've said in that poll that terrified everybody from the New York times, there was enough people that shifted when asked, would you vote for Trump? If Trump were convicted that Biden would win. And, and so it's like, there's a kind of like damned if we do damned, if we don't thing that like, it's like overlearning the lessons of the last few years. Like it was very bad when Trump's podiums were on CNN all day, every day during 2016, that was costly. That was a huge mistake. Treating him like a joke was a mistake. He was very serious, but we can't overlearn the lesson and assume that because that in some way worked in 2016, that everyone out

there is too stupid and adult to understand why we shouldn't elect someone who was convicted of a crime, even if the opponent is a thousand-year-old establishment figure, you know? Well, I think it's like basic questions. Like, if that is true, then what should we be doing? And that's why I think with both of these, what I do struggle with is like, let's say that's true.

What do we do? Like, so what's the plan? So I think it's- Don't say I'll do it. Yeah, well, that's the thing. I think this is like, okay, we went through, oh no, Biden's the thing. I think this is like, OK, we went through. Oh, no.

Biden's too old cycle. That cycle is done. We're going to have several more of them. But like, oh, yeah, we're out of time. It's not getting younger and it is what it is. So we went through that cycle. Now we're going through the realization that Trump is on track to be the nominee. And if he is the nominee, this is the kind of future that it is that, that, that, that, that Trump portends if he, uh, wins in the general and becomes president. The next phase I pray is a new cycle about, okay, now what? Right. And I do think that like, sometimes the media treats non-rhetorical questions, like rhetorical questions,

like what do we do if Trump's the nominee? What do we do if the coverage, like there are answers sometimes the media treats non-rhetorical questions like rhetorical questions. Like, what do we do if Trump's the nominee? What do we do if the coverage, like, there are answers to these questions. We have to just answer them. They're not going to be very satisfying answers. And there's no one thing that we'll all collectively do. No, we're going to have to work really hard to shore up the people that turned out for him in, in, in 2020, like a lot of the moderate voters who are really turned off by Trump. We're gonna have to make sure people understand the threat he poses on abortion. We're gonna have to figure out how to get young people back. We're gonna have to figure out how to get disengaged people back. Like there's a lot of hard work that's gonna have to happen and it's gonna be fucking

close and we're not gonna know until it's over. But like, that's the work. Like that's why we're here. I wish it weren't, like there's a kind of a like a i was talking about this yesterday on policy of america it's like all these articles are written like the author is in a dream where they're screaming for help and no words are coming out like as if there's nothing that we can like there's not a year between now and the election but but like yes yes it's hard to make people hear. Yes, the fact that someone as despicable and dangerous as Donald Trump is such a threat is an indictment of a huge collective. Of course, all of that is true. But there's ways to sure people understand the threat. I agree that, forget the vast majority of the country that will never know this was a big Atlantic issue, but even inside of like the media establishment and people that pay attention, I don't think we're countenancing the threat enough. I don't think we're facing it enough. Fine. Let's do this. This is what people need. Great. I'm in, but I'm there. We're there. Okay. Let's fucking

do something about it. I'm going to do my part. I'm going to make sure the Cubs don't win the World Series again next year. Thank you, Kendra. Indicting Trump for trying to overthrow the government will prove akin to indicting Caesar for crossing the Rubicon and just as effective. Like Caesar, Trump wields a clout that transcends the laws and institutions of government based on the unswerving personal loyalty of his army of followers. First of all, I'm not sure I described the loyalty of Caesar's followers as unswerving. If I recall, a number of them swerve pretty fucking hard this one March. But also, Trump is not like Caesar. He's like Omarosa or Jax Taylor or Big Ed from 90 Day Fiance. Do I think Omarosa could conquer Gaul if given the resources?

Yes, I do. Not Big Ed. Can you tell me one thing about Big Ed? I have to tell you something. I was so worried that I'd be called on this. I don't know who the fuck Big Ed is. Oh, he's bad. He's the worst.

He's horrible. We call him Big Pred in the fandom. Miss Girl was getting him together, though. We call him Big Pred. Do you know Omarosa? Of course I know Omarosa. She was in the White House. I don was getting him together, though. We call him Big Pred. Do you know Omarosa? Of course I know Omarosa. She was in the White House. I don't know if you know her.

Do you know local legend Jax Taylor? No. You don't know Jax? No, I just decided to go with the spirit of the joke because I understood the context.

There you go. It's like when you watch The Simpsons as a kid. You're like, I don't get it, but I'm laughing. Yeah, he's one of our best. Kagan eventually gets

to the existence of Democrats. Yes, there will be a large opposition movement centered in the Democratic Party, but exactly how this opposition will stop the persecution is hard to see. Congress and the courts will offer little relief, Kagan wrote. Democratic politicians, particularly members of the youngest generation, will yell and scream, but if they are not joined by Republicans, it will look like the same old partisanship.

It's only heroic when Republicans stand up for election integrity because it took so much for them to overcome their natural default uselessness. Nobody blinks an eye when I walk around on two legs all day, but suddenly a baby does it and oh, we're all impressed. The problem is when a Republican opposes Trump, other Republicans chase them out. So if the only opposition that counts is Republican, it's like saying what you're going to need are some ice cubes that are warmer than 32 degrees. But that's when they turn into water, Robert, just wet, wet, partisan water. You know what I mean? Who's Robert? He's the author of the article. Oh, no, I like that because I'm sure someone in the audience was asking the same question and now you've given them the information.

Also, the hardest thing to admit in America is that we are actually not split 50 50. The truth is there is a huge number of people who have the weirdest grouping of beliefs imaginable. And then in addition to those people, there are Americans who don't pay attention to politics at all, all of whom are being inundated with right-wing propaganda. Now, don't close the window just yet. All right? What I'm saying is Democrats aren't screaming into a void. They're screaming into a WWE wrestling match or a monster truck rally. But there are people who hear us and turn to their neighbor and say,

did you hear what that weird gay guy said? That's a really good point. Yes, I would love for Republicans to turn their back on Trump. But more than them, we have to allow for the possibility that there are people who are, let's say, diagonal to Trump or kitty corner or sideways to Trump, all of whom are open to an actual better world. There have to be. You're not the only ones watching this YouTube video.

So there's that. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. In other equally important news, the Wall Street Journal reports that McDonald's is overhauling their menu with over 50 changes that they're calling the best burger strategy. For example, they're swapping out the buns for a new bun they're calling brioche style. That's right.

Style. Right. But you hear brioche, you know they're talking about a $2 increase. They're taking the sesame seeds off the buns that they already got. No, they have announced that the buns will still have sesame seeds, but they will be distributed in a way that looks more random. Oh! Yeah, that's right.

What's happening over at McDonald's? The changes will also reportedly feature meltier cheese and onions added to the burgers while on the grill so they caramelize. McDonald's, we're cooking the food now. Meanwhile, the Big Mac will get more Big Mac sauce, which the chain celebrates as bringing more tangy sweetness in every Big Mac bite. Big Mac sauce is, of course, how Trump describes his semen. Ew. Oh my God.

Yuck. No. That's the reaction But they are They're going to put more Big Mac sauce on the Big Macs Now I don't want it How much are you talking about? Said the McDonald's board of directors About added sauce

Wetter Wetter Wetter I love that I love the imagining the McDonald's board meeting just these people in their suits

just like wetter burgers wetter what? I'm eating this in the car you know what I mean? I'm eating this in the car I have one head on the burger

one head on the wheel I am crying I've had a horrible day I know what you mean in theory I've never had a Big Mac you've never had mean in theory. I've never had a Big Mac. You've never had a Big Mac? I've never had a Big Mac.

If you eat them within five seconds, they're great. And then after that, it becomes something you might want to go ahead and throw away. It is cold and dry.

And he would catch it with his mouth like this. Oh my God. Damn it, you're right. And he only gets stronger. You're only powering it. He powers up. He's powering up.

You do a diet cookie, catches it like this and ch empowering him. He's got a diet cookie cut that's like this and chugs it. That's like critical loss. Oh my God. See, this is why we're gonna lose. We found that small changes like tweaking our process to get hotter, meltier cheese

and adjusting our grill settings for a better sear added up to a big difference in making our burgers more flavorful than ever, said McDonald's Senior Culinary Innovation Director Chad Schaefer. I have not Culinary Innovation Director Chad Schaefer. I have not seen a photo of Chad Schaefer, but I'm embarrassed to admit how hot he is in my mind.

Is that his actual title? Yes. Oh. Senior Culinary. We gotta find that picture. Don't look him up. I want it to keep in my mind what I'm picturing, which is the hottest porno version of this man. Just the hottest dude.

Just flipping burgers, apron, but nothing else. Come man. Just the hottest dude. Just flipping burgers, apron, but nothing else. Come on, that's so cool. I'm not going to tell you what he looks like, but I will tell you that he went to the Culinary Institute of America.

That sounds cool. That makes sense. An educated burger bro. Should we try to hook you guys up? I just love the idea of like, imagine you're dating someone. Now imagine, every day when you come home,

that person is like, hey, here's a new McDonald's invention that if you like it, I'm going to send it to 14,000 locations. That would be phenomenal. That's my dream. And every time it's like slightly more wet. Think about how many...

They have rolled out in the past couple years like the hot and spicy McChicken or the hot and spicy nuggets. Think about all the ideas that were on the cutting room floor that you could have sampled. Oh, we'll never know. I would love to see that one. Have you ever seen the documentaries

about what goes on in those test kitchens? It's so fun. Oh, no. Shaver describes cooking the old McDonald's burger to compare it to the new version. This one, he said, is kind of dry. It cracks. And this is the best case example at headquarters.

Wetter. W headquarters. Wetter. Wetter. Wetter. Wetter. Go to Shake Shack. The changes, that's why they're doing this. They got to compete. They got to compete.

There's so many burgers now, you can't have the dry burger. You can't have the dry burger. You can't have the dry burger. I will say, though, there's just nothing like driving through a McDonald's drive through and saying, I just want the biggest diet Coke that science will allow and a McDouble. For me, it's just get a McDouble. For me, it's a large spray and a large fry. That's like what I always order. I need the protein. I don't want just the fries. You consider that protein? I do. Okay. That's what I'm, that's, I do. My mouth is watering just having this conversation.

The changes were tested in Australia, Canada, and Belgium before their widespread American release. Got it tested in Belgium in case it sucks. The Belgian McDonald's customers don't have guns. McDonald's hopes to roll out the new burgers to its 13,460 American locations by early 2024. 2024. It might bring us a second, infinitely worse Trump presidency, but also a more evenly seared Big Mac.

God doesn't give with both hands. Wetter. Wetter. Would you give up a better Big Mac? Like, I'm going to give up the Cubs winning the World Series. You have to give up a better Big Mac, obviously, to avoid. Of course. What are we all sacrificing?

Nothing. Women can have it all. I can have a second term of the Biden presidency, and I can also have a Big Mac. By the way, thus creating the saddest definition of it all in human fucking history. All right, that is our show. Thank you to Kobe for sitting in.

Of course. Thank you to Kendra. Thank you to our show. Thank you to Kobe for sitting in. Of course. Thank you to Kendra. Thank you to Hallie. Thank you to the whole team. We're running through the tape. So you're going to hear this today. We have another show on Saturday. Then we got one more week of shows.

Then we're going to take some time off with some best ofs. Right? Yep. Hell yeah. All right. See you slots on Saturday. Wetter.

Wetter. Wetter. Waiter, waiter, waiter. Thank you. judge tanya chutkin chutkin chutkin chutkin chutkin