Lovett or Leave It - What a Weekday: Trump's Testimony, Biden's Polling, and Mike Johnson's Accountability Partner

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

By his hand, it’s another What A Weekday! Mike Johnson’s new app brings plenty of Big Brother for the whole family. Donald Trump throws a temper tantrum in front of Papa Engoron. President Biden pulls in black sheep poll numbers, and Lovett dreams of his future husband, Pedro Pascal. We've got a seat at the table for you anytime, Pedro! Our lines are open. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Just the ingredients, the Triscuit. Water, wheat, salt? Yeah. I think so. Oh, I think that's... They're not including the water. It's just oil. They don't include the water.

I invented Triscuits. I think it's just oil. I think it's just oil, water, salt. Yeah. And flour. Wait, then how does it have to be... Oil, water, and salt. They might not count the oil, but there's definitely...

Wait, can you Google Triscuits? Water. They probably don't count the water. Google Triscuits, please. End this debate. Are we recording? Not yet. All right, good.

And we're back. I'm here with Kendra. Hi, Kendra. Hello. Hallie. Oh, hi. And Brian. Hey. Enough formal here with Kendra. Hi, Kendra. Hello. Hallie. Oh, hi. And Brian. Hey.

Enough formalities. Let's get into it. What a weekday. In a recently resurfaced clip from 2022, House Speaker Mike Johnson says he and his underage son use the app oft-promoted by evangelical Christians called Covenantize to monitor each other's porn usage. So my accountability partner right now is Jack, my son, right? And so he's 17. So he and I get a report of all the things that are on our phones or all of our devices once a week. If anything objectionable comes up,

your accountability partner gets an immediate notice. I'm proud to tell you my son has got a clean slate, all right? Oh, so it's bad when dads aren't involved with their son's lives, but it's also bad when they're involved to an upsettingly intimate and weird degree. Fathers in this society simply can't win. So the way people are talking about this makes it sound like they're perusing each other's J.O. material. But the whole point of Covenant Eyes is that the report they send to the accountability partners is always stepmom free. And in Mike Johnson's case, he's probably good to go anyway after a quick Google search for prayer wife stock photo or maybe Burt Lancaster swimming. You know, there's a yes.

No, I was trying to think of the right. I was trying to think of the right old Hollywood movie star to be that. And I thought of, oh, like Burt Lancaster swimming. But then I Googled and Burt Lancaster was in a movie called The Swimmer. I think I might have been rattling around in there. For me, it's Gene Kelly and the Pirate. Yeah, I'm happy to admit that. I don't know if I have an old person that I am attracted to in that way.

Allie. Sorry. I'm looking at photos of Burt Lancaster. You know, I think there's something for everybody. You know what I mean? When I saw North by Northwest for the first time, there's a scene where I believe he's either escaping from a hospital for some reason. Anyway, he's either shirtless like he's exposed in some way in

the hospital and he's shirtless i found it and i found it and i just remember seeing it being like wow yes when hollywood was just a bunch of like middle-aged white guys promoting middle-aged white guys you really pundit you're staying in here now buddy you just made us open the door to let you into the studio now you're stuck in the fucking studio anyway when that's what hollywood was it is amazing how like not that special you had to look to be a movie star like carrie grant just looks like kind of in like an older normal guy in that scene it'd be like just seeing your friend's dad put on a shirt you're like all right he looks good he's doing okay i never thought that about my friend's dads. Well, I guess I never have either.

But hypothetically, you're not like, oh, my God. Who's Cool Hand Luke? Cool Hand Luke was Paul Newman. I want to give a very attractive kiss. Very attractive. I mean, Cool Hand Luke. Paul Newman and Cool Hand Luke. Stuck those eggs.

Clark Gable. Good Lord, stunning. Clark Gable and it happened one night. He could cut off. one night He could cut off Jesus, he could cut off my parking meter I don't know what that means For the quarters? Well that's what he does in the beginning of the film

Anyway, Covenant Eyes is defeated with a VPN And an encrypted hard drive And here's the thing about Teenage Boys When it comes to finding J-O material I don't know why we keep saying J-O material But I don't know another way to say it Jerk off. Jerk off. I've never heard J-O.

Masturbation. I think he was using another, not the longer version of J-O. We all know what J-O means. Anyway, the point is teenage boys are like water to cracks. Oh, you've blocked porn in their phones? You don't think a Christian teen knows how to get around their parents' bullshit? Anyway, the app scans all the activity on your phone or your devices, your laptop, what have you. Johnson told a panel called the war on technology at Cypress Baptist Church. We do all of it. Yes, all of it, said Johnson's teenage son, unfurling a well-worn

vintage playboy. When asked why his son is his accountability partner and not say his wife, Johnson responded, because my son knows how to keep a fucking secret. his wife, Johnson responded, because my son knows how to keep a fucking secret. These people are sick. Yeah. These people are perverse. This is not good. No, I don't think this is good.

And you're on the record. I want to be clear that I don't think this is good. But, but I am sure a lot of parents struggle with how to stop their kids from looking at internet pornography, which is really disturbing and unhealthy for younger kids. Sure. It's the laser focus on pornography that I think there's so many apps and like I think services

that do this generally for any amount of alarming internet behavior. So it's like the we're only looking for porn. You will only receive a notification for porn. It's kind of like

giving up the game a little bit. I also think if this kid's gay it's like i don't know there's you just know it's going to be way worse like i you know like you could just see like if there's anything going on that is not oh you are exactly the child i'm raising you to be the kid's going to be punished and i just don't like setting up the punishment kids are going to look at porn but that if you're a parent you have to talk to them be like this is what porn is this like these are real people like i think that's the conversation rather than if I catch you doing this and then the fucked up part, you catch your dad jerking off.

This can't be good. This is bad. This shouldn't exist. Yeah. No, that part of it's horrible. Well, the other thing too, it's like, okay, it's, it's confusing because it, the way they described covenant eyes Eyes on the Covenant Eyes website, a place I visited, is it really is about two people keeping each other honest.

But like if you're giving your kid a phone or access to the Internet, you don't need an accountability partner. You just want to spy on them. You just want to spy on them. You just want to spy on them. Which they have apps for. Which they have apps for. And like, it's just very confusing because it's, once you know that your parents are getting a report

of everything on your phone, you're not going to get caught using your phone doing that because you know you can't anymore. So it's really just, but so in the- Yeah yeah you're setting up secrecy and weirdness within but it's unfortunately like you know i was raised catholic but it's like it's basically the idea like if i control my son's interaction pornography i can control him as a person on some level which you can't covenant eyes has a podcast who does covenant eyes oh they do

it's right there also mike johnson has a podcast. Who does? Covenant Eyes. Oh, they do? Yeah, it's right there. Also, Mike Johnson has a podcast. The Power of Acknowledging Sin, Lessons from an Exorcist with Father Vincent Lampert. Oh, no.

They're going to exercise these kids. They're just horny. It's normal. Yeah. I mean, but the other point I was going to make about it

is just that, so, you trust your kids enough to give them this technology, but not enough to not use it in a way you've prescribed. It's not about trust now, though, because if you don't have a cell phone now, like it's that's a requirement. Right. A child has to have that system. Which is, again, like this is why it's like I I know this is Mike Johnson.

I watch these clips of Mike Johnson and obviously he's a he's a creepy dude, but he is like in a position that I think a lot of parents are in, which is take take out the Christian fundamentalism. It's like other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how is the play? No, no, but take out the Christian fundamentalism. No, no, but take out the question of fundamentalism. And it is actually just parents dealing with the fact that there's this this network effect, which is all the kids have to have these devices. These devices are terrible for children. And the only way to make them slightly less terrible is either by like punishment or restriction or spying or like trying to figure out. I think that's a misnomer. But I, yeah, I disagree. I actually think the way to make the devices less terrible is to have an open line of communication with your child about not just the porn, but everything that is going to be happening on this device.

Yes, but whatever your response is to try to mitigate the effect of the device being in the hands of kids. your response is to try to mitigate the effect of the device being in the hands of kids. The point is that we built a system that makes it hard for parents to not put what is ultimately a harmful device into the hands of every child. And then we say to parents, you need to figure out how to keep your kids safe in this unsafe environment that you have no choice but to be a part of. And I think that does suck in the same way that it sucks that we like fill the schools with junk food and then tell kids they

need to learn self-discipline and guns and guns. It's just like we we create these systemic problems and then we put it upon individuals and families to solve it for themselves. And I do think that that's like over and over and over again. Like when you see like, even like, we'll talk about it, but like, even when you see polls that show people are extremely dissatisfied with the economy, just like, okay, they're just extremely dissatisfied with like the state of the world, with the state of our society, with the state of the culture. And I think one big piece of it is that we've made life so much more frenetic and confusing and anxious and difficult to navigate. And we haven't, not only do we not give people the tools to navigate it,

we make it harder. We make it almost impossible to succeed. And then we wonder why like the kids are all like, you know, anxious and addled and like prone to like suicide ideation to greater and greater degree. We wonder why adults are yelling at each other and like having giant fights on planes. It's like, yeah, we built a fucking nightmare cage that we're all trapped inside of. Anyway,

that's what I wanted to say about that. Noah's Ark was kind of a nightmare cage that they were all trapped inside of kind of a sex boat. But most of them are animals, like literally animals. Don't, you can't punish your kids out of being horny it just it's not possible they're just gonna look no they're gonna find historical romance novels

yeah if you're not looking at photos guess what you're gonna find all sorts of fan fiction i remember it was a i remember being a tween and writing essentially what is like slash fiction i don't know what it's called now but like flashback yeah literally a romantic story between spider-man and venom yeah and i didn't even know what i's called now, but like literally a romantic story between Spider-Man and Venom. Yeah. And I didn't even know what I was literally writing. I'm like, I need to express this part of me. And now there's like a whole like be online.

Like that's like a whole thing that people do. I was doing it independently. I didn't have the Internet. I was creating that. I actually like in all seriousness, I actually think that that is incredibly healthy because like genuinely I a lot of my sex ed because I went to boarding school we did not have like sex ed class um and in middle school sex ed was nothing but I learned a lot about sex from writing Harry Potter fan fiction like and from reading fan fiction and from being in community with older women in these like in this atmosphere who would like read write edit leave comments and stuff like that was

a lot of my sex ed. And I think it was like a pretty healthy way to learn about sex online. It must have been slightly disappointing to discover there was fewer wands once you actually got to the business of the real thing. I guess you could bring wands into it. This weekend, the 2024 Republican candidates gathered for the Florida GOP's Freedom Summit, which was held at the Gaylord Palms Resort in Kissimmee, Florida. Kissimmee Gaylord, that's what that mean lacrosse player said to me when he got drunk in college sophomore year. Huh?

None of us interacted with lacrosse players in college. Come on. I was roommates with a lacrosse player. Like me. Did he kiss you? Despite my best efforts, no. My version of fan fiction was telling a story about the guy in the pizza box

who would say, Kiss me. He sounds like Mario. Mario? Mario. Sorry, Mario. Mario. Your people.

I played lacrosse for one year and I cried every day. That's what sports is for, I think. They had to custom order a helmet for me because my head was too small. And then when it finally got there the first day I put it on my first play, someone hit me so hard in the helmet that their stick broke on my head. I know. For the record, I was a varsity athlete and I would just like to put that out there. Yeah, I was varsity tennis. Your head was too small for any normal helmet? Oh boy. Huh. Brian. Huh.

Brian. Yeah. You're a smart guy. I know. Big things come in small packages. Presidential hopeful Asa Hutchinson earned boos and jeers when he pointed out that the significant likelihood Trump will be convicted of a crime would hurt the GOP's chances in 2024. chances in 2024. As someone who's been in the courtroom for over 25 years as a federal prosecutor and also in defending some of the most serious federal criminal cases, I can say that there is a significant likelihood that Donald Trump will be found guilty by a jury on a felony offense next

year. Boo, boo, Asa Hutchinson. My wife and I didn't come here to face reality. If he wanted to face reality, I'd be on a statin, and my wife would have left me for Jeff down the street who goes to museums. Hutchinson went on to say this. And it might not make any difference to you, but it will make a difference for our chances to attract independent voters in November. That's actually true. Who does he think he's addressing?

I don't know. I don't. Yeah. I mean, we'll get to it after Chris Christie, because there is something about going to these places and just getting booed. But Democrats and Republicans talk about independent voters like one of those uncontacted tribes deep within the Amazon. Like we only have footage from above. and there was that one Rockefeller that tried to say hello and ended up dead. Michael Rockefeller. I really just like that Asa Hutchinson was committed enough to get a facelift before he did this.

It's good work. Oh, you think he got some something done? Oh yeah. If you look at, if you look at the timeline of this year, he looks great. Oh yeah.

I like that his logo is a big Scarlet A behind him. That's funny. I don't think he knows. He's not wrong about some things. It's just that he's never going to be president. Yeah, because who is he? He's Governor Asa Hutchison. Governor of what?

Chris Christie was also booting jeered while he criticized the former president. After an attendee heckled from the audience, Christie joked, What a shock here for Trump. Christie joked, What a shock. You're for Trump. I'm going to fall over dead. You almost feel for the crowd. It's like they came to see Rene Rapp in a Broadway show. Instead they get understudy after understudy

and then the understudies all get out there and just shit on Rene Rapp. To change the joke from Sutton Foster to Rene Rapp. Rene Rapp was your go-to for I'm shelling out to see Broadway um I yeah I don't I guess it's because

I know who Rene Rapp is Audra McDonald well I wanted to go newer because Sutton Sutton is going in for Sweeney Todd I know I'm just not okay well I just wasn't as familiar with Sutton Foster. I've

saw it recently on TikTok. Kristen Chenoweth. Denae Benton. I had Kristen Chenoweth, actually. The incomparable Adele Dazeem. I actually put... I thought about putting... So here's what... Let me tell you. Let's go through this. Why not? Okay, please. That's what a weekday is for. Okay. So you had Sutton Foster in there. Who put Sutton Foster in there? Was that you or was that Lazarus?

I think it was Lazarus or potentially Jossie. So I saw Sutton Foster there and I said, okay, I don't, I don't feel familiar enough with Sutton Foster to make this joke. It doesn't feel authentic to me. So I should replace that person with someone that would make sense to me. I originally was going to put, uh, uh, Kristen Chenoweth in part because it is the 20th anniversary of wicked. And I'm seeing a lot of Chenoweth in part because it is the 20th anniversary of Wicked. And I'm seeing a lot of Chenoweth content in my algorithm. The algorithm knows what I want. It wants to give me many, many, many, many, many, many versions of For Good.

But what I appreciated about having Sutton Foster there is it wasn't going to the older, to like the kind of big names of the 90s, 2000s. It was like a more, a fresher name. And then I thought, well, I don't want to be just like the old fucking elder millennial replacing someone from Broadway now with like Idina Menzel or Kristen Chenoweth, though I love them. And so I thought, well, who's, who's someone that I like and I'm aware of. And actually Renee Rapp is somebody I recently saw sing, I believe for good, at her concert. And so that's what happened.

Okay. I would say maybe Rene Rapp's most rabid fans don't have the disposable income to rush a Broadway show and feel frustrated by understudies kind of coming for her. But wasn't she in Mean Girls? Mean Girls, yeah. I mean, I feel like if she was in Mean Girls, and there was a lot of people that would have come to Mean Girls to see her.

Part of it is because Rene Rapp is crossing over, so she has a lot of non-Broadway fans who might go to Broadway for the specific purpose, not of seeing Mean Girls on Broadway, though they want to, but to see Rene Rapp, only to discover when they're handed the program, my goodness, it's that little piece of paper with the worst news. It was Sarah Lazarus who wrote this joke, by the way little piece of paper with the worst news. Like when I went, when I was, great. Another banger from last.

But so when I went to, as a kid to see, um, how to see it in business without really trying, it was supposed to be Matthew Broderick, but instead it was John Stamos. Ooh, that's tough. And this was very sweet because my parents chose it because we liked Full House. Well, so they intended to get Understudy? They chose the John Stamos run. They shot for the stars and landed among the stars? Yeah, they were like, no, no, no, not the Matthew Broderick dates.

Put those aside. We want to see John Stamos on Broadway. Wow, I'm going to tell your dad about this next time I see him. I guarantee you my dad was not involved in the producing of this plan. He was a passenger. Anyway, Christie went on to say this. Every one of those boos, every one of those catcalls, every one of those yells will not keep it.

Yes, sure. every one of those yells, will not keep it, yes sure, will not solve one problem we face in this country, will not solve, and will not make this country better. Your anger, your anger, your anger against the truth is reprehensible first of all i like that chris christie realized like as this was unfolding that like i need to make this a moment i can make this a moment i just appreciate when a politician is like i'm gonna make this i don't make this a little moment out of this because he kind of he's like saying like i i he starts with the kind of like uh abu has never fed a child a jeer a jeer has never cured a disease and it wasn't totally working and so then he goes like full count dooku and he's like your fear only strengthens me also remember when

hillary clinton said that these people were deplorable and it was like a whole fucking thing? Isn't I would say reprehensible and deplorable are synonyms? Interchangeable. I think it's the basket that upset people. But yeah, that was the basket of deplorable. It's a little picnicky. It's a little effeminate. Right, right, right, right, right. Well, anyway, it's good that Chris Christie's having fun up there.

A tank of deplorables. Yeah. A bushel of, a murder of deplorables. An insurrection of deplorables. Yeah. Would you say a t a murder of deplorables. An insurrection of deplorables. Would you say a taint of deplorables? Tank. I'm gonna say taint. Well, you're my accountability partner. Thank you. Yeah. We have to set

that up, right? I'm John's and Tommy is Dan's. Afterwards, Chris Christie swung by a nearby clown convention and admonished that crowd too, telling them, look at yourselves. Look how absolutely absurd you are in your loud clashing patterns, your oversized shoes, and your garish theatrical makeup. You're all laughable. See, that did as well as

I thought it would. I smiled. I've already read these jokes a million times. I mean, it'd be funny if you cut to us and Halle was wearing full con makeup. How? How? The problem with what Chris Christie's doing here, and the problem with what Asa Hutchinson is doing, is got to go to the place where you get booed, right? Then you go to a place where you get cheered and you say, I went to this place and I told them the truth and they booed me. And then

everybody at the place that cheers you goes, he told them the truth at the place that booed him. But these guys got, they've got nowhere to goo. They got nowhere to goo, man! They got nowhere to go where they're not getting booed. There's no place where this is getting cheered in the Republican Party right now. So it's just boos all the way fucking down for these people. That's why he came on Pod Save America. That's why he came on Pod Save America. And I kind of booed him. But we fell in love. Oh, yeah. But for the impatient waiting crowd enjoying their six-hour respite from the CPAP machine at home, the headliner appeared soon enough. Trump spent some of his rambling performance clowning on DeSantis in his usual manner.

He asked me for the endorsement. I said, you're so far behind that if George Washington and Abraham Lincoln came back from the dead and endorsed you, you couldn't win. He said, they like you in Florida, sir, very much. I think I could. Tears flowing from his eyes. I love, I love that. I, first of all, I love how this story

is like a fishing story that's like evolved as we've watched it. Like at first it was like DeSantis was losing and he begged me like a dog for my endorsement and I gave him my endorsement and he won. And then it was like DeSantis was losing and he begged me like a dog for my endorsement and I gave him my endorsement and he won. And then it was like DeSantis came in kneeling and crawled across the floor, kissed me on the feet and said, will you endorse me? And then now it's like DeSantis weeping from the eyes beside himself, crumbled into a ball at my feet and I put my hand on his shoulder and said, I will help you. That's how he sees himself.

He's been, what is it? Beneficence? Benevolent? Beneficence? Is there a difference between benevolent and beneficent? I've actually not heard the last word. Beneficent. It just taught me something.

I would say benevolent. Benevolent means good. Beneficence means, I think, good and generous. I think benevolent means like well-intentioned, not like not you are good. You mean to do good. Right, right. Yes. Intentions are good. Yeah, yeah. Right. Benevolent. Yes. Benevolent is like with good meaning, with good purpose. And beneficence has a big...

Doing or producing good. Performing acts of kindness or charity. Yeah. Charity is on the beneficence side. Is that right? Looks like they're pretty similar. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. The examples that Google gives in their sentences, a beneficent democracy. Yeah. We'd love to see what that would be. We'd love to experience it. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of

Love It or Leave It coming up. Because I think We'll see you next time. It's not like the ketchup that has like some kind of preservative that in Europe they quickly realize is like unhealthy and unnecessary. I thought Triscuit was... Oh, I love a Wheaton. I know you can't do the Ritz crackers. They don't allow. Or they do a different formula over there. Yeah. But that wasn't all the rambling Trump did this past week.

He took the stand at a civil fraud trial and it went about as well as could be expected. stand at a civil fraud trial, and it went about as well as could be expected. Less than 10 minutes into his testimony, Trump began ranting about the prosecutors pursuing cases against him, prompting Judge Ngoran to tell him, Mr. Trump, Attorney General Tish James is being very patient. I would like to move things along a little faster. Please just answer the questions. No speeches. Trump replied, that's what she said.

And then when asked about it further, he admitted that he always gives rambling speeches before sex. I don't want to picture Trump having sex. I'm done. You're done doing that? I'm done. I've been doing it for four years. I've been getting notifications. It comes hot and heavy. My phone's melted in my hand. It's not connected to my hand. Trump then complained about the judge when he said that the judge was always ruling against him because he always rules against him. And then the judge responded, Mr. Trump, please just answer the question. You can attack me. Do whatever you want. Just answer the question. What Trump is doing here is actually pretty savvy from a legal perspective.

He's setting himself up to appeal on the grounds that an agitated dementia patient kept interrupting the trial. There's no audio of this, which is heartbreaking. But the judge seemed to have the tone of an exhausted parent trying to get a small child dressed. Please, please just put the pants on. You can keep throwing Legos at me. You can grind them into my eyes. Do whatever you want.

Just put these pants on. And Gorin said to Trump's lawyer, Chris Keis, Mr. Keis, can you control your client? This is not a political rally. This is a courtroom. And then the lawyer responded, you're in control of the courtroom, not me. In other words, no, I cannot control him. If the judge can't control the courtroom and the attorney can't control the room, that

leaves us with one option. Bring in Commander Biden. And Gorin threatened to remove Trump from the stand, telling his lawyer, I beseech you to control him if I can't. If you can't, I will excuse him and draw any negative inference that I can. I feel for that defense attorney, by the way. But if you're listening, you might try wrapping a Benadryl in a slice of American cheese. I like that.

I think that would help. You can put in that Diet Coke. Cheese time, cheese time. Shake the little pill. When you shake the Benadryl pills, Trump will come running right to the kitchen because he knows he'll get the cheese. And Goran immediately regretted using the word beseech.

It was the foregone conclusion that from then on, Trump would refer to him as Judge Gay Shakespeare. I like that joke. It's my type. Judge Gay Shakespeare? Yeah. Okay. Three things you like. Being judged. Being gay Shakespeare? Yeah. Okay. Three things you like.

Being judged. Being gay. Literature. Shakespeare. Shakespeare. Oh, you like Shakespeare? Oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am I. Trump made a zipped lips gesture as he left the courtroom for a break after being instructed

not to discuss his testimony. Trump, how's it going today? Zip lips. And he smiled, that little smirk. He's funny there. I know. God damn it. Once Trump had zipped his lips,

he was too congested to breathe through his nose, but thankfully an eye-opening EMT was able to revive him. And then, while at lunch, Trump decided he'd been gagged long enough. He posted an out-of-context quote from Judge Ngoran saying, no, I'm not here to hear what President Trump has to say.

Trump's lips may be zipped, but his sticky little posting fingers, there's no stopping him. In one of the courtroom tantrums, Trump said of Judge Ngoran, he ruled against me without knowing anything about me. He ruled against me and said I was a fraud before he knew anything about me. The fraud's on the court, not on me. Donald, we know more about you than you know about your kids. The only person we know more about is Will Smith, and all of it is against our wishes. And Gorin lost his patience when Trump began rambling that Aberdeen, Scotland,

the site of which was one of his golf clubs, is the oil capital of Europe, very rich. The judge interrupted saying, irrelevant, irrelevant. Answer the question. Trump then added softly, it is. I look it up, it is. What? It is. I'm sure it is. It is, first of all, it is criminal that this trial isn't televised.

This is funnier than anything on TV. It's been a long strike. Let America laugh. Let the cameras in there. But also, I feel like there is no jury. This judge has already decided that Trump is guilty. The only thing this judge is deciding is the penalty, which is ultimately subjective. He is taking in all the information and then he is going to decide not on Trump's guilt,

which he has already ruled on, but just how much money Trump owes in restitution, just how much damage Trump has done restitution, just how much damage Trump has done, what will happen to his businesses, what will happen to his properties, et cetera, et cetera. That means that all of Trump's fortune is basically in this guy's hand. And every single day, Donald Trump shows up to where this guy works and treats him like an absolute piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. No strategy to it. I mean, the strategy is for the public, but yeah, this guy is going to rule against him

and Trump is doing nothing to help himself. Because Trump knows he's going to die soon. Really? Yeah. No, I think. No, no, no, no, no. Trump is like, I don't want to conduct business in this state anymore. And I don't fucking care about my kids.

I think. Trump is like, rule against me. I have enough money hidden in mattresses all over the world. Like, I've got enough to ride it out until I am dead. He's going to live to be like 110. He just has like oppositional disorder or something. Like, he just, someone says, somebody goes, no. There's nothing beyond that.

There's no future. There's no past. It's just, someone's fighting me. so I'm just going to scream in court. That's it. And that's why he was president, because people love that shit. Yeah, I grew up in a household with oppositional design disorder. That's what this is. Well, I'm glad we could diagnose him from here.

Eventually we'll segue around to your diagnosis. But until then, Democrats everywhere rendered their garments and threw themselves into the sea on Sunday when new polls by The New York Times and Siena College revealed that President Biden is currently trailing Donald Trump in five battleground states, losing by a margin of four to 10 points in Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, Nevada and Pennsylvania. But before you panic, it's worth remembering that the election is a year away. It is totally possible that by that time, Biden will be younger. Even worse, Trump and Biden are nearly tied among voters under 30, down from Biden's clear lead in 2020. One reason for this, the voters under 30 who supported Biden in 2020 are now being counted elsewhere in the polls since they have aged roughly 1,000 years.

When asked about alternative Democratic candidates, Kamala Harris only trails Trump by three points instead of Biden's five, and both are outperformed by a generic Democrat alternative who polls eight points ahead of Trump. Sure, we all like a generic abstract Democrat. It's when they have a face and a name and a frail, frail, see-through old body that things get sticky. Voters all across the country turn out to vote for generic Democratic policies, abortion rights, minimum wage, Medicaid expansion, legal weed. They also prefer a generic Democrat to Trump. The problem is independents like Democratic policies, but not Democrats, which is partly because of right wing propaganda, but also partly because of our personalities. And we should honestly face that.

It's my last election where I'll be under 30. Is what I heard. This one on this Tuesday. This Tuesday. This Tuesday. This Tuesday. Because he's old. Yeah. No, I'm young at the moment.

You're hard, huh? What hard? There were some glimmers of hope in the poll. If Trump is convicted of a crime, it would swing enough voters to put Biden back into the lead. What that also means is there are millions of people who watched a whole Trump presidency, lived through January 6th, saw him get indicted four times, support abortion rights, hated the years of chaos. They're not diehard Trump supporters. They're open to Biden, but they need that jury for a person to stand up and say he's guilty.

And there's no use in complaining about it. And you can't win people over by insulting them. And I promise not to do this for the next year between now and election day. But one last time before we get practical, independent voters, man, Jesus fucking Christ, you know? You promise this is the last time? Yes, this is the last time. A Biden spokesperson told Axios in response to the polls, predictions more than a year out tend to look a little different a year later. Don't take our word for it.

Gallup predicted an eight point loss for President Obama, only for him to win handily a year later. And think about all the predictions you made about your own life a year ago. Have any of them come true? Mine haven't. Mine did. Oh. Oh.

Was yours also about Pedro Pascal? No, I saw Beyonce three times. Oh. Okay. Kendra one, you zero. Kendra three, you zero. Kendra three, you zero. And finally, in an interview about our upcoming memoir, Barbara Streisand told the BBC that she called up Apple CEO Tim Cook

to complain about how Siri pronounced her name. Streisand, I said. My name isn't with a Z. It's Streisand, like sand on the beach. Now, how simple can you get? Sand on the beach. Streisand. So anyway, you know, I decided, how do I change this?

See, I like solving problems. I figured I better call Apple. I mean, the head of Apple, you know, Tim Cook. And he had Siri change the pronunciation of my name to be correct. I mean, is that, that's one perk of fame. Yes. You know? Shall we check that it works? I've got my phone here.

Oh, yeah. Do it. Can you? Hey, Siri, who sings Papa? Can you hear me? Barbara Streisand sings the song Papa. Can you hear me? It works. Ah, isn't it right? It works. They got to work on Papa next. I like how the interviewer is not allowed to be in the same room with her.

I like how she's on the set of The King of Queens. I think it's amazing to say, well, there's a perk of fame. We found one sitting in what is surely a castle. And the fact that like Barbra Streisand has in her basement, you know that she has in her basement a mall? I want to go there so bad. And she's like, I wish I could figure out some advantage to all this celebrity. Oh, I know. There's this one thing I did. I didn't know how famous I wanted to be, but now I know. I want to get to the level that when you call Apple for tech support, it's Tim Cook.

The other thing is, Tim Cook may run a multinational corporation with a market cap of over a trillion dollars, but if you strip all that away, he's a fag taking orders from Barbra Streisand and he's loving every minute of it. And that's our show. We did it. We did it. Thank you to Kendra, Hallie, and Brian. And we'll see you sluts next Saturday.

Bye sluts. Bye. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Brian Semel is our producer. And Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, and Alan Pierre,

Will Miles, and Mohanad El-Sheikhi are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. On the Road, Vendelin Von Schroeder is our tour manager. Thank you. you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producer, Zuri Ervin, David Tolles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can. You can find those glorious videos at youtube.com slash at Love It or Leave It podcast. Subscribe to Love It or Leave It on YouTube for access to video versions of your favorite segments and other exclusive content. Don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on IG and Twitter.

And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review. It's Love It or Leave It. Oh my God. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a review. because they were cooked with electricity. That was really cool. Oh, like maybe an electric oven, like an easy-bake oven situation? It's a commonly held belief that the tri and triscuit refers to its three ingredients, wheat, oil, and salt. Hell yeah. God, I'm crushing it on the triscuit front. Due to poor records.

Oh. Yeah, it's an electric biscuit. Huh. Isn't that cool? Yeah, I like that. In 1935, they began spraying the crackers with oil And adding salt But there must be water involved

I would assume But maybe not, maybe they just mash it with some oil And salt They're so good They do seem very oily I love a Triscuit Love a Triscuit