Lovett or Leave It - What a Weekday: We Got An Embezzlement Stew Going On feat. Louis Virtel

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Louis Virtel joins us for some fava beans and a nice Limoncello La Croix for today’s What A Weekday! This week, Donald Trump’s Hannibal Lecter speak leaves a funny taste in our mouth. Robert and Nadine Menendez are couple goals. The Taylor Swift concert baby has better seats than we do, and we end the show the way we always do: with 1,500 spiders and scorpions. Grab your tickets for Lovett or Leave It’s weekly live show in Los Angeles. Special guest hosts include: Andy Richter, Larry Wilmore, Matt Rogers, Ian Karmel, Langston Kerman and Guy Branum. Dates & Tickets: https://crooked.com/events/

I was going through my parents' things and Quackers the Beanie Baby tumbled out. Do we think that's worth something in the 10 to 15 grand range? Oh, I get this point. That's what they've always said. They always promised us. They're like, send your kid to college, here's Quackers. That was the first time the economy lied to our generation. Right.

I remember my youngest brother was like, wow, I'm rich. And I was like, no, you're nine. And this is what capitalism is. They've got you. No, it was the McDonald's Monopoly game for toddlers. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, hi. I'm Louis Fertel from Crooked Zone Keep It. In for John Lovett this week. I'm here with producer Kendra, producer Chris,

and head writer Halle. Guys, I was all concerned about what to wear for this, and then I watched, love it on this podcast, he is wearing like a rankled sweatshirt. He looks like a basketball player at a strip club. It's okay. I dress for us all. Yes, thank you. He will never care. Once you see how he dresses in real life, you're like, oh, well, I'm not doing that. No.

Was it our second week of work when he wore a swim trunks? A bathing suit. Like he walked in, I'm like, that's clearly a men's bathing suit. You're wearing your shorts and we're all supposed to pretend that it's regular clothing. Swim shorts, is he Billy Madison? Yeah. I mean. I mean.

Kind of. Yeah, a little bit. He looks like he just got done with the pickup game. And we know he did it. A real shock wasn't there. Yeah. No. Coming from the halls of like Shondaland,

it was a real shock to arrive here. Oh, is she a wardrobe-obsessed person? People dress. Or at least when I was there, people dressed at the Shondaland offices. Wow. She has a master class that I really enjoy. You can learn a lot from her, and I'm afraid of her.

Yes. Yep. Okay, let's get right into it. What a weekday. Which is something I feel like they would say on like, Barney and Friends. According to the Hill's average of 690 polls released this week, Biden is performing better than at any point

in the 2024 race so far. Trump now only has a 0.1% lead. I don't want to get anyone's hopes up, but it's looking like Biden has a real shot at only losing by a little. Nothing says the Democratic Party more than, guys, great news, we are doing less worse. Five eighths full speed ahead. Are you guys filled with hope, optimism? What's happening over there?

Hallie and I were just talking about this. I almost feel like it's like, well, the level of, it's almost like who will not vote? It's just like, well, fewer of their people not vote than ours in a sense. If people are not motivated, it's almost like, I don't know, it's like a war of attrition. It's competitive apathy. Yes, that's exactly right. And I think both sides have the capability to win that war.

Yeah, what do you think? I actually, unfortunately, ruthlessly believe Biden will win. Oh, well, we need hope. We need some of that energy. We need some of that energy, that's great. No, you can hear in my Germanic voice that I should not be the voice of optimism on this show.

Not dressed like that. No. Yeah, you're covered with optimism. It's like, uh-oh, thanks for God. No, I belong in the band Kraftwerk, moaning about robots and the Autobahn. I should not be talking about the hope of America. Speaking of Donald Trump's campaign,

the man shouted out one of his idols at a campaign rally over the weekend. Silence of the Lamb. Has anyone ever seen the Silence of the Lamb? The late, great Hannibal Lecter is a wonderful man. He oftentimes would have a friend for dinner. Okay, this makes no sense because Hannibal Lecter is not dead. If Hannibal is dead, then who was that nice doctor I shared a meal with last night?

The liver was excellent. Okay, unfortunately, I found this part of his speech relatable as sometimes on Keep It, I just run out of things to talk about and bring up movies I've seen. He has all those people there, and of course, no actual information on any issues. So I'm surprised he doesn't resort to this tactic more often.

There's a crisis at the border, and also at A24, Bo was afraid, did nothing for me. I think one of the funny things about him is his weird pseudo connections to pop culture. Once upon a time, he was of course, way more obsessed with hanging out with celebrities, but he's also seen maybe four movies in his life, and he occasionally will bring those up.

Well, we were saying like, his taste in movies very much solidified when he became famous. And now you see that with a lot of famous people where you just sort of like atrophy at that point where you become famous and you never move past that point. And it really seems like his takes and all of his pop culture just stopped in 1994.

This reminds me of when Britney Spears was a judge on X Factor, when she was a musical judge for a very brief moment, there was some artist, and of course, Britney Spears is not going to be very critical. She's a bubbly Paula Abdul type. She said about somebody, you kind of remind me of Lauren Hill,

which I think was the last time she was paying attention to music. That sounds about right. She's arguably the most miseducated person we know. Hey, and if you got to go out on an album, that's not a terrible one to go out on. I think several of us could have just cashed in at that moment. You're like, "'To Zion's the last moment we have.'"

Oh, beautiful. Does Trump ever bring up his own cameo in Home Alone 2? Because everyone else does. He should, that would be smart. But does he ever bring it up? No. But that's actually, at this point, that's all he should talk about. Because people are like,

"'Oh yeah, I like that movie. I'll vote for it.'" My hot take, that's better than the first one, with that exception of the cameo. I think the plans that Kevin draws up in it are much better and more realistic. Even though the house is not realistic, because it's filled with like abysses. Like, oops, you fell in three stories.

Makes no sense. It does make you want to ask questions about the family's financial situation. It's like, so everyone in your family is rich, because the family is staying in Paris while their house is redone. And their house is being apparently completely gutted. Yeah, like completely gutted to the point where there's,

it's just a big pallet-out hall. It makes no sense. Yeah. It's very confusing. Some sort of shady business. I assume the risk with him bringing up that movie is that all the actors in it probably hate him. So maybe it's a press cycle he's afraid of. It's a real Daniel Radcliffe to J.K press cycle he's afraid of. I don't know. It's a real Daniel Radcliffe to J.K. Rowling situation.

Oh, yeah. You don't want to get Brenda Fricker mad. Trump then tried to connect the fictional cannibal to his recent talking point, migrant crime. But Hannibal Lecter, congratulations. The late great Hannibal Lecter, we have people that are being released into our country that we don't want in our country. I've got bad news, Trump.

I saw Silence of the Lambs. That bitch is from Baltimore. Hannibal Lecter didn't sneak across the border. He got a yearly pass to the incredible Walters Art Museum. What does he think Hannibal Lecter is? I think he thinks that he met Hannibal Lecter at a party in 1990. Like at a luncheon? Yeah.

Somebody mentioned Hannibal Lecter enough that he's convinced himself. It's like, yeah, I met him. I know that guy. He died, though. What a great person he was. The late great is so interesting. Insane. It makes me... Did he meet a cannibal at a party? For sure.

For sure he did. Yeah, no, he didn't. Did he know that? We don't know by that point. He met, like, what do you call it? The greatest game, the greatest hunt. Like I feel I could see him being at a party where something like that was being discussed and he has just decided that that person is Hannibal Lecter.

Right. It's a lot of conflating going on in his head though. Cause you know, Anthony Hopkins isn't a fan of him. So I don't know what is, the familiarity is very strange there. I'm so sorry to unpack this man's psychosis. We're not going to get anywhere. The veil between reality and fiction to him is very porous. And I think this is just where we're at with it.

Right. Frankly, it's nice to be having a conversation about Hannibal that's not taking place on Tumblr. Dang. Yes. Reddit, etc. Also, let me get this straight. Trump's issue with Hannibal is not him being a cannibal, but the fact that he is Lithuanian? What is happening here? Interestingly, this is not the only movie Trump returns to again and again. Here's him praising two of his absolute favorites.

Let's get Gone with the Wind. Can we get Gone with the Wind back, please? Sunset Boulevard. First of all, I'm always blown away he's a huge fan of Gone with the Wind because what that requires is you to listen to a woman for three hours. Almost four. You're telling me he's like Vivian Lee Slade. Sunset Boulevard, I believe that,

because it's like a Hollywood-obsessed story and the woman's desperate in that one and you get to be the cool guy, William Holden, detective. That's a little more believable. And a chimp dies. I feel like he'd like that. Yeah, yeah, a death. It's like a monkey died during it. I feel like he's been to a chimp cool guy, William Holden detective. That's a little more believable. And a chimp dies, I feel like he'd like that. Yeah, yeah, a death. It's like a monkey died during it.

Yeah, right. It's like he's been to a chimp funeral at some point in his life. Yeah, no, for sure. And it won't be the last. On Monday, Donald Trump's former fixer, Michael Cohen, took the stand at the former president's hush money trial. This man always looks perturbed.

According to his testimony, Trump heard Stormy Daniels was shopping the story of their affair from his cronies at the National Enquirer. And famously of their affair from his cronies at the National Enquirer. And famously, only good men have cronies at the National Enquirer. National Enquirer, if you're not familiar, is like Highlights Magazine for senile adults and perverts who were once unstirred. Forecasting the effect of Daniel's story, Cohen claimed, Trump said to me, this is a disaster, a total disaster, women are going to hate me. That's right, the first ever reason for women to hate Trump.

Finally, his broken perfect record. Up until then, he was like shopping in true crime. They all loved it. What do we think of that quote? Do you think he literally thought finally women were going to dislike me? That thought had never dawned on him before. I think honestly, yes. I think he thinks of himself as a ladies man. He's like, women love me. Oh, my God.

Finally, they're gonna see the truth about me. This is not someone who has self-awareness. Yeah, I guess. I think he thinks, he's like, I've had all these beautiful women. I think he thinks he's like, he's got it. It's just so interesting because I feel like he was almost the first person

who taught me what the word sexist was. Like, people on the news would call him sexist and stuff, but I guess he can just black out that part of the conversation. I think it's like in order to be Donald Trump, like if you're Donald Trump, you cannot perceive Donald Trump. Like he cannot be self-aware,

or else he'd be like, oh God, sorry, I'm disgusting. I have to, sorry, I'll change right now. When I used to be an entertainment journalist, I would ask people if they were cool, who their least favorite celebrity was. And the reason I did this, this is years and years ago, well before he was president or whatever,

my answer was always Donald Trump, because not only was he the face of capitalism in the Western hemisphere, he was insistent, you think he is cool. Yeah, absolutely. He couldn't just be the evil rich guy. He was like, no, you have to want to be me too. It's like Elon Musk, where it's like,

he wants people to think he's funny. It's like, what are you talking about? Just be an insane tech billionaire You're not like a funny person and that's of course a huge part of his thing too. Like you have to think I'm funny That's part of my Involuntary ability my charm etc. I'm I was thinking was gonna be therapeutic to talk about him to this degree. I'm feeling worse Continued Trump this is really a disaster. Women will hate me.

Guys, they think it's cool, but this is going to be a disaster for the campaign. He's so right as one of the boys. I hated Trump until I heard him say, grab him by the pussy. And then I thought, he's cool. The boys, a presidency for the boys. I mean, that at least I can hear him saying it,

but it's still sickening. He'd say the guys, a presidency for the guys. There's a, at Kimmel, I have a co-writer at work, Keaton Patty, hello, who will not stop doing that version of an impression of Trump. It's so hard, you just slip into it so easily. No, but you don't, you don't slip into it that easy. I feel like I've heard thousands of hours

of this man talking, it's in there. We are AI for him, like we can all do it Trump. And he always slips into the part of his voice, he goes, and then they do this. Where it gets a little bit like the show dinosaurs, the lead dinosaur. Yeah. Cohen also testified that it was allegedly Melania Trump

who suggested they described Trump's infamous Access Hollywood video as locker room talk. Wow. So succession is based on her. I knew it. Melania Trump's knowledge of locker room talk is something only a woman who grew up near a Russian prison locker room could know. She then retreated to her turret and wept for another 23 hours.

I feel like no one has cried more. She's like Leslie Gore in the song, It's My Party. In their coverage, the New York Times noted, this is by no means a comment on the prosecution's case, but there is a member of the public sleeping at the back of the courtroom and occasionally letting out a snore. Okay, if sleep apnea is making the New York Times now, my fame card will be coming up soon.

I think it would be hard not to sleep in that courtroom. Oh, I'd be riveted. Are you kidding me? You think so? It is about bookkeeping. It's a very boring topic, but when it comes down to it, and I'm a person who would go down to the courthouse and just like, when you could get into things, I would just get into things.

I would watch anything happening, but I would be riveted. It's the first president that we have on trial. True. I would not be asleep. You would be bringing a notebook like Harriet the Spy. Yeah, well, that is the model for my childhood. Yeah. Another corrupt politician news.

The trial of Senator Robert Menendez started this week where the New Jersey Democrat stands accused of steering funding and military aid to Egypt in exchange for bribes. As you might remember, FBI investigators found 13 bars of gold bullion and more than $480,000 in cash in the home he shares with his wife, Nadine.

Now throw that gold bullion in a pot with some shallots and carrots and maybe we got an embezzlement stew going on. What a good old fashioned piece of shit he is. Petty thievery, a greedy wife, some light treason. This is why John Grisham picks up the typewriter. He's like, let's go. Let's adapt. Tom Cruise, are you available?

Nadine's trial starts in July, but the New York Times reports Robert Menendez's defense seems ready to blame the lion's share of the senator's wrongdoing on his wife. Okay, Senator Macbeth. Just like a man blaming his wife to get out of something. I'm looking at you, Clarence Thomas, and the gifts of Winnebago's you get or whatever. Just like a man blaming his wife to get out of something, I'm looking at you, Clarence Thomas,

and the gifts of Winnebago's you get or whatever. At a dinner Nadine Menendez organized between her husband and Egyptian officials in DC, she allegedly asked, what else can the love of my life do for you? Then she sipped from a chalice made of snakes and cackled at the sky. Unfortunately, she rules a little bit. It's a little obvious. In the wake of her dog murder scandal, South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem has been banned

from six reservations by tribal authorities, effectively barring her from 20% of the state. Now Noem had no way of knowing this in advance, but it turns out many indigenous cultures of North America consider it somewhat taboo to shoot a puppy in the face. But don't worry. And a stunning coincidence, it's the 20% of the state she was already ignoring entirely. I've seen a lot of people comparing her to Cruella de Vil, but honestly, Cruella de Vil just wanted a coat. Kristi, meanwhile, saw a pet enjoying some poultry too much

and thought, mm, death penalty. Is this the end of Christy Noem? Do people like her survive things like this? They always do. Very short memories. Yeah. She just stands near Mount Rushmore. What else is there to do in South Dakota?

I say this affectionately. I feel like once the RFK brain worm news came in, I was like, we'll see her again in six months and no one will remember any of this. We'll see her again in six months standing no one will remember any of this. It's gone now. We'll see her again in six months standing next to Donald Trump after RNC. Right, because there was some statement like, oh, Trump said there's no way I would have her as a VP.

I'm like, I don't think, in three months, that could be not true. She could kill enough dogs to balance it out. Right, yeah. We don't know what will happen, but yeah, that's obviously what she's angling for. I can't believe she threatened Joe Biden's dog, too. She's like, and while I'm at it,

and I've still got this gun in my hand. She's literally Andrew Little Dog, too, energy. Yes. Maybe shout out Margaret Hamilton, one of the great character actresses of all time. You haven't watched The Wizard of Oz recently? The only classic movie where everybody in it is a character actor,

and the lead straight man is fucking Judy Carland. How did we get away with it? It makes no sense. Over in Europe, Israel came in fifth in this year's Eurovision Song Contest after weeks of pro-Palestinian protests at the competition. See if Israel just used the weapons the US sends them to win Eurovision and only to win Eurovision, maybe they'd have my support. I'm just saying. For months, protesters had called for Eurovision

to ban Israel from the competition as they did Russia in 2022 following its invasion of Ukraine. But the people in charge of Eurovision knew Israel wasn't gonna be that good, so they just left it alone. Did you guys all watch Eurovision? Sure did. From start to finish?

I watched like a good fifth of it. I did, yeah, I did semi-final one, which was not great. The lineups were not stacked well. Semi-final two was much, much better and had better performances and then went on to the finale. What was really surprising about the Israel vote is the way Eurovision works is you have the jury votes and then you have the votes that can come in from the populations of the countries plus anyone else who wants to vote throughout the world. So Israel's jury vote had them, they were on the right side of the board, which is where you don't want to be. Yeah, they were in like 14th or 15th place or something.

Exactly. And so then once the population vote came in, they got the highest population vote of anyone in the competition with 323. Which was not surprising to me at all. It was. Well, it was, it's not surprising, but it definitely was interesting when you look at all of the protests that was happening prior, which was being reported on a lot in the lead up to the competition and would have made it seem as though, you know, like this was something, their participation was something that a lot of Europeans were very much against. Right.

But that was clearly not the case. But also, I mean, like that probably ginned up the audience vote, you know what I mean? People thought they had a reason to support them further. And for a song that, like, frankly, everything aside, not great. And I will say, like, for me, I can say great things about former Israeli contestants. Eden Malin is one of my favorite Eurovision contestants ever. She was an Ethiopian Israeli who competed three or four years ago. Great performance. But this one, it just wasn't good.

No. Also, I just think the crop of songs this year wasn't that good. But Netta was from Israel a couple of years ago with the song Toy. Yes. That's one of the great Eurovision songs of the past decade. No, I barely even remember this year's entry. It was also so beside the point, given all the protesting, et cetera. But the fact is, it shouldn't be beside the point.

If people are going to be talking about a contestant, the song should be memorable. I was actually somewhat relieved Croatia didn't win with their bro-y energy song. What's their name? Is Baby Lasagna? I don't want to say that. I kept calling their lead singer

La Stott and his Queen of the Damned era. Yes. Oh, we need more Anne Rice references here. Hey, Interview with the Vampire is back. Yes, season two. So good. That was a good season of TV, the first one. Yes, excellent.

In the end, Switzerland's Nemo bested Croatian crooner Baby Lasagna to take the crown. While Baby Lasagna's performance was unquestionably rich and layered, in the end it simply had too much ricotta. Baby, come on jokes. They are the first winner from Switzerland since 1988 when Celine Dion competed under the Swiss flag and won. Celine Dion, as you know, is the first person to be born at 46 years of age and remain 46

for her entire career. So happy 46th birthday, Celine, wherever you are and whenever you hear this. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. This weekend, SNL spoofed two iconic moments in pop culture history in one sketch and I, Louis Fortel, a gay person, would be remiss if I didn't break them down for you in a special edition of ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba gay news. Perfect, that was beautiful.

Thank you. First up, there's this moment. And action. I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee. I could drink it day or night. Which is a reference to a real commercial starring the iconic Lauren Bacall talking about decaf. My favorite time of day is night.

I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee. You think coffee and sleep don't mix? They do if it's high point. Incredible. Gosh, she's perfect. The trick to this commercial is coffee is hot, but Lauren is bone-chilling. Your senses are immediately confused. These commercials are also referenced in a scene from Crazy Stupid Love, where Emma Stone impersonates Lauren Bacall while flirting with Ryan Gosling, which is so something I would do.

I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee. What, you think coffee and sleep don't mix? Well, they do if it's high point. Crazy stupid love, if you watch it drunk, it's practically La La Land. Just a reference that all 28, 30 year olds are making. Yeah, no, I was very grateful for this sort of thing. We need these sort of things kept alive.

And I assume the homosexuals at SNL are responsible for this. So, Bo and Jimmy Farley, I was very grateful for this sort of thing. We need these sort of things kept alive. And I assume the homosexuals at SNL are responsible for this. So, Bo and Jimmy Farley, I'm watching. I had to explain it to my husband when it happened. He did not, nothing, just nothing registered. And yet more has to be explained. Then we blend seamlessly into this moment. Why?

Because tip top coffee. Can you please leave? Who, me? I'm the cameraman. Well, you're right in my eyeline and I don't like that. That's of course the fabulous Maya Rudolph hosting, by the way. But that's also a callback to a different video, this one a behind-the-scenes clip of a truly chaotic Faye Dunaway shoot. The audience there, so close, I feel I can touch them.

Our eyes meet, an emotional connection. It's thrilling. You know I love playing women. Could you leave, please? You're right in my eye line. It's too good. It's too good. By the way, this is an honest observation about living in Los Angeles if you've never

visited. If you want to hear an amazing story about Faye Dunaway, whether on a movie set, at a restaurant, in a limo, wherever, go up to literally anybody over the age of 47 in Los Angeles. I guarantee you they have a Faye Dunaway story. I was at a party recently and I met a woman who said she ran a salon. I said, do you have a Faye Dunaway story? With trauma in her eyes, She talked about working in costuming

on the set of a commercial where Faye purposely rubbed red lipstick on ivory white pants on set so that she would have to dry clean them on the spot. It's clear Faye Dunaway has had some wild problems over the years and they will be chronicled in an upcoming documentary about her. But I say all this not to vilify, but to deify, because celebrities should be terrifying. We should not feel comfortable approaching them.

In fact, approachability is the enemy. There is not a single relatable thing about Faye Dunaway, even though it is her job to resemble a human being on screen. And as you can see in that commercial, she fails at it sometimes. This is as God intended. Do you guys have much fade on a way, Q? I feel like this generation is totally unaware of it. I mean, sorry about it. I mean, I love Bonnie and Clyde.

Great movie. I watch it like once a year, but that's pretty much my, that's my fade on a way. I love her cameo appearance in the Pierce Brosnan and Thomas Crown Affair, my favorite movie. She's great in that, but I'm remiss. What's your favorite? And she of course is in the original Thomas Crown Affair

with hair bundled up in a chignon, look up the word. What is your favorite Faye Dunaway movie? Her Oscar winning turn in network I think is important because she just plays an executive who will stop at nothing. And I love when we give Oscars to horrible female characters. Like there's only a handful of them really. You know, you got your Kathy Bates in Misery,

who actually also has some sort of winning qualities in that movie, strangely. But otherwise I love her in Three Days of the Condor. I love her in the very crazy Eyes of Laura Mars, where she's a photographer who takes pictures of people and then can predict, who foresees terrible things happening to them. And Mommy Dearest, by the way, is a good performance.

The two campy moments you're familiar with are over the top, they are wild, but I think the movie is actually a little bit better than people remember. Much recommended. Who it would be the millennial version of, anytime you ask a millennial a story about XYZ person, they have one.

Ooh, wow. Well, I think I want it to be someone like Debra Messing, who I imagine you just meet and she's immediately frantic. Yeah. That said, maybe not. I don't know. I think people are so much better behaved now and fearful of seeming chaotic.

Right. No, I think unfortunately, Faye Dunaway is the last of the, I mean, just asking someone to get out of your eyeline because you exist. It's so funny. It's so good. Anyway, the man behind to get out of your eyeline because you exist. It's so funny. It's so good. Anyway, the man behind the viral photo of the dress,

which we all collectively could not decide was either gold and white or black and blue, pleaded guilty to an attempted strangling of his wife this week. For a second, I thought I expected better from this guy, but then I remembered the only reason he's famous is because his phone has a shitty camera. So no, I expect nothing.

I really was wrapped up in that situation. Why would we get defensive about seeing colors? I've never been able to see it as blue and black. Really? I've never even thought it was blue and black. And I must trust you all, and I do. I was like, that's fine, I don't need to see everything. You guys just tell me what it looks like.

Yeah, it has always been white and gold, it's white and gold right now. I think it, I don't know, there everything. You guys just tell me what it looks like. Yeah, it's what it has always been white and gold is white and gold right now. I think it, I don't know. Like there's probably some vision reason. I'm like, well, some magic guy. You're just not that Mark. I'm not, I'm not. I'm not, whoever I work with, they know that I'm not.

I hope he was in the courtroom saying, I couldn't help it, your honor. I was bred with rage or green with envy. You be the judge. This crime was unforgivable unless his wife said the dress was white and gold, in which case you're going in there with him. Speaking of psychopaths, the internet grew concerned when a photo emerged of a baby lying

on the floor of Taylor Swift's Paris Arena show. First of all, how could someone that young afford floor seats? It makes no sense. Let me tell you, they're a lot cheaper over there. Oh, is that true? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. $250 for Beyonce. Wow. Okay.

People are livid, but I'm not too worried by this since it's not my baby. Fans are angry because the baby's strapped down and kicking its little legs. Technically had stronger choreography than Taylor. Guys, I'm so sorry. When people post the clips of her strutting, and they're like, she nailed it this time.

I'm like, I believe she is walking. She has to get from place to place. That's simply how the earth works. Yep. I'll say something bad about her. I just feel like if you're 35, you have to learn to dance. I'm sorry, like, okay, you're 22, you don't know how to dance yet.

Do a leap, learn how to dance. You gotta learn it. Like, there's no, you see, it's like, you can't just, it's not even stylish walking around. It's just walking. You can't... How? Why are we allowing it? She... Yeah, yeah. She, um...

You seem like a big fan. It just, I'm trying to... I'm trying not to be... mean. Because sometimes Halle and I are attacked for being... I don't care. She's fine. She lives in a mansion. She's gonna be fine, and she's gonna be fine without ever fucking completing a good eight count in her goddamn face.

She doesn't have to. People still bring their babies to her concerts. Which, I mean, she's making music for people between the ages of six and 14, so this makes sense. Yes, I do kind of miss the reputation era when she would kind of squat down and slap her thighs and that counted as a dance move. I call that era, did you know I'm a bitch now? I miss that a little bit.

She's gonna be 40 soon. Yeah. You have to, it's almost like you can't get away with this never learning to dance. Like that's somehow that seems impossible to me. Like why? She hasn't needed to evolve though. She's just doing the same thing for years

and it's just fine for her. That's because mediocrity is accepted a lot more when you are white. You'll know that's what's going on. But also, I want to say, there are versions of being a very, like Elton John is not dancing, for example. Of course. You can sit and perform at the instrument,

but she makes gestures towards dancing, which I guess people also find that endearing. Like, oh, I'm not a good dancer myself. It's nice to see that projected on stage. She's so relatable. I don't pay money to see myself projected from the stage. I know the scene. I pay money to see the triumvirate of performance overall to see a vocal.

I want a vocal. I want to see someone do a standing back flip. And I want to be heard to be a backup dancer. But he's like, I'm here to see the show. I want a dance flip. And I want to be heard to be a backup dancer. But he's like, I'm here to see the show. I want a dance break. Yeah. I go to a show with a dance break memorized. I did not memorize the Diva dance break for nothing.

That's right. Yes. There's a lot at stake here. Yes. What's upon a time all the pop stars were choreographed by Paula Abdul? I missed that. Yes. You would hit the account with Paula, please.

People nowadays don't know anything about, I think Ira said it before about a boom cack. Yeah. Like, I just. When Taylor does interviews again, that should be the first question. Yeah. What's the last time we got an interview with her?

That wasn't like the time 100. Yeah, I mean, and I can say the same thing for my fave too. It's just like this whole trend of celebrities interviewing celebrities is so, so boring. Yeah, I mean, and I can say the same thing for my fave too. It's just like this whole trend of celebrities interviewing celebrities is so, so boring. Yeah, it's tough. It's tough. When I saw this picture for the first time, I was not concerned.

I assume this was the average age of a Taylor Swift fan. Moving right along. A third Downton Abbey movie was announced this week, complete with a returning Paul Giamatti. Just when you thought it was safe to speak out of turn. Oh my gosh, you guys, Violet Crawley allegedly passed away last time, that's Maggie Smith's role, but you know that's a Michael Myers situation.

Is she really dead? Did you lower the casket yourself? No? Then I assure you, she's still puttering up and down those corridors. It'll be six more movies before Lady Mary decapitates her in Downton Resurrection. She'll show up on the Gilded Age

as like a younger version of herself, but she's one of those people who's looked the same for decades. So it'll work. Yes, truly. No, if you look at her in Hook, it's the same person. I assume they will find a way to get her in this movie. They'll meet like a Baron who invented holograms or something, they don't give a fuck.

And finally, a curator from New York's American Museum of Natural History was detained Monday after allegedly smuggling 1,500 scorpion and spider samples out of Turkey. This led officers to say, Nicholas Cage, please stop curating at New York's American Museum of Natural History. somewhere in Turkey, there was a man printing thousands

of lost posters for each of his pet scorpions. Now, actually there's a weird method to all this. Authorities believe the samples were meant to be used to manufacture venom, and according to CBS News, a liter of scorpion venom can be worth roughly $10 million. The reason is that it can be used as a slightly less expensive alternative to printer ink. Come on!

Come on, Joe. We're in the wrong business. Yeah, I know. 10 mil for one scorpion? You just gotta fill your quote with scorpions. That's not hard. Yeah. It happens to me all the time.

I don't think I pay for it. If they're in a pocket, they're not like fast moving or anything. No. And you know, I think I've watched enough venom milking videos on TikTok. And I bet you have. I'll tell you right now. I'll let you have, Kendra. Yeah. The algorithm knows what I need to be doing. Even if I don't yet.

I'm just saying, please stop trying to manufacture more venom. I hated the first three movies. Guys, picture me in that theater. I'm not having a good time. Picture me there. Thank you so much for having me on this show. See you sluts on the internet.

Once again, we do important work here. Yes. Yeah, good for you guys or whatever. Let's make the old houses Love it or leave it, yes love it or leave it Shoot, shoot, charge Love it or leave it, yes love it or leave it Let's make it on both sides executive producer, Chris Lord is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman,

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Yeah, there were many versions of the Happy Meals. Yeah, because I had the original Lizzie and then the little Lizzie. Well, the American Girl did the same thing. You could get the regular size doll, but then the Just Like You doll, you could get a mini historical doll for your doll. Wait, was that at McDonald's? No, no, no. This was just another way that the Pleasant Company was making money.

Oh, I was going to say, if American Girls had any interaction with McDonald's, that's way too rad of a brand. Honestly, it would ruin the brand. I would not be surprised if that happened now. They're doing Harry Potter and Disney partnerships. Let's keep it unholy. All right. All right.

So I'm just starting this way right here. Yeah. Okay. Hey, it's Love It. Quick reminder that you can still snag tickets for Pod Save America and Love It or Leave It's tour stops at a city near you. The next tour date coming up is Love It or Leave It on June 19th in Charlotte, North Carolina. It's gonna be great.

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