Lovett or Leave It - What Do You Know About Comedy, Rob Reiner?

Episode Date: January 20, 2024

Lovett or Leave It makes its glorious return to Dynasty Typewriter in beautiful Los Angeles, California. Rob Reiner grades the monologue and shares his thoughts on everything from Christian nationalism to polyamory. Lindsay Adams and Marcy Jarreau circle the wagons for a good old fashioned Loser Round-Up, and Lovett and his guests each take home the perfect souvenir, a Lifetime Achievement Award, courtesy of the Lovett Or Leave It Academy. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

What's up, Los Angeles? Unbelievable. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. We're back at Dynasty Typewriter, and it feels good. Our home sweet home. And just as I do at my real actual home, I will spend the next hour and a half talking into the void, imagining uproarious laughter,

whether it's there or not. And boy, the void is in for a treat because Rob Reiner is here to talk about, oh Jesus, Christian nationalism. Is that a Bible in your pocket or are you happy to see me in a camp? Well, it's going to be a long fucking night.

Then Marcy Jaro and Lindsay Adams will crown the biggest loser of all. And since it's awards season, we'll all give ourselves a well-deserved award and thank everyone who helped us get here. Crookids, Pride Campaign, Leave Trans Kids Alone, You Absolute Freaks. They won an award, an anthem award. So I'm going to record a seven-word speech. Are you ready? You're going to be here for it. Here we go.

Leave Trans Kids Alone,, you absolute freaks. We did it. But first, let's get into it. What a week. In a new Politico interview Monday, RFK Jr. celebrated Martin Luther King Day by defending the FBI's surveillance of the civil rights leader during the Kennedy administration. Say what you will about RFK Jr., but he's consistent. Last year, he marked Easter by saying the Romans did what they had to do.

Kentucky Republican Nick Wilson, until now best known for winning Survivor Season 37, has introduced a bill that would no longer classify sex with your first cousin as incest. Now it all makes sense. He acted a little too excited for the family visit during his season. That was the season that basically was Mike White of White Lotus versus this guy, this freak. And just, it's interesting to think about that if like

Mike had really gone for the juggler in that final tribal council you wouldn't be able to fuck your cousin in kentucky you know butterfly flaps its wings anyway this cousin bill just another sign that lawmakers don't care about ordinary americans that are instead in the pocket of the hapsburgs because of all the incest, it's how they got their fucked up jaw. Anyway, if you saw his cousin, you'd understand where he was coming from. Awoo. Senator Chuck Grassley, age 90, was admitted to the hospital for unspecified infection this week.

Grassley's office said in a statement, he's in good spirits and will return to work as soon as possible with beautiful new lips. In the aftermath of the Iowa caucus, juggernauts Vivek Ramaswamy and Asa Hutchinson dropped out. Come on in, boys, the water's fine, said a depressed Chris Christie, now in his second week in the Manchester Hilton hot tub,

more prune than a man. Having come in third in Iowa, Nikki Haley took a victory lap and she hit the press circuit. Are you a racist party? Are you involved in a racist party? No, we're not a racist country, Brian. Racist party where, asked John Jr., peeking his head around the corner. Just to note, just to note, this interview aired the day after MLK Day, on which King famously died of natural causes. Haley also said this when asked how she felt about Trump being found liable in his defamation case.

First of all, I haven't paid attention to his cases, and I'm not a lawyer. All I know is that he's innocent until proven guilty, and when he's proven guilty and he's sitting in a courtroom, that's exactly what I'm not a lawyer. All I know is that he's innocent until proven guilty. And when he's proven guilty and he's sitting in a courtroom, that's exactly what I'm talking about. You've got investigations on Trump and Biden. First of all, I'm not a lawyer is you're supposed to say I'm not a scientist about climate change because saying you're against climate change is good for you because you're disgusting. But if you're running against someone and they say, what do you think about this person's crimes? The fact that you're trying to defeat them

while saying, I'm not paying attention to his biggest liability as a candidate, it's stupid. Also on the question of liability, he's already been found liable. He's already in the damages phase. The guilt phase is over. It's like saying Chernobyl is safe until proven exploded. We're past that, babe. There's an HBO miniseries. Meanwhile, Donald Trump attacked Haley on Truth Social, creating a racist portmanteau, combining the word Nimrod with her full name, Nimirata, to create Nimrata.

Guy still fucking got it. I'm just firing on all fucking cylinders. You would too if you were afraid of going to prison. Trump also posted this photo, which is a photoshopped image of Nikki Haley as Hillary Clinton. It's deeply unsettling. It's a deeply, deeply unsettling image.

Hey, this is saying, hey, you know who else was a woman? That woman you hate. Trump 24, these fucking bitches. With the New Hampshire primary days away, new polling showed Trump with a 16-point lead and 50% support. I like when my elections challenge my preconceived notions. I always think of New Hampshire as a serious, no-nonsense state. But no, these people love nonsense.

And Trump is definitely setting himself up for a win with gems like this, which he shared at his Portmouth campaign event. We have more liquid gold and wealth under our feet than any other nation. We have more liquid gold. Well, I guess more liquid gold. Well, I just met non-liquid gold. You know where it was? Iowa. It's called corn.

They have, it's non-liquid. I know what you're thinking. Besties ever sounded. Corn is non-liquid gold. Also non-liquid, famously, gold. Meanwhile, Nikki Haley came in at 34% in the latest polling, leading among independents and moderates. As a result, during his rally Tuesday, Trump accused Haley of artificially boosting her numbers by appealing to Democrats and liberals to infiltrate the Republican Party.

Oh no, he's onto us. How did he figure it out? When I voted in the Iowa caucus, I wore my best Nancy Reagan skirt. Coincidentally, I was the throat goat in that Iowa City gymnasium. Thank you. One of Nikki Haley's billionaire donors told reporters that his continued support would depend on how she does Tuesday, said Ken Langone, a co-founder of Home Depot. If she doesn't get traction in New Hampshire, you don't throw money down a rat hole, continued Langone, unless the rat is polling well and promises a tag cut. Then it's rat 2024, baby. Also, you should never throw money down a rat hole. And then there was Ron. Ron DeSantis, you remember him. The Florida governor's super PAC never backed down, laid off staff this week

after coming in a distant second in the Iowa caucus, said a Super PAC spokesperson, to be clear, we are not backing down. If anything, we're backing up. Wait, that's nothing. Fuck. Okay. We laid off the guy who was good at words. The DeSantis campaign is turning to South Carolina, given his dismal polling in the Granite State. Explained DeSantis, I've been advised that the sooner New Hampshire forgets what my voice sounds like, the stronger my chances. DeSantis also admitted Thursday on Hugh Hewitt's radio show that he fucked up his media strategy saying this. Presidential campaigns are a lot about about media. Like, you know, I spent a lot of time on the ground in Iowa and it's good. And when you meet people, you convert them. But there's just so many voters out there that you got to do. And I came in not really doing as much media. I should have just been

blanketing. I should have gone on all the corporate shows. I should have gone on everything. Counterpoint, he should have gone on nothing. He should have worn a Phantom of the Opera mask and used voice disguise technology whenever he appeared in public. He should have been like a Yeti, a blurry blotch on a cryptozoology subreddit,

an enticing mystery that disappoints when exposed in full, like the ending of Lost or Most Sex. Though DeSantis did offer this medical hot take at a town hall on Wednesday. Every booster you take, you're more likely to get COVID as a result of it. This guy is trying to play the hits, but he has no hits. It's like going to see your brother-in-law's band and him say, you'll all remember this one until your dad pulls the fire alarm. And in case you needed a devastating blow-by-blow of why Ron DeSantis is polling at 5% in New Hampshire, The Messenger published a doozy breaking down all the ways in which DeSantis' campaign has been a flop. When warned that relatable on-the-ground campaign moments

were crucial to endearing himself to voters, DeSantis scoffed, people don't care about that stuff. And I know people, continued Ron, as he ate a fish like a cartoon cat, pulling a complete skeleton out of his mouth. Meanwhile, during the August 24th Republican debate, DeSantis raised his hand alongside Nikki Haley and Vivek Ramaswamy when asked if he would vote for Trump if he were convicted. You got to give Ron credit. He had to look at everybody else first to see if he wanted to raise his hand, joke Chris Christie. But then he raised his hand kind of like cheating off somebody's paper in high school. Anyway, you want to get some food after this, said a sad

Chris Christie to the journalist crouching next to the Manchester Hilton hot tub. He's still in the hot tub. It's a little story of the day. As he looks past New Hampshire to South Carolina, DeSantis' polling isn't much better, where he's currently a distant third. A distant third sounds kind of sexy, said Kentucky Republican Nick Wilson. There you go. On Wednesday, Donald Trump was back in court. The judge in E. Jean Carroll's defamation trial warned the former president to pipe down after he was heard grumbling loudly to his lawyers during Carroll's testimony. I wonder if he needed to be let outside. That's usually what it means when my dog does that. When Trump continued to grouse audibly, Judge

Lewis Kaplan threatened to kick him out of the courtroom. Mr. Trump, the judge said, I hope I don't have to consider excluding you from the trial. I understand you were very eager for me to do that. Trump replied, I would love it. I would love it. Look, I'm sorry if I'm misreading this transcript, but are these two people about to fuck? Said the judge, I know you would because you just can't control yourself in this circumstance. You just can't. Trump reportedly then threw his hands in the air in exasperation. Yeah, I think they want to fuck. During an appearance on The View Wednesday, Vice President Kamala Harris criticized Republican attacks on Biden's age, saying this. So why are they doing it, Joy? Because they have nothing to run on.

They have nothing to run on. Said President Biden, that's damn straight. You tell him, Carla, and I'll take another stack of pancakes when you get a minute, sweetheart. pancakes when you get a minute, sweetheart. As bipartisan negotiations over a border plan and Ukraine funding continued, Senate Republicans urged their deranged House counterparts to be reasonable for once, with Lindsey Graham telling reporters, to those who think that if President Trump wins, which I hope he does, that we can get a better deal, you won't. You've got to get 60 votes in the United States Senate. Only problem is this is Marjorie Taylor Greene and Chip Roy you're talking to. It's like trying to persuade the rats gnawing on your wiring that wires aren't actually that delicious.

When questioned during a press conference about whether President Biden's election was God's will, Speaker Mike Johnson said this. I quoted the Declaration of Independence. They acknowledge that our rights don't come from government. They come from God, and we're made in his image. Everybody's made the same. We all are given equal rights and value, and that's something that we defend. So if you believe all those things, then you believe that God is the one that allows people to be raised in authority. It must have been God's will then. Feels like Mike Johnson was at a blackboard doing logic, and at the end of it, he realized that Joe Biden is God's instrument. That's all. Marjorie Taylor Greene wistfully looked back at Trump's legacy this week.

Under President Trump, there were only two genders. Remember that? Male and female. And also remember, under President Trump, I had one husband, and now no husbands. What happened? What happened to this country? A Republican lawmaker in Oklahoma has introduced legislation in the state that aims to ban furries from participating in school activities. The bill would reintroduce separate but equal facilities for furry students originally upheld in plushy v. Ferguson. That's the best thing you'll hear this week. You celebrate what just happened. I didn't

write that. That's very good. I'm going to praise that. That's very good. Who wrote that? Did Alan write that? Alan wrote that. The Pentagon will install rooftop solar panels as part of the Biden administration's push to promote clean energy. Said Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin, What's great about these solar panels is that it's something we can all talk about instead of somebody's prostate and pee hole. Starting in 2026, the Federal Highway Administration will ban overhead electronic signs that reference pop culture or try to be funny, saying that drivers can misunderstand them or be distracted. Examples of doomed signs include Use your blinker in Massachusetts,

don't drive star spangled hammered in Pennsylvania, and hocus pocus drive with focus in New Jersey. I wrote some of these and they're the ones you're laughing at, overhead electronic sign writer Joe Coy. ones you're laughing at, said overhead electronic sign writer Joe Coy. Madison Marsh of Colorado was crowned Miss America this week, making her the first active duty service member to earn the title, though she raised some eyebrows during the talent portion, which resulted in multiple civilian casualties in Yemen. The lineup for 2024's Coachella has been announced with headliners Lana Del Rey, Doja Cat, and Tyler, the creator,

as well as the reunion of No Doubt. When reached for comment, an excited No Doubt fan desperately tried to pause the TV. I want you to know there was a literal meeting today where I had to do this bop bop bop bop bop bong no no no not that one it has to be bop bop bop bop bop bong

because they have a TiVo Buckingham Palace is that now you get it they had a TiVo those sounds fucking handed down from those incredible sounds. That TiVo, when you had TiVo, TiVo changed everything.

TiVo led to all of this. TiVo led to Trump. We couldn't pause TV. We'd all be watching one fucking thing. You know, not like it is now. Buckingham Palace announced that King Charles would undergo a corrective procedure next week for an enlarged prostate. The procedure will bring the prostate back to its original size, which is even larger. A federal judge on Tuesday

blocked JetBlue's plan to buy Spirit Airlines for $3.8 billion, said the judge in his ruling, Spirit is a small airline, but there are those who love it. To those dedicated customers of Spirit, this one's for you. That's real. Thank you, sir, said a man with a tattoo on his face trying to wrestle a baby into the overhead compartment. No one is a dedicated customer of Spirit Airline, any more that you can be a dedicated customer for a defibrillator. You're not a fan. You don't like the experience. It's there for emergencies. And the main goal is just to be alive after using the product. The judge, a Reagan appointee named William Young, went off. The airline industry, he said, is an oligopoly that has become more concentrated due to a series of mergers in the first decades of the 21st century with a small group of firms in control

of the vast majority of the market, continued Young, and that's why I only fly on private jets provided by generous conservative billionaires in protest. There used to be real competition in the airline industry, the judge went on to say.

The stewardesses were so friggin' hot. You get on one plane, smoke shows. You get on another plane, awooga. were so frigging hot. You get on one plane, smoke shows. You get on another plane, a wooga.

The Guinness Book of World Records has opened an investigation into the world's oldest dog, Bobby, who was reportedly 31 years old when he died in October. Investigators became suspicious when someone claimed the dog was 31 years old.

I have to say, like, I don't know, like, when I was a kid, the Guinness Book of World Records was like years old. I have to say, like, I don't know, like, when I was a kid, the Guinness Book of World Records was like the Bible. It was the word handed down, longest fingernails, tallest woman.

The fact that they just signed off on this 31-year-old fucking dog is giving me pause. So now, now that that, now that there's a fucking asterisk next to uh bobby's name the oldest dog is bluey which was supposedly 29 years old born in 1910 and died in 1939 and again i call fucking bullshit how do you verify the age of a dog in 1939 europe is in fucking free fall give me a break no way how do you know that? Oh, here's a

picture of the dog when it was small. Yep. Must be the same dog. These are two fucking fucked up black and white 1910 photographs. 29 year old dogs. What are we doing here? They're not cats. And I'm glad someone finally said it. And finally, Texas County is attempting to block the building of a new biomedical facility designed to contain 43,000 research monkeys. How much racket do 43,000 monkeys make? A local shrimper complained

to the Wall Street Journal about the plan. I'm sure they're not quiet. Yes, the racket. The racket is the main thing, said a monkey researcher nervously waiting for someone to wonder what 43,000 monkeys smell like. Yeah, it's the racket. With thousands of excrement-hurling primates confined to such a small area, residents are concerned that their county

will look like friggin' Congress. When we come back, that's right, it's Rob Reiner. On December 10th, Royal Caribbean launches Ultimate World Cruise, a nine-month round-the-world voyage with stops in 65 countries, fares starting at $54,000 per person, and all the norovirus you can eat. The Ultimate World Cruise

raises some obvious questions, like why? And if you wanted to be nauseous for nine months with no way out, why not just get pregnant in Texas? And, oh god. And, oh god, and, oh God, all of them are going to fuck each other, aren't they? Fortunately, we have some answers. Our love it or leave it cruise ship correspondent, Wendy Kibble, is on board this round the world fuck fest and has been writing to the show with updates. And I'm thrilled to share those letters with you tonight. Prithee, forgive my poor penmanship, for it is at last the day of our launch, and my hands

tremble with ethically non-monogamous arousal. My husband Terrence and I have quit our jobs at Carvana and sold everything we have in order to secure passage on this grand vessel, our house, my Stanley cups, even Terrence's cherished collection of Disney shit. We set sail this day with nothing but a suitcase full of lube and hearts full of yearning for the weird-shaped Yep, just like I thought. We send you a thank you across the sea, Wendy. We'll read some more of her missives later in the show. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

And we're back! Please welcome to the stage a legend, the one and only Rob Reiner. How are you? Come around this way. There's glass here. I want you to sit right here. How are you? Who's out there?

It's Rob Reiner. Oh, there's a real crowd out there. Yeah, there's a real crowd. There's actual people. Did you bring, you brought a water bottle in case a hike breaks out? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. How you doing? I'm good. How are you? I'm good.

It's an honor to have you. What would you say in your monologue, what would you say, what percentage of the jokes landed? What would you say? I i would say if i were a baseball player pretty good so about three out of ten yeah i think because if you get three out of ten in baseball you make the hall of fame we edit this thing down here's i understand here's the thing here's the thing, Rob Reiner. Yeah.

Going to tell me about comedy? Fine, I guess. I guess. I guess. This show has a surprisingly big audience, which means that this group of people, while vast, is nothing compared to the audience at home. They're a tool for the experience of the people at home. I see.

If you add the audience that's listening at home to the audience in this room, you get the audience at home. Okay. You see what I'm saying? How many people are here right now? At least, you could say a hundred at least. A hundred, two hundred.

Hundreds, a hundred people. And then there's another hundred at home. At least. Okay. At least. Got it. Thank you for being here. Now then there's another 100 at home. At least. At least. Got it. Thank you for being here. It's my pleasure. You have a new film.

I do have a new film. It's called God and Country. Correct. Christian nationalism. What's the big deal? The big deal is most people don't even know what Christian nationalism is. Well, we do, but tell them.

Well, I mean, you know, you'll see the film, and people think because it's Rob Reiner, he's from Hollywood, you know, all this, that he's bashing Christianity. It's not the case. It's the exact opposite. What we have in the film are respected, conservative Christian leaders talking about the danger of Christian nationalism to Christianity itself. Not only the danger to democracy, but a danger to Christianity. And what it is, it's a political movement. It has no connection to the teachings of Jesus.

It is a political movement. And we've seen the rise of this movement in the last 30, 40 years, starting with Jerry Falwell and the moral majority and all of that, culminating in January 6th. And what a lot of people don't know is that January 6th was basically, the foundation of it was Christian nationalism. That drove that movement. And so it's a danger. It's a danger. And Trump has grabbed a hold of it.

He's given it a voice and put it on steroids. And we saw what can happen. These are people that believe my way or the highway. They believe that there's no separation of church and state. They believe that America should be a white Christian nation. Nobody else should be allowed to challenge that, and that's what it's going to be. And they'll do anything, even resort to violence, in order to get their way. We saw it happen on January 6th, and I fear that if Trump gets elected again, we're going to be in a worse position than we have been.

So that's what the film is about. You watch the film, and you'll see that we're basically, you know, lifting Christianity up and saying the teachings of Jesus, which is love thy neighbor and love, you know, do unto others and all of that, that is not the basis of what Christian nationalism. Marjorie Taylor Greene proudly calls herself a Christian nationalist. Mike Johnson, who's the Speaker of the House, third in line for the presidency, proudly calls himself a Christian nationalist. And they believe that there is no separation of church and state, that

their beliefs are God's beliefs, and they will do anything to put it forward. So that's what the film is. It's a lot of laughs. That's a thing. That's a thing. You don't see them coming, either. They just get you and surprise you. Hey, that's funny.

It's a very serious film, which would say it's not something that you'd expect from me, whatever. But I worry about our democracy. I really do. We're at that point now where, you know, as Benjamin Franklin said, you know, what have you when they asked him, what have you created there? When they came out of the Constitutional Convention, they said, well, we've created a republic if you can keep it. And so we don't know. We're right on the precipice as to whether or not we can keep it. And hopefully this will send a message. So in the film, the animator who created Veggie Tales, he said, here's the thing. If I have decided that America is irreplaceable in God's story

and democracy gets in the way, well, democracy has to go. But America is intrinsically a democracy. Isn't that saying in order to save this cheesecake factory, I'm going to turn it into a yoga studio? Well, that might be a good idea because people are eating too much cheesecake. They should maybe think about yoga. Okay, now I've turned you into a Christian nationalist by accident. Yeah, yeah. But you know what I mean, Rob Reiner.

I know, and as a matter of fact, this guy Phil Vischer that you were just talking about, I was just on his show today, on his podcast, and he does talk about that. This is a very devout conservative Christian. I mean, he's a devout Christian, and he does believe that the Christian nationalist movement says, my way, the highway. And if you don't believe what I believe, then democracy has to go.

And if you think about America, we have a constitution that starts with we the people. This is the first time in the history of mankind where the power has been given to the people rather than to either a king or a deity. And so we have to preserve that. And it's fragile. It's really fragile.

We can see it disappearing like that. They have, Trump has 25, 30% of the country on his side. And you say, well, that's not very much. You know, we've got 70%. 25% to 30% of the country, the way our democracy is structured, is enough to win the presidency. He could lose the popular vote by 10 million, and as long as he switches a few votes in five or six states,

we wind up with a second Trump term. And I believe the end of American democracy. Again, lots of laughs. Switching gears ever so slightly. You were on an episode of the Partridge family where you put, you played a character named snake, right?

That's not switching gears. That's right in keeping with what we've been talking about. Yeah. Speaking of speaking of God's wrath, you played Snake on an episode of The Partridge Family. I did play Snake, yes, and I had a relationship with Susan Day. She fell

in love with Snake. I had tattoos. I was riding a motorcycle. We have a clip. We have a clip. Can I show a clip? Get out of here. We do. Okay. Oh my God, look at this. I'm Harry Murphy. Where's your chick that's crazy about? I love it.

We gotta get your name. I know you don't really have a crush on me. It's just my gang dared me to come down and have a little fun. It's pretty funny, right? Yeah, everybody likes a good put on. Yeah, well, thanks for the good put on I love it thanks for the good put on Harry oh hey hey don't call me Harry

what should we call you snake yeah I do okay so let me tell you something every so often you can applaud that you can applaud that

you can applaud that I Yeah, I fucking applaud it. You can applaud that. You applaud that. This is Rob Reiner. You applaud it. You can applaud that. I also played a hippie in an episode of Gomer Pyle where I sang Blown in the Wind with Gomer. So I've had tremendous credits, you know. And we have a party every once in a while at the house called the Bad Show Business Party. And at the Bad Show Business Party, you bring something that you are least proud of, most embarrassed by.

That would definitely qualify as my entry into the Bad Show Business Party. I'm sure you have a few, John. What is it? I'm getting absolutely fucking roasted. uh hey uh i'll tell you no get no respect the uh the do you think that it's um anti-semitism that has meant uh jews from new rochelle are no longer allowed to play tufts on television yeah i think that it's definitely at the christian nationalism definitely it's christian nationalism yes um now uh this is something i wanted to ask you about because uh uh you worked with norman lear right uh now all in the family this is this

is what you're you were this was right before all in the family roughly a year or two before a couple years before i don't know is that what i think so i think it's like 1969 okay yeah yeah so all the family premieres in January of 1971. And I found this to be like a fascinating time and just shocking how much things were about to change. When All in the Family premieres, Green Acres and Hee Haw are what are coming on before it. My Three Sons, Lassie, and The Ed Sullivan Show are still airing.

And it floored me when I heard this, that when All in the Family comes back for its first full season, it was up against Bewitched. Bewitched and All in the Family were on at the same time. The difference in the politics of that show is staggering. I know. I know. Did you feel that at the time? Well, here's what was weird. You had Beverly Hillbillies, Green Acres, Petticoat Junction, all these rural shows,

and all of a sudden, Norman Lear came on the scene, and you had All in the Family, The Jeffersons, Maud, Good Times, all these urban shows that dealt with race issues and Vietnam War and gun issues, all the issues that we talk about

now were still going on then, and it was a completely different landscape. He completely changed the landscape of television when All in the Family came out. Yeah, it's an amazing... Just to... Yeah. In the...

You're on All in the Family describing a character as an atheist. You talk about the Christian nationalist threat. That was a... I wasn't that. I mean, the interesting thing about the show- Meathead, the character. The character Meathead. The interesting thing about the show is that Carol O'Connor,

who played the right-wing bigot, he in real life was way more liberal than I was. I mean, people didn't know that. I mean, I'm liberal. There's no question about it. I was much more moderate than he was. I wanted to ask i i'm just have to i'm just so excited to have you and there's so many you don't you look excited tell your face what the hey for the for the audio listener i'm fucking beaming yeah yeah yeah i'm beaming i'm electric i'm fully fucking

i'm right i'm so close to you. I know. I know. I'm getting a chubby. Yeah. Yeah. Here's the thing. People say the secret doesn't work. It works. You got to manifest.

You got to manifest. All right. So Misery and Princess Bride, which are two of my favorite films. They're two films you worked with William Goldman, both two heartwarming comedies. They're two of my favorite films. They're two films he worked with, William Goldman, both two heartwarming comedies. In the sequel to Adventures in the Screen Trade, William Goldman talks about both movies,

but he talks about misery. And there's a famous scene in Misery, the film, which is haunting, hard to watch. To this day, if I think about it, I get uncomfortable, the hobbling, where Kathy Bates comes in and sledgehammers Paul Sch paul shell and james conn yeah um but that's not what was in the book and goldman was pissed at you right well he he you know in the book what uh what annie wilts does is she takes an axe and literally chops off his feet.

And that's gruesome too. They're both gruesome. But I had this thought about, and the reason I did Misery was because I was typecast. You get typecast in television. I was typecast as a sitcom actor. I wanted to be a director. The character in Misery, and I've never made a

thriller before, so it's not like I'm known to make thrillers. The character in Misery was become very famous for writing a certain kind of book, and he wanted to change. But he was worried that if he changed, his fan base would kill him. You know my mom you're number one fan and a lot of people worry that that if i go away from my wheelhouse something bad's going to happen to me that's why i was drawn to it because i knew i wanted to make a change and i felt that paul's in my mind i wanted paul sheldon in the character that jimmy connell I wanted him to make a change. I wanted him to be able to break away from the Misery Chastain character and really write something else.

In the book of Misery, he writes this Misery character and then he burns it afterwards. When he gets freed from the house, he burns it and goes back to writing the kinds of books that people want. And this is a wrestling match that Stephen King has inside himself. He writes these horror things and supernatural and people love them.

And then every once in a while, he'll write something that's a little different and he'll use a different name and stuff like that. Well, because critics would pan it if he wrote a Stephen King. They didn't like it. So I wanted Paul sheldon to get out from under that and i felt that if he had his feet chopped off it we would have been diminished in physically and i wanted him to you know get hurt and certainly but then be able to overcome it and become a whole uh person at the end it's very um you know kind of symbolic and all that but that was my thinking that's cool yeah who had more chemistry demi more and tom cruise or meg ryan and billy

crystal uh who and tom cruise to me to me more to me more and tom cruise uh well you know they don't have no sex in in the movie yeah i know and a lot of people said to a lot of people said to me, I don't understand. You have this beautiful girl and beautiful guy. Why don't you get them together? I said, because this movie's not about that. This movie's about a guy who has never tested himself in a courtroom because his father was a great lawyer. And again, I made a connection with my father having been a tremendous success and the son coming on the heels basically

in the character that Kathy the Tom Cruise character he basically shied away from ever trying a case he would make plea deals and stuff like that and so it was about him stepping out and doing that so that was the what the movie was about, aside from, you know, about the military and following orders and all of that. It was not a sex thing. When Harry Met Sally, that's all it's about is men and women. And when I made that, that was an extension of my dating life. And I was making, I was single for 10 years. I was divorced, you know, after being married for 10 years, I was single.

And I was making a mess out of my dating life yeah and that became the basis for when harry met sally so it'd be you know nor from when i told her the idea i said it's about scenes from a of a relationship uh it's what men and women it's what they go through this dance and people would ask me all the time they'd say i don't understand these two, they're professional people. They only talk about relationships and men and women. Don't they ever talk about their work or anything? I said, yeah, they talked about their work all the time.

I just didn't put the camera on when they were doing that. I only let them see this other part. Hey, I have a pitch. What if we use AI to de-age Billy Crystal just for the opening scene of When Harry Met Sally so he looks like he's actually in college. And then do what? We'll just have it. It'll be cool. Just have that? Yeah, just to put it in the front of the movie.

We'll make a movie. No, no. I'm not doing the whole AI. Just for the beginning so he looks younger. Why don't you call Billy up and ask him if he wants to do it? Hey, can men and women be friends? Yes, they can be best friends. But this is my feeling about it. If the relationship is over and they go their separate ways, if the woman gets with a man or a man gets with another woman,

then those original men and women can no longer be close friends because you're now connected to another person so yes on some level they can be but they can't be uh afterwards there's always a threat of something coming in unless you're polyamorous in which case hey i don't know what the hell you're doing i really i don't get that one at all i just you don't get polycules i don't get it you don't get that one at all. You don't get polycules? I don't get it. You don't get it? No, because I get it. It's called cheating.

I get it. No, but imagine if cheating were allowed. Yeah, right. But somebody always gets hurt. Somebody always gets jealous. Somebody always gets upset. It doesn't like, oh, forever they're going to be like, no. You tell me one 50-year polyamorous, you know?

Yeah. I do think that I was, we were having some conversation. I do think it's like, hey, listen, at the end of your life, you want one person holding your hand. And if you try for two, you may end up with none, you know? That's my feeling. I feel the same way. I mean, you want to just, just you know you make a commitment to somebody

if you love them and you know you can stay friends but then if you break up you go with somebody else you're not going to be best friends and by friends deep friends i don't mean acquaintances and deep friends share everything they share the innermost feelings and you won't be able to do that with your ex you know you just wouldn't because the the new person is going to say, what are you doing talking? What are you doing? Whatever, you know. What's going on here? Yeah.

So you mentioned that, of course, they talked about work. You just didn't put it in the movie. I think I can ask you this because he's talked about it publicly. I worked on the newsroom with Aaron Sorkin. He would tell a story about you. And the story was basically that after A Few Good Men, you know, he went into a hotel room. He came out a huge success. Goes back into the Four Seasons. He's doing cocaine, writing for days at a time till the

cocaine runs out, getting more cocaine, keeping on writing. And he sends you a, what, my recollection, like a 400 page. Here's the truth. It's amazing that he tells you that because that's true that what happened, what happened is we were going to do this movie, which eventually became the American president. And what happened was Robert Redford had the rights to it. And they had had like 14 different drafts from different writers. I never read any of them, but I met with Robert Redford and I said, look, I can do this with Aaron because we had this great experience on, on a few good men. We want to do this together. But, and we started working on it and Aaron was very, his issue was gun control. That's the thing he cared about. My issue was the

environment. And so we wanted to get those issues into this romantic story set in the world of the White House. And so we crafted this. The first draft that Aaron sent me before we started working on it was 309 pages. 309 pages. And I said, Aaron, a script is normally 100 to 150. I said, Aaron, script is normally 100 to 150. I said, Aaron, we can't give this to Robert Redford. I'm going to make him read 309 pages. Crazy. But he was on Coke, and he was driving. He was doing it. Not Redford, but Aaron.

And so I said, we've got to rewrite this. Let's work on this. So he'd send me pages. He was at the Four Seasons. He was a couple of blocks away. He'd send me, fax me, and fax in those days. Send me pages. I'd write. I'd send pages back. was at the four seasons he was a couple of blocks away he sent me fax me in fax in those days send me pages i'd write i'd send pages back we go back and forth back and forth and the 309 turned into 334 and i went aaron this is not gonna work i said give me this thing then i

took it and i started you know massaging it and doing that and i got it down to i think like 170 pages and we did send it to redford and he says i don't want to do political i want it just to be a romantic love story and so he wound up not doing it and then michael douglas came in but you were right about aaron at that time and then he wrote me a letter you know afterwards you know like the 12-step thing where they say yeah i'm sorry that i fucked up your life for well the way that he was very nice about it the way that he told it was that that that basically you you were given this monstrosity that couldn't become a movie but there was beautiful things in it and that you basically said all this part about the staff let's put this aside this this is your movie yeah and then he took the pages that you didn't

use and he made the West Wing out of it. He used a lot of pages. That was fine. No, no, it's cool. And he did ask me. He said, is it okay? Because there were hundreds of pages that we didn't use. And I said, yeah, sure, sure.

I don't have any proprietary thing about any of that stuff. I mean, to me, a creative person, you go and do it. And I was fine. I was totally cool with that. But to give you an example, you remember, I don't know if you've seen the movie, at the end, Michael Douglas gives this speech in the press room,

the press briefing room, and the speech is all about being the president and what it means to be a president. Aaron wrote a speech that was 15 pages long. And it wound up being about three and a half pages, which is still a lot of stuff.

He pulls off a racing stripe, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he used all that stuff. He wound up, I think only in the first year, maybe, of West Wing. But then after that, other stuff. But I think of that movie, I just, just to be- What year did you work on?

I worked on the final season of The Newsroom. The final season, okay. The final season of The Newsroom. But the, I think of that movie, I just, just to be, what year did you work on? I worked on the final season of the newsroom. The final season. The final season of the newsroom. But the, the, I think of the American press just to compliment you unnecessarily. I think that's one of the most incredible collaborations of a writer and a director.

Cause every scene is written to be this movie. Every scene has a beginning, a middle and end. And the way you shoot that movie, I feel like they should be teaching that movie for the way that like every scene the camera tells a story in that yeah yeah the way we shot it in what they call two three five which is uh uh you know it's it's an expanded uh uh ratio it's not the normal thing and so you have a lot of uh you don't have as much depth of feel on the tight shots but you can it's too technical split diopters and you can make it bigger because we

wanted to be a big yeah story with you know about the military but i just think even i just think about it's such a small it's a small scene but it's this it's a scene where the first time the annette benning and michael douglas together in the Oval Office and the way they negotiate with each other and that you film them negotiating physically the way you close in on the two of them like it's a sort of I feel like people when they see a movie like that they don't understand why it's so incredible yeah but I just want to say like I think that that is incredible this movie is beautiful well thanks oh thank you I think that is incredible. This movie is beautiful. Well, thanks. Thank you. I mean, that scene, if you look at that scene, he talks about the Oval Office as being the greatest home court advantage in the world. And you see these two people at opposite sides of the Oval Office.

It's big. They're opposing each other at one point. And then the whole idea is they come together. You get that right there. So cool. Before we let you go, you have a film about Christian nationalism. Yes. But I think one thing that's fun that Catholicism

has that Judaism doesn't would be sainthoods. We don't have it in Judaism. And so, Rob Reiner, I thought it would be fun to select your very own Jewish saints, but here's how it works. Okay. Larry David you have there. Well, he's not yet been anointed, but I'm going to show you two Jewish American icons.

Okay. Only one can be a saint. And the other? They can't be. They can't be. You must choose. So you're saying Larry David can't be a saint. No, no, no.

He may or may not. This is just an illustration, but I haven't set him up against anyone just yet. Oh. But if you'd like him to be a saint, we can just call it now. Well, I mean, he's a very good friend of mine well so he's no saint okay all right first up only one can be sainted okay bernie sanders or barbara streisand

only one can be sainted wow that's a tough because tough, because I'm friends with Barbara Streisand. That's cool too. But, and she'll get mad at me if I say she's not a saint. Yeah, I would, if you. But Bernie Sanders has done

so many things and it's so, it's so pure. Oh, you gotta, don't put yourself in trouble. I mean, I think you're right, but I mean, it's not worth it. Really?

I just think if you're. Who are you saying? You saying I mean, I think you're right, but I mean, it's not worth it. Really? I just think if you're- Who are you saying? You saying? Well, I feel like just this conversation puts me one person away from Barbara. So Bernie's great and all, but he doesn't care about this. You're saying Bernie doesn't want to be a saint? No. Okay, then let's make Barbara the saint.

Barbara wins. Next up, Fran Drescher or fran lebowitz okay wow you really this is good uh this is good it's harder than i thought it was this is really hard this is fun oh my god rob reiner wow what a choice now fran drescher as you know played uh bobby fleckman in This is Spinal Tap. Yes. Oh, yeah. And she may be making a reappearance in the sequel. I don't know Fran Lebowitz, although I respect her tremendously and she has an incredible sense of humor. They both have odd voices.

But I think I'm going to go withan drescher only because i know her and no no saint has a voice like that that's cool yeah the patron saint the patron saint of great voices yeah uh all right i don't think you know either of these next two so this will maybe be a little more objective but maybe you're friends with both albert einstein or jonas salk Objective, but maybe you're friends with both. Albert Einstein or Jonas Salk? It's tough. Those are top flight Jews.

It is a tough one because Jonas Salk, as we know, came up with the polio vaccine. Albert Einstein, who was a genius, who found a way to split the atom to create energy, but didn't know that there could be an atom bomb. So that's not saint no that's not saying no it's a it's a real miss yeah so to me i'm going with jonah salk only because as far as i know he didn't drop anything on hiroshima or nagasaki right no i think that's and i think that's a really good answer jonah Salk gets it. St. Jonas Salk.

But, you know, we love Albert Einstein, too. But without relativity, we don't get satellites. That's true. That's a lot of entertainment. That's true. Okay. And finally, Sandy Koufax or Mel Brooks? Well, Mel, you know, he's a dear friend and my he was my dad's best friend

um sandy kofax uh did have the best curveball i've ever seen and for five years was the best pitcher that ever lived for a five-year period uh and he wouldn't go to, he wouldn't pitch during Yom Kippur. He wouldn't pitch because he was devout. But I'm going to go with Mel Brooks. Mel Brooks. I think that's good. I think that's good. God and Country is out February 16th. You know, there's this idea of being an evangelical has become more of a political identity in many ways, right? But you have to be careful when you talk about that because there are Christian evangelicals that are not Christian nationalists. And many more Christian evangelicals are not Christian nationalists. But there are Christian evangelicals who are.

And what we're finding as this movement has gotten gained strength, there are some people like Robert Jeffries, who we have in the movie, is now questioning whether or not he's pushed this political agenda too far and has gotten too far away from the teachings of Jesus. So you can't paint all evangelicals with the same brush because they're very, very different. Well, the movie is fascinating. It's out February 16th, God and Country. Rob Reiner, thank you so much.

Thank you very much for having me. Really appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you very much. Rob Reiner, everybody. Come on. Rob Reiner, everybody. Come on.

And now another letter from Wendy on board the Serenade of the Seas. Dear Lovett, we are less than a month into our voyage and already we have fucked a solid third of deck nine. There are but a few small causes for concern, to which we have met our first tempest, which caused significant flooding of the carpets. And no, I'm not referring to my first all-female threesome with Maureen and Lisa Anne after the magic show on Thursday. Also, there was talk of worse flooding ahead, for we are set to sail

through the dreaded Drake Passage on the morrow. I am told it is one of the world's roughest, most dangerous stretches, perhaps second only to Terrence's pre-orgy hip opener. of the world's roughest, most dangerous stretches, perhaps second only to Terrence's pre-orgy hip opener. If you know, you know. Also, the ship is out of Chablis, and it's like, whatever, there's other wine, and I don't desire to be a high maintenance,

but I did sell my Dyson Airwrap to be here, you know? Whoa, that was another big wave just now. It's fine. I'm sure it's fine. But now I must bid you adieu. One of the dildos has been malfunctioning since the floods, and I must put it in rice. Damply yours, Wendy Kibble. Sounds concerning.

Godspeed, Wendy. May the wicked winds carry our thoughts and prayers to you. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back! Please welcome to the stage two absolute winners, Marci Jaro and Lindsay Adams. Hi.

Hi. So lovely to see you both. You too. Hi, Marci. How are you? I'm good. That was cool. Hi, Lindsay.

Hi. As comedians, is there any insult more devastating than being called a loser? It's one of Trump's go-tos. And like most things he says, when he's right, he's right. It's being called a loser. I mean, it's nobody wants to. There's no way out of it. No.

The only thing worse is someone asking you how many of your jokes are hitting. Yeah. Oh. I'll tell you something. I'll tell you something. It's dying. It's dying. What's worse than somebody

asking how many of you don't tell you if that somebody is rob fucking reiner we were watching i was like that would make me i know i was like i don't know i'll be crying no it only makes me stronger i don't love it rob reiner has only increased my resolve if you need a minute i get it i don't i don't need a minute truly i was like what personality disorder does he have that he kept going didn't phase him what's wrong and the concept that you don't like being called like that you love abuse yeah you you love it um listen yeah i mean sorry um hey yeah but he was kidding he liked the show yeah yeah They're like, yeah. Listen, yeah, I mean. Sorry. Hey, yeah, but he was kidding.

He liked the show. Yeah. He kept saying that over and over. I know, he absolutely kept saying that. I like that. Not that one. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You were backstage with Rob Reiner as he realized how he felt about the show.

Yes. Cool. And he's like, ah, this takes me back to the great comedies. Yeah. He was like, I'm actually floored. This is my impression of him. Wow. All right.

All right, you two. We've got seven losers. All right. From the week. it's been a week of losers and it's time to saddle up and play the loser roundup we have losers we have losers perfect here's how it works you're gonna blind rank the following seven losers of the week on a scale from one to seven one being the biggest seven being the least loserish. Okay. You will not know who the next loser is when you place them on their stinky wet altar of

loserdom. So choose wisely. Are you ready? Yes. One the least or most? One is the biggest loser. Okay, great, great. And we have to do it as they go along.

Yeah, you're just going to have to guess. You're going to see, are there bigger losers coming? Great. Okay. I'm not sure. Interesting. First up, you know him, you love him. George Sanchez squirmed

out of the woodwork this week, which is much easier now that he's on his end pic. In fact, that's why he came out of the woodwork to reveal his weight loss to declare the insane culture

of glorifying obesity is dangerous and reckless. Hmm. Things to, yeah. Sorry, go ahead. No, what were you going to say? No, nothing.

Things to consider. An insane culture of glorifying obesity sounds refreshing and sadly doesn't exist. Where would you rank George Santos as a loser of the week? Don't love the subject matter,

but still ranking him as a seven because he's over for me. He had his 15 minutes and it was on Z-Way. That was it. don't love the subject matter, but still ranking him as a seven because he's over for me. Yeah. He had his 15 minutes and it was on Z-Way. That was it. That's a really important point. Yeah.

He's my real favorite. He's my favorite real housewife. So I'm going to give him one to seven. I like, I'm going to give him a high. I'm going to give him a three. Oh, wow.

Wow. I see. Put him on season three of Traders and call it a day. I think we need to come to a 3 I see put them on season 3 of Traders I think we need to come to a consensus though together that's part of it we don't have the technology to do two rankings

let's split and do a 5 then 5 is great done, lock it in loser it's sort of like the only thing that's worse than being a loser is being forgotten. Yeah. Oh, good call.

You know? Wow. Yeah. At least you're calling me. RFK Jr. defended JFK for signing off on the wiretap of Martin Luther King Jr., who they suspected of conspiring with communists. Look. This week, too. He did it this week.

Yeah, he did it this week. I thought this was the week to say that. I didn't realize he was kind of hot. All all right you think that's a zaddy right there i mean i don't know man look at that skinny little tie sometimes sometimes evil is i feel like i feel like to me our that picture of rfk jr says uh like you showed a picture of of JFK to chat GPT and said, make this an anesthesiologist who kills his patients. Okay. I thought you were going to say that he survived surgery after the gunshot. I love it.

You're right. That's what he thought I was going to say. The left side of his face does look like something happened. Yeah. But he got through it. But he got through it. But he got through it. Don't be mad, RF. Where are we ranking RFK Jr., conspiracy theorist

and guy that says maybe J. Edgar Hoover had a point? I'm going to say pretty high. I feel like that's a rough, dumb thing to say. I mean, I do. It's hard for me to know where

to rank the losers because of what you said. Do we give them the attention that they're a big fucking loser? Or do we... Well, it'll hurt his feelings. Okay, so we're going to go high. I think I'm going to say two. Okay, let's do two. Just because I think there could be someone worse. I think there could be someone worse, but look at that mug.

Look at that mug. You love it. That's what you're looking at. I know. I'm a little turned on. All right, we got to get him off the screen. You're becoming an RFK Jr. supporter right in front of us. At number two, it's RFK Jr.

Next up, would-be Biden challenger Dean Phillips, presumably struggling to keep his momentum teamed up with someone who's sure to get voters excited this week. That's right. I'm talking about Andrew Yang. Aw. Yang, Yang, Yang. They had an event today in which they discussed

you ghosted artificial intelligence. Things consider. Oh, buddy. I feel bad for him. Me too. I feel like he's like a real loser. Yeah, so that makes him like a seven, right? Yeah.

He's an actual. Because I feel, I think he knows he's a loser a little bit. I feel like he should take a little break and maybe we'll forget all this stuff. Yeah. For sure. Take a little break, guys. He should play video games. Just like tap out, go into a different world.

Work at a school. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Get out of here. We different world. Work at a school. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Get out of here. We interviewed him. We interviewed him. And I don't,

I like, you know. Is he a loser in real life? I bet he's. I think that there's a real, I think like, I do think that like, the,

the, not his motivation, but his like, not the motivation for his running, but the motivation for his anxiety and concern are like legitimate. And I think like justified. So it's like, it just sort of, you know.

It's in the wrong package. Yeah. Just the wrong, it's just sort of like, ah, maybe, but not the answer. You know, you may ask the right question, but maybe not the right answer. Yeah. He doesn't ever say the thing that you want him to. Yeah. Well, God bless. All right.

Where are we putting him? Yeah. Bless. Let's do seven. But that means the least loser. Yeah. Right. Well, because we feel bad.

Okay, okay, okay. That's good, that's good. Next up, this is going to be a tough one. I don't know. All right. Taylor Swift fans who are convinced that Taylor Swift secretly wrote the novel on which the movie Argyle is based.

The director, Matthew Vaughn, confirmed that she did not, but that will not stop them. Things to consider. It's dumb. So, yeah. So Taylor Swift is a lesbian who wrote Argyle.

Or is she? It's based on the cat. It truly is because they're like, she has that kind of cat. She wrote this. Exactly. It's like, well, is that good proof that she has a Scottish Fold cat? She's not the only person in the world. Yeah, there's not one of them. There's at least three of them. Oh, God.

What numbers do we have left? I'm not trying to actually upset Swifties because I'm very scared of them. Four? Four? Okay, that's pretty brave. I'll do that. Yeah, because I think we've got... What do we got? We got five of... Brian, what do we got?

We have two as RK Jr., four as Taylor Benz, five as George Santos, and seven as Gene Phillips. So you have one, three, and six. One, three, and six remain. Next up, Marjorie Taylor Greene. Because she said this. There were only two genders. Remember that?

Male and female. What do you think? Male and female. What do you think? God, I hate her. She is terrible, but she could definitely do like a full pull-up. Also, there's like no into her, right?

Yeah. Right, because she could be number one any week. Absolutely. Which makes me want to give her less attention. Again, yeah, because also it's like this is such an old, this is, you've said it a million times and no one cares today. No, 100%. Nobody wants to hear your fucking mouth.

I'd say six for her. I don't even care. Yeah, I'd say six too. Honestly, we're being mean. We're being total mean girls. We'd be like, we don't even know her. Yeah, I've never met her. Who?

Who is she? Next up, Republican State Representative Nick Wilson. He won his season of Survivor and now he's found a new game, the incest game. The bill he introduced would reduce incest by contact to a Class D felony unless it's committed with a person who is less than 12 years of age. Well, that's good. I like some parameters. Yeah, I like boundaries. Wilson also returned for 2020 Survivor Winners at War, which is an all-timer.

He also supported an anti-trans bill in Kentucky last year. What do you think? Well, cousin fuckers gotta rank high, right? Or brother, sister, whatever, right? Yeah. Well, that still would be illegal, in fairness to Nick. Cousin.

He just wants to move cousin down a peg. Or up a peg. That was illegal because I am from Louisiana. And I feel like by third, it was fine, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. This is just first cousins. You're moving first cousins. I think second cousins were already okay.

But I'm not sure. He backs what he believes. He fights for his people. He fights for his people. He really does. He fights for what he believes in. And he believes in fucking his cousin. Yeah, I could just see his children

with closer and closer and closer little faces. They just get smaller and smaller in the middle. Yeah, until they only need one monocle. Just little cyclops, yeah. The fact of all the things that you could fight for right now, like all the laws, you're like, and by the way, I will fuck my cousin. Absolutely.

And so will you, and we'll have freedom. Only the ones 12 and up, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Because of the woke mind virus. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he sucks. What a douche.

Honestly, have fun. Yeah. Get after it. I don't know. I don't want to fuck him. Go fuck your cousin. Honestly, have fun. Yeah. Get after it. I don't know. If any. I don't want to fuck him. Go fuck your cousin. Get out of here.

I all. Is it better if they just fuck each other? Yes. OK. Absolutely. Take him out the market. Yeah. Because I feel like then it's like, OK, goodbye.

Good for them. Yeah. What numbers we got? Three maybe? Three and one. Three and one. I'm hoping this next one is big because I don't know. Yeah, I hope this one is big because.

Cousin fucker or what? Is this a number one? I think cousin fucking is so funny in general. And honestly, I kind of don't have a problem with you doing it. Yeah, I don't either. Like, do it. I don't care. You're about your choice.

Make a new royal family. I don't care. If that means a lot to you, I want you to feel free. If that means a lot to you, I want you to feel free. Yeah. If you think you want to push the limits of what your facial features will do and your teeth,

go for it. Family reunions are now speed dating. Okay, three, right? Yeah, three. All right, three. Big gamble. Well, number one position, there's no one else to put.

Shit. There's nowhere else to rank him. Donald Trump this week posted a truth social referring to Nikki Haley by her full first name. That's the picture. To remind everyone she's a person of color, he also posted this Photoshop photo of her as Hillary Clinton. To remind everyone that Nikki Haley,

like all women over the age of 21, is Hillary Clinton. Oh, honestly, I feel very good about this. I feel good about it being number one. So, Brian, we have the rankings. We have the final rankings. I mean, why does her face on Hillary Clinton look like Donald Trump, though? That's the weirdest part about it.

That's the weirdest part about it. Like, i am definitely like there are conspiracy theories that i think are very silly but two that i think are great one is that justin trudeau is the uh unacknowledged son of fidel castro just believe it in my bones but the second the second is that the animatronic uh donald trump at disney world was a last minute slapdash uh mask put over the Hillary Clinton statue that had already been completed. Because if you look at that thing, that is Hillary Clinton with a Donald Trump mask on it. The rankings. Seven, Dean Phillips. Six, Marjorie Taylor Greene. Five,

George Santos. Four, sadly, and we love you, please, please, please let us live the Swifties three he will survive and fuck his cousin Nick Wilson two now his offspring won't but which is good okay number two R.F.K. Jr. and number one

it's Trump yeah I think that's good feels right oh I threw one of their cards Jesus it's Trump. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's good. That feels right. Oh, I threw one of their cards. Jesus. What the fuck? That was so scary and loud.

I did think it was an assassination attempt. Jesus. Can't just do that. You can't mention Taylor Swift on a show ever. You missed, Malcolm, fully 70% of the fucking cues. But that one, that one, that one you nail. What the fuck?

Mod premiered in 1972. Thank you so much for being part of our loser thing. Hey, the card that had your plugs on it, I threw it away. Hey, Lindsay, what are you doing these days? Well, I host two weekly comedy shows live in LA. Hell yeah.

And you can come to those and you can just follow me on Instagram. That's all I care about. At what? At Lindsay Adams is popular. Hell yeah. Thank you so much. Wow.

Love all you guys. And Marcy. Hey. Hey. What's up with you? Embarrassingly, I do three other podcasts. Nice. Me too.

It's cool. Yeah, I love it. I have one where we talk about ghosts. Me and Betsy Sedaro. It's called A Funny Feeling. And then I love it. I have one where we talk about ghosts. Me and Betsy Sedaro, it's called A Funny Feeling. And then I have two about reality TV. One's with Nicole Byer called 90 Day Bay, where we recap the 90 Day Universe.

And then L is for Losers with my friend Jess Jarden. And we're doing all the Bravo shows and pop culture. Yeah, it's great. Check those out. We had a really fun... I was like, oh, I don't know if we should talk about ghosts in this theater you better watch out and then you and i we talked about ghosts on this stage and i am still fucked up from it did it change how you feel or think a little bit that was this place haunted this place but also we had a couple conversations about some ghost stories i was like all right maybe whoa, maybe. I'm changing hearts and minds. I want to be haunted.

Well, that's the first step. We come back. It's time for some acceptance speeches. We now bring you our final letter from Royal Caribbean's Wendy Kibble. Dear Lovett, I write to you with an eyebrow pencil on my last scrap of toilet paper. It is all I could find. The ship is now a mare's nest.

It is every swinger for herself. I know not even where my husband Terrence is. The last time I saw him, he was in the ballroom slash diarrhea quarantine area saying to a distressed retiree, hey there, my wife and I saw you from across the rising floodwaters and we really dig your vibe. Then the ship tilted on its side and he rolled out of sight. We have completely run out of food except at the onboard restaurants where you have to pay extra,

which is bullshit. We were asked to empty and reuse our barf bags until we can restock in the Falkland Islands and the captain has declared prima nocta. I didn't even know captains could do that. But now he's just walking around the ship wearing his captain's hat and nothing else demanding to look at every woman's teeth.

Yet still I regret nothing. Not emptying our son's college tuition fund to upgrade to the bronze stateroom. Not wrecking that one marriage and not wrecking those three other marriages. If I should die here floating along the Lido deck atop this Frosé machine, I shall be sorry only that I never slept with Maureen's anxious little dink of a husband. God, I would have snapped him like a twig. I send all my prayers to St. Elmo, patron saint of abdominal pain and semen.

And I've had more than I could take of both. Wistfully yours, Wendy Kipple. That's the last we heard from her. If anyone would like to apply for the presumably vacant position on Love It or Leave It's cruise ship correspondent, please put your resume and list of sexual fetishes into a corked bottle and hurl it into the sea. If it's meant to be, producer Brian will find it.

And we're back. All right. We're going to be announcing some new tour shows soon. All right. We're going to be announcing some new tour shows soon. All right. Yeah. We're heading out on the road. All right. Friends of the pod who are part of our community,

our subscription community. All right. We'll get early access to tickets and the best seats. Just yet another perk for the thriving Friend of the Pod community, which you should please join. Crooked.com slash friends. How many people have joined? It's great. We put a lot of fucking shit in there.

The bonus pods are so worth it. The bonus pods are so worth it. Thank you. I really feel like I'm getting to know the whole family. Have you checked out Polar Coaster? Dan's new show, where he says the real thing that he really thinks? It's amazing. It's amazing.

The community moderators are fantastic and vocal and present. There's a George Santos emoji. So this is happening. Yes. Boom. This is wild. This is happening. Yes! Boom! This is wild. This is... There's 11,000 other members. Hell yeah. Fucking all the Carolines

are there. This is organically happening. Yeah, honestly, what an experience to be a part of. I haven't had conversations flow this well with my family. Oh, man. Hey, everybody. Good news.

You just made a social clip. Also, it is an election year. Which means it's time to get psyched up. Vote Save America. Go to votesaveamerica.com. 100% of the profits from Vote Save America's new collection of merch goes straight towards supporting Vote Save America and the grassroots organizations that are helping Americans get the tools they need to make an impact. We're launching a bunch of cool new stuff. There's a bunch of new and fun designs. The whole

website's getting refreshed. I don't know if you've even seen that yet. But go to votesaveamerica.com, support Vote Save America. If you haven't signed up, now's the time. We don't spam you. Actually, we're going to start making, we know how annoyed everybody is with all the spam. We're trying to figure out what we can do to help with that. So sign up for Votes Save America. It's basically over the next year, it's going to be a lot of noise. But when you go there, you sign up and then you get the information that tells you the best way that you can help right now when you know you're getting a million texts. I'm getting fucking voicemails from random people. I got a text from somebody that said,

hey, it's Ruben. I have really bad news. I'm sorry to call like this. I thought somebody died. It was a telemarketer? It was a fundraiser for Congress. Wow, love it. Their marketing team is like overtime.

The Votes of America merch is at crooked.com slash store. So thank you. Alright. Now it's time for acceptance speeches. It's award season here in the City of Angels and that means a lot of us are wandering around these mean streets harboring delusions of grandeur in which we achieve the respect and admiration of our peers through the production of undeniably excellent work. But some of us don't

produce undeniably excellent work. In fact, sometimes TV legends come on here and deny it. We produce this. which is why we sometimes have to pat ourselves on our own sweaty backs. Each of us has awarded ourselves an award we think we earned. We will now graciously accept them. But first, we have a surprise award winner in the house for best executive producer. winner in the house for best executive producer it's birthday girl kendra james kendra does she know she's supposed to come out well yeah kendra in honor of your birthday kendra welcome hi happy birthday uh in honor of your birthday, Kendra, welcome. Hi, happy birthday. Hi, thank you. In honor of your birthday, now I've mentioned this, I believe, on this show.

We keep a running list of what we call Kendra facts. Kendra facts. Kendra facts. These are asides. These are moments where Kendra just casually reveals an aspect of her past that is jaw dropping that she says in a matter of fact way, uh,

as if it's an experience we all share when it is almost certainly not one. I'm going to read just a couple. I'm just going to read just a couple has seen Jason Mraz in concert nine times. Oh my God. Owns bayonets. Correct.

Has watched every episode of the show Criminal Minds. Had a 15 minute conversation with Tom Cruise about boarding schools. First memory of her father is at a bodybuilding competition on the beach. 15 minute conversation with Tom Cruise about boarding schools. First memory of her father is at a bodybuilding competition on the beach. Saw the greatest showman in theater nine times.

Has a popular fan fiction series where Christopher Nolan's Batman... This is real. Popular fan fiction series where Christopher Nolan's Batman meets ugly Betty. It's so specific. Has never been to a funeral. Has walked into five panes of glass in 2023. That's long COVID.

That's a long COVID thing. Has a Lego lost pillowcase. Happy birthday, Kendra. Yeah! Kendra! All right. Now it's time for our acceptance speeches. And the award for most things touched in a store she did not buy.

It's Lindsay. Okay, I wrote this. First of all, this is overwhelming. So thank you to myself. Okay, so to be recognized for something that I genuinely

enjoy and find fulfilling is such a special experience that I'm truly grateful for. So thank you. I've been lucky enough over the years to touch merchandise in stores across the country and world with leaving without any purchases. I've held random packs of pencils at the 99 cent store, shirts with a weird hemline at Zara.

And an ugly shoe at Gucci. The joy I get from pulling something off a shelf and saying to my husband, this is cute. Before putting it directly back on the shelf. Significant. I've even been known to put things

in my basket. Shut the fuck up. This is for all the little girls whose parents made them have a keep your hands to yourself rule. For every indecisive shopper who thinks they're alone, I'll touch things. I'll leave my DNA and my

impact on life. Thank you. Wow. Incredible. Lindsay Adams. Wow. Incredible. Lindsay Adams, what a speech. I was cut off. It was rude. Part of the game. Oh, our next award winner,

the award for most Tarani syrups in her home, it's Marci Jaro. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay. Thank you so much for this. You know, they say variety is the spice of life. And I really do feel that. It's to my syrups on my countertop, vanilla, salted caramel, black cherry,

lime, watermelon, s'mores, white chocolate, strawberry, hazelnut. I don't use you all every day, but you're always in rotation and it means a lot to me. To the syrups in my cabinets, almond, coconut, vanilla, vanilla, vanilla, vanilla, vanilla, raspberry, toffee nuts. I can't wait to get to work with you soon and many times. To all the coffee house favorites collections, you know who you are. To the seasonal flavors, brown sugar, cinnamon, English toffee, Belgian cookie, pumpkin pie, pumpkin spice, peppermint. And to that underdog, coffee-flavored coffee syrup. Oh, God.

There's so many more. We have vanilla, French vanilla, vanilla bean, vanilla salt, cinnamon vanilla. You're all in my hearts, and I thank you so much. Thank you. We have one incredible. Marcy, thank you for sharing that. What a heartfelt.

It's just a moment in your career. I don't know how to do this. It's a lot of cabinet space. A lot of cabinet space. All right, we have one final award of the night. And it says here, has eaten the most 7-Eleven slices of cheese pizza after going to the Barry's Boot Camp in West Hollywood?

I honestly did not think that this was going to be me. That's crazy. Because here's the thing. This is something I haven't really told anybody until this moment, because there's no way for the world to know. Because even though the West Hollywood Barry's Bootcamp and the 7-Eleven at the corner of Holloway and La Cienega

are next door to one another, they are completely different universes. I could have two husbands, one at the fucking Barry's and one at that 7-Eleven. I mean, different economies, different languages, different kinds of clothes.

Like if aliens landed, they would think, are these cultures at war with one another? How do they live side by side? Which is why I can get away with, for literal years, doing a high octane, super gay workout,

where I am very often likely to see Louis Fortel, just to give you a sense of how fit, just how gay and fit the whole place is. Then walk down the stairs and skulk into the 7-Eleven very often to buy one slice of cheese pizza with my Apple Pay at the counter. And there are people that say you shouldn't do that. There are people that say that that's crazy

or counterproductive and that maybe you should like talk to somebody about your relationship with food and even my therapist said Mongero won't fix your relationship with food. That anxiety and behavior will just go to something else. I want the pizza. And I want to

thank my representation now what happens cheesecake, chocolate chip, cookie dough cupcake, french toast kettle corn syrup my alternate the other award I was potentially going to win was most likely to still be eating tuna he bought during the pandemic.

Oh, my God. Yeah, it's gross in there. You know what? The sauce doesn't go bad, by the way. The sauce? What sauce? I don't know. Don't call that sauce.

Are you talking about the juice? I'm sorry. Sauce? I'm upset. I don't like it. No, no, I'm sorry. I'm upset. No, no, I'm sorry. I have two big piles of pandemic food.

I'm still working my way through one or two to cans. And the other is rails. Actually, because there was rail shortages, I have a bunch of like fucking off kilter rails flavors. Like the, the one for sensitive people that can't have onion or like, I didn't want that, Kiltureo's flavors, like the one for sensitive people that can't have onion.

It's called sensitive. Yes. I didn't want that, but it was all that I could get at that moment. And the thing is, these things expired. The numbers are ending with twos. You know what I mean? This is old food. But you open that jar, it's fine in there, mostly, I think. Yeah.

No, I can't. I'll say canned and jarred things, you can open them 10 years later. Yeah. No, I can't. I'll say canned and jarred things. You open them 10 years later. Yeah. Like those people on TikTok. They eat the rations from World War One. If they're bad, you'll know. Yeah, you'll know. Yeah, you'll know fast. You'll know fast. And that's acceptance speeches. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Because we all need it this week, here it is, the high note.

Hey, John, this is David, one of your listeners from up in Canada. And I just want to say my high note is after listening to your latest episode, I took it upon myself to, by the end of this year, be able to fully memorize Conte Partiro. And I just want to say this has really lifted me up. And I've just downloaded Duolingo, and I'm learning Italian. So, John, thanks so much for the inspiration. I truly love your show. Cheers.

Hi, love it or leave it. This is Sarah. My high note this week is that me and my cohort have just finished up a course in cybersecurity. It's a really great group of people. We're all just trying to save the world, keep everybody safe. Maybe some of us will go on to do some election security. So I'm really proud of these folks. We had a lot of fun. It was a really interesting group of people, a lot of really smart people just trying to go out and find something to do with their lives that is

purposeful and has meaning. And so congratulations to everyone who completed their cybersecurity training this week. Let's go save the world. Bye. Hi, John. This is Holly, longtime listener, first-time High Note leaver. My High Note is that I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and I have been on medication for my condition for the past 10 days. And so much of my life that I thought was normal, that these struggles in my brain were just normal, and that this is what everybody else goes through. After 10 days on Adderall, I'm discovering that that was not the case and that that was

just my brain really needing some dopamine. So it's been only 10 days, but there's been a lot of really great breakthroughs. And I just want to tell other people out there that simply because you may think that something is normal, hopefully there's somebody in your life that tells you like, no, it's not normal for you to forget what you were doing five seconds ago, or for answering a simple question like, where is the bag of ornaments that we saved for our family um that shouldn't be a struggle um so yeah thank you thanks to everybody who shared a high note if you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope call us at 323-538-2377 and that's our show

thank you to marzie jarrow lindsey adams and rob reiner there are 289 days until the 2024 election, so sign up for Vote Save America and have a great weekend. Thank you. If you're already doom-scrolling, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram and Twitter. You can also find Love It or Leave It on YouTube for access to your favorite segments and other exclusive content. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a

review. Finally, you can join our Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and a great discussion on Discord. Plus, it's a great way to get involved with Vote Save America. So sign up today at crooked.com slash friends. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Brian Semel is our producer,

and Malcolm Whitfield is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mohand El-Sheikhi are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. On the road, Wendell and Ron Schroeder is our tour manager. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. And Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and

Bernardo Serna for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Zuri Ervin, David Tolles, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week. So you can.