Lovett or Leave It - Woke For His Age?

Episode Date: April 27, 2019

Biden enters the race, Trump ignores subpoenas, Warren tackles student loans, CNN hosts marathon town halls, and Hannity is still worried about Hillary's emails. Returning champions Guy Branum, Negin Farsad, and Kiran Deol join Jon to break down the week's news, some hot royal gossip, and the fact that the Avengers movie is three hours long, which only bothers Jon because he saw it AFTER we recorded.

Good evening, Los Angeles. How are you guys doing? Guys, Love It or Leave It is coming to Texas May 2nd we will be in Houston We have Arian Foster He's one of the best NFL running backs of all time You think I didn't know that until I read this On May 4th in Dallas

We'll be joined by Julian Castro, presidential candidate And on May 5th in Austin We'll be joined by Shea Serrano. So we've got some great guests lined up. So get your tickets at crooked.com slash events. All the sales have picked up. My yelling at the people of Houston has been effective, as I knew it would be.

Texans only respond to strength. And also on the whole entire tour, Emily Heller, one of our favorite guests at Love andett Reliever will be joining us for the whole swing so get those tickets cricket.com slash events well today was a big day you don't know what I'm talking about yet

Joe Biden is in the race okay, alright alright, well about yet. Joe Biden is in the race. Okay. All right. All right. Well, that's something he'll have to deal with, I suppose. He's the last one. That's it. He is the last one. The door shut

behind him. It's a Baker's 20. No one else. If you couldn't decide to run for president before Joe Biden did, you can practice your Trump insults in the mirror, you can doodle 20-24

on a napkin, you can masturbate, and you can go to bed. Because it's not your time. We are busy. We're trying to figure out which trilingual Harvard grad knows how to speak American. Figuring that out is harder than it looks.

As we were getting ready for this show, I had this moment where I thought, huh, it's kind of a slow news week. And then I realized that Twitter and Trump has broken my brain. The Mueller report was released seven days ago. Saying that this is a slow news week is like saying seven days after D-Day is a slow war week. Just this week, Trump said he was going to fight all the subpoenas.

The Trump administration refused to provide House Democrats with his tax returns. Just this week, Trump said he was going to fight all the subpoenas. The Trump administration refused to provide House Democrats with his tax returns. Trump is now suing House Democrats over a subpoena to Trump's personal accountant, who is in fact Fagan from the musical Oliver. And I know what you're thinking, isn't Fagan just an anti-Semitic stereotype? And to that I say, isn't that why Trump picked him? This is an unprecedented assault on the constitutional authority vested in Congress, and it's forcing Democrats in Congress to consider drastic measures to force the administration to comply.

And sure, to most House Democrats, drastic measures means a pretty tough stance on Rachel Maddow. But reportedly, Jerry Nadler, who heads the Judiciary Committee, may consider dusting off Congress's authority to not only issue subpoenas, but to enforce those subpoenas with fines and even arrests. Yeah. It is nice to see Jerry Nadler isn't afraid to whip out that gavel and put it on the dais. Also, Rudy Giuliani, the president's lawyer and the dad at a wedding who gets drunk and tells his ex-wife he's sorry 10 minutes before grabbing a microphone to call her a pig who lies, said there's nothing wrong with taking information from Russians.

And according to the Times, before her ignominious departure, Kristen Nielsen, former Secretary of Homeland Security, was told by Mick Mulvaney, acting White House Chief of Staff and libertarian maniac, to hide her concerns about Russian election interference in 2020 from Donald Trump because it would make him sad. I cannot believe he is going to be reelected. You know, I've been doing that more and more and I'm not gonna stop. I'm not gonna stop because I really, this time, this time, we're gonna really let it in

that it's possible. We're not gonna walk around like last time thinking it's one in a million. We're not doing that again. I can't. I just can't. Light applause. And on top of that, a week of bonker stories that in any other era would have been seen as a monumentally bad week for the president. There was even more news.

There was a terrible, deadly terrorist attack in Sri Lanka that killed hundreds. The U.S. Supreme Court announced that it will decide whether the Civil Rights Act of 1964 protects the rights of gay and trans people. Oral arguments at the court over the census seem to suggest that the conservatives will allow the Trump administration to add a citizenship question to the census. Facebook may pay an historic $5 billion fine that will lead to absolutely no change in that company's behavior, and the Department of Homeland Security apparently

considered sending migrant children to fucking Guantanamo Bay. Yeah. What is right? They're spitballing. Anyway, the point is, there's no such thing as a slow news week. Only slow news readers. Alright. Let's bring out our panel of returning champions. She's the

host of the podcast Fake the Nation, very funny podcast, and the author of the book How to Make White People Laugh. Please welcome back Nagin Farsad. How you doing? How are you? I'm so good. I'm so excited for all of the yelling that you're about to do. I gotta figure out what my brand is.

I'm just a gay, angry clown, and it wasn't what I planned. She's an actress, comedian, and co-host of Hysteria. Please welcome Kieran Deal. Hello, Kieran. How are you? I'm good. How are you guys doing? How are you?

You're good? He's a comedian, actor, and author of the fantastic book My Life as a Goddess and the brother I wished I could have had and very much could have used in high school. Please welcome back Guy Branum. Hi, Guy.

John, I'm a gay, angry clown, and it's all I ever planned. Let's get into it. What a week. On Thursday, former vice president of the United States and a man who definitely calls a motorcycle chopper, Joe Biden announced his candidacy for the presidency of these United States. More than most other candidates, his message was one of focusing on Trump and what he represents and framed around the white supremacist marches and deadly attack that unfolded two years ago in Charlottesville.

Biden is the 20th Democratic candidate to enter the race and the last major potential candidate, besides Stacey Abrams, to announce a decision. Nagin, what did you make of Biden's announcement? I'm so excited. I mean, it's like we finally have the young, gender-fluid, vegan, socialist Democrat we've been yearning for. He's here. No, I feel like Biden is the candidate, like, for all of those Americans, who include my parents, Like, for all of those Americans, who include my parents, who, like, look at a remote control and get really stressed out about how to operate it. They, like, can't figure out how to close a tab without closing the entire browser.

You know what I mean? He's the candidate for the people who think, like, emails disappear if they're not on the first page. And, you know, those people need a candidate, too. Fair enough. Fair enough. Kieran, the Times reported that Biden recently reached out to Anita Hill to express his regret over how she was treated during the Clarence Thomas confirmations hearings when Biden led the Judiciary Committee. Anita Hill responded by saying, according to the Times, that she is not convinced that Biden truly accepts the harm he caused her and other women. How important is an issue is this to you in how you evaluate Biden's candidacy?

Oh, gosh, I got a hard question. I like his teeth. But I didn't like I didn't like I've seen clip, and it's just not a good look. So I'm going to consider that deeply when I vote in the Democratic primaries, which I'm going to do. Definitely, for sure, not at all like my father, who doesn't vote.

Can I just say, you know, like, he made a phone call, and he expressed his regret. What he should have done is, like, send her a bouquet of old white senators that she could berate, and then put in a vase. You know what I mean? That might have worked. Old white senators, of course, mean friendship.

Bernie Sanders, love. You know, you think it's a nice gift to get a bouquet of old white senators, but then five days later, they're sitting there dead on your table, you know? And it's like, great, somebody sent me a mess in the future. I keep watering this orange hatch, but it keeps having heart attacks. Guy.

So in Biden's announcement, in his language he describes Trump as an aberration, right? And I think that there's this debate inside of Democratic politics, which is how much does Donald Trump represent the Republican Party? And how much does Donald Trump represent a departure from the Republican Party? Do you do you think that Biden is sort of appealing to people who are, I think, with rose colored glasses looking back at a previous era of politics? Yeah, and I think so many of us did in 2016 sort of say like, oh, this dude doesn't represent the mainstream of the Republican Party. It's just one dude who's railroaded the party.

And I think now, seeing what we've seen, you have to understand that like a pimple, he's brought to a head all of the infection in America. And that even when he's gone, there's still going to be more in there, you know, irritating the skin. But I do feel so sorry for Joe Biden that he's been slightly wrong

for every Democratic primary for the past 30 years. Like, since before Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was born, he has been a near miss. Trump versus Biden in the election would be just like a gaffe machine versus a racist gaffe machine.

You know what I mean? Like, it'll be nonstop news and just horrible and Twitter, I don't know if my heart could handle it. Do you have a preference? Between Trump and Biden, I prefer Biden. Right, right. No, well, it's funny. As we're sitting here thinking about it,

and as someone who week to week does have to come up with a full multi-segment comedy show, I don't mind Joe Biden. You know? I don't mind it. I just have this image of like Biden like starting his campaign with like a gift bag of shampoos for all of his campaign staff.

It's like get your hair smelling real nice before we start this thing. Anyway. Let's all get it out now. We're getting it out. It's important. Were we like not gonna say anything about that this whole time? Anyway.

I mean. I'm the asshole. He would be the microaggression president. That should be his campaign slogan. No, but I like him. His teeth. You have to remember his teeth. Really good. Whitening strips. Great set of remember his teeth. Really good.

Whitening strips. Great set of chompers, for sure. For sure. Yeah, they really glisten during the apologies, or near apologies. He's woke for his age. That should be a thing. That should be a thing.

Woke for my age should be a bumper sticker. Yeah, like... He is woke for my age should be a bumper sticker. He is woke for his age. It's like, like you said, he's been around since before AOC was born. Do you know what I mean? Like, he has a memory of things that we don't remember. He was irrelevant before AOC was born. He got relevant again. He's like Cher.

He has multiple comebacks. We don't realize, but like 2032, he's going to surprise us all. And it's like, my question is, how many grandparents does anyone in this audience have who are like really as woke as your wokest young person friend? I'll tell one story about my woke grandpa. Okay. That's the content I create. I'll tell you two stories about Woke Grandpa Dave.

Story number one, we were at my sister's college graduation, and he's going through the list of names that they hand out, and he turns to me and he goes, Jonathan, look at this list of names. There's Mexican names in there, and there's Oriental names in there, and there's Asian names in there. Jonathan, this country's going to be better than ever. They all come here and they make this country so much

better. It's amazing. That's number one. Isn't that sweet? Woke for his age. Woke for his age. Except for the slurs in the middle of it. I'm trying to explain. This is what I'm saying. He was very woke. His heart was in the right place. Just no one told him to stop saying oriental in 1978. I don't. It's what he said.

I'm relaying the story. Now, story number two, he was, had fallen down. He was in the hospital. They were trying to get him to tell him some information. And he goes, they say, you know, what year is it? He says the year. Where are you from? He says where he's from.

And he goes, and they say, well, who's the president? And he goes, Barack Obama's a president. Hillary Clinton's the next president. And Congress is full of assholes. And I am very glad he died before November 2016. For his sake. What are we booing, exactly? It's a bittersweet story. It's the world.

What do you want? And then he lived forever? He was a grandpa. The story begins with me, a 36 year old man talking about his grandpa. Both of my grandfathers died before gay marriage was possible, which was good because neither of them would have referred to it as gay marriage.

Fair enough. When we come back, Okay, Stop. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. That was fun. That was fun. Grandpa death, Liz Warren has a plan.

Yeah. Death forgiveness. And we're back. Now it's time for OK Stop. You know how it works. We'll roll a clip and the panel can say OK Stop at any point to comment. After the Mueller report came out, lots of people were sounding the alarm about preventing foreign adversaries from attacking our election in 2020, including, this is true, Sean Hannity.

But here's the thing. He is Sean Hannity. So let's take a look. We should all, all of us, be concerned about the integrity of our elections and the fact that this government's been hacked repeatedly for decades by hostile regimes. Okay stop. Is Sean Hannity making some sense? Can't be. Probably isn't.

Let's keep watching. We need a top to bottom killer defense procedures against these hackers. That's why Hillary Clinton's email server is a real threat to our safety and security. Okay, stop. Okay. Present tense. Her message is in Chappaqua about making dinner reservations. I hope there's a table for Hillary Clinton at the one Italian place. She's a senior citizen with a dog. Like, why is this? She's still the boogeyman. How is this

happening? How good is she at emails? She's so good at them. I'm just saying because she is at the same age as like, you know, woke for grandpa. So it's like, how good is she technically at the emails? What I find fascinating is in the same way that the people who watch Fox News will not learn how the new remote works. They're not ready to learn that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is the new villain who they should be fearing. Like, essentially, Hillary is like CSI. They're just going to keep watching that until they die and then they're not going to know what liberals to hate. Then we got them.

There's just YouTube and Ilhan Omar. It's like when ABC cancelled everything to have Regis Philbin do Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? every single day and then when people stopped liking that, they had nothing. They were like, oh no, oh no, all our eggs were in the Regis basket. They're all in the Hillary basket.

I believe that that place was hacked by at least foreign, six foreign entities. This was all weaponized in the press, inside the deep state to bludgeon Donald Trump. Behind the curtain, we got lies. So it's time to investigate the investigators. That means Hillary Clinton. Okay, stop. Investigate the investigators. That means Hillary Clinton.

She is a retired public official. I am reading books, catching up on things. Probably catching up on some emails. I like the fact that he was like, behind the curtain. I was like, what's in front of the curtain, Sean? That's what I want to know. I feel so sorry for the deep state these days.

I mean, if the Mueller report made anything clear, they're just trying really hard to make us not blow ourselves up. They don't really have time to undermine elections these days. I hope they get themselves a planner or something. Well, the other thing, too, about the deep state is what we learned from the Mueller report is what was thwarting Donald Trump in his efforts to undermine the investigation,

fire the special counsel, intervene in various prosecutions, get the Justice Department to prosecute Hillary Clinton, which apparently he tried multiple times to actually get people to do, what was stopping him was not nonpartisan officials long ensconced in the intelligence community. It was his own people who, out of cowardice and self-defense, decided not to act on his illegal commands. I would like to jump out of the show just a little bit. I know that later in the show we are going to talk about student loan debt, but I think that this is one of the rare situations when student loan debt really did save America. Because I think all of those lawyers in the Justice Department are like,

yes, I am a terrible Republican who wants to tear down Democrats at every turn. But I also paid $250,000 for a law degree. So I got to use it. There's some truth to that. And the fact that that investigation was rigged, then they tried to rig a presidential election, then they tried to undo a duly elected president. Okay, stop. Considering that a Democrat is not president,

crushing the game. So effective, you know? All of the things that we're doing. Right. All of the rigging that we're doing. We are so bad at rigging things for Democrats. Ugh, what I wouldn't give for a competent deep state. Thankfully the president's fighting back. Just today the president filed a lawsuit against the Democrats' latest stunt. Now they want to embolden the IRS,

release his taxes, explaining that the ploy has no legitimate purpose. You see what's going on? They're out of ideas. There's no vision for the betterment of we the people. They've sink to a psychotic mode. Okay, stop. Because they're implying that Republicans did any real legislating for two years. You know what I mean? They sat around, like, with their one tax bill

that, like, we all just did our taxes. Are you guys happy with what happened i mean like i'm gonna need cab fare john is what i'm saying um and so so like it's just what nothing happened when the republicans were fully in control there was also no vision why should they be following the money to figure out if our sitting president received amalgamates from a foreign power when they could be talking about the fact that he wore a tan suit like Obama did? Well, that's... It is amazing, right? Because it is this closed loop.

Like, if your experience of the world is having an early dinner and then being angry that your kids are trying to switch you from a car to a golf cart and and then you turn on the television and you get your dose of tucker and laura and sean it is a self-fulfilling prophecy you haven't heard of any democratic ideas you haven't heard an interesting democratic proposal described to you in fairness for forever like it just doesn't happen on this network the only time you hear it is when it's a socialist boogeyman or described in the most unfair terms possible so of course you would agree like of course the democrats have no ideas i've never heard one um also but should we have some sort of reality show on fox news to find america's next top socialist boogeyman i think you should host, John.

There's no bad idea that ends with me hosting something. You'll get me every time. But the audience is old people who just... Careful, Nagin. You're talking about my mom. No, and my mom, right? I mean, who's not a Republican? For the record, she's like a little woke immigrant lady. But, like, we're talking about people who just got on board with Capri Pants.

You know what I mean? And so it's going to take them a minute to be like, women's equality. You know what I mean? So, like, I think that's how simple these messages are because that's the audience. So are you suggesting that we should have a separate MSNBC that is like simple English Wikipedia that is just like a remedial MSNBC that's trying to get them

on board? You remember those cell phones that they made for senior citizens with one button? I want an MSNBC version of that. I think that's a good idea. I think that's a good idea because I think there is a key demographic I think that's a good idea because I think there is a key demographic

of people we could reach who like Fox News viewers are very frustrated by the kinds of lettuce they're finding in salads but don't hate immigrants you know

yeah you know my parents are like you know senior citizens and but it's all about exposure right it's all about exposure

like my husband is a black man I'm an Iranian American Muslim like all of you and my husband is a black man. I'm an Iranian-American Muslim, like all of you. And my husband is black. And when they met him, at first they were like, why do you date black people? You know what I mean? And now that we're married and we gave him a grandkid, my mom went from being like, why black people to like, black lives matter. You know what I mean?

And all of that is because of exposure. So they do need the single button cell phone version so they can get that exposure. Is Ms. Farsad running because I might support her? I'm working on it. She'll be number 29 or whatever.

First of all, to everyone listening, especially my baby boomer friends, know that if you're listening, I'm not talking about you. Because you're listening. As I've explained to you. Talking about the people you know, who you then immediately complain about. I get emails so often to the crooked email that goes like this.

I'm a baby boomer. You need to stop insulting baby boomers. You have plenty of people out there who are baby boomers, who are out there marching and supporting and have been protesting since before you were born. And I'm sorry for all the other baby boomers who are terrible. But

I also think sometimes we let Fox News viewers off the hook because I always think about that part of 1984 where he describes what it's like to just accept propaganda and it is a choice. It's easy, right? It's very easy just to decide to stop fighting it and just be like, yeah, just sink into a choice. It's easy, right? It's very easy just to decide to stop fighting it and just be like, yeah, just like sink into Fox News like a warm bath, right?

Like it takes, that's what they do, right? They give up on the idea of questioning it, and then all of a sudden, it's very comfortable. It's a hit of CBD oil. Yeah, hell yeah. It's nonstop far left socialism or bludgeoning a 16-year-old kid. I don't know.

And that's OK Stop. When we come back, we'll play a game about student loan debt. Cheer for the game, not the debt. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back! College. It's like high school, but the theater nerds finally get to have sex.

One other difference. High school is free. College is not. Over the last few decades, the price of college has skyrocketed, even as more and more jobs have come to require a college degree. This forces a lot of students to take out huge loans at a young age, often without fully understanding the terms,

just to have a shot at a career. Earlier this week, Elizabeth Warren unveiled a plan to tackle this crisis. She'd cancel $50,000 worth of debt for any household making under $100,000 a year, with some debt forgiveness up to incomes of $250,000, and she'd make public college free so that no one has to carry around debt for decades just to get a degree that we as a society have said over and over is not just nice but necessary.

So tonight, we wanted to talk about the scale of the student debt crisis and what we can do about it in a game we're calling Loans. Where we're going, we won't need loans. In a game we're calling loans, where we're going, we won't need loans. John, before we start, I just want to make one point. Elizabeth Warren has been such a policy machine that I legit... Yes, clap. Bitch got an answer. And I legitimately believe that her October surprise

is going to be that she has a husband and two children. Like, it's been no narrative so far. And come October, you're going to see her getting ready for, like, Halloween with two half-South Asian grandchildren, and your heart's going to fucking melt. Get ready. Buckle up. End game.

I'm sorry about that. Here's how it works. I'm gonna ask the panel a question and without going over, you have to guess the number closest to the answer. That's right, you guys are playing. Not them, you. Oh, snap.

Snap. You're being very threatening. Okay, go ahead. Why do people keep telling me that? Feel free to psych each other out. That's part of it. Question one. Without going over, how many people in the United States currently have student debt worth more than $100,000?

Audience, what do you think? You can't ask them. Price is right, Steph. audience what do you think you can't ask them prices right stop i'm gonna say because a lot of us went to state schools or are old i'm gonna say 60 million i was gonna say 40 million something about that number i was gonna say 32 million it's 2.5 million people, that's it? We were so wrong. And I forget. Oh, it's not a real problem then. College costs like a nickel in the 80s. Technically, I won that round. No, without going over. No, no, no.

Technically, I won. That's not... None of you people have ever seen the prices right. You don't win just because you went over by the least amount. They make a weird honking sound and everybody has to go again. What? Right? Rigged! Rigged!

It's 2.5 million people. Thanks to lobbying by the lending industry, the student debt is the only kind in America you can't escape with bankruptcy. So there's no escape, no escape, no escape. Bonus question. How many have more than $200,000 in debt? It's 600,000 people.

I would have gotten that one. They guess such high numbers How many have more than 200,000 in debt? It's 600,000 people. I would have gotten that one. They guessed such high numbers that they made 2.5 million sound like a little when the goal was to make it sound like a lot. That's a crisis. You ever have an interesting fact and you go to your friend and you try to get them to guess how big something is?

And you're like, hey, guess how much the Earth weighs? And you know it's a certain amount. And they ask, quadrillion, kabillion pounds. And you're like, well, that's no fun earth weighs? And you know it's like a certain amount. And they ask, quadrillion, kabillion pounds. And you're like, well, that's no fun. It's a lot, but less than that. But also, I went to state schools. I got scholarships. And I still had 60 grand that hung over my head

and just got bigger and bigger the entire time I was trying to be a stand-up comedian. Was that a stupid choice? Yes. Should I have not prepared for stand-up comedy by going to law school? Absolutely. You know what?

No. Disagree, guy. Counterpoint. You get to be you because for some ungodly reason you decided to be a lawyer first. And we're all better for it. No, you know, the stress of the loans

is what makes your jokes so good. Right, they needed to fucking work. Those jokes needed to pay off. I had a TV show for two seasons. Wasn't able to buy a house, but I did get rid of them loans. But $100,000 is a lot. You said you had $60,000.

It's like I had debt, but it wasn't $100,000 worth of debt. So, I mean, that's also a very high number. I would be curious to know how many people are graduating with $10,000 or $20,000 worth of debt and then starting their young lives, like, in the hole at 22 before law school and stand-up comedy. But, like, $100,000, that's like a decent condo in South Bend, Indiana. I mean, I'm sure I was going to make a Chasten joke. I will not.

Question two. This next question I stole from Bernie Sanders' Instagram. Baby boomers needed just 306 hours of minimum wage work to pay for four years of public college. Without going over, how many hours of minimum wage work do millennials need to pay for four years of public college. Without going over, how many hours of minimum wage work do millennials need to pay for four years of public college today? Oh my God, I want to give another astronomical number because, like, a shitload? We have a shitload.

I want to say... Wait, so I have to guess under the number to get it? Yes. So I'm gonna guess... 50 hours. Yeah, this is fun now. It's more than that. All right, so it was 306 for baby boomers.

To pay for four years of public college? Yeah. I'm gonna say it's 1,500 hours. Guy Gwynn's. The answer, 4,459 hours of work, or almost 557 full days of work. And that's if all the money went to paying for classes and not, say, food and heat. Question number three. Without going over, what percentage of student loans are currently in delinquency or default?

Mine until I got a TV show. And again, I'm waiting for the Elizabeth Warren TV show plan for every college student to come out. I feel like that's going to be like a late October thing. We do have a lot of cable channels now, and I think that may be the only answer we get. Wait, it was a percentage? What is it? Percentage.

What percentage of student loans are currently in delinquency or default? 37%. I was going to say 36. Damn you. I would say, like, yeah, 25? I'm going to say 37%. You're copying me. Guy? As a gay man, I am co-opting the culture of a woman of color

and then using it to my own benefit. That's what we do, white gay men. I hope after every time you culturally appropriate, you just go, white gay men. That'd be amazing. It makes it better. It's like a tagline. Yes.

The answer is 11.4%. What? You people are so responsible. Which is still a lot. Fuck. We're out here free-falling on these streets, guys. Somebody should have $1'd that thing. You put the game on its feet, you see what happens.

Turns out they're guessing numbers that make the numbers that I thought sounded bad sound real good. Anyway, it is 11.4%. Question four. Sound real good. Anyway, it is 11.4%. Question four. Some conservatives point to the Public Service Loan Forgiveness Program, which was created under George W. Bush that was supposed to forgive loans for people who make 10 consecutive years of payments and work for the government or a nonprofit.

Of the 890,000 student borrowers eligible for this loan forgiveness, without going over, how many borrowers have actually received loan forgiveness from the Department of Education? Oh, like a very low number. It's like, I'm going to say like 10. Is it a percentage or is it a number? It's a number. Okay.

Yeah, I feel like this is under 5%. So what was the number that you had said? I'm really trying to win. It was 890,000 student borrowers eligible. So then... Go ahead, do the math. We're waiting. Yeah, yeah.

Slower than you would expect for an Indian. Yeah, let's say 34,500. $1, Bob. What a mess. The answer is 206. dollar, Bob. What a mess. The answer is 206. Or less than.02% of all eligible. Nagin

got it. Thank you. It's such a ridiculously low number. It's a ridiculously low... 206 people. That's the only people who got the forgiveness. Meanwhile, today, the student debt problem is a $1.56 trillion burden on the economy, affecting 44.7 million people in America.

Bonus question. The producer of the show, whose name sounds like Mavis Hellbug, once had $180,000 in student loans despite making payments each month. How much interest was added each month to his debt? 12%. It's a number. Okay. I'm going to stay. 12%. It's a number. Okay. I'm going to stay

with 12%. I'm going to say $500. Guy got it, I guess. I don't know. Whatever. What are we applauding for?

It was my winning. $1,200 added every single month after he paid. That's ridiculous. Can I yell, I hope Amherst was worth it at him, even though I don't know where he went to college? Yeah, but it's close enough.

I hope Amherst was worth it. Thank you. It never is. Eat shit, Amherst. When we come back, we're going to have a little quiz about these marathon CNN town halls. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or

Leave It coming up. And we're back! We're all good liberals here, so I'm sure every last one of you did your due diligence on Monday and watched five straight hours of Democratic town halls on CNN. Not unlike Game of Thrones, the presidential hopefuls were all in one place, aware that they can't all survive the battle, and annoyed that everyone seems to trust the white guys for no reason.

A lot of news was made that night, and to highlight just how much, we thought we'd play a game called Old Town Hall Road. I got the reference. Thank you, Nagin. Thank you. I got it. Did anybody go and find the old Nine Inch Nails song from which that song takes its melody thing? I recommend it. I'm gay?

But anyway. I recommend it. I'm gay? I'm gay? Would anyone out there like to play the game? Hi, what's your name? Caitlin. Caitlin. How are you doing? I'm great. How are you? Did you watch all the CNN town halls?

I did not. Okay. Here's how this game works. Since you did watch all the town halls, you know every single thing that happened that night, and this game is like Two Truths and a Lie. Each panelist will describe something that happened during the town hall on Monday, and you have to tell us which one of them is lying.

All right. Okay. Question number one. Which of the following is a lie? Nagin is going to take us through the clues. Okay. Yeah. So which of the following is a lie? Nagin is going to take us through the clues. Okay, yeah. So which of the following is a lie? Amy Klobuchar used the sentence,

I wish I could staple a free college diploma under every one of your chairs. I do, in reference to free public college. Or Amy Klobuchar used the sentence, I want to comb through Washington to eliminate wasteful spending. A reference to allegations that she had used a comb to eat a salad.

Or Amy Klobuchar used the sentence, Some kid used a key and carved drunk on my locker. A reference to, honestly, I don't know what that was a reference to. Which is the lie? A. No. No. It was the comb one.

The comb one was made up. But could have been something she did. It was very hard. That was the comb one. The comb one was made up. But it could have been something she did. It was very hard. That was a hard one. She could have used it to try to turn it, you know, pivot. Pivot on the yelling and the comb thing. Next question. Kieran, kick us off.

Win this for me. You've got this. Which of the following is a lie? Elizabeth Warren called for Donald Trump to be impeached saying there is no political inconvenience exception to the United States Constitution. Pete Boot, edge edge, said the phrase, I'm not a master fisherman, but I know bait when I see it, and I'm not going to take it, revealing the sad truth that he thinks fishermen eat bait. the sad truth that he thinks fishermen eat bait.

There's one more. Stay with me. Eye contact. Okay. Bernie Sanders defended his call for felons to have their voting rights restored. Even the Boston bomber adding, plus, did you see him on the cover of Time? Guys, a looker!

How was that? I did my best. That bordered on anti-Semitism without going over the line. I'm really proud of you. Thank you. Thank you, Guy. It's over. My answer's... And I'm choosing the lie. Yes. B? No. It was the Bernie one.

Bernie Sanders did not call the Boston bomber a looker. Look, she might have gotten confused by my excellent accent. Yes. It was a lot. It detracted from it. We weren't really selling it.

I know, yes. In fairness, it did seem harder. And for people at home, no, we did not play a clip of Bernie Sanders. It's an audio podcast. That was Kieran. It was Kieran. She's got a very diverse range of voices that she can do.

Hire her. Okay. Listen, I got a little, I got a little tough just there, but I want you to know you're doing great. Thank you. Thank you. Over to Guy for our final question. Okay.

Which of the following is a lie, Caitlin? Work with me. Despite calling to break up Amazon, Elizabeth Warren admitted to buying things from Amazon and said her last purchase was a mailbox, saying, quote, it comes in a box. It was a box of mailbox.

And then Kramer entered. But Caitlin, don't let the fact that I made a joke on that one dissuade you from it. Being real, alright? Kamala Harris said we need to have the conversation about felons being able to vote, but then walked it back the following day. Or, when asked about public school lunches, Amy Klobuchar said she always thought a tomato was a vegetable and said, quote, I guess it's a fruit, and frankly, I think that's very confusing.

This is also a tough one. It's fun when we do a real game when it's actually a little bit hard. I enjoy it. A lot of people are saying stupid shit. That's what we've learned from this. A. No.

No. What's funny? The joke threw me off. I want you to know something. Caitlin, I told you I tried to help. Here's the thing. In fairness to you, when I saw that there was a quote that said, she got a mailbox, it was a box of mailbox,

I thought, that is so funny. I can't- And then she really did say that. Also, Caitlin, to be fair, a disproportionate amount of Amy Klobuchar's hour was about frozen pizzas in school lunch, which is not something that usually comes up in presidential elections.

And here I have some more good news. You won the game. Thank you for playing, Caitlin. You did a great job, you know, in a lot of ways. You had a wonderful attitude. You rolled with the punches. Most improved. No, attitude.

You won because of the attitude. You know, sportsmanship. And look, here's the thing, all right? It's 2019. You don't actually have to get any questions right to be president. You know, you could just roll through on charm and just start attacking Guy Branum. You could do great. You'll do great.

Can I just say that was Pete Buttigieg's entire performance, was just to be having a good attitude. I mean, to be fair, no one knew who he was or thought he was remotely a thing three weeks ago, which meant that his campaign then was just Chastin and a fax machine. So I'm sure he's trying to figure out what America should do about Cyprus.

When we come back, the rant wheel. Don't go anywhere. Just love it or leave it, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Now it's time for the rant wheel. You know how it works.

We spin the wheel and rant about the topics, whatever they may be. This week on the wheel, we have Bollywood, nursing moms, toxic fandom, escape at Dannemora, measles, the Avengers runtime, Kim Kardashian sinks,

and tell me what it is. The March of the Highness of Chumling. Yeah, you can imagine where that came from. How is it possible that when you're here, you're the gay one? You know what I mean? Like... Sucks. Let's spin the wheel.

It has landed on toxic fandom. And I wanted to talk about this week because I think Twitter has made it possible for everyone to talk to everyone. And that doesn't always mean that people should. And it also doesn't mean that people are very good at talking to people they don't know. They talk online like genuine monsters in ways they would never talk to a person if they met them in real life. You know, we saw when Star Wars came out that Kelly Marie Tran was forced to quit social media over racism and sexism

because they didn't like her Star Wars character. Fans tried to raise money to film a new Star Wars because they didn't like Rian Johnson's version. Because we can reach each other, there's a sense of entitlement around the way we can talk to each other about work that other people may take pride in and believe in and haven't gone soliciting efforts to improve it from strangers and the reason i bring it up is you know it even affects

us here at a little show called love it or leave it and it does it in a specific way which is first of all i get to go across the country and do shows. I love the improv. Love seeing Betsy's shining face every week. Give it up for Betsy. And it means a lot to me that people come out to our live shows across the country. We're going to Texas. We're going across the country. Crooked.com slash events.

And people are so nice and they're so warm and they have such a great time. And I love being part of Building crooked one of the most exciting parts is all the people I get to meet and seeing how passionate and excited and happy people Are not online and I think that represents the vast majority of people I think people are much nicer in general in the real world and then they are online and the kind of people that are in The real world tend to be more positive and not looking for fights the way Twitter brings out the worst in people. That said, what I have definitely noticed is that there is a very small minority of people who listen to this podcast and then tend to have a problem with a certain kind of person who is on this show. And that kind of person is called a woman. And it happens again

and again. And I have to tell you something. It is very frustrating when some of the funniest and most talented and brilliant women come on this show and then get vicious shit in their mentions because it doesn't really reflect well on this show it certainly doesn't reflect what I think and I fucking hate it because I want this to be a place people feel welcome to come and talk and I want to be a place where all voices are welcome one of the things I'm proudest of is this has been a place where we have every kind of person represented because this is a show where we want to hear from everybody and all the diverse

voices that are part of the progressive coalition. And for a small group of people who listen to Love It or Leave It and know that I can be a bit sassy, you know, I can give people a hard time and think that's part of the fun to insult people. It sucks. And by the way, it is 100% directed at women. And so for people that are listening, to the very small subset of you who are listening, who have taken it upon yourself to offer criticism and suggestions to women, particularly about their fucking voices, give it a rest.

Yes. You are not entitled to tell someone you think they aren't good at their profession because you can. And I am sick of it. And I want you all to know

that I feel that way. That's all. And when you attack somebody that's been on this show, know that you're attacking me because I want them here. I'm excited that they're fucking here. Anyway, well, that's just something that was bothering me. I appreciate it.

Okay. I do too, but I sound like a TED Talk, so it probably doesn't apply to me specifically. Very NPR, very Terry Gross over here. Not good with numbers, but my vocal timbre's never really been an issue. So, yeah. We all have our strengths, John.

Let's spin it again. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Bollywood, suggested by the dulcet-voiced Kiran Deel. Thank you so much. Now I want to get calmer, because I want you guys all to agree with me tacitly. I'm an Indian person, you can tell by my face and your eyes. One of the biggest emerging markets in the world in the next five years,

like just in terms of the number of viewers of movies, it's where Hollywood is heading, it's very important demographically. I'm a big fan of Bollywood, I'm personally a big fan of Bollywood, but I really would love for musicals to take issues that are more prescient and make

musical songs out of those. For instance, in my family, maybe you can relate. In my family... I'm not Indian. Right, but you might be able to relate still. No, I couldn't possibly. Devastating. It's devastating.

Guy, you definitely won't relate, but my grandfather... Guy, shut up. A woman is talking. Guy's like, I already relate relate I'm already taking your idea and I'm gonna use it later, yeah In my family growing up, my grandfather coming back to you, like, my grandfather, he would pick up a broom and he would lord it over my grandmother's head and he would say the phrase in Punjabi, he'd be like

which means, if you don't stop I'm going to hit throw you across the room now that's a combo verb okay then my grandmother would pick up her flip-flop like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon style and she'd be there and she'd be like which means bring it, bitch. Perfect setup for a Bollywood song. Like, perfect setup. A guy comes out. Big guy with a drum comes out. He's like, brah, haripa.

Then we just have men in brooms just coming out, and it's like, jetune, hatnamit, then numas, sitna, dance break, do it, guy. And then the woman comes out. Do you know what I mean? This is my dream. And then just a group full of women, chorus of women then the woman comes out. Do you know what I mean? This is my dream. And then just a group full of women, chorus of women.

That's my truth. That's what I'm trying to live. Bollywood, over the course of the past 15 years or so, has been taking on some surprisingly cool topics. I'm a big fan of the Priyanka Chopra film, Dostana, which is a splashy musical. It's essentially, I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry, but is like a better rom-com than we've made in 20 years.

It has a dance number about your mom being sad because you came out to her, and it rolls in at a cool, clean three hours. And it's like the next step is just domestic violence, music, video, songs. That's just the next step, personally. But also, so many industries have been taken away from us, and we have this attitude that entertainment

is the thing that we'll own forever. And Bollywood can make an English-language romantic comedy that will make you cry in Miami for three million dollars. So we better up our game. A lot of really strong points about that. Let's spin it again. It has landed on... What is it?

Prince William may be fucking someone that isn't Kate Middleton. It's, you guys, it is a Camilla Parker Bowles for our time. The Marchioness of Chumlee has emerged as like, you know, it's been years since Angelina Jolie broke up the relationship that we loved. Finally, someone is doing some good old-fashioned homewrecking of a sort that we can get excited about. Is it true? Probably not. Am I excited for it? Yes. Britain has spent so long bemoaning the divorce that is Brexit.

Finally, they have something truly frivolous to focus on, so maybe someone can figure out how Britain will, like, exchange sausages with the European continent. I'm looking at this phrase, and I see Marchioness of Chalmondeley, and you're saying what? Chumley.

That's pronounced Chumley? Yes. I don't know why, but I know it's the answer, and I know that her husband is the hereditary Chamberlain of Great Britain. Because I love Wikipedia. And I want you all to know that I read a fascinating New York Times story about a murder-suicide at a place called Meierling, and I suggest you read about it because it has to do with Habsburgs, and it is fascinating.

Unrelated topic. Let's spin it again. It has landed on nursing moms. Suggested by Nagin. You guys, I have, I just had a baby. And thank you. Oh, thank you. Yes, I'm a martyr.

And I've been breastfeeding, I've been pumping, and I've been pumping in a lot of interesting places. I pumped yesterday on the 405 twice. Today I parked my car on a street right off of Melrose, breast pumped. And so a lot of people have been getting some interesting views and walking by my car. And I was doing a gig at a college, and they put me in this weird room that had cubicle walls that didn't reach the entire ceiling. And the entire ceiling, you know what I'm trying to say, didn't reach the entire ceiling and um the entire ceiling you know what I'm trying to say didn't reach the ceiling um and so you could hear my breast pump and this man comes in

and he's this old guy he's like what is that sound what is that sound like and he didn't know that I was in there pumping and I was like it's a breast pump you know like over the wall and he was like oh you know and he like he was like freaking out and he's like oh I I didn't know okay and he left and um and it's so interesting to me how like scared people are of breast pumps um like they're not gonna hurt you my tits are also not gonna hurt you um I just and I just want to say to, like, everyone, all nursing mothers should just be really loud and aggressive about their breast pumping. Everyone should know the sound of a breast pump. You should be able to breast pump everywhere.

I've pumped on trains. I've pumped on airplanes. I've pumped, you know, I will do it on the subway. It's bound to happen. So my point is, like, this is, it's so, we keep it so quiet as women. We're, like, embarrassed and we have to pull our boobs out. It's a whole thing and there are awkward phalanges that go on your boobs. I mean, it is a whole thing.

And so I get it. It's weird. But if we keep doing it and kind of do it a little more loudly, it's not going to be so weird anymore. So that's my stance for 2020. I'm running for president. So please, so that all women can press pump in public. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Escape at Danny Mora.

And here is what I want to say to all of you people. I'm just a guy living his life in an age of peak television. All right? I got HBO. I got Showtime. I got Hulu? I got HBO. I got Showtime. I got Hulu. I got Netflix. I got Amazon Prime.

Apple's cooking something up. We haven't seen it yet. That's fine. And here's the thing. I'm driving down Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles. I look up. I see all kinds of billboards for shows I've never heard of. Shows with bizarre names like Escape at Dannemora and Schitt's Creek.

And here's what I think to myself. I think, I wonder if I'll ever watch that. I wonder if it's good. We live in a fast-paced, hectic, breakneck world, you know? Moving at the speed of tweets. I don't see reviews anymore. Right? I go to Metacritic, I see

an average, and I move on. And I think to myself, I wonder if these new little shows that I've never heard of with these strange names, I wonder if they're good. And I see that Escape from Dannemora, maybe via the Golden Globes or some other event, that somehow Ben Stiller's involved and he's directing. And I say to myself, huh, I'll never watch that. Too much to watch, too much to do. Then I click on Escape at Dannemora via Spencer's login to the Showtime Anytime app. It's the truth.

Start watching this show called Escape at Dannemora and it's phenomenal. And Ben Stiller's direction is a tour de force. And Patricia Arquette is delivering a vulnerable and phenomenal performance. And Benicio Del Toro is doing bizarre and fantastic acting. Along with Paul Dano. Dano? Shut up.

And now I'm hooked on Escape at Dannemora. Now I'm recommending this show that most of you are like, oh yeah, that billboard on Sunset. Same thing happens with Schitt's Creek. People talking about it for years. I hear it in the back. Schitt's Creek is good. Schitt's Creek is good.

What a name. What is it? It's very good. Annie Murphy is a genius. Just watch the clip. Just watch the clip of Catherine O'Hara doing a commercial for Fruit Wine It will sell you

It will convert you Guy Branum, I want you to stop Gaysplaining to me a show I have watched Every episode of I know Schitt's Creek is good I'm trying to get Emily To go as David and Alexis with me for Halloween But she always ends up doing a costume with John

All I'm saying is What are we supposed to do? as David and Alexis with me for Halloween, but she always ends up doing a costume with John. All I'm saying is, what are we supposed to do? All the shows are good? Ben Stiller's a phenomenal director, one of the great directors of television of his era? Escape from Dannemora is no business being this good. And sure, I just watched the flashback episode, which was a rare miss, but I got one, but I've got, too specific, but I've got one more to watch,

and I'm really looking forward to it. There's got to be some way to make this a bigger conversation about something than specifically my experience of this one show. And one final point. Three hours and two minutes for a fucking Avengers movie? Three hours and two minutes? Branagh's Hamlet was shorter,

and he did every fucking soliloquy and monologue of that thing. There's an intermission in Branagh's Hamlet, and there's still a shorter runtime, I believe. Somebody fact-check that. It may be longer. Oh, I'm sorry. You don't want luxuriousness to wash over you for as long as is humanly possible?

Say what you like about the writing. Say what you like about the acting. The Marvel movies are a triumph of line producing and lawyers. They got all of those people's schedules to sync up so that they could tell each other bad jokes. And as someone who lives in Los Angeles, I respect the man hours that represents. Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet was just celebrating

some dead white guy. This is thousands of hours of people saying, um, and when is Robert available in August? I want to thank this fantastic panel. Nagin Farsad, Kieran Deal,

Guy Branum. I want to thank Nancy Pelosi and also thank you, Maggie, for all your help on this show. This is your last day working on Love It or Leave It. Thank you so much. Thank you guys all

for coming out. Thank you so much to the you guys all for coming out. Thank you so much to the improv. Have a great night.