Lovett or Leave It - Won’t someone think of the tater tots??

Episode Date: February 27, 2021

Ike Barinholtz breaks down the week's news from gendered potatoes to Obama podcasts. Fran Lebowitz joins for a new segment we call the "Frant Wheel." Shea Serrano talks about life in Texas after the storm and government failures. And we talk about Top Shots, whatever they are. Plus we quiz a listener about the Golden Globes - the good, the bad, and The Tourist. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, please visit crooked.com/lovettorleaveit. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail].

Welcome to Love It or Leave It, Backs to the Future. I want to see The bottom half of my friend's face I want to dance A weekend trip to see my parents I want to dance My sweaty ass off in the night I want that room apartment I want to go to Target and just blast through a pit

Instead of only running in a hidden practical shape I wanna go to movies, I wanna see some bands Or I wanna see them writing, tell them just me if you can Fast to the future I wanna go fast to the future Fast to the future That incredible song, truly one of my favorites, was by Charlie Phillips. It's awesome. Really, like, just love that song.

It's cool. Made me feel good. Made me excited. If you want to make a Vaxxed to the Future theme, please send it to us at leaveitatcrooked.com. A couple things before we get to the show. First, writer Roxane Gay joins the Keep It crew this week to talk about her new masterclass, Writing for Social Change and Why Smart People Love Pop Culture. And second, our friend Annamarie Cox is releasing her 200th episode of With Friends Like These this Friday. If you haven't checked out these shows already or haven't listened in a while, now's a great time

to get back into it. Subscribe to Keep It and With Friends Like These on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. One more thing I wanted to say before we start the show. It has been three years since the Parkland shooting. And in recent days, we've seen relatives of the victims of that shooting not just fighting for gun safety but fighting against conspiracy theories. Two of the people doing it are Scott Beagle's parents. And I grew up with Scott Beagle. We went to camp together for years. He was

a wonderful person. He was a teacher. He was a counselor. And his parents have done an incredible amount of work fighting for his legacy, for his memory, fighting for gun safety, fighting against conspiracy theories. And one thing they do in his memory is something called the Scott J. Beagle Memorial Fund, which sends disadvantaged children who have been touched by gun violence to summer sleepaway camp. It's a worthy cause. And if you want to support it, you can go to scottjbeaglememorialfund.com and support a really nice way of celebrating the memory of somebody who did so much for kids. This week, I talked to returning champion Shea Serrano about everything from what's

been happening in Texas to whatever these top shot things are. I talked to Fran Leibowitz, who tolerated me, I think, a reasonable amount, and who stuck around to do a version of the rant wheel we'll call the Frant Wheel. And we play a game with our listeners about the Golden Globes. But first, he's an actor, comedian, writer, and his new film Moxie premieres on March 3rd. Welcome back, returning champion, Ike Barinholtz. I have come to reclaim my title of best guest. I'm taking you down, Guy Branum. He'll hear this. He better.

He'll come. Oh, I know. I'm ready for you. I'm ready for you. All right. Let's get into it. ready for you. All right. Let's get into it. What a week. All right.

We're going to start with the worst joke submitted by our writers. That's what we do. Hasbro announced that Mr. Potato Head will now be gender neutral, changing the toy's name to just Potato Head. This infuriated conservatives who say that there are only two genders, Potato and Potato. Well, listen, I think that's a good joke. If you like jokes, you think this is a funny thing. Like you think this is a funny situation.

I don't think this is funny. OK, I can tell you this. I can tell you in my house, we call it Mr. Potato Head. And we hold him every time we say the pledge of allegiance before every meal. We don't cave to this liberal media pressure. Like we believe what we believe it's Mr. Potato head. It's a man. And that man is Don Rickles. And I can tell you this much of Joe Biden wants my vote in 2024. He will address this tomorrow live unscripted. I want him to discuss this. I don't televise. I think that's generous of you to think you should wait till tomorrow.

There's a reason that we have an Oval Office. It's for nights like tonight. John, where does it end? Where does it end? What's next? Voltron? Are you going to tell me the little robots that came together to build Voltron were women. Listen, I'm a normal man in his 40s, and this is important to me. And I just hope, I think it frankly deserves more coverage. So I get it that you have to make jokes, it's a comedy show, but I take it very seriously. It's very, honestly, the emotion that you're expressing,

it's really powerful. Thank you. You know, the thing is, though, like the original Potato Head, they didn't even come with a potato. You just got the, you had to bring your own potato. They gave you the bits to stick it.

The idea was it's like, make a toy out of a potato. It's from a different time. It feels like it's from another era where, you know, you didn't have any Nintendo. You had a potato and you had some toothpicks and you know, you had a, you didn't have any Nintendo. You had a potato and you had some toothpicks and you said, this is a toy. This is a toy for you. Your mom sat there.

She smoked a pack of merits and said, now build a man, build a man out of this potato and shut up. That was my childhood. I had a Mr. Potato head. My sister had a Mrs. Potato Head. And the thing about any household that had two potatoes head, they all become gender nonconforming because you're mixing things together. Yes. And especially when, you know, my sister has a Mr. as a Mrs. Potato Head. I am a gay child unbeknownst to me. And and, you know, she's saying to herself, Hey, where's Mrs. Potato Head's purse? I'll tell you where it is. It's on Mr. Potato Head's arm. Whom amongst us hasn't put the masculine hat on the body with the breasts? Whom amongst us?

Who hasn't had that fun? I also want to understand when eyelashes became something only female cartoons could have. I don't understand David. I thought David Bowie solved cartoons could have. I don't understand. David, I thought David Bowie solved this in 1973. I don't know why we're still fighting this battle. It's crazy to me. It's crazy. On Monday, Spotify announced the launch of Renegades, born in the USA, a new podcast in which former President Obama and Bruce Springsteen engage in personal in-depth discussion. Looks like Father's Day came early this year. I don't believe that. I hear him in the year. I don't believe that. I hear him in the ads.

I don't believe he's using those meal kits. I don't actually think he's. I mean, he sounds so convincing. Obviously, he's very persuasive as a figure. He's very charismatic. But do we really think he's making that stir fry? I don't know. Before we get started, I want to talk about MailChimp.

Now, this is a service that Michelle and I use it all the time. Let me be clear. Let me be clear. There is a better way to have an email provider. Free yourself from the chains of big tech. MailChimp. That was amazing. That was amazing. For those listening, Barack Obama just wandered in and delivered an ad at the perfect moment. It was amazing. Do you think it's a problem? I think that Barack Obama and I have the same job. Like I, I like, I don't like that for him. No, it's good. It's, it's, it's, it, it, it shows that, you know, he's just like a regular guy, you know, you guys podcast the same from the same type of room I imagine. And, and imagine. And I think it just, it brings him down to earth a little bit. And quite frankly, it raises you up to a higher level. So I think this is, I think it's good

that he, you know, is occupying the same space as Joe Rogan. As Joe Rogan. I think though, I mean, one thing that does, I think, make it feel like it makes sense is that we are both doing this from different rooms on Richard Branson's yacht. You're on Branson's. I'm on David Gethin's yacht right now. That's crazy. I just got my- We're on different yachts right now.

My secret celebrity vaccine. I just got it. That's cool. Pretty exciting. That's cool. I'm happy for you. I'm happy for you. Thank you.

The right-wing conference CPAC, which announced this year's theme is America Uncanceled, canceled a guest speaker. CPAC said, this is real, this is the quote, we have just learned that someone we invited to CPAC has expressed reprehensible views that have no home with our conference or organization. And then everyone said, can you be more specific? And then CPAC said, the views were anti-Semitic. And then everyone said, can you be more specific? And then CPAC said the views were anti-Semitic. And then everyone said, can you be more specific? And then it turns out to be

young Farrow who said very anti-Semitic things, but forgot to create just enough plausible deniability to get away with it. You got to call them global financiers, dude, said Marjorie Taylor Greene. You got to put some space. You got to create some distance. First of all, the fact that they disinvited young pharaoh is ridiculous he's was a fantastic snl cast member so funny does an amazing benzel so that was a wrong b i'm a little conflicted and i don't really want to go there just because i am speaking at cpac uh this year i'm not i am i I was going to ask to plug it at the end of the show, but we'll just get it out of the way now.

Doing a panel? Yeah, doing a panel with, you know, Sebastian Gorka? Yeah, big, big, big, big head. Big guy. I'm doing a panel with him and the QAnon Viking. Yeah, that's great.

That's a hot ticket. We're slated for three hours, but I think we'll be done in like a half hour. It's all about how Colin Kaepernick created cancel culture. And it will be moderated by Tiffany Trump. Wow. And tickets are still,

the email I got was readily available. We're going to be streaming it. It's going to be pretty off the wall. So I would love you guys to check that out. Ike, the QAnon shaman, Seb Gorka, and Tiffany Trump, who will believe she's at a gay rights event for some reason, and a bit tipsy still from that event. They're doing a panel at CPAC. It's just catching up. They blocked out three hours. Ike's a little concerned they only have 30 hours or 30 minutes worth of conversation in them. Check it out.

hours. Ike's a little concerned. They only have 30 hours with 30 minutes worth of conversation in them. Check it out. We really need to move tickets, guys. Matt Schlapp is a family friend and he gave me this slot and I don't want to let him down. Our family has been friends for years. We met at a conference for people whose last names sound like diarrhea. And I'll just say that like you can't see this obviously, but he has, what seems to be something from a bachelor party. He says, the back-schlappers. That's what his T-shirt says right now. That's what Ike's shirt says. It seems really like a friendly, some sort of inside joke.

Some sort of a Barinholtz-schlap inside joke. That was a little, that was like his 50th birthday party. We all went to Tahoe. We had a good time. He's a great guy, actually. birthday party. We all went to Tahoe. We had a good time. He's a great guy, actually. Russia's Hermitage Museum is involved in a growing scandal after the authenticity of some Faberge eggs was called into question. Evidence has come to light that these so-called eggs were not laid by magical birds at all, but were instead crafted by skilled Russian artisans.

That's it. Do you know anything about Faberge eggs? Do you know anything about them? Yeah, I know what they are, you know, but that's it. They're like beautiful. They're beautiful. How many of them do you think there are in the world? How many Fabergé eggs total in the world? I'm going to say 3,000. It's like 50.

50, yeah, yeah. As a kid, like Fabergé eggs and quicksand are something that are part of the childhood imagination in a way that disappears into adulthood. I didn't realize there was only a couple dozen of the things. Everyone's always like, ah, it's as fancy as a Fabergé egg in the content that I imbibed as a child. You were raised in the 80s. You watched Risky Business and Three Amigos, and those were the two highest stakes, most terrifying things. It makes perfect sense.

Makes perfect sense. Quicksand is not a real thing. It literally doesn't exist. It's bullshit. That's what quick, that's what, are you quicksand? Are you, are you a quick, are you work for quicksand? I don't work for quicksand. I'm just here to tell parents it's totally safe.

There's never been an occurrence of it. Your kids can play in it and you shouldn't be fearful that you're going to get sucked into some vortex. It's fine. Brought to you by the Quicksand Council. That's what that's. All right, this is dark, but Lady Gaga's French bulldogs were kidnapped at gunpoint and her dog walker was shot.

Gaga announced that she is willing to offer $500,000 no questions asked in return for the dogs. Obviously awful, not making light of it. But I saw that and I just want to say, no questions asked? Your dog walker was shot. We should get to the bottom of that. I want to throw in $1,000 on top of it. But my caveat is I have a few questions. Like I want to get to the bottom of it a little bit. It's terrible who the fuck does that. It's insane. But I have questions. We have questions.

We have questions. I have questions. I have questions. And I'll just, Mel Gibson. Yes. I know he's a personal friend of yours. I don't want to step on good friends. I work together in the passion.

I played the elder. The elder who was like, it is him. That was me. You said, I'm a Jew. i'm a jew kill him that's what you that's the one he is the betrayer that was my exact line that's wow really good chilling yeah chilling puts you in it puts you in it makes it feel real thank you for not doing it in the aramaic for not uh but anyway i look, I have problems. We have problems with Mel Gibson. Sure. But I draw your memory to the film Ransom, where Mel Gibson goes on the news with all the money the kidnappers demanded and says, Fuck you, kidnappers.

This money is for anyone who hunts you down. That's the energy I direct at Dog Thieves. Oh, my God. I want them to be as nervous as Gary Sinise in Act Two. I want them to be sweating bullets and worried that a unhinged person is coming for them. 100%. That's right. The Wisconsin-based defense contractor Oshkosh has won a contest to design and build the next generation of USPS mail trucks. Oshkosh is best known for their heavy duty military equipment and baby rompers. That's what they do. Did they change it from Oshkosh is best known for their heavy duty military equipment and baby rompers.

That's what they do. Did they change it from Oshkosh Bagash? I don't know. Or is it a separate company? There can't be a company called Oshkosh and then a company called Oshkosh Bagash. I think that Oshkosh Bagash is the baby clothes subsidiary of Raytheon-owned Oshkosh. No, I don't know. Whatever happened to overalls? They seem great. I never, I've never worn overalls in my whole life, ever.

I caught the tail end of it in the 90s. I didn't have enough confidence to really kind of pull it off in high school, but there were a couple of guys who did and they looked awesome. I've seen a lot of women wear them. It's a little more standard, but for a guy to pull it off, you got to really, really have like great parents who like really instilled in you, like be confident, be true to who you are,

wear some overalls. And if you really have, if you really are cool, you won't wear a shirt under that. Wow, that is cool. That's like, if you can pull that off, you're like a God. Yeah, I know. I don't have that in me.

Me either. There are some guys that just look extra naked without a shirt. Like, you know what I mean? Like some people don't look naked. Some people look super naked, you know? No one wants to see that. What? I'm jogging.

It's not. And it's not like it has nothing to do with body type. Like there are super fit guys that just they take their shirt off and it's no big deal. Other super fit guys, they look super naked. Yes. Yes. Actress Shailene Woodley confirmed her engagement to Green Bay Packer quarterback Aaron Rodgers this week, revealing in an interview that not only has she never seen Rodgers play,

she's never been to a football game. It's like how Ronan has never listened to an episode of Love It or Leave It, not even once. So we can basically say anything we want here. So I will say to you, the anonymous source he's currently talking to in the living room right now, right now,

is... Isn't that amazing? Isn't that crazy? Like, that's a wild, like, what I've just shared with you. It is crazy. The shocking thing is that Ronan's never, unless he's been on the show, like I've heard him on there. Uh, that's, that's maniacal. I think it's, I think it's almost passive aggressive and he's trying to power play you in your own home. It's messed up.

Maybe I'll write a little expose on him. Yeah. Who watches the Watchers, you know? Wait, no. Who watches the Watchmen? Damn it. Whatever. Ronan, I love you.

You'll never hear this. It's fine. Keep enough of this that I won't get in trouble, please. An Army vet got an 80-year sentence for killing a person after a two-hour argument over which branch of the military was the best. Obviously, a sad day and the first official death of a member of the Space Force. He'll be ejected out of the side of the space shuttle in a giant sunglasses case, as is the custom established in the canonical film Star Trek II, Wrath of Khan.

Of course. Of course. Um, and by the way, the coolest branch of the military, everyone knows is good old army, baby. The army. That's listen. I think he settled the mat,

settled the matter with the original and the best. I'm an army guy. Navy. Fuck off. Air force. Not even a thing. Part of the Navy Marines. You seem like nice guys.

Please don't kick my ass when I go to Comic-Con. And I'll say, I don't agree. I have equal respect for the branches and your service. No, pit them against each other. Let's see who wins. That's how we do it, baby. Oh, man. A Florida official who set up a VIP list for coronavirus vaccines is under investigation.

This is disgusting and abhorrent behavior. And Ronan, fire your fucking agent. Why are we on this list? What vaccine do you guys want? What are you going to get? Are you going to get Moderna? Are you going to get Johnson & Johnson? What are you aiming for? That's a great question. There's been a lot of, I think, deeply misleading reporting about Johnson & Johnson. This isn't even, I know this is like what the public health honchos want people to think, but I actually, you know, those honchos, I really like give, I don't give a fuck.

Yes. Johnson & Johnson, put it right here. Moderna, put it over here. I don't care. Pfizer, great. Any of them, any of them. Ierna, put it over here. I don't care. Pfizer, great. Any of them. Any of them. I'm holding out for the Tesla.

Alon is a friend, and I know he's working on it. And, you know, he's actually a really, like, down-to-earth, humble guy, actually. A lot of people think, like, oh, supervillain. He's a supervillain. He's not. He's a regular, regular dude. He gets his adrenochrome infusions every two hours like you or i do he's like a regular guy and i'm sick of people making fun of them and i'm gonna take his vaccine and it's gonna be awesome he puts on his adrenochrome

one leg at a time just like everybody else just a normal person and i'm really excited i think you're right the tesla vaccine is going to be great. Currently says delivery expected mid 2023, but you can pay for it now. I'm paying for it now. I'm holding out. It's going to be so cool. Oh my God.

People are going to be so jealous when I gram me getting the Tesla vaccine in my Tesla. I'm kidding. I don't have a Tesla. A hundred. I do. A hundred and five year old. Sorry. I do kidding i don't have a tesla 100 i do 105 year old sorry i do i don't know it's it happened they're very cool they're very cool they're very cool

i don't know it's a good guess well come on listen i didn't know he's gonna go on joe rogan when i bought the fucking thing nobody i thought it was a cool looking car i had no idea that he was gonna be like something like shit poster okay yeah i like the idea of plugging it in from my kitchen. I didn't know all of a sudden he was going to become like J.K. Rowling. Like nobody told me. Seems like a smart guy. Makes spaceships. That's cool.

Was that not cool? All of a sudden. It's like two seconds after I decided to do it too. And then, by the way, joke's on me. What's it like to drive? I have no fucking idea. I don't go anywhere. You just gave him money to sit at home?

Yeah. Shit. 105-year-old woman beat coronavirus and said she did so with prayer and gin-soaked raisins. When news broke, Big Pharma said gin-soaked raisins now cost $20,000. I'm laughing at that, but I'm a family member of Big Pharma. Both my parents work for Big Pharma. So I don't particularly think it's funny to make fun of a sector of the economy that's doing so much critical work right now.

So I laughed at it because I thought it was funny. But I don't know. I just think sometimes jokes, you have to think that there's people on the other end of that joke. And sometimes those people, you know, are big pharma scions. Yeah. I mean, I just think like, I think, thank you for, first of all, thank you for sharing that. No, thank you. Thank you for letting me. Thank you for sharing that. And I'll say like, sometimes you don't realize till it's too late that like, you're kind of punching down and I'm sorry. Like, I always think like, you know, punch up, right? Punch up. That's a joke.

Punch down. You're a bully. And like, just kind of pummeling pharmaceutical executives. Who's, who's that for? You know, I just think the best jokes are ones that challenge power structures. And I don't think big pharma has a lot of sway or power. They're just kind of like this mom and pop industry trying to help people. So the jokes, uh, I get them. I get it. We're having fun. I know. Thank you for telling me. I don't ever want you to feel like you can't. Like, obviously, we're having fun. We're having fun. But like you had, you wanted to share that. And I'm glad I know that. And that'll make me better. Because I don't want to become one of those people that's like, oh, you don't can't take a joke. You know, I want to think I want to grow. Also, we learned this week that Republican

lawmakers have introduced 253 bills to restrict voting access in 42 states this year, according to a new analysis by the Brennan Center for Justice. One state that sees no changes? Kyrsten Sinema's state of denial about the filibuster. How about that? Sophisticated joke, you know? It's a very sophisticated joke. Gotta know a lot. First of all, Neil Brennan has his own policy center. That's great. Yeah, it's the Neil Brennan Center for Justice.

He kind of does it all, doesn't he? It's the Neil Brennan Center for Justice and Twitter Arguments. Here's the deal, man. Fucking just say what you feel. And also, let's not fuck with voting rights, okay? That was good. It's Irish-y Seinfeld. That's all.

Wow, that's, I mean, just A-plus impressions. Thank you. And I got all the huge ones. Barack Obama and Neil Brennan. We covered the whole spectrum. Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, that's the one thing. Like, obviously, I think at this point, Neil Brennan impressions are pretty cliche.

It's like Christopher Walken. Everyone's got one. Yeah, everyone does their Neil Brennan, you know. Oh, you got a Neil Brennan, too? On Thursday, the Manhattan District Attorney's Office took possession of Ivanka's father's tax returns and other financial data. This was a long time coming,

and of course it could go either way, but I'm glad there's a chance he'll finally be exonerated. I mean, I'm programmed now to believe that nothing will happen, but every time something like this does happen, we inch closer and closer to the funniest possible end to all this which is donald trump having to live in another country um because i don't think he would ever go to jail but like if the heat ever got really bad i feel like he would just move to like saudi arabia or i don't know, like Turkmenistan or somewhere. And that would be like really, really funny to me.

If he had to be the first U S president to, to live in exile. Like if he lived in Turkmenistan, that became like a MAGA hotspot. Like people would be like, yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to Ashgabat this year to see Mr. Trump. It would be like awesome. It would be so funny. Like if a guy's like, yeah, man, I'm from Staten Island. I'm a boater for Trump. Take note on my boat is right now at Caspian Sea, baby. Fucking the best sea in the world. I get to see Mr. Trump. Sail that shit from New York City. Woo, I love it. Trump 2024.

A world with repercussions. What a thing. Amen. The first Senate hearing over the January 6th attack happened this week and the Capitol Police blamed poor intelligence

for the riot, which is no way to talk about Josh Hawley. So insulting. And a lawyer whose pants caught on fire during an arson trial was arrested

on a cocaine charge. Rudy Giuliani cannot catch a break. It's been such a rough, he's just having a rough go of it. When asked, when asked to comment, Rudy said, he's farting all the time. Rudy was the best man. Rudy had like a five week run where like in the space of five weeks,

he was in Barat 2 getting ready to, I don't know, get a blowjob possibly. He had four seasons total landscaping. He had a press conference where like hair dye was just seeping out of his head. And then he was in court and he, look man, he shit his pants in court. Like that happened. Like he farted in court.

Like what the fuck? What are we doing here? Multiple farts. It was quite a dignity sapping run. But he had so much going into it that it's just like he has plenty left in reserve. And again, also a podcast host, yet another person with whom I share a job. But don't you feel like his podcast, it's a miracle if it's ever recorded. Like he's totally, I forgot to hit record. It turns out I didn't hit record.

China's foreign ministry denied on Thursday that U.S. diplomats in the country had been required to take anal swabs for COVID-19 following media reports that some had complained about the procedure. This is disgusting and abhorrent behavior. And Ronan, what is up with that agent? What is going on? Is there a list we can't get on?

Come on. I'm just confused. It's the nature of this joke. Why is it strange that you test for COVID with an anal swab? Because I just wrapped a TV show and I've been taking two tests every day since October. Super. And let's just say Gloria, the nurse, and I have become close.

And I multiple times went to my team and said, are we sure this is the right way? Are we sure I should be exposing my anus at 6.18 in the morning in Santa Clarita? And they said, yeah. So either it's all a big joke on me or the joke doesn't work, God. I will say, I think it's nice that you're pretending you objected because I think the conversation, in fact, went more like this. Hey, Ike, we're going to have to go ahead and give you an anal swap. Yes. For COVID. Do you not want to reason?

Oh, right, right. No, no, no. Yeah, no, I definitely don't want to get that. Definitely want you to tell me why you're doing it. The streaming service Paramount Plus has ordered a reboot of the TV series Frasier, and Kelsey Grammer has agreed to return to the title role. A reboot of Frasier? I'm listening.

Here's some questions I have about the Frasier reboot. One, how much did Niles donate to the Lincoln Project? Two, did Martin die before he had a chance to tell Frasier that it wasn't racist to like Trump and to put a Blue Lives Matter flag outside the balcony. Three. What do you mean Rick Wilson's coming over for dinner? Rick Wilson. Oh, that'd be funny. Sitting there with Niles. What are they going to talk about? And Lilith is in town. It's a Lilith app. Yes. Love a Lilith app. Get Lilith in here. She's hilarious. Bebe Neuwirth. She'll definitely be in this. Oh my God. She's a national treasure. Bebe Neuwirth. Question three. Does Niles get to be gay now and fall in love with Guy, the ski instructor from the ski lodge episode? Or are we going to stick with this whole Daphne

thing? Are we sticking with Daphne still? It a different time be free Niles I'm not I believe the character is straight but the energy that is a gay energy and today would be a gay character okay yes yes and what happened to Eddie is Eddie still with us oh that's that's gonna be hard to explain hi this is the oldest dog in human history, Eddie Oh, they should do the Bob Kardashian hologram for Eddie So he's just perpetually running around Okay, I'm kind of feeling this now All right, all right

I think they need to turn the Frasier set And do what the NBA did and build a bubble Where no one can leave David Crane has complete control turn the Frazier set and do what the NBA did and build a bubble where no one can leave. David Crane has complete control where Kelsey is just driven from his mansion to set. And that's it. That's it. That's it. Sorry. It's a COVID thing. It's COVID. COVID protocol. Sorry. Yeah. No, we need your phone. Sorry. You can get it from the internet. You can get it from 5G. You can't have an internet. My final question about the reboot of Frasier. Did Roz end up getting a seven-figure settlement from KACL

after years of harassment by Bob Bulldog Briscoe? And honestly, a lot of truly unacceptable comments from Frasier Crane, all right, about the personal life of Roz, all right? Roz. Took a lot of shit, Roz. She should own that station. Like, she should really be the owner. That's the move move is to have her come back and be like the hardcore boss who

doesn't suffer fools. That's a great, listen, I have lots of grit. Here's, we have two pitches because that's your pitch. I love that. Roz runs the fucking network. Yep. The A plus pitch. That's, that's, we got to do that. Let's go. Here's my other pitch. Freddie. All right. Little Freddie, who is quite the effete Frazier Niles type in the show. Yeah, he's grown up. Wait a second. Is he the spitting image of his grandfather? Have we replicated that dynamic between Frazier and Martin with Frazier and his son, Freddie? Is Freddie streetwise and not book smart like Like a little sour, a little sour.

Sometimes a little sour. Yes. Little, uh, uh, obstreperous. Obstreperous. Obstreperous.

There's three things. She rouses the boss. The grandson is his grandfather. Hologram dog. Let's go. And Niles is gay. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm Baron Holtz for being here. Thank you for having me, buddy. That was awesome. Uh, when we come back, I talked to Shay Serrano. This was so fun.

So good to see you. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of love it or leave it coming up. And we're back. He is an author, journalist, and three time New York times bestseller.

Three of them. That's a... Yeah, baby. That's hat trick, I suppose. Shea Serrano. What is up, my beloved John? Love it. Thank you for making the time to talk to us.

I wanted to talk to you first and foremost because, look, I'm a huge fan of your tweets. All right? Huge fan of them, generally. Thanks. Thanks. But, but, uh, you know, you've, you've tweeted through this historic storm and the power outage and the water problems that have followed. How has it been for you to be on the ground through this? And how is your family through this period of disaster? How about the Texas ice storm? I'm talking about the, oh yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm talking about the Texas ice storm. I just wanted to make sure. I'm talking about the Texas ice storm? Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm talking about the Texas ice storm. I just wanted to make sure. I'm talking about the Golden Globes. I'm talking about the nomination of Emily in Paris and the snub of I May Destroy You. I just wanted to make sure that we were both talking about the same terrible thing. The storm was nuts, dude. Like, they told us it might snow a little bit. It might get cold, whatever.

And then I went to sleep, and Laramie woke me up the next morning and she's like it snowed for real for real i looked out the window and there was like actual inches of snow in our backyard never seen anything like that it was cute for like 10 hours and then after that stuff started going real bad it wasn't terrible for us we lost water for a couple of days but they we knew ahead of time it was going to happen so we did the like you know fill up the bathtubs use that water to flush the toilets boil some snow if you need like dish water whatever but we didn't lose power and none of our pipes burst which was great but like some of my homies my buddy who lives downtown, a pipe burst in his house or in his apartment and just like flooded everything. Laramie's family, they're in Houston.

They lost power and water for like four or five days. They're just, it was awful. We just were not built for that. And that's like a philosophical statement, but also that's a practical statement. The houses are not built to withstand that. So it was cool for that first day. And then after that, it was like, all right, this could get pretty bad pretty quickly. So obviously part of this is that it was something Texas isn't built for in ways that make sense. It also is a manufactured crisis in terms of what's happened with the energy grid and the way Republicans have managed the state. There was this moment, even as the disaster was unfolding, that there was this quick propaganda campaign that popped up to blame basically AOC and the Green New Deal. Yeah, what the hell?

How much responsibility do you think people in Texas are putting on to their leaders? How much of this do you think will follow Abbott, follow Texas Republicans as this, as you kind of deal with the aftermath? I think it's going to follow them only the amount that the terrible things they've done so far have been following them. Like the people who know are the people who know, and maybe we get, might get like a few more people in to understand, hey, this happened because of these people in charge right here. But that's like a very hard thing to spread around.

Like I only knew about it because whatever I listen to shows like yours or on the Internet will have a thing and I'll read those because I'm on the Internet all day long. But like my parents had no idea like to talk to them about this or like other people in my family. Like this is not a common knowledge thing. Who knows about the fucking electrical grid of any state? I didn't know until this happened. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, it's one of the most important parts of our lives, and we don't talk about it. We don't pay attention to it. We don't know how any of it works. And one shocking thing for a lot of people who either only lost power for a short time or didn't lose it at all is suddenly they were getting these wild electricity bells yeah so we're waiting to see what's gonna

happen there they disabled in san antonio or the one that we're under anyway they disabled the auto pay so they're like you know you're gonna get the bill first and then they're like working their way through it i guess i i assume on their side they're trying to figure out through it. I guess, I assume on their side, they're trying to figure out, is it worth the money that we'll make to send these bills? Because like, what can you do? How can you fight that? You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

They just shut the power off and there's no way to win. It reminds me a lot of what happens with the surprise medical bills, which Congress is hopefully, I mean, you know, we've had these specific chairman in one house committee who seems very interested in protecting the insurance companies in his state. But you're in a car wreck or you're in, you have a heart attack, you're unconscious, you're brought in an ambulance to a hospital, you get treated. They're not in your network.

Yeah. As if you had any choice in the matter. You know, you're in the middle of a historic storm and you need electricity to live. And suddenly you get these wild bills yeah and that's not even an exaggeration like people froze to death there's a heartbreaking story of that 11 year old kid who froze to death in the trade like what are we doing why is this a thing the medical thing happened to me and laramie when she had the when she had the twins and we got the bill and it was like $12,000 or $13,000

that we were supposed to be responsible for. I was a teacher at the time. I'm making $1,100 every two weeks that we can't even afford like our normal bills. And we got that bill and we were just like, well, there's a thing that's never gonna get paid. I guess we just try not to get sick and go to that hospital.

And you know, what are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? The one last question on this. Did you think it was possible to hate Ted Cruz even more? Dude. Did you know going into this that it was possible? I did not.

I thought that I had dug to the bottom of that hole. And it turns out there was 60 more feet of hate in there. Just every single bad thing you could do or say, he has done in the last two weeks. You think you've reached the bottom, but actually that's just a piece of rock. We can blow that up. There's more Ted Cruz to hate underneath.

Have you ever seen a movie called Cube? I haven't, I haven't. It's a horror movie. These people wake up in this room and whatever. The quick summary is there's a group of people and they're in a room and they're trying to like escape there's a group of people and they're in and they're in a room and they're trying to like escape each wall of the room has a door and some of the doors you go through lead to your death and other ones lead like to a safe whatever and

they're they're basically inside of a giant rubik's cube that's moving around and so they go for like two hours trying to figure out how to get to the beginning or the end of it and at the end of the movie they realize they're right back where they started like that's the that's hate for ted cruz in my heart i think i'm at the end of it and it turns out we're just getting started baby any of the doors lead to cancun yeah any of the cube did you see did you see him today making jokes like Orlando is not as good as Kank? What? What? What?

Now, look, we're ready to joke about it. I don't know that we are, Ted. No. I don't know that you're reading the room. I don't know that you're reading the room. And then he's like doing mask material. He's doing like mask bits. So unappealing.

I hate him. So unappealing. I hate him. I hate him. So obviously he's very serious. There's something much less serious I did want to ask you about because it's been baffling to me. Please do. So apparently people are spending a lot of their hard-earned money on GIFs, gifts, if you will, Top Shots.

Top Shot, baby. What the – Top Shot, let's go. What the... Top shot, let's go. So you buy a picture, a moving picture of like a basketball player dunking or something of that nature. And it has like, it's a cryptocurrency of some form.

Correct. What is going on? Correct. These are highlights, basketball... Listen, I'm going to preface this. I'm probably going to explain a lot of this stuff wrong, but I'll get the general sentiment right. These are basketball highlights that live on a blockchain.

So they're serialized. They've got numbers. There's only a certain amount of them. And it is, in a sense, a digital version of collecting basketball cards. That's what it is. And it's a lot of fun to participate in like i just did it today i just got in i got in a digital line today they released they released like new packs every so often you have to like click the button as soon as they release a pack

you get in a line john there were 200 000 people in line digital line to like try to get one of the packs that they put up for sale for $100 each. This particular pack was $100. It was like, you know, you get a chance to win a rare, whatever, whatever. But if you get one of the packs, you click the button, you get some cards that are in there, digital cards, a highlight, and you click

the thing and it shows you what the highlight is, and then you store it on your phone or your crypto wallet, whatever. But it's fun to participate in. So then you can share it. You can like send it to the group text. You can share it. I'm on a group text.

One of the guys on our group text was able to get in early and he won one of the packs. And then he's like sending videos and we're all celebrating and being excited about it. And then it's like the luck of which ones are in your pack, how cool they are. Exactly. And then you have a really good card. Exactly. If you get a really good one, they're worth, you know, automatically tens of thousands of dollars,

$100,000 for a Zion highlight or whatever. It's fun, though. Like, it's a silly thing. Obviously, it's a silly thing. And obviously, it's very quickly been turned into, like, an asset, a class asset or whatever but listen for those listening for those listening if anyone in your life is giving you financial advice and their advice is to treat a uh an animated photo as an asset you get a new person to talk

about money with all right i'm telling you there's Do you, John, you collect any like cards or anything? No, I don't have the discipline to collect anything. There have been no collectors around me. I have seen Beanie Baby collectors. My father collected baseball cards when I was a kid. There was that huge surge of baseball cards. And I remember we had lots of them, lots of, you know, you would buy, you could buy like,

it would be like a cardboard box unmarked that had the full slate of cards from that company. And we had lots of those. And then I remember for whatever reason, my father thought the baseball player Jim Abbott, who was a one-handed pitcher, he thought he was the coolest. He thought that was amazing, right? There you go. One-handed. And it is amazing. It was incredible to watch this man pitch. He would pitch and then throw the glove in the air. And he was like a very, it was awesome. But for whatever reason, I believe he decided to buy, I want to say, I don't want to exaggerate. It is certainly hundreds of Jim Abbott baseball cards as like an investment. I love this guy. But it really may have been thousands.

I love him. There was a, so you would walk, there was a boiler in the basement and you would go through the boiler room and then there was a little closet. And in that room, there were three things. There were suitcases for trips to Florida. There were winter coats and there were baseball cards.

And Jim Abbott. And Jim Abbott. Jim Abbott. I wonder what happened. I wonder what happened to those Jim Abb were baseball cards and jim abbott and jim abbott i wonder what happened i wonder what happened to those jim abbott baseball cards i may ask i may need to find out did you collect anything you should absolutely yeah i do collect uh basketball cards i've done i did when i was a kid and then i got older and there's like a different version of them now where they are they're graded basically like somebody looks at it to see how good it is, and they give it a score.

And then those are the ones that sell for a lot of money. But I bought some basketball cards. There's been a big boom the last year and a half or so. I bought some before the pandemic started. My buddy Josh Luber was telling me, hey, buy some of these, get these, get these, whatever. So I bought a Luka Doncic rookie card. At the time

it was a couple hundred dollars and then during the playoffs i like looked it up it was nine thousand dollars i hope your uh collection is one card lighter it is it is not it is not i'm holding on to it kept it i'm holding on to it in case who knows it's he's early in his he's early in his career but uh that's all that this is it's it a digital version of it. It's the nerdiest thing in the world. It's just straight up nerdy. I will say, I forgot. I have Magic the Gathering cards. Oh, yeah.

You got to do it. Tons of them. But those, see, that's because more Magic cards helped you make a better deck. And you were always looking. You don't sound any different than I was just sounding right now. Well, no, no, no. So the difference, in fairness, in in fairness the difference is you're building if you get a deck that has like i can't remember what it was called i don't know the black lotus it might have been called the

black lotus golden lotus put it in the comments but it was a special kind of mana that you could tap it was three different kinds of mana in one and if you tapped and if you had that it was incredibly powerful and so it was really valuable you had that, it was incredibly powerful. And so it was really valuable because you could buy it to build your deck. I don't know what I'm defending. I don't know why I'm so defensive. Why am I defensive?

I don't know, but that's what I'm saying. If you like a thing, lean into the thing you like, especially right now. Especially right now. For 20 minutes, we were all texting to see if he was gonna get his pack because i in that line i was like number 75 000 or something and he was 11 000 and i think they had like 10 800 packs available so we were all you know we pinned our hopes on on mike mike was

the guy we pinned our hopes on mike and then he got it and we celebrated it's fun that's awesome that's awesome good good stuff i need a gay version of this. Like one of a kind blockchain verified gifts from Lisa Kudrow's The Comeback. There you go. That would work for me. That would work for me. 40,000 bucks automatically. If you get the one where she's dressed up like a giant muffin, then you could buy a house.

You could buy a house. Shea Serrano, I'm glad you're doing okay. Thanks for talking to us. Thanks for giving us an update. And talk to you again soon. Always. Always. Thank you so much to Shea for being here.

When we come back, a listener joins for a game about the Golden Globes. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. This weekend is the Golden Globes. And if you've been on the internet at any time in the last month, you know that people are angry about it. When the Golden Globe nominees were announced,

the lack of diversity among the nominees was clear, with black Oscar frontrunners like One Night in Miami and Judas and the Black Messiah passed over for Manc and something called The Father. Emily in Paris snagged multiple nominations over shows like I May Destroy You. But anger at the Globes is nothing new. It is a yearly tradition. Almost every year, people point out that the choices made by the Globes seem radically out of line with the general critical consensus. There are deeply weird picks in there. And not like, hey, we discovered this, like, just some odd choices. Like, wait a second. I don't think anybody thought that was good. You didn't think that was good, Golden Globes. And most of this has to do with the group of

film journalists that run the Globes. It's a little bit shady. And it's called the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. And the Golden Globes get a lot of attention. But it's very different than the other award shows. And while, you know, look, do we have bigger fish to fry right now? Yeah, we do. We do. But I don't know.

I want to talk about the Golden Globes. And here to play a game with us is Farah. Farah, hi. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you as well. Thanks for being here. Do you watch the Golden Globes. And here to play a game with us is Farah. Farah, hi, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you as well. Thanks for being here. Do you watch the Golden Globes? I watch them days later and I see the highlights clips on YouTube.

That's the right level. And you like cinema? I do, I do. Great. So we are going to quiz you because we don't think you'll be able to tell what's real and what's fake about the Hollywood Farm Press Association in a game we're calling Mozart in the Jungle won best comedy in 2015 over Veep, Transparent, Orange is the New Black, Casual, and Silicon Valley. What more do you need to know? Here's how it works, Farah.

I'm going to read a fact about the HFPA or Golden Globe winners, and you have to tell us whether it's true or false. Are you ready? I'm ready. Almost 7,000 people vote for the Oscars, while only 87 people vote for the Golden Globes. I'm going to say true. Correct. Of those 87 people in the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, only two are Black. I'm going to say true. False. Zero.

Oh. Zero members are Black. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association frequently accepts bribes, excuse me, gifts from movie studios and celebrities. According to a former studio publicist, they sometimes turn around and sell the stuff online. It's absolutely true. It's a joke. In 2017, a member of the HFPA scalped his Golden Globe tickets for $39,000. I think true. Correct. Despite being a nonprofit organization, the HFPA still pays its members roughly $2 million just for serving on committees. I'm going to say true. Got it. One member of the HFPA writes for the sweetest version of the children's magazine highlights.

Sure, it's true. No, that's false. We got to keep you on your toes. One member of the HFPA is a self-described expert in quantum DNA healing. True. True. One member of the HFPA sells a DVD about the ancient art of face reading titled Your Face Tells All. False. True. One member of the HFPA writes for a magazine that does not appear to exist. Oh, true.

Yeah. One member only has one article published online and it's on goldenglobes.com. True. One member hasn't been seen in public for 23 years. True. Nope, that's false. In 1999, HFPA members received $400 coach watches

from a film company promoting Sharon Stone's latest movie, The Muse. Stone got the nomination. True. It is. It's true. Have you ever seen... But not worth it. Have you ever seen The Muse? I have... No, I have not. Should I?

Controversial take. I like The Muse. All right. It's a good Albert Brooks movie. It's funny. Sharon Stone isn't bad. There's a Martin Scorsese cameo. That's all I'm saying. Always welcome. Always welcome. I'm just saying. Do I think she should have

got nominated for Golden Globe? I'm not sure. Probably not. The watches probably helped. When Denzel Washington won the Cecil B. DeMille Award from the Golden Globes, he said the following

during his speech. Some of you may know Freddie Fields, the producer of Glory. He invited me to the first Hollywood Farm Press Luncheon. He said they are going to watch the movie.

We're going to feed them. They're going to come over. You're going to take pictures. He said they are going to watch the movie. We're going to feed them. They're going to come over. You're going to take pictures with everybody. You're going to hold the magazines, take the pictures, and you're going to win the award. I won that year. True. Yeah, I love that. I love him just telling that story.

Jim Carrey has four Best Actor Golden Globe nominations for The Mask, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, The Truman Show, and Liar Liar. Well-deserved, all of them, true. It's good. I think he deserves it for The Truman Show. I don't know what Travis's problem with The Truman Show is. The Golden Globes has an award for Best Transracial Portrayal of a Main or Supporting Character. No, no, false. They don't, no, false. That's false.

In 2013, the HFPA settled a lawsuit with their publicist of 17 years who claimed he was fired after he tried to take on corruption in the organization. The lawsuit claimed, quote, HFPA members abuse their position and engage in unethical and potentially unlawful deals and arrangements

which amount to a payola scheme. True, payola scheme. True, Yeah. True. In 2014, Gary Oldman said this in an interview. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association is fucking ridiculous. There's nothing going on at all. It's 90 nobodies having a wank.

Everybody's getting drunk and everybody's sucking up to everybody. Boycott the fucking thing. Yes. And Farah, four years later, he won a Golden Globe. Was it for the Darkest Hour? Well, let's see if it's 2014. He gave the interview 2018. That checks out. Yeah, that sounds right. That sounds right. Oh, you know your shit. I do listen to keep it. I do listen to keep it. Oh, that's that. Keep it. Yeah, that's some Lewis. Up to date. That's

some Lewis. That's up to date. Up to date. I love that. I love that. And I see here in our chat from Travis, you're correct. It was The Darkest Hour. Let's get another ding. Farah has earned another ding. In 1994, Arnold Schwarzenegger was nominated for his role as a pregnant man in the movie Junior.

True. It is true. I haven't seen that film since it came out. I have a feeling that the gender politics of that film are very bad. Hold out. I think they hold up. You think they hold up? I'm joking.

In 2011, the movie The Tourist won Best Picture. Yes. That was wild. Yeah. That was amazing. Sorry, let me interrupt with one correction. It turns out, no, The Taurus did not win Best Musical or Comedy. I remembered, I was so sure that it won, but I think I was misremembering just the idea of it being nominated as being shocking.

The nominees for Best Musical or Comedy that year were The Kids Are Alright, Alice in Wonderland, Burlesque, Red, and The Tourist, a wild list of films. The Kids Are All Right won for Best Comedy, and that list tells you that regardless of who won, the Golden Globes chose violence. In 2012, Kelsey Grammer won a Golden Globe for Best Performance in a Drama for a TV show called Boss. True.

True. You got it. In 2000, Kenneth Branagh was nominated for Best Actor for his role in Wild Wild West. False. You got it. In 2019, final question, Paramount paid for 30 HFPA members to stay at the five-star Peninsula Paris Hotel, where rooms start at $1,400 per night, while they were visiting the set of a new TV show that was recently nominated for a number of Golden Globes, a show called Emily in Paris. I think it's true. It is. It is. That you've got that one. And

Farah, you know your shit, all right? I'm ashamed. You know Gary Oldman's oof. You did great. You should not be ashamed. You did great. You've won the game, Farah. Thank you. Thank you. Did a great job. Thank you. Thank you for playing. Absolutely. And it's I find all of this pretty reassuring because I think everybody kind of gets that that's all a bit silly. And the fact that Gary Oldman could shit on the Golden Globe so hard and then win one four years later tells me that the door's not closed for me. Oh, absolutely, absolutely. Their dignity's out the window, so you're fine. You're true.

As is mine. As is mine, because here's the thing. All of what we've said may be true, but look, you and I both know it'd be pretty cool. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm in it for the trophy. That's all I want. We're all in it for the trophy. That's all I want. We're all in it for the trophy. When we come back, I talk to Fran Lebowitz.

All right? And it went fine. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back. Thanks for taking the time to do this. You're welcome. I'm trying to bring back your welcome.

As opposed to what? No problem? Or thank you. Believe it or not, as you jumped on the phone, my laptop crashed along with it when everything I was going to ask you, and so I'm reopening my document on a laptop. That has no meaning to you.

Well, I understand you lost whatever you were going to ask me. And that is because these things don't work. Give me one second. I apologize. I'm not going anywhere. Fran Lebowitz, thank you so much for being here. I wanted to start with a question that's been on my mind. Why are you doing this show? Why are you talking to me? Someone told me to.

Someone said, no, this guy's really good. Because I figured there was three possibilities. Either someone told you I was okay, you think I'm John Lovitz from Saturday Night Live, or you're just saying yes to everything. Well, no. I know you're not John Lovitz from Saturday Night Live. I do not say yes to everything.

And so someone told me you were really good. Who that person is, I absolutely cannot recall. But if I could, I would not tell you who it was. Okay, that's good. I appreciate that. I wanted to ask you because, you know, you talked to Kara Swisher from The Times and you talked about Toni Morrison and you said something that I thought was quite sad, that in the final days of her life, she was glued to MSNBC because of our collective obsession with the news over the last four years. Can you talk to us a little bit about your news consumption, your habits? What, to your mind,

is the right level of crisis consumption, given everything that's going on in the world? First of all, I wish that with Tony, it had been just the last days of her life. It was like most of the Trump administration that she was alive for. To me, that was horrible because it's so stressful. I have definitely reduced my youth consumption because Trump is not the president. I mean, I have lived through, what people now call older, but what I would call old. And I'm telling you, there have been years in my life where I paid very little attention to politics because I'm not wholly a political junkie. And so there are periods that are more specific where I don't have to keep monitoring the

news. Of course, we don't have to monitor the news because we think if we keep watching, it will change in some way, but it doesn't. You know, so, you know, it's like if you keep asking the flight attendant, when are we leaving? You're not in charge. It doesn't matter. But I think that I have been able to consume less news because Trump is not the president. So I know there's a lot of horrible things going on.

There always are. But at least he's not the president. And that was, to me, a tremendous relief. You know, what I'm really worried about is the media, you know, who invented Trump and who keep mentioning him, bringing him up, I think, because he drives ratings. Because now we have a whole generation of people, not me, maybe more than one, because generations now are like four months, who think politics is endlessly exciting, kind of violently emotional. And that is not a good thing. I feel conflicted about this. It'd be nice if politics were boring again. And I think

we're seeing a little bit of that. I think there's some media withdrawal now that they don't have this big, dramatic, chaotic storm to cover every day. But at the same time, there was some good in it. I don't know if you agree that there was some good that all of a sudden everybody was paying attention. We had more people volunteering, more people caring about the role they could play in politics. Do you agree with that? No, because I'm sorry to say, I agree that that is true. But it is not true because all of a sudden we had a million more altruistic people. It's because people were being attacked. The country was being attacked by the president. Every single group of people that were not Trump supporters were constantly being attacked, undermined.

And so people were trying to defend the things that they cared about or things that, in fact, are centrally important to the country. So it would be better if the citizens did not feel like the president was attacking the citizenry. So, you know, yes, it's good that people be involved in politics. It's especially good that, you know, people understand the politics, which some of it is just boring. Some of it used to be called civics, you know, so that, you know, people seem to have no idea at all what actually is in the Constitution. These people mainly seem to be Republican senators. But, you know, I think it's very good when people act as opposed to just react.

And it was an incredibly reactive era. One thing I've been thinking about, this was from a review of your book in 1981. This is from a review of social studies. And it says, Fran Lebowitz doesn't like dogs, children, the rich, the poor, Los Angeles, nature, algebra, sportscasters, freedom of thought, the early 19th century, nonfiction novels, airlines, Esperanto, just by the way, hadn't heard Esperanto in a while, and brunch. She obviously has gone too far. First of all, I think it's amazing that you've been known for hating things for 40 years. I think sometimes you get tagged as a misanthrope, but you're more of a curmudgeon. Do you agree with that distinction? And do you agree that you're a curmudgeon, not a misanthrope?

Well, I agree I'm not a misanthrope. I was instantly called a curmudgeon. I mean, when my first book came out, I was 27. Okay. I mean, that's fairly young. Right away, people were writing, what we have here is a young curmudgeon. And this was a very startling thing because I guess curmudgeons are supposed to be old. But of course, it's the sort of thing you grow into. I really don't think of myself, you know, mostly what I'm accused of is being negative, okay? So, you know, I've never thought of myself as being negative. I think of myself as being a realist. During COVID, of course, I've had many COVID tests. And every time they call to tell me my results,

they say, I have good news for you, you're negative. And I always say, I know that. I know that because my entire life, people have been saying, Fran, you're so negative. Some of these things in this list you read me, which luckily I don't remember, you know, reviews from 1981. They're not true, by the way. You know, I do not dislike children. In fact, I've written how I like children, but it doesn't fit into people's idea of what a curmudgeon is. Esperanto is something that comes up infrequently.

Thank you for reminding me of it. Well, I think it's a vicious circle, right? Because you become known for hating things, and so everybody loves to ask you what you hate. What is something you've discovered recently, you can define recently on any timescale you'd like, that you love, a new passion, something you're interested in? You've stumped me.

Well, see, that's the problem, Fran. First of all, I don't mean to criticize you, who has been advertising me as a very lovely man, but the word passion is really overused. You know, I mean, everyone is passionate about everything. They have a passion. You know, people are describing things as their passion project. People are allowed now to have two separate careers.

You know, very blatantly, I do this for money. And then on the other hand, I do this for art. Well, I have bad news for you. You're one person or you're the other. So you're someone who does things for money. Nothing wrong with that. But on the other hand, nothing right with it. So I don't know if I have any new passions. And if I do, I really none of them are springing to mind. I just want to point out that that was an effort to see if we could find something positive. And you attacked the question and the concept of passion. I don't think of these as attacks. I'm just answering your questions. I'm not attacking you. No, I know. So someone once said this to me about a famous musician

who was trapped in a kind of permanent adolescence in his behavior, that you stop maturing when you get famous, that however old you are, when you become a celebrity, that's it, you're baked. Do you think that's been true of the celebrities you've dealt with in your life? It depends what you become famous for. When you say musician, and if you're talking about a popular musician, you know, that would definitely be true. Because popular music is young. Even if the people making it are old, you know, it's young. The nature of it is young. You know the people making it are old. It's young. The nature of it is young. What you see now that we have people who were rock stars for 50 or 60 years,

and some of them keep trying to act like they're 20 when in fact they're 70, that is not attractive, I agree, because popular music is largely about sex. I don't care what people say it's about, but it's largely about sex. And so, you know, that's youthful. That's what people should do when they're young. And I think that probably is true. In professions where people's looks are paramount, that's definitely true. Because you're supposed to keep looking the same as you looked when you were 22.

This is not possible. We can all see that. You know, I think this would be less true of other kinds of artists. I hope you're not talking about people who are celebrities in this way that has nothing to do with anything except a lot of people know who they are. I think that's true. But it's also true of people who are not celebrities. People, I think, get arrested at their moment of greatest success. This is why you have 50-year-old men wearing high school baseball jackets or high school football sweaters. That was the zenith. I grew up in a small town. I can tell

you that when I was in high school, I thought of as old men, meaning like my parents' age, who at that point would have been maybe 40, coming out to progression in your car, which they used to do, wearing a high school football jacket. And guys their age would still talk to them about, remember that game? You know, this is, you know, to me, it's basically sad. Well, it's not a problem for me because I was deeply unpopular and unsuccessful in high school, which has given me nowhere to go but up. Yeah, but I mean, I don't, obviously I have no idea what a high school is like now, except apparently they're all closed. But, I mean, high school, when I was in high school, and in lots of ways I can see that's still somewhat true, for boys it has to do with athletics.

This was the upside of being a girl when I was young. Now, girls have to also participate in sports, which to me does not really seem like that much progress. I know they want to do it. They should do it. But I'm very glad that was not the case when I was in high school. You know, you are someone who has been well-known now for decades. And, you know, I read that review from 1981. I think there could be a similar review written today about you as a voice.

And not that you haven't adapted and changed, but that you've kind of built a brand and you're sticking to it. Well, this is a question that only someone younger would ask because and I know you're not gonna believe this because this doesn't seem believable to anyone you know this is actually just who I am very few people become other people despite this constant idea that you you know you keep changing like from a caterpillar to a butterfly and then to an angel or whatever people think now but basically this is who I am.

I've been actually who I am my entire life, as are most people, I would like to point out. This is not a brand. This is not a pose. This wasn't a plan. This is just who I am. I realize that it angers many people. I have to tell you, it surprises me the amount of time people will put into criticizing people they do not know. I mean, I'm not talking about the Internet, which I'm not on, which is one of the wonderful reasons I'm not on it.

But since I started publishing, which I was like 21 years old, I was writing for an interview magazine at that point. The number of readers I would be positive was like 2,000 tops. Right away, I started getting hate mail. I get a slew of it, as you can imagine. And I'm not surprised that people don't like me. I'm surprised that, let me assure you, you just pointed out, there's numerous things I don't like.

There's numerous books I don't like. There's movies I don't like. There's music I don't like. The idea that I would waste my time writing to those people, telling them how much I don't like it, to me, that seems absurd. So my father won't them how much I don't like it. To me, that seems absurd. So my father won't eat sushi.

He won't do it. He thinks raw fish is not food. It's bait. And I say, but look, look at how many people love it. Every day, all over the world, people eat raw fish. No one gets sick. Not only that, it's healthy to eat fish. And he says, it just doesn't appeal to me.

I am sorry that I'm going to be the only the latest person to ask you about the Internet. But is there a possibility that the Internet is your version of sushi? No, there's no possibility whatsoever. OK, I don't know how you even came up with that. But I keep explaining to people and no one seems to believe me because otherwise they would just believe me. When they first invented computers

that you would have in your own house, you know, before that computers were like the size of the Pentagon, they were called word processors. And a friend of mine

who is a screenwriter got one and she thought it was great. Come and look at this thing. It's fantastic. So I went and I looked at it and I said, this who is a screenwriter got one and she thought it was great come and look at this thing it's fantastic so when i looked at it and i said this is just a very fast kind of typewriter and that's all it was i don't know how to type i don't have a typewriter i don't like machines it's nothing new machines i don't like it's i didn't have the old machines so you know i don't need this um because I don't know how to type. And I'm also, you know, such a slow writer. I could write in my own blood without hurting myself.

So I do not need this. Of course, I did not know the entire world would go into these machines. How would I know that? So if you're asking me if I'd known that, would I have participated in this? I could say maybe, but I still don't know how to type, you know, which is what you do on those phones. It is true. So I know you, I understand that, that, that, that it got out of hand, you know, you thought it was a fast typewriter and all of a sudden the whole world's on the thing. But here's the thing. You're not famous for being productive. You're actually famous for having writer's block. What would be the harm in taking one month and saying for the next month, I'm going to learn to use a computer, and if I don't like it after a month, I'll give it

to a passing stranger and say, here, have the internet? Well, first of all, I'm very flattered that you would think it would take me only one month to learn how to do this, because I have owned the same car since 1979, and maybe five years ago, I learned how to open the hood so rather than you know getting arrested at the moment of fame I got arrested like the last thing I can really think of that I learned how to do was drive so you know and these new cars like which are basically computers they can stump me so I don't think that I would learn to do it in a month. I don't really think about it. I concerned other people, you know, that I don't have it. It angers

other people because they think it's something against them. It's not a stance. It's a preference. Okay. It's just a preference. But it's not a preference though, because it would be a preference if you tried it and gave it up. Or you think, I don't know about this? People talk about it all the time. It's not that I'm unaware of it. But of course, there's lots of things people talk about. If, you know, somebody talks about a musical they've seen, you can't say it's your preference not to have seen it. You're aware of it.

You know the pros and cons. But like, people could describe swimming to you, but until you go swimming, you can't say whether or not you like it. No, but I could tell you without seeing any musical that I don't like it. So you could describe it to me. You could not describe it to me. I already don't like it. You didn't see Hamilton? Yes, except for, I was going to say, except for Hamilton. You liked Hamilton.

I loved Hamilton. Okay. But I believe the reason that Hamilton acquired the position it has is because how unlike a musical it is. I don't mean it's not musical, but I mean it's really unlike any musical I've ever seen. I went the night before it opened on Broadway, so it was the last night of previews, and someone asked me after what I'd seen, and I said, I was just shocked that it wasn't annoying.

It's fantastic. It's really fantastic. But, you know, are you going to compare every musical to Hamilton? I guess not. I guess not. But I feel as though you've dodged my question, which is. If your question is, am I going to spend a month of my life trying to learn how to work a machine that I'm never going to learn to work, my answer is no. But I don't know why it matters.

I don't know why it matters so much to other people what I do. Yeah, I don't know why it matters either But I don't know why it matters. I don't know why it matters so much to other people what I do. Yeah, I don't know why it matters either. I don't know why I care. I don't give a shit what you do. I mean, it upsets people that are friends of mine who constantly say, I can't reach you. You know, if you're not home, I can't reach you. And I think so what? Have you felt at all during this pandemic, though? I mean, look, I think this pandemic is a little is a little bit like, you know, that episode of Twilight Zone of Twilight Zone where the guy just wants time to be with his books? Yes, and then his glasses break. Yes.

The most tragic thing I've ever seen. Does this pandemic at all like that, that you finally have all this time, but it's not the way you would have wanted it to go? Of course. You know, I've always thought it wouldn't be great if all I had to do was lie on the sofa and read, you know, but I didn't mean so that 400,000 people would die. You know, I didn't mean so the whole country would go broke. You know, no, it was not a good tradeoff. I have to agree. It's interesting, though.

I think some of the reason I think one reason people want to argue with you about the Internet is because they want to argue in defense of how much time they've spent on it. They want to make a case for themselves that the internet is not a wholly bad thing, that there are good parts that go along with the Twitter meanness and influencers and celebrity culture. I think that's part of it. Do you think that's part of it? It may be, but I really think centrally, here's what it is. Everybody now thinks every single thing is some sort of ideological stance, you know, so everything has to be argued for or against when some things are really just preferences. You know, I was speaking at a high school, which I do like once every two years, and a kid in the audience asked me if I like science fiction.

And I said, no, not really. This kid went crazy. He was furious at me. And he was like, he was giving me the reasons why how great it is. And I finally said to him, I said, I don't really like science fiction. This is just a preference. I'm not saying you shouldn't like science fiction. I'm not saying I'm going to make a law against there being science fiction. It's like asking someone, you know, which do you prefer?

Chocolate or vanilla? It doesn't matter. You know, but everything is posed as if it is a matter of life and death, as if it's a matter of politics. You know, some things are just not that important. Whether or not I use the internet should not be important

to other people. I don't think people who use the internet, which is everyone, I don't think they're wrong. Look, most people in this country watch the Super Bowl. I don't watch the Super Bowl. That doesn't mean I think there shouldn't be a Super Bowl or you shouldn't watch the Super Bowl. It just means I don't watch the Super Bowl. I am interested in this in an intellectual way because here's my reason for being interested, which is there's something that is so appealing about the way you know yourself and are unabashed in defending your opinions,

your view of the world. But there is a possibility that you're wrong in the sense that while learning to use the internet would be frustrating, while getting to know a computer and becoming part of this world would be frustrating, that on the other side of that, there'd be a moment where you realize that you liked it. That you realize that actually, you know what, I like having this access to people. I like being connected in this way. And I have been resisting it based on assumptions

that turned out to not be true. That is totally possible. But the chances that I will find that out are not great. Before we get to it, we're going to do a rapid-fire question. But before we get to that, progress by Fran Lebowitz. Amazon says that the Kindle edition will be published on September 6, 2022. How are you feeling? How are you feeling about that deadline? First of all, I don't know who put that on the Internet. This is wholly not true. That book was due at least, I don't remember anymore, 15 years ago.

So I don't know who puts up stuff about me on the Internet, but it is not me. It is not my publisher, who I assure you is not wasting their time sitting there waiting for the manuscript to come in. So, you know, I can't answer this because I don't know who puts this stuff up, but it's not true. I can tell you that. I will say that when I saw that your next book was called Progress, I did laugh. I do think that that is a very funny name for a book that has been stuck for as long as it has been stuck. Yes. Well, it wasn't about me. Okay.

Fran, thank you so much for your time. Before we let you go, on this show, Love It or Leave It, we have a segment called The Rant Wheel. I actually think you'd hate it. But there's a wheel, and we spin it, and wherever it lands, we rant about the topic. Because you are our special guest, we are introducing a new segment

called The Frant Wheel. I have a list of topics here, and I'm going to give you the topic, and you can just rant about it, say what comes to your mind. This week on The Wheel, we have superhero movies, wellness, Bill de Blasio, Star Wars, veganism, podcasts, Ted Cruz, and Starbucks. I'm going to throw them out. Here we go. Superhero movies. I've never seen one. You've never seen one? I don't think so. I mean, I only, I would say it's only a few years ago that in a conversation with a bunch of people, I said something about Batman flying and everyone looked at me and apparently Batman doesn't fly. I never knew this.

No, no. Batman doesn't fly. He uses his wits. He's a detective. I did. With great wealth. I believe you, but I did not know that. He's powered by rage. All right, wellness. Wellness strikes me as a kind of greed for extra health. You know, people used to, when people, you used to ask someone how they were and they

said, I'm okay. It meant you're not sick. Or if you were an athlete, it means you're not injured. You know, but basically, what is wellness? It's it's like extra health I'm not sick but I could be more not sick you know I am in perfect condition but I could be a more perfect condition let me put it to this way I don't think wellness is a topic say in the Syrian refugee camp right right Bill de Blasio I have to say that Bill de Blasio is the great uniter of this political era because in New York City, everyone hates de Blasio.

Everyone. Rich people hate him. Poor people hate him. Black people hate him. White people hate him. Democrats hate him. Republicans hate him. He is so incompetent that he has united the city against him. You know, I interviewed him and I asked him if he thought there might be something. Because I think something quintessential about Bill de Blasio hate is how he seeks it out. That, uh, being a Red Sox fan who goes an hour to a Y, uh, uh, far from his home to exercise.

I asked him if he thought there was something psychologically wrong with him that made him want to be hated. Uh, and, uh, the answer was unsatisfying. Well, you know what? I liked him at the beginning. You know, the first time I voted for him, I was very happy to vote for him. You know, I thought of last year as a mayor paying attention to 90% of the city, as opposed to Bloomberg who paid attention to like a half or 1% of the city. And he did this great thing, this universal pre-K. I thought he was terrific. So he should have gone out of office

after like his first six months because it went downhill from there. What do you think of Star Wars? I saw the first Star Wars by accident, truthfully, because whenever it came out in the 70s, it came out. I used to just go to every movie. So I went to Star Wars. I had no idea what it was about. About 10 minutes into it, I said to my friend, this is a science fiction movie. She said, well, it's called Star Wars. I don't know. I thought maybe it was a fight between two movie stars. I don't know what I thought it was. I just went to every movie. I was movie crazy. And so I did see the whole movie, but I don't remember it. And that's the last I ever saw of Star Wars, which as you know, is now like 20 science fiction movies. It's an industry. It's an industry. What do you think of veganism?

You know, I don't really care what other people eat, I have to tell you. You know, I don't care. I don't think it's bad. I don't think it's good. I don't think, you know, it depends how extreme people are, because sometimes it can become very annoying. You know, as long as people don't talk to me about what they're eating, I don't really care. You know, I'm sure it's nicer. It's certainly nicer, you know, if you're a cow, that someone's a vegan. But, you know, I just don't care about this kind of thing. Podcasts. You know, I've never heard one.

I've been on them. I know that they're, to me, I could be wrong, but they seem like they're radio shows on the internet. That's what they are. No, you're not wrong. They're just radio shows on the internet. It's just the radio, No, you're not wrong. They're just radio shows on the internet. It's just the radio, but you download it instead of turning on the channel. So I have nothing against them. Ted Cruz.

Ted Cruz is, I mean, in an era where you could hardly decide who is the worst Republican in office, at least for the last few days, he's risen to the top. Although there's so many horrible, the competition for who is the most disgraceful person in American politics, you know, is so intense that I'm sure in a few days there'll be some other horrible guy at the head of it. I decided at the end of this that I was actually almost appreciative

that at a time when we can't go to restaurants, we can't go to the movies, that Ted Cruz gave us so much entertainment of doing something so profoundly stupid. Well, it's not just stupid. I mean, I don't know very much about Ted Cruz's, you know, personal finances, but he's been in office a long time. Where do these senators get money to live like this? Well, I think his wife works at Goldman, you know? Oh, I didn't know that. So, all right. So that's, there's my answer. Uh, because this way of life is the way of life of rich people,

you know, go to Cancun State, the risk carton for the weekend, bring your kids. I mean, during this whole Texas thing, you know, which is horrendous, of course, I was remembering that in the seventies there was a tremendous oil shortage in this country. And in Texas, there were people driving around bumper stickers that said things like, New York, freeze in the dark. So I remember that today and yesterday. And what do you think of Starbucks? You know what a cup of coffee used to cost in a coffee shop or a diner? It was like 50 cents. So it's an amazing thing that they get zillions of people around the world to decide that a good price for a cup of coffee is $5.

I happen, I don't want to brag, but I very rarely have the opportunity to brag about my culinary skills. I happen to make the best coffee in the entire world. So my coffee is so exquisite that the idea that I would drink that coffee is out of the question. Now, I know that one of the challenges during this time has been cooking at home. What have you made for yourself to eat today? A bowl of the question. Now, I know that one of the challenges during this time has been cooking at home. What have you made for yourself to eat today? A bowl of cold cereal, which also makes a not thrilling but adequate dinner. I hate to cook. So, I mean, the great thing, you know, about puffed rice or whatever I had, I don't remember anymore, is that you open the box, it's done.

Oh, no. Do we have to worry about you, Fran? Do we need to send somebody to check on you? You mean food-wise? I have to say that several people have come to the fore, including Daniel Balloud, who sent to my assistant an email saying he is very worried about me. I said something about him or he read something I said about him and he would like to about me. I said something about him or he read something I said about him

and he would like to send me over some food. How many people do I live with? I said, tell him 12. I have to tell you, I saw that interview. I saw that interview and I thought, that is the smartest thing I have ever seen in my life. Casually mentioning a specific chef by name and how much you miss their food.

I think that was diabolical. And I think you knew exactly what you were doing. You're incorrect. Fran Lebowitz, thank you so much for your time. It's so good to talk to you. And everybody should watch Pretend It's a City on Netflix. It's funny and charming at a time when there's not much of either. So enjoy it.

Thank you. Thank you so much to Fran for joining us. When we come back, we'll end on a high note. Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Because we all need it this week, here it is, the high note. Hi, Love It.

This is Whitney from Houston. I just wanted to let you know that my high note for, I guess, this whole crazy week is that we finally have power and water back at our house, and we have water back at our children's hospital. So that's awesome. I know that everyone else is still struggling, but it's coming back on slowly, and we're all sticking together and helping each other out as neighbors here in Texas while we struggle through this disaster. Thanks.

Hi, Lovett. This is Betsy in West Hollywood. My high note is both my husband and I are fully vaccinated with both our shots, which means that we're ready to come back to the improv when it's safe for the shows to finally resume. Plus, I've also helped at least 20 people find appointments that found the appointment process too confusing. So knowing that I've been able to

help others get the shot also really feels good. Just hope to see you soon back at the improv. Take care. Hi, Lovett. This is Toby from Davis, California. My high note this week is that I submitted my application to grad school in preparation to become a high school chemistry teacher. I'm excited to join that workforce and hopefully teach the next generation of Americans to be a little more curious and scientifically literate. Thanks for everything. Hi, my name is Becca, and I'm from Maryland, and I'm a teacher. And my high note for this week is that I have been teaching in person since September in a hybrid model,

and we're about to go back with almost all of our students. And I just got my second vaccine on Tuesday. So I'm super excited to still be in the classroom, but actually going back and feeling more protected. Thank you for everything you all do. This makes my Saturday every single Saturday. Thanks a lot. Bye. Thanks to everybody who submitted a high note. Betsy, I want to be back doing live shows too. So good to hear from you. If you want to leave us a message about something that gave you hope, you can call us at 323-521-9455. Thank you so much to Ike Barinholtz, Fran Lebowitz, Shea Serrano, and everyone who called in.

There are 619 days until the 2022 midterm elections and 70, nope, I don't care when Travis's birthday is. Have a great weekend, everybody. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, Lee Eisenberg, our head writer, and the person whose gender reveal party started the fire, Travis Helwig. Jocelyn Kaufman, Pallavi Gunalan, and Peter Miller are the writers. Our assistant producer is Sydney Rapp. Bill Lance is our editor and Kyle Seglin is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to our designers, Jesse McLean and Jamie Skeel for creating and running

all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast, and to our digital producers, Nar Melkonian and Milo Kim for filming and editing video each week so you can. Here's the thing about Hillary Clinton. She's been first lady, secretary of state, and a presidential candidate. And at this point, she can talk to pretty much anyone about anything. So really, it should come as no surprise that she makes a great podcast host. Wait, so I just want to say something. This says it's a cross promo. Do you think that Hillary Clinton on her podcast is telling people to listen to Love It or

Leave It? You should see Love It's face right now. He's like, it's like a kid at Christmas. Can we make, I don't want anybody else reading that cross promo. I want it in the deal that Hillary's got to read that cross promo. That'd be great. She's like, please tune in to Love It or Leave It. If somebody tells her, she'll remember that I existed.

Somebody jogs her memory. In You and Me Both, Hillary brings us smart, funny, honest conversations on the topics that keep us up at night, like how do we strengthen our democracy or our friendships? And she's got great guests from Abby Wambach to Glennon Doyle to youth poet laureate Amanda Gorbin. See for yourself. Listen to You and Me Both on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.